F**kface - Sanded Down Meal Cube // Peeing In The Bean Hole [183]

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the Lost island, Tony Soprano, who’s to blame for the lack of asshole waxing, the horse with a hole, the Musk and Bezos boxes, perving on the files, weird pet names, cat Eric, the joke book, Andrew’s memory of Cirque du Soleil, wasted experiences, sushi quality, Gavin’s not a taste guy, protein bricks, the sanded down meal replacement pill, the complications of eating wings, Crash Bandicoot, Geoff’s lack of bladder control, backyard pee zones, the most difficult glory hole, getting gizmo’d, arson and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/facefree code facefree , Gamer Supps https://gamersupps.gg code FACE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. How's that asshole feeling? My asshole feels fine. I had some really, I was telling Eric earlier, I had some pretty heinous farts yesterday,

but my asshole's fine. That's what you expected, Andrew. What did you think was wrong with my asshole? Just from all the spicy food and stuff? Lack of waxing Is mainly my issue Oh well Yeah my asshole feels hairy I wish it was waxed but unfortunately

We can't seem to get that done Which I think is my fault Yeah I'm Uh oh Uh oh I just took the blame for it. Yeah, not in the order of operations it should have gone. What does that mean?

Took the blame is maybe strong. You said it might be. No fucking kidding. What is that? I just said I think it's my fault that we're not getting our asshole waxed. Yeah, that's right. That's the second part of what you said after leveling it clearly not on yourself what does that mean oh my god just now just now i said hello and then i said my asshole is dirty you're rewinding too far at first you

wouldn't go far enough and then you went too far that's ridiculous what was the first part i said ridiculous ridiculous oh for some reason we can't get that done yeah i agree and then big beat big beat big beat oh i think that's actually my fault yeah yeah i mean that's how it works i was like oh yeah we can't get that done for some reason and then i thought why can't we get it done then i realized i was the problem and then I took ownership of it I really don't see what I mean there's some odd criticism for a guy who just took the bullet uh willingly no no you didn't you did not take the bullet gun took the right around the block and then jumped in front you put your hand up and said I might take the bullet you didn't you didn't take the bullet. You offered yourself up for bullet taking. Hold on a second.

Hold on a second. Hey, what's up, everybody? Hey, what's going on, Jeff? Not much. Just hanging out. Hey, did I mention recently for no reason out of the blue that if we don't get waxed this week, it's my fault? Just want everybody here to know.

Oh, that's good. We got that on tape, right? That's good. That's a big stupid deal for some dumb fucking reason that you guys are all upset about. No, nobody's upset. Yeah, I don't think anybody's mad. I am now.

I got fucking assaulted when I walked into this. What are you? Fuck you. What are you talking about? No, no, no. Remember? Hang on. What did I do? Remember you said hello and then here we are. I said hello. Yeah. And then here we are. I said hello. And then asked about your asshole

and then you got really mad for some reason. Gavin's late. Oh, he is late. Do you think Gavin knows we're doing this? I doubt it. Jeff, that delivery was like such a grizzled action star. What you just did, that oh my god. That was great

I'm gonna kill all these aliens I mean if they're named Andrew I mean we know that it's not a question of will you choke them out fucking drown me in pickle juice I thought somebody was gonna try to do a pickle juice chug when I saw the pickle juice jar on there.

Andrew, if it was something else, I think I could probably do it. The pickle juice. Oh, the pickle juice. I can't. It's just so brutal. It's not for me. It seems like a thing that people either hate or love.

There's no one's indifferent on pickle juice. Love it. I hate it. How do you feel about it? Love it. I hate it. I'm not pickle juice. Love it. I hate it. How do you feel about it? Love it. I hate it. I'm not a fan. Love it.

Do you want me to text Gavin, or does somebody else want to text Gavin? Should I text the group? I mean, you're the producer. I thought we were going to get a sharp Gavin today. I texted him. I said, how was your sleep? He said, good.

I don't understand why when I got into the chat, everybody was already spicy. Like, what did I miss in the pleasantries? No, I think you're misreading the spice. I had a lovely morning with Eric. We already did a podcast together. It was great. Yeah, it was fantastic. It's totally fine.

Then you have to think about, so if the factor was me and you, and that was super positive, you have to think about what other the factor was me and you and that was super positive you have to think about what other things what other elements got added here is it gracie oh uh grace has been pretty quiet so i don't think it's gracie i wasn't quiet before you got here oh see there you go Gavin didn't accept the invite Gavin didn't yeah but Gavin didn't accept the invite is on par with his tenure here at the company but I remember Gavin saying yeah

oh that was really good Gavin that was I mean that was really good well I've heard that no yes about 3000 times in my career with Gavin. Do you think this is the episode that we're doing right now? I don't know. It depends on if Gavin shows up or not.

If he doesn't show up, then no, this is nothing. Okay, but what if he does show up? No, it's something. We've gone too far for it to be nothing. It's only been three minutes. So is Andrew mad that we haven't waxed our assholes yet and he's waxed his pubes is that what's good is that what i'm is that what i'm walking into i wanted to i wanted to just see where we're at with it i think the

audience is really excited for the bit we were gonna do it tuesday afternoon but i can't make it tuesday afternoon because i have wedding stuff yep yeah everything just got it like we just have to move there's like a lot this week that we won't be able to get to because of that. So again, that's why we're recording on like a Monday. But yeah, we have, there is the latest boy we've ever seen.

It's harder to be on time to the changed, the changed days. What's the same time though? I like, I agree. It's a different day, but it is the same time. Yeah. Just my alarm was on the other day.

Oh. But I did text you earlier about it. I did check your sleep. I did say we'd get a lightning fast Gavin, and that is not the case. If it makes you feel any better, I was at this exact desk, just not in here. It doesn't.

Why were you at't. Were you editing slow-mo guys or something? I was. Yeah. How are you doing, Gav? You slept well? You feeling okay? Yeah. I feel like I need to apologize for my last two episodes. No! Not at all. Maybe for

the moment in between the two episodes when you yelled at us when you found out we were doing two, even though you already knew. No, no, I yelled at you after the second episodes when you yelled at us when you found out we were doing two, even though you already knew. No, no, I yelled at you after the second one when you said that we didn't have to have done two because we're doing this one right now. You could potentially apologize for leaving delicious McDonald's outside of your door

for an entire evening. I mean, if you want to apologize for things. Did you leave your McDonald's outside your door for an entire evening? Well, I didn't know you'd sent it. Even after I thanked him for sending your McDonald's outside your door for an entire evening? Well, I didn't know you'd sent it. Even after I thanked him for sending the McDonald's in our group chat? I just didn't know what you were talking about. God forbid you ask.

Yeah, you just didn't reply at all. I assumed you had 10,000 cameras on every angle of your home. So I just figured you would see via like a ring or something. Oh, somebody drops something off. If you get within 100 yards of his house with a cucumber, seven alarms go off. Exactly. Apparently a McDonald's employee can walk right up and tuck it right in. I think it was hidden behind the giant stack of bubbly.

Nick, I would have sent you cheeseburgers too from McDonald's, but I didn't. I don't know your address, which is probably smart, but I don't know where you live, so I can't do that. But I did send them to Gavin or Jeff. I know your address, Nick, and I would have given it to him had he asked. What you've just leveled to Nick is such a double-sided sword. Like you are saying I will send you free cheeseburgers and he wants that so desperately but no but the but the what negative may come to you yes is very

he has to be nervous about it i would well that's that's why i've never asked for your address eric or nick's address because i understand that there is a a history that extends it's not a simple question so yeah it's you get it you get a happy meal but the instead of a regular happy meal the burger is in a giant pink port-a-potty no that's hard to dispose of i like to eric's use of the famous saying uh a double-sided sword a double sides I couldn't I couldn't think of the phrase I was like man I'm grasping at straws here it was I'm like falling apart you know what happens is that we change it to a different day and that can be hard on people so yeah a different day throws everything off that's a real both sides of the same coin phrase there he's grasping at double-edged straws

Grasp your double-edged straws. Yep. It's real. Alyssa in the pool. Yeah. I forgot about that. It's both sides of the same coin, right? Colin Smee Shmee.

It's perfect. This is episode 183, by the way. Thank you. Real zazzle of an episode. Well, so far, it's been an interesting one. I'm not sure when it started. I got to say, Gav, I I walked into it and they were feisty that we haven't waxed our assholes yet

they were feisty towards Eric because we haven't waxed our assholes yet Eric was feisty towards me for some reason because I didn't I didn't accept blame hard enough I think we all accepted the fact that the ball was dropped by Eric two weeks ago

the ball was dropped by Eric two weeks ago. Whoa, the ball was dropped by Eric? Listen, I don't want to. Yeah, we went through all this. Yeah, we did. I didn't mean to pull the pin on this. Yeah, you did. No, no, no, you did. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You did. I was trying to turn it. No, you did. It doesn't matter. No, you did it. You did exactly what you meant to do. No, no. This is what you meant to do.

This is exactly what it was. This is exactly what it was. I've even been meant to do. This is exactly what it was. It's exactly what it was. We all knew exactly what it was. About how Eric's overextended right now. And he's maybe got too much on his little plate there. No, no, because we had a day and a time locked in for this week. Unfortunately, we're unable to do it. And there's people who are unavailable in the coming days and perhaps week.

So, yeah, Jeff knows what he did. It's fine. It's okay. It's fine. It's fine. Anyway, episode 183 of the Face Podcast. Wow, guys, did you believe what we've done so far? Season 2-2.

Anyway, Gav, I just wanted to let you know if you notice anything uh being a little off people are a little prickly today for some reason and i just wanted to since you got in a little late uh i wanted to make sure you were aware of that just like how goochers will be in like a month a month that's optimistic oh man uh dude i'm so ready to get my asshole waxed i i don't even i can't even tell you no you're not i can't even tell you i'm so ready i'm so ready to get my asshole waxed I don't even I can't even tell you no you're not I can't even tell you I'm so ready I'm so ready do it to me right now do it to me right now

wax my asshole right now I just don't even know what to say to that yeah I don't know I don't it's really yeah I mean really I guess I mean I would say it's a bluff but I just don't even know what to do there's something fearful about a man yelling wax my asshole right now to himself. I'm intimidated.

Oh, hold on. Let me pull up my notes for today. Okay, here's my notes for today. Okay. That was it. I don't have any. What do you guys got? I have a note.

I have a question for you, Jeff. Okay. I've been thinking about this. We were filming something. It was Immortality, which is going to come out soon, which I've been thinking about this. We were filming something and it was immortality, which is going to come out soon, which I'm very excited about. And I talked about that. You have to view like the game world as our world, like it's a shared history. And then you said that you view all fiction through that lens already. Like that's just how you interpret stuff you consume. Unless I'm told otherwise by the author, or pretty quickly, I assume anything

that I'm reading exists in my timeline. So, my question is, does that mean you inject yourself into every story that would fall under that category? Like, you're not part of the story, but you're in that world? I guess in some sense, that uh that would that that tracks yeah it's just such a weird thing to like watch i don't know like entourage and be like yeah i'm in this universe i i could i could show up right behind vinnie chase at any moment unfortunately i've never seen an episode of

entourage so i don't know you're not missing anything at this point. About that one. But like, have I ever thought like, watching Lost, could I end up on the island? Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Isn't that why we watch stuff? To get invested in stories? No. Not for myself.

I like the escapism, but a part of escapism is that i'm not there yeah i can appreciate it on that level too but man i i love that i love to think about like how i would interact with a world or yeah absolutely those are two different things because i agree with that like thinking about how i'd interact with the world is funny the way that you're setting it up to me is hilarious of like watching Lost being like oh I wonder if I'm gonna show up this season will I be there I could be there no I'm not wondering if I got cast in Lost and didn't know about it unfortunately I do know about it because I'm me I didn't get cast in Lost but I'm

just saying like if you're watching Lost you never and the plane crashes or whatever and you never think like oh I fly to Australia sometimes hope I don't end up on that island. You've never just thought about that before? Like it exists in our world right now? No. Because it takes place during our time? I've never worried about crashing onto the lost island. Can I just be honest with you?

Yes, please. I honestly, and please don't take this the wrong way, I feel really sorry for you. No, that's fair. That's fine. I'm sorry for you. No, that's fair. That's fine. I feel like I get a much more fun and explorative

relationship with content. I feel like there's a whole angle I get to enjoy that you don't, and that just seems sad to me. No, I appreciate it. That's very fair. Yeah, I mean, I definitely think that I put myself in certain situations and just like little thoughts, but I don't feel like I'm constantly there.

I don't watch the Sopranos and think, oh man, Tony Soprano might whack me. Like that's, it's a show that I'm watching. And then you live in Canada. What would he be doing up there? That's a great point.

That is the biggest hole. That is the biggest hole in that happening. Yeah. God damn. I mean, you've been to New Jersey, Jeff. I lived in New Jersey for, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you've been to New Jersey, Jeff. I lived in New Jersey for a year.

Yeah, I mean, that's pretty dangerous. Tony Sopranos might whack you. I was never worried about getting whacked by the character, but if you're asking if when I lived in New Jersey, I didn't think constantly about the mafia and construction dudes and dudes

and like that whole world, of course I did. Every time you drive by and you see like a landfill and somebody dumping i did every time you drive by and you see like uh you see like a landfill and somebody dumping stuff you're like uh but there's bodies in that i mean like that's what living in new jersey is right but i don't think that's what he's asking you i think he's asking about specifically tony soprano the tv show yeah in the same way that you were concerned about no i'm never no i wasn't worried about tony soprano

you can't act like that's a ridiculous question when you just said you've never thought about crashing onto the Lost Island. It's the same thing. I guess. Those are the exact same. I guess. Yeah, sure. I feel like the Lost Island is a little more.

I feel like the Lost Island is a little more of a fantastic playground, whereas the Sopranos was sort of a rooted in reality crime drama you know? That's true. I feel like there's less room for experimental play in your brain when a show is that believable and grounded in reality whereas Lost is a

made up island in the middle of the ocean that has magic things happen to it so it seems a little less weird for me to have a daydream where i end up on the island and and and get to experience the smoke monster or whatever that seems a little more i feel like i feel like it's i don't know more excusable because i don't think any of it's inexcusable but i feel like it makes a little more sense for me to for my mind to fit to play in that world than it would for me to be worried about big pussy killing me when i'm not looking. Gavin, were you ever

excited to hang out with Mr. Bean or what? He met him. I didn't think it would ever happen. I still think it won't, but it would be amazing. Imagine hanging out with Mr. Bean. You met him at the grocery store. I mean, he wasn't in character. Oh, I see.

You met Roland Atkinson. I met Rowan Atkinson I was with this kid, and he was just being a normal dad. Oh He wasn't going to dare and then I Feel like I'm being made fun of but I really don't know why because I don't know what I think you're very defensive today Jeff I mean this and the asshole waxing thing. I think you're very defensive today, Jeff. I mean, this and the asshole waxing thing. I think you're on guard. I don't think you're as waxed as you think you are.

I mean, play back the pleasantries. I got attacked walking in. Not at all. Play them back. I did. I got attacked, Gavin, because I said, oh, yeah, they were talking about the asshole waxing. Andrew asked how my asshole was, and I said, it's fine. Why?

And I thought he meant the spicy food that I had to eat on extra life because I did have like you know I had spicy food ass for a day yeah and he's like no is it about the waxing and I was like oh yeah I guess we can't do that this week for some reason and then I thought about for a second I said oh I guess I'm the reason and then Eric jumped on me for not recognizing that I was the reason faster

he he's like you drove around the block before you accepted responsibility even though I took the bullet and it's like you you drove around the block before you accepted responsibility. Even though I accepted responsibility. And it's like, you shot the gun, went around the block, and then went, I should get in front of that thing, I guess. How late was Gavin to this podcast?

Four minutes. I'll be back in four minutes. Oh my god. Are you guys good with gross shit? Yeah. Because I'm not good with it. And someone put on the subreddit that when I was talking about how cool it would be to have a dog with a handle. And they posted this video of a horse. I didn't look at it.

Did you look at it? No, I was too grossed out. Apparently a horse just has like a hole straight through it. And I was wondering if anyone could tell me more about it without me having to look. I look i can't do that either i can't look at it i have to like hide it i have to how do i hide this thing i can't look at this fucking horse it's okay so for the audience it's some sort of illness this horse has i think but it's got a hole right through its neck like you can see all the way through and i just don't know how the horse is alive like is all of its important stuff going around the hole how was it born with the hole it's crazy it's kind of got a handle didn't they

think in ghostbusters that you could drill a hole through your head uh i'm pretty sure that was a in ghostbusters i'm pretty sure that that was a one of the like this the jokes that they'd uh egon had convinced himself that he could drill a you could drill a hole through the side of your head and then they were like they referenced it as if it's something that they'd stopped him from doing in the past. And then that was also what that movie Pi was about. You are right. I just looked it up, and that is a joke in Ghostbusters.

I don't remember that at all. How weird. I don't want to look at this horse anymore. I hate, make this go away. Can you delete the horse? Yeah, big time. Thank you. I don't like it. You guys said you were great with gross stuff, so I just make this go away. Can you delete the horse? Yeah. Thank you. I don't like it.

You guys said you were great with gross stuff, so I just thought maybe you were. Andrew, did anyone say that they were great with gross stuff? He's in his four minute height. Oh, he really left. Oh, he's gone. I thought maybe he would step out. Okay, I see. He doesn't want to work one minute harder than Gavin does. I mean, if it's easy, I can continue working

four minutes after we end. No, dude, I'm just happy to have you when you're here. It just sounded so backhanded. It wasn't. I had a money-making dream and I don't know whether it's... It might actually be a good idea in real life. Oh, let's hear it. In the dream, I had a box and i just kept posting

pictures of this box and i kept posting that elon musk really wants what's inside the box hoping that he would eventually he would get the attention i'd get his attention and he would actually buy the box off me this is the this is the smartest idea in the world this is so fucking smart gavin this is And I kept just making videos being like, uh, trust me, Elon Musk really wants what's inside the spot. And, uh, yeah, maybe it's worth doing in real life.

What's in the box? Do you think it's just a USB drive? It's just really something that he wants. Trust me. I trust you. But I think you're going to have to build the box and put something in it. Yeah.

In your dream, you didn't know what was in the box, right? I think I knew, but I didn't actually know. Right. Your dream, you knew, but you didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. knew but you didn't know yeah yeah yeah yeah i wonder if uh i wonder if if it is worth it to make a musk box and then while we're at it make a bezos box and then we could you could plot them

against each other like bezos really wants the musk box and they'll be like i don't want bezos to be in my box yeah i just put up it i'll be like, on eBay, look, Elon Musk really wants what's in this box, but I'll sell it to anyone. Do you have to create the hype first? You're like, this is the box that Elon Musk wants. He wants what's in this so bad. Jeff Bezos now wants this box because Elon wants it so bad. And then you say, and I will be putting it on sale on eBay like a week later.

I think that's, this is really good. This is really good. I'm liking this a lot. I do too. It worked out well in the dream. What was the, I guess like the end of the, like what happened at like the end? Did you get very rich?

No, I don't think I ever made the sale, but it was just getting really out of hand and it was, and everyone was talking about it. I think it was heading that way. Sounds less like a dream and more like a prophecy. I think this is something that you need to do. Deja vu all over again. We got to get this box.

I'm interested in this box. Yeah. I'll sell it to you. Well, here's the thing. I don't know if I want it. I'm just, you know, I hear a lot of people talking about the box. So I'm very interested in what's going on. You know what I mean?

What's happening? I have a box know Elon Musk really wants what's inside it really yeah is it tungsten what is it tungsten really heavy gold silver what's in the box see it's intriguing there you go I'm very intrigued what's the way Brad Pitt over there wants to know what's in the box see it's intriguing there you go i'm very intrigued what's brad pitt over there wants to know what's in the box if you want instead of selling it to uh elon musk i'll sell it to you andrew how much how much do you want for it i mean how much do you want to pay for it i need to get better with this i'll send you another order of McDonald's for your box. Oh, yeah.

That's all you got to pay to get the box? Was McDonald's? Unless someone was to give me more for it. Going once? That's fine. Going twice? I mean, I think you're just selling it too early. I think you have to really get it on the open market. I thought you were going to put it on eBay.

Sold! Yeah, that's a good point. Void sale. What? I'm holding up on McDonald's. put it on sold yeah it's a good point uh void void sale what that i got a feeling andrew that if you had been here four minutes ago you wouldn't want this box anyway oh really yeah but but i also think that there's a world where you definitely want the box more now i just need to was it ever explain what was in the box kind of yeah fuck the closest you're

going to come is you're going to have to wait till this episode comes out and go back and listen to it I will now he'll perv on the files no I will yeah you're right perv on the file he's a file perver he is a file perver he'll go to the google drive and start

listening to our individual tracks are you a file pervert andrew well i dabble in some file perving i'll be honest what when you file perv what do you get out of that what are you looking for uh it's mainly like so the last time i did it was when i left the show for the austin thing with the cucumber to hear your guys reaction reaction. Oh, yeah. I just went to all the files. It's just stuff I missed. Or if somebody did something

that I thought was really funny, going back to it. So not very often, then? No, it's only happened less than, I don't know, three or four times. Yeah, that tracks. I'm sorry about that. I had to use the bathroom. That's why I left. I was trying my best to hold, but I used the Gavin excuse.

That's not the same as being late, though, if you leave. Well, I'd say at least I was here. I let people know. Oh, wait a minute. So are we confirming that you're not in the bathtub for this episode?

No, no, no. I'm not in the tub. It was too dangerous. I was giving away too much information. I was too relaxed. We can't do that again your guard was too down my guard was way too down while in the tub it also was just a nightmare because it's kind of echoey so i was trying to do my best to mitigate

that but then i was just like holding a shower curtain in front of my face while i was talking for large sections i made trying to look at my notes really difficult. There were some disadvantages to it. We'd need to work out if we wanted to continue bathtub recording. So for now, I'm back at my desk. Do you know what's been a huge disadvantage in my life? What? If I meet a dog...

Giant nose? What? I thought he was going to say being British, but... You meet a dog. If I meet a dog, and it's got a human name, it's burned into my head that that is a dog's name for the rest of my life. So Henry is a dog's name to you now? No, no, because I knew a Henry before I heard it as a dog's name.

Oh, I see. I see. But anytime I meet a Cleo or a Monty or like a Tilly it's like these are all dogs from my childhood and it's so confusing to me so you always thought of so it bothered you that Monty's name was Monty no I got used to it okay but you always thought of it as a dog's name before a human's name yeah interesting like do you have that with any uh childhood animals that you knew no i'm trying to think i mean i had terrible names for my pets i had a fish named fluffy that's a cute name for a fish it's not fluffy yeah my first cat my first cat was named smoky and i don't think i've ever met a smoky that That's great. But if I did, I might think of my cat.

Can I ask about it going the other way? What if you get an animal and you name it after a person? Like, it's a name that, like, you knowingly, like, I had an idea in college that I wanted to get, like, a cat and name it after my roommate David Berger, and just name the cat David Berger, and then, like, yell at it, because it's not doing a very good job at being David Berger, which it sort of doesn't really understand what that is. But I think naming an animal after a person that you know that you live with, it can lead to confusion,

but I think it'll also lead to like a lot of fun. Like Howard Stern named his bulldog Bianca Romaine Stamos. Yeah, all my cats are named after dead actors or dead legends yeah didn't didn't robin have a cat named jennifer aniston i think and you had bob hosk smee as bob how was the cat's full name smee uh technically his full name full name is bob hoskins is smee bob h Hoskins is me. Bob Hoskins is me. Have you ever explained the Dave Berger idea to people, Eric, outside of this thing?

Or is this just the thing you're going to do? No, I've explained it to other people before. I've also explained it to David Berger and he wasn't thrilled at the time. Well, that wouldn't work because you don't live with him. That's true. No, I'm just, maybe it's less of an idea that i will do and if you like it if you're listening to this at home and you're like i'm gonna get a cat maybe i'll name it after my roommate this is now you'd have

to name your cat small wife oh or yeah or hey if you're listening to this and you're gonna get a cat or a dog maybe name it eric bedour i don't know why you would do that that's the opposite i'm saying the person you live with is the fun situation that's what i'm saying not name it Eric Badour. I don't know why you would do that. That's the opposite. I'm saying the person you live with is the fun situation. That's what I'm saying. Don't name a cat after me. I think you should name it after Eric Badour, the cat. You don't have to do that. Everyone else spell it wrong.

It's a whole life. Then all the people who meet the cat before they meet you will think it's weird that your name is Eric Bad badour that would be okay so that would be crazy if you met the cat and then found out like about this show like years later and then me and you're like oh i had a friend who had a cat named eric badour all right i might be on board for this now this might just for just for like the long game the advantage the cat has over you is it won't realize its name is spelled wrong none of it means advantage that the cat will have over me yeah because you can get annoyed by the fact that you see your name spelled wrong and none of the

cat doesn't know how to read letters none of it makes sense to the cat that's the advantage yeah there are a few advantages that the cat has. That's one of them. What are some other advantages the cat has? Claws, night vision. Night vision, claws, better sense of smell. When you get older as a cat, you can't retract the claws, so you don't want to always be claws out.

That could be a problem. There's a disadvantage with claws as well. They come with advantages and disadvantages. They can jump real good. You always land on your feet. Better warmth protection. I'd say being able to,

being able to poop in a box of sand whenever you feel like is pretty good. That doesn't, that feels like something I could do if I wanted to. Yeah,

but it's not, it's frowned upon. You get celebrated if you do that as a cat. Better at birding and micing than you are. Birding and micing? Yeah, but it's not. It's frowned upon. You get celebrated if you do that as a cat. Better at birding and meising than you are. Birding and meising? Yeah, like it could kill birds and mice better than you.

I just didn't know there were terms for that. I think so, yeah. I don't know about meising, but I've heard birding before. I assume I see it as a thing. That's different. You've explained that. Cats are better at dogging than you are. I made a discovery the other day about my cat.

Bob Hoskins is Smee. He understands pointing. Okay. Like most cats, if you point at something, sometimes I'm like, look at that bird out there. It just looks at your finger because it doesn't understand a point. It doesn't understand what that means. But Smee actually knows to look where I'm like look look at bird out there it just looks at your finger because it doesn't understand that a point it doesn't understand what that means but smee actually knows to look where I'm pointing and it really freaked me out so you send out the applications to Harvard or like what was the response to realizing your cat recognized points yeah what is the cat equivalent of Harvard

Harvard for cats it just lives in the dorms. You would send it to a meow-niversity. Thank you. No. Thank you. Nobody said thank you. When was the last time we read from the joke book? I don't know. I need to find the joke book.

Maybe it's time to get a different year. Yeah? Oh, that's actually a great idea. Like go further back? I wonder if there's like the jokes of 98. The jokes? I'm going to Google that. The best jokes of 98.

The best jokes of 98. I ate that. I had a crazy encounter with somebody in a grocery store. Do you want to hear a joke? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Meow-niversary doesn't want to hear any comedy. Meow-niversary? That's the hear any comedy. Meow-niversary?

That's the anniversary of when two cats fall in love. Whatever you said. Meow-niversity is where a cat goes to get higher education. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that was a fumble. I have a terrible joke, if you want to hear it. Yeah. This is...

So for context, I was in line at a grocery store, and there was an older woman in front of me that you could just tell was sort of uh crazy you know how you just sometimes get crazy vibes off of were you checking out oh you like i was checking out yeah i was in line to check out and there's this this older lady in front of me and she asked the person behind the counter hey do you want to hear a joke? I write my own jokes. And so I overheard this joke that she told, and he's like, I guess.

And this is her great joke. There are two one-year-olds. This is so bad. There are two one-year-olds, and they're at the doctor's office, and one of them says to the other one, why are you here what what are you

getting done and the one says oh i'm getting my consoles removed and and the one said oh that's great you're gonna get like so much candy i had that done myself you get treats and stuff after it it's fantastic you're gonna have a great time what are you here for and and the other one says oh i'm here to get circumcised and then and then it says back to him oh that's rough last time that happened to me i didn't walk for a year that was her joke shit that was a written joke she just walks around and does that to people i did you know in 1998 that Titanic overtook Jurassic Park to become the highest grossing film of all time? You can tell this is a little dated.

I guess the Titanic can't survive an iceberg, but it can beat a Spielberg. What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? This is not good. This is not good. This is not good. This is... I'm trying. I'm being very loud about this as I'm distancing myself from whatever's about to happen.

Let it happen. What did Billy Mays do on 12-31-1998? He partied like it's 1999. $19.99. Was he still alive at that point? I assume so.99. $19.99. Oh. Was he still alive at that point? I assume so. What was the vending machine one?

Here's one. Time zones are weird. In Australia, it's 2020. In America, it's 2019. In Des Moines, it's 1998. In Alabama, it's 1865. And in Saudi Arabia, it's 1576. So that was just a joke with 1998 in it. Yeah yeah i just googled 1998 jokes and that one popped up i realized as i read it that it was just i think that that's

the only connection uh uh oh did fidel castro die in 1998 no all right that's it that's enough if you're looking to name your pet something Fidel Castro is available Feel free I think our worst bits on this podcast Are intentional jokes Like whenever we're talking about Jokes or doing jokes

Horrendous It's not great Ugh Alright It's not great. Ugh. Alright. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, listen. Ad break, but I have an important message if you're Canadian. Specifically if you're Canadian.

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I genuinely love the design of them anyway thank you so much for listening and supporting our show make sure to use promo code canada a hundred dollars or more that deal lasts from december 4th through december 10th love you this show is sponsored by better help we are in the holiday season and it's a really exhausting time of year in so many ways and it's also like a really um for me emotionally fulfilling time i love being able to get gifts for people that's something that's really exciting for me sometimes though you know dynamics with that change we're pretty a heavy gift giving family but there are years where like my mom will not want a gift or, you know, just all sorts of different options. But what's really important during this time of

year is to also not forget to take care of yourself and also treat yourself like that's really important. That's something that I have been bad at in the past of, um, for a variety of reasons, not taking care of myself or investing the time or treating myself in the way that I should. Cause it's a lot easier. I find to do that for other people than it is yourself, but you always deserve that time. Um, and that's something that I had to learn and then even after learning it come to terms with which is something that therapy helped me with in so many ways

it's not just identifying a problem but then for me at least coming up with solutions and systems that work for me because as great as it is to just talk about things being able to talk to an expert and come up with a plan and different approaches of attack, and also just accepting that maybe solutions you have might not work,

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for life one breakfast item per box so subscription is active that for free breakfast for life. One breakfast item per box. So subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at hellofresh.com slash face free with code face free. I have a question for you guys. That's thinking about is the question. Should this episode come out? Because I don't have the answer.

No, relax. Calm down. Listen, you're going gonna get married in like a week this isn't a time for you to have one of these negative spirals for your head oh i'm not no i'm not negatively spiral we're far enough ahead that we can flush this one and still be fine no it's fine second my question is have there been amazing experiences that were wasted on you like for me as an example do you remember i i I told that story about the last straw when I was with my cousins and my grandma and she told us to shut up. We were we went on that trip to see Cirque du Soleil, which is, I think, one of like the biggest circuses in the world.

Like it's this very. Can you say it again? No, I can't. Cirque du Soleil. OK, thank you. Well, how should I say it? I just want to make sure that's what you're saying. I just want to I just ask you.

OK, I just get in clarity. OK getting clarity okay well anyway i went to that so i saw it's a spectacle show obviously like these top of the line whatever in that field the only things i remember from that experience are a piece of confetti on the ground after the show ended and walking into the tent how big the electrical cables were running out of the thing i don't remember a single detail of the performance at all those are the only two things that are actually my brain you just took away like logistics yeah well i saw the cable and i thought wow that's a thick cable. That would suck the trip over. And then years later, a UFC fighter blew out his knee tripping over an electrical cable

while doing an interview on Fox. I was justified. That was an understandable fear by me. I called that. So I was curious if you guys had those where people spent money or brought you on this adventure or this experience that is notable, but you didn't

take anything away from it. Oh, I'm sure that's how Gavin and Eric feel about the NBA Summer League trip I made him go on. Oh, I had such a great time at that. I was going to say going to the Grand Canyon when I was a kid. I love the Summer League. I thought that was fun as hell. Yeah, I had fun with that.

I would say for me, it's going's gonna be like fancy stuff like a nice wine or something i could just waste it on me andrew my first thought was like yeah every time i've ever eaten sushi really really yeah which is like like i go to uchiko or whatever and it's fine but i don't enjoy eating sushi as much as i would just enjoy having a pastrami sandwich somewhere you know but but I'll eat it because everybody around me is in heaven. And it's fun. It's fun to be around people enjoying something that much to get sort of an understanding like Uchi is a very expensive high end sushi place here in Austin. Gavin, you've been Yeah, yes. How much better is it than just getting like

regular, you know, like quick sushi? It's probably incomparable. Gavin is maybe the worst person to ask. Also, you said you got sleep, Gavin. That was fucking 40 seconds. That was just silence.

I'm having time now on probation. Well, I was thinking, are you talking like, are you talking like rolls or like? Well, I mean, Jeff is saying that like he gets sushi and he's like, it's fine. You know, it's sushi, whatever.

But you've had regular just, you know, sushi, whatever. And then you've gone to Uchi. Like is like the is really like the gap between like regular sushi and Uchi, like really, really high. Like, is it very it's like super high end. I've had sushi from H-E-B more than I've had it from Uchi. Right. But how do they compare? Yeah. Jesus Christ christ let me answer i've had grocery store sushi eric and i've had high-end restaurant sushi and they taste completely

different like the rice you could tell is a better quality just all of the ingredients feel fresher it is a substantial taste difference between the two products for me i could tell it's it's lower quality but it's still not it doesn't justify the leap in price. Like, I would still happily... Yeah, but you would, if you could, you would eat a flavorless protein brick every day that just gave you nutrients. That's true.

Hang on, wait. Gavin has zero respect for food or drink. That's true. Yeah, I mean, I can eat the same thing every day. It doesn't need, I don't need my mouth to be that excited.

Like, I just want it to be not repulsive and just glide down. What? Are you saying? I'm not a fancy guy. No, but that's not even, having an excited mouth doesn't mean fancy i had a chocolate chip cookie the other day gavin my mouth was very excited i said it was not a fancy thing it's a two dollar cookie you're just not a taste guy and i'm not i'm not judging you

for that that's an established thing for you i Yeah, I'm not a big taste guy. I'm surprised Eric didn't realize this. Well, yeah, I didn't know that he would eat a protein brick or whatever every day. I just figured that he was the only other person here who had been to Uchi. He just wants food to be efficient as possible in Gavin's experience. What? Yeah, like he is. I don't know why I'm talking on behalf of Gavin.

Yeah, if there was food that was like three times as efficient Like if I only needs to eat in the morning and then not eat until the next morning I would take that isn't that what all those protein like Huel and Like soylent and all that shit is though. There's like meal like yes Scientifically designed meal replacements that are just like weird green powder. You could do it. You could live like that now. How healthy is that? I think it's super healthy. That's why it's a big deal.

We should try putting you on one of those because from what I understand, they hit your nutrients but they taste awful. To the point where I feel like it's been outlawed in some places, those bricks. Eating just takes quite a long time, especially if you out right but isn't that the it it's more than just the eating isn't it it's like the experience hanging out with friends like even even i recognize while i've never had grocery store sushi before when i go to uchiko it's kind of a whole event and you put on nice clothes and you feel fancy and you have like a lot of fun with you

go doubles date or something and you like you have conversations and you try on paper it's great but in austin it's just really loud people all around you and if you're like at the sushi bar you got like some knobhead next to you who just won't stop talking to the chef and I just I'm comfortable like shut up guy just order your protein brick and leave stop talking the whole time and he's not clearing all our little bowls because you've still got freaking food in yours shut up

that's how I feel there you go I wish you could have seen my face Eric when you went to ask Gavin a question about differences in taste between two products. Had no idea that this was a thing that you don't care for food.

I don't mind the occasional nice meal, but... The occasional nice meal. We don't want to get crazy. We only have nice meals on occasion. Listen, I don't have the energy for my mouth to be excited 24 7. We got to space it out. If you just combine all the time in a day that you

spend eating, it's quite a lot of time. He's too busy. He needs that time for editing. He does. Yeah. Were you four minutes late, Gavin, because you were you're enjoying something you were lost in your palate? Your palate is a wonderland? So when you taste something and it's exciting to your mouth, do you get annoyed with yourself for liking it?

Are you like, oh, no, I'll take the enjoyment. Great question. I'll take the enjoyment. I just don't ever seek that out. Gavin having a delicious bite of steak and just slamming the table fucking great Gavin's like listen if a delicious piece

of steak falls in my mouth I'm not gonna kick it out but I'm not gonna go looking for it well like like a massage feels amazing it's so relaxing feels really good but I don't go and get them. Yeah, but you don't need them to live. You have

to eat food three times a day or you'll die. Yeah, that's true. That's a good undercut on that analogy because, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you'll die if you don't eat. Yeah, it's not like you have a choice on eating or not eating. You need to do it. And if you need to do it, shouldn't your mouth be excited?

Okay, so say I invented a pill, right? A little cube. I give it to you, Eric, and you don't have to eat for six months. You can eat whenever you want. You can have a meal. It won't stack up too much. Is that extra calories for you, though? Like, are you getting the caloric intake from the pill?

All the calories he needs for six months. So if he eats on top of it, he's going to blow up. No, it just doesn't count that way. Like, he still... If he still eats the regular amount, that's fine. So he has, like, 2,000 calories of... 2,000 flavor calories allotted daily. He has 2,000 backup calories that he can use every day.

Right? Yeah. Eric. Yeah. How often do you eat? What the fuck? You've got the cube inside you. How often are you going to eat? He doesn't mean generally. You've got a cube inside you?

The pill is a cube? Yeah, it's a little cube. How do you swallow a stock cube? This is what the question's about. The cube's gone in. How do you swallow a stock cube? You're one round. This is what the question's about. The cube's gone in. The cube's gone down.

Shut up for a second. The cube's gone in, Eric. It's got sharp edges. This is a terrible cube. I've sanded the cube. Eric's downed it. He's chugged the cube. He doesn't have to eat for six months.

What's at the center of the cube? What's in the box? Oh, Christ. But how often are you going to eat What's at the center of the cube? What's in the box? Oh, Christ. But how often are you going to eat, Eric? Is this what Elon Musk wanted that was in the box? This all makes sense. Guys, guys, don't worry about what's in the cube. Just...

Is it a sign of Peter Molyneux telling you you've won? We're like a microtransaction away from a Peter Molyneux game. Oh, man. I don't think I, like, this is beginning on a weird note because I just wouldn't take this thing. I like food too much. You can still eat food.

You can still eat all the food you would have eaten. What point are you trying to prove? What is your point? I'm saying, would you bother eating for every meal of the day still? Yes. Yeah, probably. Because it's an enjoyable experience. I enjoy cooking.

I enjoy food. I enjoy flavors and tastes. I like food a lot. Now, when your mouth gets excited from food, Eric, I get so mad at myself. Do you feel an intense self-loathing that you can't quite describe? No, I've never thought about it in terms of my mouth being excited. But last time I had COVID, I lost all sense of taste.

And my mouth was so depressed. I was so sad. Because if everything tastes the same, as somebody who enjoys food, you realize there's no point in getting anything. What choices do I make? None of it matters. It all tastes the same. This is awful. who enjoys food, you realize like there's no point in getting anything. Like what choices do I make? None of it matters. It all tastes the same.

This is awful. I was, my mouth, it hit a new sadness. It hit a sadness I didn't know was possible. They do say flavor is the spice of life.

They do. It's a double-sided weapon. It's both sides of the same coin. I, double-sided sword right there. I really do. I think that you eat because you have to and you don't enjoy it. I have to control my eating because I love flavor and the sensation of eating so much.

It's so enjoyable to me. It's so enjoyable enjoyable to eat i'd say that's the norm i think so too but now you've invented a cube that you've sanded down and by the way i appreciate you saying it on the cube yeah thank you if i if i ate the cube or if I ate the corners from Eric's cube, I would probably eat probably once a day. I don't even think you would do that. I don't. I disagree. Yeah, I don't think you would eat ever.

I think you would only eat in social situations. Yeah, but I feel like that's nice to have once a day. But then when you eat, are you eating your flavorless protein cube, or are you eating fun food? No, if I was only eating once a day, I'd make it count. Well, you could do that now, asshole. Why don't you? You can make it count for every meal.

It absolutely counts, actually. Let's go back to the episodes where Andrew was the freak. let's go back to the episodes where Andrew was the freak I understand the genesis of what you're saying is eating the concept of eating takes time out of a day and if you're a busy businessman like you are and you can eliminate that

time cost from your day it would add to the efficiency of your life I get that but there is a danger with making things so efficient that there's no fun or flavor in life itself. And so I think the break, the mandatory... It probably serves multiple purposes, right?

Other than just nourishing your body. But it also forces you to stop what you're doing and then focus on you for a little bit. At least in terms of ingesting fuel into you so that you can continue to exist. So I'm assuming something happens in your brain in that moment where you're also taking stock of your life and present in the moment. And you don't realize it, but it's probably a really important check-in a couple times

a day that you go through subconsciously without even knowing it. Yeah. I mean, I've identified what the reason is mainly that a lot of the work I do because it's just me deciding to do it whenever I do it. That's the worst, isn't it? I don't really feel like doing it all. Like if I have an edit,

I need to be done in two days. I rarely feel like doing it most of the day. And then I'll just suddenly start doing it or just get on a roll. And it's around that time where it's like, oh, I'm starving. So it's like, because so much of my effort,

it feels mood based. It just interrupts the rare oh, I'm starving. So it's like, because so much of my effort, it feels mood-based. It just interrupts the rare times where I feel motivated. Totally. Does that make sense? I understand that. Similarly, I have to self-motivate myself to do stuff now. And I don't ever feel like doing the thing I want to do, I need to do.

I've never felt like recording so all right, right? But once I do it, once I'm doing it, I don't want to stop. I don't feel like stopping, stopping if that makes sense and so anything that gets in the way is like it was so fucking hard to spin myself up to do the thing because it was so much easier not to do it and to like to fucking to sit there and yell at myself and force myself to get in front of the computer and start working now that i'm doing it i don't want anything to get in the way of it because it's because once i stop it's gonna be so much fucking harder to get myself to start again and then also just like a hands-on task you're limiting what foods you can enjoy

like I have you ever tried to eat wings while playing video games nightmare doesn't work that's an absolute all-time mess ribs same way I think it's commercials are always like that people are eating wings in situations that you would never eat wings yes that's so true i thought you meant that commercials were the time to eat wings which is a problem i face in video games where like i love the innovation but we're now in a world where there's almost no loading screens and i have no window of time to eat my wings it has been a real problem the xbox one x is too fast it is yes sauce all over the place there are times i've been playing the texas chainsaw masker game a lot i love that game and uh as leatherface you're on the go constantly and

there are times where i've said hey can somebody else take over this role i just want to eat some wings i want to get like two or three wings. There's no wing time when you're Leatherface. It's so funny that we're at a point where that problem is almost solved. I was thinking the other day about, I was talking to somebody who had just moved to Austin and they were living in an apartment. I was thinking about apartment living and I was thinking about setting up

my first apartment in Austin and I was trying to remember like what I did at 23 years old for fun. I remember I used to go mountain biking, and I remember I had a PS2, and I played a shitload of Crash Bandicoot. I was a real big fan of Crash Bandicoot. And it triggered just that thinking, like, oh, I remember I sat in the living room and played a lot of Crash Bandicoot.

And then I got hard triggered this memory of how fucking mad I used to get playing that game because I timed it the loading screens for crash bandicoot were longer than the levels and i would i would time it with like with my watch and be like all right it took a minute and 19 seconds to get into the game and it took me a minute and eight seconds to beat the fucking level like something is wrong with this and i had forgotten that i used to that was like a problem we used to have all the time because i've gotten so used to quick loading screens yeah i have that with when i play old games like i'm playing games for the first time i just missed like dishonored and stuff but okay my pc is so much better compared to pcs at the time that i

can't read any of the tips yeah the tips yeah even modern games that's still like i feel like they include that because that's what you do in those screens but like impossible to read they just instantly go away jeff i had no idea about your connection with crash bandicoot i'd love to did you ever play the remaster they put out like no i don't think i've played crash bandicoot since then oh my god we need to do i'd love to watch you play some Crash Bandicoot in the remaster and see how much you remember and all that. Oh, I'd love to. I remember really enjoying the game. I think basically

what happened is not too long after that, the Dreamcast came out and then Gus and I were Dreamcast boys for a while and then Xbox. And then we were Xbox boys and now I'm a truck boy. I have a note. Okay. But I don't know how i got this information i don't know where i heard this okay but eric did you know that where jeff

was digging or where we were digging the second bean hole that jeff pisses there sometimes what we dig a piss hole how do i know that i don't think that's true what how could it written how did i write this thing i made up i have definitely peed in my backyard a couple of times when like i'm running home from a bike ride and like i don't think i can make it inside you know but i i wouldn't pee right there because i would be visible to my neighbors and to the street i pee in a and i there's like one spot in my backyard where if i really have to go i'll pee like wedged in between a tree you're at your house yeah but i had a pee corner gavin so like here's the deal with my house, though. Like, the bike goes in the backyard through a long gate and stuff, right? And then there's no way for me

to get into the back of the house. Like, there's no key or number pad or anything. So I got to go all the way. If the doors are locked, I got to go all the way back around to the front of the house and let myself in. And you know what? When I was 30, that wouldn't have been a problem.

But at 48, I guess when I got to go, I got to go. You've already been on, like, probably wouldn't have been a problem. But at 48, when I gotta go, I gotta go. But you've already been on probably an hour-long bike ride. Yeah, that I didn't want to fucking get off my bike to pee, and so it's come to an issue. So you can't wait another 25 seconds to get in the front door? No. Andrew couldn't wait more than three minutes into the episode to leave and pee. When a guy's gotta go, he's gotta go.

Yeah, no, I've never done that in the show. My stomach, it was a list. I share a lot of the issues you have, Jeff. I just don't talk about it as much. That was a nuclear scenario. I'm glad you were late,

Gavin. You gave me a great out. I appreciate that quite a bit. So Jeff, if you got intercepted by a neighbor on the, on the back, like on the way back from a bike ride, it'd be a disaster.

It could be. Yeah. Which is why I don't talk to my neighbors. One time, you know how you, you know how you were talking about how you you walk in therapy sometimes well i only want my powers off yeah you were you were talking about how somebody stopped you when you were like you were having therapy and somebody's holding my shoe as well yeah you're holding your shoe i do the same well i did i don't i don't do therapy anymore but when i was doing it i would walk and

and talk at the same time. I get fidgety. I can't sit still, so I have to walk. And so I would always walk around my neighborhood or drive to a different neighborhood. One of the last times I did therapy, I had to pee so bad, I had to stop therapy, go into a porta potty at a construction site, and then resume therapy. That piss probably cost you 10 bucks. It's fine. It was worth it. It was really worth it.

I was like talking to my therapist and I was like, I gotta pee so bad. And he was like, just call me back. And I was like, I'm just in my neighborhood. And I was like, oh wait, there's a porta potty. I gotta go. And I just fucking ran for it. And he told me it happens more often than you would think. So I don't know where

I heard that. Maybe from Emily somewhere? You probably heard it from Emily, but I would... Dude, listen, I remember where I pee. I don't think I've ever peed on that specific spot. And I wouldn't because I would be afraid that that would fuck with Emily's seeds. Ah, that makes sense. So you haven't pissed there since the seeds?

If I'd ever pissed there before, I don't remember it. But I definitely haven't pissed there since the seeds. There's no danger that you were digging up pee, if that's what you're worried about. Okay. I, it makes sense to me. I had a few pee zones as a kid in my grandparents' backyard, but you didn't really have a backyard, Gavin,

so that makes sense to me that you wouldn't have that. I had a grandfather who uh on my dad's side his dad who would only pee outside like he'd be in the living room watching tv and he'd have to take a piss and he'd get up and go out into the backyard to piss is this a normal thing he just thought men should pee outside my logic as a child i'm like four probably when i was doing this was i'm having so much fun playing outside. Why would I bother going all the way into the house and using the bathroom when I can just pee in these bushes?

Why wouldn't I just do that? I had two pee zones. I had one, there's a little bush area in the right corner of the yard. And then there was a shed behind, like at the very back of the yard and there was a like a pvc pipe that stuck out of the ground and you know when you would like when you cup your hand around your ear you hear that sort of oceany kind of sound i had convinced myself that that pipe led to like the downtown waterfront park area like into the sea And I would pee into the pipe thinking I was peeing into the ocean and that I was being very cool.

Those are my pee zones as a kid. Do you have any pee zones now? No, I don't have any pee zones now. I watch homeless people pee across the street, but I personally don't. Yeah, I know you do. Yeah. You know, that that reminds me a couple of years ago, i we were doing some stuff at comic-con and i was helping gus out he had to interview a bunch of people from like dc tv shows like uh like i

don't remember who but it was you know just like those dc superhero tv shows like doom patrol that kind of stuff titans and we were interviewing it was just one of those things where you're like you're sitting in like director's chairs and there's one open, and somebody comes, and you ask them 10 questions. They're all fucking stupid, like, is a taco a sandwich or whatever? It was that era of the R2 podcast. And we got to talking to a dude, and somehow we got talking. I think he was an actor on Black Lightning, I think was the show, if I remembered it correctly. But we were talking about peeing outside and he was like dude have you

ever pissed out of a second story window and Gus and I were like why would we do that and he's like you've got to try it I'm telling you it's the greatest feeling in the world and he would not

stop talking about how great it is to pee out of the second floor of a building and so I've never done it but if if maybe a comment lever has done it he can let us know so if you ever get a chance maybe pee out pee out the upstairs window and see what that's like.

Because apparently it's really liberating. Huh. Why can we do that? That guy was on TV, so he probably knows. Work doesn't really have any upstairs. No. I wonder how high becomes scary. Like six floors seems even more fun to me.

But to pee out of a 20 story window dude intimidate well i think you don't want to go too high because then you're stuck in updrafts yeah you're gonna you're gonna be wearing a lot of pee i guess maybe it depends on the window setup too like you know how there are those windows where like only the bottom half opens up and you swing the handle for it like those i feel like are great pee windows regardless of you know what they should invent they should invent in tall buildings like in cities like New York they should invent like little piss doors that you can slide

open stick your dick out and pee outside yeah like a porthole like a pee hole when I when I was in the army and uh like when we would fly c-130s sometimes which is airplane they literally had like a little like I don't know it's's almost like a urinal you'd saddle right up to and you'd like stick your

dick in it and then you'd piss out the side of the plane essentially. Huh. So would that also count as the most difficult glory hole as well? That'd be pretty fucking hard because the other side of it is it'd have to be like a really fast flying seagull or something. You don't want to leave your dick out when it's window cleaning

day and that's set up. That'd be a bad time. There's something really funny to me about the idea of your balls being caught by the draft, just like blasted away, blown away with a gust of wind. Especially going like 350 miles an hour

out of the side of a plane. I think we should try to pee upstairs out of something yeah what do we do we film it no I think we just discuss it I'm just making sure I'm trying to get on the same page here

that's all I'm just making sure I don't think we should film it it's not me saying we should how can we do it without being seen I don't think this has to be an I don't think we should. It's not me saying we should. How can we do it without being seen? What? I don't think this has to be an elaborate thing. I think maybe if somebody just does it, let us know if it was more liberating between all of us.

I just don't really have any word I can think of where I'm not in full view. Maybe I'll buy a two-story house next time. And then in a couple, like if I ever buy a new house, I'll try to get a two-story. What about this? A two-story port-a-potty. Oh. A port-a-potty. Oh. A port-a-potty stacked with an

upstairs. Oh, no. What if we just piss off the top of a parking garage? I think we should have two port-a-potties. Stack them, right? We'll get rid of the actual toilet on the second one. That one goes on top, right?

Yeah. Exactly. It's a substance gang. Absolutely. Okay. right we'll get rid of the actual toilet on the second one that one goes on top right okay but there's no there isn't one on the top it's just a hole straight through and you just piss from upstairs down into the toilet oh like a long distance piss but you still have to aim it that's what i was talking about when the i that up along the lifeguard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Same type of idea. You're right. Get some distance. But for me, it was fear of toilet snakes.

This is just for pleasure. So you don't know why you think I pee there. I just don't know. I just didn't remember how I got the info. It just says that you piss there after a bike ride. It feels like there's a mole in the house and that mole is a little incorrect

mole as well does it or does it just feel like Gavin is writing stuff I feel like it just feels like Gavin is writing stuff no I think he must have talked to Emily or something but maybe it was at Halloween oh maybe it was at Halloween where that kid almost got gizmo'd

I'm looking at my notes right now we almost watched a kid get engulfed oh maybe it was a halloween where that kid almost got gizmoed because i could just i did oh i'm looking at my notes right now we almost watch a kid get engulfed in flames oh my god that's what what happened burn dog saved his life really you know those like blow up uh you know those like blow up air suits that people put on that's like a dinosaur they walk around well we had uh first off you know there's like a halloween parade in my neighborhood and so we had gavin meg and bernie and vanessa over and we invited eric and his small wife but they weren't able to make it and we set up on the front in the driveway and i got the chiminea out and we because it was cold and we made a little fire and then we were sitting out in lawn chairs just like saying hi to people

and waving and then when they would want candy we'd point to where the candy was which was far away from us and some fucking kid walked right up to the chimney i think and there was candy in it and got real close to it and he was like all blown up he was a gizmo like from gremlins and he was like he like with the hug it almost and burned i got to grab him and push i think he just couldn't see it oh my god is. Is that what it was? Yeah. Maybe that was just about to walk straight into it. He just, he seemed like he was coming straight for it. And this is where,

where I realized, um, that burn dog and I took different approaches to it, where he took a very preemptive strike in basically tackling the kid away from the, from the fire. And I just froze. I was just watching it happen and i

was making a plan i was like okay well this kid's about to catch on fire so i started looking around for stuff to throw on it but i just couldn't i couldn't get anything done i just felt like i'm gonna go into action when it happens and i didn't think for a second i've got to get up and prevent it from happening and i just don't know why i didn't go to that you were waiting for the problem so that you could solve it there was no problem to solve yet I'm I think it's just in my nature I just that I don't want to I don't want to make a scene unless the scene is guaranteed to happen Eric said I like calling it getting gizmoed what would that be getting gizmoed it sounds getting melted into your costume i guess i guess so yeah gavin explained it to me as getting gizmoed when he told me this story a while ago

and i just keep thinking about getting gizmoed have you ever caught on fire caught on unintentionally unintentionally oh no no i've been put on fire for like shoots and stuff but never have you ever caught on fire andrew i have once it was uneventful it was about as uneventful as a fire setting as you could have but i was wearing we're getting ready to go to our soccer game and I was sitting in front of the fireplace getting all nice and toasty and I lit the back of my jersey on fire and I didn't I didn't notice until there was a giant cloud of smoke behind

me and everybody in front of me was freaking out and so then I had to play with a hole in the back of my jersey for that game because there wasn't enough time to get a replacement I I didn't get burned in or anything, but minor fire. I definitely

used to set people on fire a lot. Now that we're having this conversation, I'm starting to think back. I used to set people on fire? Anytime anybody read a newspaper in front of me that newspaper was getting that newspaper was getting lit you would just like pull out a lighter

and do it yeah you just like light the bottom of the newspaper in the middle where they're reading and then suddenly it all fucking catches on fire and they're like but those things go up fast yeah they do yeah yeah they do this adds a whole new layer of context to your story about the subway guy covering himself in soda. He's just worried about you setting him on fire. He's making sure he wasn't lightable. That's entirely possible. He knew. Yeah, I used to set people's shoes on fire a lot.

Jesus Christ. I'm learning that I got off easy in the time I've known Jeff. Have I never set you on fire? I think you have tried with a lighter on my shoes. That does sound familiar, but I don't think it went. It didn't take. I was about to say, I'm pretty sure I was still doing that when we were friends. No, yeah, you're right.

I don't know why I would forget you trying to burn me. I definitely slowed down. I would say from 18 18 to like 28, do not, do not have paper around me and not be paying attention. We did that immersion video where, was it NBA Jam

where the ball catches on fire? Yeah. Yeah. So they would, they wrapped, it looked like shoelaces, but like dipped in sticky napalm-ish material, or like rubber cement or something very flammable. And those were tied around the ball, and it would catch the ball like nice and evenly on fire, but eventually the string would just snap.

And on one of the takes, it snapped, flew off, and wrapped around my head, and it was like stuck to me like flammable glue all around the back of my head. They had to, well, initially they had to punch me in the head a all around the back of my head they had to well initially they had to punch me in the head a lot until the flame went out why did why did jack and i have to do that too i don't know i don't i've we did it for like one second i remember thinking this is so dumb gavin and michael already did this why do i why do i have to get set on fire uh i don't remember i remember not liking that like not having fun doing that at all. Oh, I had fun. I did not.

I think I was pretty... I think I was probably pretty... I was probably, like, in a bad way. You were probably live-actioned out a little bit. Yeah, I think I was at my drunkest and, like, most unhealthy, too, probably. I was having to play sports. I don't know who I could source this to,

but my notes say you had a great time. It was actually one of your favorite shoots. I have no idea who would have said this, but because I wrote it, it must be true. You must be that wrong little mole again. A little pesky mole just leaking stuff about you, Jeff.

Notes says you peed on the basketball. I got a note that says Gavin has been snorting mustard for pleasure i don't know who told me this or why but i guess it's you want to talk about that gavin uh yeah tell me about it well no i mean you're the one that did it and first of all it's a lie because all you consume is protein cubes and that's true uh it's true that you once a day once a day he likes to excite his nose with hot mustard. You know, I said I didn't have any notes,

but I do have a note here that says hot dog blowgun. Oh, yeah. That was from last time. Did we talk about that? Oh, yeah. You getting a hot dog launched at you and trying to catch it. And we went deep on hot dog. Yeah, we're going to find one over stage four. I think that was less a note for talking about

and more a note to remember to do something. To build. I think I want to build a hot dog about and more a note to remember to do something. To build. I think I want to build a Hot Dog Blowgun. That's cool. I like that you wrote the note so you can remember what it was. Don't remember what it was and went, I have a note that says Hot Dog Blowgun. Yeah, but I wasn't expecting to have to know. At some point, when I

sat down on my notes, I'd look at it and I'd go, oh, and I'd go back and listen to the episode. This is just because we're recording so fast in advance. So those are lost episodes to me right now. They don't exist until they're published. Are you going to get that going, Eric? Yeah, Hot Dog Blowgun over Stage 4. I think we can shoot it over Stage 4. Oh, there was that

whole spoon thing you and I wanted to do, Andrew. Oh, I forgot about the spoons. Yeah. Shit. Next time. We'll tease it again. A spoon cliffhanger? A double spoon cliffhanger. Man, it's really really gonna be a letdown it's such a letdown already yeah because it's not it was just it was yeah it was a small thing but but the movie cliffhanger was also a letdown and if there's one thing that shouldn't be a letdown

it's cliffhanger so it's okay was the movie cliffhanger a letdown i feel like it wasn't well loved i haven't seen it so i don't know. I don't have a personal opinion on it. I remember when it came out thinking it was awesome. Really? Yeah. I'll maybe have a total misread on that. You may not I just remember liking every Sylvester Stallone movie

I see. Like I grew up with Sylvester Stallone so anything he did was cool to me. I have no idea if it holds up or not but I do remember thinking it was fucking awesome at the time I remember it happening in Ace Ventura what what happened yeah that's that's what when I think of cliffhanger I think of the same thing Gavin

I haven't seen those movies if I see the parody before it's like the whole if I have a dog with a human name wow that's I'm totally on your side now on that you dude wow we went the whole episode you brought it all the way back... I'm totally on your side now on that. You dude, wow. We went the whole episode, you brought it all the way back around.

I'm 100% on the same side. When I think of cliffhanger, I think of the parody first. That's so funny. Wow. When I think of cliffhanger, I think this is happening in my universe. I could be there.

You could be a cliffhanger. I could be dangling. All right, that's enough. Right? Is that enough? Shouldn't we end it? Eric said a while back, start wrapping up.

I don't think we should flush it, though. I had a good time. I had a wonderful time. Oh, no, I don't want to flush it. You got real weird there for a little while, Gavin. I don't think anybody wants to lose that. Maybe we should flush it.

No, we got Gavin not wanting his mouth to be excited free. Just not three times a day. Oh, is that the parody from... I don't even remember that. The Little Raccoon. It's the only thing that I remember is the raccoon falling. That's got to be the sequel, right?

Yeah, that's the second one. Yeah, that's why I be the sequel right yeah yeah that's the second one yeah that's why i fucking hated that movie the one you hate although i'd stand by him coming out of the the rhino's anus one of the best things that ever happened on film yeah i hate that i viscerally hate that scene i hate wouldn't it be fun to rebuild it and have gavin come out of a rhino's let's just first get anus waxed. Oh, okay. There's an order to these anus gags. After our anuses are all smoothly waxed, we'll be primed to slide out of rhino asses.

It's no better time. Has anyone ever, for Halloween, dressed up as a rhino with a tiny Ace Ventura figurine coming out of their ass? Let's look. Ace Ventura Rhino Halloween. It would be a great two-part costume. You know how people do the front end and back end

of a horse, but it's just like one person just runs out as their part of the gag? Gavin? That's pretty good. I think that counts. That's definitely intentional. That's a good one, right? Oh yeah I mean that's definitely intentional That's a good one right

Yep Photo of somebody doing a miscarriage Yep Yeah that's great That works Well you go get married Jeff You have fun with that Oh I will have already been married

By the time this happens Yeah but we're taking a little break Because you gotta go get married And all that stuff Alright well Why do you sound sour about it? I'm not angry about it No I'm just saying

He's getting married So we're gonna take a break I don't like the way he says it either That's weird Why do you sound sour about it? No, I'm just saying he's getting married. So we're going to take a break. I don't like the way he says it either. That's weird. Jeff is getting married to Emily. So we're going to be on break for a little bit. Are you trying to do a new take?

No, I just don't know. So... Jeff... Jeff is getting married to Emily over this next weekend. I don't know. How do you want it to sound? Give me some notes.

Give me some direction. Any appropriate amount of enthusiasm? None. Jeff is getting married to Emily. Use promo code marriage if you want 10% off your wedding. So you know he doesn't mean it. No, I'm very 10% off your wedding. So you know he doesn't mean it.

No, I'm very excited. That's wonderful. I'm so happy for Jeff and Emily. That sounded very insincere. There's nothing I can say that sounds sincere at this moment. It couldn't be more sincere. It was definitely your best take. Yeah, I think we'll go with that one.

Yeah, I think that's it. Cut that in. Yeah, that's perfect., I think that's it. And quit. Yeah, that's perfect. All right, that's a wrap, everybody. Great. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Is that a dog or a horse? Gavin made a speech.

No tattoo for Nick. The best greasy spoon in Austin is Top Notch. Let's buy a franchise. The best greasy spoon in Austin is Top Notch. Let's buy a franchise. The regulation sandwiches are in. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. All right. Well, I'm going to miss you guys.

We're not going to play. I thought we were going to play podcasts together anymore for a little bit. I thought we wrapped. Is this the post credit scene? Did you cut your audio? No, I'm still going. But Nick even posted upload audio here. Like I thought we were done. OK, I guess we are then.

I'm sorry. Here, let me. I'm very excited for Jeff and Emily to get married. I thought we were done. That one was better. You're going backwards, man. Hell yeah. Bye.

Oh, fucking hell. Hey, we're done. We'll see you next time. Thank you so much. Gavin, do you want to do one too? No. Let's get married! Woo-hoo!