F**kface - Leaning on Gavin and Andrew Kind of // Sauce Bitcoin [55]

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff's CONTINUED dental & fridge sagas, Andrew's sauce drawer feat. BTS, the ending of the last podcast, the conclusion of the bet, and Andrew tries to drink 2 cans without burping. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by: HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) and Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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including free shipping. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Welcome to F*** Face, number 55. What age are your friends? Uh, 30s. Are they all older? Yeah, they're all older. It's kind of funny. Are you friends with anyone your own age? No. No, I'm not. I think that...

Go ahead, Jack. I like that you assume that you know Andrew's age. I mean, we know an age that he's told us over time, but I don't know that it's accurate or even if it is, that he would accept that it's accurate. You're going to find out. Exactly. Eric just typed out 41. I to 41 i have no not be surprised in the least if andrew just said what do you mean i am also in my i could be a benjamin button i always thought he was similar to us or not us but

me i thought he was similar to me at age and then i think you said once that you were born in the late 90s or something and i was like mid 90s i'm 94 i was born in 94 yeah ace ventura pet detective haven't seen it it's a blind spot for me i'm missing a lot of key jim carey movies yeah i remember it now it's the year that came out is it was 94 a good movie year isn't like 99 a great movie year isn't that like the famous movie jur Jurassic Park 93 or 94? Ooh. 94 I think was great for Jim Carrey. I mean, the 90s in general, I feel like great for Jim Carrey. Yeah. It's a great year.

Great movie year. How are you doing, Jeff? I'm good. How are you? I'm great. I have some questions for you. Yeah, listen, before we get into this, I'll just come out and say it. Listen, before we get into this, I'll just come out and say it. The last two podcasts have been just a vomitous diatribe of all of the misery that constitutes the sloppy formation of cells that is me.

Sloppy formation. So as this mind and body simultaneously start to slough off and break away into tiny chunks from just the myriad of just life bashing I've received. I think it would sound like Thanos snapped you. Yeah, it has left me, well, if he had, I wouldn't be talking. Wouldn't have to go through it. It's like if it's happening really slowly, though,

over the course of like a week and a half. Yeah, or it's like undecided. So what I'm saying is it's left me in a diminished state. Right. I feel kind of like if I feel like like an empty vessel that is empty of any any kind of joy or comedy. So I was going to lean heavily on you two this week. Great. That's that works.

That works totally fine before we like. I feel like we need to just catch up on a few things, because it's been a week since we've talked. We first just need to say, I was devastated to learn that it wasn't Kim and Kanye on the jet ski. What a disappointing realization that is. I found that out too, and I think that I'm not even gonna bother

Well, supposedly it's not. It's like a Snopes thing, like a pretty well established urban myth. But I'm keeping that one because my girlfriend and all of her friends that love the Kardashians

and that hang out on celebrity gossip blogs and Instagram and all that shit, they all think it's real and I'm not crushing any of their dreams. Yeah, it's like a Tooth Fairy thing at this point. Yeah, I see. Well, it is perfect. Like, as I said,

Kanye West's entire music career really feels like it's building to that moment yeah his discography is perfect for it would you be annoyed if everyone thought you ate it on a jet ski but you didn't oh absolutely not i'd love that i get the story of it without having to deal with the pain it's pretty fucking annoying to to go through life with everybody thinking that i was in a ball pit once so i'm so fucking sick of that photoshop i was yeah i think i'd hate it have you been in a ball pit though in my life yeah have you been at certain points i have okay so it's it's factually correct in a sense you've had that experience it just isn't yeah it's just it's just i'm not patrick stewart yeah that didn't happen to you that specific case any root canals

jeff in the last week any dental issues going on what's going on oh no i thought this would be no i thought you'd say no and we'd move on no well yeah so okay well when i got my root canal the lady you know they had to put a temporary crown on and the lady said um this glue's a little messy and i i there might i might have got a little on on the on on the back of your tooth there but it'll come off and i go uh okay uh and she goes it'll it'll go away in like a day or two. And I could feel a little bit of a rough spot back there. And then I didn't think too much of it. And then like three days later, a chunk of glue came out of my mouth.

It was like a finger to knuckle long. And I thought my mouth was falling apart i had forgotten about it and i sat down with this thing that came out of my mouth looking at it trying to figure out what the fuck was going wrong inside of me and it probably took a good 45 seconds to realize that that was the thing that had released and it was way bigger than she'd given me the impression and probably way bigger than it should have been and probably should have been cleaned up but anyway so yeah i had about a 46 45 46 second period there where i almost shit my pants because i thought my mouth was falling out um i haven't been back to the dentist because i don't get to go yet but i do have to go in two weeks to get the permanent crown

put on okay so just until then just until then i can't eat on the left side of my mouth so what i am in essence doing and i continue to do because to do because the other root canal was on this side, is I'm just over-chewing on the right side of my mouth, which A, I assume wears down my teeth more on that side, which means it's going to create an imbalance of tooth problems on the right side down the road. But also, I'll be honest with you, I'm getting really strong on the right side of my mouth, and on the left side, not so strong. So I'm like that guy in that M. Night Shyamalan

movie. I got one big ass mouth muscle on the right and one tiny ass mouth muscle on the left and it does me no fucking good because I'm not Sylvester Stallone and over the top and I can't win any fucking fights with it. You're just like a charger but it's in your face. Yeah, I'm like a face charger. I'm a cheek charger.

I'm a cheek charger. Okay. That's how the dentist is going. What else you got, Andrew? I'm a cheek charger I'm a cheek charger okay that's how the dentist is going what else you got Andrew I got other things how's Applejack in your fridge any Applejack updates is the fridge broken

what is happening with your fridge is this still a broom are you still having to set up a home alone trap to keep your door closed well well I eventually Still having to set up like a home alone trap to keep your door closed. Well, this is so okay. Well, I eventually was able to get to a furniture, to a place to get a quote. So I've gone to the process of getting a new refrigerator quoted out.

Now the price of that refrigerator, we won't get into. We're gentlemen here. Yeah, the price of that refrigerator, we won't get into. We're gentlemen here. Yeah, of course. I'll put it in, I'll also say this too. Here's the situation with the fridge currently. It is cold. Okay. The nice little Russian man

was able to eventually get it working. I have no idea what he did because, and I don't know that he did either, but we got it working. He led me to believe that it would work for three days or three months maybe, but not much longer. To fix it properly, he said, would cost $2,600, which seems like a lot of money.

Seems like more than most people would pay for a fridge. Let me tell you something. That $26 is a drop in the bucket compared to replacing uh that fridge once again we won't go into that price yeah wait when did it become $26 you had $2,600 $2,600 oh okay that's what i said $2,600 is that what you said no he said it 26 the first he said $2,600 and then he said $2,600 i said it twice $2,600 so uh so uh but after he left, and Emily and I decided, do we test using this thing? Do we immediately go buy the new fridge?

What do we do? And we said, let's just use it in the short term while we figure this out, because it is an eight-week order on the fridge, because I don't know if you know this, but it's impossible to get anything in America right now, because nothing's been being made for like the last year and a half, and supplies are low. So I can't get a, so I still haven't ordered the new fridge yet because I can't bring myself to do it. I'll get into that for a second. If you want to talk

about complicating a life. So I'm sitting right now on a cold fridge that's working today. I don't know what'll happen tomorrow, but a funny thing that did happen, like two days after the guy left and then Emily and I made the decision, let's ride the fridge out for a little bit longer. All the lights burned out in it.

So now I got a fridge and a freezer. They're just fucking dark as dicks, dude. I can't see shit in it, but they're cold. I just got no fucking lights. All the lights? What? Wait, how many lights? What are we talking about?

You got fridge lights. You got freezer lights. I don't know. They're fucking burned out. So now I can't see shit. Luckily, I got lights in my kitchen, so that works. It's not deep. It's not like I gotta go spelunkering

to find shit. Luckily, everything that was in the fridge and everything that was in the freezer went bad, so it's not like there's anything to see in there anyway. I got some mustard, and I got some Popeye's popsicles see in there anyway i got some mustard and i got some popeyes popsicles that's about fuck oh oh and i have i have a lime waterloo soda water and that's fucking it that's what my fridge is why didn't the mustard go bad ah it's new mustard but so

does mustard not need to be in the fridge oh uh i don't know i don't know i don't bug me about mustard dude i'm just telling you what's in my fridge right now i i have one question about the fridge is the price of the new fridge more or less than the price of a new jet ski uh they're they're about the same and to be clear i could buy a fridge the fridge is so expensive because of how large it is right that's the issue it's it has to fit within a specific cabinet. Yeah, because other geniuses of friends of mine, they're like, hey, dummy, don't get a big fridge to fit the space.

Get a tiny fridge and put it in there. And then I go, yeah, but then I got a half a fridge space around. And they go, no, that's when you get more custom cabinets built. Yeah. You know how much custom cabinets cost? They cost, well, A,

A, they cost three times more than you quoted, and B, it costs three months of your life. I don't want to go fucking, I don't want a hole in my house. I don't want another three months of cabinet building, this time in my kitchen. Last time it was in a library I didn't use. Now it's in the middle of

goddamn fucking shithole house. So I'm not going to do that. I'm going to buy a fucking refrigerator, I think. I can't make the decision because I going to do that. I'm going to buy a fucking refrigerator. I think I can't make the decision because I realize the point. If I'm going to buy jet ski money on another refrigerator, maybe I should sell the house and buy a new

one. So that's what I got to deal with. Do I buy another fucking house in Austin, Texas in the worst time in the history of the planet Earth to buy a house in Austin, Texas in the worst time in the history of the planet Earth to buy a house in Austin, Texas? Or do I just continue to pump thousands of thousands of dollars into the hell spawn muddy pit that is my home? I don't know, guys.

I'm on the fence trying to figure it out. Fridge or new home, help me out here because I don't know what to do. It has to be pointed out. The kindest thing Jeff maybe has ever done on this podcast is say hypothetical idiots and not Gavin who made the cabinet suggestion last week. That was Gavin's

idea. I know! He's the idiot. That wasn't my idea. You know, you absolutely said you could do new cabinets. 100%. I haven't stopped thinking about it since he said it! It's the dumbest fucking thing I've heard! I don't think it's a terrible idea.

I mean... You know how much fucking hell I went through just from you two idiots over the last round of shelves that I had built? You think I'm going through that again anytime soon? I just thought you're the shelf guy.

You love shelves. You love shelves. Okay, well, I didn't realize that was my suggestion. So that's where we are with the fridge. Do I buy a new house or not? I don't know. The fridge problem is, do I buy a new house? It's fantastic. I'm sorry.

Next question. Yeah, I'm not done, actually. How is the pipe? Did you fix the pipe with the leak in it? Slash, is the wall fixed? Wall's fixed. What's going on with that? Okay, wall's fine.

Everything's fine. All right, so does the paint match? Yeah, yeah. All that's good. All that's good, right? So, all right. So does the paint match? Yeah. Yeah. All that's good. All that's good. Right. All that's good. I had to rip that fucking enclosure out and then, and then I had to fuck him, you know,

because the fucking asshole, the fucking asshole who flipped this house. Sorry, buddy. I'm sure you're a nice guy. Motherfucker. You know, he did this really cool thing where he built this enclosure around a washer and a dryer that fits really snugly, and then it's like, it's basically the washer and the dryer become like a countertop, and it's pretty, and it's like wood

and stuff. And then to fix the wall, I had to take all that apart. And that's when I realized what he did to put it together. And I'm scared of this house now, because I saw his handiwork up close. I really am. And so is it fine?

Yeah, the leak got fixed and I eventually got the washer and the dryer back in place and then it got painted and then I barely put this fucking piece of shit enclosure back together, right? Because it was not built well initially and it was hard as fuck

and I had to break it six ways to Sunday to get it apart. Otherwise, I couldn't get the fucking leak fixed, right? So it's not like I had a choice. It's either I can have an enclosure or a leak, right? So I chose to have the leak fixed and then try to put the piece of shit enclosure back together, which I've done. But anyway, but that brings me to another point that I suspect that this guy's a fucking... I've had a problem for a long time since I bought this washer and the dryer, which were brand new to this fucking house

by the way. I bought them and stuck them in there. I'm pretty sure that the goddamn enclosure makes the goddamn dryer overheat all the goddamn time because it probably shouldn't be closed up like that and I don't know what to fucking do about it because to take it apart again is gonna make all kinds of fucking trouble. So now I just gotta restart my goddamn dryer every

30 minutes. I like the fact that you said you're gonna be relying heavily on us this episode Yeah, I got nothing to talk about This is what happened since last time this happens is the last time I stopped the recording I said goodbye to you two guys and then I turned off and I sat in the dark and I tried not to talk to a repairman or an electrician or a plumber or anyone. I just sat there and I watched Survivor and I tried not to make eye contact with the world

and I tried not to breathe too loud and I just tried not... I just tried. I just tried. That's all. And so nothing has happened in my life other than a season and a half of Survivor and me, you know, just fucking dealing with, just trying to cope with this.

What season of Survivor are you on? I'm on 27. 27, okay. I believe it's blood versus water. Oh, great season. Yeah, it's a great season. I'm pretty sure a dryer is one of the few things that you can't overheat

because it has a specific hot air vent pipe. That goes through the wall, right? Yeah, I think you're correct. I think you're right. Then why does my dryer go E3, E3, overheating, overheating all the time? And when I brought the dryer repairman out for it, he goes, no, it seems to be working fine. I don't know.

I'm not going to bring that guy out again. I've already had two dryer repairmen look at it gavin two i feel like building furniture around appliances especially in this day and age where nothing lasts anymore it's so short-sighted like people what are you doing i'd rather have furniture that lasts longer than electronics. So why am I staring at furniture that doesn't match the thing it was built for anymore? Ridiculous. We all shop online

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a desk and a bed and a fridge that's all i have i don't have any there's no built-in appliances where i live it's pretty easy a cool idea would be a desk that had a built-in waffle maker in the desk oh i have uh i have a sauce drawer that's a pretty cool part of my desk. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Elaborate. Can you inventory the sauce drawer? Yeah, I could.

I mean, we're going to go down a road of sauces eventually in this episode. So my desk, I've got three drawers on my desk. Left side, it's all my collectible stuff. I've got cards in there, anything that I deem collectible value. Put it in the left side. Middle, that's the important papers, cards, whatever, information. Serious stuff in the middle cabinet. Papers and cards?

Yeah, you know, like my social security, all that shit. Middle, middle desk area. The right cabinet, right drawer, sauces. It's all about sauces. I got my sauces. I got straws. I got some cutlery, some plastic cutlery. Never know when you need it. That's my food drawer, the right drawer, my desk.

You can open it right now. I got, mainly it's honey mustard. We got a lot here. I can take a photo. I'll be, one second. You actually have your phone on you here in the middle of the podcast and it's charged did you charge it last night oh i sure did gavin i'm learning okay but i'm learning this is a oh boy okay so now it's a whole thing i don't have discord on my

phone so this is where the chaos begins so i gotta i gotta send the photo to here and then i'll go to my tablet is this what it's like when i try to send stuff to you guys oh god yes yes it is this but i get it i get it there's a clear path on this i'm genuinely excited to see this photo though like i feel like if if i know a photo is coming from andrew pantin and i'm about to have just a little window into his weirdo world. I'm so excited. I'm so less interested in the photo, and what's around the photo. Yeah, like what's the stuff that isn't the subject of the photo. Yeah.

I don't think there's a lot going on as far as not the subject. My tablet's almost dead, so we're gonna... Okay, well... We're gonna pivot to my sauce story. Lesson not entirely learned. No. Well, I didn't, you know. Hey, we're not all perfect at all times.

This is my sauce drawer at the moment. I got some ketchup. You got some honey mustard. You got a syrup. There's two syrups in there. Whenever I get extra whatever sauce, I just throw it in the sauce drawer. Heinz Honey Mustard Bistro. Yeah, that's the Wendy's Honey Mustard right now.

They used to have a branded. I don't know when it flipped, but since I guess I do since the pandemic, they don't have it anymore. What's in the dotted drawer? What is in the dotted little box? The dotted box. That's a great. I think it's just bullshit.

It's just bullshit in that. I don't know where it's really in there. It's not sauce related. No, it's not sauce related. I can see the edge of a plate on your desk is that the edge of a plate no that's my mouse pad that's the edge of my mouse pad that is not a plate that's a really big drawer that's a massive drawer it's a big it's a big drawer sauce so we need to move the sauces i don't know if either of you do you know know what a BTS is? The K-pop band.

I didn't know what BTS was. BTS is a K-pop band. They have a McDonald's combo right now, much like the Travis Scott meal. They got a whole nugget. It's a 10-piece nugget meal with fries with two sauces that are, I think, new to the company. They've never had these before. I don't know if you remember a few weeks ago, we had a conversation about chugging sodas in a can.

Yeah, you never did that, Andrew. Yeah, well, they're on my desk. Gavin, they're on my desk right now. So I could do this. You guys said it was nothing, so I don't know if it's even worth doing. But last week, I was going to do it, but I couldn't find a place that sold cans, so I

thought I'll just order like a drink from McDonald's. And I found the BTS meal and I found the sauces. Sauce is delicious. I'm a big fan of the sweet chili. They have a sweet chili and a Cajun sauce. Love the sweet chili. So I ordered it. I tried it. I was like, these are great. They're limited. They're going to go away at the end of June. It's too bad. You only get two sauces per thing. I love sauce. I'm a big sauce guy. So then I thought well on the app, I've been told apparently in the past you cannot just buy sauces.

Typically when it's a specialty sauce you need to order the meal it comes with. But on the app, on DoorDash there's a sauce section. I'm sure it's for every delivery app. There's a condiment section and they had the nugget sauce in the condiment section.

So I did what any reasonable person would do. I just ordered 75 nugget sauce of the sweet chili. Oh, like, without any other food? Nothing else. Just 75. I ordered a bag of sauce. I'm like, I was talking to Eric about it and I was trying to figure out, well, what's the max

here? Can I just order a big bag of sauce and then the concern is we accept the order I went all sauce okay so we ordered 75 sweet chili sauce to my shock I kept waiting for them to say this is a criminal act you cannot do this

we are shutting down your order but it just kept advancing to the next phase so it just kept building and building i was so excited they surely budget out their what their inventory with the amount of meals like if they're only giving two per meal they probably know exactly how many meals they can sell you're you're basically ruining no entire system oh no okay listen they got they got nugget boxes gavin they got bags they. They got cups. It's a whole... There's all sorts of combinations for it.

And they're selling the sauce independently. I didn't... I just enjoy it. So I bought it, honestly expecting it to get canceled. Yeah. But it didn't. Bart arrived, the person who delivered it. And he dropped off...

Didn't even get any other food for it. No. Not even just like a cheeseburger no not not not any other food just 75 sauces so i now have this bag of sauce in front of me and i know it's sauce it's like it's a huge bag but you don't know like sometimes have you ever ordered food from somewhere and they're like ah we don't have it so we replaced it with this i get that mainly i guess like when i ordered the stuff to make the cheese sandwich the brands the sandwich they're like we don't have turkey so we just threw ham in instead i was worried that i ended up with a bag of fucking just hot mustard

nobody wants 75 hot mustard but they gave me i'm trying to find the photo of it they gave me the bag had the sauce the bag had the bts sauce in it i had 75 they gave it to me i just had 75 of the sweet chili so then i thought well what how far can i push this so i tried to do it i tried to do a second order well firstly how much did the 75 cost not much they're 20 cents a container so it's really cheap to go like buy it a surplus of sauces so i tried to i tried to double down on this in the evening and did a round two of sauce orders I tried to get a hundred Cajun sauces and 30 more sweet chili really rounded out have a nice hundred of each That order was rejected. Well, that would have put you at 105

Well, I would have had two sets so I would have had yeah Yeah, 205 sauces would have been the total 100 cajun 105 sweet chili wait are they 130 calories each yeah i think so i think so yes but gavin he wasn't planning on eating all 75 at once no of course not oh this is the bag i'm going out of sequence here so this is the bag got. This is what 75 sauces in a bag looks like. It was heavier than the McDonald's bags. That's almost 10,000 calories. You wouldn't know the horror that lies inside that bag.

No, I was terrified. Honestly, I thought it could be bullshit. It could be hot mustard. When I opened and saw that, it was like when they opened the briefcase of Pulp Fiction. It was just gold. it's a pink glow because then i did research and people are fucking selling this for so much money like the bag and everything it's worth money i saw a bet for or a bet not a bid it was two sauces one of each ten dollars somebody. Somebody paid. This is liquid gold. You're looking at my retirement fund right here. I have been on a sauce ordering spree ever since last week.

I just keep accumulating sauces. Every time I go to place an order, throw 40 sauces in there. I'm a sauce guy. I'm building a sauce empire. You're a McDonald's sauce profiteering guy now. Yes, I am. What I learned is that you have to, Gavin is right,

you throw in a little thing. So now I'm ordering the meal with the sauce and then I throw in like, give me 40 nugget sauces and then they add on to it. That's been a reliable system. They just don't care though because sometimes they'll give me 37.

Sometimes they'll give me 52. They give no fuck. Sometimes they'll get other sauce on top. I'm just a fucking sauce factory at this point. I'm about a week away from opening my own McDonald's. I hate everything about this. I hate the waste, the plastic waste, the carbon footprint of sending for a little tiny. It's awful.

Everything. Oh, man. Do you think that the sauces in your old sauce drawer right now are feeling really fucking confused and abandoned? Well, I was going to replace the whole sauce drawer initially. But now, yeah, now when I get a honey mustard, I'm like, I don't need this. Are they going in the fridge or are you just keeping them in the drawer? I'm storing the honey mustards in the drawer. I'm storing the sweet chili sauces and the Cajun in another location.

I feel like this is like animal crossing turnips. No, they last longer. So I did a little bit of research on that. There's like a multiple month shelf life for sauces that you can extend if you refrigerate them. But for like standard packaging, it's,

it's months long. It's not an imminent thing. I've gotten to the point where I'm like, I'm trying to build up my sauce empire a little bit. So this was like a creation I made yesterday talking about survivor i felt like i was in an immunity challenge it got really shaky on the right side trying to stack this tower up it's intimidating um so are you now more likely to sell them than eat them because otherwise that's the dilemma that's the problem i made the fatal mistake of trying the sweet chili sauce before realizing I was going to

build a sauce empire. I fucking love the sauce. I'm a big fan of it. Even if I wanted to sell it, I'm running the risk of eating my entire supply. It's a problem. It's tough to resist. I don't know what I'm going to do with the sauces. From a profitability standpoint, it would be absurd if I didn't try to sell them.

But the fucking sweet chili sauce is so good i don't like the cajun i'm not a big fan of the cajun sauce sweet chili is great why don't you why don't you sell the cajun sauce to finance your sweet chili empire that's a great idea the thing is jeff we gotta wait until june 21st and then this is a fucking sauce ship to Mars. Right, right. We're gonna make all the money. It becomes the Session 1 sauce from Rick and Morty and the whole thing. It becomes Session 1 sauce 2.0. Exactly. Yeah, it's like when the artist dies and his work becomes more valuable.

Yeah, that's exactly absolutely correct. I went on to build other, I was trying to like, I was trying to build the most epic sauce-type structure I could make. So we've done a few variations. I was doing three by three,

and I got to 16 levels, and it collapsed, which was terrifying. These are valuable goods. I was playing a game, and I got to the 16th floor, and then everybody just heard me go, uh-oh, the entire tower just fell over. Saw a shot all over the place.

But right next to me, and it is terrifying because it wobbles. Because every once in a while, my fridge will violently vibrate. Because it's like chilling or whatever a fridge does. I don't know how fridges work. Violently vibrate? Yeah. Might want to get that looked at, but sure. No, it's like a brief

it's very it only lasts for like 30 seconds yeah so that's probably honestly that is probably what it is this is what i got right next to me right now to my right i got a whole sauce it's leaning a little bit it's not great now is that a black container or is that the color of the sauce that is a black container okay thank, thank God. Yeah, it is not. It's kind of like a red and a yellowy sauce. Okay, gotcha. So what is the total number of sauces? Great question, Jeff.

That's fantastic. What a great, I think I have 116 sweet chili sauces. Okay. And 73 Cajun, I want to say. Somewhere around there. I'm close to 200 sauces. And where are we taking this? Like, what, do you have an immediate goal?

Every, you know, no, it's sort of like, I feel like I'm getting into the early levels of, like, Bitcoin. I'm just, every time I order, I throw some sauce in there. I feel like I'm making penny investments, and it's going to really cash out at the end of June. Where are you going to be selling these anyway? Are you going to be shipping them across the country? I mean, I could theoretically do that.

I mean, eventually... Are they going off-island? BTS meal is very popular right now. I can just go outside a McDonald's. You want a BTS meal? I got it right here. Well, for the people who are too lazy to go all the way in? No, no, no, no, no.

When they stop selling the sauce, I could be outside a McDonald's and be like, oh, you know what's really good with those nuggets? Sweet chili sauce. Oh, they don't sell it anymore? Interesting. What would you give? And are you going into McDonald's first and getting a load of nugs

just so you can offer the complete package? Or are you making them do half the work? I think I would stand near the front till and anybody who ordered nugs, I'd then be like, hey, you know what? Would be really good with that. You're going to get kicked out so far. You should get a sign.

Yeah, you get a sign like a scalper. Yeah. Right? Maybe I set up like a lemonade stand outside of the McDonald's and just be like, sauces, BTS sauces here. It's great. This is my empire.

We're building. You know what you should do in the meantime is while you're building up to that to help promote people, help to keep the idea of these sauces fresh in people's minds

so they don't forget about them. Because, you know, at some point, McDonald's is going to, they're going to turn, they're going to ratchet down the marketing nozzle on this thing.

And so, you know, they won't be inundating Canadians with BTS sauces. So you'll have to pick up some of the slack. You've got something going here with this, I'm going to call it, sauce art. The stackable sauce art. I could see you, like I could see an Eiffel Tower coming out of this. I could see a Greek Parthenon. I could see you doing a I could see, I could see an Eiffel Tower coming out of this. I could see a Greek Parthenon. I could see you doing a lot of interesting historical things. I could see you making some pretty cool and impressive art.

You put that on TikTok and Instagram. That's just going to help drive people to your sauce business when the time is right. That's a great point. I also, I just feel like BTS is very popular from my understanding. So I don't need to worry about the obscurity of the sauce going away.

It's tied to a very large thing. Well, yeah, but if BTS isn't pumping McDonald's connection and McDonald's is no longer pumping the connection, somebody's going to have to be there to make that connection. You're going to have to keep that. No, that's fair. I think you should try the sauces, both of you. It's a great sauce.

People are going to naturally miss this sauce. I got to be honest with you. At no point have I considered or desired to taste these sauces at any point in this conversation. Really? I'm probably going to do it off until we finish. You should try the sweet chili. It is a fantastic sauce. I had McDonald's yesterday.

I like ketchup. Ketchup is a great condiment. It's the best condiment. It's worthless, though. You can't sell that to people. Can't sell it. No. Heinz is still going.

They're not stopping anytime. But I don't think you're selling a flavor. I think Andrew got sold on a flavor, but I don't think it matters at all whether it tastes good or not.

I think you're selling the BTS thing. So it doesn't matter if I try it and like it. That's fair. I just think, I'm saying just as a food experience,

which feels fucking dumb to say about a McDonald's, I think you should try it. I'd give the sweet chili a try. So are you going gonna hire dealers to flog this stuff after it's gone away or are you gonna be the one out on the stand that's an interesting thing i think i'm imagining you like a like a heisenberg yeah yeah or like a jesse no yeah no i was gonna say i think i might re-watch the wire is what i'm gonna do and just take some notes and just like find a good corner and operate off of it. That might be the way.

Remember, Walter White got mad at Jesse for, you know, trying the product. You need to either be selling it or eating it. But I don't think both. It's like the number one rule of a drug dealer is you can't get high in your own supply. Yeah, it is. I got to be honest with you, Andrew. I feel like you're high right now. No, I'm not high. The issue is it's not like fucking walter white your sauce high right now i think you are i don't think that there are i don't think there's a lot of day that

goes by that you're not you're not pretty close to or on the sauce i you know what i'm listen it's been tough i'm not gonna lie to, but I've avoided sauce high. I don't know if you've... There's a movie called Win It All, and the premise is like this guy gets a bag of money and he just has to hold it and not think about it, and he can't resist using it to gamble. That's how I feel about this sauce. I need to put it in a duffel bag

and throw it in a closet and just pretend it doesn't exist for the next month. Yeah, you need to hide it under the insulation where you wash your dryer. I need to reopen gavin safe that i bought and just put all the sauce in that and just lock it away because it is i'm not sauce high cheth but i'm constantly thinking about being sauce high every day it is a struggle your withdrawals i feel like the day the bts product you know ends thing ends and you're like all right now's the day i get rich you're gonna open up that sauce drawer and it's just gonna be

a little sauce and you're gonna go oh and then you're double fucked because not only is it gone but you were your own supply and you've just you've you've run through your own supply and now you're the only addict and you have no way to get it you've through your own supply, and now you're the only addict, and you have no way to get it. You've created your own problem. He's going to be buying it off other people. Andrew's going to be standing outside of McDonald's begging people to sell him sauce. Hey, anyone get some BTS sauce last month? Check your glove compartment.

Floor your car. Anything? Maybe your trunk. He's rummaging through the bin. When was the last time you ate McDonald's? You're're right i'm the person i'm selling to is me i'm the person well this is a whole new perspective maybe i just enjoy the sauces and view it as a savings compared to what i'd be spending on the resale market i don't know what i'm gonna do but yeah i'm a sauce guy we got a lot of sauces going on.

Oh, that's funny as hell. Yeah. Every week you have a new lifestyle change. I was going to bring it up last week and then Jeff just randomly ended the show. So like literally as soon as we stopped recording, I said to Eric like I have this dumb thing lined up with all these sauces should I just

do this and then it became I've become obsessed I'm a sauce guy I'm creating an empire it's gonna be great June 21st is gonna be an exciting time can I tell you guys by the way speaking of the way the last podcast ended because like for whatever reason my

my audio cut out and I couldn't hear you guys. I assume it's an Internet problem because why wouldn't it be? Why wouldn't it be something that would require me to call somebody to come out to my house and pay and probably do it three or four times, which is on the list of things to do. God, sorry. Don't worry. I I got lost in my misery for a second. What were we talking about?

No, you're talking about ending the podcast abruptly. Oh, right. I ended up. So on the bright side, that, that happening prepared me for when it happened twice this week during annual

past. The other podcast I record right now with Jack. Did you end that one as well? No, I'll tell you when it happened, I recognized what was happening, so I just shut up and I just waited

and eventually he came back in and never fucking knew. I don't know what episode you just recorded, but there's probably six minutes of that podcast that I was just not in and Jack has no idea.

I love the idea of Jack finishing like a four minute spiel and then you're just like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Anyway. All right. To be fair to you as well, though, I feel like if that would have happened on annual pass,

you wouldn't have reacted the way you did. It felt very much like you're paranoid is your response. You did not want to be fucked with. You thought it was a prank in some way. So you responded to the assumption it was a prank. Oh, it definitely was. You'll hear when the episode, when it comes out to listen to, you can tell.

Especially after I had just had a whole conversation about how I'm getting paranoid that I'm late for a prank. I'm overdue for one. And then immediately you guys stop talking. Jeff is really paranoid because I texted Jeff randomly the other day because I was just curious. I just wanted to check in on Jeff. Why are you texting me, man? Don't text me. Nobody contact me.

Nobody talk to me. What do you want me to do? You're fucking, last week you're saying we don't text you enough. Now we're saying don't text you at all. No, I'm not saying you don't text me enough. I'm just saying you don't respond to me. It's fine. I relinquish my complaint.

I don't trust it. I can't trust any communication. Or Gavin, the only time Gavin texts me is to guilt me for the rain, and it's never my fault. Look, you know the picture I posted last week of the weather? Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's identical now.

Yeah. It's the exact same now. Anyway, Andrew. I don't remember what I was... Oh, I texted you saying, hey, have you played Gems of War recently? And you said, yeah. Yeah, why would you ask that? Why?

Because I was thinking about my friend Jeff. I still don't trust that would you ask that? Why? Because I was thinking about my friend Jeff. I still don't trust that question. No, yeah, bullshit. I was thinking about my friend Jeff, and I thought, huh, I haven't talked to Jeff about Gems of War in a long time. You love that game. You'd play it all the time.

You don't talk to me about Gems of War ever. Yeah, well, it would come up in conversation. I'd ask you about it. I just, like, between the show and the text conversation, I hadn't heard about it. Andrew Raymond Penn. Uh-huh. You just like between the show and the text conversation. I hadn't heard about it. Andrew Raymond Panton. You and I have so many things to talk about. There are so many places we can connect or check in with each other on.

Not the least of which, by the way, is the entire NBA landscape right now. And everything that you and I are watching as fans and then dealing with. Oh, that's another thing. Ask what happened in the last week. I don't know. Maybe the entire goddamn Boston Celtics organization flipped upside down and the piece of shit, fucking Super 3, fucking asshole, no dignity,

let's buy a team, fucking championship. Goddamn, Brooklyn, no heart nets won obviously. It's fucking oh and a gentleman's sweep but Jason Tatum was amazing. And then the whole fucking team fell apart. Also that happened anyway. I did. I think that there's a million other reasons for you to contact me than gyms of war and out of

the blue. No. As soon as you text me out of the blue about gyms of war of all things I think what's the gyms of war bit. This there was no bit it i think what's the gems of war bit this there was no bit it was it was in the heart of and we should probably address this too at some point it was during our bet between gavin and i and i was thinking about gavin and i playing games and then i thought about you and i was like well i wonder if jeff is still playing gems of war so i just was curious there was nothing behind it it was just a genuine question as a friend

because there's the achievement named after you in that game. For a while, we'd get constant updates of like, I'm a quarter of the way there or whatever. I played for 20 hours and I gained 1% on it. So I was just curious. Would you be excited, Andrew, to get that achievement before Jeff? Oh, I would love to, but there's no way. There's a 0% chance that could happen.

I feel like you're very sad that our bet ended, that our halo bet i think we're both sad about it i'm pretty pretty sad do you guys want to talk about that like who won the bet and all that stuff yeah we should go into that we should it had it developed into it went 12 rounds which is shocking i think in the last episode that aired the time was like four minutes 20 i think i said that and someone asked me, do I think Gavin will beat it? And I was like, 90% chance, no way. And it went like five more days after that point.

It went back and forth so many times. And I think since the last one we recorded, I said like a 344. And then because we were like just chipping away seconds. We're like got to the point where if we clipped a corner or if we didn't take a turn like a formula one driver we would reload we're just shaving off seconds so it was like going all the way down i got to about 344 i think i beat your 345 and then out of complete nowhere you got a 339 it was the best run i've ever had five entire seconds off and at that point i was like oh i am screwed it was a fantastic it took less than an hour it honestly felt like revenge for the bathtub

text you sent me where you like did it in 40 minutes it felt like retribution in that way i just had everything happen to line up for me perfectly it's the best run i've ever had probably will be the best run i'll ever have on that level. And it only took like 65 minutes. It was ridiculous. It was insane. So I was like, I was really down. I eventually managed to shave off four seconds

off my last time. So I got to 340 on your 339. By the way, real quick, what's the world record? It's 335 on easy. So you guys are four and five seconds off of the world record doing it on legendary with some component of the skulls. With the messy skulls save scumming speedrun, then yeah.

Yeah, I mean, the skulls are part of the easy speedrun. It's just more of we're save scumming it. It's like we're optimizing every point section by section it's not a fluid run the run is all about the start but between the start and getting in the ghost it's how quickly you do that that's what determines the run is what i've seen and i feel like you were sort of falling towards the ghost around 30 seconds and i actually was able i spent an entire day day doing this. I was just drilling the rooftop over and over again, blasting myself through that shitty hallway to get to the ghost. And I managed to fly out of that hallway,

and I was falling towards the ghost at 27 seconds. And I was like, oh, if this checkpoints, I have this. But what I didn't realize is that there's a load zone that I guess is within that time. So all the enemies spawn in. So I was there in my ghost driving it like 28 seconds. And all of the enemies were in different places. Like there's a ghost that comes down.

And usually, you know, when you're hitting that a normal time, the ghost just drives past you. It then turns around and starts shooting you. Because it was so early, he had barely even even come out he started shooting me straight away it made every single part after that so much more difficult because everything was so early and shit was in different places i got hung up in the tunnels i think i ended up losing three or four seconds in places where i used to breeze through and it was so freaking frustrating i didn't want to bin the run so i was just drilling or every single checkpoint was difficult pissed me right off and when i got to the end and i was like i don't even have enough i don't have enough seconds left to even get ahead or even tie it was it was a really

a huge downer and i'm still upset about it i really don't think i don't think i can be that time ever i i think you could because you set up for a scenario in which you were faster. I don't think I could ever beat that time. I think the way this contest played out, or this bet, it's the only scenario

I would win. That 3.39 time is just extremely lucky. If we ran this back 10 times, started over, I think you would win most of them.

I just got, I hit that one right time. You were bummed and you were asking me to pick other levels so we could basically do it again. And I realized that it's so hard to cheat in other levels. Like that one, that's like an anomaly. You could just fly over most of the level and it's Halo 2, so there's all these stupid skulls.

In other games, it's not as easy. So I decided I don't want to do a different level. I just want to, I feel like even though I lost the bet, you care much less about the bet. You would care much more if I beat your time on outskirts. Even after the bet, I feel like you would have to go back and beat it again. I don't think I would, to be honest with you. You would happily let me sit above you on the leaderboards for outskirts

after everything we went through? Yeah, because I won the bet. So it's like now this is just like i i'm acknowledging already that was four yeah what what did you win didn't we determine bragging rights no no it was gavin asked to chew a piece of gum of my choice it's like 10 shoes or something sure we'll get that we'll get that out of the way um i'm still debating whether or not to bring lawyers into that but i think i'll just go ahead and do it. But I honestly think if I, like a month from now, was like, by the way, better than you at outskirts, I think you'd be livid.

Do you want to know the proof of why I wouldn't care? I don't have any times in Garfield cart anymore. I've moved on. I feel the same way about this. I won. I accomplished what I wanted to. I acknowledge that I think you're better at me at that level. I think this is the only scenario in which I win this bet. I am okay with you having the better time because I think you're better at that level than I am.

I think I would have put that to the test. Feel free. Go ahead. It will take hours. You spent 8.5 hours, I think you said, to get a second below the time I have. That's a lot of grunt. You said to get a second below the time I have. So that's a lot of over the weekend when I was talking to you guys, there was some discussion about continuing this with other levels. It sounds like that's no longer on the table. Gavin's just going to beat your time for fun. I guess so. Is there no which I by the way, Gavin, I think is the right move.

I think it's the right decision. And I think that you are right in every way. I do think what might happen is Andrew might not be able to let you and us know that you were right. And so it might fester and eat away at him inside. No. In a way, way, way worse way than anything else, which I think is just brilliant. And honestly, whether it's true or not doesn't really matter as long as you and i believe it's true and i 100 believe it's true so uh but i i do feel like i thought you

guys were gonna like come up with like a point scoring system and you were gonna like try to do like but first of five or some shit and you were gonna do like a whole bunch i thought that's what we were doing i didn't know that gavin has decided he doesn't want to do that anymore i mean i i do want to do that i do what i just try to want to do that. I do want to do that. I just want to figure out where the value is. You just said you didn't. What will annoy you more? Well, I, so, the other levels are just normal levels.

You gotta be good at shooting and stuff. The reason I love this level and the reason I kept doing it back in the day is that you don't have to even kill anything. That's true. What is so stupid in my mind is when we agreed initially we both before said okay we're gonna do master chief collection has six halo games we'll do a level per game if you win the game you get a point first the four points wins was kind of the idea i never considered gavin to use the skull method on other levels when he texted me yesterday i was like man it's hard to

cheat on other levels i was terrified because it's like oh fuck I never even thought about that this could continue on in other ways Halo 2 has definitely the goofiest skulls and it's going to be very difficult in other games but I am going to find a way to create new techniques in other games I'm just I think outskirts will always be on my mind we could even move ahead like once again talking about times you had you and I were going to do a whole fucking hitman race so I took every time in hitman 2 and then you just never played Hitman 2. It never happened. Well, I will say where you're fucked here, Andrew, I think you're a better gamer than Gavin in most cases, certainly with FPSs.

Without a doubt. Not that Gavin is bad, by the way. No, Gavin's great. Gavin's especially with Halo. But Gavin knows Halo better than he knows Gavin. That's a joke, but Gavin's especially with Halo. But Gavin knows Halo better than he knows Gavin. That's yeah. And he knows he knows the ins and outs and intricacies and foibles of that system and that engine so fucking well that if there is a way to exploit it, he will find it.

He will. He is a genius at it to the point where after the bet was over, I thought, well, since I've been streaming this every night and like people have been watching, I feel like I should there should be like one more like closeout stream. And since it was over, Gavin was just sharing with me stuff he's doing. He came up with this way of reducing the time by hopping out of the ghost, throwing a grenade underneath it and then propelling you to like a tunnel area. And it was genius and it's something i would never consider yeah i tested that out that that on my run the checkpoint positioning is very important on that one but on my run i did figure out it would save me exactly one second doing that yeah like it's absurd like i i really i genuinely think you're better at me

at that level it's just between the time restriction and the time I happen to hit. Like if you would have got 340, I don't know if I would ever get 339. I would be very interested if you could even get 339 again. I was even contemplating trying to grenade myself up the final ramp. But you take so much damage before that. Should we do your cans?

Do you want to do the cans? Do you guys want to talk over while I crack can? This isn't hard, you guys said. You both were like, eh. So what have you got in front of you? You got two cans of cans? You guys want to talk over while I crack can? This isn't hard you guys said you both were like eh What have you got in front of you? You got two cans of drink? Yeah, so I have three cans one of them is opened Because I almost puked while Jeff was yelling earlier because I was laughing so hard and I needed something to drink to stop myself from Doing so. Man I did not want to laugh or did not want to yell Now hey, you know I didn't know you were gonna get me going. I didn not want to laugh or did not want to yell. Now, hey, you know, I didn't know you were going to get me going.

I didn't try to, Jeff. It's just I feel like you needed that. He was just working on his checklist. Yeah, I was just taking notes from the fucking... I just fucking realized I had answers to those questions. And they were frustrating answers. Well, I feel like it was very therapeutic and we love you. So I'm going to crack a can.

This is really easy. You guys both said. So the idea is to not burp and do two cans you should do the two other cans though because i assume the open one is the other one has lost carbonation i completely agree i will do the last can last or the open one last but no no burping allowed no burping a lot isn't now we talked about this before do i have like a 10 count once i'm done with the the drinks to like to what extent because i'm gonna burp eventually when do i pass the i've made the challenge we should get 30 seconds to tick by and then you can burp yeah 30 seconds 30 seconds yeah how long did it take you guys to chug a can i can't remember the last time i chugged a soda in a can i feel feel like this could be difficult. 10 seconds, maybe. Okay. It doesn't take long.

10 seconds. Can you do that? Holy shit, it fucking fizzed and shot everywhere. Okay, here we go. All right. I'm imagining this well. It sounds like he's drinking. Sounds like he's getting it down.

Yeah. When do you think you'll get? You think you'll do two? No, I don't think. Well, do you think you could do two? You seem to feel pretty confident you could handle two. I think I could do two. Yeah. I don't think well do you think you could do two you seem to think feel pretty confident you could handle two i think i could do two yeah i don't think i could do three i think based on how much i hurt after i did it and how then i had like I made a mistake

it looks like one can what was that noise it's almost vomited it all up oh my god laugh it oh my god It's like a T-Rex that just ate a goat I fucked

I fucked up so bad Do not go with 7up It's so carbonated It's so bubbly It's got bubbles on the can That's the point Oh my god I genuinely almost puked It's got bubbles on the can. That's the point. Oh, my God. I genuinely almost puked.

That was one. That was one. That was a bad attempt. Did you make the 30 seconds? Oh, no. I definitely burped and died and almost puked. Well, the 30 seconds was supposed to start after the second can. Okay, so I got a second can.

I can try the Pepsi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pepsi's any different. He's mixing and matching. Okay, so I got a second can. I can try the Pepsi. Yeah, see if Pepsi's any different. He's mixing and matching. Yeah, well, I had two Pepsis and it's 7-up because I thought it might get boring. Gavin, I know the other day I said I'm never going to listen to this

podcast again, but I have to tune in to hear that noise. I want to listen to his raw audio right after we finish recording. I've never heard anything like that in my life. He's terrible at this. He sucks so much of this. I'm so mad at this.

Oh, my God. I have to. Oh, god, I have to stop. Oh man. I may fucking vomit. I had soda all over my shirt. What is wrong with you? Why is it bringing up liquid? I think my body's trying to burp and the soda disease got down.

Oh my god, he rejects the Pepsi. It doesn't matter. 7-Up wasn't a mistake. It's all bad for me. It all doesn't work. You turned such a big game like it was going to be a piece doesn't work I really thought it was gonna be so easy it was

not that was not good I feel like I can genuinely go vomit right now nothing earlier probably wasn't the best time to try this oh I got tears in my eyes I definitely vomited a little bit. That was the first. I'm sorry to anyone that had to listen to that. How far into the can was the burp?

Was it you couldn't, you just couldn't stifle the burp? I was burping while chugging, which probably caused to the violent roar of the 7-Up. And then the Pepsi. Why didn't you hold the burp down? I couldn't. It was just, it came to the violent roar of the 7-Up. And then the Pepsi... Why didn't you hold the pop down? I couldn't. It was just... It came to the surface.

I couldn't stop it. So I got... I don't... I'm ready to start the timer whenever you're ready to hold those perks. Okay, I'm gonna start the third one. Eric, get ready. Get the timer going. Ready? Okay, here's round three. Is he really going for the other one?

He's probably drinking a flat soda. Mm-hmm. That one's not going to be bad. Or maybe we'll hear that roar again. Wait. A little bit. Ugh. I can't do this.

I tap. I tap. I think potentially we should try this again one day. Maybe this is what we'll do on our first in person. Oh, that was... Are we good? Did everyone happy? Yeah.

That was no salad cream, buddy. Let me tell you. Okay. Thank you for listening to another episode of F*** Face. If you enjoyed whatever that was, please subscribe. I can't laugh anymore. I'm just crying. I'm just pushing tears now.

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