Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Jay Leno

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Writing jokes, living in open houses, and behind-the-scenes showbiz stories with Jay Leno. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, it's David Spade here, applause applause, standing ovation. It's everyone has been asking me where I go on tour, literally every single person in the world. So I'm playing the Venetian in Las Vegas with Nikki Glazer coming up in April and then we do it three more times, check DavidSpade.com. That's not a plug. It sounds like one. It's not. Anyway, have fun. Here we go. Bye, wa-hoo! Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot, or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby,

or counting your breaths on the subway. Inhaling and long exhale out. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are, whenever we need it. Download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier or pay to description starting at 12.99 per month. Cry 6 at the Mark Twain price? That's a pissing moniker.

I had 50 million in the SVB bank. I got 51. Greatest mind of his generation with a cracker Jack Mottey from a guy. Yeah, but it's like a worm from a guy. I got one away with fucking Super Ball. I said, this is Liam Neeson. What the fuck does Adam Sandler have to do with Mark Twain?

If you don't tell me, I will kill you and I have Dan and I are doing Adam Sandler's Mark Train. We'll just tell the audience We will have just done Adam's Mark Twain award. Yes, and we're coming up and we're sure we have to do stuff fly out there New stuff form and we yeah, I got a Dana's got it. You know saying a song you can probably do it and And then we're gonna introduce Jay Lata. This is just a refrain and Jay was great. Mark Twainman.

Mark Twainman. That's the catch phrase. That's the catch phrase. Don't give it all away. Probably bombed at the place we're going. No, we got a fly cross country Let me scare the wealth and money You can do it on guitar too. Yeah, paradise You can do it on guitar too. Yeah.

Paradise. In the feeling. Was so nice. Yeah. Coldest ice. There's a layer of snow. She ordered Amazon. You have to update it.

She ordered Amazon. And a Delivered of Rockle-E from HelloFresh. You bought it all. And even though it's 2040, she's Chopped on Rockle-E-Lips. She's old school. And they delivered a broccoli from Hello Fresh 2040 She's old school People still have to take a sharpen object and chop the down J. Lano is a great

Influence on comics. We grew up, no, I thought it was gover, it's great. I thought it would, we got all the chock and broccoli. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-boop. Anyway, Jay came all the way in, he sat out right there. Jay Leno, two broken ribs in a broken collarbone. He was not a complainer, he's old school. He's the ultimate not complainer. He's a super cool dude. He came in like a trooper and he's old school. He's the ultimate not complainer. He's a super cool dude.

He came in like a trooper. And he's a great storyteller. We had some great Rodney Dangerfield stuff, the time he opened for Bill Cosby at Harris. Yeah, that was a great, that was very interesting. And how Cosby was perceived at the tonight show. But you know, we all grew up on Leno and he was one of the great comics and he knows all the SNL guys, he's on tonight show. But, you know, we all grew up on Leno and he was one of the great comics

and he knows all the SNL guys, he's on the show. And he's just so tight into everything. And we just wanted, and we've seen him out. We said, come on and talk to us. And it's good to those shows that are just comedy. He's laughs, he says funny things. And the connection really to SNL is so many of us were stand-ups.

They got SNL, Sandler, you and me. On and on, and Jay loves stand-up, so does Jerry Seinfeld. So we do talk a lot about stand-up for anyone listening that might want to think about doing stand-up. Jay is a master class in the technique and the attitude you need to become a successful stand-up.

And Dana doesn't pressure him to him. Jay was like, why did the low one, and all he was trying to these cranks is to hand did the low one, and all of a sudden these cranks are the hannison neighbor boy, and all of a sudden he was caught by the police. What's that? You know what, why do people think this?

And then he goes down there, and I told him that he had those two gears. It's not just the high gear. It's the base guy too. And the base guy goes, what's going on in his Japanese cars? Yeah, in Japanese cars. Well, I always got true cylinders on it

and it tops out about 30 miles an hour. I guess I can, and I can get one of those, you hear's cause. Yeah, and Japanese guys, well, I always got through cylinders on it and talked about 30 miles an hour, I guess I can, I can get one of those, you hear the engine's going, you hear me, you hear me. But he was just the guy when we were coming up as a pure stand up, he wrote a motorcycle to the club,

he had weird eyes, giant hair pile up, and he was a big, big presence of maintenance guy. Yeah. Came over here, knocked it out. Everything's fine. Faced was still on fire, which I thought they would have put it out by now. It was smoldering, but he looked incredible.

He looks really good. I mean, he's the only one in show business who doesn't have a writer. That's very Jay Lighter. A writer needs you. The people are booking you. You need a diacote or you need some carrot sticks. Jay has, a writer. A writer means you, the people are booking you, you need a diacote or you need some carrot sticks. Jay has not a writer.

His diacote carrot sticks. Linky. She's it's and crack cocaine. And a link to you porn. And a woman named Susie with a yoga mat. And a gift certificate to the purple nerple. That's your joke. This voice is just funny for you, can't.

It doesn't have to be Johnny Carson. It's just the funny voice. Hello. Jimmy Cricket. I don't know. Oh, I read for Jimmy Cricket. You did? Yeah.

Hey, come on. I'm Jimmy Cricket. Yeah, I had it perfect for an afternoon. I'm a courted. No, sorry. I'm going to live to be 93. Remember he's missing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a couple tunes. I love Jimmy Cricket. All remember. He's missing that yeah, yeah, yeah, he had a couple tunes

I love Jimmy Cricut all right. Here's Jay Leno you guys. Here's Jay Leno one of the all times Young people Men of commerce ready to see you Good to see you guys I know right now Now we're gonna see how hard it is on the other four. Yeah, you guys are good on the after show. Oh, you saw that Yeah, I thought it was good. Oh the next one. I guess it's gonna go. Oh, it was a nightmare It was a little I, I thought it was good. Oh, the next one. Where's this gonna go? Oh, it was in nightmare. Oh.

It was a little trick. No, I thought I knew it was awkward. It didn't look awkward. I mean, I mean, it was, you were the two white comics. Yeah. And you addressed that in a funny way. Right.

And you let them do the talking. No, yeah. No, I thought, I mean, it wasn't a matter of, you know, overpowering it or. No. You know, a lot of times they put five comedies in a room with two, one is funny, five will be hilarious. No, it doesn't work, but that was funny.

Everybody had something interesting to say. Oh yeah. Right, thank you. We had, you know, that was Rock's idea. He said, it would be sort of fun to have this, you know, because they want to make the first live event a bigger event. They said, well, you know, it could be like a fight, you know people talking before people talking after I couldn't really picture that but

Explain it more and I agree yeah, we could just discuss it, you know like what jokes worked what did not the I thought it was great and he's great and I was stunned that the reviews games and shit You know old man rock yelling you get off my lawn And people have no idea how long it takes to put an act together. Yeah, I know. It's so difficult what he landed. I mean, they just think, oh, they're old fashioned jokes,

but they're great jokes. Well, I'm just trying to Netflix specials. They Baltimore, woo, yeah, Baltimore, Denver, Denver. And they're watching the clock. They know, okay, I got 58 more minutes. I got to fill. He had jokes every step of the way Oh, yeah, he worked his ass. That's why I liked about it

You can't like that he went where no man it way one of my jokes is I like that Chris went where no Communion is brave enough to go Baltimore Yeah, there was funny because we would that show they want a nice mix and what you just said I wanted to jump back to as they said It's you and Dana and we thought there would be no prep We just said oh, we'll just talk about after in our our initial reactions and they said oh, we'll have other comics Join you and I said okay. I think our first thing was don't get it too crazy It's not like the Super Bowl halftime show right they said we can have like six other comics like oh no

No, no, that's yeah, because no one's gonna get to talk. And they want a nice mix. And you know, Karim is as talked about rock situation before. Very interesting guy. You don't see a lot. And so that's great. He wants to come. And JB smooth. We got to get him out of his shell.

Right. And then if we can just prod him to the chat. We needed him because it was like watching Chris. And he's just really hammering that last 15 minutes. Don't ever fight it from the white people, my drop energy. And I just saw, you know, then it's like, hi everybody, you know, it's just funny, really. Well, we had a lot of fun. I thought it was a little bit of a movie.

I thought it was a nice transition. I said, what is this going to be? But no, it wasn't. What do you think? I don't know. I mean, everybody had something to say. Would you mind if I tweet your review? No.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said, what is this gonna be? But no, it wasn't. What do you think? I don't know. Everybody had something to say. Would you mind if I tweet your review? No. Yeah, you could tweet. No, I like, I think comics really. I like. Are we recording now?

Yeah. We're always recording. This is like when you would come back before the tonight show and we'd kind of do with all your guests. Now that's part of the show. Right. So this is us bench games. We can take out anything you want. No, I'm fine. Cool. There's a little bit closer to you. No, that's part of the show. So this is us benching. When you take out anything you want. No, I'm fine.

Cool. It's a little bit closer to you. No, that's fine. There we go. He knows his way around. You know, I'm like, or fun. Okay. By the way, I did like when you would come back at the tonight show and say hi because some

people don't. And I understand both ways, but I thought it was fun that you did. Yeah, I always liked it because I, I mean, that's how you got them to come back, you know, they have a nice experience. Yeah, people go, Oh, okay, you're not going to bring up my cocaine bus. No, I got to ask you about it. I'll just ask you and you answer and you're okay. Whatever answer you want. Yeah, I got to ask you. Yeah. So, Jay, you look great. I mean, I, if, no one said you, thank you. But I'm just saying, Blink, if someone told me you didn't, your face didn't catch on fire,

I didn't think you had a car to do. I don't see anything. It's all new face, yeah, that's good. You mean, you're like, You're like, I miss two shows. What? See, I love that about you.

And I knew when that happened, when your eyes opened from whatever they did to you, be like, can I go to Cleveland? Well, now I got a broken column, I got two busted ribs, I got two busted ribs, I got two cracked kneecaps, because I got clothes lined on my motor side. We heard about that.

Was it at night or just you went around a corner and there was a wall? No, I was riding, okay, you're 72 year old guy and an 83 year old motor side. I'll be walking around. So I'm going to like, that's, you know, oh, it's dripping gas. I don't want to catch fire.

I'm going to catch fire again. Let me dripping gas. I don't want to catch fire. 55. I'm going to catch fire again. Let me turn around. I turn around in a parking lot. The guy had a wire across the parking lot, but no flag, you know. And the sun was right here and I went and boom. It just hit me.

Oh my god, he just took your right on. I just, yeah, yeah. And then you went, well, it cut my face again. So I call my face guy, go listen, you, you know, face, you gave me that face. I got to get a fixing. What'd you do? I told him I said, I drove up there and he fixed it again. So it's a brand new ear.

Well, what do you mean a brand new ear? I mean, when you get braffing, when you get burned in a fire, ears are like paper. That's nothing. It just goes up. So that's just boom. And they grafted it for That's nothing. It just it just goes up. So that just boom and they Graphed it for some place else. Yeah, well, I got a buddy mine who's a loyal he gave me a bag of graphs and they worked out great So you can't even you look good. I'm telling you Dana just said it and I was like, oh wait, you did do that thing and

And you fucking have all your hair, which isn't furious. Yeah, that's what I was thinking about today I was thinking about young Jay coming on stage. You always had the motorcycle. Oh, you always had the motorcycle boots. Right. Incredibly thick, high black hair. The hair. You're kind of like Hulk game.

You're like six three. Your eyes are. Well, consider I have only been six foot. I must have grown. Well, you had the motorcycle boots. The boots are bad. Yeah, you're like move more soccer boots I know the boots are bad I guess that would make a difference And you have really Italian skin and then super pale blue eyes

Yeah And then you'd come up and people when they do impressions of you They'll sort of go to this friendship Right But most of the time you were this guy Well, you know, it's really balling me today And it was very potent And you only did that to break up that tenor

To kind of talk to the crowd. I don't understand. And then you bring the guy in, well, he said the head of some boy, the good kid. Yeah, he only killed the guy. So anyway, that was my thing I was thinking today, I wanted to tell you about. Oh, well, thank you. I appreciate that. But I saw you at the ice house.

I don't know what, your mid-80s. I'd never seen anyone kill that hard. That was the first time I'd actually seen you fully like dismantle the room. No, I'd seen you at, do you on the California and I think at a theater? Well, you and I flew to New York for your audition. I got that on my notes.

For what? For what? Yeah, for us and now. By that point, I pretty much had it, I think. Yeah. And I was going to do it and then we sat together. Yeah, yeah. And you, I remember you saying, you sure you can do this, I don't think it's a good fit.

I just made that up. What did we talk about? What were you going to do, Letterman? I think so, yeah. Were you prepared? Yeah, that was my favorite. You know, Letterman was the first show where I could be myself.

Cause yeah, I go to New England and I would always call it, thank you, Mr. Carson. It's coming, Johnny. What? I didn't grow up, right? You know, I could come to California. Jay, this is my parents, Bob and Agnes. How are you, Mr. Medichelli? I can't call you Bob and Agnes,

you're my friend, but you don't have any? Yeah, yeah. And then with Letterman, I could go, and Dave, nice tie. Or just, you know, just trash this thing. Yeah, because you knew him for years. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Which you couldn't do with Johnny. So that's why it was a great breakthrough. Well, that's why I would sometimes I don't really know why. We're a T-shirt or this jacket. And you'd be in a tie, but then when you retired, whatever, every host was younger than me, we had a tie on. And I started wearing a tie. Yeah, yeah. I'm too young to come out of the, you know. But yeah, that was. I saw Jay when he was on, when I was just a little, I wasn't a stand-up and I was watching Johnny Carson. And, you know, there was signed feathers to you.

And I think everyone at that age just loves comedy. And so I wasn't thinking of being a comedian. But do you remember anything? I'm gonna mangle this. It was after the Exxon Valdez oil spill. And you said, and they were trying to save electricity in America. And I think you said, you know, they spilled six million gallons of oil and then they

want us to save three cents a year by going to the bathroom in the dark. And I started laughing, sorry, it was something like that. And I do kind of remember that. And that's when I was like, I mean, you have a million sets you've done, but I thought, God damn it. And you've always had such economical, smart jokes that are just, and you're just about the mechanics and putting them together.

And I think you're... Well, it is the economy awards comedy, is that a means of the shoulder. It takes to get there. One word, too much. Yeah, it's done. That's what I liked about Chris Special. He just joked, oh, it was.

So I'm just, I'm just tired of these specials where people have done too already. They're committed to a third or a fourth And they just got what's up. You all doing yeah, yeah, yeah, what else is up? You and Jerry are locked step on that because when I did the coffee show with them the cars he goes You know him because he was special because you came out and just went right into the jokes So you and he have such a well, I remember a comic I had on the tonight show. I won't say who it is, but he had just done a special for one of them. And I said, where do you go? I'm going on the road, you know,

from the special. I said, why are you going to do our already? No, no, no. I do what they do in the special. I called him, you know, this is not, it's not the Eagles play hotel California again. I mean, if they just saw you, they will watch you the night before they go see you. And the next day, if you were PD even one way, he goes, no, I don't think so. Like, all right, next time he's on the show, he's like, man, you. Yeah. Well, I just learned this day, not just did a special. I haven't done very many. I didn't HBO special back in, during just shoot me in SNL days. Didn't know how rare it was,

because HBO didn't do that many. And it wasn't a Netflix one every week. And that, it took me a while to rotate that material out. I was doing other stuff. It's hard to, right, wasn't my number one job at that point. And then getting back into it, it took me a while to say,

okay, if I do a special, by the time it gets out, you better be ready, and that's very hard, because it came out in two months. So I've rotated stuff, and I'm probably about 80% new, but that 20% some love to hear it, and some have a problem with it. Right, yeah, because they watch it again. That's why I've never done one of them.

I did one back in the 80s, I owned it, I put it on, and then I burned it again. You know, that's why I've never done one of them. I did one back in the 80s I owned it I put it on and then I burned it and I said that wasn't comedy surprise part of it. Yeah So if you've seen this there's gone nobody came around and again What about the McDonald's trainee bitch is it because that was the one? What was that one? I don't know you're doing a McDonald's riff This is you at the ice house levitating the room, which I call complete destruction. Some of the guys are training and he doesn't want to make them okay or something, but it was just, it's just with...

I know that's not it. But you didn't just do jokes. You were rooting jokes together and you did act out too. You know, I mean, you did that character talking and so you had a lot of different tools, but you always created jokes. Also, something like Jada's need a special because I'm on your side on that one for you because You always sell out you always do well and that's sort of the point of a specialist to get people out and You know you the advantage of the tonight show you're doing a monologue every night

And you never repeat that material because it just that's too bad. Hey, how about Reagan's trip to Pittsburgh? You can't be on the road. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. Jamie, what's that all about? You stumble into some good jokes and monologues and that's a bummer because you're like, oh, this would, I know. This would do great. I know. Sometimes you got some good with you.

Yeah, go ahead. So, you know, by where were you going? Oh, just, do you ever get people yelling out for old bits? Like, because they were kind of hit so hard. Maybe. So, but not so much anymore. No, no, no. So, you have essentially the same,

your core act is still the same and you just add little things to it. Basically you add some track. I mean, because people weren't like, oh, I saw you last year, you got all the material. No, I don't. You just have a bad memory. Yeah, I know.

They don't, if they watch it three times on, like I remember getting the, a Bob and Ray album, remember the, oh yeah, a Bob and Ray album, remember the... Oh yeah, Bob and Ray. With the Commodore Dragon. Must have played that a hundred times, just made me laugh every time.

Then the song of the person, oh, it's the same. It's the same thing. You know, sometimes when I go to the comedy store and I'm with people and I see Sebastian, I see someone. I say, oh, I hope he does these ones that I've heard once and I think they'll think they're funny. So that's sort of, I hope he does these ones that I've heard once, and I think they'll think they're funny. So that's sort of, I feel a little bit of that, and it's odd that it's different than

the bands because you've heard those songs, but you love to hear them. So it's a different genre. I understand. I think you did one, oh yeah, did you say, here's an old joke. I don't know why I'm just bringing up old jokes. But when he says, you say you go, stay at your parents' house at Thanksgiving and you see Matt Locke.

You watch Matt Locke with him and then you come back a year later and see the only rerun of the only Matt Locke you've ever seen in your life is playing the next time you go. It was a Matt Locke for a long time, just a funny, great fight. That was a great funny reference.

I watched Matt Locke. I'm so mad it's gone. Manics was good. Matt Locke. Matt Locke. Instant laughs. You know, comedy words. What's it gonna say about that?

Matt Locke. You know, manics, that guy, Mike Connors, he was a great guy. You know, he came to the show a couple of times. I remember, he was the first show, remember his secretary, Peggy he was the first show. Remember his secretary Peggy was African American. And CBS came to him and said, you got to get rid of the African American girl. Southern affiliates, not happy. They don't want to be like person on TV.

And he refused. He said, well, I'm going through the show. You know, I always thought that was, and this was in this mid 60s when, well, of course, you fire. I wouldn't even know what it was. And he didn't. It's cool. You know, so he was, yeah, he was quite a guy. He was a great guy. It's a, it used to have had, he used to have a tornado with the roof cut off.

It was painted gold. You know, it looked like one of those superhero cars. And when he follows somebody, he get below the seat like, you know, like, his, his goal projectile behind me. He's trying to be in cognito. What about cannon? Oh, is this going way too back cannon? Yeah, I remember cannon. It was the funniest.

He was a sort of an overweight sort of overweight. So well, the thing with cannon was the chrome would run down the alley and he knows run on the driver's side. So cannon could open the door. That's me every week. He did that. Yeah.

All the 70s. Did you ever have like movie stars come on from your youth when you're hosting a tonight show that was sort of special on a way? I got to do a sketch with Robert Mitchem once. It was kind of a surreal trip, you know? Yeah, I remember I had what's his name? Charles Nesson? No, no, he played, he did the bond, not Roger Moore. Roger Moore. Yeah. So he called out, hello, James, but so I didn't say anything like to travel.

Yes, yes, I tried. Oh, what do you go on vacation? India? Oh, anyway, that's quite a trip. No, not really. Well, how do you get there? We drive. You drive to India. Yes, yes, it's a very pleasant, nice to. From where? And now he's getting another from my home, of course. Well, I'm thinking, how do you look at Debbie?

She's going, I don't know. What's going on? I said, well, how do you drive the India? What's about two hours? Two hours in India. That's about it. He says, yeah, so why is he? And then I realized he was saying,

India, California, the whole time, the whole time. But he pronounced it in India. I'm like, oh, well, it's a beautiful country. He's going, well, yeah, pero es muy importante. Es muy importante. Es muy importante. Es muy importante. Es muy importante. MailChimp analiza los datos de millones de correos electrónicos para ofrecer recomendaciones personalizadas

para mejorar el contenido de tus correos electrónicos, segmentar tu público, entre muchas cosas más, adivina menos y vende más con IntuitimailChimp, la marca número 1 en Emilio y Marketing e Automatización. Empieza hoy mismo en MailChimp.com, vas a verme a tus públicos de marcas competidoras en número globales de clientes en 2020-2022. competition at the global number of clients in 2020 or 2022. Talk about his cars. I like your cars. I don't know if they know. Well, let's go back to the beginning.

When when did you realize like I don't know why they have this race? One of my sons, he's thinks he's as into cars as you are. Then people call them car nuts. I don't know why. But when did you realize cars? Because my son when I, he was two and had little cars, it was over. But can you remember the first time you became fascinated?

Was it a mile? I mean, the role it explodes and makes noise. It's fun for kids to do. No, that's it. Anything that rolls. It's different now because you know, when I was a kid, it was your only escape. I mean, now, you know, it's virtual kid it was your only escape. I mean now, you know,

Kids are in the room you call a girlfriend. Hey send me an acre picture. Okay, great, you know and my day I You first had to get to the girls house make sure her parents weren't home right sneaky I can get you to take her close off get the picture and then go to a drugstore With the with the drugist didn't know your parents to get the pictures developed picture and then go to a drug store three times away with a whether drug is didn't know your parents to get the pictures developed. It sounds like a sense memory here. It's back to be black parts over all the good stuff. So you could yeah that's what used to be when I was a kid. Oh yeah yeah. You make it if you escape boarding ones. Yeah. That's right. Did you have toy cars before

you got real ones? I suppose I do you know, that's that T cars. Yeah, I had that SSP where you, we said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had those. I had those. I had those. I had those cars. But I grew up in a rural area. When I was 12, there was a car left by the side of the road.

We took it back and got it running. And I would drive it around my backyard. My mom would stand at the kitchen window and watch us driving around our 12, you know. Yeah. Now of course, child services would be on your us driving around our. And how old were you? 12? 12, you know. Now of course, Charles services would come and you're parents would be arrested. Rest your parents.

Yeah, well my mom would have been in jail. Yeah, yeah, because just because she let us walk to 711. Yeah, yeah. And it's funny, I was, you were saying, because I'm not manics. That's good. When I moved to LA, it was, I'm jumping around, but it was very odd to see a superstar from a movie out of the show. I saw about 7-Eleven or something,

or you see a guy from Chips, and you're like, wait, are you a real person? Even I'm older, I should know this. I don't really get what they're doing in real life, and I don't like it really. You couldn't stop looking. I saw Michael Landon when I was 10 in a restaurant. It's just like surreal.

Why was it boss in airport? And I saw Art Garfunkel. And I saw, and I hit behind a pole. I don't know why. But you lied for my life. I saw, I stuck my head out looking at an F.E. Somi and I ducked back and go, why am I doing this? And we started to imagine you like that,

even famous for so much sassin. The most fun in one of teenagers like, oh, that's a famous. I mean, when I first came to town, I landed in LA and I took a cab until the money ran out. He dropped me off at sunset in Western and I was trying to get to the comedy store and I walked all the way back. Oh, that's a hike.

And I was going through, not quite lost, near where the Hollywood side. No, you know, that's Scientology places up there. Yeah. What do they call that area of the Celeberal Theater? That's Beachwood Canyon. Beachwood Canyon. And I saw the guy from Michele's Navy. Bernie Borgnay. No, not Bernie. Tim Conway. No, no. But the other one that used to do the bad magic act, what was his name? Do you know what I mean? Larry Storch.

No, no, not Larry Storch. But he was having a garage sale. And I went, that's the guy from MacKale's Navy. And I go, wow, how am I going to make it? He's on TV. How am I going to make it? He's selling his crap on a garage sale. This is old for you when you came to LA.

I cut 21, I guess. And you'd already graduated from medical college. And you studied speech, right? Didn't that help to get better? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I was at speech because. But you had to get up in front of the class and give speeches.

No, I took it because the with syllabus other could said, at the end of the semester each student would be required to give a 20-minute talk. That's why I can do that. But other guys, oh, 20-minute talk, man, I'm gonna take a matter. I said, we just gotta talk for 20 minutes, how hard is that? So that's what I did. I took, I had no interest in something. And as you get laughs, you probably got laughs. I got a few laughs. You know what I did? I remember memorizing a George Carlin routine. And then I never said his material on stage, but I said it in my mind. And then when I got on stage, I put my own stories.

And when I was in school, I remember going, okay, Carlin did the class clown. That guy, that guy, that guy. And then I went, I kind of timed it, you know, I was off stage. So I anyway, I was just cool. And then I just put my own stories in and then kind of worked a little bit. Yeah. Did you get messages earlier than that? Like when you're in fourth grade,

fifth grade that you were like class clown, funny. Yeah. Then maybe I should do this. There were two jokes. I remember my first joke was in the fourth grade, Mrs. Allen, where she saw Mrs. Toit. Oh yeah, she was talking about Robinhood and how cruel the sheriff of Nani Ham was, and when he captured Robinhood, he'd boil him an oil. And I remember putting my hand up and I said,

you know why he did that to talk? She said, no, why? Because he was a friar. You know, you can't get a go and talk with yourself, Stu. Yeah, so it gets kind of a laugh. And she goes, all right, all right, settle up. But I can see she was smiling while she was admonishing me. And then later, after class, I'm walking the hall.

And I see one of the male teachers come out of the male lunch. Hey, Lana, come here. What did you say about the rubber? I said, oh, a friar, he's a friar. Oh, that's what was, oh, they have. I went, ooh, a fryer, he's a fryer. Oh, that's what was all they have. I went, ooh, she repeated my job. Wow, that is cool. And then I learned not to be a prop comic.

I'm in my friend Joel and I. We had to do a skit and I wrapped him in bandages and I wheeled him in on a hand card. Like he was a mummy and it said like 2000 BC on his chest. And one of the stooages there is, because what's that number on his chest? So that's the license plate that trucked him. I got a laugh, but we had no more material.

That's it, yeah. My friend is wrapped in bandages and, okay, thank you. I had a box of props because Robin had them so far while and it was a pain in the ass. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I got, because I couldn't write any jokes. So I had a box of props because Robin had them so far. And it was a pain in the ass. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I got, because I couldn't write any jokes. So I had props.

I remember I used to do a bit with sunglasses and one time I went on stage, I didn't have a glass like, okay, that's it. I'm not, yeah, I'd be dependent on props and yeah. I had a gum beat doll and I'd hold it up and I'd blazing gentleman gum beat. This how bad my material was and I would pull the legs apart and go,

ah! Good a big laugh. He'd hold it up and I'd blazing gentleman gum be this how bad my material was and I would pull the legs apart. Yeah. Go to big laugh. I saw a caratop when sweating it out at the luggage just staring and I'm like if his stuff doesn't fucking come down he doesn't go on tonight. I know. I know. That is the problem. I love the idea of you fly there.

You land at 745. It's six minutes to the theater. You got it in you get four minutes. got, I got a kill for a minute before I go on. Kill for me. You know what I mean? That's the mic stand and then you walk. Yeah, I'll get a good one by myself.

That's it, nothing. No rehearsal, no sound check. They can't believe it, Canada. The course, all you need is Joe. No. Tell Joe get checked. So you people understand that that is your mantra? Well, one time I did a gig in Maine and a guy had,

he had taken a church and Maine and a guy had he had taken a church and converted into a nightclub. And he said, I didn't get your writer. I said, you know, I'm not a writer guy. I don't want to be one of those red M&M guys, man. I said, I don't need anything. I'm fine. Okay. I get there. Okay, with Mike. Okay, well, you say anything. I need a mic. You go, you say you need anything. I said, well, you don't have a house sound system because no, we bring it in free tag.

So I'm going, how y'all doing? Oh my God. So I just have to shout, shout. Okay, from now I want adequate sound system. That's my ride. Attiquet. Yeah. Mr. microphone.

Yeah. Yeah. The clouds. You saw my rider. You beat me up in the park. You have a little bit of it. Oh yeah. It's pretty good.

But it's the agents and stuff that make the rider. So in case I show up every two years, they have roast beef sandwiches. Yeah. Yeah. But you always pay. I always love the accent. I have no idea. They're paying for that vegetable plate. Yeah, you know

They're the person I didn't really eat it. Yeah, you paid for it. What are you talking about? That was $48 what are you talking about? Just a couple pieces of lobby. No, no, that's Yeah, they always come in sad they go this weekend. They're like Mr. Spade. Sorry the tortilla chips weren't blue I go well, I mean I'll eat them, but I'm not happy. I've had college kids brush, we only have three towels. Oh, yeah, towels are another thing. I go my riders to four towels. I never said I needed a towel. I have a comment.

The comics are drenched in sweat. I know. I really have three towels. Yes, that's my whole thing. Try not to be a painting. They ask, no, I'll have you back. You know, by the way, that comedy magic club, I know you, you just still do it. And I think you still do it.

And yeah, been there. It's in 78 such a great club. And I I swear I just do not want that club to ever go away. Cause it's so so many memories in such a great place, great crowds, great backstage. Well, nice thing is it has a, an unwritten rule, say whatever you want, but you know, don't it's not, you know, sometimes I go in the comedy store and you have to be a gynecologist to follow the ad. Well, where is that on the girl? And who is that on the girl? It's a demon thing.

Yeah, it's like that. But I mean, it's just so, and then what happens is you wind up losing a portion of the audience that's sort of been tainted. I let count it magical because it's, it's just regular people from around the country, sometimes they're at LAX, oh, I heard about this comedy club. So they regular people from around the country, sometimes they're at LAX. Oh, I heard about this county club.

So they're from all around the country, but they have a normal sense of what it's appropriate. You can do R when it gets like triple X, it's like, okay, now I can do R. Because you have a the comedian, then you have a magician. And then you follow the magician. Do you have any funny stories following the magician? Because I have a couple.

No, no, we'll tell me. Well, it was just great Scott, I think it was his name. Yeah, I'm pretty good. No, no, no, tell me. Well, I was just great Scott. I think it was his name. Yeah, yeah, I forgot. And he had the birds in his jacket. You see him getting ready and he's putting his jacket and his jacket is stuffed. Well, one night he'd bring him out and then they fly

to the cage and went like that. And it was either suffocated or not. I just slayed there. The other thing was you're about to go on. He's saying good night and he puts the birds, they fly and they go in the cage And then they lower it down he takes the thing off. They've disappeared. They're all squished in the bottom They're alive, but it's birds and then you go ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Larkfowl

Yeah, I remember working with I remember this Magician was on in front of me and his first five minutes was awful And I said you know your last you're last couple of jokes. So pretty fine. Watch your mouth. I was in the front. Oh, no, no, because I know. Nobody listens when you first cannot stay. So I do my worst material up front. I go, well, that doesn't get him to listen.

I'm the guy who never went anywhere. A lot of guys telling you things. You kind of go, and they just, they just, I'm like, nobody teaches you. But I just know so many comics that rock it to the middle because the act is so filthy, you know, and they kill, right? And then they go, well, why aren't I headlining? Well, or crowd work, they get dependent on crowd work.

Yeah. And then one night there's not a very good crowd to have fun with. And the NBC is there and goes up. Yeah, I mean, you did a work, right? Joe, tell Joe get checked. Right. Joe, this is for the kids listening right now. Right. Yeah, I mean, you know, that'll work. Right? Joe tell Joe get check. Right. Joe. This is for the kids listening. Right. Now, right. Joe tell.

It gets into the simplest thing because you can really trick yourself out. I've seen a lot of self-destruction, a lot of you. Not like you can meet you and do anything to get out of writing a joke. Yeah. I'm doing a special. I just I interviewed people about the news and talk about the problem. But you're a comedian, you know, they don't. Yeah, the company special, and I was a wider net. It's not just tell jokes. It's obviously turned into authenticity. I will do this. I will do this. And if there's no jokes, the applause, you know, they're more revered. Yeah, by the critics because they're like, oh, this guy didn't tell one joke. This was unbelievable. I guess so. I mean, I don't know what that believe is.

I'm not gonna go. You know what I mean? It's like I see a lot of comics and they're talking about their inner this or something I go. They're inner this. Yeah, yeah, you know, okay. This is not gonna work at the Sand and Gravel convention.

It really is. Okay, what's Sand and Gravel? You know what I'm saying? You're talking about, you know, I really see myself, yeah, tell a joke. Yeah, that's why I always love Rodney. You know, I knew in the outtake. You're talking about, you know, I really see myself. Shout out to the joke! Yeah, that's why I was a little Rodney. You know, I knew Rodney 40 years. I have no idea who he voted for.

I don't know if he's a Republican Democrat. It was just jokes. Lockout crush. But it was so many jokes around the motif of the saddest life ever. Yeah. I mean, I watch him on YouTube sometimes, just at night, and like, makes me laugh harder now,

because just the idea of him and his delivery and the amount of great jokes. And that he's a favorite running joke. It's just that he says, I'm on a nightclub. It's a Tableton bottomless. I went in, there was nobody there. That's me.

I mean, I get it. It's the one I showed up the front door on a nego jay. She was coming home. I mean, he had so many of those. I'm going to memorize them on, move that quickly. Well, I had a month of tonight's show in 2004. And it goes out and he's in his 80s. I'm okay today, but last week, you know, and

I noticed he's sweating more than normal. And I said to Debbie, I said, I'm producer, I said, I think Rodney's having a stroke. Call him paramedics, she goes, I don't think so. I go, no, he was off enough that I wouldn't, you know, the hand wouldn't come all the way up to the tie, to the tie, you just got to get close, we used to go, I tell you. And I thought, he just seemed a little up. So then he came over and panally sat down and really sweaty.

And okay, then the show ends, flying. And by that time the paramedic show up, you know, and I go, Rodney, can the paramedic take a look at it? I think maybe he had a stroke. He goes, no, I'm fine. Well, he did have a stroke. Whoa. And they took him out in a stretcher.

Okay. Then a couple weeks later, I get a call from Joan. And she says, Jay Rodney's in the coma. You got to come out the hospital. All right. So I got to the hospital. The Rodney's lying.

It was his eyes open. And Joan says, listen, he can hear us. The doctor says he hears, but he can't respond. So I'm telling him how much we love him. And yeah, how great he was to all his comics and letting us work his club and all this kind that stuff. So then Joe says to me, Jay put your finger in Rodney's hand.

She goes, Rodney, if you know what's Jay, trying to squeeze his finger. So I feel just a hint of a squeeze and I went, Rodney, that's not my finger. So then, so Rodney's shoulders go like this and jump. He went out. And John goes, he went out! And we all started laughing. Oh, it's fun. And the shoulders went up.

He died right after that. But it was, I mean, just to get a laugh from Rodney, just to get a reaction from him was pretty cool. He's so sweet. I met him in New York. I was nobody. I hadn't even done the Mickey Rune show. Hey, you having fun?

You having fun? You having fun? You having fun? You know, you see, you get to the mid 50s, you're like, you gotta have some fun at this. You can't just be tortured the whole time. Oh, I remember my wife and I lived in the store room. It danger feels. Well, all the cans, you lived in the store?

Well, for two, I was there for two weeks, so that's where we stayed, because we couldn't afford a host. Stay here. Yeah, yeah. Literally here. Living in the sun. I like he's the only guy

like started wearing a robe at 49 and this never went back to clothes. Oh yeah. Everyone visits him and he's like, he's wearing a robe. I know. And it's always open, right? Yeah.

Yeah. He called me, he wanted to do the church lady. Oh come on, you know, he's, I think it was Ladybug or some movie he was doing. Oh, Ladybug. Oh come on, you give me a lot of stuff. I'll come back at you. Anyways, when you come on and do the church lady in the movie, no, no, on SNL to put on the only guy to fire comedian from his special because they weren't dirty enough. He's too clean. You got to dirty enough. They come and say, I don't have a dirty

stuff. I'll argue have a regular one. He had the old specials for people listening that were very big and they'd have big, they have comics on the Rubin coming, right? Yeah, yeah. Kinesen, Saget, a lot of people. And they all, a lot of them blew up from that. Yeah, yeah. Because that was the only game in town.

Kinesen was a pretty remarkable character. You know, to arrive on the show. Great comic, truly and original. Oh, yeah. Hard to do. One of the meanest guys around, I mean, really pretty nasty. If you got along with it, it was okay. If you're an enemy boy, it was, I would just hear stories and, you know, and he would

come to the comedy store with Coke and a gun. And I'm a being backstage, I'm going, you know, I don't want to be here when the cops come. I'm a comic. I don't want to get arrested. You know, so I just stopped going to the comedy store because he was a bit like that. What is that animal that the horns grow when they curve and they grow into your own head and they drive you crazy, you know, because he was, I mean, once you had that hilarious bit on Nicarifalia, but after you do that, what you're next to your phone is going to go, you know? I mean, he was generally really funny and that primal scream he would give out like a wicket witch or something. But it really came from a frightening play. Because

I mean, if you do it, it's a funny screen. This is like, oh my God, it was almost. No, and then he would follow with the cackel. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know why there's no God and you take off his brain, he's bald. Darn, he's screaming and pointing into the chair.

He was a preacher, but he was really funny, but really dark. Burn out quickly, yeah. Do you think, I would like your opinion on, speaking of great comics, was Rickles in a way the funniest guest to have a Nintendo Tonight Show? See funny with you. Don Rickles.

Rickles were obviously Rickles. Because he, but the trouble near the end was, well, not the end. Well, not the last couple, we had to edit it because he would come out and look at the man to go and Kevin stealing the hubcaps, you know. And the band was mostly black, you know, and they would just go, I mean, Kevin didn't go along with this at all. He was just like, yeah, so we have to kind of edit it.

So there was a lot of that, you know, and a black guy and a white guy and his act. I just liked his stuff that was no real joke. Ed does another show stock. Get him a cookie and put him in the corner. Right, right. Get him a cookie, put him in the corner. Right. Where is a joke?

Well, to me, the funny part was like, that was something I learned. You can't swear on TV. So come up with something that's funnier than it is. Yeah. Like I remember in Letterman, I would say,, go to the, remember the thing about going to the car and of home, there'd be some sort of shirtless, sufflite, druid running. And David would go, shirtless, sufflite, druid. That's right, David. And the druids are the, oh yeah, they're

on the, they're on the, and we go off an tangent and we'd have a lot of funny material. But rather just calling somebody an asshole, come up with a funny word. I was never offended by obscenity in comics. I was just, you got something more creative. I mean, you got something else. I mean, it's not a punchline, but a lot of people just use it as a punchline. Well, I tell, I see young comedians in their using, because we're PG-13. They're using fuck a lot, not even as a punchline. And I said, and then they get to a joke and that is the punchline. So you've already used up all

the fucks. You can't, you got to save them at least. You heard a follow. New hard came in to see somebody at a comedy store. Now they're up and coming person who became quite famous. And I'm sitting there with them, you know, and the guy goes out and this guy, whoo, huge applause comes out stage. He goes, where you from? Guy goes Denver. Fuck Denver. Oh huge laugh. And Bob knew I was going to be straight face. I don't get it. And where you from Boston? Fuck Boston. The guy goes, I don't get it, you know. Well, it's only funny that it's so bad. It's like that's it.

Yeah. He was the funniest to me. Well, I remember one of my favorite lines when I was a kid. He had a bit about the first astronaut to make extraterrestrial contact in space with an alien. You know? So it does the whole thing about the astronaut land

as a press conference. Someone says, holding delivery. Yeah, someone says, how far ahead of us are these aliens? And who goes, about six weeks. And you realize it's the perfect, because two weeks you can catch up to six months, we'll never get here. But six weeks, it's never going to take a shot.

But you know, it's just so subtle. It's just like a slider. It's just a slider. How far ahead of us? How about six weeks? And I think Ellen was really influenced by that. When she had a talk to God, a bit that was brilliant. And like five minutes long.

And the new heart would get on the phone and do a King Kong. And he's a rather large monkey, whatever. Right, right. He was just a little bit of a stammer too. Yeah. So it feels like it's mountainous. I remember bringing Johnny in to see Ellen because I had told her about him.

He said, I'll come down. He came down to the improv and watched her and like, Johnny Yeah. Johnny came down. Yeah. Yeah. I saw here. It's a Steve Martin. It's like he's the idea of Johnny out public because he was just... Yeah. Johnny Cars, I read this that Steve Martin was first to introduce Johnny, the Jay at one of your gigs. So I couldn't believe A. Steve Martin's involved. And Johnny came to the clubs. I didn't think of that. Oh, he did. Yeah. I remember Altman used to do Carson. Oh, Jeff Altman. Yeah, and so Johnny came down the company, so I snuck around back almost on stage. He went on stage and tapped him on the shoulder and Altman turned around.

I mean, he was like, oh my God, I'm going to get fired when I never get to show. I mean, he looked like he's frightened to death. I mean, it was hilarious. It was hilarious. Yeah, no Johnny. Johnny liked comics. Yeah. no Johnny. Johnny liked comics. He really liked comics a lot. Didn't like Bob Hope.

He was always rail on Bob Hope. Oh, hilarious. Because Bob Hope never accepted that Johnny had the throne at some point. Like, he wasn't that. It was the fact that Johnny had the fact every joke Bob Hope had was written. That he never had a lib then.

I'll tell you a funny Bob Hope. So I had him on the show, he's close to 100. And he wouldn't wear his hearing aids, he wouldn't wear glasses. Yeah. Okay. So he goes, I got 10 jokes, Jay. You just asked me, and I'll give you the answer. Okay.

He said, but he couldn't hear him. He just had to punchline memorized. So we're going to have Bob, Bob, what do you think of Salzo? Blah, blah, big laugh. Go the salsa's working. Hey, Bob, Bob Salzo, blah, blah, big laugh. I get to the third one and I went, oh man, that was funny.

Blah, blah. Okay, now we, he's done the punchline to the next, he's done the punchline to the next joke. Next joke. So it comes off like he's seen a higher one behind. Yeah. So we had to just edit because of what we're behind. I remember once being in the hall at NBC and I see these guys walk by with a cue card, literally the size of your backdrop with hollow written on it. And because Bob Hope couldn't see. But what happened was they would drop the cue cards right in front of Bob and his hair would go. So every time he told the joke, you see his hair move because the cue card came down and the wind would go because the car was

like a giant fan. Right. So huge. Yeah. Yeah. It's really fun. When you hosted SNL, you probably could have done it anytime, but it says he didn't 86. Was it a fun experience or just something to do, right? I liked it.

I was amazed how unsupportive other writers were like, I remember being in the rehearsal and I said to somebody I didn't get my lab so I think on the writers don't laugh the other guys stuff I go really that just seemed really competitive yeah I mean to the point of pitting one I mean I learned that when I when I hired writers on my show I just said look you're hard for a year don't worry about 13 we just just write whatever you want okay and give it to me and I'll try to that when I hired writers on my show, I just said, look, you're hard for a year. Don't worry about 13. We just write, just write whatever you want, okay?

And give it to me and I'll try to make a joke out of it. You know, so you have five guys write essentially the same joke. And each one thought they did the punchline, you know? And when it just made more comfortable, everybody was not in pins and needles. I just remember being in that, it seemed like such a pressure cooker that, well you did it, you know what I mean. I did it, Dana, 86 were you there or were you came right after? You were, I came fall of 86.

You went on in February 86. So you were the cast that you're before with Randy Quaid and the sonata was kind of a, yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying. But yeah, it's a game of thrones thing. If you're all around a table, it's in comedy and stand up, you're gonna get your set. Your friend gets his set,

but sometimes your friend's kit goes on and they have no room for yours. It's inherently a very bizarre situation. Right, right. But the idea that I wouldn't laugh at your joke because it's like, I see that now, it's why I took politics out of my act because you do a mind joke

and they wait for the punch. Is this pro or against or it's against Biden? Okay, they wait to hear which way the joke is going. I was tricky. I just tried to make it so silly that there's no right. Exactly. That's the thing. It's really well.

It's the thing with the pie, pie, pie, pie, it's a caravan. You're like, you just, I bet. I think now they just either take attack against Trump and it's a little easier to go. Because Trump was getting laughs just while he's running. Well, Trump supporters know he's funny. Yeah, and a little on him. So he's, I mean, he's just funny. You used to be able to say, you hear Trump saying they start laughing.

So once that got hooked in, some just gave up on the other side. Just said, if I can just make fun of this guy, it's just always gonna get laughs. And then they don't play this equal as you used to do. Or even Johnny, you know, it was, it was, it was, Well, so funny, we used to get, there's no venom. We used to get kudos because you made fun of both sides. Yeah, that's right.

Now you get attacked because, hey, pick a side. You know, well, no, that's not my job. Here, let me do it that my Trump I do now for you, because it would be like going back in time. This would be the bit, it would be on your card. So trying to ride the middle, Trump always sounds like he's pitching a family vacation. We're gonna be doing a lot of things.

Let me tell you, we're gonna be going a lot of places. You're gonna like it, you're gonna love it. Many people don't wanna go, but we're gonna go anyway. Because we don't know how to go and we can do it all the time. and so that would be an example of just anyone who likes Trump or hate Trump would just know that's just sounds like I mean, he's he never ends. He doesn't have a subject matter. It's all just he can just keep going Yeah, I do the same thing what like I said this is the thing I saw this political science professor on the news He said he'd analyze all of Donald Trump's speeches and they said Donald Trump talked at a fifth grade level

or below. And when they told Trump this, he called the professor a duty head. And it's such a silly stupid joke. I think it's a little easier. My observation, conservatives, maybe not, are as serious and people. Oh, conservatives are very laugh for themselves more than Democrats. It's all very, hey, wait a minute. What are you making fun of him? He's like, no, I'm on your side.

Don't worry about it. It's just so. I would do George W. Bush and Texas and they would be laughing their ass. Yeah, yeah. But it's fun to try to make the liberals laugh when they can't not laugh. Right, right.

I wanted to ask Jay about the, not to interrupt you, Dana. We were talking on panel the second ago because you were saying that's a bit. I think people at home don't know how hard it is to go on a talk show. It's called panel when you sit and talk to the host or how it's a little bit constructed and they think everyone just walks out and just starts talking. Right, I know. And it's supposed to look like that And that's I think everyone is still bluffed that it is like that you shot my uncle on he's really funny What does he do? He's really just have a mom. Yeah, yeah

But what is he doing? It's really good and they never do they ever tell you what because don't you run into problems with I probably bigger stars that just say, hey, I'm thinking of a few names I won't say, but they don't do a pre-interview, but they're going to be great. Right. You always tough, right? Yeah, I think I've never.

Yeah, I guess. Just never know what you're getting. And I think people at home go, oh, this guy's a superstar, but to extract. And it's always, unfortunately, lean toward comedy. Like, they like a funny story. Of course, they like it lighter and this and that. Usually they plug a movie, they have to talk about the movie and that sort of flat-line story.

I always like it when they write it out first and then memorize it. And you can tell it's written. So I exclaimed, okay, no, first of all, you don't exclaim. Nobody exclaim. Nobody exclaim. Yeah, no, but I mean, they write it out.

And they memorize it as you do. You know, you remember the time, I think it was Joaquin Phoenix, I love. I think it was, I mean, was he telling you a story about his motorcycle broke down? It was a piano or somebody. And piano, I think. And then he goes, I broke down and this,

and you go to Jericho back and get it and he goes, I don't know, Jay, and you go, did this happen to you? And he goes, no, it's my friend's story. You told me he tried to act like it was a story. But he goes, I didn't know what to talk about here. And but that sort of let people in on, I had well keen Phoenix on the show. It was painting the ass. He was into that cool performance.

All he was doing, I would think back then. Yeah, yeah. And I at the end of the show, I said, well, listen, good seeing you. Hope he can come back sometime and do it in person, you know. Do it in person. You know, so his manager or somebody, he is the genius to understand.

You don't put, I said, it's a joke. I said, well, don't come back. I don't care. He was terrible. He didn't try. He was too cool for the room. You always get that. That's my favorite guess I go. Listen, I have to leave after my. Yeah, but I't care. He was terrible. He didn't try. He was too cool for the room. You always get that. That's my favorite guess I got.

Isn't I have to leave after my... You can't spare 20 minutes. Okay, so got me leave. And then I come off and there's still backstage talking in the hall. I said, you could have been out there interacting with the other guests. Well, my manager said it's better if it looks,

people think you have somewhere to go. All right. I just felt it was rude to go on and not prepare. I know. And you would always thank me and I maybe think, well, isn't everyone doing this? You go, yeah, thanks for preparing. Yeah, no one wants to.

Everything matters. Steve Martin said, I used to watch Steve Martin say, works on him Martin short, works on him. You just go, everything's not a dish in. Some people might have seen me for the very first time I go on your show. Yeah. And if you don't bring something, if you're sort of riding on your last movie, this guy's not this in some people might have seen me for the very first time I go on your show. Yeah. And if you don't bring something,

if you're sort of riding on your last movie, they're like, this guy's not funny. Yeah, that's what I always, a lot of times, I'll go to flappers and I'll talk to comics and I'll go, I've never done the same set twice. I pride myself. Jesus. Well, that's why it's not really that funny.

It's not working. It's about just pairing it down. It's groundhog day. You keep getting the best version of it that you can make it tighter and tighter. Do you have bits for a while and then all of a sudden you think of two more tags and then to the bit, to me it becomes very new

if you just add something. Right, you know, it's like, oh, it's real fun. It feels brand new. Exactly, you know. I tell more stories because there's in my case, I'm not the most innovative comedian. Oh, yes, you are. That when you do stories about your life yourself, it's less eat. It's harder to sound like someone else. So I know, but else can steal it. Yeah. And you're just doing like, this is my interpretation of, but even if I did Dennis Miller, did a 7-Eleven joke,

and when I started, they're like, don't do jokes like Jeopardy, or 7-Eleven, like Donald, and I go, well, if you're doing the same joke, don't, but like Dennis has his angle on it, and it's funny, and then if you put your spin, it seems to be, it still works to me, because they're common denominators, that's the people forget, that's why they do those jokes.

I did a Jeopardy bit and when I used to do props like this hack over here, Dana, you were a bit propped back. Oh, I had a trunk. I had a, I had a suitcase. And so I had a mini xylophone, right? Like the kids one. Carded that fucking thing through JFK just to go with a little stick. Jeopardy. Hey, it adds the question. Then I go Bing, Bing, just to go with a little stick. Jeopardy!

Hey, it adds the question, then I go, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, okay, pens down. Can you just do it with your mouth? That eventually, yeah. I eventually just said that. Well, you know, that's why I travel alone because that's why funny stuff comes. Mm-hmm. You know.

Because you're forced to, yeah, I mean, I was in Hamilton. Have you played up there in Canada? Probably. The place is out of Ontario? Yeah, so I'm in a hotel that's on the highway. I don't have a rent car. And across the street is like a little mini mall. So I can walk over to the mini mall.

It's like a dollar store. Gather jokes. So I'm sitting there. So I go in this cafeteria place and I'm in the hamburger and I see this guy looking at me, you know, guy about 26, 27. He goes, hey, you, that's a Jane Linoff, my little friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, can I talk to you?

Yeah, come and sit down. Some talk to him and he says, hey, he's a him and I don't want to ask me something. I go, well, what do you want? He goes, hey, you know when you watch those pro commercials down TV, you know, you see those commercials with girls taking a shower? I said, yeah, he goes, do they have any clothes on those commercials? And I said, so I said, we know my friend, that's what he does. He shoots those commercials. And no, legally, you can't say you're taking a shower and have a close on because they could sue you. So they have to be naked when they do the commercials.

He goes, oh, really he has a right. And his sky get not worked up over these pro commercials. I said, oh, yeah, in fact, my friend must, he probably auditions 10, 15 girls a day. And he also watch him take a shower. He's going, oh, wait, he never said it. That must be quite a job. Yeah, I go, yeah, but I mean, he takes, he's, there's no fool around. No, he goes, no, I wouldn't, I wouldn't,

I'm gonna be very serious. I sound very serious. But that was his show business question. I like that was a proud commercial of all things. Canadians. Not even a good shampoo. It's not even like an upper. I was in the prel for 40 years. Here's a hell of a gig that involves Canada. So I'm flying to Seattle to play comedy underground. They meet me at the airport and go, oh, you're not playing comedy underground tonight.

You're playing Kelona Canada and I had like three hops to Kelona. So then I'm playing a disco. And they're all dancing in the lights and everything. Then they throw me on the disco floor. Just death. Death sign. Remember that when you and I did the wedding? Oh, God, that was, let's start about that next year. Anyway, when I got out of Guy Feltzar

and formed this Canadian guy says, yeah, next time you're a year, you know, do it about when guys coming out of the bathroom and which stains on their trousers, they'd always get some. That was his place. So anyway, Jay and I played a millionaires wedding. Yeah, with Rod Stewart. Who got a million to close?

At least if I got that right. Something like that, yeah. But it was, well, how would you describe it? Well, first of all, it's just people eating. It's a wedding everybody's talking. I go on bomb. Just like the audience is like a hundred feet away. Yeah, but they're not even. It's all looking. It's a lot of this.

So the baddie me look at that. It's true. Like a Dan Carving. Well, Daniel killed it. Okay. No, you didn't do that well either. No, no, no. Rob's doing nice. Do you think I'm sexy? Okay, no, you didn't do that well either. No, no, no, no. I thought, Jay, it rubs through a nice thing. Do you think I'm sexy? No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, just unbelievably, they never even looked up. They never applauded. Uh oh, I was heartbroken.

I think it was David Crosby with a guitar in the FOIA singing Crosby's Nash hits and people are walking in front just ignoring him. To a right old man, back to him having a drink. Who's that guy? Yeah, a corporate gigs are the funniest because you're getting paid to bomb basically. And they try their best.

Sometimes they say, but I think there's these people that make ton of money, then they're the CEO, and then they look around and they say, Leno or Carvee is my favorite comic. I'm the boss now. I can have them just come to our show and that's such a power move. I think it's fun for them and they get to meet you

and take them to the stage. Sometimes they're actually really good. I, you might find this funny, Jay, it must have happened to you, but sometimes they want the entrance to be exciting in a corporate day. And I always tell them, it only buys me seven seconds.

So it's a car thing. We're gonna put you in the go-cart. You're gonna drive a bus stage or they going to put you in the go cart. You're going to drive up on a stage or they're going to drop you in with a harness. So if you had any of those, I just need the car to show up to them. I like them when they think they know, here's what you go out,

you tell like two jokes, and then you talk about the company for a little bit and explain what we do. And then you know, go back and do a show. I go, well, no, let me just do the show. Oh, no, no, no, no, guys, it's a deal breaker. Okay, you know, Carlisio, please welcome Frank Sinatra.

And then he talks. And then he don't want to hear him sing. Yeah. And it's what it is, you know, you can't do that. I just get a lot of those, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's hard to incorporate. They think it's easy. If you could do about 10 or 15 just about our company.

Like 10 or 15 minutes, about your boring company. Right, exactly. I don't know anyone here. I don't know how it works. I don't know. I'll tell you a great story. about our company. Like 10 or 15 minutes, but you're boring company? Exactly. I don't know anyone here. I don't know how it works. I'll tell you a great story. I had a guy on the show. He was the first blind person to climb Mount Everest. This guy was incredible shape, but he's blind.

And he, you know, it sounds like a joke. No, no, this is a real thing. So he comes out and he does, and he's very good, you know. So I said, you're doing a lot of motivational speaking as that. Yeah, yeah. I go, well, that's pretty good money. And he goes, yeah, but I hate to go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go whole thing about clinging on them. He's only got an icy rock. He doesn't know it's day or night. Sleet is hitting him. He takes him like three months to go step by step. And he says, inevitably, when he doesn't meet and greet people, come up in the shake of hand, they go, you know, I was going to climb Everest last summer, but you know, the kids got soccer and the wife's got things to do. but yeah, I'm gonna do one of these things. And he's like, fuck you, you're just seething with rain. He's clinging onto this mountain, he can barely, a lot.

Three months. Three months. Yeah, just, and then people just take it for granted. Oh yeah, yeah, I was gonna, you know, I was gonna do Everest, but we once get that two people go, you know, I was gonna do comedy for a while, but then I decided I wanted to go and do a vacuum sales,

you know. Okay, right, you know. How do you to do a vacuum sales, you know, okay, right. How do you come up with that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that must be a kick, right? You know, all these vague questions. How do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, what's that like, you know?

So what's the funniest thing you've ever said? Do you hate it? Right. Some of the funniest things. Well, no, okay, right away, you, you're dead. There's nothing, nothing's gonna be funny. Or this one, I don't know if you can use this. It's like, it's like a nine minute wind up to a joke. Yeah, and it's like a hugely racist. Yeah

All right, do you I bet you hate when people come talk to you? I'm like, well I'm not gonna tell you that but I'll tell the next person. Yeah, yeah For Lancaster try to give me a joke once Really? I don't know if you can use it. I'll just do a little bit of the fight. So this football player, it's not too good at grades, right? So those are principals off a set to good grades. And they're going to get him a test. So the result goes, I'll give you a test,

see if you're smart enough to play football. He says three plus two. And then the dumb guy says five and the coach goes, give him another try. Does it make sense? The coach is dumber than the player? Yeah, the coach goes, give him another try. Does it make sense? The coach is dumber than the player. Yeah, the coach is dumb in the player. So I lost Bert at the end.

Give him another try. Ha, ha, ha, ha. We have an older dumb. Does that work in your acts? No, Kirk Douglass stole it. Jay, how many times a day do you post a TikTok? I don't, I don't post any. You know, I don't post it all in answer.

I don't even do Twitter. I told one joke on Twitter to get a joke on. Somebody thought it was funny. The joke was when I had my motorcycle accident, you know. I said, what happened? I was riding my bike. I came around the corner and I slammed into the Jeremy Render of snowmobile.

Snowmobile, you know. And it got a big laugh. And then I, you know, when know, when you, when you Google, you, whenever you're mentioned, yeah, I come back. And I see Leno makes fun of Renno's accident. Leno laughs at the pain. No, I didn't, no, I never even, I said I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I it's a tough world up. I know should apologize. I'll shut up Did you see any jokes about your accident that you thought were funny? Oh? Yeah, this and you wouldn't be offended you'd be like I call Jeremy run his people and they were fine. They said he had a great sense of you

Yeah, exactly. I actually I barely know Jeremy runner. So I said I hope you know just sending It was it was terrible right when it happened You're like holy shit. I hope he pulls out of this This is right you wouldn't wish anybody and then about and then when he said he's doing okay, and it'll be all right You know probably underplay the severity but I Think I knew him barely enough that I had a picture of a snow cone at dinner, and I was buzzed I said, hey, can you get this thing out of this for, I don't know. It was something about a snow cone. Yeah, it was a snow cone and they brought me if dessert and then I did some joke and sent it to him. Anyway, it went over. So he's in the hospital

but he gets a picture of a snow cone from David's Bade and the byline is. And I DMed him and I said, what was the joke? I said, I can you get rid of this for me or Something about a snow something anyway. It was really well written in tight and then yeah, yeah, and then we have G We have Jeremy Rinner on the line right now. He was offended. I said I heard what Jay said. That was shitty, dude I switched it back to Jay Really people are so sensitive, but now no, he was very cool about just just the long stories. I can't write a joke and Let's move on. Social media, so I get these new agents, I go into the intersang to like Ned Bady and Network. Right.

He says it's all social media, it's all direct to consumer. And there's comedians outside the lines. There's no NBC sitcom, there's no tonight show, there's nothing they're creating their own ecosystem, they're making doing giant specials and they're playing all over the world. So that's this new, new, new thing.

You don't need it because you're Jay Leno. Yeah. You don't need it because you're Damon Carveg. I like right joke, tell joke, get checked. It's real simple. And I sent him myself, you know, they are the specials. I could go, okay, I could work 10 gigs, 20 gigs, and make the same money and still own the material.

Because once you put it out there, it's gone. And when you show clips of it on video, that's the 140 crowd is it, that's all they pass around and people send me little clips. 20, 25 second clips. So you go to the ice house, you have a get a camera, you do your set, and then you just get clips out. Right. And a lot of Instagram people, a lot of people are doing stand up as a fetish, as a part of their brand. So the do a little stand up, the do the 22nd clips, can almost anyone can

kill for 20 seconds. Yeah. And then so it's not grumpy old man stuff. It's just this is what's the technology has. And you also burn material. So now a new thing is they do crowd work, which doesn't help you when you go to a real show because you don't want interaction. Usually most comics want to do their act and when they're sort of making it okay to do crowd work because that's something that just happened when they film an hour set. They go on the crowd. They get one thing that works.

They post it. But then when people come see them, they start interrupting them. And that's tough because you don't want to burn a real joke, so you happen to come up with something with the crowd. And then you post it. I don't have jokes, I don't have here, guys. I can do Fauci and just sort of go for 10 minutes. So it's a little different.

I can't write jokes. Take a new shot every now and then. I'm terrible at jokes, but I'm bumps. I had one, I did one when I was 27. I go, hi everybody, I'm 27, but I read it at a 29 year old level. Right. Killed. I met my wife at 19, I raised her as one of my own.

Boom, but that's about all I got. Those are jokes, yeah. I admire joke writers that can come up with that brain. Dennis Miller is funny. He's funny when you write it. I mean, he's a joke that he's been doing. I love this joke, I said, go to Best Buy, look for Washington Dryer, right? So guy goes, let me show you a new line

of smart Washington Dryers. I go, what makes me smart? It goes, I got Wi-Fi. I said, I don't need Wi-Fi in Washington Dryer. Guy goes, his value added, it's included in the price when you buy the top of the line model. You get the Wi-Fi, I said, I'm fine. So I buy the Washington Dry dryer with the Wi-Fi

for the last two weeks and walk around with Damp underwear because I forgot my password. And that gets you, you know, and it's a joke that works across every age group because young people, you know, if you're under 40, you get the connection with the computer and you guys, you know, I mean, yeah, it's just it just works It's just it's fun. We have a joke that works across the board. Yeah, and works every time. Yeah, and it's clean

Yeah, exactly you can do it anywhere. Yeah, yeah, because it's amazing The two Americas always amazes me. Yeah, because I go to places on enemy people. I go boy. This is a Trump crowd But I like these people, you know people, I go, boy, this is a Trump crowd. But I like these people. You know, blue collar, you know, they work hard, they got families, happily married. I mean, I like, you know, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't gamble. I'm pretty conservative that way. So I identify with that part of it. I might not identify with the political part, I don't mean the religious part. But so I just keep it down in the middle and this way you make money from both sides. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I can play to any crowd. Oh, you can play any, you and I pass each

other constantly on the road. Yeah. Either you were just there or you're just coming here. Yeah. One of this backstage person said to me, uh, well, I mean, I don't know right before the, and she talked about you specifically how relaxed you were, and she said, he's one of the most confident people I've ever met. I know. I think because you're so in shape, you're never not in shape as a performer, because I've been even as a young performer and I would open for you, and you just being a chair by the stage, and a lot of, in those days you had a pipe.

Oh, yeah. You know, it's the one that I're just like so relaxed. Cause you've been on stage, been doing your act, you know, and then I come off stage and you just said to me, you were right, you said, you're going to need some more jokes. Because I didn't have any jokes. I was more of a sketch player organically. Then I got in Saturday live and I the rest is history. Yeah. Do you need a set list? You never do do No, I don't think I'm dyslexic. So I don't have anything written down Jesus. It's hard to remember a whole hour Well, I know I

If something gets a laugh, I just remember it and it yeah, yeah, it just Bill Burr doesn't write anything down. He said he just he goes out every night and he's hitting three stages And yeah, but that's what I mean to me because the stage is not a normal place to be okay Bill Burr doesn't write anything down. He said he just he goes out every night and he's hitting three stages and Yeah, but that's what I mean to me because the stage is not a normal place to be okay And if you're not on stage for two weeks, it's like sure. Well, this is what you're tripping over your work I mean it should be second nature. I mean what I used to do and I still do it sometimes I'll try to write a letter with my hand while I'm doing my acts, not in front of the audience,

but to see if I can compartmentalize. And so that way I can be thinking of what I'm gonna say to the guy that's heckling me while I'm doing my act, because you know how to, it's like doing a pledge by a bunch of these in the United States of America, and you can do something while you're saying that, because it's a part of you know it's a while.

Yeah, and the same thing with the comedy. So if I can write a letter with this hand while I'm doing my act, it's just a good way to practice. Yeah. You're right. You do have to desensitize to the whole concept. Yeah. Here he is and be funny now. And everyone's looking at you. This is kind of out of nowhere. But did you ever meet like early SNL people like Belushi or Gilda? Yeah. I picked Belushi up with the airport. He had been on Saturday night live with Bud Friedman. He was coming to the improv. I didn't know him that well.

I just, you know, he was like a crazy, you know, just, you know, drugs. I just wasn't that guy, you know, but I mean, I certainly liked him and admired him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was to be huge at that point. Oh, yeah, yeah. He got big been huge at that point. Oh, yeah. He got big fast. That was the first year, yeah. And you played all the clubs in LA for our fans out there.

It was the comedy store, it was Coke and Pepsi in a way. And then it was the improv. The laugh actor came in later. You played everywhere, of course. Yeah, I did all. I painted the roof of the improv and bought a building. Who's store, you lived in a storage room and you painted a roof. You were busy, didn't you?

Yeah. Well, I was telling the story, I've been telling it lately about, when I first came to LA, I would live in open houses. I'd go to an open house, you see like, open house 12 to 4. So I'd go at 330, I'd walk through the house, and I'd go, thank you, goodbye. I'd slam the front door, then I I duck in the closet, you know.

And then the realtor would stick around for the 20 minutes, lock up. And then this is before cars houses had a long. Right. So I would just live in the house for two or three days. And one day I was, I was, one house long. It's clever. You want the house to belong to one of the beach boys. It was on cold water.

Can't, I'm sleeping here. And I hear the realtor turn now this is the bedroom I was sleeping in the bed in this one the screens you know mommy there's a kid about get the children out of here what are you doing here I'm sorry I can't I don't let's see all the time I got caught but I lived at houses on outpost the bell air I know I was trying to find and I never stole anything or damaging it always made the bed I just didn't have any place to live. So I was, I did.

I come in full circle. I like Chris Rocks. I go, I make millions, but identify as poor. Right. And you, it seems like, I mean, when was, do you remember the first time you made a million dollars? Because I remember you started to explode as a standup in the mid 80s or something. From your letterman shots, probably.

Yeah, yeah, probably. And so you were doing, you were really doing well. We don't have to give the numbers, but you started to really get it well. No, no, no, no, it was too good. It was too good. Yeah, first million is a big deal. It is a big deal.

It feels like you're doing something. It feels like, okay, I can do this job. You are doing something, okay? It's exactly, yeah. It didn't come easy. It didn't come. No, and I stand up when I think about, unless you're a savant, maybe like Eddie Murphy,

for the rest of us in even Louis C.K., it took 20 years, really, to become Louis C.K. Yeah, but you know something, you had a good time all the way. So it never really matters. Oh yeah, once you're in show business, once I didn't have to be a waiter, and this is my job,

right, right. It was the most exciting thing ever. Yeah, that's right. I never thought, you know, I just had a series of little breaks as opposed to some huge people. What was your big break? Well, it wasn't. You know, before I did Carson, I did wave on flowers and mad at him.

I could die in a short show. I remember I did die in a short. I don't know why I thought this was so funny. But I'm with Donner. Jay welcome to the show. Thank you very much. Well, thank you, Danny. How you doing?

Talking about, she says, tell me about your family. And I have a brother who's 10 years older. Okay, and now I was like 23, 24, just time. Okay. And I said, do you have any old sister, Danny Shultt goes, yeah, I have a little sister. She's 85.

I went, holy shit. I never met anybody with a sister. It was 85. I didn't have any friends today. 85. I'm your whole sister. And I, I did, she said, what, that's so funny. You laughed at me. I just couldn't tell. I don't know why I thought that was so hilarious. Because you always think of a, you're 16, your brother's 19, the 25. The fact that, and the cost of the show is all those people, maybe she's 16, maybe she's four, I don't know how old she was, makeup, you know, just the fact that,

you know, I'm this young and you haven't 85 year old, I just, I could, I don't know, you probably didn't know how old she was at all. Like, I don't know anyone on TV how old, they weren't even thought of them, they're just a person on TV. Yeah, right, exactly. And you're age, you probably didn't know how old she was at all. Like, I don't know anyone on TV how old. They weren't even thought of them. They're just a person on TV. Yeah, right. In your age, you go, holy shit.

They were all old when you're growing up, still. Yeah. Because they were coming from radio and movies. It was Jack Benny. Right. He made jokes about Bob Hope. I didn't know he was like, I never met him. I would have loved to met Benny.

I, he, yeah, he was my all-time favorite, just the best. I, I knew Hope a little bit and I did some things with him, and he was very nice, but he wasn't a comedian. He's a funny guy, and he could sing a dance, and you know, he could do it all, and kept all the writers on staff, but not an ad-libber guy, like New Heart, nobody funny in New Heart.

No, and I don't know if this is true, but you always wonder behind the scenes. I, people told me that Jack Benny was just the most generous comedian. Yeah. Like he would be in the wings and really laugh. Isn't he great? You know, just that type of person. Yeah. Nice to hear. You know, Cosby used to be that way. You know, I remember I was saying, Cosby. No, Bill Cosby. Oh, Bill. Bill Cosby. Oh, yeah. Before the, yeah, I remember I was building a new deal.

So that got up in Tahoe. So he'll sit back. It got six. So they're bringing Bill Cosbyn. And I said, Oh, well, I guess I'm causing you to know and I'll have one. I'm open. That'll be fun. And oh, my name was as big as his on the marquee. I mean, all these things you didn't have to do. He's very nice. You know, and you know, he had two girls with him, which I don't know why.

That's not my business. That's my business. That's my business. I'm a little bit appetizers. Yeah. Chris Rock wanted to see him one time, we're at him. And we all flew out to Vegas. And I think this is before the shit show.

But we all went out there, probably Kevin James Rocks, handler, maybe two others. And then we watched him, he did about two hours, went back and talked to him. It was probably the end of the era of like the old exciting scene Cosby talking to he's talking to his younger comics and giving us time. What you used to do to I worked at Vegas once and you let me come down from the Riviera, I was probably opening for Jackie Vernon and Steve. Oh, Jackie Vernon and Steve Shrippo. Yeah, yeah, the Riviera. I was probably opening for Jackie Vernon. Oh Jackie Vernon and Steve sure But what yeah, the clicker. Yeah, but you but someone you invited down and he said is it okay if there's other comic

Come and you said sure and we went to Caesar's something and you bought us all breakfast at midnight. Oh, that's funny Jay was good about that always letting the comics come one thing about the you, competition thing that never ends, it just made me laugh so hard. I was doing Washington State and play the field house. So it's kind of mom and dad day or something. So you're going to get a lot of people, right? But Cosby had played there the year before and I guess he did 10,000. So the promoter said that Cosby had called and wanted to know what numbers I got. And he said, don't tell me got more than about 6,000. You know, he was really into beatings. Yeah, that's fun.

Well, you know what's funny, I remember I had Joey Bishop other than I had showin'. Joey. Now, with Regis, but that's another story. Oh, well, he had to go, he had to go. This is, so he comes out and he, he's funny on the panel, so I say, well, Joey, good to see you. Okay, my next guest, very funny comedian, please welcome Louie Anderson.

So Louie's doing stand up. He's getting big laughs, you know, and they feel this tug. Hey, hey, you think that's funny or what I did? I go, well, you think that's funny or what I did? I go, no, I said, you're a natural comment. He's doing an act. You know, I'm just trying to get him to shut up. Because he always like, what's going on? You know, I said, you're a natural comma. He's doing an act. You know, I'm just trying to get him to shut up. Because he always like, what's going on? You know, I can see Louis being distracted.

Distract, you know, something he goes, and then he, you think that shit is good? You think that's good? Yeah, shit. Yeah, I'm going, and this is post-rap pack all over. Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, he didn't, well, he was very weird.

Like one time, Sonatric called him and asked him to, there was some kind of benefits Sonatra was gonna do and he couldn't do it. Joey could just step in. And he tell Sonatra, yeah, but I gotta get 50 grand. And Sonatra said, well, you know, but just do the gig, you know, um, but just do the gig. Not, you know, I don't mean to put your feet to the fire, but I

got to get a fit. And it was like, well, that was the end of it after that. It was like, what's the doing? Talk about taking the TC. Yeah. I mean, Sinatra asked you to. I work with him. I work with Sinatra. We went, we did Duke University, right? So this is like the heart of the Bible, though. College gigs. So I go in and I do my, but it was a pericomo invitation, but pericomo got sick.

So Sonata said he's filling. Wow. So Sonata comes down, he walks up, fly me to the moon, and the crowd goes crazy. And then he goes, it is a nice town, but we're gonna drink around here. Nothing. And you see him literally go tap the mic like maybe they didn't hear me. Yeah, I gotta go strangers and they're like, oh, they go crazy strangers.

And then he does the old joke about, you know, I got to my hotel. There was no girl in the room, so they sent one up. I mean, he just didn't understand. No, right now. And you could see the flop sweat. He was like, what? And this was like the Christian thing. Yeah. They wanted to hear the music. Didn't want to stories. Don't want to hear about liquor. Don't hear about eating fried eggs. All the hookers, stomach, thank you. Just keep keep moving. There's a lot of singers I see now. There's a lot of singers I see now and they do pattern. They do more and more, they do similar stand-up.

They do a song, but I think they're bored of it. Then they do a joke and then the crowd likes it. They give them a break and then there's more of that, more of that between every song. At a certain point, just get to the... Of course, I don't want to be mean, but in some of the jokes work. I saw Lionel Richie. He's like an actually like a likable, funny guy. He's you know, of course. I don't wanna be mean, but in some of the jokes work, I saw Lionel Richie, he's like, he's like a likable, funny guy.

He's doing a lot of stuff. And he's done stuff that's tried and true, that just works every night, and it's great. That makes it fun for him. McCartney did some stuff, you know, a little bit. We did it a couple, you know, I've got a few things that I do. I did say it, so I'll do that.

Just one of his dessert, Jane Lotto. Yeah, Adele doesn't, she's funny. I mean, I was watching, going, she's a great singer. I think you're 90% there. Yeah. Everyone likes you already. You do a joke. It's fun.

We have good joke writers writing good joke. Yeah, I think you can write them joke. And you just say them. You're a work with the county. I did a benefit with them once. I didn't work with them. I'm a hung out with them, but not this. So I made the big mistake of holding a pepperoni pizza.

So I got the box and thinking, maybe the band, I go, you guys want to slice? Well, we love golf, but the boss will say, you'll smell the meat on a breath, we can't take it. I go, well, I see, Pepe, he's coming. He's coming. You get that thing out of here. I had to hide the pizza, I'm like,

I'm putting towels under the door. So keep the smell of the pepperoni. Oh, that's not pepperoni. I'm smelling some here, my three backstage towels. Yeah. So because you didn't finish that, were you open for Cosby? Was he generous with you?

Was that what you were after? Very nice. Yes, very nice. And he had these two girls with them, like Thumprin Bam Bam, you know, they just kind of weird. I know them. Yeah. Yeah. And my wife and I, and he and the two girls and we go out to dinner and, where's

it going? He's sleeping with these like, oh, I guess, so I don't know, but they were adults. It's not like they were on what, you know, so to me, what do I know, I know what your situations at home. And the four of us will go and do stuff. And he was very nice, but it just got strange and strange, eventually on the tonight show, all the female talent coordinators were fused to work with them because, you know,

he'd be sitting in his box of shorts and they'd be open and they'd be like, oh, this is not good, you know. Yeah, it was very, very weird. Just very strong. Very eccentric. I played this casino in Central Oregon and they said, Cosby would always come in two days early on a G5. Right.

He couldn't be making that much in the room. Yeah. He'd get a rotary old-fashioned phone in the room. Right. So he could call his friends. They'd have the chefs come up because he'd bring Philadelphia hot dogs in and freeze orange and explain how to cook it. Right. And a corporate dates, he'd get 20 cookies on a tray and

leaving them outside his dressing room. He go to his set and then he would come back and count the cookies. And if one was missing, it was not a good evening. But 20 cookies on the bread and I'm going to eat. Because somebody's making them out there for people. No, no, it just left them, they're just suddenly out there, and then with some we're missing. Was it in trapment? I don't know if this is made up of Bill is listening,

but I like when you get crazier and more famous. It's crazy, you start going, I need this, I need this shit. Yeah, yeah. The stories I hear about people on the road, and like you said, they're apologizing because they don't have my blue chips, And then you go, what went so wrong that you're this scared? And they're like, we had JLo or whoever, you know, JLo not JLo. No, not JLo. You're not JLo. Are

you? You're the most low maintenance entertainer ever for what I understand. Well, I try to keep you on popcorn. Maybe you want popcorn or pizza? Right joke. Tell joke. Get your hands on your merch. Sell, I like that. Do you have water on sage exclusive or sometimes you have a Coca-Cola

or not just water? No, just water. You drink? Do I drink now? No, don't. I got a question we got like we have a lot more to go i want to ask about his cars i mean what is the most yet i don't like talk money but what is the

what are your top cars you have at that juicy garage that what top meaning what you mean it probably expensive well i'm sure you love the most first well i like more i want the favorite i mean i guess the f1 m1 McLaren would be the one okay, I mean, I bought it in 98 for 800,000 dollars people You're out of your mind as well. I love it. I love it. This one's thing. I want it the last off I got was 20 mills I mean god damn those I'm not a bear Jackson. I go to bear Jackson over here

Wow those are a little tricky because they do get you on the way in and way out like if you sell one There's a little big you got to give them a wet the beak a little bit. So, but it is fun to go there. And like you, like people that have an interest, I would take so many and I'm jealous you have this place. You keep me because I have my dumpy garage, and I live on a hill. And it's just not the same as these car guys in a brass.

It's flat. For gorgeous. The gorgeous place. It's so fun. I have a d guys in a brass gets flat. Forge. The gorgeous place. It's so fun. I have a duster. I have an old Cherokee. I just have cars I see. I think they're cool.

You have the hemmy. I have the hemmy. That's right. The hemmy Daytona. Yeah, or Daytona. Yeah, I sold it and then people said it was crazy. They just sold it for more. Right.

I sold it to another guy and then it just over time they just go up. They can't help it. Right. And people don't realize that they were at the last pair of Jackson going up so much higher than I would guess it was a noticeable jump. Like crazy where you go. This is I don't know how they're you know it'll go up it'll take longer but they'll go up. Well, it's a good way to loan to money too. That's what they do. I'm a cartel guy. I buy a car for 300,000. I sell it to another cartel guy for 800,000.

He now has profit. He can declare as income. See, I have profit. And then the next guy sells it a loss for 200. Oh, I took a loss. Oh. So, I mean, it's a good way to hide money. It was money as I stuttered that.

You told me once, just casually, that it's about the story. It turns out it's a good story. Cause I have a friend of a collect antique bottles and digs them out of the Sierra Nevada's and he's completely connected to that prospector or those people. So you get a student breaker or some are a family car.

It's emotional, right? Because you're connecting to the family that took that trip all the way. Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Or you owned it. I mean, sometimes that trip. Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Or who owned it? I mean, sometimes, yeah. Or it has a story, sometimes I keep.

Well, I mean, my favorite, I had a Hudson Hornet, 53. So this woman calls me 94 years old. She's got a 51 Hudson Hornet. I hasn't been in a bought it new in New Jersey. They drove out to California with their kids. The only car they ever had, he died in 96. This is back in 2005, and it's been sitting from 96 to 2005,

what I buy it, I go, I don't want to come out, so I go out, and it's not bad, it's got four flight tires, and it's just been sitting. So I said, I'll give you one you want, you go five thousand, all right, I'll give you five thousand,

so I buy five thousand dollars. Take a back to the garage, garage takes me about a year and a half. I get it all stored It's it let me call her up see she's now she's 96, okay? So I said I got the card. I won't go for right. Oh, I don't think I got to get my hair done I this one was 96 no hearing and no glasses. I said okay, I'll come and she goes can the kids come I said Yeah, but the kids are 72 and 74. Okay. So I drive out to the place in the car and they've got a blindfolded in the driveway waiting for me.

And she's like the elephant in the blind man touching the car and I take the blindfold, oh it's beautiful, we go over it. Not give the kids a get in the back, okay kids get in the back. So kids get in the back and we're driving, we're talking, you know, me and my 72 year old, the same people stopped poking each other like this, and the mother goes, hey're talking, you know. Meanwhile, the 72 year old, the same people stopped poking each other like this, you know? And the mother goes, hey, hey, I told you,

and turned her off, starts whacking the crap at him. Just smashing him in the face with, I told you, his miscellaneous nice and off take her. And the three of them are just laughing having the time of their life. She died at 106. Yeah, and it was just a great story. I mean, every time I drive that car,

I think of those, the 72 year old, they say, for a year old poking each other like this, you know, in the back seat, and she was just a great story. I mean, every time I drive that car, I think of those, the 72 year old, the same four year old poking each other like this, you know, in the back seat, and she's turn around. With the moms. Just whacked her legs. And that, oh, and then the two kids told me that when they were in high school, they were so ashamed that their dad had this old car

that they would have them drop them off like three blocks from school and they'd walk the rest of the way because they didn't want to be seen in this old car. And of course, now it's a classic, you know, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. I mean, that makes for a great stuff.

Sure. And the movie cars go for a lot. That's Steve Martin. I mean, Steve McQueen bullet Mustang. I think that went for five million. And that was like, No, that went for three point seven. Yeah, yeah.

I drove that car. It was the most beat to crap. Yeah, and being a stunt car It had holes cut in the floor, you know for cameras and all this stuff It really wasn't worth a whole lot. I mean, that's a car that is worth a lot because It would have gone for five million if they sold it a year earlier on the 50th anniversary of the movie Because anybody who can afford that car is probably gonna be in their late 60s, early 70s. And now they're gonna be 80.

Okay, now kids don't even know the movie anymore. So it's a whole different thing. There are certain things that fit in certain time. And if they can prove it, have to prove that it is what it's supposed to be. Oh, that was the real one. It was the real one. It's like Delorean's terrible car,

but because of the movie, back to the future, you know. And you have motorcycle, so do you have a favorite between the cars, motorcycles, or not? Or obviously just, why like a model? I mean, some people hear it when you fall off a motorcycle. Yeah, I'm like, Jesus. How are these other injuries right now for you?

I mean, the track has a broken collarbone and a two two broken ribs. Are it just that all the time or what? Hey, it's like I'm sifto as long as that on sneeze or cough. I'm funny And it'll consider a chance to I hope so it's only been three four week. Well, it's been a month since the Motorhow how do you sleep then just on your back? Yeah, you just sleep on your back You just kind of stare at the ceiling and it's that Yeah, that's kind of tricky. I sleep for like two hours, and I get up for two hours. Then I'll read until I get so tired and fall asleep. And that's pretty sound for a couple hours. And yeah, I mean, it was a bit of a crack kneecaps. How are they? I mean, because you're going to stand on stage for a standing is easy. Okay. You know, that's fine. I was doing 290s back to back the last couple of weeks

and it was okay, except later when you, ah, when you kind of need to sit down. 290s, 290s shows, you know. Well, I got it. I don't think people at home understand it. And so are you a lefty? Or you keep the mic in the stand mostly or? No, I'm lefty.

So then you just use that. Well, I still use it. It's okay. It's not not bad. Yeah. It's not too bad. Does that scare you? Like at certain point, I think you could always use a stool. I could use a stool. I mean, you can do stand up for pretty much long in any other job. Yeah. I don't use a stool and I don't do old jokes only because, and now you've put it in the audience's mind that you're old. So I just try to avoid the, you know, can't pee jokes and all this kind of stuff. So you just try to keep it.

Yeah, I don't, I don't talk about young things either. Yeah. I mean, I always used to love, you know, shambling, always make me laugh. I'm seeing this chick now, Gary. I won't let you. I won't let this girl, you know, I just make me laugh. Yeah. Yeah, there tell you, it's almost this girl, you know, that's just making

that. Yeah, there's a certain point they don't want to hear sex jokes from. I keep saying that I say for you. You know, when you're when you're 26 and you use the word pussy, the art, we said, oh, when you're 40, oh, that old guy said, you know, nothing else for a J. What do you got Dana? Because I feel like I can't watch him win some pain anymore. All right. Now you're pretty good. You didn't cancel.

It's very nice. No, I don't. It doesn't even, you know, that's a big thing on comics. I go to the comedy store. Oh, you want to go up next. These two canceled. And every night I go, who's canceling? Like, show up for your goddamn game.

I know. What else do you have? I hate canceling anything else. What else do you have to do? Well, you know what, if one person came down to see you, like it's like when I do the road, I got sick on the road and my voice is going out and I go, I'll try it.

I told the crowd, I go, hey, I didn't want to cancel. You're all here. It's packed and yeah. And and I said, if everyone just we crank up the Michael bit and nobody laughs for an hour, we can get through this. Yeah. That's my bet. No laughs for an hour.

Do you get that part? That's funny. No one laughs for an hour. Yeah, we can do it. Yeah, but you know, I always tell comics. Somebody's always seen you for the first time. Yeah. I remember once I had an audition for Harris at the comedy store.

Harris. Yeah. Thank you for the seeing me. And I didn't get it. I go, why? I was clean. Well, you can't work a club with jeans. With jeans? I can put on some.

We came to see you do what you do at our club. Whoa. I said, okay, can you come back? Yeah, we'll come. So I put a suit on and went back and I got the job. So when you got dinged, whatever, like things didn't work or bombing at clubs, or it seems to me you'd have a lot of resilience

or things you'd say to yourself, or was it, I mean, because I got hurt when I bombed auditioning for SNL, I followed Kennison in 83 at the Comedy Store. A horrible bomb. And I got, that was my shot. So I was kind of, I go, that was my shot. So I was kind of, I mean, I was functional,

but I was down for a couple of months. I'm a huge believer in low self-esteem. No, it's a key to success. It's a good line. No, it is. It's a key to success. Because you don't think you're the smartest person there. You're always trying.

Yeah, that's something. If I see some, I mean, I know so many comics, they did the bit work in Denver two years ago, and they would do whatever since, and they'll go, no, I did this in Denver, I know, it only work one. I see you do it five, it doesn't work anymore. Get rid of it. They cannot get rid of material.

Get throughout everything is not funny. You know, that's why I followed prior every night. And when Richie was, I think we called him Richie prior to that. I know it's crazy. Richie prior. Yeah. And he was great. I mean, he was the best. He really was clever. And I said to Mitsy, can I go on after prior her night? And she said, yeah, because nobody wanted to spot. And I realized, I didn't have 45 minutes. I had 18 minutes. But I, it was the tightest 18 minutes. Because this audience had been listening to prior and they were just, boo, boo.

So I just did the funniest stuff I had and I threw everything else away and you just have to have that discipline to do that. I mean, so many guys go up and they just screw around. You're there to work. You have 20 minutes work. Come up with stuff, trying to material, make it tighter, throw it out every word,

that's not funny. And just tighten it up. Okay, I have an idea for you. Yeah. We, one of our sponsors is Masterclass. Oh, he should teach Masterclass. And Steve Martin's on one people, don't want one. But you have a very specific point of view that's really, really would be, would help people

have talent and discipline. Well, I mean, to me, it's I'm feeling I have this discussion all the time. It's an art form. You need to be a specific tight. You're not up to the school. I know somebody they just get up and they school around and they think that that's funny.

I got a laugh. Yeah, but you had this two minute every six and nine seconds. You should get a laugh. I love that. That's about right. When you say, when I think about it, I would say yeah, you should, yeah, like six, last a minute or more.

Yeah, but you're getting a lap for you six and nine seconds because maybe it's not a joke, but it's a funny impression or it's a funny manner. No, I wanted to rule. I came from watching Rob Williams. Yeah. And he was the one like would do his thing

and come back to San Francisco. I thought I have worked to do. So I kept going, if that is the standard, I have a lot more work to do. Right, exactly. Yeah, that's all. Yes. Amazing how lazy people are.

When I started in Arizona, as I said to Colin Quinn, I go, I started and there's no comedy scene. He goes, is there one now? I go, oh, I guess not really. But in Arizona, no one is doing stand up when I started. So you had to really wanna do it because I think now it's kind of cooler.

It's a bigger deal. You see people playing theaters, arenas. So more people gravitate to that and they just do whatever. I always remember a comic said to me, he said, well you and Seinfeld, you guys are lucky. You started during the Golden Age of Comedy when everything was funny now. No, that's no Golden Age of Comedy.

He touched shut up. It is. Yeah, as if anybody has a free pass. You and Seinfeld rose up because you were killing. You had to be good. And influencing other comics. Well, you try to keep it tight. You know, I just, yeah, I don't,

the people don't really work at it. I don't, I don't why you in this, you know, it's the most important thing. It's the only thing you do all day. Yeah. There's something very painful, I think, about getting with your notes. It's not painful for Jerry, but getting with your notes and doing the icky part, the college has a part of a bit that you like. It's not working.

You know, Jerry's has, he's like you. He's like, if a joke stops working, check the setup. Right. Because sometimes you lose the thread of it, one words off and the whole thing unravels. So there is a lot of a lot of fun. It's not a part time job. If you have your job, you think about it in the day,

you think what you observe, things, try to screw things down, you get into it. I was obsessed with it. So, yeah, I always say, if I have any problems, I take care of them before I go on stage. Even if I'm right, I apologize to the other person I'm angry with, because I don't need that in my head as I'm working.

You just want to be able to, there's nothing else more important. And being a good mood. I just say, the last thing I say to myself before I go out there is remember to have fun. Right. You know, just remember, this should be fun, and that'll help the audience to.

Yeah, I like it. Sometimes I'm out there and go, why am I not having fun? Forgot, I forgot to have fun. Think of it like torture. Anyway, well, Jay, let it all work. We're gonna take a 20 minute break. Jay is, now we're done.

This is where we say nice things. There's only been a few people that have done a talk show for that number of years and done it at a high level. I guess you did a total quarter century. 22 years. 22 years. 40, 50 years of a standup and you're still out there and you're vibrant and-

I was always a standup. TV was always a- I know, that was great. A thing about it. You just, you say, I mean, I can't imagine like, people come out here. They got on a sitcom for 13 weeks. This is a common cancel. And then you're back to being a waiter again. Oh, my God. I can't. You know, at least a stand-up, you could always hustle a buck somewhere. It's its own lane. Yeah. I mean, my wife was in Boston,

I would go to bars and they didn't do comedy, then it was like, stop, you wore machine man, was that kind of, you know. Yeah. And I would put 50 bucks on the bar and I'd say the bartender, let me go and tell Joe, he said, if I get a laugh, give me the 50 back.

If I don't get a laugh, you keep the 50. And that cost me about $450. It did, it did. That's why you lived in the storage450. Well, it did, it did. That's why you live in the storage room. Yeah, but eventually, eventually, we go, and that's okay, that's okay here, here's your money back. And then, okay, now I got comedy in there. Okay, thank you.

And then you go back, can you see, employee introduced the... I played delicate lessons. Yeah, I had all chips around me. Well, you know, like, in Arizona, you do those one night. It's 20 bucks if they gave you anything. You go, you do a set. And then Thursdays were the NFL club.

Seekers, chuckles, you know. Yeah, but I did a corporate as Bob Johnson, director of sales. This is so stupid. This guy invented this product called fresh in. They were called soft moist towel ads you use After defecating to avoid embarrassing rectal odor. It was a big whoa. It was a wet roll of toilet paper You stuck on the wall next to toilet paper. They just swipe your ass with you know

So he brings me and he sees me because I want you to be you'll be Bob Johns, my director of sales. I got like 50-ligate Rexall distributors. So I'm going to talk about the product. I'll bring you on. Okay. So I go up there and I, this guy's selling the, he's talking about the product, you know. You see that the Rexall deals are like, they're all squirming. Then he goes, they take some home, try it on your own family. Nobody's volunteering to take, you know. So they go, well, first, wait, before you make it, my name's Bing on Bob, my director of sales. Bob, come out of here.

So I go up there, I do my, I'm getting nothing, just nothing, you know. And then I end, and he goes, that was not Bob Johnson of course, but Jay Leno, a professional comedian, and he already ended he goes that was not Bob Johnson of course, but Jay Leno a professional Committee I mean here the audience go professional All really angry right so so now people start leaving goes don't leave please take a sample home Please try it and then he starts crying and then he goes look

I I got like 50 grand invested and just try it Take it to me and nobody's taking it, you know. So I'm writing this and I get paid, no, no you can be. You want to get paid and it takes, so I left with like 10 refreshing things. And the guy's crying. And the guy's crying, yeah.

Cause yeah, he lost his share out of the steal. But I just remember that he'd go, and that was not of course Bob Johnson. But Jay Leno, a professional. Let them know. That show business. The unfunny guy you just saw. Yeah, but Jaylen, I'm a professional. Let's have a know. That show business. The unfunny guy you just saw.

Yeah, yes. Oh, God. Well, thank you, Jaylen. Thank you, Jaylen. Thank you, gentlemen. Please, take a look. Thank you. This has been a podcast presentation of Kaden's 13.

Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcast. No joke, folks! Flying the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corkren of Cadence 13 and Charlie Feinen of Brillstein Entertainment. The shows lead producers Greg Holtman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Bezel of Cadence 13. and Engineering Sport from Serena Regan and Chris Bezlove Kaden's 13.