F**kface - Regulation Pubes // Long Hat Mode [180]

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew’s head size, being locked out, celsius to normal temperature, boat safety, dick shelves, the Sopranos game, Fury vs Ngannou, school night gaming, Alan Wake... 2, letters to chair companies, fictitious employees, long hat mode, the upcoming cock awards, Geoff’s smut novel, turning Nick’s mic on, Andrew waxing himself, undelegatables, the glory hole, how to film them getting their buttholes professionally waxed, and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q. Sponsored by Füm (http://tryfum.com Code FACE), Shady Rays (http://shadyrays.com Code FACE), and Babbel (http://babbel.com/FACE). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.
Starting point is 00:01:10 Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Are we getting Andrew Panton today or are we getting Johnny Caviar? Oh, you're getting Andrew Panton. Okay. It's a lot. You're going to be getting a lot.
Starting point is 00:01:38 You're getting Andrew Panton and it's going to be a lot? Is that what you said? Mm-hmm. What does that mean? Dude, I don't know. What the fuck? Eric knows that what you said? Mm-hmm. What does that mean? Dude, I... What the fuck? Eric knows.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Are you mad at me? No, not at all. You'll see. Eric knows. Okay, I wrote your letter. I'm excited to see it. Yeah, well, you'll hear it. Oh, I forgot that that was...
Starting point is 00:01:59 I forgot about this. Gracie asked me earlier of, like, Hey, did Andrew talk to you about the thing? And I said, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Now. Now I remember what you're talking about. This is,
Starting point is 00:02:11 we're getting, yeah, we're getting Andrew Panton today. It's the chair letter. I like that you asked if he was mad at you. I thought that was cool. Yeah. Well,
Starting point is 00:02:17 I just never know. I don't know if I've may have done something inadvertently to, to anger Andrew. Is he what? What? I'm just checking in, man. I care about his feelings. I care about your feelings, Jeff. I know you do,
Starting point is 00:02:32 Andrew, and I really appreciate that. That's why I think this relationship works as well as it is, and I hope you won't listen to the detractors like Eric. Detractors? Is Detractors with Eric another podcast you have? See, now I feel like I'm talking to Johnny Caviar all of a sudden. No, it's just a little joke.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Just a little hee-haw. A little jokey Caviar. A little jokey Caviar. That's great. A little Caviar comedy, as they call it. People seem very into this episode where you guys are combative, so it's funny. Yeah. We can start talking about condiments
Starting point is 00:03:05 again if they want combative no no no i think they want a good nature oh there's 10 minutes on the cutting right and gavin there you go hello and welcome to another episode of the face podcast my name is jeff ramsey with me as always gavin free andrew panton this is episode 180 hard to believe we've done this 180 times uh but here we are 180 180 what a number i did it like dots yeah what do you need to do in darts to get a 180 throw a triple 23 times ah shit, he had that answer locked and loaded. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, that was really good. Hey, we should all play some Dots. No.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Of course we can. Jesus Christ. I'm just kidding. I'm not a darts guy. I'm really bad at darts. Gavin, just to fill you in, during the pleasantries, I had a sense. I just had a sense. I don't know why. But I asked Andrew, are we getting Andrew today or are we getting Johnny Caviar? And he goes, oh, you're definitely getting Andrew.
Starting point is 00:04:11 You're getting a lot of Andrew. And then he started to be very Johnny Caviar. And so I just be forewarned. I don't know who we're dealing with today. Is Game Chat Andrew closer or further away to Johnny Caviar? I'd say closer overall, but I think any anger I have is being held for the PlayStation 3
Starting point is 00:04:33 and Sony as a company. Terrible, terrible company. My anger, my frustration has only grown and built since the last time we recorded. It has only gotten worse. They're terrible. I spent my Saturday, so I ordered one cable
Starting point is 00:04:48 to try to make the PS3 record through HDMI. Did not work, so then I ordered another cable. It arrived on Saturday, all excited about it. Went down to get it, and opened my door, and it was a box of face merch,
Starting point is 00:05:04 which is great, but not what i was expecting got the uh exciting gerpler beanie we have coming out looks great i was happy about that then i thought huh where is my cable that i ordered it was supposed to arrive today so i checked on amazon and they said hey it's been delivered and sometimes they'll hide packages i thought oh maybe i missed it but then i scrolled down and they took a photo of where they delivered it and they delivered it to completely the wrong door like the the the unit number obviously completely different than mine and uh so that was an annoyance did you have to go steal it that was my plan yeah i thought well i'll just head over there real quick and grab it and so i had to to
Starting point is 00:05:45 enter a different section of the building and so i had my key and uh i i remembered that my key the fob didn't work on it before so i i swapped it and so i'll send my partner's key as a backup so i left and uh hair was a mess so i tried to throw on the Gerpler beanie. Head too big. Another issue in the pant. Too big for a beanie? It was too big for the beanie. I couldn't get it to fit. My head is bigger than the Gerpler beanie, which looks great, but I need every inch a beanie can give,
Starting point is 00:06:22 and it's one of those foldable where it says Gerpler on the front of it and I thought well maybe I'll just tuck it down but then I realized you could see the embroidering through the back end and it looked like shit it just was a disaster you know how they make luggage where there's like the main zip but then there's also like
Starting point is 00:06:40 a zip that you can release the pressure with and it can like hold a little bit more what if we made you a zip beanie where you unzip with and it can hold a little bit more? What if we made you a zip beanie where you unzip it and it gives you more beanie? Oh, I would need that. It would have been great for Saturday. Eric, can you check in with Tony on that? No, it doesn't make any sense.
Starting point is 00:06:57 I'm not going to check in with Tony on that. Why wouldn't we just make a larger beanie? Because it's not going to fit small-headed people if it's large. I don't care about small-headed people. The small-headed market seems like we're making this specifically for Andrew. That's what we'd be making.
Starting point is 00:07:15 The joy of the zip. Gavin's right here. Think about it this way. Think about it this way. We're making a beanie that services both audiences. The normal-headed people and the Andrew-headed people. If we just make a a beanie that services both audiences the normal headed people and the andrew headed people if we just make a larger beanie that only services andrew it doesn't help the normal headed people here we're killing two birds with one stone you only need one beanie to service both uh no no no what if he wants to slap his beanie on his partner if if the cold
Starting point is 00:07:42 has moved i don't listen there's a million beanies that would fit for that. My issue... If we're making a Gerpler beanie, it should be Gerpler-sized. The fact that I couldn't fit the Gerpler beanie on my head felt additionally insulting.
Starting point is 00:07:57 But that's not even... We haven't hit the crux of the problem of my story on my Saturday with this fucking... So I got the beanie, go out, go outside outside go to get into my building my key fob doesn't work that was kind of expected
Starting point is 00:08:09 so then I try the other fob also doesn't work so now I just can't get into my building you're getting fobbed off it fobbed off yes Gavin fobbed off and I couldn't get in and so I figured I'll try to call the unit that it is in front of and I couldn't understand the directory system.
Starting point is 00:08:27 So I called somebody. Don't know if it was the right door. Left them a message. Then I thought, I really want this cable because we're going to record like PS2, PS1 stuff and all the stuff. So I was like, oh, I just want to get this and see if it works. Because if it doesn't, then I have to order another one. And I thought, I'll just sit outside my building there's a little bench i'll sit outside and i'll wait for somebody to either come in and come out and i'll just pop in with them it'll be fine so i sat and i learned
Starting point is 00:08:57 that my business my building on a saturday afternoon not a lot of traffic it was like five celsius and i spent an hour sitting outside my building waiting for somebody to come in or come out. Can somebody translate five Celsius into normal temperature for me? Pretty cold.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Okay. Not freezing though because zero is freezing in Celsius, right? It was cold. It was cold. I would have loved to have been able
Starting point is 00:09:18 to wear the Gerpler beanie. It would have helped. I was in my shorts. I was in my short-sleeved shirt just freezing outside the building. I don't understand. Okay, wait. So you're in a short-sleeve shirt, just freezing outside the building. I don't understand. Okay, wait. So you're in a short-sleeve shirt and shorts, but the thing that would have kept you warm is the beanie?
Starting point is 00:09:30 Well, it would help. It doesn't hurt. You lose a lot of heat through your head, and he's got a lot of head. You also lose it through your arms and legs. I can keep those next to my side. I can close off all those things. I took boat safety. I learned the points in which you lose heat.
Starting point is 00:09:46 When I took boat safety in grade 5, it was a mandatory class for some reason, I learned one of the things that stuck with me was if you're in freezing water, keep your arms and your legs together because the points in which you lose heat the fastest
Starting point is 00:10:01 are under the armpits and between the legs. Now, would this be in the water or on the boat? This would be if you're in the fastest are under the armpits and between the legs. Now, would this be in the water or on the boat? This would be if you're in the water, if you're in like a sinking boat. Wouldn't you just go straight to the bottom of the ocean like a fucking dart? Well, you're supposed to have a life jacket on, I believe is the idea.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Also, maybe you could float on your back. We need a life jacket with heated armpits. Oh, that'd be great. Add that. Eric, send that to Tony, too. need tony in on that as well no i'm i mean i'm putting i'm putting in the beanie thing right now we're not gonna do life jackets okay well i feel like hopefully we've moved on from jet skis in general we're no longer like a water podcast it's well it's certainly too it's five degrees celsius outside there's no way we could be a jet ski podcast right now.
Starting point is 00:10:45 I want it to potentially save some lives. Eric's not interested in saving lives. That's fine. We can move on. We'll go on. We'll want to add it to the list. During that story, I got an alert on my watch. You got an alert on your watch?
Starting point is 00:10:57 Oh, I donged. Are you sending dongs again, dude? Yeah, dongs! It's a one meg dong. You've been writing too much smut with jeff no kidding what do you mean no kidding oh that reminds me i need to i'll be one sec oh okay we'll see you take care this this episode's weird no i i gotta i gotta plug in my wax kit i have a wax kit i'm gonna wax today oh yeah because you know gavin said it would be such a joyous experience we can't do it
Starting point is 00:11:25 till next week though office day from eric when september 2nd 2022 what the fuck what did i get lost in the mail or something like what the hell what happened that just popped up like right now let me know if you're busy on september 2nd last year and we should be fine. 426 days ago. Eric, how did you balls up the waxing? I'm sorry? When are you supposed to get that going?
Starting point is 00:11:55 Yeah, I am getting it going. I've been... Hey, hey, I've been out of town. So this is how it works the other way, bud. Why am I, bud? Because you're... Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Andrew, get back to your story. Yeah, no, the story, I'm warm, but I'm waxing. Because, Gavin, you said it'd be such a fun experience. So I reached out to Gracie. Gracie was kind enough to send me a wax kit with the cart. And so now it's... I got out to Gracie. Gracie was kind enough to send me a wax kit with the cart. And so now I got to heat it up. So I didn't know that you had to do that with wax. I read the instructions last night.
Starting point is 00:12:32 I put the wax thing in. I just plugged it into an outlet. In about 30 minutes, the wax will have melted, and I can apply it to the paper. Do the waxing. Gavin thinks this is going to be a great time, so I'm sure this will be great. Gavin has never led me astray before, so this is going to be a lot
Starting point is 00:12:50 of fun. That's not true. That's not true. Why you said that? No, it was never. Every time whenever Gavin says something's a good experience, it's always good. It's always fun. Whenever he says anything, it ends up being correct for the most part. 99.9% tell, so I'd be shocked if this waxing thing is not gonna be absolutely
Starting point is 00:13:06 fantastic and fun so when will we know half an hour uh yeah half an hour i'll have to step away and apply the wax to the paper and then apply it to myself away because i need to it's not easy okay to do this i'm a mess i'm i i have no what I'm doing. It's gonna be a disaster. Are you gonna be Winnie the Poo-ing this podcast, then? I'm already Winnie the Poo-ing this podcast. So your gents are on the stool? They are. You guys have...
Starting point is 00:13:36 I mean, I don't want it to be too much. You guys seem to have the ass covered. So I'm thinking of going the other way is my plan. Which I'm sure will be fun. That's gonna be a great time. Well, you know, there's a front and a back, and so I'm thinking like...
Starting point is 00:13:52 You're going to do front ass? Yeah, I think I'm going to do front ass. What's that, like back of the balls? No, I'm thinking like upper. Like your dick shelf? Yeah, like dick shelf I think is a good way to put it. Wait, what's the dick shelf yeah what's that it's above the dick technically the dick shelf is that muscle that's just over your hips that only some dudes have guys that work out obsessively uh i was just
Starting point is 00:14:18 referring to the like your the pube yeah you pull the yeah the pupil uh you know it it fits the The puke. Yeah. Pube hole. Yeah, the puke hole. Scrotum shelf. You know, it fits the description. That's the most painful part, I assume. No, you said it was going to be a great time. This whole waxing thing would feel fantastic. Specifically the anal area. Yeah. He thinks his butthole will feel good.
Starting point is 00:14:38 You guys have the anal area covered, so I guess I'm doing advanced research on if the front is as much fun. It's not going to be covered for long uh we'll see maybe I got really strong uh hair I don't know maybe it'll resist
Starting point is 00:14:53 so wait hang on wait wait wait hang on I don't want to move too far away from that you think maybe you have strong hair that will resist the waxing I'm it's not likely. I'm just saying we're in uncharted territory. We're doing research.
Starting point is 00:15:09 We're going to figure out what happens. So you think it's like potentially like unbreakable nose, unchokeable neck, unwaxable pubes? Probably not. I think that's just too many gifts for God to give anybody. Not even that I believe in God, but I would say that the nose and the neck is probably... I've already gotten a lot. I've had a lot dealt my way. It's true. You've already been blessed in so many ways.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Uh-huh. Oh, God damn, I love you. I think I have regulation pubes, I'd assume, but we'll find out. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about whether my, but we'll find out. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about whether my pubes are regulation or not. Oh, yeah. Huh.
Starting point is 00:15:50 Yeah, so in about 20 minutes. So we have to vamp for 20 minutes is what you're saying? Well, no, we just do the normal show. I'm just going to step out at a certain point, and then I'll be honest. I regret booking a recording for Game Stuff right after this. I assume that's's gonna be not a thing i feel like doing but oh yeah we're doing that uh we're doing two sopranos yeah okay trying to do the sopranos for a long time eric's so excited about it i should have uh prepared a
Starting point is 00:16:15 plate of pasta or something yeah i'm i'm really excited about it but in order to do it uh andrew needed to get a splitter which he was in the middle of telling the story of oh i got it that splitter i did i eventually it took me an hour the first person that came out of the building uh they opened the door and i said hey and i did the anxiety thing where i over explained the scenario and they just looked at me and said i don't have a fob and i thought well that's that seems like a bad idea i did I mean I don't know why you wouldn't I think you just don't want to let me in uh because I got gerbler hair and I look like a maniac and I'm shivering but that's fine you just went without the beanie straight up you didn't
Starting point is 00:16:55 just squeeze it on because I thought the beanie made me look more psychotic than without the beanie was the evaluation I had the man how bad could the hair have been to the point where you were worried about that? No, it's just like I hadn't had a shower that day. It was bed hair. His barber retired and then died, so he probably hasn't had hair cut in four years. We don't
Starting point is 00:17:15 know if he's dead, but he's definitely retired. So it took about an hour and then eventually a nicer, older man who I recognized recognized uh some of the items he had on him which was an icebreaker did you got in no i didn't he didn't i don't know i didn't his hair was fine it didn't strike me as like great hair went up grabbed the thing snuck out left uh but that that was my saturday i missed a large portion of Nagano versus Fury because I was sitting outside my building.
Starting point is 00:17:48 You didn't miss shit, dude. What do you mean I didn't miss shit? He dropped him in the third. Yeah, he did. You missed that one moment. That was one of the greatest sporting events of all time. What are you talking about? Disappointed and Fury in that fight for sure. Very impressed with Nagano though.
Starting point is 00:18:04 Nick said, will you cut my hair, sir? I wonder if you stood on the street, Andrew and fury in that fight for sure. Very impressed with Ngani though. Nick said, will you cut my hair, sir? I wonder if you stood on the street, Andrew, with that hair and just asked a hundred strangers if they would cut your hair, how many do you think would say yes? I think if I stood on the street and offered a hundred dollars to people walking by, nobody would take it.
Starting point is 00:18:19 There's a zero percent chance that anyone is cutting my hair that I'm requesting on the street that's not i'm not charismatic in that way do you think that's just because of the people like the pool of people or do you think it's your hair specifically that they wouldn't want to touch people pull i i think it's uh it's me it's i think it's just me as a whole i just don't think i'm charismatic enough to convince a random person to cut my hair you got've got loads of charisma. Yeah, you do. Not in that way.
Starting point is 00:18:47 You can convince someone to wax your ass. Well, the fact that I'm waxing my pubes I think is an argument against my ability to do that, but fine. If you want to give me credit for that, I'm not going to not take it, but I think there's a lot of evidence that suggests otherwise. Nonsense.
Starting point is 00:19:04 So, Jeff, you've been writing smut and you wrote a chair thing. Well, you know, we have had some homework. We all had some homework. Andrew, you're completely going through with your homework, obviously. And I really appreciate it by doing this pew waxing thing. Clearly, Gavin and I are not getting waxed right now. I guess it was Eric didn't do his homework, which is not a judgment. It's not an indictment on my part.
Starting point is 00:19:26 I don't care one way or the other. Then we also had the smut homework and writing a letter to a chair company homework. I want you to know I did both of those things. But before we get to it, Gavin posted a picture of his watch that he wanted everyone to see. He also sent me a picture of his watch that i i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:19:46 upload for you guys this is uh if you can't see it obviously it just says low quality sleep detected what happened looks like your sleeping heart rate dip was lower and your sleep disruption was higher than usual uh that's the only thing gavin sent me the other day when I invited him to play video games with us trucks has been I mean you know it's immense fun but the next day it's like a hangover
Starting point is 00:20:15 I don't know how you do it dude I played till about 1am last night I tried to get Gavin to play trucks last night with me actually we were playing generation zero so we're that's teenage swedish trucks uh that's what we call it and uh and kathryn just said it's a school night and i was like oh fuck it is a school night i forgot and then i felt like i was in trouble and i needed to apologize to him because it was clear i was still gonna play even though he didn't uh but then i
Starting point is 00:20:40 realized i'm 48 and he can go fuck off. But he did play. We did play trucks one time. And I think by all accounts, everybody, you had a good time, right? The problem is it's a twice. It's a broken piece of shit. So, Andrew, you'll love this. We switched to what we call wet trucks, which is Sea of Thieves. Oh, hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I think Gavin had the time of his life playing Sea of Thieves. Oh, hell yeah. I think Gavin had the time of his life playing Sea of Thieves. Really? You have fun, Gavin? Yeah, it was really fun. I've only ever played that in videos. That pause.
Starting point is 00:21:15 Oh, sorry, I was drinking some tea. He was drinking something. Okay. Yeah. It's a bad time to pour burning tea into my gullet. I've only played the videos and I've never really understood what the goal is.
Starting point is 00:21:31 But just to kind of play casually, it's a different vibe. And the teamwork. Antonio was calling the shots. He's like, all the sails need to move. And suddenly we'd all just go and get a sail and you see them all turn at the same time. It was epic. Yeah, it's great.
Starting point is 00:21:49 That game does promote teamwork and team play in a way that I guess is probably similar to Trucks and unique to those two games from what I can tell. But anyway, Gavin, we had the best time playing with you and we still talk about you to this day.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Every night when we play trucks. Last night they asked, I was like, yeah, it's cool, you can't. That's so adorable. They have had the nicest time getting to know you, and they really want to get to know Andrew too. So maybe we can... I'll do sea trucks.
Starting point is 00:22:16 I'm very familiar with the seas. It's called wet trucks, but yeah. Wet trucks, whatever. I'll figure out the terminology. What do you have against bog-standard trucks? I just am really... I've got anxiety because of how bad I am at that game. I need to get another way better than me.
Starting point is 00:22:29 We watched you play. No, but you got like a fancy truck or something. I don't know what's going on. You seem to have a better understanding. Eric can, can back me up on this. I spent that video in the mud,
Starting point is 00:22:38 just stuck in the mud. Yeah. I mean, you were definitely, I was struggling. That's what's supposed to happen. And you'd finished it two hours before Gavin did. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:48 And the other night in trucks, I'd been driving for about 10 minutes thinking I was doing amazing. Thinking I was like, oh, I'm not getting stuck anymore. You know, my truck must be getting pretty good. Because I was looking to the side. I was looking over this lake.
Starting point is 00:23:01 And then I turned the camera towards the front and I realized Antonio had been towing me the entire time I was like oh okay maybe I'm not so good we laughed about that for a long time oh that's so funny
Starting point is 00:23:18 okay so I just wanted to mention that the late night gaming has been a lot of fun and it's thriving right now. And I would love to get you into the mix, too, Andrew, especially on the nights when Gavin has to go to bed early. OK, well, second fiddle to Gavin. No, no, I don't want you to be second fiddle. But I invited you first. That's true.
Starting point is 00:23:37 You're in a way better time zone. But let me let me in. I want on the sea. I'll do a sea night any night. I'm there. Well, if you if you download Generation Zero, I can promise you you can get in any time. I'll do a C night any night. I'm there. Well, if you download Generation Zero, I can promise you you can get in anytime. I haven't played that game.
Starting point is 00:23:49 I need to get my reps in before I'm... It's the current obsession. You really don't need to play it or know anything ahead of time. It's even less complicated than Trucks. I had... Just before we move on from games entirely, I just had a quick thing.
Starting point is 00:24:03 I had one of the scariest, non-scary moments of my life playing Alan Wake 2 the other night. I'm haunted by it. I'm curious. Gavin's been playing. I wonder if he's encountered this. How far are you? Have you gotten past the dick guy? You fought the dick guy? That's exactly where I am. I also really
Starting point is 00:24:19 love that they've paired the head of the studio's face with the voice actor for Max Payne again. So it's just like you're running around with your friend Max Payne. I love it so much. It's great. I'm hoping that because they're remastering Max Payne, I think it'd be so cool if they put Max Payne in that overall universe as well. Like Alan Wake is now part of Control and all that.
Starting point is 00:24:40 But anyway, I was playing Alan Wake 2 and i was in this very spooky section where i was genuinely really scared i'm running around i was in a place uh that was like a ranger cabin and i was trying to figure out a password for the device like it's a computer that is a locked terminal and so i was walking around eric and i we made a video in alawake 2 eric and i one of the dumbest moments i think i've experienced in games in a long time, where we had to try to figure out how to break into a lock, and it had symbols on it, and the instructions were like, get the chicken from the fridge, lay in the bed. Oh my god, you guys were so dumb.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Eric and I were looking at the symbols on the lock, trying to interpret which symbols symbolized those physical actions or those things, not realizing that there is a house behind us and we just had to walk to the fridge and see what symbol was painted on the fridge or go to the bedroom and see what's above the bed. It was like it was like, you know, that round like red and yellow kids toy that has all the holes cut into it to learn shapes. It was like watching Andrew and Eric try to wedge the star shape into the
Starting point is 00:25:48 rectangle hole over and over again. Well, arguing which star looks most like a chicken being pulled from a refrigerator like exactly. It was really dumb. So I'm trying to figure out this password in this other cabin and it's locked and I can't. I've looked around everywhere.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I can't find anything so i thought maybe i'll just like try a combination to see like how many letters or numbers or like what i'm even looking for so i sat down click the button and i just went four four four four and it locked me out but there should there was like five or six symbols and i thought that's weird is it because i did four fours in a row that that's that's why and it's a combination where you can enter from zero through nine and so then i just hit in four other random numbers and it unlocked i put the combination in on my second try just randomly guessing and when it turned green i almost had a heart attack because i was convinced
Starting point is 00:26:43 that it was some demon this This was some demon shit. And I went to bed. I put the controller down and I went to sleep because I was scared. And I was like, there's no the odds of me just randomly deciphering a four number passcode on my second guess. Just putting stuff in. I clipped it. I'll see if I can find i could send you the clip of of me doing it it's only like 10 seconds but i i genuinely have never been so scared and then i
Starting point is 00:27:13 was just sitting in bed going like i wonder if the second password you put in no matter what will give you the correct like login like what is because there's no way i still don't know how you're supposed to even know what the password is i couldn't find it so you were there trying to stuff a circle into a square but you ended up like apollo 13 in the square to the circle with like a sock and you just got it right exactly yeah that's exactly what happened but it's genuinely the scaredest i've ever been and i know it's not like an obviously scary thing, but just the odds of me being able to do that. I'm still convinced that it's like on your second try, no matter what you get it, because it just doesn't. I'd love to know what the percentages are of that actually
Starting point is 00:27:54 happening. That was your lottery ticket moment and you spin it on a lock in a video game. Oh, no, you're right. That was it. That was it. I'm never going to win anything again. It was Alan. It was an Alan Wick 2. And honestly, the emails I unlocked for it were not all that interesting. I just put a link if you want to see. That was your multi-state Powerball. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Is this a clip or is this a picture? This is a clip. It's just a clip. Oh, okay. I'm going to watch this. If you click it, you'll see. I'm also going to watch it. It's very brief.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Wrong? Yeah. And then I just put in something else and it goes green and I thought, what? What do you mean? Did I do something? And then it pops. As soon as that clip ended, controller down. I'm in my bed, terrified.
Starting point is 00:28:35 So that's what, like a 1 in 10,000 chance? It has to be, right? Like, I don't know what the math is. Is that what it is? I still don't understand how I was supposed to know what it is i just i couldn't i still don't understand how i was supposed to know that number but that was the i was curious if you had gotten there gavin and if you had fuck with that if you had an answer but that's if that's if that's the actual code that's the craziest thing i've ever seen yeah it it i'm not i don't know i can't
Starting point is 00:29:00 explain it but i was terrified i'm still terrified i'm still not played beyond that and now i'm disappointed sorry what did you say evan have you still not played past that point no no i'm done i finished it last night okay but uh so that's on a different that's on a different account or different playthrough or save file than we're doing for the alan way playthrough for the let's play channel right so can, we'll run up against this lock again. Oh, that's a great point, yeah. We'll have to film another part. How many parts have you done? We've only done
Starting point is 00:29:32 one. If I catch up to where you are in the game, can I hop in? I think you're already caught up. You are there. We stopped. You actually might be ahead. Sick. We stopped in the, uh, when you go to the morgue in the police station. So you're ahead.
Starting point is 00:29:46 You're one ahead. That's my gaming update. Dude, that's wild. I'm sorry about your lost winnings, though. Yeah, I didn't even think about it in that context, and now I'm not only scared but disappointed. That sucks. What a lucky thing to create such terrible dual emotions for you.
Starting point is 00:30:05 I'm so sorry. Hey, maybe we can turn some of your bad luck around. Okay. So as we know, we hit September and it's chair busting time and the chair busted. So we need to get you a new chair and we thought about reaching out to chair manufacturers
Starting point is 00:30:24 to try to see if we get you a free chair right to test the durability of so you challenged us you're a great email guy but you said i don't want to write the email myself i'll contact every chair company on earth which i i'm going to hold you to if you just write the email we uh we then didn't write the email so i have i have done the work and i uh i've written an email for you today. I've composed an email. I'd like to read it to you. Oh, I'm so excited.
Starting point is 00:30:49 It's open. You can take this. You can use it verbatim. You can change it around. Oh, I'm not going to change it. You can throw it away and tell me to fuck off. But here's what I've come up with, and let me know what you think. Dear manufacturer of fine chairs, while searching for a sturdy, reliable, comfortable, yet stylish chair,
Starting point is 00:31:06 I've run across yours. My client is, among other things, a professional sitter, one who spends copious amounts of time chairing. And as such, we've yet to find a solution that can accommodate his needs.
Starting point is 00:31:17 To put it bluntly, most chairs are not built for the professional sitter. They fall well short of the durability required by the medium. Honestly, to this point, no chair we have identified has had
Starting point is 00:31:28 the stamina and structure to last longer than one year before disintegrating into a mess of broken promises and disappointment. We need, nay, our very society needs, a durable chair that can last a minimum of three years. Civility demands it.
Starting point is 00:31:43 My hope is that your chair can be that chair, that rock, that solid rock of sitting that he can rely on day in, day out, year in, year out. The tool to enhance and accompany him on his professional journey.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Make no mistake, he is as passionate about sitting as you are about your quality and design could these dual passions be a match i await your response i love it jeff that is that is some masterful writing by you thank you thank you could please copy and paste and send that to me i will send it to every chair manufacturer and i will give an update on any replies i give on future episodes now one addendum to that i wrote that as if I was your agent speaking for you. My recommendation is that you pull a Trump in the 80s like he did when he pretended to
Starting point is 00:32:32 be a guy named John Barron and he would call up and say he was the press agent and he would like clarify things with journalists. But it was clearly just him pretending to be somebody else putting on a fake voice. I think Johnny Caviar should be your agent and he should send this email. Could I love this idea. I just would need a Johnny Caviar at RoosterTeeth.com email as long as that can be accommodated.
Starting point is 00:32:52 Sure, we can make that happen. Yeah, I'm sure we can sort that. I'm sure Eric can sort that out. Can we also have a Johnny Caviar slack? They deleted my other slack. I mean, that's easy, but what's the company's policy on fictitious employees? I think we're against it. They deleted my other Slack. I mean, that's easy, but... What's the company's policy on fictitious employees?
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Starting point is 00:38:34 by picking up the Journey Pack today. Head to tryfume.com and use code FACE to save 10% off when you get the Journey Pack today. That's tryfume.com and use code FACE to save an additional 10 off your order today um hey tony took it the wrong way wait so you can zip the top off
Starting point is 00:39:00 that's the face beating i just told him that it needs to get wider. Should I delete that and say this is great? You should just say, never mind. If I tried to wear that, I would look like Diglett. We have such a history of shit hats on this podcast. Can somebody explain to the audience what that is? So it's a beanie right above, you know, like where you fold a beanie up. Right above that fold is a zipper.
Starting point is 00:39:37 You unzip it and the beanie gets taller. I deleted the thing where it said it needs to get whiter and i just said yeah that's it this is the most insane show i've ever worked on what the fuck is this that's the greatest thing I've ever seen oh my god and that's not something I say lightly the audience knows that he said weird but okay I'll think on this a bit more and come back
Starting point is 00:40:16 with maybe a bag no it's perfect so I said this about what does the zipper do it extends it makes the beanie toilet oh i see so you can you can take off so it could also just be a head strap it could be a what head strap right because you could unzip the the lower part am i misunderstanding this doesn't solve Andrew's problem at all. No, but it solves the laughter problem
Starting point is 00:40:50 pretty hard. I'll definitely try it and get back to you if this is a better option. Here's what you could do now, though, is we can have a design, or maybe some text, and then when you unzip it, there's like a hidden word. So it says something different when you're in long hat mode yeah like a secret message you have a hidden word under the zipper
Starting point is 00:41:15 so quote you can see a word when you're in long hat mode. More like an extra word. Regulation versus extended. Can it say extended mode? Fully extended. Oh dear. That's the fucking wildest thing. I just want to physically see what it looks like.
Starting point is 00:41:46 I gotta say, man, I think that might be the first time that has ever been invented. I don't think anybody's ever thought... You think that's a uniform first? Yeah, I think it might be a uniform first. I don't think that anybody's ever thought about a hat in that specific way before. Everybody's ever thought about a hat in that specific way before. We'll usually invent something for Uniform, and then I'll get like 3,000 emails of other versions of it.
Starting point is 00:42:12 I don't think that's going to happen this time. That feels unique. A unique invention. I had a moment where I felt unique and special earlier this week. I was really excited for a moment. Oh! We got another one. It just says Ennit on it. Okay, so the top could say Ennit,
Starting point is 00:42:32 like the question, and then you unzip it and it says Ennit. Ennit! That's perfect. That's perfect. Ennit, Ennit. Andrew, I'm sorry. You were feeling special?
Starting point is 00:42:50 No, and it is amazing. I'm excited about that. Yeah, I was feeling... As you know, I've been campaigning real hard for the Cock Awards. I've been putting the shifts in, running my campaigns, doing all that I can for it. I feel like the reception has been great got real excited got an email earlier this week for the beak awards an invite to the the rooster teeth beak awards i'm assuming are now the cock warts rebranded as the beaks correct and i got
Starting point is 00:43:18 real excited i looked at it and uh my dumb brain went oh an invite i don't remember if i've ever gotten one of these. I mean, I've been to three all-hands meetings at this point. I think things are looking good. Things are looking bright. And the fact that I'm getting invited, maybe this means I'm a shoo-in to win the cock, finally. And then I looked at it, I opened it further,
Starting point is 00:43:40 and saw it said, guest list is too large to display. I thought that this was a personalized email because there was no CC on it. It was just to me. But it was everyone in the whole company. It was just a company wide invite that is so large that it was in no way special. So I don't know. I'm no longer taking it as a shoo-in guaranteed. Well, think about it this way.
Starting point is 00:44:04 There are seven and a half billion people on Earth. Almost none of them got that email. That's Jeff. Jeff, I'm loving you today. First of all, you Alan Wake 2 thing, you made me feel a little worse about it, but you've raised me here. That's a great spin.
Starting point is 00:44:20 I love your spin zone on this. I'm happy to do it, man. It's all about building each other up. That's what I'm here for. Yeah, that's what we do. Yeah, in it. Yeah. Just like Gavin.
Starting point is 00:44:31 So we're getting probably pretty close to you waxing your fuse. Yeah, four minutes from now. So one more thing I want to ask. You know, we had the discussion about the Smut podcast, and then we decided that we were going to write our own Smut. And then Andrew and Eric backed off almost immediately and left it to Gavin and I. So I have,
Starting point is 00:44:51 I have written, uh, I'd say probably 60% of our sex scene. And I presented it to you guys today. Wanted to see what you thought about it. We definitely want to get Gavin's feedback and I need, I need him for some of the British slang authenticity because I'm trying to understand Cockney rhyming slang and it it's difficult, even with Wikipedia.
Starting point is 00:45:08 My real quick feedback. I briefly showed Gracie the amount that you wrote and she just went, oh, my God. Yeah. So that's the appropriate reaction. I mean, that's kind of how I feel, too. Well, yeah. So my question is because these books are like 400 pages long, I need to set a setting. I need to provide a little bit of background for what's going on. I don't want to spoil it by reading it or talking about it here because I think it should appear on that other podcast as a part of the Clutch My Pearls
Starting point is 00:45:36 podcast. That's where it should debut, I think. We can't actually wreck their podcast with this, though, can we? I assume we would just have them do a segment on ours. No way. I want them to read Jeff's insane writing on their show. They're doing a fucking
Starting point is 00:45:52 episode on a I hope I'm not spoiling this, but I heard them the other day they're doing a Thanksgiving episode and one of the short stories is a guy's dick can come out anything and so they lose their turkey and so the guy jizzes out a butter rum
Starting point is 00:46:08 turkey. So I don't think anything I've written is out of pocket here. You've never been in a tight jam on Thanksgiving before? What book is that? And I think that I was setting a mood, but my question to y'all is because I don't...
Starting point is 00:46:23 What do you think about it? Am I on the right track? How do you feel about the scene that I've presented? It's about... I'll say this. It's about a man and a woman and an alien. I mean, is this something that... I just thought it'd be more of a group effort. Well, the group
Starting point is 00:46:39 isn't doing anything. First off, Andrew and Eric said no. I felt like we were pretty clear about, I don't want anything to do with this and neither did andrew okay well i thought creative differences i thought we would you know get together have a little writing session so i guess gavin is upset that you two didn't get together so what you're saying is you don't like what i've written well i'm saying can i can i chime in for a paragraph i want you to have full input into it. That's what I said when I said,
Starting point is 00:47:07 this is just a jumping off point. I've written this. I'd love for your feedback. I'd love for you to participate. Mark it up. Change it as much as you want to. I want you to be a part of it too. I mean, hell, I wrote you into it.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Glormalium protodongarian. Glormalium protodongarian is the emissary of the alien sex race, yes. Wait, so Gavin is in the story? Well, approximation of Gavin is you didn't... It's a woman. Yeah, what was it? Gavalina Sploogery, I think is her name.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Jeff is the Alan Wake of smut. He's just putting people in stories. I'm going to find this in a lunchbox. Okay, I'm going to go apply the wax. I'll be back. It will be a collectible someday. Anyway, I just wanted to know if you guys thought my... I mean, I worked really hard on it.
Starting point is 00:47:53 I thought I made something pretty fun and good and sexy. And I just wanted to see what you guys thought. But all I'm getting is just negativity. No, no, no. I really liked it. I just was... I just hope I can add a little bit of descriptive smut of my own you can add as much as you want you can change it if you want to this is no i don't think
Starting point is 00:48:11 i think what you've somebody had somebody had to put something to paper first yeah i bet i bet you were able to shit all of that out in like 10 minutes too uh because you could just write you could just go it took me a little longer than 10 minutes, but yeah, it was pretty fast. But I was also worried. It was fast, but it was hard. And it was hard. It was hard brain work. Were you worried about building the universe out,
Starting point is 00:48:34 like keeping everything consistent throughout the story? I don't want... Here's what I don't want. I don't want to just present a boring-ass scene where a dude and a lady and an alien are going at it. And you don't understand their motivations. You don't understand the implications. You don't understand the gravity of the situation and what's at stake.
Starting point is 00:48:54 So I tried to, I understand that it's paragraphs, but I tried to build out my world so you would understand like why they need to have sex. Yeah, I think that part really crumbs through here. Yes, the only way. Glorb, glorb, borg, dorg, glab, borg. I think, like, I get it. It's the Swedish chef fucking?
Starting point is 00:49:16 No, no, that's, I mean, that's him speaking in his alien language. That's just how it sounds to us. This is the kind of thing that if you found scrawled in a notebook, you'd immediately be terrified and you'd start looking over your shoulder. And what he said, you're quoting him, what he actually said was, to the United
Starting point is 00:49:32 Nations, to save society we must fuck society. It is the way, yes, the only way. Glorb, glorb, borg, dorg, glab, borg. Which is, I don't know what that means, but in his language it's like some Winston Churchill shit. I just didn't want to spoil too much. Between recordings, I don't know what that means, but in his language, it's like some Winston Churchill shit. Yeah, I just didn't want to spoil too much, you know, so.
Starting point is 00:49:47 Between recordings, I thought it'd be cool if we both wrote a paragraph and they had to figure out who wrote which paragraph, but now I think they're definitely going to know. Um, Andrew, did you apply the wax? I'm working on it. Oh, he's okay. Never mind. Sorry. I thought he had gotten close. I thought he had come it. Oh, he's... Okay, never mind. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:50:05 I thought he had gotten close. I thought he had come back. That's on me. You can still hear us. Sorry, he's messed it up. Yeah. He's messed it up. Oh, God. Andrew, what position are you in?
Starting point is 00:50:16 Andrew, give us the play-by-play. It's on the pubes. Oh, God. It's point of no return. Point of no return. Oh, boy. How do point of no return. Point of no return. Oh, boy. How do I know when it's done? Oh, that's an unfortunate phrase.
Starting point is 00:50:31 Yeah, are you close to the mic to rip it off or what? I'll be moving back in a minute. Okay. Man, turning Nick's mic on was the best decision we ever made. Goddamn. I'm so eager. We're just invested in this now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:53 I've got notes that I don't even want to talk about. I can't wait for this. I know, same. And hey, by the way, can I be honest with you guys? I had so much fun writing that scene today, and I'm so into the world building of what's called my story, which is called The Breakout Session. i might write the whole goddamn novel wow or gavin and i might write the whole goddamn novel i'll give you uh co-creator credit obviously co-writer credit if
Starting point is 00:51:15 you want it if you want to actually get in there and in the weeds with me in the dick weeds with me i feel like when it comes to books the ratio is a little off like the cookbook that was I wrote one thing I think well yeah somebody just had to make the book and so I was I did that I begged you guys for your recipes over and over and over again that's true thank you Nick you're welcome great great decision
Starting point is 00:51:39 tournament that fucking cookbook is not going to come out till like next April or something even though it's done because it takes forever to get shit printed and made and uh I'm yeah but I'm really proud of it
Starting point is 00:51:52 I hope people will like it as much as they like our sex book wait when's it come out I think it's like next like spring oh wow it takes a long time to get shit printed yeah oh he's back I'm back Andrew you back andrew you back i screwed up almost immediately okay well set this set the scene what happened so first of all i don't know how much wax you're supposed to put on so i hope there's enough i just i kept i also
Starting point is 00:52:16 don't know what side of the paper is supposed to have wax on it um but we got through that the issue uh that i had was you're supposed to pull against the grain and i immediately didn't do that i i left one corner that was like pullable easily and it's the wrong way so i don't know if that'll make it worse i don't think it'll make it better can you just peel up the other side a little i think it'll just make it better. Can you just peel up the other side a little? I think it'll just make it less effective. It's heavily locked in. Is there a way you can get right up on that microphone? Oh, I will. I will when it's time.
Starting point is 00:52:53 I'll give it probably like one more minute. What do you mean when it's time? How long does it have to sit? I think like five minutes. What? That doesn't sound right, does it? No. How do you figure out your grain? Oh, wait. Gracie's typing. Gracie said, I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:53:10 I think you said it. You kind of like rub it on, and then you pull. Yeah, pretty instant once you put the paper on. I mean, you can leave it for five minutes and go to a hospital. I mean, all of the funny TikToks I've seen, it's pretty instant. Well, we're already at five minutes, so I'm just going to. Here we go. Well, we're already at five minutes, so I'm just, I'm gonna, here we go. Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:53:30 I don't even Give me a second. If he Is he just gonna go? It would have been so funny if he had like a piece of paper or something that he just ripped really loudly. Or like had Velcro he just gonna go? It would have been so funny if he had like a piece of paper or something that he just ripped really loudly. Or like had Velcro he just put right next to the microphone. Are we ready? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:50 Yeah, do it. Calm down. It's a good time. Thanks, Kevin. Great time. Good time. Thanks, Kevin. Great time. Good time. I'm having fun. What a time.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Well, it definitely worked. It worked with the grave. It was so loud. It sounded like he stopped on a crisp packet. Oh, I'm getting it. Oh, this is good. I'm back. Oh, this is good.
Starting point is 00:54:46 I'm back. He has to be bleeding. Yeah, absolutely. Do you remember in the breakfast club when Emilio Estevez was crying because he and his buddies held a dude down and taped his butt cheeks together when they ripped the tape off of Bled. If that makes somebody bleed, there's no way this isn't. He's probably, it's probably like in a fucking horror movie when you cut somebody's arm off and the blood is like bloop, bloop, bloop. Gracie said that she gasped it was so loud. That was great.
Starting point is 00:55:21 That made me laugh so hard I started sweating. Oh my god. So loud. So do you think he has unwaxable pubes or no? Oh, I think they're pretty waxable. Oh my god. Andrew, how are you feeling?
Starting point is 00:55:38 I think he left. He said he was going to go for a minute. Oh, did he pass out? He's getting the he's getting the paramedic to help him down the stairs right now anyway i i got it figured out for you guys i just had to order a jackhammer this week instead right right thank you really appreciate that hey tomorrow we're jackhammering huh we are by the time you hear this we have our we will have already jackhammered and started filling beanhole pens wait if you out of town how did you manage the
Starting point is 00:56:04 jackhammer? Because I had to do it with the limited time that I had while catching up, I had to jackhammer. I need to, I need to like talk to this person and make sure they're okay with us filming it. This isn't like, I can't just like book an appointment. No, the puke thing. I think, I think what I'm, I'm going to speak Eric for a second.
Starting point is 00:56:23 What Eric's trying to say in his angry Eric language is that he was running on a limited amount of time because he was out of town, so he had to prioritize the things he did, and this hanging Chad
Starting point is 00:56:34 had been lingering for a lot longer than the pube thing, so he prioritized it. You're the head of a whole department. You've got employees. I didn't expect you personally to arrange it. I'm not going to make gracie call a waxing woman and say hey we want to film this kind of like a glory hole
Starting point is 00:56:53 situation i'm gonna go ahead and take that one on it just unfortunately this is the way it worked out this week i'm trying to i'm trying to protect my employees from having to do the things that are shameful. A, it's work. And B, maybe we should make a list of undelegatables. I think most of this podcast is undelegatables. I think I got to agree with Eric on that one. Oh, Andrew sent us a post. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Oh, my God. That's so much hair. By the way, Andrew dropped off the call. Oh, I will say there's no blood. He sent us a photo. This photo will never see the light of day. No. It'll never make it onto an episode or on Instagram but god damn
Starting point is 00:57:46 that looks painful zero blood though zero blood it's kind of like I like that he used that dog shit camera again and there's also like there's like a hand print in the glare on the table
Starting point is 00:58:02 I like I like that it has shot on UMI Digi G1 Max watermark at the bottom. Why is it so thin? It looks like head hair. I don't want to get into a pube thickness comparison
Starting point is 00:58:25 I just imagine it's a slightly unfocused photo because he's shaking so much Andrew Andrew are you back how are you doing I'm sweating we are too oh god
Starting point is 00:58:41 was there any blood no blood but it was like I got punched in the dick by Winnie the Pooh. Because it's like honey wax. It looks like I won a fight with Winnie the Pooh, but he took a lot of hair with him. So how does it feel? So first off, was it pleasurable? Oh, it was the best time I've had all year. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Can't wait for you to experience it, Gavin. Do you feel smooth now? I feel sticky is how I describe myself. Is it all gone? Did he get it all in one or is there more? Do you have lingering hair? We didn't have the men on the field for full coverage, but the zone that was covered has definitely been cleared.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Gotcha. Gotcha. So you think you'll make this a part of your normal routine? I mean, I feel lightheaded and sweaty and kind of like I need to lay down. So yes. So it's kind of euphoric is what you're saying. Interesting. Yeah, euphoric is a great way to put it definitely euphoric um i'm definitely a different person than i was 20
Starting point is 00:59:51 minutes ago i've changed can i just say on behalf of uh of gavin and i we're sorry eric didn't protect you no i didn't i didn't need eric did great whatever whatever Eric did. He doesn't... I don't even think he's making sense when he's talking. What... Whatever Eric... I don't know what you had to do with any of what just happened, but whatever you did, you did a great job at it, buddy. Awesome. He's so supportive.
Starting point is 01:00:18 It's because he's such a kid. Yeah, euphoria. It's like he just got out of hot yoga. Oh, yeah, rejuvenated. Gavin, how do you feel about this? Does this embolden your idea that this is going to be a pleasurable experience for us? Yeah, I think it'll be good. Because he did an area much worse, in my opinion.
Starting point is 01:00:44 Well, right. I mean, the whole point of this is you think it's going to be good. Because he did an area much worse, in my opinion. Well, right. I mean, the whole point of this is you think it's going to be almost pleasurable to do that area. Yeah, I just think it won't hurt. Okay. All right. Yeah, I think you're going to also be a different person on the other side of it. And I think you're going to have a great time. Where do we get?
Starting point is 01:01:00 Who's making the glory hole? That's the question we need. That's like the key part of this whole. It is the key part. And and like what does it look like is it just like the the face gray and black with the logo and the stars i think it should say a face production right i think it should be like a piece of wood with a hole in it that's painted green so you could add whatever you want to it easily and oh like a little green screen our head like too close to it though it fuck up the our hair would be too close you don't though. It'd fuck up the hair. Our hair would be too close. You don't want to do it in camera?
Starting point is 01:01:26 I think we should do it in camera. Yeah, I think we should get something made. Just get, like, some foam core made with, like, a f*** face production or a uniform production. Yeah. Or a f*** face presented by uniform or something. I just think there's so many good ideas that it's tough to, like, it could say anal passage across it. That's funny. We could do, like, a f*** anal passage across it. That's funny. We could do like a face MGM thing. That's funny
Starting point is 01:01:46 Do we want to have just one hole for the face or do we want to like holes as well? Why would you have to like I don't understand do you think this is your full body? What's happening? As an I understand that I like how how do you understand it? What does that mean? Let me draw you a diagram. Okay. Like you'd be squatted? It's for your opening slate and then your ending slate. You get the front of us and the back of us. I don't think we can do that.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Again, we have to work with a professional who has to do their job well. So, like, we try to just stay away from that area as much as we can. They're going to be in that area. They are. And so we should stay away from. Yeah, but there'll be the camera, the glory,
Starting point is 01:02:32 the glory hole screen will be in front of it. You won't be, all you'll be able to see is thank you for watching. And then our shoes, we just have to stay away from it altogether is what I'm trying to get. We just, the putting your head through a hole is already more than enough i would think i do you mean two diagrams so like one would be for your legs and it would be double
Starting point is 01:02:52 coverage is that what you're saying what draw it draw your diagram because i don't understand what you know this to be now yeah wait you Wait, are you talking to me or him? Gavin. I just want to make sure. Because I just pitched one. I just want to clarify. I'm in pain at the moment. Because what I'm imagining now in my head is that you have one for the back
Starting point is 01:03:16 and one for the front. And the front is at the beginning of the video and your leg sticking through something is for the end of the video. Why would we do... But what are you going to show... Everyone's wrong. Everyone's wrong. What are you going to show for the end of the video. Why would we do- But what are you gonna show- Everyone's wrong. Everyone's wrong.
Starting point is 01:03:26 Everyone's wrong. What are you gonna show for the- the legs go- it doesn't make any s- what? Well no, it could be what his legs do when it's getting waxed. Are you saying like the person's gonna be folded up and their legs and their head are gonna be out of the same one? Or out of the same- Okay, so, I'm having trouble with the... Oh, is it because it doesn't make any sense?
Starting point is 01:03:48 No, it makes sense. It makes sense. Oh, okay. My idea definitely makes sense. Your idea is a great idea, Jeff. I've got to send this now. Just putting your head through a thing is way more than enough. That's all we need.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Yeah, you're probably right. I was just asking a question. Just asking questions, man. It's all that yeah, I'm just just asking questions guy Don't worry. I'm just I'm just shooting ideas in yeah, I've already had the beanie today. I thought maybe I'm gonna roll Here we go. It's not even it didn't solve the problem. They created the beanie and it didn't solve the issue. It just made it tall Oh shit it's really small What the fuck did you just say? tall oh shit it's really small oh shit uh yeah yeah that's that's yeah i see what you're saying oh downwards but i don't have to but i don't understand this doesn't make you would see right
Starting point is 01:04:35 a head through a hole and then below that it would be like a face production and then you would see knees coming through going down right and this person is supposed to wax you yeah under it under it yeah so do you think that's how that's gonna work you don't think it's gonna be you on all fours i think you'd have to turn side i think you'd have to lay sideways and then we just have to reorient the you don't think it's gonna be you with your ass in the air, dude? No, I'm going to be on my back with my knees tucked in my chest. Oh, you might. Yeah. I thought you'd be on your stomach.
Starting point is 01:05:11 Okay, I'll write this down because that's a question I have to ask, I guess. Gracie, how does it work? What the fuck are you doing right now? Gracie just says four question marks. we're purging purging in a weird territory right now i need to know how it works is there anyone how how it works however it works we'll we'll build around it but i also think that there's some validity to the idea of having our heads stick out of one hole and that'd be the beginning of the video and then our feet sticking out of the other hole
Starting point is 01:05:49 and that'd be the thanks for watching part of the video and you could see our feet slam up as soon as the rip happens. I will say, as the only person I believe here that has waxed... This is ridiculous. Oh, you are the expert. Your idea is fantastic.
Starting point is 01:06:04 Great idea. Another good one by you. Great idea, buddy. 10 out of 10. Another home run. It's only too bad that this wasn't f***ing face-off, because that would have been a grand slam right there, that idea you just had. That drawing.
Starting point is 01:06:18 Very good. My favorite part is how it took up 8% of the image. It was big when I drew it well he likes to leave room for innovation i'm i'm starting the next tea towel we should make a face art book for like a coffee table book that's just all of our drawings and paint we got aisles in a supermarket we got andrew's
Starting point is 01:06:47 bedroom diagrams we've got uh we've got the gerbler whatever the fuck you just drew so we won't be able to do any of this without head through a hole yes we'll have to we can but what i'm saying is that you laying on your back is like i think that that is such wishful thinking i i just don't think that i think you will have to be on all on all fours or on your side i don't think that you're going to be on your back if you're on your back how would you stick your head through the hole that's all none of it like in the image like in the diagram no okay no you're right you got me there that's a good point they all have to hold your knees up well that's what the holes for the legs are for we can definitely at least get your face through a hole while you scream and say i was wrong i was
Starting point is 01:07:42 wrong so we can get that. Yeah. But I will ask what position you will be in, and then that will inform what kind of... Contraction. That will inform what kind of slate that we will have around you, I guess. Wait, what's happy baby yoga pose? Yeah, Gracie said it's happy baby yoga pose.
Starting point is 01:08:02 Let's Google that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. That gives full access to the gooch right there. No wonder I'm in such a good mood. I was in happy baby. I didn't even know it. I tapped into my happy baby.
Starting point is 01:08:21 wonder I'm in such a good mood. I was in Happy Baby. I didn't even know it. I tapped into my happy baby. Gonna be the least flattering position I will have ever been filmed in. I'm not gonna film any of that. I'm just getting your face. Gavin,
Starting point is 01:08:37 it may come down to you rotoscoping our dicks out of stuff again. No, we can hide it under the board and we just need like a selfie stick I think just to get the angle. Okay, okay. That's cool. That makes sense. This is gonna work. This is gonna work. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:55 I just want to say great ep everybody. That was really good performances all around. Thanks, Andrew. You're welcome. I had fun. That was a great hour. Good energy. Good energy by everybody. Good vibes. Really happy with what everybody brought to the table today.
Starting point is 01:09:08 Mm-hmm. Can we end this now? You raring to jump into that next recording we have to do immediately after this? The soprano sounds great. I can't wait for some sopranos. Are you going to need a few moments to collect yourself or do you think you're ready to go? I'm well and collected.
Starting point is 01:09:35 You sound like it. It sounds good. Alright, well, there you go. You heard it here. Andrew is well and collected. He's still riding that euphoric waxing high. Thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Out of 180 episodes recorded,
Starting point is 01:09:52 this was definitely one of them. Why don't you tell a friend about this podcast and maybe convince them to listen to an episode or two. This might be a good place to start. Might be a bad place to start. Maybe don't do it. Or maybe do do it. I'll leave that up to you. You've got autonomy.
Starting point is 01:10:06 We'll see you next time. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Everyone's favorite movie is Poimal Fear. Is it time to shave our heads? Let's talk Crazy Frog Rule 34.
Starting point is 01:10:18 Is it a sub, hoagie, or grinder? The boys dug another hole. Nick is the dirt man. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.

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