F**kface - The Wedding // F**kface Fondue [184]

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff’s wedding, Gavins best man speech, Andrew's impressions, Immortality, Nick’s dancing, tattoos, if Andrew is actually his mother, the kid who might have killed his parents, the curly straw, gurpler straw race, Graysie’s method of recycling, the rehearsal dinner, Top Notch, throw up volume, the fruit throwing video, Fuegismo, TPG, Trucks, Shane MacGowan, F**kface cursed deaths, franchising The Melting Pot, reviewing the regulation sandwich photos, spoons, and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q Sponsored by Babbel http://babbel.com/FACE , MeUndies http://meundies.com/face , Füm http://tryfum.com code FACE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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one more time? Third time's a charm. Three, two, one. Action. Hello and welcome to another episode of the face podcast. My is jeff ramsey some folks call me a true american classic with me as always the pride of canada andrew pantin and

hello everybody british classic thank who you want an american classic you had to be there watch the bonus episode of Immortality on First, and you will get that reference. We wrapped up recording that episode about three minutes before we started recording this podcast, and just carrying it over. What did that homeless guy in the alley call you? He told me I was what's wrong with Austin.

Apparently what's wrong with Austin is being a true American classic, because that's what I've with Austin. Apparently, what's wrong with Austin is being a true American classic, because that's what I've been called. I think a lot of different people call you different things. Did you consider naming Anma What's Wrong With Austin? What a great title. What's wrong with Austin?

It's just a picture of me and Gus. Yes. These guys. Hey, how's everybody doing? Gavin, it's weird. I feel like I've been hanging out with Eric and Andrew for quite a bit now, but I haven't really seen

or talked to you in like two weeks. How have you been? I've missed you. I've been good. I've been waiting to talk to all you guys. So what have you been?

You just been playing games and that? Well, I was out of town for a while. What do you mean? You've just been playing. He got married and then he went on a honeymoon what are you talking about no i'm talking about all the time you guys have been spent together that i wasn't invited to oh we were recording podcasts okay i mean i recorded anma with eric on monday and then i talked to eric all the time you know because we're always talking about work stuff and then i've and then we recorded that whole immortality video like literally right before we did this.

So I just, I just, they're very, they're very top of mind. I've been hanging out with them all day. It feels like, and I just have missed you terribly. There's something I've been wanting to tell you since I last saw you.

And I haven't had the opportunity to tell you. And so, uh, uh, I'm just happy to finally be, even though we're not physically in front of each other, because I want to tell you, Gavin,

I love you so goddamn much. And the things that you said in your speech touched me to my core. Oh, it was very short. But no, it was very impactful. I think your wedding was the best wedding I've ever been to. How many weddings are we talking about? Oh, like, oh, I've probably done eight. Hell yeah, dude.

First out of eight hell yeah that's high for weddings really i feel like that's low for weddings oh yeah but gavin's a quality individual who only goes to quality weddings oh yeah i like to really not go to them so that i think eight is quite high for me got it got it got it uh i thought your speech was fantastic. I thought the short and sweet route was really nice and it was very heartfelt and I thought you and Millie both did really great jobs delivering your speech.

We sat at the same table and we were freaking out before the speeches so we compared speech lengths and I was very happy that ours were of similar length because I didn't want to be the shortest one but I felt like if someone else was as short as mine then you know that's sort of the vibe of the night i did something very similar emily and i wrote our own vows you know and so i made her write her vows first and then when she was happy with them i made her give

me a word count so that i could then match my words. Oh my God. I just didn't want to have less words than her. I didn't want to deliver like a 200 word thing and then have hers be like 800 words. And then I look like an asshole. So when I got her word count, I was like, I'll just stay in that ballpark. Then I know I'm, you know, I'm commiserate with her level of, you know. I tried to memorize my speech. So I kept walking off on my own into the corner and pacing around. But I realized I was just looking at letters and i wasn't actually memorizing any of it so i settled

for um oh then i was then i brought a pen and paper to the wedding and i was going to sneak off into a corner and write it off my phone onto paper and i i couldn't even do that so i ended up just reading off the notes app of my phone like a true 2023 best man. It was perfect. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Can I guess how his speech went? Yeah, please. Go for it. So it was short but sweet? Yeah.

Okay. And did he talk about Emily at all? I mean, it was a best man speech, so it was mostly about me. Just you. Okay. I'm going to guess it went something like, Jeff Ramsey is my monster munch. He's my Branston pickle spread.

I'm the bread and he's the spread. And we mix and match like cheese and Branston. Did you get a video of this? This is really good. Who leaked my speech? When did you turn into British Bill Cosby? Never. That's a tough one.

The sound of British quaaludes. Should I do a different gap? Oh, I'm going for free, and this is my Bratston pickle spread. And this spread represents my friendship with Geoffrey Ramsey. Or as I call him, an American classic. When you do an impression of anyone, and even an impression

of no one, like even if you do Johnny Caviar, who doesn't actually exist, it's always so atrocious, and I can't figure out why. Gavin Green! Whoa! Bird noises! Jeff, when I'm near you, my

heart beats two paces slower. You're not far off, but I just think you know. Double 07! That's what you sound like to him yeah when he hears you talk

he hears that that's fat that's actually a good point of what you guys sound like in my head compared to what you sound like in reality we're having fun in this brain yeah anytime Emily imitates me I sound like I have fucking

like eight IQ points total across my whole body it's always it's the worst to be mocked by the people you love the most but you do it constantly well yeah you gotta give you gotta give a little to get a little what are you talking

about I'm nice to you shut up shut up nice to you fuck Shut up. Shut up! I'm nice to you. Fuck off. I don't know why, but I was so feisty in that video. I just wanted to fuck with you the whole time. I couldn't do it. The beginning of the immortality video,

you must demand the director's cut of our... Yeah, release the director's cut of the immort yeah release the director's cut of the mortality immortality uh trailer it is a it's a thing gavin they just want us to record a thing that goes at the end of episode five to say hey we're doing a bonus video also and so i just started five episodes of it dude it's unbelievable it's so good it's so good it's unbelievable uh at the end of it here's a teaser. So I just started doing it, and then Andrew just started yelling at us, and I didn't understand why at all.

There was no need to be so upset. We did a great intro, and then his thing crashed, and then we just did it again. Eric said what we were talking about. I was like, I think that was a pretty good recording after we finished episode six, and he goes, the first 20 minutes of that were just really mean for no reason.

Anyway, it was a fucking, it was a really beautiful speech and it was really, it warmed my heart and it was very sweet and I wanted to say thank you because I don't remember if I got a chance to say thank you to your face at the wedding. So what better way to do it than on the internet on a podcast? Oh, I'm glad you liked it. I was, well, as you know, I technically am a paid performer in my career. Yeah. Talking in front of people, I just can't do it. I don't know how people do that. It's not fun. I'm right there with you.

Especially the more people who you know, it's so bad. I feel like I've freaked out less talking in front of thousands of people at RTX. But give me 50 people who know me. Jesus. I actually thought after your best man speech. That's what I thought. I actually thought after your best man speech. I should start degrading my friendships now so that I don't have to give a best man speech. I should start degrading my friendships now so that I don't have to give a best man speech in the future.

Like if I start doing a little less with the people around me, maybe I'll fly a little under the radar and then I won't have to have the pressure of what Gavin just went through. Because I did that to you and I pulled a grenade and I just stuck it in your pocket and I said, figure this out. And then I watched you stress through the process for months and I felt terrible it in your pocket and I said you know and I said figure this out and then I watched you stress through the process for months and I felt terrible all along the way I actually offered

I thought at some point like maybe I should just offer to write it for him and then he doesn't have to worry about it he doesn't have to read it but well what was interesting is that it was it was scheduled pretty deep into the wedding it was well the wedding was at like six and best man speech was at nine yeah there was all kinds.

Well, they had to... The format had to get fucked with a little bit to make room for the drag performance because we were on like a window, so we had to alter stuff to fit that in. That makes sense. Anyway, I had some observations from the wedding. I had one observation from the wedding.

I thought like... Because, you know, they say that, uh, they say that like, try to take it in cause your wedding is going to fly by. You're never going to talk to everybody you want to talk to. You're, you're not even gonna remember what the food tasted like.

It's going to just be a blur. And so try to take stock and try to take notes and try to pay attention so that's, you know, so that you can retain some of that joy. And it was definitely the case for me. Like I felt like I barely saw Eric or Gavin or even Millie or Emily, for that matter. I barely saw my wife the whole time.

But so I took notes. And here is the sum total of my notes. Let me pull them up. Okay, here we go. Wedding. Nick is a big dancer. Oh, no. Really? I big dancer. Oh, no. Really?

I heard otherwise. That's interesting. Dude. Dude. No. Dude. I don't know. Here's the thing.

I think Nick is probably a medium dancer. I think Nick's wife is a big dancer. And by virtue of Nick being a very supportive husband, Nick was a big dancer and by virtue of Nick being a very supportive husband Nick was a big dancer all I know is that Nick was on the dance floor the entire night dancing his ass off with the biggest grin I didn't know Nick could smile that much he was in his element dancing with his wife and having so much fun it was It was joyous to watch. It was really fun. I'll tell you what really helped, Jeff, is the shoes that I had rent.

They were Reynolds with the suit that I had, and they were really slick. So as long as I had the beat, I could just slide across the floor just effortlessly. Oh, man, you rented shoes for me? I appreciate that, Nick. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you. At one point, y'all, I walked up to Jeffff uh and he was saying you're a big dancer huh and i i was just talking to him about how much i love the wedding and we appreciated everything and it was like you know

that stage you've had a couple of drinks and you're like i love you man it's good to see you you got a great family here and then he turned to me and he goes, yeah, they're all right. Well, I don't think I saw or noticed Nick's specific dance moves, but I imagine it as you're talking about it now. I imagine it being very pointy, like finger point. Did you whip out the index fingers, Nick, while you're dancing? Or is that just in my imagination? I think it's more fist, like kind of, you know, like swinging in the air. It's more sliding on the shoes for sure. I'll say this.

He's a good dancer. Like if there's like a like a video game version or like a whatever podcasting version of Dancing with the Stars, I would nominate Nick to be on the show. I didn't think I was a good dancer so I appreciate the compliment for one and for two

please don't ever put me in there. But no one should ever see that. Also, that was my only note from the wedding. When I looked back on it the next day, I was like, that was it. That's all I wrote down. Okay. So that's what I remember from the wedding

is that Nick was a good dancer. That whole thing about taking shit in. I thought I was doing that. Turns out I wasn't. I feel like Andrew has more notes from your wedding. He wasn't even at the thing. Oh, I got a lot of notes. We'll get to them in a second. I do have one other note and I feel like it's a little unfair to

give this one. It's not from the wedding. I wrote it down the next day. There's a video going around and I realize as I talk about it, I don't have it in front of me, so I'll have to get it to you guys. But there's a video going around and i realize as i talk about it i don't have it in front of me so i'll have to get it to you guys but there is a short video going around of a certain producer dancing on the dance floor that has been let me just say has been making the rounds i don't under i mean unless it's gracie and she was suddenly there it must be me but i don't i haven't seen the video.

Oh, it's you, all right. You are also quite the dancer. I feel like Gooch Pooch gets down. I love dancing, and I love dancing at weddings. It's a lot of fun. For the life of me, I could not get drunk at your wedding. I remember you saying that. You were like, I'm sober. I'm so sober.

I'm stone cold. jeff i had red wine i had champagne and i had probably seven tequila sodas nothing man nothing i'm sorry i'm sorry to hear that uh let me tell you something i was also sober at the wedding i didn't drink either well i mean that's great but there's a dichotomy here and i hope you understand that i'll tell you something. I was also sober at the wedding. I didn't drink either. Well, I mean, that's great. But there's a dichotomy here. And I hope you understand that. I'll tell you what's fucking like you. I found out I was in a good place with my alcoholism because for the last four months, all of that liquor has been in my spare bedroom, just in boxes.

Like we had to buy it all ahead of time. And Emily got a good deal on it. And so there have just been like cases of vodka and tequila and shit and wine and champagne in my spare bedroom and I didn't even think about it until just this moment I was like oh shit that was all that booze was

in my house the whole time let me know I'll help you get rid of it I was in a different situation where I was trying because my speech was coming up in three hours I was in a different situation where I was trying, I was, you know, because my speech was coming up in three hours, I was really pacing myself. So I was having one. I was trying to, you know, get on the verge of tipsy, but I didn't want to be drunk for the for the talking. But then as soon as the speech was over, I thought, you know, now's the time I hit it.

And I was hammered as soon as I walked through my front door. I did not get that drunk at the thing, but I was so drunk when I got home. Like it all caught up to me. Apparently in the car on the way home. This is how drunk you were. You were drunk. You were so drunk,

you agreed to get a tattoo at the wedding. We had a tattoo artist at the wedding giving tattoos. I wasn't actually that drunk for that. I couldn't believe that you were going to go through with it. You backed out very smartly, by the way. Well, I was just thinking about like, will I be happy to have a tiny little envelope on my ankle when I wake up? And I thought, no, I don't think so.

You said, you told me in the moment when you act like, because there was about an hour there where you were going to get the tattoo. Well, they, a bunch of, but you know, a bunch of terrible people signed me up to get one. And then because there was like not enough, yep eric's small wife and uh elissa uh and some other people were very keen on me getting it and then they signed me up and then not only that because there wasn't enough time for

the tattoo people to get to me they threw in a hey this guy's the best man you need to bump him up the key i was talking about it with one of the brief moments i did have with you at the wedding and you told me i'm like so why what happened you decided not to get it you backed out and you go uh you go yeah i was i was standing in line i was waiting and i was i was getting stressed out and i hope i'm sorry i don't i can't do an impression of you like andrew does i sounded like you and 12 little roosters it's a little australian twang to that and uh well that's what it's all i got and uh and you go and i just remembered i don't have to do this and i was like no you don't have to and you were like so i just did it that was the best well i was gonna

stressing out about it then you went like oh wait i don't have to do this and you just walked away well i was gonna get matching tattoos with Jackie. Not my mom, Jackie, but Alfredo's. Yeah, Alfredo's partner. Because I thought it'd be really funny if I just had my first and only matching or tattoo was matching with my friend's partner. Well, my friend, too, I guess. I'm friends with Jackie.

But it was just it was funny. And then she just she was very sane about it unlike eric's small wife and alissa i will say one of my favorite moments from the wedding and i don't remember if we got a photo or not but i think we should have if we didn't i turned around and i saw gavin and antonio and bernie in a corner talking trucks and i got so fucking happy i because i don't think gavin and antonio had ever met yet you know no i was so excited to be here we and i got a picture of the truck crew too oh that's so cool i got to spend like five minutes just hanging out talking trucks with y'all and that was like the most fun by the way gavin play trucks tonight okay hey the the thing i

really liked about your wedding was uh two things there was a phone at the entrance where you pick it up and you leave a message for the bride and groom. I thought that was really nice. And I also liked that you had a lot of disposable cameras everywhere to take a bunch of pictures with. I thought that was a lot of fun. Oh, dude.

That's gonna be a mess. Speaking of that, I just picked those photos up today from the little photo map. Do you know how much it costs to get fucking film developed? There were 20 little disposable cameras, just like the little waterproof cameras you get

on your way to the beach or whatever. And like 36 rolls of 36. So 20 rolls of 36 film, or maybe, I think it was 12 or 20. It was over $400. Whoa! Yeah, $400 just to get a bunch of four by six prints and almost all of them are of uh my uh my nephew who at the end of the night picked up every camera that wasn't that still had film on it just took a selfie so it'd be like 400 bucks for a lot of

pictures of a six-year-old that's great i was so sore after the wedding you have any injuries yeah what was it yeah it was i just had the i i feel like i always sprained my wrist from glow stick sword fighting with the oh right right yeah there's a lot of good video there's a lot of good videos of you going at it the the selfie taken ring bearer. Yeah. That was fun. So physical as well as just your ego being bruised of caving on the tattoo. I don't think I was out of bruised ego. I just thought, I don't want it. Pride, I don't know what the word is.

The ego is the right word. It was just funny to see because he just like, it never crossed his mind until that moment that he didn't have to get it. Why? I could tell he thought it was an obligation that he had to go through with, and then he just had the light bulb moment

where he went like, oh, I have free will. And it was just so funny to see it happen. Were you the creative lead on the envelope? Why an envelope? Why was that? I just thought it was the funniest tattoo. I think it's meant to be a love letter, but just like a piece of mail, like a tiny post.

Yeah, immediately in my head I'd go, he's a big You've Got Mail guy. He got mail but yeah i mean it was fun to fight the peer pressure of two tiny women sounds fun i had a lot of fun i was so sad i couldn't make it the day of i looked at the itinerary so i was in an email that I could see the schedule of everything. And I saw that Gavin had to do a best man speech. And that made me so happy knowing how uncomfortable he would be doing that. And that he also had to take care of the rings for a period of time. And I was like, oh, he's going to hate that job, too.

That is fantastic. So the next day, the first thing I texted Gavin was, how did the speech go? And how miserable were you trying to make sure that these rings didn't go missing? I was surprised at how early I was given the rings because, oh, Andrew had a seat. Oh, I had a seat that was reserved?

Yeah. Just in case, well, I was going to be there so that everyone could strangle me to death and then I could come back. But it is just. Only one of us could do it once a day. I remember how much shit I was given by Andrew for forgetting to go to that dinner reservation with Jeff that one time. It's fine.

You know, what's funny is I don't remember that. So. Oh. That's. Maybe I got shit from Eric. Oh, that was definitely me yeah 100 okay still oh man you had a seat well yeah there's a seat i didn't know andrew there will always be a seat for you at whatever table i'm at i also i feel like was there any feeling that i could have been there i feel

like that could be a move i could show up i. I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised. I wouldn't have been surprised. I also wouldn't have been surprised to get a call from your mom on the wedding day and said, hey, Andrew just wanted me to let you know that he never existed and he was all made up in a figment of your imagination. You know, like I wouldn't be no surprises with you. Have we ever had proof that Andrew isn't his mom? What?

I mean, if we... We've met him in person. That's true. Yeah. You went to pinballs with him, even though you don't remember. Well, he doesn't remember. But I'm more confused by the phrasing of the question. Are you asking if I'm my own mom?

Like, am I... Is this like a Mrs. Doubtfire that you're asking? That, like, anything related to my mom is actually just me? Yeah, like, you know your mom? Yeah, I do. Yeah, you're her, but you were never born. Good relationship. Okay.

That's my theory. I don't understand your theory even after you explained it. I was friends with a kid in high school. I don't remember his name now. But I was friends with a kid in high school who i still to this day think might have killed his parents and had just been living in the house with his dead parents the whole time and pretending that they were alive yeah he was a weird guy and he would never let me into his house and i never i saw his dad once when he first moved into town

and then never again and it was always he he was always filling in for his parents in a certain way. It was weird. I think he might have killed or eaten his parents and kept them maybe in the bathroom and just lived as if they were alive. Could you have possibly just stayed at his house and see if any of the cars moved around and stuff? I should have.

I should have been more inquisitive at the time. At the time I remember thinking, I like this guy and I like hanging out with him, but I should not be alone with him at night. I have a question about the wedding, Jeff. I'm looking at my notes. I remember this. Yeah, fire away.

I don't have anything else about the wedding, by the way. I do have one or two honeymoon stories I'd like to share with you guys, but anything you got, I'm ready to move on from the wedding unless anybody wants to talk about it. this is a brief wedding question were you able to to like get Gavin to do the best man speech by telling him that he would get the sip out of the face curly straw if he did it as an incentive like his parents yes I do now have

that straw have you tried to use it oh Oh my God. Not yet. It is. Oh my God. It is. So, so we have, we, we made the curly straw that Gavin wanted. That is the name of our show with like things for the, for the dashes.

It is the worst straw I've ever tried to use. It is terrible. It takes so much suction. I tried to drink a soda out of it i think because of the bubbles made it even harder it is a monster if you're somebody who like powers through drinks i would actually recommend it it forces you to slow down you cannot chug with this straw should we have a race through the straw do do you think? I would love to have a straw race. I think this is such a good idea. Somebody's going to pass out.

We'll put some pillows down on the ground. Yeah, we should all plop a... Next office day, we'll all plop down a full Gerpler and first one to empty it through the straw wins. That's insane. What do you mean? That would be so crazy. What if for safety, we all wear football helmets when we do it so okay now as long as you're wearing something it doesn't have to be

football it could be any kind of helmet that you feel comfortable with okay that uh that you feel confident that when you are about a third of the way through the gerbler and you are start your vision starting to kind of vignette and like you see like the black kind of coming in from either side and you're about to take a header as long as you're comfortable in that

helmet then I think we're good. I'm down. I'm telling you we need those old people hip airbags. Oh I forgot about the hip airbags.

I forgot about the hip airbags. Okay. Yeah get four of those. Is Gracie doing it? Gracie are you going to pass out with us? Gracie said yes? Gracie, are you going to pass out with us?

Gracie said yes. Gracie said she's going to pass out with us, and she will get us some old person hip airbags. What is that? Is that something from the podcast or from a video game? From the podcast. It's from the podcast, yeah. When did we talk about hip?

Oh, my God. Like 100 episodes ago? Yeah, episode 80 maybe? Yeah, they just detect a fall and blow out an airbag before you hit the ground. I was at the office a couple weeks ago and I saw Gracie doing something weird. What does that mean? This is so exciting. Well, it probably wasn't like this, but this is what it looked like.

Gracie was stuffing some cardboard into the recycling bin, but it has like a very thin slot. So she was stuffing it down, but I don't think it fit. So she then lifted the lid off. And what I assumed was a measure so she could just shove the cardboard under the lid and be done with it. But then she just continued to push the cardboard under the lid and be done with it. But then she just continued to push the cardboard through the lid while it was in her hand.

Gracie, please. I was in too deep once I changed my mind. You were in too deep? If there was ever a moment that is like you're perfect for being part of the show, it was that. What does that fucking mean? I'm in too deep for recycling. That's something Andrew would say. Yeah, that is absolutely something I would say.

That's ridiculous. Oh, my God. What the fuck? Yeah, that's weird, Gavin. You're right. That's so weird. All right. Well, hey, did the task get accomplished, though?

Yes. There you go. Was it get accomplished, though? Yes. There you go. Listen to the confidence of it. Yes. The same thing happened, but a foot above the bed instead of just through the bed. I didn't think that would stick with you. I think it would. That's a strange sight.

That was memorable. There's something special about being called weird by a pubeless dude in a bathtub like that's such a stranger i'm not i'm no authority on calling anyone else weird so andrew you've gone hard in there with gracie's a weirdo uh no i think that was a moment of weirdness i don't think there's enough earned for weirdo status. Eric says she's weird. You haven't heard Gracie on Face Jam. It's like the way Nick is on Face Jam and how he's here.

He's like a regulation guy or whatever. And I feel like Gracie's pretty regulation here as well. Pretty straightforward. On Face Jam, they're like the same person. They're like little gremlins, like little freaks for this stuff. Can't put us around. Man, speaking of being gremlins. So I, to circle back to the wedding, just for one minute, uh, we did have the night

before wedding. We had the, uh, the rehearsal dinner, which is the way you're supposed to do it as you go. And you have a rehearsal with like the best man. And, and, uh, that was a funny fucking wait that was a dinner that was that was the rehearsal and then right after the rehearsal you have the rehearsal dinner right which by the way gavin didn't show up for the rehearsal that was very fucking funny so i filmed the rehearsal for him and sent it to him and then he just walked out

of the woods and he was a bit of a bear finding the the thing you sent me a video i was just outside the venue in a traffic jam but it was not your fault it was not your fault at all you were caught in a crazy traffic jam that i got caught in trying to leave but it was just really funny and i thought everybody's like where the fuck is gavin and i thought i don't know if i ever talked to him about this and i know he doesn't read email so he may not know about this and i thought no worries everybody i got it i got it because i'm always like protecting my gavin right so i was like i got it i'll just and i just filmed it i just narrated i'm like all right you're gonna go down here and then you're gonna do this and then you're gonna walk over there and that's where the ring

bearer is and then i just sent him this video and i'm like you'll need this for tomorrow and then he just like emerged from the woods two minutes well i was looking at the video trying to try to line it up with what i could see in real life and i saw some water i saw like a big lake or river or something so i was like okay well i can see that and then i ended up walking all the way down to the to the river and i was like i don't think they're here because i was starting to walk into mud and shit i was like this isn't right you're getting real life truck action and you're getting in the mud fucking hitch to something to get out of it. I was like, Antonio! But right after that, we went and we had the rehearsal dinner.

And instead of just having a dinner for like friends and like your parents and I guess the bridal party is what you would call it. We just invited everybody that we invited to the wedding to the rehearsal dinner and we rented Top Notch, the hamburger place, and we just had free hot hamburgers all night i've got to say i i might have eaten nine hamburgers that night oh my god you had the confidence just having hamburgers available hot and fresh at all times it was wow it was maybe one of the best moves of my life. Like I was in the moment thinking like, you really killed this and then just grabbed some onions.

I fucking, I was, I was just gonna ask if you guys ate a bunch of hamburgers. I did. I had a couple of hamburgers, but dude, the onion rings with Lone Star Light and you're just throwing them back was like, what a combo. And then at the end them back was like what a combo and then at the end it was like hey there's apple

pies fucking awesome they were so good it sounds so good oh my god and it's all from Top Notch so it's like it's fucking great it's so good and then I heard somebody got sick but no one else got sick so I'm really confused

I don't know I have not heard that I heard somebody got sick, but no one else got sick. So I'm really confused. I don't know. I have not heard that. But I definitely ate my body weight in hamburgers and felt just fine. Anyway, if you're ever thinking about getting married and having a rehearsal dinner, just have it at a fast food restaurant. It's the fucking way to go. It was awesome.

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it all up. I chunked it everywhere. You threw up all the burger? I did remember that. You did tell me that. I figured that was nerves, though. I don't know if it was. It might have been. I will say it definitely wasn't the food because everyone ate what you ate and literally no one else got sick.

Yeah, a hundred other people were there. I was lying in bed and then I was like, it feels a bit iffy. And then I got the sort of excess of saliva happening in my mouth. And I was like, oh, I'm actually going to throw this up. God damn it. And then I went and I chunked for about 45 minutes and then went back to bed.

45 minutes? And then I realized last year, a family member of mine got married in England and I chunked at that wedding. And I think weddings make me sick. I think weddings make me hurl.

45 minutes? Well, there was a couple of rounds to it you i listen we got to work on your throw-up game you should not be taking 45 minutes to get through that that is a long amount of time well i'm not there hunched over 45 minutes i'll hurl and then i'll feel like oh i'm glad that's out and i'll go back to bed and be like, oh, there's more to come. Yeah, I'm saying you're not properly clear in the system, okay? I'm gonna... When I'm there, I'm gonna teach you. It's gonna sound like an animal's getting

executed, but you're gonna get all that out in like two minutes. Oh, I'm actually... I can throw up in complete silence. What? It just sounds like throwing a cup of water. That's why you're throwing up for 45 minutes yeah you're acting like you're fucking sam fisher with your vomit you just need to get it out there i as i said it sounds like a series of animals are being killed but my puke is out within 30

seconds we should uh we should get like one of those decibel meters and both hurl next to it. Mine would be so loud. I'm such a loud puker. Vomit decibel test. We'll each do a gallon of milk. I'm lactose intolerant, so that seems unfair. Well, I think considering the goal is to hurl. Yeah, I think it'll make your puke stronger. We could get Ipecac.

That seems a bit risky. I think the milk is the way to go. We'll figure out a non-risky way. No, it's fine. I'll deal with it. think it'll make your your puke stronger we could get epic hack uh that seems a bit risky i mean i think the milk is the way to go we'll figure out a non-risky way no it's fine i'll deal with it but yeah you were telling us the story weren't you a while ago about how you would be at that gym with those women and they were trying to like get in on the guy and then you would just ruin the vibe by just throwing up like 20 year old me in this exercise class with like two 40 year old women that are clearly like vibing with the instructor talking about like they very they clicked they were friends it was very relatable and i would just vomit every workout especially when we would do stuff outside

and uh i had a fear of vomiting before that but i I did it so often that I got over it. Now I'm efficient. I'm a great vomiter. You know what, dude? It's loud, though. I do the same thing. If I work out, like, at a class or something, I vomit every time.

I'm right there with you, Andrew. I commiserate with you. I almost fainted on the first one because I was trying to keep the vomit in, so I almost passed out. After that, it's flying. There's no stopping it is it possible to hold vomit in like if you just grab your lips and squeeze them shut and like hold your nose

does it come out your ears like what no it's not i would not for that specifically but i've had cases where it's like i could but i really don't want to and it's just like kind of trying to calm your body down and i've had times where times where I've canceled out the puke. Wow. For sure. I, anytime I feel like I'm, there's a possibility I could puke, I just try to go ahead and do it

and get past it immediately. Yes. I feel the exact same way. Yep, 100%. Because there's like a, on a good day, and it's obviously not a good day because you're nauseous, but like on a good day,

you've got like maybe like a 25% chance of fighting that back. It's like why be miserable for 30 minutes? Just go ahead and get it over with. Just move on with your life. I just feel like if there's any possibility that I won't throw up, I'll take that. I'd rather just do it. I hate

throwing up. So do I, but if you do it enough, it becomes nothing. Like you just, it's a process. I don't agree with that. It's something every time I do it. It's traumatic every time I do it. No, for me, it's nothing. So it doesn't ruin your...

That's me. Is the noise involuntary for you, or do you just, do you think it helps? It's like I'm trying to hit a high note. Like, I am throwing everything i have into getting it out as much as i can i mean it's the same as like it's the same as like tennis players grunting when they hit the ball yeah that's a great example of it it is you go bright red though when you're screaming through a load of chunks uh no i don't think so. I've puked out red chunks, but... John Pukenro?

Andre Gagasi? That was the quickest you've ever been. Listen, I'm well-versed in puking, okay? It's my comfortability. I can find things fast. You've got puke puns. You grew up puking okay it's my comfort bill i can find things you got you've grew up puking with the sewing machine you got tennis pukes for days oh yeah for days speaking of eating and enjoying things i wanted to make sure i touched on something within this episode it sounds like you have some stories jeff so i'll make this brief i was was talking to Eric a while ago. We've had a video that has been pending for a very long time.

I forgot it even existed. Then it kind of came back around. But we, or I guess you guys, filmed a fruit-throwing video that Gavin had been working on. Then it vanished. It came back. It turns out the audio completely fucked on it. And that's why it has never released it has taken so long i didn't know this i think it was something that gavin you forgot why it didn't

release and then you looked at it again and went oh yeah this is all the audio is completely fucking ruined you tried to yeah there was there was a definite reason why i kept i kept stopping the editing process because it was just such a pain. I just could never remember why that I would open the project together and just be like, Yeah. It's a nightmare. But it's, I mean, it's a great, it's a fruit throw. It'd be awesome to have it out. We talked about it so much. So I asked Gavin

if he could send me the video with all the audio pulled. Like, don't even worry about it. Let's go audio-less. And he did that. He asked me a really weird question. He said, do you want just the video, or do you want the edited version? And I said, I'll take the edited version. And then I said, I didn't expect it to be 17 minutes.

That's longer than I thought. And then you said, yeah, I'm going to probably edit it down to 12. So I don't know what I got, ultimately. Well, I hadn't edited any of it. So you got what I cut together for you. Okay, well, that's fine, because I had an idea. I thought, how could we do...

What would be a fun way to do this? We have fucked up audio. I haven't seen any of the video. Who do we know that is an all-around expert when it comes to gardening, fruit, real insider analysis? I reached out to TPG. fuig isma tpg and i watched the video today and recorded our own commentary track for the 17 minute video we learned a lot it was the first time i've act or interacted with tpg in any way we had a wonderful

time nick was there he provided some insights on the day of. So I don't know if I wanted to. I was going to show you guys the video, but I didn't think it would be 17 minutes long. Are you fucking serious? You've been busy today, dude. Yeah, that's how I spent my morning. So I don't know, Nick. Is it finished yet or will it take longer?

Where are we at? I have an export of it that just finished a few minutes ago. Hell yeah. So you guys can watch it. And if it gets the thumbs up, we can release that. And that solves our audio problem. Getting to hear TPG takes, which absolute joy. I love TPG so much. What a character.

That sounds like some fucking phenomenal regulation supplemental content, man. Absolutely. I like that. Andrew, thank you for salvaging that. That's what an awesome idea. And I can also definitely put out the real video with real audio if people want that, too. There'll be another video we tried to make that has eight versions for some reason. Sure.

I'm fine with that. It just sounded like it wasn't going to come out. and if it did like it may not have been great because it was a nightmare so i thought i immediately my head went why don't tpg and i just do this i've been quietly like thinking of this and working on it for like a week and a half two weeks now but we got it done today give the same criticisms in your ohG commentary? Yeah. Because Andrew was quite critical. I was. I don't know where Jack is in terms of his status,

but it has to be the minor leagues after that video. I commented on it because I wanted to just preview. I wanted my reaction to be genuine for the first time seeing it with TPG. But I watched like the first minute of it and I asked Gavin,

does Jack ever find the zoom because when you guys throw these small pieces of fruit and then he shows the throw but you just can't see anything because he doesn't zoom in can I tell you something about that dude yeah he's got a fucking film degree

too what that's insane Jeff that's insane usable that is a joke of a university. Jeff is a photographer, but if you give him something to film, he will give you footage of him handing the phone back to you.

That's like Jeff Jeffing it up. Yeah, it's a different level. If I did film it, it would be good. Jack is competent in every way outside of the fact that he doesn't know where the zoom is. He gives me a lot of shit for not eating the pencil yet. Jack is what? 52? Hasn't discovered a zoom

function yet. 52? At least. I mean, he listen, he looks great. He's running. He does. Jack looks really good. He looks really good for 52. He does. He looks great. He's running. He does. Jack looks really good. He looks really good for 52. I agree.

He does. He looks amazing. He really does. He keeps talking about this pencil. The man doesn't have a zoom fucking function to save his life. And he has a degree in cameras. It's all those. It's all those marathons he runs.

They keep you young. You can be over half a century old. But if you run two marathons a year, you'd be in jack shape. That's great. I think that's how it works, yeah. I mean, he's killing it. So are we going to watch that after this, or is it just going to go up as a video

and we can watch it again? Well, I figured you guys could look at it, and then if you guys like it, give it the approval, and we can release it. I don't know, when this comes out, maybe it could be like a Friday release on this. So we'll have Fruit Throw,

the Panton Cut, and the Free Cut. Well, I think we're clearly going to release it, no matter what we think about it, because now we've promoted it. And it's also, it's you and TPG, so it's obviously, if you recorded it, it's good enough to release.

So yeah, we'll just make sure it comes out the week that this episode comes out, which will be three weeks. Can you imagine if we teased two fruit throwing videos and did not release it that's a great point that would be i mean like it's just yeah we'll just we'll put this out it'll come out they'll both come out i guess i mean what other podcast offers a commentary by a guy who wasn't there and another guy from the sales department. And it's commentary on the largely unedited version of the final video. It's rough cut commentary.

Listen, it was a great time. TPG is a legend in countless ways. Please watch his Green Life channel. So was this the first time you spoke to him? Yes. Like audibly yes and i've because i've seen you try and make small talk with members of the company was it did it flow or was it really oh no it was great like was it fuegismo was it oh it's fuegismo yeah absolutely

100 listen i have talking about teases i i want to say this thing, but he told us something that he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with. But I'm sure he wouldn't mind you guys knowing that he hasn't really told anyone before. I cannot wait for this recording to end to tell you guys. And it might turn into future content based on what he said. But it is maybe the greatest fact any person has ever told me about themselves. Oh, shit. Well, I can't wait to hear that.

It's really good. It's good. Oh dude. Can I tell you guys a really brief little story? Just real fast. Of course. I just remembered. I just looking at my notes.

So last night I, uh, I had my return to, to trucks. I haven't played in a while. Honestly, since I got back from the honeymoon, just because I've been tired,

like that fucking time change has fucked me up. It dark at like 5 p.m now and i'm ready for bed at like 7 so i haven't been staying up late and doing trucks but last night i hopped on and played with antonio just antonio and i and last week or this week i can't remember which i released an episode of my so all right podcast where uh some reason, oh, I was talking about the desert and I found an old photo. It's actually cute. It's a photo of me in the army in the desert in front of some camels and for some reason

Millie has it framed in her bedroom, which I always thought was sweet. It's like, oh, she loves me and she keeps this old photo of me when I was like 19 years old in the army. Goofy. I was like 80% years. You know, I was just like this awkward kid and uh and i posted that on instagram for so all right as the as the cover and antonio last night he goes hey man i saw that photo of you in the army back in the desert and i was like oh yeah

and he goes has anyone ever told you you uh you look like and i thought oh here we go i know all the people that i'm told i look like pb hermane Herman, fucking Jean Reno, like whoever. And he goes, has anybody ever told you you look like Shane McGowan from the Pogues? Oh, no. With better teeth? And I went, no, no, nobody's ever told me that. This is at 10 o'clock last night. I go, no, nobody's ever told me I look like Shane McGowan with the Pogues.

And he sent me some young pictures of Shane McGowan when he was like on stage. And I do look a little bit like with the hair and stuff we kind of look similar and then we finished playing trucks and we went to I went to bed and I woke up this morning and I picked up my phone and the first alert was Shane McGowan dead died no

he died what after yeah he died somewhere in the night after we talked about him how fucking weird is this curse? I think the, um, what was the name of the woman in the, uh, in that Christmas song? The Pogues song? Leona Waddell. Nope.

I think she got killed by a jet ski. Oh, God. Or a boat or something. No. Are you serious? Either a boat or some sort of aquatic accident. It got hair in the head or something. That would be... That was a jet ski.

Jesus Christ. Did you mention something about Matthew Perry? Oh, apparently we killed Matthew Perry somehow. We didn't. We didn't? We didn't? What was that? No. Was it an immortality thing?

Yeah. Did you mention immortality? Oh, that was it. When did you record this? Yeah. I watched that and I was wondering if you recorded that before. But yeah, you did that. We recorded it months before, but then it released like the week he died or like right

before he died. Yeah. We just have to stop. I was so sad about Matthew Perry. I still like get upset about it. We cannot. Keanu Reeves walks among us. he died or like right before he died yeah we just have to stop i was so sad about matthew perry i still like get upset about it we can't keanu reeves walks among us that's i mean henry kissinger died did we talk about did we talk about kissinger at all you know i don't think we have recently which is weird you would have thought we would have but uh have we talked about bill maher at all

which is weird you would have thought we would have but uh have we talked about bill maher at all i've tried this eric i i tried it for years with rush limbaugh it didn't work it uh yeah all right that's good to know you can't point it at anyone that's true i um i had a thing on our food run that we're on at the moment i i wanted to take meg to a restaurant last night to celebrate something and uh she's been she's been doing some writing and she hit a milestone. So I made a reservation at somewhere fancy but shit. The melting pot. So I hit this button. Where's the melting pot?

There's one nearby. I went to hit this button, and then I started filling out the reservation thing, and I noticed it said City of Interest instead of the actual one I want to visit. And I realized I'd missed reservations, and I hit the button above it, which was Own a Restaurant.

And then I found this thing that says for $500,000 you can buy a melting pot And to those who don't know The melting pot is For some reason really expensive fondue But it's actually not very good It's okay

It's like classy shit food Yeah it's cool in theory Is that a picture of a hairy ball? Yeah I think so Someone's testicle there But then I thought maybe maybe um you know if uniform fronts half a mil we could have face fondue we could have our own melting pot i think it'll be a nice a nice sort of investment for us you think the melting pot is the investment that

we should get into franchising a melting pot the place that you just said sucks. Nick said, Eric, get the card. I just can't, I couldn't believe there was a button for it on the website. Like, surely you'd have to make a few phone calls before. How many phone calls and then you're okay with it? Then it's no longer weird to you. What's the minimum

amount of phone calls required to buy a restaurant in your head? I think buying a melting pot should be at least four phone calls required to buy a restaurant in your head i think buying a melting pot should be at least four phone calls yeah i would hope that the first person you call just goes you want to own a what a melting pot uh and then that and then you go yeah i guess it's just not a yeah it's not a good idea i don't know what i was thinking and then that would be it so uh get the get the card so gavin let me ask you this when you were at the melting pot did you ask to speak to the owner and ask them if they filled out the form give me the ins and outs like were you making a reservation somewhere and then you also clicked on the wrong link is that

how you ended up here but what i was what i was fascinated by is that a there's a button for it b that it seems i don't i guess i just don't have any experience Buying businesses But I feel like franchising I thought it would be more money But also, if you don't have $500,000 There's a button below it that says Do you know someone Who can help you get $500,000

They must be really clamoring To get more melting pots out there That's a fucking sketchy ass Question to ask somebody this early on in the process i i think the five hundred thousand dollar one is meant to drive away unserious offers you know yeah uh i understand that one but the you're right the other one of like it's okay if you don't as long as you know somebody who does you know that that gets a little a little kludgy i actually think $500,000 is a lot of money to buy a franchise.

Is it? Yeah. I just don't, I have no experience with how much that would be. I think, I think that it's probably 240 and they put 500 to make sure that you, you know, you kind of like keep like the little,

like the nickel and dime guys out and they go, I got 500. They're like, it's only 240. Don't worry. What amount would you be happy with? If uniform face was going to get into the melting pot game? Andrew, what is he asking?

How much money would you be prepared to spend? By the sounds of it, by your reaction and sort of grunts, I'm thinking 500,000 is too much. Yeah, a little bit. So what's your number? I don't want the melting pot. Yeah, but if there was one going for a grand, you would take it, surely? A little bit. So what's your number? I don't want the melting pot. Yeah.

But if there was one going for a grand, you would take it. Surely. Yeah. I mean, I, yeah, I guess I'd franchise the melting pot for $1,000,

25, $2,500 is probably as high. I could go to three and that's about it. Have you, uh, have you ever been to a melting pot, Eric? Yeah. Okay.

I was that the end of your line of work? No, yeah, I'm just curious. Yeah, me too. Yeah. No, you speak from experience. Pass the interrogation. Yeah. I mean, it's...

I haven't. I can't defend the melting pot. I ate it at once. Yeah. I mean, the one I went to is closed permanently, so... I guess I could go, Gavin, how much does it cost to reopen it? Somebody's out 500 grand in San Diego do you think it would be a worthy investment for us though Gavin

like that's what I don't understand cause you seem to hate it but you want us to invest you seem to hate it it's fun and it's decent food but I'm always blown away by the final bill but as people who are going to own the franchise, maybe that's good for us. Yeah.

I mean, maybe we should ask about average numbers and stuff. And think about this. If you are a franchise owner, or if we're franchise owners, we'll probably get a pretty sweet discount when we eat there. Yeah. So the more you eat there, the more money you're saving. Can't we own something else?

Why do we have to own a melting pot? Because a lot of other places don't put the price of owning one on the website. You usually have to inquire about that amount. I feel like it was pretty obvious, Eric. He didn't accidentally click on another company's franchise opportunity. He accidentally clicked on this one.

I will say there was a thing where quiznos was trying to get people to franchise again this is like a few months ago and i told gus about it and as soon as i started talking to gus about it he went well we're gonna get to the bottom of this and he went to the franchising website and put in for more information and they never got back to it interesting well i just applied to own a melting pot so we'll see what happens what did you answer to the two questions have the money no no i said no oh i meant to say yes in the other box because i know jeff and gavin and you wait wait i know so did you say no to both things yeah i said I said no to both things. So City of Interest, what did you put? I put my city, and then they force you to pick a U.S. state, so I picked Nanaimo, Texas.

Okay. And so to the question, do you have 500 grand, or do you know someone, you wrote no and no. No, and I meant to write no and yes. And what did you put to the question, why are you interested in owning a melting pot? Gavin said it would be a good investment. Okay.

Well, yep. They said they'll get back to me. We're going to be rich. We're going to make all the money. I think face fondue could do well for us. Ooh, maybe some BTS sauce action with the fondue. Bring it back. Andrew just brings out his old McDonald's sauce

when you order it. He goes, oh, here you go. And he just throws that on the table. I need something to do with my bag of old McDonald's sauce. It's not pleasant. And it's large. Is it rotten? It takes up a lot of space.

I'm scared to look. It's hidden in the back of the closet. Here's what we can do, right? We can turn the melting pot into it's almost sort of like a Hard Rock Cafe or a Planet Hollywood where we can have display cases with the BTS sauce.

That's not making me feel good about my investment. Those businesses you just listed. They're still kicking. Are they? Is the Hard Rock still around? I just assumed. We saw the nicest Hard Rock on Earth at Key West. We did, it's true.

There's no way Planet Hollywood is still around. Planet Hollywood, I think, is gone. There might be one in London. There might be one in Hollywood still exists. Yeah, there's one in London. Yeah, I think there's just one in London, and then there's like, it's Loud Hotel in Vegas.

Yeah, there's one in Vegas, yeah. Sounds like it's doing pretty well to me. Did you see all of the regulation sandwiches? I did. I compiled all the photos for you that you asked for. That was some phenomenal entries. Which one of all those was your favorite one? I don't.

I thought we're just going to go through them and rank them, but we're kind of out of time. Okay. We're at an hour. Jeff didn't even get to talk about his honeymoon. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. Did you guys know there was a planet hollywood bombing in 1998 that way there's no more oh my god

there are six restaurants and five hotels operating i am going to destroy the planet hollywood like a villain with low lower bar of like what they're gonna do the one that you posted the picture of Gavin is also the one I thought was the the most beautiful I I really liked the uh the Christmas vibes in the background the balaclava we got we got some face uh gerpl action and also I liked the angle of the sandwich a lot of them were sort of more top down I feel like with the slightly open tilt making it more of a like a pac-man stance for the sandwich. A lot of them were sort of more top-down. I feel like with the slightly open tilt, making it more of like a Pac-Man stance for the sandwich, it really shows off the ingredients.

Excellent lighting, and I would give that one the gold medal. I totally agree. I find it interesting. I've been, like, I've been lusting after pictures of regulation sandwiches all week. There have been so many of them, and they all look so good.

And I realized I've never eaten one. Me neither. pictures of regulation sandwiches all week. There have been so many of them and they all look so good. And I realized I've never eaten one. Me neither. Wait, none of us have. This is my pick. This is from regular pancakes on Reddit. They set up their sandwich and then teed off on it. Why?

The bread flying is so funny. They did that, and they did this. It's like, wow, that looks so good. I haven't seen these. Yeah. Andrew, do you know who took the one that I ranked gold? No. No, I don't.

Okay, you just took the pictures. I just took the photos, yeah. That's fine. Yeah, mine's from regular pancakes. That's my pick. They're my winner. They did a great job. But we do need to get together and make this sandwich in the dark just so we can all try it. Oh, that's right. I forgot we were supposed to make it in the dark. Let me write that down. Why do you

forget all these things, Eric? I remember making the sandwich, but making it in the dark was, I think, something that was like it was made in the dark. And that was a funny thing. And then we kept going on the sandwich. I forgot about making it in the dark.

I'm really excited to make one finally, whether in the dark or in the light or whatever. I really want to eat one. I want to see what our sandwich tastes like. I have no idea. Let's get it on the calendar. Okay. Well, we're going to do some. We have some stuff coming up. We're going to have some

drafts, I think, that we're going to record. As of this recording, we're recording them tomorrow, so we should have some Yuletide drafts coming up soon. And then next week, we should have some Yuletide wax. So, very excited about that.

Yes. Yeah, and I guess next episode, I'll tell my two, my honeymoon stories. One of them involves me really misunderstanding the assignment. Oh, no. I really got, I got the instructions wrong.

So I can't wait to talk about that. But also, I have an idea for a new kind of supplemental content I want to pitch to you guys. I don't think I've pitched it to you yet. I'm excited. Have I told you? Have we talked about the Wheel of Years? No.

Okay. I don't think so. Remind me next episode to pitch the Wheel of Years to you guys. Okay. Got it. I'm excited. So this is all for next time so it is so we're not even getting to spoons this episode the cliffhanger I was promised. Oh my god. We forgot spoons again. Oh I'm gonna write that my note so we're it's next time. It's

These things here. I'll do it right now. I'll do right now. It's real fast What's the biggest problem you have with a spoon Gavin? good right now it's real fast uh what's the biggest problem you have with a spoon gavin i don't know i don't have a lot of problems with spoons they don't they're not sized specifically for your mouth everybody mouths gavin mouths are like feet and boobs they come in all different sizes but what if we start a revolutionary business that measures your particular mouth and then designs the perfectly sized and shaped spoon for your specific needs well when i eat i i maybe use up 20 of the capacity of my mouth per bite otherwise i wouldn't be able to swallow jeff came in with some rosa parks quotes i i don't know where the the where this started was uh what is a bite yes sorry i was just writing that this is just marketing material i'd written

down what is a bite yeah how do you like define because we're talking about if you have a foot long sandwich how many sandwiches could you put on a foot long? And I think you need at least one bite worth amount. So what is a bite? Is a bite the entirety of your mouth? I don't think it is. I think that's a mouthful. I think that's how many sandwiches are on a can you put a foot long? Yeah.

So you know how there are different types of sandwiches? Yeah. Do you understand that as an idea? Yeah. Yeah. Well, a foot long is a footlong piece of bread. And so the question was, how many different types of sandwich could you make

within that footlong? Yeah. Like this is an Italian sub at this portion and then this portion is a regulation sandwich and then this portion is pastrami

and then this portion is, I don't know. We should have wrapped the show up. Gavin's not, there's no oxygen going on over there. He's got a deficiency.

It's like the, it's like the infinity pizza, but in footlong form. Sure. But it was just how many could you have? Like, could you have 12 sandwiches in one foot long? So that there'd be basically inch strips of filling. So, yeah, but you'd have to, that was the question of like how much filling is required for each sandwich to be unique.

And we determined the measurement would be a mouthful, but then it becomes a whole question of, well, how much is is required for each sandwich to be unique and we determine the measurement would be a mouthful but then it becomes a whole question of well how much is a mouthful right which is the the real dilemma i my sort of general meter of measurement is it is less than your mouth being full but more than when you take a bite of somebody else's item that you're like just getting a try of you like yes it's a tiny little bite it else's item that you're like just getting a try of. You take that tiny little bite. It's more than when you're trying somebody else's food but less than your whole mouth and it's less it's a comfortable amount.

Wait, so when you try the people's food you take a smaller bite than normal? Yeah, absolutely. Huh. What? You don't? You just take a normal what you would have typically? No, I try to take as much in my mouth as possible. So what you would have typically? No, I try to take as much in my mouth as possible. So,

hey, Nick, can I get that clipped for the break show? Yeah, I just try to put as much of that in my mouth as possible. Yeah, I appreciate that. Thanks, man. So anyway, somehow we got to a spoon.

And just how spoons, how it's, there's different sizes for everything. Bras, shoes, gloves, underwear, pants. But we all have to use the same fucking size spoons. Although we're not the same size people. Yeah, different mouths. Everybody's got a different mouth. Everyone has a different social etiquette. Maybe your, maybe my mouth is deeper than your mouth. Maybe

you have a shallow wide mouth. Therefore, you need a less oval spoon and a more shallow wide spoon. And when we develop the technology to measure your mouth, then we can determine the perfect spoon size for you. And then you have that spoon for the rest of your life. It doesn't work for anybody else. It only works for you, Gavin, because it's designed specifically for your mouth and mind. So here's what I'm immediately thinking we should do. I will put a balloon in your mouth, and then out of the end of your mouth

will be the little balloon nozzle, and I'll just inflate it. That seems like a terrible plan. When it stops, I'll pull the balloon out. And that's the size of the balloon. What do you mean when it stops? It'll keep going until it pops. No, but that will be the size of the balloon.

It won't keep going. The size of your mouth, though. It will be the size of your mouth. I can't pump more air into the balloon than will fit. I think that balloon is going to find additional holes. It's going to create space. This sounds like how you die. Are you saying that if I

cupped my hand around a deflated balloon and you blew it up, it would open my hands? Yeah, it would. Wouldn't it? I think the problem here, I disagree with where Andrew's going with it. I do think it's a good way to measure mouth size, but I think the problem... It's a terrible way. It may provide it, but it's a terrible...

Hold on. The problem is when you pull it out, it's gonna assume its natural shape again. It won't maintain the integrity of the shape that it's filled to in your mouth. And I think that... So you're gonna lose your depth and your height and your width. It's just gonna turn back into an oval. You know what I mean?

But if you wanna put a balloon in my mouth and blow it up, I'm all about that. Well, I think we'll definitely get volume. We might not get an accurate 3D map, but we'll definitely get volume. And that's a place to start. That's a data set we need. We can then displace water with the air-filled balloon

to see the volume of your mouth. Nick, could you also pull that thing that Jeff said about pulling out of things? I think that's a great one, too, with what Gavin said. I think you got some real. All right, well, that'll do it for this episode of F*** Face. Gonna let it make it out. Yeah, I thought this picture from Robin Swan was really good too. Great sandwich.

Oh, that was delicious. Interesting to put the pesto on top of the cheese and the ham. That's a lot of tomato. I like that. If you want to check out some more stuff, f***facepod.com is where you can go check us out. Check us out on YouTube also.

Wow. Really great stuff from three insane men. Congratulations. If we do the balloon thing I can't be there because I'm going to witness a death. Someone's going to choke on a balloon and die and I refuse to be there for that. Yes. That's 100%

of all the things that we do that's the thing how somebody dies. Blow up my mouth with balloons. So thank you for listening and we'll see you next time. Bye. What if I use a pump? What if you have to blow it with your mouth? 100% so thank you for listening and we'll see you next time bye what if I use a pump what if you have to blow it with your mouth

what if you have to manually blow the balloon up in my mouth what do you mean well like the nozzle sticking out right you have to blow it up like you blow a balloon that's what I was suggesting oh mouth to mouth oh I thought you were going to use some sort of a tube or something.

Oh, I'm even more on board. That's why I said it would look like we were making out. Oh, yeah, let's fucking get to it, dude. Are you going to wear a shirt while you do it? Maybe a button-up. Do I have to? All right, bye. I'm writing.

The smut is just writing itself at this point. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. No more animals. It's time to open our own franchise. Gavin explains the Mandelbrot fractal. Andrew has a ball problem. What do you do on a flight with no phone?

The GTA 6 trailer is out. The biggest break shit pull ever. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.