F**kface - The Ultimate Question Fart//Biology Homework [9]

Episode Date: July 29, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about tying up loose ends, recorded farts, accidentally making money, and the latest trend. Sponsored by Manscaped. Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code ​FACE​ at http://manscaped.com Also sponsored by Raycon. Get 15% off your order at http://buyraycon.com/face! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. On your mark, get set, go. Hello and welcome to another episode. Jesus Christ. Andrew. That was loud. That was very loud, Jeff.

Andrew, was I too loud? Or did you step on me? I said ready, set, go. You said ready, set, go. You said ready, set, go. I was excited. We haven't done this in a while. You blasted right off. You've got to think, Jeff, that people might start this podcast as the first thing they did that day.

They don't know where they left their volume. They could be sleeping next to someone. Someone could be in bed next to them asleep, and you've just blasted their eardrums. I will ramp it up in case it's the first thing they do. Okay. Could you come in with less energy? Do you want to do that again? Do you want to repeat it?

If you'll shut the fuck up. Come with less and with more. Okay. It's loud. Hello and welcome to F*** Face. A podcast about friendships and feet and monkeys and baseball cards. My name is Jeff. Accurate.

I'm Gavin. I'm Andrew. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Yeah, I am. It's not a question. How's it going, guys? Oh, you know, pretty good.

Pretty good. After the Lost podcast, we were talking about Coolio. We were talking about Stevie Wonder. So I started listening to those songs. And I found this amazing clip from the billboard awards in 1995 where stevie wonder just walks out into the middle of gangster's paradise and starts singing it with them it was amazing what's your news i bet that was a really cool moment actually yeah they were like trading lyrics back and forth it was amazing i'm gonna go ahead and guess that was the highlight of Coolio's life.

I mean, what a cool one to have. But goddamn, getting to sing with Stevie Wonder on stage, probably not something I'm going to do. Yeah, and Stevie Wonder was singing Gangsta's Paradise, but then Coolio and LV are singing Pastime Paradise. It was top. Fucking, they flipped the script. That's pretty cool.

Stevie Wonder is blind right? he's blind? it's one of the things people know about him although a lot of people say he's actually not blind at all well that's what I was going to say how far was that walk? that's almost impressive listen Gavin and I and Gavin I'm sure you know where I'm going with this

Gavin and I lived with a blind woman for a year. And blind people are better at seeing, not seeing than anybody with two or three or four eyes on earth. We have too many senses. We lived with Daredevil. She could see way better than I could. And I can see. Yeah, it was amazing. She could smell like better than I could, and I can see. Yeah, it was amazing.

She could smell like... It was unbelievable. She's an unbelievable woman, our friend Patricia. She's also an Olympian. Yeah. Wow. So, pretty impressive lady. But yeah, blind people can see way better than people with eyes, I think.

Yeah, not using their eyes. Yeah, not trying to discriminate in any way. It's just, I don't know how that works. It's impressive. No, I'm not. I'm giving him props. That was an achievement. Or it wasn't.

I don't know how blind this looks. I don't think it looks. Okay. Well, you're doing well so far. We were talking earlier, Gavin, before you got here, about how we joke about how this podcast has kind of ruined our friendships because we don't want to talk off camera yeah it's a little waste it's it's almost making andrew and i adversarial we realized we were both talking in the like the lobby before the recording

and uh i wanted to talk about what i wanted to talk about but i didn't want him to hear it and he felt the same way to the point we were we were avoiding talking to each other about F*** Face in the F*** Face lobby. Is that why the second I arrived in the lobby, you were like, roll, roll audio now. Let's go. Because it was getting real awkward. I got some farts sent to me. I did.

I sent you some farts yesterday. I'm jealous. I didn't get farts. Why did I get farts? Because I wanted you to hear them for the first time on. I want you some farts yesterday. I'm jealous. I didn't get farts. Why did I get farts? Because I wanted you to hear them for the first time on. I want to get your genuine reaction. What about his? You didn't get his genuine reaction?

I respect his reaction less. Dude, I got a fart because I was talking about how my farts are lame and they all kind of sound like questions. Jeff sent me the ultimate question. You know, I'm going to just go ahead and play you. We've talked about my question fart in previous episodes, I think. And I'll play this one for you right now. This is the question fart of all question farts, I think.

Here we go. Hopefully you can hear it. It's ponderous, as if to say. What is the context? It's like you were doing a to say, what is the context? It's like you were doing a task that you were enjoying and someone said your name. And you're like, hmm? Yes.

Yes. I went back and curated like 60 farts yesterday and deleted a bunch and recorded a bunch. And I'm glad you actually brought it up, Gavin. It was one of the things that I wanted to talk about today. And I'll get back to it in a second. I was avoiding telling Andrew earlier that I did something this week that I have never done before. I went back and I listened to old episodes of F*** Face. Oh. Yeah, I don't really listen to...

I'm one of those people that doesn't like to listen to himself because all I can hear is how dumb I sound. And so you guys were hilarious, by the way. But my performances are C- at best. Anyway, so I went back and I listened to a couple episodes of F*** Face. And I took some notes and I realized there's some loose threads out there and things that I wanted to talk about. Not the least of which was the fart thing. And then Andrew mentioned he had a couple of notes as well.

So I was going to pull them up and see if you guys didn't mind if we just go through it. Absolutely. It's like a cleaning house, you know, tying up some loose ends. Loose ends. First off, Andrew, how is your foot? Oh, my foot?

My foot is better than it was. Still not great. A little bit better, though. What is that? Like on a scale of 1 1 to 10 10 being normal 1 being? Misery misery, okay, we're doing reverse in my head. I was going like one normal 10 misery. I'd say it's about a 4 That's better great. That's not that's that's only that's only three up from James Caan in misery That's why I started it too, so I'm up through four.

Okay. Things are looking up. Are you doing physical therapy or anything? No. No. No, I'll figure it out. I'm good. What are you going to figure out?

Well, I didn't mention this. I don't think you know this, Gavin. I learned like nine months after doing the chicken dinner challenge, which is the PUBG thing I did. Yeah. I had a partially dislocated wrist for like nine months. I had no idea. What? I didn't realize it.

Yeah, it just, it really hurt. Like whenever I tried to like put any pressure on that hand, it would really cramp up on my wrist. It was really painful. So instead of going to a doctor, you were just sat there for nine months trying to figure it Out no well no I didn't I thought I sprained it like this brain sucks He was rubbing dirt on it and walking it off. Yeah, it's doing like the old method. I'd leeches. I got this figured out Throw some snakes on it No, yeah, I just sucked and I didn't I thought wow this sprain stinks

I hate having this brain and then like nine months passed and it would flare up and I noticed it at other times And then I looked well, how long does a sprain take to heal and it said like four days like And I was nine months in I thought oh, that's not I don't have a sprain, I don't think. This is bad. And so then I just started trying to roll it whenever I could. And one day I rolled it across my knee and the entire forearm like snapped, like everything adjusted. And then it was good. Zero pain. Back to normal.

Have you been rolling your foot over things? Trying to get a snap? No, the toe doesn't work that way. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure I can't heal it that way. So you relocated your wrist on your own without any medical advice? Yeah. Nice, I'm impressed. Well, I don't know if it's impressive.

I wouldn't give me props for that, but it worked. You're a real Canadian mountain man there, Andrew. I couldn't be less, but sure. I'll take it. Might want to consider seeing a doctor, just for the hell of it. Maybe if you get bored on a Wednesday or something. You know what I am actually going to do soon, though?

What's that? Doctor. Who needs doctor? I have some good news. I've been meaning to bring this up. Keeps slipping my mind. Very good news. This is, yeah, this is a great moment to do it. They are relaxing the restrictions to entering long-term care facilities where I live. That's some good news. You know what that means?

I can get my hair cut soon. We're getting there. Step by step. It's coming up. That's one of the things i want to talk about today actually okay we'll get to later i i think we might be doing back-to-back episodes again so if we don't get to it this episode we'll get to it the next but i'm glad you brought up getting your haircut because that that plays into something i just feel like if you accidentally bring the virus

in there that could be the most damaging haircut history has ever seen You could wipe out an entire care home I've been in quarantine For like how long have we been doing this I barely go out I'm good Four months That long It feels longer You have to restart your timer

Based on when you've emerged from the Bathroom after your move I think That's true. That's true. Oh, man. Next thing I wanted to talk about, a couple episodes ago, we mentioned Andrew won a Microsoft Surface by spinning a wheel,

spinning his Microsoft reward points. First off, I wanted to know if that Surface came in, and if so, if you like it or if you dislike it. So yeah, kind of, this is a very, of course, this is how it would work for me. Turns out, you don't get the Surface. You get given store credit to the value of the product you want.

So you had to then buy the Surface. Well, it's funny you mention that. I guess you could buy anything then. Yeah, that's, I was like, wow, this is, I'm like a kid in a candy store, I can get whatever I want with this credit, this is exciting. I think I'm gonna get the surface anyway. I've kind of, the tablet I have is old, I can use a new tablet, this is perfect.

And I go to buy it, and it sold out. So I won a sold out prize. Couldn't claim it if I wanted to. So that was my big win. did you go for something else or you're just gonna hold the credit oh I did and that was a nightmare too I uh I've always wanted an elite controller for the xbox I've never had one that's so good I've never had one I've always wanted one I thought this is it this is the perfect time so I ordered one and funny enough when we're recording the last

time we recorded i got a phone call from a private number and i thought that's i don't know whatever i just threw my phone and then it clicked that's probably the controller and so it turned into it was he didn't know where to find my place and it turned into a whole nightmare the website said one thing i called to arrange the delivery at another place. It was a disaster. I ended up finding it, but they didn't want to give it to me because I didn't have an ID with my current address on it. So it became a whole negotiation. I ended up walking away with it,

but that's close to my prize being a controller I couldn't get. That was almost my big win. It almost ended up in the Australian postal system somewhere. Yes. Exactly. So did you get a Series 2? I got a Series 2, yeah. Oh, it's so good.

Is it great? Are you happy? Oh, it's awesome. I mean, I don't use the paddles at all because I don't need to for how I play. That's the first thing I took off. But I don't know what I do with the paddles because I play with my finger curves.

I use the paddles. If I'm not using the paddles in the game, I've set my volume on the paddles, so I just use them to control my telly. I can do that? Yeah, you can do that. That's good to know. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's very convenient. I take those paddles off immediately like Andrew and throw them in a drawer, but I wouldn't mind

changing the volume. Yeah, I taught myself how to use them. I usually have jump, crouch, scope, and sprint on my paddles in the same place for every game and it works pretty well that's pretty you would think you'd be better given that oh no it doesn't help me play at all i just have to move my thumbs less well i'm glad to hear that your surface turned into probably a much more useful honestly uh elite 2 controller uh but that uh reminded me that at some point gavin mentioned that he had something like 26 000 microsoft reward points lifetime or some shit yeah and uh i got to wondering i wonder

how many i have so i looked it up and about an hour ago would either of you care to guess how many lifetime microsoft reward points i have so basing it on the fact that we all used your credit card for years and years, I'd be blown away if you had lifetime less than $50,000. Are these prices right rules? Can I go one? I don't give a shit. You can do it. We're not competing for anything.

I'm doing one. It's always a competition. Okay, well, that was stupid. I have apparently, as of one hour ago, That was stupid. I have apparently, as of one hour ago, 354,248 Microsoft reward points at my disposal. So fuck you.

I'm rich. I'm retiring. I'm cashing out. You're going to hit that pinata. You're going to win store credit for the sold out Surface. And you're going to have to buy other stuff and sell that. Then you'll be rich.'m gonna retire on elite two controllers That's a lot of points. It's a lot of points

Are you gonna thump the pinata see if you win anything at some point we killed the pinata the pinata is dead I last time I looked it's not there. I think people started playing that after all right about it. We beat it to death Yeah, it's dead people started playing that after we talked about it. We beat it to death. It crashed my browser in the recording when I was doing it, and I've never been able to load that page again. I'm pretty sure I can use it for hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in gift certificates and stuff, from what I can tell. That's awesome.

If there's a pinata or a wheel, I would rather throw caution to the wind and gamble with it. Anyway, all you have to do is never spend or look at your Microsoft reward points and let an entire company charge stuff to your personal credit card. And there you go. I think they expire, which makes that even more impressive. Oh, God, don't tell me that. My fortune is dwindling away.

Also, one other little thing some people have pointed out and uh i wanted to apologize and issue a retraction throughout the course of the last few podcasts andrew and gavin have repeatedly referred to jane goodall uh as diane fossey uh and diane fossey as jane goodall and for shame you guys got it backwards i should have stopped you it wasn't what are you talking about i have no idea what you're saying you you referred to uh jane goodall uh as uh as gorillas in the mist but that was actually diane fossey oh so you're saying the thing that you said is something that we said what you said is the thing yes okay okay well i'm very sorry about that it's okay you're you're forgiven i think okay uh also wanted to uh I know that there was some confusion recently, and it was maybe yes, maybe no,

but I went ahead and I just wanted to clear it up. I went and I looked, and I can confirm that Halo 4 is in the Master Chief collection. So now that definitively we know that it is there now, so no more cause for confusion there, guys. I got to the bottom of it. You're welcome. Oh, I also have an update

about something else we're talking about that I read in the comments. Thank you comments for informing me that One Night in Bangkok is indeed about chess because it's from a musical called Chess. I also saw that. That was one of my notes as well. Which I've never heard of, but that's great.

Congratulations, John, on that one. You were wrong there too. What else? Oh, a lot of people have asked me for an update on my pinky toe nail falling off. Like, is it growing back? What's happening? Is it gross?

Does it hurt? I'll be honest with you. I have made a decision in my life. It's a very personal decision to me,? I'll be honest with you. I have made a decision in my life. It's a very personal decision to me, but I will share it with you. Not to look. I have no idea how my toe is. I haven't looked at my foot since that day. I'm a little scared to. I don't feel any pain. Nothing feels out of whack. But I figure I'll just go a year or so without looking at it. And then maybe in 2021, I'll see if i have a pinky toe i mean maybe you just haven't had enough emotional support around looking like we're here now we're here

for you if you want to take a look just give it a glance i'm not gonna do i'm not looking i can't i appreciate it maybe maybe we'll do some sort of a charity drive maybe it's a maybe it'd be a stretch look at my looks at his own foot. Extra life. Hit this tier in extreme close-up. Jeff's foot. Jeff, do you want to talk about a different fart that you sent? Uh, yeah.

Well, I was going to. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get to the farts. I got a little thing I want to talk about. Because I can't wait for you to get to a fart that you sent to both of us. Okay. Both of you. You and Andrew? Yeah.

It wasn't the question fart? No. It was the one that you sent andrew i assume it was andrew i don't have andrew's phone number but i just guessed that that was probably the one is it the one where i shit my pants yes yes i didn't i didn't prep that fart i prepped other farts i didn't what do you mean but here's the thing right you sent me this fart and you sent it to andrew but i noticed that because i assume andrew doesn't have an iphone comes in as green and i think what that does is that compresses the file

because it knows it's not going to an iphone so it sounds like really old audio from like a phone like 20 years ago because i think it had to go to and too. So all of the fidelity of the fart is gone. And I said to you that it sounded like dash cam audio of a car crash. Well, in some ways it was a car crash in my swim trunks. How did you not prep that? That is very alarming. How many times have you shit yourself since that happened? Zero. That was the last time I shit myself.

It was not the last close call. You don't think that's worth's worth mentioning yeah andrew that's a good point that doesn't even register for jeff that was like it happened it's gone well yeah all right i'll try to i was gonna say i had a whole thing going where i was gonna you know a lot of people think that i am a perfect farter you know like i know that uh i'm kind of i've achieved a level of success partially through farting and fart related content and i think a lot of people think it comes naturally to me and that like all farts are magic or all farts are gold for me and that i'm in some way better uh that i'm a better farter than you and while that may be true i don't want you to think it's just pure talent and that's not something you can achieve it's kind of a 10 000

hours type thing. Uh, but, uh, you know, not all, not all farts are created equal. And I thought I would play a couple that are like, here's one,

uh, from just the other night. It's going to be hard for you to hear, but there's going to be the slightest, the slightest sound of, uh, like compressed air. Like that's the fart.

And, but you can hear my frustration at the end of it. Because I, I woke up at like three in the morning and I held it and held it and held it to find my phone to then put it up to my butt and then it happened. And so I just want you to guys to know

because I realize when we professionals, whether we're comedians or musicians, nobody puts the outtakes, right? You don't hear the finished album. You don't hear all the hours in the recording studio that you just threw in the fucking trash. So here's me at hours in the recording studio that you just threw in the fucking trash. So here's me at three in the morning trying to catch

gold, the golden anus, and falling a little bit short. So here, I hope this plays here. Freebirds. Oh wait, wrong one. That's funny. I didn't have these in order. You had time to prep. I did, I did. That one was labeled Freebirds. I didn't have these in order. You had time to prep.

I did. That one was labeled Freebirds. It wasn't. It was. Well, anyway. I'll bet this. We're just going to go through the farts and then I'll tell you what it was. All right. Here we are.

It's a waste. It's not loud enough. I'll have to boost it and get back to you. The Freebirds one is where you can start to hear my family getting sick of me. Okay. Oh, that's just a good-ass fart. I just said that to Gavin. Hold on.

How did you not organize these at all? I didn't organize them nearly at all. Your farts are not filed properly. They're just all in a bag. I know, I know, I know. Hold on, hold on. Freebirds. Yes, Dean, get that one.

I didn't finish it. You can't hear. I don't know if you can hear that, but that was Emily and Millie being disgusted by me. I sensed it. I got one of Millie doing homework the other day. Let's find that one real fast. Well, see, I hadn't had time.

I thought Gavin pushed me into the fart conversation. Sorry, I was really excited about that. No, yeah, no, I understand. How about biology homework? That's me helping Mill. How about biology homework? As we help a million with their biology Like a weird poetry if anyone in your family hears you just describe the moment They know a fart is coming. Oh, I think this might be me shitting myself SUV fart

I'll play it again. I'll play it again. It's perfect. Just get real quick SUV fart. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, that was it. That's the one. Here, I'll play it again. I'll play it again. It's perfect. Just get real quick. SUV fart. It really sounds like someone getting rear-ended. Yeah, that's a... Well, it was my shorts getting rear-ended by me.

Yeah, that was a wet one. It was a messy duty. I had to immediately wash those shorts. So you were in an SUV? You were in the car when that happened? Yeah, I started labeling my farts for you because you suggested it. And so now I try to put a little head and tail

on all my farts. And then, yeah, I try to give some context to what's going on in the world. Like, we were eating free birds for dinner when I did the free birds fart. You put a little too much tail on that the world. Like, we were eating free birds for dinner when I did the free birds fart. You put a little too much tail on that last one. Oh, man. That was way

too much tail. Yeah. But on the bright side, it disgusted my girlfriend who had to look at me run through our front yard, cupping my butthole in my hand and going, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll clean it up. So have you just completely let yourself go in front of her now uh not on purpose i wasn't perfect uh yes but i wasn't uh it wasn't what

i was gunning for it just kind of happened on that one so you you clearly stopped recording before you realized you'd shat yourself or maybe you stopped to have embarrassment but i feel like you should always leave a little bit more tail room uh no pun intended to just sort of take in and realize what has happened if anything i was so shocked and horrified i panic stopped but yeah no going forward i'm gonna try to be more present in the moment when i'm recording and i'll try to make sure that i don't i don't cut off early again because yeah that was uh that was really that was a real letdown that we I mean I'm happy that I caught myself how smug I felt at the beginning of the recording and then I caught myself literally shitting my pants but then we get none of my shame of which there was much so um yeah then uh

another thing I've been I think that's all my old notes from the past. Oh, no, it isn't. Andrew, did you ever draw your ups, your looking up face? No, I completely forgot I was supposed to do that. I forgot that was a thing. Yeah. I want to see your face. I'll prepare. Cause I still can't picture it. I still don't know what that means even. Yeah. I don't either. I think you're right. I don't think it makes sense visually, but. Is this something that we can commission?

Uh, no, I, you know, I think I could do it. I just, I don't, once again, I don't think it makes sense visually. Is this something that we can commission? I think I could do it. Once again, I don't have a paper. Well, I have a pen. What kind of person? I get that you might not have paper on you, but what kind of person can't get access to paper within the next hour? Like walk to a printer? We're doing a podcast.

I can't take this with me. I can't throw this in a backpack. What do you want me to do? Well, just before the next podcast, What do you mean? I can't take this with me. No, I know. I can't throw this in a backpack. What do you want me to do? Well, just before the next podcast, see if you can do it. Well, I forgot. I will. I promise I will. I forgot it was a thing.

Do this. Spray the fire extinguisher on the floor and then draw it in the fire extinguisher. Yeah, that'll work great. And maybe Jeff and I were playing a duel with our notes. I could have done it before we recorded, but we're in a fucking duel. It's very intense. This episode is brought to you by Manscaped. Summer's in full swing,

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That's buyraycon.com slash face for 15% off Raycon wireless earbuds. That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot C-O-M slash F-A-C-E. Do it. That's pretty much it for my notes andrew so i would like to cede the rest of the podcast to yours okay uh well mine is just sort of like a what's been happening because we haven't talked since july 3rd right right before july 4th i think i accidentally made a hundred dollars i'm not positive I did. I feel like it would be illegal, what I did. It feels like a scam. It feels like too

good of a scam to be something that actually happened, but I think I made $100 on a refund. I think it's possible. I pre-ordered something months ago, like a few months ago, and then I canceled my pre-order. And I think it was a product in a different country, so it had an exchange rate on it.

And I think the economy has shifted to where on my refund, I got $100 back. Like $100 more than what I put in. I don't think that's illegal. That just seems like I'd never, I think I profited on a refund and and it was totally accidental that must have been an expensive item if it fluctuated by a hundred dollars it was pretty expensive it's uh it's called currency manipulation and you are going to federal prison oh right can we can we edit this pot this we can edit this right no this is live this is live to tape and uh okay yeah. Yeah. It goes on Jeff's tape. Yeah, it goes live to my tape, and then I release it to the FBI.

No, it's not illegal. I think that there are rules around it if you're doing it as a practice, but I think you just got lucky. Oh, that's great. Legally lucky. Yeah, congratulations. Yeah, I'm up. That was good.

It's a good thing that's happened. What are you going to spend $100 on? Oh. Surface? Oh. Surface? Ooh. I could. I could with the credit I have left. I can get a Surface.

I like where your head's at, Gavin. This is a great idea. I could draw the face on the Surface, right? You can draw on tablets? That's what I was hoping, yeah. Wow. I won't need paper. This is genius.

And with any money left over, you can use the Surface to buy hamburgers, which is its intended purpose anyway. That's true. That is the main goal. I wonder how many burgers you could buy. How many points did you say you had? 325,000 or so, I think. 325,000. I'll look into that. But when we're talking about that, while I'm looking into that. that um but we're talking about that um while i'm looking into that so i was i was sitting at my desk since the last time we spoke and uh there are there's some stuff happening out my window there are a bunch of cops a bunch of people something had happened outside and so i kind of walked away for a minute i was watching from my window and uh i saw these people a lot of cops a lot of people and i noticed this woman with two bags

and she like kind of walked past the cop and I thought that's interesting this seemed something might be happening here what's in those bags it was like a mini investigation I was like where where's she going what's she gonna do so I was watching her and she walked past the cop then she started walking down a little bit and she went up this little hill and I could see it's the back of a business and they have like a grass parking lot like that's also weird this is what she got is she planning the bags like what what's in the bags what's gonna happen and she keeps walking a little bit more and then all of a sudden she takes her pants down and goes into a deep squat and i'm now watching this this homeless woman pee that was my day god that was i was shocking it went from like

is this a mystery what What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen? Oh god, that one was peeing. That one was peeing. I didn't want to see this. What was your reaction? That was my reaction. Oh god.

I didn't want to see this. It was a side profile. I couldn't see anything. But I could see the act. It was not good. I did not anticipate. This is perfect for something for me i love this this is great you love a homeless peeing story no no no it goes right into the peeing perv okay yeah no that's

great i this was not premeditated i this was not a good event in my life but but there's a payoff to this which is okay so i watched the pee and that was terrible and so then an hour later like an ambulance shows up i'm like well what's going on now and so i'm looking at the ambulance and then i noticed the back of the business door open that the person peed in the line of and i'm just watching this person with a garbage bag over their head and they're walking down the steps and i'm just watching saying she's gonna walk and pee that woman's gonna walk through pee and she absolutely walked through pee I felt so bad it was like watching a horror movie and I'm being able to yell at the characters there's nothing I could do to communicate

don't step through that she totally could have yelled well I well yeah well that'd be weird why am I gonna just yell from my balcony? The pee! What would you have yelled if you'd have had slightly more warning? I think I just would have yelled pee. I would have yelled, hey, pee, pee, you, pee. That wouldn't have helped anyone. You're not describing anything, you just sound like a madman. Yeah, but sometimes when you describe people don't know, there's a lot of people, they're gonna look at me, you think, like, I don't know, I don't think I could have helped. I had like a five second window.

I feel like you could have yelled, That is a massive puddle of piss. Well, I didn't- I also didn't know if they'd walk through it. There's a possibility they wouldn't. You don't want to think like you overreacted. Yeah, and then also, jeff's point i seem super fucking weird am i the p guy like now i'm the p guy like this is a coincidence that i'm not the p guy it happened once it was a coincidence no i'm not yeah i witnessed it that was terrible i felt bad she probably still doesn't know she walked through p

he well maybe she listens to face and she's about to find out and she's gonna say like oh those were brand new shoes i saved up months and months and months for them they were like limited edition like nike sbs like i don't know and uh and and and they're one of only 300 made and uh and i just trudged through homeless piss and if only if only andrew had stopped me he could have saved to me the indignity of i don't think it's following in your what would you have said stop well what she's gonna know there's nobody stops if you're yelling at a crowd of people to stop i don't think most people stop i think maybe a few do i think you'd get lucky at that i'm i'll be honest with you i don't know what I would do in the moment, but I don't think the moment would happen

because I wouldn't be a peeping Andrew from the beginning. You don't. If there's an ambulance outside your window, you do not peek at the ambulance. You weren't looking at the ambulance. You were looking at a homeless lady peeing in the back. I didn't know. First of all, it's the back of a business, not a back alley. This is a very public area. Second of all, I didn't. That first of all it's the back of a business not a back alley. This is a very public area

Second of all I didn't that's not what I wanted. I thought I was getting a mystery Jeff I thought this is gonna be a good mystery. You got a mystery and you solved it. The mystery of is Andrew a peeping Tom Yes, no, no if I did if you'd have known That okay So if you knew that I was about to watch you walk through piss and i didn't say anything and you just walked through all the piss would you be annoyed at me uh well if we if i said what the like if what's the context is just you and i is it the same scenario what is the context oh yeah so i'm you in your situation you're okay no i'm you you're her no

you're you're the person who was walking through the piss and i call you two hours later i'm like andrew you walked through a piss today and you're like i'm like i watched you do it and you're like why didn't you warn me i'll be like i don't know what to say yeah i never tell the person if i knew them personally i would never tell them right but if i if i did know you would you be annoyed that i didn't scream out watch out for the piss puddle i would have said why didn't you warn me and then you would have been like me and said, what am I supposed to say? And then I would have said, good point.

There's nothing. That's just chaos is in motion. You can't stop it. There's too much momentum. Here's how it would really go. Gavin, hey, Gavin, earlier today, do you remember we were hanging out? Yeah.

And I waved at you and you came over. You walked through a puddle of a homeless lady's piss. Oh, did you wave me over so I would walk through the piss 100% I steered you toward the urine I don't like you anymore. I know okay Goodbye fair enough This did you know I didn't expect to get slandered by Jeff which I should have foolish on my part Slender, but this this reminds me of something Watch this Gavin. I thought it giving me time is dangerous, and I had time okay

We last recorded this Jeff say something slanderous about me. You call me out once again Andrew I think this face face face I just fucking weaponized our show name against you whenever we need to but weaponized the show name

why haven't we been doing this if you extended the first word in our show name for like 10 seconds would it be a 10 second bleep? I don't think well. I don't think so. No, I don't think. That was Eric's creative decision. I don't know. I think if it's followed by face, it would have to be.

Face. Yeah, that was bleep. I think you probably, I think this, hold on. Your mic. Face? Yeah, I don this, hold on. Your mic. Face? Yeah, I don't think. My mic cut out. I didn't hear anything. I got bleeped already.

I got bleeped before I cut. God damn it. That was a live one. That was a dumb name for this show. It was a dumb name. Eric is typing, this is terrible. Huh. What does that mean? Like a terrible

audio experience? Oh, he's like, this isn't a good show. Oh. It's an indictment on our ability to entertain, I would assume. That's rude. It didn't work. I tried to f*** face him. It didn't work. It's still just seeing his. Also, have you

noticed, like, as much as we try and pretend that all of the listeners to this podcast aren't already aware of us on roosterteeth have you noticed that if you type face on our own website this podcast doesn't come up you actually have to type the asterisks that's mental i think it's for all of them right i don't think it's just this site It's a real shame because It's a good one but you really gotta put the work in If you listen to F*** Face you deserve it because you

Put some effort into Getting there Congratulations your reward is you get to listen to a Really funny dude and a British guy And a piss fetish kid God damn it I just got Two f***s off Shit and a piss fetish kid. Fuck, fuck, god damn it. Slow. I just got two fucks off.

Shit. I gotta be quick on the draw now. You're very proud of yourself. That was great. That went really well. That was great. That reminds me of, speaking of proud

and fuck face as a podcast and directions to go in and stuff. As you know, I wanted to, I wanted to approach the subject to you guys. As you know, maybe this will be the last thing we talk about before we end up. Cause we get, we should probably wrap up soon and, and then stop and record another one. Uh, which by the way, get ready, Andrew, your P thing is definitely involved in the next

episode. I don't like it. I already see where it's going. I don't know. Okay. So I listened to a lot of other radio and podcasts. If you know me, and you two do, but if you're listening, you might not know me. Why would

you? We've probably never met. But I have listened to The Howard Stern Show my entire life, since 1995 or so, and I listen to a lot of other podcasts because this is basically all I've ever tried to do is be a shitty version of Howard Stern meets Joan Rivers my entire life.

But the other day on the Howard Stern show, I noticed a thing that they did where Sal, a person who's on the show, Sal the Stockbroker, just a normal dude, a little weird. But he's got a long foreskin. His foreskin's like, they say like three inches long as it hangs. And he was able to pull his foreskin up and around and stick it in his own butthole. So he was able to like push his foreskin, not his penis, because he's a normal dude. He doesn't have a giant cock. But he was able to push his foreskin, because it's so pliable, into his butthole so that his butt was eating his foreskin, essentially. Like a rubberous.

Yes. Kind of like that picture you drew of your brother. Then I was listening to your mom's house podcast, which is the Tom Segura, Christina Prusicki podcast. They're famous comedians. And on their show, they had a dude on who they'd found on Twitter or TikTok or something. And I apologize. I don't remember the guy's name, but I think he's maybe a gay porn star. But he's also kind of like a from what i understood from the podcast he's also kind of like a johnny knoxville jackass kind of guy like they were describing he does a lot of like sex related stunts and then puts him up on social

media like he uh they were saying that he stuck a dildo on the front of a skateboard and then like they had somebody ride the skateboard up a ramp and into his butthole. You know, like that kind of stuff. Well, that guy, that guy was able to take his balls are so big. He was able to take his balls and shove both balls in his asshole. And then, well, then I think he proceeded to masturbate because it was like a porno or something. But he was able to fit his balls in his butt. And Sal on the Howard Stern Show was able to put his foreskin in his butt. And I like to stay abreast of popular trends. And that's obviously, I mean, both of those happen within two weeks of each other. You can make the claim that one was maybe copying off the other or just great ideas happen all the

time. But I'm taking it as a sign that one of you two needs to put something of you in you i don't think i've ever been so horrified when the introduction to that was your story's gonna fit perfectly with this not knowing what the expectation was gonna be at the end that was horrifying yeah i mean firstly there go the sponsors for this one again. And secondly, how do you pee through a three inch foreskin? You can be circumcised and still have one. Yeah, he apparently it's messy and he constantly has to clean out

the inside of his foreskin with paper, with like toilet paper and apparently toilet paper gets stuck in there and it's a whole thing. I'm just really, I mean, but you don't have a,

I know you're not circumcised, but I don't think you have a three inch foreskin. I don't think you got a big and a big utter dangling from the top of your dick like he does yeah not even close it's like it's like a deflated balloon it's like an oversized turtleneck yeah situation yeah it's like it's like Steve Jobs's. Oh. What? So do you think that guy could fit his giant balls up the foreskin of the other guy?

Oh, yeah. They made a big thing. I mean, to my knowledge, these shows don't know each other exists, let alone the people. But, I mean, I know that one time

they've done a lot of stunts on Stern where they'll put stuff in Sal's dick. And I know one time, I've done a lot of stunts on Stern where they'll put stuff in Sal's dick. And I know one time, I want to say he put like 25 M&Ms in his foreskin at once. So I would assume he could fit another man's testicle in there. That's the worst, like, guess how many are in the jar game ever.

That's the funniest thing you've ever said god damn you're funny for a sex criminal i'm gonna get you one day i'm gonna count on one of those one day this isn't embarrassing it's like we're having a duel and I'm getting my shot off after I'm dead. I am so slow on the draw. Like you shot a bird in the air as you're falling. Yeah, exactly. That's what I took out with me. Anyway, long story perfectly timed and told. I don't expect either of you to come up with something off the top of your head.

Why are we involved in this? Well, it's great. It's a great question and it's a great point and I have a great answer for you. On the Howard Stern show, Howard Stern doesn't put the foreskin in his butt. Sal does,

another member of the show. On the Tom Segura, Your Mom's House podcast, Tom Segura doesn't put his balls in his own anus. Somebody who's there from the show to entertain does. So it wouldn't make sense for me

to put anything in me because I'm the Tom Segura or Howard Stern of this. It's got to be show to entertain does. So it wouldn't make sense for me to put anything in me because I'm the Tom Segura or Howard Stern of this. It's got to be one of you guys. We're like the Robin or the Fred, though. We're not the Sal's of this podcast. That's a good point. Well, I mean, I would say that maybe that's up for interpretation. And listen, Gav, I'm not asking you to do it right now.

I'm just saying I want you to think about it and we'll come back to the table. I mean, you're a person. Two things. First off, now you get me riled up because A, I know that you would let me shit in your pants, in your lap, because we've talked about that extensively

to the point where we got so gross that we had to cut most of the conversation out of this podcast because we all agreed that we were on the conversation out of this podcast because we all agreed that we were on the wrong side of gross over funny i would say the whole balls and foreskin is on the wrong side as well no no that's up here on two different very popular podcasts or radio shows way more popular than us uh and the other thing is you were gonna let me you wanted to stick mentos in your asshole and then a funnel and then fill it with Coke and then watch Mentos and Coke explode out of your butthole.

And I had to stop you because I saw a video where it looked like a guy's asshole died. And I'm pretty sure, though, once again, that was you saying you should put Mentos in your asshole. And I was like, I mean, you know, OK. You were all about it. You were like, get the Mentos. I don't think I can fit anything in there. And I had to back us off.

I had to back us off. So I know you're up for it. If what we're going on is like, you know, the sows of the show doing these things, that's not Andrew or myself. That's Eric. Okay, that's fair. That's fair.

Eric, if Eric can fit something of Eric's in Eric, I would accept that. Eric, how do you feel about it? No, thank you. I'll take that as a maybe. Anyway, this is just a jumping off point. We'll discuss it as we go forward. I'm sure Eric heard the Your Mom's House episode and the Stern

episode for that matter. Eric, weigh in. What do you think? Is this the future of radio and podcasting? No, I hope not. F*** face. He said yes. He said yes. Just anyone who's face. He said yes. He said yes. Just anyone who's curious.

He said yes. Andrew, you got to get faster. You got to be ready. I think Eric's in a grumpy mood because I just mentioned his like two favorite things in the world except for wrestling. And he is like all like... You just told me to put something of myself inside myself and you want me to be thrilled. I told you to consider something of myself inside myself, and you want me to be thrilled. I told you to consider it. Okay, no.

I'm hearing maybe from you. That's fine. We're not looking for a commitment today. I'm just thinking if we all want this podcast to succeed, I think we follow in the footsteps of legends. I want it to succeed. I don't think I have the natural talent to do that, Jeff. Even if I was on board, I could train for years. I don't think I could ever pull that off. I don't think there's anything I could do on that level. We'll have to get creative. Like I said,

Rome wasn't built in a day. I'm sure that it took Sal and that dude a while to figure out the mechanics, let alone to have the idea you know to have the inspiration that light bulb moment and then figure out will the light bulb fit in my ass or is that dangerous let's find something else it wasn't built with foreskin either i have a serious question but this is getting ridiculous i have a serious question about this if sure sal farted with his foreskin up his ass would it inflate and get stuck? I would assume so. Could you inflate your foreskin like a balloon? We're doing back-to-back,

so I can't do an update on this one. I'll find a doctor. I'll talk to a doctor about this. I'll get some info. I'll see if we can figure this out. That's a great question. Ask the Jane Goodall Institute, right? You've got a line in there.

They've got doctors. Just quickly, I'd like to point out that Jeff has positioned himself like the Howard Stern or Tom Segura of this podcast. The majority of this episode is Jeff playing his own farts something i don't think stern would do now so something something to consider

i guess on who's the sal and richard of this podcast all right touche i i have no defense of that well at least they were well organized you know i'd so listen i I realized that it doesn't matter. Even though I'm 45 and much older than you two, I have to do a lot of the heavy lifting and a lot of the heavy farting. Do you think you'll find farts funny in your 60s and 70s? I hope so, man. I hope so, too.

I think so. There's no way at this point. Absolutely. You will. It's never going away. I don't think it will. I mean, you know, yeah, because I'm still into the exact same shit I was into when I was 15.

I listened to the same bands sing the same songs. I ride my bicycle and I play video games and I read comic books sometimes. Like what else? Like why would farting change? You turn me on to a new song jeff uh that i've listened to maybe 10 times called we are the meat men and you suck what's that song about i think it's a musical that's a statement song for the band that's their name that is an old punk rock band from the early 80s and they they were incredibly... I feel like I should preface this. If you look up the Meatmen and you

listen to any of their songs, they are incredibly offensive. Yes, incredibly offensive. One of their most famous songs is One Down, Three to Go, and it's just about how we got rid of John Lennon, now we need to kill the rest of the Beatles. And there's probably some really, really offensive stuff in their catalog. I just... You just... I don't even know where it came from. You did one of those online polls. Trevor posted, you have to combine the day you were born with the date of birth or something.

And you get two funny words. And mine came out as Meat Men was the name of my band. Oh, right. Yeah. It was just taken. I saw them play live once at Emo's in 95, I want to say. It was a good show. But that is a band that the world has changed, has

moved on past that band. I'll just say that now. Hey, should we stop so we can start again? i think that makes sense all right uh well gavin i think you would ask to do the outro this week so go for it oh dude thanks for watching face andrew final thoughts don't have any keep up with it gavin take us to the end i realized i said watching did i say watching or listening i wasn't really listening you said watching he wasn't listening Back to you, Andrew

Not back to me, back to you Over to Jeff F*** face Well, you gotta say all this subscribe Oh, right, and thanks for watching No, no, we didn't do that Thank you for listening to f*** face You can technically watch it on the site

It comes up as a video on the site, so that's not incorrect. Yeah, you can't censor it. You can watch a black screen or a Rooster Teeth logo or a F*** Face logo or whatever. I mean, I assume you have eyes, even if you're listening to F*** Face, you're watching something with those eyes, unless your eyes are closed and then you're just listening to the

dulcet sounds of our dreamy voices in your head as they reverberate around. That's cool, too. As long as you have a good time doing it. And maybe like and subscribe. Tell some friends. I got to be honest with you. It's a challenge to name a podcast face and have it exist and continue to exist. So we got over the first hump in that they let us make it.

But now we have to keep making it. And that has a lot to do with you and your desire to listen to each episode 7,000 to 8,000 times. Thank you. Love you. Like you very much. You're okay.