F**kface - Life Changing Sandwiches // Jack Hammering [181]

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Poymel secretions, the impending anal waxing, exploding head syndrome, making a sleep soundtrack, spinoff podcasts, Crazy Frog’s dick, Nick’s feet, life changing sandwiches, the guy in a puffy NFL jacket drenched in soda, Gavin’s belly button shot, dream laughter, shredded food, Big Bite, bacon butty, the regulation sandwich, the jack hammer, Andrew’s warehouse days, the party gurpler, living in cat breath, head measurements, and more.  Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q. Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face, Katos Coffee http://katoskoffee.com Code FACE10, and Nuts.com http://Nuts.com/face. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. I feel like Duck, Duck, Goose is a game that only gets funnier the older the players are. I want to see like 60 year olds play Duck, Duck, Goose. Do you use Duck, Duck, Go? No. Let's Duck, Duck, Go. You just struck me as the only person in my life that uses DuckDuckGo.

What is that? For when he's doing all of his QAnon related searches? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an independent browser that says that it... Are you tired of being tracked online? And it's like, I guess, yeah. We'll do it too, but we're going to pretend like we don't. You think I'm a private browser guy?

Oh, no, it just seemed like a thing like the way that you use discord in the browser is the way that i assumed you used tuck tuck i have a confession about the browser discord oh my god all right this is 181 go go go go go hello and welcome to another episode of the face podcast my name is jeff ramsey with me as always gavin free andrew pant and this is episode 181 of season 2-2 i believe hell yeah we're back andrew what is your confession i uh well i've i've had a long-standing preference of the discord browser over the app and we've been doing let's play stuff where i've been sharing gameplay and i switch to the app for that and it! And it crashes all the time. Every time I try to share gameplay, it immediately crashes,

and I complain that this never happened on the browser, and I didn't know my password, so I couldn't do it on the browser to prove my point, so I just suffered through. I finally figured out my password. You cannot share gameplay in that way on the browser. It's literally impossible to do. So the app is superior in that way.

I have to take that loss. Wow. I was wrong. Well, it takes a big man to admit he's that wrong. It does. It takes a season two Andrew to admit that. Season one Andrew wouldn't have admitted that. Would have quietly kept it under the rug.

Hey, Gavin, real fast. I have a question for you. Okay. How do you spell Poimal? P-O-I- have a question for you. Okay. How do you spell poimel? P-O-I-M-A-L-E. No, I don't think so. P-O-Y-M-A-L-E. I think it's...

I spelled it P-O-I-M-E-L, but then I saw online a bunch of people spelling it differently, and my way doesn't look right. So I need to know a couple things. Wait, who are these other people spelling poimel? Just people that were commenting on the episode last week what about what about this poymol okay p-o-y-m-l p-o-y-m-l that looks like a like a polyamorous app oh i like it and then gavin what now there's six poymols on the back i believe you said what

do the poymols do do they puls at all, or do they secrete anything? Can they change the flavor of the secretions? I assume they would have a sheen, and they would often throb. And they throb. Okay. Is there a scent or an odor or a secretion of any kind, or is it more just a throbbing, shiny thing? I think it can secrete

if the conditions are right. What are we talking about? Is this smut? Yeah, I just needed to get some answers from him to help inform a certain scene. Okay, okay, okay. If conditions are right.

Now I'm going to assume the secretion is pleasant for the Poimel or for the Poimel owner and also for the people inducing the secretion. You would hope so. Would hope so. Okay, good, good.

Yeah. You would. Could you imagine if this was the first one you listened to? Was this something that I was here for last time?

Yeah. Yeah. Really? I don't. Well, after I waxed, I was here for last time? Yeah. Yeah. Really? I don't. Well, after I waxed, I was gone. This was before.

This was the episode previous. This is the episode that came out. That was the previous one we did. I waxed. What are you talking about? The one before the wax. This was the episode before that. Oh,

okay. I just, I forgot. We, Andrew, you and I said that we will not be participating in the smut. And that's the reason why we don't remember this. Also, you got hammered online for it and I got away scot-free with it.

So I will continue to do that. You can continue. Oh, I got hammered online for it. You got hammered online for no ending. And Eric was totally scot-free. He's right. They only were mad at you. For leaving due to creative differences?

Yeah. Yeah, for saying you won't do the smut. I was, I think, the first person that said wouldn't do the smut. And then you said, I also won't do the smut. And a guy online is like, I can't believe Andrew said that he won't do it. It was great. Hey, let me give you a, speaking of the smut, let me give you a quick little update on the smut and also on the anal waxing.

Speaking of the smut, let me give you a quick little update on the smut and also on the anal waxing. We're having to pre-record a little bit because I'm going out of town for a couple weeks. And so I don't think we're going to be able to cram the anal waxing in before my wedding and honeymoon. Oh, I knew this was going to happen. No, no. Hang on. Now, I am in talks right now with someone who is a friend who's a friend of a friend of the show so I think I can get them next week

hopefully I'm attempting to right now I will say that I have contacted two other places and they were like yeah we do these calls and this kind of thing and I went cool so we're trying to film it do this thing and they said no we don't do that and I'm like but what about okay but is there anything that we can and they said, we don't do that. And I'm like, but what about, okay. But is there anything that we can?

And they said, no, we, no, we don't do that. And I just said, okay, thank you so much. Well, we're going to need to get the sign built that we can put our legs in. Yes, correct. That is key. First, that's key. I'm totally, but let me just give my availability.

I'm totally down to get my butthole waxed before the wedding. It's just going to have to be Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. Do you want to be up there with an itchy crap there? I mean, if it's for going to have to be Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. Do you want to be up there with an itchy crev there? I mean, if it's for content, yeah. I mean, I want to do this because I think it's going to be really great for the show.

I will say that if this affects the wedding at all, I think Emily will be mad at me in a way that I will never be forgiven, and I'm really worried about that. I'll slap some lotion back there and I'll be fine. I'm a professional. I can do this.

But because we're getting ready for that, we've been pre-recording a little bit, and so we're going to record two episodes today. So I just want to give the audience fair warning. There won't be a resolution in this episode or the next one. Hopefully the next one. But I just didn't want to...

I don't want to leave those hanging chads out there without giving some explanation as to why they're hanging. Also, the smut story is on the way. I just had, as a matter of fact, I just had a really productive meeting with Gavin about three minutes ago where I answered a lot of questions that I had. And so I'll get back on that.

But once again, that won't appear in next episode either, probably. So that one's hanging out there a little bit longer as well but that's the future that's the that's the nearest to sort of distant future right now we're doing episode 181 where we're talking about other

stuff like for instance uh I had an idea the other night I want to see what you guys think about it okay I'm excited you know how we were talking not too long ago a few episodes ago about andrew you have exploding sound syndrome or exploding yeah whatever it's called yeah and then i have the whisper people the whisper people thing yeah and i was reading online a lot of people i would say like maybe 10 or 15 percent

of the people online that commented also share the whisper thing and a little bit more have the exploding brain or exploding ear syndrome or the fuck it was called and most people are like yeah i don't know what they're talking about i have no frame of reference for what that's like so what i was thinking is what if we made a track that people could listen to as they fall asleep that simulates what you experience and what I experience? So it could just be really quiet for a while. And then you would hear like, bang!

Which is, I assume, what you hear. Oh, no, no, no, no. It ramps. So it starts kind of quiet and then it builds to the point where it is like a loud bomb going off. Can you do it with your mouth real fast? Yeah, it sort of starts like a... Sounds a little bit like that crazy frog. I was the crazy frog, so...

Well, what do you guys think about that? Then we could do another, we could do a whisper track where it's just like us talking, like what I hear, and it's just like. That's just ASMR. It's just like,

no, no, that's not ASMR though. It's totally different because ASMR is for people to pretend like they're not jacking off to it, but they really are. This is purely to go to sleep. So it's like, it'd be like,

whisper, whisper, whisper, go to sleep. You really should be asleep. Don't listen to this. You need to be asleep right now. Hey, do you think you should go to sleep? And then you guys all whisper too, and then we all do it together. And then people can listen to that when they go to sleep,

and they can see if it enhances or ruins their sleep. And then we could throw a couple of bangs in every once in a while. And then create a product that we could give to the masses. This sounds awful. This sounds absolutely terrible. Why would I? That's not the answer I was going for. Well, no, no.

Just as a user is what I'm saying. I would love to make this, but as someone listening to it, that sounds dreadful. You're having a nice, comfy sleep, and then people are screaming. Jeff, my exploding head syndrome is not a positive. I'm not psyched when it happens.

But aren't you happy that it means you're falling asleep? No. No, I'm not. I'd just rather not have it at all. I'd rather just be sleeping. I find it so comforting to recognize that I'm falling asleep. But there's no sleeping when this is happening. It completely disrupts you.

You have to get up for a while. Oh, you let fully wake up? Yeah, you have to fully. It's not like you just drift through this. Your sleep is fucked. So you're not one of those people that hears the comforting bang and then just immediately drifts off? No, I don't have Emeril in my dreams,

comfortably cooking me shit as I drift off. Well, I agree with Gavin. I think it's a pleasant thing and even if it weren't pleasant i feel like it could be informative to people who want to understand the experience they may not want to do it every night but they they may want to put themselves in your ear shoes and therefore we provide them the opportunity should that be a spin-off podcast ear shoes and uh we just do it like experimental science. Now that's an interesting

idea. Man, there have been a lot of ideas for spinoff podcasts lately. Andrew hit me with one the other day that I then tried to reinvent today because I forgot about it. His reinvention was so funny too because it was essentially 90% the same idea with a twist, with a slight twist

the twist was the twist was just the kind of food it's like it's like if somebody tried to steal a script by just like changing the words but having them mean the same it was very funny but like very clearly accidental yeah it was very Armageddon deep impact. Yes. Can I say, just before we get too far ahead, I've never been more disgusted by Nick. In what he said. I said the bang thing and I referenced it to

Emeril. Nick well-actualied me about Emeril Lagasse or whatever the fuck his name is. He was putting our chat, actually that's bam. Well, he didn't add the actually, but that's the tone of of it you don't need to correct over an emerald reference it was it was fine hey if we're if we're walking back parts of this conversation gavin brought up crazy frog did you know that you can see crazy frog's dick his oh that? Do you think if he ties it to another frog, they make a baby? Yeah.

I didn't know that this is, like, all the images that I'm looking up for Crazy Frog, his dick's just out. Do you think Crazy Frog waxes, or is that just how he is? How is his dick always out? I don't, Gavin, I've never seen or noticed before all of these images, his dick is out. Is this like a Mandela thing where his dick was never out, but now it's always been out look Oh, it's definitely out in that it's out, dude What the fuck yeah, I think Nick has a good point the videos were lower quality because they were on like dad No, yeah, Nokia twos so like yeah, you't see can i quickly ask nick uh how he felt about

the conversation at the beginning of the episode he wasn't in bless you oh terrible i was i was putting it together to send to kelly who edits a lot of these and i just sat there like well yeah they are weird looking feet and then i was like why was i wearing sandals and then i remembered i'd ripped my heels open with the new shoes i'd bought so i was like i'll just get my feet to rest wasn't that a mistake interesting that was so white i just found the dickless crazy frog thanks man yeah but that's on the cover of ps. Yeah, do you think they took off the dick for... 100%. I love that they had to have a meeting about that,

that there was a decision, some artist had to take the dick out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. They airbrushed his dick? That's awesome. Hey, Nick, I'm sorry about the foot chatter.

For the record, I think it was probably the angle of the photo and that you have you don't have kangaroo feet you probably yeah well they were dog feet yeah yeah but somebody online said kangaroo and i thought that actually fit better we can apologize to you nick and you can apologize to every other person in the park we can just do all a big apology i'm sorry sorry to all the children. We can knock it off. I realized that the real kicker was that Kelly was out for the video export, so I had to put together the video, and I was staring at my picture like,

they just keep talking about it. They just keep going. I just had to keep dragging it on the timeline of the premiere project. Andrew, do you want to talk about your idea for a podcast or do you just want to do it someday? I think we should just do it some days and I view it as not even a separate thing. This is like a supplemental supplemental. Yeah, like a boring

but it's a self indulgent supplemental. Can I just say for the record, because we're not going to talk about what the idea is, I am going to say it definitively has nothing to do with sandwiches. No. No, it does not. Not a sandwich podcast.

It's not. Although we had a great conversation today about sandwiches. We did. I had sandwiches on the brain lately, and I was actually thinking about pastrami. I was thinking about getting a pastrami sandwich today. And I ultimately didn't because I don't want to drive

to that side of town because it was raining. But I got to thinking, what is the biggest impression a sandwich has ever left on you, right? And because for me, pastrami, it kind of flipped my whole world around.

And it's not often that you pick up something like a sandwich and it changes your worldview, at least up something like a sandwich and it changes your worldview at least even for a little while and so i was wondering has there ever been a sandwich that has affected y'all in similar fashion or if so what is like what's the sandwich that changed your life do you have an answer gavin um i feel like the biggest step up from normal sandwiches to a to a sandwich where i was like, wow, this is a huge improvement.

I would say it was a meatball sandwich. Really? Was that the first time you'd had one or you just had a particularly good one? I think it was the first time I went to Subway. I had a good experience at Subway. Fair enough. I had a good experience at a subway Fair enough And uh

Yeah we used And then it became a tradition of Watching movies I would just go to a subway Get a foot long meatball Stuff it in my coat And then uh Pull it out in the

In the movies Oh you'd sneak the subway sandwich Into a movie theater? Yeah A full foot long Yeah I had a big inside pocket That would perfectly fit a footlong. Can I tell you guys a story

about a Subway sandwich that I didn't, I just, Subway sandwich shop that just popped into my head that I haven't thought about? Please. When I was in high school, you know, I've talked a lot

about how I would go to the McDonald's in the mall and make fun of people. There was also a Subway there. And so when we had a little bit more money, because Subway is a little bit more expensive, honestly, when we had the Subway money, we would sometimes go to Subway and get sandwiches there. And one night we were sitting in the Subway and a dude walked in in one of these. I'm going to send you a picture.

I just call them puffy NFL jackets. Every kid in my high school, everybody on earth had one of these jackets when I was in high school. I had one too. Mine was the Cowboys, even though I didn't like the Cowboys, but it just was like the jacket you had.

And so there was a dude who had one of those and he walked in and he ordered a sandwich and he was waiting for a sandwich. And then he leaned up against the wall, but his jacket was so puffy that the backside of of it he was leaning up right next to the soda machine and the back of his jacket or his elbow or something caught the like dr pepper and it was just going and it was pouring all down the back of his jacket but he

was at like an angle so it wasn't like hitting his pants it was just hitting the ground and my friends and i saw it and we were started to laugh i started to laugh like uncontrollably and all i could do was point at him and i was trying to get his attention to tell him to move and all we could do is point at him and the guy looked over his shoulder at us and saw us laughing and pointing at him and he just like got angry made an angry face and turned back away and he stayed there like he like screwed up and stayed there even longer and he was building up there was like a puddle forming around you hear it i don't know dude it wasn't super loud and we were laughing so fucking i was like wheezing and i you know you know because i couldn't

fucking breathe and the guy and my friends next to me were fucking laughing and howling and shit too so even if it made a noise i don't think anybody on earth could have heard it. And then eventually another, like another customer walked over and like, just like, he was like, he like didn't want anything to do with anybody. I thought he was being made fun of. So he like, he was like face towards the wall and somebody had to like pull on his arm

and he turned around and they were like, you're spilling. And he looked and he was in like 48 gallons of soda. But I had, I don't think I thought about that since I was 16 years old until this moment. It was like maybe 40 seconds long of just straight soda. The jacket you sent has a hood on it. I thought you were going to say that it started filling his hood.

He had the hood off and he just didn't notice. That'd be so fucking funny to have a hood filled with soda and not realize. That'd be such a shock if he just walked out and pulled it out. His jacket was like 80% soda. He was just drenched and it was like splashing everywhere. That was great. Oh, that's so good. Do you think you laughed more in the past than you do now?

I just feel like when I was a kid, there were things that were so funny, I almost couldn't believe it. I was once messing around in IT class, and my friend threw like a board rub, like an eraser at my face. It hit me in the mouth. And then I spent the rest of the

lesson trying to throw stuff at him. And I took the rollerball, I took the roller ball. I took the ball out of my mouse. Showing my age there. And I threw it at him. And it got, it was like right as he was like standing up or something.

And it got lodged in his belly button. Like he lifted up, his shirt like lifted up just enough. And it went inside him and he couldn't get it out for like two minutes and I could not I couldn't stand up I was just crying rolling all around

I was trying to stand up and falling into stuff I was laughing so much you had like the Death Star kill shot that's the one in a million the one weak point that that guy had and i just feel like do you think that's ever happened to anyone else no i think that's the only time in human history ever happened i think that that window closed and it's and it can't ever happen again. Oh my God,

dude. That's fucking funny. I don't, I think that stuff was funnier maybe, but more, more stuff is funny now, if that makes sense. Also,

like I mentioned about how when I was in high school, my favorite thing on earth to do was to go sit in that McDonald's facing out towards the mall and make fun of people. And I saw somebody in a comment recently say, that's all Sloppy Joe's Bingo is. It's just Jeff still being 16 years old and getting to look out a window and make fun of people. And I think to be completely and totally honest with you, I think I like to laugh more than anything else on earth. And since I figured that out at a young age, it's all I've cared about.

And so I feel like I have made sure that I get to continue to laugh every day. And I've built a career around it just so that I can laugh. So I probably laugh more now. Have you ever woken up from laughter? Like you were laughing in your dream and you woke up from the laughing? I don't think I have. No. It's the best.

It happens to me pretty frequently. It's so good. I think my dreams aren't funny. Oh, that doesn't stop it. Why would they be? Your waking hours aren't particularly funny either. Your dreams sound like a nightmare, Gavin. You're just filling your stomach with fart air from what I understand is your sleep. So like I don't which is funny, but I probably not to experience. I have dreams where I wake up laughing and a lot of the times when I wake up and I think

about what was funny in the dream, not nearly as funny as it was in the dream world in real life but it is a great way to wake up do you think you're just more affected by dreams because you you wake up from laughing from funny dreams but you also recently told us a story that you were depressed because you woke up uh you had shame section right yes because you because you had yeah you were telling unfunny jokes in your dreams and you woke up depressed because of it i think i think what that was was i was watching a lot of like different live streams of just like weird people i found on tiktok and a lot of there's a lot of trying to be funny in those environments that just are really cringeworthy so i think that's where the inception came from maybe i'm more affected by my dreams than the average person it's a really

interesting question i don't even know how to measure that i mean you seem you seem to swing harder in both directions so that's that's the only reason i ask yeah so but gavin you said a meatball sub andrew or uh anyone brisket going to texas and experiencing brisket brisket going to Texas and experiencing brisket brisket is just not a thing that I had like readily available as a sandwich type meat or as a meat in general yeah until recently brisket was like a huge realization of like holy shit

I'm really I'm missing out when it comes to these sandwiches I'm pretty boring how about you guys Nick and Eric Aunt Nellie's number eight deli club sub. Aunt Nellie's is a sandwich shop in El Cajon near where Mega64 Studio used to be. And it is a place that had almost no parking.

And it was a headache to get to. And the sandwich was so fucking good. It was, ah man man it is just like nothing but good memories about eating that specific sandwich parking across the street at another business and getting yelled at by a guy he was like you walk out with your sandwich and he's like hey don't ever park here again next time it's toe time and then me and my friend laughing at him while we eat our sandwiches and drive away. And it was great.

Really recommend Aunt Nellie's in El Cajon, the deli club sub. It's turkey, ham, roast beef, and Swiss. Can I say something potentially controversial? Absolutely. I don't like shredded food. Yeah, that's fine. You have a terrible palate. It's to be expected.

I assume you're referring to shredded lettuce? Yeah. I don't really like grated cheese or shredded lettuce. I feel like it's really annoying. Is there a shredded food that you do like? Like shredded chicken, maybe? You gotta like shredded chicken. Is there any better than just chicken, though?

What does that mean? It's just different, yeah. I mean, how are you gonna have a full chicken enchilada? They just wrap a tortilla around a drumstick? You gotta shred it. I just got you there. Hmm. You know what, you might be right. Maybe that's the time and place.

Do you ever enjoy chicken sandwich, Gavin? Yeah. Well, when you eat a chicken sandwich, do you think, well, is this any better than roast chicken? Like, what are you saying? Well, it's usually just cut up chicken. Do you like, you like tuna fish? Uh, that's true.

What don't you like about the shredded lettuce? What is it specifically? It's annoying, and it falls out everywhere. It is. There's just so many points of failure to that sandwich. I would just, I would rather have that than big pieces of lettuce. Really? What's wrong with just a nice slab of lettuce?

There's nothing wrong with it, but if you're asking me my preference, it would be shredded lettuce. Agreed. I will say the slab of lettuce can be a little overwhelming. You could get a large chunk of lettuce. The bite ratio could be off. I just prefer, and I think when it gets tossed in the oil and vinegar for a sandwich like that, for the Aunt Nellie's Deli Club sub, delicious. Oh, it's too wet. Oh that i forgot you have like a thing i forgot go into jersey mike's unless i ate the sandwich sort of six seconds after it was handed to me that thing was just a that's a wet sandwich i forgot we i think we had a conversation that was similar

the other day where you asked me what my favorite christmas song was and i said uh wonderful christmas time and you said oh are you only saying that because i hate it and i didn't know that you hated it so um sometimes uh you know my things don't revolve around uh what you like or don't that's fine something keep in mind i'm just chiming in hey nick what Nick, what are you doing? What do you mean? What is that? What the fuck happened? Nick just posted what looks like a sub that has chicken nuggets and french fries and

Thousand Island dressing and mayonnaise on it. I feel like this is the place that sent me down the path that led to what is the creature that is the sauce monkey from Face Jam. The creature? Yeah, there's a place off 24th Street. It doesn't exist anymore for some reason.

It was called Big Bite, but they had these things called fat sandwiches, P-H-A-T. And they had all these different ingredients. This one in particular has chicken tenders. It's got some ham. There's also mozzarella sticks, fries, things like that. There are a lot of subs like those, but they had one that was like a cheeseburger. So it was like two burgers side by side like that. It had the ham, it had

the chicken tenders, it had the mozzarella sticks. It had onion rings and it had french fries and then like a bunch of sauces on top of it. And if you ate like, I think if you ate four of them in like an hour or something, you could make your own and name it. And that was always the goal.

And I feel like eating that changed my life and probably put me on a pathway to heart disease. But it was delicious, and I remember it fondly. So does that picture your origin story? I think so. That was my vat of acid. Look at these other fucking... Somebody put waffle fries? This is also from...

It looks like... This isn't... Is this fucking real? What the fuck is a big bite? It was. The time has passed. It's just a sandwich with waffle fries, it looks like, in between the bread. It looks like maybe there's some poutine or something in there, too.

Oh, maybe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They put ranch on a lot of the stuff, too. It's like their gimmick was you have to make a sandwich in the dark, and you just don't know, and then you walk out, and you just eat what you have. And the light in the fridge also doesn't work. Yeah. It really is like, hey, are you 19?

Do you want to just put something that you would eat outside of a sandwich bread inside of some sandwich bread and then we sell it to you? And that's Nick's origin story. That's me. If you eat three of them in a row, you get enlisted into the super soldier program. That's death.

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Visit betterhelp.com slash face today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com, slash face. Oh my god, i was doing uh nick that's a scary fucking sandwich and i gotta agree it does look like it was assembled in the dark almost it's

like a like a top chef challenge where everybody has to blindfold themselves and they have 45 seconds in a pantry in a fridge to put a sandwich together. Yeah, it's like they open the blind box and it's hoagies and waffle fries is the only thing you have. Oh man, Gracie said it looks like a heart attack on bread and I think that's probably the most accurate description. I was, I asked because, well, like I said, I was thinking about the pastrami in general and how much it affected my life.

But so I was doing a little bit of sandwich research today and I was trying to figure out what country eats the most sandwiches. And I was unable to determine. Google failed me. But I did learn, Gavin, that your country, the UK, is in a bit of a sandwich renaissance right now. And sandwiches are kind of taking over the country. It's like an $8 billion a year industry or something. And the breakfast is dominated by breakfast sandwiches now. And then lunch sandwiches have been a long established thing. And now I guess it's creeping into dinner is what I read.

Dinner sandwiches. Wow. Yeah. I mean, breakfast sandwich is like a nice bacon butty or, you know, some sort of bap. That's a killer way to start a morning. I looked at best sandwiches in the world by country. And the best sandwich in England was listed as a the best sandwich in england was listed as a bacon baddie and i was going to ask you what that is bacon butty buddy bacon buddy yeah sorry

bacon baddie but it's b-u-t-t-y right yeah what does that mean uh it was like that gavin has been lying this entire time about being from overseas and you just caught him. I just caught him in the lie. Yeah. He just was not ready for that question at all. He has not researched this part of his lie. It was weird.

Cause he like laughed at you for asking the question and then couldn't answer it. Well, I just, I just cool it. It's a bacon sandwich, but that's, that's it. I just call it... It's a bacon sandwich. Oh, it looks good. But that's not... I mean, that's like saying, like, what soup?

Yeah, but... It's a broth with a variety of ingredients in it. You said... I mean, a bacon butty could be a sandwich. It could be a sexual position. There's no telling. It could be anything. Yeah, it's not just like he said, what soup?

He said, what is fresh onion soup? And you're like, oh, soup. Soup. Yeah, I think typically that a butty could just be, you know, any sort of brekkie sandwich and a bap is usually a bun. And brekkie is short for a bap is usually a bun. And brekkie is short for breakfast. That's it, yeah. And batty is usually your

ass. What? Batty is an ass, but buddy is a sandwich. Yeah. That could be real confusing, depending on your dialogue. Well, a bacon batty would be... That'd be someone else. that'd be someone else okay well that brings me to my next question should we invent an official

face sandwich how have we not yeah how have we not like maybe we each get to control one ingredient. I really don't like these games when Gavin's involved. Well, I mean, I think we would all say we don't like these games when you're involved, but I'm willing to play it with you. What?

What? Are you kidding? We have verbs about how you handle food challenges the pulp is uh was a masterpiece and the salad cream was a verb the uh yeah that is but that was gavin's fault the salad cream what do you mean what are we talking about salad cream would have never been in the equation if it were for you i'm never bringing salad cream i I salad creamed it. So because I introduced you to the thing you half-assed. No, I think the problem was

I battyed it. Is that the word? I full-assed it. I put too many things in. I was overly ambitious with my salad. That was the criticism. I had every ingredient in it. I don't think you can call that a half-ass.

Nick says he has to rein me in. Oh, we have to rein me in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So are we all inputting one ingredient, or are we all presenting a sandwich, and one of them wins the crown as the face sandwich? I think we should build it together.

Like, we each get to like i would like for instance i have a strong opinion i have a very strong opinion about the bread okay i think it should be on an onion roll i don't think i've had an onion i think those are the best you know what i'm talking about nick like uh like that kind of sandwich bread yeah yeah yeah is that onion on there yeah it's like uh it's like uh it's like yeah, yeah. Is that onion on there? Yeah, it's like onion. Yeah, it's like crunchy but juicy little bits of cooked onion that are in the roll.

Okay. It's like fried a little or something. Oh, that looks good. Yeah, they're real good. And then, so I would be like, that'd be my contribution. I wouldn't even try to cram pastrami in it. I just like, I feel strongly about about the house that a sandwich lives in and I think that that is the ultimate

house for a sandwich and then I would be like okay and now Andrew I pass it on to you. What would you add to that? Hmm. I'm going to throw some mozzarella on that sandwich. Okay. Okay. Like toast like like melting for it. It's going to I'm assuming. Yeah. Yeah. I assume we're going to toast

it. Yeah, I think so. That would be the goal. Yeah, I'm going to put some mozzarella with the intent of toasting later. Mm hmm. Gavin or actually, Andrew, you pick who it goes to next. Let Eric throw something on the sandwich. Shredded lettuce. That sounds like a good sandwich.

Eric, please pass it to your next person. Why don't we go ahead and go to, let's go to Nick. All right. I feel like we need like oven-roasted ham on there. Ooh. Okay. Okay. Oven-roasted ham.

Yeah. And then I'm going to pass to Gavin. What about a bit of pesto? Oh! Pesto. I like that, Gavin. Okay. I had a turkey sandwich today with pesto, so I'm all for that. Good pick.

Yeah, that sounds good. Good pick, Gavin. I apologize. Oh, wow. I thought that was a real dud. I thought nothing happened after I said that. No, I like pesto. I gotta say, I would never...

Pesto's one of those things that I don't ever think to eat, so I would never think of it as an ingredient. Yeah. But I'm willing to get to know it. Yeah. So we have here an onion roll, right? Then we have mozzarella, shredded lettuce, oven-roasted... What was it? Black forest ham?

Is that what you said, or did I invent that? Yeah. Oven-roasted black forest ham, and then for our sauce, we have pesto, fresh pesto. And that's Gracie's input. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and then Gracie, you add the final component. Oh, I'm going to add a tomato.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, I didn't know it needed it until you said that. Oh, shit, dude. Winning cherry on top, that was. That was a brilliant addition, Gracie. So now we've added, I guess, fresh sliced tomato to it. And this is...

Am I allowed to take something off the sandwich? What? What? When I get the sandwich, can I remove an item from the sandwich if I want to remove an item? Gracie said no. Especially not my item. He said, can I take something off? And she just said, no.

Well, here's the deal. As it's composed with the six ingredients we just assembled, we have created what I will assume we will call the regulation sandwich. So to eat the regulation sandwich, you would have, I don't assume it's going to be lightly toasted too, because we inferred that. It's going to have to be those ingredients on that sandwich, no more, no less,

lightly toasted. If you want to take tomatoes off of that sandwich, Andrew, which is what I'm assuming you're getting at. Oh yeah. You can do that, but that becomes an unregulated sandwich at that point.

Oh. Oh. Just depends if you want to eat something that's unregulated. Oh, man. First of all, this is giving me a lot of trauma about the regulation bagel. The only thing worse than having your own sandwich

or like, that's the greatest, that's the peak you'll ever have in life is having your own sandwich. But losing it is such a, it's a real collapse. It's a real difficult thing to swallow. It's a regulation sandwich. It is, real difficult thing to swallow. It's a regulation sandwich. It is, yeah. I guess I'll just learn

to like tomato. I guess I typically prefer my tomato in a liquefied form. What if you liquefy it first? No, that's not regular. I'll just turn it to ketchup. I'll be honest with you, Andrew. I'm not a big fan of pesto, but I'm willing to. I'm going to learn. Maybe you and I can both stretch a little bit.

We'll meet in the middle. We'll both conquer some culinary fears and we'll get there. What if we all meet up and we go to Jeff's house and we'll all make this sandwich in the dark. And see his looks best. Oh, I feel like pesto in the dark is dangerous

pesto in the dark is a is a real slippery slope oh man i'm all for it uh i also highly encourage uh regulation listeners and comment levers to make their own version to make their own identical version make it exactly as described you won't you don't want it to be unregulated you want a regulation sandwich and then become comment leavers by sending us pictures so we can see what your sandwich looks like and then let us know how you like it maybe um we can pick at some point the best picture of the regulation sandwich i i love that i love that idea i think i think picking the best photo of it is really interesting because I think there's a lot of creative people who listen to the show who will

send like professional grade photographs of a sandwich that we just made up for an episode. Yeah. And I think the actual photography of the sandwich should be judged for points too. Like it's not just about how the sandwich looks. It's like the whole composition. I want to see the composition. I want to see a setting. I want to see shadows. I want to see light.

Like I'm with you 100%. You want the sandwich photo to tell a story, right? A flavor story. Here's what I'll say about it too. The best one we get, we'll have to talk to Tony and them about this, but I say we go ahead and print it and put it on a shirt and then we give them a free copy of that shirt

and then we sell regulation sandwich t-shirts with the best fucking sandwich of all time on it as designed by our audience. You want us to wear a picture of a sandwich that someone else made? Yeah. I love it. Yeah, I do. Just like I have a shirt that says pastrami

pastrami pastrami for a different restaurant. Like, why wouldn't you? Why would we wear t-shirts of things that we're fans of? And I'm fans of sandwiches. I love it. I love a good sandwich. Yeah. Can I ask you guys something?

Yeah, please do. I'd like to hear a story about you guys rented a fucking jackhammer and you dug a hole in just backyard what happened what what went on with that you guys got dirt beanhole dirt well that'd be a that'd be a video for it oh there's a video yeah we filmed hell yeah how did it go we didn't need a jackhammer yeah we didn't need it but it was was worth it. It was so much fun. Oh, I'm not saying it wasn't worth it or anything, but we definitely didn't need it. We should not be allowed to rent it. No one should be allowed to rent this kind of stuff. When I was with Gavin taking it back,

I think we left the rental place, and he just went, this shouldn't, people, I shouldn't be allowed to have any of this. Yeah, I mean, it was next to a giant stump grinder. Why do they let people just have these things? Crazy. The amount of inadvertent triggerings of the jackhammer was unbelievable.

If I tried to reposition it or lift it up, it'd be like... If that thing shot bullets, half my neighborhood would have been dead. Every time you touched it it went off oh my god did you guys encounter like any rocks like you did on the first bean hole dig and it wasn't like useful or what was that like we broke some rocks apart mostly

it was Jeff getting it caught in a stump and then us having to try to pull it out of a stump for a really long time. Man, if you put the wrong bit on a jackhammer and you go straight into a tree, like into a root or the dirt, it can be very hard to get it out of that dirt. It can really wedge itself in there. There was like maybe, I don't know, five or six minutes there where Eric and I were a little nervous. Well, there was one point where Jeff had just started using it and he was getting used to it.

And then he got the confidence just to look into the camera and smile while he was using it, but didn't realize that it was getting driven straight down. It just kept going. And by the time he stopped posing, it was like an entire foot in the ground. kept going and by the time he stopped posing it was like an entire foot in the ground it was just there was we did we got two different bits for this thing one was for breaking rock and the other one was for like cutting through clay and mud neither were needed for what we were doing it was so soft but but we got to use the jackhammer and that was a lot of fun. And also it's so exhausting to use a jackhammer. My favorite part too is that

Jeff was so keen to get it going that he attempted to attach the little spade attachment to the underside of the cart that it arrived on instead of the actual jackhammer. i was just excited so it was so fucking heavy to get in and out of my 2008 monday accent like it all of these it's just day labor dudes renting stuff and then me in my little beep beep hello, like my little, little car. And it's like this. I don't belong here, man.

It's crazy. Eric said when he went to rent it, the guy was like, man, you are lucky. This is the last jackhammer we have to rent in town, which got us thinking somewhere in Austin, which is the city under more fucking construction than anywhere else on earth right now. Somewhere in Austin, there's a crew standing around waiting because they couldn't because there was one less jackhammer in the city and real construction work

isn't happening because of this it's a thing where you have to like when you're renting this from a place you go like I don't know I go into a mode of like yeah man do this all the time yeah oh yeah oh brother hell yeah that kind of thing oh you got the

jack x37 nice nice I was looking at that oh yeah you know Oh, brother, hell yeah. That kind of thing. Oh, you got the Jack X-37? Nice, nice. I was looking at that model. He's just like, oh yeah, you know how this part works and this thing? And I'm like, oh, absolutely. He's like, oh yeah, you've done this before. And then I took it,

and then there's the fruits of our labor. A jackhammer stuck in a stump. This is Jeff digging it out of the ground with the shovel. As long as we don't show that to the rental guy, I think I'm scoffery. Andrew was so fucking stupid and unnecessary. It weighed as much as Eric's car.

It's so fucking heavy. It was so heavy. Was it the type of thing that like you hurt from the next day like you woke up and you felt sore i felt it in i felt it in like my upper back and kind of like my obliques okay because you're trying to like hang on and you don't realize how much like you're activating when you do it and yeah sure it's different from like you know lifting weights or running or anything it's just your body's getting thrown around by something that is meant to be. I lied to the guy when I went and picked it up.

He's like, what are you using this for? And I'm like, I don't know. My boss told me today we're getting through some dry clay and we're getting through about a three and a half inch slab. And he's like, oh, man, heavy stuff. And I'm like, yeah, but that's why we got inch slab. And he's like, oh man, heavy stuff. And I'm like, yeah, but that's why we got this, right? And he's like, I hear that. And so, and then we got stuck in a slab.

When we were turning together, Eric just went into a mode where he just kept saying phrases, but it wasn't really actually saying anything. He was just like. He was like, ah, yeah, cut through butter man easiest pie you know he's like yeah you know it man yeah hear that i mean nick knows all it's the same yeah yeah you just gotta you know you if you say enough stuff and you just talk in like a big circle it's like you've you've done the job and now everyone

buys that you belong there it's oh yeah it nick is right it's always working for the weekend but then you start getting in a circle and you start going like yeah wake up every day punch that time clock you know and they go yeah absolutely it's like you've memorized a little book of drivel that you can just... That just allows you to communicate with any type of person. I mean, that's what it was to work in a warehouse, is just talking like that all the time. Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck. It's his own language.

Yeah, it is a form of pleasantry. Absolutely. It totally is. Absolutely, yeah. I can imagine you, Andrew, saying all those phrases as the guy was uh working on your foot that's that's actually more that's more realistically accurate than you realize from my warehouse days i work in a warehouse like rubbing your foot yeah yeah i worked in a warehouse. Rubbing your foot. Yeah. Yeah. I worked in a warehouse for, for a while and I fucked my ankle up shockingly really bad for months because it was,

it's such a physically demanding job. It was never healing properly. So I just, I kept, it kept getting worse. And one of the people that worked there in sales was a retired hockey player, and it was so bad one day. He's like, have you wrapped it at all?

And I was like, I have no idea how to do that. I don't know what that is. So before they opened, he wrapped my ankle for me. I took my shoe off and put it on, put my foot on his leg, and he wrapped my ankle. So that happened. You're joking.

How old was this guy? Probably like mid 50s. Did he have an orgasm while he was wrapping your foot? I don't know. You think that happened later that night? I have no idea. That's not for me to judge. That's his business.

Nick said, been there. But you do. There is an cadence to like the way you talk with people and it's it's its own language it's a little so what kind of stuff were you saying while you were getting wrapped um i don't remember what i was there's not a lot of i always talk about slab work i can say that much tickles. Why are you using your mouth? This is weird. Yeah, I think it was more just internal embarrassment that this guy was working on my foot. I understand you taking your pants

off makes you more comfortable, but it's making me very uncomfortable. It's that kind of stuff. No! No. Was it weird when he wouldn't break eye contact? Like, he should be looking at your ankle, right? No, I think he was more upset that I wouldn't break eye contact? Like, he should be looking at your ankle, right? No, I think he was more upset that I wouldn't break eye contact. I think it was weird for him.

Was it? I just kept staring. Now, were you weirded out when he started to smell your foot? No, I requested that, because I thought maybe he could tell if there was an infection or something. He seemed to know a lot about feet. Did he draw a face on it to give you a different eye line he confirmed that I have regulation toes

spoken like a guy who's done that before by the way what aren't you the weird feet guy or something yeah is that a thing oh what was that again i don't know i don't remember but anyway yeah no that happened oh man joys of working in a warehouse hey on monday we uh we did a live stream where we gavin came and sat on sat in on the break show which was really wonderful to have you by the way so much fucking fun hanging out with you on the break show, which was really wonderful to have you, by the way. I had so much fucking fun hanging out with you on the break show, Gav.

I really like doing it. I would love for you to do it more. I really would. Anytime you want to. Anyway, so you and Emily filled the dirt into the pins after Tony took it home and baked it in his oven to get rid of impurities and moisture. And then we also had the launch for the sale

of the nacho helmet, right of the uh nacho helmet right the face nacho helmet which is a very baseball centric thing when you go to baseball games you get a nacho helmet and then it has nachos or ice cream in it and that's what you eat out of it's like a little souvenir you get and uh we discovered and you might find this interesting and we discovered that the nacho helmet holds exactly a six pack of diet coke or in this case i saw that it made me wonder how many sodas a helmet that would fit my head could fill that's interesting that's i hadn't i hadn't could a because i have the soda helmet it's great doesn. Doesn't fit my head, as expected. So I was curious.

Maybe like a full GURP. I think I could get easily multiple GURPS. Is it too tight, or it literally just won't go over the skull? It goes over the skull, and then it just doesn't fully... It doesn't fully... It's sort of like, you know, when I wore the balaclava? Mm-hmm. Sort of like that, where it had the tuft at the top. It's the same type of problem.

Well, it got me thinking, maybe we're marketing this thing incorrectly. What we had there, and what I've realized, is what if we rebrand this as the Party Gerpler? And you fill a six-pack of beer or soda, and then you take it to a party and give everybody a straw, and everybody just drinks out of the Party Gerpler together. and then you take it to a party and give everybody a straw and everybody just drinks out of the party. The way when I was watching you guys do it, it looked like a shoeie, but that you'd wear on your head.

Yeah. Like a head shoe. Like a head shoe. Yeah. Like issues. Very full circle. exactly like that anyway so i just i think that we're selling this thing incorrectly i think we should be marketing instead of as a nacho helmet we should be we should be marketing it as a party gerbler so that you can drink a six pack of soda or beer with your friends that's that's my

suggestion it's a fun thing to chug out of, for sure. Yeah, and you can chug from any direction, by the way. I proved it on the livestream. You can do from the bill, you can do from the back, or either side. Ooh, that's good. I mean, I think really you need to think of it as, it's whatever you want it to be. It's just helmet-shaped.

I'm sure you can build sandcastles out of that helmet. Do you have any head wear that fits you no absolutely not i wish i did it all it sounded like we're gonna get a beanie but then it went the wrong way what about one of those well yeah that one's not gonna help you at all gavin have you seen the new picture of the beanie? The one that was posted on the... Yeah. Yeah, in it, in it. Yeah, okay.

Did we ever talk... That wasn't even on the podcast, the whole in it, in it thing, though. It was. It was a lot of last episode. Yeah. Yeah, but did we explain where it came from? I don't know.

I thought we did, but... But please do. I feel like we didn't. Yeah, this would be the part where you explain it. Jesus Christ! Dude, what is going are you okay are the cats breathing directly in your mouth what's happening i can't remember you're like you're teeing yourself up and then just like i wasn't teeing me up i was just teeing up the group yeah i'm gonna open my window. Open your window, please.

You're just living in cat breath. What the fuck? That'd be a great name for a book about Gavin's life. God damn. Living in cat breath. Do you guys remember when Joaquin Phoenix went through that this is me phase? Yes. He was intentionally playing this aloof character who was out of touch.

And he went on the David Letterman show and it was a fucking train wreck and he wouldn't answer the questions. And he was just being incredibly difficult. And at the end, David Letterman made the funniest fucking joke in the world. He said, well, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight. That's how I feel about Gavin in this episode. I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight. That's how I feel about Gavin in this episode. I'm sorry you couldn't be here to enjoy this with us because we were having a lot of fun today. Oh, I'm also having fun.

Okay. Yeah. I'd say the difference between Gavin and Joaquin Phoenix is what Gavin is doing is enjoyable. No, for sure. I'm more worried about his enjoyment. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's the damage of the tree hitting you in the head.

Maybe it's starting to appear. Maybe, have we... It was just like a 10-year delay. Yeah, like a concussion, maybe? Some impact? Do you film anything particularly dangerous in slow-mo, guys, recently? Did you take, like, a bowling ball to the back or anything? He shot a cannon.

Oh. He fired a cannon. We shot a bowling ball at a skull. But your... Was it your skull? No. Was it your skull? Was it your skull? I don't think it was mine. Based on what

happened to the fake one, I would definitely have noticed. All I know is that it wasn't based on my nose. Because I'm assuming it shattered Just getting a cast of your head and the bowling ball just explodes on your nose bounces off the nose. Oh my god, you know like in a movie when when like and They cut the bullet with like a katana or whatever it separates That's what the bowling ball would do. It would just like slice around the nose.

I want to make you a hat that fits. I would love for you to make me a hat that fits. Can you measure your head size? I did. I did. Oh, what was the size? It's 26 inches. The circumference. Alright, let me measure my head. I need to figure out how big that is

compared to mine. 26. I think the average is like let me measure my head. I need to figure out how big that is compared to mine. 26. I think the average is like 24. Average head. Oh, yeah, you're like eight and a quarter. That's a big ass head, dude. That's huge. I don't think Lids carries that, dude. They don't.

Eight and a quarter? I think my head is smaller measuring around my headphones. Your thoughts must be so much bigger. Yeah, but unfortunately, they're not heavy as we established recently. There's some white... I'm done.

We gotta wrap this one up. Gavin's infecting Andrew. Yeah, I'm breaking down. Hey, well, on the bright side, I didn't intend to do it necessarily, but we invented a regulation sandwich today that I'm pretty excited to try and maybe have a piece of blindfolded supplemental content

to come out of it as well. Blindfolded? You don't want to just do it in the dark? Well, yeah, I guess we could do it. It's the same. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. If we do it blindfolded, we can film it at a normal hour, like two in the afternoon while

we're all at work. That's true. Do it at night. You guys all got to come over midnight or something. Yeah. I just thought it'd be fun to use like thermal cameras and stuff to see what everyone's doing. All right. Well, that does sound pretty fun.

That. Yeah. You've persuaded me. Do you have thermal cameras? Yeah. Okay. Well, then we got it. We'll do that then. That sounds great. Will've persuaded me. Do you have thermal cameras? Uh, yeah. Okay, well then we'll do that then. That sounds great. Will the sandwich show up?

I guess if we toast it, but that's at the end. I don't know. Much to think about. Yeah, we'll be able to see it after it's toasted. That's a great point. Getting away. The ingredients will be really dark looking. I like, you know in Predator when he covers himself in mud so that the Predator can't see him through the heat vision.

Doing the same with the sandwich, but with the spread. What was the spread on it again? Pesto. Pesto. Yeah, just coating it in pesto so you can't see it on the heat vision cam. Pesto would be great to smear on yourself, because it also would provide a natural camo. Yeah, it's sort of a green, it's sort of mossy. Yeah, that'd work.

Can we paint one of us with pesto? Like that dude in the Hunger Games. Yeah! Why don't we do a quick round of Not It to see who's doing it. Not It! Not It! Not It! Not It!

Get real! Nick. His name was Peta Peta Peta Pesta Pesto Pesta

it's the dude from is that the dude from Five Nights at Freddy's yeah yeah that's what I thought ah well should we

should we end this so that Gavin can go stand outside for a few minutes yeah was I that bad no you're great no you're great you're wonderful don't great Don't listen to him

But seriously, in between recordings When we all get up to get a drink or whatever Maybe go stand outside for a few minutes Get some fresh air I have an update on your email that you wrote me, Jeff For the chair thing That'll be next episode Get excited about that

Okay, well I'm very excited now Let's end this so we can get to that Thank you for listening to another episode of the face podcast this has been episode 181 or if you read that backwards 181 please give us a like or review or a star mail us a star give us one online buy a star in the sky and

then dedicate it to us whatever whatever you can do we just like stars and we'll see you next time. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Andrew's new studio. What are pubic glasses? Is the hot dog run genius or laziness?

Butthole morning, beard afternoon. What is your entrance music? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.