F**kface - The Power is Back // Geoff Was Here 2021 [40]
Episode Date: March 3, 2021Sponsored by: Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE) and Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff crashes his bike, Gavin gets hit in the head, and we nev...er talk about Raymond Somer. I'm sorry. This is Eric and I wasn't at this one because of Face Jam and I f**kfaced everyone by not getting them in line. I'm really sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma,
is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam.
Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply
explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics,
groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics.
Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten
destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation
of Beastrin.
Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice.
Your choice, that is.
From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills.
And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is
really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge
roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Hello and welcome to another episode of F*** Face.
As always, you are here with me, Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, and well, sir,
how would you like me to
address you? I'd
like you to address me as the guy with the
pinwheel. Still going? Still got my
pinwheel? Are you not recording yet again?
Oh, I'm trying. Okay, we're good.
We're going. We're going. We're fine. We're fine.
I'm recording.
I thought I gave him enough cover time by having that whole conversation about how I
thought Gavin was in a bad mood just to piss Gavin off before making himself conscious.
Yeah, Jeff had told me a lot.
And then while I'm responding, he starts the episode.
He gave no ability for you to respond or to me to even say there's no way to judge Gavin's
pre-show performance because he shows up on time
at the time yeah there's very little to go on there's no pre-show with gavin there's plenty
of time when gavin shows up on time that we're dealing with andrew's technical issues where i
can gauge gavin's uh i can gauge his mood i i'm i've actually been thinking about moving on time
to uh oh one of the hour just to give andrew that extra minute he's always wasting
i feel like the tech problems are a recent addition and i feel like if you measured them
against jeff's i've had less tech problems than jeff has had yours are more constant though jeff
had like a construction project but yours is just nothing over and over again yeah mine was always tied to a reason i feel
like yours are just i just think we're forgetting where you had like 40 different microphones every
single week there was a whole phase where every week you had a different microphone yeah that's
ancient history it is i thought we were gonna have a little pre-show chat today um just because
it's been so long it's been well we had the week
off and then we had the apocalypse i thought we would have a little bit of chat just you know see
what was we just went straight into it all right well here's here's why dude first off let's have
the pre-show chat now in the show yeah sure the intro okay after the intro why we'll have our
pre here's the way audience we're going to give you a peer behind the veil.
This is what a typical pre-show chat looks like.
But as we warm up for an episode of F*** Face...
Oh, also, a caveat I would say is that I tried to have a pre-show chat with you, and you
were having none of it because you were in a shitty mood.
That's not true.
I would like to say that technically I was the only one on time today for the first recording session. I was
here at five and
nobody else was. Very
disappointed. That brings up one annoying point
that we need to cover. Here's
what I feel like we need to do. I'm
going to set the pre-show chat aside
for a second because Andrew's gone
off on a bit
of a tangent. We need to address
obviously Andrew's revelation
during the downtime.
We need to talk about, in some fashion,
the technical problems.
He was talking about technical problems.
Austin's technical problems for about eight days there
because of snow.
I hurt myself real bad.
I wouldn't mind talking about that.
And maybe we could even mention the Zim Zone and what that thing has gone insane.
Did not expect that much response that quickly on the Zim Zone.
But first off, Gav, how you been, man? What have you been up?
I've noticed you've been in a bad mood lately. Is everything okay at home with you and Meg?
Andrew, what's up, dude?
Hey, I showed up at 5 a.m.
because we're incapable of organizing anything properly.
Oh, what a deflection.
And Jeff sent like 20 different...
Is this not what you wanted?
I could pivot back to you if you want.
We could do that.
No, no, no, it was great.
I was just saying I got away with it.
I was just saying that to myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.
So what happened?
You and Meg broke up or something?
Is that what's going on?
No.
Are you announcing it on? No.
Why do you keep bringing it back to me?
I'm fine.
I think the reason I sound low energy is it's very early morning.
It's early morning.
It's noon!
Well, it's not actually the morning.
It's earlier than our usual 3pm.
It is.
My house hasn't warmed up yet for the day.
And it was a bit cold in the old bedroom last night.
And got a bit of like morning throat from it.
Oh, and you're moving a little slow from sleeping cold.
Yeah, I got a bask.
I'm like a reptile.
Yeah, I understand why you're feeling so shitty now.
What you need, I prescribe to you, sir,
20 minutes in your lawn chair in the backyard soaking up sun.
That's it.
That's what Gavin needs to feel better.
I love that.
Did you ever see me doing that when I lived with you?
I used to do that all the time.
That's why I prescribed it to you, because I know that's...
I know you physically...
Like, I physically need to ride a bike like five or six times a week.
I think you physically need to recharge your batteries in the sun.
Get that D? Yeah, you love your D., I think you physically need to recharge your batteries in the sun. Get that D?
Yeah, you love your D.
Did I tell you why I stopped?
You remember when we lived in that rental house?
I used to do that in the,
that wasn't really a backyard,
but that was a front.
Yeah, it was a bit awkward
because people walking by all the time,
but I would just sit in the front yard,
soaking up the sun.
Did I ever tell you why I stopped that?
No, I don't think so.
I'm convinced of it. Someone threw a tree branch at my head what okay either a branch snapped out of the tree and landed on my forehead and it really hurt correct or you threw a tree
branch at me from a window and hid and never admitted to it uh or some member of the public
did it i have no idea but i had that was the last time i ever laid out in the sun why at that
location why would a member of the public do that um all right full disclosure i have no memory of
throwing a tree branch out of the window at you but I can absolutely see myself doing that.
I thought, I was very confused,
but I thought it wasn't you
because it was such a big branch.
I thought that's a little extreme even for Jeff.
I would have thought maybe like a ball of socks
or something just to get a reaction.
I didn't think you would go for like the drawing blood
out of my forehead approach.
I probably wouldn't have, so
maybe it was just a tree branch fell.
That's also possible.
You interpreted that as someone
threw a tree branch at you? Out of all
the outcomes you described. Okay, well, where's the nearest
tree? Is there a tree close by?
Hold on. I'd like to point out
that this is coming from the man who
because he
spoke to a little boy and the boy didn't
respond three times, he was ready to kick
his chest in. No, there was really
dark out. I couldn't see anything.
It was very creepy, Jeff. Kevin probably
couldn't see anything but stars for a few minutes.
I just feel like it's a leap to blame the tree
last, like of all the suspect
list. Well, I guess you would, honestly, you'd probably
be number one on my list and then I'd move past that i'd never guess random person threw a fucking tree at me
i don't think it was a random person just because of the neighborhood we were in and the area we
were in yeah that seems uh that seems a little random for that for that boring ass neighborhood
we were in there gav of old people wearing birkenstocks and fucking talking to you about
somebody else's garden uh but uh but i i would say's a 50-50 shot it was me or the tree.
I guess you just have to figure out who you pissed off more that day.
It just didn't match anything.
The branch didn't match the tree that I was near.
In my head, it definitely came from someone's hand.
Maybe they just took a dislike to what I was doing.
Well, okay, so let's assume this was someone who threw it.
It wasn't Jeff.
They just have this branch with them?
What were their plans with the branch?
Was this a calculated move?
You did this a lot.
Maybe they were waiting.
There are a lot of questions about who just has a branch.
Maybe they were trying to start the new viral hate crime.
You know how in New York City,
people were punching people in the back of the head for a while?
Or people throw eggs out of cars at people walking around downtown?
Maybe somebody was trying to do the new viral hate thing,
which is to throw a tree branch at somebody sunning.
And it just didn't take off.
I thought I was breaking some American custom of some sort.
I'd only been in the country for a year.
I thought maybe it's rude to do this.
It is absolutely not.
It is not rude.
We need to talk about the 5 a.m. thing.
Well, yeah, are we still, is this still the pre-show chat?
Or are we in the show now?
Well, I don't know what to qualify that as.
I also don't think it matters at all.
Okay. Well, I'd like to pivot to qualify that as. I also don't think it matters at all. Okay.
Well, I'd like to pivot away from the pre-show chat
because I don't feel like the 5 a.m. thing slots into that.
Okay, that's fair.
But I will say I'm a little confused as to how you got up
and showed up for the 5 a.m. recording
when it was never supposed to be today.
What happened was, what happened was,
we were supposed to record every Thursday at 3 p.m. Eric asked if we wanted to do two episodes this week I thought we said no
we just wanted to do one there was all kinds of confusion on my part about whether we were doing
whether we said no to two or we said no to back to back but it seemed to me like y'all wanted to
do two so I was like fuck it we'll do two so i know that andrew and myself were keen on on uh getting to some stuff earlier in the week
just because we missed last week's one for sure absolutely and i i totally understand that so then
we determined to film uh and eric gave us three possible slots one today at noon right now the
only problem there was that eric and Nick wouldn't be able to attend.
And I wasn't a fan of that one.
That was my least favorite option.
Gavin was not a fan of that one.
Neither was I.
Gavin suggested 5 a.m. Wednesday,
which is tomorrow.
Well, Eric said,
I said, when's the next time
we can all be together?
Eric said early on Wednesday.
So in my head,
early is like 5 in the morning.
So I just threw out 5 a.m.
Eric said, no, I was thinking like 10.
Now, so 10 a.m. doesn't work for me on Wednesday, unfortunately.
So, but Eric and Nick are both available.
So Eric and Nick are available for 10 a.m. on Wednesday or 5 a.m. on Wednesday.
Gavin's available for all of it.
Andrew was the one.
It sounded to me like we were going to do 5 a.m. Wednesday,
but then Andrew said he would have to whisper for some reason. were going to do 5 a.m. Wednesday, but then Andrew said he would have to whisper
for some reason.
Because it'd be 3 a.m. for Andrew.
Yeah, it would be 3 a.m. and I don't live in my own house.
Sure, sure, sure. I understand that.
If only you could
give them that same
courtesy when it came to fire alarms.
I agree. However,
somehow it was
determined that the least favorite day of everybody, which is right now, is the day that we're recording.
But for some reason, Andrew, he wanted to record at 5 a.m. last night?
No.
Yeah.
So he showed up at 5 a.m. today for some reason when it was never a part of the conversation.
This is what you explain that in a way that made sense.
There were times flying left and right, different days you could do this.
You're like, maybe we'll do it this time.
Maybe we won't.
I don't know.
It was super confusing.
I don't trust anybody.
So I said, I'm showing up at every suggested time between now and the last day, which would have been, I guess, Thursday.
So I'm covering all my bases.
So I showed up.
5 a.m yesterday was
never discussed yeah i don't know about that i don't know jeff it really refused to reply to
the calendar invite until about when did you say because it was a you put it in as a maybe
on the calendar yeah which to me is the most useless that's the exact same as not responding
yeah it is no it's better than not responding because it's saying, yes, I am aware.
I know that a time needs to be...
I understand that there's an appointment.
I'm just not going to tell you whether I'm going or not.
But at least you know I know,
as opposed to not responding, you think like,
well, maybe he just didn't see the invite.
No, I think to me, not responding is like,
I'm probably going to be there.
I just haven't hit accept.
Maybe it's like, there's a solid chance I won't be there.
There was a solid chance I wasn't going to be here for sure.
Well, I need to get into.
So I did the five.
I was the only one here at five because apparently nobody else even considered it on this day.
You weren't here at five.
I was.
I was in here for 30 minutes at five.
And I thought, well, it's 3 a.m.
What am I going to wake up at 3 a.m.?
So I stayed up the entire night.
I didn't go to bed
before I then developed an irrational fear after all of our alarm talk that I would somehow sleep
through the alarm I woke up at 6 20am and I said I'm not gonna sleep through an alarm in a bathtub
I went to my tub I spent the next three hours sleeping in my bathtub. I slept in my bathtub this morning.
You can't just say stuff like that as if it's normal.
So wait, you wanted to be deliberately uncomfortable in a light sleep.
Yes.
So you slept in the bath.
Yeah, I thought there was no way I would be comfy enough to sleep through an alarm in my bathtub.
So I just moved to the tub.
I spent three hours.
It was awful.
I had a terrible sleep.
Would not recommend. I'm super super tired i don't even i think if you had only read the read the slack one more time
it was never even on the car saved yourself saved yourself a lot of hassle it was very
oh did you think it was tonight because i showed a screenshot of me setting an alarm for 4 a.m.?
That was, you know what, I thought that you would be there based on that.
That was a factor.
So as a joke, I turned on one of my early alarms, I think 4.45, and I just sent the screenshot.
But I just turned that off immediately afterwards because it was the wrong day.
Yeah, I didn't interpret them wrong.
And then I got a stick about the way I do my alarms.
Oh, it's ridiculous.
Listen, we're getting off on...
We're tangenting on our tangent right now.
But I gotta...
No, it's okay.
I gotta back you up on that.
And I swear to you, there's an off topic years ago
or an RT podcast where either you or Gus made fun of me
for having a million alarms and not just
editing the existing alarm. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know when I started doing that. It could
have been you that put me onto it, but it turns out there's two types of people. There's alarm
adders and alarm editors. I'm an alarm adder because you need different times for different
days for different days of the week. Like if I have to be up at 6 a.m. every Wednesday,
then I'm going to set an alarm for 6 a.m. every Wednesday.
Yeah, so what I've got is on my alarms page in the iPhone,
I've just got a list of every alarm I've ever set.
And to set an alarm, I just scroll down.
It's very rare that I add one now,
but I've just got every alarm I've ever needed.
There's probably like 40 different alarm times.
And I just scroll and pick it.
Because in my head at the time,
to edit the alarm on the iPhone,
you've got to edit it
and then fart about with that stupid wheel.
You don't do the wheel anymore.
You just type the number in.
Yeah, I guess it's...
I mean, I haven't done it in a long time.
But to me, having a shitload of alarms
is a lot quicker than manually editing
one alarm every single time.
Not when you put it in.
At this point, I would say
you're spending way more time cycling
through your fucking 80 alarms to try
to find the one that relates to you. Maybe.
You're at a loss here. Comment leavers, let us know
in the comments, are you an alarm editor
or an alarm adder?
So, we determined
that, uh...
You know, you could be a hybrid too
now that I think about it, because I probably have about 25 alarms
and I'd say I edit them about half the time.
Like sometimes it's easier just to change an alarm
from 545 to 530 than it is to go create a 530 alarm.
You don't ever do that?
No.
I probably do about, I probably do 50-50.
No, I've got so many, like some is like,
I've got 6 a.m one is like 601
a.m if you needed to get up at 601 why not just turn on the 6 a.m alarm and it's fucking well i
tell you why that's that's me that's my bathtub that's me making sure i don't sleep through the
6 a.m by putting another one at 601 yeah that makes sense as we were talking about this i realized it
would have been a much better strategy to just add a second alarm or a third alarm to make sure instead of sleeping in a tub
for three hours.
So we wanted to rush the recording of this podcast out early.
And then, as Andrew mentioned, it became a whole kerfuffle in times.
And this was the least exciting time.
So for some reason, we're doing it without Eric, who I would love to have been.
There's a reason for that.
Who I would love to have been here.
Don't get me wrong.
Ben is here and I'm happy to have been here.
But you, Andrew, made the startling revelation that was such a big deal that we determined
we needed to record the podcast early to address it.
I'd like to point out we're now 25 minutes into that podcast and we're talking about alarms and
our pre-show conversation and gavin's bad mood but at no point gavin get maybe i may or may not
have assaulted gavin with a tree branch i like that you genuinely don't know i really don't but
i mean it definitely sounds like if you had a video of me doing it i'd go like yeah i guess
i remember that but i don't but anyway the point being if we're if it's such a big goddamn deal
for us to record two days early uh should we talk about it well i think before we get into that jeff
is there's a reason that we're recording early that you're not aware of. Oh, okay. Yeah, so let's go.
Well, first of all,
can I point out,
if this is about to be some sort of a prank on me,
can I just say,
I don't have to get into the story,
I am in a tremendously disadvantaged physical state.
Yeah.
It is very difficult for me to move.
The left side of my body is in excruciating pain,
and my hands are pretty fucked up.
So don't make me lift anything heavy.
And why do I have a voicemail?
Do you have a voicemail?
I just got a phone call from an Austin number,
and they left a voicemail.
Is this you?
What's the voicemail say?
That might be me.
Okay. Can you play it over Discord? Wellicemail say? That might be me. Okay.
Maybe play it over Discord.
Well, hold on.
That might be my lunch or Millie's lunch.
Hold on.
I'll be right back.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Okay.
What am I looking for?
It's a thing for me to get out of a chair
and get back into it right now.
So do I need to get up?
No, no, no, no, no.
Well, I guess before we get into that,
people very upset. We're doing a lot of pivots people upset about disappointed in the port-a-potty do you want to share the port-a-potty
you got your port-a-potty chef i got my port-a-potty didn't i do that on camera i thought we were in
an episode no that was off camera oh yeah i got you sent me a port-a-potty i did explain uh it's
a little it came uh we were we were talking when it happened
so was it before or after an episode i guess you were in a picture of it you just text it oh i
guess so i thought i was talking to andrew when it happened no i guess i wasn't um it's a uh it's
a little matchbook matchbox uh dump truck kind of thing that's carrying two little blue port-a-potties
yeah i'll put it there it is yeah that's it right there the poop king it very it's a very body delivery yeah it's called the poop king it's
called the poop king it's a great name it's a great matchbox car uh people are just really
disappointed or some people were i don't know some people i think were confused by the whole thing
but uh i felt like i had to deliver so i got you uh i got you that porta potty i love
it dude i have it sitting on my desk right next to my sweet pickles van oh really yeah that's great
i'm glad you love it because uh the real thing is gonna arrive like this week i think i don't need
it dude i have a uh i have working bathrooms now and b, that's just it's inconvenient. You told me that it would take months.
I was probably a good friend.
Probably needs to go to another disadvantaged family in Austin right now who might not have
plumbing considering everything they've gone through.
Well, oh, it's pink.
It's yeah, it's it's a beautiful it's a beautiful pink porta potty.
He's son of a bitch.
I ordered this.
You I ordered it three weeks ago.
Before we recorded the double episodes, I ordered this.
Yeah.
And so every time I mentioned those, like, it'd be absurd if I did this, and it was already on the way.
This has been a whole process.
I remember thinking at the time when you were like, I can't believe anyone thought I would actually do that.
And I remember thinking to myself,
man,
this is the least face we've ever been to take the sensible route.
That's crazy.
And Eric's like bitching about the cost of them.
And I was thinking,
we have sponsors. We should have a little bit of budget.
This is insane.
But,
uh,
I'm glad that you were a true face of the entire time,
Andrew.
Oh,
absolutely.
This isn't even sponsored.
This is,
I paid for this.
This is maybe the nicest gift I've gotten anybody. This even sponsored this is i paid for this this is maybe the nicest
gift i've gotten anybody this is this is for jeff i i heard a friend in need he was down a shitter
he was complaining about his daughter having to come into his room at night that it was
uncomfortable for her i needed a solution for the family so i got you this beautiful
pink porta potty and it should it's i i it ships today i
don't know how porta potties work that's the whole thing this has been a very difficult process
because there's not a lot of resources online for how porta potties work in this scenario
is it rental no it's i bought it it's yours you own it you do whatever you want with it Please please don't have done this no I did this. I'm sorry
I can't I can't reverse it that call might be related to the port-a-potty for delivering it
I was just trying to be a good friend, and you also you love collectibles. You can start collecting these
Please don't let this be true. No, this is absolutely
I'm sorry this is a hundred percent true. I gotta No, this is absolutely. I'm sorry, Jeff. This is 100% true.
I gotta go look out my window.
No.
Okay.
Well, here's the thing, Jeff.
And I feel especially bad about this now.
I bought this without doing any research on how porta potties work or any of this process.
So there was a phase in which I ordered it.
And I thought, oh, shit.
Sometimes you need to assemble these that never
even crossed my mind that it could be flat on a simple exactly so that was like a whole scramble
I'm emailing people I'm trying to do research I ordered this jet I thought you'd get it weeks ago
it was in my mind I ordered I thought well he's not going anywhere or doing anything. It'll be fine. You went on vacation the next week. And I was became this huge scramble of, OK, Jeff's not going to be at his house for most
of that week.
Does somebody need to sign for this if they show up?
If it comes unassembled, can I hire like a handyman to come over and build this?
So it's there when he returns.
It was a whole process.
Ended up not even being shipped out until today
i believe is the ship date there's no there's no toilet in my front yard yeah well okay well i know
i know that for a fact you didn't even need to look because once i solved the no i had to i had
to look i didn't have a choice well here's the problem jeff it does come assembled the thing i
then learned and i i do I feel bad about this.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize this until weeks after I ordered it.
You son of a bitch.
They do not unload it off the truck for you.
You are going to need to unload the porta potty from the truck.
It looks very mean.
It like they will drive it to your house.
So it is a forklift.
No, no, no, no, no. I looked into this.
You only need a dolly.
It's surprisingly easy to move them. But getting it off the truck. What, so he needs a forklift? No, no, no, no, no. I looked into this, you only need a dolly.
It's surprisingly easy to move them, but getting it off the truck, I don't know what type of truck it's gonna appear in.
You gotta tilt it and let it drop. I could send you some videos online, it does look very easy, but you're gonna have to unload it because they will not.
That's... There's no way that driver has ever delivered a port-a-potty to someone who doesn't want it.
No way that driver has ever delivered a port-a-potty to someone who doesn't want it.
So he's going to be there asking Jeff to do all the work.
Jeff's like, I don't want the damn thing.
A, not only do I not want it, I'm not in the shape to deal with anything heavy right now.
And B, I'm just not going to answer my door.
But that poor guy been driving around with a pink port-a-potty all week.
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew should have thought about that. No, listen, I believe you're a content guy. Been driving around with a pink port-a-potty all week. Yeah, yeah. Andrew should have thought about that.
No.
Listen, I believe you're a content guy.
You wouldn't reject the content.
You gotta have the port-a-potty.
It's the nicest gift I've ever given.
Jeff, you're gonna have to turn down the real poop king. I...
Here's...
Here's...
Here's what Andrew fails to realize.
I have a lot of time on my hands
a lot of a lot of time to work on a revenge scenario and i i don't think it needs to go
that route i don't want to have to it's like as i've gotten older gavin uh i've calmed down i
think you can acknowledge and agree that as i've matured I've slowed down a little bit.
A, in my annoyance, but B, in my
malevolence as well. I agree.
I agree with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to
settle into a more relaxed
mature
easier age, but I
still have access to those younger parts
of me, and I don't relish
the idea of having to
access them, but I will, and I don't relish the idea of having to access them but I will and I'll use that to
make your life terrible I don't just terrible I don't see why you're viewing this as a bad thing
I'm the only one who stepped up and tried to solve a problem for you you were like oh no I don't have
a toilet my toilet doesn't work it's not going to be fixed for months. A problem that was solved three weeks ago that you knew was solved?
No, no, no, no, no.
Last time we recorded, you said they're not going to solve this for months.
That's something you said.
And who stepped up?
Who stepped up for you?
This guy.
I got you a toilet.
Thank you, Andrew.
You're welcome, Jeff.
I will say, I'm not sure if Andrew knows how capable Jeff is of doing these back at you.
Because Jeff went through a phase where he would buy me the most obnoxious gifts possible.
At one point, I think I was asleep in the same house where the branch hit me in the head.
Probably like 1am or something.
Crashing noise comes wailing through the door.
My bedroom door swings open.
It's Jeff on one of those little micro bikes.
They're all tiny little motorbikes.
What are they called?
A little motorcycle.
Yeah, and he just sort of straddled it,
wheeled it in to my bedroom.
I was bleary-eyed, confused.
And he just said, I got you a gift.
And then he left it.
That was in my room for weeks.
And it didn't work.
No, it didn't work no it didn't work
it was heavy and hard to move i think we tried to start it with the pool cord and it's
we broke it off in a can with a video dude we use that in a video yeah do you remember way way way
way way way back in the day when we would do videos at roosterteeth and we would do gameplay
like things to do videos and then at the, we would film a live action equivalent.
Like we'd try to recreate the point live action.
That was back then.
That's when we did that.
Yep.
Anyway, I don't see a pink porta potty yet, Andrew.
But if I do, well, we'll just see how that goes, I guess.
Oh, it's going to.
I mean, it'll get there.
I'm trying to find right now the the order confirmation for it.
Andrew, are you worried?
You slightly worried?
No, I'm not worried.
What about retaliation?
Yeah, no, I think that'd be a real unnecessary move.
I did a clearly nice thing for Jeff.
I don't know why he'd retaliate.
There's a lot of there's a lot of nice stuff I can do for you.
It's good.
I appreciate nice things.
I hope you will.
Well, my tummy's grumbling.
That must mean it's close to lunch.
Hopefully, I have some HelloFresh in my HelloFridge for my HelloTummy.
What's HelloFresh, you may ask?
Well, why don't I tell you and also say to you a good hearty hello.
I hope you're having a fresh day.
With HelloFresh,
you get fresh pre-measured ingredients and mouthwatering seasonal recipes delivered right
to your door. Check the fine print. I don't know if it's a prerequisite that you own a door or not,
but it very well may be. HelloFresh lets you skip those trips to the grocery store,
and we all hate the grocery store. That's where people are. They're the worst. And it makes home
cooking easy, fun and affordable.
And we all like affordable, right? Because that allows Jeff to buy more basketball cards.
And that's why it's America's number one meal kit. The cool thing about HelloFresh is that it
cuts out all the stress of meal planning and going to the grocery store, like I just mentioned,
where the other people are and people are gross. Nobody wants people.
We all hate people. So instead, send the groceries to you and you can enjoy cooking and get your
dinner on the table in 30 minutes or less. That's because they offer 10 to 20 minute meals that are
low prep. And when I mean low prep, I mean low prep. It's more than like peeling the film off
of your microwave dinner. But you're not like it's not 2000 ingredients and like you're not like stewing stuff for like six hours in a slow pot outside in the cold or anything.
This is low prep, quick breakfasts, quick lunches.
It's perfect for your busy schedule.
I assume it's perfect for your busy schedule.
It's perfect for my busy schedule.
And from what I understand from most people I talk to, it's perfect for theirs.
Plus, with more than 25 recipes to choose from each week, there's something for everyone
to enjoy, which is nice.
Inclusivity is the best.
I like everyone.
Everyone likes me.
So I want everyone to have something to enjoy.
So there you go.
If you're hungry, say hello to HelloFresh, maybe.
Go to HelloFresh.com slash 12FACE and use the code 12FACE for 12 free meals, including free shipping.
That's HelloFresh.com slash 12FACE. That's HelloFresh.com slash 12FACE and use the code
12FACE. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Hey, congratulations. We survived 2020. It's 2021.
It's a new year, new rear, new you. So don't just make commitments to lose weight or wash your hands
every time you poop or eat less of that thing that you really, really like. And so you've decided
to deprive yourself of that thing or you're're gonna, you're gonna like read a thousand books
or whatever.
Instead, go the extra mile and just wash your butthole.
That's right, the future of toileting has arrived,
and it did it thousands of years in the past
because it's been around forever.
We're just slow to adopt the good stuff
here in America sometimes.
It took us forever to get bidets and baguettes.
I don't know why, but thank Christ they're here.
Also, Piri Piri Chicken, looking at you, England, is very good.
And after you have your Piri Piri Chicken, you're gonna want a bidet.
That's right.
The brand new Hello Tushy 3.0 Modern Bidet Attachment is here to level the anal playing field.
It's stylish.
It's eco-friendly.
It's easy to install.
It's affordable.
And you're gonna, you're gonna,
if you get the extra spicy period period chicken, you know what I'm talking about.
You're going to want it. Trust me. I've been there. Also, you may already have a Hello Tushy.
Take a look at it. Do you have an older model? I'm sure it's still serving you very well,
but you might want to consider upgrading to the new 3.0. Just saying. And if you're new to the revolution, join millions of happy Hello Tushy customers
right now and have a clean butt with every flush. Make flushing fun. Hello Tushy.
Go to hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for
our listeners. So go to hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off. hellotushy.com slash face.
Jeff, how did you injure yourself?
Well.
I thought I disconnected from the call.
Yeah, I was checking my internet.
I was already checking my internet.
I was just thinking about it.
I, I, I, uh,
it was Saturday
and, uh, you know, we had just gone through the big freeze
and we had all been cooped up in our houses in the cold for a week or so, um, without
electricity or if we did have electricity, we weren't supposed to use it, you know, and
with boiling water and the whole deal.
Cause the Texas just fell apart as a state.
And I was going a little stir crazy, you know? And so my neighborhood was actually
really... I tried to... I was supposed to get Millie from her mom's. And I got in the car,
and it was so bad. I got my car stuck in for almost an hour and it took like six people to try to push it out.
And so I was like, I couldn't, like you couldn't,
it was really hard to even drive
or walk in our neighborhood
because it was just so much ice everywhere in the streets.
And you know, we don't have salt and all that stuff to,
we don't have the infrastructure to clear the roads.
So I was just like sitting in the house for a week.
And so on Saturday, it had melted enough.
It started to melt on Friday that I thought, maybe I in the house for a week and so on saturday it had melted enough it
started to melt on friday that i thought maybe i'll just uh i'll just go for a bike ride and
just be super super super careful uh so i got on my bike and i started going decision started
started going on my bike well that again they got dumber uh and so the roads were muddy but pretty safe like wet but not icy right and so i i
i uh after i probably was about five miles into my ride this normal this normal ride i have and i get
to one of my two favorite spots in austin and uh it's it's a it's just a place where i can get my
bicycle i can go very very very fast down a hill and do some slightly dangerous stuff.
And so this is like the second best little danger spot that I like to hit.
And it looked clear.
Basically what it is, it's a road that goes downhill really fast.
And then it goes under an overpass, right?
Under a bridge.
And on the left, there's like an embankment that goes, I don't know, maybe 20, 25 feet up in the air, you know, at like maybe like a 60 degree pitch, you know?
And it's like, you know what I'm talking about, right?
Like under a bridge.
It's just like that concrete, smooth concrete embankment that goes all the way up.
get going really fast down this hill you can kind of bunny hop onto that little uh that 60 degree incline and then ride up it to get extra speed and then take a sharp turn and go straight down
and you can get going like you know 35 40 miles an hour on a bicycle doing this uh and it's a
little dicey because there's traffic you know and there's not a lot to stop you and you're going
towards traffic it's oncoming traffic as well so that all part kind
of sucks uh anyway so i i approached that and i had a split second decision and i made the wrong
decision the decision i made was to gun it because it looked clear and so i went down and i got i was
only going about 22 i looked at the speedometer i was going about 22 when I hit the ice that I couldn't see. Oh, my God.
So I hit the bunny hop, and I go up, and I climb pretty high up,
maybe 12 feet in the air or whatever.
And up top, because it's dark, that's where the ice is.
I didn't see it.
So I hit that going, you know.
So you hit ice going sharply uphill?
At that point, I had kind of leveleded out so i was kind of just going straight but you know only the left side like only the left side of my bike is
touching the the ground right like you're riding on an angle so you're like yeah not there's no
traction you know not far off a wall ride it's it's it's a wall ride yeah it's kind of dicey on a
sunny dry day uh but i've never crashed at that point i've never crashed at that part before
boy have i now so anyway uh about 20 22 i think is when i the bike got out from under me when i
hit the patch of ice and then i you know i was all bundled up with gloves and and jackets and
thermal long johns and stuff because it's fucking cold still so what happened was the bike went out
from under me and it hooked my leg and it took my leg with it so we're going downhill really fast
now and uh we're going right at the traffic that's coming at me uh and um and so i put my arms out
and like the ground grabbed them and it kind of pulled them behind me and it kind of wrenched
both of my arms,
especially my left arm, unfortunately,
which is the one that I just did
all that physical therapy for
and that I have arthritis in.
That one, it damn near ripped it out of socket.
Anyway, so I became like a little meat bullet
and I was headed right for the,
like wrapped up in my bicycle
and headed straight at the, what I thought I was headed straight at what I thought
I was headed straight at the cars.
And I thought, well, that's the end of that.
But however, what I missed was the giant concrete pylon
that was supporting the bridge, I guess,
in between the cars and I.
Big pillar.
I came upon that.
Yeah, big pillar.
And it broke my fall at speed.
So I slammed into that going downhill
on the ice with
the bike wrapped up in the bike.
Luckily, there was enough
mud and snow
and rocks and water
and dirt all collected at the bottom
that I just slammed right into that.
And it was real gentle.
Except I hit it so hard
and knocked my hat off and both of my, my headphones, my AirPods took off and my, uh, uh,
it was a, it was a whole rigmarole, uh, and, uh, lots of sunglasses. You crushed your headphones
out of your ears. I crashed my headphones out of my ears. Anyway, and then I just lay in there
and I'm just covered in like black
ice and mud and stuff and i'm wedged in under my bike between this wall this this graded wall and
this pylon and cars are just zooming by me and i you know you like you stay you lay there for a
second you take a breath you you feel like nothing's nothing's broken i don't feel i don't
feel like anything protruding or anything so i but, but I can feel, this is kind of the funniest part, I guess.
I can feel my hands were on fire.
Like my hands were burning.
And I was like, ow, what the fuck is, by the way, my phone is going crazy with somebody
trying to call me and leave it.
It better not be a goddamn portal potty.
You should answer that.
You should answer it.
No, I'm absolutely not answering.
If they call again, I will.
So, so anyway, I look at my hands, I pick up my hands and my hands just have the gloves on them and they're fine but something looks weird about my
hands and i can't it takes me a second to figure it out and then i realize my gloves my like my
little knit like gloves are somehow now backwards on my hands my thumb is through the pinky finger
and my pinky fingers through the thumb on both hands like my gloves did a 180 on my hands
and then perfectly put themselves back put themselves back in the right finger slots
swear to god like well they weren't totally down they were still like they were kind of puffed up
a little bit but i guess like because i put my hands out behind me uh well anyway so i went like
that's weird so i and my hands just like hurt so bad
right and so i turned the gloves around and as i turned the gloves around to put them on right
the holes in the glove lined up in the holes where my skin used to be on on both hands and i realized
that i had rubbed off you know how like if you break a jawbreaker in half yeah you can see the
different layers of oh that's what my that's what my palm looks like on my left
hand and then the top
of my right hand, because I guess that one was
backwards and it just rubbed all the skin off my
knuckles and my hand and stuff.
But the really bad one is my
left hand.
Anyway, so I got
up and it took me a while. I'll be honest
with you, I was dizzy
because I hit that pylon
so hard that it knocked the shit out of me.
It took me a couple seconds to figure
out where I was and what had happened.
It took me a while to find
my AirPods
and my glasses.
Then I rode away and realized I'd left my hat
so I had to turn around and go back.
I put my hat on and I looked down
and I had destroyed an entire pair of pants.
Like the left side of my pants was gone.
It was just shredded like in a cartoon.
But luckily my long johns were still on
and they were fine.
My sock, my left sock was gone.
It was just stripped up into shreds
and my gloves were ruined.
So I was five miles into a 30 mile ride
and it cost me a pair of pants,
half the skin on my hands uh quite possibly
a concussion a pair of socks and definitely a pair of gloves and so i i was i was so frustrated
that i determined that i was gonna have the best ride of my life to make up for it and then i i
managed about another 15 miles before i had to turn around and go home and and uh and bandage
myself up i'm imagining a nice like static frame of you going up that thing like yeah badass you go up and then it just
and then without any change you just come sliding down in a mess and crumpled heap in the same
image just just and then your hands are backwards like like a shitty version of Tenet but it's just your hands have gone backwards dude it hurts so bad
still in pain?
yeah well it was Saturday today's Tuesday
so yesterday was really bad
today's gotten better but um
anyway
uh so I
my bike's pretty fucked up
too I don't know that I can ride it
well I was able can ride it anymore.
Well, I was able to ride it for the rest of the day,
but it needs a lot of work.
It's at a lot of odd angles now,
and I lost a lot of it.
A lot of stuff popped off.
What an insane decision to do that.
It's hard to describe how... I mean, there are obviously colder places.
A lot of people making fun of Texas
for not being able to handle a little bit of snow.
It got down to like minus 16
in Austin, I think,
in Celsius,
which is pretty cold in general.
Insane for Texas.
Never seen anything like it.
Been here 28 years,
I've never seen anything like it.
I mean, even today,
it's like 26 degrees Celsius today.
Yeah.
As the high.
T-shirt weather.
Yeah, it's T-shirt
and shorts time.
So the fact that it dropped
so low was mental.
But to then go on a bike ride during it.
God.
Yeah.
I can't believe that.
It seems pretty self-inflicted.
Probably won't do it again anytime soon.
Probably.
Probably won't.
If you hadn't hit the pillar, would you have slid into traffic?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was going pretty fast.
That pillar, I...
Just with, like, the speed and shock of how
hard i hit the pillar tells me that i was going pretty fast at that point you know i think we
should we should point out that pillar maybe we could spray paint a little bit of graffiti uh
jeff was here 2021 hashtag definitely definitely do that i ride by it all the time i'll i'm sure
i'm not in shape to
ride my bike again right now and i'm gonna have to get it worked on but i'm sure by this weekend
i'll be riding again and i'll i'll swing by there and yeah because i'd love people to be able to
to know that was the pill that saved you and also knocked your headphones out yes it hurts so bad
knocked my gloves backwards the modern day knocked my socks off. Yeah, it's like
literally knocked my gloves
backwards on my hand.
Imagining just an explosion.
Oh, dude.
So, Andrew, you're not really Andrew.
What?
Right?
Well, that caught me off guard.
I was excited. Imagine how how we felt that was a pivot
i'm just just to put a bow on it i don't feel bad about sending you a port-a-potty while injured now
i think that sounds like it was your fault entirely i don't feel bad about it i felt bad
before yeah that story made me feel better about the overall timing of the thing i didn't pick for
the timing but i felt really bad i don't feel bad now that's a crazy move by you what do i have a voicemail from now god damn it i sent a text could you listen to the
voicemail please i'm gonna listen to it right now okay hold on do it don't speak well one of them
might be my lunch order so yeah it's not um it's not okay okay it was just it was just the pharmacy that's less exciting
i like the idea that every unknown call you're gonna get from now until i maybe the end of the
week is gonna be a level of fear dude yeah it's a huge level of fear and also the fact that like
i'm waiting i've gotten into the uh like the goodwill online sports card bidding.
Sure.
Because Goodwill has cards
and you can shop Goodwill like you can eBay.
And so I'm waiting on like nine different lots
from Goodwill to show up on my front door as well.
So now it's like,
I've already been a 10-year-old
waiting by the door for mail
for the last fucking week
because the mail's been shit
because of all the snow.
And I'm waiting on like a gold mine of thousands of cards plus all my ebay purchases so now i'm gonna
now i'm gonna now i'm gonna be waiting with dread and anticipation dude people have gone deep into
the zimmer zone they have based on the face instagram dude zim zone is ridiculous i'm getting
i i i bought all the zimmers I needed before, luckily,
because I wouldn't be able to keep up with the bids now.
They're going out of fucking control right now.
There's Zimmers, there's Zimmer manager cards
selling for like 20, 30 bucks.
I saw, Andrew, you text us a screenshot
of people being very confused
as to why the value has jumped up.
Yeah, there's a thread on the baseball subreddit of just somebody saying
what is causing this? What is happening?
Dude, it made my heart so happy to see that.
It's also, you know, I told you we could get on the top
100 or whatever. Yeah.
We're there. Already on there.
Somebody on Twitter sent me that today.
Were we at like 80, I think?
I saw the same tweet. I want to say we're like
something like that. Yeah, I don't know. It's gone
up since. I saw as well on the Instagram that. Yeah, I don't know. It's gone up since. It's there as well on the Instagram
that someone had bought
some Zim stock.
It's like some
some random company
that's
said I am.
What's Zim stock?
It's taking it
to a new level.
Don Zimmer cards
are the new currency,
right?
Like if bottle caps
can be currency
in fucking
Fallout,
why can't or bullets in Metro? Why can't we have Don caps can be currency in fucking uh fallout why can't or bullets in uh
metro why can't we have don zimmer cards be currency i agree or the book the book is great
i wish there was a card of the book covers those are great i know me too me too dude so speaking
of zimmer let me i'm gonna send you guys a video i took i wanted to show you this earlier this is
fucking i i mentioned how out of control i am on this card collecting thing and i don't think you guys get it
so here this is a video of i took earlier today that's just of um all the current
orders i have out that i've won on ebay for cards not just existing auctions of which there are very many or orders that I've
gotten. And these are just all the outstanding stuff, orders that I've bought that I'm waiting
to receive. So I take a little video of it and I send it to the discord. I don't know if it showed
up yet. That's fucking compressing a file, which means it'll never hate that. I don't think when
anyone on this show has ever said
I'm going to send something, it has ever gone well.
I know, dude. It's a minimum of three minutes.
Everything fails that could possibly fail.
I looked into Zimstock.
Zimstock on the way down, sadly.
Yeah, Zimstock is... It skyrocketed.
It says Zim...
It's like a shipping company.
Integrated Shipping Services Limited.
Imagine if they delivered the porta potty.
What a great thing that would be.
What if it was a Zim delivery?
Dude, I would accept it if it's a Zim delivery.
I mean, you're accepting it no matter what.
Well, we'll see about that.
It's $20 a share of this company.
Dude, stock market's dangerous.
I'm not even sure that, like, listen, don't buy Zim stock because we said,
I don't want to go to jail
for doing some sort of illegal stock wait are you invested in zim stock no i don't think so but
if i am uh what a conspiracy that would be i just like baseball card i just like baseball cards i
don't want i'm not trying to your defensive court i just like baseball cards all right for whatever
reason when i put stuff on Discord
from my phone,
it never goes there.
So let me do it this way.
What do you mean?
Like it doesn't load?
Yeah.
What is the video of?
It's just a video
of all of me scrolling
through all the existing packages,
all the existing cards
that I have on the way
from eBay right now.
Okay.
Over under Gavin 25.
25 what? Over for what he Gavin, 25. 25 what?
For what he just said.
He just described a scenario
and I set a line for you.
Oh, it's going to be way over 25.
You think way over?
Yeah.
I'm going to guess 28.
We can do another number game.
It's in Slack now.
While we're looking at this,
I feel like I need to ask Jeff.
Because another thing,
this has been on my mind for days now. The last
time we recorded, you very
happily
declared that your pipes
will be fine for the rest of time.
How are your pipes through this storm?
Everything good? I'll be honest with
you. I've had a
little, I've had, I've had
like pipe survivor
guilt.
My pipes got fixed about, I don't know, what, 10 days before the storm.
And I would guess that partially because of that, because I had two problem areas.
One, a leak in the wall that they found that absolutely would have frozen and blown my wall out where it was in the house.
And then the issue under the house.
Both of those would have 100% exploded during this snowstorm.
So getting them fixed, fixed the two weak areas I had.
And my plumbing was, I mean, aside from having no pressure and having to boil water,
my pipes were fine the entire time.
I bundled them really well.
I kept them warm.
One of them froze up a little bit on the second day.
So I took out a space heater and a blow dryer and I thawed it out
and then rewrapped it and it was fine.
I dripped them until they told us not to drip anymore.
And I never had a frozen pipe.
I never had any kind of plumbing problems the entire time.
And I felt really terrible about that
until I was sitting there thinking
about all the people that I know
that have had pipes burst over the last week
and how that was my life
for the six weeks leading up to this moment.
So I've decided I'm not gonna feel guilty about it anymore
because I got all of my bad plumbing luck out of the way
leading up to this incident.
But man, do I feel sympathy for all of my brothers and sisters in Austin who are now having to deal with prolonged plumbing problems.
Because I've been there.
I've been there and it's not fun.
Good time to be a plumber.
Yeah, great time to be a plumber.
Good time for a career change, maybe.
I'm looking at your video now, Jeff.
That looks to be around 25.
There's 40.
It was like 48.
Is it 40?
Yeah, it was in the 40s.
What about you, Gavin?
How's your plumbing?
Everything good?
Yeah, no, my bugs are fine.
No, it's all good.
No need to send anything.
I just want a mixture.
You didn't get a two-for-one special, did you?
No, they do not.
There's not a buy one, get get one free i see what you're saying
andrew and i love it you think i should take the porta potty to gavin's house and leave it there
i'm just saying that he needed it i was just asking in case he needed it because i'm a good
friend you're right you're right andrew you're right i i now have an extra bathroom where i
don't need it and there are a lot of people named Gavin in Austin that might
have plumbing problems right now, thanks to the
last week, and I should absolutely
lend a hand to my fellow neighbor.
I'm going to bring this
pink porta potty the second I get it. I'm going to
take it to Gavin's house. Won't be needing
one of those. Well, it'll be there for
you if you do.
I'll just put it in your front
yard. Don't worry.
Damn, Andrew. You're smart. Thanks, man. Yeah, I'm a
good friend. I'm just trying to look out for people. You solved
that problem for me. Yeah, it wasn't a problem
to begin with. It was a very kind gesture.
I kind of don't like the concept of it being a problem,
but, you know, Gavin
needs it. That's always an option.
I don't think I need it. I think I was quite clear.
So, you know, I've got
mushrooms, but I've got, I don't need a port-a-potty.
Yeah, you know, you never know.
Portobello mushroom, port-a-potty.
I see some symmetry there.
That's perfect.
Is that it?
Is that really, Jeff, would you say,
so Texas completely shut down.
There's terrible, terrible things happening.
Would you say the biggest
loss for you during that time was you riding a bike is that the greatest consequence you
well you didn't have power you had to boil water so you didn't really stop him did it
no i mean i still did my bike ride like i remember getting on my bike and thinking like i
i want nothing more than to go home and peel these clothes off of my fucking scabs that are already
forming and run hot water over all of it here's a couple reasons why i didn't there was no hot water
it's not like i could go home and and there was a boil notice on so any water i was like i could
take a shower with cold dirty water that'll probably infect my fucking skin you know they
specifically said don't don't shower if
you have like open open wounds and shit which i did i had a lot of all at once you were a wound
so i did i which i ultimately ended up doing anyway uh because what else was i gonna do and
then i just used i just doused my body in hydrogen peroxide a couple times a day but anyway uh yeah
i i got i i got up and i after i came to my senses and realized where I was and collected all my shit, I remember thinking about this time that I wrecked my bike in high school, and I ripped my knee out.
Like, you can still see it.
I have a – on my left knee, you can see I have a giant scar that's just scar tissue where my knee cap used to be.
I lost the whole thing in one felt swoop, falling off my bike and getting drugged by it.
And it just like, it was gross, dude.
I could see bone.
It was a whole thing.
Anyway, and I was walking home
and I was about a mile and a half from home,
walking up a huge, huge hill, I might point out,
crying and like pushing my bike up a hill.
And it was all crooked and sideways. And my dad drives up in this 1971
red Ford Courier pickup truck.
I'll never forget it.
A big, like not a big,
it's a tiny little pickup truck,
but had a bed,
had a bed that would have held a bike.
That's for sure.
And he goes, what happened?
He pulls up, pulls up behind me in the truck
and he goes, what happened?
And I go, I fell off my bike.
I'm hurt pretty bad.
And he goes, well, bring it on home and we'll clean you up and then he drove away
and i had to walk the rest of the mile and a half up the hill pushing a bike with now two flat tires
uh dripping blood down my leg and i was thinking about that and i thought
yeah i guess i'll just get back on my bike and finish my ride that's what my you know because
that's what my dad that's what my dad would have made me like
recommended i do and so i just got back on my bike and finished my ride until it hurt too bad
you know quit after about 20 miles i was gonna go for 25 after about 20 miles i i fucking packed it
in you you somehow have the ability to get the most injured of the least movement possible
but you remember when we put that video up of the rain run?
Where you were... Oh!
Dude, it was raining, there was a lightning storm,
and because I guess we were just children at the time,
you decided that you wanted to run the street in the rain.
And it was shitting it down.
There was lightning every, like, five seconds.
Jeff just disappears off into the darkness,
into the mist of the rain and lightning,
and comes back limping and covered in blood.
And he was only gone for like 35 seconds.
He came back, looked like he'd been hit by a car.
And then you ran into the bathroom, I guess to tend your wounds.
And then you slipped over in there and smashed your glass shelf.
It was, you were walking calamity.
And then you came out and your towel fell off and you flashed me.
It was a really eventful two to three minute period.
Yeah.
What actually happened?
Because it's not on camera what you did.
Where did you go?
On the rain run thing?
Oh, I ran across the street and i went to stop you know like to like hit the brakes
and i hit some gravel like some wet gravel and i just my legs slid out from under me and i just
slid my leg down the fucking down the street and then ripped all my i remember i was like
ripped my jeans up and i had a fucking blood everywhere and i came home he just came back
and he just goes,
he just runs past me because I'm filming it
and he runs and says,
I need to go to the hospital.
And I get into the bathroom
and I'm in like tremendous pain,
I remember.
And there's like a glass shelf
in that bathroom
that holds like toothbrushes
and deodorant and toothpaste
and all that stuff.
And I bent down to catch my breath
because I thought I was going to throw up
for a second from the pain, you know?
You know, like the pain and the shock.
And so I went like,
I went like, ugh,
and I put my head down,
and I went like,
kind of breathe, you know,
kind of catch my breath.
And when I stood up,
the back of my head
hit that fucking glass at speed
and knocked it.
You did it with your head?
I did it with my head, yeah.
And so I fucking,
I actually,
I don't think I even talked about it with you,
but I cut the back with my head, yeah. And so I fucking, I actually, I don't think I even talked about it with you, but I cut the back of my head open
on that sharp glass that night a little bit.
It was just the least of my problems.
Anyway, and so then I was barefoot at that point,
naked, and then the glass shattered all around me.
And so I was barefoot in the bathroom,
covered in blood and wet,
shattered glass all around me,
and I couldn't move without, like, it was.
If you want to see the video of that, it's probably on youtube but it's i guess just look at look for happy hour
rain run i think i'll say this that one sucked this hurt way more oh really yeah this was way
this was pretty bad you slammed into a pillar on this one i feel like that's a whole other level
i was i had to have the con like when i was standing there trying to like trying to like
build myself
back up to get on the bike and be like, you're a tough guy.
You can do it. You know, what would your dad's, you know, I was doing the whole thing
like, like your dad made you walk home with
a fucking busted leg. You can get on your bike
and ride it for, you know, and I was
thinking, I was like, you know, you're like, I already lost
a pair of pants. I lost a pair of
gloves and I lost a pair of socks on this ride
and I'm only 20 minutes in. I'm going to get
my money's worth. I'm going to get my pants worth out of it.
But yeah, no, this one
was pretty rough.
I feel like a key detail
that we kind of went over. You said
your left sock. You lost your left sock.
That improves your odds
of grabbing. Well, I threw the pair away.
Oh, okay. Well, never mind.
You didn't just keep a right?
No, I was bummed too because they were
pretty pretty good new socks i hadn't had them that long
what's the last time you bought socks this such maybe the fucking most boring question i've ever
asked yesterday ever yesterday what about you gavin uh i subscribe to socks oh really okay yeah
so every month i'll get a one pair of socks same with underwear
And then I'll go into my drawer, and I'll find the shittiest like hole filled pair of socks that I've probably had since
2007 and I'll chuck those away, and I'm just slowly replacing my socks. I do something similar the way Gavin does it is very smart
I just do it like once a year
I'll just buy all new underwear and all new socks and then when they come in i'll just get rid of the other stuff to me it's a psychological thing like i can't
stand to throw away stuff in bulk like if i if i was just gonna grab 20 pairs of socks and throw
them all in the bin just feels i don't know it feels wasteful in a weird way even though i'm
doing it slowly over time i understand that i understand that but also like maybe it's just
how i'm living,
but socks get holes in them
really fast now too.
So I feel like I'm blowing
through socks pretty quickly
because of holes.
Is it because you're spending
less time in shoes?
Maybe it's because I'm spending
less time in shoes
or maybe it's because I'm
spending a lot of time
sliding across pavement.
I don't know.
Yeah, that could be a factor.
A bit of both.
I'm not a socks guy,
generally speaking.
I'm never wearing socks.
The only time I'll put socks on is when I'm going to somebody else's house.
I would rather, unless I'm swimming, I would rather have socks and shoes on.
The only time I'd prefer to be barefoot would be in the water.
I don't know why you like wearing shoes in the house, though.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'll wear them until I go to bed.
I'll take off my shoes to go to bed.
I just feel like you're going to have an overly sweaty foot for no reason i don't though i'm not like you for whatever i mean i don't like
i don't have the same issues i don't wear shoes in my house it's weird it's outside there's
germs from like the street and dog shit and like public bogs all on the bottom of shoes
i don't want that on my nice i don't know office carpet is rank. I understand that for sure. That's why I don't, I can't stand,
I can't stand when I see people walk around
with their shoes untied, like they don't care.
What?
Because you know, you know that shoelace
gets trapped under that shoe and it gets piss on it
and it gets doody on it and it gets like
all kinds of gross juice from like the ground it's telling you though
if you've got shoelaces on your shoes they're covered in piss that's just how it works it
doesn't have to be if you keep them tied dude no it does look if you if you use a urinal or a urinal
people will make in front of the way i say that uh it does splash the top of your shoes are as
minging as the underneath.
It doesn't matter if your shoelace is tied.
If you stand up and pee in a urinal now.
Listen, I have fully embraced the bidet.
I am not going to pass up an opportunity to sit on a warm toilet.
I'm a sit-down peer most of the time now.
I have been for many years.
Yeah, because the fucking toilet makes it so much fun.
I didn't realize this as well.
Apparently, you get more out of your bladder
if you're sat down.
Really?
Because the way it folds,
if you're stood up,
you can't empty the bottom bit of your bladder
just because of physics.
Oh.
I didn't know that.
I don't even know if that's important
or if it has any effect on it,
but I like pissing sitting down.
It means you have to wash the bog less as well.
Oh, totally.
Yeah, you can be more precise
with it.
You can like,
you get both hands free
to play on your phone.
Also, very often
when I sit down to pee,
have a happy little
like sit down pee,
I'll pop out a little
surprise poop too,
you know?
Get that out of the way.
It can happen.
And then you're like,
you feel better about yourself.
Like, I didn't even know
I had that in me
and I needed to get rid of it,
but now it's gone.
I feel a little bit lighter
on my feet. Can't do that standing up. Well, you can. No, you feel better about yourself. Like, I didn't even know I had that in me and I needed to get rid of it. But now it's gone. I feel a little bit lighter on my feet.
Can't do that standing up.
Well, you can.
No, you shouldn't.
Definitely shouldn't.
It's a different adventure.
Does every, do toilet companies make urinals?
Is there a urinal company?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just they make everything?
There's not like a specific.
Armitage Shanks.
It's not like an Android and Apple scenario of the toilet world that there's like only
a urinal company?
I don't think so.
Maybe.
I feel like if you're making urinals,
you're making bogs.
It makes sense to do both.
Part and parcel.
Yeah.
It seems like you'd leave money on the table otherwise.
You already have access to the location.
They're already hiring you to do half the job.
I'm sure if you're specking out a new building,
you don't want to talk to two different companies
for one bathroom. You probably don't, no.'t want to talk to two different companies for one bathroom.
You probably don't, no.
You want to do a company that's gonna...
You don't want to have a tile guy and a sink guy and a towel dispenser guy and a toilet guy and a urinal guy.
Dyson Airblade guy.
Yeah. It's a lot of guys.
So, uh, I'm sorry. I was just looking at your... There's a urinal that's more expensive than a port-a-potty
this is crazy
so are we just not going to address the
Andrew's name
we can talk about it
because Eric would be telling us to end it at this point
the whole reason we were fucking
we recorded this early
no it was for the port-a-potty
it had nothing to do with your name
so we got that.
But Andrew just, when our power was off, Andrew just made,
because the person who edited episode 38 of F*** Face
didn't have time to upload it before the power went out.
It was sat there on a computer that couldn't be turned on, I assume,
and internet that didn't work.
So Andrew made a small piece to go up in its place letting people
know that it'll be delayed i did once again very courteous person thinking about everybody else
what did you say in that piece for for the people that are listening now that may not have heard it
well i i may have uh revealed or said claimed that andrew payton Is an alias And like stage name of sorts
And is not my real name
My real name
And the proposed audio
Raymond Sommar
I don't see why this is crazy
I played that to Meg
And she was just like sat back
You know just like listening
When you said that she like leapt forward on the couch
And was like no
There's no way Yeah it's a thing and was like, no, there's no way.
Yeah, it's a thing that happened.
And I was like, there's no way.
Well, maybe how do we want to do?
Do you want to ask questions about it?
Because I feel like there's doubt by both of you.
Independently, I got a lot of suspicion.
Understandable.
If it was a bit, I would say it wasn't a bit.
So I get it.
Wait, are you telling us how you're going to lie about it? No, I'm saying if I was doing a bit, if this is a bit, I would say it wasn't a bit. So I get it. Wait, are you telling us how you're going to lie about it?
No, I'm saying if I was
doing a bit, if this was a bit,
I would claim it wasn't a bit.
So I understand the
suspicion. Which makes it difficult for
us to get to the bottom of whether
you're actually named Raymond So Mayor
or not. Yeah.
Because if it was a bit, I'd say it wasn't a bit.
But you already had that twitter
account yeah well i had okay so do we want to get into the through the history of of the is this
the next episode where are you are you maintaining that you were born raymond somer not andrew panton
i'm saying it's not impossible we're gonna get nothing out of him, Jeff. Well, thanks for tuning in
for another episode of Face.
I believe this was episode 40.
Hope you had a good time. Next week
we'll intend to get
to the bottom of this, but we did this week as well
and here we are. Thanks for
listening and
like and subscribe or
send us a rate. Your way
or their way or whose way.
But hey, see you next week.