F**kface - Small Dick Mode // 8 Minute Tub Time [194]

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Herman Miller chairs, putting your hand in a cactus, asshole update, tailbone cracking, chiropractic methods, wanting to be touched less, new day rituals, the logistics of having multiple dicks, Gavin’s cleaning tongue, animals that eat their young, BMX bike jumping, Geoff running over Gavin’s toothpaste, no bleeding goal, bathtub fill time, is Mr. Magoo blind?, Andrew figuring out how to use the keyboard, Angry Whopper hack, how many substitutions are allowed before it’s no longer the menu item, blindfolded episode, filmable falcons, and more. Sponsored by Better Help http://betterhelp.com/face and Cosmic Crisp http://cosmiccrisp.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Geoff Ramsey and with me as always, Andrew Panton from Canada, Gavin Free from England. Hello. Hello. How's everybody doing? Pretty good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. England hello hello how's everybody doing pretty good good yeah my long back I could potentially

be in two countries at once just depending on border location yeah I guess that's true longest back in the company I love I love how we always have to say these hellos for the beginning of the podcast as if we haven't just been playing Call of Duty and trucks together for the beginning of the podcast as if we haven't just been playing Call of Duty and Trucks together for the last hour and a half. Well, that wasn't always the way. In the grand scheme of this show, this is a relatively new event. That's true.

We made way more episodes where we weren't doing that as opposed to now where that is a reality where we do Let's Plays and then record the show a little bit later. That's a very good point.

Yeah, we used to have like 14-day gaps between recordings sometimes, and now we can barely go 14 minutes there's a time in which there would be one piece of face content per week and that seems insane now but it wasn't that horrible what's uh what's new in y'all's lives in the last 25 minutes or so since we last spoke oh I have a new thing that I need to talk about this is a big deal it's coming in hot like last 25 minutes hot

no this isn't I've been sitting on this for a little bit oh my god what I just did was genius and it was a total accident I got a new chair we got a chair what? it has finally happened a chair. What? It has finally happened. A chair.

Thank you, Eric. Tell us what happened. When? How is it? Okay. Show us a picture. Yeah, I'm going to listen. We're going through all of it.

This is a huge deal. It's an amazing chair. I can't wait to get it. So this, Jeff, you wrote a fantastic pitch email for me to go around and send send people with we went through that for a while and ultimately that didn't work shockingly uh as much as i loved it uh we had one person reply and then they they they're like okay i'll bite who's your client and then i i explained who the client was and I never heard from them again. However, we thankfully have some amazing listeners. And a guy goes by I'm Goopsy on Twitter. He works for Hi-Rez, the company that makes Smite.

He reached out to me and he said, hey, I love the show. Listen to it. I know you're doing this chair thing i have a connection with somebody at herman miller if you want i could try to bridge the gap between you two and see if like there's something that could be worked out and so he was very kind of he wrote one of the nicest emails the the way he hyped up our show and like just presented it was incredible i couldn't have done a better job as someone who's involved like i was blown away i was like wow we sound great this is a great bridge email to be fair if you asked me to pick from all the chair brands that i would want a chair from i'd go straight to

herman miller yeah that's the chair it's i mean that's like the fucking chair it is the top of the line i've heard nothing but amazing things it's's like when you think watch, you think Rolex, right? Exactly. When you think chair, you think Herman Miller. So I couldn't, first of all, I never dreamed that a chair so prestigious could be in the scenario for the pitch email. But thankfully, due to the goopsy, he reached out, bridged it, and it's phenomenal. Let me get a photo of what this chair

is but they're gonna send one and uh i have zero doubts that this thing is gonna last more than a year which is huge you need to let us know when your ass first touches it because i'm gonna start a year-long timer i will oh my god yeah i was thinking about maybe in like let's play having a little chair pop up in the bottom right of like how many videos the chair made it through. Dude, we got I think you need to record yourself sitting in it for the first time on the show. Yes. Either either you do it for the first time in a recording or you record yourself sitting in it for the first time and then we can all talk about it. I'm so excited for you to get this chair.

I'm so excited. We need get this chair. I'm so excited. We need you to record your first sitting. Oh, that's gonna be like sitting on a cushion of air. Look at that. Oh, it's gonna be amazing. I can't wait. It just got sent out. This motherfucker might never stand again. What if I like attach the chair to my ass at all?

Like I have to walk hunched over just so I could sit whenever I need to with the hermit. Your stories are going to stop now from now on with. So I rolled into a swift and wet. That injury would have never happened in that scenario. I'm just so excited. I had to give the update on it. I'll let you guys know when it comes in dude can i can i uh give you a sign of warning looking at i know that's not your house

that photo but because that's a mesh back uh if you have any tall cactuses against a wall i just wouldn't lean back too far there that looks like a catastrophe waiting to happen in that photo after tripping on the sushi container and then the swiffer box i was cactus free i would be a crazy person to have a cactus around we should not have we should we should all have to put a cactus in our like in the vicinity of our computer and we all have to have them there until the first person gets a prick. I hate cactus so much. There's one that I keep brushing my hand on. I probably do this every like six months near where I live.

I keep just like accidentally tapping my hand on it. It's like a week of swelling and pulling out, and you gotta wait for it all to come to the surface. It's horrible. What? You hate, you hate? I love cactus. Do you like putting your hand in it? I don't put my hand in a cactus.

Well, I didn't do it on purpose. It sounds like you're doing it on accident way too frequently for it to be a continued accident. It leans out into the street. The cactus is leaning out to get you? Yeah, like I'm walking home. I've got my bags. And it's reaching out to grab you like a, like a stranger danger. Gracie's right. I'm sure you can go around it.

I 100% agree. Into the road. I could go around it. So your, so your idea is to go through the cactus. Well, I like to shimmy and split the difference, but sometimes it just brushes me.

If we ever wanted to trap Gavin, we just circle cactuses around the house. We'll never be able to leave. split the difference, because sometimes it just brushes me. If we ever wanted to trap Gavin, we'd just circle cactuses around his house and never be able to leave. Gracie says, no chance it covers the entire width of the sidewalk. I bet it does. I bet it does. Also, surrounding Gavin's home with cactuses

wouldn't stop him. He would just walk through it and then go, oh, I have to walk through these cactus every day. Yeah, that's true. He would just be more swollen and then go, oh, I have to walk through these cactus every day. Yeah, that's true. He would just be more swollen than usual all the time. Oh, man, you should stay the fuck away from New Mexico. What was sharper, the cactus or your asshole hairs in the regrowing since the waxing?

Oh, that's a great... You're saying they're prickly. Let's get an update. Let's get an update. Cactus is much worse. Okay. But I will say the urchin in the shitball little beach

water we were in, way worse than all of it. If I had urchin spines in between my ass cheeks, I would probably lose the water to live. Dude, do you think, surely somebody has had urchin spikes in their ass cheeks.

Someone's done it. Like slipped and fell 100%. At that point, just put me under and take me to the hospital. I bet somebody who's a regulation listener or a comment lever for this podcast has experienced that. I bet that's more common than you'd think.

Please reach out. What, an urchin going up? Mm-hmm. Oh, God. I mean, they were fucking everywhere that day. Anything you put in the water would've got, like, if you tripped, hands would've got them, knees, like, it would've easily

given you a butthole. Speaking of butthole, let me prep. I saw a TikTok the other day of, do you ever get, like, the random chiropractors, like, cracking things or whatever on people. I've seen that something pops up. Yeah, I had one of those pop up and the guy went deeper into someone's ass than I've ever seen anyone go for the crack. It's just it was a dude just laying down on a table and he went right in his ass here

We go. I'm sending it was he popping crack He was like popping the tailbone, but he went he like from the inside right the butthole to like Leverage the position like he needed a hook on it So I'm like he's thumbing the butthole for stabilization Listen, I've never seen anyone go deeper in a butthole for medical purposes. That includes like getting a colonoscopy. You should come with me to the doctor, dude.

No, just as, here, let me send, I'm posting it right now. And I saw it and the first thing I wondered is, would you rather have this happen to you or get your ass waxed again? All right, let me look at this. Ass waxed or ass cracked. It is, it's the first like five seconds of video. He goes so goddamn deep. That's crazy.

It's insane. They shouldn't post this. This shouldn't be. They shouldn't post this video. That's outrageous. I thought I have to slide a puzzle piece into it. What the hell is this? Okay.

Dude, that is. There's a Logan thing covering it up. Oh. Continue as good. That's, Andrew Andrew that's outrageous it is that same I was like what is this immediately went knuckle deep into he's like I gotta go lower gotta find the lord

those men just had intercourse that was a deep connection they now have and the pop is loud and i immediately just went would you rather have that happen to you or the ass wax what is i think i'd be more scared for the crack yeah i think i'd rather have my asshole waxed than that the devil you know you know no but that's the thing it just makes me think of jackass where he breaks his tailbone and then i think ryan dunn goes why break his tailbone we don't have tails anymore like this is crazy i feel like

saying that that's a tailbone crack and then the act of it happening to you are two very different things like i could see if the guy was like you want your tailbone cracked him being like yeah but then not knowing of what the grip is. That can't have been an on-the-fly question. He surely called the night before and said, I'm going to give you a tailbone. You can't just drop that on someone. I would need to have a shower. I need to be prepared for this.

It also appears to be the first part of their session, which I want that at the end. I need time to process everything after that happens to me. I think putting it at the beginning is so smart because it's going to be the most tense you are the entire time

because nothing the rest of the time is going to come fucking close to that guy getting knuckle deep in you. It's the button to loosen you up. It's like those little, like, wooden ragdoll toys where you hit the thing and all the joints collapse.

That's where your collapse button is? Yeah. I want a chiropractor to grab me by the feet and shake me like a sheep. So all of my bones crack in like one fell swoop and no one has to like get deep on me. You know what I mean? You want to be like tablecloth whipped by the yes a hundred percent i think i think that should be the way you get your bones cracked and then you can just move on because otherwise you risk getting a finger way in there have you seen the videos of that guy that wraps the rag around people's necks and just like yanks their head up oh yeah does all these like i think calls it the ring dinger it it looks like he's pulling

their freaking heads off who who wants that what's the point nobody i've had it done you really why so a long time this was like when i was like 21 uh i was was dating a girl who was going to school to be a chiropractor and she got hired to be like an associate chiropractor or whatever. And I would go in and just get treatments from like the doctor there because she would get it for like free. And she's like, oh, you can come and do this. So they have some different machines where you lay down and like they move like a line like your bones and stuff and get you sort of like loose.

And there's one that's like this traction machine that holds you up by your neck on like this wall and everything. And I I would use it. And I'm like, oh, this feels like good, but I don't feel like I'm getting a lot out of it. And I talked to the doctor and he's like, oh, I mean, here's this is what it's supposed to do. Like, are you fine if we do this? And he had it wasn't just a towel. It's like a, it's almost like what you would use if you were at Lake Havasu

and you were going to shoot water balloons to a different boat. And you put your head in it. It just isn't as stretchy. And then you lay there and you breathe out. And a couple of times, he's just kind of like shifting you back and forth. And then he pulls you and you feel like you go from five,

nine to six, two feel so tall. It's crazy. It's crazy. Pretty sure no one should do that. I think it is dangerous. Like, I think the science on that is not exact.

Was that the tallest you ever were, though? No, I felt taller. I definitely felt taller. Other chiropractic sessions that didn't involve my neck, I felt taller, yeah. I just feel like the older I get, the less I want anybody to touch me for any reason. Yeah. Yeah. You're not into the guy with the hammer the big like cartoonishly

sized hammer hitting you with the the metal peg and now i mean your back if i think about it too too much i'm still kind of bummed out about how many people touched my feet right there around the wedding and the honeymoon oh i had that like four different feet people touch my feet within like a week it was i just don Yeah. I just don't want. I think, I think, and please don't take this personally. I think everybody else is gross. No, yeah, that's a fair. I just don't want to.

Yeah. I just don't want to touch or be touched. I think. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. I don't. You want the hammer, Eric? I want every new age thing as much as I can.

I've laid there for, like, I've had a Reiki session done. I've aligned my chakras. I want all of it. I don't give people, oh, it's pseudoscience. I don't give a fuck. You need to start vacationing in Sedona, Arizona. Oh, dude, I want to do I want to do ayahuasca and see if it really is like wiping off bugs from a windshield. And then I'll grow my hair long and just be like a real different kind of guy.

I just I want to see what happens when we go too far in a direction like I want that. You should ask Emily about that. She did. She did the ayahuasca thing. See? But look, she's pretty normal, so like really. She married me, how normal could she be? I feel like I'm open to relaxing

bullshit. Like, I would definitely get like a crystal. I'd get covered in crystals on my forehead and stuff. Knowing full well that they're just putting rocks on me, but I feel like the ritual and the talking and all that would actually be relaxing. Yeah.

It's fun to buy into. Have you ever done a sound bath? No. With like the singing bowls and everything? That's cool. I do that too. It's all just very relaxing. It's all very relaxing.

We have an old friend, Gavin, who does them professionally. Yeah, I've seen some of the videos. Yeah, seems cool. Yeah cool yeah once again I would do it just for the relaxing factor knowing full well I'm just vibrating I love watching the hammer guy videos because like

what it's celebrity it's typically like athletes that have injuries and stuff that he's hitting in the back with the thing and it seems all very professional but to imagine that he has no idea what he's doing and that it's all bullshit makes those so fucking funny the idea of those guys this cartoon mallet and it's like I real tense

here and then hits him a few times and like moves to the next spot it's if you watch it within that context they are so fucking funny I love those videos for that reason there's a there's a sound bath photo that Eric posted with Gracie says it looks like gavin and gavin says it's his brother is it just me or does the area below his chin look like a

wiener kind of it looks like his neck is a dick i didn't see it and i see it now he's got like a dicky adam's apple yeah it's all i can see is like i can see like his little i can see his yeah he's got a neck urethra it's like a neck of a cloud where like I didn't see it but now it's all I see and I could probably be convinced it looks like something else if someone else has a take on it

it's pretty hard looking dick to me but uh you think it's only when he lays on his back that it's that noticeable or do you think it's just a bad angle? You think he just walks around being a Gary Dick neck, they call him. Maybe that is the effect of the sound bowl. Maybe that's not typical.

It's vibrating his inner penis out. Like it brings out a lot of dicky little necks. Everybody knows about the third dick. Is this why boys have Adam's apples? I never realized. Wait, the third dick? Like the third dick. Is this why boys have Adam's apples? I never realized. Wait, the third dick? Wait, what? Oh, like the third eye?

Oh. It's a dick. It was a joke. Just to clarify, how many penises do you have on you? Third dick. If you could have two penises, would you want two penises?

No. No, I don't think so. I don't think I would either. I was thinking about this the other day, actually. It would be... Gracie says yes with an exclamation point if I was to control the size I would well yeah that's a little different okay would you go bigger well no so like if I had like one big one and one small one and I could rotate them out what if you you know it's really kind of a no lose situation because if you if you could go for a for a comically large wiener with a second one,

or you could just make the second one way small, which makes your first one look way bigger anyway. Oh, wow. Where is the second dick in this scenario? On my back. See, that's a problem. I don't like that. I don't, like, if I need to pee,

I don't want to be like a fucking crazy daisy just splashing everywhere. You look like a yard. Some accuracy. See, I'm imagining mine, you know, like those old cameras where you would rotate the lens and it would change the lens to a different one. Yeah. I'm imagining that for penises. Oh, like an attachment. Yeah.

Like you're swapping thumbsticks. I would think it wouldn't be worth it because, well, it wouldn't be worth it for a myriad of reasons. But I think that, like, I mean, well, I'm not going to get into the sex stuff, the sex side of it. But just think about this. You have to pee twice. Think about how much you pee now. Double that. Yes.

So in the world in which you have two. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Hang on. Don't get away from this. Why would you have to pee twice? Both dicks work. Yeah. Both to pee twice? Both dicks work. Both dicks pee, both dicks pee.

They can't share a bladder? I don't understand. So you have two bladders? Yeah. It's the whole dick mechanism, so it probably goes into, you probably have a double bladder, yeah. How's that part of the dick mechanism?

Everything's connected if you follow the line back. That means you have two mouths okay fine you have an extra large bladder to accommodate the need for two dicks so you you still pee out of both of them i don't hang on i don't understand why the to accommodate the need for two dicks yeah it's got to go somewhere they got to connect to stuff so they're going to go to prostates i think jeff is overthinking it just for when it comes to the pee, it's like you put a splitter in and both dicks are gonna be used from the same source. Yeah, there you go. Exactly, yeah.

There you go. Yeah. Gracie said one functional, one pleasurable, and I don't like this. Gross. You can't pick, like you can't choose which one to pee out of. When you pee, they both pee. Why? Oh, that's risky. It's just the way it works.

No! So maybe the dick on my back can do like an upper decker. No. Yeah, I guess so. But I could empty them both at the same time. If the dick's stacked, I want a double barrel dick for pissing. That sounds great. I'm on board with that.

I agree. Like a real blunderbuss situation. Yeah. Exactly. I also really like the idea Gavin has presented of like you have multiple dicks but they pop on and pop off like it's a fucking golf bag like I try to decide what dick I need for the scenario like

yeah like you eye up the situation and decide because I feel like 90 95% of the time I'd be in small dick mode imagine like in a group shower being like this fucking guy showering with a wedge oh man that where did everyone go i was gonna say i i feel like we all just everyone stopped

and thought about it for a minute well i'm just thinking like i'm not gonna pick a dick i don't think i'm i think a dick is too obvious so I would probably pick something else but I was just trying to think of what I would pick like if you had to have an extra like you had to have one extra body part that worked and it was always attached to you like it's not no it's like you grew it's like having a third nipple

or like you have three ears okay okay tongue is good but it wouldn't be in my mouth where would it be it would probably be a cleaning tongue so i'd have no taste buds on it and it would just be next to my arsehole and provide the same function that animals like a cat licks you're gonna you're gonna lick your clean yeah no not the terrible not the taste there's no taste but it's just literally a cleaning tongue so where does the where does the stuff it licks go?

It just like spits it off. It sounds to me like you're just transferring all the waste from your butthole to your tongue and then you gotta wipe your tongue clean. I think if you're adding a second, you can't change the function of it. I think it has to function the same way. You just want to lick your own asshole. Yeah, you really do. I mean, if you had a tongue...

Okay, imagine you've just... I do have a tongue. Okay, imagine you've just finished up with the bog. You've cut it all out. And then someone just licked your asshole clean. You didn't taste it. No. Someone just licked it clean.

That's awful. No, this is terrible. But it's no one. It's no one. It's just terrible. What do you mean? No, there's no selling on this. That's awful. That's awful. No, but it's no one. It's no one. It's just terrible No, there's no selling on this. That would feel great No, I disagree Why wouldn't that feel good?

Somebody pull the cord. Eject! We gotta get out of this. Alright. I would have two hearts. Who's got other notes? No, I mean Gracie's right. Does this have to do with like why you thought the waxing would feel good? Yeah, it does feel very similar. Yeah. Definitely. You definitely... Oh, Lord. I don't think I would turn that down.

Clearly you won't. You're the one pitching it. You're the inventor. Why are you saying I wouldn't turn it down? You made it. What do you not like about it? Everything. About getting your poopy butthole licked? It's cleaning. The Wright brothers pitching the plane and going, I mean, I wouldn't turn this down. Yeah.

I'd jump off that hill. What are you talking about? You just hid. We're not asking your opinion on this. It's like the animal already does with his actual taste tongue, but better than that. I don't care what an animal does. Why does that tongue, but better than that. I don't care what an animal does. Why does that make me feel better about it?

I don't know. Why are you trying to convince us that we've won this? A bear fucking devours and eats other animals. I'm not going to start eating people because the bear doesn't. You do eat other animals. Well, that's true. Yeah, but I don't eat. I don't eat.

Oh, God damn it. I just don't eat bears. Okay, well, name another animal that eats young. Isn't that... What the fuck? Oh, what's... Oh, fucking... What are those guys that...

Beavers. Do they eat their young? They fucking eat and... Oh, it's brutal. Just read about it. I don't want to talk about it. It's brutal. It's brutal what they do.

Oh, and autists and stuff? Otters and beavers and shit. Yeah, they're cruel. I feel like they're... Can you eat the orcas, maybe? Yeah, they're adorable. They're motherf they're maybe. Yeah, they're adorable. They're motherfuckers. They're awful. Jeff and I hung out.

It had nothing to do with tongues. That's true. Were you using Jeff's non-tasting tongue or what was happening? No, it was that it wasn't in any way poopy. I feel like my hypothetical got... It was just a hypothetical. I don't want someone to lick my poopy. I feel like my hypothetical got... It was just a hypothetical. I don't want

someone to lick my poopy butt. I'm just saying if I had... You just said you did. You were like, it'd feel great. Come on. It'd feel awesome. But there's not someone is the point. It's no one. Okay. I mean, if we're... Imagine Meg walked in, Gavin, and you're spread-cheeked, and you have a okay imagine

meg walked in gavin and you're spread cheeked and you have a tongue in your ass that's licking yourself you think they're gonna be pumped about it you think they're gonna be like no that's fine i'll be honest i grossed myself out five seconds into this idea and i want nothing to do with it but you've

we've been arguing so much that i just have to get behind it now you could just say that was a bad idea you know what that was a bad idea and I want nothing to do with it, but we've been arguing so much that I just have to get behind it now. No, you don't. You could just say that was a bad idea. You know what? That was a bad idea. So Jeff and I were hanging out. Jeff and you were hanging out.

We did. Gavin, do you want to tell them why we were hanging out? This is your thing. Jeff very kindly agreed to help me film something because I was just demoing this camera. It's like quite a light. It's the one I brought to the waxing. It's quite a small slow-mo camera.

And I thought, oh, what would be a cool thing if I put it on the end of a stick and I tracked Jeff redoing his bike jump. So I just asked him, can you still do your bike jump? And we went out there. You don't have the same bike, so we went and got a BMX out of storage.

It was a whole thing actually wasn't it yeah look gavin picked the wrong day to ask for help because that on that same day my wife told me to get to move a dining room table into a storage facility and i was like who the fuck am i gonna ask to help i don't know dudes you know i was like all right i'll get it taken care of and then gavin asked me to help him with his bike or with the bike trick and i went yeah but i have a we have to get my bike out of storage. I have a BMX we have to get out of storage. And he was like, yeah, OK.

So then we got to my house. I was like, all we have to do first is just throw this giant heavy glass table into the car and then and then unload it. So we did. I tricked him into helping me move a table. And then we just helped you. I know. But it was more fun to trick you. OK, I I had this old BMX that I used to ride forever ago.

I don't think I had ridden it in over a decade. I was trying to figure it out. Like, Millie was like in fourth grade when I would ride it. It was so old that not only were there no air in the tires, but the little filler thing wasn't even poking through the hole. Like, the whole inner tube was hanging off. So we brought it home and we aired up we put it back together and we aired up the tires and uh and we threw it

in the back of uh emily's car and drove it down to the uh the old bike trick spot and i dude i i riding that bike and at like 35 was one thing. Riding a tiny BMX at 48. I felt like I was riding a clown bicycle, you know, like the tiny one. It's like a three inches off the ground. It's like it was so fucking hard to even pedal that thing. I felt like such a lumbering oaf on it, but it was so much fun. I put my backpack down. I started putting together the camera, like putting it on the end of the stick.

And then I was just going to ride my one wheel behind him with like a low angle. And as I was just screwing the camera to the stick, Jeff's like, I'm just going to, I'll just run the path. I'll test it out. And he just goes, he comes out of the tunnel, goes up the thing, goes past me.

And I'm still just looking at the bottom of this camera. And then I just hear an explosion. Oh no. i look over it's just a cloud of dust in the air and jeff's on the floor nowhere near the wasn't even filming yet and And then just walks over dripping blood all over the ground. There's a lot of blood for how little I got cut. You cut the shit out of both hands. Was it both?

Yeah, it was both hands. So immediately I was like, oh, we should go back then, right? Like you surely can't do it now. But you plowed through. Yeah, I was was like i'm already bleeding i don't why quit now i don't want to bleed for nothing i'm pretty sure i haven't looked at it closely i'm pretty sure in some of the footage when you land a bunch of blood

flies off in slow motion it's blood or sweat i can't tell what it is, but there's liquid coming out of you on impact. It was like 68 degrees. And the second I started riding that bike, it felt like it was 115. It could have been sweat, dude. It got so hot so fast. Yeah, so I thought I would just like trace the path like we used to do,

but it's a whole different animal on a BMX than it was on that big ass lumbering, self-propelled bicycle. And so I went a little too fast and a little too slow at the same time up the hill on the test and so i just completely wiped out and then slid my hands down the concrete which is where they got all cut up fucking i posted a picture of that and i was just like filming with gavin instagram it's the first uh picture i've ever had taken down from instagram i logged back in and they were like we've removed this image immediately or we'll restrict your account god damn all right uh but yeah we did it and then uh i don't know we did the trick like

four or five times by the time we were done i'm not lying i i thought i was gonna die i was so out of breath and so worn out i just like i i went home and laid down for like a half an hour after we did that trick. I can't believe you were still able to do it. I appreciate your dedication to that dumb video. Dude, I had so much fun doing it and and it was fun to be able to do it again. It's way easier on an e-bike than that little BMX. But I was also I was sitting there, right? And I'm like essentially 49 years old hanging out in a drainage ditch on a BMX waiting for somebody to yell go so I can jump a little ramp and I was thinking not a lot of 49 year olds doing this right now probably I felt pretty good about myself that's awesome

I'm excited to see the footage of this is it an upcoming slum of guys video or is it like a social thing where can I watch this be on my second channel at some point and then we can maybe put just a raw clip on the f*** face shorts or something. Cool. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When it comes to relationships, whether they're with family or personal,

they take a lot of work, and you go through so many cycles of them, at least in my experience of, uh, things can be great. Uh, things could be terrible. Even in events where things are terrible, it can be so many factors of why are they like that? Are there things that you're doing? Do you have unhealthy habits? Um, or, or just things that you're doing that are toxic or non-positive that you don't have an awareness of or maybe you don't understand how your actions are impacting somebody in a way that you possibly don't even intend

people are complicated feelings and relationships are extremely complicated i know in my life therapy has been something that has really helped me guide not just myself but those dynamics of those relationships where having the ability to talk about things and get a better understanding of maybe some of the things that have happened to me and how to process them and work through them in a more healthy way as well as just being mindful of my own actions and and making sure that um i'm not impacting people that i care about in a negative way, because that's I would never want to do that. But whatever the process is, just therapy in general is so helpful.

And it's something that I would strongly recommend anyone go through. I think it's just such a healthy process that allows you to take inventory of yourself and to talk to a professional that will illuminate areas of your life that you may not even realize you need to work on or that they're the source of. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge,

which is an awesome thing. Become your own soulmate, whether you're looking for one or not. Visit betterhelp.com slash face today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash face. Hello, I am here to talk about the most delicious apple on the planet, which is the Cosmic Crisp. In my opinion, and it should be yours as well, it's just phenomenal. It's so juicy. It's crunchy. It's everything you want in an apple. And I take my apples seriously.

I have a long history of apples. When I was growing up, my grandparents' backyard had an apple tree and that started my love of them. Picking them was always so much fun. The apple is near and dear to my heart. So when I first tried the Cosmic Crisp, my expectations were high.

I had a high bar and it flew over it. It's so good. And also just interacting with the people at Cosmic Crisp. They're all so lovely. It's been such an exciting and unbelievably fun process getting to interact with them and us establishing sort of a bond between our two brands. It's it's been crazy in the best way. I never thought we'd become great friends with an

Apple company, but but we are and we can't thank them enough for sponsoring our show. It's the best Apple. It's the regulation Apple. They also have other products as well. They make a cider. There's a Cosmic Chris cider, which I haven't had the pleasure of trying because I don't think it's available in my area, but that might not be true. So please look into that. They also just have fantastic merch on their store. They got hats. They got shirts.

They got all sorts of things. They're just awesome. We love Cosmic Crisp. They've been so wonderful to us. I just can't thank them enough for sponsoring us. And it's a perfect apple it doesn't brown it's it's slow to brown which is insane like there are times where i've literally taken a bite walked away for a few hours come back and it's looked the exact same which i've never experienced with any other apple i'm going on and on because i love them uh if you want recipe

ideas and to learn more about the apple itself or just the brand in general, go to Cosmic Crisp dot com. Cosmic Crisp dot com. Check them out. We love them. They're the best. Maybe like maybe every three or four or five years, I'll just redo the jump and then we'll see at what point I can just no longer handle it. Just the whole day was was still a calamity though like nothing ever goes normal when we're hanging out like i we were kind of in a rush to like pack everything back up like

jeff's bleeding all over the place you want to get back it's hot so i like half packed up i just started shoving shit in my backpack it was all sticking out but then i guess i started just dropping stuff all over jeff's car like you found you found a piece of my iPad in there And then I've also got your I've also got your I've also got Dan's Luggage tags for some reason oh Why do I have this I don't know do you have the picture that I sent you I don't my phone yeah, yeah I do I feel like it's dangerous for you to to get together regularly like there needs to be at least a week between It's why the weather used to try and prevent it Doesn't rain anymore luckily, but all right here. We go. This is this is the picture Gavin sent me

So I guess when I was pulling all my stuff out of Jeff's car a toothpaste fell out onto my driveway and then Jeff ran over it. I see. What? Oh, man. Come on. Just like a calamity. The whole thing. Is this a complete accident by you, Jeff? You had no idea? I had no fucking clue

until he showed up. How would I know? I don't know. I'm just saying like that feels like a thing that would give you so much joy in the moment. Oh, it absolutely did

when I found out about it slightly later. Now I need a new travel toothpaste. Oh, that sucks, bud. But it was fun. Eventful and fun. It was fun. I had so much fun hanging out. It was so fun to revisit.

Here's the... Oh, it took me a while to find it. Here's the photo of the blood. Oh, God. Okay. Oh, God. Okay. Oh, it's not that bad. That's way less than I was imagining for it being taken down by Instagram. It was dripping, though.

I was surprised that they took it down. It was just basically both hands in the same places. It was so much fun to just revisit an old idea again, and it was kind of like we were there. I don't know. I was doing it and remembering doing it the first time and it was kind of cool to be living in both of those times

in one moment briefly. It was cool. It was a lot of fun. And it's such a unique way of doing that. Like not many people revisit a bank jump that they've done in the past. Like it's such a strangely specific thing. Especially when that's not what you do. When it like yeah i think you have done

once and are now revisiting i had been so long since i'd been down there i couldn't remember where it was like i don't take that bike path anymore i go a completely different way and i have for like maybe the last two years so it was yeah what made you stop taking that path it's just more efficient to get to that i like that place like where we are on the trail but i have to go through a lot of streets to get to that trail and i just prefer not to ride on the road at all if possible that makes sense like i haven't worked out where i have i'm on like i have to take like two blocks on a road and then i can ride 30 miles of trails without having to worry about cars at all and so so, uh, I just go that way now because it's safer.

That's awesome. I'm glad you have an efficient path. You don't need to worry about, about jumps. Uh, the gentle ghost, I'm assuming hasn't attacked you on your new path. No,

I don't, I don't go gentle. I don't go to the gentle ghost way anymore. I like I've eliminated all potential hazards, great jumps and embankments that could freeze and gentle ghosts and the whole deal. The real goal, and up

until yesterday I was doing pretty good with it, the real goal is just not to bleed. Yeah, that's the dream. Failed pretty hard. Failed within like 30 seconds yesterday, but for the most part I do pretty well with it. I haven't wrecked my bike in a very long time. I got a life hack. Oh! That reminds me, I do pretty well with it. I haven't wrecked my bike in a very long time I got life hack. Oh

That reminds me. I have a life hack to you. Oh, go ahead mine is when you move into a new place time your tub I'm constantly running a bath walking away from it not knowing how long I have sometimes I forget I've started it I timed it I've got an eight minute tub So now I said a little 8 minute timer every time I run one. See, I can't relate to this at all, because I get in the bath first as a staff.

Oh yeah, you are the timer. I am the timer. I'm just aware. I can keep control. I like being on top of things. I'd love to know the time of your tub though. I'll time it next time. I'll let you know when we hit with me in it, it'll be quick capacity. Anyone else know their tub times?

I don't, but I'm going to go fill up my tub after this and record my tub time. That's great. You're eight minutes? Is it exactly eight or like eight something? It's slightly more than eight minutes, but the alarm at eight minutes gives me enough time to get to the tub and turn it off.

Gracie says I spend close to an hour in the tub. Rookie numbers. You gotta pump those up. But roughly four to fill. Four minute tub? It takes you four minutes to fill? Wow. That's a fast tub.

That's a goddamn fast tub. Jesus Christ. Four? Barely worth walking away from. Well, I don't walk away from it. Did the Army Corps of Engineers plumb your bathroom? Good Lord.

I don't know. I got a four-minute tub as opposed to a 60-second car or whatever. There is no way I have a eight-minute tub even. I bet my tub takes like... I bet my tub takes closer to 10 minutes. Damn. I could be wrong,

but I feel like it fills really quickly. Wait, you're just throwing out four as a guess? Why would I have taken the time to test it? I just don't know why you're chiming in with a number if you haven't tested it. It's so funny. I'm so happy. I've decided I have a three-minute tub.

Oh, Jeff, you got a lot of stuff. Mine's like 2.30, dude. You're fucked. God damn it if yours isn't close to if this isn't close to four minutes that was an insane thing so the timer stops once it hits the drain thing right yeah once it's no longer filling okay you know what would be a dangerous way to test this how far into this episode are we uh mid-episode tub test oh are you oh just here's what we do now

we set a eight minute timer and then we all go turn our tubs on and we can't check for eight minutes yes there's no way oh my god what if they overflow i mean what is the overflow that'd be a goddamn nightmare wouldn't it yeah I'm not doing that no alright let's overflow well it sounds like mine might overflow

it won't overflow twice alright should I start wait hang on we're not really doing this are we why wouldn't we

let's all fill our tubs why wouldn't we I don't want my tub to overflow it won't overflow there's a drain in the top of it yeah there's

I don't trust there's an overflow valve I don't trust that. It's an overflow valve. I don't trust it at all. You guys are very trusting. Let's go. Ready? Are you guys ready? Gavin, start the eight minutes and then we'll run.

We're running two of our tubs to start it once the timer starts. I can't take my headphones with me. How far from your tub are you? Seconds, right? Yeah. I mean I can't take my headphones with me so we'll just how far from your tub are you seconds right yeah alright Gavin you want to count us down okay

oh wait are y'all's drains already closed oh for god's sake do it as you do it alright 3 2 1 commence I don't think I've ever been on my own in the podcast 3, 2, 1, commence! I don't think I've ever been on my own in the podcast before. Hey everyone! Alright, mine's going.

You were fast. My apartment's only so big. I'm right next to my tub. Oh, that's a good point. Where are you recording from my bedroom okay so did you

did you go on full full power with the taps uh yeah of course yeah I just assumed that that would be yeah I didn't

I didn't have time to waste I just yeah so uh I don't know about this eight minute thing do you think you're gonna be done within eight

looks like it's filling pretty fast I don't know about this eight minute thing. Do you think you're going to be done within eight? It looks like it's filling pretty fast. I don't know. I wasn't anticipating being on the wrong side of the eight minutes. Is it better to run them all for eight minutes or just have, or just find out the actual times of each time? Well, we've already started it now. I think just finding out the actual times, but. Well, now you're just going to have people leaving the podcast.

You wanted it this way. All right, we'll do it. We'll do eight minutes. We'll just see how everyone's doing. Hey, I just got back. Did we not set a timer? Yeah, I set it. Yeah, we did.

How far into it are we? Yeah, how long? It's been about a minute. Nick sounds desperate. Is your kid, like, getting scared, Nick, that it's, like, bath time or something? He's very confused right now. No, but my dog started bothering him, so I had to physically pick him up and pull him into this room. The dog, not the boy. The dog was a kid!

Who did you have to pick up? The dog. We don't want anybody in your family to drown today in this bit. If anyone listening at home wants to also do the 8 minute tub challenge, feel free to turn it on. Oh my god. How many, has it been eight minutes yet? I think it's been about one. What do you mean you think? You got it by the time? Your bathroom's flooded yet?

Well I wrote down the tim- hold on. Hang on! Wait, you didn't set a timer? Yeah. Wait, why? Yeah you did or yeah you didn't. It's been two minutes. He wrote down the time, he didn't set up a proper timer. He doesn't have his phone. He up a proper timer he doesn't have his

phone he did say earlier that he didn't have his phone on i'm using my watch he's keeping track i have a little thing to fill for six minutes if we want and then we can go back to it gavin and i i don't know what let's play it was but we had an extended debate about whether mr magoo was blind or not because we both had an awareness of who mr Magoo is but we knew nothing about him Gavin was convinced mr. Magoo was blind I was convinced that he was just a fumbling idiot and that he is just clumsy and we went back and forth We couldn't verify it so we we looked I did some some brief googling just to see if I could find anything. Even the poster for the movie doesn't help.

This is the poster for the film. That's also ignore some of those. Oh, wait. Well, that's not the poster. That's something else. We'll talk about that later. You have the sloppiest clipboard etiquette. Hey, no.

You know what? Time out from the Mr. Biggie conversation. Can you delete it? Otherwise, I'm going to end up posting it to the fucking Instagram. Yeah, okay. I won't remember this in a week, I'm going to end up posting it to the fucking Instagram in the wrong order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll delete it for you. I won't remember this in a week. We're going to take a pause for a minute. Every time, because I'm doing the drive files,

Gavin's always, oh, you're getting it wrong. You're getting, oh, you don't know how to do it. Oh. I'm trying to protect you from pasting a dick pic into the Discord. All good today.

No acknowledgement. No like, hey, you figured it out. Good discord. All good today. No acknowledgement. No like, hey, you figured it out. Good job. Good links today. I make one mistake and he's all about it. If you've done it enough times for me to cool out every time, that's more than one. You want him to say good links today? Well, if he's gonna, I'm just

saying, if he's gonna call me out for it negatively, it'd be nice to get a little, hey, good job, every now and then. To balance it out. Whenever I paste something to someone in a text or something, I never get congratulations. Yeah, but how often are you criticizing them for the links? I'm saying in the event

in which you're attacking me for my posting, I want some credit as well. I'm just trying to warn you against blindly pasting stuff into a public chat. Blindly? Like Mr. Mag magoo yeah so we were arguing that's exactly what i was going to do too eric about whether he's blind or not gavin and i over the weekend got together and watched the movie and the premise was we were going to watch it until we can make a determination on whether or not mr magoo is blind or not and we'd like to throw that that onto the end of this episode.

It ended up... Awesome! We've been sitting on it to throw it in there. Enjoy post-credits. It's a little over 20 minutes. It's going to look like a long episode. Can I ask a question? When you say you watched the movie, are you talking about

the Leslie Nielsen Mr. Magoo movie? Or the original Mr. Magoo movie? The Leslie Nielsen movie that I put the poster in in for so you think we should put it in this file as opposed to just as a supplemental i think so i think it's a night i mean we could do this this podcast so weird and you do you have an awareness that mr magoo is an older character than that movie yes absolutely okay good just we both viewed the old man and in my head he had like a monocle and was like baby baby was what mr. Magoo was and Gavin viewed him as a blind guy so we

watched the film to verify and we get an answer very quickly and then it just turns into watching mr. Magoo for 20 seconds it could it couldn't actually be a more definitive answer as far as it goes you see from the POV of Mr. Magoo what he sees

in the first 20 seconds of the movie. So we cleared it up real quick. We did. So enjoy and you'll learn about Mr. Magoo,

which is just a weird thing all around. I can't actually read the timer at the moment. I was going to say that's exactly what I meant. What do you mean? Well, the timer

is under the stroke. The timer is on the right side and is under the hour hand because it's almost three o'clock. So it's kind of, I'll be able to see it again in like a minute. It's a quarter till, it's not almost three o'clock. The hour hand is at the three, almost. Can't you just ask your watch what the time is at?

It's just a bog-standard dumb watch. This is okay. Okay. I can see it. I can see it We're at six minutes 20 seconds. Okay, okay Now Jeff did you view mr. Magoo as a blind guy or just an old guy who can't see very far in front of him? He's just an old guy who can't see very far in front of him okay just making sure thank you yeah i'd expect jeff to know that's my memory but i'm also not a big mr magoo fan and i i also wasn't aware that leslie nielsen did a mr magoo movie that has a i wasn't either bulldog in it it's a disney movie yeah it was a big movie and it has jennifer garner's fourth film. Is it pretty good? I don't think I would describe it as good from what we watched.

Has it been eight minutes? It has to have been. No. How far are we? You just said you didn't know. We're at seven minutes. Okay, so just one minute. We'd actually know how many seconds,

but he doesn't have a proper timer. No, I can see the seconds. I couldn't see the minute. It'd actually know how many seconds, but he doesn't have a proper timer. No, I can see the seconds. I couldn't see the minute. It was under the hour. How many seconds do we have left? This is the worst one. We have about 40 seconds left. Oh, God.

Oh, man. Does anyone hear splashing? Are we worried about any overflows? No, I have headphones on. I can't hear anything. Somebody could be robbing my house right now and I wouldn't know. So everyone's going to go and turn off their boss and then report back about the fill level

does anybody have a 20 second bit we can go through real fast no no no I don't I got plenty of notes I don't have a 20 second bit was Mr. Magoo related to Rocky and Bowinkle in any way I don't think so no but they feel similar

alright you ready five yeah four three two one eight minutes is that eight yeah yeah yeah nailed it are you not checking your bath who be oh yes you know because it's a minute i already I didn't even run it. Was I supposed to participate? No, it's fine. You're right. That makes sense. I just had some paranoia.

I had bath paranoia that you're trying to trick us in some way. Mine's off. Nice. How is the fill? Good fill level? We'll wait for everyone to get back. Oh, okay. Okay.

Some people have got some distance to travel. Yeah. Did that Jeff sound like he's dying? No, it's me. No, it's Nick. Nick's running an obstacle course. Yeah, it's on the other side of the house.

That's what you get for living in a mansion, Nick. No, it's one story. Everything laid out far. All right, how'd everybody do? Who should we start with? Andrew? Yeah. Andrew, go with you.

It's filled. So you went into the other one? You didn't... Was it overfilled? My bath doesn't overflow. The drain drains at a faster rate than it fills. So you went into the overflow? You didn't... It wasn't... Was it overfilling? My bath doesn't overflow. Like, it'll... The drain drains at a faster rate than it fills. So it was never a concern for me as far as...

It drains faster than it fills. Yeah. For the overflow, yeah. What, isn't that the idea of it? Yeah. Well, I'm just... But there are certain... If you...

Let's say, like, the water pressure is at max in the middle. So if I put it in the middle temperature It would go in faster Then it could drain and it would over oh really Yes, that's that's not right. That's absolutely how it works for mine So if I go full all the way like it fully twisting it means it's the hottest It will be it will never overflow because it doesn't go at a fast enough speed. Wow.

So I was fine. We didn't specify what temperature we were going at. I just twisted it all the way. And the way mine is set up, that means it's hot. Yeah, I just went full bore. I went all the way. Oh, and that seems like an unfair advantage to have two knobs. That's a great point.

That's a great point. So everyone went full blast except andrew yeah yeah so no overflow eric how was yours oh like a little under three quarters because uh i have low i have low water pressure in my uh i posted mine you can see where my i didn't quite make it to the cutoff almost interesting oh so you might have my little guy my little guy looks like he's looking down like he's going oh oh no, it's coming. He is. Oh, that's exactly.

It's kind of like a Mr. Magoo. That's fine. He looks like he's from the movie Robots. He does. This is a great pull. It looks very excited to drain the water out of like its mouth. The way that the drain is of like. I'm going to suck it.

Put it in my mouth. Was yours full, Nick? No, it was three inches short of the drainage line. Tracy sent a picture of the robot from Robots. That's pretty spot on. That's great. I love that you remember specific robots from the film Robots. I loved that movie as a kid.

It even got the pose right. You got a smart tub, Jeff? I wish. Wow. I have a very slow filling tub, apparently. Andrew, what was your life hack? Oh, my life hack. You're gonna hate my life hack. You ready for this?

You ready for this? Great. It's another order hack. It's another fast food order hack. Those weren't life hacks. Did we just know? Hear me out. Hear me out. I'm just throwing. I'm pitching this.

You can you can thumbs up, thumbs down life hack or not. Just throwing it out there. They have right now Burger King is offering buy one, get one angry whopper for free. Buy one, get one free on an angry whopper for free buy one get one free on an angry whopper I'm not a spicy fan I'm bad with heat but baby when it comes to spice not a big fan of it but

life hack you order the angry whopper then request all the spicy stuff off of it now you just have a whopper now you're just getting a buy one get one whopper which is a totally different burger. That's the hack? That's the hack. That's the life hack.

Thanks for sponsoring. Yeah, it's a thumbs down. That's fine. I think the other hack is definitely better. Hack just won't throw it out there. I felt like I was hacking them. I was getting a buy one, get one on a deal that wasn't available. Have you tried it with the spice? No, because I'm just not a spice fan, generally.

Grazy said I don't want one Whopper, let alone a second. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, that's fine. You guys live in the US. I respect the monarchy as a community. Hey, man. It sounds like I'm the only one

that's kind of on board with this. It sounds like an inappropriate life hack to me. You're basically getting a buy one get one whopper when that's not available. Exactly. You can make a buy one get one for anything if you just customize from the starting point of an angry whopper. Yeah? What do you mean?

What? Oh. What? If you told me this life hack involved turning an angry whopper into a chicken sandwich or something, I think I'd be a little bit more on board with it, but I'm with Gracie. Can you sub for chicken? But I can't get angry whopper into a chicken sandwich or something, I think I'd be a little bit more on board with it, but I'm with Gracie. Can you sub for chicken? But I can't get the whopper. If I want to get two whoppers,

I have to pay for both. But under this system, I'm only paying for one. And it's the same thing. Actually, it's a bonus because this comes with crispy onions, which are not spicy. And I love some crispy onions. So you're just getting a whopper with crispy onions? Well, I could comes with crispy onions, which are not spicy. And I love some crispy onions. That's not a lot.

So you're just getting a Whopper with crispy onions. Well, I could remove the crispy onions if I wanted to, but now I'm getting an elevated Whopper for the price of one. I still agree with you. I'm on board with you, but this has given me an idea. It reminded me of this thing I know Eric remembers, where on the Howard Stern Show they would do prank calls. They would call a pizza restaurant, and they'd order like a pepperoni

pizza. And they'd be like, hold the pepperoni, hold the cheese. And it was like, do you just want bread? And they're like, no,

hold the bread. And then the guys would hang up on him and get pissed off at him. How much could we change, fundamentally change an item with substitutions and have it still be considered a viable as that item. Like, could you turn, could you turn a Whopper into a salad and still have it be a whopper or a fish fillet if he did this and then replaced the other one with like a chicken sandwich where like just got like crazy on the deal i would be i think this would be a great life hack so if i asked for

extra lettuce and removed everything else, I have a salad, is what you're saying, essentially, in the base for salad. It comes with bacon as well, so I could have bacon in my salad, but I would lack dressing, unless you consider mayo to be an appropriate salad dressing.

Yeah, I think if you can get that, but on the receipt it still says Whopper, then I think that's a win. I think they's a win. I think they have salad at Burger King, so you could also ask for, like, can I get some Thousand Island on the side or whatever, too? I'm gonna do some research into this.

I will come back with a modification. I'll look around at the options. Maybe we should all get in the lab and see who can modify the most. The most modified item. Maybe any fast food place is available. Yeah, anyone that you could get that works for you. And next episode, we'll circle back on this.

We could all go to Jeff's house and present our meals to everyone and have them guess what it is. This was two Whoppers. Guess what it was. Man, that's going to take some research. I got to figure this out. I got to get creative with this.

This is great. Next episode or whatever, we'll do this. I want to submit it and then we can do the guess. I love that idea as a game. Yeah. Can I propose, speaking of next episode, can I propose an idea for an upcoming episode? Of course.

Is it for 196? It's not for 196, which is something we should probably talk about because we're like two episodes away from that. But you know how we have tried ways to enhance our creativity and make the show better? Like most recently, we did the Icy Hot on the balls and the ears, right? To sharpen our senses. Well, I was thinking about that and I was thinking about Daredevil in specific. And that got me wondering,

since we always describe F*** Face as theater of the mind, right? Like we think the strength of the podcast is that we're all separate. Well, I'll be honest with you. I think the real strength of the podcast is we're all like 30 seconds away from a tub that we can fill up.

But we're all in separate places. So when we're describing things to each other, it's all theater of the mind, right? And I think it makes it easier for the audience to get on the vibe, right? What if we blindfolded ourselves for an entire episode? So it's like those restaurants you go in where they turn all the lights off

and you just eat in the dark, so you're fully immersed and you're fully experiencing your other senses. And if we were to do that enough, do you think we could develop like Daredevil style podcasting skills that make us like meta-humans

almost? No. But I'd like to do it. I'll definitely try. It's like a f*** face off during dark. It's something I have considered because it's the same experience as a listener has as far as if they're just plainly listening so I've I've wanted to try that to see like what that experience is like while making the show so I think this is a great opportunity for us all to do it I love the

idea Jeff I think it'll force a level of focus too like we won't be able to trade images back and forth or if we do we won't be able to see them but uh but like i know even when we're like when we're recording i'm looking for a like the picture of my bloody hand on my phone and i drop the conversation with you guys for a second i gotta try to figure out how to pick it back up or i get distracted by my notes or something and i get taken away from the podcast just for a second you know and then you always have to kind of like find your way back in and this would eliminate all of that. We would be just solely focused on what everybody else is talking about. And we would have no distractions.

Who do you think will fall asleep first? Me immediately. I was about to say. I got a fucking... My eye mask is so comfy. It's a weighted eye mask. I'm crashing 10 minutes in. You're like birds.

Gracie also said that she would fall asleep. What the fuck? You're like birds. Gracie also said that she would fall asleep. What the fuck? You're like birds. Oh, speaking of birds. Speaking of birds, we have the Falcon merch coming out. It's so cool. I'm very excited for the shoulder Falcon that we're gonna have.

All of it is awesome. We tried to get a falcon we had a line on a falcon we've been working on this angle for a while we're very excited about it we've learned a lot about falconry and governmental regulations regarding the commercial licensing and use of such falcons. For promotional purposes. So we wanted a falcon to do falcon tricks. And Gracie is still on this.

We might. There might still be falcon tricks. I'm very excited. The problem that we ran into is that we found out that there are certain falcons due to government regulations. Let me read this here. Unfortunately, federal law is specific on which species can and can't be used commercially

like a fucking tractor. And I don't have any birds right now that can be used for promotion. And then unfilmable falcon. He has unfilmable falcons. He has unfilmable falcons, but if you buy a shoulder falcon from us, film it as much as you want. We deem our falcons ultra filmable. We only sell filmable falcons.

Surely we just make a donation to his falcons, and that way we're not paying for the service of the falcons. Surely we just make a donation to his falcons. And that way, we're not paying for the service of the falcon. Yeah, but the falcon can't be used in the manufacturing of promotional materials. So the problem isn't the transaction. The problem is that the falcon appears

in the promotional content, which is you know, thanks, government, for really getting in there in the weeds and working on the important issues, making sure the people out there across our great nation aren't using falcons for ill-gotten promotional gain. I assume it's to protect the species. Maybe it's stressful for a falcon or for those types of falcons.

There's probably a very good reason for it. He's already got the falcon and he's already doing this with the falcon. What I think Gavin brought it up right after we talked about it a little bit earlier, that there are more protections on falcons being filmed than there are probably children. I did that.

And that's, I feel very true with all the YouTube channels that I've seen where people film their entire families who's got the least skeletons in their closet amongst us right now that's American sorry Gavin what the fuck are you about to ask I'm going somewhere who's got the least skeletons in their

closet it's clearly not me Nick Gracie okay Gracie all right Gracie okay Gracie alright Gracie or Nick uh definitely not Eric definitely not Eric

I've known him too long uh cut all of this out here's what we do what is this no no no here's what we do yeah I'm scared

no don't be scared here's what we do if we want to fix this it's a long play but we start now we uh we get

Nick or Gracie elected to some sort of local government. Oh, yeah, that's gonna be crazy. Then we eventually get them to state, maybe state congress, state senator, then national. Then when you're a U.S. senator or a U.S. congressperson,

you can push through legislation that makes it legal for us to film with Falcons. I just want to point out what you started there, who has the least skeletons in their closet, is 100% not necessary for what your plan ended up being. Well, you know,

it gets a lot of muckraking in politics, man. Yeah, I don't know if you've paid attention to politics at any time in the last 10 years, but not super concerned with anything you just laid out. Well, I mean, unfortunately, it depends on what, I guess it depends on who your political affiliation is, but I would just rather run a clean campaign here, guys,

if I'm being honest with you. I want to live above the fray. That's fair. Much like a falcon does. When they go low, we go high. Yeah. How about that? Okay, well.

I love that they made the little tag on the Falcon plush look like the sign, which is also being, I think, reordered as part of this. I think it's so cool. Yeah. It's awesome. The Falcon stuff. I think the Falcon stuff comes,

it's already out by the time this episode's out. Or it comes out, when does this episode come out? Because it's like mid, I think it's mid-February on the Falcon stuff. Yeah, like two weeks and the Falcon stuff comes out next week

at the time of this recording. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. So clip this and we'll just release this part for Falcon promotion. I feel like,

speaking of stuff that's out, I've never seen more positive comments on anything we've made than the topic Does It Do? Oh, it's so funny. So, yeah, Does It Do is coming out. Make sure you watch it on the

Face channel. Yeah. Yeah, I think we got a bunch ahead of us still. I can't even remember the products we used. Well, there was all those ones that we didn't want to do, but I mean, don't start that fight. Speaking of desks, super positive.

Everyone liked the desks. I thought that was great. Gracie was proved wrong. Big fan of that. Whatever. You better be careful. That's Senator Gracie to you. Oh, no. As soon as i change the texas penal code you're out positive reception imagine having two penals jesus christ um

at regulation lp on twitter uh we changed the achievement hunter, the old achievement hunter social to be a let's play social. Andrew led that, and everyone's so on board. Everyone's so on board with this. It's fantastic. I love it. I'm so happy.

Why do you sound sarcastic? It did sound sarcastic. Did it? It did sound sarcastic. Okay, hang on. How do I say it so it doesn't sound sarcastic? You can't. You can't.

What do you mean? Imagine you're reading your vows at your wedding. I'm so happy. Okay. Yeah. Go again. Okay. I'm thrilled with what's happening on our...

What am I supposed to say? No, it's good. Hey, Eric. No, no. You're getting closer. You definitely are improving. I think what's happening on our let's play twitter channel is so great and people are no i buy that i buy that i buy that that's

definitely i'm i'm in i'm on board for that i'm genuinely excited reading the comments where everyone's really really positive about it people are like way into this and it's because andrew went hey check this out uh we're just gonna post clips here we're not trying to be achievement hunter this is just the thing we're taking and and everyone went he said great so did let's play not have a social account oh i have no idea i don't think so beats me really beats me beats me and also i don't care it was uh it was gavin's job to make that social account oh he finds out 12 years later that he didn't do it oh oh uh well there you go i believe the first clip we're sharing is from jack

at the super bowl okay that's great oh yeah oh man this is a lot of fun so episode this was a good one episode 196 is coming up in two episodes. This is 194, right? Yeah. And we said it was going to be the greatest episode of all time. Mm-hmm. So we probably should ensure that. Oh, I'm ready.

I'm prepared. Okay. So you have something that you've prepared. I have stuff. Yeah, I assumed it would be like every other episode of the show that we've done where we all come up with stuff and then do it do it on the show so i'm prepared okay gavin do you have a 196 idea prepared no i don't either i think i'm the one that said that i would i would have it figured out too i haven't i haven't had a single idea once ever

it was a thing where i think you guys brought it up after recording last week, and I went, oh, fuck. And then, thankfully, something immediately came to mind. So I feel good about my 196 plans. All right. Well, you heard it here first. Andrew's taking the lead on 196.

He's providing all the entertainment. We're just going to hang back and watch and enjoy it with the audience. It was your idea, I think, right? 196 would be a big one. It sounds like I've bequeathed the idea to you. And it sounds like it's in your more than capable hands. Listen, you've done some amazing moments on the show

from getting the tattoo while we're recording. I'm sure you both will come up with stuff. That's a great point. I'm not going to be able to top the shit I've already done, so I probably shouldn't. Anything that I attempted would be lame and do a disservice've already done, so I probably shouldn't. Anything that I attempted would be lame and do a disservice to the show, so I probably should just hang back.

Well, we do need to wrap this up because we are going a little bit long and we have an additional 20 minutes that's going on at the end of this. I forgot about that. So we should probably put a little pin on this one. All right, I guess everyone go take their bath. Gracie is draining her tub. Oh, you didn't want to take the bath? That was a waste of water. No, I guess everyone go take their bath. Gracie is draining her tub.

Oh, you didn't want to take the bath? That was a waste of water. No, I didn't. I got carried away by the conversation, so I never drained it. Yay! Oh, good. Sweet. Alright, well, I'll talk to you guys later, maybe from the bath. Happy tubbing.

Bathy tubby? We're just not doing an outro wait what oh wait oh uh splash we'll see you guys next week uh thanks for listening facepod.com don't forget to watch everything we've ever made and listen to everything else that we've ever made. Bye. Bye. I got a chair. Hey guys, Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of Face. Once again, the team was late recording. So here are some predictions. Where was the money? Gavin gets a bird. Hinton goes hardcore with let's Play. Jeff meets another ghost. Eric yells at something. Nick is not in the mask.

Gracie can't say no. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. Hello, and welcome to a weird... I think this is going to get thrown onto the back of the episode. I think we'll bring it up in the next one we record, then we can throw this in as a bonus post-credit thing. We're going to solve something.

We have been speculating, the two of us. Gavin and I both know the existence of Mr. Magoo, but there is a clear difference in our belief of like who he is as a character i think he can see and is just a klutz gavin you think he's blind well yeah i just feel like i've heard mr magoo thrown out in conversation for people who can't like if you miss something or if you like as if you're blind but i don't i've never looked into the character in my head he's a small little bald guy uh with a tube like uh not a toupee what's the a monocle and he goes

and he's just a klutz but i don't know i don't think i've seen him in anything i've just seen his image and i think i don't even know if he makes those noises this is something that i've just kind of manufactured i don't even think i've seen his image i think i've just seen his image and I think I don't even know if he makes those noises this is something that I've just kind of manufactured I don't even think I've seen his image I think I've just heard it and I've just had context clues for blindness but I feel like blindness could also be klutziness I feel like

you could be misinterpreting I don't know but we're gonna find out because there is a Mr. Magoo movie starring Leslie Nielsen 1997 we are going to hit play at the same time uh and then we're going to just go until we can make a determination and see who's right if mr goes blind because i even looked at the poster and it's him taking a step off a building but it it once again i can't read if he's just a klutz and it's like he's posing so he doesn't notice that the edge is there or if he's blind.

And that's why. So I'm going to hit play. This is going to be. Three, two, one. Hit play. Oh, no. This program includes negative depictions and our mystery. These stereotypes are wrong.

Then are wrong. Now, rather than remove this content, we want to acknowledge this harmful impact learn from okay well they didn't give me enough time to read it all i still don't know if that means he's blind or not or because it's 97 they're just culturally sensitive everything i think that tells us he's blind and they did a piss poor job i don't know because leslie Nielsen has played characters of different ethnicities like I don't I could be like a Face thing okay, all right. Well. I'm on second zero should we let's say we do play You're on second zero. Okay. Let me let me go back. Let me go back to second zero Okay, ready, and I'm gonna do another three two one play and I'm play

three two one play We i'm play three two one playing we got the castle disney castle i love this is my favorite castle i think it's because it was from my childhood i love that logo you don't like all the fancy cg one with the fireworks it's really pretty but it just it doesn't hit the same oh we got a blimp that's right I wonder how many minutes into this film are we gonna see something uh offensive or insensitive two minutes I bet you it takes less time for that than it for for us to learn if he's blind or not whoa we got eyes wait that's the guy you pictured. Is this movie animated? It's not animated, right? Because we've seen so many. No.

I think the show is maybe animated. So this is like the original animated show, I guess. Oh, yes. You can see. He just has shit eyes. He must be legally blind. I can't believe that we... How far into this are we?

Oh he opened his eyes We're like a minute in And not only did we get a clear answer It was POV from what he sees It couldn't have been more definitive So is this like the original Voice actor for Magoo? I think it's Leslie Nielsen

Oh okay Jennifer Garner's in this. Malcolm McDowell. There's like real actors in this. I wonder how much this movie cost. Do you think they went all out for Mr. Magoo? Like they thought this would be a huge hit because it is Disney. Oh, it's based on Mr. Magoo.

I appreciate the clarification. Remember when they put credits at the beginning? So he owns his own canon company? Yeah, that's a thing of the past, isn't it? Oh, that was like CG. Okay. See, I can understand why you think he was blind. Mr. Magoo is kind

of me where he needs glasses but just refuses to wear them. Do you need glasses oh yeah i have i can't see anything are you serious oh i'm so blind on at a distance why don't you get glasses i can't find a pair that fit my nose right my unbreakable nose evades even the the clasp of glasses uniform can help. I need the goggles. I've talked about it before.

I'd love if goggles were a thing that people accepted in fashion. Are we already entered an offensive thing? Oh, here we go. Wow, what a blend. I think they did get the old voice. The voice has changed. What do you think the plot of this movie could possibly be uh a heist you think it's a heist could be a heist

for that oh are we gonna get mr magoo in payday 3 it's a dlc character i'm a goo mask oh what's his name whatever happened to that haircut? There is a great thing about watching 90s movies. It's the hair that just is no longer with us. There should be like an in memoriam for hair. Like at the Oscars. The looks that no longer continued. She had like a spare bike tire for a hat. Oh, is he in the clothes?

like a spare bike tire for a hat oh is he in the in the closet i love that there is a time in which the world decided leslie nielsen should be a star oh it's garner oh no oh geez i'm concerned oh. What is going on? I feel like she's... I don't... Is she supposed to be a different culture? I'm assuming. It seems like what she's going for. It feels like they know it's a bad idea.

I wonder how far into her career is this? This is pre-Alias, right? Let me look it up. Alias was 2001, so this is four years before that. I don't think they did the balding right for the Leslie Nielsen. I think he has too much hair. I think what's weird about it is there's no fade to it. It's just a harsh end.

Oh, no. So he's just a rich dude because he has a cannery? Jesus. Jesus Christ. Who is this movie for? I don't know. What's the audience of this movie for i don't know is it a kid's movie i think it's supposed to be but like what kid is excited about mr mcgoo the problem is there's no evolution of jokes it's just the same thing over and over again.

Oh, you're right! Holy shit, Gavin! Dude! Heist! That looks like Jeff when he put the ball club on. When his nose came through the eye. Yeah. Oh, that's what he should have done. That was a pretty dramatic camera move for nothing happening.

This is like Jennifer Garner's third film. Wow. Oh, shit, we're back in payday. It's so fitting that we're watching this. Why? They got a real superhero thing going on. Good Lord. That's a hell of a stunt.

It's like Lady Gaga at the Super Bowl. That also can't be the most effective way to do this. That's such a stupid plan. This is the swing and then spray paint it. I think it would be really fun to be a security guard who worked at a place where this happened. Having to be like, I don't know, where the dinosaur, they stole the dinosaur, I don't know. I was just doing my rounds.

I like that people always go for the spraying or the covering of cameras when, just shine a laser at it. Just wreck the sensor. Does that work? Yeah. I always like the low-budget Mission Impossible 3 where they take a photo of what the camera should be seeing and then just put that in front of the camera. Yeah.

So they're going for that diamond? Yeah. Is it a diamond? I think so. Is it a big ruby? Oh, yeah, ruby, diamond. It's all... Those words are all interchangeable to me.

I guess... Look at that smoke. Holy shit! Oh! He went from payday to Ark. Oh, we're speeding up the footage. To the Flintstones. Ha ha!

Ha! Oh, no. Our exhibit broke, so let's have the quietest noisemaker go off. Did he just come? The subtitles indicated so. Are they... Is the whole plot of this that they think Mr. Magoose stole the thing? Like he gets framed for this?

I'm not even framed, just... Oh. Even when it's not funny, Leslie Nielsen is just a delight. I just love watching Leslie... Oh, shit! We've got, like, proper boings and dongs sound effects. This is...

This must be for ages 5 to ten it has to be do you think anyone grew up loving this movie do you think there are regulation listeners or comment levers they're like i fuck with mr magoo this is my film this car's called the goo i bet there is i bet there is because i i like some real dog shit just because i liked it as a kid oh that's so funny. I like that detail that it's like a magnifying glass for a windshield. Magoo's eggplant that moves.

Oh, it's Magoo's dog. Oh, it's Artie. Oh, that'd be great. Piss is like a human You'd love a piss dog I'd love a piss that could like piss in the toilet Piss boy's piss dog Oh what's wrong with his head

Is it like a cap that makes his head There's just something that's not right About Leslie Nielsen's head in this You think to make a guy who's old as hell With white hair slightly bolder You'd think that to make a guy who's old as hell with white hair slightly balder, you'd think that'd be a simple task, but somehow they struggled with it. Oh, he's going fishing?

I think that's just how he looks, or maybe he is going... Oh, God. Oh. Angus is just going and saving his life. The dog just saves him. Yeah. Look at the nice finish on the goo. Dude, my vision is so bad both times when I was doing the written driving test I almost failed on the the

I part I was gonna say how is even have a license but then i realized i got one so it's not i'll get the music because he can't oh angus oh it's like a country's jewel you think jennifer gardner's the bad guy oh it's tobalowski oh you ever hear him talk about working with steven seagal no he i wish i remembered what the name of the movie was but he was in a movie with steven seagal and seagal had to kill him in like the first scene of the film he was like a serial killer and seagal went into a church and gunned him down and seagull decided that he didn't want to kill people anymore that it was like against his his faith to murder anyone even on film and so he had to go through this extensive process of convincing steven seagull

that his character was okay to kill because essentially he eventually got him by saying, do you believe in reincarnation? And he said, yes. And he's like, well, this guy is in absolute misery.

You're freeing him from this body and allowing him to move on. And so they filmed the scene. And then like a month later, he got a call from the director and the director was like, every single, every single scene after we film your scene, Steven Seagal keeps improvising a line about how your character isn't dead,

and that he's, I'm glad I didn't kill that guy. So they had to bring him back to record audio of him going, oh, I'm alive, essentially. Oh my God. That's terrible. What pain in the ass. I've never seen the film, but I just want to see it just for that. Okay, we're going...

We got toothpaste on the sunscreen. Do you think when you make a Magoo movie, you just, like, sit in a room and go, like, what could he misinterpret for what? And then you shape the script around that? You just look around your bedroom for the plot of the movie. Oh, I wonder if you'll slip on a sushi container. Was that guy in Pitch Black? Is that where I recognize that guy?

Is he in Riddick? I haven't seen that. Oh, really? You haven't seen Pitch Black? No. That's surprising. Is she going to toss him? She should.

I don't know why you would hire him in the first place. Like Detroit. Oh, yeah. There we we go they made the same joke SS Magoo? I think the best part of this movie is the names of his vehicles just everything is Magoo themed oh do you think he's gonna land in the SS Magoo? I decided what prop I want the best prop to have from a movie is that star jewel oh no holy shit

okay so the plot of this movie is is uh what a country's jewel is stolen and in an attempt to backstab each other they accidentally throw the jewel onto Mr. Magoo's head. Oh, is he going to catch it by the goolies? Holy shit! I'm Mr. Magoo, and this is Jackass. Welcome to cruise ship fishing. Is he going to pull him in and be like, I got a big one? Did he yell out a Moby Dick reference

there we go we should probably stop watching this soon we're like 30 minutes of recording for the back half of an episode let's go we got I got like 1736 so let's go to 20 let's go like two and a half more minutes okay oh man and we learned quickly instantly i thought it would be like we'd go back and forth and maybe

we'd have to argue about whether that indicates one way or the other i can't believe i was actually right that's a very rare thing what year did mr magoo come out like the original angus is getting the fuck out yeah original let's see mr magoo the cartoon came out in 1960 That sounds about right So this movie If you were born the year Mr. Magoo came out You'd be 37 Finally The thing you've been waiting for

Holy shit Oh my god Let's avoid getting look at the stuff in this movie. He's just stuck in the wheel. That's great. No! The camera. Oh, this movie's dog shit. It's so bad.

I've got to know how much it made based on its budget. Oh, let me look imdb mr magoo box office i'm seeing it made gross world 21 million dollars on a budget of 30 million i'm seeing that it made 28.9 on 30 I'm seeing that it made 28.9 on 30. Which means it probably broke even. No, with marketing? Oh, no, you're right. It lost money.

You don't think Mr. Magoo was flying off the shelf on home video? I just love all the effort gone into this movie on it would have been more cost effective to never have even had a single meeting about it. And that Disney believed in it.

That this is a Disney movie of all things. The idea that there could have been a Mr. Magoo Park. Love a bit of Malcolm McDowell. Oh, he's great and everything he's in. It feels weird. I'm assuming this isn't

like the naked gun people. It feels like it's trying to copy that in a kid's way. Yeah, it's not really... It's not got the same intelligence as a naked gun. Or the joke volume. Yeah. Like the fountain thing is... The JPM.

Yeah, the jokes per minute on those is ridiculous. There's so many that like it doesn't matter if three of them fail because you're gonna get six more by the time you process what just happened I was Mr. Ragu we got a definitive

answer which I was not expecting within probably the first minute thank you for joining us in this weird sort of watch along I didn't expect us to watch this much of this movie yeah we watched almost a third

of it yeah well it's less than 90 minutes long so it's not hard to watch a third of this movie croquet oh maybe I gotta look into that let's play thing again for that but anyway thanks so much for watching this weird thing bye