F**kface - We're (not) a Bovril Podcast // Apologizing to Lucases [99]
Episode Date: April 20, 2022Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Bovril history, donor regulations, awkward stuff with your parents, AH Live Tour, Gurpler Updates, and Geoff Balls Video. My Hubby's Bagels Coffee Blend here: https...://bluowl.ca/products/my-hubbys-bagels-blend Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face), and Fum (http://www.breathefum.com/face + code FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma,
is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam.
Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply
explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics,
groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics.
Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten
destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation
of Beastrin.
Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice.
Your choice, that is.
From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills.
And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is
really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge
roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points,
use the terrain and trick, trip,
or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.
Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game
and start your epic quest today.
That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Uh, hi! This is a Rooster Teeth production. Uh, hi!
This is the beginning
of the episode
that comes out next week.
It's doozy.
We talk about lactating women.
We talk about all sorts of things.
But the thing I'm here
to talk to you about
is we're selling the baseballs.
They are coming out on Friday
on store.roosterteeth.com.
They will sell out very quickly.
But I realize we never talked
about them on the show.
We've only mentioned it on social media.
If you want to follow us on social media,
we have an Instagram account at face pod.
I believe in a Twitter account with,
I think the same name at face pod.
Also have a YouTube,
but you wouldn't find that out there.
Anyway.
Thank you.
Bye.
Baseball previously on face. Previously on F*** Face.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face podcast.
This is number 99.
We are in season four, still year two, I believe.
Really closing in on that episode 100. We are moments away. With me as always,
Andrew Panton and
Gavin Free. How's it going,
dipshits?
I'd say it's going well. I'm still thinking
about Bovril, because we just recorded that one.
I'm sure everybody else who's
listening is equally haunted by it, and it has
stuck with them. Maybe some have tried it.
I did not need to know that shit existed. That whoa i think you'd be surprised at how good it is what
like i was surprised it exists i'm already surprised yeah hard to get more surprised it's
not bad if i need the jeff you should you'll probably like it because the opposite of the
color you hate yeah i guess that's true it is is true. That's fair. That is true.
And I mean, there's a whole Bovril industry, right?
So clearly there's a market for it.
Bovril industry.
You're not wrong, but it's just, it's a weird thing.
I wonder what the annual Bovril industry is worth.
Yeah, like what?
What are the global Bovril sales for 2021
uh i'm gonna google that real fast do you guys talk i'm gonna google that
global bovril sales for 2021 higher or lower than salad cream do you think gavin oh lower
lower not as popular okay i have no point of reference for these things.
So it's interesting to hear.
Jesus Christ.
Look at this, what Google returned.
By 1968, the Bovril Empire owned Argentinian beef ranches
that totaled the equivalent of half the size of England.
Production was also moved from London to its current home in Burton-on-Trent.
Today, Bovril is as popular as ever,
providing three and a half million jars
to Brits every year.
So they were just liquefying
Argentinian cows?
Is that what you're saying?
Seems to be the case.
They must have like
a big Bovril grinder
and they just push the cows in
and then out comes the juice.
We're a bovril podcast
oh shit dude in 2004 bovril drops the beef to go vegetarian they didn't do that i mean wouldn't
that just be mom i a vegemite i don't know let me look into the bovril wikipedia oh god
recipe changes okay here we go it was promoted as a superfood in the early 20th
century. Advertisements for Bovril recommended people dilute it into a tea or spread it on
their morning toast. Disgusting. Some adverts even claimed that Bovril could protect one from
influenza. Since its invention, Bovril has become an icon of British culture, and it is associated
with football culture. So you were right there, Gavin. During the winter, Bovril football fans in stadiums,
terraces drink it as a tea from thermos flasks
or from disposable cups in Scotland
where thermoses are banned.
No fucking thermoses in Scotland.
No doorknobs in Vancouver,
no thermoses in Scotland.
What's interesting is the prevention of influenza
is also what they said about butt plugs.
So really this in multiple ways.
I thought that was night blindness. It's everything.
Butt plugs
originally cure it all. In 2004,
Unilever, which is
very close to Unifarm,
removed the beef ingredients from
Bovril, rendering it vegetarian. This
was mainly due to concerns about decreasing sales,
particularly from exports, due to
an export ban on British beef.
As a result of that growing popularity of vegetarianism,
religious dietary requirements,
and public concerns about,
well, about fucking mad cow disease.
In 2006, Unilever reversed that.
Fuck, excuse me, I burped.
In 2006, Unilever reversed that decision
and introduced or reintroduced beef
back to the Bovril formula once sales increased
and the export bans were lifted.
Unilever now produces Bovril using beef extract
and a chicken variety using chicken extract.
We should try all the Bovrils.
What's better, the veggie one or the beef or the chicken?
Like a Cosmic Chris review?
Yeah. Do you know who the Forest Green one or the beef or the chicken? Like a Cosmic Chris review? Yeah.
Do you know who the Forest Green Rovers Football Club is, Gavin?
No.
No, I don't either.
I assume that there was British.
In November 2020, they announced a collaboration with the makers of Bovril
to create a BEET version of Bovril to be sold in the New Lawn Stadium,
where meat-based products have been removed.
Exclusive. You would have thought that mad cow
had a knock-on effect on all the...
Yeah, I guess it makes total sense.
Yeah. I can't give blood
here because of that. Because you have mad cow
disease? Yeah, they don't want my filthy
British blood in their banks
because of mad cow.
I can't give blood anymore because I have
too many tattoos, I was told. Oh, wow. Andrew, can't give blood anymore because i have too many tattoos i was told
oh wow andrew can you give blood i i should really try it's actually a thing i've been
meaning to look into there's a rally for it happening in the near future where i live
and i was gonna i was gonna look into that i've never tried i don't know why i'd be rejected
although could it be a weird do you have to have like oh blood like do you have to does in any
blood acceptable well some blood is more valuable than others but for sure yeah because i know all
blood is good i imagine it's like a different i feel like i've heard when you try to like going
to a sperm bank you have to hit a lot of requirements like to get approved for that
i feel like the requirements are
very stringent from what i've heard well but how do they know that before you monk off into a cup
how do they know if you qualify well i think you have to go through some things and then i think
maybe i don't know the process of my understanding you need to you need to essentially have like
super i don't i mean i don't want to further make this harder to get sponsored a junior hockey team,
but from what I've heard,
you need essentially Supercum to get approved
from a sperm bank.
That's just what I've heard.
I don't know how any of that works.
I don't know.
I think you're right, Andrew.
They don't want scrub sperm.
They want to make sure it's genetically good,
that you're not predisposed to have
like four million different issues.
And then also, I think most of those places...
So you just fill out a form and they...
Well, I think maybe they can get data from the sample.
I don't know.
Like if maybe it's a doctor's thing,
but you need to be clear.
Like you need to have a really good medical history.
And I think maybe potencyency maybe it's sperm count
like i think there are multiple layers so it's all decided after the after the specimen yes it's
not pre i think you do a pre-interview i'm sure there's like some medicals that you go through
but i think it's post sample that's what i'm trying to remember i feel like i heard a story
where somebody like wanted to do that because they'd get paid for it.
And then they went through the whole process and they were told they weren't good enough.
I think they also have, like, requirements, too.
Like, you have to have a college degree.
Like, seriously.
Like, they don't want, like, the fucking dumb sperm.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Yeah, but does my knowledge get passed down in my sperm?
What the hell does that even mean?
I don't know.
It's like they want thoroughbreds only, Gavin.
They need to be high quality.
I'm passing down knowledge to my jizz.
How using donor sperm works.
Donor evaluation.
The health and safety of donors and recipients are paramount to the donation process.
The health and safety of donors and recipients are paramount to the donation process.
Donors must be under 40, free of communicable diseases, and without a family history of genetic disorder.
They do a semen analysis to determine its usability.
It must be able to withstand freezing storage and thawing while remaining viable.
Before using the sperm, it needs to undergo quarantine in frozen storage for at least six months.
The donor must again test negative for communicable diseases after the six-month quarantine period before the sperm is available for use.
Sperm banks offer anonymous information about donors, including interests,
aptitudes, and physical characteristics.
Parents can also use a known donor or someone they know.
Sperm bank donors remain anonymous throughout the process.
However, known donors do not.
So I'm right.
I just said it horribly, but I was correct.
I didn't know any of the information, the specifics.
But I was in the right direction.
So I'm trying to think of like how, I mean, I already said Supercum.
We're already pretty low tier as far as sponsoring junior hockey goes
i had i had another great conversation with my mom recently oh is there an update there is an
update this isn't this isn't about butt plugs um this is uh i talked to my mom about um lactating
lactating women kinks was the conversation because it was a subreddit.
It was a subreddit post where I live.
Lactating women kinks.
Yes.
There's somebody that posted.
The milk from tits.
I don't know what they do with it.
It was a post on the subreddit and it was somebody who would be like, hey, I don't,
I'm trying to, and it wasn't this person
was very serious i have a lactating woman kink does anybody know of any ways that i could i could
figure this out type thing how i could how i could solve this issue so so what what is solve what
like how do i get access to women how do i get access to lactating women was essentially the
post okay i would say it was very odd it was a strange it's one of the stranger
posts i've seen this is verging on like black market shit but it wasn't it wasn't like negative
and that way it was just like hey are there there's services that i could i don't know i guess
i guess your best bet would be to hang out at the prenatal ward in a hospital i mean that's what
you'd hope for yeah what what made me laugh i should have told this the other way before previous my post favorite
or the post i enjoyed the most that was on subreddit before was somebody posted this thing
saying every night downtown we have a get together from 7 p.m until like 10 p.m come hang out if you
want to and it was just a video of dudes twirling fire sticks
and like this little gazebo
with like Spencer's
gifts type lights just shining around them
I was like this is what a fucking
weird thing that'd be to walk into
and then I looked at I clicked the post
and the top comment was alcohol
and 420 friendly
like there would need to be a clarification
that the fire stick twirlers
spencer gifts like it was one of the funniest clarifications i've ever seen like somebody
be like oh i hope they'd be okay with this so then i learned that the person that made that
post was the lactating milk guy because i went into their post history because i'm like what
else is in here if that's there there has to be some wild shit in their post history.
And I found that, and I was very excited it was the same guy.
So then I thought, oh, this is a funny thing.
I was going to tell my mom about it.
So I was talking about the fire thing, and I was like, yeah,
it said on the post that they're alcohol and 420 friendly.
And my mom had no idea what 420 was.
She had never heard of 420.
And so then I had to idea what 420 was like. She had never heard of 420. And so then I had to explain what 420 was.
But my initial thought was she's going to have no clue what a lactating woman kink is.
If we're if the 420 is the barrier of entry, then have to explain that.
So then I explained that to my mom.
And what's wrong, Eric eric's having a breakdown
in the chat i can't i can't believe that lactating woman kink is the long walk that we just took to
explaining to your mom what 420 what was part of the same thing i thought it was a funny thing
right because i thought to go so insane at the beginning to dial it all the way back to
well mom 420 means weed is like no you're right wild you're totally right it was like the opposite
of clickbait you're absolutely i fucked up i told the story in the wrong order 100 that's my fault
um well it is your redemption year you want to start over no no we're good we
could just we moved past it but i just it was more funny to me that i was like i wonder if she knows
what this is considering she didn't know the butt plug thing was where my mind was at and seeing her
reaction to it i thought would be funny she didn't even know what 420 was so there's a hurdle to clear
there she had no idea she did she was disgusted equally with the butt plugs as the lactating woman doesn't understand
any of it.
She paused.
There was like a moment of processing and then was like, I wonder, I wonder if he likes
sugar cookies is all she said.
And then we never addressed it again.
So I think in her head, it's like a consumption.
It's a consumption thing.
I don't think she understands what the kink is.
Does your mom think breast milk tastes like sugar cookies
does breast milk taste like sugar cookies
I think she was thinking her brain I think
went like I wonder if he would
have it in cookies and then it went to
sugar cookie I don't know I can't
explain why her brain went there but it's a very
funny thing of she was stunned
didn't really know what to say we're both quiet
for a minute and then she just said that and we
moved on just moved on from. And we moved on.
Just moved on from it.
We just moved on.
There's no other.
That was there been some weird.
That's not the most awkward.
Have you seen like a movie with your parents?
There's like that.
I regret that.
Yeah, I was awkward.
Got a lifetime, an entire lifetime of that experience. It could be. What's the worst one you've had? Because I feel like I have an
all-time bad one. I had one recently. Well, recently. It was about 10 years ago. I went
home to Alabama because my dad died. And so it was like the week my dad died, I was just trying
to laugh. And so I put on an episode of It's Always Sunny
in Philadelphia, and my mom sat down
to watch it with me. And it was the
episode where they faked the
death of a small child to get away
from the IRS. And they had a
I don't even remember what it was. Some dead animal
in a coffin, and they flipped the coffin
over and the dead animal fell out. And I just
looked at my mom and I was like, this was not
the time for this fucking episode oh yeah it was a real mood killer real mood killer
that's so bad okay your turn would you have one gavin uh just like watching uncomfortable stuff i
remember um i watched titanic as a child oh there's. There's that bit where they're shagging in the car, like in the cargo area.
They come up all sweaty, there's like steam on the windows.
And I remember when I was a kid, just asking my parents, I was like, what happened?
Why they were wet?
And my mom was like, they went swimming before this scene.
And I was like, oh, okay.
And then it was like 15 years later i watched it again i was
like wait a second like i didn't i didn't ever put it together in the meantime that uh they were
just shagging in a car they lied to me i just assumed it like burned in to my brain wrong that
they actually went for a swim i was like wait there was no pool my worst one this is is so bad
so i i my mom and i would go to the movies all the time
it's like one of our main bonding things that we used to do uh quite a bit and so we'd see
everything anything that looked good we would go see and one of the movies we saw together was don
john and i don't know how familiar either of you are with don john it was a Joseph Gordon Leavitt movie I believe he wrote
and directed it as well yeah and it's about a guy that is struggling with a porn addiction
and so it's like obviously it's going to touch on that subject matter the opening the opening
to Don John is just straight up pornography just like snippets and scenes from just like they
pulled from Pornhub or whatever it's like legit
porn in it and so i'm like watching i'm prepared i got the popcorn ready it's like ah there's
probably going to be some awkward sex stuff in this but and you're with your mom knowing and
i'm with my mom yeah like i just it's like we can get over it's whatever it's a movie it's
none of that whatever we can get through this and it opens with porn just straight up porn
and it was the
most uncomfortable movie experience i've ever had there was like no it was zero story couldn't just
like get into some parts of it it was just porn immediately did you write the intro looking at
the screen or i just a thousand yards stare forward i'm in a space love by myself nobody
else is in this room. It was terrible.
I wanted to die. What was your mom's reaction?
I don't know. I couldn't tell you.
I was looking forward. We never
talked about it. We just talked about the movie
as a whole outside of that.
It was very uncomfortable. I like that
from our conversations
I know that there was no butt plugs
in that porn.
Or breast milk.
It's a good movie,
but it was like the most awkward viewing experience I've had.
And I never thought that I'd be in a scenario in like a movie theater,
just watching porn caught me off guard.
It was a curve ball.
I have another one that I will remember until the day I die.
I was in high school and I was this is when I got
really into music. I was about 14. I discovered punk and I got like hard into music and it's all
I cared about. And I was really into this band in the 90s and the 80s and 90s called Fishbone
because that's the age I was at. And they had this really upbeat, positive, like happy,
jingly song called Cholly. And I just liked it so much because it was just like
an up-tempo kind of song. And I wanted to play it for my mom. So one day we were driving somewhere
and I said, can I play this tape for you? I really think you'll like this song. And she's like,
you know, I don't like your music. And I'm like, yeah, but this one's really happy and upbeat.
It's not like bad religion and all that angsty shit I listen to. And she's like, yeah, I guess,
It's not like Bad Religion and all that angsty shit I listen to.
And she's like, yeah, I guess.
Put it in.
And I had been listening to this album for months.
And I had never paid attention to the lyrics to that song. Oh, my God.
Ever in my life.
And I heard them for the first time as my mother heard them for the first time after I begged her to let me listen to the song.
The song is about having sex with an overweight prostitute.
And it's the lyrics are like,
like,
like,
I love you,
Charlie.
When you're tickling my Wally,
I love it,
baby.
When you shake your fat derriere,
make me feel good.
We can watch the sunrise through your pig thighs.
Like,
my God.
And it's just over and over and over again about fucking this chick.
And my mom just got real quiet and I got real quiet and I didn't know what to do.
So we listened to the entire song and then I just took the tape out and we never talked about it again.
When you're separate ways.
Yeah.
And I thought I am going to have to.
I remember I was like 16. I remember thinking I'm going to have to, I remember I was like 16,
I remember thinking,
I'm going to have to do
a better job of vetting stuff
in the future.
Oh.
Oh.
That's terrible.
And I thought,
how have I listened to this song
4,000 times
and never heard it?
Oh.
But that was the case.
That's so much worse.
You didn't get up
and turn it off? Why, no, I was frozen in the moment. Yeah's so much worse. You didn't get up and turn it off?
No, I was frozen in the moment.
Yeah, like you, there's something about in a car.
Yeah.
Like there's no subtle way to do that.
And to do that is an acknowledgement of the scenario.
It's better to just like act like nothing happened.
Just barrel through.
And I also exist, especially at a younger age, to make other people uncomfortable. You uncomfortable you know i used to be way worse about it so it was like in my wheelhouse
so i was kind of like i like i kind of well i was facing myself right like i had to do it because
i'd started it and and i knew it was like maybe damaging my relationship with my mom but it was
also like this will be a story someday and turns out it was 40 years 30 years later jesus
there's nothing i'm trying to like compare all the times that i've thought like oh this video
this youtube video is funny i'm gonna show my friend and they just don't laugh at it the anxiety
of that and the wanting to die and that a hundred times worse being in a car with your mom just
strapped into that how long was the
song oh i don't know it's like three minutes okay it's not like two or three minutes it's not the
longest song in the world or anything but it was just that long yeah it was like i had never heard
the song before until that moment and then everything crystallized and my mom definitely
heard it i watched her face go like concerned glance over at me back at the road and
just watch her body just turn off she just went cold and like rigid and i was just like what am
i doing what am i doing to this lady it's so much worse that you argued for it you like no i did i
had to convince her yeah because I was like so annoying about music
and she was just like,
I'm not going to like it.
I don't want to hear your music.
I get that you like it.
It's not my generation.
It's not for me.
And I'm like, no, no, no.
This one's a good one.
It's happy.
There's like a trombone and shit.
You'll like it, you know.
How much time passed after that
until you spoke again?
I have no idea.
Probably when we got where we were.
I don't know.
I just remember looking out the window a lot.
Should we talk?
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
No, you go.
No, you go.
No, you go.
No, you go.
I was going to completely change the topic.
I don't know.
Is this OK?
Well, I'll talk about the thing I was going to talk about.
I had a realization from a previous
i saw a comment about this on i guess the one two episodes ago i've been saying something wrong my
entire life and i've always been kind of like somewhat aware that it could be wrong oh can i
guess yeah go ahead is it wheel barrel that's absolutely yes so i i said wheel barrel i've always thought it was wheel
barrel i had no idea it was wheel barrow wheel barrow sounds weird to me i said wheel barrel
you guys didn't call me on it in the episode i saw comments where people brought it up um
and yeah it's a weird as a weird one and then I watched this is like a strange
sort of pivot but same type of idea
spoilers I guess for anybody who cares about Dexter they made
a new season of Dexter
and I realized that I completely
misremembered how that show ended which was very
odd like that was the only value of watching the new season
they a lot of the new season is about the fact that they don't know that he was a serial killer.
And in my head, that's how that show ended.
That everybody knew.
Oh, like he got caught?
Yeah, like he got caught and then he went into isolation.
And so then to watch a whole series in which nobody knows that, but I thought everybody did, was very strange.
So I've been trying to be, after the wheelbarrow, wheelbarrow,
I'm trying to think of things that I think are true
or that I believe that are just completely wrong.
It's been an exercise.
And I'm hoping to find more wheelbarrow, wheelbarrow content.
There's a lot of stuff like that where I don't pick up on it while we record,
but then when I listen back, I'm like, oh, he definitely said wheel barrel. Yeah.
I feel like it sounds better. A wheel
barrel is fun to say.
It's more fun than barrel. If it was a barrel
on wheels, it would make sense.
I feel like those exist as a
wheel. I feel like I've seen that used
as a wheel, like a half a barrel
as the barrel
part. But wheel barrel
as a concept makes sense, it's like a barrel you store
stuff in a barrel you put a wheel on it you wheel it around it's the same thing as a wheelbarrow i
get how you would get there and they sound close enough that whenever i hear it i just go in my
head wheelbarrow i go just adjust what does your mom say i have no idea you should find out i will
next time i see her i'll show her a photo of it. I'll say,
what is this? Could have been a genetic
thing that she passed down
to her eggs.
Hey,
should we...
I had one of those that
Gavin fixed me on. I never
knew what the word... I had been misusing the word
pentultimate my entire life until Gavin corrected me ten years ago in the Chima Hunter. But you were using it double wrong. I never knew what the word, I had been misusing the word pentultimate my entire life until Gavin corrected me
10 years ago in the Chima Hunter.
But you were using it double wrong.
I was using it double wrong.
You were using it in the wrong context
and saying it wrong.
Yeah, yeah.
You were saying pentultimate
as though it's like the ultimate.
Yes, I was.
But it's not pronounced pentultimate.
It's penultimate.
And it means like one before
yeah like yeah and i was totally wrong on all fronts and you fixed me thank you i appreciate
that but to be fair you you have a lot of you have a lot of good word knowledge like you you
have used i guess being a journalist you use a lot of words that i didn't know like i feel like
you will never turn down the opportunity to use the word assuage. You'll get that in there whenever you can.
I do like that word.
The fact that you didn't know penultimate.
I just thought it's clearly a different, like an American thing.
So I never corrected on it for a while before I realized, oh, he is just using it wrong.
I think where a lot of that comes from is my entire vocabulary comes from reading.
And so when you read and you see a word you don't
know, a lot of times you figured out via context clues. And so sometimes you pronounce, you,
you learn to pronounce it wrong because you read it first, or you get the definition slightly askew,
uh, from, from the actual definition, just because you're, you're picking up on the context clues
wrong. Um, I, there's probably a lot of those in my life actually because there are some things between england and the u.s where the the literal opposite thing means the same thing so like i i
would use the phrase well i couldn't care less but people here might say i could care less which
to me means well that's grammatically the opposite of what i'm saying like you could care less so
why are you saying that but just they use it in the same way.
Should we talk about,
because it is a germane,
which is another good word
to this conversation.
Should we talk about like the tour
that Gavin and I went on
and the face angle?
So last week,
Gavin and I went on,
you know, for our other day job,
the non face job.
We're a part of this gaming group called Achievement Hunter,
which we definitely don't talk about
on this podcast. But we
had to do a West Coast tour, so we played shows
in Seattle, and we played shows
in San Francisco, and a show in
Los Angeles. And it's like a three
hour kind of like, I don't know,
would you say like a variety show, Gav? We do
like role play,
and play video games.
We play wrestling, some comedy.
Just a bunch of nonsense, right?
Just a bunch of different things.
Presentations.
And minor league fan Jack is the one who kind of spearheads that.
It's kind of his creative baby.
And so he penciled us in.
Gavin and I in the past have always, you know, because we're buddies.
As he described last episode,
I'm his best friend ever.
Which feels really good to hear,
man. Thanks.
I imagine
it would probably feel good for you
to hear that back.
Just knowing how good it felt to me.
And
so he penciled us in for like,
we have these big 20-minute, 15-minute productions that we do, and, uh, so he penciled us in for like, we, you know, we have these big 20 minute,
15 minute, uh, productions that we do.
And then we have little interstitials while we clear the stage or change costumes or whatever.
And so Gavin and I in the past have always done like a dumb little five minute thing.
Uh, one time he dared me to eat a bunch of olives.
I couldn't do it, uh, in the time allotted.
We used to throw gummy bears and try to catch them in each other's mouths.
Just dumb shit.
Then we played a game of nutball once.
Nutball. Yeah. So I, I I think we played a game of nutball once. Nutball, yeah.
So I figured there should be a f***face angle for this.
And by the way, we met a lot of regulation listeners, a lot of comment leavers.
They were all wonderful and fantastic people.
So my angle was, I went out, I walked around Seattle, and I found this store that sold
pre-wrapped gifts.
And I thought, oh, that's cool.
For like eight bucks, I can buy a gift, and it's pre-wrapped. I have no idea, oh, that's cool. For like eight bucks, I can buy a gift
and it's pre-wrapped.
I have no idea what's in it.
It's a surprise.
So I landed on the idea
because it was the week that the episode,
I think 97 or 96 came out
where we declared,
kind of declared war
on Lucas, Hayden, and Edward
as like the people we've never liked
who were named those names.
And I was feeling kind of bad about that. So what I did was I went out and I addressed the audience and I told
a little about face. And then I said, is there a Lucas or a Hayden or an Edward in the audience?
And one person raised their hand and I was like, come on up to the stage. And they came up and I
presented them the gift as an apology on behalf of face and as a peace offering. And I said,
here's your gift.
We would just like to say,
Edward,
we're very sorry.
We didn't mean to,
to bemoan all Edwards on earth.
He should be his ID.
He really was.
He really was.
And we're like,
so we're like,
so please accept this as a peace offering.
And if you could then,
uh,
relay that to all other Edwards on earth,
we would appreciate that as well.
Let them know,
you know,
put the pitchforks away.
We're,
we're on good terms now.
And, uh, we did that in every city and every time it was fucking hilarious.
And every time it was awesome.
And the first, the first city in Seattle, the, I think it wasn't Edward, the dude, we
had an Edward and a Lucas.
I don't think we ever had a Hayden, two Edwards and a Lucas.
Uh, and, uh, Hayden's were fucking hiding like the cowards they are.
And, uh, and the Edward who came up, he had a Russian fuck shirt on.
So it was perfect.
Oh, yeah.
It was true.
That's great.
And we also did mini breaks.
I also found a baseball card shop
that had 89 and 90 Tops cards.
So I bought a bunch of packs
and we tried to get Zimmers on stage,
but we didn't.
I think a live Zimmer
would have been phenomenal.
A live Zimmer would have been phenomenal.
We tried.
It didn't happen.
But we did get to apologize to all all Hayden's Lucas's and Edward in at least in
those three cities and they they all seemed incredibly gracious and grateful I gave one of
them I gave one of them a koozie because you know I'm always pushing that koozie love so I bought
like a Seattle koozie and I gave one of those away we went to the Biscoff store and so I gave away a
bunch of Biscoffs I can't fucking stand those things, but people like them.
I think it was San Francisco.
You gave someone a giant Biscoff and some left-handed scissors,
and then at the next show, it was like a smaller Biscoff.
I had one left.
Yeah, there was a left-handed store in San Francisco,
and I was like, I'm left-handed.
So I went and I just bought a bunch of left-handed shit,
and that's kind of a backhanded compliment,
because I was like, if you're left-handed, this means a lot to you.
If you're not, then endure the hell of, of my life.
Anyway, that was awesome.
Is there anything that they don't make left-handed that should?
Oh, I don't know.
Um, like I feel like most things you pick up a, you know, like a spatula doesn't need,
it's not angled any specific way typically
I gotta say though dude I agree with you
but they had left handed pins
at that store I didn't buy one but I picked one up
and I went that's just fucking stupid all pins are left
and then I went oh no this is different
and it felt good I should have bought it
it was like formed to fit around my left hand
I don't know how else to describe it
it was the best feeling I've ever felt holding a pen.
I didn't buy it for some reason. I'm stupid.
I was just thinking
about the bit. But yeah, I guess
you can make a left-handed anything.
That's all. I just wanted to mention that
we... What if we have a left-handed Gerpler?
That's what I was about to say.
On behalf of F***face, we have
apologized officially to those three names.
This ad is brought to you by ExpressVPN.
Going online without ExpressVPN is like using your smartphone without a protective case.
Most of the time you'll probably be fine, but all it takes is one accidental drop onto
solid concrete to make you wish you had protected yourself.
Why does everyone need a VPN?
Every time you connect to an unencrypted network
in cafes, hotels, airports, et cetera,
your online data is not secured.
Any hacker on the same network can gain access to
and steal your personal data,
whether it be passwords, financial details,
all sorts of things.
It doesn't take much technical knowledge to hack someone.
Just some cheap hardware is needed.
A smart 12-year-old could do it. Your data is valuable. Hackers can make up to $1,000 per person selling your personal
info on the dark web. Now, ExpressVPN has an encrypted tunnel. It creates a secure encrypted
tunnel between your device and the internet. Hackers can't steal your sensitive data.
It's super secure. It'd take a hacker with a supercomputer over a billion years to get past ExpressVPN's encryption.
It's easy to use.
Fire up the app and click one button to get protected.
It works on all devices, whether it be phones, laptops, tablets, and more.
You can stay secure on the go.
ExpressVPN is a great service.
It's super easy to use.
Beyond just the security of it, it's great to access other libraries.
It's a fantastic
product. Secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com slash face. That's
e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n dot com slash face, and you can get an extra three months free,
expressvpn.com slash face. The time for spring cleaning is upon us. Do more than just dust your cabinets and organize your closets.
Spring clean your butthole with Hello Tushy bidets.
After wiping with dry, scratchy toilet paper all winter long,
our bums could use a serious refresh.
Put your cleanest booty forward and start washing with Hello Tushy.
Tushy is a fantastic product.
I have one.
It was so easy to install.
It's completely changed my bathroom
experience. So stop spreading your business around your butthole with toilet paper. Start washing
with Hello Tushy bidets. The Hello Tushy bidet attachment washes your bum with fresh water for
a way better clean than toilet paper. Simply spray and pat dry. It attaches to your existing toilet.
No electrician or plumber needed. Installs in less than 8 minutes.
Cuts down your TP use by 80%
saving money and paper waste.
Make the restroom your
best room with the complete TUSHY system.
Including the TUSHY bidet attachment,
ottoman, and toilet brush.
Hello TUSHY has cleaned over
1 million happy bums. Join
them and take care of your business
the cleaner way. I slash we want all
of our listeners to have clean bumps. Visit hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus
free shipping right now. Tag us and at hellotushy on social media so we can celebrate your clean
butt with you. That's hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off. Hey, if you are a current
or past smoker, you have to check out Fume. Fume is the natural inhaler designed for a better,
safer, and natural way to quit cigarettes. It's a no-smoke, no-vape, and no-nicotine replacement
for the hand-and-mouth habit of smoking. Fume is made of 100% Canadian maple and uses cores
infused with plant oil studied to curb cravings.
They have flavors like peppermint and Cochrane with minty, notes to simulate menthol cigarettes,
and other flavors like lemonberry bliss for a sweeter experience.
And all other flavors are 100% natural, no harmful chemicals, no artificial flavors, and absolutely no nicotine.
Fume was launched in Calgary, Canada in an effort to build a world of positive habits
and has since helped over 50,000 customers around the world. They're on a mission to help 1 million
people quit smoking by 2025. Not only does Fume help with the quitting process, they also have
support beyond quitting with over a dozen cores for relaxation, energy, and more. Quitting is tough,
but Fume really can help. They've got thousands of five-star reviews from smokers who have tried everything else, and this worked. Another benefit with Fume is if
you're somebody who flies a lot, being able to use Fume in the air or in the airport makes a huge
difference for people. Whether you're a smoker or ex-smoker who still struggles with cravings,
Fume is the perfect tool for you. It's time to create positive habits and quit naturally with
Fume, and we're here to make it easier.
Right now, if you head to breathefume.com slash face and use promo code face,
you're going to save 10% off your entire order.
You're going to save on the cigarettes you aren't buying
and save on your initial purchase of fume.
That's a 10% off your entire order when you head to breathefr-e-a-t-h-e-f-u-m.com slash face and use code face
should we talk about our gerpler innovations that we've come up with jeff
yeah that was a big part of the tour for me too was talking to you uh please take it away oh has
that been developments on the go oh there have been some gerbler developments so this is i i don't know the extent of which we'll
we'll be able to produce these but jeff wanted a larger gerbler if you're gonna have a gerbler
there should be a gerbler max there should be a gerbler max and so i was trying to think of like
what would be the like the most maximum gerbler what would be the greatest thing that we could
we could put water into or
whatever and sell as a drinking thing and the best i came up with was you know those like roadside
barriers that are like filled with you see them in movies like people crash into them yeah so
people don't stop yeah on a barrier they crash it's like that scene in speed yeah so it's like
that should be what the gerbler maxes i don't know where we get those i
don't know how much they cost but we should sell those and then it somehow pivoted into this other
idea of jack has been a minor league fan for a long time now and i'm sure he'd love a super fan
status back that the only way in the redemption year in the redemption year to give jack his super
super fan status back would be because he's been running a lot of marathons and half marathons
if we attach some straps to one of those and put a hose in so you know like those camelback things
of water like those small very portable water packs that like joggers will drink out of while
they're running so they don't have to stop If we essentially turn one of those barriers into one of those,
and if he can run a whole race with it starting full,
then he gets super fit.
We,
we,
we thought,
we talked about that.
We only,
it only has to be a five K and he just has to complete it and it gets
easier.
The faster he drinks.
Absolutely.
I just want to see the
reaction of people around him like all these people like camelbacks and you got one guy with
like backpack straps and this giant fucking just monster of a container and he has to hold he has
to hold he can't like put it on a wheel no has to wear it like a camelback. It can't be a wheelbarrow. No.
Because you may have invented the girl for bags,
but it sounds like you also invented the wheelbarrow.
I love how much stuff that we want to sell,
like, and the stuff we've done,
like the port-a-potty and stuff,
that can easily be taken from, like, a construction site.
Uniform has some real industrial vibes.
Uniform likes to go to apartment complex construction sites and just say, what do you got laying around?
We'll take it.
We can drink out of that.
So then we decided, if you're going to have a Gerbler Max,
you've got to have a smaller version of the Gerbler.
So Andrew came up with, I thought was brilliant,
the Lil' Gerb.
L-I-L Gerb. And it's a
baby Gerbler. Andrew,
how does that look to you?
It's a thimble. We're selling a thimble.
Your
Lil' Gerb is a thimble, or you can get
a construction-sized barrel
as the Gerbler Max, and then we just have your basic kitchen Gerbler. Maybe you could use a thimble, or you can get a construction-sized barrel as the Gurp-ler Max,
and then we just have your basic kitchen Gurp-ler.
Maybe you could use the thimble to cant your Bovril thick Bovril paste before you dilute it.
Dude, if we can get Jack drinking Bovril out of a big Gurp-ler Max.
That's awesome.
So, Eric, we'll need you to get with ecom and get
get into production on those please yeah uh yeah i think it i gerbler full of bovril is like making
my stomach turn yeah that is just imagine jack tripping on the finish line spilling bovril all
down the race and then he's like jump over this if you're vegetarian i'm just imagining him tripping knocking it over and just the odor and just like everybody puking
around no it smells good does it okay in my head every aspect of it is disgusting probably smells
like like beef like what do they call it? Beef marrow?
Bone marrow?
Beef marrow.
Like bone marrow?
Like beef bone marrow?
Yeah, kind of.
Like what you cook with?
Yeah, like a... I would assume.
Like beef stock, probably?
Yeah, like OXO cubes.
Yeah, exactly.
Like that.
Hey, I also...
Can I show you guys something
that I'm very excited about?
So I mentioned to you guys a while ago
when I was
I got
Ecom to buy me the
industrial
gold foil stamping machine
so that we could number
cards to make it official
for like break shows and stuff. And then I
got the idea to
get a custom stamp made.
Well, that stamp came in,
and I did a test,
and I wanted to show you guys the test.
I'm excited.
I'm very excited about it.
I think it looks amazing.
That looks so good.
That looks incredible.
That's not shit.
It's not shit.
That's the medium.
There's a large that's about the size of the card
and a small that's much smaller.
I just did the medium one as a test.
Isn't that
fucking good though doesn't it look professional as dicks oh my god it looks too good for us like
it's i am amazing it's eric's right he says the gold is stellar obviously we'll put it on the on
the instagram but i think it looks wait if you can't see it uh it's an ian looking up you know
standard to ian uh and it's i don't
half the size of the card it's the outline uh and it is in gold it's embossed in gold into the card
it's beautiful i would love you to also get one made of your first attempt to ian i don't even
remember that do we have that anymore it's like probably in this chat. Just floating above the head.
It's like a triangle nose.
Yeah.
I'm going to throw this in there too,
just because when I was pulling this card out
to stamp it today,
I noticed this card
and I thought it was the funniest baseball card
I have ever seen.
And it's not for anything other than
I just want to make you guys laugh.
So here's the card I saw today.
Archie Bradley.
Archie Bradley.
That's a high leg.
That is an incredibly high leg.
That is great in our high leg pile.
Yeah, but he's also turned to the side,
so he looks like he's doing some sort of
vaudevillian dance number at the same time.
Pretty impressive.
He looks like a rag doll.
That's like a Halo rag doll after a grenade went off.
That's what that looks like.
Eric says he's doing a Street Fighter kick.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Are you aware that we totally messed up the baseballs?
What do you mean?
Me being Jeff?
Just us as a group.
We blew it.
Oh.
How?
And what why?
Well, listen to this.
I would guess I probably hit 50 home runs.
And we decided that we would box up a ball if he swinged or swung and missed,
but not if he didn't swing.
So he either hit it or he swung and missed, and that's what we're selling.
So we're only selling the ones he missed?
Yeah, like if he didn't go for the swing,
we just put it back into the rotation to pitch again.
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
The wording of that is weird.
If Jeff swung the bat at the ball,
that ball is being sold,
whether it was connected with or not.
Yeah, that's incorrect.
I hit every ball eventually.
The ones that we swung and missed,
we went back through.
So Eric and I explained what we did,
and then Jeff explained it in a completely different way
is that what you
think happened Jeff
what do you mean
well we had the
whole discussion
months before
where it was like
you know it'll be
a blind box
you won't know
if you get one
that's been hit
or if it was a miss
but then you said
that we
but what we ended
up doing was
because it was going
so well
is any ball
that I missed
we just threw it through the pitching machine again and I
hit it. So I ended up actually connecting with every
ball we sold. Yeah, except we didn't do that.
Didn't we?
No.
No. If you swung at it
we pulled it off to the side. The only
ones I was throwing back were the ones
that you didn't swing at. Oh, okay.
I missed that. But you were helping me
point out. You were like, I swung at that one.
Yeah, okay.
That's right.
I guess I got that wrong
in the moment then.
I was just hitting balls
all day long.
Well, I mean,
we can still do it your way,
but we just have to go out
and then re-hit
basically the entire compilation
I made of you missing.
Not hit.
So,
we could go out and do them all.
The compilation of me missing was, was well some of those were foul
tips i only missed maybe 40 balls out of the 250 you you did not miss a lot a lot of like what what
you guys saw in the video of the misses were all of the misses but again we like there are so many
more balls in the other video that you'll see that are just absolutely crushed.
And when I went out and played baseball this last week, we found even more in the woods.
Yeah, he hit way more than he missed.
We just thought when we originally talked about it, it'd be funny if, you know, in a face way, you might be buying just a piece of shit that was completely whiffed.
But at least, you know, at least you knew he swung at it.
you might be buying just a piece of shit that was completely whiffed,
but at least,
you know,
at least you knew he swung at it.
That makes sense because I got one in the mail, uh,
that does not have any kind of connection on it.
And I went like,
that's weird.
I was pretty sure I hit all those.
I got one in the mail,
but I have probably 20 in my garage.
So it's really,
that was a real,
I just kind of threw mine back in there and went,
uh,
this should probably go to someone else.
Uh,
I thought that what you were going to say
about messing up the baseballs
is that it's not really a stamp
and Jeff just sort of filled his name with paint
and then no actual like autograph was on the ball.
Well, we talked about that last week.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, speaking of which,
we have about a hundred balls left
that we need to figure out what to do with and somebody on the instagram reached out to us who is like a professional
paint maker and he said if we can give him what the the color gerbil is he will mix up uh a couple
gallons of gerbil paint and send it to us and then we can hit the ball the remaining hundred balls
with gerbil that's amazing so i think that's that's
an interesting idea i think it's a great idea so that's really great are you okay with what we did
then or do you want to go out and re-hit the the ones that you swung and missed it well i only
missed a few i only missed like 30 or 40 so i'm fine with it i think it's funny if they're not
re-hit i think just a small percentage of people just getting a ball that has i think it all creates
more excitement when you when you're buying something blind and you either get screwed
or you get a great little thing.
Some of them actually got painted
even though you missed
because you swung paint onto them.
I was so dialed in and hot and exhausted
and focused that I was just hitting
what was in front of me.
So I probably got confused at some point.
Out of 250, I must have hit 210 probably.
Oh, easily.
Easily.
Most of them a hit.
Yeah.
I like the idea, too, of anyone who gets a missed ball,
they can see, like, theoretically,
they could see the ball that was missed.
Yeah.
Like, it's an easy, like, they have the footage
of, like, they can see their ball in play.
They definitively know it's one of these balls.
Yeah, if you get a clean ball,
you were, yeah,
that's an excellent point, Andrew.
When we go out and do this again,
because we're going to have
to hit more balls,
we have to find a different field.
You hit, Jeff,
I don't know how else to say it,
you hit them too far.
You have to go,
we have to go to a bigger field
where we can actually go out
and like shag the balls
instead of having to like find them in the woods later.
We have to find a bigger field.
Or just one with a big net at the back.
Yeah, or I guess one with a big net at the back.
Or like a high fence.
Like some of them have much higher fences.
Right.
Yeah, I only have two modes.
Hit Gavin's camera or hit home run.
I don't know how to.
And you were doing both so well.
That's the only two ways I know how to hit
so yeah we'll have to get a different
field I guess
Eric and Andrew did a little thing
on the YouTube this week
we did
yeah
yeah
Jeff didn't love it
no Jeff was not a fan
that's fair I was not a fan.
Now, I was not a fan.
I like a prank that gets resolved in the moment.
Like, you show me the video and we laugh about it,
and then I get my redemption four minutes later when we show the other video.
Just releasing, without explanation,
a two-minute video of me striking out with no explanation for days without me being able to engage and explain what's going on.
It was frustrating, especially considering that video has like 30,000 views and the YouTube video above it where I do hit the balls has like 7,000 views.
And all of the comments from people I got for two days that were like, I fucking knew you sucked.
I told my wife you'd suck.
She was right.
She's fucking embarrassed for you.
And I'm like, Jesus Christ.
We have the other video going up tomorrow
where you look like a true hero.
So let's go through this series of events
because it is facing on several levels.
We all are apparently the worst communicators that have ever existed
i don't disagree i originally had the idea of like oh it'd be funny if we put the misses out
a day before it ended up coming out with people who are sponsors on risk to teeth could listen
to the episode uh so there was there's a portion that could see all of it but i thought it'd be
funny if there's like one day where the majority of people would only have that as a point of context.
Then they would listen to the episode the next day and the video would be out the next day to see all the hits.
So they'd be wrong.
Like I in the brief moment I had where I thought Jeff just missed a lot.
I then realized that Jeff hit essentially nothing but dingers, hit them too far, as Eric was saying.
essentially nothing but dingers.
He hit them too far, as Eric was saying.
So I suggested this idea to Eric,
and then Eric said that he talked to you about it, Gavin,
to get approval for it,
but I guess it wasn't clear it was going on the YouTube.
Like, there was a miscommunication there.
I mean, like Jeff's saying, I'm only capable... I like doing it how Jeff likes it.
I can't let people stew for days on a prank.
I have to have the instant reveal, otherwise I just get uncomfortable. Like, I'm just put how Jeff likes it. I can't let people stew for days on a prank. I have to have the instant reveal.
Otherwise, I just get uncomfortable.
Like, I'm just putting...
Total.
So I made those videos just to be...
Well, either just to show you
or just to put in the actual episode.
And then for YouTube,
I was going to cut, like, a whole, you know,
a 10, 15-minute video of the whole day.
So I didn't know that existed.
Like, I knew you talked about it,
but I didn't know that that video existed. And I wouldn't have even suggested what I suggested if I knew that video
existed. I thought we only had those two videos. So I made that suggestion to Eric, not knowing
that video existed. Then Eric talked to you about it because Eric's like, yeah, talk to Gavin. He's
cool with it. Like we're going to we're going to do it. So then I guess it wasn't clear in your communication that it was going on the YouTube.
No, I didn't mention YouTube.
I assumed it was like because they're so short to be on Instagram.
And the way Eric was talking, it was like, hey, we're just going to put up the misses.
I was like, OK, cool.
You know, I guess until you get a reaction of Jeff and then you put up the other one.
Maybe that's what it sounded like.
Well, to be fair to I normally would have been i was a big old baby
about it uh i'll be honest but i it just happened to release on a legendarily bad day for me like
it was one of those days where like you know i would come in and i would be exhausted and i would
talk about how like arrow shit the crate at four in the morning and it was raining and i was getting
duty on emily's brand new dress and all that stuff it was like Aero shit the crate at four in the morning and it was raining and I was getting duty on Emily's brand new dress
and all that stuff.
It was like that level of shit happened
like eight times to me that day
before I opened up social media
and got attacked.
And I was like,
what the fuck is going on?
So I was just in a bad headspace that day.
And I was,
so I wasn't feeling the joke in the moment.
So I-
Totally fair.
I just had to take a break for a little bit because I didn't want to be mean to you guys.
I would say that was condiments mini.
Yes.
Yeah.
But I shut it down before I turned into condiments max.
No, because I couldn't.
I wasn't sure initially if you were actually upset because i i when i suggested
to erica i was like well this is like obviously a dick move and if jeff wants to he could like
yell at us on the show about it i wasn't sure the legitimacy of how annoyed you were and then
it became clear oh this is actually something that really annoyed you i felt bad which then
extended to me texting gavin i think i this has been condimented we cannot we could maybe
add a new word to our list of condimented
a thing where it is
extended into what was a
joke into something more real
between that event and the previously
on face
Jeff yesterday I was like man
we were on tour this podcast really got away from
us
figure out what's going on.
Previously on, working as a...
Yo, you still have your questions for the previously on.
Oh, shit.
So we can do that.
Oh, yeah.
Just before we close that off, just to put a loop, just to really summarize how fucking
bad we are at communicating.
I communicated to Eric not knowing that you had a full video, Gavin.
I just was not aware of that fact.
Eric communicated to you what we're going to do with it,
but you still didn't understand how it was going to be used.
I then asked Eric for the video
so we could maybe do something on social with it.
He told me to talk to Nick about it.
I talked to Nick about it.
That never happened.
I never got the video.
It just didn't come through.
Dude, download it from YouTube.
It's up there right now, dickhead.
It is on YouTube.
This entire team is a complete mess.
I was in the airport flying home from the tour,
and I was talking to Nick.
I just proofed the last one,
and we were talking about, like,
do we leave those hits and misses videos
in the episode for the audio one?
Because Nick had originally just trimmed it down,
and I thought, well, maybe we can leave it in
and just play the audio from it,
because I don't want the audio version to be like a shit watered down version of the video version
you kind of want them to be as equal as possible and nick and i will go back and forth like talking
seriously about it yeah yeah and then i was like oh maybe we should put it to the group so we put
it into the face channel and it devolved into a conversation about cooking beans in a PC. And we got absolutely no answers.
So I went back to Nick.
I was like, well, that serves us right for trying to put it to the rest of the group.
It was just chaos.
Everything's been chaos recently.
And to be clear, those videos are still going to come out.
Like, you have the baseball video.
We're still going to release your baseball cut.
Oh, are we?
Yeah, absolutely.
No, we're not losing that that I want to see what that is
I absolutely I don't want to sacrifice that if that's done we would be ridiculous to not release
that but you do realize that means that with with it in the episode and the individual videos posted
on the youtube plus my supercut of the entire day they're gonna be used three times in the same
place yeah that's fine then we're idiots yeah
well no it's not it's not ideal but we're dumb and i want to see is there footage in the supercut
that isn't in either of the other two cuts loads that's most yes oh then yeah then we're putting
out the fucking content part yeah i guess it's like the full video and then and then highlights
and low lights what are we to name the full one to differentiate
it from the other shit that
is out? Listen,
we're going to have to get better
at this part of it because
I only sense
more video content in our future.
We're having this whole discussion.
We haven't even broached the subject. There's a
beanhole video that the audience
has been waiting for that they think we haven't given them but we haven't given it to him because
we're at gavin's editing it trying to put it together thing is that i want to take my time
and make decent videos but i also want to whip up some quick shit each time to show you like if
that's just done the thing that week i want to have that update so i quickly that's why i quickly
make the digging video or i quickly make the misses and hits video just for us to talk about
in the episode we should really upload the digging video as I quickly make the misses and hits video. That's for us to talk about in the episode.
We should really upload the digging video as well.
We should just make sure all these are available.
I don't think it matters.
But you also still want me to make Beanhole full version as well.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Right.
Eric, I need an editor.
Yeah.
Gavin is, I'm going to, that's a tremendous amount of work for Gavin,
who is a tremendous editor,
but he's also a tremendously busy, successful guy who we got to get him some relief on that.
I can't imagine.
Like I was talking about, I felt so bad that after we ate the beans, I was like, uh, on
that Sunday, I was like, well, I'm going to fucking go home and relax or I'm going to
go relax now.
Good, good day, everybody.
And Gavin goes, I'm going to go home and watch 12 hours of bean and baseball footage and I was like oh yeah his day's just starting
it's fun though I like it I enjoy it that's good I'm excited I'm I'm genuinely so excited with the
video we're terrible communicating those may or may not be available I'm assuming they'll be
available by the time they hear this who knows you can check our facebook or not facebook what i don't know why my brain i'm gonna be completely honest with you on facebook
what the mother fuck are you talking about this is what happened okay i told the lactating story
backwards from what i wanted to i like shot the ball into the sand trap and i've been in the sand
trap the whole show i haven't been able to get out of the sand trap.
It has been a tough time.
I've taken several swings. I'm just going trap to trap.
Well, that's one of the places we're digging a bean hole, so just stay there.
Oh, and you did reference, I think we do have a very clever idea
to try to cook beans in a PC.
We should try. We should film that as well.
Let's see if a PC gets the beans hotter than my bean hole.
Never got an answer on how you wanted to handle the videos,
but at least we got PC beans.
Um,
questions for the previously on.
Okay.
Uh,
I can,
I,
I,
my first question.
Can I ask my,
can I ask my question?
Absolutely.
Have I ever met this person in real life in my life?
I'm going to say no.
Okay.
That's my question.
Is it one of the...
Is it the lawyer guy?
Is it your first legal team?
No.
Or our legal team?
No.
Eric, you get a question.
No, he knows.
I already know the answer.
Then ask a really good question.
Nick.
Nick's typing.
Nick knows, too. Eric, you blab a mouth you linked it to nick i don't remember did
i tell nick you son of a bitch i don't think i don't remember tell i don't remember telling nick
we're usually so good at communicating this stuff i really don't remember telling nick about who the previously on is who wait when would i tell nick
i don't know i refuse i refuse to believe this was my fault okay no no no no i could be wrong
how else hang on hang on this guy never talks on the podcast and just unmuted to say i couldn't be
wrong he's gonna have to record a pickup for himself
okay we're gonna you're gonna message me directly nick who you think it is
yeah this is good this will know yeah yeah go ahead and uh slack andrew who you think
slack me right now who you think it is jeff and i could deafen no no i don't trust it oh no
we'll see nick no i'll tell you what i uh i panicked and i could deafen no no i don't trust it oh no we'll see nick message me no i'll tell
you what i uh i panicked and i said yes uh i do not know who it is i was like i gotta record
what are you talking about you didn't remember where you heard it but you don't
no no i totally i had a moment of like hey you know i'll just say i know so i don't have to
turn on this mic and do all this stuff.
The lie has gone too far.
It's gone too far.
Is it too deep?
All right, well, now you can give a guess.
Yeah, now you've got to ask your question.
Go ahead.
Is it, um, is that the person who wrote the Variety article?
Is it?
Oh, my God.
No. He wasn't here for the last episode.
Nick wasn't here for the last episode.
Oh, really?
I was about to say, maybe there's a reason Nick wasn't here for the last episode. Oh, really? I was about to say
maybe there's a reason
Nick doesn't talk on this one.
You pulled up a pinch hitter
and he just left.
He just went home.
I can't imagine
being a fan of this podcast.
The last 15 minutes
have been insane.
This is a good example
of the communication thing.
Dude, we're falling apart.
A hundred episodes in, we're worse than ever.
We need to release a supplemental contact
like Eric does his job
that's just,
F*** Face communicates.
Oh, man.
Are you guys excited for next week?
It's our 100th episode
that's quite a milestone
are we still in season 4
across 100
is that the finale
no season 4 goes for a while
we just started season 4
yeah
is there a way we can on the website
actually reflect the seasons
accurately on our show page
just so it makes no sense at all
i can i can try and see what i can do put the one episode or like one and a half episodes or
whatever that are yeah i'll see what i can do get them that'd be brilliant yeah awesome so so now
andrew you have stuff planned for episode 100 do you have multiple things or just one thing
i i have multiple things that I'm on the fence
about doing, so I might have nothing.
I either have a lot or nothing.
That's fair. And Gavin, you have a
story you want to tell. Is that all you have planned for 100?
Yeah, I just remembered
a story the other day. I realized I'd never told it.
And I thought, oh, maybe if
there's time on episode 100, I'll tell that one.
I don't want to build it up too much. It's just
a story.
What you're saying is this is the best story you will have that one okay i don't want to build it up too much it's a story but i just want to tell it so you what you're saying is this is the best story you will have
ever told you don't want to you don't want to build it up yet you'll tease it in the two episodes
leading up i don't want to tease it you brought it up oh my god i can't wait for this story i'll
be telling uh maybe six out of ten stories hey maybe you can land in the sand
trap with me i'll show you how not to get out of it oh man i i couldn't tell you were rolling
around the sand trap the whole episode oh it was pretty obvious he was flailing yeah i was flustered
i picked up on it uh oh i should say one little piece of housekeeping.
A little kudos. I don't know if you guys
saw it, but we
had another little period
of growth. The last two episodes have
been
boosted in views
somehow. Do we do this in the episode now?
We discuss the performance?
I'm just saying, the last couple episodes did really well, so we must
be on to something. You say that like it's a weird thing. Yeah, I'm just saying, like the last couple episodes did really well, so we must be on to something.
You say that like it's a weird thing.
Literally, essentially,
all I hear about the performance of the show is in the episode.
That's the only time
I get any update ever.
Yeah.
Well, you maybe used
some of your pleasantries time.
We, uh, there was a period,
I don't know if we've ever
talked about it,
but there was a period
where we became, uh,
that we crossed a threshold
and became the number one podcast
in the company.
And then we went straight
back down again. And then we dipped
for a little bit, but now
we're coming back up again.
Interesting.
So whatever we did to
dip, we shouldn't do again. And whatever we did
to grow, we should only do that.
What do we do to dip? I have no
clue, man. I don't know what we do to dip i have no clue man i don't know i don't know
what we did to grow to be honest with you hmm hmm whole thing was whole thing is perplexing to me
i hope the audience likes beef paste
well this is how we're gonna cement ourselves with the uk audience right
yes andrew if i send you bovril for the next episode 100, will you drink it?
Or eat it on toast?
I 100% will.
Okay.
I will do whatever you want me to do with it.
I think we should make a hot Bovril and you should drink it.
I think that's the purest form of my childhood.
Can I use my Keurig to make it?
Oh, maybe.
Can I put it in one of my pods?
I mean, it's a tool.
Tools are meant to be used.
I wonder if Bovril make, like, K-Cups and
Keurig things. Let me look.
I feel extremely like
that's not likely. With beef,
beef in a... Bovril K-Cup.
Oh, shit, dude!
No! Do they?
Gearheads. What the fuck is that?
Uh, no.
It doesn't look like it. That's too bad.
It does look fucking gross, though.
Beefy.
Oh, you can buy it on Amazon.
Oh, fucking awesome.
Ew.
Why is it?
Goddamn, dude.
No offense, but some of the graphic design in the UK is still in the 1980s.
You guys have to modernize.
Post it.
Let me look.
All right.
Hold on. Copy image. Does that mean that Jack, when he's doing the next time on, 80s you guys have to modernize your post it let me let me look all right hold on copy image does
that mean that jack when he's doing the next time on he's gonna have to work bovril into two different
episodes like that does not look like something that was designed in the last 20 years well it
probably wasn't what year was that it looks good update your fucking logo copy image let me do this
one this one's a little better. I like this one better,
but it still looks old as fuck.
It looks like something
I would have bought.
It looks like the canister
I would have bought in 1984.
I mean, I've never seen
it in that form.
Yeah, I've seen that.
I've seen it in like the tub.
I've not seen it in the
squeeze tube.
Powder chicken bowl.
That's the chicken Bovril.
Beefy Bovrite.
Is that even? Is that the same brand? Bovril. Beefy Bovrite? Is that even...
Is that the same brand?
Bovrite?
That's a competitor, I guess.
What is...
Where does Bov...
What is the name?
Bovine Rill?
What's the Rill?
I have no idea.
I'm trying to process...
Do you think they went in thinking it would be meat and vegetable extract?
Or like they just started with meat extract.
They're like, we need to extract more.
Extract.
What else are we going to pull from vegetables?
It is $42 to buy.
It is $2.68 an ounce for Bovril on Amazon.
Good Lord.
Andrew, if I ship you, do you need anything else?
Because shipping like just one thing of Bovril to Canada is going to be a waste. Andrew, if I ship you, do you need anything else? Because shipping like
just one thing of Bovril
to Canada is going to be a waste.
Do you need a phone?
What do you need?
No, I'm good.
You can use this
as a Brit box thing.
You can go with a few other
items if you want.
Could we ever send
Andrew an iPhone someday
so that he can be blue
in our text chains
and the fucking images
don't come through as postage stamps.
We can just get on WhatsApp, I guess.
I guess so.
I don't mind because I don't deal with that
at all. That's not an issue for me.
Honestly, I don't know how it's still so
bad. If you send us, if anyone
on that chain sends a video, it's
literally like 60 pixels wide.
Yeah, it's unbelievable. It's wide. Yeah, it's unbelievable.
That's great.
It looks fine for me.
That's a really dumb problem.
The only issue I have is for some reason
when I text,
I don't remember if it's either you, Jeff, or Gavin,
one of you pops out as a G,
as a clickable G in my thing,
and you look the same your symbol
is the exact same for me so if i'm texting you both simultaneously it is very risky for me to
not accidentally text why don't you just assign a picture to it i probably should that would solve
that issue but it's i don't know it's a little it's kind of fun there's that one time where i
pitched an idea to gavin thinking i was talking to jeff like yeah. Then I, then I asked you and then you were like,
sorry,
I pitched it to the wrong guy.
And I was like,
well,
you can pitch it to me now.
And you're like,
no,
I'll let Gavin pitch you.
I gave you the intro.
Gavin can finish it.
All right.
We should probably wrap up.
This was the 99th time we've done this and it just keeps getting dumber.
So I'll finish that video.
Yeah.
Tune in,
tune in next week when we do it for the hundredth time,
it'll be a hundred times the stupid that you're used to,
uh,
special surprises,
uh,
in episode 100 by Andrew Panton,
Gavin free.
Who's going to tell a six out of 10 story.
And I'm going to do,
I'm going to do a dumb bit at the beginning
that hopefully you guys will enjoy.
Yeah, so fucking tell people
and then make them listen to it or watch it
or however you consume this.
And if they say, eh, I'm not really into podcasts,
grab them by the throat and tell them they are.
Fucking knock it off with this I'm not into podcasts shit.
Just get into podcasts.
It's the future and the present.
And, oh yeah, and like and subscribe.
Thank you?
Hey guys, minor league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.
It's episode 100 and you're going to want to be there for it.
Jeff has a painful surprise for the team.
Draw me like one of your French girls.
Andrew gets questioned on pee location again.
The F*** Face knob drop is available to play.
Let's go to Vegas in May.
Gavin is in Australia.
And once again, in 100 episodes, Andrew still has not eaten the pencil.
All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.