F**kface - What Does Andrew Look Like? // Shirt Havers? [102]
Episode Date: May 11, 2022Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew has a beard?, Norm MacDonald, The Challenge, Regulation Listener vs Comment Leaver shirts, never ask a chicken's name, Guess Who Might Be Dead Round 2: Movie... Version, and Anal Passage Saga. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), and ShipStation (http://shipstation.com + code FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Previously on F*** Face.
Oh, I got it. My beard. My beard is all beefy. You have a beard? I have a beefy beard. Yeah, hold on, let's get into the podcast. Hello and welcome to episode 102 of the F*** Face Podcast.
My name is Geoff Ramsey.
With me, as always, Andrew Pant and Gavin Free.
This is, just for posterity's sake, this is year two, season four.
Andrew, you have a beard?
Yeah, I have a beard currently.
I don't know what you look like.
My mental image is never right. You need to describe yourself every month just so I've got a beard, currently. I don't know what you look like. My mental image is never right.
You need to describe yourself every month,
just so I've got a good mental image.
Yeah, okay.
Well, it's the same as before.
I have short hair.
That's still the same.
And I have a beard, currently.
How long is the beard?
Is it like a jack beard?
No, it's like a small...
It's not.
It's a very mediocre beard.
It's not a great beard.
Is it full coverage, or is it trimmed in areas?
It's full coverage, but it's just not super full. It's not a great beard. We talking full coverage, or is it like trimmed in areas? It's full coverage, but it's just not like super full.
It's not a great beard.
You don't sound like you have a beard.
I do.
I can tell you, I can smell it right now.
I got Bovril in it from the pop, and it is not good.
A beefy beard right now.
It smells terrible.
Bovril smells worse than it tastes.
Yeah, I think I'd agree with that.
In my experience.
Having had salad cream prior to that,
it being frozen made it so much worse.
I had something about the smell and the texture.
Not even froze, just super cold.
It wasn't frozen at all.
What did it do to the texture?
Did it make it more congealed?
Was it more solid or was it just very cold?
It was more congealed.
It felt more solid and just it has such a strong taste and it's just so
overpowering that was gross i hate that we did frozen pops and my favorite beverage of cold my
cold my cold beverage of choice coke was the one that wasn't picked the only my favorite cold thing
was the one that was left off oh you know, I will say, through the course of spending that
week in the UK and then going to that
community meetup, I talked to a lot of people.
Bovril, pretty universally not
loved, but every single
person to a fault loves Salad Cream
and Branson Pickle.
Hell yeah. Couldn't say enough good things about them. Yeah.
They were very popular over there, apparently.
I'm so glad I didn't go with Branson Pickle. That was
a consideration of one of the ice pop flavors.
Frozen Branson pickle would be very interesting.
I wasn't sure if I'd be able to freeze it with the texture of it and like the contents.
I wasn't sure how that would equal out.
But salad cream certainly didn't work.
Well, I think we have some new recipes for the face cooks.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Cookbook when we finally make it.
So since we do you want to you want to ask your questions now since it's fresh in your mind?
Another episode, another two guesses for you both?
Yeah.
Gavin, you can go first.
Was this person in Flukface?
No.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
You need to come up with like a list of possible people.
Do you have a question, Jeff, that you'd like to ask?
Then maybe it will help Gavin with his guess.
I can't.
I'm't.
I'm struggling.
I'm struggling to remember what we've already asked.
I want to ask, but I'm scared I've already asked.
OK.
If they're related to if they're like one of the online lawyers, if they're related to that whole segment.
I don't I also don't remember if you've asked that, but I'll just say no, they're not.
OK, OK.
I might have to give another clue out with the rate we're currently going.
Why don't you?
Yeah.
Why?
You're putting me on the spot.
I don't want to just give it away with a clue.
I don't trust myself to not give a very... I will say...
Okay, so a previous question you had asked was, has anybody gotten this correct yet?
There have been lots of comments about it.
And I said, not fully.
That is no longer the case.
One person has made a completely correct guess as far as what this is.
I'm going to have to sift through comments.
So season two.
Can I tell you the worst guess
that anyone's made so far?
Is it the one I made last?
No, it's actually worse.
I'd be impressed if you had a worse guess than this one.
And this was done in a message that was very sweet.
So it wasn't like a bit.
They didn't have an awareness of this.
And I didn't know how to reply to it.
They guessed that the voice was Norm MacDonald.
What?
A, dead.
B, exceptionally distinctive voice and cadence.
That's a double layer.
It's the worst guess by far.
If I was able to get somebody who is dead to do the previously on,
could you imagine bringing somebody back to just do a previously on voice?
That was why they came back.
I mean, the previously on voice, the guy sounds like he's got a surfboard in his hands.
Really?
And that's not what Norm MacDonald sounds like.
No, no, it does not.
But that's been my favorite of the worst guesses I've gotten by far.
So that being said, do you have a guess, Jeff?
Is it Billy Ripken?
It's not.
I wish it'd be a great one now.
Yeah, I don't I know it's I know it's not.
It's way too young.
I just don't know what else to ask.
Yeah, that's fair.
Process of elimination.
Totally.
We should probably write down your questions and guesses throughout this.
I also appreciate that you went with one that I think you already asked when Nick wrote
out a much better guess that you just didn't use while you were saying it.
Oh, I wasn't looking at the Discord.
Let me see.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I think it sounds too young to be your barber.
I considered that as well.
Interesting.
Because your barber's like 105.
No, that was my old one.
I got a new guy.
New, much younger.
I swapped out.
Gav, do you want to ask a question?
You can still make a guess.
Was it a delivery driver that you've had in the past?
No, it's not.
I thought you already guessed, too.
That's how much these popsicles have taken out of me.
No, I asked a question.
I don't think I guessed.
Okay.
He didn't make a guess.
I'm still gathering from that.
So Jeff went to the UK.
What did you do, Gavin, since we last recorded?
I was just here.
You were just here?
We played Halo
we did play Halo it's very weird Gavin brought up that it's because you were in the UK Jeff
that it's the first time I think we've not recorded an episode because you were like it
wasn't him so him just being available for the week it's a very strange thing like it's an odd
rhythm to get out of it's nice when we're weekly usually when jeff's gone and i'm still here i get pulled
into off topic or something but that didn't happen i'm not sure achievement hunter knew that
face was off but yeah i ended up just having a free period where i just played halo with you
i was i did my taxes we had an exciting well you were away jeff we had so much fun
gavin did nothing and i filed taxes i was waiting for you to get home from your taxes.
Yeah, it sounds like you guys really took advantage of.
I was very excited to see you text me, Jeff.
You were down watching the challenge.
One of my favorite reality shows of all time.
Yeah, Survivor.
Yeah, I I started watching it.
I don't remember why.
I think we're just in the hotel room and bored and it was on.
And I was like, fuck it.
Let's give this a shot. And I And I honestly forgot about it until this moment.
So thank you for reminding me that I needed to finish watching that show.
Because I was quite enjoying it.
I found that the challenges to the challenge...
I'll say half of the enjoyment of reality TV for me is watching people just like just mishandle their lives.
The other half of reality TV that I enjoy is watching games that people play, like the inventiveness, the creation of the games.
It's why I love it's why I enjoy Big Brother.
Sometimes it's obviously why I like Survivor.
obviously why i like survivor and the challenge has some really interesting like legitimately physically demanding uh maybe more so even than survivor challenges and i'm kind of fascinated
by that like they are no joke the challenges yeah they they get ridiculous and it's for me it's a
great mix of the social politics of survivor but from much dumber trashier people yeah and then all the same people like
there's a guy on there named ct who i think he did his first challenge when he was 27 he's 41 now
i want to say and he's been on essentially every season so it's like you have all this build-up of
bullshit from like decades that's also interesting like it is such a, like a, like you see people,
like the season I watched,
there's somebody I recognized from Survivor on.
So that was cool.
Yes.
And there was somebody from Big Brother who I didn't know,
but it's cool to see the inner,
the interplay of,
of different reality shows.
But mostly there seems to be a core group of people who just live in this challenge.
Yes.
Universe.
And it's their entire lives to the point where they're like, they'll, I, interesting dynamics. just live in this challenge universe.
And it's their entire lives.
To the point where they're like,
they'll, interesting dynamics,
the first people that get voted out are people that are on the show for the first time.
Like the worst thing you can do
is be on your first season of that show.
You are instantly gone.
They're like, you gotta pay your dues.
You gotta take your lumps.
Get the fuck out of here.
See you next year.
And then it's like brutal. They don't even care. They're just like, yeah, it's gotta take your lumps get the fuck out of here see you next year and then uh it's like brutal and they don't even care they're just like yeah it's your first time get the fuck out and for other people it's like a full-time job it's like
their entire lives yeah it's all they do and it's it's just it's an absurd there's so many great
as it's progressed it's gotten more into the physical side and it being really challenging
on the earlier seasons.
It was just like a giant party where people were fucking up.
They had to die all the vodka because people were smuggling them in their water bottles to do the challenges and just getting drunk like while they were competing.
There'd be time where cast members would just like leave and go into the city and they'd have to shut down production for like four days because three of the contestants were just partying in Africa and they lost them and it's now a much less fun show but way more serious it's just dumb there's so much great pettiness to it I think dumb is the great way to describe it it's like
if you're not familiar with that show it's like all the the dumbest people on Temptation Island
and Love Island but who aggressively want to win a
contest, a competition. Yes.
Like, the goal is not to find love.
Love is like a byproduct of
apparently getting drunk enough and being available
in the night, but
they legitimately want to win
these physical competitions. So it's all
it's like the
dumbest, meatiest people
going head to head. It's fucking great.
I'm going to send you a post to collect one of, I think, the greatest edited videos of all time.
I've shown this to Eric before.
Somebody added together an argument between CT, who I mentioned, and another regular named Wes.
Watch this, Gavin.
It's like 60 seconds long.
I feel like this summarizes the energy of the show fully.
It's a fantastic breakdown.
All right, I'm watching this now.
Should we watch this right now?
Yeah, yeah, let's play it.
Is this guy hammered?
Oh, yeah.
This is what the show is.
It's just aggressively screaming.
All he does is smash heads.
Is this as it is in the show? Like how it was edited uh no this is somebody okay it's unfortunately
censored when you see it live but just die die die the time stamps are so funny
man i hope they ran that as a trailer so a great great thing about CT is he was banned for like six seasons because he kept fighting people.
He fucked the guy up like they couldn't.
It took like seven security guards to hold him back.
And he just annihilated the tiniest guy on the cast.
But he's back now.
He's now a lovable character.
Which one was CT in that clip?
CT was the die, die, die guy.
Die, die, die. the other guy is a bad guy
on the season i'm watching yes and he's always been a bad guy he's been like a bad guy forever
one of my favorite i mean not to go too deep on the challenge my favorite like petty dumb thing
is there is this issue where a woman had a note left in her bed saying that i know you're just
sleeping with him for his vote or something like that. And it caused all this drama. And then the notes started getting left out throughout the
whole season. They're like, who the fuck is leaving notes? And like they're trying to they
have they made everybody write down one of the messages to try to match the writing.
And then somebody revealed that him and his sister wrote all the notes before they came on.
Like he had his sister write them. So it wouldn't match anybody. And they're just generic messages
that he wanted to apply throughout the season.
So like it wasn't aimed at anyone specific.
He just had this bag of notes that he could deploy
and it caused complete chaos in the house.
It's fantastic.
It's a great series.
I would highly recommend anybody watch The Challenge,
especially the earlier seasons of it.
The other night I watched Being John Malkovich,
which I hadn't seen in a long time
you've ever seen that i've never seen it i've always wanted to i hear it's so good it's i mean
it's weird it's pretty good yeah i was watching it and i was like this is so weird i wonder how
this i wouldn't know what to do if i was hard of hearing right now because there's a bit where
basically one woman is in love with cameron diaz but only when cameron diaz is inside
john malkovich so they like meet up but only when she's in malkovich and at one point they start
having sex and like different people are talking like you can hear cameron diaz and you can hear
john malkovich and you can hear the other woman and i was like what the hell is going what is
what are the subtitles doing right now and i just turned on the
subtitles and i just laughed my ass off just says unzipping and then just both characters
voting i was like yeah i mean
sure it would be honestly the most confusing movie to watch without one of your senses i i
recommend watching it though so it's weird as shit i'll add it to my list i need to watch without one of your senses. I recommend watching it, though. It's weird as shit. I'll add it to my list.
I need to watch The Long Kiss Goodnight.
That's high on my queue now.
That's a great movie.
We were...
That's a terrible movie.
That's a great movie.
You talk about it's a...
What's-Her-Face,
and Samuel Jackson's in it, too, right?
Yes.
So I haven't seen it.
Rennie Harlan is my favorite schlock director of all
time. I don't think he's ever made a
genuinely good movie, but he makes
really fun bad movies, like consistently.
Is it Geena Davis who's
the... Yeah, I think that's right.
Like a sleeper agent or something.
And she doesn't realize, she's like chopping up the
vegetables and then she's like a fucking badass.
She doesn't realize. I saw that movie
in the theater. I haven't seen it since, So maybe it doesn't hold up after 30 years,
but I remember loving it.
I'm excited to see it.
Eric is live.
Why are we shy?
They click this.
Oh,
let's watch Eric watching Eric.
I wanted to show you guys.
I didn't put it in the chat,
but I got the shirt.
Are we,
are we good to go?
Can I send,
can I send to that?
Yes.
Yes.
I think that's good. Yes. Okay. I just wanted to go? Can I send that? Yes. Yes, I think that's good.
Yes, yes!
I just wanted to make sure.
Just for people at home, just so you know,
we can't put it in the chat.
This is the eighth passage shirt.
That's a great point.
That's great.
Okay, cool. So I'll let them know to send it.
By the time you listen to this episode, I don't know
if you can still get this shirt. You can try. sure you can uh but the anal passage shirt uh is was on
sale and is now probably gone so i hope you enjoyed fantastic when are we is that going up
tomorrow at noon so when is yeah wait uh people are only going to be able to buy it without before
the podcast came yeah i think they're let me read you the description for the shirt, which I've lifted from the annual past shirt.
Theme parks are opening their gates
and the scent of fresh chili dogs hangs in the air.
It's anal passage season,
and that means it's time to grab a new AP Marquis tee
to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year.
Listen to episode 101.
That's fantastic. That's fantastic that's fantastic that's
gonna be a great little easter egg for people to find it oh man yes i was worried in between
episodes that jack would be genuinely mad at that one well well it's gonna it's gonna come out and
release before he could react to it like it sounds like that shirt will be available tomorrow
doesn't matter i guess i released a
fucking a face shirt of him with his dumb bald head that was up for like four days and then told
him he could get revenge on me whenever he wanted to and he's too lazy to do it so i wouldn't worry
too much even if he is mad he's just gonna stew with his own juices he's not gonna do anything
about it um so so this will go on sale at the time of this recording it'll go on sale tomorrow at the
time of you listening to this episode it will have already been on sale and you can no longer get it
i assume we assume yeah say if if we're on the subject of of shirts can i bring something up
real quick that uh yes me and andrew were in the yeah we were in the merch meeting earlier today, and we got the numbers for the regulation listener and comment lever shirts, and they did well.
However, one did way better than the other, though.
Regulation listener did like five times the numbers that comment lever did.
did and i need people to really take a long hard look at themselves if they're a regulation listener or a comment lever because i have a feeling there were a lot of people who bought
regulation listener shirts who are truly comment levers i have absolute proof of this where it on
the the face twitter account just as a joke to myself like it was we tweeted are you a regulation
listener are you a comment lever and a lot of people like the first five were all like i'm right i'm a regulation listener it's like i don't think
you understand how this works you need to buy the other shirt if you go on the subreddit it's like
these people who like jump through these hoops on well i'm leaving a comment here but it's not on
the show so really i'm a regulation listener and it's like no you're leaving a comment on something
your comment lever you've left a comment on something from the show.
You're a comment leaver.
You've left a comment.
The joy in my head of this entire premise is, you know,
like if you're in an audience or whatever, it'd be like,
everybody who's a comment leaver say, hey!
Like, there'd be like a big response.
Everybody who's a regulation listener, just nothing.
That's what's funny to me about it. Like, there should be a zero response.
It should seem like an empty room.
I mean, it makes total sense, though,
that the regulation listener sells better,
because there are more people who don't comment.
But I don't...
The numbers indicate to me
that there is a discrepancy in people
that are just not, as Eric said,
coming to terms with the fact
that they're, in fact, a comment leader.
It's either people lying to themselves
or they're just confused.
Because I think the regulation listener just as itself plays in a really funny way it's not indicative of anything it's just you
regulation listen like if somebody saw someone wear that without any context like it means nothing
it means they listen to things i guess but there's an absolute comment lever denial happening
and it's okay to be a comment lever.
I'm a comment lever.
I'm way more a comment lever than you comment on other stuff.
Other people's stuff.
I've commented on stuff relating to this show.
Yeah, but you're on this show.
That doesn't count.
No, I'm definitely a comment lever.
I've commented on the show.
You can't comment leave your own show.
You absolutely can.
Yeah.
That's a ridiculous take.
That's not weird, though. It's weird to leave
a comment on someone else's show. That's the whole point
of a comment leaver, isn't it? I would maybe argue
it's more weird to comment publicly
on a show that I'm on when I don't need to comment.
When I have channels internally to
do it, I think it's maybe weirder that I'm doing
it publicly. But Eric's whole point was like, who leaves
a comment? But if you're on the show,
it makes sense for you to leave the comment. Nah, I don't
think it does. If I'm just commenting about it, you know i might just say hey good app good i think
we need to include people who've never even heard of the show we need one that's just a shirt buyer
you want a shirt that just says shirt buyer like i don't think that works and
they don't think that works.
If they don't understand comment, leave, and regulation list there,
then it'd either apply.
But they would never buy the shirt.
They need to know to get to the shirt.
What are you talking about? So then they would be, so then you have a shirt that says non-shirt buyer?
No, you can't have a shirt that says non-shirt buyer because that's impossible.
You're saying, Gavin, like like a lost child they somehow end up
in the store and then they don't know what to buy so they need a shirt that fit they need to
understand the premise like the person you're describing doesn't exist they're an impossibility
you find yourself on this on the roosterteeth store and you see two options and you think i
don't know what either of those mean but i'll buy a shirt i'm a shirt buyer i'm on this site to buy a shirt didn't mean to be here
but i'm locked in and committed to buying a shirt i don't know what any of these mean i guess i'm a
shirt buyer i would buy one percented there would be like i would buy that shirt too but not for the
reasons that you're listing that's an insane logical i think we need an option for people
who don't listen to the show and this is why would we sell a shirt for people who don't listen to the show. Why would we sell a shirt for people who don't listen?
What if, all right, what if, because, how about, I agree with you, Gavin.
You agree with me?
I have to agree.
I think we can tweak it.
What if instead of a shirt buyer, because you might want to give it to somebody as a gift,
and if you receive a shirt buyer as a gift, you may not be a shirt buyer.
What if we just had a shirt that said shirt wearer?
That's what happens to everyone.
This is ridiculous.
This is so insane.
Seven billion people on earth all wear shirts, I assume.
I feel like it should just say t-shirt.
We couldn't have a...
Because if you're wearing a shirt that's a shirt wearer,
that's redundant.
You're clearly a shirt wearer.
It doesn't even stay.
Wearing a shirt that says shirt is redundant.
No, it's not.
What do you mean?
It's a shirt. It's a shirt. It's a shirt. It's a t-shirt a shirt that says shirt is redundant no it's not what do you mean it's a shirt it's a shirt it's a shirt it's a t-shirt and elisa's shirt it's a clarification of what it is yeah but you need you need the verb yeah and it needs you can't just have shut
there needs to be an action on the shirt yeah comment lever regulation you want a listener nick said sure have a shirt haver is a good one i'm more
sure where i like i like sure have it because you don't even need to put it on it works
this is so insane let us know we're absolutely not gonna to make a shirt-haver shirt unless there is an overwhelming amount of demand.
If you want a shirt-haver shirt, let us know.
You can't let us know because then you'd be a comment-leaver.
Yeah, it's impossible.
There's no way you can say that.
We can't take the regulation or listener's word for it because then they become comment-leavers.
So then they have to become shirt-havers. This This is really oh, yeah, that's a good point
Not only would they not leave a comment they won't even hear this because it's not for them
Oh, well the problem is super complicated
Well, I guess not because they will leave a comment on Instagram and just say it wasn't a comment
Just continue as they exist. How is it not a comment? It's definitely a comment. I think, well, to define a comment,
I think it's anything.
I think it's just anything.
You went somewhere online and typed something.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think if you went, yeah,
I think that's a good classification.
I think, so Nick is saying,
is a message a comment like a DM?
If you message me about a show,
I can't stress enough how you're a comment lever
because I don't want to read it.
I don't want to see it, but you sure are commenting about what we're doing. So absolutely, you're a comment
lever. That's almost an extra comment lever because you're getting really pointed and focused
with the comment. Yeah, that's too focused for a comment. I don't like it. So that's a no to the
shirt buyer. Let's just try to get through the anal passage and then we'll see what happens.
Otherwise, we're averaging at one shirt per show.
By the time this comes out, we'll definitely be through the anal passage.
I don't think that's going to be an issue.
Well, that's great because anal passage will be sold out and some people out there might want to buy a shirt.
Sold out is a fun way to say forcefully pulled down.
I appreciate your flip of words.
Wait, hang on. You're saying that people
might want the anal passage shirt,
but it's not theirs,
so they'll have to buy
a shirt-haver shirt?
Are you looking to get a gift
for somebody in your life
and you're not sure
what to get them?
Maybe they're hard to shop for.
I got news for you.
Everybody wears a shirt,
and if you have a shirt,
you're a shirt-haver. Go ahead and buy them a shirt-haver shirt. I got news for you. Everybody wears a shirt. And if you have a shirt, you're a shirt haver.
Go ahead and buy him
a shirt haver shirt.
It'll be super appropriate.
Is haver a word?
What do you care?
70% of the shit
that comes out of your mouth
isn't a word.
Well, haver, I don't know,
is really a word,
but haver is,
and it's Scottish
to talk foolishly.
So I think we're really havering.
Perfect. Alright, well, we'll
shelf that for now.
I just realized, is the
Bovril Pop two Unifarm inventions
in one? Is that the beef
bracelet mixed with too spicy
ice cream? Is that what that is?
Well, do me a favor.
Eat some spicy
Thai food or Indian food or something
and then shove that Bob Pop up your asshole
and let me know if it relieves the pain.
If it doesn't, then it probably doesn't work in that capacity.
But if it does, then yeah.
Shirt owner, says Nick.
Shirt owner?
I'm a definite shirt owner.
Do you have a...
Go back to movies for me.
You're a beard haver as well.
Currently, yeah.
That's actually correct. I cannot wait for us to be done and I could have a shower to get the smell of beef just just I need to
I need this so bad. I'm struggling through this. I wonder when that cow is alive. Uh
That's a that's a fascinating question. Do you think that's a pre-pandemic bov?
I don't you think I don't think you're talking about a cow.
I think you're talking about a couple thousand cows
probably comprised into that one part.
Just like a vat of cow chum.
Yeah. Yeah. I just ate a field
of cow. Yeah.
You ate half an Argentinian farm.
You ate elements of lots of
cows. Oh, I hate. I've never thought.
How many chickens are in like a thing of
nuggets? Like a McNugget box. Like a six piece yeah it's a ton it's a ton i don't know if that makes me feel
better or worse about that like if somebody said you just ate ate larry i think that's upsetting
but if it's so many i can't possibly know the name you just ate larry person as opposed to you
just ate larry and everyone he's ever known.
Yeah, like it's too much.
It's like when you hit a certain threshold of numbers, it's like it doesn't matter.
It's all the same.
I think it would be worse if you knew the chicken's name.
Yeah, never ask a chicken's name.
Word to the wise.
Yeah, it's a good tip.
Word to the wise.
Yeah, it's a good tip.
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Hey, how's the kitchen table talk going at your house?
You got any new conversations with your mom?
No, no, I haven't.
I haven't had...
She said one thing that was really funny, but I don't know if it plays at all.
So I talked to him.
I've the friend.
It's been guessed a lot.
This person, Jake, my friend Jake.
It's not Jake.
I could tell immediately.
It's definitely not Jake, but he's brought.
It's wild to me that people even know Jake.
Like, I don't feel like I've talked about Jake all that much.
Jake will play games and then he will get really angry about things.
He'll just scream things. he'll get very aggressive and uh he he in a fit of rage i don't remember what i was
doing as i did something to him and he called my mom a cunt and anger what and he and i i told her
that in conversation and so we were grocery shopping the other day. I was with her and she was going through a tough thing,
but she loves babies like she's having a bad day.
And I noticed that the car next to me, there was a baby in it.
I was like, oh, look at the baby.
And the baby was feeding and it was like drinking out of a bottle.
And my mom said, I'm surprised she's not breastfeeding.
When you were when you were a kid, they always used to say breast is best and i said uh i said that's what jake says all the time just for no
reason and then she immediately replied the only breast jake is getting is chicken she doesn't
like jake now because of because of the because and then she like cut a promo and she's like and you can tell him that because i
know he called me a c word and i'm not a fan of that so fuck jake essentially it was just wild
i did not expect her to slam jake and she slammed him yes that's probably roasted him she absolutely
roasted jake so that's the most recent funny conversation I guess I've had with my mom.
I assume she actually said the phrase C word and not the C word.
No, she said C word.
She didn't say the actual word.
She said the C word.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think your mom has ever said that word out loud?
No.
If I if I've said it to her, if I said it in general, no, I guess.
Never mind.
I was going to say she'd think it was a fictitious word.
She's very sheltered. Like when it comes to language and butt plucks as established.
But outside of that, there's not too many updates with her.
Do you have a favorite bad director, Jeff?
The way that I love Rennie Harlan?
Favorite bad director.
Like they don't make good movies, but you're a fan of their work.
Rennie Harlan is my guy.
He made Die Hard 2, The Long Kiss, Good Night.
One of my favorite movies ever, just due to how bad it is.
Mind Hunters.
Fantastic.
12 Rounds with John Cena.
One of the great WWE movies.
Cliffhanger.
Cliffhanger.
Like all he does is schlock.
I guess it depends on what you consider bad.
Like one of my favorite directors for my
entire life, and I guess could fit into that category, but I don't think he's a bad director.
All I think he's brilliant. I think what he's doing is brilliant satire. But I would say John
Waters, you know, but I think a lot of people have trouble watching John Waters films, but I'm a huge,
huge, huge John Waters fan. He's a great director. Yeah. But I mean, I, you know,
you show Pink Flamingos to 10 people and 10 out of 10 are going to. He's a great director. Yeah. But I mean, you know, you show Pink Flamingos to 10 people
and 10 out of 10 are going to say it's a bad movie.
It's a tough, yeah.
I was so,
I've seen all of the Alvin and the Chipmunk movies
and in the last one they made,
John Waters has a cameo in it
and I don't know who that was for.
It was one of the strangest cameos I've ever seen.
Like Alvin is on the plane
and John Waters is there as John Waters
and it's like you're John Waters and I'm like who the fuck why is he here like it's great I love him
that's awesome he's getting paid in a kid's like in a kid's movie that came out in like 2016
like what is why is John Waters it's sort of like the tuxedo with James Brown like I'd love to know
why that cameo like what was the choice
that was one of my questions for Kevin Donovan still haven't heard back we're still waiting
maybe one day I'm sure he's busy I uh oh go ahead Jeff I was gonna ask Gavin if he had a favorite
bad director I couldn't really think of what could I I was saying uh like Brett Ratner sucks
but I've enjoyed Rush Hour and stuff although nah like X-Men 3 was a piece of dog shit.
It wasn't even enjoyable.
It was.
No, it wasn't.
It was not good.
Not good.
So last episode, we had Dodge the Bov.
That was a big game.
Because this all started because, Jeff, you called me out.
You said I didn't have the content.
I wasn't.
I didn't bring anything.
So I wanted to make sure I had games for the next time we recorded.
We did Dodge the Bov, game one.
I got game two for you.
This is an exciting thing that I came up with.
I got to say, that one minor throwaway joke
I made just to get under your skin
at the last minute right before I shut down the podcast
and you couldn't retaliate
has really bore fruit.
No, I just wanted...
You know what? You made me reflect,
so I wanted to make sure I had games for this one,
as stated.
I'm going to need some assistance immediately.
Gavin, what was the name?
Do you remember when you'd walk in the snow and you'd see if there were footprints of somebody died?
Guess who's dead.
Guess who's dead.
This is Guess Who's Dead, round two.
Guess who might be dead, I think it was.
Guess who might be dead, round two.
The movie version.
So I was, I was, I don't know.
I don't remember where I was,
but I saw online an image for,
I guess Anaconda just turned 25 years old.
Like within the last two weeks.
Great film.
It was the 25th anniversary of that release.
And it is a fantastic movie.
And so I clicked it.
Eric Stoltz eats a bug and then he can't,
and then he just disappears in
the movie he does but he lives yeah so this was the image they used for the article of anaconda
has turned 25 years old i'll post it right now we're an audio show i will describe it it is jlo
reaching out not really minimal effort i would say at this point an ice cube is surrounded by an anaconda
screaming in pain yeah yeah if you were to look at that photo you would think definitively that
there's no way that ice cube would get out of that situation yet he did he survived he survives in
that movie so i figured i would take some photo what photos. I blanked the name of the game, Gavin.
Guess who might be dead? Guess who might
be dead too. I have
taken some moments from a movie.
I will post the photo. I will describe
the photo. I'll say the character name.
Say the actor name. And you can tell
me if you think that they died or not.
In that scene. Well, not necessarily
in that scene. It could be maybe
later. So they just have to survive the movie or not?
Survive the movie or not,
but these are all moments in which you look at it,
you go, ooh, that doesn't look too good.
Maybe they lived.
What if a character comes back to life?
Does that count as they died?
Well, maybe.
I don't know.
We'll encounter that, I guess, when we encounter that.
So the next one is Deep Blue Sea is the film.
The character's name is jim whitlock played by
stalin skarsgard he's got his hand out there big shark big sharks about the looks like he's gonna
bite his hand does he die does he live does he die i'm gonna say yes yes he dies he dies yeah
i think just because almost every single person dies in that i think i think was lo cool jay in
that one didn't he hide in a, wasn't he a,
he did.
He had a chef.
Yep.
He's a chef.
He is a parrot.
He was,
he was in that film.
So you,
everybody's saying that he lived or he died.
Sorry.
Yeah.
You think he's dead.
That is correct.
Everybody gets a point
for Deep Blue Sea.
Do you,
do you post the next screenshot
of him actually being killed?
No,
I don't.
Cause it's,
it's,
it's extremely,
it's extremely graphic.
All of the stuff that's related
to his death.
It's kind of a trend you'll find.
The next movie we're pulling,
a classic film, big franchise,
Mission Impossible 1.
We have... Emilio!
We have Jack Harmon, played
by Emilio Estevez, in a film.
He's in an elevator.
The elevator gets hacked. It's going up. He's He's in an elevator. The elevator gets hacked.
It's going up.
He's stuck on top of it.
The thing pops out.
Does Jack Harmon live?
Killed by a guy in Anaconda.
That is a pull.
He dies instantly right there.
He dies.
It does.
He dies like three frames from now.
He does.
It's the three.
It's the three.
So everybody, that's at this point for everybody yeah free
three frame death okay now we're gonna go to the next film on uh is he is he dead i like this game
volume volume two you're a big fan of this game yeah okay the next film is jesus christ superstar
this fella's got himself in a real predicament Stuck out there
My question was so valid
The character name is Jesus Christ
And the character, the actor name
Ted Neely
Uh, Gavin, you go ahead and go
Andrew, was this the part of the show
That you said we might have to cut?
Yeah, yeah,
it was. I mean,
he dies for a while.
Yeah, I don't necessarily know how to answer this one.
I think it could work both ways.
I'm going to say yes.
I think that's okay. I think that's correct.
I think you all get points, and that is the game.
That is the end of round one of Is He Dead 2, part two.
Oh, my God.
You mean Guess Who Might Be Dead, part two?
Guess Who Might Be Dead, volume two.
That's what it was.
I can't wait for us to play that again.
Man.
I wanted to make sure I had games,
because Jeff brought up that I didn't have a thing, so I wanted to make sure I had a thing. Guess up that I didn't have a thing so I want to make sure
I had a thing. I was guessing instead volume 2
Thinking of characters who have died and came back to life like I was thinking
In my head of like Rachel Weisz in the second mummy movie
And then you put up Jesus
I didn't know how to classify that one I was generally just kind of excited
to hear what you guys thought
I think it's a great game
you really
you really knocked it out of the park
on that one
I hope the religious audience
doesn't crucify you for it
oh man
I wanted to make sure I had a game i just wanted to contribute
make sure oh that tickled me eric is live again why are you streaming again eric what we got going
on now oh eric just purchased a shirt are you fucking serious already so uh they asked who
wanted them and i said all five of us yes uh so we should you should be getting confirmation email shortly uh so we will
be getting the face anal passage god damn it i it's the greatest thing i just looked in the
merch slack when you said i want to remake this shirt but make it say anal passage and tony just
said is that an official wish official wish uh wish granted we got it
oh i got my confirmation email too we should all have them now we should all have that shirt very
soon this is what an insane way to come back to this show to have a merch piece to go up in half an hour and like yeah
and by the time people hear this i don't think they can get it no it's gonna be a weird thing
where we could open this is genuinely a previously on episode yeah everything that they've listened
to is an event that happened prior to that they cannot experience anymore you know when i was in
london i had a day where it was quite a sunny, gorgeous day.
And I was walking around Hyde Park and just kind of taking in the greenery.
And I got quite reflective thinking about the fact that we had just done 100 episodes
of F*** Face.
And I was really nervous about episode 100.
Turned out my fears
were unwarranted i was just like anytime i'm like i'm working on a bit and my attention's a little
divided i never know i don't have a good handle on whether it was a good or not and so i like i
think i immediately i was one of those podcasts where i immediately hit up andrew and gavin and
was like tell me it was good you know because i don't know and then so i was like wondering if
people were gonna dig it or not and And and then I was just thinking about like
everything that we've done in 100 episodes and how it almost felt like a complete bookended story.
And then I was thinking, like, what is 100 on one on going to be like? And I really had no idea. I
felt like for a while there, I kind of had a handle on things and then we're
kind of entering into uncharted territory it was like
a process to get us to a hundred
and then you like sit back and you're
like well I don't know where the fuck we're going with this thing now
couldn't have guessed any of this
yeah anal passage
and is Jesus die
damn
it just keeps on
it's as much as it's a surprise to the audience it is as much so to me
as well i didn't think i would puke one episode after like as soon as we finished 100 my immediate
thought wasn't i'm gonna vomit next episode that would have been high on my face bingo card actually
was you vomiting really yeah that's pretty that's like the fifth time an episode is ended that way
and it's still great every time it's the best the fifth time an episode is ended that way. And it's still great every time.
It's the best way to end an episode is with your audible discomfort.
Did you have fun in Hyde Park?
Yeah, dude.
That place is awesome.
I like London a lot.
Did you have as much fun as this?
I didn't remember.
I'll be honest.
I don't remember doing that.
You don't remember the pedal boat in Hyde Park?
I guess I did. That must have been a million years ago.
Eric brings up a great point of you are wearing two pairs of sunglasses, Jeff.
There was probably a reason for that.
Oh, that's so cute.
20, uh, July 2010.
Look at us, so much younger.
Ah, they weren't running the boats while I was there, but I walked right by that spot, actually.
Where does the time go?
One of us aged well.
We're almost at two years.
I think people figured out that 2037
would be episode 1000.
Late summer, 2037.
2037?
Or 2039?
Oh my god.
I was reading the comments on episode 100 on the
on the roosties site and somebody mentioned
was like uh i don't know if i'll be around
for episode 1000 because
i'm almost 70 now but uh
i hope so and i was like
i messaged him i'm like you better fucking be around for
episode 1000 like i'll i'll put
some money into keeping you alive but
the idea that we have somebody who's listening to the
show on purpose who's almost 70 just warms my fucking heart and it just means that we appeal to
all ages of degenerate i love it you think that's real i assume so i don't know why would somebody
lie about their age going that way i don't know you have doubt gavin yeah I wonder who is the oldest listener.
Well, let's get him a shirt and they can buy it.
And then we'll know who it is.
We should get a shirt that says oldest listener,
but only one person can buy it.
Yeah.
And they have to, if an older listener comes along,
they have to mail it to that person.
Oh, man. Oh, Gav, you know know another comment i saw that was pretty interesting i know
we talked about it last episode but you told what is gotta be a i don't know top five moment in in
uh of all time on this show which was your uh bloody pier story in in melbourne australia
the bloodwind the bloodwind yeah and somebody said uh that guy was probably saw you alone on bloody pier story in Melbourne, Australia. The blood wind. The blood wind, yeah.
And somebody said,
that guy saw you alone on the pier and was probably coming to rob you
and you got extremely lucky.
And they peaced out of there
because their plan was foiled.
And I thought,
I kind of hope that's true.
I kind of hope you dodged that bullet.
If I was about to get mugged
at nine in the morning
on a pier in Melbourne.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it's possible.
And then a gust of wind saved me from like 10 feet away.
Divine intervention.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I saw that comment.
It's pretty funny.
Is there any other, you don't have to say it,
is there any other stories like that
that you've been on the fence about telling?
Or is that it? I don't know. It's hard to tell which ones I've told on the fence about telling? Or is that it?
I don't know.
It's hard to tell which ones I've told on the other podcasts.
I mean, that's probably...
Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah.
I have to, like, try and remember what I've told.
I just meant in general.
Like, that was a story that you had never told.
Like, that was just never been said before.
Yeah, I'm probably not sitting on anything as heavy as that one.
Yeah.
That's what I was curious about.
I'm trying to think if I...
Because you... I remember when we started the show i had like 30 you talking about jeff like we're trying to get to 100 i think when we started i had an outline of 30 things that i felt confident
i could talk about that could be like maybe be an episode like 30 episodes so the premise of
us hitting 100 was definitely for me like how the fuck are we gonna
like you just have to not tell a story every two episodes yeah or just like okay i've got 30 i feel
really good about the next 30 i don't know what'll come after that that's why things like the pencil
trial at the time were like oh my god this is like an episode and this isn't part of the 30
yeah it's like a free one yeah like especially for me when I was first starting of like trying to get comfortability and doing
this and having any confidence at all and like telling a story or just just talking
in general on a show like this.
It was very much like I have this list of 30.
I feel confident about this, but this is ideally going to last longer than 30 episodes.
How are we going to make this work?
So those opportunities would come up i remember one of the first episodes like we were we established
being terrible at intros and outros very early on in the show i want to say like episode six
i opened it was a very early episode i mean around there episode six i opened the show with the outro
like i i was like well we're always bad at this so we
might as well just do it at the beginning so we at least have a good outro we could use
absolutely terrifying i think that's the first time in the show where i was like i'm gonna do
a thing without talking to you guys about it that i don't know it's just like a funny idea in my
head did we love it yeah it played well but it was like i was so nervous in doing that like it
was so scary the premise of like holding the ball or like doing a thing that I hadn't already told a
bunch of people and knew would work comedically.
We've really played with the medium when it comes to intros and outros.
Like you did the outro at the beginning.
We did the one where you did the intro at the end of the previous episode or something.
We threw the ball.
Yeah.
Like we've really innovated
in the intro and outro space that was one of them where jeff and i or jeff's doing the intro and
you're trying to stop him saying that there's already an intro for this one because you've done
you've done like the legal trial on your own before we arrived so it's just you arguing
yeah i we've done some great things i've i've swayed back and forth on the importance of intros and outros.
I feel like we're better at them now.
I think so.
I feel like it's sort of just a standard intro, standard outro.
Eric, you don't think we're better?
No.
I don't think there's been any improvement whatsoever.
That was hard, hard indignation.
Yeah, you could go back and listen to the beginning of this podcast
and probably feel about the same as what they are now.
I don't, like, played with the medium?
What are you talking about?
A little bit nonlinear.
How? Of intros and outros?
I feel like we've done some things that, uh...
Like, you're trying to start the podcast in media res?
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, what?
Played with the...
We've done great things and innovated.
Out of control.
This is outrageous.
I think we got some of the most advanced intros.
Advanced?
No!
We've not got bog-standard intros.
Mainly thanks to Andrew.
I think that's undeniable.
That would be the issue.
Right, what you said and what I said are the same thing.
Oh, yeah.
I think I've moved quite a bit.
I don't fight the intro anymore.
I no longer do that.
There's a period of time which I thought
the intro was completely unnecessary.
Why?
Well, okay, I think with this show specifically you have zero context for anything that ever happens like
we don't we don't set up it's not like a singular are we in season one again is it possible to go
from season four to season one then we'll be really playing with the mediums medium of seasons
we're regressing oh yeah oh my god eric did you fix the site by the
way to display uh oh yeah fucking right i've dude do you like the amount of work oh this is insane
all you gotta do is just file them into different seasons we should just pay a kid to fix the whole
thing in like 72 hours like i'll do it give me give me permission to organize face into seasons
on our site and i'll
do it yeah go for it you got okay permission hey permission granted i don't mean verbal permission
i did the signage ross congratulations you're now eligible to go on in and fix some stuff go nuts
buddy god bless it's like it's like giving a child a toy car wheel and telling him he's driving is what just happened.
Go have fun.
Yeah, do some laps.
I'll be here.
He gave me verbal permission.
That's right.
God damn.
Hey, by the way, Andrew, we haven't talked about it,
but how...
Oh, time to give the dog his pill.
How are you enjoying this season of Survivor?
I keep meaning to ask you.
Yeah, it's been great.
I think overall, like a few hit or miss episodes.
But I think generally speaking, it's been a really good season.
It's a huge improvement on season 41.
I feel like they took every new mechanic and tweaked it and improved it.
Well, they filmed them both at the same time so like i just think
like it has yeah like the cat i don't understand so they have the shot in the dark mechanic and
one of the more recent episodes jeff probes is like we've changed it from a one and six to a two
and twelve and i was like well what's the point i don't understand why you've done yeah i didn't
quite the same odds i don't i don't get why they flipped that. What I'm excited about, take it back to where we started.
They are now, like CBS is doing a version of the challenge
that is like a team of Survivor contestants,
a team of Big Brother, a team of the challenge.
Like it's a show where it's like different groups,
like clearly defined.
Jonathan, who's on this season of Survivor,
is 100% going to be on the challenge,
and I cannot wait to see that.
He'll be so great on that show.
It's just such a perfect fit
for him. I don't know why he wouldn't, and I don't know why they
wouldn't ask him. The guy's a beast.
Are you watching this season, Gav? Are you finally catching up?
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that he said that
because there was two tribes before,
wasn't there? So there would have had to have been
a one in six chance, but now everyone's
merged, so it's like a two in... He's saying
the odds are the same, but there's more. Yeah, i guess we've never seen a scenario where like five people have
attempted the shot in the dark at the same time yeah he's gotta be the most physically dominant
uh contestant in the history of survivor right i mean like ozzy was that was really good
he does entire tribe challenges on his own he was like throwing people yeah he just does everything
himself and wins.
It's like everyone else is irrelevant.
He did that one challenge in the water
where they just had to shut the challenge down.
He did it by himself
and then everybody else was drowning.
And then there was that one just recently
where the other team had like four balls in the hoop
and his team had none.
So he just climbed out of the water
and threw five balls in and it was over.
That episode where he and Mike are like having that, I don don't know i feel like maybe we even talked about this already
but having that conversation they're bonding over how hard it is to have muscles yes yeah that's
why i'm so glad you brought that up one of i think the funniest things in survivor ever has been this
season that mike keeps putting himself in the same category as jonathan i love it and he always does
it he's like yeah they always target the big guys like Jonathan and I, and it's like,
you are not, you're in a different league.
I really liked the guy who went home, but he was, he kept dropping shit and losing
shit. And he like dropped Mike's idol on the floor. I was like, you never gave it to me.
I gave it back to you. It was just on the floor in the open my favorite challenge thing like as far as dominant people on the show goes there's this
guy named james who's in a bunch of seasons who had the fantastic job as grave digger
and he was just jacked and they had this challenge where you're in the water and the idea was you had
two poles and you'd have two people in the water, hold the poles
and the person would step on one and then move to the other.
And the person with the like, they just keep moving.
So you'd go like one step at a time.
One person held you up.
James was so strong that he could just carry the person the whole way.
So like somebody would hop on the pole and then he'd lift it and he'd just walk across
to the other side and they'd hop off as opposed to the other team having to do it properly.
So they like never did that challenge again
or they tweaked it, I think.
They changed it in some way because he just, he broke it.
They didn't expect anybody being so strong
and they just finished it immediately.
It's a great season.
Yeah, it's fun to watch.
We're a reality TV show podcast.
Oh, is that the new phase we are?
We're a reality TV show.
I guess we kind of always start with it, but.
Yeah, well, we're above, I guess we're, I think we're done with TV show podcast. Oh, is that the new phase we are? We're a reality TV show. I guess we kind of always start with it. Yeah, well, we're above.
I guess we're...
I think we're done with Bovril.
Yeah.
Unless Andrew wants to try a hot Bovril.
I will try it next time.
All right.
I feel like we extracted more joy out of Bovril
than probably the collective population of Earth
using it as actual sustenance.
You might be right. Bovril should
pay us. Yeah, Andrew, have you been in contact with Bovril?
I have not been in contact with Bovril.
Should I be in contact with Bovril? Well, maybe
get something going. I don't know if
what I've done with the Bovril product
Oh my god! I just had a
great idea. I just had a great
idea. Great idea. Think about this
for a while. A shirt that says Bovril Drinker.
No, no, no. It's not some shitty merchandise you can sell people. Here's an idea. Great idea. Think about this for fall. A shirt that says Bovril Drinker. No, no, no. It's not some shitty merchandise
you're trying to sell people. Here's an idea.
What did we used to be?
We used to be an Apple podcast, right?
For a time. And we flirt with
apples occasionally. We're obviously
medium Cosmic Crisp fans.
What do people like to do in the fall
with apples? Cider.
They like to bob for apples.
What if you have bovrling
for apples? You get like a big drum,
you fill it with
bovril, and you have to bob for apples.
You have to put your arms behind your head and dunk
your head into bovril and pull out
an apple. Bobbing for apples.
Bobbing for apples.
That's an experience to RTX.
It doesn't matter that there's COVID
or whatever everyone
should be boving for apples in the same juice i don't want to go into someone else's bov
we have got to at some point in our collective future bov for apples bovril might have some
antiseptic properties that we don't know about that's true i i would bov for apple i think you
and i could make a supplemental where we bov apples. I think that's a great idea. You also, speaking of
supplementals, you also
need to make
Gavin's Italian pizza
in my fucking backyard.
Yeah, gotta clear out the spiders and scorpions
and that. Yeah, we can do that.
Oh, man.
Speaking.
Okay.
I got excited.
You brought up Cosmic Crisps.
I have one.
I'm going to wash away.
Yeah, we all do.
Everybody's got one in their fucking fridge right now, right?
We're waiting a year to eat them.
Well, yeah, I do.
But I mean, like, I have one that I can eat now.
I bought Cosmic Crisps over the weekend.
I'll be honest.
I forgot to put mine in the fridge.
God damn it.
I might just need half of yours, Jeff.
Yeah, that's fine. You can have
half of mine. I doubt I'll get through it
one year from now. One year? When are we supposed to do
that? I wrote the date on my
apple, so I'll have to... Yeah, well,
fucking obviously, I meant what
date. Alright, hold up. Let me go check
my apple, and I'll tell you. I'll be right back.
Andrew, when does the redemption year end?
Well,
year two, right? Did you just take a bite of an apple? Yeah, I did? Well, you're two, right?
Did you just take a bite of an apple?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, you didn't hear him.
He's clearing his palate with a...
Well, I didn't think he was actually doing it.
And then you asked him a question and I heard the biggest like horse style chomp.
I take horse bites.
I love apples.
What can I say?
I'm trying to get the beef out of my mouth, Eric.
Go beefy in here.
The beef is what lingered, not all the salad cream.
What was the pop that you didn't have?
Coke.
What was the one popsicle?
Oh, that's sad.
But now you can enjoy that one, you know?
I don't.
I'm done with popsicles for a while.
Oh, it ruined popsicle?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I absolutely ruined popsicles for a little bit.
I got some good news and some bad news. Oh, it ruined Popsicle? Oh, I'm sorry. It absolutely ruined Popsicles for a little bit. I got some good news and some bad news.
Oh, no.
December 9th, 2022 is the date we need to do it.
Oh, that.
I picked out, I have a Ziploc bag with my apple in it,
and it says in Sharpie,
do not open until December 9th, 2022.
However, when I picked that up out of the back of my fridge,
the apple sort of collapsed in on itself, and it is a big, mushy, crab-appley-looking mess.
We are going to get very, very sick when we eat this.
What happened?
Was it not clean when it went in?
It was clean and sealed.
Jeff has a fucked-up fridge.
I do have a fucked-up fridge.
We need to talk about the—why do we trust him?
What's your apple apples condition, Andrew?
My apples condition?
Let me...
What's in the fridge downstairs?
Oh, you don't like changing floors.
You want me to go run and see?
Yeah, why don't you run and see?
I'll go check.
I'll go check.
It is so mushy.
I like this because it's sort of the halfway point.
Yeah, that doesn't bode well.
Maybe when I get the new fridge in 17 years,
I can put another one in and try it again.
Oh my God.
It looks heinous.
Did you place the order for a new fridge?
Yeah.
I talked about it on the podcast, didn't I?
Yeah.
I just don't remember if you pulled the trigger or not.
Oh, I pulled the fucking trigger.
That's why I get it next February.
On the next...
Yeah.
Just in time for episode 1,000.
Maybe we should have a bit of food that we keep for episode 1,000.
Do you have any food that you would want to buy now and eat in 17 and a half years yeah i'm sure
i do like a tin of beans or something probably keep what if we oh what if we bury what if we do
a what if we do like a 10 year bean hole
maybe like biohazard
so i have a confession to make
oh
I have some good news
and I have some bad news
so
during
during the time
in which
remember how I said
I had that stretch
for like a month and a half
where I really
I injured my ankle
really badly
yeah
you were in bed for like a month
yeah
so
one of those times
uh during that stretch i was really hungry and i didn't feel like
and i didn't i didn't feel like i was both hungry and thirsty
and i thought and i thought i can't go get food and i'm i don't want it walking to the sink is
difficult like even that is painful i took the cosmic crisp for that.
We're holding on for a year and I ate it.
I ate it that evening under the plan of I will immediately buy another and then just
replace it and it will be the same.
You can't be trusted to do anything.
I,
I have not been able to find cosmic crisps until Sunday when I bought the Bovril.
So the bag of Cosmic Crisps I have
are for the next iteration
of the one year wait.
So even after Jeff's description of his apple,
yours is in worse condition.
Mine is, yes.
It is
somewhere, it is
long gone.
So out of the three of us, I'm the only one who
can follow fucking directions.
Well, I followed the directions.
I just got thirsty
and it was very late. Well, I knew it fell apart, Jeff,
so we got nothing. It's still in the bag
and it's still, it's just mushy.
It's still an apple. We're still gonna
eat it. Yeah, we'll keep yours in and I'm
throwing mine in. I'm throwing mine in.
Right now, you two motherfuckers
just hard,
hard salad creamed our apple
experiment. No! Both of you.
I think Andrew salad creamed it because he
deliberately ate it. And what did you do?
You didn't even start step one.
I think you're much worse than I am.
Mine was originally on my desk at work
and then I was like, oh, I never put it in the fridge.
Went to get it. It's gone.
Did you take it?
Did someone take it?
No.
I never put it in.
I even stopped myself.
I think I told the story.
I stopped myself from superglueing it to your desk because I was in the process of doing it,
and then I thought, oh, he might need this,
and I don't want to ruin the Cosmic Crisp,
so I treated it with respect, much like the competition.
All right, well, I can start at the same time as Andrew.
Yeah.
Well, we'll have three different iterations.
You got the one year apple and we'll have the whatever, seven months or whatever it
is.
Well let's be fair, Geoff has to put his in again anyway.
No, we'll just eat what's left of, I mean it might be apple soup by then, but we'll
eat it.
Nick has a good point.
Salad creaming involves an action.
Gavin didn't get that far with the apple.
No.
I was pre-cream.
I don't want to talk
pre-cream right now. My stomach is in a
bad way. Why is my doorbell
ringing? Andrew, you didn't
send me anything, did you? I didn't
send you anything. Henry's
pissed. Eric says that's the
wrap-up bell. Yeah, I agree with that.
I think I should get credit for
confessing to my crimes. Yeah, it was
very honest of you, and I think you would have continued lying to us for the next eight months had we not brought it up.
It was a very...
When you asked me to check the status of my apple, there was a little bit of a panic.
I like that you went anyway.
No, I leaned back in my chair and I just kept eating the apple I was eating.
And then I almost choked on it.
I almost started coughing from it.
Was it in your bedroom fridge?
It was, yeah.
It's in my bar fridge.
Because when you said you were going to go downstairs and check,
I was like, well, how did he get to it then?
That was the thing.
Yeah, well, no.
That was all.
I left it in there.
But this one I will not touch.
It's a promise.
What if you wreck your ankle again?
I will die.
I will die of thirst before I touch that Cosmic Crisp.
I like that you went for the apple for the liquid in it.
That's why I went, because they're so fucking juicy.
I was thirsty.
I was more thirsty than hungry,
and I didn't have anything to drink.
So we'll do this experiment again
and just hope that for the span of 365 days,
Andrew doesn't get slightly inconvenienced
or thirsty at any point.
No, it was, let's be fair.
I couldn't walk. Let's be fair. I couldn't walk.
Let's be fair. That describes half
of your year. No, this is a different
thing. I was, this is different.
Dude, you almost
ended up bedridden again because you got
too excited to stand up to get in line
last week. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't.
I was fine. Like, that was, there was no issue.
That was just a tweak. This was a different, this was
a different thing. Eric wants the podcast to be over there needs to be yeah i agree but there
needs to be some fucking ramifications for people going forward who salad cream this apple experiment
accountability nick is right i feel like i was very accountable i would argue i was the most
accountable here you cost us five months of an experiment.
No. Because you were thirsty for apples.
What about this?
I'll put mine in now, and I'll leave it two years.
It's not supposed to be good for two years.
It's only supposed to be good for a year.
I'll leave it for a year.
Well, it doesn't sound like it's good for a year anyway.
Not in my whack-ass fridge.
That's ridiculous.
I like you're coming at us for fucking screwing up the experiment.
No, no, I'm coming to you.
You've had a faulty fridge. I like you're coming at us for fucking screwing up the experiment. No, don't come to you. I got a fucking, I got an apple in a fridge right now that's been there since December 9th of last year.
So I can put it in any fridge.
Do I need to plug the fridge in?
You have a broken fridge.
There have been three different levels of effort and the result is the same for everyone.
There's no apple to eat.
No, I got an apple we're going to eat.
We're just going to die eating it.
You're going to eat a bag of mush? an apple we're going to eat. We're just going to die eating it. You're going to eat a bag
of mush? It's already collapsed
and exposed itself. We are
going to eat a bag of mush.
We, you and I, together.
You already said so before you knew it was gross.
You've already agreed.
Maybe you can put it in the next bean hole.
It's like, I don't know, do like an apple dish?
Maybe we'll bob for mush.
That's interesting. Bob for mush. Oh, apple dish maybe maybe we'll both for much interesting Bob for mush
oh man yeah we throw it in
with the bobbing for Apple and if you get that one you lose
in a lot of
all
right well yeah
I guess we'll talk to you next time tell
people or don't listen again maybe
buy some shit or don't
whatever I'm putting
the same amount of effort into the outro that Andrew
put into the, well, I'd rather I should say
that Gavin put into the Apple contest.
So, see you next week.
We won't or
who gives a fuck? We'll be here. I don't know.
We'll be here. Probably. Maybe
we won't. I don't know. I hope so.
Tune in to find out or don't tune in
to find out. We'll never know. Bye.
Really playing with the medium there.
Hey, guys.
Regular fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.
Do you know Jeff co-stars in another podcast about theme parks?
Gavin tells everyone about his favorite podcast called Annual Pass.
Penn talks about how roller coasters are better than bagels.
Jeff discovers G-forces.
The boys decide that Annual Pass is a much better podcast to listen to than F*** Face.
Annual Pass releases every Thursday anywhere you get your podcasts.
And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.
All that and more on next week's episode of Annual Pass.