F**kface - We Are 138 // 8 Hour Fireplace Video [138]
Episode Date: January 25, 2023Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Utah sodas, We Are 138, Gavin singing Taio Cruz, Andrew's Updates, a freelance regulation bagel, Trials Files, a year of L's, Halo 5, 4 terabytes of fireplace video..., summer fireplace video, the pouch, 2023 so far, Andrew's coins, Geoff's bike turns on him, and becoming a blanket guy. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/face21 + code face21 ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/face and BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Oh, Raspberry Dream.
That sounds pretty good, actually.
Bloody Wild.
Spring Fling. It's the ones when you start getting down into like yeah we've mixed texas tab dr pepper vanilla and coconut cream yeah i will say though the
endless summer mountain dew pomegranate grapefruit and fresh lime sounds fucking good yeah yeah
so much is that not like so
that's like so much i feel like any place is stretching when they give a section of their
menu to cookies when you just see a cookie section on a menu that place doesn't have a lot
you don't know how uh you don't know how utah feels about cookies man uh i i will say that like
i i understand what you're saying it's weird. But as somebody who doesn't drink alcohol, he used to drink alcohol.
Anything you can do to spruce up a non-alcoholic drink makes my life easier.
And also, I'm looking at these.
None of these are more complicated than any fucking mixed drink, including alcohol.
But it's not the complication that's getting me.
I'm not concerned with the complication.
It's that there are drinks on here
that are mixing half and half with soda.
The heartbreaker.
Dr. Pepper, blackberry, coconut, half and half.
Gavin, would you drink that?
What is the ingredients?
It is Dr. Pepper, blackberry flavoring,
coconut flavoring, and half and half.
Oh, the half and half is a bit off-putting.
I'd try it, but it sounds like just a sugary mess.
Yeah, but I agree with you, but I wouldn't want half and half in anything.
Other than coffee or something that I'm cooking.
You know what I mean?
I don't like the Tehrani bottles.
Who's drinking this?
People in Utah.
I don't like the bottles in the second photo, the Tehrani.
To me, I feel like that guy is mixing something
that would give me a skill point in Bioshock.
Like, just for how those bottles look.
Like, there's just, I don't know.
There's something off-putting about it.
Dude, I made a Moscow Mule on New Year's Eve that I couldn't breathe next to.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
That was crazy.
It was, I don't know if you put too much ginger beer in it or what
but like no i couldn't drink it it was it like wrecked the air all right if i if i like went
to take a sip and i was inhaling i just made me cough for like 10 straight seconds what a crazy
way to learn that gavin's a pro russia guy. I would have never guessed.
Speaking of pro- I'm not going to start off like that.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the
F*** Face Podcast.
This is episode 138.
My name is Jeff Ramsey, with me as
always, Gavin Free,
Andrew Panton. Do you guys, can you guys
name a song that has the word
138 in the title? Because one just
jumped to my mind 138
no i i can think of four four five seconds 45 is that 45 seconds or is it four five
21 seconds no the the the paul mccartney kanye west oh four or five seconds four or five seconds
i think it's what's called okay that's a great fucking song, by the way.
Eight, six, seven, five.
There's a Misfits song called We Are 138 that was really good.
Oh, well, that's very, like, that's exact.
Yeah, that's why I saw 138.
That's the first thing that popped into my mind.
I used to have it on some live album, maybe Evil Live,
where they had Henry Rollins from Black Flag come on and sing it with them.
It was a cool little live recording.
That's impressive.
Eric says there's a big one.
Yeah, the big one is
We Are 138 by The Misfits.
I don't think that would be considered
a big song in any sense.
I'm just thinking more along the lines of
it hits 138 very
specifically. It's also
the lyrics of that song are fucking dumb.
It's we are 138.
We are 138.
We're the eye of the tiger.
Oh, I think that's right.
We are 138.
Let me see.
Here's the full.
I'm going to read the full lyrics to you.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138.
Stick with me here. We are 138. We are 138. We are 138. We are 138. We are 138. Stick with me here.
We are 138.
We are 138.
In the eyes of the tiger, do you think we're robot clean?
Does this face look almost mean it's time to be an android, not a man?
The pleasantries are gone.
We're stripped of all we were in the eyes of the tiger.
This is the best part.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138.
We are 138. We are 138. tiger this is the best part we are on 38 we are on 38 we are on 38 we are on 38 we are on 38 we are on 38 and then it ends with 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 Andrew texted me about that the other night
I did because I was playing a music
trivia game where they like play the
song and you have to guess it and that song came on
and because of Gavin's lyrical
change all I hear is the bucket
of AIDS thing and it ruins the whole
song because I don't know where it's supposed to go
so I'm just constantly anticipating
it and inserting it into every
line it's like the very first bit of the song.
It's after he talks about Tommy.
He's,
you know,
he's talking about the union.
They've been on strike.
Don't worry about it.
And then he talks about Gina.
Well,
the problem is I was listening to it in a context that I didn't know where we
were going into with the song.
Like it just started playing.
I didn't know what verse we're in.
If we're in the middle,
it was a whole thing.
I don't like songs that assume you're supposed to know who people are like are we supposed to know who tommy is no i don't know
it's just a song about a dude he's just telling a story yeah just i need a better intro i know
what do you want like what more do you want to know about tommy tommy was 17
dropped out of high school listen to the fucking rest of the song. Go further than one fucking verse.
He tells you.
I get very distracted by Gina drinking the barrel of AIDS, to be honest.
I was thinking about that after we recorded that episode.
Gavin, you used to sing, I don't know if you even know this, but you used to sing a song
around Achievement Hunter way back in the day that I knew of the song.
You hear it in the background, but it was a popular music song that just didn't cross my path.
And so you would sing it wrong, and for a while
I thought that your lyrics were the real lyrics
of Toy, like heard it on TV.
But you used to sing,
I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes
singing, hey yo, where's the mayo?
And I thought that was the song for
maybe two weeks. Why?
Why would you remember that?
Because that's how i learned the song was from gavin singing it's crazy to me that you missed that song
i mean i had heard the song but never listened to it and then when gavin was singing it around
i was like oh i guess that's the fucking song.
And then I thought for maybe two weeks, about the amount of time.
It's just one of those things where Gavin tricked me and didn't even realize he tricked me.
I always wanted to do like direct like a Hellman's commercial and have a party.
Have you talked to the Hellman's company about it?
No, you know what?
I never did.
I'll reach out for you.
I'll let them know.
We got a really good pitch.
Oh, you know what?
I never did.
I'll reach out for you.
I'll let them know.
We got a really good pitch.
Like, I think it would crush because there was a commercial that was all about scoop.
There it is, where they changed the lyrics from there it is to scoop.
There it is for like ice cream or something.
Yeah, it was like chocolate peanut butter cookie dough.
See, you could do this.
This is a good idea.
It is a good idea. I don't know if it's an idea.
It's an idea they would take.
Speaking of reaching out,
Andrew, did you make any progress on finding the bussy bus?
Thank you so much for guiding it there.
Wow, it's almost like we organized this.
I've had in my notes things I've meant to update on
that I haven't.
First one is bus research.
Seattle Breakers, now the Thunderbirds.
So I tried to do some research.
They have changed team names several times
since this has happened.
Also changed ownership several times.
What's incredible is the guy that got traded
for the bus has never, from what I could tell,
he's never seen the bus.
Because the next season when they were supposed
to play against them, they got the bus confiscated at the border because they had somebody on their team that was from Europe illegally.
Like they didn't, I guess, have proper paperwork or whatever.
So they confiscated the bus and I guess he never just played against them again.
So he hasn't even seen the bus.
I reached out to the current team.
I emailed their email all on their team website which i believe
is now the seattle thunderbirds they did not get back to me i've not got a reply so we're still
we're digging we're doing some research in that the other things i can update on
are jet ski covers or how many people in our audience owns jet skis according to emails i
have received do you guys have a guess for how many jet ski owners we have in the audience?
35.
Four.
I said three.
Eric's guess is 14.
We apparently have 51.75 jet skis
in our audience.
No way.
Dang.
Wait, how's their decimal?
It's just somebody complained
about like where they live.
That it's like,
it's so shitty to use
that it doesn't count as two full
ones that they've got
One point seven five so we got fifty one point seven five jet skis, which is a lot more than three
It's what I anticipated. Yeah, and
I guess the last update not a not a happy one, but my hubby's bagels closed just sad
Obviously talked about it on the show so we never got to go no i'm so disappointed
i was really excited for you guys to try the regulation bagel uh it was so thank you to all
the people that would like send me photos and stuff like they would travel from all over that
listen to the show and they check out the bagel shop i just felt like i should bring it up on the
show so if people are planning on coming here for that specific reason they are not disappointed
even our whole podcast couldn't keep that place going.
Yeah, I was about to say, I can't help but feel like
we failed them in some way, and I don't know
why, because we probably did more to promote
them than anybody else.
Well, we stopped there, didn't we?
We may have stopped, but the photos never stopped.
It made me so happy. I'd constantly see
photos and updates from people that went in, and I know
it meant so much to them that never anyone would
come in and order it.
So does that mean our bagel is looking for a new home?
I guess so. I don't know.
I feel like it may have died with them.
I'm in a grieving process. I'm not ready to think
about a new bagel. That's a good point.
Hey, if you own a bagel shop
somewhere in America
or a can... Fuck, if you own a bagel shop anywhere in the
world and you are a f***ing listener,
we have a regulation
bagel that's currently without a team uh we we'd be we'd be willing to sign with your bagel company
uh just just drop an email to andrew and you can make it secret menu you don't have to get stuff
printed we don't we're happy we prefer secret menu we're secret menu people i'm i'm just so
blown away you remembered i throw my sandwich in the i I haven't... I don't think I've said that in like eight or nine years.
How did you remember it? I don't know, I just did.
I'll tell you why, Gavin. Because you matter to me.
And the things that you say stick with me. I love that. That's special.
Uh, last week I foolishly faced myself by starting,
just challenging Andrew, got bored,
thought I'd take him on,
challenging him to trials.
He beat me back.
He beat my time while we were recording.
I beat his time back.
And then he continued to not only beat my time,
but then just keep playing and beating his own time so much that I didn't possibly have a chance well okay so what happened
was I didn't know the setup we have a lot to talk about because you guys did a
fireplace video that I know nothing about as far as I know it's still
exporting or maybe didn't even happen at all maybe you could even start the
fireplace but I knew you were okay well I knew you guys were filming it and I
saw you pop in the
trials to try to beat the time back so i thought it'd be really funny if i didn't know what the
capture setup was if somebody caught your reaction of realizing that i had lowered the time a little
bit while you're trying to get the new time uh and i lowered it by a lot more than i anticipated
i had a really good run and it popped into like the top thousand because we're already at the point where we're
shaving off like 0.05 of a second
maybe 0.1 if we're lucky
and then we all saw you pop up
online. Firstly I should say that
in the middle of filming this fireplace video
Jeff and I left to go get an Xbox
so that I could play Trials
Turns out that 8 hours is a
really really long time
you have time for lots of activities in eight hours.
Yeah, we were just driving around,
shooting the shit.
Came back, played some trials,
but we all saw you log on.
So we knew what was happening.
I thought you were either trying to trap a score
or you were just trying to beat your score.
So we watched your replay
because once you get your time good enough,
I think it's in the top 5,000 or something,
or top 2,000,
you can actually watch that person's replay and then we were like studying your replay and then we went to study it
again and it was completely different you went from doing all these kinds of flips to a weird
backflip to just no flips just driving to the end and it was so far you shaved off i think 0.3
seconds yeah it was a big it was a big shave off shaved off, I think, 0.3 seconds.
Yeah, it was a big shave off.
Was that captured?
Were you guys recording or something?
No, not really.
We were mainly focused on just the fire and I was immediately...
I think I was miserable within six seconds of playing.
It was so fun to watch Gavin,
who's such an upbeat, you know, peppy guy, typically just
instantly, instantly get fucking miserable and depressed.
Like he we plugged it in.
We got it all set up.
We're like, I don't know, fucking maybe six minutes in to what's going to be six hours
of Gavin playing trials.
He just goes, ah, sucks.
I can't believe I.
Oh, and it's like, Gavin, you've only tried five times you can't be mad yet and he was just already in his feelings because i get this
i get this point where i'm sort of in the zone for about five or six attempts and then i just
start autopiloting terrible to the point where i'm not even paying attention i don't even know
what i'm doing i'm like i like forget whether i'm leaning forwards or backwards and i do that for
like half an hour do you want to see a picture of me attempting it yeah i would love to see a photo
of you attempting it i don't know why you did it we talked about this before you hate playing the
game you just think it looks ugly oh jack here's me jack you brought in jack you brought in jack
is like a pinch hitter that makes me even. Here's something about the eight hour video.
I was saying there was a lot of time.
We had enough time to call Jack,
tell him to come over.
Jack was like, I'm not even ready.
I got to take a shower.
And we're like, we've got plenty of time, buddy.
Jack took a shower,
drove all the way across town.
And then he still had probably six hours there
of just playing trials over and over again.
And if you hadn't beaten so much of your own time,
I think Jack would have been the one.
It's just you shaved off 0.3 of a second,
and he was edging closer and closer,
but he just wasn't able to get done.
I will say the wildest thing was watching Gavin,
before he called in Jack, improved his time considerably,
and actually to the point where I think he probably beat some of your earlier times,
but you had already blown past him. but there was progress the entire eight hours then jack came
and he kept getting closer and closer but it was just insurmountable the lead that you built
it was honestly a joy watch well firstly jack couldn't have been more excited to come over and
play trial oh my god so happy he sat down it was a it was like it was like watching someone come back
to their favorite chair like everything just felt right in his a it was like it was like watching someone come back to their favorite
chair like everything just felt right in his hand he was like oh yeah and he immediately was like
beating my time it's like probably within eight or so attempts he was in the green but it just
couldn't be done he was it was really struggling right at the end there and then we had to and then
the fire went out and we packed up and left that's so funny because i gave you extra time because i didn't know if every time i beat my time if then you
should have 24 hours from that time so i offered you like i'll give you another full day if you
want it and you're like no i'm gonna take the loss i had no idea it was because jack flank
what was my what was my response uh i think you said, like, fuck off, I'll eat the gum.
Yep.
I feel like 2023 is going to be all about Gavin taking L's.
Like, he's definitely taking a loss on the trials thing.
Definitely took a loss on the Monopoly money.
I'm assuming it is now 2023.
I mean, we can't be forgetting that any time I go head-to-head with Andrew, I lose.
The only time Andrew loses is when he's against himself, trying to eat burgers.
If he's against me, he's good.
The only person that Andrew can't beat is Andrew.
It's true.
I was going to say I'm undefeated against myself, but it's the opposite.
What is never winning?
What is a streak of always losing?
What would be a word for that?
Loser?
Stupid loser? But it's against me like
what is is there a word that is like the equivalent of undefeated but unwitting yeah you're like it's
i think it face encompasses that yeah no that's fair i'm i'm a face against myself i guess i
don't know there's like a weird phrasing of that but yeah i don't i'm committed for the entirety
of the show however long it goes I don't want to
lose a single video game bet to Gavin
that is my goal so far I've been able to maintain
to that is there a game
where I would have the edge I just don't I don't
think I think my just base level
skill isn't good I want you
to find one
Andrew sounds like he's in a tent
are you running away from your microphone
are you scared of your microphone I haven't done anything he sounds like he's in a tent. Are you running away from your microphone? Are you scared of your microphone?
I haven't done anything.
He sounds like he's in his own mouth.
2023 is off to a technical difficulty start.
That's great.
I didn't do anything.
Where'd you go?
What'd you do?
Were you trying to print something?
Can you hear me?
What's different about your setup?
Nothing.
I literally changed nothing.
Okay, here's the thing.
I don't believe that at all. No. What's different about your setup? I didn I literally changed nothing. Okay, here's the thing. I don't believe that at all.
What's different about your setup?
I didn't touch a single thing.
I moved my phone. I just
don't believe it. Why would my phone?
I don't know. I pushed the wire
in, I guess, harder. I don't know if the wire came loose,
but I don't know. I didn't do anything.
Are you in the browser still? Yeah, of course.
I'm still in the browser. Clear your
cache. we can't
hear you why would I download the app the browser works great oh that's fantastic I think I did
download the browser after the MVP issue or the app not the browser I gotta have my tabs up got
my my notes for the show got everything I need I could I do that in the app I'd have to click away
that'd be lost while we're talking briefly about video games i just want to say something um you guys know a while back i was
millie and i were going through all of halo together to get ready for halo infinite and then
infinite launched without co-op and then continued not to have co-op until about a month ago uh and
so when we realized co but what where we stopped was you know we had the time
of our lives going through all of that and i think i probably talked about how like weird and rewarding
and awesome it was to like play halo with like really play the campaign with millie for the
first time yeah how you downloaded halo 4 separately even though it's in the master chief right right
right and and like just getting to show her like old rvb easter eggs and have it like for once be cool to her what i do you know
uh and as we kind of bonded and kind of fell in love with halo uh with each other there um but we
stopped at halo 5 like we got about halfway through halo 5 and we were both looked at each
other we were like we're just not feeling this yeah that's fair so when infinite came out uh i was like shit
we better get back on the game let's go play infinite and millie was like we can't until we
finish halo 5 and so we hemmed and hawed and we put it off for like three weeks and we just went
it went through and finished halo 5 over the weekend i don't know what my fucking problem was
we had the most fun i guess i just needed time from four to five or time from all the previous
Halo games because we were going one after another hot and
heavy and then we hit five and it just like
ground to a halt. How far into five?
We were like maybe five levels in
when we stopped and I
think it's a 14 level game, but some of
those levels are bullshit. Just like running around
talking to like Halsey or the
on saying Helios or whatever, you know,
they're not like real levels.
But I guess taking the year off or whatever,
or the distance helped.
I had the time of my life beating Halo 5 with her
and completely and totally enjoyed it.
And I don't know why I played through the game.
I think this is my fourth time beating it, I think.
And I don't remember enjoying it in the first three times,
but I had a blast this time. I really don't. enjoying it in the first three times, but I had a blast this time.
I really don't.
Maybe it's because we broke it up,
or I just played it.
I don't know, but it was a fucking blast.
I think you had a really good time with Millie,
and Halo 5 was there.
I don't know, man.
Level 13, where we had to fight the three,
what do you call them,
the Warden Eternals or whatever?
The Warden Eternal who splits into three.
That was a lot of fun.
I'm going to do that on Lassa.
This is a good level. I remember really
enjoying it.
Maybe I need to revisit it. I hated Halo 5.
Maybe it's because
maybe
you just need time away from other
Halo to play it.
You just need distance to appreciate it for what
it is. But anyway, I'm excited
to play Infinite now because I want to know what the fuck happens after beating Halo 5.
I had a big problem with the spawns in that game.
With the spawns?
They just, like, come out of portals,
and you never know how close you are to being done with an area.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't feel like...
Would you say Halo Infinite has much to do with 5, Gavin?
I don't think those stories really connect at all.
I feel like they drop a lot of stuff from Halo 5 into Infinite yeah I'd say five is almost completely irrelevant but it ends
it ends with all right well I don't want spoilers because I haven't played it yet but it ends with
Cortana convincing most of the other AI to join her uh her mission her plan to enforce peace by force.
And then, like, if you beat it on Legendary,
you get a cut scene where she turns a halo on.
So then I assume, my assumption is that Halo Infinite
now takes place on that halo,
and they're still trying to track down Cortana
and stop her or convince her to knock it off or whatever.
Is that not the case?
Is none of that in Halo Infinite?
No, I don't think it is.
You have to be prepared for there to be
a huge chunk of time missing
between Halo 5 and Infinite.
There's a bit of Halo Wars 2
that bridges the gap.
It's different.
We'll get to it eventually.
That's good. I'm excited for you to play that.
Thanks. This is not a video game podcast so I don't want to
get too deep in the weeds.
My opinion of Halo 5 changed over time.
Am I allowed, Andrew, to challenge you to a game that you've never played?
Yeah, of course.
To give you 24 hours on a completely foreign experience?
Whatever you want, I'm happy with.
That's going to be really...
I feel like any time I challenge you, I just make you look really good.
I just look like a chump.
Listen, for every time I look good beating you in something,
I'm losing six bets against myself, so it balances out.
There's zero chance of me looking good overall.
I don't know.
You haven't done one of your own bets in a while.
That burger confidence never grew back.
No, listen, the burger confidence takes a toll.
There's a genuine physical toll that comes.
I threw in the towel on the last one.
That was the retirement.
I took one too many fights like i the round two i was like i i can't do this you were roy jones jr you're like i was yeah i was it was my no mas moment i was done i was very
publicly done but yeah i'd love you can pick whatever you want doesn't matter. Any genre, any type, any game, any challenge.
Should we talk about this fireplace video?
We should talk about both of our fireplaces.
How do you guys want to address it?
Because I know Andrew hasn't seen it yet,
and you wanted to go in without any information.
Yeah, I think it's best for the audience that we talk about it.
I think it's fine.
I'll sacrifice knowing some things in advance about it well i'll say about a year ago we came up with the idea to film a 4k fireplace video that didn't loop because we were bitching about how the fireplace videos looped and so
i think we joked around about making an eight hour fireplace video in fork in 8k rather because
4k is everybody because there's a bunch of 4K fireplace videos, but we hadn't seen any that were 8K.
And then, I'll be honest with you, audience,
like a lot of jokes and bits,
we completely and totally fucking forgot about it
until about a month ago,
somewhere on social media,
I saw a thread or a post that was like,
whatever happened to that fireplace video?
And we were like, oh shit, we did promise that.
So then we tried for about a month to get it together.
But you know what scheduling us is like.
And so it was very difficult to get it done before Christmas.
Well, we tried for a month to put it together
and then you tried for about a week to get us to not do it.
Yeah, that was another thing too,
where like nobody wanted to do it
and I especially didn't want to do it.
But you know what?
I'm so fucking glad we did
because i had the best time i had the best time hanging out with you guys tending a fire for eight
hours and coming up with dumb little shenanigans and stuff to do uh and then it was i turned into
like a party because like you know uh major league fan jack came over and eric's small wife came over
and my fiance emily came over and it just turned into
and there was a dog and it was so fun it was a lovely bonding day and I'm actually really happy
with the final product Gavin do you want to talk about like the challenges of recording eight hours
of 8k video uninterrupted and then trying to get it down to a size that can be put up on YouTube.
Yeah, I will say the fun ended the second we stopped recording and I was left
trying to download. I think in total, I did the maths based on the Google Drive size folder.
We shot nine times more data in eight hours than every single episode of F*** Face combined with all of our different options.
And that was when you were using stereo audio and had double the audio size of everybody else.
I still have.
That was about four terabytes, right?
It was about four terabytes,
about eight and a bit,
probably close to eight and a half hours of total footage.
And the timeline, I had to drop each file in, which took, each one took so long to import.
And every time I made a change in the timeline, my computer would just like pause and pinwheel
for like 30 seconds. So just to add like a crossfade by like dragging one clip over,
so I had room to crossfade, then dragging the other one and then applying the crossfade
took a total of like five minutes for each thing just because my computer was struggling to do it and we were gonna we have
we plan to do a bunch of stuff with the audio but all i'm gonna do is put on some fire crackling
sounds because my my computer which is pretty state-of-the-art cannot handle an eight hour 8k
time Gavin told Eric and I the other night he he texted us, that he had to turn his monitor off because there was such a power draw.
Yeah, I guess when I had everything in the timeline
and I did a test export,
my computer drew more power than it ever has before
and overloaded my UPS.
It drew like an extra 700 watts of power.
And the thing was just churning out hot air.
I had to bring in fans i had to turn off
everything else that was plugged into the ups your computer was hotter than the fire you achieve new
levels of heat it probably was i think the gpu is like 80 87 degrees which is much hotter than
the room oh my god well i and you got it down to a size that can be uploaded to YouTube. So we will put this 8K, 8-hour fireplace video up
just in time for next Christmas.
It might already be up by now.
I don't know when the plan to go up is.
Yeah, I'm basically waiting for...
I have to do some actual work on my computer.
And then when it's going to be free for an extended period,
I'm going to do the full export
and hope that it's going to be free for an extended period I'm going to do the full export and hope that
it uploads to
YouTube because if it goes slightly over the size
I'm still messing with settings
I'll have to just re-export the entire thing
it's going to suck
I will say
if you
when it comes out if you
got nothing to do for 8 hours we did
stuff not a lot of stuff.
It's Easter egg-y stuff,
but we did interact with the fire
in little face ways.
Oh, I'm so excited.
Sprinkled throughout the entire eight-hour recording.
That's great.
As a stat,
each frame of the video is 32 megapixels.
Jesus.
Each fuck.
I thought it was 12, but I did the math wrong it's 32 oh my god i can't
wait to watch all eight hours of this fire yeah and i uh had an idea last night i was thinking
about how what a success this eight this 8k video was and how happy i am we made it and how
accomplished i feel creating what should be to my knowledge the, the world's only 8K, 8-hour
non-looping fireplace Yule Log
video. They got me thinking,
that's great and all,
and it's a great accomplishment, but
there's no Yule Log video
for the summer.
Why don't we invent
the Summer Log video
and start that trend?
And we're trying to figure out what that is. Emily And we're trying to figure out what that is.
Emily and I were trying to figure out what that is.
I think one summer day, we need to rent a pool
and then put the camera right in front of the pool
and then just push pool floaties back and forth for eight hours.
And every once in a while, you'll see somebody dive in in the background.
And we'll do like, I think the summer version of a Yule log video
is just a sunny day in a swimming pool. I could see that.
And that's for people who are having like a rainy
summer? Yeah, like if it's rainy
and you wish you were outside or maybe you broke
your leg or you got sick
or you're laid up in the hospital
but you want to feel the
warmth. Much like people want to feel the warmth
of a fire through their TV.
You want to feel the warmth of the sun and splashing
around in the water with your friends? Yeah.
So we'll make the summer Yule Log
video. Boom.
I'm open to suggestions. This is my suggestion to y'all.
I'm not saying we have to do it. No. This is... But that we should come
up with the summer version of what we just did.
I feel like a pool float
too, you have so many better
comedic options for pulling
stuff across the frame.
It's so easy and natural to do i originally
thought you meant like summer activities in a fireplace like burger like trying to make a burger
in a fireplace eight hours of grilling hot dogs yeah exactly like what would what would be this
summer activity like maybe throwing a super soaker onto the fire like i don't know what that would be
but i like the pool ideas like the the alternate the flip it could be for people on the other side of the world as eric mentioned australia
absolutely like on the opposite side some people christmas is the summer so this could be maybe
like their yule log video what they would want to see or i guess it would be for the people
here and the sun i don't know we'll figure it out yeah i just think the hard work was figuring out
if it's possible
and then proving that it's possible.
And now that we've done that,
it's just repeating what we already did
in a new setting, right?
That's very true.
It seems like a waste for us
not to use that to our advantage.
Yeah, from an export setting, Gavin,
would it be identical?
Like everything, all the settings?
Once you do it once,
will you just know how to do it?
Do you want to do 8K again?
Well, I don't want to go backwards.
It doesn't have to be 8 hours because
we're setting the standard here. What if we did 8K
4-hour pool video? I mean, I don't
want to spend 8 hours in a pool. I'm
a big water guy. That's a little long.
4 hours seems good. I would happily
spend 8 hours in a pool, but
I'm willing to concede
to bargain it down to four
because we're not competing against
other summer Yule log videos, right?
Like, we had to do eight hours
to set ourselves apart from the competition.
I don't think we have any competition yet.
Is 8K the highest resolution we can film in?
That's 12K cameras out.
Ooh, 12K?
Hey, Eric, I need the credit card.
Okay, sure, whatever.
Well, 12k, isn't 12k on the PS5 box?
Or is it 8k?
Well, how do you even deliver 12k?
Is there a video?
YouTube doesn't do 12, does it?
I didn't even know it was a thing.
I had to ask you.
I just learned about it.
Oh, right.
You're asking, you're the only one here
that would know. Because based on the situation I'm in
now with all this data, I never want to turn this camera on
ever again. That's fair.
You know, I think we
need to give Gavin some time, Jeff. In like a
month from now, I think he'll be back on board
once this is in the rear view a little bit.
You pay for... Andrew has to pay for
fireplace videos with marathons, and it's
one for one. Well, what about the fact that I paid for a fireplace video
by paying for my fireplace video?
Does that not count for anything?
I feel like I've already paid a fireplace video.
Yeah, we saw your fireplace video.
We did a live commentary on it.
It's a fireplace video.
Yeah, sort of is the key word.
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What do you attribute your absolute inability to start a fire to?
Several factors.
One, time.
I was going to prep a little bit more.
We changed the recording schedule.
I was going to set it up a little bit differently.
Two, being scared at when I did it that I would alert other people in the building as well as uh create a big fire this way at the gerbler there it's undeniably the worst fireplace video
ever made i couldn't i had to have the fireplace upside down the chimneys on the side it's so cold
out i'm in my underwear i'm shivering trying to light it wait fire did not provide warmth hang on
why are you in your underwear because i had no time eric there was no time to put on shorts Shivering, trying to light it. Wait. Fire did not provide warmth. Hang on.
Why are you in your underwear?
Because I had no time, Eric.
There was no time to put on shorts because of the cutoff.
The day you got moved the day earlier, so you had to take your pants off.
No, I already had the pants off.
The pants were already off.
If the pants were on, then I would have no time to take the pants off. I was in my underwear while I made it.
I made everything in my underwear while i made it i made everything in
my underwear then it was past the cutoff time in my building for making noise i didn't want to alert
people what's the cost 10 p.m there's no sound in that video eyeball it you are deathly silent
yeah because i plan on putting music into it i didn't expect to send it when
i did i was still gonna do some final touches to it there's no audio because it's trying to be
quiet because they didn't want to alert anybody so i was like i'll throw music into this because
i live there are people all around me and my light being on and it's a whole thing the whole
situation i didn't want to disturb people i had no time for pants i'm wearing a short sleeve shirt
and underwear and i'm shivering in that video extensively.
It was terrifying.
Spent more or less than 50% of our recording time in your underwear.
More or less.
Oh,
wait,
let me,
let me evaluate this more time in my underwear or less time.
Well,
is that what you're saying?
More than most of face been.
Oh,
undeniably more?
Absolutely.
I like to be comfortable.
I mean,
Jeff does his swim shorts,
right?
Yeah.
Well,
not in a long time.
He's moved on.
Not since the jock itch?
Yeah.
Pretty much since the jock itch,
I've stopped wearing swim trunks.
And, oh, dude, by the way, I will say, Emily got me these fucking, I've stopped wearing swim trunks and, uh,
Oh dude,
by the way,
I will say Emily got me these fucking,
this is not a product endorsement by any stretch,
but,
uh,
Emily got me these,
this underwear for Christmas called sacks.
Have you guys heard of it?
I don't know if it's like,
no,
I don't know if it's proprietary to that brand or if like lots of underwear has it,
but it has like a little,
it's like a boxer briefs like I wear, but it has like a little, it's like a boxer briefs like I wear,
but it has like a little pouch
you stick your balls in
and then your balls no longer rub
against the side of your leg
because they're protected in this little pouch.
And I'm going to throw away
every pair of underwear I own
and replace it with sacks or some other.
I wouldn't think I would like it either,
but it's amazing. You know what might just add to that? What's that? and replace it with sacks or some other... I wouldn't think I would like it either,
but it's amazing.
You know what might just add to that?
What's that?
My fear is that putting your balls in that sack is like becoming a fighter with bad head movement.
Like if something's going to hit my balls,
I feel like they're up on a pedestal
and there's no room to bob and weave.
It's more like...
It's going to just increase the impact.
It just hugs them the
tiniest bit and creates separation from the rest so you just have to like put them on and then thumb
your testicles through a hole well my balls are bigger than a thumb but yeah uh i gotta use a
whole hand to slap them puppies in there uh put them in a sack yeah it's just like it's just like
two little don't like i'll show you I'll show you not today, but
Those like castration bands they put around the no
Gonna fall off. They're not it's not uncomfortable at all. I imagine it's like a pocket for your balls Yeah, it's more like a pocket
In but I don't like my balls aren't all over my legs they're contained
they will be when you get older
oh I don't wear briefs
I wear boxer briefs
oh
huh
wait what do I
I need room for my balls to move
they need to bob and weave
Gavin do you not know
what kind of underwear
you wear
I think boxer briefs
what's the difference
between briefs and boxer briefs
briefs are like
tighty whities
oh I wear boxer briefs
but I feel like this is what they
they do sax underwear and it's just like it's you know like i said i don't know who these people are
or anything i'm certainly not shilling for them but uh i don't know there may be a ton of brands
that do this this is just the one i know about but god damn it dude i've never worn a pair of
underwear that's comfortable in my life it just looked like normal boxer yeah i don't know if you
can see the see the pouch here you go. They have a ballpark pouch
or a ballpark pouch pro.
What's the pouch pro?
Professional testicle pouches?
I wish you could see
the pouch better in the...
Well, anyway.
Buy a pair sometime
or maybe I'll get them
free for a gift sometime
like I did with the socks
back in the day.
Oh, that'd be nice.
It's really...
It's one of those
life-changing things, like
when I discovered good socks, or when I discovered
that I could blow-dry myself dry with the
blow-dryer. It's like
it's going to inform how I move forward
in my life. I'm a skeptic.
But I can be one of the
I was too. I was too. I thought it was a
gimmick. I was like, oh, that's nice.
And then I put them on and it was just like an instant game-changer.
Patented ballpark pouch.
Patented.
They're fucking delightful.
Yeah, I'll try them.
Ballpark pouch.
Oh, here you go.
You got a diagram?
Yeah, I got a diagram. Let me show you.
In my head, it's
just like a pocket on the front of a shirt but balls
trying to get verification of this i still don't like it not even that i don't think it works i
just as i said i want my balls to roam a little bit uh once you get uh well i'll tell you what
dude i'm older uh i'm an older dude you probably have have young, like, firm pert balls.
The older you get,
gravity takes over, man.
Your balls just keep dangling
lower and lower and lower.
And it helps to collect them.
Let me see if I can find this thing.
Are you doing a yearly measurement
of the ascension of your ball?
I should.
I should.
There you go.
That's how.
Oh, okay.
Oh.
So you've...
Why are the balls red?
Soft mesh panels.
Just a little
life pro tip for you out there.
A little life hack.
Buy a different pair of underwear.
That's fucking great.
I was bummed today.
I got two pairs. I woke up up this morning i was excited to put
them on and i saw they were both 30 and i was like god damn it i'm wearing traditional underwear
i'm fucking miserable there are i feel like two types of people when it comes to beds like some
people like their sheet to be tucked under the mattress so you're like entombed by the no and
some people like a leg out or just like complete freedom and i'm definitely a freedom sleeper
absolute free i hate a tucked sheet or duvet so freedom. And I'm definitely a freedom sleeper. Absolute freedom.
I hate a tucked sheet or duvet.
So I'm worried.
I'm worried that will leak over into the way I like my testicles.
Oh, no.
Uh, well, I will say I used to be a tucked in person and now an Emily is not.
So I've grown to be a non tucked in persons that I like.
I kick my legs out now too at night because I get a little too hot sometimes.
So I've straddled both sides
and I don't notice any...
It just feels like a ball hug.
Like a really gentle,
gentle,
non-invasive in any way.
Imagine a tiny
little teddy bear
about maybe the size of a penis
that just comes up and cradles and hugs your
balls it's just delightful it's like i'm in the middle of the ad read i had a funny discovery
recently when doing an ad read where i got sent copy and like most of the copy you get for doing
ad reads it's just like generic it's for any show could read it. And I looked at it was a company that I'd never heard of.
And I read it and I was like, oh, shit.
They said regulation in the thing like this is this is somewhat this is related to us.
It like open with like regulation listener.
I was like, this is great.
I went to share it with someone.
I was like, look at this.
It's so cool.
Look, this ad it's written specifically for us.
And I went to reread it and I kind of stumbled and I realized it didn't say regulation. It just said regular. And my brain
now automatically changes regular into regulation because I use regulation so much more than regular
face vernacular has taken over. It is like the autocorrect of my mind.
Wait, so it said regular listener listener it just said regular listener or something
like that it said just a normal regular thing i should pull up the ad read fine what the warning
was but i was so excited and i was like listen look at this ad and i went to reread it and i
felt so stupid that i that i personally inserted the regulation and did you do you say regulation
in the ad read in the end?
No, I didn't.
I did not.
I should have.
There's like six different versions of it,
but it's just more like shocking that,
and it made me happy that
that face vernacular has just entered
into my primary way of speaking.
Much like you're not allowed to say trash anymore
and you're only allowed to say rubbish
for the rest of your life,
we should all just commit to never saying regular again,
but just replacing it with regulation.
Oh, God.
So, like, when it comes to size, that becomes an issue, I think.
Like a regulation coffee?
You're going to be the one that complains about size
and specifics of size and accurate measurements? You're going to be the one that that complains about size and specifics of
size and accurate measurements you're gonna be the one that that leads us into this subject
keep my mouth shut i guess going back and listening the the ad was regular listeners
of this podcast it was the opening and i immediately absolutely should be regulation
listeners of this podcast. I should have.
Good lord.
I think I went with a different one.
It was funny to realize that thing.
How are you guys feeling about 2023 so far?
We are three days into the year.
2023 as a year?
What do you mean? In what context?
So far pretty good.
It was a summer.
No kidding, right?
I went for a bike ride today and I got too hot. I was like like fuck i wish i was it was minus 10 like a week ago and now it's 28 that
only makes sense to celsius people but that is a swing it was 15 degrees in austin and now it's 80
uh for you fahrenheit people uh which would probably be most of us.
I guess I mean, like, you know, at the end of the year, you typically like get reflective and then you get excited.
You kind of like close the chapter on like 2022 and then you get excited about 2023.
At least I do.
I would always like take the most of the month of December and kind of evaluate like I'll just use Achievement Hunter as an example like what we did right and
wrong in Achievement Hunter directions I want to go in 2023 what you know what kind of content did
well where we're kind of where we want to head and just kind of get like a re like a creative reset
and then get excited about building and starting fresh in the new year. And I tried to do that with face this year, like I always do every year in my career. And I think I'll be honest, I think I took
I'll put this in D&D terms. I think I took so much psychic damage in 2022. My brain is just not ready
yet. Like I have been like lethargic and kind of just like I can't like Emily bought him.
Emily's got like a yearly planner and a
book and she like is getting up at 6 a.m and like doing all the new year's resolution type stuff
and i can't make myself get out of bed these days and i just i can't flip the switch into 2023 and
it's really bumming me i've got like which is something that i'm i'm lucky i'm very fortunate
in that i never have like creative block.
Very rarely do I have it.
Yeah.
I have it so fucking hard right now.
I can't focus on stuff.
I can't figure out like,
I can't come up with bits.
I don't have any like any kind of like North star to work towards.
I'm just having a real hard time switching gears into 2023.
And then it's just been such an eventful.
We're three days into 2023 and it's been just like
it's a bit tragic like oh yeah jeremy renner getting run over by the snowplow which is horrific
uh damar hamlin uh having the cardiac arrest on uh on the field yesterday ken block dying in a
snowmobile accident which is wild because I am in the process
of trying to figure out how to switch
from being a Texas guy to maybe someday
being a Michigan guy.
And one of the ways I'm going to do that
is trade jet skis for snowmobiles.
And now I'm like, I don't know.
And then I found out today
in the fucking Howard Stern show,
and it happened a couple weeks ago,
but I discovered it in 2023.
This may not mean much to anybody except for Eric,
but Fred the Elephant Boy died
who's like a long, long-term
Stern Show whack-packer.
Just heartbreaking. And it's just like, fuck, we're
three days into the year. Barbara Walters died
five days ago. It's like, we're fucking...
Barbara Walters died? Are you serious?
Really? You didn't know that?
No, I didn't know that.
When did Barbara Walters die?
December 30th. That's crazy.
It was huge news.
The upside is that we didn't kill any of these people.
Well, okay.
No, we didn't.
You say that, but it is an unfortunate timing that the episode that just came out today
has an extensive conversation about us talking about athletes dying during sporting events.
Even though we filmed that probably three weeks ago.
That was three weeks ago?
Yeah.
Like, that's very unfortunate timing.
Which is obviously not great, but it's creepy.
It is what it is.
It's a freaky thing that that timed out the way it did.
Just like, it's like I'm a little scared for tomorrow, you know?
That's fair.
I mean, maybe...
Should we just call this the 34th of December?
Just keep it going going i don't know
that's actually i just wonder if anybody else is having trouble kickstart kickstarting the new year
because it is it is kicking my ass i just can't get out of 2022 so i kind of kickstarted in a way
i didn't expect where i've gotten really into coins for like the last three or four days and
that has sort of carried me into i think just having a new hobby to naturally look
at looking like explore i inherited a coin collection and just like going through and
cataloging coins it's just something i had zero interest in it's like something i would never
thought i would pursue i don't think i will be on the collection that i currently have but just
being given a thing that is like generational coins and sorting through it has been a really
fun process.
Like Canadian currency?
Largely Canadian currency, but also just like some random stuff.
Like I have a German note that was made during wartime of the first war that isn't like official currency, but they had to honor it because of like what was happening in the world at that time.
Like a wartime promissory note kind of thing?
Yeah, essentially. Yeah. From like the first war, which is time. Like a wartime promissory note kind of thing? Yeah, essentially, yeah.
From the first war, which is crazy.
It's a rare thing.
And then I have a coin.
I have two or three coins from 1898,
which is just fucking crazy to think about.
Just all the different amounts of history
that has happened from then to now.
Is this your way of telling us
that you've started a sock collection?
What?
What? I was thinking that's the last time we had a story about coins.
It took a right turn.
No, I'm not Jeff.
I was so confused I didn't even get that.
That's how nonsensical the Jeff point.
Yeah.
You were talking to me about the coin collection.
I was really excited about it and excited for you. We're talking about the other day and i realized uh there's
one question i forgot to ask that i'm curious about how many coins approximately is your
collection oh a couple hundred hundreds that's why yeah i'd say like 300 coins 400 maybe it's
tough like i've gone through most of it i still have some rolled coins to go through, but it's mainly ranging, I'd say, from like 1960 to 2008. So not exactly the most exciting, the more recent stuff. But
there are some old like 50 cent pieces from like 1898 is the oldest one I found to like 1930 or 40.
And those are just wild to go through. Have you done any research into coin care
and how you're supposed to take care of them and stuff?
So that's the next step, for sure,
because there's some that definitely require it.
The one that I found from 1898
was in a prescription pill bottle from 1972.
It just hasn't been moved since then,
so I need to look into it.
Were there any pills in that bottle still?
I wish.
I'd love to find a
little extra collectible uh no there wasn't i i asked because i was watching a tiktok video the
other day about clean collecting just right i mean the other day was probably three months ago
but i was surprised to find out that the guy that was doing the video was saying you shouldn't clean
them yeah i assume because they can damage them, which seemed counterintuitive to me.
I think you'd want to polish them up
and get them in as good a shape as possible,
but I guess that's not the thing to do.
I feel like you see that in antique roadshow things
where the person brings it on and is like,
I cleaned it, and then the evaluator's just like,
what are you doing?
Why did you do that?
You fucked this completely.
Yeah, I don't plan on doing that.
I just need to preserve
them in a better way than what they're currently in so i think that has helped me ease into 2023
i've just you're saying jeff needs a new hobby i think a new hobby would be good i also would
just like to know jeff when you think 2023 has officially begun whenever that is it could be a
month from now it could be tomorrow just when you feel like, you know what? We're here, man. We've hit it, man.
I really want to.
I want to get in there.
I really I want to have like that new year energy.
And I just don't.
I even tried to like trick it into happening by going for a bike ride, because typically
on the rare occasions that I kind of feel like this or I'm having trouble like working
stuff out, exercise always fixes it.
So I went for a bike ride today.
stuff out exercise always fixes it so i went for a bike ride today my fucking amazing wonderful state-of-the-art cattle like porsche of e-bikes the trek a lot 99s that i have
tried to fucking kill me today and i don't know if it's the bike or if a ghost or if somebody in my family is trying to
assassinate me or if it's one of y'all but my bike something happened to me on my bike ride today that
i almost died and i'm fine no bruises no nothing but um i was riding i was riding my bike i was
going you know i i tend to ride with no hands, right?
Because it works out your core more.
And I was going down a trail.
I was going about 24 miles an hour,
which is about how fast I go on my bike typically.
It's about my average speed now.
You didn't just do that to sort of stick it to me while I was struggling up the hill.
You do that all the time?
Just like out in public?
Yeah, I actually went home today to put on a hoodie
so that I could put my hands in my pockets
while I rode because it was so chilly.
What are you doing?
You talked up how these things are out.
It might be a ghost.
No, no, no.
I haven't gotten that yet.
It might be us doing something
and then launched into,
so I ride my bike with no hands.
What are you talking about?
You know that about me.
I ride my bike with my eyes closed sometimes.
We had a whole thing about that too.
Although I promised Emily
I wouldn't do that anymore.
That was like a year ago on the show.
Yeah, you're right.
You did bring that up.
Anyway, so I'm doing my typical,
what I do about 18 miles into my bike ride,
and I'm riding with no hands, and my front tires start shaking violently.
And so I can barely get my hands out of my pockets in time to grab the wheel.
And I pull over real fast, and I'm like, what the fuck?
I don't know what's going on with my bike.
And I get off of it, and I look, and your front tire has a quick release axle in it
so you can change tires quickly.
And someone had,
or someone or something
had loosened the quick release,
like the quick release thing.
So it was just hanging on
and my front tire was about to fly off of my bike
i don't know how it happened because it's cranked down hard somebody must have loosened it and i
don't it was either somebody alive or somebody in in the afterlife but somebody loosened my quick
release axle on my front tire and it almost i all i was like i'm gonna get four seconds from
from having my front tire fly off of my bike
while I was going 24 miles an hour on a trail.
With your hands in your pockets.
With my hands in my pockets.
With your hands.
Yeah.
That would have been all face.
Yeah, 100% face.
Jeff's take on this current year makes a lot of sense now.
This is a bad year for you.
I don't want a bad year.
I had a shitty year before.
Every year since 2019 has been a dog turd year.
I need 2023 to be good.
That had nothing to do!
If my hands were on the handlebars, I still would have almost
lost my front tire.
I think. It's not my hands in my
pockets that caused the fucking, the quick
release valve to pop out.
Jeff is a big pockets guy.
I do like pockets. He's riding his bike.
He's got his balls in a pocket. he's got his balls in a pocket,
he's got his hands in a pocket.
You're obsessed with pockets.
I made a wrist pocket.
Clearly, I'm obsessed with pockets.
What if Unifar made a hoodie
that had two fake arms
that went on the handlebars
so your real arms could be in the pocket?
Now, that's not a bad idea.
Huh.
That's an interesting idea.
But what if you... what if it was safer put
the real arms on the thing have fake arms in your pocket because he's
addicted to having his hands in his pocket actual hands in yeah I understand
that but that's a terrible thing to do So I'm saying like a way to break the habit of hands in the pocket what I mean you make fake hands for your pocket
Well, I need balls for your boxes
Well, that's
What I mean
Of which one of you or my daughter or my fiance or one of my neighbors
or some spirit or ghost or demon which one of you out there is trying to kill me by loosening
shit up on my bike so that it falls apart while i'm riding i think it was time i think it just
yeah i like i think it just loosened up and you would have noticed four miles earlier if you were
holding on to the handlebars
and went, this feels a little funny.
Let me get off the jack.
No, it wouldn't have started feeling funny
until that moment.
I'm telling you.
Oh, I think it probably would have loosened up
as time went, as you kept going,
and then all of a sudden, a ghost is trying to kill you.
I'm with Jeff.
Let's be rational about this.
Somebody did this to you.
Gavin has motive, for sure.
Undeniable motive.
I don't know who else does.
I think I'm in the clear.
I'm in a good place with Millie right now,
so I don't think it would be horrible.
I think Gavin is number one suspect.
Emily and I aren't married yet.
Andrew immediately jumped on the,
hang on, let me side with Jeff.
Also, I'm absolved from this.
Because that's why I jumped on.
Because I know I'm on the team. It's not me.
No way, it's me.
Let's be rational about this.
I've seen how
far your tendrils reach.
I've seen you godfather,
mastermind all kinds of events
in Texas from the comfort of Vancouver
Island. So I absolutely think
you are capable of it. However, I think
you and I are in a very good place right now. We're still in the high of working together so i i absolve you of any guilt
but i definitely think you're capable of having having i'm not saying i'm not capable yes i'm
saying i'm not motivated there's zero motivation so you and i are doing great we just did a team
thing i'm not a suspect this gavin is the one i'd say suspect number one why do you think suspect
uh because the he didn't act against you i I think suspect number two, Jack, once again, put him back into the fold.
He was playing a bike game, a motorbike game.
Couldn't be upset about that.
I don't know.
I was there.
That'd be for you to evaluate.
I just, and the thing is too, it's like, I haven't ridden my bike in maybe three weeks
or so.
I've been kind of off of it.
So what do you guys, might've tried to kill me like a month ago, and this is just
a delayed effect. I don't know, but I want you to know
I've got my sleuthing cap on, and as I've
been texting you guys for a while,
F***face needs to solve a mystery. I'm not saying this is
the mystery. This might just be a Jeff mystery
to solve. So, by
the way, if you're aware of a mystery out there in the world that needs
to be solved, please let F***face know. I really,
really want to solve a mystery in 2023.
But I'm going to get to the bottom of which one of you who in my life both alive or dead is trying to murder me
definitely wasn't me well that's of course you would say that do you think if you put
your balls in only the pocket but didn't put your legs through the boxes you could hold the boxes up
like it wouldn't no i don't think it works that way okay i think you'd have to you don't really
have access to the pocket until your legs are through it have you tried one ball in one ball
out or you just tried different approaches to this no but i can't imagine that would be
comfortable either what i need to do in my life is to separate my right ball from my right thigh
as much as humanly possible and the the pocket does that. That's,
you know what?
Yeah.
From the perspective of crotch rot and just wanting things away from your
inner thigh.
I support this.
I understand this better.
After,
as somebody who had jock itch for six months straight,
it's a,
let me tell you,
it's a problem to solve.
Not pocket based.
I got a blanket for Christmas.
I'm thinking of becoming a blanket guy.
Oh.
I'm thinking of, like, shifting.
Does anyone here a big blanket guy?
I kind of want to get, like, nine blankets.
What kind of blanket is that?
I think having four cats has got me away from that.
They're always just caked in hair.
That's fair.
Yeah, I guess having...
Sam does not.
She lives her own life sleeping on the couch.
She does not want to be anywhere near a bed.
It's too tall for her at this point.
I happen to have
three blankets in bed plus the sheet.
I realized the other night that I was
under four different blankets
but different parts of me were under different
blankets. I think that could be
a lifestyle I want to get into.
You're split across multiple
layers of blankets, different limbs. How far up the eight pillows are you at this point
the pillow mountain had fallen at this at this current moment i was pretty low to the bed a lot
of you know the bed slides from the wall then pillows fall down the hole oh yeah i hadn't
reached your reset yet so you probably hadn't reached my reset yeah the mountain still hasn't
been up but i honestly i might trade away some pillows for more blankets.
If I could have like 10 different size blankets on the bed at all times and all corners of it,
I think that would be pretty great.
So is it like a central heating system?
Like to cool down, you move up the blankets until they're less on you?
Yeah, you can move.
You can put a foot out, you know, like you could have different arm have different arm different blanket different layer of it maybe one's under three blankets maybe my right leg's
under four blankets my left leg's under one now is it is it just the ability the variability
that you like the control or is it do you like the weight of more blankets on top of you because
it's not the weight yeah it's just the control and it's just like comfort everywhere. No matter where I turn, being able to grab a blanket.
They also are great for pillows.
You can fold them up in a ball that can sometimes help rebuild pillow mountain if it falls during
the night.
So I'm just I'm considering being a big pillow or a blanket guy.
I'm already a pillow guy.
You should look into weighted blankets to see how you feel about those.
Emily, I'm worried about Emily got one for Christmas and it eliminated her need for
me.
Oh fuck.
Maybe she is trying to kill me.
She got,
she got a weighted blanket and then my dumb ass bought her this pillow system
that she wanted because her shoulder hurts and it's like complicated.
And,
but it comes with a giant like wrap around snake pillow that you can kind of
hug and like wrap around your entire body
and now she has this cocooning period when she gets into bed where she wraps herself around this
and then puts the weighted blanket on and it's like she disappears and i'm and then she's just
gone and she has no need for me at all anymore uh yeah eric said i'm done i think fuck it must be
emily's trying to kill me that sounds must be Emily's trying to kill me.
That sounds fantastic.
What, Emily trying to kill me?
No, no, the pillow system.
No, I can't even touch her.
Like, I can't get to her.
There's like... It's so complicated.
What I'm imagining can't be what it looks like.
I bet it is.
You remember that scene in It's Always Sunny
where Danny DeVito gets stuck in like that part,
that spiral, like circled
part toy thing. Yeah. That's what
I'm imagining is like a pillow that you just like
wrap yourself around one of those. Kind of
but bigger and softer. That
sounds great. You gotta send me
this pillow system. It's fucking ridiculous.
Seems like
2023 is the year of new systems.
Yeah.
New pockets, new systems.
Taking L's, new systems.
And we're going to revolutionize
the summer Yule log.
We got five months to come up with it.
Hey, Eric said we should start wrapping up
and that's correct.
But I do want to ask one last thing.
I was thinking, you know, in my process,
my year-end review that I was doing,
I was thinking about what I had the most fun doing with y'all.
And definitely up there, definitely up there were the Tuxedo and MVP2.
And so I would like to get a new movie on the books if there's a new movie for us to even do.
I know we've talked about a bunch.
I don't want to force it if we haven't found the right movie yet,
but I would like to start thinking in those terms because I really,
really enjoy doing those movies with you guys.
We talked about monkey March as an option.
I also,
I think it'd be great to pick a movie because we get,
we did one from Gavin's childhood,
one for mine.
I feel like to really round out almost like a trilogy of watch alongs,
something from your childhood could be good.
Oh, you got anything that's both. almost like a trilogy of watch-alongs, something from your childhood could be good. Oh.
You got anything that's both?
You got a monkey movie from your childhood?
A monkey childhood movie.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I think we've gone into 2023.
Let me...
I think it's here.
Let me...
All right.
I just...
Two movies jumped to mind. Yeah me... Two movies jumped to mind.
Yeah, two movies just jumped to mind.
So let me know what you think.
There's a movie that I remember
from my childhood called Super Fuzz.
That sounds great.
About a cop who gets superpowers.
Okay.
Let me see if I can find it.
I thought that was going to be a monkey movie.
No, I don't think I have any monkey movies.
Unless you want...
Okay.
Here we go.
So there's this movie.
Yeah, the fuzz could have been either.
Yeah, I thought it was an animal fuzz,
not a police officer.
Movies from my childhood that I remember loving
that I barely remember.
See, Super Fuzz would be like a horror movie now.
So it's my only...
And I think it's...
Yeah, Ernest Borgnine's in it.
And I think it's kind of maybe like a TNA movie a little bit.
Or...
Is Ernest Borgnine the guy?
The superfuzz guy?
No, he's just like his buddy.
His cop buddy.
Have you guys ever seen a movie called Condor Man?
No.
Oh, yeah.
There's another one from when I was a kid that I fucking...
Here, hold on a second.
The only thing I've seen Ernest Borgnine do is choke to death on a hot dog.
Here are two movies from my childhood.
Condor Man.
I remember fucking loving it.
Condor Man.
I'm into Condor Man.
Do I have it?
Look at his head.
Condor Man seems great.
I saw Condor Man in the theaters.
It came out in 1981, so I was six years old.
And it had a Baskin Robbins tie-in.
There was a flavor called Condor Man Crunch,
and I remember that because they advertised it at the movie,
and then right after the movie was over,
I convinced my mom to take me to Baskin Robbins
so I could eat Condor Man Crunch,
which I think might have just been Rocky Road,
but it tasted...
Oh, fuck, he found it!
Holy shit!
It does exist!
Yeah!
Chocolate ice cream with crunchy praline pecan bits and a milk chocolate ribbon.
He looks like a human punk.
I think we got our movie.
Also, this is a Disney movie?
It is a Disney movie.
Yeah.
Disney's Condor Man?
Yeah.
It doesn't look like on the Condor Man crunch
that it's going very well for him.
No.
Is it a guy with handlebars?
Yeah.
I don't remember a ton about this movie,
just that I loved it when I was a kid.
Notice how he's got both hands on the handlebars, though.
All right, well, I'm going to submit Condor Man
or Super Fuzz
as potential new movies.
And then I'll think about
a little bit more.
But those just immediately
leapt to mind.
Those are great choices, Jeff.
Thank you very much.
I'm excited.
How does he get the jacket on
under the wings?
Gavin, all will be revealed
when we watch Condor Man.
Okay.
Don't try to dissect the Condor Man. Simply
allow him to be.
Is that a bow? Is he hiding a
bow with his wings? Oh, it's on YouTube.
It's on Apple TV.
Oh yeah, it's on Amazon Prime Video. I think that's the one.
Yeah. Four bucks for it.
Seems like a good pick. Alright, I mean, I'll see
when we can get Condor Man
on the books.
Here's what'll be fun too. I remember here's what I remember about Condor Man on the books. Here's what'll be fun too.
I remember,
here's what I remember about Condor Man.
I remember that,
I remember that suit.
I remember him being kind of like a fuck up
and I remember Condor Man Crunch
and that's it.
I have no other memory of this movie.
I remember him being a fuck up.
Oh, you don't say.
No way.
I remember more about the ice cream
than I do the movie.
Where would you say, condor man crunch you did you like it did you not like it where did
it rank amongst like ice cream i was a kid eating the flavor of ice cream from the movie i just saw
so i'm pretty sure at that point in time it was the greatest thing i'd ever put in my mouth yeah
i wonder if there's any condom and crunch somewhere.
There has to be.
I was going to look that up as soon as we finished.
It's common for people to find 28-year-old Pepsi,
like Crystal Pepsi, but for ice cream,
you're going to have to have it frozen for all that time.
So this is my idea.
This is my thought based off what we said.
And Jeff, if this isn't what you're into, because this would
be very much a you idea.
We have made pizzas before.
I think we need to attempt to
recreate the flavor of Condor Made Crunch.
I think we have to make an ice cream
that is copying, and you can evaluate
if this is what you remember it tasting like.
I love
this idea. I love it.
I love it love it
love it I'm right there with Eric here's
what I here's what I say we got to do
too we have to make the ice cream like
we have to get like an old-timey ice
cream maker like my grandpa had yeah
where you put rock salt and milk and
shit in and then you turn the handle for
an hour and a half yeah we're gonna do
it like fucking old-school style like
how they had to make ice cream in 1981
when this dipshit movie came out oh Oh my God, I love it.
I might be in 2023.
I think I might be in 2023.
You guys pulled me into 2023.
Fuck 2022.
Hello, 2023.
Thanks for listening to another episode.
The first episode of F*** Face recorded in 2023.
It's going to be an awesome year.
Condor Man out.
F*** Face recorded in 2023.
It's going to be an awesome year.
Condor Man out.
Hey, guys.
Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.
The boys recap the falls draft.
We're silver medal friends.
Who would you sit next to on a plane?
When is the balaclava hitting the store?
Patton is decent in trials.
Jeff needs to remove some stumps.
And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.
All that and more on next week's episode of F*** This.