F**kface - How to Buy a House // Trench Foot from his Bathtub [106]

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about home vibe inspector, gimmick TV, Andrew fell down the stair, shower clenching, tub sleeping, Gregging it, Geoff wrecks his bike, the big bad werewolf, Jackass Too S...picy Icey, and best in the world. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face on June 9th + code SIXNINE), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face), and Shopify (http://shopify.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. What's with your fridge? It's just like not a fridge?
Starting point is 00:01:40 Like nothing sticks to it and it doesn't make anything cold? Well, it's one of those like fancy metal fridges where nothing sticks to it on purpose and it's not supposed to get smudgy or dirty or anything. Wait, you bought a fridge that doesn't let magnets? No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:01:54 No. I did not buy a fridge. I bought a house that contained a fridge. I did not buy this fridge. I would not have bought this 400 year old GE monogram monster of a fridge that's not quite as big as most of those cool walk-in deep freezer fridges
Starting point is 00:02:13 that you see in fancy houses, but definitely bigger than a normal one in just the right way so that there's only seven models on Earth and replacement parts for my fridge are impossible because it hasn't been made in 25 years. I would not do that. I agree. Hey Gavin, did you know that Jeff didn't buy his fridge, it came with a house?
Starting point is 00:02:30 Episode 106, go ahead. Huh. Okay. Did you buy your fridge, Gav, or did you buy a house that had a fridge in it? House had a fridge. Yeah, I wouldn't, my point being, I understand that by buying the house, I bought the fridge, but I didn't buy the fridge. I didn't set out to get this fucking
Starting point is 00:02:45 fridge if i had i would deserve every bit of uh schadenfreude coming my way but i didn't i bought a house i had no idea that the house was going to contain a linen fridge well i i mean i assume you walked through the house i'm i'm sure you realize what the first what's he gonna do say no to the fridge yeah i hadn't had any time with him. That would actually be really funny. I didn't know it yet. When you close out a house, it would be a very funny, specific request of, I want you to take the fridge with you.
Starting point is 00:03:11 I will only buy this home if you take the fridge. I will also say this is going to sound like, this is not how it went. It's going to sound cooler than how it went down. But I actually did buy the house without walking through it first. I was on vacation in Mexico when it went for sale. And the moment it went for sale, Emily saw it and said, look at this house. And I called my agent and I said, put an offer on that house.
Starting point is 00:03:34 So I had put an offer on the house a week before I saw it. Well, I feel like I have less sympathy for you now than if you would have went in and evaluated the fridge. You bought a house unseen. You have to, like, that's part of the process i've bought tvs where i've been to best buy like 10 or 11 times before i pulled the trigger on it and you just go to a place you gotta live listen listen if the if the austin tv market was anything like the austin housing market i would take that criticism however i went i tried to buy 10 or 11 houses that were taken away from me by richer people that by the time i got this house i was desperate i was desperate i had to extend my lease in the
Starting point is 00:04:17 part in the place downtown an extra eight months because i couldn't find a fucking house that's not true i found a ton of houses i found so many houses i couldn't get a fucking house. That's not true. I found a ton of houses. I found so many houses. I couldn't get anybody to sell them to me. I remember being really mad at myself when I bought my first house and I didn't check the attic. Like I didn't go up into the ceiling and I was like,
Starting point is 00:04:35 how did I buy a house basically without looking at one of the rooms? I was like, I can't believe I did that. But I guess it's not a common thing to walk a house or go to an open house and climb into the loft. No, but don't you, I've never bought a home, but I feel like, don't you hire the guy that inspects everything?
Starting point is 00:04:51 And I feel like that's his job to do that. It's just, yeah, that guy looks for problems, but it's like, I didn't really even know if there was a space, but you know, you can get like an attic that has like, it's full of insulation and you can't really put anything in there. And some are just like completely unfinished and you can fall through the floor it's like that was an
Starting point is 00:05:08 unknown after i had the keys and i felt i felt pretty dumb for that what you're saying is there needs to be a second guy that's just purely there to evaluate vibes you got the guy that's there for problems and then you have like a vibe inspector i want to be a vibe inspector so bad oh vibe inspector would be great what was the not to pivot away from this great house conversation what's the last time you went into a best buy to look at tvs i was thinking about this recently i bought uh six months ago i bought a new tv six months ago yeah really do they still have the tv section of a best buy or like any of those places to me feels like the used car salesman area of the
Starting point is 00:05:47 store where there's always the insane gimmick tv that they have for display and that is part of the experience of walking the store it's like for a time it was 3d then it was curved like i don't know what the current tv gimmick is but i'm sure that station still exists i feel like it's important to walk the tv floor because I feel like for me, I've always stood in the middle. I've always been like, I need to get middle of the range. I don't want the dog shit,
Starting point is 00:06:12 but I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to pull the trigger on a five-figure television. You know, it's all like the home theater top end. So it's like, I need to know where I stand in the scale by just looking at them and then I'll go and buy it somewhere else typically. That makes sense. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Why do you buy it somewhere else? Oh yeah, that's a great question. Just easier, isn't it? I mean, you're already there looking at it. I can't think of what would be easier than telling the person, I like this TV. I'm just going to buy it from you right now.
Starting point is 00:06:37 It seems a lot harder or more effort to go, I like this TV a lot. I'm going to go home and then find another place to buy it. Well, chances are it's probably cheaper somewhere else. And also, if I buy it there, I've got to take it that I have got like put it now to deliver it in someone's car. I am with Gavin fully. The last TV I bought, they brought it home and installed it for me for free. All right. That's you know, that's fair.
Starting point is 00:06:57 I think you're probably right. I think Gavin and I are just ignorant to it. I'm going through an experience right now where I'm looking at buying like a deck chair or a couch for the deck. And I kind of want to do it on Amazon just because I know it'll get here. But I plan on going to other places to look at like what's available in the market. But I have no plans on buying it outside of Amazon. But if I can schedule that. Also, it's a weird issue for me where I don't trust they'll find my door. So maybe that's specific to my living situation. don't trust they'll find my door so maybe that's specific to my my living situation but also andrew i completely and totally agree with you about the tv section of best buy it feels like and i don't know if this is a reference you'll even understand but it feels like the spiritual successor uh to circuit city which was a store from a different different age yeah that's well we had best buy
Starting point is 00:07:44 was kind of a later edition. We had Future Shop in Canada originally, but I feel like all those stores have to be united in the TV that costs way too much money with the shitty couch that's set up in front of it and them trying to convince you
Starting point is 00:07:56 that this is the future when there's no way it will be. Yeah, I like that. That Nick saying it's apparently the picture frame TV. I have never looked at a TV and thought I wish this didn't look like a TV.
Starting point is 00:08:06 That's such a strange gimmick for me. I totally buy, I'm totally into that picture frame TV idea. Are you? Completely. Because that picture frame looks, like Nick says, it looks great.
Starting point is 00:08:16 It's a TV you have to keep on? Is that what it is? I mean, no, I just think it's supposed to look like, it's supposed to be classy. It's supposed to be like, look at this picture frame. When you turn it off, it looks like an empty frame?
Starting point is 00:08:28 You know where you can check one out? No, you have like a screen saver going, so it looks like a painting or something. Yeah, so you keep it on. Sure. If I'm not in the room, I don't need it to look like art. Yeah, I guess. But it's nice to hide a tv
Starting point is 00:08:47 which looks like a big fucking like i don't know i get it i'm totally i'm totally pro as a matter of fact if you go into the stf office at the day job they have one uh i mean they made their made it themselves it's not like a purchased one but it looks great it looks fucking great you want to hide the tv it's like what what's what's the furniture it's nicer but still it looks like it's pointing at a cool piece of art. Or like a picture of your granddad. I feel like you need a specific outlet situation, too, because no picture frame has a
Starting point is 00:09:12 cord that just runs through the bottom. Like, as soon as you get cords in, the illusion is ruined. Well, hopefully if you're putting a TV on the wall, you're hiding the cables. Well, the power outlets, they're always low. I very rarely see a mid-level power outlet. I feel like you gotta reach for that. You can't go wireless on the power outlet.
Starting point is 00:09:28 What happened to those TVs, by the way, just playing a film or something? Like, something that I'd actually watch. Like, when do you buy a TV and think, I'm gonna watch some extremely high frame rate apples bounce off a wet table? Like, nobody's watching that. It's all pap. It's all, like,
Starting point is 00:09:43 demo footage. what's something real on there you had me at apples honestly i feel like i remember it always being weird action movies like ultraviolet like a movie nobody would actually sit down and watch or buy but like it's hd we'll buy this somebody was convinced to buy a curve TV because of Ultraviolet and what a mistake that was on several fronts. Not a fan of the curve? I just, I've never experienced it and I don't trust that it in any way makes the experience better.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I do feel like the curve fad is over. Yes. I feel like it's over for TVs, but it's still around for monitors. Because I, oh yeah, that would make sense. I do, I was about to say, I just looked over to the right and I's still around for monitors. Oh yeah, that would make sense. I was about to say, I just looked over to the right and I do have a curved monitor. I guess I'm into curved monitors.
Starting point is 00:10:32 But I only got it because Alfredo told me to buy it. What about curved fridge? Dude, I would like any fridge. Just I'll take any fridge. I want it to feel like my fridge is hugging me. I want the doors to come out wide. I want the wraparound. Well, you bought your house without going inside.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Would you recommend that as a process? It worked out well for me. I mean, eventually I did. So basically the way it works, if you don't know how to buy a house or how one buys a house, if you see a house you like, you put down earnest money.
Starting point is 00:10:59 And it basically is like, I'm going to put down like 500 bucks or whatever. And then I have like an option period where if I just change my mind within the seven day option period i get my 500 bucks back no big deal if i don't uh then i gotta buy the house and if i back out later then they get the 500 bucks it's like an insurance to keep people from uh just like i don't know like claiming houses they don't like i'm gonna i'm gonna put money down on these seven houses then i'll buy one of them although i assume people do that you weren't fully committed yeah so i put the earnest money down and i entered the option period and then when i got home from my vacation i
Starting point is 00:11:31 immediately went and looked at the house and then and then i walked to the house and and i was totally uh i was totally on board at that point so it's like making a reservation like a paid reservation yeah it's like a paid reservation there There you go. Got it. Interesting. I guess we started the podcast at some point. Oh, intro. No, I mean, I think Eric did the intro this week, but I didn't realize we'd even started. Did you guys have any, what do you guys want to talk about today? I had one situation that happened where, you know, like those things were like, it felt very face where I was just doing a pretty casual thing and then it escalated into much worse
Starting point is 00:12:07 To like a dumb dilemma. I guess first the story begins. I fell down the stairs and not many I fell down hold on are you okay? Yeah? I fell down a stair stairs is an exaggeration I was trying to step I was trying to step around my cat when I had a bunch of things in my hands and I was unsuccessful and my cat is totally fine but I was not I had both legs
Starting point is 00:12:36 were very sore so this was like a few days I hurt your legs yeah like I landed weirdly and then I hurt my one leg and then I was overcompensating on the other leg because of that leg, which then resulted in both legs being sore.
Starting point is 00:12:52 But it's fine. Now, did you stumble and then catch yourself or did you go down? I stumbled and then I kind of like landed into the couch. So it wasn't the worst thing, but it was really the stumble was the issue for the leg that was hurt and then resulted in a double. You can make it from the stairs to the couch so it wasn't the worst thing but it was really the stumble was the issue for the the leg that was hurt and then resulted in a double you can make it from the stairs to the couch like just jumping it's it's very narrow i mean when you guys are here you'll see it's not
Starting point is 00:13:14 much of a distance it was like i kind of fell forward i got like one step forward and i could make it largely to the couch um it's a small room that that walk-in area it's a weird this house is shaped so weird i can't wait for you guys to see it i cannot wait to see it there's no um it's a small room that that walk-in area it's a weird this house is shaped so weird i can't wait for you guys to see it i cannot wait to see it there's no way it's gonna meet my my mental picture i think you're living in like a spiral shoe or something so i had that happen and i hurt both my legs and i couldn't sleep i was having terrible do you uh do you need me to send you more bubble wrap are you running low no i good. Bubble wrap honestly would have been helpful, but I'm fine. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:13:47 So I was like, I can't sleep. My legs feel really tight. I'm going to have a nice bath and I'm just going to rest. I'm going to enjoy this and just maybe like it'll loosen up my legs a little bit. So I have a bath. It's now 3 a.m. And there are my bath is also shockingly a weird shape there's a little shelf on the side of it but it's super narrow and it's filled with shampoo bottles that my partner uses and one of
Starting point is 00:14:13 them is fucking massive it's like a brick so and I always knock them over constantly but it's 3 a.m. I don't want to alert or disturb anybody so I I'm climbing out of the bath. And as I'm climbing out of the bath in complete darkness, I go a little too far back and I feel my ass hit all three of the bottles, mainly one. We have one that's like center with my ass and the other I just know are there. So I'm like, oh, fuck, what do I do? So I hold this like kind of crouch position and then I pin all three like I'm a wrestler, putting all my pressure on my ass on these bottles on the wall. And I slowly reach around to try to grab what I can.
Starting point is 00:14:52 So I'm able to grab two of the three. The other one is like center with my ass. And so I grab them. And as long as it's the brick one, like one of the two, I'm good. I can let the other ones fall. It won't be like a fucking stone being thrown through. Like it's so loud whenever it falls. So I pull the other ones fall it won't be like a fucking stone being thrown through like it's so loud Whatever it falls, so I pull pull the other two forward, and it's the two small ones like of course
Starting point is 00:15:10 It's not so small so I'm like fuck. I can't reach this. I'm gonna knock this like what do I do? It's in the middle of my ass so after a few minutes I decide I think I can clench this this is a heavy weight Come on, but I come on I think I can do this this. This is a heavy weight. Come on. But I think I can do this. Because I don't know what else to do. I don't want to make a loud noise. You're clenching the brick. I clench the brick as hard as I can.
Starting point is 00:15:35 I'm just squeezing so hard. And I'm so nervous that if I move away from the wall at all, it will fall and just everything will crash and it will be pointless. So I squeeze and i slowly inch away and as i inch nothing's falling so i feel great about it and then i put my hand back and i don't feel the bottle so i think holy shit i've actually clenched this thing now what do i do because i have the tallest tub in the world it's like doing a fucking you say you can't tell whether something's clenched in your ass or not
Starting point is 00:16:05 i am like you had to feel with your hand no i was no i was feeling back because i was clenched so hard and i had been in the tub a while like i just didn't have i didn't trust myself it was the dark i was so paranoid i just couldn't tell i was nervous i was clenching harder than anyone's ever clenched before gavin this is a tight this is an anaconda-like grip in my ass with this bottle. So I'm squeezing, and then I'm stuck because I can't get over the tub.
Starting point is 00:16:32 I'm thinking, like, if I lift my leg, I will undeniably release clench, and I can't, like, it's falling at that point. So I stood at 3 a.m. I'm standing naked in my bathroom in the dark with a shampoo bottle clenched between my ass, wondering how am I going to get out of this. So I start, I decide I just have to go for it and hope. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:16:57 What do you mean? I didn't want, it would make. The fish was the most insane thing ever. It's one of those large L'Oreal bottles. I really didn't want it. I would feel so bad if I woke someone up. So I like hunch over. I get low and I start lifting my leg in every inch.
Starting point is 00:17:17 My heart is racing faster and faster because like this bottle is going to fucking fall. This bottle is going to fall. It's going to fall. And I eventually get halfway over and the clench is so loose and no noises happen i'm like there's no fucking way that i clenched this thing there's it would have fallen by now so i just step over and uh i turn the light on i look it's just on the wall i never had it i just stood i stood for like five minutes clenching my ass in my bath for no reason terrified that i was gonna drop this thing that was never there i think when i thought it was in your ass i think when i pressed what i did
Starting point is 00:17:55 like the wrestler press on the wall i just pushed it into a place where it wouldn't fall like it was fine and so i did all that process for nothing there was no issue of it falling I was all good so now I'm like I'm a fucking idiot but at least I could talk about this on the show so I sit at my desk and I have a drink and I'm like kind of laughing about what has just happened you know those like little those like grocery bags
Starting point is 00:18:18 that are they're like cloth like they're super light they're small or whatever yeah I'm like I'm gonna go into bed now but I have those in my way I'm just gonna get rid of. I'm like, I'm going to go into bed now, but I have one of those in my way. I'm just going to get rid of this. I'm just going to throw it out of my path. So I grab it and throw it without like it's one solid motion. And I remember I put a heavy candle in the bag earlier that day.
Starting point is 00:18:37 So after all that effort, I threw a fucking candle against the wall immediately. It just rattled out. Like all of that. It was so fucking loud. I did all that effort to be quiet, realized how dumb I was, sat down, and then just threw a heavy candle at the wall immediately by accident.
Starting point is 00:18:55 So that was my weekend. That was Sunday, I want to say. That was a highly entertaining story, but the most entertaining might have been listening to Gavin absolutely lose it. It's ridiculous that you don't know something's in your ass. I would have... What would you have done in that situation, Gavin?
Starting point is 00:19:13 I guess, I mean, I think I probably would have navigated it more svelte-ly than that, but I guess you could have just clinched it all the way to the bed and just gone to sleep with a shampoo bottle in your butt. I mean, I would never go that far. As soon as I was out of the tub, that was actually a thought I had of how do I, if this is clenched in my ass, how do I drop this?
Starting point is 00:19:34 Like, do I have to go to the bed and then release there? What is the quietest mechanism for doing it? In other situations, I have a great awareness of what is and is not in my ass, but it was just the stakes. The stakes were high, Gavin. Well, I mean, think about it. It's pitch black. You're in pain. It's three in the morning.
Starting point is 00:19:53 You're half asleep. You've been in the water for a while. You're essentially coming out of a sleep deprivation tank or a sensory deprivation tank, right? So you're probably all discombobulated right now. Yeah, I had that happen recently. I fell asleep in the tub.
Starting point is 00:20:05 Sometimes I'll fall asleep and have a little 30-minute nap. How can one person have... We could write a book with stories from that single room. It's like the most important place in your entire life. I can't believe we're still learning more about the bathtub. I thought we understood everything there was to know about the bathtub. I didn't even know about the shelf. And it's taller but wait are you saying like we can have you go in there now and shove the l'oreal in your ass and see if you can feel the difference
Starting point is 00:20:34 i definitely could feel the difference in this context do you want me to do you want me to drop the l'oreal like it normally wouldn't see if it comes across like that could do that. It's fucking loud. Drop it from your ass cheeks, though. We should do a... Maybe should is not the right word. We could do like an ass olympics where we all stick shampoo bottles in our butts
Starting point is 00:20:56 and then we see who can walk the farthest. Do the obstacle course? How many flights of stairs you can do? It sounds like it didn't go well. Why is Andrew yelling
Starting point is 00:21:02 oh no? It didn't go well for him. Probably could shot fucking shampoo all over his house. From his ass? Do you think if it was in his ass, he tells his partner that shampoo was up his ass, or does he just pretend it didn't happen?
Starting point is 00:21:16 Maybe it's like the way it works in my house, and my girlfriend finds out if and when she listens to the podcast. What, when her stuff's been in your ass? Yeah, like when it was just anything anything did that come through at all yeah that was great so i went to tilt my mic so it'd be facing more with the bathroom but it's on this stand i'm on a shitty like little table and the mic is too heavy for the table if you put it different angles so i twisted it and the whole table started to fall over. So I was trying to juggle the table. So that wasn't the sound of
Starting point is 00:21:48 shampoo? Well, there was a second sound after that. I don't know if that picked up. I'm unsure. It was very loud, though. Anyway, I fell asleep in the tub recently. And typically if I have a little nap, it'll be like 30 minutes. Nice little
Starting point is 00:22:04 30 minute rest. Soaking or whatever. I fell asleep and I was in there for 6 hours. I woke up, it was 6 hours later. Wasn't it freezing? I was not cold. The issue was my feet were in incredible pain.
Starting point is 00:22:19 They pruned so hard. At first I was like, this is fine. I'm gonna be like like this is a little annoying maybe i go back to sleep let's get you another hour uh but the pruning was so bad i was like nah i should really i really i need to deep prune so like i got out of the bath and my foot was they were both super pruned and not good they hurt so much and so i'm like googling what is going on i learned that there's a thing called trench foot but i don't think i had that not good. They hurt so much. And so I'm like Googling what is going on. He wants to look to himself. I learned that there's a thing called trench foot,
Starting point is 00:22:48 but I don't think I had that. It'd be the least deserved way of getting trench foot is just having a little nap in the bath. You can't get trench foot that fast, I don't think. No, no, no, no. It's all extended, but that's just what I was trying to find things. So they deprune throughout the day. Trench foot is a bathroom.
Starting point is 00:23:06 That happens. That was like shit that happened to soldiers in World War I, man. Well, I searched. My feet are very pruned. I was trying to determine how long it would take for the deproon to happen. So were you just too scared to stand on the pruning? No, I stood and it hurt a lot on both feet. Like every step hurt. And then I was laying in bed and it still still hurt. They were still the prune hurt
Starting point is 00:23:28 So I think it weighed like 50 pounds more from all the water I Don't know why my legs so heavy They're too hydrated that important thing to remember with the shampoo bottle story You're going back cuz you're judging me on that, Gavin. You fell down the stairs recently or a stair recently. You got to remember your mobility is not 100%. Your legs are sore. It's like you got two clamps on your feet.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Right. Your movement is restricted. I mean, that's fair. So are you walking around okay? How are we doing? Are you able to get out to the bagel shop? Yeah, I'm good. They decided to take a long weekend on Sunday.
Starting point is 00:24:05 And I was like, I'm going to go on Sunday. And because it's a Monday was a day off today or yesterday in Canada. So they gave their staff a long, long weekend, which is awesome. It's so well deserved. But I was it has become Wednesday through Sunday have become my favorite days of the week just because it means I can go to that shop. I love it so much. It's great.
Starting point is 00:24:21 So it was it was unfortunate to be like to be like oh no i can't go tomorrow i plan on going on sunday but outside of that i'm good you go to the bagel shop i'm all set you about ready for that marathon then uh you know we still got a few weeks left in the redemption year this is 106 right he still got his legs on the draining board speaking of redemption year man the comment leavers are loving you right now for the greg thing yeah i saw somebody i thought they made such a funny comment i wish i remembered who did it but someone said the the person that said that saying greg from finance is not the same as greg and accounting i think i flipped it there but greg and accounting not the same as greg and finance
Starting point is 00:24:59 is like saying the answer wasn't superman it's cal l i thought that was very funny i read that one the one that i was going to point out and why sometimes I really love the comment leavers. There were two comments this week that just I wrote down on my phone because I loved them so much. One was a person who said, in the podcast, Eric mentioned we need a stronger verb than salad creaming.
Starting point is 00:25:18 I propose we call it gregging, which I fucking love. Like you've really fucked up if you greg something yeah and the other one that was funny which was totally different but uh somebody said we should make an alexa prayer candle which i thought was pretty funny that is i there was one other comment i saw where somebody brought up that like yeah my brother used to invent rules as we went so he wouldn't lose and i i was like i didn't do that i just didn't vocalize them like i see where you're coming from that's that was my fault i
Starting point is 00:25:49 should have i should have been clear from the beginning that's where i fucked up i understand like the foster and like the oh which way do i go with this but i feel like everyone would have gone the other way i think i think a different day i would have but I had spent so much time the night before thinking about how long should I give you guys? How this will be, like, maybe we'll amp it up a little bit. This will be exciting down the stretch, and you just got it immediately, instantly. I was not prepared.
Starting point is 00:26:17 I did not consider this possibility. It was a very good hint. I got a text today from our friend James Buckley who listens to this podcast does Buckley listen to this podcast? yeah yeah he was in the in between us and he just texted me today saying what is Andrew Panton?
Starting point is 00:26:40 well that's what we've been trying to figure out for 106 fucking episodes and I know we're getting closer. Oh, God. Oh, man, I did something today, if you guys don't mind. I did something today that I haven't done in a really long time. It almost feels like too long when I realized how long it had been since it happened. It's sock related.
Starting point is 00:27:02 No, no, bicycle related. Oh, bike related. That was a great guess, Gavin. You're good at guesses. Was it Gentle Ghost? No, but I did wreck my bike today. I haven't wrecked my bike in so fucking long. And I did today for sure. Time out.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Is this the new bike that you've been waiting months for? No, no, no, no. I don't have the new bike yet. No. Okay. It's an important clarification. So the way it worked is, you know, I had all those issues with my bike. It was exploding on me
Starting point is 00:27:29 and stuff. And that's why I bought a... Eric's like, I saw you four hours ago. Well, two hours ago, I was on the ground. Well, actually, I wasn't on the bike. So, Did you get your mittens knocked out? Between... No, no mitten knocking. I'm fucking great I feel great
Starting point is 00:27:46 well well well okay so I'm a little sore in the shoulder and neck area from the wrenching but I don't have any scrapes or anything because I pulled it off quite well but anyway yeah no Andrew so I bought that new bike in like January or whatever so sure of course I don't have it yet
Starting point is 00:28:02 and when I called to find out when I would get it they were basically like go fuck yourself we'll give it to you when we feel like it, I don't have it yet. And when I called to find out when I would get it, they were basically like, go fuck yourself. We'll give it to you when we feel like it. So I don't know. Sometime around that, hopefully, but before I get the fridge, I'll get the new bike. So yeah, the goal when I bought the new one was that I just won't ride this other bike
Starting point is 00:28:18 that has tried to kill me a few times. But then when my butt stopped hurting, and I honestly, I started to put on the some weight for being too idle i was like i dusted off the bike and got it working again and and it's been a really reliable bike uh to this point um today i was just like it was one of those times where like i was going down the hike and bike trail and it's uh it's like gravel you know and i just i just caught an edge going i wasn't going fast. I was going like maybe 14 miles an hour. I caught an edge.
Starting point is 00:28:46 And I was just like about to turn right into a street. And then suddenly I just looked down and I felt the bike get taken away from me. And everything would happen in slow motion. And my handlebars kept going further and further out. And then the next thing I knew, I was just running with the handlebars. And then the handlebars just got taken away from me. And then I just kept running. And I never fell down. The bike slid across the street and i just kept running and then i just did a
Starting point is 00:29:10 little turnaround i went back over to pick my bike up like fucking cool as shit and i look up and there are five people on bicycles staring at me and i go oh hey and one of the guys goes that was really fucking cool and i go oh thanks yeah it worked out okay and the other one was like wow that was almost bad and then they just rode away and i just got on my bike and i kept riding play i couldn't do it on purpose in a million tries i couldn't i couldn't pull it off why is it that whenever you describe you on a bike i can never wrap my head around the physics of it like when you were describing the jump like what everything you just said i don't know how i don't know what you said so i was riding and then the bike hit hit an edge of like gravel and it just swung out from under me to the left and then the bike just
Starting point is 00:29:55 went out in front of me and then suddenly i just wasn't on it anymore i was just running like it fell out from under me and uh have all of our animators animate what they think happened. Here's the weird thing, right? I get back on my bike and I go and I'm riding it and I realize, yeah, I ripped it. I mean, I like, I really wrenched my shoulder on my neck. So I assume I'll be miserable tomorrow, but you know, it's not bad yet. And I'm riding and I can't, I can't explain it. And I can't, I can't point to how, but my bike is better.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Like I wrecked, like how, but my bike is better. Like I wrecked, like the wreck tuned my bike up. It's like, it was faster. It was easier to pedal. It was smoother. It was, it felt tight, like felt more fluid. I don't know how to describe it
Starting point is 00:30:41 other than the bike that I got back on is probably 30% better than the bike I laid down. And I did not hit my head. I promise. Nick's asking if I hit my head. I don't understand it. But I was in disbelief. I didn't trust it. I was like, something clearly has
Starting point is 00:30:57 been stretched and is about to break because this feels too weird. I checked all the gears and everything. But no, I drove, this happened mile 12 of a 22 mile bike ride, so I had another 10 miles. And it just feels too weird and too like i checked all the gears everything and but no i drove you know this happened mile 12 of a 22 mile bike ride so i had another 10 miles and it's just like it just it was just great like the bike is great now do you think you accidentally swapped bikes with one of the people who was watching that would be awesome oh yeah my bike's purple now didn't you it used to be black do you think gavin that any of the people that observe jeff doing this could describe it
Starting point is 00:31:27 better than jeff did or would it be equally confusing if we yeah i think they could describe it better because i asked jeff i said to jeff that i didn't understand it he explained it again my brain i don't know what immediately fills with like a jackie chan stunt like jeff starts it and i just imagined it's jackie Jackie Chan and it kind of makes sense in my head Jackie Chan's coming for Keenan and Kel in most mentions oh yeah have you
Starting point is 00:31:54 I never looked at that I thought there was a list is it Keenan and Kel have the most mentions oh is there a list where's the list I think somebody there was like a it was on the face subreddit I saw like a celebrity mentions yeah I thought you mentioned it was on the f***face subreddit, I saw a celebrity mentions. Yeah, I thought you mentioned it in that context. I did too, that's why I'm...
Starting point is 00:32:09 You just coincidentally mentioned that as a... There are some people who come up all the time, and I just thought it's probably Keaton and Caleb to this point. There was literally a list that was posted a day before that was that premise before you
Starting point is 00:32:25 said it so i just assumed that you had looked at the list no yeah i don't use reddit where is this i want to see it i know i've been taking what you said as fact is like research fact not just that your gut like yeah that's wild i was instantly happy that you clicked on that list and you could answer questions for us because i hadn't had a chance to yet. That's incredible. Ever heard of data brokers? They're the middlemen collecting and selling all those digital footprints you leave online.
Starting point is 00:32:58 They can stitch together detailed profiles which include your browsing history, online searches, and location data. They then sell your profile off to a company who delivers you a targeted ad. No biggie, right? Well, you might be surprised to learn that these same data brokers are also selling your information to the Department of Homeland Security and the IRS. I, for one, don't want the taxman showing up at my door
Starting point is 00:33:21 because of some search I did on my phone. So to mask my digital footprints, I protect myself with ExpressVPN. One of the easiest ways for brokers to aggregate data and tie it back to you is through your device's unique IP address, which also reveals information about your location. When you're connected to ExpressVPN, your IP address is hidden. That makes it much more difficult for data brokers to identify who you are. ExpressVPN also encrypts 100% of network traffic to keep your data safe from hackers on public Wi-Fi. That's why I have the ExpressVPN app downloaded on all my devices, phone, computer,
Starting point is 00:33:58 and even my home Wi-Fi router. All I do is tap one button to turn it on and I'm protected. It's that easy. So make sure your online activity and data is protected with the best VPN money can buy. Visit expressvpn.com slash face right now and get three extra months free through my special link. That's expressvpn.com e x p r e s s vpn.com slash face expressvpn.com slash E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com slash face. ExpressVPN.com slash face to learn more. I love that sound. It's the sound of another sale on Shopify, the all-in-one commerce platform to start, run, and grow your business. Shopify gives entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big business. So upstarts, startups, and established businesses alike can sell everywhere, synchronize online and in-person sales, and effortlessly stay informed. Scaling your
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Starting point is 00:38:15 This is falling off the rails. Enter promo code 69 to get 30% off. HelloTushy.com slash face. Actually, I have a question just before before we pivot gavin what type would you would you identify the big bad wolf as a werewolf the big bad wolf from red riding red riding hood yeah what do you think of them as a werewolf i just thought it was a wolf you did okay well that's that's less i was playing the family feud game and the question was things the wolf wouldn't want to find in the basket and I put silver bullets and I thought it was absurd that that was not on the board and it then turned into a realization that I've just assumed it was
Starting point is 00:38:56 a werewolf this entire time yeah that because Jeff brought up a great point it talks so I've just kind of assumed I feel like that the wolf and the big bad wolf does not feel just like a big bad wolf. It feels like a werewolf. Dude, it talks, it stands on two feet, and it dresses up in clothes and shit. That is 100% werewolf behavior. And I completely support you in this.
Starting point is 00:39:19 I just thought it was an anthropomorphic wolf. I've always thought werewolf. It's wild to me that anyone would think otherwise but i guess that makes sense eric is with gavin uh i mean i get that it's a normal wolf but i can i completely can understand what where andrew would get werewolf because the distinction is like i mean and to be honest who knows if there's a prequel uh to the story that's true that explains that it is a werewolf? But I bet it so it sounds like we're two two so I would love didn't oh never mind Nick
Starting point is 00:39:49 Answered normal talking wolf all right well you and I are on the losing side of this one Yeah, what if Skyrim DLC was like a prequel to Red Riding Hood? Was the DLC vampire I think werewolf were in the base game all right i don't know i never i never played those guys never got into you don't play scarum i played it a little bit i i just i don't know the scene like the setting of it didn't didn't appeal to me at that time i'm sure if i revisited it i'd have a lot more fun too cold too cold yeah why the same with fallout 3 i walked out of the vault and i was like holy fuck fuck, there's a lot to do here. I can do any of it.
Starting point is 00:40:28 I don't want to do any of it because it's too big. And then I just didn't play it again for like a year and a half. And then I eventually gave it another try. And I enjoyed it a lot. I fell in love with that game. But I was so overwhelmed by the open world of it. Oh, it's great. I just don't.
Starting point is 00:40:40 The setting of Skyrim wasn't appealing to me. So it was overwhelming. And I didn't really like the setting of Skyrim wasn't appealing to me. So it just, it didn't, it was overwhelming and I didn't really like the design of the world initially. So I never got sucked into it. But I'm sure, as I said, if I revisited it, I'd have a lot of fun. I mean, it looks a lot better now than it did then as well. So maybe you'll just enjoy it more.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Yeah, maybe. I feel like it's the game that I started and walked away from the most of my life. Like I've probably played the first 10 hours of that game 15 times. You're like, oh, I'm going to play it. I'm going to go through it this time. And you get into it like, yeah, this is fun. I remember how to play it.
Starting point is 00:41:10 And then you set it down and you come back like a week later and you're like, how do these controls work? Ah, I've got to start over again. God damn it. Yeah, inventory games are hard to get back to because you spend like the first hour looking through your own pockets trying to remember where you got shit and what you were doing with it. Yeah, I fell off of Elden Ring. I didn't play it for like three days in a row so
Starting point is 00:41:27 that's it's impossible to play three days that was it yeah i was like oh that's back to gyms of war andrew i have a question for you okay uh when you fell asleep in the bath for six hours uh was was your back wet um because sometimes you had that problem with the seal where it like you damn up no no of the bath, right? No, no, it was largely dry, I would say. I was sitting upright. I snuggly put in. It was a tight little squeeze.
Starting point is 00:41:53 It was good. What if you drowned? No, I physically couldn't for how the tub is and how I sit in it. I'm telling you, it could not physically happen. It's an impossibility that it would happen. I bet we could drown you. You could drown me?
Starting point is 00:42:11 I could not drown myself for how I fall asleep in that tub. Could not happen. I have a long history of taking little naps in tubs. There are some dangerous ones, for sure. Terrible place to sleep. Oh, it's just so relaxing though. I mean, Gavin, you talk about how it's hard to visualize
Starting point is 00:42:30 me falling, my bike falling out from under me. I have trouble understanding how Andrew is like maintaining a seal, sitting up, falling asleep, getting pickled toes, and shoving four shampoo bottles up his asshole all at the same time.
Starting point is 00:42:46 It's not four. It was about the size of four. I'll give you that. I couldn't do four. I think I could genuinely normal-sized L'Oreal bottles two and a half. I think you could fit the L'Oreal bottle in your ass. Oh, I could, without a doubt. 100% just by itself?
Starting point is 00:43:03 Yes. Absolutely. Because you're worth it. Ah See you did there that the joke book put you still have your book I sure do I wish I knew where it was or else I'd read it I tell you some great joke that makes no sense. I should have one one joke from that book a year I think that one a year What would be the joke day? What would be the thing that like? Oh, it's joke moment, dude
Starting point is 00:43:24 I feel like that has to be an event like every certain episode per year what about after every redemption after every redemption year are we saying there's multiple redemption years well every individual redemption well there has to be multiple redemption years actually because you've not redeemed yourself on all the stuff that you were supposed to this because you didn't get it all done in the redemption year so we've got to have an extension period. And if I keep doing things like Greg and accounting, I'm going to have constantly new things to redeem for.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Like, the list will just continue to build. I'm not going to run out of things that require redemption based on my history with this show. Unfortunately, I agree with him. Do you think... Do you think if we... I may be designing in my head right now a product for one, but wouldn't it be cool if we had a sign
Starting point is 00:44:15 that said, like, a blank number of days since your bike wreck, and I could fill it in, and I could add it up every day, and then I could be like, oh, I made it like 105 days before my next bike wreck. You could fill it in and I could add it up every day. And then I could be like, oh, I made it like 105 days before my next bike wreck. You just designed our third sign.
Starting point is 00:44:31 But it's a very niche market. After scrumping and proping. It's just for people who wreck on their bicycle. Maybe it doesn't have to be bicycle. You could just say like X number of days since last wreck. I thought that you were talking about
Starting point is 00:44:42 for you specifically as a thing that is made in a large extent. You don't for you yes i think that is entertaining the only way i can get stuff made for me is by tricking you guys into thinking it's a it's a worthwhile product for the company which by the way i'd like to point out i don't know if you guys have seen jackass 4.5 yet have either of you seen it? I have. Totally! For Andrew's blank days without salad creaming is fucking awesome and just an erasable marker. Fucking I feel so
Starting point is 00:45:14 goddamn vindicated Gavin for the spicy icy. There is a bit they do in Jackass 4.5 where they all put funnels in their assholes and they pour hot sauce in it. So they all ram hot sauce up their assholes. Oh, because Steve-O has that sauce, doesn't he?
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah, it's Wee Man's. It is totally, it's Wee Man's sauce. It's Wee Man's sauce. And so then to deal with the pain, Johnny Knoxville hands out popsicles and they all shove popsicles up their ass and they all feel instantly better.
Starting point is 00:45:48 So it worked? It absolutely worked. But imagine, and that's just a popsicle, that's just sugar water. Imagine like the soothing, imagine a soothing milky popsicle. Way better. Good for your skin. Good for your anal skin.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Well, maybe Andrew can try it after he's had all that shampoo held up there fella Well, it's there's a spot. I don't know if you know what a shampoo bottle is they're not spicy I've never but it might give you irritation No, I'm probably not great to have shampoo in your Crab, oh, it's definitely not the clench was not great. It was a serious clench I would have the things would have broken in that clench it was like a vice it's like the scene in fucking casino where they they squeezed the guy's head that was tight i could be a von a von wow fuck that up never mind we're just gonna move on vond i said
Starting point is 00:46:37 vond instead of bond you could be a bond villain yeah yeah so excited to say villain that at vond came out instead of bond and now we just move on because it wasn't even that great of a joke to begin with. Well what could you crush, what could you destroy in your ass? Define crush. Well, or destroy. I know what crush means. You don't define crush. Define destroy. It goes in good, it goes out bad. It goes in wreck. It goes in normal and comes out bad it goes in right no it goes in normal and comes out right like imagine a breadstick right you couldn't eat it after you crushed it in your ass so i wouldn't be like step one okay i mean i it would still be edible just you wouldn't want to what about the problem with
Starting point is 00:47:17 my example what about like like you know those uh you know those like christmas poppers where you pull up both ends and like oh do you think you could put one end in your butt and then the other end in Gavin's butt and you guys could together like pull it? You could do anal tug of war. We could. If we did ass to ass with Christmas crackers, I am completely convinced that we could pop that crack. We'll see who wins the little set of screwdrivers, the paper hat and the joke.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Me or Andrew's butt cheeks. You win the anal crown. You weren't here for this, Andrew, but this goes perfectly into anal Olympics. We were talking earlier about shoving shampoo bottles up our butts and then seeing who can walk with them the farthest before you drop it. There could be a whole series of events.
Starting point is 00:48:02 Wait, that was a conversation you had? While you were spilling your, while you were dropping your shampoo bottle. Oh, I see. I thought you meant earlier in the day that you happened to be talking about this anal Olympic premise. Yeah, no, Gavin and I were browsing Reddit and we were reading threads about, yeah, anal stuff. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:18 No, I could, hmm, what else would be an anal event for the anal Olympics? Anal taste test. Been talking about that for years anal taste test yeah well what does that is it like you the person who's most accurate wins how do you medal in that yeah or maybe maybe you could do like uh like you have like a like you do the the the shampoo bottle is a distance thing but then maybe you you have a bunch of, I don't know, little baseballs or something,
Starting point is 00:48:46 and you have to pick up as many as you can and then drop them over in another bucket. You have a minute, and whoever can move the most baseballs or apples, whoever can move the most ass apples wins. Ass apples are good. What I like about the shampoo bottle is it has the length to turn it into a relay race, which I think would be really funny if you can pass off the anal bottle ass to ass.
Starting point is 00:49:07 A hundred percent. A hundred percent. We talked about that idea of bobbing for apples at Halloween, which I still want to do. I think it's great. But you could also you could anal bob for apples, like stick your butt in a barrel and try to come up with a with a with a. I think it's a tough one to pull off. Well, the Olympics are not for the... It's the best in the world, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:49:28 That's fair. And we could... This would be great. You have to walk through the anal passage for the opening ceremony. This is so stupid. Do you think you could... Not even could.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Do you think you are the best in the world at anything right now? Do I think I'm the best in the world at almost certainly something? Something, right? There's got to be one thing you do that nobody else does as well as you. Honor. The confidence. I thought he was going to say almost certainly not, and he said something.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Well, one thing. He thinks he's the best in the entire world, but can't even pinpoint it. One thing. Well, I just feel statistic. I feel the same like aliens in outer space. Statistically, probably, I'd assume a lot of space up there. I can do a lot of things, things that I can't even think of necessarily off the top of my head.
Starting point is 00:50:17 I'm sure I'm the best at one of them. Some strangely specific thing. The best of anyone alive. Yeah. some strangely specific thing. The best of anyone alive. Yeah, but like, how do you, could I be super specific in the wording and be like the best at holding a controller in a certain way
Starting point is 00:50:33 without realizing it's a technique? Like, how small of an accomplishment are we talking about? Right, but like, on a Wednesday, if it's cloudy, right?
Starting point is 00:50:39 Yeah. Like, you can whittle it down to that, but no, I just like something that you do that you think you, like, there was a time when I, and I know it's not true. But no, just something that you do that you think you... There was a time when I...
Starting point is 00:50:46 And I know it's not true. I understand it's not true. But there was a time when I felt like I was probably the best Peggle player on Earth. Sure. I had Peggle confidence, right? There was a time when I considered myself, once again, totally not true. But I had Machinima confidence, and I felt like I was probably the best Machinimator on Earth. Which is a weird thing
Starting point is 00:51:05 because maybe I was, but only because nobody else gave a shit to try. Yes. But still, there's got to be something that Gavin is the very best. He's probably the best
Starting point is 00:51:15 high-speed photographer of a certain... People getting hit in the face with soccer balls. There's probably nobody better at capturing that than Gavin. You'd really have to narrow it down. Unique set of experiences. Best high high speed photographer who wears a lab coat
Starting point is 00:51:29 while filming i but my confidence is weird so like if i'm looking at a raffle that has not a lot of entrance in it or like bingo bingo is a better example every bingo game i go into i have an internal feeling of there's no fucking way I'm going to lose this, even though it's completely out of my control. I think we've talked about this before. With horse racing, I would never bet on a horse race by myself
Starting point is 00:51:55 because I'd have zero confidence in my ability to ever pick the correct horse. And that's like a one in seven or whatever. I just would never believe that I could do it. But you could put me in a raffle of $25,000 and I'd look at it and be like, I'm feeling good about this. I don't see how I lose. You have bingo confidence. That's a great thing to have.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Dude, I'm two for two at picking the right box in Survivor Do or Die. Oh, really? Oh, you do that? Oh, I didn't even consider it. You might be the best person in the world at that. That's one of my... I made the best person in the world at that. That's one of my... You made the correct one in three choice twice.
Starting point is 00:52:31 I love that they added that gimmick and the last shot and the dark. So it's like they added two new gimmicks to Survivor, just to be brief on it, that are like, whoa, somebody could save themselves if they pull a one in six, or in a scenario in which you have to open one of three boxes
Starting point is 00:52:46 two of them will send you home one will one will keep you safe neither of their twists I felt like worked nobody has ever been saved by a shot in the dark and both times they did the three boxes it's clearly tilted in a way that they want them to be eliminated they both were just fine like they added these new things
Starting point is 00:53:02 and they had zero impact on how they wanted them to there's still good moments so this has been a phenomenal season i've loved this season of survival great season who do you want to win i this is like an interesting thing about this season there's nobody i really would be upset with if they won outside of like romeo and it's not even personal and i just he hasn't they haven't shown him do a lot everybody else I'd be fine with Romeo seems kind of weaselly I I'm not crazy for him but I I agree with you I like if Jonathan won that'd be great I think I want Marianne to win but I wouldn't I wouldn't mind if like pretty much any of them won can I tell you my dream scenario for the finale on Wednesday so by the time people hear this they will know if this happened or not but I've been
Starting point is 00:53:43 anticipating this for weeks I so badly want because the last challenge in Survivor is a fire-making challenge. And whoever wins makes it to the end. Whoever loses goes home. There's no more votes at that point. I so badly want it to be Mike and Jonathan and fire, just to hear Mike be like, couple of titans going at it. I don't want it any other way. Couple of big guys.
Starting point is 00:54:05 Yeah, the way he compares it. And also the beautiful irony of if Mike the firefighter goes home because of his inability to make fire. I just think it would be so great. His commentary on his matchup and him going home due to his inability to make fire
Starting point is 00:54:19 as a firefighter. Wonderful. That's what I'm hoping. That would be pretty spectacular. That'd be great. That'd be great TV. I think we should we should all well i hate to give us homework and you guys can ignore it too because i'm not in the future but i feel like we should all think about what we're the best in the world that maybe we should maybe that's an angle we should take with the podcast like let's find our our hidden talents and let's celebrate them right like eric's the
Starting point is 00:54:43 best in the world at something nick is the best in the world at something. Nick is the best in the world at something. So let's, I want to, I want to, I want to celebrate in that. Eric might be the best in the world at translating how he really feels into a polite email. Very, he's pretty good at that. He's pretty good. Somebody's got to do it because that's the only way anything's going to get done. I also need to, I, I realize I'm, I can't even say I'm the best high speed photographer who has a lab coat
Starting point is 00:55:08 because a lot of them are used in real labs. Shit. Yeah. I got to think about what I could possibly be the best at. I like that. Maybe next episode we record, we could, we will submit our beliefs on what we're the best at.
Starting point is 00:55:23 If you're all right. I mean, if you remember, it's also, yeah, for sure. I think that'd be fun. It could also be like when Gavin was supposed to draw a Gerpler. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Hey, I can contribute to the redemption here, right? Sure. Yeah, of course. So should we come up with our own things that we think we're best at, or should we come up with us plus the other two? I think both. That's fine. I think both. Yeah. I think both is funny. I want to hear what
Starting point is 00:55:54 you think I would be the best at. I think that'd be funny. Not in this moment. Eyes bigger than their stomach confidence? Yeah, you might be the best person at being confidently wrong in your own abilities on earth you're confident in a way that defies physics and reason that's fair i can't argue that what if you actually had the most unbreakable nose?
Starting point is 00:56:26 I think I do. That's a great one to think of. I think my nose is very unbreakable. It's just that there's, what, seven and a half billion people on Earth? Yeah. Best nose. Well, okay. There have to be some clarifications, I think.
Starting point is 00:56:38 There has to be. Some people, I don't know. There's some scenarios in which I may not have the best. I think I do. But there's some scenarios I could see may not have the i think i do but there's some scenarios i could see hey speaking of the gerbler i wasn't able to make the merch meeting the last couple weeks uh is that still getting made yeah we completely forgot to talk about it i thought about that yesterday it's like that was that was the one thing that we uh we didn't mention are the merch meetings anything like pleasantries or are they just straight to
Starting point is 00:57:03 business they're straight to business they're straight to business? They're straight to business. They're straight to business, but it's good business. Yeah. Huh. Okay. I will say Eric almost accidentally ordered you 300 more baseballs, Jeff. That was fun. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:57:13 I have like, I still have, I have four boxes of baseballs in my house. We should probably hit those. I got them now. You didn't fucking tell us. So I just said, yeah, we need to order those baseballs so we can go hit the baseballs. Yeah, but I got them right as I was going out of town so I couldn't have done anything and you texted us after you did that yeah
Starting point is 00:57:30 well I told so I did tell you no we had to get it out of you but I told you no we had to ask you that's not how this works but you asked me and then I told you no because I told Mallory we need to order those baseballs and she went oh more and I said yes we can hit more and then I told you. No, because I told Mallory we need to order those baseballs. And she went, oh, more?
Starting point is 00:57:45 And I said, yeah, so we can hit more. And then it was a whole runaround of like, oh, no, Jeff has them. Yeah, I do. I do have them. So were more ordered on top of the more or there was just one more? No, it was close to half ordered. So I remembered them being ordered in the last meeting. And I heard the miscommunication between Eric and Mallory.
Starting point is 00:58:04 And I was very quiet as very quiet as as excited about the possibility of Eric ordering a whole other set of Jeff how funny would that be though and that would that would itself been pretty funny it would have been funny but you would have died you would have literally oh we could have done something different
Starting point is 00:58:19 with those ball we could come up with something clever and new to do with those balls I oh man oh man Andrew I don't think you were there. I think we came up with this idea on the boat when we went to Eric's birthday party, his water-adjacent birthday party. Gavin had the idea that we should make a boot that has a VCK soul on it, just like the logo,
Starting point is 00:58:41 and then stand and paint, and then make our own one-of-a-kind posters where you just like step on on the poster and it makes it fucking makes the boot print originally i thought that would be a really funny signature if andrew had to kick his signature onto people i love their shirts but i was like maybe we should have him kick posters yeah it's just a big gap for you to for you to sign stuff with your boot. I don't feel like posters are kickable. I think that's an interesting product that you choose to go with.
Starting point is 00:59:09 You could just stand. Well, you'd hang it on a bit of wood, and then you kick it, and then you take the poster away, and then someone else comes by and puts their poster there, and wham. Yeah, okay. I like it. This is great. Do you think you could kick 500 posters? No, absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Oh my god, of course you could. I could kick a thousand posters. Of course you could kick 500 posters? No, absolutely not. Oh my God, of course you could. You couldn't, you know, I could kick a thousand posters. Of course you could. We're giving it to the guy who rolls his ankle every time he sets foot in Austin. Oh yeah, that's true, that's true. That's a lot of baths for you. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:59:42 I couldn't kick 500 without being dead afterward like just everything being soared now what if we laid you on a bed and all you had to do was extend your leg what if okay i've got a premise for you what if we somehow made them the conveyor like the the part on a treadmill that goes in a circle and i just run on the treadmill as they rapidly rotate. That's a great idea. You just need somebody to feed it at the top of the treadmill and then somebody to pull it off at the end of the back. We can totally do that.
Starting point is 01:00:15 Oh, that's a great idea, Andrew. Eric, we need a treadmill, a bigger one. Do we ever talk about... We want it to be as long as possible. Okay, I can see what I can find. Thank you. Our failed RTX booth ideas, where we're talking about the T-Town.
Starting point is 01:00:29 Oh, were they failed? I like those. I don't know which ones we're doing or not. I think we're going to do them, aren't we? Are we going to do them? I don't know. I hope so. Maybe we shouldn't talk about them.
Starting point is 01:00:36 We have some RTX ideas for our... Because, you know, there'll be a... I think they've canceled all that because we didn't get back to them in time. Oh, well, we're going to do something, I assume, at RTX, which is the big Rooster Teeth convention in Austin, Texas, every year. I think it's July 1st to 3rd this year.
Starting point is 01:00:52 There will be some sort of a face booth on the show floor, and we had a bunch of clever ideas. I don't know which one we're going to do. One of them was we were going to have a wall of Eons and people could come up and draw their own ian and then gavin wanted to make tea towels of because i still explain that there's a that's i'm not sure if it's still done if you let me know if you've just come out of english primary school if they still do this but they would go around the school and get everyone to draw themselves on a post-it note and then write
Starting point is 01:01:23 their name under it and then they would print the entire school a post-it note and then write their name under it and then they would print the entire school's post-it note portraits on a tea towel and give it to the parents so you'd have like all of the like year two and it'd be like pieces of shit drawings because they can't draw and as it goes up in years like the drawings get a bit better and i think my tea towel was from when i was in year two so it's a real piece of shit but yeah you'd have everyone you'd have everyone in the school, little self-portraits, and it'd be amazingly niche to have an Ian's tea towel.
Starting point is 01:01:52 I love it. Yeah, it's a great idea. We talked about recreating Andrew's bedroom on the floor so people can walk around it and take pictures on the pillow mountain and stuff. One-to-one scale. Yeah, we talked about putting out the porta potty and just letting people sign the outside of it which we could maybe still do we also talked about like recording like a 90 second episode and then having a play on loop
Starting point is 01:02:13 in the porta potty and you could go in and sit and listen to it for like 60 seconds and get up and let somebody else come sit in it was a nightmare for trevor who is i suppose being told to get ideas out of us he would like slack us and we'd come up with ideas. And then the day later, it'd be like, all right, so which idea are we doing? And we would just submit like three brand new ideas. One thing I wanted to do was I wanted to have a big wall. I wanted to call it the wall of a thousand eons.
Starting point is 01:02:37 This is where the tea towel idea came. I don't know, they kind of fed off each other. But yeah, the tea towel expanded on that. And it was broken into segment, or it's like segmented out into the size of baseball cards essentially like a grid and then everybody comes and they draw their own ian and then at the end of rtx i cut up all thousand and i we have a thousand one of one individual ian art cards that then i can give away during break shit or like throw it
Starting point is 01:03:00 in with extra merch like we did with when we threw cards in with the wrist pocket, for instance. Which, by the way, I was in Orlando last week at the Anal Passage show. And I know we're not going to talk about Anal Passage, but I was there at the Anal Passage show. And three people came up to me in ball jack shirts. And six people had Anal Passage shirts, which, yes, was more people than had the annual pass shirt of the same design. But the dude who
Starting point is 01:03:30 did the, the, the wrist pocket unboxing, remember that guy? Yeah. He was there and I talked to him.
Starting point is 01:03:36 He was awesome. And he brought his wrist pocket. So I got to see it. So where was this event? It was in Orlando. But like,
Starting point is 01:03:44 was it like a, what was the venue? It was in Orlando. But what was the venue? It was a place called the Vanguard Theater. Okay. Do you know, this isn't going to help for anybody who's not Gavin or for anybody who wasn't at the show, but do you remember the venue in LA when we did the H tour this year? Yeah. It looked just like that place.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Like a bar at the back and all that? Yeah, it felt like the exact same. It felt like I was in the same building. And. Like a bar at the back and all that? Yeah, it felt like the exact same, it felt like I was in the same building. And people would voluntarily wear an anal passage shirt to that? There were probably
Starting point is 01:04:10 125 people there and I would say most of them mentioned anal passage to me. But at least, at least 10 of them were wearing
Starting point is 01:04:19 a f*** face gear and I think, I think I saw six anal passage shirts. Yeah. I can't wait to get mine. I still don't have one. Oh, really? Really? Do you have one?
Starting point is 01:04:27 I thought about wearing it. Okay, I'll check into that for you. That's weird. I never get any of it. I've not got merch in months. We also found out that all of the merch goes to RT and is in the mail room and Gavin just never goes to check. Yeah. So he's probably waiting for you there with all the other merch.
Starting point is 01:04:43 That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is. Okay, thank you. Yeah, no problem. I went there, and all of the merch for me was gone. There was, like, some dregs, but apparently all my stuff was taken by someone. Sarah Weems was very unhappy about it.
Starting point is 01:04:58 Well, that's where somebody... Well, somebody's wearing your anal passage shirt right now, then. Somebody in RT. somebody's wearing your anal passage shirt right now then somebody in rt oh i guess we should probably stop talking to each other for another week yeah we're gone next week right we're taking a one week break so two weeks from now i believe we'll be back not for the audience are we not recording next week oh well okay what time out we we were gonna take this week away and next week for you jeff so the fact that you don't know is alarming i'm not out of town next week i know no we're we're recording next week yeah i don't know what you're talking about yeah we were we were gonna not record this week but instead we moved it to tuesday this was the week we were gonna skip but
Starting point is 01:05:42 now we're gonna miss two weeks and that to miss two weeks. So we're not doing this Thursday? Correct. Yeah, because I have to go to a convention. But I was under the impression we were recording as always, as normal, on Thursday. Do you need to cancel some plans now, Andrew? Next week, regular. Okay. Oh, someone's joined.
Starting point is 01:05:59 Is that Jack? I just want to end this. We have to end the episode. Now that Jack's here, we'll have him do next time. That's a great idea. Okay, since we're going to end this we have to end the episode now that Jack's here we'll have him do next time that's a great idea okay alright we're gonna end it that's great Jack here hop on and give us our next next week next week on face all these assholes
Starting point is 01:06:16 are super big assholes you guys are all assholes what do we do this time well you I just finished listening to the episode that came out today. Yeah, we did today's episode. You guys basically saying that you can't take down the shirt because it's outlived me. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:35 This is the number one shirt of the year. I don't think that's even a question. It's too successful. Number one shirt of the year. You're welcome, you sons of bitches. There you go. You heard it here first. That's what's on next week. Next week, Andrew doesn't eat the pencil.
Starting point is 01:06:49 All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. Bye.

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