F**kface - Geoff's Car Wreck Story // Firing an Extinguisher [52]
Episode Date: May 26, 2021Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about being Andrew's new Property Brothers, supplemental content for the socials of an extinguisher, and basket weaving (again.) Want to contribute to bits? Email what yo...u can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by: The Jordan Harbinger Show (http://jordanharbinger.com/start), Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face + code 12face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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I told a story in last week's episode,
or the last episode we recorded,
which is episode 51.
In the middle of the episode, I said,
Gavin or Andrew mentioned something that reminded me, and I tried to cut it off and say, hey, I know you guys might have heard about this,
but I don't want to talk about it in the podcast, but I'll tell you the story right now.
Please cut it from the episode. And then I told you guys in a very matter of fact, like,
this is the data. This is the facts of the story that happened as it relates to an incident between Millie and I
and a third party for that matter. And I was like, I don't know if I want to talk about on the on
the podcast yet because I haven't vetted it with Millicent yet. And I don't know that she would be
comfortable with it. But I want you guys to understand what I'm talking about. I told that
little nugget of a story in that manner. And then we went on with the podcast. And I just assumed
that that was just for you two, I guess, and Nick and Eric.
And then it was flushed down the toilet of of of content.
And then I talked to Millicent and she said, I'm OK with you telling that story.
So I came to you guys today and I said, we're listing things that we have to talk about.
You guys were talking about the Halo bet.
And then I thought there was a some confusion about how about when it was talked about or
something.
And then I said, oh, yeah, well well I can talk about that Millie story now.
And then you guys said,
oh,
okay,
well,
should we cut it from the other episode?
And I said,
it was already cut from the other episode.
It was never in it.
Well,
I said,
should we uncut it?
Yeah,
but I wasn't told in a way that would have been entertaining.
It was entertaining,
but you also didn't articulate that.
You said,
I never told that story is how you phrased it.
What I meant was I never told that story on camera. I didn tell the story i told you guys the fact the thing is so i asked
do you because that episode hasn't come out yet 51 at the time of this hasn't come out yet comes
out in like six days so i just said should we just unsnip it from that and then and then you
said you know i didn't tell it right but the reason i said that is because andrew was loving
it i had a great time he was it really enjoyed himself even though you were just presenting the facts yeah that was what
i was asking that was like do we want to keep that then but and then all i was suggesting
was that it's a great tease of you saying like well we're gonna edit this out and then like if
we make a clear edit then people will be like well what was edited out and then you can reintroduce
it to this is like hey i got. I can now tell the story.
I was trying to build hype for your story, and you were very confused by this.
I see what you're saying, but that doesn't translate in text very well.
I feel like it did.
I feel like it was pretty straightforward.
Oh, what a mess.
I feel like you cut me off.
Turn your phone on and look.
I can't.
I'd love to.
I feel like.
Oh, that sucks.
I feel like.
Oh, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree then.
I was explaining what it was.
You never have access to your phone on a face recording.
You just, do you just kick it out the window?
Like whenever we record, you never have it.
If we ever need you to take a picture and send it to us, you never can.
What's going on?
I organized my photos.
I'm good.
I got everything lined up on my tablet.
Literally, I took a photo and it died. I was like, oh, that's too bad. It was, it happened 10 minutes before the show. I don't lined up on my tablet literally I took a photo and it died as like oh, that's too bad
It was it happened ten minutes before the show. I don't know what you want from me
I just don't know whose phone runs batteries like dude like what I charge it once every like four days
What do you want? How often am I supposed to charge the phone? Do I charge it every day?
I just put on every night that seems like work. Why would I do that?
That seems like three seconds of work. Well. I need to think about it. That is part of my routine
What if I don't feel like it that evening?
Do you sleep with it in your hands? Just put it down on a charger. Well, no, where am I putting- I got the charger in the window
It's an alarm clock. I don't have to get up out of bed and walk to the fucking- In the window?
Yeah, well it's the outlet is below the outlet is in a very weird place i didn't fucking design how
this is where you go wrong instead of an alarm on your bedside table you've got waffle makers
instead of a nice plug you got a keurig put the phone next to your bed easy charging every night
and if you've got a weird plug in a weird place, they invented extension cords, and they're wonderful.
Okay.
I have an extension cord.
All the plugs on it except one causes the breaker to flip in my room.
Good Lord, we've been arguing about the layout of your bedroom for a year.
This is how long this is.
We need to come in and remodel.
Yeah, I'd love to.
You know what we need?
Gavin and I can be our version of the Property Bros.
And we come in.
Yeah, we're the Property Bros.
And we're going to come in and we're going to flip your apartment.
Yeah, and you'll tell us how you want stuff.
And I'll say stuff like, nice try.
Okay, yeah.
No, that's great.
I was doing my impression of the game.
You'll be like, well, I think I'd like to move the plug from here to here.
And Gavin will be like, we'll get on that.
And I'll be like, yeah, right, I'll get on it.
He doesn't do any of the work.
And lots of really funny Property Brothers jabs back and forth.
And then we'll just shrug into the camera, which I assume they do.
And then we'll go.
I mean, I could try to plug my phone in.
I might lose all my power for everything else.
I got like a one in seven.
I'm willing to try,
but then I'm gone.
You are a professional podcaster.
You do realize that?
What does that have to do with anything?
Well,
most people,
when they plug in their phone,
doesn't take down their whole recording studio.
No,
I agree.
You brought up the fact that I needed an extension cord.
I have one of those,
but as I said,
literally,
if I plug it into anything
but the right one,
the breaker flips in my room
and I lose all power.
Get one that doesn't do that.
It sounds like you need
another extension cord.
I do.
I figured it out.
I finally understand Andrew.
I finally,
like this all clicked
and I finally understand him.
When you suggest something,
there are 10 reasons
why he can't do it and it's insane that
you've never thought of the reasons that he has created for himself to not be able to do the
simple thing and somehow the onus is back on you it all just like the pieces of the puzzle just
came together this is incredible andrew is like a video game character that only has character slots, but no inventory slots.
He's like, well, I've got my extension cord.
I'm going to get two.
I can't store two.
That's the extension cord.
That's the one I have to use.
They cost, listen, extension cords cost money.
They're expensive, like 30 bucks.
They're not as expensive as porta potties.
That's true.
But that was for the show.
That was a bit for the show.
I'm investing in the show.
It's different.
It's for the show if you can use your phone and the show at the same time.
I wonder if I brought that extension cord to someone else's space,
if it would be the same game, if it would trip.
Because I'm pretty sure it's broken.
It sparks whenever you put it in the other one.
So I wonder if it's like a portable shutdown breaker.
You could just plug it in like restaurants and stuff.
See what happens. That'd be awesome.
You might have stumbled into
a little device of chaos. I think
I have. Yeah. It's a great product.
That's interesting. Just plug it in an airport.
We should. No.
I don't have room, Gavin. We should sell those.
I pack a
20 pound bag when I travel. There's no room. Gavin. We should sell those. I pack a 20-pound bag when I travel.
There's no room.
I'm already capped up.
It's true.
God.
Did we start?
Was this the beginning of this episode?
Yeah, we started.
This is 52.
This is a year of f***ing.
Started with an argument about a text conversation around a story that nobody knows what we're
talking about.
And then we talked about extension cords.
Yeah.
Oh, fucking Christ.
How far into this are we i don't
know 10 10 minutes 10 minutes that was 10 minutes wow that went by quick that's a good
andrew said he has nine he has like six things today six things to talk about do we want to
start with what jeff was talking about then yeah let's do that that. Oh, do you guys want to want me to tell that story or?
For the sake of the audience, is that we've cut it from one episode and not talked about it in the next one.
We could cut this and then they'll never know.
I saw the dress rehearsal of this story, so I'm very excited to hear what the final cut sounds like.
Alright, well, here you go. Here's a story for you guys.
This is the story of how Jeff lost his.
Are we cutting this?
No. Okay. This is a story for you guys uh this is the story of how jeff lost his are we cutting this no okay this is a story these aren't facts this is the story of how jeff lost his i am telling you
i uh i don't gotta just spoil the end of the story yeah it's already i think the other version's
better okay here's what we're gonna do. Eric or whoever's editing this right now,
just bleep out the word I say over and over again right there.
This is the story of how Jeff lost his blank.
Yeah, his bleep.
And then, okay.
So let me start by going back and saying
Millicent Ramsey is my daughter, right?
Millie Saylor Ramsey, that's her name.
She's my kid.
She's 15.
In most states in America,
and I don't know that this is the case for Canada and England. I'm not sure how it works
in your countries. So I won't presuppose that you know how it works in ours. So I will just
let you know that in most states in America, but it's different states rights and all state by
state at 15. In most states, you get your learner's permit so that you can begin to learn to be an adult and drive a car, right?
And then become a productive driving member of American society.
I did it at 15.
So when Millie turned 15, her mother took her out to get her permit.
I also don't know if it's like this in your countries, but in America, we have this thing called the DMV, the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Sometimes it's called the Department of Safety or Public Transportation. In Texas,
it's called Texas DPS, Department of Public Safety. The DMV is the worst place on the planet
Earth. And Eric is around as the other fellow American. He can explain, he can corroborate that,
that the DMV is the worst place on Earth. You don't want to
go there. And it exists to
frustrate in its banality.
So, Millie's mother
takes her to get her permit. Nobody
has ever gotten their permit on the first try
because they make it impossible. They were
missing some paperwork. So, they
were like, you gotta come back later. And they were
like, okay, well let's make an appointment. And they said,
sure, the next appointment's in six weeks.
Fuck.
Okay.
You can't do it online?
So they make an appointment.
No.
They make an appointment.
Her mother then takes her back.
And the next appointment, they say, oh, you need this thing called a verification of enrollment.
You have to prove that Millie is in school.
We won't give a fucking learner's permit to kids who aren't passing classes or
in school or some shit like that.
So they're like,
fuck why you would've been great if you told us this the first time.
Right.
And they're like,
yeah,
well we didn't.
And so you got to get that.
And so they called the school and the school was like closed for the day.
So they're like,
fuck you.
So they had to make another appointment for like four or five weeks down the
road.
This time I had Millie.
So it was my turn to bring her to the appointment. Her mother went and got her the verification of
enrollment and all that shit. I bring all the paperwork to the DMV with Millie and I go there
and the lady goes, this verification of enrollment expired three days ago. And I go, excuse me? She
goes, yeah, it's only good for 30 days. That was 33 days ago. And I was like, you think I unenrolled
my daughter in school three days ago? Like in the the last three days you think i've unenrolled her from
school and i'm trying to like get one over on you isn't it obvious that she's like every other 15
year old in the world she's in school and they're like hey fuck off come back in six weeks so i made
another fucking appointment at this point millie's gonna be 26 by the time she gets her driver's
license right before she gets her fucking permit.
Like, we're getting close to 16 at this point.
Fourth trip to the DMV happened last week.
I had to get another verification of enrollment, all the stuff, get there.
Then I had to do some tap dancing, because even if you have all the paperwork and everything required, they still won't make it easy for you.
But I tap danced, and I did a little, you know.
And I got the goddamn, we got the goddamn permit. Fucking permit fucking amazing right millie finally got her driver's permit by the way gavin she's way
ahead of you now she officially has her texas uh permit you do not she is beating you well i'll be
honest you're not selling me on the process it's not fun right but it's a it's a rite of passage
so now it's time for her to start driving you you know, and you know, we've been practicing and driving in the past, but she's never driven my car before because I didn't want
her to drive it until she had a permit and it was totally legal. And technically, I guess it's also
your car, Gavin, because I don't know. We've talked about this in a previous face, but I lost
my car to you in a bet. But you very kindly let me continue to use it and pay for it for years and
years. And then you allowed me to trade in that car for a new car,
which means that partial ownership transfers to you.
So unfortunately, I did a thing where,
you know, I'm in my 40s and I had a bit of a,
maybe it's like a,
it's one of those midlife crisis moments or what,
or just treat myself.
But I bought a really nice car
that I was really excited about
and really proud of and really happy about.
I bought this BMW M5 and it's excessive,
but it brought me, it sparked a lot of joy in my life,
as Marie Kondo would say.
So Millie, I'm like,
well, better get in the race car.
And she's like,
is it okay if I drive your car?
Are you sure?
And I go, absolutely, dude.
You've got the permit.
I've seen you drive before.
You're good.
We'll take it slow and easy.
And she hopped in the car
and 15 minutes later,
we weren't driving it anymore.
We had a very successful drive uh down down a road and uh we were turned around we were coming home and millie stopped at a red light and somebody plowed right into us plowed right the
fuck into us so it wasn't even her fault no it wasn't her fault no she stopped at a yellow light
as it was turning red she stopped it was totally fine and somebody just wasn't her fault. No, she stopped at a yellow light as it was turning red. She stopped. It was totally fine. And somebody just wasn't paying attention. And a big pickup truck slammed right into us. And Millie goes, did I? What was that? I'll say this for cars and new cars. They absorb shock very fucking well. We got plowed into by this truck. And Millie goes, what was that? Did I stop you? And I go, no, we just got hit.
And she goes, we did?
And I was like, yeah.
And she was kind of in shock, I think.
And so we pulled off and we exchanged information.
My car's, the back of my car is gone.
You know, trunk.
Those are all figments of a past life.
We had to, you know, exchange information
and with the cops
and the insurance and all that.
And it's all fine now.
My car is getting fixed.
Their insurance is paying for it.
It wasn't Millie's fault.
It was cleared of any wrongdoing by the insurance companies.
But because of that, I lost the back half of my car.
And I haven't had a car for two weeks.
And I don't know when I'll have a car again.
I love it. My favorite thing is just how much Andrew loves it when your house or car fall apart.
He just really loves it.
It was like six months of frustration with the Texas DPS leading up to the point where she literally gets the fucking driver's license out of the mail and goes,
Can I drive your car now?
And I hop in.
Bam!
Fuck you! Fuck you! Universe says, Fuck you now? And I hop in. Bam! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Universe says, fuck you, Jeff!
Fuck you, Millie!
Fuck you, BMW!
Suck my butt!
And that's where we are.
Sucking the universe's butthole.
Do you need the back half of the car?
Is that necessary?
I feel like the front is way more important.
If you're going to lose part of the car.
That's the driving end.
Yeah.
It requires both.
Okay.
Apparently.
What did the people say well they
did millie scream at them be like what the hell were you doing no millie was pretty like upset
you know and kind of just like kind of in like shocked by the whole thing so i handled it
mostly um she she was just kind of quiet and and they uh they understood you know i i they didn't
really have an excuse they were just like i didn't i just didn't see you guys stop you know on the
damn phone, probably.
Probably.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, they were.
And of course, they were in this big ass pickup truck that suffered zero damage.
Like didn't even smudge the chrome on their bumper.
However, the back half of my car looks like an old accordion. Like not one in good shape.
One that's been through the paces. one that's been in service for a while like at the
tail end like a dude who has one of those monkeys that he dresses up and he goes down to like venice
beach or like the like the boardwalk there and he like plays and the monkey dances like when he's
thinking he's looking at the accordion and he's like shit i've had this guy for 18 years it's
about time to get a new accordion this is it's barely held together that's what my car looked
like there was such an unnecessary explanation what do you want to do that was basically the
same version as we got last week but with the origins of the yes it was so much longer
oh you opened it with, in the beginning!
The car was invented!
Well, I didn't- I don't think I explained- I don't think I fully explained the DMV shit to you guys last time.
That's fat. It wasn't pulled.
But I feel like the DMV is like, that's what everybody knows about the DMV.
I feel like it's like a Seinfeld bit from the fuckin' 80s that the DMV is terrible.
Everybody knows the DMV sucks.
I don't know- everybody knows, you've never seen Star Wars, motherfucker.
How do I know that you know what American DMVs are like?
That's my point! The fact that I don't know Star Wars but I know the American DMV sucks, it's such a universal thing.
I've seen Zootopia, Geoff!
There are so many universal things that you don't know
what the fuck we're talking about! You've never
touched an egg, goddammit!
You're gonna talk about universal?
I don't know what
a meatball tastes like! You've never
licked a pickle!
Fucking Christ!
How can it be universal? Do you lick pickles?
Is that a thing you're supposed to do?
Everybody likes pickles!
Where's Hawaii at?
Where the fuck is Hawaii?
Universal DMV!
You're from another country!
How the fuck am I supposed to know I'm the only American on this show?
Gavin, did you think DMV sucked?
Were you aware of that as a premise?
I did, but I've lived with Jeff, you know, I've lived with him for over a decade.
I feel like it's just a cultural, everyone knows this.
It's like what the people talk about with the DMV.
He might be right. There might be people
internationally, like we've got the DVLA,
but I have no experience with it.
I don't know. Zootopia is a big movie.
What's it like at the DVLA, Gavin?
That's what I'm telling you. I'm the wrong person to ask, aren't I?
Okay, so you wouldn't
have any experience or know, so if someone would have to tell you, I'm the wrong person to ask, aren't I? Okay, so you wouldn't have any experience or no.
So if someone would have to tell you,
the LVA is like,
you personally have never fucking experienced it.
I mean, I still got a provisional.
I did it online.
It took like one second.
We don't do shit online in America.
We do it slow and with red tape.
It's 2021.
Someone asked me for a check the other day.
What's wrong with this place?
I got to get my goddamn kid's passport renewed.
And I have to have a money order or a cashier's check.
They don't take credit cards for passports in the United States government.
Every time I need to use a check, I don't know where a checkbook is.
I have to buy a new one.
I use one check.
I lose the checkbook. And I repeat to buy a new one. I use one check. I lose the checkbook
And I repeat that cycle every year. We need change. Oh wow. Andrew. Do you have a checkbook?
No, I don't so is that like version two of the story Jeff?
Are we gonna lock it down next week? I feel like there's some good tweaks to be made. When the bank was invented
Listen I like the story. I'm just
Yeah it's a great story. It was a great story.
It was a good story.
It was a little...
We went a little long in the beginning.
But you got there.
Listen.
Listen, you little foreign dickhead.
Which one are you talking to?
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm talking to the more annoying of the two of you.
And everybody knows who that is.
That's just mean.
You need to stop deflecting and
set off the goddamn fire extinguisher
that we've been waiting for for 52
fucking weeks. I think he's talking about you now.
That was a big pivot by Jeff. That was
an interesting play by him.
Just trying to get away from the DMV talk.
I disagree with you. I don't think that everybody
on Earth knows that the DMV
is a universal thing. And then even if it does,
then there's a whole other layer of this that we have to get into,
Andrew, that I'm not talking to normal people.
I'm talking to you.
I can't presuppose that you understand anything about how anything in society works because
you are an anomaly.
He's got you there.
It's a fair point.
I can't argue.
So I have to explain shit.
I know what the DMV is.
Everybody knows what the DMV is.
It fucking sounds like it. Should we just put up a Twitter poll I know what the DMV is. Everybody knows what the DMV is. It fucking sounds like it.
Should we just put up a Twitter poll? What's the DMV?
What does it stand for, Andrew?
Department of Motor Vehicles.
Okay, there you go. It sounds like you're very well versed.
I apologize for the beginning of my story. It was a waste to explain to such learned and sophisticated individuals as yourselves how a DMV works.
I will not make that mistake again.
Oh no!
The apology was not directed towards Eric Baddour, so he can accept- he can take that apology accepted and shove it up his butthole.
It was just to you two.
Oh no.
I got some bad news.
Go ahead.
While Jeff was fucking yelling at me about,
Ooh, the way number 52 everyone's waiting for this fire extinguisher.
I got it fucking prepped.
I had it organized.
I was ready to go.
I'll show you what I made.
It's unprepped?
I can't show you what I made because I took a photo of it,
and then the phone died.
We're back to the beginning.
I'll send a photo later.
I came up with an idea.
Yeah, go ahead.
We need to film. Are you not filming this?
Do you not have a video camera filming it? No, I
built the thing. Wait, we're just all
gonna sit here and listen to it? You could just play
a sound effect, you lazy bastard.
What do you want? This is a fucking
audio podcast. What do you want
from me? A little bit of supplemental
content for the socials we
never talked about the supplemental content oh my god this is what a show this is i think it's
universally accepted that that uh supplemental content is important and video content of some
of such a monumentous occasion would be uh welcomed i went through multiple layers of this eric eric
is aware of like my initial idea was,
how can I do this?
Because it's going to go everywhere.
I'm going to build a kill room like in Dexter
was the thing I thought of.
I'm just going to plastic off an entire thing,
just keep it completely separate.
That was my idea.
That's what I was trying to build towards.
I never got that done.
That seemed like a lot of work.
That seemed like a lot of work.
I couldn't figure out how to tape to the ceiling.
It just seemed like a whole process. I couldn't figure out how to tape to the ceiling. It just seemed like a whole process.
I couldn't figure out the logistics of building a kill room or you need to cover the roof.
So today, today I thought I'm just going to put this in every garbage bag I currently
have.
So I dropped it in.
I taped it up and then I just kept Russian dolling it just more and more garbage.
I have it in like like, 18 garbage bags.
So are you just going to reach your hand inside?
No, I was just going to squish from, like,
I can just do it from the outside.
Like, through the bags, you're going to squeeze that?
Through, on top of the bag, I'm just going to squeeze the handle.
Is the pin already out?
Pin is out.
Pin's been out for a year.
Oh, yeah.
The problem is, so there are two problems.
One, the garbage bag is very
big. I had to, like, kind of squeeze out
air from the garbage bags just to try
to, like, get my hand to a point being able to reach
it. So while Jeff was
talking about whatever he was talking about, I
was choking out this garbage bag.
And, uh, it doesn't work.
Nothing happened. What do you mean it doesn't work?
I pulled the handle. Nothing happened. You got you mean it doesn't work? I pulled the handle.
Nothing happened.
You got an empty fire extinguisher, haven't you?
It's drained out.
I think all the pressure's gone.
It's dead.
It's almost like we had conversations, I don't know, every fucking week for the past month
about how you should take it to your fire department and get it recharged because they
fucking lose their charge over time.
That's what we-
Check the tapes.
Check the tapes. You said, I bet it's fine. You said I go check the tapes dude. I said get a new one
Gets my better way against my better judgment. I listened to this look this week's episode
Yesterday after I said I wasn't gonna listen anymore because I wanted to hear what we said about the fire extinguisher.
And I'll tell you exactly what we said.
I said, do you want me to Google to help you?
Do you want me to Google your closest fire department so you can go down there and get
them to recharge it for you?
And you said, I know where the fire department is.
I got that under control.
I can do that.
And it was discussed, but I think there was a consensus that it's fine. It's totally fine
So you're saying that just now at the end of that story you just squeezed the fire extinguisher anyway
But without any buildup you just went for it
Well, it was when Jeff was fucking yelling about oh waiting all these weeks, and I was like here
It is motherfucker and nothing happened. It was just silence all right, so take it out
There's a gauge on it.
Surely like a needle.
I mentioned it said it was in the recharge zone and everyone's like,
that's fine.
And everybody said,
get it recharged.
And I offered to find the fire department to do it at.
I know where the fire department is.
Then go.
You need a fire extinguisher.
Gavin offered to buy one.
He found one online.
He said,
$65.
This one seems like a good one.
And you were like, that seems too expensive.
And I was like, it's less expensive than your apartment burning down.
You have a cord that makes sparks every time you try and use it.
You need this.
If anybody we know needs a fire extinguisher, it's you.
You need a few of them.
I put it in a lot of bags.
I'm working on getting it out.
It's to the point now where I'm not ever getting my hopes up about anything we do on this show.
But that was a real flat ending.
That was a real...
That was our year celebration.
We talked about that a year ago.
Gavin, it's almost as if we could have predicted it was happening and we tried to intervene before it happened.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
It did go off.
It did go off.
I just couldn't hear it.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. What does that mean? What does that mean? It was sour. It did go off! It did go off, I just couldn't hear it! Oh no! Oh no!
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
It was powder all over the place!
Oh no!
Wait a second!
He's recovering it!
Wait a second!
Wait a second!
It was in the bag!
It never left the first bag!
When I ripped it!
It was the only bag I taped, so I ripped it open and powder's everywhere!
Oh no!
How much powder is there? Let's get a...
There's a lot of powder!
There's too much powder!
Oh no!
Where do I take this bag?
How did you not know? I had to just like, spurt it I think. I gotta, oh no. Where do I take this bag?
How did you not notice?
I had to just, I like spurt it, I think.
This is like a little spurt.
So what happens if you squeeze the handle now?
Nothing.
It's done.
So it just coughed and that was it?
Yeah, it was a cough, but it coughed all over the bag.
And the powder's everywhere.
I gotta be honest, I didn't think that the powder would go everywhere when you opened the bag.
Neither did I.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how big of a mess are we talking about? Oh, it's not like the worst mess.
It's like a 6, but it was an unexpected, my hands of powder on them.
I was just ripping through it, because I wanted to pull to confirm.
So it's like if you ripped open a bag of flour?
Yeah, sort of.
Maybe not like a big bag, but yeah, there's
a flour bag of it.
And now if you spray it, squeeze it outside
of the bag, nothing happens.
Squeezing it, it's dead.
I wish you had your phone on.
Yeah, well...
Well, Gavin, I got news for you, buddy.
He can have the phone on or he can be in the podcast, but he can't do both.
You gotta take your pick.
I mean, I sent him a phone.
I should have sent an extinguisher with it.
Just giving him all the time.
Andrew needs all the ingredients.
Speaking of all the ingredients and long-term commitments,
you may remember back when this show started,
maybe it was episode three, this begun.
This has been a long time coming.
I said some things about basket weavers.
I made some comments.
I don't even remember what I said at this point,
but I had an ongoing feud with the basket weaving community.
It was one of the earliest recurring bits we had, I think.
I think it was the first one we did have.
And you did some research and you were telling us about this basket weaver who was very famous.
But then...
Leona Waddell.
Yeah.
But then you didn't read on and could tell us nothing about it.
Yeah.
I just learned that that was who the top basket weaver was and was not prepared to answer
any questions relating to the person.
So I got a kit. I got a kit i got a kit i begun the process i made a few mistakes i made the assumption you know you scan the instructions i assume that everything you needed would come into the kit
that was not the case everything required to make the basket was not part of the kit
so i i the first thing is you have to cut the wood into eight
15 inch pieces and then the next step was join it with string. I didn't have any string as out of string
So we used ribbon it was a real conversation between floss or ribbon I ended up going with ribbons nice orange ribbon
Nice little orange ribbon it really ties it together i love orange my favorite color
we're off to the races so then next step is the weaving part the instructions weren't weren't all
that clear you know but we uh we committed to it we're working so this is step two this is probably
about i don't know an hour into this process this is this the second. We're building a basket. The basket is on its way
We are creating art is what we're doing. We're weaving looks fantastic We're weaving like the best of them kind of has a whole vibe at the moment
Yeah
And I was not gonna give up until I made this basket, so I was I was up late
Is that a little bow tie that's so cute?
Have you like snapped or Or is that just some,
is that like the end of what you were weaving?
Sticking up there?
That's the end of what I was weaving,
I believe.
Or maybe not.
It's hard to tell.
It's a complicated thing,
the basket weave.
So I was up for a long time last night
trying to put this together.
It reminded me of when I was a kid in school.
I've had this kit for weeks
and I just put it off until the night before
and realizing I didn't have the prep I needed
and getting stressed.
It was like I was trying to submit an assignment again.
And how those assignments went,
you could see the final product,
our basket, is a piece of true art.
It's beautiful.
We got a basket.
I did it, guys.
I weaved a basket.
Why is it so much more sparse
than it was in the second picture?
Did you pull out all that? What have you done to it?
You did!
You took it out. You gave up and you just stretched what you'd done.
So this is- I can see that. You accordioned it out!
Do that to my car!
You don't get that passed us.
So what happened was, I didn't like the initial weave, so then I pulled it all out but then all the wood dried so then I had to re-wet the wood and I could never recapture the magic that was
the first weave but we put that was you're looking at four hours of weave
work so so how do you feel about I can't. I can't. He's going to be picking raspberries and shit and then dropping through.
Blueberries leaking all over the road.
If you could describe that, Jeff,
to people listening who can't see this picture,
what does that look like?
What is it?
I don't know.
It looks like a tumbleweed with orange string on it.
It's a tumbleweed with a handle.
Tumbleweed with a handle.
It started off so promising.
Like that first picture, he's like, oh, he's really, look how even it all is.
He's really putting it in.
The second one, oh, I can't wait to see what this is gonna look like Instructions are not very good. It's very complicated. I
Tried my best. I'm not an arts and crafts guy. I've never weaved anything
I feel like I need to issue an apology to the basket we've been community. I have been humbled
I respect I respect the craft.
I don't think I'm done with baskets.
I think a year from now, I'll work on my second basket.
If you carry that and walking to the left of that,
you would be stabbing yourself in the leg.
Look at all the jagged shit coming out the sides.
Berry picking is very competitive.
I need to be ready.
Do me a favor. Save that. Of course.
I'm not getting rid of my basket.
Are you crazy? We need that.
What's that above it? Are we going for some gummy bears?
What is that? Yeah, it's some gummy bears.
Just in case you need to fuel up.
Need to do a little fueling between the weave.
Oh, yeah.
Got some gummy bears. The instructions brought them right.
Instructions and his gummy bears.
Yeah, and a tape measure.
It's a frog tape measure.
So that's the basket.
Your life is like if someone got locked
in the Blue's Clues house and grew up.
Just stop that.
So Millie Ramsey has been very quietly listening to the last 15 minutes of this or so next to me
and she died at that thank you she just the blues clues thing just killed her yeah
on the floor oh my god oh so that was actually i don't know if you delivered on the fire extinguisher
or not you definitely pulled it back but it doesn't matter because this basket is phenomenal.
Like it eclipsed.
Who gives a shit about fire extinguishers now?
I still do because I have to clean it up as soon as we're done.
Outside of that, I agree.
Whether it's for work or for play, a lot of us are going to be on the move again this summer.
And if you're not, you're probably going to be doing something equally cool,
like waiting till your annoying neighbor goes out of town and then breaking into their backyard
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Oh, by the way, I was thinking about the first 30 minutes or so of this podcast.
I might have been a little hot.
I apologize if I was a little aggressive.
A little hot?
DMV frustrates me. I think you called me a pickle-licking freak in rage.
A little hot.
You know, in some societies, that's a compliment, though.
Yeah, which one?
I mean, it could be in certain sectors of America.
You know, pickle lovers out there.
Sure.
And freak.
You could be like, oh, I'm freaky.
Okay.
Cool.
Okay.
Freak's a compliment.
I have a question for you, Jeff.
Yeah?
Have you applied to Soho House recently?
What is this?
Did I just luckily ask you?
Yeah. I meant to tell him i put him down
i got asked i got all right here's a funny story so somebody invited me to the soho house like
some uh for a non-roosterteeth friend and i thought you know they're opening up one in
austin and i thought yeah well i'll apply why not fuck it i've been to it a few times you and i had
a great burger there right yeah and so I was filling out the application
because it's like hey you've been invited to join this thing by this other dude do you want to join
and I was like yeah sure and so I was like yeah and then at the bottom it's like hey do you know
anybody else who's in Soho house and I go well I do know one person who's in Soho house so I just
put down James and then it said be sure to let him know you told us and I thought I should remember to do that
Explain explain why so fast. Thank you Gavin
We get the fucking origin of the DMV and he just skates through so ho house. What the fuck is a so ho house
I feel like the DMV is much more accessible than so what is the so ho house?
I feel like if you know what the DMV is, you know what Soho house is. I don't
know what a Soho house is. I know what the DMV is.
It doesn't require
an explanation. I
don't want to over-explain shit anymore. I've
been lambasted for it in this very
episode. I'm not going to wax
poetic and over-explain shit that people
don't need to know anymore.
A lesson learned.
So if Gavin wants to explain it and he if he wants to
waste everybody's time he can go right ahead but uh i'm not gonna be the one that does it what is
buckley mad at me no buckley was buckley just sent sent me he forwarded me the email that he got sent
by so house and i was like let me guess he didn't mention that to you in any way at Buckley Road. I didn't hear a sausage. Yeah, well, I did.
Let him know as my go-between between Buckley and I,
let him know that I did.
Okay.
That I did, that that's accurate.
And that I meant to follow up with him,
but they were faster than I was.
Okay.
Andrew, Soho House is like a shmarmy kind of well it's for me that sounds
like a negative word i shouldn't say that uh it's it's it's like a fancy kind of like bar club like
restaurants like we're like people network and you need a membership we need to be like referred
by people and it's a whole thing i don't have a membership yeah i don't either but nobody's ever
offered me one i I appreciate that.
That was a good explanation, Jeff.
I appreciate that.
That was very clear.
I thought I would at least apply.
Oh, dude, guys, do you remember how I got some confirmation on something?
Do you guys remember how we were talking the other week and I told you the story about
the lady falling off the horse?
And yeah, yeah.
Then I told you later that I was really bummed out
about how I told it
and how I thought I didn't tell it well.
You're going to give it another go?
Well, no, no, no, no.
But I got confirmation
that I told it badly
because, you know,
Emily's best friend, Vanessa,
who's a real cool lady
and who loves F*** Face
and listens to every episode.
They like work together
at the salon or whatever.
She came in to Emily that day
and she goes,
hey, I just got caught up on F*** Face
and I got to ask you a question. Andily's like yeah what's up and she goes
why did jeff fuck up that horse story he told it so much she goes he told it so much better in
person it's like why did he tell she's like he left out all the best stuff and emily's like i
know oh well damn so i have independent confirmation that i did fuck up that story
still a good story i still liked it i honestly, I think the telling of the car crash story
was only slow because I knew the end result of it.
Not knowing what happened in the horse story,
that being my first version of it,
I had nothing to compare it to.
Good story.
Yeah.
Well, also, he did start even today's story
by saying, here's how I lost my car.
That is true.
He did open...
Which earlier in the podcast was bleep i
never liked when movies do that when they start at the end and work work back i'm not a fan of
that plot device 12 weeks earlier yeah by the way i feel like i should reference or i should say uh
nobody was injured yeah i was gonna side it was a it was it was just a fender bender for him for us
it was you know some of a new car.
But it was like, it really, like I was going to say,
the safety measures on these new cars are phenomenal.
I don't get in a lot of accidents.
So it's not something that I deal with a lot.
And it was, yeah, it was crazy.
The car was pretty fucked up.
But it absorbed 100% of the impact.
We really didn't feel it.
It was nuts.
I was going to ask that, but I was too busy laughing.
I forgot.
It was, I really got into and and i feel like jeff will struggle to do the same
delivery twice like if he's telling a story jeff's been getting some full starts recently like we did
our face stream recently uh-huh jeff delivers the most energetic amazing amazing intro. Turns out we weren't live yet.
Then during our summer games in spring thing,
we moved outside and Jeff very energetically
talked about the rules to this water throwing challenge thing we were doing.
Got all the way through it.
About four minutes in, he's like,
all right, are we ready?
And then the person holding the camera was like,
all right, Jeff, we're live on you. And i guess they've just been playing like a recap of the show while
everyone repositioned outside jeff did it again it's like twice in two weeks that jeff's like
and then the second time he's like all right well like i was saying yeah it's it's uh i think it's
deliberate at this point.
What do you think, Eric?
I don't know.
I think that he, I don't know that it's deliberate.
I think that he uses so much of what he's got.
Like when, you know, like, you know, like when he does like the big intro and then he gets mad that he did the big intro.
I feel like that's what it is.
I just don't think he can match that energy and enthusiasm a second time but the thing is
no one ever is like jeff hold up we're not live everyone just stands there filming him let's go
for like four straight minutes they let us go on that break shit show they let me go for six
minutes i had a pack of cards in my hand i was about to open the first goddamn pack of cards on the show in the history of the
fucking show and and then gavin goes is the chat not updating no it wasn't even that no one even
said anything are we not live and then they go oh yeah yeah no you you haven't been live at any
point the only reason i asked is because people at broadcast were just like loudly chatting to
each other and i was like wait are we not on because everyone's just talking loudly i wasn't there in studio i i'm watching a
link from the outside going wow this happened really fast we just all of a sudden here's the
intro i didn't get a note or anything that we were like oh i guess we're gonna do a dry run real
quick it was just like we're doing the show because then all of a sudden the intro played and I went, oh, OK, I guess we're OK.
Let's all right, guys, have a good show.
And then I muted myself.
And then that was I don't that intro was very good, though.
Thanks, man.
It was the setup, too, is so good of like you were saying literally you said, Jeff, has anyone explained to you how we're going to start this show?
Jeff said no.
And then as soon as you went to be you're like, OK, so the music's going to start and then we're going to start this show. And Jeff said, no. And then as soon as you went to be, you're like, okay, so the music's going to start
and then we're going to pan into you.
And then the music kicked off and Jeff had a panic.
Are we live?
And then it like quick zoomed into him.
It was great.
I love the idea of Jeff being like, wow, that was short instructions.
Here we go.
Straight in.
We should play that somewhere.
We should upload that.
We should.
Well, also, I thought it was live because it was past the time we were supposed to start yeah and that was like i had every reason to believe it
was live the red lights were on everything was real except it wasn't live well you know you guys
are right in that uh i can't it's not that i can't match my energy from the first to the second performance. It's that I don't on a core foundational in my
soul level. I don't want to do the same thing twice. Yes. Yeah. Same performance. I totally
don't. I don't I don't know what it is and I don't know why, but it is why I do content like this.
It's why I do face and why we did Let's Plays and Achievement Hunter and I do podcasting
because I don't like to do podcasting because i don't like
to do prepared stuff and i don't like to have to repeat it i hate i hate doing anything kind of
that's why you don't see me in a lot of a lot of narrative stuff outside of red versus blue because
i just don't like to deliver lines because i just i can only get it right once and every subsequent
attempt gets worse everything's better the first time especially reaction-based stuff like i've
been asked a few times if we're doing like a big shoot or like a slow-mo thing but all right we didn't quite get that just react to that again
i'll be like no we just didn't get it it doesn't work that way it's just we missed it sorry get
get it next time and there are some people who are so good at acting like like matt hollum who
can just do it and he can give you 10 different reads all different and all hilarious i can give
you i guarantee you the first read i give you is the best and only good read.
And no matter how hard I try,
it will only get worse going forward.
And so you just like, the first take is the only take.
It's like the opposite of practice.
Yeah.
Oh, it is exactly the opposite of practice.
That is exactly what it's like.
We have another thing we need to talk about
before this episode ends.
I feel like we only got to two of your six things, Andrew.
I only got to one of my four things,
but my shit's not important.
I mean, I only have two things left.
I feel like we touched on four of them.
So I asked in the past,
what are some loose threads in the past year of this podcast?
Number one by far was the basket.
It was the top thing people wanted some resolution on.
Number two is the bet that I had with Gavin.
The Halo bet, the 24-hour challenge bet.
We need to revisit this, Gavin.
We need to talk about what has happened.
Here's what we need to do.
Long term, we need to start writing stuff down.
We need a challenge keeper.
We need someone probably whose name rhymes with Fleric
to write down the terms and enforce the rules.
You mean a judge?
Yeah.
I nominated him last week.
I didn't remember what the actual details of the bet were.
I didn't even remember what we would win or whether it was a double or nothing.
I thought it was a pencil thing.
I thought it was a $500 thing.
Someone said it was a gum thing.
It's a gum thing.
I remember that now.
Yeah, it was a gum thing.
Someone said it was a gum thing.
It's a gum thing.
I remember that now.
Yeah, it was a gum thing.
You have to put a piece of gum in your mouth for 10 seconds of my choosing.
Within like a decent, like, not going to make you like use secondhand gum or whatever.
It's like it had to be a fresh stick.
I remember it now.
We concluded the bet last week, though.
And it turns out maybe everything was wrong about it. I think your memory and like once the first time ever i think i'm right on this show
and it was the one time you had absolutely no confidence in yourself yeah i was like i'm always
wrong so whatever so i i very i said to gavin we could do two things either we just i lost the bet
and i'm okay with that because i accepted the terms even though they were wrong or we could
run it back and we can do it properly i'm all for running it back doing it properly original terms okay so you need to pick a level then from my
understanding of your thing i think i know what yeah i figured i still need to do that one
so i don't know do we record a thing outside of this or like when that episode airs it's
gonna be how do we do this because it's logistically a nightmare now where next episode that airs the bed is over then a week from then the bed is back on
how do we do this how do we approach with the timeline it's very confusing yeah with a 24 hour
time window on something that is always two weeks ahead of release it's very difficult like how do
we get in sync uh maybe i don't we record a thing that we throw onto the
front of the next episode and then i'll just stream by next episode you mean the one from
last week yeah the one that is gonna air next so the one we recorded last week so 51 so 51 yeah we
record a thing maybe at the end of this quickly well do we even need to explain it because we
already explained it here i don't know what we're gonna do well we're just gonna say we messed up
everything about this bet we know we're fixing it when we initially explained it here. I don't know what we're going to do. Well, we're just going to say we messed up everything about this bet. We know we're fixing
it. When we initially talked about this, I just remembered, I think we even discussed
that we would write down the time that the bet started and then 24 hours later,
we would come back and talk about it regardless of whether it was one or not.
Oh, yeah, we didn't do that. So we we need to do that. Like tomorrow at 3.52 p.m.
1.52 your time, Andrewrew we need to be discussing this bet
okay so are we starting the bet now i don't know it's up to you guys but whenever we do start it
we need to film why don't you explain the origins of of bets for betting yeah okay well this goes
back to the brawn age okay it's gonna take some time little dickhead It's up to y'all whenever you start the bet,
but I do think we should adhere to that part of it.
What's the best way to get in sync with the audience
so that we can potentially do something live?
Because Andrew, I've heard, has his Twitch account back.
I think I have it back.
I got locked out of my Twitch account.
How'd you lose it?
They said you need to change your password,
and they refused to send me a password reset email.
And so I was doing research on what happens typically when you you're in that spot and people just generally lose their account
like they're the twitch will just say like oh we can't verify that this is ever you
uh we're not giving it back but my tablet could sign into the account so i was able to make a
few changes so i think i can get the account back but it's just a matter of of when do we start and
i can just stream it's probably
going to take me hours to beat gavin's time so should we say when the stream will be on the
little extra bit we record yes okay and then we just we should decide that now right so we don't
drag this into another episode when can you do it when does that episode come out next wednesday do
i start on wednesday do i start at like a.m. so that'd be the 19th
of May well I don't know why we're saying in this
one this one's
the 26th of May when this comes we're
just we're deciding when this will
start and it'll be over
by the time that people this bet
the audience will know the winner or
and loser of the bet before this airs
let's just say I'll start I'll do it on the day we
stream and we don't this is unneeded this'll start, I'll do it on the day we stream. And we don't, this is unneeded,
this conversation, now that I think about it.
But the point is...
You wanted to have this conversation in the episode.
Well, I brought, we needed to discuss
that the bet was still on in this episode,
then I thought we'd record a thing after the episode
for the episode before.
I mean, do we verify that the bet is still on?
Do we go back and check the tapes as to what was said?
Or are we just going to just say,
screw it, it's still on?
You can do that if you want. As I said, it's very
suspicious that Gavin goes through the fucking archives
on every single thing I've said,
except this one issue. This is the one
thing that he refuses to go back to.
That's an interesting point.
I don't like what I'm going to find, I think.
Gavin usually brings the receipts, and he
is definitely not. I think the
receipts have been shredded.
So we run it back. I guess we'll just do the bet on Wednesday.
I'll start it up. I'll stream again.
So last week's episode is all about
how you lost again.
The bet is, okay.
Eric brings up a great point.
Let's just go over everything. But it's already happened, Eric.
It's over. It is true.
What's the point? Do you think we should explain
the bet that ended a week ago?
Yes, because there are people who are going to consume every piece of content that we
do outside of the podcast that is the thing that they do listen to.
That's fair.
That's a great point, Eric.
So Gavin picked out skirts.
I have 24 hours to beat out skirts from what time?
I'll say 8 a.m.
I'll start 8 a.m. on Wednesday.
My time, 8 a.m. Pacific.
If I beat the time from the time I beat it gavin then has 24 hours from
that point to take the time back we go back and forth until one of us cannot beat the time is
that it i feel like that covers it if i win gavin has to eat gum if i lose i don't know what happens
can i ask some questions here yeah of course how confident are you gavin that andrew will not be
able to beat your time he will 100 beat my. How confident are you that if he beats your time,
you can reclaim it within 24 hours?
70%?
Really?
How confident are you, Andrew,
that if you take his time and he takes it back,
that you can take it back again?
100%.
Oh, really?
I thought there's 0% chance you'll take it back
the second time,
because I think you glitched into it somehow.
I don't think the time I'm beating right now is completely genuine.
You're talking about my new technique?
Yeah, I'm talking about whatever your technique was. I don't think you did it on purpose. I think
the game glitched in some way and that there's no way you'll be able to duplicate what I do
if I beat it.
I think Gavin watches way too many speedruns.
I don't think that's true because I sent Gavin a speedrunning thing for like how to do it and
he's like, I've never seen this in my life i'll be honest i've not watched a speed run for
this level all right well there you go i've seen like big like a marathon of the whole game but
i've not been like studying anything okay well i think that's resolved we have anything else we
need how long have we been going at this point uh we're about right there um i uh i mentioned a
couple weeks ago and i only say this now because i mentioned a couple weeks ago that I'm turning into Bernie,
and Jack asked me about it today
because I guess I never talked about it,
and he wanted to know what I meant.
So, Andrew, I don't know if this will mean anything to you,
but I think, Gavin, I think this will hit home with you.
I've become a kind of a person that I never wanted to be,
and it's really fucking with me,
and I don't like it.
And it's one of those things where, like,
when you become a different person,
how do you fix, like, how do you go back? And I don't like it. And it's one of those things where like when you become a different person, how do you fix like how do you go back? And I don't I don't know how to do that. But
Bernie used to do this here. I'll explain this. I have now started and I don't know why.
What year was Bernie born? Yeah. Leaving fucking half empty soda cans all over my house.
Oh, Bernie used to do at work. Do you remember that? Like every we all hated Bernie because he
would drink two sips of a Coke and put it
down and walk away and open up another Coke and take three sips of Coke and put it down
and then walk away and pick up a third Coke and open it, not take any sips.
And it would be on everybody's desks, but his.
Yeah, you just walk around with a trash can picking up useless undrank sodas from Bernie.
I do that.
I'm doing it like six, seven times a day right now.
And I am powerless to stop myself.
Does it have anything to do with the fact
that I sent you 48 cans of Coke?
Am I at all responsible for this issue?
No, I wish.
I wish I could blame it on you.
You are going to be responsible
for whatever damage
all this Captain Crunch does.
So what is it?
You just don't hold onto it?
You're just walking around all the time? Like, if you're
sat at your desk, surely you're just sipping on it
until it's gone. Well, I move around a lot, right?
The other day, I picked up a Diet Pepsi
can, and I was like, goddammit, guys, this is
full. And I went to Emily, and I'm like,
who's Diet Pepsi can? It was like, which one of y'all isn't
finishing your fucking sodas? And Emily's like,
dickhead, nobody drinks soda
but you.
And I was like, oh yeah. She's like, I drink water, and drink water and so does millie and i'm like oh yeah i guess it is 100 me and then
i realized that it is me and now i'm wondering was it really bernie or was it me and i didn't
know that that's not true it was definitely really bernie it had to be i remember that that well
but why the fuck can't i keep why can't i i don't want to be the kind of person that does that.
I want to maintain positive control over my soda until I complete it.
How do you not have a bunch of flies?
Doesn't that attract a little sugar?
No!
I drink diet soda.
But I just don't understand.
It's really frustrating me.
And that's all.
Why don't we adopt some Edward Fortyhan style training?
Tape it on. we could do that the only other thing i had is that andrew scared my girlfriend i don't know that's i'd
love to know how it was a pleasant conversation what did i do i'll tell you the other i was i
was talking to my girlfriend earlier today or yesterday i don't think it was yesterday
and she goes uh she very cautiously goes uh you guys talk about christmas at all in the upcoming in the upcoming episodes you've recorded and i go i don't think so why and she
goes oh no reason i was just curious and i was like well now there's there's definitely a reason
you know we don't just ask questions like that there's obviously a reason and i was like okay
what's going on and she goes uh it's not me and i had it took me a while to get it out of her and
then she's like i don't know i just like with it, and it took me a while to get it out of her, and then she's like, I don't know, I was just like,
Andrew asked me a question about Christmas,
and then I just,
I don't know if it's like a bit,
and I don't want to like,
I don't want to praise a bit,
and she didn't want
to talk about it,
and then it was like
a whole thing,
and then she's like,
and I was like,
well, Andrew and I
did have a conversation
about our favorite
Christmas movies,
maybe it was just that,
and then she's like,
eh, I don't know,
he was asking me
about Christmas songs,
and then she was like,
kind of showed me
the conversation,
she was being real protective of it, and it looked just like a genuinely lovely conversation about you guys sharing your favorite christmas songs and i
looked at and i go i think you just had a genuine conversation with andrew about christmas and
enjoying christmas songs and she was just like how do you guys live like this i was like i don't know
that makes no sense i don't understand she didn't trust you because she was scared like, how do you guys live like this? I was like, I don't know. That makes no sense.
I don't understand.
She didn't trust you because she was scared that it was some sort of a bit.
No.
Or like there was some sort of a, she was being pranked.
No.
Or she was participating in a prank that she wasn't aware of.
I love that over her own confusion, she puts the sanctity of the bit first.
Oh, a hundred percent.
That's great.
A hundred percent.
Like she was protecting
a bit that didn't exist.
And she was protecting Andrew
in a way that didn't exist.
And at the end,
when I finally got through,
I'm like, I know,
I think you just had
a genuine human moment
with Andrew.
And she was just like,
I don't know how
you guys live like this.
I don't know how
you trust each other.
I don't know how,
like, it's just,
it's exhausting.
And I'm like, yeah,
I fucking agree with you.
It is.
Okay, so this is my perspective of that conversation.
Jeff and I were talking about Christmas.
I'm a big Christmas guy.
I love Christmas.
And he brought up, I say it because it makes Gavin laugh.
It's my favorite thing.
You brought up that your girlfriend loves Christmas.
Super into Christmas.
I was like, you know what?
I haven't, I haven't talked to.
Well, I mean, in the sense that you asked me what my favorite holiday was, and we talked
about that.
And then you asked what Emily's favorite holiday was, and I said, she's a Christmas
person.
Did I ask that?
I genuinely don't remember if I asked that question.
I don't know.
Maybe I volunteered or you asked it.
I don't know.
I don't remember how we got...
Anyway, it seemed like they were super into Christmas, and I was like, you know, it's
a basic thing.
I'm curious what their list would be.
They sent me their top five Christmas songs.
While they're concerned that this is a bit, or paranoid over that, I'm just listening to the songs i wasn't all that familiar with just having a great time eating a
mcdonald's breakfast i was having a great time it was a great day i was just enjoying music and
little did you know you're ruining someone else's little did i know that they thought this was this
whole bit in her defense nine times out of nine it is related in some way to content to be yeah
completely fair almost every conversation
we've had is some way related to a bit or fucking with you i just love that our paranoia is infecting
the people that we care about in our lives outside of the show and i would say our own paranoia is
an all-time low like i've been no no no you're still paranoid no okay we need to talk about this
thing this is maybe what we close on
maybe a month and a half ago or two months ago eric brought up that he got a slack message from
somebody uh and that he thought it was one of us because they didn't have a profile picture and it
just seemed very suspicious the timing of it they said they work in the finance department and i
remember hearing eric say this was, that seems overly paranoid. That same
person slacked me yesterday
and I immediately went, this is
a bit. This is a prank. Somebody's fucking with
me. They're the most suspicious person
without cause. I think it's our own paranoia
I've ever interacted with.
And every conversation I've had with them since
then just makes me more paranoid.
I don't think they're real. I kind of think
they're real. They have to be real,
but I'm pretty sure it's somebody.
Why are you talking to the finance?
Somebody from fine.
They reached out to me.
Why?
Let me poke.
I'll pull up the fucking conversation.
That's what that was.
Something that I thought was odd.
I got a load into slack,
but yeah,
I,
it just,
it randomly appeared.
And I remember saying like thinking when Eric brought it up,
that that's weird.
And my first reaction was,
that's not a real person.
This person doesn't exist.'s fucking with me so you and eric are both talking to a person and you both believe they don't exist i and that you you think that that that that person
you're talking to is i don't know me or gavin or somebody else i yeah i don't i'm not sure i'm
to what end would that would we be pranking you I don't know. But it's just they were very suspicious.
Here, I'm pulling up Slack right now.
I got a message.
You know what honestly was the trigger word for me?
This is what they messaged me.
Yo, you don't know me.
Big fan.
I work on the finance team.
I don't trust the finance person that opens with yo.
That seems very suspicious.
I don't feel like that fits my concept of what that person would be i
want to see if this person's messaged me what's the name of the person great i messaged eric
immediately that i'm now completely on board this person is very suspicious oh they have messaged me
that's interesting and then i went into polite mode so i just said it's nice to meet you greg
and their next response was a screenshot of their conversation with eric saying that eric
thought that greg was an andrew panton prank and uh their response was dude i'm not sure i'm not
an andrew panton prank and then they told me they told me let me know if you want to use this smiley
face which i interpreted as like fuck with eric more through them and i'm like this i cannot this
person is a wild card i don't know how to deal with this person because if they're saying to me that i can use them to fuck with eric then that means
that they're open to being like fucking with me it goes both ways it's an impossible to read i take
back everything i said about paranoia yeah you seem incredibly paranoid right now i didn't realize
you were allowed to have a slack account without a picture on it. I then said to them, respectfully, I'm not entirely
sure you exist. And then their reply was
right back at you, bud, which is
a super suspicious reply.
What kind of company was
someone in finance
just screwing with us?
I then replied back to them
because they're the most suspicious person I've ever
met. I said, have you ever played among us?
And they said yeah, and I replied do you get voted out first every game you play?
I do not believe that you're a real person
I said I want to believe you're real and they replied don't we all and I was like I don't fucking know what this is
Not a person. this is not a real
person i went person you meet at a bar and then you go get him a drink and you come back and they're
gone yeah it was a whole it was a whole thing they claimed the only thing that made me think
that they were a person is i talked about i apologized if i was being overly paranoid
and they replied that they were in it for the chaos and they said it's like visiting sesame
street and instead of meeting puppeteers,
I turned into a puppet.
I'm like just thinking that they're part of some bit.
This is like my Christmas version,
but Eric has an update, I believe,
on the extent of the realness of this individual.
This will have to take us out
because we're way over time,
but here's what happened.
With this back and forth,
I apologize because I went,
because I got confirmation from our friend Lewis.
I'm like, Lewis, who is Greg?
And he said, this is Greg.
Greg is a human man.
And I'm like, I don't know, too close to Jeff.
Still don't believe it.
Our fearless leader, Jordan, emailed the whole company today
with like, hey guys, here's some organizational updates.
This person's going to be doing this
and Tony's going to be doing this and blah, blah, blah.
And the last line is talking about, and Greg will continue to be doing this, this and this.
And I messaged Andrew and I'm like, if it can't go, it can't possibly go this high.
It can't, it can't possibly go to Jordan.
It can't.
There's no way, right? i'll say this about jordan
and eric i don't know if this will mean anything to you gavin i don't think it'll mean anything to
you but andrew it's gonna mean a lot to you jordan's favorite movie is windy city heat no
wow no when i told him you also loved Windy City Heat, he blew his mind.
It's a great.
So I guess don't stop worrying until someone at Warner starts talking about Greg.
I understand what you're saying about how it couldn't possibly go to the top.
But our fearless leader, Jordan, has been involved in pranks throughout his career,
the level of which we could probably not hope to achieve.
Interesting.
That's very interesting.
Not to add to your paranoia
or fuel the flames of paranoia,
but I wouldn't make an assumption
that it couldn't go that high up.
Honestly. I also know the answer.
I think that was a pretty good
trial period for F*** Face.
We did a whole year. You probably know
by now if you liked it or not.
Thanks for listening. Should we do it again?
Yeah, let us know if you want us to do another year.
Maybe in year two we can find out who Greg
is. I wonder what I'll
weave next. You can't move on from that
basket as if you've weaved anything.
What defines a
basket?
What defines a basket?
Please end this episode. We have to go.
We have to go. Goodbye. Thank you for one year of f***face.
Goodbye.
What's the furthest south you've been?
Love you!
Just rate and review and all that stuff.
And tune in in exactly one year when Andrew sets off another fire extinguisher.
But this one's full!
I'm back. I missed all that.
What happened? My computer froze. I didn't hear anything
for the past 15. We good?
Seriously?
Yeah. Oh, it's over?
Okay.