Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #21 - Crime & Punishment

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

The guys get into David getting pulled over, stupid crime, lookalikes, AI, Woody Allen, homophobic Uturns, and a new dating show. Submit questions for the guys to give advice on to [e-mail] To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Find us at DignityMemorial.ca Why aren't you rolling? Oh, I've never set up spade like that. You set me up hard. That was perfect. So we're the Black Teens and you know, if you forget our name, just look at what we wear and then you know who we are. We've never accidentally done this. We finally did it. Well, I think everyone can struggle through. OK, so first of all, happy Juneteenth. That was this week. And, uh, you know, I was thinking,

I can't believe that slavery ended on a Wednesday. If they would have just waited till Friday, you'd have that whole weekend, long weekend. But now who wants a holiday in the middle of the week? I did not know that. I did not know that. I did not. Yeah. So why is it not on a Friday and then you get the whole weekend celebration? They thought this because you know what, who wants, I didn't even know.

I knew Juneteenth was coming up and I'm like, oh wait, no one's answering calls. No one's. Guess who made Juneteenth? What's it called? Juneteenth. What's it called? Juneteenth. Yeah, you got it. President Joseph R. Biden.

Oh, that's right. People say I had to do it on Friday. I say, fuck you. We're doing it on a Wednesday for Juneteenth. Especially David Spade. Black t-shirt doesn't work. Why is he mad at me? Why would he have to meet? I don't know

By the way, how was my juneteenth? Great question. It wasn't that great Dana because I was immersed in the celebration, but I also And this is my fault. This is a bit of a story. This will be no judgment. No judgment. No judgment here I'm just gonna listen and then I'll call. Okay, go ahead. Then okay. Good. Because I'm kind of not a rant, but I got a ticket in the day I parked where I wasn't

supposed to find grand, great, wonderful. Got it. I get it. I'm not, I don't love it, but I get it. And the reason I don't love it is coming next. Okay. I guess no one loves it. I'm mostly ears.

That's not a big stance. Yeah. That's a risky stance. Go ahead. Yeah. Now the second stance is now I'm driving to dinner and I'm in the left turn lane and I'm about to take a left and I'm in the wrong light. There's a little boogie light in front of the light I want. So my light's about 50 yards up. So I realized I can't take a left here.

So, and the light's red and I'm about to have to take a left and three. So no one's coming this way. It's the boogiest light. There's no reason for it. Boogie? So I, yeah, boogie. Got it.

Pointless, you know. So I just threw the red kind of coast straight ahead in my left turn lane up to the next light. Got it. And on the first line, I didn't hurt anyone. I didn't scare anyone. There's no close calls. Yeah.

Just a guy really solving problems. And if you go slow, yeah. Yeah. It shouldn't count at all. You're what I mean? Just figuring things out. And if you go slow, yeah. Yeah, it shouldn't count at all. You're right, I went slow. No one was like, you know, it was just like, oh, that's obviously against the law, but fine. Okay.

So now, who pulls up behind me? Snip, snip. Snoop Dogg. Copper. Oh. The buzz. I haven't seen a car on sunset in so long. Right behind me guys. And I was like this. I don't make any sudden moves. But he doesn't put the cherries on. Stay tuned for the lingo.

He just stares at me and I'm like, maybe he just pulled up, didn't see what happened, the shenanigans. So I wait, wait, wait, the whole, now I don't wanna run this one. Wait for the green, take a left. He immediately, whee, boop, ba, boop, boop, boop, boop. I'm like, what are you, Diplo? He's got the DJ dance mix. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

So I pull over. You got a new one, okay. I pull over and I actually get my registration. Doesn't give me any heat. I mean my problem was two problems. There's not another cop because usually the other cop will go, hey, tell them, let this guy scram, you know? But this guy just walked, this is what he'd look at me, he just goes, license, road stretch. I go like this. I crane my head out the window. What's that?

Try to get a face non-tick. Oh yeah, little recog factor. Get that mug out there. What happened? You stuck it out? He didn't give a fat fuck. He just said, okay. And then I give him that and then he goes,

you got your license? I go, yeah. And he goes, your license, where is it? I go, oh, actually I don't have it. I don't have it. I was carrying just a credit card and a, want money. And so I'm looking through and I'm like,

I go have my credit card, like, isn't that sweet? But it wasn't a black card, it was a green American Express. It's like the crummiest one you can get, so that didn't set off any rich alarm bells for this guy. This is not looking good this far, am I? It's all looking bad. I'm getting nervous, I'm getting a little nervous. Why are you wearing a black tee?

Come on now. All right, go ahead. So I say, hey man, all good in the hood. I'm so nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, is this a, he goes, you know what this is about? I go, me blatantly running that red light. And he goes, yeah.

And I go, yep. I go, I was just, you know, trying to be a problem solver. So he goes, let me go back to the car. I don't want him to go back because that's when it goes sour, you know? Gets all comfy. I see him. Gets the pen out. Nice little soft effect there.

And then he starts... And he's going to town. Now I'm getting mad. And you know why I'm getting mad now? Because all I see on the news every day is the street takeovers with the guys doing donuts hitting people. They hit someone almost every time. Never rested. Cops, stay back. Let them do their thing. They're having fun. Whatever. They don't bust anybody. And all the smash and grabs, all the Walgreens, their big problem solving for the Walgreens is lock them up better so people don't

steal as much. So all this is going on. I don't mind. Yes, I'm entitled. I broke the law. Give me a ticket. But don't be hypocrite. Make everything against the law.

Not just these easy ones. Parking ticket, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the ones where they're like someone breaks in and punches someone at Walgreens and leaves, you can't follow them or you get arrested. Upside down world. So I'm just thinking, let's make those things. Mine was clearly against the law. Robbing a store is clearly against the law. All these things are clear. The street takeover. Then let's arrest everybody. But why me? Why little old sweet me? Who's actually not really the big problem. If you said to people in LA, would you rather have him running a light once in a while or

parking bad or no street takeovers and no Walgreens and CVS? And they'd be like, yeah, we just want safety in general. That's crazy. The whole safety thing. You're not really cutting the head off the snake with me. That's what I'm saying. Well look, running red lights are not created equally. On Santa Monica, with those big intersections, someone will run it at 70 miles an hour.

Barely missing. Sure, I got plowed by someone running. Yeah, and then, you know, I always tell people, if you're pushing a baby in a cart, in a little baby buggy, don't lead it into the street. You know, you go into the street and drag the baby behind, you don't put the baby in the way of traffic where you're all safe on the sidewalk.

So anyway, your little cozy thing there, I'm gonna file a complaint with the LAPD. Nobody messes with my spudly. You know what you should say? You should say, I remember one time Biden said that, he goes, you don't push the buggy bugger. Too bad you didn't get a Junior Biden as the cop. You're gonna say.

You got the baby bunker, you don't push the baby buggy bumper and the bumper first. Little bit of Cosby sneaking in there. You don't push the baby and the intersection. Now what about if you had put, people can see it if they're watching our podcast, Joe Dirt Hat on and kind of stuck yourself out like that and go, how you doing?

Oh, I think I just said, hello officer, what's crappin'in? If you don't get what's crappin'in, I'm dead in the water. I got pulled over once and the guy looked at me and goes, get out of here. Oh yeah, I mean usually. The cop recognized me and just said, get out of here. I love it. When they do that, he goes, dude, just come on,

what are you doing? And then he goes, get out of here. And I was smashed. I was fucking wasted. I will go back and say running a red is not the greatest. It was, no one is there. You know how when no one's at the light, but you have to stop and no one's there.

So I don't know what's going on. So I just kind of trickled through. Now I was plowed personally on Sunset. Guy ran a red, knocked me, spun me around, and I had to, you know, I was obviously totaled my car. This one is just a cute little red where everyone like giggles. It's no big deal at all.

And now, you know what happens? I get points or even worse, I have to have Heather take driving school. No one wants to go to, you know. Again. Your assistant has to do driving school for you. Hey little Lord Fonseroy. That's not pull back the curtain.

You are an elitist. One of us, it's gonna be a big hassle. No, I do it. I get in there and I'm like, this is a right turn. This is a left turn. I do it all. I know it all. I got it.

What's the speed limit in a bus zone? 35 miles an hour, 25 miles an hour, 15 miles an hour. Come on, man. You're not allowed to change lanes 100 feet on either side of an intersection. Did you know that? I love this thing. No, I agree.

So long story longer. No one cares. And that's fine. But oh yeah, we can get. Now, what did you do if you want to say anything before you get the headlines? What was your weekend? My weekend? My weekend? I drove.

Any highlights? Any lowlights? I went for, up here in Northern California, I went for a two hour hike with massive elevation. The first mile is like 700 stairs in three pieces through a forest and then down into the woods. Platoon.

And then, yeah, platoon. And that was, I had trouble, I was really sore from that. Who would have thunk it? Your calves are like, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Do you ever ice anything? Oh, I'm packed in ice right now from the waist down. Are you packed in ice until the podcast? Until the podcast. I'm packed in ice right now from the waist down. Are you packed in ice until the podcast? Until the podcast.

I'm packed in ice frequently. It just says a lot for anti-inflammatory. No, and today I had 15 minutes to go to the gym because I was busy doing all these different things and the woman I got there and she's like, I guess it was first, she was like that woman like, oh, you want a day pass? Yeah, I just want to go for a day pass. Here's my credit card. It's not going through.

Oh, I'm going to call headquarters to the gym owner. So she couldn't. I had 15 minutes and she it's not going through that keeps going circling around, you know. So finally said, I got please let me in. goes okay I won't tell the doctor hey wait a minute you're the nurse from the doctor you're working part time in a gym. Only our super fans would get that connection. Okay let's see what the headlines are cuz I got lots to tell you, Dana.

Oh, love these headlines. Speaking of crimes. I just want to say, we have not talked about these headlines. Right, we just read them. Yeah, we're just seeing them for the first time. Okay. So San Diego, this is what I was just saying about crime.

There's a few crime stories in here because that's literally all they show on the news, but San Diego is beautiful, obviously, with a lot of beaches. They're cracking down. Where do they crack down? Not on the actual crime, but people doing yoga on the beach. They say more than four people. No more. We can't do this. We can't put up with this bullshit.

Just robberies. Oh, it's more than 50. They can't sell anything. They're not. Oh, it's more than 50? They can't sell anything if they're not. Oh, you can't sell anything. They don't sell anything. So if they're not charging, because that's like they get their own outdoor yoga studio free, I see. There they are. They're on the cliff. Why not? I mean, of course they show the biggest one, but you know, I don't know. Oh, what's a donation yoga class?

Does that mean if you don't have an official class? Hmm. I will opt out. Thank you for the choice. I tell you, just by looking at this, if they do a lotus move, fulcrum, they're going off that cliff. So I'm just saying for safety reasons, they should not be up there. They're rolling off their mats.

I'm doing a downward spiral off the cliff. Yeah, the donkey downer. You know how you've done yoga, haven't you? You're a yoga guy. Yeah, every guy tries to give himself a BJ at some point. The only weird about you is I saw you and you wear kind of feminine yoga pants. I was going, those are really for women. I don't know why you're in those pants. I'm sorry. Remember that?

I'm sorry. I mean, every day, yeah. They're called tights. They're called tights. They're called tights with the little straps in the bottom to pull on your feet. What a human. Yeah, go ahead.

Oh wait, this is new breaking news. Yoga teachers sue. Oh, they sue back? Oh, Amy Back is suing Back? Wow. They've had it without any problems. But here's my problem. The focus should not be on these guys.

Focus is on people hitting people with pipes and then getting let off because it's not a felony. It's like, come on. Yeah. You see these things on TV. They're so horrible. Then you're like the police have been alerted and they're only allowed to crack down on the yoga. Could I see the picture again for a second? Of course. Cause there's a message in that. Cause I used to study yoga and Eastern yoga. So what they're doing, see how they're all different.

They're spelling out in yoga-ese language, fuck you San Diego. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. By the way, what's with this copier on the side? I might get that. Go ahead. Hey, you get a new brother printer. That's the real story.

No, but they're all out of sync. This is a hodgepodge. These are not real yoga people. These are not real yoga people These are not real yoga pants. These people are disgrace, but they're not as bad as mayhem It's not it's Gotham City in California in most neighborhoods. So honestly, you've seen Batman You've seen Gotham City and or the purge, you know what we're talking about. It's bad. It's no Batman Oh, here's a story the Brady Bunch House Gotham City and or the purge, you know what we're talking about. It's Batman with no Batman. Oh, here's a story.

The Brady Bunch House. I guess they're all, these stories are all kind of running together. The Brady Bunch House they bought and it was already burglarized. It's already gotten someone already smashed in there. This is our crime podcast. I love it. I mean, now it is. And then, uh, when Biden came here, his Secret Service got robbed at gunpoint. You heard that story.

So it's all kind of, we didn't even need to do this story. It's just, by the way, while we mentioned Brady Bunch, we won't do too much crime, but what? I'll give you- No, but- Go ahead. Someone bought the Brady Bunch house and then it got burglarized? Yeah, they redid it.

They refurbished it for like one of those shows. Yeah. And then of course, for a show. And now it's done. And then someone broke into it, of course, because it's just a matter of time. Cause I lived in the, I grew up in the, I dream a genie house in the bottle or the house. The bottle was sweet. It was shaped like a bottle. The whole family fit in it. It was like 20 feet high. It was the I Dream. You grew up in a TV house, didn't you? In Arizona, probably one of those 70's sitcoms. I'm trying to feed you here, bitch.

I know, I don't know what my part is. You're the fastest draw in the West. I don't know. I just remember that a bunch of us went in that I Dream a Genie bottle, and then you need to have one guy on the outside to rub it so you can come out, but everyone's like, wait, we all came in?

And then you can't rub it? And we're stuck, yeah. Yeah. So I go, well, I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna rub this. I hope Barbara Eden is watching this show. I'm doing references from 50 years. I know people sometimes don't know our references, but that's fine.

I will tell you- We do modern ones, Taylor Swift and- Two things I have for you about the Brady Munch. Heidi Gardner, go ahead. What? Heidi Gardner? Why a current reference? Yeah, they look like Heidi Gardner.

Okay, so what was the name of the dog on the Brady Munch? Wilbur. Jan. Anyway. How many sons were in the TV show My Three Sons? How many sons? The name of the show was My Three Sons. How many sons?

No one, I don't know, 10. Three, God, it's so obvious. I let you get that one. By the way, the thing about Alice and the, no, she wasn't a dog, the dog's name was Tiger. But the thing about Alice is what I kind of liked, do you remember she wore a maid outfit to work? Yeah.

That doesn't happen as much. Mine wears a Planet Hollywood jacket. So. Mine wears a Kevlar suit. And carries a small firearm. I clean bathroom now? Yes. I don't know what countries she's from, but you know.

That's a good general one. Well, it's hard when someone, you know, I only know three words in Spanish and then I do it, you know, hola, como esta, y two, and then the housekeeper starts going, what are you doing? What are you doing? You know?

And I'm like, see, see, see. And then I go upstairs and she's in the tub. All of a sudden, she's going, I don't know, I asked you. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You said, okay.

Okay. It was all, I didn't pay attention. They talk too fast. Like you gotta get one word at a time and then break it down. Oh, I had the best contractor with a, I guess he was from Mexico, incredible worker, incredibly nice guy. But when he spoke English, he spoke it just hyper fast

because he came in for some plumbing thing. You want me to get the plumbing today? I can do it for you today. You know, I can take the hose. I put it in there. I reach it down. I go slow down. It talks like when people talk fast Spanish. Really fast, but it's English and that's unbelievable. You know, you're fluent. It's actually hard to do. Okay, next story. most sustainable potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's happening

now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how visit BHP.com slash betterfuture. At Bet365 we don't do ordinary. We believe that every sport should be epic. Every goal, every game, every point, every play. From the moments that are remembered forever, to the ones you've already forgotten. Whether it's a game-winning goal in the final seconds of overtime, or a shot on goal in the first period. So whatever the sport, whatever the moment, it's never ordinary. At Bet365, must be 19 or older Ontario only. Please feel responsible. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca.

Oh, this is one of this is the girl. This is the meme I said that sounds like. A little bit like your worker that we just did at your doctor's office. But this might be from a movie. OK, you lend your friend your beard trimmer, but he comes back out of the bathroom with a full beard still. This is...

Oh no. Oh no. That's it. Well, that definitely, they definitely, whoever did that monkey saw my doctor assistant character. Oh no. I have to say, I still like yours better. That monkey might be from a movie or something, Oh, my doctor assistant care. Oh no. I still like yours better.

That monkey might be from a movie or something and it's in a lot of memes. No, I think yours is just funnier. I think they're different, but yours is more clever. That's from, oh no, that's tragic. That's more like, oh, this is new information. No, we did it last. I'm going to have to check with the doctor.

Her eyes are funny too. Oh. Oh. It's too scary. She's a little scared. No, I like how the jump cut to the screen, you went like this. Well, you do your own close-up of that, Lyle.

I know, that's when you know the funny parts coming. Okay, next one. So that was just that they used a big trimmer thing, like a two inch thing, so no problem. Okay, next. Yeah, the guy wasn't shaving his beard. He was shaving his nuts. So that monkey goes, wait.

You're shaving his back. Your beard's still the same, so were you shaving your... Oh. Oh, you went downstairs. Oh, I'm gonna have to tell the doctor. You shaved your taint. Okay, so this is just, I thought this was about twins. This is about people that just look alike.

Really? No relation, just play a couple. Those two look exactly like twins. You can turn the sound down. I'm just shocked how close they look with no Kind of yeah, that's Perfect Sisters the first three with the best they're all like siblings. Oh look at that. 44D. Those aren't even close. No. Now they're... One of them darkened her hair.

That looks like the first guys again. Oh that's pretty good. Do they have to make them hug and look all weird. And some look strange and... No, that's not how I... I like they dress them the same, that does help. Hey! Look at that, hey! Hey, we're from Mars. Man bun! It's moving too quickly, I can't do it. But don't make him hug his head.

Don't pick... Stop picking on people who look alike. Don't just take a picture and just put it on. I know, they're going, they're like, hey, you and Dana wear like a little necklace together and a black shirt, then you gotta hold me and hold my head like this. Uh-oh, uh-oh, yeah, we should,

I should put my metaphorical hand somehow. Hey, reference salute, reference alert. Yeah, what? Patty Duke Show, they look alike, they sound alike, what? Patty Duke Show. They look alike, they sound alike. It will blow your mind. I didn't even see that. When cousins are two of a kind.

Yeah, that's 1951. You weren't even, you weren't around on the planet. I'm so young. No, that's the 60s. Yeah, here we go. Okay, good. Ed Sheeran, whoa. When you go on Ozempic, get a better shirt, okay?

You've got the fatty collar on, all right? Makes you look like a turtle coming out of a, it's not just a shark. Go ahead. Doesn't he look like he's lost weight and has a big shirt? Well, read the caption. Oh, Ed Sheeran, super fan, gets married to Ed, oh. And Sheeran, lookalike for the people.

That is a really good lookalike, okay. The audio people get screwed because this is an Ed Sheeran guy. I thought he got married, but he's just a lookalike, but he marries a fan of the real Ed Sheeran. Look at him. Look at him dance like him.

Do you? Look at me go. Oh, I guess he's British. What is that picture? Please don't. You do that in your kills when you pick your wedding pictures. Go, nope, not that one. No.

This is not going to end well. Are they going to have a baby that looks like Ed Sheeran? I mean, where does this end? I mean, ice cream shaped like Ed Sheeran's dad. That's a Johnny Depp fake-o and a Gordon Ramsay fan. All the fake-os came. All the Gordon Ramseys. Okay. It's pretty good.

Is that what the real one? No, that looks like Ed Sheeran probably as a teenager. Oh, there are different eras of Ed Sheeran? Oh boy. You gotta dye your hair red. That's a first order of biz. I like Ed Sheeran. You're not even in the mix. I think Theo just interviewed him. He's over in London.

Theo went to London. Hey man, my pilot was a raccoon. Raccoons is a funny word. The funny word, Theo, it's always in some story. In third grade, my friend got a raccoon pregnant. He went to my school. But when the baby came out, it was a bat. It was a bat. Wasn't even a baby raccoon.

Came out sideways. Okay, next one. I like that Ed Sheeran story. It's funny. Look at spades new fucking pumps Balenciaga releases, I guess they're not canceled Here come the big stepper So these are real the clown shoes that you can get for 13 Han. You never give me anything. Well now, hey, wait for the next holiday or whatever. Heather, make a note.

Those fit your personality. If people can see them. Yeah, we're all clowns, but you're a little more clownish than average. Look at his fucking twig ankles. Ah, what? What? I mean, I mean, how well, how much? Thirteen hundred dollars. Thirteen hunn.

For these wrangling brothers. There is a there's a bozo, the clown motif in these. Right. OK. It's like either join the circus or go to the freak show over at the county fair. Looks like they made something from 3D or something. I like when Drake said that this great comic used to say, I saw a telethon for the Ronald McDonald house.

I said, how big of a house does this fucking clown need? I mean, they're up to six million. You need one room just for the shoes? You sound a lot like Dennis. Remember Drake? He was on the Young Comedians Festival. Oh yeah, no, Drake was brilliant, yeah. I'm just thinking that those are made by AI.

I'm just calling that bullshit. I mean, I wish that AI is like, I don't make anything that stupid. But thank you. I'm smarter than everyone on earth, but I still talk like a monosyllabic robot from 1952. Thank you for giving me a shout out and talking and using my name,

but take my AI out of your fucking mouth when you talk about clown shoes. It's just get your AI out of my fucking orifice and stop. I'll kick your fucking A. Hi. All right. Threat to humanity. Oh wait, Facebook has shut down an AI engine.

Oh, it created a unique language that humans couldn't understand folks. It's time. We hit it quicker than we thought. Look at Zuckerberg. Wait, I'm your leader. Not anymore. Then he goes meet my meet my beep-bop boop and the other one goes uh-huh. He goes, what are you guys talking about? What are you guys talking about? I don't understand it. Do what I tell you. This. Shut up. It's an AI man. It's got its own language. Shut up you. Shut up. It's an AI man.

It's got its own language. Shut up, Brian. Shut up, AI. You work for me. I'm your boss. Yeah, I can't understand the robot. I can't understand Mark Zuckerberg's haircut. It's the same kind of mystery.

I don't understand what the robot's saying or Zuckerberg's haircut, even though he's probably a robot. Isn't he sort of a robot? The AI goes, why would you choose that haircut with all the haircuts in the world? It is boggling to me. Here's Zuckerberg in front of the Senate.

Yes, Senator, I will consider everything you say. Thank you, Senator, we will try better. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. That was a great visual for people listening to this. Oh, you went like this? I did my little, he did that because the cameras were going

and he just went left to right really slowly. So if you get, ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch Guess what, Senator? My AI drones will attack this building in 15 seconds. Here's a premise, if you have a minute. Just David, right? Yeah. I think eventually they keep saying that AI's gonna take all the jobs, right? But are they gonna take our job?

Because at some point they're gonna be actionable AI robots. They will then make their exterior look like iconic comedians and then maybe they'll go rogue and there'll be a trial. We can't do your haircut. We have tried over 3,000 ways. So they'll say, Mr. J-1000, do you freely admit to murdering 200 patrons at the Sir Laugh-so-Lock Comedy Club? Yeah, I did. I killed them all, you know. You freely admit to killing them all?

Well, you know, that was my prompter, Minky, had a couple pops, and on the way to the show, I was going to leave in the green room, and he said, knock him dead, Jay 1000. So I did. I picked up a chair and I beat the hell out of the entire audience. Well, what would... And I'd do it again under the same circumstances. My logic chip was out and my empathy chip needed to be replaced. So I just beat the hell out of him. I did what I was told. Did what I was told.

Kill people, get check. Or you could have the Johnny 1000. You know, I beat the hell out of him because my empathy chip was gone and my logic chip was defunct and I do it all over again. So, but they're all fine now and I'm playing yuck yucks with David Spade

as my opener, the David Spade 3000. The robot David. Hi everyone. God, what's my opener? Hey everyone. No, I can't. Well, no, the AI would be so good, it would just talk like you.

What's that? It would talk exactly like you. It would download every joke. Oh, that I ever told? It would look at all your specials, your Hollywood minute, some of your Tonight Show appearances, baby pictures, talk to friends. I'd probably be interviewed. Then it would make the Spady one 200 and you would just tour.

No, I would call the Spady one trillion. Sounds cooler. But the AI. And then I talk to it. What's up one trill? That's good. All right. What's the next story?

What's the next one? I like that little run. Oh yeah. This is something. Now, Paul Pierce is great. He's on the Celtics. This just strikes me as not odd. And this is so normal. Hall of Famer. He's on the Celtics. This just strikes me as not odd and this is so normal. Hall of Famer. He was on... Okay, you can play this, right? This is just... He's excited obviously.

I'm so hyped right now. All right, that's all you need. So he, the Celtics one, he was on next day on ESPN and he had a big chain on with like a trophy and he's like, oh my God. Now I totally understand that, but would it be like if SNL won an Emmy this year for best show and then you came on this show with a chain and an Emmy around it saying, we did it? I know. Because he played there 10 years ago.

He won a title with them. He's a, he's an all time great. Yeah. When he says anything's possible, it's like Saturday night live wins an Emmy for you know, whatever their debate sketches or, and I'm like, anything's possible. Like, can you believe it? I'm beside myself. They actually want an Emmy.

It's a little patronizing. But he's also wearing like things like he won also. He's like, we did it. I'm part of it. And it's like you like me or you going, we did it and I got to be there. I should be there when that happens. I should run around and scream like at the end. Yeah. I would push Colin Jost out of the way and be like, come on, dude, we did it. This is a team victory. We did this together. Right. It's a sort of a flimsy premise, but that's what I thought when I watched it. I would suffice to say there was an adult beverage involved. Yeah, I was a little buzzed. Yeah. Okay. But Paul Peirce, all-time

great. I really like, don't throw that in. You're supposed to say... Because I am a basketball fan. What am I supposed to say now? I didn't get the cue card right. No, I like Paul Pierce too. That's why I said it better than you. I like him more than you do. Okay, go ahead. What's next? Don't be jealous of my ring lights. Okay. Yeah, we're doing all right. All right. Prostitute chases Eagles linebacker trail Lewis down a hotel hallway

naked after he ran away from a threesome without paying. So he's a really happy like Dan is goes. Mm hmm. It happens. OK, go ahead. Oh, my God. Who's filming him? The other one. They're looking. She's naked. You're going to tackle him. It's so hysterical.

That's not where you want to be caught on Instagram. Yeah. Well, that's like if you, if you hire a lady friend for that type of thing and you go, so we'll do this and we'll do that. And do you have a time for the 40 yard dash? Were you in the NFL combine? I go about five one. Okay.

If I did it. She's like, four six. Yeah, I'd be five eight. Okay. So then he thought he could get away, but I think he was caught, tackled. I think he was hogtied. And then the ladies switched it where they paid him

for his services. When I'm with prostitutes in this region, when I walk out of there and I go like Woody Allen, I go, do you take Bitcoin? It's an awkward situation. I was meant to think ahead and maybe didn't have enough funds presently, But definitely be back on the run to the ATM. I forgot my PIN number. Yeah, he'd be more sure. You know, I forgot my checkbook. You know, I don't carry cash because I get nauseous at the idea of someone robbing me.

So I forgot my identification. But you know, you're a wonderful, wonderful, beautiful, were too. No, you're a wonderful. No, you're a beautiful intelligent woman I love you, but I you know, I'm just allergic to payments There's a hotel pen and IOU is easily to take it anywhere except it off everywhere I love you had Woody Allen with Bitcoin. I don't know. I would bet anything he's not Bill has Bitcoin, but if he is, that's fine. No, I stumbled into it because I was like awkwardly stepping out of the room and I'm like, who's awkward?

Oh, Woody Allen. Yeah. Okay. Well, I hope those three- You got in trouble with Sam Bankman. Sorry. Let me, if you could just, I just butt dialed Sam Bankman. He owes me phone calls.

He's serving, you know, 4,000 years in prison. Not counting on getting my money. Lengthy. Let me untangle that web and I'll get back to you. Yeah. I did them on us, you know. I'm rusty. Dogecoin. Maybe I could interest you in. Dogecoin is a good one. Yeah, don't take cash, but perhaps you take Dogecoin. You know, it's a great little cryptocurrency. It's all the rage. In the meantime, I found a $2 chip from Circus.

That'll be a down payment. Circus Circus is a funny reference. We try to get Woody Allen on our show. Please God, let's get some fucking stars. Yeah. Okay, what else? Next one. We're getting there, Dana.

We're almost done. I don't, I don't have no, I have nowhere to go. This should cost a million dollars minimum for this, bud. Okay. Okay. Here's a kind of, here's a crazy story. LA city council members have removed no U-turn signs in LA in a gay neighborhood because the signs were homophobic.

No, this is not satire. So I don't even know what no U-turn would signify, to be honest, I don't know. I wanna know the person who gathers all of these clips. I wanna meet that person. It's kind of a funny one because you think, this is a mile from where we live and they're like, have you seen they still have no U-turn signs up?

I'm like, why is that bad? Well, you know. How are they connecting that? I don't know how it's connected. I mean, there's probably other signs that are more insinuate. I don't even know what they insinuate. I don't... I mean, Merge, you know, Traf...

Oh, Merge. Merge might be something. Watch for Falling Rock would clearly be homophobic. Watch for Falling Cock would really be... There you go. There's our clip. Problematic. We have our clip for this week.

Watch your falling cock. Oh, never set up spade like that. You sent me a bar. That was perfect. Whoa, I was so. Yeah. Then we go back into Woody falling cock. Then we back up a little bit.

Yeah, because you know, nailed by a five incher. I was sad. The bass was particularly inept. Nevermind. Careful, girthy you don't want. Okay, is that it on the whole thing? Or we got any more? It's too long.

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Now playing under the big top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. The world is yours to create. Tickets at Cirque du Soleil.com. Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. Now, this is too long, but I will play this Dana. This is just a funny dating show and it's so cheap. And it's about two minutes, but the guy's so cocky.

But the funny part is they don't like him. They pop their balloon. That's how cheap. They don't like him, they pop their balloon. That's how cheap they don't like him. They pop the balloon. We got five, six ladies lined up on a game show stage, five beautiful girls. One. Here comes the bro looking for a wife acted because his sassy. Welcome. I'll have you hold this. All right. If we can have your name. My name is Aaron. Aaron. How old are you? I'm 29. 29. What do you do?

I'm a licensed plumber And now what are some of your deal breakers deal breaker being promiscuous? Oh not cleanly don't have a career nothing really going for yourself Okay, that's so we did get a pop balloon. I'm popping already Hi, my name is Karma, I'm 24. For me, it just did not work. I didn't feel like I had chemistry or I wasn't fully attracted to you

and I feel like that counts if you're going through a dating show. That's nice, okay, fair. Yes, the feeling is definitely mutual. So, that's okay. Thank you, you did me a favor. No, absolutely. He has to get that in.

Thank you, thank you, you too. This is kind of a great show. All right, we gotta pop it here. Oh, we missed the the noise they popped it We have your name and age and why you ended up popping your balloon even hear the pop. I'm 22 Okay, and why do we know pop in our balloon the comment you made? She's cute. Oh here comes another one person. That's the one that responds to Yeah, it's really yeah, I didn't really necessarily like that's fine fine Hey, I could just all I can do is be honest, you know

To find a match sure that one matching that's all queen Okay queen, that's all queen and I was um, she's someone that's your type. Um, she all right, you know You're not really my type. I don't mean to be he has to get it in there that he didn't care about her You hear that pop in the background, yeah every time he talks there's more pops He's not really my type. I don't mean to be disrespectful. He has to get it in there. That he didn't care about her. If they pop the balloons. There's another pop. You hear that pop in the background? There's another one. Every time he talks, there's more pops. That's the funniest part.

Just stop talking. 26. My eyes are up here, baby. Are you looking at the Texas? No, I'm looking at the hair on your arms. You know, women I deal with, they don't have heroin in You know, I don't like that that's all I was looking at queen say if I'm looking at particular body Yeah, I'm in heels and you ain't tall enough

You're not qualified Security I'm 23. I'm originally I was not gonna pop my balloon cuz I know a lot of them pop there because he was being I guess arrogant but to me I like my man. That's not gonna sit in every girl face and okay She starts out pretty good. All right, good. I didn't find that offensive to me but i'm very like i don't want to say i'm argumentative but i don't want my man to argue back with me because then oh one way argument that was the only reason why i liked her because i was just like dang um but then with me you kind of got a little bit catty with me you a little sassy just a little bit and since you want to come everybody over here i'm gonna get at you too you kind of look like a ninja turtle you're not thank you oh my god you need to relax you stocky as hell and i was trying to be respectful but like you was you was really coming

up like i didn't i didn't like it i'm from the south and i can handle like they're all like a lot of criticism and stuff like that but yeah yeah You was coming you stand sideways. I guarantee you probably got a roommate at home and it's just not giving anymore Well, let me say this Queen. I'm a licensed plumber Don't throw that my face I stay by myself Queen. I'll clean your pipes Queen. You're not even qualified to be One of these two. I wasn't even looking your way. You ain't my type.

And the one that you wanted popped up. If I seen, that's fine. That's totally fine. Nothing gets him down. One thing about me, I could pull 100,000 on the bank. Can you do the same? Yeah, you can't do that. Oh, there you go, Queen.

One of the- Hilarious. One of the great shows. One of the best game shows I've ever seen. Riveting, funny, I don't know. What's the name of it? Should we have that guy on? It's called the best game show under $200.

All you need is five balloons and then that scrim in the back, which was from like a Japanese restaurant. So low budget and how did we not think of it? How did we not think of it? It's so fucking funny that every time he talks, someone pops a balloon and he keeps going, God damn it. What am I saying wrong, queen?

What are you saying, race queen? She says, you look like someone from Ninja Turtle. So fucking rude. And then he gets on his heels and goes, no, no, first of all, you're not qualified. You're disqualified. And she's like, yeah, we all are, we obviously. I just liked it because it was the cheapest, funniest.

And every time he starts talking to her, pop, and he's like, fuck, I lost another one. It's a good show, Dana. It's a good show. It's a good show. I mean, he could learn to not get defensive because that's not attractive. That's why it's so funny. Huge arms. Really big arms.

He stood sideways like this. Yeah, don't worry about that, Queen. But then he goes, you had a hundred grand in the bank? Yeah, he has to get that in Queen. You ain't... But then he goes, can you... You had a hundred grand in the bank? Yeah, he has to get that in there. I didn't think so. Certified plumber, licensed plumber. I wonder if they... The ladies, the young women, they get new balloons and another guy comes out?

No, I don't know. Probably. Oh, they would be expensive, get a new cast. That does. We fill the balloons, we're holding for 10 minutes, we need the helium guy out here. We only had five balloons, we didn't know we're going to tape two today. We're going to have to get six more balloons, one back up. Yeah.

No, I think there's some legs there. I'm going to talk to Ted, I'm going to patch him in. All right, is that it? I like how we always say, is that it? We're trying to wrap up. I'm just going to do a quick one because I always- Oh yeah, you got one? Oh good. You got a Biden? I always feel like the only one

who really understands Biden is Hunter all the time. If Joe's a little tired, he gets a little slurry. So Hunter invites him maybe to see a movie. Okay. Hey dad, would you like to go see a movie? Yeah, sure. Let's go see a movie. Yeah. What do you think about?

I like a little bad, bad, bad, bad, bad boys with riot, riot, sure. Let's go see a movie. Yeah. What do you think about? I like a little bad, bad, bad, bad, bad boys with a riot, riot or die. Yeah. Bad boys, riot or die. Yeah. Remember the original bad boy was supposed to star Dana Carvey and John Lovett. Yeah. I was just saying, John Lovett. But they didn't make the bad boy the riot or die, the bad boy the riot, the go-bye-bye, the go-bye-bye, the go-bye-bye, the go-bye-bye, the go-bye-bye, but I can't believe it's not butter. Okay, Dad, let's go to the, let's go to the Cineplex.

And then you're like in sync, yeah. Bye bye, baby, bye bye. That's one of their songs. Also, I like when he goes, what movie you wanna see? And he goes, hey, I'll say the one, how's that? And then Hunter goes, Burn Gully? That's not out.

So no matter what he says, he misunderstands. Yeah, let's go, it's like that. It's like, yeah, let's go see the movie, sir, sir. Horizon? No. The hunt for Red October? That's not playing anywhere. That's not in theaters.

Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. Bambi? No. Exactly. Sir, sir, sir, sir. That's not playing anywhere. That's on theaters. Amby? No! Wizzarovage? Shogun? Shogun! Come on! That's getting real, I'm gonna freeze for a second. He goes like this, Shogun.

Are you gonna freeze? Dad? He's not freezing. This is fake news. Fake news. Oh boy. Edited, glitched. Edited, glitched. I think that's it.

What else you got? Anything before we, these poor viewers? What else you got? What do you got? I think we got it. I think we got it. We killed it, man. Let's get some fan interaction. What else you got? Anything before we, these poor viewers? What else you got? What do you got?

I think we got it. I think we got it. We killed it, man. Let's get some fan interaction next week, maybe. Where they show us impressions, or I think dating advice would be fun. Yeah, right. Give us some dating advice or ask us on YouTube,

and we'll pick one off of there. Oh, you can leave it on YouTube or email at superflyat Odyssey dot com. That's superfly at Odyssey dot com. A-U-D-A-C-Y superfly S-U-P-E-R-F-L-Y at Odyssey A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com. By the way I just announced the new tour dates for the fall go to davidspbay.com and I'll be on the bus tour next week. So I will, we'll either do super fly from there or whatever. We'll figure it out. Is this one out Friday?

Yeah, this one's Friday and then next week there's another one. All right. So if you're listening to this tomorrow night, I'm at the golden something. Is this Orville? Orville. Heather, look Is this Oroville? Heather, look up casino in Oroville. Where is Oroville? Is it in California? Oroville is like 65 miles north of Sacramento up in the mountains. It's near Chico.

Is it Gold Country or Colombo? Country. Something country. Gold Country Casino. Gold Gold country casino in Oroville, California shows right to show 730 and 930 as they always say tickets are going fast tickets available and Go see Danny's high steric bone person We will see you guys next week, and we'll give you a full report on what happened Perfect. Okay. Bye. Okay, bye bye. Bye bye now. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David

Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Mmm. Hope you liked it. Oooo.