F**kface - Not Having the Optimal Ramen Experience // Not Blow, Suck [62]
Episode Date: August 4, 2021Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about cooking ramen, Geoff's continued poop adventures, and people watching in Vegas. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored b...y HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face), and Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma,
is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam.
Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply
explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics,
groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics.
Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten
destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation
of Beastrin.
Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice.
Your choice, that is.
From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills.
And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is
really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge
roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points,
use the terrain and trick, trip,
or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.
Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game
and start your epic quest today.
That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more.
Hungering for something new this summer?
HelloFresh has got your back.
With pre-measured ingredients and easy-to-follow directions, your new favorite meal can be prepared
in under 30 minutes. Get 12 free meals, including free shipping, when you use code FACE14 at
hellofresh.com slash FACE14. This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Hello and welcome to another... What was that?
Gab went,
and then I didn't hear your hello.
I heard,
hello,
welcome to...
Your open was weird for me.
Like,
Discord didn't pick it.
I'm sure it sounds fine on your end.
I just didn't.
Well, why don't you do it then?
Hello and welcome to episode...
I see what you mean. Yours cut off from me as well.
Yeah, the H, right?
Hello!
Yeah, it sort of caught me off guard.
Then Gavin hummed.
Yeah, we need to...
I need a hard H in this intro
or we're not going to be able to get started.
Why don't I provide the H and Andrew continues?
Got it.
You throw it up, I'll catch.
Yep.
Okay, I'm going to make a little bit of sound before the H just so you definitely get it.
I'm ready.
Here we go.
Hello and welcome to episode 62, I believe, of F*** Face.
As always, we're joined by myself, with no name Jeff Ramsey and Gavin free
hello go back to back how are you two doing oh never been better never been better things are
at an all-time high for your old pal Jeff how about you guys I you know what Jeff you've gone
through a lot of misery lately it seems with like house stuff going wrong, all sorts of disasters. I had my own disaster that I wanted to talk about that I was excited. I was excited to talk about. It's very rare that like something horrible happens. I'm like, I can't wait to talk about this because this is one of the most absurd me problems I've encountered in a long time.
encountered in a long time. We've been very cooking centric recently, and it is a cooking thing. But I tried to make ramen and like ramen's great. Love ramen. Don't have it all that often.
With or without the Keurig? Without the Keurig. So that's that's an important no. No Keurig because
this was I typically buy and I think most people get the pre-containered ramen. Like it's already
in a thing. you pour the water
into it you heat the water up then you seal it this was just ramen by itself like a pot noodle
yeah like a like a pot like a cup of noodle style thing this is just ramen in a bag so just noodle
plastic bag got your your whatever seasoning yeah that's how i do my ramen usually it's just the
packet really you do the packet that's it's not that's usually. It's just the packet. Really? You do the packet? That's a less common...
I watched a whole thing about ramen recently.
It's not as popular as the cup ramen.
It's way more popular.
Anyway, I typically get the cup ramen.
So I've had this pack ramen, and I could never...
And I don't know if this is just a weird in my head thing.
I could never get the water boiling enough, I felt like to like properly heat the ramen.
Like I'd always feel like I was putting in like kind of medium heat water and it wasn't
just doing nothing.
It was just soggy ramen.
Like it wasn't cooking.
And this would drive me crazy.
Go ahead.
So wait.
So in every recipe that you've ever made, you struggle with like step one, boil the
water.
For ramen in the plastic.
Yeah.
Well, because I just I feel like I don't know how to like i don't boil it enough or i just i'm bad at judging what does
it look like i don't understand that question what do you mean what if the water is rapidly
bubbling like how do you not understand the question okay well it's i you know you get the
tiny bubbles you get the tiny yeah yeah i get the tiny bubbles and stuff like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand. As soon as the churn happens.
This is why I open with, I think it's an in my head thing.
I think I'm probably pouring fucking lava into the bowl when I do it,
but in my head I'm like, this isn't boiling enough.
I'm not doing enough.
There's no such thing as boiling enough.
It's boiling or it isn't.
You can't have hotter than boiling, and if it's below that, it's not boiling.
What it is is I put it in the bowl, and then I cover the bowl,
and I can't see what the water's doing,
and in my head, I'm convinced that I've ruined the boil.
Why are you covering it, then?
Well, because you're supposed to, to keep the heat in.
You're supposed to keep things...
I'm just saying I have an irrational...
I have an irrational thing when it comes to heat
with ramen in the water.
I feel like I'm never doing it right.
The only thing that's going to affect your boiling water
is your altitude.
Andrew, I feel like you've been very clear that this is irrational, and I feel like I'm never doing it right. The only thing that's going to affect your boiling war is your altitude. Andrew, I feel like you've been very clear that this is irrational,
and I feel like Gavin keeps pointing out that it's irrational,
but does this affect you in other things,
or is it just in terms of boiling water for ramen?
Do you have trouble boiling water for, I don't know,
I was going to say eggs, but you don't eat eggs,
so I don't know what else you would boil water for.
Yeah, I guess your example would be maybe something like a tea,
yeah, or a hot, no, not really.
I don't know why, there's something about the fact that i feel like i'm supposed to be cooking this i think there's a weird like thing in my head of like
i'm under cooking the ramen somehow i'm just ruining it i'm not having the optimal ramen
experience i could be having but i only have this in a bag this isn't an issue when it's in a cup
for some reason anyway so you could boil it and pour it into a cup but if you boil it
and put the ramen in yeah because it's like i got an open face bowl and i don't know there's just
i'm i've said this so many times it's not a rational thing it's just how my brain is i feel
like i'm losing heat in the transfer so i've been struggling with like well how am i going to do
this and so i came up with the perfect way to make this and not have to worry about that is what if i put the ramen in the boiling water instead of bringing
the water to the ramen i didn't have uh i didn't like have a proper like pan that i could do that
i never even like occurred to me to use a pan the pots i have are too big i'm confused as to your
process before that then because that because isn't what you do? You get a pan, you boil the water, and then you drop the ramen in it.
See, that's maybe where our confusion is.
I've never done that.
I've always poured the water out of the pan into the bowl with the ramen in it.
I've never put the ramen in the bowl.
I've been doing it the other way.
But you're supposed to boil the ramen for three minutes, right?
Well, you put it in the hot water for like three minutes.
Yeah, while it boils. Yeah, but I guess, i don't know i just have never never heard to me
ramen okay yeah mine's bubbling away and then i chuck the ramen in and then it bubbles less
because the heat in the water is going into the ramen and then you still have the heat on
for a few minutes and three minutes later you pour the sauce in and then you eat it
yeah exactly well i just that's where i was screwing up when i was doing it in in a in a package i would move the water to the thing
because in a cup you don't interest the shit you're just pouring boiling water into a bowl
oh yeah i'm pouring it into a bowl yeah absolutely that's that was my system how are you alive
so i thought i'm gonna bring the ramen to the water instead.
And so I put it in a fucking kettle.
I've got this big kettle. It's like a ceramic kettle.
And it was like, this is a genius idea.
What do you do with pasta?
I don't really make pasta all that much.
I'm not a big pasta guy.
I assume you wouldn't have that in the bowl.
Yeah, I just I feel like that's a bigger bowl item than a ramen thing.
Ramen things are small.
Real quick.
Are you saying pasta as to comfort or assuage Gavin?
Or is that also how you say it?
I never know if it's pasta or pasta.
It's a Chevy Chevy Chase situation for me.
I never know what's right.
Sometimes I say pasta.
Sometimes I say pasta.
Just curious.
Gavin's the only person I know that says pasta.
So I didn't know if it was maybe you and Gavin or maybe it's a Canadian British thing or
you were just.
I don't know.
Just it's like, yeah, gotcha.
Much like you, Jeff.
I'm trying to just please people.
I don't know what they want me to say.
I'll say pasta.
I'll say pasta.
It doesn't matter to me.
I never know it's correct.
I don't care either way.
I was just curious as to the reasoning behind it.
That's all.
So I put the fucking ramen in the
kettle and it's boiling hot like it is there's smoke shooting out the end of it i'm like this
is gonna be great rom so i turn i turn steam i turn i turn the heat off i'm like this is really
hot i'm gonna turn off and i decide no i want to turn it back on i want to keep those bubbles going
we got to keep we got to get a good ramen cook going.
I walk away for 30 seconds.
I come back.
All the water shooting out of the kettle covering the electric stovetop.
Smoke is shooting everywhere as the water, the water hits steam.
It's just it's it's going everywhere.
There's a smoke alarm that I've set off nearby.
It is 1245 a.m on a sunday morning
and if my fire alarm goes off everyone in the building's fire alarm goes off and at that hour
i'm i feel like there's people are gonna leave the building at this time because you're gonna
get evicted this is gonna be a problem this steam set off the smoke detector well no i was scared
it would because the whole fucking kitchen just got coated like I couldn't see it was just everywhere
It was sizzling stove kettle. It's not an electric one. No. No, it's it's a stone
Yeah, it's like it's not an electric kettle at all. It's it's like a heavier stone one
So then you're gonna see it in a minute. I panicked I run out of the kitchen. I open up the patio door
I'm turning fans on I am terrified that this is going to trigger the alarm.
It doesn't.
We're all good.
I'm like, oh, thank God.
What a fucking chaotic mess this is.
This is a true disaster.
I'm going to then share.
What I realized, I didn't think this plane through.
It's really tough to get ramen out of a kettle.
It is not designed to pour.
Wait.
Go ahead.
I've just missed an important part of this.
Okay.
The ramen is inside the kettle.
Yeah, I dropped the ramen in the kettle.
I was cooking it all in the kettle.
I missed that part.
Yeah, no.
I put, because all the water is boiling,
and I didn't have a pan,
so I'm cooking everything
within the kettle.
What the fuck?
Because it stays boiling.
It's going to cook well.
And it was a great idea.
It's the same as a pan.
It's the same.
It's just,
you've got,
you've put a spout around your pan.
That's all you've done.
It's, well, it's a deeper,
I don't have any deep pans.
I feel like the pans I have would not be deep enough for water to cook the ramen. out around your pan that's what you've done it's well it's a deeper i don't have any deep pans i
feel like the pans i have would not be deep enough for water to cook the ramen how do you cook
anything why do you keep saying pan put it in a pot put it in a pot i feel like the cookies in a
pan you make ramen in a pot yeah when i say pan i mean like saucepan like a yeah pot that's what i
mean okay well okay you might have those otherwise you wouldn't be able to know anything i have a When I say pan, I mean like saucepan, like a... Yeah, pot. That's what I mean. Okay.
You might tap those, otherwise you wouldn't be able to cook anything.
I have a fucking tank of one, okay?
And it just seemed absurd to cook this little square thing of ramen in a tank of a pan.
How did you jam it in a kettle? And it doesn't seem absurd to jam it into a tea kettle.
You're gonna... Well, I didn't jam it in, okay?
It fit perfectly fine fine i put the ramen
in then all the water started shooting out the broth and it fucking caused the smoke steam
disaster we deal with that and then we get to the part where we need to pour the ramen out of the
kettle and it is not easy to do that the shape of it isn't so at first because i got so much water this it's a big kettle
so at first i trained this literally only thing designed for liquid only well i you can cook ramen
in it too confirm this you can cook it but can you get it out that's the dilemma jeff so i start
draining the broth because there's way too much broth. And I'm like, the kettle's fucking hot. How am I going to navigate this?
How am I going to move it?
So my issue is I go to pour the ramen out of the kettle and then it goes like it clunks down.
The kettle joined with the bowl.
It locked into each other.
They became trapped.
I could not remove the kettle from the bowl that i was trying to pour it into
and the bowl is half filled so we're gonna put this image in this is exactly so you're about
to see what happened to me so i'm trying to pour the noodles into the bowl that's not a kettle
it is that's absolutely a kettle how is that a kettle what what are you talking about that's
a kettle what do you mean it's a fancy it's like a
it's a ceramic kettle uh where's the top so the top pops off so you see the metal handles on it
you fold up and that locks the top in you can remove the top of it okay pan with a lid no it
is a i will fucking take a photo of this kettle later fully formed and you will see it's a goddamn
kettle do just trust me it is a fancy
nice goddamn kettle I don't understand
the difficulty getting it out then because
you're just getting it out like you would any pot
no because it's okay so it's super
hard to hold and because it's fucking hot
because it's been on an oven forever I have to
hold the metal handle part and it's
just not easy to navigate plus
with broth and putting it into a small bowl
but the real problem of
this story gavin is it's now locked itself to the bowl i cannot move either thing i do have
oven mitts nick there's in the fucking photo it's still difficult to navigate you weren't there
this was a real problem so is the metal bar that holds the lid on is it gripped around the bowl let me show you like yeah so like pop it back
no you fucking idiot yeah just pop it back like i didn't consider that i spent 20 goddamn minutes
you're gonna call me an idiot you're the one making ramen noodles and look at the handle
jeff look at where it is just pop it off looking at i'm looking at the most bizarre kettle on planet Earth, Andrew.
I cannot.
I tried to lift the metal part back.
It would not work.
I tried to adjust it forward.
It would not work.
I cannot tilt the bowl because it's filled with my fucking broth.
It's half filled with liquid.
So I'm just stuck there.
I spent 20 minutes trying to solve this.
Hey, Gavin.
Gavin.
Gavin.
Gavin, real quick.
Real quick.
I'd just like you in this moment to take one.
Let's take a beat and just realize this is the person I aligned myself with in the condiment argument.
Oh, man.
Not with.
I don't know why of all the things in your cabinets,
you picked this contraption to cook ramen in.
Well, it was the most viable option that was on the top of the oven.
And I went with it.
And I didn't expect it to fucking lock.
It was like a face hugger on a bowl.
Like I could not.
There is no.
There is no hope.
I tried to do.
Teach me how that kettle would
work if there wasn't ramen in it it i assume i would love gets very hot you still has the thing
where you have to pour it from yeah how do you get the the stuff out you just you tilt you pour it
down the the front the front end of it what do you mean right back the spout if you could do that
then why don't you do that with the ramen because there's way too much ramen to do it and would just
fall all over the place i had to kind of guide it into the bowl surely you did that with
the broth no i did with the broth i got a cup and i put it in and i drained the broth that way until
there was an adequate amount but not too much because there was a lot of liquid in that kettle
it's a big kettle the real dilemma you're fucking caught up on the wrong details i almost burnt the
kitchen down,
and then I'm just trying to pour my ramen,
just have a nice little evening treat,
and it latched, I can't even speak,
it latches onto the bowl.
So by the looks of it, judging by the top image,
there are two metal latches.
Yes.
Right?
So do they swing up over a lid?
They swing up, yep.
And then you would hold them both together as your handle? Yes, absolutely. That is how it would work. Right? So do they swing up over a lid? They swing up, yep. And then you would hold them both together as your handle?
Yes, absolutely.
That is how it would work.
Right.
Okay.
And then that weird, that handle is the, off the side is the spout, I guess.
Yes, the thing to the left that extends out, that is the same, that is not metal.
It's all part of the same thing.
At no point with this device are you ever expected to decant out the side while it's hot no it is not designed for that it's not designed for ramen i
mean we went over this it was just a used best thing available and it got latched on i didn't
know what to do because i couldn't push it forward i couldn't pull the handle off of it off the back
because it went down and under and over you truly if you listen to this and you truly need to
go and find the image on our instagram we will make sure we get the images up because i i don't
know how i would have described it's not what you're thinking of if you're picturing a kettle
it looks i promise you if you this is not a situation where you can take what andrew said
and draw his room from it you will not get to the kettle bowl situation that you've got in front of
you standard handles a part of the kettle is swung down and mated with the underside of the bowl.
And it appears to be like a nice ceramic bowl.
I also like the fact that you've got yourself a drink.
You're like, I'm in this for the long run.
Is that butter next to it?
It's butter.
It's what's left of butter.
That's just what was on the counter.
That is unrelated to you.
I did not butter my ramen.
Yeah, I had my water.
I was going to just have a nice little evening.
What flavor is this ramen?
It's a chicken ramen, Jeff.
That's a great question.
We're going to pivot.
I don't think I've told this story,
but the moment it latched on
reminded me to one other time in my life.
You know when you were like a kid,
I'm going to assume everyone did this
and it's not just a weird me thing.
You'd have like a cup of water on the table and you'd like try to see if you could make
a seal by sucking on it and then like lift the glass off the table.
Am I the only one that did this?
Any idea what I'm talking about?
Continue.
I'm just asking.
That was a question.
If either of you have done this.
I've not.
I've never tried to blow a glass of water.
No, not blow.
You suck.
It's a sucking thing.
It's not a blowing thing.
Why are you, what's the goal of it?
Well, it's just to like create, I don't know.
It's like a dumb, I'm a kid.
This is going to be goofy.
I'm lifting a glass of water without using my hands.
Like I'll create a seal by sucking onto the top of it.
It'll form around my mouth and then I can lift the glass up.
I think I've done that.
You think you've done.
I feel like that's not like the craziest of kid
things but with glass yeah well well maybe like a cup it doesn't have to be a glass it's just what
what came to mind just elevating using suction to lift something like a a drinking thing off the
table when i was i'm gonna say 14 maybe 13 14 in that range it was 2 a.m. And you know Voss water?
They have like those giant caps.
I don't know if you're familiar with Voss.
But they have massive silver bottle caps.
And I had one on my desk.
And it was 3 a.m.
And I thought about being a kid and creating that seal.
And like sucking it up.
And I was like, ah, I'm going to suck up this bottle cap.
And just lift it without my hands.
The dumb 3 a.m. idea. I sucked sucked it in it slid from my upper lip down and locked onto my lower jaw like it looped around
my chin perfectly and it claimed once it was the exact it's the most secured clamp i've ever
experienced and it that's what it felt like when the kettle. It fell securely and attached to your chin.
It attached to my chin and it hurt like a motherfucker.
It was so bad.
It was like just the worst pain.
I struggled to remove it from my chin.
I eventually did.
It took like probably two minutes.
I got it off.
It's like, that was stupid.
I'm never going to do that again.
What a dumb thing.
I went to bed.
I wake up.
Go into my kitchen. My mom says, why do you have dirt on your face? I was like, what do you mean? I'm never going to do that again. What a dumb thing. I went to bed. I wake up. Go into my kitchen.
My mom says, why do you have dirt on your face?
I was like, what do you mean?
I don't have dirt on my face.
She's like, get over here.
She tried to like clean the dirt.
I gave myself two giant hickeys that were like goatees.
It sealed so tightly.
The lid gave me hickeys down like my left and right side it was truly like a
hickey goatee well how did you get multiples did it like well because it clamped on both sides
yeah it clamped on both sides like it was a circular cap it clamped on both sides and i
had equal goatee hickeys down the left and right side of my chin it was so embarrassing i didn't
know how to lie about that injury like some if somebody brought it up i'd be like i fell into a fence like i didn't know what to say
like i didn't want to say that i gave myself hickeys by sucking on a bottle cap by accident
it's a dumb thing but as soon as that fucking kettle locked onto that bowl that's immediately
what i thought of was that bottle cap because i was like i'm fucked how do i do this bowl is
gonna get a hickey this bowl is gonna get two massive goatee hickeys i cannot have this this is a great bowl so eventually
i decided this is what i'm gonna do i need to tilt everything to its side that's the only way to get
this bowl out of here but to do that i need to obviously get it underneath a pot why don't you
just drag the bar back towards the kettle i couldn't it would not let me like
it's it the it do you see how like the the width of it went beyond what the yes the lip of the bowl
was further out than what the metal thing would let me pull i could not reverse the pull it was
latched on and there's nothing the only way i could get it out is if i lifted it and like pulled
it up and over the kettle was the only thing so i got a bowl i'm like i'm just gonna pour everything into this
pot and we're we're fine and i'll just pour from the pot into another bowl so i start the handle
swings over mates to that one too so what happens is i lift the kettle and i start moving the bowl and then this happens immediately oh
the bowl instantly shat that's how tight the clamp was like as soon as i moved it a slight bit
the bowl shatters in half my broth leaks out onto the counter and i just watch sad as it goes over
the side hits the floor and is just done.
So then I panic.
I grab napkins.
I clean it up.
And that was my ramen.
I was trying to make ramen.
I broke the bowl.
That looks like a bowl that's been in your family for years.
It's an old bowl.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't think it's valuable or anything.
It's just, it's a nice bowl.
Did you get in trouble for breaking it?
No.
No, it's just my bowl.
That's good.
Dude, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you lost a bowl.
Let me ask you a question. Were you able to salvage any of that ramen, or did you start over again? Oh, I ate just my bowl. Dude, I'm sorry you lost a bowl. Let me ask you a question.
Were you able to salvage any of that ramen?
Oh, I ate all of it.
I ate all the ramen, but it was brothless.
It was a sad, it wasn't great.
It was a bad ramen experience.
Did you get any fun ceramic chunks?
It broke so cleanly.
It's in three pieces.
It was a clean break.
That's good.
It's easy to fix.
I'm going to try to glue it back together.
Just haven't done it yet.
If there's a part missing,
it probably means someone's trying to kill you there.
Let me ask you a question.
What did you, like,
did you glean any insights from this experience?
Is there anything that you've decided to take away?
I'm not going to cook ramen in a kettle going forward.
You shouldn't do anything with that kettle.
You should bin that thing.
No, it's a great kettle. It's a great kettle you should bin that thing no it's a great kettle it's a great mean it's a fantastic tell that to the
bowl it's a great the bowl is my fault i put the bowl in that position i put the angle where it was
why not get a kettle with a spout that has just had a lid on it it's like that scene in 127 hours
when it locked you know where like the boulder is on the guy's
hand he's just like this is my life i can't wow that happened that was the that was the click
once it clicked on as like this is just i can't reverse this we got to deal with this somehow
i'll be surprised if that's ever happened to anyone else
it was just like
the most absurd, chaotic,
I almost set the kitchen on fire
that I broke a bowl using a kettle
because the handle
You should sue the kettle company
because this is how warnings get on ladders.
The end result could be
you could be a warning
on all kettles going forward.
It could be your legacy.
I'm going to try and find
a stovetop kettle. I wish I knew the name of it. Try could be your legacy. I'm going to try and find a stovetop kettle.
I wish I knew the name of it.
Try to find his kettle. Oh my god.
One of the first things.
Is it my kettle?
Is it like a hook over lidded kettle?
I can't believe I've
never seen. Maybe they're more common than I thought.
Put a link in. I want to see.
I think that actually might be the same kettle.
Well, it's not the same.
But that has a complete spout. It's not like a half spout. I think that actually might be the same kettle. Well, it's not the same, but...
But that has a complete spout.
It's not like a half spout.
No, that's a half spout.
That's like two halves.
It looks like the top comes off, yeah.
Yeah, the top comes off.
Oh, so the other half of the spout is on the lid.
Yeah.
The other...
Yeah.
The lid completes the spout as an example.
I'm looking at it.
I think it seems...
It's weird.
It seems like a functional tea kettle would not probably try to make anything other than tea in it.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Oh, there's like a little dangly tea container.
Yeah.
Does yours have the dangly tea container in it?
No, I don't think it does.
I'm not seeing any warning to not cook ramen in there.
That's a $200 kettle.
It's a fancy kettle.
It's a nice kettle.
Was yours similar? It is similar. I don't think it's that exact one, but it's a similar200 kettle It's a fancy kettle It's a nice kettle Was yours similar?
It is similar
I don't think it's that exact one
But it's a similar idea
Wow
Well I feel dumb then
I guess I've never just
I've just never seen that style
Interesting kettle flex there
Yeah I mean you know
I gotta flex where I can't Jeff
I got sushi containers on the floor
I gotta have like
I gotta have something
That bowl flexed real nice
The bowl completely shattered
I love any
Story of pictures in your kitchen
That always is so good
Summer is here
And the living ain't easy if you've got swamp ass.
How will you stay on top of your sweaty bottom?
Why, try a refreshing spray from a Hello Tushy bidet.
Keep your sweaty crack clean all summer long.
They write this stuff, not me, with the brand new Hello Tushy 3.0 Modern Bidet Attachment.
It is stylish, it is eco-friendly, and it's a refreshing little
shower for your butthole. The Hello Tushy 3.0 cleans soggy butts like a champ, but it doesn't
stop there. It cleans itself with the Smart Spray Automatic Self-Cleaning Nozzle. This thing loves
to clean. It cleans you, it cleans it. It's like, God, I wish I could get it to clean my oven,
honestly. I wonder if I installed a toilet facing... Well, we'll look into that.
No one wants to work up a sweat in 100 degree heat.
And if you live like I do in Texas, it's 100 degrees 300 days a year.
That's why the Hello Tushy bidet attaches to your existing toilet with no electricity
or extra plumbing needed.
And Hello Tushy cuts toilet paper use by 80% so it'll pay for itself in a few months
and all of those ints will thank you.
Plus, Hello Tushy's got your ass covered
with a 60-day risk-free guarantee
and a 12-month warranty.
If you've already got a Hello Tushy,
why not upgrade to the 3.0 model?
Defeat swamp ass.
Go to hellotushy.com slash face
to get 10% off plus free shipping.
This is a special offer for our listeners at hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners at hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off.
hellotushy.com slash face.
We all take little risks every day when we go online, whether we think about it or not.
We think our connection probably won't be interrupted by hackers.
Our data probably won't be used against us.
by hackers. Our data probably won't be used against us. All of my, I don't know,
collectible spoon and thimble browsing probably won't fall into the evil cabal of ceramic militant anti-spoon and thimble aficionados. But using the internet without ExpressVPN,
why, that's like driving your car without insurance.
Why take the risk?
Every time you connect to an unencrypted network, cafes, hotels, airports, all the places that you go,
any hacker on the same network can gain access to your personal data,
whether it's your passwords, your financial details, all your save files and Angry Birds, I don't know.
But it doesn't take much technical knowledge to hack somebody.
Just some cheap hardware.
A smart 12-year-old could do it.
An average intelligent 12-year-old could probably do it.
And your data is valuable, whether you realize it or not.
Hackers can make up to $1,000 per person just selling personal info on the dark web.
ExpressVPN acts as an online insurance for you.
It creates a secure encrypted tunnel
between your device and the internet so the hackers can't steal your personal data like
your spoon shopping habits. It would take a hacker with a supercomputer over a billion years
to get past ExpressVPN's encryption and then into the nether reaches, the dark areas of your computer
where you hide all of your thimble collections,
ceramic or metal.
And ExpressVPN is simple to use on all of your devices.
Just fire up the app and click one button to get protected.
Secure your online data today
by visiting expressvpn.com slash face.
That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com slash face.
And you can get an extra three months free.
ExpressVPN.com slash face.
It was a time.
What about you guys?
How are things?
Well, I think you should be looking for larger signs,
larger meanings in these things that are happening,
these minor inconveniences. For example, I'll tell you how my day started out.
Well, yesterday, I need some tree work done, right? I need to have some canopies lifted. I
have a dead tree and two trees that died from the great freeze that I had to have cut down.
So I had some fellows come out yesterday to do some tree work because I don't
schedule things on Tuesdays and Thursdays because those are the days that I record annual pass
and this podcast currently. And so I try to avoid anything, any people in and around my house those
days. I need not only quiet so that I can record because I'm recording at home, but I also, to be honest with you, it takes a little bit of
preparation to get ready to record podcasts. And so it's nice to have a little bit of time to
gather my thoughts, you know? So Wednesday was yesterday. I had some fellows come out to look
at doing some tree work, and I thought they were going to do it then. They did not. They said,
well, we'll give you a quote. It's going to be this much. We said, okay, cool. When will you
do it? And they said, it'll be a couple days. We'll call you and quote it's going to be this much uh we said okay cool when will you do it and they said it'll be a couple days we'll call we'll we'll call you uh and get you on the schedule right and
get you on the books it's like no problem this morning i got up emily went to work i had a coffee
with minor league fan jack this morning and uh so i left my house at 8 45 or so to go see minor
league jack came home at 10 to uh what appeared to be like 12 dudes in various trees around my house with
chainsaws,
just going fucking ham all over my yard,
which is super appreciated.
You know,
I wanted to get the work done,
would have appreciated a heads up,
probably would have told him not today because I need to record a audio
podcast.
There,
there were,
if there was,
if there was,
was one chainsaw, there were 20.
I saw at least four chainsaws going.
It was very loud.
So I was like, I look at my watch.
I'm like, well, shit.
I got three hours.
Maybe they'll be done.
And then I went about my life,
proceeded to get ready for the podcast as much as I can amongst all the noise.
Super appreciate that they're doing the work. Doing great work. As we get closer to the podcast, I have a, I have an arrow in her
crate because I have to leave the door open for her. Uh, otherwise, you know, if she encounters
one ounce of resistance, she will just piss and shit immediately where she is.
Yeah. So I have to, I have her in the crate, she's napping, uh, and I'm getting ready for
the podcast about 15 minutes before the podcast
starts, the last one we recorded.
I've given up on the idea that there won't be
chainsaws. I'm just hoping that y'all don't hear them.
Judged by the fact that
I haven't heard from
you guys complain, I don't think that you did
at any point, which has been nice.
You also didn't notice when I got up in the middle of a podcast
and left to go tour the yard
and give the guy a check.
But all that happened while we were recording as well.
In this one?
The last episode, yeah.
Why?
Because the guy rang my doorbell and I had to go talk to him.
Maybe say that, though.
We could have just stopped.
What were we talking about at the time?
Don't worry about it.
It'd be a fun game for the audience. See if you can go back in time and figure out when I was paying a bill.
Anyway, so
we recorded one
today at about 1245.
I realize we're still doing
it and
it actually wasn't
it might have overlapped with the Discord
disconnect, but it had nothing to do with it.
I'm answering Nick in the chat.
So it's 15 minutes to go. We're about to record. the Discord disconnect, but it wasn't, had nothing to do with it. So, I'm answering Nick in the chat. So,
it's 15 minutes to go. We're about to record.
I'm trying to figure out how the fuck I'm gonna communicate with you two when I'm
so disappointed in you
both in the moment, and
trying to collect my thoughts, listening to
the chainsaw, realizing that that's just,
I'm just gonna have to deal with that. There's no way
the universe is gonna let me off the hook on the chainsaw
stuff. Anyway, and then Arrow barks once.
I hear her go, I go, all right.
She probably wants to get out and go to the bathroom.
I can't really let the door open, though, because there's dudes outside of chainsaws
and it would scare Henry and it might scare Arrow, you know?
And so but I get up to go check on her.
And as I and by the way, this I'm already you guys, I already have discord open.
I'm about to join the chat room.
I see you guys in there.
And Arrow barks once.
So I go into the laundry room, and she's standing in her crate, pissing all over it.
And I go, wow, that was the one bark notice I got.
Great.
So I open the crate up.
And of course, the underside of her is covered in piss.
And of course, all of her bedding is covered in piss.
So I take her out, and I give her bedding is covered in piss so i take
her out and i give her a little quick bath in the in the hallway there still can't you know still
not going outside because of all the chainsaws and stuff and and so i get i wet some towels down
and i scrub her clean and i get her nice and clean and i think well at least she's peed now so uh i
don't have to worry about her having you know barking while i'm doing the podcast or whatever
and uh then i take her bedding and i take the all the bedding out of her crate and I start washing it.
And then I scrub the bedding or I scrub the bottom of the crate because there's a little bit of pee there and get it all cleaned up.
And then I stand up and I look and I'm like, oh, I have like seven minutes.
I did it pretty fast.
I'm feeling pretty good about that.
I turn around to see a line of uh
dog shit across my house uh she didn't just have to pee she had to shit and you know arrow doesn't
like to shit all at once she likes to make a journey out of it uh like a maybe it's bread
comes so she can find her way back to the original turd i don't know but uh so then i had to uh clean
a rug and clean up four piles of dog shit, all then to race
back in and sit down with one minute to go to start the podcast with you lovely people.
And I got to thinking why I was telling you, Andrew, you should look for larger meanings
in life.
I realized that this is my fault because I got on my high horse and I said, I understand
that my place in the universe is on a
level that is par with shit.
But that was where I
misspoke. I misread
the tea leaves. What the message was
is I'm not on a level as
shit. I am one level below shit.
So I apologize
to the universe for
attempting to say that I
am of the level of feces.
I recognize that I am more like the universe's doormat.
And I'm the thing that, like, you guys, when you go into your house and you don't want to bring shit into your home or into your lives, you'd like to leave the shit outside.
So you wipe your shoes off, the mud and the shit.
You wipe it off on a door.
I am the universe's shitty doormat is what I've gleaned
from, well, 46 years, but certainly from today. And so I was I would say to you, Andrew, maybe
maybe look for the universe might be telling you something in that kettle story. That's
often analyze what it is telling me. I do have it's an unrelated update, but I feel like I need to offer you an official apology,
Jeff. About what? The universe has spoken in a weird way. We made fun of your your your recipe.
I don't want to go back to the whole condiment thing, but I just I just I just got this
notification. A French fry company has responded to my family recipe which is your recipe calling
it absolutely delicious your recipe is approved by a fry company i feel like it officially is
in the condiment thing i can't argue against the verified fry account i don't know but it just
happened universe works in weird ways jeff i apologize yours is absolutely a condiment
well apology accepted thank you andrew uh and they do make tots uh yeah but uh i don't think
the universe wants me to win any so um you know i i don't know or uh potatoes they side with you
that's a win i'd say you win. You won a lot of Vegas.
You've got some wins.
I thought I would go a day
without cleaning up shit,
but I did not.
I did not.
Do you have like a board
in your house at this point
of like days
since I've had to clean shit
and you're just constantly
never getting past one?
There would be no point.
There would be no,
it would just be,
it'd be extra work
to erase it every day.
Do they make like
a special shit bag?
No, I don't know. I don't know special shit back? No, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Do you have to deal with shit in Vegas?
Kind of.
I was in Vegas.
Fair enough.
Fair point.
Vegas is fucking, man.
I'm vaccinated and all.
Yeah.
But man, Vegas is a throng of people.
Well, you really tested out that obnoxious yeah
scary people man vegas scares the shit out of me just you always just see crazy stuff like i was
just behind i was behind someone i know watching them play roulette some guy walks up drops about
five grand on a single number the bet, it immediately lands on that number
and he walks away with close to
200 grand without
even changing his facial expression.
And I just looked at the person I was with, I was like,
what just happened?
What just happened right in front of us?
And was that normal for that guy?
It was mental! What is the odds
of that? It's like 30-something to one.
He's probably like, keep it together.
Keep it together.
Yeah.
You look cool right now.
Forget the hotel room.
The coolest moment of my life.
Because,
because in my opinion,
five grand is an obscene amount of money to place on a single bet.
That's a heavy loss.
But to get 200,
like,
what is it?
Like 180 something back.
That's life changing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe it just wasn't
to him maybe it was just like i'll put it with the others because he does it all the time we were
just so confused as to like did he know like how could he know maybe what's going on maybe he was
maybe he was so far in the hole he's like well that's a story that is yeah maybe i just still
to this day it like the whole experience it was you know slightly amazing but
mostly terrifying just how it played out in front of us as if like nothing happened i just don't
want to know anything more about that guy well that's uh that's like the fun of most of the fun
of vegas for me especially now that i don't drink anymore is just watching people it's like the best
people watching because it's like it's people that
are it's cutting loose or you know just going wild or are losing money and freaking out or
winning money and freaking out or winning money and being very calm and collected apparently that's
the first i've heard of that uh it's just it's just it's never dull you know it's a high risk
scenario though in vegas because
like let's say great people watching is like at a blackjack table but then you have the pressure
of you don't want to be the person fucking up the table it is oh yeah the table etiquette i got
called out i was playing i was doing like an online casino thing where i was playing blackjack
and i got called out there and i felt like a little kid in school like even the dealer was like what are you doing stop doing that and i just like i wanted
to hide you got called out online i got called out online because somebody else up online etiquette
well because i kept splitting tens because i was like i feel lucky today and you're not supposed
to split tens it's like a low probability unless you're in like a tournament is the only context where you'd want to do that and uh i guess it's bad table etiquette so people uh people like i had two people at the
table like that's the third time you split tens why are you doing that stop doing that and then
the dealer was like stop the game was telling me like the math probability of why i shouldn't split
10 the whole table is mad at me and i was just in my living room and i felt so embarrassed and like i'm sorry i'm just i'm playing i didn't mean to fuck up your thing
so you like on audio like could you hear each other uh no i have no audio like you
the dealer has audio nobody else does you could text chat if you want to i never do
i guess i just don't know the i don't know the rules of blackjack so i don't really understand
i is is that the one where you you can wreck the entire game for everyone else
by what you're doing?
I think there are certain bad plays and good plays that are standard.
I'm not super knowledgeable about blackjack.
You're just trying to get as close to 21 without going over.
Yeah, you can't really fuck anybody else over
with your bad decisions in blackjack.
Yeah, is craps the one where your moves affect everyone else's?
I mean, if you roll shitty.
I think you can in black, because I think's dependent on like what card the dealer has.
So like you can make bad hits or like stays depending on what.
I just don't understand why if it doesn't affect other people at table, why are they annoyed?
Well, because because I'm taking cards from the shoot that could potentially harm the dealer.
And I'm already in an advantageous
position like I'm probably gonna win anyway so I might just be fucking up for everybody else
and I also am already ruining like a near perfect hand to like out of greed essentially so they're
upset but I I stopped playing for like eight months after that because I was so embarrassed
and like it was just it was like I don't want the dealer to yell at me. I was just having some fun.
Have you done real Vegas in front of real people?
I've never done real Vegas in front of real people.
When you do, can I be there?
Yeah, you and I will be.
We're going to be like swingers at the budget table,
just people watching.
I think you could be that guy.
You could be the guy who walks up to his first table,
drops five grand, and walks away with hundreds of thousands.
I would not be able to contain myself.
I could not be the calm.
I would blow the moment.
I would immediately become extremely uncool in everybody's eyes.
It would be very apparent that I was stunned.
I'd not be like, this is nothing guy.
That couldn't be me.
Another weird Vegas experience I had, I got into a, I was with Dan.
We got in a lift and some dan we got in a lift and some
other woman got into a lift too and her her purse was like overflowing with chips and she was like
spilling them all over the floor like on the way to the lift and like she the door closed and she
lost some and they were like all over the floor of the lift and we helped her pick them up and
they were all like thousand dollar chips and i was just like i had like i had like 10 grand of hers in my
hand i was like oh my god you've she must have had like 80 grand's worth or something but i was just
like man you're you're rich off the off this one vegas trip did you encounter the person who robbed
the 200 000 guy is this like second part of the story like you have you've seen two ends of this
thing without realizing it just the way she was treating
though was really mind-blowing they looked like they were tens or something but she was just
spilling thousands all over the floor i was like you left you left probably two or three grand
outside the lift downstairs she was like yeah she was really drunk she's like yeah i hope i don't
lose anymore i was like oh my god i was tempted to like go back down after it what's the fucking
the name of the bear in spyro that has like the sack of gems like that's just what i'm imagining
of this woman with like a sack of poker chips just leaking out the bottom yeah careless yeah
we made sure like we made sure she got to where she was going without dropping anyone because
she was all over the place and i think by the time i don't think
either of us went back down to see if there are any left on the floor but i assume someone found
him gavin told me that he has great roulette luck one time i'm 100 on roulette no you're not are you
one for one are you like 10 for 10 what's what is 100 for you? I'm disputing this. Yeah, what is your 100%?
In my head, you're like
4 for 4 is what it's like, roughly.
Yeah, that's 100%.
Bernie, the guy we started
Rooster Teeth with, he likes to brag
that he has a perfect field goal-kicking record
because he's 1 for 1.
I don't think that counts. So Gavin might have to be
100% roulette because he's
played roulette once and won. Yeah, I went on colors because I don't understand that counts. So Gavin might have to be 100% roulette because he's played roulette once and won.
Yeah, I went on colors because I don't understand.
I don't understand any gambling, really.
It's the simplest stuff.
So I just put 100 on black, got 200,
put 200 on black, got 400, put 400 on red.
And I think I did it four times, and I won four times.
And I just thought, I'm up on Vegas forever now
if I just walk away.
Yeah, the way gambling works for people
that don't gamble a lot is essentially
you go up to a complete stranger in front of other people
and you give them an amount of your money,
like a hundred bucks, let's say.
And then you say, do something complicated in front of me
and then keep that money.
And then they do.
And that's typically how it works.
It is. And then you go thank
you thank you i don't exactly understand why i don't have my hundred dollars anymore but
uh people around me seem to be having fun so i guess i am too dan was like annoyed by my luck
so he he then went in i think on on a couple of them he was betting against me uh and he lost
twice and then he was and then we were like well you know if you you put that money in again and you win uh it'd be like uh nothing ever happened and he kept doing
it landed on green twice back to back he was livid
oh it's a great way to lose though like that's almost as good as winning that's better than it
just being the other color i want to lose gloriously if i'm gonna lose i just hate on roulette on a lot of the the tables there's a screen that shows all
the previous results yeah as if that has anything to do with what's going to happen next it all that
is there to do is poison your mind yes well you don't you don't understand the mind you are not
a gambling man gavin it is if there is four blacks in a row, it is universally impossible to be black again.
It cannot happen.
That's how Gambling Brain works.
You put everything in on red on that play.
I don't know how rigged the tables are.
I assume they must be in a way.
I don't think so.
I don't think they're rigged at all.
I just think the games are so tilted for their rule set.
The game is rigged in itself in itself yeah yeah like you could
theoretically count cards to like increase your probability of winning or like making smart bets
and blackjack and it's just illegal like you just can't do it they won't tolerate it yeah how do
they prove you're doing it uh because you're betting amounts so like typically if you're you
want to see a majority of the cards right so you're going to be making small bets and then once the shoe becomes more beneficial to you like there's a lot of face cards in it or tens
then you start making higher bets because you have a higher probability of winning off of those hands
that just seems like a part of the game to me i just don't understand it is that that's but that's
why i'm saying they don't need to rig the games because the rules are rigged within themselves
right it's i wouldn't be surprised
if you were a multi-millionaire andrew just off gambling oh no you just never told us
well the reason i know about your perfect roulette record is i went like a historic
oh for 28 and roulette place or i just couldn't win like it mathematically impossible like the
five blacks in a row. I couldn't win.
And I kept doing black.
I was like, you know, I was doing the color thing.
I'm doing the Wesley Snipes.
Always bet on black thing.
I'd bet on black.
Always read.
Always read.
No matter what I did.
Even in Animal Crossing, there's a roulette game you could play.
That was red.
I just kept losing on red.
So I talked to you about roulette randomly.
And you're like, yeah, I'm undefeated in roulette.
Every time I go to Vegas, I've win. you're like yeah I'm undefeated in roulette every time I go to Vegas I've win I'm like five for five unstoppable you we went oh for four the two
of us I'd ask you what color to put down and then you're just like oh I guess it just doesn't
translate over I guess I need to be there I think we need to be doing it in person okay and I would
be willing to come out of retirement on a real life roulette table with you and you just bet
with me and I think we'll be in it.
Either you'll destroy
everything I've worked towards
or we'll just continue
as normal and you'll be up on it.
That'd be great. I just hope
you don't bring me down. Oh, I'm going to bring you down.
Absolutely. I'm a glorious
If you guys win big in
Vegas, you need to immediately go
and buy the two nicest ceramic tea kettles
to celebrate.
I like the split.
Like if, I don't know,
if Celine or Hermes or Givenchy
makes a tea kettle,
and if it's encrusted in like diamonds and gold,
you need to buy it.
I did that with, I didn't buy a kettle.
This is just gambling stuff.
My guardian for RTX, Charles, who I now work with.
One of my favorite people.
We went to Vegas for something.
And I was trying to convince him to gamble.
He was like, no, you know, I'm never going to do that. It's not it's not me I'm not gonna do it and I just sat down at a slot machine I
don't have anything special with slots like I just I just lose money in those and uh I just play like
kind of low amounts he sat down next to me at a slot machine and uh you know they come around
they offer you free drinks and stuff if you're actually gambling but he wasn't doing anything
at his machine I was like look you're gonna sit here let's just just put in a dollar just see what happens and he was like oh
fine like caving to the peer pressure he won 650 dollars off a single first spin
and he i don't think he ever spun again i think he just cashed out and that was it and i was like
man i've got i must be providing a little bit of luck.
So I would love to test that out with you, Andrew, in Vegas at some point.
I think my bad luck counters your good luck.
And it's not even close.
As lucky as you are.
And it's not even a statement on how lucky you are. I'm sure you're incredibly lucky.
I don't think, I think I overpower.
Yeah, I got to agree with that.
I think those and those opposing forces, Andrew's, I don't know,
if it's luck or karma or whatever,
but I feel like it's a lot stronger.
Yeah.
Honestly, I don't think Charles winning was my luck transferring.
It was just he's very lucky.
Because when I watch Dan play roulette, he loses every time.
Yeah, but come on, it's Dan.
The universe has a sense of humor
maybe he's like sub dog shit level as well god damn dude dan and i are in the same level he
just doesn't know it probably he's also a universe's shit doormat oh this is this is a
good i'm having this is a fun episode do think, Jeff, we should start recording in person?
Well, how are we going to record with Andrew?
Well, I mean, you and I could be in person.
I mean, yeah, that would be fun,
but I feel like it wouldn't be balanced for Andrew.
I feel like we're all in the same playing field
when we're alone,
but I feel like the dynamic would be weird
if you and I were in person, but Andrew wasn't.
You might be right.
I'm just really excited to do stuff in person. I don't know. I'm not
opposed to it. You know, it's like
that's how we do the break shit stuff.
But how would you feel about it, Andrew?
I think it would be a little
weird because the timing is just
different for you guys. Like, it's more
immediate, like, conversationally. I think
we're kind of all equally in a delayed window,
which makes this work. I mean, I'm not opposed not opposed to try i think we would have to do it with
headphones because on the break shit it's kind of hard to hear through the little speaker i also
don't know that you guys would have benefited by me being in person in front of you last episode
for instance like you know well you weren't you were you're paying a bill. Well, because you would have been in your back yard. You're literally not there.
You,
you know.
Well,
I'm going to,
this is like,
we've recorded a bunch because people are going on like summer breaks.
I'm going to,
we're taking like a little,
it's not going to stop for the people.
We've got like six.
This episode will come out on August 4th. Are you serious?
That's how far ahead we are.
This is an August 4th episode.
You know what I feel worst about in that whole deal
Is that the amount of time
Since we decided to record
The bike trick
It's been
A bit of time
Like maybe a week but it's been like 6 episodes
Yeah we should do that this week
We should do it this week but it's not going to come out
Until October at this point
As long as we've got it in the bag
Yeah as long as we've got it in the bag. Yeah, yeah. As long as we've got it in the bag.
I mean, to be fair to us, too,
every time we've tried, there's been rain. And when
you're dealing with badass
bike tricks in a drainage ditch,
the ditch has got to be drained.
That's all there is to it. That is a great
point. Yeah. I do
see on the old weather map, though,
there's some sun peeking behind a cloud coming up
next week. Really?
Well, I'm out of town next week.
I'm not around next week.
But I am around tomorrow
and throughout the weekend.
We could try tomorrow.
The icon is
a cloud with lightning with a 90% chance
of rain.
That'd be great. It does not want me to pull off this badass bike trick you know what though even if it's raining it would add an element in the slow-mo that's true it would it
would look cooler you'd look like a very rad dude jeff why don't we just do it tomorrow no matter
what well what is tomorrow wednesday or thursday fr? Tomorrow's Friday? Yeah. Well, it's not...
Isn't he worried about the landing?
You shoot the rain, right?
Well, I mean, I'd have to go through...
Listen, if...
It's not a boat.
It's a bicycle.
So the bike's not going to go through
the raging river that is the drainage
if it's too wet.
Yeah, man.
I have a thing from 10 to 11,
but other than that, I'm free.
So right after that,
I'll hop on my bike and head out.
Maybe a little noon bike trip.
A little noon bike trip.
That's exciting.
I'll get the Phantom ready.
All right.
I think that's all we need.
Just a lovely slow-mo.
We don't need any behind-the-scenes or anything.
No, no, no, no.
Not at all.
It'll be fun.
It'll be fine.
We'll just have to make sure that it's...
I'll... I was going to say I'll do it after this,'ll just have to make sure that it's... I'll...
I was going to say I'll do it after this, but I've got to go
into work to do first night.
So I'll check tomorrow to make
sure the curse is clear before
you roll out your phantom. This has turned
into like a shuttle launch. You're just doing
a bike trick. I don't know why we need ideal
perfect weather conditions.
Once again...
Do you want to be mission control?
I'd love to't do the trick
if it's submerged.
Sure, that's totally fair.
Just in my head,
it doesn't like,
in my head it's a puddle, Jeff,
at the bottom of like a pool,
like a ramp.
It's not a waterfall.
But I'm sure it's,
I'm sure it is.
Okay.
Just in my head,
that's the visual.
I'm excited about it.
I'm excited about it. Well, that's all that. I'm excited about it. I'm excited about it.
Well, that's all that matters to me, as long as you're excited about it.
This is great.
It's nice to be excited about stuff.
It is.
You know what's weird?
When this comes out, my birthday's tomorrow.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
Your birthday's tomorrow?
Well, when this comes out.
That's how far ahead we are.
Your birthday's the 5th of August?
My birthday's the 5th of August.
Hey, let me be the first person to wish you a happy 27th birthday.
Is it 27?
It's 27.
You got it right.
If you wouldn't have second-guessed it, I would have been impressed.
I was just making sure I said it right.
And I wished you a happy 27th birthday before anybody else did, I think.
Thank you.
Yeah.
No, you're definitely the first.
I have a gift for you guys as a a thing to celebrate to celebrate this a bigger
kettle bowl a bigger we'll see we'll see how this gift goes this is as well established
this is a redemption year for me last year a lot of things didn't necessarily go the way i'd planned
there were some pretty big obvious ones the main main one, I'd say, is the fire
extinguisher. The fire extinguisher bit
did not go as planned.
So, I have a
new fire extinguisher. No way.
I have a new fire extinguisher. I have it
bagged up just like last time.
He really is going all in
on this redemption. Are you serious?
I'm going all in on the redemption tour. I got it in
my hands right now. I love that you did that whole mess of whatever last episode was next to a new fire
yeah it was behind me so like when we were talking about do we even want to do a second episode it's
like yeah we want to do a second episode i got a fucking fire extinguisher and a bag ready to go
we're doing a second episode i can hear the bag I'm just trying to find the handle through the bag.
Where is-
Are you gonna be videoing any of this?
I- I- you do- like, I need both hands
on the bag to hold- to even hold this.
So let's- You can just prop a camera up.
Prop a phone. I- I don't-
You don't- you don't- much
like the kettle Gavin, you do not know
my reality right now.
I need to- I need to even just find...
Where is the...
Okay, so that's the nozzle.
So where is the top of it?
Is this a brand new fresh fire extinguisher?
This is a brand new fresh fire extinguisher.
Never before been fired.
Never before been fired.
It's fully charged.
What's that pressure gauge reading?
Oh, it was in the green. It was solidly in the green. That's where charged. What's that pressure gauge reading? It was in the green.
It was solidly in the green.
That's where we want it to be.
Oh my god!
We did it!
Fuck you, Minor League Jack!
That one went off.
Happy birthday to me.
That was an extended spray.
Oh, I- yeah, I mean, it was a disappointment last time.
I wanted to make sure I got it.
There you go.
Fucking fire extinguisher for ya.
Happy August.
Was it all contained?
Oh, yeah, it's all contained. I don't know.
I thought it was going to fire like a rocket was my concern,
so it's in like 15 garbage bags.
I'm surprised it didn't rupture any of them.
It may have.
I don't know.
We'll find out.
I could start opening it.
I mean, it's going to take a while. It's like a Russian doll scenario.
It's going to go bag to bag.
I love the way you do stuff.
You just start doing it. There's no build-up.
There's no countdown. You're just like,
yeah, so I got a new fire.
I'm actually, I'm not gonna,
I opened one of these bags already.
I feel like it's in the air. I feel like my
eyes are starting to burn a little bit,
so we're going to just put it back in that bag,
and we'll deal with that problem later,
but there we go.
I feel fire extinguisher redeemed.
I hope you will document this in photo form for us
to put on the Instagram at some point.
I will take a photo of the bags
and the unopening of it when I get there.
I'll take a photo of the kettle as well.
I have some work to do.
Maybe with all this redemption happening, there'll be roulette redemption.
Maybe this is it.
All of this stuff will turn your luck around.
That could be it.
I bet if I picked a color for you now, it would win.
Yeah?
Do you want to do that right now?
Yeah.
Okay, give me a second.
I'll log into my account.
Nick can edit this so it won't be an awkward long pause.
Although because I said that, now he probably won't.
And it'll just be extended.
Nick, I'm glad you're back.
I miss Nick.
It's great having Nick back.
Do you have a gut instinct, Gavin, as far as what are you feeling right now?
What is your process?
Or is it just like in the moment you'll say you'll know?
I know what I'm going to say.
And I feel like I'll just say it to you in the moment.
Okay.
How much are you thinking about putting?
How much do you think I should?
Well, I'm going to feel pretty responsible if you lose.
So $1.
$50?
$50?
That's a lot.
Well, I can't remember what we were doing last time.
My bets with Jeff on the NBA were 10 cent bets.
And you want me to come out roulette?
I'm willing to do 50 because of the energy of the 5,000 guy.
But last time you did roulette and I made you lose.
What did you lose?
I think 20.
Oh, 20?
I think so.
Yeah, definitely not 50.
50, that's a lot of ramen.
That's a lot of ramen.
You should bet enough that if you win,
you can replace the bowl you broke.
Okay, I got to figure out inflation.
It's an old bowl.
I haven't seen a bowl like that since the 80s.
I think it's that old.
What am I putting in?
What is the bet amount?
What are we doing?
Is it 50?
Is 50 the roulette bet?
What about a nice 25 so that you win?
Okay, 25.
25.
We'll do 25.
I sometimes do this anyway.
I call this a free lunch bet.
If I win, I get a free lunch.
I'll buy myself lunch.
Don't have to think about it.
If I lose, I'm not going to have a free lunch i'll buy myself lunch don't have to think about it if i lose i'm not gonna have a free lunch make something okay we're authorizing deposit successful okay
we're going to the live casino good lord hey try not to piss everybody off okay should i share my
screen can i do that yeah okay let's do that
oh yeah I see it
okay so here we go
so what are we doing
where are we going
black
what's the bet Gavin
black
yep
oh shit
I didn't mean to put it there
I'm due
okay there we go
I was gonna say red
interesting
I was hoping that Gavin
and I would be on the same page
we are definitely not
click zoom in
okay here we go
what I bet on black've been on black?
We've been on black?
Okay, it's spinning.
I fucking hate you.
You're the worst.
It was red.
It doesn't translate at all.
I think I need to be betting, too.
I think that's how we'll do it.
Now you have a system?
We couldn't have the system before?
I don't know why we just did that.
We already knew it wouldn't work.
I said black.
I never went on black.
I maybe thought all the redemption would have turned your luck.
No. No. I maybe thought all the redemption would have turned your luck.
No.
No. No.
Let's end the podcast.
Happy birthday to me.
Down 25 to start the day.
I just made you lose $25 again.
Yep, you sure did.
Hey, on the bright side,
your one birthday wish richer.
You can always spend that and the show.
I'm going to get you a gift.
I'm going to make up for that.
I'm going to send you something.
You're going to send me $25 worth of fucking Branson pickles.
You son of a bitch.
What are you going to do?
Wait,
wait,
wait.
You mean Branson pickle,
the condiment,
the condiment.
Yeah.
Everyone's favorite condiment. condiment yeah everyone's favorite condiment thanks for listening to
face