F**kface - Face Tattoo Bets//Animal Crossing Turnips [1]

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew have their first episode where they talk about F**kfacing your face, barbershops at the old folks home, reaching out to Tide, and 625 prices. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Hello and welcome to what is hopefully the first episode of a new podcast by Rooster Teeth Productions. This one's called F*** Face, and it stars myself, Jeff Ramsey, co-creator of Rooster Teeth, and my two co-workers and, more importantly, lifelong friends, Gavin Free. Hello. Hey, buddy, and Andrew Panton. Hello.

The point of this podcast, F*** Face, is it's sort of that thing you do where uh i can best describe it and andrew and i've been using this as ver as a verb for a little while i can best describe it as shooting yourself in the foot to make you laugh right uh doing something dumb and funny that ultimately probably uh causes more harm to you than good but as long as it makes you laugh and you're the butt of your own joke, it doesn't matter. As someone who's known you for a long time, Jeff, you've been facing for your entire life. Well, Gavin, I have. I had a bad run there. I will say part of I think why I'm fascinated by Andrew is you knew me probably at the worst

period in my life for f***ing. I've been married twice for grand total of about 22 years. And my second marriage, which lasted about 12 years to a lovely woman who unfortunately was married to me at the part of my life in my 30s, my late 20s and early 30s when Gavin, when you knew me best, you were living with us. Yeah. I could not stop cutting off my nose to spite my own face to make myself laugh. And ultimately, that marriage ended in divorce. Who can blame her? But I will say a good thing that came out of it is I learned to stop. I don't do it anymore.

I don't do it anymore. I don't do it like I did. There were some times where you would be on the brink of making a joke or a comment that would make you laugh. And you knew it was going to cause something to happen. And there would be moments where you would just like sit on the couch and your face would scrunch up. And you'd start kicking your legs to try and hold it in. And then you would just say the comment. And that would be it for the evening.

Or the weekend or whatever. Yeah. What I appreciate is you make it sound like a choice like this is a fascinating thing to hear for me this isn't I don't calculate my f***ing facing it just happens I'm just constantly f***ing up by accident

making a complete ass of myself so you can't turn it off no there's no turning on or off. This is, I'm just existing. I'm just, this is my life. It's why I think you're a unique individual, Andrew. Because it was a compulsion for me for sure, and it still is,

but it's one that I've learned to control. I think you have no impulse control when it comes to this kind of stuff. Do you think it's my fault? Well, yeah, a little bit. Or genetic or whatever. But it's kind of funny. You are what I call the best kept secret of Rooster Teeth.

You are this weird, I think the closest approximation is you're kind of like a performance artist. It would be the best way I could describe it. A comedic performance artist. And every day of your life, you live it in a different, unique way that usually backfires on you. And Gavin and I have essentially been having this podcast with you for like the last five years. And we've been very selfish to keep it between the three of us. Well, that was the thing I was mentioning. This is back when we were in the office and stuff. I would come in and just fill Jeff in on the latest Andrew antics. And then at one point,

I think while we were doing Vicious Summer or something, I was like, I think Andrew's the funniest person in Achievement Hunter and he doesn't even work here. We need a show where we just hear about his weird antics. No, for sure, Gavin. It's kind of a nut we've been trying to crack for a long time is how do you harness the power of an Andrew Panton and focus it into into some sort of content and we struggled forever I don't know why it never

crossed our minds to have a podcast until it hit me like two months ago I don't know why it took like five years to figure out to just uh get in a room and talk apparently that idea was uh it was too much for my feeble brain I actually thought about calling this the Andrew podcast. Just calling it Andrew. No other explanation. But that didn't seem dumb enough. And so I thought, why not name... Well, first off, the point of Rooster Teeth Productions as a production company is to make money.

We make a lot of podcasts, a lot of content on the internet. Millions and millions of people across the world tune in, thankfully. And so I think the ultimate f*** face is to call a podcast that needs to sell advertisements an unsellable name. In a super over-saturated market where there's a certain amount of money to go around and there's a billion podcasts, and this one's called f***face. Yes. There are over 1 million podcasts in existence right now, I believe. And as far as I know, this is the only one called F*** Face. Now, that might mean we're brilliant, but it probably doesn't. I checked the podcast charts yesterday to see the closest or the highest ranking podcast I could find that blanks its own name.

It's like 126. So we got a shot. We could run the hundreds. Okay. It's possible. So we got a shot. We could run the hundreds. Okay.

As possible. I will say, I'm really glad you didn't go with Andrew, because I mentioned at the time, if you did, I would feel obligated to change my name, because it would be really funny if we had a podcast called Andrew and nobody on it was called Andrew. The further it went, the funnier it would become. And when I ran that idea by my mom, she cried. So that would have been a problem she was very committed to the name i like the idea of you going you're going down to the courthouse it's like why are you changing your name it's because well the new name isn't a podcast

you have i mean it's a great bit you'd have to do it now andrew you were telling me uh you were listening to another podcast we do, the RT podcast, Rooster Teeth podcast. And we were having a conversation about, I don't even remember what it was, Gav. Do you remember something about getting face tattoos? Something like that. And preface it by saying, if you're not familiar with Rooster Teeth, I have 152,000 tattoos. From the neck down to my feet and my arms and my hands

are all covered in tattoos. But it'd be a cold day in hell before I get a face tattoo. That's a bridge too far for me, I think. But then again, I'm not a mumblecore rapper who's 19 and full of ennui. So maybe it's just not for me.

But Andrew, you said that reminded you of a story. And kind of the point of this podcast is to let you tell the stories of the dumb things that you've done or brilliant things or just mediocre things. What is your face tattoo story? Well, the conversation on the podcast was you were saying, Gavin, would you be willing to take a million dollars to have a company advertise on your face? Like, would that be an exchange you'd be willing to make? And as someone who did

that i made a it wasn't even a bet which is probably the worst part i'm someone if i declare something i'll own up to it and it was a was a college football game i think right jeff i think it was alabama versus auburn and i said if alabama lost i would get a temporary mike tyson face tattoo wear it every day of the week for the next week. And they blew it. They threw multiple interceptions. They threw a pick six. It was terrible.

And so now I felt locked in to having this Mike Tyson tattoo. I like the first f*** face story is that you f*** faced your face. Yeah, I did. But what's fascinating, Jeffff you talking about i never even considered you obviously have tons of tattoos are you aware of your tattoos like when you walk around are you mindful of like what they are and and that you have them uh no not at all i that you get tattooed when you have enough tattoos uh you start to get like tattoo blindness i don't even think about it i forget that i have tattoos and sometimes if I walk by a mirror or something, not at home, but if I'm like,

and obviously not outside because nobody leaves their house anymore. But if I were to walk by like downtown and like a window, you know, like a department store or something, you see reflection. If I see myself with tattoos, even though I'm 44 and I've had tattoos for since I was 18. Yeah, it still catches me off guard sometimes. And I'm like, what the? Oh, right. That's me. I'm that guy.

I have this. That's sort of where my insight came in, because when I got the face tattoo, you would think that you'd be really mindful of the fact that you have a Mike Tyson face tattoo. Never crossed my mind at all. I constantly forget I had it. Like the first time I interacted with someone, I had like food delivered and they looked at me really weird. And I was kind of I thought it was strange the interaction

like what why were they staring like what was as awkward and then I saw myself in the mirror was like oh right I have a fucking Mike Tyson face tattoo you would constantly forget so I think you would easily like it would make complete sense that I would be willing to do that I'd have a brand tattoo on my face cuz you just forget that it's there. That's an unmissable design too. Was there a moment when you had that Mike Tyson tattoo for a week? A, by the way, lucky you didn't

get sued by Mike Tyson or the tattoo artist because that was a whole kerfuffle way back in the day. But was there ever a moment where you felt kind of like a tough guy or like you intimidated somebody? Not at all. Never. That's just not in in me i could never be the tough guy it's impossible i love listening to like my favorite i was uh watching a documentary recently

uh vince mcmahon one time went into a strip club where it filled with wrestlers it was like a bunch of people that work for him and he had every single wrestler perform their finisher on him in the strip club. Just because. Like, I love dumb tough guy shit, but that's just not in my DNA. Big fan of it. So you're saying you're less of a Vince McMahon in life. Oh, couldn't be less. Okay, well, that's good.

I'm getting a clear mental picture. If I didn't know you in person, I would have a pretty clear mental picture of you right now. And by the way, you and I had this bet. I'm from Alabama. I'm a University of Alabama fan. It's largely the only reason that I have that I can point to that's a thing to be proud of in Alabama. And so it was delightful to watch you go through the process of being disappointed by a far

superior football team because I've been doing it my whole life. And it was a second layer of entertainment for me. But what was the embarrassing thing that happened to you? I this is like this is embarrassing on like a level that isn't even related to the tattoo. I don't understand how hair works. Like, I don't I don't know how to I don't know how to communicate how I want my hair cut. So I've had, like, three stylists my entire life. Like, one when I was a kid, and then one when I was, like, middle-aged.

And I went to that guy literally until he died. And now I went to this third guy. You used him up. This is how it goes. I meet a guy. We come to an agreement on what it'll look like. If I like it, then that just becomes the thing. And I just say, just give me what I normally get.

Cause I don't know how to verbally communicate what I actually want. The problem is that guy switched. He was stressed working at a salon. So he switched to work in a retirement home. So I get my haircut at a retirement home, which is not a place you want to go to with a Mike Tyson tattoo. I really should have- Or at all, right? Not a place you can go right now, right? No, yeah, no. That's another problem. I have no idea when I'll be able to get my haircut. No clue. It could be months. Probably will be months, but it might even be longer.

How old are you, Andrew? You're like 24, 25? 25. You're a 25-year-old man who goes to a retirement home to get his hair cut. I didn't choose the retirement. Listen, he went there. I'm loyal. I get my guy. That's too loyal. That's too loyal.

That's too loyal. I don't know. You Canadians are just too polite. Honestly, it comes down. I don't know. You Canadians are just too polite. Well, honestly, it comes down to I don't know how hair works. Do you know how hair works, Gavin? Like, when you get your hair cut, what do you communicate? Yeah, I mean, it's along the same lines where you're just like, hey, try this, and then you eventually find one that you like and then you stick with it.

It's like when you're creating a character in a video game and you just hit X to randomize until you're like, ah, that one looks all right. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I don't like, there's probably a thing, I don't know. I'm not even going to pretend that I have any concept. I have zero understanding of how hair works.

So I go to a retirement home. Before you go on, I want to know how far you would have gone to follow this guy. Like, what if he, what if you, like, moved to a volcano or something? Would you, how, would you sack him off at that point? Is the volcano local? Did he move, is the retirement home closer than where you used to get your hair cut? Like, did it, was it a distance savings or anything?

No, I mean, I live on an island in a small town. So it's like no matter where you go, it's 15 minutes. So there's no, that's not a factor at all. In your small, weird Canadian island town, are you well known? Like, are you that weird kid that does the weird stuff? We'll say that I'm known. I'm known in some capacity. Known in some capacity.

A bit of a local celebrity. A little bit. there may be people wanting me to run for mayor which by the way i have the newspaper article you sent me from the thing you're talking about i'm gonna get it framed and hanging in my office is that a future episode i think that's probably a future episode okay oh my god so after your week of walking around canada with this shitty Mike Tyson tattoo, your big insight is that you would get a face tattoo for a million dollars? Oh yeah. No, absolutely. Because you don't notice it. Like, I don't care. I don't look at myself in

the mirror all that often. It's not something I need to... It's really an inconvenience for everyone around me. And for a million dollars, I'm totally fine with that. How do you think your hairstylist would feel about it? Or a barber, I guess? I don't think they'd care. Are you close to this guy in the retirement home? No, we have a routine. We go in. I pretend that I care about tennis. We talk about tennis for like 10 minutes. He pretends that he cares about hockey. We talk about hockey for 10 minutes. Then we just kind of struggle to talk about movies that uh he hasn't seen how long has he

been cutting your hair uh four years maybe three years so he's got about six years left in him of cutting your hair before he dies or um you know what he's older so yeah i'm a little bit nervous retirement is on uh on the verge so yeah i'll be looking for a guy, I think, in the near future. Does he have like a slightly younger protege in the home that you could transition over to? That's, you know what? I didn't consider that. I don't think so. I think he's, it's a one man shop. There's another lady that does massages. He's the hair guy. think uh they would be the enemy in the retirement home here's why you shouldn't take the million dollars and take the the brand deal across your face you will spend that million dollars on just being you and it would immediately be gone and then you would have a tattoo and no million dollars you would just face the money away. I would bet it all on Alabama and then lose it again.

That's no joke. You probably would. I forgot you're into betting now. You're into gambling these days, too. A little bit. I was going to recommend that we, if this podcast grows, continues, first of all, and then grows to the level of, I don't know, like a Joe Rogan or a Howard Stern or a Tom Segura, which I'm sure we're headed straight towards. Oh, yeah. That we could, we would maybe do a, like some sort of a GoFundMe to raise a million dollars to get Andrew, like the Mike Tyson face tattoo or something even dumber.

We'd have to determine what that is. But now I don't want to do it because you're just going to piss it all away gambling on football. I don't gamble that much. Didn't you take out like 106 bets on something recently? That was an Achievement Hunter thing. I feel like I get an excuse on that. We did the Super Bowl video, and you guys always joke of like, this is the gambling guide. So I scanned it, and I made hundred bets on like every single possible outcome

you could have in that game and we were profitable we made like two cents it was totally worth it how much money were you betting with on 106 separate bets oh it was 10 i put 10 dollars in and i think i made like it was the minimum amount i could bet it was cents it was like pennies every bet but you were making money on stuff that wasn't in the game, right? As well, you were making money on like... Oh, I made so much money off J-Lo. Jenny from the Block. There was a leak that evening that Jenny from the Block was going to be the opening Super Bowl song for her.

And it was like four to one. So I put some money down on that. I made like $250 off Jenny from the Block. It was a great moment. It was more thrilling than the game. You should take that money and buy that many copies of jenny from the block he can't because he lost it all on the other bets it's true oh man i'm up i don't this is slander we should call you andrew from the block that should be your new nickname you talked about the gofundme idea thatMe idea. That's an interesting approach.

I wanted to see how viable this concept actually was. So I reached out to like 30 companies, I'd say, pitching them if they would be interested in advertising via FaceTattoo. Are you serious? Yeah. I sent out emails. I sent out DMs. I reached out to a lot of big companies. And I got replies. I got out emails. I sent out DMs. I reached out to a lot of big companies.

And I got replies. I got some responses. Tide came in immediately and gave me opinions on the viability. Tide, the detergent company? Tide, the detergent company. Yeah, they had some thoughts. They were on the ball. I got to give them credit for their customer service.

Very quick to respond. They were next day. Everybody else a little bit slower. I can say as of today, for potential sponsors, we can rule out Coca-Cola and Lego. Not that interested. Coca-Cola refuses to give me their agency addresses. They say they do all their advertising through agencies,

and they will not give that information as to where they will be going. And Lego called it a unique partnership that they appreciate, but they're not interested in this current guy. I think even me saying, yes, I would do it, we're struggling right now. The market isn't there, is what I've learned from my emails. What was the most unrealistic company you reached? I'm imagining you reaching out to like ge or

something like boeing uh well procter and gamble boeing was good procter and gamble replied because they own tide you're going to the wrong places if that's the problem i think that you should uh you should reframe who who you're who you're seeking after here. I think if you went after like a porn company or something a little more risque, a little more adventurous, like Dan Bilzerian, that dude's got $10 billion and he sells weed, right? Like if you went to Dan Bilzerian,

like DM that guy and say, for a million dollars, I'll get Dan Bilzerian's face and a weed leaf on my forehead, I bet you'd have more success. That's a good point. I haven't considered, though, morally, if I would be okay with that. I don't know if I'm a Dan Bilzerian guy.

Pornhub, maybe. I'm okay with Pornhub. There you go. Yeah, I get reservations about Bilzerian. You know what? I don't know about him. I need to do my research before I'd be willing to commit my face. I think he chucked a woman off his rooftop and broke her leg once. Did he really? I don't know about him. I need to do my research before I'd be willing to commit my face. I think he chucked a woman off his rooftop and broke her leg once.

Did he really? I don't think it was malicious. I think it was part of a photo shoot. But, you know, he doesn't have a good arm when it comes to throwing women. Well, that's one of my top considerations. So I guess he's off the list. Well, I hadn't considered the moral obligations you have. You are going to be advertising that product for the rest of your life. If you're anti-throwing

women off of buildings and anti-weed, I can see how that would be a problem for you. Not anti-weed. I don't want to be political. Anti-throwing women. I feel pretty safe in declaring that that's a thing I'm against. Sure. I think it's a good one to get behind

actually. Especially if you're going to run for mayor of your small Canadian town town someday you'd be like uh it could be one of your platforms like if you elect andrew pantin fate if you elect face tattooed andrew pantin nobody men or women old or young will be thrown off a building in my town it just has his stats like an amount of dollars and like the amount i'm investing in healthcare and then a zero the amount of women i've thrown crash pads all over the place just in case i can't predict what will happen everywhere but we'll be prepared you can have a sign up it's like days since someone was thrown off building in our town yeah exactly did you uh in your wildest dreams expect someone to respond uh in the affirmative?

That, yes, we're interested in going down this path with you. I did because, well, probably because I'm dumb. And also because of my, like, whenever I do stuff like this, I typically get replies. It's amazing how often people respond to stuff, is what I've learned. I just randomly emailed the head of Xbox a few months ago about something. And he replied like that day. And we had an ongoing dialogue. It's ridiculous.

If you reach out to people, I find they respond if you write a decent email. Yeah, you're pretty fearless with that, I got to say. I remember one time, maybe a couple years ago now, I just loaded up Twitter. And you were having a conversation with Norm MacDonald, who was my favorite comedian on it. Yeah, I talked about it. I was like, how the fuck? How the fuck? And you can hear us say fuck,

because we can say fuck, by the way, and we can say face, but for some reason, if we say them together, you can say fuck and face, but if you say f*** face, see that? That was a... Oh, yeah.

Yeah, isn't that weird? F*** face. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Fuck and face. Totally fine. I don't get it. F*** face. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. F*** and face. Totally fine. I don't get it. That'll be something for our audio engineers to look into.

But, yeah, and you're just, like, you're just having a random conversation about f***ing, I don't even remember what it was. Was it golf or something? With my favorite comedian of all time. Just because you decided, I'm going to talk to Norm MacDonald and see what happens. He's just replying to a lot of people. And I also, Norm MacDonald was probably my favorite stand-up comedian as well. So I just sent him a message and he replied in a conversation.

I saw him live and we talked about that briefly. And I got him to sign a book for us. Like that is even more impressive, I think, than the interaction. I was able to organize him signing books for us. Yeah, I will say that one of the nicest things or one of the best things about you as a human being is you're very generous in general, but you're very generous with your with your bravery. And knowing that I was such a such a Norm Macdonald fan, it was very sweet of you to then get him to autograph a book for me. I really appreciate that. I think it's funny you call it bravery. I think that's just where my brain is broken in some way. I didn't view any of that as brave or intimidating

to do at all. That's the opposite of me. I don't want to talk to anybody. Have you ever been nervous? Oh yeah, all the time. I constantly have anxiety just about dumb things though. Not, I guess, things that normal people get anxiety about. What are you nervous about today? You know what, today getting my pop filter installed and then having to attach it to a fire extinguisher as a last minute solution. Wait, what? That was... I, uh, I couldn't figure out how to attach my pop filter, Gavin. I'll send you a photo. So it's on a fire extinguisher in front of you. I have a fire extinguisher pointed at my face right now. On my desk.

Because it was the only thing I could find in my room that I could attach the pop filter to because it wouldn't fit on the mic and I had a great moment where I moved the mic and I'm like why isn't the pop filter moving with it oh it's on a fire extinguisher that's why they're not actually connected I gotta say uh I'm impressed that you have a fire extinguisher in your room that's very safe I you know it's just one of those I got I bought one of those stupid boring company flamethrowers and I thought that you have a fire extinguisher in your room. That's very safe. I, you know, it's just one of those, I bought one of those stupid, boring company flamethrowers, and I thought if I have a flamethrower, I should probably also have a fire extinguisher, and I opened it, put it under my desk, and it has been there ever since. Is Andrew still your spray in Gmod, Jeff?

Yeah, Andrew is still my spray in Gmod. If you're not a video gamer, what that is a spray is when you're playing a PC game, you can assign a picture to a key, oftentimes the F key. If you hit that button, it just puts that image up on a wall, we kind of like sprays it up on the wall. That's why they call it a spray. And so I have a picture up anytime I play any Steam games. It's of Andrew Pattanton with a mustache. And just the look on your face in the photo, it makes me laugh every time I see it.

And also because I don't think you could grow a mustache if you had to. Like, if I gave you $1,000 to grow a mustache today, could you? Oh. Are we making a bet? Like, what do you mean? How long do I have? How long do I have to grow this mustache? You have two weeks to grow a mustache. Oh, no chance in two weeks. Well, what's you mean? How long do I have? How long do I have to grow this mustache? You have two weeks to grow a mustache.

Oh, no chance in two weeks. What's the money involved? You don't need funds to grow any facial hair. No, no. I think, listen, I feel like there's probably products that exist that could enhance that or make that easier for you. I know it's on the market. I'd have to do some research.

I would absolutely steroid it up if I needed to for this. I know it's on the market. I'd have to do some research. I would absolutely steroid it up if I needed to for this. I have no shame. But as a general course of action, you are not a facial hair capable man. I mean, I can grow. Like, I don't know. No, like I can't go Grizzly Adams,

but I grow facial hair. Okay. I'm a human being. Well, I want to see you. All right I'm a human being. I'm a man. I believe. Well, I want to see you, alright. Now, here's my new charge to you, sir. I would like to see you grow out a normal, like what Andrew's actual mustache would look like. Not one that you superglued to your face

and were stuck with for however long that was. What was the story behind that? Why did you have that mustache? We were having a family dinner party, and somebody bought a bunch of goofy mustaches, and the natural adhesive didn't really stick to my lip, so I used, like, Gorilla Glue to lock it in place. Christ. And I thought it was, like, great, it's now locked in, and it was really locked in.

And it became a problem. I could not get it off. So did you just have to wait until your skin just regenerated enough times until it dropped off? How does that work? I had it for like a day and a half, and I got rid of it by going to a store and getting nail polish remover. So you had to go to the store with it on. Oh, yeah. No, I was in public with that thing on.

I got more looks about the face tattoo than the mustache. Okay. What? Gorilla glue. It's the glue we had. I needed a good adhesive. Fair enough. So, Andrew, do you got any other faces that you've been a part of

lately? You want to talk about Animal Crossing at some point, right? Yeah. How are you guys doing in the turnip? Are you guys in the turnip game this week? Dude, I'm in the turnip are you guys in the turnip game this week dude i'm in the turnip game i just made uh i just went to a friend's island took half my turnips uh i invested 650 000 uh if you if you're not familiar with what we're talking about in the mega popular video game animal crossing that came out right as the pandemic hit so everybody's playing it they have a stock market like an st market. And you can buy turnips on Sundays and then sell them throughout the week,

hopefully for a profit, but very often for a loss. And so I started my turnips with, I had 650,000 I invested this week. And I'm currently, I've made about 800 grand and I still have about half my turnips left to sell. Yeah, I made about 1.4. What was your, what was the buying price? 93 and I sold for about half my turnips left to sell. Yeah, I made about 1.4. What was the buying price? 93 and I sold for like five something.

You sold for five something? Oh my God. What do you typically sell at? Well, you just said you sold 538 and you did it. He mentioned it so casually like, yeah, why wouldn't I? Like that's the minimum he would sell at. No, I probably, anything before 400 probably I'd sell.

Jesus Christ, what life are you living? I'm lucky if I get 200. If it's my island, I'll sell for way less because what life are you living? I'm lucky if I get 200. If it's my island, I'll sell for way less because you don't have to take the trip. But if I'm flying somewhere, you want to make it worthwhile. I see. You're leveraging your Gavin Free from the Slow Mo Guys fame to take advantage of some poor fan out there who just wants Gavin to step on his island. I'm actually leveraging I'm Meg Turney's boyfriend game.

Because she gets the hookups. I don't really put myself out there. I'm too scared to. I do the same thing. My girlfriend does all the... She negotiates all the islands and stuff with her friends. Meg will run in and be like, oh, we got this price on this island.

And I'll be like, oh, can I come? Yeah, yeah. It's never the same boat. You don't feel like that's cheating at all? Moving turnips to different islands? No. Taking advantage of the system? I think what Gavin did is cheating.

The only items, the only islands I've gone to are friends of my girlfriend's. So they have like a little they actually have a text group uh and like her and her sister and all their friends that are all playing together and then they just post their they post their turnip prices twice a day and then whoever's got the best price you know we just go there i i feel like that's within the spirit of the game because i literally i physically know the people whose islands i'm going to unlike gavin who is dirty. I feel like it's not in the spirit of the game,

but it's not too far. You can see the spirit of the game from where I am. It's not in the spirit of the game. It's on the horizon. Yeah. Andrew, you're probably worse than both of us put together, though, because you had a racket going where you were selling access to your island, for Christ's sake.

It wasn't my island, first of all. And second of all, it was... Well, no. We're dealing with millionaires here, Jeff, okay? Every trip, people would come in. They'd make like 2.5 million bells. I was just asking for a little taste. Just a little taste.

Do you want to explain to Gavin how that worked? I had a friend who got 625 prices. This was early on in the game. This was like week three of it being... Yeah, it was like a month ago, wasn that worked? I had a friend who got 625 prices. This was early on in the game. This was like week three of it being out. Yeah, it was like a month ago, wasn't it? Yeah, it was quite a while ago. People were really into it. And it was on a Tuesday, so like everyone still had their turnips.

And they're an idiot and couldn't figure out how to make fences. Because I guess when you do that to prevent people from just like running all over and creating havoc on your island, you have to kind of fence a path from the airport to the store. And he didn't know how to make fences. So I gave him 200 fences in exchange for 10% of whatever he made. But he's completely incompetent. And he made the worst path. He couldn't figure out how to place the fences.

So it went like 50 yards to the right. And then it curved up. And then it went left. And then up. And then right. It was like a fucking Spartan course. It was ridiculous Yeah, it was just a nightmare and he couldn't organize it himself So then I came in and we had a to bodyguard system and we used turnip exchange

Which is a website where you share your code? But you can pick how many people see it at a time and as soon as we hit send to let people know that there was 625 250 were on the list immediately it was packed it was great it was a bizarre experience to have in this like cartoonish like family game that's supposed to be fun and just seeing all these people with like really animated cute characters being vicious over trying to profit over their turnips it was clearly very unorganized because I was talking to you while this was going on and you were sort of giving me updates every 10 or so minutes,

but you were kind of, it was every 10 minutes because you were just deep in the thick of it. And I was like, oh my God, are you like streaming this anywhere? And you said you weren't, but the guy, the guy whose island it was, right, was streaming a different game, but it was your audio coming through the stream yeah i didn't have a way to set up my switch to like stream so i had someone stream

our party because we're using an xbox party and so you could hear our audio yeah you sent me the link and i it was just like footage of a different game but all i could hear in the background was you being like no no no put that thing, put that thing down. Okay, this person in red, they haven't paid. That one. And it was just screaming about everything. It sounded like absolute chaos. I think that the fact that I couldn't see what was happening made it so funny.

The moment I clicked the link, I just rolled onto the floor laughing at how much chaos it was. I yelled for three hours straight. It is the most exhausted I've ever been. How much money did you guys make? I think four million between the two of us. I think we both split two million each.

But I thought it was 10%. No. Yeah, well, see, that's the thing. He's an idiot. He couldn't run it by himself. So I was there. You hearing me yell was yelling at him because he built the fucking most complicated course

you could imagine. And then people had to drop stuff And he didn't empty his inventory, and there's no way to store things So he had like two spots and then my game crashed And I came back in and he just dropped all of his shit where they dropped the money So then I had to pick that it was the fucking gong show was terrible As me yelling for two hours, I went to bed at like 8 30 p.m because i just didn't feel like i had a soul i was just stunned i put it on i think meg came in it because i was laughing and it was just up on my tv like pretty loud volume and she was like who's yelling

and then she was like is that andrew pantin and i i think all of her interactions with you have been you in like calm, very pleasant. And she was like, what is he screaming about? Turnip game is very important. I don't know that I've ever seen Andrew like riled up before. It was pretty fierce. If we run an Animal Crossing story, you'll see it real quick. Things get intense in those trenches.

You did something really sweet with that money though, right? Like you didn't, to be fair, you were also, uh, you were kind of a philanthropist about it. Yeah. I just gave a bunch of it away cause I paid off my debt and I had like 6 million, not a little, probably 8 million at that time. And so I just started giving away million dollar amounts to people. I gave like a million dollars to this woman who had never played video games before and this was like her first thing. It was really sweet.

That is really sweet. Yeah, you showed me all the texts from the guy who's like my mom is so happy right now, you have no idea you've made her day. It was really lovely. It wasn't completely terrible. That's the exact opposite experience you expect to have when you enter

into the video game world and you start interacting with other people. Somebody gives you a million dollars in a game, not that they insult your sex, race, creed, and family all at once. So, Andrew, how did things go wrong then? Because you were telling me that you're ruined in Animal Crossing right now. I really thought Nintendo liked moms. It was a great miscalculation by my part. there was a turnip day on mother's day and i thought there'd be zero percent chance that they would let people invest especially

potentially moms go all in on turnips that week not get a good return not make like 600 plus i thought it was impossible and i learned that week it was very possible nintendo does not like moms i can unfortunately report how much did you invest in turnips that week oh like 6.2 million i went all in i put all the bells i had how many trips because that's filling your inventory several times uh yeah well it was all on my island i stayed on my island so it wasn't that bad but i filled essentially my entire beach with turnips stacks of hundred and then what'd you sell them for well that's a that's a thing i didn't sell them because it was terrible i said i'd make a big day like i i declared once again like the tattoo thing I declared I was gonna sell for somewhere between 400 to 600 And I started at 80 went from 80 to 70 to 60 to 50 to 40

It just went down there was no up days that never went above the 95 that I bought it worse And you can have I think it was really bad And so I felt like the only right thing to do because I declared that this was gonna happen was you just kind of have to accept the losses and so I let them all rot my even at the lowest point you can still usually sell them for like 30 right you could have made some of the money my last price was 42 but at that point I declared that I was gonna have this big week and it didn't happen so you just die by the sword. I'll be honest.

In a recent Animal Crossing recording, I realized that some of my bunny day junk was blocking one of my turnips because I was keeping them in that room. And I was gutted that I had one stack of rotten turnips because that was like potentially 50,000 bells worth. You had an entire beach riddled with rotten turnips. Yeah. And I'm back. What happens to them as they, I've never been dumb enough to let my turnips rot because they will rot after seven days and you can't,

they have zero value. What, do they just turn a weird color? And then how do you get rid of them? I don't know how to get rid of them. That's a good question. I haven't tried. But they turn green and like they're missing chunks and like ants and stuff crawl all over. There's a visual difference.

I have no idea how to get rid of them. Every beach on your Animal Crossing island is covered in rotten ant infested green turnips now? Not every beach. About 70% of the beaches beaches this week i went all in again i literally sold everything i had of value i sold i had a million dollar crown guess how much you get back on the million dollar crown if you sell oh no how much 300 000 that's it that's it i was expecting like 750 at worst half a mil to the 300,000 i sold so much iron i sold a lot of gold i scratched my way to 800,000 i'm living on my beach in a car bed right now

but i bought all turnips that i could so it's like 75% rotten turnips and then 25% i got some turnips this week i got 800,000 of turnips. I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm hoping to turn things around. What have your prices been like this week? Is it looking good? Are we projecting a nice spike?

It started out okay. Then it went bad this morning, 145. So I don't know. I'm on the fence. Should I sell? Should I wait? Interesting. Knowing your luck yes dude i may have to

hit you up on that 145 because i still have i still have turnips to unload i don't i don't want them to rot 145 is not bad i think i might wait it out or maybe maybe i should just butter up to meg and uh she's got good connections follow her through somebody's follow her uh through a door somewhere what does it feel like to watch six and a half million dollars worth of your work rot oh i don't know if i could put into words it was you know consistent disappointment i guess if i had to summarize it each day got a little bit worse wasn't like a grand emotional like thing you know where i was just deflated at the end of it. I kind of accepted midway through the best outcome because I was doing video updates every few days on my Twitter account of what was happening.

The funniest options were either I sold at a huge price or I lost absolutely everything. So I was a little bit mentally prepared. Were you having offers to sell at a high price and you just didn't want to leave your I really every other person on the planet had a 600 Bell week is what I learned I had well I'd like 10 messages everybody I know that plays the game had like 400 to 500 I was right for everybody except me apparently I don't know how these people do it I've never seen over a like 194 on my island. I don't think I've even seen that high on mine.

A 145. That's what I got today. A 170 this afternoon, Jeff. You can come over. 170 this afternoon? I'm calling it. 170. If it's 170 this afternoon,

I'm taking a trip to Canada. Today. I saw 24 the other day. I didn't know you could go that low. That, really? yeah somebody had a 24 that's terrible it's pretty bad you never see that when it's time to buy the turnips though

like what's the lowest buy price you've ever seen? I think 93 I've seen it's 90 90? I've seen 92 yeah I haven't seen below 90 I want to say you always buy between 90 and 110

yeah I've definitely never seen like they're on sale for 400. Or 30. Yeah. Well, Andrew, I hope it works out for you this week, buddy. I hope you recoup some of your losses. Are you going to try to buy back all the shit you had to hawk? Can you get it out of hawk?

No, I don't know how much I'd make at 175, 800. I might be able to buy a new crown, but yeah, it's going to be a while. I might have to hire the Breaking Bad guy. Just literally leave my island. I'm in so much debt if I don't turn it around this week. It reminds me of this kid, a very good friend of mine

I was in the army with. Because I'm older, this is one million years ago, so I'm going to use terminology that you might not understand, Andrew. Like VHS player. I'm not that... What? Of course I know what like VHS player. I'm not that... What?

Of course I know what a VHS player is. You're a young kid. Okay. This is the old world. I had this friend in the army who every month he would go broke. Column A, soldiers don't get paid anything. Column B, he was young and done with his money. So it was like a 50 50 thing there but every month

he would go and he would hawk uh he would pawn his vhs player for like 40 dollars why'd you keep calling a vhs player vcr whatever he would call it's been so long i don't remember the terminology he would hawk his vcr uh i think it's because it may not have been a vcr that's a video cassette recorder his might have been a vhs player i don't know that it recorded uh regardless uh regardless point i think the point of vhs was to watch movies uh sure so he uh i think he uh he would pawn it for 40 every month when he would run out of cash and then he would unpawn it for like 55 and so he was putting himself like 15 bucks in the hole every month and i could never get him to understand that that's what he was doing he was like no dude i need the money now

then i'll have i'll have the 55 later that's not a problem so i can get it back i just need the 40 now and it's like i would be like dude you gotta stop you're losing money every losing money every month. And he's like, looks at me like I'm an idiot. He was like taking out a mortgage on all of his belongings. Essentially. And there was like for two weeks every month, he just couldn't watch movies. Did you ever go to a movie store and rent a VHS, Gavin? Oh, for sure. Yeah, I used to rent like Ace Ventura Pet Detective over and over

and over again. I must have rented it like 50 quids worth. Are you saying that like a European thing, Geoff, or do you just not think that Gavin and I ever used VHSs? How old do you think we are? Well, Gavin's a little bit older, but listen, here's how old you guys

are. You guys are so young that you remind me constantly how old I am. So I listened. When people tell me constantly, like all the Achievement Hunter guys, how fucking old I am, I take it to heart. And I assume that you're all just young and dumb and have never experienced anything before the year 2000. No, I think we're just dumb. Yeah, no, definitely dumb. I only remember the VHS thing because my blockbuster had, what was the Chris Rock movie where he was like a rapper?

Oh, CB4. CB4. My Blockbuster had a copy of CB4 for $120. I think it was just like what they were priced at. Maybe it was a pricing, just a mistake on their part. But it's sort of like a perfect example of how my brain works. I looked at that and then thought that that was the greatest movie of all time.

Because of its price? Because of its price. I thought like, wow, this must be, if they can sell this thing at $124, this is the most, the greatest piece of cinema ever made. This is insane. One day, maybe I'll be lucky enough to see this thing. I still haven't

seen it. You've never seen C before i still haven't seen it you've never seen cb4 i haven't seen it well because it's the greatest movie of all time i don't know if i can handle it it's very attainable yeah but then like a decade later maybe i saw it in a best buy and it was on dvd for like 20 bucks or 15 dollars and it didn't occur to me that oh they mislabeled the price of blockbuster my mind immediately went, this is a hell of a deal. We got to get in on this. We got to buy this now. 15 bucks for CB4?

This is a savings. I want to challenge you to try and sell that movie on eBay for over $100. Put like a year on it and see if anyone will buy it. That's a, I'll take that challenge. I hope you're ready to lose. What's the most you've ever paid for a VHS tape or a DVD?

I spent $60 on Dawn of the Dead. It's out of print and it doesn't stream anywhere. We were doing an Of the Dead marathon at Halloween and I was really annoyed to spend $60 on a Blu-ray. I don't know if the CB4 thing was a common deal,

but I do know back in the pre-DVD days, I was a real big fan of this movie growing up called Rad. It's a BMX movie. And it was just hard to find. It was rare. And I wanted to see it so badly one time, I saved up and I bought the VHS tape for $80 on Amazon. And it did not hold up.

It was not a good use of my money. Not even like a fun, bad way? Yeah, but I mean, I was like 22 at the time or something. And so all I could see was the $80 that I no longer had when I was watching this kid try to learn how to do a backflip and fall on a mattress for two hours. I don't think I have anything like that. I don't think I've ever gone all in on a movie.

If I'm buying something dumb like that, it's going to be cheap. I don't know if it's because we're recording this podcast. I threw up in my mouth. Did you really? I just threw up. It wasn't even for any reason. It was just a bad burp.

You okay? I can't think of a better place to end it than Gavin throwing up in his mouth. Why did that happen? Alright, well that's about as much fucking and facing as I think I can handle for one week. So and we don't want to run through all of our all of our our supply of faces in the first episode. So with that, I guess if you enjoyed this and I hope you did, if you're still listening, you must not have. Hey, you're either Andrew's mom or you didn't hate it. So if you could like and subscribe,

leave us a review. Believe it or not, that stuff matters, especially in this crowded podcast world where there's more than a million podcasts and ours is named F*** Face. But leave it on Yelp. Yeah, leave it on Yelp even.

The odds are stacked against this. So if you could leave a review and give us a good rating on Spotify or iTunes or wherever the fuck it is you listen to podcasts, we would really, really appreciate it. And I highly recommend you follow Andrew's Twitter because you'll see a lot of this stuff happening live. And that's at Andrew Panton, A-N-D-R-E-W-P-A-N-T-O-N. To a lesser degree, you might want to follow Gavin and I,

we are not as funny. He is at Gavin free spelled as it sounds. And I am at Jeff L Ramsey. And that is not spelled as it sounds. That is G E O F F L R A M S E Y. Not my fault. My mom did it. She faced me out of the womb with a dumb name.

That's hard to spell. Andrew. I love you, Gavin. I love you, hard to spell. Andrew, I love you. Gavin, I love you. Audience, I don't know you that well, but I deeply like you. We'll see you next week. Love you lots. Bye.