F**kface - Gurple Confusion // Stickier Things Than Horses [22]
Episode Date: October 28, 2020Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a Nick issue, looking for my next Garfield, Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie the show the comic, and more. Buy the red F**k hat shirt: http://bit.ly/RedFshirt. Sp...onsored by Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face) and Bespoke Post (http://boxofawesome.com/, code FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma,
is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam.
Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply
explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics,
groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics.
Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten
destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation
of Beastrin.
Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice.
Your choice, that is.
From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills.
And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is
really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge
roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Oh, we're waiting on Nick.
Goddamn Nick.
Jeff, you sound a mile away.
My microphone's in my fucking mouth.
I have you up at 200% in Discord and I can barely hear what you're saying.
Is this any better?
I blew out my audio the last episode.
Trying to avoid that.
Testing, check one, two, ha!
Is that any better?
We hear you through a different mic than your recording mic, though, right?
Uh, well... So blowing out the mic shouldn't be anything to do with it.
How do I boost Jeff?
You can right-click on his little name name and then you can turn up his user.
Oh, it's already.
Yeah, it's maxed for me.
It's like 200%.
You have 200?
Yeah, I have them all the way to the right.
I don't have mine goes to 100.
What should my output be?
What does that mean?
Where is there?
What's happening?
I'm looking at voice settings.
Well, your output should be somewhere that's being recorded.
I mean, your input's your microphone.
Your output is your headset.
My input is the Scarlett 212 USB.
Okay.
And that's in Discord or in Audacity?
That is in Discord.
In Audacity, it's also my Scarlett 212 USB.
Yeah, the output is just
for listening right for uh that would be yeah yeah that would be the opposite of it that's right
all right now it's at 90 percent how's that there's no need to yell about it yeah right
that was really loud split the difference jesus christ are you fucking serious oh wow that's loud
all right it looks like it's real how. How's that? Am I good now?
It's a little quiet.
Go worse again.
Give me some fucking feedback here.
I'm trying to fix this.
I'm giving you feedback.
I don't know why you're yelling at me. All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Everybody shut up at Jeff.
Okay.
Okay.
Here's what we're going to do.
I'm going to fucking, I'm going to talk.
I'm going to do a little soliloquy.
Okay.
And as I talk, I'm going to turn the gain.
When it hits the perfect sweet spot, yell for me to stop, okay?
First, let me get into my talking voice.
Okay, so I'm going to be telling stories at about like this.
Let me know when you guys think if I've hit a point where...
Right there.
There you go.
Thank you.
That was easy.
What number is that at?
85%.
Oh, so you split the difference.
Interesting.
So when we said split the difference...
Aye!
You were just adjusting
gain? Was that your whole exercise?
Yeah, dumbass! I was trying to find the right level
of gain! Well, it wasn't that hard.
Well, now I'm fucking blown out when I yell
a pegged hard red! My audio
is especially loud to you right now. I think
I need to make an adjustment as well.
Do I go left or right on this game?
Oh, I'll be honest, the uh,
the volume of my headphones was too low. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Because I'm blowing out the fucking audition file. This is all in the episode, by the way, isn't it?
Yeah, I know.
I'm recording.
Hey, Nick, I want to talk to you for a second.
Everybody else can go suck a butt.
Hey, in the last two episodes, was my audio blown out?
No.
Okay.
Do I sound okay right now?
You sound okay.
Yeah, you sound fine.
Okay, thank you.
You sound better than you did before.
That's not a fair question.
Nick wasn't here for the bad stuff.
Nobody cares what you say.
I'm taking cues from the audio engineer. He's the one that matters. He wasn't here for the bad stuff. Nobody cares what you say. I take, I'm taking cues from the audio engineer.
He's the one that matters.
He wasn't here though for the issue.
He's here now.
Are you an audio engineer, Nick?
Nick, you better, you better say yes.
You fucking better say yes.
I guess I am now.
I mean, you got, you're calling him an audio engineer.
He's the director of audio production for all of broadcast for the entire department yeah but audio engineer is like uh
it's like it was like a qualification oh you need a certification for that i don't know it seems like
something you'd go to school for shut the fuck up this is rooster teeth nobody went to school for
anything that is correct i went to school what did you go to school for this radio tv and film
did you really yeah that's impressive good for. So why were you selling shirts for Mega64 for so long?
Yeah, and why aren't you better at this?
Because, oh, I don't know if you understand.
I'm great at this.
I'm fantastic at this.
I have followed the character arc precisely of quiet producer who's begrudgingly doing the show to beloved character who's in every episode.
And now everybody says, I love this guy.
He's so nice.
He's the best. Is that what they taught you to do at san diego state or wherever the fuck is that where you where'd you go it was cal state fullerton go titans uh so yeah this is what i
learned from uh my radio tv film career is the every show every radio show every podcast has
followed this character arc to a T, except probably
your mom's house because they are mean to their producer, but not in like an endearing
way.
The producer is just told he's going to die.
Dude, it's uncomfortable sometimes how mean they are to Nadav.
Exactly.
So here we are.
I'm a college educated man.
I'm doing it. So here we are. Welcome to face episode 20 and introducing our hosts, Jeff, Andrew and Gavin guys.
Take it away.
Hey guys.
Hey, Eric is the announcer again because last time he didn't want the job and today he was
like busting down the door to do it.
No, I don't want, I still don't want the job.
I'm just trying to get the show underway.
So now let's, and Jeff, the host, take it away.
I don't know how I feel about his intro.
I feel like his heart wasn't in that one.
I feel like we've heard better.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to, shut up, shut the fuck up.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to F*** Face,
the number one podcast of Rooster Teeth
for farts, fun fun and fancy free thinking.
Guys, it's... Fancy
free? It's... My alliteration
ran out. It's Jeff Ramsey,
it's Andrew Panton, it's Gavin Free, and they're here
to tell you all about what's been going
on with them and their crazy weeks.
And now I'm gonna hand it over to your
host extraordinaire, Jeff Ramsey.
I would like to point out... You're not
Jeff Ramsey. That Andrew like to point out. You're not Jeff Ramsey. That Andrew criticized
your first intro, Eric.
Even though he would prefer no intro.
Not true. Or an intro
that occurs 45 minutes into the episode.
I thought it was great. I gotta say, Andrew,
I think where you're missing the mark here
is it's not about his intro. It's about
the character arc. It's about the character
he's building as producer. That's what
you gotta focus on.
The intro is just a byproduct
of his character.
I was just giving an opinion
on the intro.
I think intros are very important.
This is Cal State Fullerton
fucking character,
producer character building 103.
Textbook.
Don't entirely know
what you just said.
I'm saying it was like
a junior level class
at Cal State Fullerton
on how to develop
the character of a producer.
College educated man, as he likes to point out.
So you're saying his intro was fitting for the character, even though it may not have been the best intro in a general sense.
Absolutely.
That it should be accepted because it was within the brand of the character he was presenting.
That is 100% correct.
That's what I was saying.
Okay.
Well, just as somebody who really cares about the intro, the intro has always been really
meaningful to me.
I was blinded by that.
So I apologize.
I should have acknowledged that as someone who's been vocally trying to get us to do
intros for weeks now.
I was blinded.
I apologize.
Noted.
Thank you very much for your apology.
Let me ask you, I got two things today and they're both movie related and one is a feel
good story and one is potentially an assault on the very meaning of our podcast so i was gonna see
what you guys also wanted to talk about and then we could structure the order based on that i wanted
to do i had a little conversation with andrew last night uh which do you think we should talk about
that andrew the sort of confusion surrounding i feel like we should talk about that, Andrew? The sort of confusion surrounding? I feel like we should, especially within the context of the audio engineer talk.
We have an issue with Nick.
Not even really a Nick issue.
That's unfair.
It's not Nick's fault.
You went straight in there with Nick.
I did.
I feel like it was potentially a Discord issue.
But he got the file, though, right?
So it wouldn't have been an editing decision?
Nick, are you able to hop on and record yourself?
Andrew, what's your problem with Nick?
It is not my problem.
Gavin texted me last night.
Last week, we made a very big deal about Gurple
and the excitement around Gurple and the future of Gurple.
And I'm just minding my business, having a decent evening.
Gavin texted me.
You never said Gerple.
You never even made up a color.
The thing was, last week when you had all the Gerple designs,
I couldn't remember you saying Gerple the previous week.
Oh my God, I couldn't either.
I thought he said Burple or Yerple or something.
And I thought I must have heard it wrong
because you guys were talking about Gerple like it was cemented in fact.
Yeah, so I was like, man, somehow
Andrew, I missed GURPL.
I missed it in the recording. I heard it for the
first time over text when we did our little stage
play when we were in the middle of writing
that. So we get the proof
of last week's episode, or
two weeks ago's episode, I think yesterday.
So I listened to that, gave a few notes.
And then at the end, Andrew's like, oh,
you never think we could invent a new color? Never once heard any mention of GURPL in the recording. So I listened to that gave a few notes and then at the end Andrew's like oh you never think we could invent a new color
Never once heard any mention of GURPL in the recording so I was like Andrew you never said GURPL
We've made a shirt or designed shirts for something that you never said in a podcast. What a fucking f*** face
I was losing my mind because I was very confident
I said it Gavin said I didn't make up any colors at all
I was like I'm pretty sure I made up like three or four.
You did.
You made up Yerple.
I think I called it Gruple and then Gerple.
Later, I definitely say Gruple, I think.
I don't think the Gerple pronunciation.
You said Porringe, apparently.
I did say Porringe and Pello.
I only heard Pello.
That was the one that I remembered you say.
In the text, I feel like you said I didn't say a single one and that was I was losing well yeah
cuz I asked you what what these neighbors are gonna be cool and you were
like I don't know ask Crayola or something and then I think you said
you're poor but I just forgot about it I think it was your polls I was wow that's
actually that helps me a little bit cuz I thought I was going crazy so did I I
was like man I can't believe we got a shirt based on this really funny thing
Andrew said that I just don't
remember. Imagine how I felt
to have Gavin say you never said any
of these things. It was alarming.
So why is this
Nick's fault? Because I do say
them. It's just not in the finalized
audio, I believe. It's in my
audio file, but it doesn't make it to the
cut. Nick, what do you know?
I know that Andrew...
I know that Andrew told me,
hey, just cut whatever I said at the end.
So, let me go back and double
check, but I don't remember Gerple.
Wait, did I do that?
I don't think I did that. I think you did that.
Wait, you told him to cut Gerple?
No, I definitely didn't tell him. I would never
cut Gerple. How dare you even accuse me of such things?
I don't remember saying that.
I could have said it.
It's possible.
It's been a lot.
I could easily forgot.
There was a moment in time in which Gavin convinced me I never said it at all.
That was terrifying.
I don't know that you did.
No one heard it.
Jeff did.
I'm with Gavin.
The first time I remember hearing the word Gerple was in that text exchange.
I remember Yerple or Burple, but I don't remember gerbil.
I was more concerned by the fact that Gavin said I didn't make up any colors at all.
That was what was frightening to me because I had very clear memories in which I did.
And that he's like, never heard of any orange.
I never heard that.
Palo, never happened.
So I had to go in and find them i
think what happened is is that you decided to say all of this stuff you said yerple or something
for us to hear i remember that now but your other list of things including gerple and how you were
like i gotta write this down i'm pretty sure you said all that over the top of jeff's outro and
because jeff was louder discord was just only showing me Jeff
and I never heard it Jeff was talking
he never heard it and also
it was cut because you told Nick to cut it
so GURPL is the most
well hidden thing you've come up
with and now we have shirts about it
you made a GURPL egg I mean it's
hilarious that the audience is going to listen
to the episode that comes out on Wednesday
and they're going to have no idea about any GUR, and then the following week, it's all Gerple.
Well, why don't we release a special Gerple cut, or like a separate Gerple snippet that we can put out with this episode,
you know, two weeks later or whatever, just so we can hear it.
I think you're right that the problem is I don't think I actually ever say Gerple.
I think I call it Gruple.
I don't think I nailed the Gerple thing until I think I call it grouple. I don't think I nailed the gerple thing
until after. I think
I just completely missed on gerple.
I don't think there's any
there's any mention of
gerple until the next episode
in which I very confidently am like
gerple's the best. We're doing this gerple
thing. You couldn't write this level
of dysfunction. That's really
oh my god. So why don't we we're
selling two shirts based on something no one said if you could find it nick why don't you insert
the original gerpal statement from andrew's raw recording cut from the episode two weeks ago
or grouple which sounds like a groupon ripoff so we'll put it in right now. What about like pillow? It's like a purple and a yellow.
Shh.
All right.
Thanks for listening.
Rate five stars
and subscribe
whatever that means.
This has been
episode 16 of
F*** Face.
Thank you for listening
and Nick go ahead
and cut anything
where I look
or not super
cut out the whole
Mandela effect thing
because I look dumb.
Well all right. All right. Okay. He may have said it. cut out the whole Vandell effect thing because I look dumb in it well alright alright okay
he may have said it I don't know how to feel
about this I'm pretty sure I didn't
I think I call it grouple and then I
think I may say gerple
but it's when I'm away from the microphone
looking for a pen
I don't even know what it is
you said it away
from the microphone while someone else was.
It's getting worse.
Yeah, no, I thought it was kind of, I don't know.
In my head, it was funny.
Okay, so away from a mic, underneath someone else talking, and you asked for it to be removed.
Yeah, well, no, I don't.
I'm very confident.
I don't think I asked for that to be removed.
Okay.
I did make a suggestion of something else, but I don't think it was that.
And if I'm wrong, I apologize.
I just, I don't think I did that.
But if I did, it's possible I did.
I trust Nick.
Why would Nick lie about that?
Funny.
It is funny.
It's a good point.
I was not expecting this episode to go this way, this fast.
Well, in fairness, we've now saved Gurple from being something that wasn't said to something
that was said a lot.
we've now saved gerpel from being something that wasn't said to something that was said a lot i like the idea too that i was pitching that we sell the shirts on the same day this second
episode comes out so nobody would have any concept of what we're talking about at all
there'd be no bleeding there'd be nothing everybody just be going like i guess i didn't
hear him say i must have missed the last episode. That'd be right where Gavin and I were.
It's a real mystery.
I actually, I've never like went into my raw audio,
but Gavin made me search last night.
Yeah, I was like, you gotta check.
Because to be honest, there's a lot of times
where I don't hear stuff said in recordings.
It happens all the time, especially on podcasts,
where you'll be listening to like 90%
of what someone's saying,
and then I'll think of something that I want to say next.
In that tiny little blip,
I sort of miss the current sentence
and potentially miss something funny.
Or potentially Andrew's given
some boring ass speech about Ian
and you just fall to fucking sleep
with your eyes open.
I completely understand what you're saying.
You want to talk about neighborhoods again?
I wonder if this is the first shirt we've ever produced that's based
off of a joke that never happened i mean it did happen just the the line wasn't there the joke
happened as a response to the shirt that was a response to a joke that didn't exist dude everything
is so face we faced the hats we faced this*** faced this. It's incredible, our consistency.
And the fact that Jeff and I just went along with Gurple, even though we both missed it.
Are you f***ed?
No, yeah, we're just all in. Andrew's running with something.
I didn't realize neither of you had heard that, and I just assumed that when there was no question that it definitely happened.
when there was no question that it definitely happened.
I wasn't 100% sure.
I was 80% sure.
I knew for a fact I said colors,
and I was about 90% sure I said gerbil,
but the first definitive memory I have is definitely in our text chain after we recorded.
Oh, God.
What is the title of this episode going to be?
It's going to have to be like gerbil, gerbil, gerbil or something.
It's a great color.
Yeah, I'm excited to wear the the shirt yeah me too you uh get the reference for where it was from it was kind of hidden but it's pretty good can we talk about speaking of merch can we talk
about the breakthrough that the uh rt store has had oh my god it's pretty incredible they've
managed to do it they've made the broken hat They recreated the fucking well the black Russian face hat or fuck hat I guess yeah
Which was easy to do for the shirt cuz I assume it's just some like screen print, but this is actual embroidery
They embroidered that monstrosity wait that that is embroidered. I think so I assumed it was like some sort of print
I mean it looks pretty 3d ish in the picture
It does but the the red shirts it look amazing to you like it looks like some sort of print. I mean, it looks pretty 3D-ish in the picture. It does, but the red shirts, it look amazing too.
Like it looks like it's embroidered, even though it's a print.
Do you have yours yet?
I didn't get one.
Red shirt?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have one.
You didn't get one?
No.
I think I got two.
I gave one to Millie.
I just got a f*** face shirt like two weeks ago.
I had no idea what it was for.
I just kept getting these calls from a number, a private number.
And then I eventually, they left the tag and suddenly appeared.
I didn't even know we're supposed to get shirts.
Do you wear it?
No.
Why not?
Why would I?
Do you not like our brand?
No, it's a great shirt.
I just why would I?
I know.
Why would I?
What do you mean?
Why would you?
I don't know.
It seems weird.
It's the thing that I'm in.
Yeah, I get what he's saying.
It's kind of like if you walk down the street and you saw James Hetfield wearing a Metallica
shirt, you'd be like, that's a little on the nose, buddy.
Yeah, I don't think I'll ever wear.
I don't even listen to this show.
You think I'm going to wear the merchandise for?
Why do you not listen to the show?
I have noticed that you've never once given notes on any episode publicly.
I feel really bad about it.
I just I really don't think I'm that funny and I don't like my voice.
So I don't listen.
You're an idiot.
I avoid listening because it makes me uncomfortable.
And just playing more into that.
I don't know.
I just, I feel like it would mess with my head.
So I don't, I don't listen to the show.
That's fair.
I mean, we don't want to ruin what you bring to the podcast if you're going to get.
Or not bring.
In your own head about it. This was an episode of me not bringing something which then brought
something the lack of the bringing has really been the key moment don't listen to any advice
or criticism from gavin here you just keep doing exactly what you've been doing for 26 years because
it's working out great oh yeah i'm not criticizing your decision to do that i'm just saying uh you're
an idiot if you think you're not funny. Oh, I don't.
Not at all.
Not in the slightest.
Also, you're funny because you're an idiot.
I don't know if that's a compliment.
I don't know how to take.
I appreciate.
You're welcome.
The classification of funny.
That's nice.
Do you have a butthole?
I sure do.
But you already knew that because we talk about my butthole? I sure do. But you already knew that
because we talk about my butthole a lot.
Right now though,
I want to talk about yours.
And I want to talk about how happy you can make it.
With Tushy.
You know, it's hard to believe
that when we go to the bathroom in this country,
most of us still wipe rather than wash.
It's barbaric.
It's painful.
There's not a toilet paper alive
that is soft enough for my gentle area.
That's why I use a bidet, and I think you should too.
The Hello Tushy Modern Bidet Attachment is here to democratize the blessings bestowed by bidets and offer clean buttholes to everyone, not just the culturally elite.
Hello Tushy cleans your butt with a precise stream of fresh water for just $79. That's pennies on the butthole dollar. It attaches to your existing toilet, requires no
electricity or additional plumbing, and cuts toilet paper use by 80%. Think about the trees.
Don't they have buttholes? If they do, maybe we should get them all Tushys. I hadn't considered
that. Either way, the Hello Tushy bidet pays for itself in
just a few months. And the trees,
they will thank you, in their own way.
They'll continue to make oxygen
that we use to breathe, so
that we can continue to use our buttholes
to maximum efficiency.
So ditch paper products
and uncomfortable chafing when you switch
to the soothing, cleansing
stream of water from a Hello Tushy bidet attachment.
Ah.
And every Hello Tushy bidet attachment comes with a 60-day risk-free guarantee
and a 12-month warranty.
So join millions of happy Hello Tushy butthole customers right now
and have a clean butt with every flush.
Go to hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off.
This is a special offer for our listeners.
Go to hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off.
That's hellotushy.com slash face.
This fall, as you get back into the swing of things, Bespoke Post has brand new seasonal
box of awesome collections for you guys,
guaranteed to upgrade your life.
That was easy to say.
Whether it's gear to upgrade your autumn craft beers or cozy threads for when the temperature dips.
It was like 37 degrees
when I woke up in Austin this morning.
It was 90 the day before, 30s today.
That's why it's time to break out
a Box of Awesome fall collection
and warm up with some cozy warm threads.
Bespoke Post only sends guys the best stuff every month.
No matter what you're into, Box of Awesome has you covered.
From style and grooming goods, which can be very expensive and hard to find.
Back when I had that mustache, it was a pain to locate that kind of stuff.
To barware, cooking tools, and outdoor gear,
Box of Awesome has collections for every part of your life.
To get started, take the quiz at boxofawesome.com.
Don't worry, you can't fail the quiz,
but you should pay attention.
Don't do the old abacaba, dabacaba, caba thing.
It might give you a 70 on your English quiz,
but it's not gonna get you the right stuff.
So take that quiz, give them your real answers,
and it'll help them pick the right Box of Awesome for you. They release new boxes every month across a ton of
different categories. I don't know about you, but I'm looking for some warm clothes, so that's where
I'm headed. It's free to sign up, and you can skip a month or cancel any time. Each box costs only
$45, but has over $70 worth of gear. That's a $25 savings. Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at
boxofawesome.com and enter the code FACE at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com, code F-A-C-E,
for 20% off your first box. So go to boxofawesome.com and enter the code FACE at checkout
to get 20% off your first box when you sign up.
Tell them FACE sent ya.
Anything else?
Um, I bought a video game by mistake.
What'd you buy?
I bought Nickelodeon Racers 2.
It was a new release.
Are you trying to find your next Garfield?
I was looking for my next Garfield.
And at Nickelodeon Racers 2 on that store you got
Spongebob you got all the classic Nickelodeon characters I thought this is perfect nobody's
gonna buy this full price game and uh I bought it they don't have a leaderboard there's no real
online aspect the only thing they kind of track is uh how far you've driven in the cars so that's
not that's a dumb competition.
So now I just have Nickelodeon Racers 2
and I haven't even played it and I paid full price.
You could be the person who's driven the furthest.
I could.
Did you buy an Xbox?
Yes.
I think you can return it, can't you?
Maybe, I don't know.
That seems like work.
I don't want to make it too much work for you.
I think you can do it on Steam as well.
Do you have to upload it back to them?
Like give them back to the ones that's here?
Yeah, you have to re-upload it with a text file that says,
please return for full value.
I think Steam, it might be you have a limited amount of time you can play it
before you can return it, like an hour or two hours.
I know PlayStation, you can return digital games
if you haven't downloaded them yet.
I don't know about Xbox.
Look into it.
Or don't, just fucking eat the money. No no i think i just need to own the mistake of it has online multiplayer so maybe at
some point i can play maybe i'll create an online racing and nickelodeon racers too or maybe a dev
will hear this podcast and add in the elitaboard's oh the andrew dlc i don't feel like anyone's
taking suggestions from the gerbil guy i don't think uh it's gonna make it but here's here's the beauty of it here's the beauty of it what what
what are you saying twice you're oh two strikes here's the beauty of it
you're out just stop just move on you're good you tried i can't do it. Hey, Gav. Yeah. I have a question. What's the beauty of it?
Nothing.
I tried really hard to get in touch with the Garfield devs.
That was a challenge.
I emailed them.
I reached out on Twitter.
I got one reply.
I believe there was a language barrier, and I'm sure they were very confused.
What were you trying to get out of them?
Was it Italian because it's Garfield?
No, it was.
I think they're a French studio.
I'm going off of my memory.
It was a technical question about the game.
And then the other thing I asked was just sharing the news story just to see what their response would be.
I thought it'd be really funny if I could get the studio to somehow interact with that.
And they were not responsive.
I think they wrote like a one word reply of like, we will share this internally.
I was like, we'll share it.
It was very brief.
It was very not substantial.
What's Italy got to do with Garfield?
Well, he likes lasagna.
He does.
Did Italy invent that?
Lasagna?
I think it's considered Italian food.
I know it's Italian food, but is it, you know, legitimately Italian or is it a westernization?
I wasn't going for like super fucking factual and legitimate.
I thought it kind of made sense you see a lot of pizza and lasagna in a goddamn Garfield cartoon
I didn't think it was that much of a leap to get to Italian
I just don't think they'd go out that way to hire an Italian dev for that reason
Shit, I like the idea that they would though Jim. Dave is very protective of that brand
No, so they went with a fucking French developer instead.
I think they probably went with whoever would be willing to make a Garfield game at this point.
Guess how many E.T. games exist?
This just blows my mind.
Including the one in the desert?
Including the, sure, yes.
The desert one as well.
Just that one.
Just that one.
19.
19?
That's, okay, well you just ruined, I think it's like 12 or 13 what i've ruined well
it's just it's insane to me that they'd make more than like two et games that there's 12 et games
and most of them are from post 2002 oh like i don't feel like there's any fandom around et my
19 guess was based on the uh just myriad of consoles that were available back then there
was one et movie and fucking 12 E.T. games.
After it being famously one of the worst games ever made.
It killed the industry.
Yeah, it was E.T. and fucking Superman 64.
Good lord.
19.
Have you played?
You should collect them all and play them all.
I thought about that.
No, I haven't played them.
A lot of them are on Game Boy.
It's not even like a situation where Gavin said where it's like they made the same game
for multiple platforms.
It is genuine different E.T. games, 12 different E.T. games.
That's lunacy.
Yeah, it is.
It's insane.
There was a there was a sequel book that I read when I was in like middle school where
Elliot was like grew up and E.T. came back and he was like didn't need him.
He was like in high school or some shit.
He was like too cool for me.
I remember exactly.
But there was a second book. But I think spielberg had no interest in making that movie
was it a serious emotional tale between elliot and et they reunite and realize they weren't the
same people they were when they last met really challenges their relationships i think it was
like a wreck-it-ralph 2 type story okay yeah if i remember correctly he didn't want to make a second
movie but he did want to change all the guns into walkie-talkies for the first movie.
He did.
He also, they made a minority report Game Boy game, and his one note, I don't know if it was from him directly or if it was the company he owns, they got the game, and his one criticism was that there was too much violence, and he wanted them to change the pistols into puke guns and make everybody puke because kids think puke is funny
That was his insight. He's not wrong to the movie that he made with guns
Yes for the Gameboy game because I guess he viewed that only kids would want to play the minority report Gameboy game
And violence shouldn't be for kids and so let's change all the weapons of the puke guns
So the bad guys think puke is real funny do you is the the drowning
scene in the game as well i've uh never played or watched minority report so you never saw minority
report no i haven't seen it or played the game so i have no concept but i would be shocked to
learn if the drowning scene was in the game boy game that's good uh near future sci-fi believable
tech in that movie okay like the way cars and shit and shit work, you kind of buy into it.
You're like, I can see that,
especially with advertisement and stuff.
The ball thing is a bit far-fetched though.
Why not just show it on a screen?
The ball thing's a little far-fetched.
You're right about that.
Do you really need to carve something into a ball?
Yeah, no, that was a little silly.
You're right about that.
Is that a good movie?
It's not bad, is it?
Minority report?
Yeah, I remember it being a very blue movie.
I think it's okay.
It's okay.
I enjoyed it. It's not one of those movies I've... I think I've seen very blue movie. I think it's okay. It's okay. I enjoyed it.
It's not one of those movies I've...
I think I've seen it twice, but I don't think I...
It's not a movie I'd want to see again.
No.
I feel like the action in it and the kind of just the pacing of the movie is really good.
But I don't know about the story.
Spielberg made a few movies where I finished them.
I thought, yeah, and I don't want to see it again.
And I think Minority Report, War of the Worlds, they both...
They're both like, I don't want to watch that again. War of the Worlds they both they're both like i don't want
to watch that war of the worlds was a it that was work to get through i thought minority part i
enjoyed but war of the worlds i just could not hang with warhorse is like the most forgettable
movie i've seen i don't think i've seen that you don't need to story about a horse it's not that
interesting what other things have sequels and then sea biscuit is another horse movie i'm
more of a hidalgo guy i thought you were gonna ask what what other horse movies black style black
beauty black beauty you thought i was going with a horse flicka my friend flicka i've named three
horse movies how many can you name andrew uh hidalgo okay you got sea biscuit you took all
the good ones this is tough this is like a family feud where there's only the last option left um it's another good horse movie uh national velvet don't know what that one is
never heard you have a horse movie gavin uh flog a horse oh yeah flog a horse flog a dead horse
no i don't i black beauty someone already said right yeah is it a horse that there's a disney
movie i think it's a horse about a horse that kicks field goals and for a football team.
You didn't watch that along with your MVPs?
No, I haven't gotten around to that one yet.
I think it's a horse.
I think it's a mule or a donkey.
Is it a donkey?
Okay.
It was like from maybe the 60s or 70s.
Yes.
Mr. Ed.
I don't know if they ever made a Mr. Ed movie, but yeah, that was a whole TV show.
BoJack Horseman.
There you go.
There you go. Another TV. There's a lot of BoJack Horseman. There you go. There you go.
Another TV.
There's a lot of horse content out there.
There's a lot of horse content.
Yeah.
Maybe we need to get into the horse game.
A lot of money in the horse game.
What, like the glue industry?
Yeah, on both ends.
Like on the one end, everybody needs glue.
Is that still a thing?
They're not really squashing horses into glue, are they?
What else are they going to do with them?
On the other end, you win the Triple Crown, that's like billion, millions of millions of dollars.
But surely there are stickier things than horses.
I don't know how to answer that question.
I've never tried to gum up a horse, but I guess it works.
I mean, which part of the horse is glue? The foot?
I think it's the hooves, right?
That would make sense. I don't know what else you would take unless it's-
Because otherwise, if the glue was somewhere else in the body surely everything would be glue you get like cow glue
I would yeah it would have to be and this is I never even really thought about the horse
going process the horses are definitively dead at this point right it's not like a glue salon
during the no yeah they don't like extract the glue while they're alive. Yeah, it's not like they're just hanging out and they do a little- little trimming.
I assume the corpses need to be processed into glue.
That makes sense.
I don't know anything about it other than just joking that horses become glue. I'm not even sure if that's done anymore.
No, I- I- I have the same awareness as you. It's alarming to think that I've had horse on my face.
I keep waiting for- for Discord to give me the answer.
To what question?
To the fucking glue question.
Do they still make glue out of horses?
Or has it been upgraded to gorillas?
Yeah, it's pretty much gorilla exclusive.
Gorilla glue is a weird thing.
Just like, is it just that they're strong?
I have an answer.
I have an answer.
Glue, historically, is indeed made from collagen taken from animal parts.
Particularly horse hooves and bones.
So that definitely rules out the salon aspect.
There's no, can't just give a little bone.
Well, we've learned a lot today about glue and horse movies.
My original question before we went into horse talk is what are other things that like the sequel came out in a different medium? Like Goonies 2 was one.
You're saying E.T. has a book.
like the sequel came out in a different medium.
Like Goonies 2 was one.
You're saying E.T. has a book.
It's always weird to me when like somebody makes a show or something
and then they make a completely different sequel
on a different medium.
I mean, a lot of times
it's like novelizations of movies,
which then themselves get sequels.
Maybe that's the usual path.
I know Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the TV show,
which I am a huge lifelong fan of
and have seen it so many times
I'll never watch it again. I had to put that in Twin Peaks to bed, never again. But Joss Whedon
continued the Buffy the Vampire Slayer seasons as comic books. And so there's like a season eight,
season nine, I think they're up to season 12. And so I've started reading the comic books,
and it's exactly like watching the TV show. Also, that TV show started as a movie.
That TV show started as a movie that became a TV show that became a comic book.
He is going in the wrong direction in his career.
Had like Pee Wee Herman and Rutger Hauer.
That's true.
Pee Wee Herman had the funny death, and Rutger Hauer was the big bad guy.
No, no, I'm sorry.
He wasn't the bad guy.
He was Giles, the watcher, I guess.
No, Rutger Hauer was the bad guy.
Was he the bad guy? Yeah, he was like big bad vampire the watcher i guess no rucker howell was the bad guy was he the bad guy yeah he was like big bad vampire you know who else was in that movie
fucking luke perry oh yeah rest his soul and christy swanson who i believe is still alive
i guess it's a good industry vampire slang wouldn't it be well there's always new vampires
right like you're never gonna run out of vampires i mean is anyone paying them though in the show
that's a great point buffy wasn't rich from all of her vampire killing
It's just a weird thing that we're well, I guess it's it's for the betterment of Earth
I guess is the idea this is a humanitarian cause to get rid of vampires
But if you're really effective you would no longer have that job, right?
You could you could do your job too well and find yourself out of the job
Yes, have you there have you seen the movie Snow Day? No.
It's an old Nickelodeon.
Okay.
It's a movie.
I loved it as a kid.
It's a Nickelodeon movie and the whole premise is about like
a snow day happens
and it's the great day
and you follow the kids
and they go on this adventure
and Chevy Chase is in it
and the villain of the movie
is the snow plow driver
and he's just this really creepy dude.
He's a great comedic actor.
I'm blanking his name right now.
Ed Asner.
He's in Schitt's Creek.
Eugene Levy.
No.
Oh, Chris Elliott.
Chris Elliott.
Chris Elliott plays the snowplow driver, and I hated him as a kid because he's like,
the snowplow driver, and I revisited that movie recently because it occurred to me the
entire reason he's a villain is because he's effective at his job and he prevents snowdates. I revisited that movie recently because it occurred to me the entire reason he's
a villain is because he's effective at his job and he prevents snow days. I just thought it was
so funny. As a kid, I genuinely hated this character. And this whole thing is just really,
I'm really good at my job. I'm efficient. And so I can't have a school day or snow day.
That's the problem with Chris Elliott. He is too good of an actor. And I'm not kidding.
Like, I'm a huge Chris Elliott fan from all the way back from his TV show in the 80s,
but that dude,
the character he plays on Schitt's Creek is
so unlikable, I don't like Chris Elliott anymore.
But if you watch Cabin Boy,
it's one of the funniest movies ever made.
It's the Chris Elliott movie, and it has
a very rare appearance by David
Letterman in a movie. He almost never
acts. I don't think I've seen him in anything. What is
Cabin Boy about? Cabin Boy is about
Chris Elliott is a cabin boy who
gets hooked
up with some pirates and goes on an adventure.
Okay. And he tries to get laid.
And yeah, it's just a fucking
silly movie. And
David Letterman sells monkeys. Okay.
I can get behind this.
So is it a monkey movie?
It is definitely not a monkey movie,
but it is the best you'll ever see Chris Elliott.
I was thinking the other day,
is George of the Jungle a monkey movie?
Yes.
I haven't seen it in a while.
I feel like if I was going to define the genre of that movie,
it would be slamming into tree movie.
I feel like that's the entirety of that film.
But there's more screen time given to monkeys
than to him slamming into a
tree. And main gorilla
is John Cleese. I feel like
if multiple named
characters are monkeys, it's probably
a monkey movie. Yeah, I think that's fair.
Is that worth... Did you watch
George of the Jungle recently?
Yes, but for that movie, recently is
within the last five years. I think I watched it on a
plane a few years ago because, I don't know,
I think I was sad and I wanted some childhood memories in the air.
That makes sense.
I was trying to think of like what context you'd ever watched
George of the Jungle.
You wanted Brendan Fraser to swing away your problems?
Yeah, I think I just missed Brendan Fraser in stuff.
Which one is it?
He was like him in The Mummy Days.
He was so great. Oh, man. Yeah. The Mummy is so? He was like him in the mummy days. He was so great, man.
Yeah, the mummy is so good.
And he got hurt a lot on those movies.
Yeah, he did.
The mummy is a great movie.
I've watched the mummy so many times.
You mentioned the mummy a few weeks ago when you were talking about Fez's.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
I didn't make that connection.
Because Oma Jalili was a Fez.
I feel like this has to be intentional, but I never noticed until, like, somewhat recently.
Because, like, the whole point, or the plot of the mummy is they bring this mummy back,
and then the people that open it, he is trying to consume their bodies, essentially, to bring
his back, because he's a mummy.
And the very first person he kills, he takes because they step on their glasses, and he
steals their eyes and their tongue.
And it never occurred to me how dumb it was that he took the guy with the worst eyes eyes.
Maybe that's why he lost the movie.
That could be why.
I feel like he made a real miscalculation.
He got a bad grab on the eyes and it was all downhill from there.
I think that he wins if he gets any of the other characters eyes.
Maybe he has like mummy lasik powers and he was able to fix
them i guess i'm sure i mean i mean he was able to pull the eyeballs out of the eye and then put
them into his mummy body and then affix them in a way that he was able to use them you figure if
he's got that level of skill and like a mystical medical ability,
he probably could fucking just do a little zoop zoop and then get 1820
vision or whatever.
That's one of those movies where it's weird that they'd have so many
sequels and then even spinoffs.
Like it's a whole universe when it doesn't feel like it needs to be.
Yeah.
The third one was shite.
There's not even a mummy in it.
Oh,
it's terrible.
I don't even think the second one is that great. The second one's fine. Second one's fine. The one thing that annoys me about the third one was shite there's not even a mummy in it oh it's terrible i don't even think the second one is that great the second one's fine second one's fine the one thing that annoys
me about the second one this is a movie podcast now apparently and i still need to talk about my
two movies so we oh yeah fucking we're in it for the long haul in the second one that they you know
uh imhotep and anak sunamun or whatever they've had this love affair going on for thousands and
thousands of years they've keep trying to bring each other back to life to be
together. And at the end of the second movie,
she doesn't want to get
crushed by the ceiling, so
she just leaves him. I feel like that's
fair. You think that's fair? Yeah.
You wouldn't just take a dive and try and help him
out of the hole when the perfectly mortal
Rachel Weisz comes in and pulls
Brendan Fraser out of the hole? No, I think that's
a mental decision. No, in that context
you're right. Maybe she's just like, Christ
Almighty, enough is enough. How many
fucking thousands of years do I have to try
to rescue this dipshit and vice versa? I have to
break the cycle. This is, like,
this is an, she's probably like, this is a
toxic, unhealthy relationship
that we are in, and I have got,
this is my opportunity to break free and
go fucking be my own person in a modern cosmopolitan world.
That's where I think she was coming from.
I agree.
I feel like this probably deleted scene.
I just haven't seen definitely in the movie or even like weekend at Bernie's, too.
It's just such a bizarre.
Let's do it again.
Plot.
Like, how do you how do you expand on that idea?
Even I guess the original premise is absurd.
But the fact that there's two of them is insane to me.
Was it in two?
It was voodoo, right?
Yeah, I think it's a voodoo thing.
I haven't seen two, but yeah, I saw it, but I don't remember very well.
Yeah, it was some sort of some sort of voodoo wizardry.
Dude, I'm not going to watch it.
It would be interesting to have an experiment where you only watched sequels, like you only
got to see number two
of a franchise, or three.
And then go back and show somebody
six months later the number ones of all those
and see if it changes their whole opinion of the movies
they watch. I would love for someone to start
with the second Matrix.
If you started with the second
Matrix, you wouldn't go anywhere near the first Matrix.
Oh, the ten-foot pole.
How would that work for superhero superhero movies like Spider-Man?
What is the is it the second one they made or is the character specific?
You would watch every Spider-Man number two.
OK, far from home.
Andrew Garfield, number two and Tobey Maguire, number two.
I feel like Tobey Maguire number two is by far the best, but that could be the best
to the best two of those twos.
I don't know.
I like the new one. I haven't seen the new two. It's good. I'm not a huge Jake Gyllenhaal fan, but that could be the best two the best two of those twos i don't know i like the new one i
haven't seen the new two it's good i'm not a huge jake gyllenhaal fan but that kid yeah he didn't do
it for me what's wrong with jake gyllenhaal nothing's wrong with him it just doesn't i just
don't particularly enjoy him i don't know okay i just i feel like he had a really interesting
string of movies from like 2008 until like 2015 nightcrawler them. Nightcrawler. Never saw it. Really good.
I've heard.
There's one where it's him.
Yeah, Prisoners is good.
Enemy was really good.
There's one where it's him.
It's like a clone of himself.
I don't remember if that was Double or something like that.
That's probably way off.
I don't think I've seen any of those movies.
That might be why I don't like Jake Gyllenhaal.
I haven't seen any of his good movies.
I fucking hated the Bunny one. Donnienie darko i've still never seen that and i feel like it's a
movie that you need to see because ever it's like iconic to so many people but when do you sit down
as a 32 year old man and watch donnie darko or bubble boy i think that statement is insane coming
from somebody who said they watched ge of the Jungle four years ago.
That was because I watched it as a kid and I liked it when I was younger.
But surely you could find time for Donnie Darko if there's a point in your life in which you watch George of the Jungle.
I like that in George of the Jungle he straight up gets shot in the head with a gun and lives.
Yeah.
He's got jungle powers.
Should I rewatch George of the Jungle? Is this worth revisitingiting it's a great time if you watched it as a kid did you ever have any systems
as a kid to like rent movies that that you weren't supposed to or like games you ever come up with
that type of stuff that i wasn't supposed to and i mean i'd get stuff from blockbuster but i couldn't
get stuff that was you know that my parents didn't know about oh you didn't so you didn't come up with ways around that you just accepted how do you do that
oh i had systems gavin i had strategies worked out this is my go-to move i do this a lot for games
occasionally movies so when you go into a video store as you know there's the display box in front
and then there's the box behind you take the box behind to the counter that's how you rent things
you didn't switch your room i would beeline to the store the first game i remember doing this with was
hitman i think hitman 2 i wanted to play it really badly and i wasn't allowed to because i was too
young so i'd immediately go to the games i would look at like the hitman 2 box i'd pull the box
behind it and then i would look at like harry potter the video game or or toy story the game
and i'd put the hitman 2 box behind that one.
And then I put the Toy Story box behind the Hitman one.
And then I'd wait a little bit.
And then when my mom would come over, I would say, I'm really I'm struggling here.
Toy Story or Harry Potter?
What should I go with?
I don't really know.
What are your feelings on this?
And we kind of have a discussion.
And then I'd always go with the one I planted.
And then I'd hide in the store because there's a higher percentage
of them not bringing up it was an M-rated game
if they didn't know there was a kid there.
So I'd hide in a corner
and wait till the thing was processed
and then I'd leave.
That was my whole system.
That's genius.
Did you come up with that
or did a friend tell you about it?
That's genius.
No, no, I did.
I think it's generational
because growing up in the 80s,
like the mid-80s,
nobody cared.
Parents didn't give a shit.
And employees didn't give a shit.
I'd be like eight years old.
And I'd be like, I want to rent Lady Chatterley's Lover and Porky's.
And they'd be like, all right, you want some cigarettes too?
There was no oversight when I was a kid anywhere.
Yeah, I just had to wait.
I remember being like 10.
And all of my friends at school were talking about South Park, but you couldn't watch South Park unless
you were 15 because it was like rated 15 in all the TV show, like VHS movie stuff. And I just
remember being really excited to be 15. And by the time I was 15, I was like, yeah, I'm not really
interested. The amount of movie store related hijinks I pulled as a kid to try to get through things. I had a corn
allergy growing up and every I live near a video store. So I'd walk to my grandpa and I'd get they'd
have like a popcorn machine. I'd get like a free bag of popcorn every time I went. And eventually,
I guess he must have told her we're at dinner one night. And my mom said I was at work and the head
of security came to me and he said
I need to show you something and he brought me show me this tape and I saw you eating popcorn
at the video store you're not not allowed to do that anymore you can't do it and I was terrified
I completely believed I was like maybe four or five I was like oh shit I can't eat popcorn anymore
this is terrible I love popcorn but instead of just accepting that the next time I went to the
video store I took note of where all the security cameras were in it. And then I kind of assumed what their range of vision would be. And I created a whole path to get to the popcorn machine in which I would think I'd be down like the thriller section, then I'd lay down and
crawl through into drama and then take a right and loop and I would be at the machine.
I'm fairly confident I was able to avoid camera detection.
What happened when you ate the popcorn if you were allergic?
Oh, I'd get like my, I'd have rashes and like my stomach would be really upset, but it was
good.
I enjoyed the popcorn.
It was worth it.
Yeah, it was absolutely worth it.
So it'd be super noticeable to your mom afterwards.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure it was for sure, but I had a bunch of different allergies, so I could cover it
under a variety of things.
It's just weird to me to hear that somebody would get something like that and just be
like, nah, I guess that's the way it is and not construct the whole path and scheme to how to get popcorn i love the idea of you trying
to stack your allergies oh yeah so what's your movie thing jeff oh okay do you want the feel
good i'll tell you what let's do the bad one then we'll end on a feel good so i watched a very good
movie the other day and you guys let me know let me know if i'm too concerned about this or if it's
not a big deal at all uh i was uh i watched um by the way a movie you should not watch is hubie halloween i got i
tried i tried real hard uh because i'm a big fan of the adam sandler world i want to i want him to
succeed i want all the happy madison movies to succeed but very rarely it seems like it these
days when adam sandler plays a character with a voice does the movie end up being worth your time
however all the david spade movies are pretty solid.
So The Wrong Missy, which I think is a terrible, terrible name for a film.
But Millie and I watched it the other night.
And it's actually quite funny.
And I think it would have been easily a theatrical release that would have done well.
It's just a raunchy, funny, like, romantic comedy.
But they say f*** face in that movie maybe 25 times. And, which is great, except
they attach a different meaning to it. They're trying to steal our definition and co-opt it for
their definition. Oh. First of all, was it uncensored? Yeah, uncensored. That's outrageous.
It's outrageous that they said f*** face and it was uncensored over and over and over again.
But here's their definition of a face in the wrong Missy.
A face is when you fuck someone, but you imagine someone else's face on their body.
That's just lazy.
I think it's that's just I think that is such a half assed attempt at coming up with something cool with the name.
I think our face definition makes so much more sense.
It's in the DNA of the name. I think our face definition makes so much more sense. It's in the DNA of the word.
And I, for one, am scared,
a little scared now
that people are going to start thinking
that that's what face means.
And it's going to change.
People can be turning into our podcast
and totally confused,
thinking it's a podcast
about having sex with people
and wishing they were other people.
And does David Spade say this in the movie?
Yes, David Spade
and the female protagonist
whose name I can't remember who's awesome in it.
They both say it.
Maybe our first guest on our face
could be David Spade
and we could ask him to disown that definition for us.
Yeah, if he could print a retraction somewhere.
I don't think we could get David Spade.
We probably could get somebody who's in that movie.
We go deep enough.
Bobby Lee is in it.
We could probably get him.
He's a podcaster and comedian.
On our podcast,
you think we could get Bobby Lee?
Sure, why not?
David Spade would be pretty cool, though.
I saw him at the mall once.
I could be like,
hey, I saw you at the mall once.
Do you want to be on my podcast?
So you're very close
is what you're saying.
I apologize for doubting
the ability to do this.
Of course.
So that's the one.
The face is being co-opted
for an entirely
different meaning
which I think is
just fucking lazy
also interesting thing
about that movie
if you watch it
and you should
because it's a good movie
three different jokes
where someone falls
hilariously from a height
but they're not
tied together
in any way
they're completely
and totally separate
there's no running theme
of people slipping
or being clumsy or falling or none of that there's no running theme of people slipping or being clumsy
or falling or none of that there's just three fall gags like pratfall gags in the movie which
seems like a high number when they're not associated in any way whatsoever and how can
they not be as how is that not a thing of the movie though watch it in it you'll see it doesn't
make any goddamn sense what's the best david spade movie by the way tommy boy better than uh
black sheep was the other one black Black Sheep? Oh, yeah.
Black Sheep's good, but Tommy Boy's way better.
Tommy Boy is definitely a better movie.
Tommy Boy is one of the best movies ever made.
I love Tommy Boy.
It's a great movie.
I want to watch it now.
Tommy Boy is a special meeting to Gavin and I.
It's when he professes love to me.
It's not true.
It is true.
It's not true.
It is true.
We don't have to rehash old stories.
It's fine.
I accept you for who you are.
We're friends.
The other movie story I have,
can I share with you guys
a feel-good thing that happened to me?
Yeah.
There's nothing funny behind it,
but I have...
You know how, like...
Did either of you play World of Warcraft at all?
No.
No.
Okay.
Well, do you know how, like, in an RPG,
you'll get, like like a starting level quest
like maybe level six or something like maybe like if if you've played world of warcraft like a
crossroad early crossroads quest and then uh at some point you're like level 80 you're mega
overpowered and you realized you never turned that quest in and then you turn it in and it's
worth nothing but it's just like peace of mind that you finished your quest. I finished a quest that I've been on for 31 years. And I just, it's the second longest quest I have
in my active quest roster. And I just, I can't fucking believe it happened. It just fell into
my lap and it has brought me so much joy. I have gotten so much peace of mind from this. You have
no idea. When I was 14 years old on Halloween night,
I was in my bedroom in Alabama watching a horror.
I was watching TV and a fucking Dracula movie came on.
And in it, it was in modern times.
And it was really, I was, it was really interesting.
And I was really into it.
And it was really cool.
And I remember thinking it was really like,
kind of like satanic and scary.
And I was into it. but i had to leave to go
to a like my friend was picking me up to go to a party halloween party or to spend the night or
something and so i left and i and i thought i'm gonna find out what this movie was and i'm gonna
finish it someday and this is back in like 91 so it wasn't like i was getting on the internet to
find out what the movie was or anything and like my dad threw away the tv guide so that was it i
just never knew what the movie was called and then from from time to time, I would look for it and I would search in horror movie sections
and I would talk to people that were really, especially when I got to New Jersey and I
got involved with the view of skew guys.
There were a bunch of like film buffs in that group and I would talk to them and get a bunch
of recommendations.
And then I would go and rent a movie and I could never find this film.
And every couple of years it'll pop into my head and I'll think about it and I could never find this film. And every couple of years, it'll pop into my head
and I'll think about it
and I'll write down everything
I remember from the movie
and I'll put that into Google
and it never returns any results.
Or when it does return results,
it returns the same fucking movie
called The Satanic Rites of Dracula,
which is a Hammer film
with like a Christopher Lee Dracula movie,
but it takes place in modern times.
And I always thought in my head,
it was definitely Christopher Lee, but this was 31 years ago, so your memory's a bit spotty.
And every time I, and the name, The Satanic Rites of Dracula, sounded very familiar to me,
and so I've watched that movie like three times. And it fucks with my head, because it's not the
movie. At all. It's not even close to the movie. However, I recognize like half the people in the
film, and I don't know why. And I just keep getting this like itch. Well, the other night, I wanted to watch a horror movie in
bed to celebrate, you know, Halloween's coming. So I have a subscription to the Criterion SVOD,
and they had like a 70s horror movie thing. And so I popped it up, and there was a movie on there.
I just clicked one randomly, and it was called Dracula AD 1972. And within 30 seconds of the movie coming on, I realized this was probably the movie.
And then 20 minutes later, the scene happened that I remember.
And it's the fucking movie.
And I saw it.
And here's what happened.
Dracula AD 1972 was made right before the satanic rites of Dracula.
And it's a modern day Dracula movie, obviously, because that stupid fucking name, Dracula 80, 1972, which is, I think, a fucking terrible, terrible name for a film.
But when you when you Google like modern day Dracula films, the Satanic Rights of Dracula
comes up because I guess it was more popular and they were filmed back to back. And ironically,
they most of the cast is the same because they film these things pretty close together sometimes.
So they just reused a lot of the actors in the satanic rites of dracula so every time i would see the satanic rites of
dracula i would recognize people because they were in the fucking movie that i had been trying to
find i just didn't realize there were two and the other one had just always come up in the search
results and then i also realized it was because the scenes that i remembered in my head i had all
wrong like they were out of sequence and i was remembering stuff close but just wrong enough that when i would like write down the scene google would find no results but
i fucking watched it and it was awesome and it completed a 31 year quest in my life that must
have been so satisfying because i have that i have an open quest for a film that i saw it gave me
nightmares when i was a child but i've i'd never figured out what it was dude yeah it was like the most satisfying emily felt emily was asleep i woke her up to tell her about it she's
like she's like i don't give a shit shut up and i'm like no you don't understand i was like almost
in tears because i was just like i i had all but given up i thought i must have made it up in my
head i had misremembered it i was like it's it's 2020. I have the internet. If I can't find this movie, it doesn't exist.
I must have been like, I don't know.
I just, I must've invented it in my brain, but I didn't.
I just remembered it very wrong.
Yeah, I'm looking for a movie where there's a kid
and he's like lost in this giant house
and he's like stuck behind a gate
and he's like shouting out for people.
And I don't know anything more than that,
but I'll know it if I ever see it, and that'll close the quest.
People Under the Stairs?
Is that the name of the movie?
Yeah, People Under the Stairs.
It's about, is that, what, is the kid, is it British?
American?
Oh, I don't remember that.
I must have been four or five when I got scared watching whatever was on.
It was, like, one of those movies that was on TV, and my dad was asleep, and I was just
staring at the TV, like, what is this?
So it's definitely like a grown up movie.
I think so, yeah.
But the problem is we don't even know the genre.
That could be a comedy that has one scene.
It could be absolutely, it could be anything that I just decided to find scary.
It is such a very vague thing.
Do you remember like period?
Like was it modern or old timey?
I mean, it was probably,
I was watching it probably in like 93.
So it could have been early 80s, early 90s.
And go through it again
because with the power of the audience,
they'll be able to find this for you.
I remember it being like a gloomy,
like bluish shot,
maybe like a tile floor.
And the kid is like stuck behind this door,
like a gate almost.
And he's like screaming out to people.
And then he's wandering around this house and you can't find anyone.
I have no idea what I was watching.
Do you remember the kid's ethnicity?
I would say he was white with black hair.
That feels very like not factual in any way.
And it's just like an assumption of memory of what that would be.
That's the weird things with stuff like that. Like when you're trying to process those with time as you mentioned jeff
it starts to feel like you made everything up about this yeah just the assumptions you made
and the missed memories become fact to the story yeah i mean i can still very clearly remember
this like these people having a picnic at midnight in a graveyard and sharing cups of wine.
But what actually happened was they had a black mass inside a church that kind of looked like
it was outside and had some exterior shots every once in a while. And they weren't sharing wine.
The dude cut his hand and filled up a goblet with blood and then poured it over somebody.
And when I saw it, I went, oh, yeah, that's, I just, but I had convinced myself that it was this other thing.
So you weren't a kid when you watched that.
I was 14.
And I was actually thinking about it today
because I was cleaning out my,
and I was like, God, memory is imperfect.
But then I was cleaning out my storage shed
a little bit today.
I had to move some stuff.
And I found a locker, like a combo lock for like a,
it was for my high school gym uh or for my high school wall locker and I fucking remembered the combination
what first try I don't think I had used this since I was 15 maybe 16 it was my high school
like wall locker combo like it's just like a little like you know one of those little like
combo locks a little blue and silver lock and I just picked it up and I went 11
36 13 click. Got
it. You remember that, but you don't remember
the note you wrote four days ago?
Yeah, dude. That's what's
fucking up about memory. 11 36
13. Why is that still in my head
after that many fucking years? I have
no idea. Not even the note. Jeff
like two weeks ago messaged me
a question or that he messaged me to ask me a question and forgot the question within 90 seconds. It makes the note. Jeff, like two weeks ago, messaged me a question, or that he messaged me to ask
me a question and forgot the question within
90 seconds. It makes no sense. I
messaged you to ask you if I could ask you a question,
which, as Gavin points out, is fucking stupid.
And then by the time you responded, I had forgotten the
question. Alright, well that was a good ep.
That was a lot of movie talk, but I
think there was some good fuckface in there. Well,
the Gerple fuckface, which is one of the funniest
fuckfaces already in the history of the show the show yeah and that we only really fleshed out last night yeah without
if you wouldn't have texted me i would have just assumed it was there and i would have never known
there's actually a benefit for nick finishing the episodes for us to listen to because we get a lot
of content out of our own content i would have looked at the comments for the episode thought
wow i guess gerbil really didn't connect with people. That's interesting. It didn't land.
Yeah. You know what I think we should do?
What? I think we should end it in a
nice, easy way and give
Eric some... Cut Eric some slack.
Give him an easy exit today. What do you
say? Okay. Yeah, I'm being quiet
so you can end it. Okay. I just want to make sure you guys are
okay with it and we don't want to torture him or anything.
Well, hey, this concludes another episode
of F*** Face. Apparently this week
it was largely a movie podcast.
Maybe you saw a movie
about a kid,
a little boy,
dark hair,
probably pale,
period indeterminate,
but wandering around a house,
can't find anybody.
At one point,
he's behind some sort of a gate.
He's screaming to people.
He's calling out for them,
but they're not paying
any attention.
They're not seeing him.
Sounds like my dog just barked.
There may have been a TV.
There may have been a shot with a TV in there too.
Is it possible you're watching a TV movie?
Do we have to rule that in too?
It's entirely possible.
I was literally four or five years old watching this.
Well, if you remember the movie Gavin's talking about,
if it strikes any bells, please let us know.
He would love to complete this quest,
and as someone who just completed his second longest quest,
I can tell you it feels pretty darn good inside.
Thanks for listening, and like and subscribe,
and tell a friend or an enemy,
and tune in next week.
It probably won't be about movies.
It'll probably be about something else stupid.
It'll be about movies.
Yeah.
Absolutely. Maybe about something else stupid. It'll be about movies. Yeah.