Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #35 - Cookies & Hollywood

Episode Date: September 27, 2024

David and Dana chat through road stories, Diddy's baby oil, not shooting movies in LA, and so much more silliness. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Folks, folks. I was talking to Rob Lowe recently, he said, if a politician said folks, they're about to lie to you. They all use it. Folks is really what they're all saying now. And I thought about the other day, I was like, why is everyone folks? You know, they used to say on Chips or one of those shows,

no, Little House on the Prairie, they'd say, folks is feeling the pinch. Huh? When you go into the general store. Actually, this reminds me, Bobby Miyamoto is on the tour with me, he's a comic, really funny. So, this quick thing as we were on the road. We were on the road, yeah,

you thought you'd get away with no story. So this time, I'm with Kyle Dunnigan, who's hilarious. We had a blast, we're back at Providence. It's my last night before I came back. Great show, a lot of fun. It's kind of raining, pouring, pissing rain, fine. By the way, I said when I got on stage, where is she? Where's Taylor?

I heard Taylor Swift lived up there. And I said she wasn't at Chili's and she wasn't at the mall. So she doesn't live here, because where else would she be? I know, God bless her. It's probably a double-digit home locations. I talked to a guy. Double-dig.

I talked to a guy once, Gary David Goldberg, God rest his soul, the great, you know, family ties producer. And he was sort of an old hippie in a sense. He was a little apologetic, but he goes, well, I have a house here and here and I got one up here and one there. And I just have staff and they take care of it.

And I visit them when I feel like them. The whole time he's gone, it's the weirdest thing. Yeah, yeah. They sleep in your bed, it's weird. I don't know. I know, I don't think, yeah, that kind of wealth, I don't know, I mean, I look at a bill in here. I'm worth barely half that, good night.

I can get away with half that. I have six houses, which that's not actually a lot. Well, that's when you play Monopoly with Heather and you take your houses and you put them on Boardwalk. I go park, play, Sportwalk, and then I hide money under the Monopoly. And I go, is that a $500 bill? Let me ask you a question.

If you're around family holiday or whatever, hey, let's play a board game. Don't you kind of want to play monopoly? Cause they have all these other games, but monopoly. Life was pretty good, but life is bad. If you don't start out as a doctor, it's not good. Cause you know, they say the doctor, you get like a salary. And then if you get the other ones, you're not doing as well.

Well, I'll do, I'll do a game of stratego with you if you want. Oh, stratego is great. That was, yeah. I'll capture your flag in a second. Bomb. Bomb. No, that was a fun one, man. You have to lie and go bomb and then it isn't one. But okay, so we're on the road.

We go to Chili's to eat, because what else are you doing? Providence Sounds Fun, they go, there's one right over yonder. So I went there. We get, they want to get a dessert. You don't want to be too full before the show, obviously. We stuff.

Then Kyle gets like a lava cake, and then Bobby goes, I want something for after the show, so he gets a big cookie. Like, child. Oh, a big cookie. Right, so I don't even know. I want a cookie. Yeah, maybe there's a cookie in a pan, it's like those kind, whatever big cookie. Right? So I don't even know. Oh, I want a cookie. Yeah, maybe there's a cookie in a pan.

It's like those kind, whatever it was. You know, whatever cookie cost $11.50 or whatever. So he gets a cookie and then puts it in a bag. We eat the lava cake. Everyone's sick. We leave. We do the show. I get off stage. Bobby, it's a great crowd.

I walk off super happy. I'm only two steps out, looking for obligatory high fives. And he goes, bad news, dude. And I go, oh. And then I have to shake out of that and go, oh, is it about the flight or something? And he's like, that driver ate my fucking cookie.

I had to go, okay, wait, walk me through it. And then Kyle comes up, he goes, listen to go, okay, wait, walk me through it. And then Kyle comes up, he goes, listen to him, cause I think he's serious. It was such a scandal. And I'm like, I'm just going to the restroom. Yeah, talk to me about cookie gate. He goes, I left it in the car.

And then we're so close to the hotel, we're just gonna walk for the first time. We usually just get back in the car. So I go, oh, and what happened? Oh, he took off with it, probably threw it away or something. He goes, no, they said it's not here. So I called him and said, dude, where's that cookie I left? And then he goes, I'm eating it.

He's eating it, Dana, you can't do that. The balls. I love his attitude on me. He didn't give a fat fuck. Yeah. Good Lord. You know, I guess that's just... This one? Do you mean this cookie? It's like a pizza. Did he turn it? It would be like,

You ate my cookie. Well, you know, you ought not have left it in the back seat. I think the attitude was, listen, you didn't want it. You left it here. Yeah. So I once ordered 10 cheese pizzas and I left in the back of the car for the crew at the gig and everything.

Driver got through every last one of them. Oh, see? I go, it's gonna happen anyway. Well, you ought not have left the double digit pieces in the back seat. You fucked up. And even the back seat goes. Right?

Yeah, I would say if you want to, oh, and he goes, and you left your phone, I was making calls on that, or did you want it back? No, I don't, I do want my phone back, yeah. What I would have done is bought 100 cookies and then delivered them to wherever the driver was. Yeah, you want them, you got them. Now I'd say, I said, Bobby, call him back and say,

you know that cookie was for charity and helped feel bad. Cookie is a funny word. Don Rickles used to say, give out a cookie, put them in the corner. Don Rickles used the word cookie as a, Look at Ed, look at Ed. Shows over, he stands over in the corner. Don Rickles used the word cookie as a rice soup. Look at Ed. Look at Ed. Show's over, he stands over in the curtains

eating a cookie. Yeah. Put them in the corner, Ed. The show started an hour ago. Give them a cookie, pack them in ice. You know. Pack them in ice. Pack them in ice and give them a cookie.

Yeah, those are always good. Two K's, cookie. Look, I have a pop quiz for you and Heather and Greg. You're a little kid. There's a Fig Newton on a plate and a Lorna Dune on a plate. Which one do you, you can only have one. Which one do you take?

Who's Lorna Dune? Wasn't there a cookie called a Lorna Dune? Was there a cookie Heather, you know what that is? Look it up, Greg. Greg's baffled too. What's more, would you rather have animal crackers or an Oreo cookie? I know, this whole podcast is called Grasping.

Grasping for straws is a great name. Well, I have another story for you. That one was good. Well, we haven't really moved on from Puff Daddy. Hang on, Greg. There's a Lorna Dune, everybody. Come on, Greg. It couldn't be more of a basic bitch cookie.

Look at it, just a square beige cookie. That's your big invention? That's a little shortbread. Okay, I'm backing up. Yeah. Short bread is good. Little short bread called Lorna Doon. Now put up the-

I like the microscopic thing I was- Isaac Fig Newton. Yeah, okay, go ahead. Here we are. I can read that. Okay, so Puff Daddy still in trouble. I knew you thought this would blow over by now. People are coming out.

I think some dad is threatening. I don't know, it's every hour. What's the latest? The latest is my angle. I'm not alone. The baby oil, first of all, his lawyer sort of insanely came out and said, just like our podcast last week, he buys it at Costco and bulk.

That's exactly what we said is a joke. And his lawyer said it was straight face. He goes, you know, Puffy, always cutting corners. He wants to save a nickel here. He's worth 7,000 million. He doesn't give a fat fuck. Anyway, that didn't hold water. But they also said, there's some theories that had drugs in it.

It wasn't just baby oil. It was like injected with something through the bottle. And then if it has GHB, then it sort of makes you sleepy. You know what I mean? Like the, it's like, oh, it's just GH baby oil. And so then it, it's like a drug that, you know, cause drugs go through your skin. Yeah.

So I guess I would say you don't need a thousand. That's the suspicious part. If you just have one, it's got some fucking Z equal in it or whatever. Well, let me ask you a question. Remember Terry Seinfeld didn't like that. Stop saying that. Sorry, Terry. Just ask it. Stop saying that. Sorry, Terry.

Just ask it. Just ask it. It's true. Just straightforward. When is the last time you, forget the pee-ditty thing, took a bottle of baby oil and applied it to yourself? And was it after a shower? What do you, it's for rashes with babies, right?

Diaper rash? No, I just know it's oil, but I haven't, I mean, I think I've used baby shampoo years ago because someone said it doesn't strip your hair out, it's good for your hair. There's not a lot of shit in it because it's for babies, but baby oil, they shouldn't even call it baby oil because I don't even know what it does for babies.

Do they need to be covered in oil? Well, probably eight years ago, an assistant came in and said, hey boss, if you have a rash or something from wearing all those leather pants, here's a bottle of baby oil, right? And then P. Diddy goes, hold on a second. Wait one second.

What did you just say? We did baby oil for rashes. He had to put it all together. Rashes, crotches, oil, moisture. Give me a thousand bottles. Are you sure boss? Yes. It's just crazy enough to work boss.

It worked for a while. It's so crazy, it just might work. It didn't work for a while. It's so crazy, it just might work. No, but I mean, there's astroglyph, there's lube, if that's what we're talking. What are we talking about? I don't know. Some comedian said he had a lube-Garrick's disease. That was his defense. A comedian just saw it. We'd shout him out. A good pun. So that, well I don't want to harp on that too much. I am, I am, I am gonna harp about one thing

because there's two movies I'm talking about and the bigger issue right now that's bothering me is California, say what you will, but it is Tinseltown and we are known for beaches, but also number one is Hollywood and movies. And we do less movies than almost any other state right now. And I wish the governor here would loosen the strings and make it easier, because every time you bring up LA to do a movie,

it's almost impossible. They always go, we go to the tax breaks. Why is LA not making it a tax break? Because studios where I shot, just shoot me, CBS Radford, that's drying up. The one by The Grove is drying up. And you're thinking, this is insanity. It's the worst reception in the industry in 60 years.

Trying to come back from strikes and COVID. And it's just, there's so many good people wanna work here. The best makeup, the best grips, the best art director. Everybody is so good in LA, ready to work. And then, listen, and you know what? I'll make a deal. I'll give them all the crime.

You can have, just make these, make it easier to make movies here. You can have smash and grabs, you can have going to the mall, break, do donuts in the street, knock everyone over and take over. Yeah, absolutely. We just want some production.

I'll give them all the crime, all the shit that's going on out there, all the running into 7-Eleven on your bicycle and beating up everyone and stealing everything, leaving, and it's not a crime. And they're all laughing. Another thing crime. And they're all laughing. Another thing about that is they're all laughing. I see these videos because they're like,

no one's chasing us. Now it's fun. Now let's go somewhere, rob it, and we'll laugh, and we'll film ourselves and be like, check out my TikTok. Check out my Snapchat. There's an on social media, Walgreens in 10 minutes, downtown Chicago, I'm in. Exactly, they're like beep, bop, boop,

see it's a fun thing, used to be little league. So now, also the thing about, this is too heavy, we can get rid of it, but there is homeless problem here in LA, a lot of cities find. Definitely. But if you're trying to solve the homeless problem, you shouldn't be flying people in from other countries or over the border to add because forget the politics of it, it's

just simple math. That's more people that don't have a place to live. So does homeless go up? Yes. So that's not the best way to try to fix it, in my humble opinion. I know. Right? That's not the best way to try to fix it, in my humble opinion. Right? I know, I was curious about that,

and since I read both sides of the aisle, on one side it just says that Springfield, Ohio said, get us 20 to 30,000 Haitians in our town if you can, because we need to. If there's any way. If there's any way, and so I always tell people, look, to have a really strong opinion, I gotta go to Springfield, and I'd like to announce today

that David and I will be podcasting. Should we do it live? From Springfield, because then we can interview Haitians, interview the people in the apartment building, and just be reporters for a change, rather than two knuckleheads. People are looking for us to get on the front lines. Let's go to the Aurora, Colorado

to see if there's really gangs there. What's going on? Something's going on. What is going on? I don't know. Right, the Marvin Gaye asked that question in 1972. He did. He had a whole song about it.

What's going on? By the way, I just want to put in context a little bit for our listeners, what states do in other countries, they want film production because it brings in a lot of business and spending of money. So, Louisiana is one of the biggest ones

with our friend Senator John Kennedy. So California might say, we're gonna give you $3 million cash if you do your TV show, Chips Part III, here in San Fernando Valley. And then Louisiana goes, well, let's get it real. We're going to give you $25 million to film a TV show in Baton Rouge.

So that's why we're losing. And by the way, by the way, and guess what? Hungary, I can't, every time I run into an actor, oh, I'm shooting a film, where? Hungary? Yeah. Hungary gives so much freaking money that that's a, that's the new Hollywood.

Rob Lope as a condo in Hungary, he's always over there shooting stuff. Come to Hungary, where we pay lots of money for you to do funny pictures. Our manager has Rob Lope too. He's like, go to Hungary. It's just five flights. It's not a big deal.

Take six days. Not a bad life. Lay around. Reshoots in Poland and then Estonia. Yeah, you do your looping in Estonia, your primary shooting in Hungary. And jump over to Bangkok, 24 hour hop, just a little hop. So that's all, we're in a global market and California is a wealthy state,

it has to kind of up its ante, if you will, to get production back. I'm trying to shoot something here. I'm like, you have to pay an extra VIG to shoot here. Now, when you go to Boston, we did Grownups in Boston twice, five of the year in Boston. These places you hear they're shooting, Atlanta is a big one, because the state says,

if you come here, your budget's 10 million, we'll give you back three million. We'll give you credit. So you go, oh, we basically could do a $13 million movie for 10, and we can get better actors, we'll give you back 3 million. We'll give you credit. So you go, oh, we basically could do a 13 million dollar movie for 10, and we can get better actors, we can get more, and then I honestly don't know in LA, I just know that the numbers, but I know it's way harder,

and it's all they look at is numbers. They go, here's a movie production, here's a TV show. It's cheaper to go to, even overseas, like you said, Dublin, or it's cheaper to go to even overseas, like you said, double or it's cheaper to go to Atlanta. So it's almost never thought of that you would do it here. That's tough, that's my big speech. Just trying to defend Tinseltown, Hollywood, because I live here and I wanna shoot here

and I want everyone to work here, that's all. Well, it's the makeup artists, the crew members. Yeah, everyone's struggling. The grips, the transportation, you Well, it's the makeup artists, the crew members, the grips, transportation, you know, it's just a recession and it doesn't have to be. I'm pushing it. Also old reference. You know, that instant confidence boost you get from an outfit that makes you feel good,

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There's another on a lighter note before we get into the really light, stupid stuff we do, which is really the heart and soul of the show, stupidity. We want to make you smile. I saw it because you love talent, Danny. You're always scouting. Always love talent. America's got talent.

Name their winner. And I didn't know this. I did not know this. He is a janitor named Richard Goodall, and you win a million dollar prize, which is great. Yes. So far. So far.

On the surface, shiny, fun. I think I know where you're going with this. Yeah, but yeah, million dollars. So I didn't know this, so they say, you can either take the 300 grand right now, Right. which is after taxes and bullshit, or you can get 25 grand a year for what?

10, 20 years, I don't know. And then 25, not really a lot because they tax that. So a million, so you get 25 grand a year for as long as it takes to get to a million. And then that's a while, that's four, whatever. So it kind of takes a little bit of the sheen and glimmer off it. It's still great.

Still free money. I'll take it all day. Give it to me. No Right. Still free money. I'll take it all day. Give it to me. No complaints. We need taxes. No. But if you've never been taxed at a heavy, it kind of, it sort of gets your attention.

I once did a pilot, I might have said this, in the mid 1980s before SNL, and it was a huge deal. I was getting $30,000, which was huge. Still is a lot of money. And we went over to pick up the check from ICM. I was with my wife, I came out and we opened it up. It was powder. It was like $9,000.

Yeah. You know, commissions are six and then, you know, Social Security, whatever it was at the time. I couldn't believe it. So you want it's a good go, right? You got to get FICA and you know, a little bit of French bread and olive oil, French bread, olive oil, some perpica. You got to get yourself a nice little lunch.

Yeah. Um, cause this guy, it sounds great. They go, what are you gonna do with a million dollars? He's like, well, I'm giving 600 grand of it away right away. 300, they said in the article, sounds a hair low because he doesn't have an agent manager like we do. So we would probably walk with our own. 360 out of that, 370.

Well, 20% commission and you'd be at 800. And then depending whether how the chess game of state write-offs and things, you know, again, no complaints. It's just sort of, they shouldn't give the prize to the guy. Should be, and you win a million dollars net, net, net. Now, net now, wheelbarrow, here you go, go. We never saw you go.

That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. that's a lot of money. You can go in nice places in America, out in Utah, whatever, get a house for 300,000, put the 600 in an IRA account. Yeah. He'll do fine, but it's just, I thought, God, he's kind of getting a little rough, that's all.

Okay, let's go to the regular story. Unless you have a story to tell me. My stories will be revealed next week. How's that for you? Oh, geez. Yeah. By the way, I didn't tell you, but this is SNL's, this is an SNL bit we're about to show.

SNL's 50th starts this week, so good luck to them. I've heard it's a lot of fun, a lot of surprises. I think it's Gene Smart is the host, I think. And the music, or have they not announced it? Jelly Roll, I believe. They have to. Jelly Roll, I believe. Jelly Roll. Yeah. Jelly Roll?

Jelly Roll. I heard it was Stevie Nicks. Okay, it'll be good. All right, look what I found. Next week. Someone sent me on DMs. This is fucking promos for SNL 1993. Wow.

I love it. Okay, play this one. Charles Barkley and Nirvana. And Nirvana, yeah, okay. Five, four, three, two. I used to write promos. Hi, I. Charles Barkley and Nirvana. And Nirvana, yeah, okay. Five, four, three, two. I used to write promos. Hi, I'm Charles Barkley, host of the season premiere of Saturday Night Live with Nirvana.

Look, mom, your favorite, Nirvana. Look at Kirk. Look at fucking Dave Grohl. I have to do one more. You're in a little rush at the beginning. You got a little more time. Can more, you're in a little rush at the beginning, you got a little more time. Can you believe they're showing that in between?

This is how you do promos, you just go rolling. This is it. But I used to roll right these so I'd stand right next to them. Five, four, three, two. Watch Dave Grohl stick his teeth out like that girl in the back seat. Hi, I'm Charles Bartley, host of the Season of Mirror, a Saturday Night Live with Nirvana. Look mom, your favorite, Nirvana.

So stupid, I love it. How does Dave Grohl look that much like Sarah Silverman? I mean, that's not Sarah Silverman. Can we get it back up again? No, go back to that. Go back to the second frame. Sarah Silverman is much prettier than that version of her, but why did he? Oh no. Okay, we got. This is Charles Barkley and he's hosting Saturday Night Live with Nirvana. You know,

I heard those guys are all lactose intolerant. No way. I'm just telling you what I heard. guys are lactose intolerant. No way. I'm just telling what I heard. Too quick. Yeah, I thought he was mad. Personally, right? This is your part is almost that that was my wrote Adam saying everything. Yeah, very generous. I'm unselfish. Yeah, Adam, I thought you were also you're rushing a bit. I was trying to have fun with it, Adam. Oh, good. Thank you. We're getting my popcorn scrunchies. David, I can't tell you who you look like. Some sea hag. One, two, three, two, one.

This is Charles Barkley. That's it. I'm going to go with the one-two-three hag. One, two, three, two, one. This is Charles Barkley. All right, that's it, that's it. That was cool though, right? To see who knew they had clips from promos. And they kept them.

I love that. They didn't destroy them. That was so fun. Because Nirvana's sitting there waiting to go on and we're dressed like girls. It's just so funny. And then I wrote that one and wrote, Adam the joke instead of me.

That was nice. I know. I thought Lorne was mad at me. He goes, who wrote this? And I'm like, of course I don't see me. I wait. Why is it bad? And he goes, David, you gave yourself almost nothing.

Which was nothing. Funny. Roles were fun. Okay, that's it. What's the next one? You looked, God, who did you look like? I got rid of that hair, Dana, because after a few Gap Girls, I said,

I need the Sharon Stone cut from Sliver. Right. Okay, let's see what this guy's doing. What's funnier? Oh, this is Diddy's lawyer. This is what I was telling you earlier. Let's see if it's true. Oh, okay, great. It's too long, but we'll.

I've been with him since eight o'clock this morning and it's about almost three o'clock now. He's just, yeah, he's doing great. Like he's ready for the big football game. He's confident, you know, we're going through our defense. Sounds like he's talking about Biden. And his spirits are relatively good. I like how casual.

How do you explain the I'm gonna get right to it. If that was just bottles of baby oil. I don't think it was a thousand. I think it was a lot. I mean, there's a Costco right down the street. I think Americans buy in bulk as we know. And this is consensual adults.

Do we have a consensual adults too? Why is it being weird about it? We can't get too puritanical in this country to think that somehow sex is a bad thing because if it was, if you don't want people- It's a fine line between sex, yes, consensual sex. Sure, I think it's the filming and the black men, if that's all part of it, that's probably the sticky part.

If that's what they did, you bring young women in, you get them, you slip them a Mickey, you do a Cosby, you do all kinds of things, you film it, and then you have blackmail video. Right. But I don't know if that's what happened. I think the thought is that, like, allegedly, guys and girls doing things they don't want out there.

So they will pay or whatever it takes to keep doing it to make sure it doesn't get out. If you need a lawyer at any time for anything, get Diddy's lawyer. Note to self. That should be the name of my special. Okay, next one. Yeah, Danny, you haven't named my special yet,

but I'll get you off camera. Okay. Well, I want to name it. Oh, this is funny. This is kind of a slip up, even though it's just a clip. Ah, you call it a clip up. Can't afford. We can't afford four more years of this. We can't afford. We can't say that four more years of this.

They'll turn that into an ad for Trump. You can't say four more years of this. That wasn't Trump. You have to say we can't afford what we had with Trump. We can't afford that again. I think he just worded it wrong. Right, it could, you know, that's the old idea of the Freudian slip.

You know, I guarantee you SNL will have someone playing Tim Waltz, Kamala, who else is there? Kamala's husband, JD Vance. Oh, JD Vance. Uh, Trump, of course. Trump, maybe Biden float in there as a ghost and, uh, uh, bump into things. Yeah. And the host is jeans.

Jean smart. She's on hacks. She'll be great. She'll be great. She'll be great. She was on other stuff. That show was pretty funny. She's a pro. It should be about us. What did you say? Designing women? Was she on that? She seems like it.

I think initially, yes. That was one of her first. Yeah, I think she was. That was her first. Okay. All right. Next one. Oh, this was just funny because I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm. Yeah, I think she was. That was her first. Okay. Alright, next one. This was just funny because it's really the president and this is the power you have.

He's just rolling calls. He needs new pants. You only need some real lightweight slacks and they're real lightweight. Now I need about six pairs for summer wear. Now, slacks, and they're real light weight. Now I need about six pairs for summer wear. Now the pockets, when you sit down in the chair, the knife and your money comes out.

So I needed at least another inch in pockets. Now another thing, the crotch, down where your nuts hang, is always a little too tight. It's just like riding a wire fence. When I gain a little weight, they cut me under there. So, let's see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends, around under my, back to my bung hole.

If you get those coming, I would sure be grateful. Where would you like to stand, please? White House? This is the President of the United States. I like White House. What do you think, I am a cocksucker? My bunghole. Who says that?

I don't know. Someone from the 1930s, I think. He's great. Who gets in with a tailor like that? That guy, you know. He's the one who came out. Is Hager Slacks, Dana. You remember? Yeah. Hager Slacks is like the hugest,

it's like calling the head of Levi's and saying, so he calls the main owner of Hager Slacks, like he's the fucking in the building. He's like, hey, can you run down to the building, grab me and the guy's like, oh, to where we make them? I don't even, I'm in Tahiti. Love it. They're too tight and it's like riding the wire and theiti. Love it. They're too tight. And it's like riding a wire. And the cut me.

Fancy. A wire fancy. You know when your ball sack is jammed. It rides up. Tugging and pulling. It cuts me. So what I'd like to do. I don't mind a little tugging and pulling normally,

but not by my pants. Turns into the senator. Yeah, Lyndon Johnson was a character extraordinaire. He would have, if he'd done his same personality out front would have been Trumpian, no. Going up, going up, look at my rumbum shirt. Rumbum bum bum bum bum. I was on the road with the Sandler tour a couple years ago.

We were in Florida, me and Swartz and bought this shirt. We were twinsies. By the way, if you want to hear more Whitehouse tapes.org, you'll hear more stuff from Lyndon Johnson, JFK, all these fascinating parts of history. Yeah, Whitehouse tapes.org. I heard that one. I just thought it popped in my feed.

I'm like, this is so interesting that you can hear an actual phone call from the president. Yeah, I heard that one in long form years ago. Oh, you've heard that? That's so hilarious. Well, it goes on for like 10 minutes at least. Does he talk more about his bong hole, I hope? I don't know. There was other calls or other things, you know.

I just want to hear about the bong. All right, let's hear the next one. Just what the bong news is. Hang on, don't start it yet. One of the common things that... I don't even know what this is. Go ahead. One of the common things that, I don't even know what this is, go ahead. One of the common things that I found which was really interesting was this thread of,

this common thread of disassociation. You know, fame is a privilege, but it's also traumatic to people who, well, anybody, it can be traumatic to anybody, but specifically minors, and I think that it was be traumatic to anybody, but specifically minors. And I think that it was interesting talking to the participants of the film because I noticed that there were chunks of memories that,

or chunks of times that we all don't remember. And I think that's a direct response to trauma. Yeah. And what chapter that can be done or is being done right now? One of the common things that I... This was funny because... Why is he dressed in the most serious subject? He's dressed with mud on his face and goggles.

And he had goggles? Right. So you were molested. It's like, can you take the mud off his face? So he did a sketch and didn't clean up during the commercial. Yeah, and then he came over and then she goes... Yeah, she came into a heavy subject and he's like, I think I'm gonna, she might as well be eating potato chips going, so some guy comes in your room, he's your uncle?

It's just too easy, it's too casual. I think it would be funny if he just had a pie on his face just the whole time, you can't even see Jimmy Fallon. The pie is just stuck to his face and he's like, Or he hits her with a pie in the middle of that speech. Yeah. And goes... Hilarious and he goes,

funny, come on, it's a comedy, relax. Yeah. Yeah, come on. It's a childhood actor. I wonder who she was talking about. You know, these childhood actors, these... I mean, she was making a point, but it was a valid point, but watching Jimmy pop up like this.

Fucking bozo the clown. One of the greatest cutaways I've ever seen. And we should have him on Superfly to show him the clip and just kind of explain himself. Or his staff. Was that Jimmy or Jimmy Fallon, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Jimmy Fallon with goggles and mud on his face. He's, he loves it. He would love it. I mean, he would laugh really hard with that image. Okay, next one. Oh, we didn't, I mean, whatever. I just thought this was frustrating. Go ahead.

Straight up, say it. I'm not going to stop you. I'm not going to stop you. Yeah, fuck America. So during his concert, he yells fuck America and the crowd cheers. I'm like, God dang. That's fantastic that we live in a country where we have no fear of our government.

If you said, fuck Putin, there would be like something would come out of the ceiling, even for the privacy of your own home. Fuck Putin, fuck you. And then a giant thing comes out. Rarararararar. So that's America, fuck you. And then a giant thing comes out. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. So that's America, you know? Like those machines where you pick a stuff,

this picture. I had a driver recently and he almost went into Scarface mode, when he, in the movie Scarface, where he talks about what it's like under communist Cuba. This guy was from Poland and he goes, I grew up in communist Poland. And I go, and I thought, I didn't know what his politics were.

So I just cheekily accidentally said, well, it couldn't have been all bad. Two minute rant that I should have recorded. They tell you what to do. They tell you where to go, they tell you where to go, what to eat, you have no freedom. They can take you out of your house, shoot you in the head and nobody cares.

You have no freedom there. So I said, do you think Americans kind of take for granted their freedom? Yes, they take very much granted for freedom. So there you go. Well I thought, hey it's good he can say that here, but he should probably move somewhere just to keep his coolness factor

because these days here you go, well, what are you still doing here? You hate it. Right. I don't understand that. It is interesting. Can we look up his net worth? I mean, is he, he's famous.

That was a big band. Heather, you've heard of it. What's his net celebrity net worth? Heather or Greg. Heather, look at that. You know, I love celebrity net worth. Oh yeah, it's juicy. It's never quite real, but I like seeing it.

No, it's kind of made up, you know, but. I think it's a culmination of everything you've ever made without tax. 25 million that guy. All right, so let's okay. So, um, he's doing fine over here. Yeah, people wouldn't mind taking 25 mil. I know. But we're talking about it. It trends, it's incendiary.

I mean. Yeah, he's gonna, I don't know if people still get bothered by that. I have to say I will freely admit that bothered me. All right. Well, the only bothers me more than that is a billionaire saying, I ought to pay more tax. I pay entirely too little tax,

which is a net worth a billion. Would you ever voluntarily write a check to the Federal Reserve? Because you can do it at Treasury any day of the month. And they go, well, that doesn't sound like so much fun. Yeah. They go, blah, blah, blah. Okay, this one might be stupid again, hopefully. When you're not allowed to bark inside.

This is this one that goes under our cute ones. So you learn you try to whisper bark. No, no. I like that. He didn't, he just opened his mouth and didn't bark. See that? He goes, I think right now we should start a business. Dana and David's perfect dog. And we just cloned that dog and sell millions of them. God, that dog was cool too.

He did one take. Barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks, barks David's perfect dog. And we just cloned that dog and sell millions of them. God, that dog was cool too. He did one take, barks, we get it's annoying. Don't bark, whisper bark and he goes. Well, it's off the charts. It's the power of cuteness of the dog. Tilting the head slightly, big eyes, trying, this is how I am with you on the Zoom.

Looking at you, trying to figure out what you want me to do. Yeah. But that's adorable. And the dog's cute. And the dog's cute. And the dog's cute. And the dog's cute. And the dog's cute.

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Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. Okay, next one. What is this? Let's just see. Hope it's funny. Oh, see, there's a spider. Yes. No. So someone brought in a spider and they covered it.

Oh my God. I thought someone came in with a spider in a cup and threw it down. I am so scared of spiders, Dana. That no joke, I would burn the house down just to make sure it's dealt with. I live in the country, so most of the time. So tarantulas are around. One got into the laundry room. They move very slowly.

Yeah. Rat F very slowly. Yeah. Rat, F, F, Infestation. Spiders, what you do, for almost all of them, you get a bunch of paper towel, and you just scoop them up in the towel like that. The whole city block. You just go right out the front door, and then you just toss it, you know?

Because I don't really wanna kill a bug, unless I have to, you know, I just put it outside. Heather will not kill any bugs, it's infuriating. I'd prefer not to kill a bug, you know? Well, there is that old joke of like, they have all the animals lined up in cuteness and they go, this is the line where they stop being cute. It's like dog, cat, and it goes deer.

And then it goes cow, kill, this kill, this kill, this kill. Like, cause you know, we eat some animals and some we go, oh, come on, they're too cute. So the animals like, where do I fall there? But bugs, I have to say, pretty much across the board, I can't deal with. Here's the thesis of the board, I can't deal with. Pretty much across the board. Here's the thesis of the movie,

book Sapiens is that before mankind invented agriculture and just silos of wheat, just eating all this wheat and all these carbohydrates that begat all these diseases, ancient man would eat bugs and turtles and shells and hoves of things and just everything, fish. Just trying stuff. And they would eat bugs for sure and butterflies and just, you know, and apparently they're a lot healthier

rather than like someone like you getting a plate of pasta, the size of your room there, eating it and falling asleep in the meadow. In the meadow. Do you know the ancient man and or woman, if they came along a fig tree and they're by themselves, they would try to eat every single fig and pass out because they just, their brains wanted that natural sugar. They would eat till they're stuffed.

Whereas you just wait and go to a drive-thru. No, I am pretty good about eating. When I go to McDonald's, which is honestly at least once a week, I don't even finish it anymore and that's one of the hardest things in your life you can do. Leave fries, leave part of my cheeseburger, it's so good. Leave, people really flip out that I get a filet of fish.

That's gonna blow up the YouTube comments. People freak out. That's old school. It doesn't entice me. It's just the tartar sauce. Why, it's Bonzoni. It's so much tartar sauce. They catch those little fish up off Alaska,

jumping around. I'll have McDonald's once a month if I'm on a road trip. That's it. What are they, carp? What are fillet fish? Grouper? Just basic fish. Just ratty, fucking minnows sewn together.

And they get them, they get the net, they get like a million of them, they put them right into a freezer. They're flat, frozen like that. I don't wanna know, it's that. You know? I don't want to know. It's so bad. It just tastes good. I like what Seinfeld used to say.

What did you say? Oh, it's Alaska Pollock. Okay. Never the most random fish that no one's looking out for. So what did Jerry Seinfeld say? He said, McNuggets, I'll mangle it, but he said McNuggets are just parts of chicken. It's just gristle and parts and batter.

So even a real chicken could look at that and go, I see nothing here that bothers me. Because it's so far from really just a chicken breast. Well, there's that phrase, we've talked about it, of, oh, there's a steak. It has a lot of gristle on it. Yeah. Hmm.

And some people say that's the good part, the gristle, the fat and the bone, the fat. The yuck bag, the Farley yuck bag. All right, what else before we wrap up? Also, I wanna ask you something at the very end. Oh, this is funny. I watched this. Okay.

I don't know why it's funny more, but I was watching it thinking, my guess is the rock is so heavy it flips the bulldozer. Okay, let's watch what happens. Dropping a 7,000 kilograms rock into water. I know you really want to watch this video. Don't worry, I will play it again in a second. to watch this video. Don't worry. I will play it again in a second.

I hate this guy. I only interrupt you because I know you're made for more than scrolling and watching reels. This guy's an idiot. Live your dream life, drive the car you want and live life to the fullest. But instead you still choose to drain your potential watching these high dopamine videos. Thanks for listening. This is high dopamine? You can sit there and keep scrolling for another hour.

I'm not really getting it. You can follow me at Greastone Trading, message me yes, and I will send you an exclusive video training to make money on your phone. Shit, that was awesome. There's a video we wanted to see, dick. I like how, I like when people show what it's like to be successful.

I'm in a limo. I got a laptop, I got the ocean. You want this shit, is that what you want? I'm like, I have money, I just sit in this dark room and cry. Yeah, the money is about control and freedom, not, oh, something you wanna say? David's suddenly in an extreme closeup. God, Heather pushed in.

Oh, there she's back. Fuck, that was crazy. Is everybody okay? Did we survive that? That was weird. That was an earthquake. Yeah, is that weird, Dana? I don't know.

That was weird stuff. You look pretty good, you know, extreme closeup. I like how you give it nothing, you go, that was weird wild stuff. Weird wild stuff. You didn pretty good, you know, extreme close up. I like how you give it nothing, you go, that was weird wild stuff. Weird wild stuff. You didn't even give it all Johnny. Well, isn't that special? Isn't it fucking special?

I gotta show you the video Frankie Valli live and that's you doing the Church Lady in 22 years cause he's like this, he walks up on stage. Oh man, he's like 92, poor guy. Yeah. And he gets the mic and he goes, you see the pressure and you throw away. It's like the grease is the word.

And he's like this. He's just, and I go, he can't be singing. We'll show that. That'll be our big cliffhanger for next week. We'll show it. That shows you, the only one that I'm currently aware of in show business who's going toward his mid nineties that is still on fire, guests. We had him as a guest.

Dick Van Dyke, no. Billy Shatner, William Shatner. Oh, Billy's show. Yeah, Dick Van Dyke's. William Shatner. William Shatner's great. He was great on his show show. Yeah, Dickman makes a lot of money. William Shatner. William Shatner's great. He was great on his show.

He's just great. I'm glad he's out there. But he's still, he's got the strong voice and you know, he's got whatever he's doing. He doesn't have a line on his face. And I can't understand how he does it. All right. Thanks everybody. That was a fun one and we'll see you next week.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Mmm.