Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Ed O'Neill

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Joe Pesci stories, being a tough guy, and a letter to Gene Kelly with Ed O'Neill. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot, or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby, or counting your breaths on the subway. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are whenever we need it. Download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier, or pay subscription starting at 1299 per month. Alright, so Ed on Neil, this was the first interview we did for this show. And one of my all-time favorite episodes, because of Ed and his charm and everything else.

And David, before we get into that, didn't you have a technical issue? Oh, I had a microphone. Wasn't a microphone problem, it was a problem with me because it was our first one. And it was, I mean, this one is our first one. So it's been, you know, the problem is, it fell between my seats, and I just found it the other day. So it's the same device.

And we were supposed to click record, and it fell between the seats. And so your sound is just going over the computer so it's a little distant, but, but well heard, right? No, I found this whole episode in between. I said, oh, we should air this. We never air this day. And I said, and so we, no, we have it.

And Ed was, by the way, Ed, we both know him pretty well. Super cool guy. Was our first one. So it his experimental, but he jumped right in, said, of course I wanna do this. And we talked a little about SNL, but we mostly talked about how interesting his life is.

I became fascinated by, because I kinda had a sense these, and he's coast, tough character, and he almost played professional football, and he was almost a made man in a way. So he could play. So yeah. His forearms are pop by forearms, and there's a certain kind of power to him.

He just doesn't need show business but he's had married with children, he's had modern family, he's had this huge career but he's so eccentric and he is an extremely intense Brazilian jiu jitsu. Yeah, he's like a black bell. And I called him after the podcast and we talked for an hour about the technique of that of getting someone on their feet and laying your body. Just just knowing that street fight, he'll take you in a second. It just shows you you just never know. He's he's built like a truck.

He's like a Joe Rogan. He's tough like you don't want to get in a fight with him. No, no, no. He's not regulate on the set. Remember we talked about that? Which one? If somebody gets out of hand. Yeah, he's the go-to guy and somebody needs to be slapped around.

But he has no ego about it. He's not like a normal show business person. It's like it's something he does. He's great at. He said he just lives one day at a time. I said when you were getting famous and he talks all about that. So, we did married with children too.

Yeah, yeah, and he's so funny in that. So, it was a really interesting interview. I would not click off right now if I were you. I would stay tuned. Well, yeah, that's what we did fly in the wall. Click on. Yeah. They're already on, but just keep it on.

Yeah. And you're gonna reveal some stuff that you've not seen or heard in other podcaster interviews. on but just keep it on. Yeah. And you hear it? And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it.

And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it.

And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. And you hear it. that mourn before the show alone, that never happens. Oh, oh, yeah, well, you know, the traditional thing, right?

The dinner at the Italian restaurant in the theater district. Or the sauce. Yeah, or so, but that's usually padded with cast, like Tuesday night when we're writing, and supposed to be writing. Thank you, Joe. No, this was like Wednesday or Thursday.

And he wanted to have, you know, take me to dinner and you know, bring your wife along. Hungry. We went downstairs and, you know, it was the three of us. And it was great, you know, good food. But we didn't have anything to talk about. I mean, he didn't want to do anything, he didn't want to get near Mary with children.

You know, that was like, forget that. So he was trying to figure out what to do with me, which was basically, you know, nothing. I mean, it was like, well, I said, just throw me in skits with some of the people, you know, just throw me in and that's what he did and that's what happened, but it was very, I mean, usually I can think of something

to talk about, but I had a difficult time with Lauren. Well, that or so is tough. I would go, I would be assigned, because I was sort of like the class clown. Everyone hated writing on Tuesday. And that was usually the dinner that I would do. And then Mar or she would come on and go, Lauren, once you got a dinner,

and I'd be with my legal pad, huh? And it would take you out of writing because it's right in the heart of the 8 to 10 writing. And then he wants you and once day and I, once my, you know, he'd just go around and pick and choose. And then they would say, no, because they could. And I'd have to say, yes, because I was newer. Yeah, that was a very interesting experience. I can't say I liked it.

It was, it was, um, I can't say I liked it. No was, it was, I can't say I liked it. I didn't like it. No, I didn't like it because first of all, I didn't like Q cards and I didn't like the whole process of the first show and then you know, you get together with you guys and you know, trying to get their bit in and you hate to tell them, you know, which one do you like? You like David's better than Dana's or, you know, and you're what? Luckily, they do that behind closed doors. They take the host just for the people at home. By the way, I wasn't on when Ed was there.

I don't think. I think Dana was. I was. You did Wayne's world with us. That's right. That's right. And that wasn't so us. That's right. That's right. Yeah, I did. And that wasn't so bad.

And that crushed me. And then we, that destroyed me. And then I did a thing with the girls, you know, I forget which ones. Swainy sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly. Yeah. Yeah, really? Yeah.

Yeah, I actually thought they were funny, very funny. And then we, Twainy Sitchers is funny. I like that one. Yeah. And then. And then we, Tweeney Sitchers is funny. I like that one. Yeah. And then I did something with, oh, I can't remember them all. I mean, it was, love it's was around. Well, that was, did you do last season? He does sketch it now.

Is that a room? No, no, we did a thing on the, the tyrant that was in, what country, you know, oh God. Yeah, so it was Noriega. Was either church lady in that? the tyrant that was in what country, you know, oh God. Yeah, so it was Noriega. It was either church lady in that. And no, it wasn't Noriega. It was, oh no, it wasn't Noriega,

but love, it's played the dictator, right? Yeah, oh no, the dictator was dead in a coffin and we were standing on top. Okay. And everybody was pretending they were upset, you know, with this murderous, fucking guy. It was actually kind of funny. I mean, it really, it was.

But I just didn't, I just felt like an ape all, like, why am I here? And I think I was just there because Mark said, put him on the show. Yeah, you're famous, that's your fault. And he talked like that when he was 28. Put him on the show. Mark, he's got good guy. Mark, you're famous. That's your fault. And he talked like that when he was 28. Put him on the show. He's got good guys. Mark, you know what?

One of the reasons in a philosophical, quasi-serious thing is that I don't know if SNL was unintentionally sometimes a live reality show because you're taking Wayne Gretzky and saying, hey, do 10 live comedy sketches, hockey man with few cards and no rehearsal. The one that, because I hosted it after being a cast member and it was awful, you're just in so many things, you're pulled so many ways and it's just a blur. But so you could feel better at, I've been in the slats during the commercial break and seeing Michael Jordan, the Michael Jordan kind of like, okay, what are we gonna do here?

I said, just look at the car. Christopher Wacken ignored the protocol. So when he was first hosting, I'm in the church, I said, I'm looking at him, he'd never looked at me, he just looked straight at the car and never moved his head and read it directly off the cards, and it was perfect. You know, he was on the week after me. He came in, that's that.

Remember, we tell, you tell that story. I was, I wasn't there, but, you know, when he, when Lauren asked them, you know, if he had anything, he thought it was funny. And the thing about the bears, bears are funny, likewise, bears suits. Bears, bears are funny likewise bear suits. Bez, Bez of funny and Bez as well. And if you break it down, it's brilliant.

His brain went a bear. I know. He's a circus bear. Oh, yeah. But a guy in a bear suit is funny as well. But I remember when he came in, he goes, sigh, it'll kneel. Never look at the cops. Just look at him the whole time.

Never moved your head. Well, he has that brilliant I'm brilliant bit about Mr. Mr. Belvedere whatever that was that guy. All right walking around and doing that that continental yeah, yeah, Mr. Todd kind of like that. That was great point of view. Yeah, but Chris is just Chris. He's he's he's great. He's out there. I did a movie with them years ago. I did dogs of war with Tom Barronjure and Chris Walken and I was one of the mercenaries, you know, and it was fun. It was fun. That's interesting. He's sweet. He's just so different.

Oh, Chris, he's just... I love the guy. Do you have time for a quick story, Ed? I'll tell you when you're done with your story. Yes. I had a thing with Chris. I was on my way to play Hamlet at the West Side Y, West 63rd, and it was like a Monday. So 11 a.m. he's coming down the street, you know, with that hair and the coat, you know, and he's the big strides. And I just read a review. He had been doing Hamlet at Stratford and he got pretty good reviews. I mean, the play itself, they said, you know, it's not great, but he may have a hamlet in him.

And I had done dogs of war with him, so we stopped each other and he said, you know, we're dark today. I'm going to go get a drink. You know, why don't you join me? I said, it's 11 a.m. I have a handball game. Well, all right. I said, I just read the review. Pretty well, he said, you know, when you do Shakespeare, you've got to do that thing, you know, that thing for them. But, you know, the critical faculty, they like to hear that thing. I said, oh, yeah, yeah, right.

You know, fucks me talking about. What thing? What thing? He said, yeah, but I refuse. You know, fuck you talking about. What thing? What thing? He said, yeah, but I refuse. I refuse. I won't give it to them. Fuck them in their asses. And do I not look Danish?

I said, you're looking. There you are. There you are. Fuck them. And away he went. Away he went. He was just, you know, he was just a free spirit all the way around. He was, I love you.

Yeah. And Joe Pesci was the same kind of interesting character off screen, because I remember him telling this long story, he goes, you know, you got to know when do you want to fight? You know, when do you, when do you kind of fight? It's just a non-sequitor. I say a shigaball across the nose a sugar muller from that west 63 street white you know and he would take so he was a tough guy

well he was and he was five two you know it wasn't a difficult step to play New York gangsters no I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do playing a tough New York gangsta. Look at me. I always said that about those guys. I said it's thank God they weren't born in Cleveland or you know I mean none of them would have worked you know but because it was New York you know they're doing the New York. Yeah I did it with Pesci and we did a movie together and then he either I was with him or he did this on his own or this is a total lie but he was he was sitting and he was telling me what he doesn't like because he goes I don't like autographs I'm like oh shit and I go yeah and then he goes this guy

last time dinner goes hey don't mess you at the other table which we all get hey man he go hey you know and then he goes hey come here to the table come here all get. Hey man, you go, hey, you know, and then he goes, Hey, come here. To the table. Come here. And he goes, what the fuck do you say to me? The guy who's coming to go, come here, fuck you and fuck your mom. Fuck you. You want to be a man. You walk over my table and ask if you're allowed to talk to me. I was like, and now I do that. That's right. I picked it up. What am I like a clown? Exactly. That's like that. Exactly. Am I a fuck, how am I funny?

Oh, that was great. That was great. That was great. Yeah. He used to work in this restaurant. I think it was in Queens. It was an Italian joint. And that's where Scorsese had seen him in or Danero or both of them. It's seen him in this thing called a death collector

With Joe Cortese remember Joe Cortese. It was like a B movie But they liked Joe in it and they were thinking of him for The brother aging bull. Yeah, so they called him and he was a busy night He was he was a made-or-deer or something out there. It was a wise guy join Go figure love Love it. And he said, what are the, who is it? So it's Bobby DeNiro. Yeah, tell Bobby, go fuck him, something is ass.

And then he kept working. Everything's in the ass. Yeah, call him back. I remember, I remember being at the Columbus Cafe with Love It. So we were just fresh off the boat in New York City. And we're there with all these boom bug guys. Holly Herman, love those guys. Yeah, and his friends and Love It says to one big guy goes, what do you do for a living?

And the guy goes, what do you want to know for? You want to know why the fucking thing? You know for? John's like, sorry. It didn't know. Oh man. I was in, I was in in there was this Irish bar restaurant Jimmy Nierries on

The east side like around 59th or 57 that's again right to go into sometimes and it was a you know a lot of these Detectives retired detectives on out there mostly Irish and was, because I was doing a big apple for David Milch. And I was partnered with this young actor. So we're in there with a bunch of guys. And this one cop was driving us around. He was a retired detective. And he says, you know, we're just talking. And he says, you see that guy at the bar over there?

He's a driver. I said, Jimmy Kuhnick, you know, the see that guy at the bar over there? He's driving. I said, Jimmy Koonan, the guy that was what had, you know, he ran the Westies. Yeah, well, he's doing life, you know, but this guy was his driver, this prick, I don't like him. He used to go down to this, and anyway, the guy's at the bar smoke, and he just got out. And I look around and my partner, this young actor, is over there, because he also liked

the right. He's chatting this guy up, you know, at the bar. And I thought, oh, that could be a big mistake, you know, so I kind of went over. And the guy knew me because, you know, I was there. I used to live in that area, you know, a health kitchen that was called Clinton at the time. And he says, hey, are you and how are you? I didn't know him. I said, good, what's up? I said, Mike, you know, our foods come. Apparently, he had asked a guy, you know, listen,

I heard you drove for Jimmy Koonan, and you know, I'd like to maybe write something because you can help me out with the right of thing. It'll be great. And the guy smoking his cigarette, you know, he's just looking at him. He says, you know, that was a long time ago. A lot of people don't even know about this, you know, you certainly don't need to know about it. Jesus. Terrifying. Hey, O'Neill, go back. Nice to see it. Tell that fucking donkey you're with that I fucking hate him. It was the cop, you know, that said, you pointed about it. I mean, they all know each other, you know, it's just like, it's like a little, it's a que me quedé con él y me quedé un coca. Y eso es lo que se dice. Me voy a hablar de algo. No lo mismo.

Es como un poco de labor. Es un poco de labor. Es como un poco de labor. los datos de millones de correos electrónicos para ofrecer recomendaciones personalizadas, para mejorar el contenido de tus correos electrónicos, segmentar tu público, entre muchas cosas más, adivina menos y vende más con Intuitimale Sim, la marca número 1 en Imile Marketing e Automatización, empieza hoy mismo en MailSimple.com, más saben de a tus públicos de marcas competidoras en número globales de clientes en 2020-2022. I just was so curious about, you know, you being a try-n-out for the Pittsburgh dealers. Yeah, yeah.

And you being a black belt in Jesus' soul. Like, they could all sit on boxes or whatever, or puffy jackets, but you would be the guy who could actually have from that neighborhood take care of your business. I'm just saying, right? The truth of my life has been, you know, when I came I'm just saying, right? The truth of my life has been it, you know, when I came from Youngstown,

which was a steel mill town, and I grew up with wise guys, you know, their fathers, my friends were their fathers, and you know, there's a lot of stories there. They wanted me to get in at one point, not, not, I could never be made, you know, because I was I, but they wanted me to hang out and You know after I got cut by the Steelers they wanted me to you know

Strong arm a few guys. I always said no, I said I can't go to jail. I can't go to jail So but I knew all these guys it was I grew up with that at your peak physicality like with the Steelers I mean what how much do you weigh there like six to and like what we were like 20, what would you maybe two 25? 35. Yeah. So with with big forearm. He was the early Joe Rogan.

Yeah. Now, yeah, yeah. Pop five forearm. I mean, you know, it was, it's what I did. I mean, I was what you did. If you grew up there and you had any kind of physicality, I read about Pittsburgh Steelers on your Wikipedia, but I didn't believe it because it's also on my Wikipedia. But it said you're from Youngstown,

Ohio, and I go, is this just a sexy rumor? Because my parents went to Denison. Is that really a school? Are they making this up? It's not in Youngstown. It's up near Akron, this up. Is there a little bit of sadness? It's not in young style. It's up near acronym. Okay. Yeah. My mom's around there. Yeah. Yeah. She said she went to school. I don't totally believe her. And then my dad, that he went to the same one and that story, didn't really check out because

it was the same school and I thought he was just piggybacking her story. So if there is a denizen, then that's good. Because now I know there is a denizen. Okay. It was a nice little private school, I think. Okay, good. That's good. So I went to OU for a while. I went to how you and I sort of flunked out of there and then I got back to the accident. Not a genius. Not a genius. Not a genius. I mean, I don't think there's anybody who has more of a regular guy persona than you. Like there's no pretense.

Like literally nothing. I mean, you know, 40 years of television, I mean, just like, you could be just anybody. It's really. No, start by. I just, I still want to go back to this idea that if you wouldn't suffer fools, you're so nice, but This East Coast Physicality you have it. What did you ever we ever want to set where you thought I'm gonna I'm gonna set this guy down. I'm gonna choke him out or I'm not gonna take this shit

I mean, I think you're the kind of guy who's incredibly nice Until he's not nice. Yeah, so you don't want to ever meet that other guy. I mean, I've said that a few times because I've said, look guys, everyone thinks I'm such a nice guy. I'm not. I mean, I have been very violent in my life. I mean, I love that. I never pulled a gun and shot or a knife to a guy,

but I was always, you know, I didn't run away from those troubling things when you're young. Like I do.'t run away from those troubling things when you're young like I do. I run away from people like most people should, David. You know, I mean, I'm honestly lucky that I'm, you know, didn't have a lot more trouble than I did. I'm what's now on the streets as a colossal pussy. You fought with your wit.

I fought with your wit. I made friends with the guy named Steve Lee in fifth grade. The big kid. He was my enforcer. You know, I had a guy for a lot of you would have been. I would have been your best friend. Yeah, a lot of my friends. I wish. Yeah, they needed a little help every now and then and I was always happy because I always I always dislike bullies. I had a thing about bullies. And I had a little routine every now and then and I was always happy because I always I always just like bullies I had a thing about bullies and I had a little routine I used to do in bars like you know if somebody I may I'm making this up Right, but someone comes up and says hey, you got a cigarette give me cigarette You know not nice and you got right there, you know on the on the bar and I'd say

You know how many do you want? the bar and I'd say, how many do you want? Give me a couple of them. I was okay. Here you go. You got a match? Yeah, can I play it for you? Yeah. And I just feel like I'd act like I was afraid of them.

And I just draw them in. You know, draw them in. Give them more room. You know, give them more space to feel like they're tough guy routine. And I'm just waiting to drop the hammer on them, you know, I would just get an angle. I move over, get a little angle, you know, we're sitting on bar, so she can get a little angle.

I love it. And then you might say, how's that cigarette? Is it good? And then I point in and home like, you know, oh, Jesus. Jesus, I just wanted to do it. I love it. I'm excited. I do it.

But, Ed, let me ask you a question. And I put David in here too. We're kind of scrappy. We have a lot of anger. We both have a really weird childhood. We're comics. And Ed, I'm Irish. And I do think that the Irish brain, I don't know.

You know the gangs of New York's Irish gangs. Worse suicidal, if we someone pushes like, do you want to fucking die right now? You know what it is? You know what it is thing? I think it's a border or thing. You know, where we come from the DNA, the Scotland, Ireland, that they're living up in the, you know, they don't plant, they, it was all limestone, so they had sheep. You can steal sheep, you know, you can't steal. Yeah apples too well

Yeah, so they were always that that's all those guys that went down into the Ozarks You know those feuds you know the jack the McCoy's and they were all from there and they they they murdered you Not for any kind of like you rob me you insulted me now I'm going to kill you. Now I'm on a carry a mind you insulted me. I have relatives in Ireland right now and they talking to them growing up my wife's nephew boy he's just fighting every day. Yeah yeah in Dublin. Yeah. Street poor. I mean, that was the part of the reason I finally left. I mean, no, I wanted to, it's a whole long crazy story.

I started doing acting, but I needed to get out of Youngstown because, you know, I realized I'm gonna die here. You know, I may die violently here or I'm just gonna die on the vine, you know, in a bar drunk someplace. And, uh, right. So, I realized I had to get the fuck out of there because it was uh yeah you know at the time I didn't really realize how dangerous a place it was it was a very dangerous business. I'm just now it's terrifying. You're like I got to get out of here

to a different bleak town. You can call it blue collar tough. And no matter where you go nearby it's the same thing you know Stubanville, Akron, Gantan, nearby, it's the same thing. You know, stupid, villain, act, and gang. And that's the whole same thing. You got to get played the hell out of there. I'm there and I hear a lot of, hey, Sissy boy. I'm like, me? But I was there to do a gig.

I played a casino there. I know, Ed, this might be a little heavy. But when I played Youngstown, it sounds sort of elitist. But when you do a casino gig and some of these towns, I didn't really notice it, but sometimes towns aren't doing well, and there was a lot of boarding up, and then you get to this beautiful casino,

and all you think in your head is, this is where all the money's going. Everyone gets a check, and they go to the casino, and it's just like, fuck, I'm part of the problem. I'm playing the the casino I don't know where I'm going I'm in youngstown I go oh my parents are from here allegedly and and then I go and then I go oh my god I'm part of the problem here I am and they're like all gambling and there's a lot of little scooters and I go these poor towns there's the million I'm like that oh there's so's so many of them. And they're all trying to get lucky. Cause really, I mean, David, I don't know. I often told people, I said, they said,

oh, well, you know, you got out and you were, you're so successful now. And I said, I'm so lucky. I mean, I don't know what my odds would have been. I didn't even get to New York till I was 31. You know, when I was cut by the Steelers, my father said, you're going to try what now? Get in the fucking middle. What the fuck wrong with that?

Okay, I shouldn't protocol. Yeah, I took a few hits. My dad was a real tough guy. You know, my dad was a really physical, nice guy, by the way, but again, that triggered Danes, same thing. I had same thing. I had same thing. I had, you know, I'm five kids, three older brothers pounding me all day long.

My dad would, if he thought you did something wrong, you had to go get his belt, then he would snap it. Humiliating. And you had to grab your ankles and there's siblings, siblings would gather around and say, how many? And then as he started to beat you it would scream at you So it made me it made me tough what I'm interested in and right now is Did your father live to see your incredible success? Yeah, and if so what how did your relationship change with him got all that, I mean, what, what was that like with your dad?

Well, we had, you know, he retired and he moved out of North Carolina on the other banks where my mother, my mother and father divorced, had a sister who was schizophrenic and there were five of us. Okay. So the youngest sister was schizophrenic. So my mother took her to North Carolina Well, my sister lived with her husband. I'm lost and then my father retired and he won't move down there He had a little house that he had that we had to talk him in the getting like a vacation home a little small

Mm-hmm, and so anyway, and my whole family ended up down there, you know, not me because I was in New York, but Then I had to sort of navigate, you know, I heard you bought your mother a car. I'm driving a piece of shit. There you go. I have to buy him a car. I have to buy her a house with a fucking swimming pool. The fuck do I look like? You know, I said, Dad, you're living with another woman.

You're, you know, I mean, it was a mess, but at that time, I see. So he did not cozy up. Like my dad, because I was the one he really had it in for, because they wanted a girl. They got me. Yeah. And they named it girl's name.

So, you know, so he thought maybe I was a little, you know, whatever. I had an angelic, truly thought maybe I was a little, you know, whatever. I had an angelic, true face. I was very boyish, but after I left and had success, it was like, oh, Daniel, and I were the same person. You're always, I always supported you. I gave you everything, you know.

Well, I was the oldest, I was the oldest of five, and my name is the same as my father's, you know, except our middle name is different. But so I was sort of his favorite, you know, and again, I became that guy that he wanted me to be, which was a pretty tough guy and asked Lee. And my second brother was, well, like, probably, well, he was, my second brother's gay. So he went to the seminary to be a priest and four years and dropped out. That's all the other thing.

And then I had another brother who was a good, great kid who was kind of tragic. He died young, then my youngest sister died, then my father died, and my mother died, then my father died. So it was kind of a, you know, crazy, crazy shit, but, um, Jesus. Wow. Yeah. So my dad was a, uh, deadbeat dad, kind of, and, uh, went, went, went, that's where all my

anger comes out. I got in a fight in sixth grade with this kind of Oscar. And, uh, he, uh, I was, I was at the little league game just chatting up some gals, and he came behind me and rabid punched me. I was like, first of all, it's illegal, but I didn't say anything about that. But I turn around and then- Well, it's a sucker punch.

Yeah, sucker punch. And then surprisingly, Spade didn't go down on that. I was just like, huh? And then he goes, come on man, let's go. And I'm like talking to his girls, I'm with some ladies. But meanwhile, it was- You haven't changed. I haven't. I was just like, just talking go I'm with some ladies it, but meanwhile it was you haven't changed I was just talking and then I was but it was 10% white and I cried and so everyone gathered

John I go and they're like fight and I'm like no no no there's no fight here You know and then and then I go Nice to see everyone I'm gonna take off and I go I gotta get out of here. It hits me again on the way and I go So then I walk across the gravel to my friend's mom's car. I go, I feel like the manly move is to get in their car and lock the doors and hide until the game's over. And then maybe they'll all go away. And then I get to the door and it was like slow motion.

Junque, it was locked. Oh no. And it was an old Chebell and I go, mother fuck that. And I turn around and I go, mother fuck that. And I turn around and I go, because he hit me three times at this point and I was looking like a big fool. And I turn around and I go, and here comes my dad left me, all my anger. I'm looking humiliated.

And then he tries to be cool and there's a little rope of dope like look around. He swings his hand up and then jabs me in the face and that was it. And I laid a barrage on him and I backed him up and I kept hitting and he fell and I jumped on him and I started whaling on him and then someone grabbed me and he stood up and goes, Coach is coming. Coach wasn't coming. And he ran off and everyone said he won. I won. But I still talk about this fight. It rarely comes up maybe twice a week. But I tell everyone about I heard it this morning. Did you guys you remember seeing that cartoon when when I was a kid it was it was it was a Disney thing I think it was called it was a short but it was called Lambert the Friendly Lion. Did you ever, you guys ever see that?

And I'm 36. If you never feel like, I tell you this story because you guys should, should get it. You can Google it. Lambert, Lambert Lion, the Friendly Lion. And what happened was, it's long story short, in a sheep,

there was a shepherd and sheep on a hillside. And one night the stalk makes a mistake and drops a baby lion in amongst the sheep. And the mother, a mother who didn't have any sheep, takes the lion in. And so he's raised as a sheep. And again, he's like a sheep. He's afraid of the wolves, the wolves comes by. They're all terrified. The fuck the line. The full-grown, he's shaking, you know,

up at this wolf. But the kicker was that the wolf backs the mother out on a precipice where she can't go anywhere. And he's got it. The wolf's gonna kill her. And all of a sudden, you hear this fucking roar just behind the wolf. And the wolf's, the wolf's's hair goes up, you know.

And he turns around, it's the salivating fucking killer male lion, you know. It's just great. It's just like that. That's what really was me. That was you. You got pushed to where you know, you'd rather take a beating. Like my father used to tell me when I was a kid look if you get pushed into it Never back down. It's better to take a beating because the beating will heal The back down. There's stuff. Yeah, my dad told me there's some shit. I won't eat and he goes believe me, baby I eat shit every day. I eat shit at work. I eat shit at home. Your mom gives me shit Yeah, but now in that he goes I can't take it he goes, that's what happened to you. You couldn't

take it. And I got your father was quite a character. Those stories on your dad. Yeah. They're so hilarious. And that's why that's one thing I go, thanks dad. Meanwhile, you're probably the reason I got beat up and I'm a pussy. But thank you. He's rich. Ed, you're rich. He's rich. No, I know he's rich. But how long was it between you and married with children? And then how long was it between that and modern family?

Well, it was 86 to 96 or in a half or what something like that. And then, then there was that interim where I did like, uh, dragnet. I did dragnet. I did, uh, the two series with David Milch, you know, I did Big Apple, the surf movie, the dysfunctional surf family down San Diego. Do you think, I think he's got Bayzo's money now. I think it's more like you're gonna open a rocket ship company because all that first pile of money and then another pile of money. Well, I looked at it because I had to add it up.

Yeah, I did. You had to add it up. Because I think it's again, it's Guinness Book of World Records probably. 459 episodes between married with children and modern family and not my question for Ed is when you dream Do you son you dream is Ed Bundy your dream is Jay Pritchell. I don't dream is either one But you know the funny thing is I remember when that that happened and I got a phone call from one of the news agencies I didn't know about

it and they said you just eclipsed Lucille Balls record of shows you know for her you know how many of mugging she had done whatever it was I was like one one above her and I said I said okay okay so what do you think about that I mean isn't that amazing and I said well okay, okay. So what do you think about that? I mean, isn't that amazing? And I said, well, it's, it probably should have been a crossword puzzle question. But you're not saying I was better than Lucille Ball. Are you? I did one more show.

I had a present date. I've done one more show. So yeah. Did you, I mean, like say your first, the pilot or the first episode of Mary with Children. Yeah, and this is your first big Star yeah, first I love that show. It's so loose and weird and you're all great You know What was the guy walked off that show? I mean how much did you change like as an actor or performer or you got wealthy

You got famous. I mean that's such a tsunami in a in a life, you know, and you're married, I mean, that's such a tsunami in a life, you know, and you're married and, I mean, it's just, it's intense, I mean, where you don't know any of the violence. It kinda like was up, Dana, it kinda happened in waves, you know, like the first three years, I think we were just trying to survive, we couldn't believe we were gonna be on another season, because they would go.

Yeah. And then they'd slowly started picking us up for like, you know I don't know five years. I think was the biggest pickup and then I thought well, you know, that's good I mean, we don't win anything, but we're running, you know, we're running him and we're keeping Fox in the black which was kind of good for them and us and I just thought of myself like wow, this is really luck, you know, this is lucky. And I never thought much about it. Honestly, I always have this kind of like one track thing

where it's like, what's this week? You know, let me see the script, okay. Right. What's next week? I didn't know when I got that I never, I never thought about it much. I don't know why it starts out very humbly doesn't I mean, did you kind of break even your first year between housing costs? Well, what happened? I wasn't making it. I think I was making it. I think I was making 12-5 in episode, the first couple years. I met with Bernie. I met with Bernie, right?

Bernie Bursting, the famous talent man. Jim Wyatt, because I was with ICM. I see him. I changed this thing. And I said, you know, I don't want to be impertinent, but why do I need you guys for? You know, I've got a show. I've got a show that's running. And then you lean over and got an angle on Bernie.

And why do I have to say you now too? I've already got the show. And Bernie, you know, how Bernie was, you know, it's a good question. He says, you know, what though, what if I told you that the next door neighbor is making a lot more money than you are Would that surprise you? I said yeah?

It would well Bernie Bernie Bernie was pretty honest. He came out in the press and said anybody who gives 20% of the salary As I was out of their fucking mind And Brad Gray had to meet with him and go, Bernie, we got to take it easy with this stuff. And Brad was in the room. And then I think the upshot was Bernie said, Okay, this is the deal. You come with me, you're going to make a shit load of money. You're going to have a good time and I'm going to teach you the business. And I said, you know, I was doubled. I mean, there was my agent. Yeah. I said, well, here I am. I'm, you know, I'm given to him. So I said,

sure. Fine. And I always make a shit load or just a load. Well, I never felt they knew what to do with me ever. I Every job I ever got with them. I basically got on my own Because you know, no because what I mean is that they created management No, no, what I mean is it was like like you guys had had had Shows that they created for you, right? Kind of. Yeah, you know, ownership of Saturday Night Live, David, they, they, they, they created a show around you. They knew how to do that for certain people.

They just didn't know, I don't believe they knew how to do it for me, because they didn't really know what I was. You know, I wasn't a standup comic. I never did stand up. I wasn't even a comedic actor when I got married with children, although I had done comedy in the theater, but they didn't know that. And so they didn't know what to do with me. I don't blame them, by the way. It's like, I'm like a difficult, maybe a difficult sell, you know.

Who would be the easiest sell of a actor, comedian, coming into an agent's manager office in the 80s? Would it have been like Kevin Costner or something or Harrison Ford in 1980? I didn't Murphy. Leading man. Well, any Murphy for sure, because he was sexy. Yeah, and he was funny.

Brilliant. It's gotten me pretty far. Chris walk and Chris walk in hilarious. But again, nobody's hard too. Yeah, he's hard. Nobody's so profitually. Yeah, nobody's the fear on there. That wasn't funny.

I think people discovered Chris was funny. Oh, no. The sighted he was funny, yeah. Yeah. Mal, no, I was, I was the same thing. I wasn't funny. I think people discovered Chris was funny. He was excited. He was funny. Yeah. Yeah. Mal no, I was I was the same thing. I wasn't an elite man. I don't know how to act. I'm kind of funny I you know where do you put me? You know, I'm just glad I live long enough for this digital technology that this is my job I mean said Sid Caesar would have had one of these. Oh God. Sid Caesar was one of my favorites brilliant Ever meet ever meet Sid Caesar? I never met him I was in the room with him a couple times sort of where he was

But I didn't meet him I Tell it I he was he was in Tim Bay was that an airport and he goes, oh, yeah You're on that show because how many shows you do a season? 20. Yeah, we did we did 55 He's like yeah, that's how we better. You know, he was, I don't think he was any day at the beach, you know, and he was a big strong guy. I love that term.

He was a big strong guy too. When he was young, yeah. He was a, he was a scary guy. And, but my god, he was funny. Yeah. You know, I don't think anybody has ever done that, that talk that, you know, what do they. Yeah, you know, I don't think anybody has ever done that That talk that you know what what do they call it? You know where he speaks the language and it's not a language Oh, yeah the fake

Do I don't know if they know. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I don't know. You can do it. It's easy about Dorra Gazili, but I can do it, but he's the best. He's the best. And like his samurai, you know, the Volushi, the Volushi stole from him. Really?

His samurai was better than anything you've ever heard seen. Did you ever see him do the samurai? Oh, he was doing the whole of what like Volushi did all that. Oh, wait. Well, that's where Volushi got it from since he's oh really it was insane and his Italian was the best I ever heard his Italian was it was it was it's it's offended you can actually Google since these are speaking four different languages at a Bob Hope they're honoring Bob Hope and he gets out and starts in French and then German and then Italian and then he ends up with the Japanese. It's phenomenal.

Yeah, he was the first, too. I mean, right right there with sketch. I read his book, you know, I don't know if you saw his book, it's okay. It's not great, but he talks about... And he ends up with... Well, no, I mean, it's okay. Some of the stories were good, but... He was going with the accents. Maybe not some I was, he was going with the accents. Maybe not the way he acts. He was going with the accent. And then the adjectives. He was sober for a long time.

And his wife said, you know, now that you're sober, we should travel, you know, you're retired. And he said, well, where? So how about Australia? He said, yeah, I've always wanted to go there. And then he came to find out he had, he had toured Australia, you know, one point time he was so fucked up. He just remembered

he was there. I'm just interested in bitterness in our business. Like how to avoid it? Because I work with Mickey Rooney. It was the most bitter human being I've ever met. Yeah, so so bitter, right? What was your, did you work with him? I worked with him. He came up to me the last time I saw him. I was at Malibu, you know, what was that restaurant? Tratanoid, sitting outside with some friends, and he came over and he said, uh, I'm trying to, I'm trying to get a fucking show off the ground with Debbie Reynolds.

You know, she's got the hotel in Vegas done very well for herself. I'd like to do tugboat Annie with Debbie Reynolds. I can't get past these two producers. I don't know. I'm gonna give you. Oh, he was like outraged. I said, Mickey, Mickey. He said, now you know these. I'm only coming to you because I know you know television producers.

And I said, yeah, but I said, I'll bring it up. I was thinking I was Ron Levit, you know, Ron Levit, Michael Moy from Mary with children. So I said, well, I'll bring it up. He's 90 years old practically, you know, in time. They're fucking with me. They're fucking with me. He said, Gene Kelly. Gene Kelly had just died. A national treasure, Gene. I knew Gene very well.

Judy Garland. Same thing. Look at who you're rolling with. We know we learned a lot today. Judy Garland never owned a car. That's he you do non sequiturs because they puncture so full of drugs and he would talk until he couldn't breathe. He said he said that he'd call me he said jeans a national treasure. That's what they're saying. And he was.

And when I die, they'll say the same thing about me. I'm a national treasure. They won't hire me for shit. And they would feed him like a treasure. And he did a job, you know, he couldn't get a job. Ed did do, okay, sorry, you get it more with that. No, that's what, did you ever run into you ever run into an old-time movie star?

You would have been blown away with that said they are fan of yours. Like Bert Lancaster, something. Not Bert Lancaster, but I'm just showing them out. No, it was, it was Ernest Fordenat. Oh, yep. And that was great. And then James Arnes, James Arnes,

but it came in directly, it came from his brother, his brother who had mission impossible. What was his name? Did you know he had a brother that was a different name? Oh yeah, something Arnes. I had a, you took the guy. The reason I thought about that is because I had a weird one recently with Gene Kelly, which blew my mind because love, it's weird playing Vegas and he went to some party and he met Gene Kelly's widow. You know, all these words.

And it is John says and she said, make sure you tell Dana that Gene loved his bush impression. He tell everyone to be quiet when Dana was on. So just the idea that Gene Kelly knew who I was was saying my name out loud, be quiet, Dana's on blew my mind. David. Well, yes, I was at his my name out loud be quiet Dana's on blew my mind David. Well, yeah, I was at his house one night Dana. I was invited. This woman that I knew was friends with his

wife. I can't remember her first name, but she was quite a bit younger as you know, right? Yeah. And they lived on rodeo drives on the flat. So I thought, I want to meet Gene Kelly. So I go and how it worked, they would have like once a week she'd have dinners and buy various people to amuse Gene, to keep him active mentally. And then he'd be upstairs and they'd have the cocktail hour and then he'd come down to the big long dinner table.

And so I was introduced to him, along with, you know, 15 other people, and he had no clue who I was. But he said, oh, Neil, Irish. I said, yeah, yeah. Where you from? I said, Youngstown, Ohio. Yeah, I was down Ohio, yeah. Well, you know, I'm from Pittsburgh. I said, I know that, yeah, yeah. Where you from? I said, Youngstown, Ohio. Yeah, I was down a while. Yeah, well, you know, I'm from Pittsburgh.

I said, I know that, Mr. Kelly. Yeah, well, I was from Pittsburgh. I used to play these gangster clubs in Sharon P.A. I said, oh, yeah, I had a girlfriend once who lived in Sharon P.A. I used to drive down there, you know, three or four times a week. You said, Sharon, you drove to Sharon. That fucker, you tell him, you know, three or four times a week. It's a Sharon. You drove the Sharon. The fuck are you telling me you drove the Sharon?

Sharon's 150 fucking miles from Pittsburgh or from young stop. I said, no, no, it's just over the line. It's like 10 months. Jesus. I think he's from Ohio. He's telling me we're shared. That's what he is. He was mad. And I'm at the other end of the table. So I mean, he's

going over everybody else to tell me what a stupid asshole I was. So I finally said, well, maybe there's two shareons. There's not two shareons. Yeah, he won't let you off the fucking Stop this he talked about a lot of other things, you know, Dan Fred Astaire great stories Phenomenal stories, you know, they're getting everybody the posts, you know the whole thing So at the end of the evening where he walked every it was very gracious now, you know He walked everybody out to their cars, valleys, and now it's my turn with my friend and he says, he was calling me Irish now, you know, Hey Irish, you got off on the wrong foot, but you know, I like it, I like some about you, you know, you're all right, young staff, I'd Irish. That's a good thing.

Come back anytime, anytime you tell so and so. Okay, I go home and I had an assistant and I said, get a fucking map, a scale map. Yeah, young staff is sharing it and make it very clear and mail it to this or hand delivery to this address and the day they arrive. So he did two weeks go by, I thought this was a bad move, you know. And then I get a hand delivered note. I've got it right here. It actually showed, well I thought I could show it to you. Oh, let me just read it again. He's telling it station. It's Gene Kelly. Stationary. Gene Kelly, dear Ed, they must have moved Sharon, the A's and stuff.

And I've got it. He said, listen, the Rolling Rock, which is a beer in Pittsburgh, the Rolling Rock and the humble pire on me Your friend Jean Kelly. Yeah, great. So I've got that. I've said of course I framed it now Nice. I called his wife. You know, I pushed it. You know, I called his wife And I said boy that will you know, I told her it's such a great so gracious, you know, she said hey That did not come easy. He was up there pouring over his maps,

mother fucking and cursing and everything. And finally, he had, you know, he, finally he realized that, you know, he was wrong about what was sharing the gay ones. It's a great story though, right? Yeah. Well, I think that what I'm getting from today is behind the scenes kids, people who want to get into show business. Everybody behind the scenes is basically a guy with bucks like this.

What the fuck is a matter with you? Get over here, you son of a bitch, give him Gene Kelly, singing in the rain, he's like what the fuck? Get your ass up your ass. Exactly. Exactly. That's the for talking to us. And I have to tell you, I learned a lot. They learned that at after 480 episodes is more humble than I was after one one and a

hundred collect commercial. And he's a tough guy. I take away. Ed is nice. And Tillie's not nice. And you never want to meet that guy. That's my takeaway. Well, that, you know, I mean, look, now who knows?

I mean, it's like, you know, I'm an age now where I better watch myself. But yeah, I got money on you. Yeah, I don't worry. Yeah, it was just the way, way it was only it's just the way you grow up, you know, you just grow up a certain way and and that's it, you know, that's all right. I'm going to start recording now. Yeah, because we're so well. Yeah, well, that's that's really started. Um, and thank you, and I think this will, uh, this will make a good eight minute show. All right, bye guys. Thank you very much.

Hey, what's up flies? What's up, please? What's up people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyinthewallatcadens13.com Hey, David, we get letters, as you know, and fans of the podcast like to ask us questions. This is from Robert Prince. Hey guys, I've always loved the SNL opening credits

montage and was wondering what your memories are shooting them. Do you have any say in the location or what you'd be doing during your part? Thanks, Robert and San Antonio. So what was your little video thing? I thought this question was about my vintage OP jacket, but... On sale now, wherever you find your jacket. Wherever you find over-priced jacket.

This is I like this because the opening montage, it's always pretty much, they pick a theme. It's always a night shoot. You don't care because you just got an SNL and you gotta pick out what to wear. And I wore my own shirt. Sandler look cool and I used to always bust as well because he kinda turned the game.

I go, no, no, no. That's a little, yeah. He's like, hey, what's going on? What do you got going? And when I come, I'm like this, ha, showbiz, I was like, jumpin' and hey, I really gave it to him, but you do a couple. So he put me in front of a bar or something

with lights. Jim's saying really, probably, right? Jim's saying, you're really probably, I had to just run around a corner and kind of run down a stairwell near a subway or something. Oh, is that yours? And then stop on a dime. And then I don't even know if I looked up or anything.

I think we're just playing like cinema vera tape. Yeah, every year they did a different type of theme. So yeah, I was an action figure. Mine was, you were kind of stuck. What's going on around town? We had like 22 guys to cover. So weren't you sitting on a bike rack and then you just turned the camera and go with thumbs up?

No, I was in the basket. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, Dana pops out of me and Dana Carvey. You were like ET, you were in the basket up front and I was riding the bike. Yeah. It was like, it's sort of like, as an elegant guy, I don't think,

oh Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller, I have the rest. It's all of us. Yeah, you know how they, they fucked up Professor and Mary Ann. Oh yeah. Oh, I remember Mary Ann. And Sarah Ann, Mary Ann. I'm Thurshton Hal the Food.

I can't believe her. I love the guy. What was that guy? Oh, he was great. Someone told me there's only like 12 episodes. I go, no fucking way. There wasn't many of them. Bob Denver would not sit down for 12 episodes.

He wouldn't do that, Jackie. That was gonna, yeah, that was a great show. I love those 60s sitcoms. I love those. So, dammit. Now it's all, so I like the opening credits, but the sad thing was, when I got there for my first show, I told the story.

When I did my first Michael J. Fox impression, I think it was just a photo we did with E.D. Baskin. So it's a wrong featuring David Spaden. They just show a photo of us until we got in the real montage. But I did it and they forgot to put the photo up. I can't wait to yell at Kenny Aemon because all we do is say what a nice guy is and he's the best guy in the world. But I know he feels horrible because David, David, I forgot. So they didn't put me into it. No one knew it was me doing it. So at the beginning of the show, my one time to be and it didn't happen. And then the next year, I think I did the video opening there. That's all. Well, love it. It's was giving me a tour because

he was on Saturday live and I got on Saturday live. So we're're walking around eight H and his way you get your changes and there's this stage and Dom Parva was there that day and I was kind of nervous just seeing him and everything. I know I might have said this before but John goes, say his name, Don, say it. You know, what do you mean? His name is Dana Carvey, say it. You know, I go, John, this is not to do that. So then he does go, Dana Carvey. Yeah. And just gave me chills. I broke out into a cold sweat

and I fit myself in a little ball and started sobbing. You got yourself into shoebox, I heard. You curled in her. The nerves of that show, man. Dinoids. Just walking in there, it just gets you tense. Oh, you walk through there, it's like walking through the high school you went to New seeing all well. Yeah, you get shook down

We just put you up against wall and give me your lunch money then our coach said just start swinging I don't care how big the guy is don't partowans stole money from me and said don't tell I Want your lunch money? Come here. You know pussy? Stole money for me and put me down and said don't tell Lord. I Want your lunch money. Come here. You know a pussy You got more than that. I know what you get here. I'm done Fuck you. Oh fuck you

Drop your trousers, David! I'm okay. Sorry. Thank you for that question. Sorry, now I'm going blue. I love it. We're going to get sued. We're canceled sued. I'll be jacket.

This has been a podcast presentation of Kaden's 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcast. No joke, folks! Flying the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corqurin of Cadence 13 and Charlie Feinand of Brillstein Entertainment. The shows lead producers Greg Holtman with Production and Engineering Sport from Serena Regan and Chris Bezlove Cadence 13.

Greg Holtman with production and engineering sport from Serena Regan and Chris Bezlove Kaden's 13.