F**kface - The Garlic Feet Taste Test // Andrew's a _______ Guy [73]
Episode Date: October 20, 2021Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the legality of Michael Myers, what it will take to throw a ball at 80 mph, tasting garlic with things that aren't your tongue, and more. Want to contribute to bits...? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face ), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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So I'm just there, cock in hand,
calling the police because someone's looking at me.
Well, no, I don't.
Hello and welcome to another episode
of the F*** Face Podcast.
You want to start it there?
Sure.
Well, wait, Gavin say,
editor, can you please start it with,
the episode starts with Gavin saying,
so I'm just standing there with cock in hand
calling the police.
And that's the beginning of the episode.
Yeah, I guess
without context, that's interesting.
It's definitely an interesting sentence.
So Gavin, you were saying you had your cock in your hand,
you were on the phone with the cops, you were in your yard.
Continue.
And then the little
boy went to sleep. That was the end of the fairy tale why'd you have to
make it about kids yeah i was gonna make it fictional but it was the worst possible place
you made it way worse that might have been that might have been the worst pivot possible oh it
was by far the worst i think we may i think you may have pivoted us into a new start of the episode.
Can I just...
I'll pivot to just a description.
We're talking about if you're pissing in your yard,
and if somebody sees,
is that indecent exposure?
I don't think it is.
You're in the privacy of your own backyard.
Yeah, so I was saying that
surely if my knob is out
in view of other people's homes,
that's still indecent exposure.
And Andrew was saying that it would be only weird
if they kept looking.
So I thought, well, maybe they're in the wrong.
I just, I don't know the rules of that
because you're in your own space.
I think it's different.
Let's say if you built like a seven foot wooden platform,
stood on top of it,
and then was just doing whatever you want to do up there.
I think that's a different conversation.
But if you're just on ground level in your yard...
So you're saying it's an altitude thing.
I think so.
Well, if you are presenting yourself beyond the fence...
I think if you've elevated above the fence,
would be my rule of thumb,
then it's an issue.
Then you got a problem.
But as long as you're touching the ground,
I think you're all good.
All right, here we go.
The ground has nothing to do with it. Here we go. I don't think the ground has anything to do with it.
Here we go.
I looked it up.
So this is only for the state of Texas,
so it may be different in England and in Canada
or the other 49 states in America.
You may be charged with indecent exposure in Texas
if you expose your naked body to the public
while on your private property.
Okay.
I was wrong.
So public being potentially
just a public place outside but what if it's private property to play it says if you expose
oh to the well so you're saying you on your private property expose yourself to someone
on their private yeah yeah basically like i can understand if i'm in my front doorway
i think the public in this instance probably refers to anyone who isn't living on your property.
Okay.
I would guess that would be the legal definition.
That's what I would have guessed.
Yeah.
Oh my God, I closed that window and you know what was the previous window?
What?
Cosmic crisps.
I reached out to them yesterday.
Oh yeah? Yeah, I hope we get a reply. I reached out to them yesterday. Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
I hope we get a reply.
I reached out.
November 8th, baby.
Very exciting.
I have another-
New apple drops.
I have a question, kind of about US law.
I was curious about that.
Well, it's kind of a strangely specific question.
I'm watching the Halloween movies.
I think I've mentioned that before.
And I just watched Halloween Resurrection,
which is a movie all about Michael Myers
is in his house, and then
they go to the Michael Myers home,
and then he kills a bunch of people. Is it?
Does he do anything illegal
technically in that movie?
In certain states? Because they're all trespassing? Yeah, because
they're all trespassing. I was curious if
technically Michael Myers is completely
legal in all of his action.
I think it depends on what state he's in.
That's great.
I think Illinois, right? Illinois.
I'm not sure what the standard
ground laws are in Illinois, but yeah.
As I was watching, I think this is very
odd. I think that might be
because what comes after Halloween Resurrection?
They reboot it with the Rob
Zombie Halloween.
Right.
So that's probably why there was a reboot,
is he was innocent.
And they were like,
we can't prosecute this guy
for defending his home territory.
So it's a property,
so we'll have to reboot the series
and we'll bring in a heavy hitter
like Rob fucking Zombie.
Well, when you bring in somebody like Busta Rhymes
into your universe,
you have to start over if you
can't bring it back that's you need a palate cleanser I don't know but Busta Rhymes was the
best part of that movie by far he was pretty great he was pretty great have you seen Halloween
Resurrection Gavin no I've never I don't think I've ever seen anything apart from the first one
there's a scene where Busta Rhymes dresses up as Michael Myers and Michael Myers starts following
him as Michael Myers and then he turns around and he thinks thatmes dresses up as Michael Myers and Michael Myers starts following him as Michael Myers.
And then he turns around and he thinks that somebody else dressed as Michael Myers.
He's like, what are you doing here?
I'm the Michael Myers of this show.
What are you doing?
Get out of here.
Skedaddle, Michael Myers.
Skedaddle.
Get out of here.
And Michael Myers just like turns around and walks away.
It's great.
Buster Rhymes is the only good thing about that movie.
It's fantastic.
Oh, so did we start the episode?
Yeah.
No, I feel like we're well in at this point.
Gavage is the worst thing you could possibly say.
73, I believe.
73.
I was talking to Andrew a little bit before we started, Gav,
before you showed up early, which was shocking.
Yeah.
By the way, let this be known.
Episode 73, I think, is the first episode
you've ever shown up early for.
I don't know if that's true.
I don't think that's true.
I think it's the second.
Second episode you've ever showed up early for.
Not sure how I feel about it, to be honest with you.
I feel like the six minutes leading up to the episode
is my safe space with Andrew to talk about you.
Yeah, I think I was about five or six minutes early.
I just wanted to get my tools ready.
No, I hear you.
We got a lot to talk about today.
First off, Gavin got a little peak last night.
Got an update on the baseball throw.
We need to deal with that.
Oh, shit.
There's a timeline that we need to lay out.
What do you mean a timeline?
I would just say, Andrew, don't get your hopes up.
Oh, I'm fucking...
He's jeffing this, isn't he?
No, no, Kevin, please.
You have to support me here.
No, there's a...
What have you done?
There are extenuating circumstances.
Oh, fuck you.
I would say he's jeffing it,
but it's out of his hands.
Okay.
Thank you.
I would like to talk about how, you know,
first off, I don't know if we covered it in an episode.
I don't think we did,
because I don't think it happened yet,
but the baseball knobs sold out in an hour and nine minutes,
which was phenomenal.
The hell's a baseball knob?
Baseball bat knob.
Sorry.
Because I'm getting ahead of myself.
The baseball bat knobs,
we sold a thousand of them in about an hour and nine
minutes. So thank you so much
for supporting such
a dumb idea. Put a lot
of love and effort into it.
They ruined
the comfort of my home for a good couple
most of the summer as I had to move them
around from room to room to get anywhere.
And I'm pretty sure it
put a strain on the relationship that I didn't realize at the
time between my girlfriend and I.
But things have been better since the bat knobs are gone.
I'll say that.
Anyway, so overwhelmed with the support and we wanted to come up with what to do next.
We talked about a thousand baseballs and I had I was actually talking about with Emily
at lunch the other day.
I think we landed on a great way to figure out how to sign and not sign some of the balls.
So let me, let me,
I've already talked about this with Gavin,
but let me present it to you, Andrew.
Okay, but before you do,
can I just put a last,
the last pile of dirt on the knobs,
the last comment about the knob
and the bad situation?
Yeah, I ordered one.
Haven't got mine yet.
My confusion, I've said multiple times,
I'm still kind of confused about part of it.
So we just just there's a
hundred you sought off a hundred knobs from full-size bats and the bat ends had the logo on
it and we sent out a hundred random bat ends right with the knobs like a hundred random people
got them is that correct okay continue your story well i'm just i'm just confirming that was the
thing a hundred random people got full bats, right?
I don't know if it was 100 random or the first 100 to order.
I'm not sure.
But I don't have anybody from the store here to ask.
Okay, whatever.
100 people got a bat.
I don't understand.
So when we started, we're like, why don't we sell full bats?
Wait, wait.
They got their own bat piece for their own knob?
I don't think so.
I don't.
Did they? I think so, yeah. I don't, I don't, did they?
I think so, yeah.
I don't know.
We'll have to, we'll have to.
We're still confused.
We're confused on a whole other level.
I just don't under, go ahead.
What are you going to say? We're going to have to feed the whole purpose about trying to find your bat end?
I don't know if that was even a part of it.
My confusion was that we were going to sell full bats and we were, it was like, oh, we
can't do that logistical nightmare not not the
it's just complicated but we've sold full bats that were just in two pieces and one piece is
only like two inches off the bottom so i don't understand that's why we sold mini bats it's
because full bats would have been yeah well yeah because uh it turns out a a full bat is uh two
inches too big so we had to cut them to make them fit the boxes. So, yeah. Okay.
Fair enough.
I just was confused.
Yeah, no.
Initially, when we looked into it,
it looked like it was going to be difficult to sell a full bat and ship it.
But as we perfected and went through the process,
painstakingly over months and months and months,
they were able to work out a solution to ship.
I'm happy they did.
Wait, so originally, we didn't sell a full bat
because we thought it was going to be too difficult.
So we sold a tiny bat.
Then we found out you could.
I'll be honest.
And then we still didn't.
I'll be honest.
I don't remember why we did or didn't.
I don't remember if ever wanting to sell a full bat.
No, we talked about it.
It was like, ah, they're like posters.
Can't do it.
I just remember wanting to do something full bag. No, we talked about it. It was like, ah, they're like posters. Can't do it. I just remember wanting to do something
after manually burning in the numbers
and all the bats.
I wanted to manipulate the next product in some way
and to continue that lineage,
which is where I'm going.
I love that you love the bat knob, Andrew.
I love that you bought one to show your support.
I love that you've registered your confusion.
It is officially on the books.
It's a regulation registration.
So that's there forever.
It's there.
It's entered in.
So we have that.
Thank you.
But I would like to move on
from the past,
the highly successful
thousand bat knob run past
to talk about a thousand baseballs.
We talked about taking
a thousand baseballs,
putting a f*** base logo on them.
And then we joked around about if I could hit it, like I could swing at a thousand baseballs. We talked about taking a thousand baseballs, putting a f*** face logo on them, and then we joked around about
if I could hit it,
like I could swing
at a thousand baseballs,
how many would I hit or not?
Maybe the ones that I hit,
we could sell
the ones that I don't hit.
We could sell
on a different tier
and the ones that I swing
and miss on.
If there are any,
if there are any that I miss,
those would be sold
at a different rate, right?
So then,
having a lunch, brainstorming, came up with this
idea. Credit goes to Emily for helping me come up with it.
What if I take the... I already
have all this equipment, right? I saved four
or five full-size baseball bats.
They're in my spare bedroom.
So I can take the full-size baseball bats.
Then I can take the wood-burning kit that I have
and I can autograph my name
deeply into the barrel over and
over again, kind of all over,
like maybe put like 20 autographs
all over the bat barrel, right?
Where you connect with the ball.
Then we get a big bucket of ink or paint, okay?
We stand it next to a home plate in a batter's box.
And then we put all,
we load a thousand baseballs into the pitching machine.
Then I dip the bat into the ink or paint, and then I swing in a ball.
And when I connect with the ball, my, the paint that has now gotten into the grooves
of the baseball bat, uh, of my signature connects with the ball and it stamps my signature on
the ball.
And that's how we autograph a thousand baseballs.
I love this idea.
I think it's a fantastic idea. i think it's the best idea ever i think it's a great idea but i i think that should be like a blind box situation where you they're all the same price but you don't know
whether you'll get a hit or not okay i'm fine with that too i'm fine with that too i don't i i don't
care how we portion it out i just want to i just want to do it. And I mean, I suspect it'll be interesting because out of
1,000 swings,
I may hit 900 balls.
So it may be rarer
not to get an autograph in this situation
than to get one. I was going the other
way. I was immediately thinking with Gavin's
idea, I think the concern is
we might be greatly overestimating how many
balls you could hit. There might only be like
85 balls with autographs on them.
So anyway, I'm excited about jumping into that
and hitting the thousand balls and all that,
but I want to get the ball throw out of the way first.
So I want to talk about a timeline.
And unfortunately, that's been pushed back just a teeny bit
because of some issues.
Okay.
Should we get straight into your issues?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, let me preface by saying I went to a party on Saturday.
Oh, no.
A daytime yard party, right?
Fred, it was lovely.
I hadn't been in a backyard garden party since before COVID.
It was amazing.
I had a lovely time.
I got to speak to some interesting people, catch up with some old friends.
None of it related to the day job, outside of work stuff.
It was really great.
However, in the process, I was talking to another friend of mine who was explaining that he, for like two years, had had what he thought was like a, a pulled muscle on his groin,
kind of like near his hip.
And,
uh,
it just would like never heal or heal for a couple of weeks.
And then he would repull it.
And then,
and eventually he just got so frustrated with it.
He mentioned it to a doctor when he was like getting a physical.
And the doctor was like,
Oh,
you probably have a groinal hernia.
And he was like,
yeah,
most people think of hernias as like,
you get that like bulge when your intestines are poking out or whatever.
But a groinal hernia, they don't poke out.
It's just like a muscle tear.
And so he he had a CT scan and he found out he had one and he he got it sewn up and now he's on the mend.
Right.
So as he was explaining that to me, I was realizing that what he's describing, I live with I've lived with for probably six years.
I have a thing that is,
I have a pulled muscle to the left,
kind of under my, I don't know,
where your leg creases, kind of, on my left leg,
that is like a pulled muscle that never quite heals
and comes and goes and feels wrong.
It feels different than a pulled muscle,
and it drives me nuts.
And I always just
think i'm a wimp right so that i was thinking before i throw this fucking baseball maybe i
should go to the doctor and make sure i don't have a hernia because i don't want to i don't
want to cause any additional damage because i'm about to go through some serious serious training
regimen i have tools i have supply i went to the fucking sports store. My trunk is full of shit so that I can
begin this process. So I just need to go to the doctor as of Saturday. I just needed to go to the
doctor. Just bounce this off him. He could say, no, idiot, it's there's no way you have a hernia.
Go home. You're fine. Throw your baseball. Or you could say, let's get a CT scan and see.
Oh, you do have a hernia. You probably rip your leg off if you do this baseball 80 miles an hour.
Let's patch that up for a couple.
You take a month off and then you're ready to go.
Right.
I'm desperate to complete this challenge
because I know I can do it.
I just have to set myself up for success.
Okay.
After that, that little bit of knowledge,
which in my head, I think,
all right, this is pushing the baseball down a little,
down the road a little bit,
but not too much.
Andrew will understand.
Then I was feeling great, Andrew.
I was feeling on top of the world.
Saturday night, I decided to play tennis.
So Emily and Millie and I, we played tennis from like 8 to 10 on Saturday night with the
lights on at the park.
It was fucking cool.
Felt awesome.
Sunday, got up, went on a 22-mile bike ride.
The weather was beautiful.
I could go at my own speed
because I wasn't dragging Gavin or Trevor behind me.
It was super easy.
It was just, it was perfect.
I came home.
I'm telling you, I was on top of the world.
I felt like I was 25 years old again, Andrew.
I was full of sun.
My body was lean and exercised.
I was full of that post-workout energy.
I looked at the backyard and I thought,
I'm going to cut this fucking grass today.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to be productive.
I had fun this morning.
I'm going to be productive this afternoon.
And I walked into the house.
I walked into the bedroom.
And I saw some laundry on the sofa in the bedroom.
And I said, oh, before I cut the grass,
why don't I put that folded laundry away
and be doubly productive?
Because I'm in such a good mood, I'm doing house chores.
Just, sorry, quick pause.
Is this related to the photo of laundry that we saw, or is this a separate?
That's the photo, yeah.
Okay.
Emily sent you guys a picture of laundry.
What do you think happened, Andrew?
I don't know at this point.
It's clearly
Jeff got injured somehow trying to fold
laundry it sounds like
I will say it's very funny because
you went on a list of like every sporting
event a human could do you're like I did this
I did that I did that I kept waiting for
the injury to happen if you're gonna tell me
that it happened on a folding laundry incident
I didn't fold this laundry Andrew
okay you're just grabbing
I wasn't the one to fold it. Okay, you're just grabbing.
I wasn't the one to fold it.
Yeah, it was,
I believe it was two pairs of pants,
girl pants,
so they're smaller.
It was my girlfriend's pants,
not mine.
And two or three of her t-shirts,
all folded up. And I just bent over to pick it up.
And the second I reached my destination,
my hands reached that little pile of laundry,
I realized I would never be able to stand again.
My back, in that moment, broke in half.
Oh, no.
I've never felt a pain like that, like the muscle pull.
Emily was on the phone with her parents having a Sunday call,
and I went, ah! Emily was on the phone with her parents having like a Sunday call.
And I went, ah!
And I just collapsed.
And I became instantly bedridden.
And I just got out of bed yesterday.
Yesterday was my Wednesday was my first day out of bed.
I, for the first day, I showed it to Gavin and Meg.
Because they came over for Survivor last night. I had to have a chair next to the bed
so that I could stand up
and then push the chair
like old people walkers. I could push
the chair just to the toilet so I could
pee and back. And that process, half
an hour. Half an hour to pee easily
and excruciatingly painful.
I have sneezed more this week
than in my entire life.
Each sneeze is like getting,
it's like Bane snapping Batman's back in half.
That's what it feels like to sneeze.
It has been brutal.
Brutal, I tell you.
I'm sitting in a special chair.
It's the only way I can sit up in my house.
So I'm looking up at my computer like a little,
like I'm a fucking toddler because it's so far above me.
I cannot tell you the hell that I have been in since Sunday afternoon. computer like a little like like i'm a fucking toddler because it's so far above me it i i
cannot tell you the hell that i have been in since sunday afternoon you do not need to explain the
hell you're forgetting you're talking to the man with the worst ankles possibly on the planet i
understand your pain yeah i get it i were over last night and uh we were we always try to because
survivor is always the day before we record face We always try and avoid anything that might be mentioned on F*** Face.
But I had that picture that he sent both of us.
And he was moving real slow.
He was sort of hobbling around between rooms.
And I was like, wait, are you injured?
And he was just like, I don't want to talk about it.
I held off for as long as I could. He't like the the speed of a 90 year old it was but also trying to play it off like he wasn't
that injured so bad and then and then he pulled the photo up and he and meg started trying to
guess it and so eventually it came out but yeah because i i immediately saw the laundry and i
thought well jeff is shit all those clothes
i didn't know an injury was even a factor i could just see him moving around i was like uh-oh
what have you done yeah an absolute how did jeff shit on this pile of clothing what did he do to
destroy it did he drop another like smoothie bomb and it went all over the clothes like what there's some stains how do you shit
his jeans and his shirt and his socks oh my god guys i'm i moved my toaster last week and i
cleaned up more smoothie wow it was behind the toaster somehow so i need to i need to just
double check i may have missed this Did you not have a shoulder issue?
Was that just what?
What was that?
What shoulder issue?
The whole you open this whole story about how you talk to a guy that had a thing wrong with his hip and it turned out to be an issue.
Oh, a hernia.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I got.
So I just this is where I am in the timeline.
I have to get back to where I can leave the house again, like mobile and move around and stuff.
And when I do that,
like when I'm capable
of leaving the house,
I will then go to the doctor,
get this hernia thing checked out.
Once I get the AOK
from the doctor,
then I'm going to throw
a fucking baseball.
Jack just asked me today,
he was like,
would you be willing
to do your first baseball throw
on Extra Life
as like a charity thing?
So I was going to talk that over with you guys
and see if you want to allow minor league fan Jack
to co-opt our silly thing for the greater good
or if we should tell him to go suck eggs.
But anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up.
That's why I haven't thrown the ball yet.
It's because I just have to get through these minor setbacks
so that I can throw the ball healthy
so that then I can
have my three months to,
if I need it, to get to 80 miles an hour.
And then, then it's fucking,
then I'm teeing off on the baseballs.
Boom! Signature. Boom!
Signature. Boom! Signature.
Should we have a wall behind you
for all of the strikes?
With also some different colored ink?
So like a canvas?
Yeah, it just says like
loser stamped onto it.
So the ball hit that.
I have complete sympathy
for your situation, Jeff.
I hope your back gets better soon.
I hope it's not a long term injury.
I will say, though,
and I just want to
throw this out there.
I feel like you coin
storied us again.
I really feel like that you just did another version
of the coin store at the sock, the sock thing.
I think you just did that twice.
Well, I feel like the buildup was necessary
because he did all this other stuff in the day
that wasn't, you know,
that was way more intensive than laundry picking.
We learned a thing about him
that had nothing ultimately to do
with the point of his story.
And it just, if anything, was like a fake tease.
No, no.
Everything I told you.
Everything I told you is germane to my ability to throw this ball.
If I have a hernia, I got to get that fixed before I can throw the ball.
But if I don't have a hernia, then we're fine.
That's unrelated to what's currently happening.
You can't.
Correct.
Correct.
Go through.
It's a cascading series of events.
Because it's something that we've got to deal with
between now and the ball.
Because now that I know about the possibility
of a groinal hernia, I have to investigate it.
It has to be dealt with before I can throw the ball.
So I don't want to throw, pardon the reference,
but I don't want to throw a curveball in the 11th hour
when you're not expecting it
and be like, oh, by the way,
I forgot to tell you
because I don't want to pile on
because I didn't think it was necessary
to the laundry story
that I also have a hernia
like three weeks from now or some shit.
I want to give you all the information
I have as I have it.
Okay, so this is,
you're saying there are no other possible issues.
This is it.
This is, you wanted it all at one time
the hurdles are your back and
you might have a hernia but the other
the other potential issue
but I'm dealing with it and I won't let it be a problem
because I have I have
seemed to have developed a pretty
since pretty severe case of
tennis elbow from my tennis
lessons but I bought a
my throne arm but I bought a compression sleeve,
so I'm not even going to worry
about it.
Okay.
There's no way you're throwing 80 regardless.
I got this.
We just got to get through these minor
health hiccups to make sure that I'm
in a fit as a fiddle,
and then I'm going gonna start throwing the heat
you're gonna be the first person to end up in a full body cast from throwing
I don't think you should try
I just I just have to do it in a way that's not gonna snap my back in half oh wow okay so do we have no idea when your back will
heal hopefully soon hope it's quick then uh i fucking hope so dude because i'm i'm out of town
next week to go ride roller coasters so i hope i can i hope i can do that also i can't record next
week but i assume everybody knew that okay anyway that. Anyway, that was my small update on where the ball is in progress.
Still in progress.
Never stopped being in progress.
I assumed in progress.
Going to be even longer with the injury.
I still, I don't think, I'm going to guess you throw 50,
and I don't think you get above 65.
And I assume that you're going to blame the ball.
That's my ultimate guess for all
this stuff you're gonna go through all the fucking
medical exams you're going through
it's like you're going to space the amount of training
you're going through this and then you're just gonna be like
the balls off and then just deny
we'll be delaying for the weather a few times
absolutely if you
two are gonna be at the same place for it we're never gonna
get it done you guys gotta do it independently
this motherfucker he continues to be just an albatross around the neck of a good time.
Let me tell you, fucking last night, we're watching Survivor.
Everything's fine.
Everything's going A-OK.
We're like, I don't know, four-fifths of the way through the show.
And Gavin goes, hey, no power went out.
Hulu seems to be working.
Nothing got in the way of us watching the episode.
And Meg looked at him and goes,
You fucking asshole.
You just jinxed us.
And he's like,
Ah, that's not blah, blah, blah, blah.
British, that's not real.
Whatever dumb shit he said.
Not two minutes later in Tribal Council,
fucking boom.
In the middle of Tribal Council,
fucking Hulu goes out.
Comes back, goes down again everyone was extremely mad at me and i feel like i was only 40 to blame god damn dude
why did you say that oh i can't i'm just i'm still sad i'm still disappointed about the the outcome
i don't know if spoilers or not or. I'm still disappointed about the outcome.
I don't know if spoilers or not or whatever.
I'm not going to say the person,
but I feel like it was a devastating loss to the season.
I think he's the person who is this best player.
I truly believe it.
I was so excited every week to hear a different take on Broccoli and how he fumbles it.
But he was my pick to win. I love how he's self-aware about that too
yeah that's great i really sucked at that yeah i didn't like how i said it i assumed that he would
like go over to the guy and be all private about it i didn't expect him to just fucking declare on
the mat i don't think that's a rule i don't think they have to do in that context because then he walked over and was like i'm
sure flub that like i don't think you need to i think they do have to say it in front of everyone
you well i don't okay it's such a favorite thing jeff's always like all right
even though he knows exactly what's going on oh yeah jeff brooks is great at playing that
shit straight he's like if you say so moving on anyway that's the survivor update of the week
yeah i will say the one thing that was great about watching it last night was
you know we all picked our characters and you know gavin picked brad and i picked tiffany
and last night was just an it was just watch We both could tell one of us was going home,
and it was just watching two people
just fucking...
just fall through Survivor.
My pick had a big sway in the decision.
We were all involved in some way.
You two felt like one of you were going home.
My pick was like,
I gotta make this choice.
Disappointed.
Yeah, that's true.
Disappointed in my pick.
Just hum and do some evil shit.
That's what you do
vote the other way oh uh if you want for the baseball portion of this non-baseball podcast
i will say uh yankees red sox wild card game the other night there was so much don zimmer coverage
it was awesome he showed up in a bunch of different vignettes they showed the pedro fight
they had all kinds of zimmer coverage if you're a zimmer if you're a fan of the vignettes. They showed the Pedro fight. They had all kinds of Zimmer coverage.
If you're a fan of the Zim,
it was a good time to tune in.
I'm so glad you mentioned that
because I was watching that
and they had a cut.
They were doing history of the series
between the teams
and they just showed an image
of Don Zimmer facing the grass
when he fell.
I was like,
that's the least flattering image
of all the images for that.
You choose that to be the representation of
just him face first on Impact.
And Pedro Martinez,
who threw him,
you know, the Pedro
in the Don Pedro project
that I'm working on.
He is one of the color commentators
for like the TBS,
like before the game coverage
with Ernie from inside the NBA on TNT.
And he's very funny and very colorful TNT, then he's very funny
and very, uh, colorful, I'll say.
He's a funny dude.
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Should we talk about garlic?
We're halfway through.
My front door just...
Let me go see if my garlic thing showed up.
I'll be right back.
What do you mean your garlic?
We should also cover the I'm not a blank guy list.
Yeah.
Well, I think we need to touch on garlic
and then we can do that.
Yeah, you want to do it that way, Ralph?
I think so because I've had my foot in garlic
for an hour now.
So...
I feel like we need to mention it.
It was supposed to...
You always just do stuff.
Well, no, no, no, no, no.
Let me...
Here.
The science said you had to do it an hour before,
that it didn't kick in until an hour into it.
So you're the only one partaking
in this experiment. So I put it in.
Mine has not been. Why didn't you tell me when I was
six minutes early
get the foot in now?
Well, I didn't know what getting ready meant.
I didn't know anyone else was doing
garlic. I'm getting garlic. I'm
making cheese and pickle sandwiches.
I'm getting all this shit ready. What do you mean?
What? What are you talking about?
We're halfway through.
You're too late anyway.
Are we garlicing?
Well, did you hear that, Geoff?
I've been garlicing.
No, what's up?
Apparently, dipshit, the experiment only works if you've had your foot in garlic for an hour.
So I was saying, why didn't he tell me that when I was six minutes early?
I could have dunked the foot straight in.
I've been sitting here next to a tray of garlic. I could have put my foot in it at any point in time.
Okay.
I think the second thing is you need to contain it as well. Like it's- it's you need to wrap it.
It's not just that your foot is in- I think it's a wrap-
Where was all this information?
No, no, no, no. I don't have to contain it. I- dude, I- I saw your garlic.
I have like minced liquid garlic. That's gonna be- that's gonna fucking- fucking that's it's gonna seep into my pores hold on which
Let me I'll show you a post I got I've been wearing a garlic shoe for this entire podcast so far
Oh, this sucks. I'm going out for a meal tonight
I'm gonna be just tasting garlic based on the freaking stuff that was on my foot an hour ago
This is my foot
I just got garlic shoe
my foot an hour ago.
This is my foot.
I just got garlic shit.
Andrew's foot is wrapped in... That is the most disgusting picture
I've ever seen.
I can one-up you, buddy.
Hold on a second.
That's just gonna be full of sweat.
There's no way that's...
He sweat-locked his foot
and there's garlic in the bag.
You're supposed to contain it
and it takes an hour.
So I thought we'd bring it up at the beginning and I'd say when the garlic kicked in.
We're 30 minutes in.
I'm starting to get some hints of garlic.
I just got garlic and a knife and I was just going to spread some on.
Well, your foot.
I got a foot full of garlic and I ordered a steak so I can see if I can flavor the steak in my mouth with the garlic.
Yeah, I made a cheese and Branston sandwich and I was going to knife some garlic
onto the bottom of my foot and see if I could taste it in the
sandwich. Wait! You thought that
you'd immediately taste garlic after
you just spread it on your... I don't know the rules!
What are you... What are you
spreading? What type of spread?
You got an aioli? What are you doing? What do you
mean? It's a little...
Oh, let me show you a picture. Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh my god! I got my foot in garlic and I got my steak right here
It looks like you're imprinting
your foot
What is the thing?
What is the dressing in that?
That olive oil? What is that?
It's just minced garlic
It's pure It's pure garlic That olive oil? What is that? No, it's just- it's just minced garlic. Oh!
It's just- it's pure- it's pure garlic, dude.
Are you just gonna post a fucking photo of a butter knife, Gavin? What are you gonna do? What was your setup? It makes no sense.
I was just-
Oh, well.
Let me post the picture. I was just gonna knife some of that one.
Does that not count?
I don't think that counts.
Here's my steak.
Also, it was supposed to just be an unseasoned steak. There's no way
that's not seasoned. What are you
doing? I ordered
an unseasoned steak and the steakhouse
canceled my order two minutes before the podcast
started, so I had to order something
from Outback Steakhouse. What is that?
You're telling me that steak isn't
seasoned? Look at that steak!
Alright, it's going on the foot.
Pepper all over the plate. What are
you doing?
It's not seasoned in garlic, it's seasoned in pepper.
There's some oil in this.
Oh, I got broccoli. Where on the foot
is the prime area? It's the heel, I believe. Oh my god, I put it. Where on the foot is the prime area?
It's the heel, I believe.
Oh, my God.
I put it everywhere except my heel.
What are you doing?
The heel.
You're not giving me any information.
Your instructions are, have it on your heel an hour ago.
Yeah, you're fucking salad.
You're making a salad out of this, dude.
What do you mean? I'm the only one who did it, right?
I didn't know the road you gonna do it fucking safeguarded the information and didn't let us have it
Well, I didn't know you're gonna use it first of all from the things I've said this is just incorrect
If anything you should be happy Jeff you're eating a fucking steak that looks delicious
You've won. Yeah, but I can't taste the garlic
It looks like I've stepped in cat vomit.
What are you doing, Gavin?
What?
Why would you do that?
Let's see your foot.
No, I don't want to see it.
No, it's too gross.
No.
I don't want to make foot content.
I'm out.
No.
It's on there.
It's on there.
Trust me.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
How much did you put on?
Should we not release these photos?
Is that too gross?
No, you can really...
If you want to make foot stuff, then go for it.
Just really narrow it in the specific category of foot on garlic.
Finally.
I just love that it says fart hard in that picture.
It's a great photo. Have you rolled your ankle? in that picture. It's a great photo!
Have you rolled your ankle? It looks swollen.
It's just the angle.
Oh, okay.
It always looks weird if I take them at the wrong angle.
Alright, so, so far, I can smell a lot of garlic.
Well, you just opened it. Of course you can. Like, I don't know.
I can't taste this garlic yet.
Yeah, I'm gonna take a bite of this sandwich.
I think it takes an hour.
I think it takes an hour to kick in.
Tasting garlic with feet.
Tastes like cheese and pickle.
So I'll just leave my foot in the thing.
Well, Andrew, you've had your foot in garlic for a full hour.
How does it taste?
I'm not getting a lot of taste yet.
I'm getting some through the nose.
Like, I feel like I can smell it
like deep, deep in the nose.
But it's not in the mouth yet. Do you think maybe
that's all it is? I mean, we'll
find out. We're gonna, I'm
in a position, if I'm gonna taste it,
I'm gonna taste, like, we will find out
definitively. I got some bread,
I was gonna have garlic toast. Or garlic
bread. There's no garlic on the bread.
Just foot garlic.
I will say the um the cheese and bread sandwich with gentle wafts of garlic. It's pretty nice.
Not sure I'm tasting it.
What's your food that you're eating? I'm eating bread. I was gonna do garlic bread. Yeah, garlic bread was the idea.
Are you a garlic bread guy? I'm a huge garlic bread guy.
Love garlic bread.
Get some cheese on there.
Melt it.
Fantastic.
It's a great food.
I think it might be the best bread.
I'd go as far as saying garlic bread is the best bread.
Oh, I don't know.
I'd have to think about that for a while, but it is very, very good.
I'm recently a two things guy.
I know we're going to do a whole segment about your things, but I just discovered I am a
I was talking about Gavin last night.
I want to get into this in a big way with face.
I'm a koozie guy now.
I'm falling hard for koozies.
And oh my God, are you guys aware of pastrami?
I was like an idea.
Phenomenal.
I am a fucking pastrami guy through and through.
I have discovered over the course of the last like three weeks.
I cannot get enough pastrami in me.
It is so good.
Okay.
I'd never eaten pastrami before.
How do you never?
Pastrami?
Yeah, it's not a big thing in the like in the South in America.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, that's my bad.
I should have said the hour.
That's on me.
It's slipping off.
I've got to have my foot face up.
What are you doing? You don't have a thing to put your foot into?
Well, I don't have a tray. I was just going to spread it on
hoping it'd be like butter.
It's more the consistency of
cat sick. So if I don't keep
my foot upright, it's just going to slough off
onto the carpet.
It's my fault about
the hour i don't know what you're doing with your game plan the fact you don't have a tray
that's a clear cookie sheet situation i'm i gotta my foot's nestled safely in a cookie sheet it's
fucking great so it says strong it says the try it for yourself cut a piece of fresh garlic in half then in a separate
room that doesn't smell like garlic take off your shoes and socks and place your feet into a plastic
bag with the piece of garlic after an hour you'll be able to both taste and smell the car neither
of you are doing any of it right you've missed on every level it's not contained it's not fresh garlic you don't have a time you do not have
the time to taste the garlic but i feel like you have to stick with what you're doing until you get
that hour to find out if there is any effect in a separate room that doesn't smell like garlic
how is that important does it mean you should stay in that well no no it's just you know garlic
gives a lot of odor.
So you don't want to be, you like want to establish this isn't from cutting up the garlic
in this space.
You're smelling that you're in a garlic-free zone outside of what's on your foot.
Oh, can I give you guys a little bit of good, oh, there's good veggies.
Can I give you guys a little bit of good, uh, good face news?
Yes.
Yeah.
The most recent episode of face to be in the report.
I don't know if it's this Wednesday's episode.
No, it'd be last week's episode.
So that was 70 or 71.
I think it was the,
probably the Spicy Icy episode.
Last week's episode was 70,
which was the mid-episode retraction
and retrain an anus.
Okay, that one.
That is the,
on track to be the highest viewed episode
or listened to episode of all time.
Wow, that's awesome.
Yeah, yeah, it's doing really well.
Thank you to everybody who's listening and sharing it.
For real, thank you so much to everybody who's listening.
And some of you appear to be listening twice
or even three times, like you two or three times more.
And if you told somebody about it,
super appreciate that too.
It's nice to know that people are listening. really appreciate i really appreciate the people who are actually
telling because it's a gamble it's a gamble saying hey listen to this podcast give up your time for
this shit i i feel like that's a special bond if you if you know someone you would share this
podcast with i think that's great for your friendship listen you need to hear me out
but they put a bunch of garlic on their feet.
But they did it wrong, and that's why it's funny.
They did it wrong.
Goddamn, dude.
The thing, I don't even know if I did it right, to be completely honest.
If we're just going to be sharing things here, I don't know if I did it right.
I don't think I cut into every piece.
I've got five pieces of garlic in the bag. I two and a half i guess three of them i think that's
a three cut i think it's enough i think if i'm gonna get it i'm gonna get it at that point all
i know is that i don't want to be anywhere near that when you open the bag it's gonna be that's
the problem rancid here's the thing i don't i'm scared to do it i don't know when i'm gonna take
this bag off it might just be here for a while.
Just shove that bag. Just take
your foot with that bag and shove it in the fire
extinguisher bag.
Make it like a Matryoshka doll
of dumb shit you've done on this podcast.
Take it out of that bag, dunk
it straight in the fire extinguisher dust
and it will dampen the smell.
Realistically, I don't know why I'd have to
take the bag off.
Like, what would be the thing that forces me to do it?
I think I could live my life with this footbag for a while if I wanted. You're a fool.
It would rot away.
I don't want to.
I don't want to.
I'm just saying I think I could.
You could.
And here, I'm going to go through something.
This reminds me of a piece of golden, amazing, brilliant early internet.
Do you guys remember the spark.com?
No.
I think it's like a Cliff Notes kind of thing.
And then I think it eventually turned into a dating site.
But before that, they did like, it was like an internet.
Well, they called them E-Insights, everything, nothing site.
But it was like a blog, like entertainment site back in the day.
And there was a guy on there named Christian who would would do all these experiments he did this one called the
date my sister project he did a bunch of different stuff but he did one called there was one called
the stinky meat project where somebody took a whole bunch of uh like barbecue and they put it
on a plate and then they hid it in their neighbor's backyard and then they just would sneak over once
a day and document it as it was deteriorating and seeing how long it would take his neighbors to let us smell.
So he did one that was like a response to that called the Stinky Feet Project, where
he went, I think he's from Boston.
He went into a public, like a YMCA shower, barefoot with one foot.
And he walked around the shower and bathroom barefoot.
And then he stuck his foot in a plastic bag for 30 days and didn't take it out.
It was called the Stinky Feet Project
to see what would happen to him,
and he documented it hilariously the whole way,
and he ended up with all manner of issues with his foot.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Was any of it permanent?
I don't know.
I don't know.
This was pre-Rooster Teeth.
This was early 2000s uh probably
2001 2002 but uh if you could probably find it online it was a very funny you know it was back
then it was all like pictures and and and words that was pre-video so very funny I feel like as
long as I hop on one leg I could commit crimes right now and I'd be good I wouldn't get caught
except you would leave a trail of garlic smell all the way back to the bed.
I'm like a Batman villain.
The garlic bandit, yeah.
Yep.
I think I smell garlic right now.
I think it's coming.
I think it's kicking in.
I can really...
I got some garlic in the air.
That's probably because there's garlic.
Have you achieved a full hour?
Yeah. No, I put this on 74 minutes ago.
So I feel like I'm getting, I feel like it's kicking in.
I feel like I'm getting some strong, strong garden,
garden, blah, garlic.
I can't even say it.
Strong garlic odors right now.
Yeah, but that's because there's actually garlic in your foot.
No, but it's in my nose, right?
Like, it's deep
listen you wouldn't understand you didn't do this experiment right but it is it's in my core have
you wrapped the bag enough to the point where you know no garlic is leaking out i taped the
fuck out of the top of that bag i did like oh yeah it's like loops with tape your leg oh it's
gonna be a problem when i take off this bag. That's not going to be fun.
Do you know, I think I know the next face uniform project we could make.
Garlic bags?
Garlic patches.
Garlic patches for your feet.
Yeah.
Almost like those icy hot patches you put on your back, but that imbue the power of
garlic into your foot so that you could be like, hey, my girlfriend doesn't like when I eat garlic
because it gives me a stinky mouth,
but I like to eat garlic with my dinner.
So like an hour before you go to your restaurant,
slap on a garlic patch on the heel of your foot,
put your sock and your shoe on like normal,
go eat your steak and your mashed potatoes,
and you'll be tasting garlic all goddamn day long.
But when you get a kisser at the end of the night,
you won't have garlic breath.
Would it be like a massive nicotine patch?
Like a big band-aid with a garlic lump in the middle?
It could be, yeah.
We'll call it Flavor Foot.
It's going to revolutionize the world.
Could it just be socks, Jeff?
Would it be a garlic sock product, maybe?
Not more socks.
It looks like a normal sock, but you slip it over.
Two left garlic socks. I was asking
I had a merch meeting yesterday
and I was asking the merch guys if we could
sell like a
face branded like Tiger Balm and
Icy Hot for all of my injuries.
What?
They said no. Yeah.
I feel like that's a tough one.
Yeah. Also all of your
relationship to Tiger Balm on their show has been shoving it in your asshole. I don't feel like that's a tough one. Yeah. Also, all of your relationship to Tiger Balm on this show has been shoving it in your asshole.
I don't feel like that's a thing you then want to sell.
Well, I wanted to get the patch for my back.
Okay.
Because I've been going through them.
That's fair.
Your fucking back.
You're going to ride roller coasters next week.
I'm definitely going to see them.
I don't know if I'll ride them.
You just made my week, Jeff.
All of next week, I'll be thinking about you and your shitty back walking around.
I'm not going to be.
I don't know how much walking I'll be doing either.
You're going to experience zero amusement at this amusement park.
It's going to be fantastic.
It's going to make me very happy.
Jack made a joke today that he would just push me around in a wheelchair so I can't get out of it.
And that actually seems
like a solution to me.
So I'm open to that
if I have to.
It's like the idea of some fan
seeing that and taking a picture.
Just be like,
look at where Achievement Hunter
has ended up.
Oh, this garlic.
I'm getting a lot of garlic.
I'm tasting it.
It's working.
The science is working.
You're tasting it just in your mouth?
I'm tasting it in my mouth right now.
This is fucking crazy.
I didn't expect this to work.
Are you still garlicking, Gavin? No, my leg was going numb, and I wasn't like this to work. Are you are you still garlic in Gavin?
No, I was my legs going numb, and I wasn't like an hour
Well for my sandwich is gone. I had a feeling you were gonna bitch out But for the record I am still garlicking so I gotta be going on 30 minutes at this point. I should be getting I
Mean you're missing key steps, but I'm tell I could I need to try I need to have some bread
Give me a minute. Let me get this bread.
Let me open this up.
See if this is some garlic bread.
Well, it should be toast, really, shouldn't it?
For the full effect?
Well, is it?
No, there's not.
You can have garlic bread without it being toasted.
What do you think is more iconic?
Garlic bread or garlic mashed potatoes?
Oh, garlic bread.
Yeah, I guess so.
By a lot.
Garlic mashed potatoes. Oh, garlic bread. Yeah, I guess so. By a lot. Garlic mashed potatoes are great.
That reminds me.
I feel like we need to get into this list
because there's some things.
Yeah, let's get into the list.
There's some things that we need to address with this.
So an amazing comment lever has compiled a list
of all of the I'm not or I am a blank guy moments from Andrew.
And it is an insane thing to read in a row. the I'm not or I am a blank guy moments from Andrew.
And it is an insane thing to read in a row.
Shall I just read down the list and then we can get into the like,
do you remember what they are?
Do you want to do that or do you want to go one by one? And then we like address.
Yeah, let's go one by one and I can address them as they appear.
Okay, it's definitely what I'm noticing is that it's definitely ramped up
as F***face has gone on.
Towards the beginning, there's like a seven episode
gap where you never said it. There's a nine
episode gap after that.
Alright. Episode
one, it just says, unsure
if he's a Dan Bilzerian guy.
Definitely not a Dan Bilzerian
guy. That has been
an update. Episode eight.
Not a pickle guyizzare guy. That has been an update. Episode 8. Not a pickle guy.
Still true.
Not a good medical person.
I don't know what that... I'm gonna assume it's like...
I don't know what that is.
I don't know what that is, but I think it's probably true.
I'd say that's still true.
Do you want to move on from that one?
I'm gonna guess that that's probably related to like going
to get checked out when my ankle's fucked up or something like that like i'm gonna assume it's
that episode 19 not an egg guy still not an egg guy still haven't tried it i feel like the classic
classic classic moment yeah not a big chocolate fan see that is i wanna i wanna clarify that
that's an important clarification i it's not that I dislike chocolate.
I would say I'm not a chocolate guy.
I think that's true.
I prefer salt.
But you okay, Jeff?
You getting some garlic?
Oh.
I feel like you may have moved his foot
and the wind is taking the garlic.
No, no.
I haven't moved my foot at all.
But I'm telling you, I'm sitting in garlic juice.
I think it's...
Dude, my nose all at once just started tickling in the back
and burning like I had wasabi or something.
And I definitely can smell garlic in a way I couldn't before.
A deep, a deep garlic smell.
Oh, it's uncomfortable.
Sorry, sorry, continue. I think my favorite thing about this list is that for episode one you were unsure if you were a dan blizzerian guy i didn't i don't
think he knew who he was i didn't really know who he was yeah i've learned since not a not a
dan blizzerian guy at all episode 21 not a frozen fruit guy this is i need to talk about this this
has been a big recent change in my life i am now put it on record i'm now a big frozen fruit guy
episode 21 not a frozen fruit guy episode 73 a frozen fruit guy yep no it's on the on the books
i would almost go as far as saying i recently have gotten into some frozen raspberries,
like store-bought frozen in a bag raspberries.
Game changer.
Might be my favorite way to eat raspberries at this point.
Throw them in some water, use them as ice cubes.
Just eat them out of the bag.
They're delicious.
You might as well blend them up on you in a smoothie.
Oh, I'm sure you could do that too.
I haven't gone that far yet.
I've just used them as like...
Just suck it on ice cubes of raspberries.
Yeah, they're great
try it it's fucking delicious highly recommend are you an ice eater because a lot of people just
like chew ice cubes but that's can't i hate that's another thing i i was also i hated ice i've become
an ice guy i'm not gonna chew on them i'm not a big chewing ice guy but i'm putting them in some drinks recently outcast was right
cooler there is something cooler than cool and it's ice cold and it's fucking
put some ice in that drink you're gonna have a great time i used to just think oh it's in
the fridge it's cool i'm good enough no you get some ice cubes in there it is delicious
big ice list faster than i can read it. All right.
Not a big syrup guy.
That's true.
In the same episode, not a pants guy.
I don't even own a pair of pants.
So yeah, still remains true.
Do not own.
Not, I hate pants.
Not a caffeine person.
Yeah, it's not a judgment.
I just don't drink coffee.
I'm not a big energy drink consumer.
I just don't have a lot of caffeine, but nothing against it you still are you still using your keurig to make uh other shit uh i haven't used it in a while uh to make anything but hot chocolate i'm still in some
hot chocolate rotation with it but i haven't used it for ramen recently gotcha no cooking recipes
episode 29 would love to be a hat guy i would absolutely love to be a hat guy it's just it's
my head's too big i can't do it in the same episode not a big party guy okay that's absolutely
the one where you sat in the chair yeah probably it was within the context of that i'd assume
episode 30 not a mayo guy not a soup guy not a heating guy
So we need to we need to tackle these one at a time I am still not a mayo guy, but holy shit am I an aioli guy
I fucking love an aioli give me a roasted garlic aioli
I know it's just mayo, but if you have a different word you fancy it up and call it an aioli
I'm all on board give me endless ai mayo, but if you have a different word, you fancy it up and call it an aioli, I'm all on board.
Give me endless aioli, but I hate mayo.
So you like flavored mayo is what you're saying.
I'm a fan of flavored mayo, and I'm okay with mayo as long as I know it's not there.
It needs to be a sneaky mayo.
So do you think one step up from the condiment challenge would be the aioli challenge?
I don't want us to touch condiments ever in the future.
I'm scared.
It'll be the end of this podcast. aioli challenge i i don't want us to touch condiments ever in the future you also can't do better than a garlic aioli so there's no point there's no evolution on it last night at survivor meg brought up the the condiment thing and i was just like no
still not a soup guy absolutely hate heating not a fan of it in any Still not a soup guy.
Absolutely hate heating.
Not a fan of it in any way.
Not a fan.
What does that mean, heating?
Like radiators or like central air?
Yeah, yeah.
Like if I want my place to be as cool as it possibly can be,
I don't like it when it's hot outside.
I much prefer cold over hot.
But what if you're too cold?
I'm never too cold.
It doesn't happen.
It's never an issue.
Okay.
Still not a soup guy.
Interesting.
Because there are some good soups out there.
There are some great soups.
I could see myself eventually becoming a soup guy,
but I just haven't experienced it.
What's your favorite soup, Gavin?
Yeah, I feel like mine was an acquired taste.
My favorite soup is probably my least favorite soup
when I was growing up.
Tomato and basil.
That's a good soup.
I feel like you have to be a grown-up to really enjoy it. is probably my least favorite soup when I was growing up. Tomato and basil. That's a good soup.
I feel like you have to be a grown-up to really enjoy it.
Yeah.
I remember as a kid just being like,
ugh, I didn't like the smell of it.
Episode 32.
Oh, this one.
I like the way he's made sure not to just blindly put them in.
He's clarified,
asked if he's not much of a bat guy by Jeff.
I feel like that one doesn't really count.
Yeah, I was going to say,
I would say at that time,
not a bat guy.
At this point,
I own like four bats.
So I think I'm definitively
a bat guy at this point.
I have to be.
Episode 33,
the return of not a pants guy.
The second mentioning.
I need it to be known.
That's how much I dislike pants.
It needs multiple
sayings i am not do not accuse me of being a pants guy it's not true uh there was then a seven
episode gap when you stated i'm not a socks guy still true not a socks guy don't like him it's
like a prison on your feet i don't like him i like my feet debris coming from the guy with a bag of
garlic straps this is my commitment to the show.
This isn't a thing I do.
Episode 41.
Not the sound guy.
I don't know what that means.
Maybe we were dealing with...
Oh, that was in the intro,
so we're probably dealing with your tech problems, I assume.
Oh, that makes sense.
You also said, not a social media guy.
Coming from the guy who's been on social media for over a decade, I think.
I don't know what that, what does that mean?
What do you mean?
You said you're not a social media guy.
Yeah, but what does the, the, for a decade thing, what does that mean?
Are you saying that I am?
Well, when did you get Twitter?
Well, it doesn't matter when I got it, I barely use it.
Um, I like, I look at tweets, I'm not posting a lot.
Almost everything I post is related to the show.
I think I've had a Twitter account for 13 years, and I have less than, I'd say, at tweets. I'm not posting a lot. Almost everything I post is related to the show. I think I've had a Twitter account for 13 years
and I have less than, I'd say, 700 tweets.
700? I'd say you're a social media guy.
No, I bet you 300 of those are show-related.
Okay, well, possibly.
Episode 44.
A mere four episodes after Not A Socks Guy,
Andrew declares he is not a socks guy
once again
twice in the same episode
even
Andrew feels so
Andrew feels so strongly about
restrictive clothing
I'm not a fan of it
three mentions of not a socks
once in 40 and twice in 44
episode 45 don't understand this one at all not a fine
ideas guy this is what i think it is i've thought about this and i agree with this statement so i'm
a big fan of either terrible ideas or great ideas i don't like a decent idea a middle idea isn't that
exciting it's fine that plan is a fine plan i either want it to be a horrible plan or a great plan.
I'm not a big fine ideas guy.
Fine?
You think that's all that means?
Is that right?
I think so.
I haven't checked, but I'm assuming that's the context.
Episode 46.
Not a hand towel guy.
I never use them.
Don't need them.
Unneeded
Are you are you more of a like a?
Dyson Airblade or an accelerator guy like a blower guy or are you talking like in the bathroom at home?
You just sort of shake your hands dry. Oh you shaking the hands and yeah from if we're talking a food situation
I'm not even a napkin guy don't need it. I'm careful with what I do. I'm precise. guy don't need it i'm careful with what i do i'm precise i don't need any
i'm careful with what i do i am i make sure the sauce the food ratio is fine it's not gonna spill
if it does then i just have to live with it that's life you have consequences for your actions
when you stepped in a sushi container yeah i assume there was some residue in it what did you how did you get that
off no i don't think there was i think it was just like a top it was the top it was the cover part i
don't think there was anything there and if i did i would have stepped in it i'm probably just having
a shower at that point if it's washing it away. You would say a paper towel is the tool of the imprecise, then?
According to you.
Well, a paper towel, I feel like,
has other uses than just culinary.
That's the thing you could wipe down all sorts of things with.
So, yeah, I wouldn't say that, I don't think.
Episode 47, not a butt doctor.
Still true.
Yeah, still factually correct.
Episode.
Do you think that's the one where I declared that?
Declayed?
Declayed.
Yeah.
Tell me about how cars are barking at you again.
Declayed.
What?
Was that the one where I said I didn't have an anal fissure, you think?
And then I doubled back? Yeah, I think that was the one where I say you have an anal fissure, you think? And then I double.
Yeah, I think that was the, uh, yeah.
Anal trenches era.
Probably.
Yeah.
Episode 49.
This is a hell of a lot.
Not a big phone person.
Not a hot, not a cold or hot.
What's it say?
Oh yeah.
Not a big phone person.
Not a cold or room temperature cheese guy.
Not a big ham person.
It's all true.
I don't use my phone all that often.
I'm not big on apps on the phone.
I can't stay.
If you're going to have cheese on something, it better be melted.
There's nothing more disappointing to me than something with room temperature cheese.
And then not a big ham person.
Once again, sort of like the mayo.
I'm not going to order it. Once again, sort of like the mayo,
I'm not going to order it.
If it's there, I'm fine with it.
Episode 51.
Not a cold guy.
So that is in with your... This is the thing.
Yeah, I love the cold.
I'm a big fan of the cold.
I don't know what this would be in reference to.
Well, I feel like it's
similar to what you just said, where you say
you don't get cold. You're not a cold guy.
Oh, that could be it.
You may decipher it. That could be it.
I do not get cold. Yeah. No, I think
that might be right, Gavin. That's a good call by you.
That was my prediction anyway. We'll have to
verify these, obviously.
Episode 52, not an arts and crafts
guy. I think my basket
shows otherwise I think I've changed that
I think it's clearly
I clearly am at this point
episode 53 not a
big mashed potato person see this
is the other thing I am the biggest
potato guy maybe
in Canada I'm a big potato
guy I love a mashed potato
statement you're the biggest potato guy in Canada. I'm a big potato guy. I love a mashed potato. That is a bold statement. You're the biggest potato
guy in Canada. I think so.
I love a potato. I'll take a potato any
meal. You don't like it mashed? Is that
what you think? No, I love mashed potatoes.
What are you talking about? I feel like
this may have been, and I'm just gonna
make a prediction here. This one, I was trying
to make hash browns and they turned into mashed
potatoes, and I didn't know how to then
make mashed potatoes. I don't really know how to make make mashed potatoes but i'll eat the fuck out of some mashed
potatoes i love a good mash so it's more of a i'm not a big mashed potatoes preparation person
yeah i'm not a big mashed potato recipe guy is probably actually how that should read i would
assume because i am a huge mashed potato guy episode Episode 56, not a can guy.
Also true, respect the can,
I just don't drink many things out of a can.
Not a can guy.
A six episode break,
and then episode 62, not a pasta guy.
Once again, true, nothing against it,
I just, not my rotation to foods all that often.
That's still true.
Fair play.
So I remember this one.
Episode 63, not a measuring guy.
I mean, I think Dinklage just says it all. We all have, it's 63 not a measuring i mean i think dinklage just
says it all we all have it's that's just not a thing i'm good at i feel like a a really uh
talented artist comment lever or roosterteeth artist could make a like a campaign style poster
of andrew like vote for andrew running for biggest potato guy in Canada. And then it could have all the vote for Andrew.
He's a,
and then all of the things you are and,
and he's also not a,
this could be all of the attributes of your platforms.
It could just be a bunch of things with a little checkbox.
And it's either X out or it's got a check.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's an X through heating, but a tick in cold.
I want one where I've reversed position, like the frozen fruit.
Like it's an X and then it's a double.
It's like scribbled out.
That'd be an awesome poster.
Oh, man.
Episode 65, not a big bike guy.
Specifically big bikes, apparently.
I'm not a big bike guy.
I love a little bike, but not a big bike.
Which leads us directly into episode 66.
Not a big rules guy.
So this is a real moral dilemma for me,
because I think that's true, but as I've also said, I'm a big rules guy. So this is a real moral dilemma for me because I think that's true.
But as I've also said,
I'm a big recipe guy.
I will follow that recipe to a T.
I will obey the laws of a recipe.
But general rules,
it's a little sometimes they're dumb.
Sometimes there's some dumb rules.
An episode 68,
not a not guy.
Yeah, no, that's very true.
So like tying knots, I think we talked about this before.
I had boat safety, grade five.
I was like, I'm going to ace this fucking boat safety course.
I'm going to do amazing at it.
There's a whole section on knots and I gave up.
That's the end of my pursuit of a perfect score.
Can't do it.
So shout out to, what's this username?
Evilincoln. Evilincoln evil lincoln evie lincoln was it i think you nailed it one of the two there's no way it's not one of the two things
you said i'm glad you took the shot at it gavin because i didn't know how to read it either
i appreciate you making the attempt yeah it's like both words use the L, it looks like.
Yeah.
Dude, Evie, Evil, Evil Lincoln, thank you.
That might have been the funniest segment
in the history of this podcast.
We got some new stuff out of it, too.
Oh, my.
Yeah, we got new segments.
It honestly makes you sound like a complete psychopath.
It does.
Reading that back to back over the course of over a year.
It's like, look at all these guys' rules.
Trying to make a mental picture of that person in your head while you're listening to it.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I'd love to see that in a flow chart.
It just ends at Andrew Panton
Oh there's also like an additional section
Of stuff that you were unsure about
But I don't know if you want to get into that one
I don't know maybe we do that next time
There's not many of them
That was good
I got tears in my eyes
It's just so funny There's a big list for some reason
it's weird to think
about that like in the future if I go
back and listen to this episode I'll just
know that I had a bag of garlic taped
to my feet the entire time
I gotta be honest I still don't taste garlic.
I thought I smelled it for a bit there when my nose got tickly.
I have a mild taste.
It's not as powerful as I want, but it's definitely, I smell it.
Like, it's deep in the nose.
I feel it there.
Not much of a taste, though.
I don't think that this could replace applying garlic to your food directly
is what I declare from this experiment.
Well, maybe...
See, that's the nice thing about the garlic patch, right?
Or the foot flavor.
The flavor foot is we can increase the...
I hate it.
We can increase the amount of garlic,
the concentration of garlic
or whatever that molecule is.
And so that we can really just like
it's like when you take a vitamin B pill
and it gives you like twelve hundred percent
the daily recommended allotment
where we can just like fucking just like
cram like a way
too dangerous amount of garlic into your body
so that you really get a sense of it.
Should I try to take this bag off as we end
the show? I'm assuming we're at the end.
Oh yeah. In the episode? Yeah. Should I try to take it off right now we end the show? I'm assuming we're at the end. Oh, yeah.
In the episode?
Yeah, should I try to take it off right now?
I'm definitely going to clean my foot off.
What was that?
This is not easy.
Oh, it smells so garlicky.
Okay. I don't know what you're expecting Oh, there you go.
He's gassed himself up.
Gavin, I just had a great idea for a prank.
Do you know how when you're a kid and you have sleepovers
and you'll put somebody's hand in warm water to make them pee the bed?
You should start garlic bagging people's feet
and then see if they wake up from garlic's taste in their mouth oh oh like garlic masks for the
foot oh i got hiccups oh man that was disgusting hey thank you
for listening to another
episode of the face
podcast uh serve surviving
members jeff ramsey and
gavin free uh rest in
peace andrew pantin raymond
somer uh vancouver child
kicker and uh many of your
other uh colorful uh non
diplomes uh as always uh if you enjoyed the show,
tell a friend about it.
We really could use the help.
We exist pretty much as a company by word of mouth
and certainly as a podcast as well.
And this isn't going to be one of those ones
where I talk forever to annoy Eric
because he's not even here.
So I'll just say, love you.
Bye.
Bye. Bye.