Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Superfly #38 - Jumbo Pretzels

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

The guys discuss New York, SNL, their manager, children at comedy shows, airplane etiquette, Kanye's faux pas, and much more. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

David, you know about Airbnb, right? I've had relatives that are coming to stay and they're staying for a little while and the hotel is far away or it's not quite the right fit. And so they get an Airbnb and these things are just a great use of digital knowledge. Where you- Oh yeah, I think people are just all moving that way

because just easy, you do it on your phone, you check it out and you find, you know, if you want your own privacy or whatever. Yeah. Or if you want a pool, you find one with a pool, you know, or one that you can bring your dog. It's it's completely not one size fits all super adjustable. I've used one in particular a couple of times and it was just charming and nice. And yeah, very easy to use. So it's a good alternative

if you need a place to stay. Right, because hotels are great. It just sometimes, hotels don't spend as much meticulously checking everything out. Airbnb, I think they always seem to have personal touches and my friends say it's great and they would never do anything but that. If you want a kitchen, you know, the hotels, it doesn't have a kitchen. A full kitchen usually can get that and do all that. Perfect accommodation, traveling with friends or family or on your own. Listen, for your next adventure, it might be something to try out at least, you know? You won't regret making the switch from traditional hotels.

And you might wind up liking it. They're doing some aging stuff and gives me a dimple and a thing. And then they slap me in the ass. They give me some french fries, they get me in a headlock and really drop kick me to the stage. They're really strong. They give you a shot of adrenaline like Pink Floyd. Get out there, kid. You're like, ugh. -♪ Pfft. -♪ -♪ METAL MUSIC PLAYING..

Let's get into it. We're on Superfly with Dana and we're gonna start with New York City. And I am in New York City, so if you're here at Siren, don't think it's some... -♪ Wee-wee-wee some, in what Spade's location is. I do go to the Saturday Night Live parties and I always go, well, I'll leave at 3 a.m. It's freaky that you get a second win.

You get up maybe at eight or nine and then you go all the way to 1 a.m. for the good nights fluffed and folded. Are you going? Are we going? You know, the death of an episode of Saturday Night Live or nine and then you go all the way to 1 a.m. for the good nights fluffed and folded. Are you going? Are we going? You know, the death of an episode of Saturday Night Live is if people ask where is the party too early,

like it's six o'clock in the, you know, it's like 6 p.m. Where's the party tonight? Means they're not focused. But anyway, I go and I eventually end up with Lorne and we're there together. So basically I get into the bed at the hotel, I look at my phone, it says 5 30 a.m. and then I turn the light out. And I'm not a night owl. I go to bed at 9 a.m.

No, you're a baller, dude. That's crazy because, you know, I, uh, we, I used to do the SNL parties and now if something's at 11, I'm like, how on God's green earth, if it's not, you know, New Year's Eve, how do you get up the gumption to stay up to 11? If there's nothing energetically happening and you're just sitting around, it's hard, but if there's something going on, you're out, then you stay up. But yeah, the party with, uh, they're, they're, they're pretty intense. There's a lot, a lot of people there,

and I got to hang out with Stevie Nicks, who couldn't have been more adorable. No, for sure. You know. Sure, legend. Ariana Grande was definitely relieved after the show. The show was, she did a great show. She can kind of do anything.

I have to say, she is hilarious. She's great. Yeah. I think I wanted to tell her if I ever saw her. Just the last time I saw her on the show, her impressions were great. When she would sing a bunch of different people, and then she's funny.

She did a Jennifer Lawrence last time that was funny. So I didn't see all her sketches, but the ones I saw, she is just... She does a great job. Powerhouse. Real pistol. She's a pistol, and she's one of those people you go, what can't she do?

She was there with a friend and I said, she kind of does everything right. I go, can she dance? And he goes, oh yeah, she can dance. She can sing, she can dance, does comedy and person. So that was really fun. And I was talking to a woman at the party, you know, you get whipped around.

By the way, she's a twig too, by the way, in real life. She weighs 66, she's tiny. Yeah. And it's so funny, she's such a powerhouse. She wasn't tired. I think people get on her about being thin. She didn't look tired. She's energetic.

She gives it in every sketch. There's absolutely no complaints. No, she's just the size person she is, and it works for her. She has really funny energy. I saw her walking down the hallway in the costume for the castrati. There was a thing that she was playing, a boy who was castrated.

Yeah, they're like that one, yeah. And when I saw the costume just walking down casually, you know. It's just funny. I said, okay, this is gonna work. You know, sometimes you have to see. So you met a woman, I'm sorry, I interrupted you, go ahead. Oh no, I was talking to a woman, you know, you turn and then there's somebody, oh hey, you know,

and it was her mom. And I go, oh, that's cool. Does the apple fall very far from the tree? And she goes, I'm an engineer. Okay. So she just went off and did her own thing. Not a full netbo baby. No, she's just, she's a, what can I say?

I mean, good Lord. That's why, long story short, I put on lipstick and a dress and a wig in a sketch about Jennifer Coolidge. They threw it at me Thursday night. I just thought, in my age group, I never really was in drag, because church ladies, whatever you think she is,

there's no lipstick, there's no, but then they explained to me that the character, it was like a snow white thing or something that, my Jennifer Coolidge has been trapped in the mirror for hundreds of years, Chloe told me. Yeah, and you look the closest to 200. So when I came out, but I think we have a, this is, I had a lot of guests backstage

and Lovitz was one of them. So he took a video of me, which I posted, but I think it's funny to talk about because- Oh, he took that? Yeah, and I'm just trying to get through the thing. Here we go. I'm trying to rehearse it. Yeah, let's play it.

Seeing mouth magic. Wow. So we're gonna I'm trying to rehearse it. Let's play it. I love it. Look at the boots. Shoes on. Yeah, exactly. Just learning. What are we? Oh, what?

It got cut. I love it. This is solid BTS. You got your down jacket. But you're literally saying it in your head. You're like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this.

You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this. You're like, I'm going to do this by eating some corn. I love it. This is solid BTS. You got your down jacket.

But you're literally just saying it in your head out loud kind of. Yeah, I'm just trying to because between dress and air for time, they had to remove about four beats. One was we eat corn, it was a lot wilder, but it was amazing. They're like this, ha ha, and it's flying around.

It's just a non sequitur. Hey, wow, let's eat some corn. They suddenly have corn. Can I have your corn? It was kind of an acidy, esoteric sketch. I still don't quite understand it, but that was fun. Should I tell you a few things about living in New York? Or do you want to respond?

You have any questions? No, I'm saying they could probably do that sketch again, because it's sort of a good trick. You've got a host mimicking this cast member, which is a good fun thing for the host, and then that side mirror kind of makes sense. Doesn't, a thousand percent, but it's funny. It makes enough sense to we get it.

And then it's just three people, now it's just funny three people trying to act the same and lip sync what they're saying and of course get it wrong, it's funny. And then I guess it's maybe other people are more aware, but I was casually aware that lipstick commercials do have long phrases. Maybelline's lip, lip, lip color, color,

lips, special lip, lip. So that was something I think that our Heather would understand. The day and night out in the town, go with your first date lipstick. Yeah, with the lip, lip, lippity, lip, lip, lip, lip, color, color, color. All right, casual observation about New York City.

First of all, it's like being in midtown, walking around, it's like being in Disneyland on a Saturday during a holiday. I mean, it's literally being in Midtown walking around. It's like being in Disneyland on a Saturday during a holiday. I mean, it's literally that packed. And now they have people on bikes and bike lanes called Citibank Bikes. And they're going 40 miles per hour. So you're just looking for cars,

but there's separate lanes. You know, God! On your right. Oh yeah, yeah. On your left. Totally. And then, you know, I go to the pharmacy and it's got all this stuff.

It's got a little grocery store. And you go in and there's a six foot eight guy with a flack jacket and an Uzi, just very serious with combat boots, just over by the ATM looking around, you know? It's just not quite like a... Good guy or bad guy? He's a good guy.

Good guy, good guy. A guy who just says... Good guy. Not here. He's a guy who. He's guarding me. Good guy, good guy. A guy who just says, Good guy. Not here. He's a guy who just says, Not here. Not here, not now, not on my turf. But you know, if you live up in maybe Idaho or something,

you may not get as much of that. So, it's kind of strange. Right, I mean, you see there's, I mean, I was just watching our local news and I'm like, this should be a crime show because it should be the crime channel. Every other story is like like another smashing, another ATM was ripped out through the fucking fireplace of someone's house.

Another, they're just showing people ripping out ATMs with trucks out of, and everyone's like, and they warn this seven 11, you should probably welcome down better. It's never about don't steal it. It's about how can we hide it, trick people in a not. Totally, oh yeah, the shelves are bare really, basically. I mean, you know, you have to get a key to get in, to get lotion and stuff. And it's kind of like, I get some rubbers on IL-8.

It's so embarrassing. Yeah, and it's a little bit like my doctor nurse, it's like, oh, you wanna do what? Well, I'd like to get some, you know, some vitamin C. That's under lock and key. I'm going to have to get the manager. Let me call corporate. But, but by the way,

Are you for sure going to buy it? By the way, and guess what? Yeah, I know, right. They are paranoid. So even the flack jacket guy is looking at me. I've got a puffy jacket on, you know, right. They are paranoid. So even the flak jacket guy is looking at me. I've got a puffy jacket on, you know, baseball, black baseball cap. So he doesn't know.

So I'm walking toward him. He's standing right next to the ATM and I kind of whip out my wallet. And the second time I did it, I kind of did it very carefully. Like here's the wallet. Well, my hand's in my pocket. And then there's a...

Yeah. He's looking right there. Yeah, you don't know if it's like, stick him up, buddy. You don't want to get gunned down. Mm-hmm. I've been very busy out here in a way. I mean, I could have a boozy lunch or a boozy dinner

with some friend every day. Oh, I told you, I knew it. I'm like, hey, New York fun, and you're on the show, and there's a host, there's cast, there's friends that are visiting, you saw I knew it. I'm like, New York fun, and you're on the show, and there's a host, there's cast, there's friends that are visiting. You saw Lovitz. Hello? Hello? Lovitz must have been like, I'm available for sketches.

Oh, he was there the whole time. He's like, I'm only going for the dress show, because I have to do something tomorrow. And then he says, oh, I'll stay for the air show. Then he stays for the air show. I'm not going to the party. I have something I have to do tomorrow. Next thing you know, he's at the party.

It's 3.30 in the morning. Of course. I should go. But I'm not jealous. I'm not gonna sit with you and Lauren. Scooch. Scooch away. Well, I mean, I like the fact that you're like

at 3 a.m. going, should I call it quits early? But that's true, I guess. The show's at one, you're high on adrenaline. The adrenaline kind of goes away though, because you're like, blah, blah. Once you get in an elevator, you go down, you get in limo, just on the way to the party, you start to go, oh, fuck, like it's dissipating.

And then you get to the party, ya-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da, and they come up, what do you want to eat immediately? And you feel like you're on a sale. I know. Oh, you get to party, ya da da da da da. Da da, and they come up, what do you want to eat immediately? And if you like to come out and say oh. Oh, you get to eat too, but you're starving, I'm sure. You're kind of starving and then, you know, the next day you pay for staying up till 5.30. You know, you're like.

Do they move in every week like they used to do? Yeah, every place is different. This was at Saks Fifth Avenue, a restaurant inside. Oh, I like that one, La Avenue. I like that one. They're all, they're all. I had my birthday there. They're all beautiful.

Another casual observation that people that know, I'm not normally recognized anywhere, but I have the hat on, the vest around my neck. I've got a phone up like this. I'm looking down and I'm going full tilt, walking as fast as I can. Another guy comes the same way, walking super fast, goes,

hey, like you on SNL, and then, that's it. Yeah, Dan Barney. All they're seeing is this, like you on SNL. And also, finally, it's very sweet, doorman, people work at the hotel. If I give them 10 seconds of Biden, they laugh so hard for nothing. Come on, I gotta get out of here and go find a taxi.

Yeah, you get your facts right, Jack. And guess what? And by the way, they're like, hey, thank you, Mr. Covey. Thank you for that, Mr. Covey. So it's very sweet. You do that service. You do a service. Yeah, we like laughing over shit.

We love what you're doing on that show you're doing over there with that guy. Did you, you've been a cast member now 58 years. No, no, I took a... I went away. Oh, yeah, I don't see it too much. Hey, I stopped watching when Bill Murray left, you know. But I just... He's still doing Land Shark?

Yeah. Am I still doing Land Shark? No, that was someone else, and that was 500 years ago. You know, the last really good season was Billy Crystal, Mon Short, Christopher Guetta. You know, everyone's last before it sucked. And then the areas and some bad years and stuff, you know. But, you know, your era was fun.

A safe answer about it is that you go, sucks now. That's just an easy one to start with. And you go, actually, there's some fun stuff. Most of the comments are, the last time Saturday Night Live was funny. If I look at an article online, was, you know, 81 or 86 or 90,

but nothing in the last 20 years. SNL has been funny and a burby, burp, burp, burp. I always say there's always a sketch or two that's funny every week, and it's kind of always been that way. There's, it's overall, and it's kind of always been that way. There's, it's overall, maybe it's been better or worse, but you hit a few home runs and then a lot of them clank,

but that's just the way it is. Yeah, I go by Lauren's assessment, which is that whatever age you are, that you find music, you never forget it. What age you are when you first see people acting ridiculous at 1130 at night, then you never forget your. What age you are when you first see people acting ridiculous at 1130 at night. Acting a fool. Then you never forget your cast, you know, and that's true.

Like seventh grade through high school is like a good chunk when you watch and it's sort of getting away with something that's kind of dirty. And kind of nasty. Right, I'll tell you about my stupid weekend. Okay, what happened? I heard good things. I'll just say that. All right, did the special. That was in Denver. Two shows. Encore for the first show?

Did you come back out? What's up? They did stand up. I came out and took a photo. I should show you. I don't think I'm allowed to. I'll show it next week if I can. Standing O. I mean, who cares? But standing, well, whatever. But I think there's also...

It's like a favor. They're like, we're on camera. I feel like this is the time we should stand up. But I think there's also, it's like a favor. They're like, we're on camera. I feel like this is the time we should stand up. But it was a good set. I will say Denver has good crowds. And I knew that because I always played comedy works there. So two shows in one night is tough.

Gurvitz, of course, our manager, was like this on the couch in between. He had a huge pretzel. I should show a picture. He has a pretzel the size of a steering wheel of a semi truck. And it's rotated on a platter and it's upright like a Ferris wheel.

I might be able to put the clip in the YouTube, but it's so funny they go, we're having dinner and he goes, we're going to Yard House? Someone's out of cash. I go, no, I just want to go to Yard House because it's connected basically to the theater. I don't mind Yard House by the way,

but I fake him and Haught, I go, we gotta go there. Meanwhile, I love it. You want it convenient and I'm sure it's great. Yeah, easy and it's like not like stuffy. I can always tell on the road. I don't want to go to a place that has like, you know, squid and octopi. You know, you're just like, I just want something normal.

So I eat some stuff and he goes, I'm just going to get a pretzel. Then they bring it, it's like, they think he's seven. They bring it like on a fishing line, like, here's your pretzel. It's like a huge pretzel. And I'm like, that's not for, and he goes, that's mine. And I'm like, you got a pretzel and a fishing rod?

And then they bring it over and he's like, hee-hee-hee, ha-ha-ha. I go, God damn. And then of course... What is he? Because he's carved out. He's like a little monkey person. Hee-hee-hee, ha-ha-ha. He's beautiful.

He goes, I'll eat it like a sandwich. It's huge. Anyway, I go, Mark, I don't know if you should have 10,000 carbs right now. So he, we talk about the special. I go in, I do it, I go, Mark, I don't know if you should have 10,000 carbs right now. So he, we talk about the special. I go in, I do it. And then between shows, Alex is back there. We're just like redoing my set list

and switching stuff around. Just cause second show you get to do whatever you want. But in between he's like this. I'm going to see Dana tomorrow. I go, oh, you're going to see Dana? Just rat a tat tat with the clients, hop stone to stone, I'll get your feet wet. I click all the boxes, then I get back to my mansion.

I said I did it. I saw your special. I saw Dana, back to the mansion. Look at my dog, he jumped in the pool. Did I show you the video? I'll get you a dog if you want. You know, as far as restaurants, just for a second, I went to this steakhouse with, for a charity, and we got like 10 compliments of the chef. You ordered tons of food, all your entrees, salmon, or pasta, whatever,

and then compliments of the chef kept coming. It's calamari. Oh, they give you a freebie. Oh, yeah. Compliments of the chef. So then we ordered dessert so everyone would get one spoonful. Compliments of the chef. It was like a village of desserts. It had platforms that were elevated. It was a million calories, compliments of the chef. How do you go...

You don't even need to order anything. Tell that chef to go shove it up his ass. Yeah, I've had enough. How big do you think I am? I made a little card. I had a pencil. It just said, thanks, but no thanks. When they try to get us more compliments of the chef, compliments of the chef, it's very nice,

but two people were hospitalized for stomach problems. Yeah, because of oversaturation. I go there and they go, you can always tell they're gonna send you something. They go, any allergies, allergic to anything? And I go, no. And they bring me a big penicillin cake. I go, well, I don't love penicillin. I'm not allergic to it? And I go, no. And they bring me a big penicillin cake.

I go, well, I don't love penicillin. I'm not allergic to it, but I'll eat it. So they give me that. And then they also go, they always have someone stop by your table. It's like a free card. How's it going over here? You guys good?

You need anything? I'm the regional VP of this quadrant of the back of the daytime. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. But you never need anything. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. But you never need anything. And it's like, no.

And then if you ever do, the guy goes, I'm the CEO of all the yard houses in history. Just want to stop by if you need anything. I go, you got any A1? And they're like, oh. No, we were interrupted so much that I nicknamed the restaurant Interrupto. Well, welcome to Interrupto.

We're trying to have a conversation. These people, me and Robert Smigel, were auctioned off as have a dinner date with us. We're right in the middle of, you know, Wayne's World. Oh, and that's your auction dinner? Yeah, and they're very super nice people. It was really fun, but Interrupto, they're like, is everything okay?

And the order they go, well, we have a great fish. I go, is it the head and the tail too? Oh yes, it's the head and the tail. But we filet it. So they showed the fish and it was wrapped up in a blanket. Was it like, was that a morgue or something? I felt bad for it. That was sickening.

I know, I don't like it. No, we come to your table, we smash the head with our mallet. First we show you the head, then we show you with the tail. And then we go backstage and interrupto, and do the magic, and then you get filet. And interrupto.

Oh, God, every time you do a punchline, you go, and then the third guy says, and someone goes, you guys doing okay over here? Is everything all right? Can I get you anything? Yes. And so I met my wife, and the reason we decided to get married, can we help you with anything? You need more water? Hey, fuck you, interrupto.

Your water's down a quarter inch. I go, I don't wanna leave with a full water. How about that? Like I'll get it to the bottom and then we'll leave. You don't have to go, I go, okay. Don't top me, it's okay. Anyway, Interrupto. But we sound like the biggest ingrates.

But the truth is you don't really need to order anything. You just get some potato skins and the rest they just bring out. We understand, I always say this, first world problem. You don't really need to order anything. You just get some potato skins and the rest they just bring out. And they thought you'd like these. We understand, I always say this, first world problem. But it is funny because we were trying to talk and it was Interruptos. I won't say the name of the restaurant

because they were great. I mean, they were just, how do you do it? I'd rather eat at Interruptos. So then I go to Kansas City the next night and I hung out with Mahomes all night. That's cool. Yeah, yeah, Jackson Mahomes all night. That's cool. Yeah, Jackson Mahomes. Anyway...

Oh, I thought it was Patrick Mahomes. No, it's his brother. Can we get a rim shot? And Kelsey, Steve Kelsey, the guy with the mask. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, that's the joke. But Jackson Mahomes is...

I was hanging out with Bill Streisand, her younger brother, Bill Streisand. He was terrific. So, what would you do, Dana? I'm in the middle of my act. I looked at, I'm doing this thing about a dog. I don't want to give it away. It's so funny.

It's not really dirty, but some of my stuff is adult. Adult, yes. Yeah. And I'm in the middle of my act, and I do this thing where I kind of act it out and I turn around, front row, I see this guy, it looks like with really long hair like this and an empty seat next to him.

I'm like, curious, piqued my interest. But you can't look at someone for more than a second because you forget your act, you know, so. Yeah, yeah. I go, I gotta go back to that guy. So I start something else, I look back and while they're laughing uproariously for about 20 to 40

seconds, minutes, I look over and I, he doesn't have long hair. He's with a girl. I'm like, is that his wife? No, it's a seven year old girl with long hair. It's his daughter. And I'm like, and it throws me. And so I, I kind of pause and I think is this guy, a coyote from the border? He's bringing kids in.

I just thought, what's going on here? So I go, hey man, is that a coyote from the border? You know coyotes bring these smuggled kids. I understood, it's kind of a dark thing in a comedy show. I just didn't know, Dana, I just didn't know. I know, but you're trying to do your act. Now you're thinking about sex trafficking. Yeah, I think there's a coyote here. So I go, but you're trying to do your act. Could have been anything. Now you're thinking about sex trafficking. It kind of, unless you have a bit about that.

Yeah, I think there's a coyote here. So I go, hey man, oh, who's that? And he goes, oh, this is my daughter, nonchalant. I go, how old are you, hon? She goes, seven. You're in the front row. I go, you got pretty good seats. I go, who's your daughter, Meghan Markle?

Jesus, she's got some money. Well, wait a minute, what happens? I'm like, I think that my show is for 16 or 18 and under, but I found out it doesn't say that. Up. 18 and up, yeah, yeah. But I found out it's for all ages. Now that's Nate Bergazzi's gig.

He's got a clean act, like, you know. Totally clean, yeah. It's squeaky, but mine is a little rougher on the edges, nothing too horrible, but enough to where I don't want to say it to a seven year old. So I said, oh, and then I got her name, then I kept referring back to her. And I even talked about porn at the end and I go, hey,

I go something like, it's getting, are you finding, are you people finding it's hard, it's getting harder to watch porn on an airplane? And then I look over and I go, like, hey, maybe take her to get some popcorn. Guy's like, couldn't care less. And I'm like, I can't change my act for 2000 people when there's one, you know?

I don't know what to do. What's the rawest thing that you had to do in front of the seven-year-old girl? I shouldn't say, I don't know. Fake fallatio? It was not too bad. Gawk, gawk. you had to do in front of the seven-year-old girl? I shouldn't say, I don't know. Fake fellatio? It was not too bad. Gawk, gawk, no, I just, there's some stuff,

I do talk about adult, I do talk about adult films. But she was fine, and then afterwards, people wait by your car to sign Funkos and whatever, so I go say hi to some people, and I start to get in the car. Can we get a picture? And I'm already in the car. I roll it down.

No, I don't roll it down. I see the guy and the daughter. So I roll it down. I get a picture with her because I thought this is just a funny story. I don't know. And I thought, she's traumatized. I've had it and I make my whole show about the kid.

It was a boy recently and he's in the front row with his dad, and he's like seven or eight, and I just keep referring to him. I get his name. It becomes part of the show. It is funny to do that, but seven I thought if she was like 12 or 14,

they'd think it was funny, but the kid doesn't even know I'm on stage. No, it's kind of tricky. Was that your first or second show? That was my, no, that was the next night in Kansas City. Oh, you weren't taping. Okay, all right. No, I didn't.

And taping, I don't know if I would have gone on such a tangent, you know? But at Kansas City, I said, oh, she thinks I'm Taylor Swift anyway. So she walked out of there going, Taylor Swift was there. And quickly I requested. You have a goatee and she thought... So she might have been more like four.

Daddy, he likes it. Yeah. She saw blonde hair. Yeah, he liked Taylor Swift, Daddy. Um, he got fuzzies on face, Daddy. Taylor Swift, she's got fuzzies on face. We went to Taylor Swift tonight. How was she? She was a little dirty.

Yeah, she said, a Taylor Swift tonight. How was she? She was a little dirty. Yeah. She said, she say naughty words. Me cry on way home. And now a word from our sponsors at betterment. Do you want your money to be motivated? Do you want your money to rise and grind? Do you think your money should get up and work? Don't worry, Betterment is here to help. Betterment is the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle. Their automated technology is built to help maximize returns, meaning when you invest with Betterment. Your money can auto adjust as you get closer to your goal. Rebalance if your portfolio gets too far out of line and your dividends are automatically reinvested.

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Book that holiday trip now, start getting cash back today by joining Rakuten. It's free, it's easy to use, and you get cash back deposited into your PayPal account or sent to you as a check. It's the smartest way to shop for sure. Plain and simple, start your shopping at racotent.ca or get the racotent app. That's r-a-k-u-t-e-n dot c-a. Here's my question. Flying home is the

last question then we'll get to all the hot. Oh we got hot topics. No but we'll say that. But so when I'm flying home, I had three seats in coach, all three of us were in coach, right? So what are the man of the people? So what are the rules of etiquette when you see people walk up to first class to use the bathroom? Now, I know you're not allowed to stop them,

but legally, are you allowed to stop them, but legally are you allowed to go up there and take a shit? I sound, it sounds gross, but I'm just thinking is that's pushing it. Well, wait, did I get this right? You have three, three seats in coach. Is that right? Did I get that wrong? Yeah, I get that right. Did I get that right? Did I get that right? I'm reading this. I'm reading this.

Now, when you, you are, your words, not mine. You are a very successful international standup and yet you fly coach because of issues with your orthopedic structure or for what reason? Because why? Why? It doesn't make sense to the American people.

Well, also you like to sit straight up anyway. You don't need a lounger. Well, also, I have people with me, and sometimes I'd rather sit and coach with my buddies than sit with someone next to me in first that I don't know. And I just... I have TVs on the back. I just stare at the TV like a two-year-old, and so I'm happy.

So did you, you... did you... Did you and yourself as a coach passenger, your words not mine, go to the first class bathroom and unload a small horse into the latrine? No, a latrine. There was a guy next to me coughing the whole time. Now, not only coughing, but grotesquely sniffing up the bugs, but every 30 seconds on cue. And I was like, I couldn't deal with it. And he could not give a fat fuck.

He's like this. He didn't look over and go, he just goes, couldn't care. Next to him is a college guy, head on his laptop and the girlfriend rubbing his back. I think he's hungover. He gets up and goes to the back. I go pee later, mostly just to stand up. He's in there minimum 15 minutes, min.

And I'm like this, and I asked, Fletcher's always nice to me, so I'm like, what's going on? She's like, I think. I go, oh no. So he's puking, comes out. I let someone else go to soak the fumes into their clothes of the puke.

Then he goes in the front and I go to my buddy Bobby, I go, hey, I think this dude that was sitting here is sick. He goes, yeah, now he went up to the front to puke. To puke up there, to balance the plane out. Yeah. In first. It's so much barf, it would affect the trajectory of the jet.

So the flight attendant said, could you load it up front? Even it out. Just so the plane flies normally. Six pounds back there. Six pounds back there. Four up there. Then he goes back to the back again.

I'm like, we're gonna have to land. Don't get on the plane if you're this fucking out of it. Like, this guy's obviously got the flu or diphtheria, and then the guy next to him is a college kid barfing. So, not as fun and coach as we all would have thought. And that's it. I get all kinds of things. You ever got a throat clear guy?

A throat, you ever got a throat clearer? Sick. Ahem. Ugh. Ahem. I hate it. Every 10 seconds for seven hours. Ahem.

Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. And that was the pilot. But my... We go, take. And that was the pilot. But my... We go, take your throat back to the shop. It's not working. Something's wrong.

Get a lozenge, gargle backstage, put a pillow over your head, or shoot me in the fucking head. Because I can't take one more clearing. We're over Topeka. I'm such a dick, by the way. Oh, by the way, Coffee Sniffly is watching a video and it's old SNL. Not even, not our era, but just old SNL sketches. I'm like, I just want him to know I'm mad at him and I used to be on SNL.

You got to just start talking to your bandmates, your two friends really loud and just saying, and Chris Farley, you know. Me and Chris Farley. Dana Carvey. Dana Carvey. But I do, when I go on SNL, and they're very nice, the audience when I come out,

I feel like a ghost coming out of the mist. I mean, if you don't listen to this podcast, you're like, where in the hell is this little baby face nutball bin all these years? Where's the scraggle rock? And I'm like, here I come again. Come on now. Get your facts straight, Jack.

So it's fun to do Biden, and I'm just still winding into it. I did it on this podcast, but not with the full regalia. So I've got new hooks for this, this show Saturday, brand new Biden's. Who's the host this week? Michael Keaton? A man named Michael Keaton. Was he on our podcast? Yeah, he was. I know. Super nice guy. He's funny, dude. And funny. So how long does your hair and makeup take for what? Biden? Yeah. Heather has a question. It used to be to get a bald cap really on,

done well with latex and all this stuff would take basically an hour. Now they have like a pit stop, like Indianapolis 500. They got five guys. Yeah, and it's 15 minutes to put the bald cap on. And then the makeup is not much. You know, I'm in a certain age group, but they're doing some aging stuff

and gives me a dimple and a thing. And then they slap me in the ass. They give me some French fries. They get me in a headlock and really drop kick me to the stage. They're really strong. They give you a shot of adrenaline like Pink Floyd. Get out there kid. You're like, stage. They're really strong. They give you a shot of adrenaline like Pink Floyd. Get out there, kid.

You're like, ugh. The two superstars, I mean, the two heads are Louie with the bald cap and makeup, and then Jodie with her band mates over on the other side. And they, the wig is delicately placed on my head. I tighten the tie or put it on and I'm ready to go. Come on. And by the way, and guess what? The fact of the matter is, let me be clear.

I ran out of stuff to say. So anyway, I'm having fun. What else do we got? That's a half an hour. First story. Here we go. First story. All right, we got a big show today.

You've had a big show. You've had a big show and there's another one. Okay. Oh, I like this story. Read it. Actually, there's a follow-up. Kanye West allegedly told wife Bianca he wanted to have sex with her mom while she watched. This is a real no-no if you're married.

This is a real no-no for a girlfriend. Oh, you know. Well, I mean, teach his own and it happens a lot. It does? No. No. Cuckoo. Run away. The funny thing is after this happened, a couple of, I'm like, who's this? it does? No, no. Cuckoo, run away, sensor.

The funny thing is after this happened, a couple, I'm like, who's her mom? Like, of course, we barely know this young lady other than she wears, she's quite literally scantily clad. I could safely say that, right? You seen her? If your boyfriend wants to put you

in some kind of Falcon hoodie with a G string and parade you down the streets of Rome, there's one word for that. Run! Yeah. But I love Kanye West. He's got you in see through. Can we have him on the podcast?

I know. But I do. I do. Oh, it's too late. He's got, he's walking and going, you like this shit? Huh? Cause she looks great. Anyway, a couple of days later, I'm reading the Daily Nailed or one of those places. Daily Mail, crack cocaine for your brain.

And here's freaking Bianca's mom, Bianca's mom. She's out and about and she's strutting and peacocking like, what? Of course, she looks kind of cute. I'm like, oh, that's her mom. Like, this is the one. Kind of just lusting over. They hype it up a little bit. And then she's like, huh? Leaning over. Little old me, why am I so great? Hilarious.

Well, it's just funny. Can we have a picture of her? Try to pull one up if you see one. Where does that end? Just in a marriage? Hey, can I have sex picture of her? Try to pull one up if you see one. Where does that end? I mean, just in a marriage. Hey, can I have sex with your cousin? Your brother's daughter? Could I say, I mean, it's just like, when does somebody say, shut the fuck up, you sicko?

Yeah, I see. Was anyone your family tree, technically available? Is there any boundaries? Okay, there she is. Look at her. What's going on? Check me out.

Okay. Got the heels on her way to Ralph's. So anyway, Connie is an attractive woman. She's got the Jackie O sunglasses, long bond hair. It's a lot of she's decked out, a bracelet, you know. Feels like she's ready for a photo shoot around noon, but fine. So, also, the rumor on the story was he texted Bianca, is that her name Bianca Bianca and said, Hey, I want to have sex with your mom.

Her answer could have been a myriad of things she could have started with. Um, but instead she said, she is married. You know what, since I deep dived on Daily Mail, I got her response to that actually. I want to sit with your mom. Her response was, again? Exclamation point. We've talked about this.

No, she doesn't get offended. She's married. That's the reason why he can. I think people do a lot of, you know, what's that song from the 1930s? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Charlie Pryde maybe? I think so.

One of my favorites was You're Having My Baby. That wouldn't fly now in 2024. You're having my baby. Is it at least her baby or our baby? You're having my baby. Oh, actually, he goes, and it says like, no, it's not Neil Donovan. Having my baby.

What a lovely way of saying what you're thinking of me. And he goes, the seed inside you, the seed, how sickening. I see it growing. Your seed is growing. Yeah, he goes, I'm happy and knowing that you're having Mabe. But then she sings, I'm a woman in love. But the best part is he casually goes, you didn't have to keep it.

And you're listening going, he goes, I wouldn't put you through it. You could have swept it from your life, but you wouldn't do it. He didn't say you couldn't do it. He goes, but you wouldn't do it. Now you haven't my babe. Is that, but you wouldn't do it. Now you're having my baby. Is that hearing this right? That sounds real. Oh, wow. I thought it was the chorus was in case

you forgot, you're having my baby. If you ever can't remember, you're having my baby. I thought you were fat and getting fatter. But then you showed me the sonogram, but it doesn't matter, cause you're having my baby. I know you might think, I know you might think that you're having your baby. Maybe you think you have an hour baby, but none of those are true,

cause you're having my baby. It's a little chauvinistic, a little ego, snail ego. You're right, I'm glad you brought it up. Okay, what's the next one? That was a great run. There's a clip, Patrick's going crazy. That's a good run, it's funny. I guess so.

Horrifying video appears to show accused killer Sarah Boone laugh as boyfriend dies trapped in a suitcase. Warn him. Feel good. Well, this is a story. It's been around for a while. Ed, did you hear about this? A woman, so I guess I'm probably wrong.

They get drunk, they're fighting. She tells him to get in his suitcase, zips it up, leaves about this much of the zipper so his finger can stick out. And then laughs at him and films it while he's like, hey, enough, it's hard to breathe in here. Right. And stays in there. And then she goes to bed.

She laughs about it, filming, posts it, goes to bed, wakes up, oh right, where's the boyfriend? Oh, he's in the suitcase. Okay, puns over, and then he's like this. So it came up again because I think it's been about four years of this trial, and she's like, you guys aren't still mad about this. They're like, yes, and you're going to jail. So I think she's going to jail.

Did she have a defense that she was drunk and didn't understand and fell asleep? Or is it, what is it? Is it involuntary? Oh, you were a lawyer? Well, I was a practicing lawyer before I got asked about. I was a practicing lawyer. Ah, this is got-

Who was an unfrozen caveman lawyer? Involuntary manslaughter, code one. Three to five, she served three, she's out in six months. But- Ha ha ha ha ha. The- Here's your lawyer, Kim Kardashian. Yeah, so I don't know.

So it's just so crazy that they have a video of her like talking to a suitcase. Yeah. And she's drinking wine going, what are you complaining about? Yeah, what's your problem? Ooh, look at me, I'm in a suitcase and I can't breathe. Get the fuck out of here.

Those are, that's where it's her testimony. Are you tired? I'm tired. I'm gonna go. You wanna sleep here? You sleep in... Okay. You'll sleep in the suitcase. There's more punishment. And then it's just hard to get out of that... being guilty. Well, and also the whole industry rotated after that.

They know that a lot of people were put in suitcases by loved ones and they couldn't get out. So now there's a interlocking thing where a zipped or the thing you can get out of suitcases. That was, you know, government. I think Biden's been, you gotta be able to get out of a suitcase, come on. I took care of that.

You got a zipper on the inside. Trump wants his zipper on the outside. Trump wants everything on the outside. Im on everything is on the outside. I got Charms on his inside. Every inside of the suitcase shall pop a Swiss army knife. Cut out like a. Oh yeah, there's a little, yeah, like the little corkscrew things

coming through the suitcase. Eh-er, eh-er, eh-er, eh-er, eh-er. Must not be the man in the suitcase. All right. I like that. Note to self, if Paula wants to put me in a suitcase, make sure you've got the Bideny one. Yeah. You gotta get the Bideny one,

you gotta get the Biden one, it's got a hatch. You can get out of that hatch with no problem. I don't like him as president, but I love him as a suitcase guy. BOTH LAUGHING By the way, when people guess what we're doing, like, if they think we're political, they always go, you did a joke about Biden, so you're for the other side. You did a joke about Trump. You can't say anything.

The other day, I said to someone, I go, oh, I just don't like these stores closing, and that one closed because they had too many break-ins. There's day I said to someone, I go, oh, I just don't like these stores closing. And that one closed because they had too many break-ins. There's too much crime here. And they go, oh, you got a, are you a Trumper? Hey, hey, hey, you got a Trumpie. You got a Trumper here. I go, I can't even be against crime.

It's immediately, whatever you're saying, they're waiting. What side? Yeah, what side? Yeah, you're against crime. And so you say anything, they go, oh, okay. All right, here's 7-Eleven. This is a sad story. This is sad. 7-Eleven is closing. I love 7-Eleven.

Yeah. More than 400 locations here in, I guess, Canada. Sad. I don't know why, because, oh, it says, due to slowing sales inflation, declining traffic. Decl declining traffic. Declining sales, it's been selling the exact same for 200 years.

My whole life, there's exactly the same amount of people in there, there's about six, everyone's buying stuff. I don't know how they've stayed alive before. Is the people who were going to 7-Eleven casually to get little things and stuff at night or wherever, where are they going now for that stuff? Right. What's the competitor?

And this Amazon instead of going to the store and DoorDash Amazon. Well, I mean, when you can order one paper towel on Amazon and it comes within an hour, it's like, it's hard to compete with that, but it's wasteful. But I like to go to 7-Eleven. It's kind of fun.

I don't mind it being a white trash can. Well, yeah. It's kind of just all the grabby stuff you want to get. Want some chips, get a snow cone, get a hot dog, get water. But I was around in the 60s at a business symposium and the guy was starting 7-Eleven. And I said to him, 7-Eleven, eventually that's going to bite you in the ass.

I say 8 a.m. to 12, call it 8 to 12. And he didn't take my advice and now he's bankrupt. I call it, I said you should call it 8.30-ish to sundown. No, didn't bite. Didn't bite. Well, also, where am I gonna get Christmas presents on Christmas Eve when I'm going to a party and I haven't bite. I didn't bite. Well, also, where am I gonna get Christmas presents on Christmas Eve when I'm going to a party

and I haven't gotten anything yet? I know, there's a little child section. You get a little plastic pony and you give it to a sad kid. Yeah, it's a shame. Everything's closing. The kid's like, oh, thank you Funions. All right, next one, I guess. It's all sad stories, Dana.

Is it? After Ariana Grande, it's all sad. There's another one, here we go. Okay, here's a child on the couch. This is a kid when he gets told a Mari Cooper is on the Browns, the Cleveland Browns football. And they tell this kid who can't know anything

about football, they tell him he just got traded. This is what would be my reaction. So today, Amari Cooper got traded. What's traded? It means that he's not on the Cleveland Browns anymore. What? Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. This is me in fantasy football. This is someone wrote, this is child abuse letting your kid be a Browns fan. God damn, okay. Cut it off.

I didn't know he's crying this hard. Wait, it gets a little- Sad. Abusive. I would have just changed it out. Like- I would have said no, no. No, no, he's- He's back, he just has a different number.

Does the kid know what he looks like? He doesn't know anything. Is he... I'm... If I play this kid in fantasy, which I probably do, because I try to play people like a beat, but, uh... It was a big shakeup in fantasy. It was, and you... It's emotional. This is kind of related to this.

I knew a couple, no names, but they decided, okay, this marriage isn't working, we're gonna get divorced, let's go in and tell the kids. And the kids are like six and eight or eight and 10, something like that. So they go, mommy and daddy, we've decided. So before they really got through it, the kids burst into tears violently and they said,

no, they backed it out. No, we're not getting divorced! Both of them said, no, no, when they saw their reaction. They said, no! And then they stayed together. Isn't that funny? In the middle of it, we're thinking of Mabies, no! Of course, it's a worst nightmare for a kid. Yeah.

My parents got divorced when I was four, but I read about it in the paper. Anyway, Dana. You were a- No, no one briefed me. Just, where's daddy? He went to the store. It's been four years.

You think he'll be back by now? No, he's still looking around. He actually went away for a while. We were in Michigan, and then he didn't come back for about a month or two. And so my mom put the house for sale. And then he came back.

What are you doing? Why are you being so dramatic? He's like, we don't know if you're alive. We don't know what's going on. So he goes, I got a job in Arizona. And my mom's like, oh. So we all moved to Arizona and he gets there and he goes, surprise, no job.

Then he left. And so now we're in Arizona. So now three kids, boys, not all assholes, but we weren't, we were a handful. And then my mom's like, wait, what? So that's the way to break it to you. Just, it's never even talked about. You just start to go,

where was that one guy that used to pick me up a lot? Well, that's sad. Oh God. I mean, I used to do a bit. I wouldn't do it anymore, but trying to explain, explain to three-year-olds about mommy and daddy getting a divorce. Sometimes mommies like to go night-night time

with a different daddy. Mommy had too much Chardonnay, and that turned Mommy into a whore. BOTH LAUGH I think they should first get the kids in and tell them why Mommy and Daddy just don't have sex a lot anymore. Just tell the six and eight-year-old dad,

just to see how they handle that. And they're like, okay. Mommy and Daddy used to just really nail it 24 hours a day. Now it's down to about once or twice a week and the kid's like, but no divorce. They're like, no, it's like a first step. Anything that starts with mommy and daddy.

Daddy likes to go night-night time with your preschool teacher. She likes daddy to spank her, even if she hasn't been naughty. Daddy texts mommy's mommy. Sorry, dark humor, whatever. Kanye. Tragedy and comedy are just like this.

No more, we can do more. This was something from Bath and Body Works. Why did no one catch that this might look like the KKK? Wow, that is a... I like... Yeah. I mean, just off the bat, what is supposed to be a snow flake? Yeah, snow, right? Okay.

I don't see that. There's supposed to be snowflakes? Snowflakes are shaped. Well, that's supposed to be a full circle of a snowflake that's cut. Oh, and you only see half, so it looks like five KKK guys that just popped out of a dumpster or something. It's a KKK guys that just popped out of a dumpster or something. It's a KKK candle. I didn't really see that. Well, but it is crazy.

It says Bath and Body Works pulls winter candle after shoppers criticize the KKK hood design. It's putting it lightly. We criticize that. I hate when those mega Republicans start designing candle cans. Yeah, exactly. We got a Trump for here. Also, I don't want to know what the fragrance is.

Let's just leave it at that. All right, that's going to get pulled from the shelves. Let's move on. Good, good. I like that. We both go, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's to get pulled from the shelves. Let's move on. Good. Good. I like we both go. That's something I say all the time. Goat gets bagged stuck on his head and the rest is history. Okay. Here's I don't know if we'll read about this in history books, but let's see. Okay. Where's the goat?

Oh yeah. It's got music. Oh, he scares them all. Everywhere he goes, look at they all haul ass out. He's trying to make friends. Oh, I like that there's words to hoot, there it is. Wow, so the goat got a bag stuck on its head, it made it look kind of like a demonic goat or something, you can't see its eyes or anything.

And like 40 other sheep are just running, or goats are just sprinting away from it. There's a lot of WTF going on with the other goats. They're like, I'll run and ask questions later. Sounds like date night with David Spade. It has nothing... That joke doesn't make sense.

It just sounds like a joke. Maybe that goat was a butter face. You never know. Yeah, goats are goats. We used to ride a goat named Billy actually in Montana. And we'd ride it. And we remembered the poop that came out of it was so organized and little round pebbles.

The poop that came, look, I'm eight years old. I noticed that the poop that came out of it was so organized and little round pebbles. The poop that came, look, I'm eight years old. I noticed that the poop that came out of the goat, this is like a. Look mom. Yeah, it was like little pebbles. And as a child, I noticed that, but then I saddle up and ride that thing, hang onto the horns.

Come on, come on. Poop, Here it is. I know you like poop stuff. So I don't, this is the first time I brought up poop stuff in a long time. I can't believe I said the thing about first class. I was just saying, I know the flight attendants roll with it. They go, there's not much we can do, but if you go up there and take a deuce, like you must, they must be like, you're really pushing it. Like you can't come from Coach, lay down some cable,

fucking pop down a huge, giant King Kong finger, and then run back. How many euphemisms are there for Poo, King Kong's finger? You can't go up there, lay down a chainsaw-shaped deuce in the middle of climbing from 32 to 36,000 feet. Dropping the kids at the lake and then run back to 48C.

You know what I miss about masks is you just never had to smell anything you didn't want to smell. You just always had a mask on. Because, you know, I have the... I put my mask on when that guy was coughing because Bobby did and I was like, I don't really, I'm a... I put my mask on when that guy was coughing, because Bobby did, and I was like, I don't really, I'm not even a full mask guy,

but I'm like, it seems like some blockage from this guy. Sick. All right, one more. Let's see what's going on. Let's see what's going on. I got a million things to do, Dana. A million. I actually kind of do. Oh. I don't know. This is the dating game. You know, they show old clips.

And there's famous people. Number one, when I was younger, I loved to play doctor. What was your favorite childhood game? I was interested in taxidermy. No other childhood games, huh? I don't know, I went to great lengths. Okay, like what? Preserving the bones of dogs and things like that.

Okay. Okay. So that was- I think that's MIP AI. I think it's edited or something, but yeah, it's supposed to be Jeffrey Dahmer on the dating game. Yeah, it's definitely. I believe it because, you know, like Tom Selleck was on,

like there's famous people that are on old dating game shows and different. Steve Martin, I think. Yeah. And so I go, Jeffrey Dahmer. I believed that for a while. And I go, and then everyone's laughing and Jim Lang, the host is like,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's funny. Let's bring it back. Let's, you and I co-host the dating game. Let's just bring it back. What's the song? No, that's Hawaii Five-O. Isn't it? I got it wrong.

That might be it. -♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum- I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad.

I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad.

I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I don't know why you're so bad. I'm not gonna do the things you ever seen me do before. So come on and watch the show. Don't wait for YouTube, and so watch the live. I don't wanna be on Saturday Night Live, barely anyone's ever been on Saturday Night Live. I'm Joe Biden.

And I saw this message. I approve this message. Come on. Yeah. Trump's the orange man. He's the old guy now. His hair is orange. Mine's white on white.

You know the drill. Come on, folks. White on white. White on white versus orangey McOrange. What is it, if you're a Trump, or what's the opposite with Biden, are you a biter? Are you a bite? Are you a Biden?

Yeah, I know. Or does Trumper sounds better, easier? Trumpet, Trumpu, Trumpet. Trumpu, Harris. I guess it has to be Harris. Wals, Wals is the weirdest one. Are you a Walser? Am I talking to a fucking Walser now? What are you, some sort of Walser?

What are you, what are you a Vanser? Are you a Vanser? Is Gaffigan around this week? Gaffigan is always around. No. Oh, we should have told him to come on today. Let's try to get him on next week. He's great. He's, to get him on next week.

He's great. He's funny. I'll tell you one last inside baseball. So we're sitting like in silos. Maya does her thing. This is in the family feud bit. And then I'm seeing her cards and seeing how she's making choices, which is great, the way she's dropped on things and stuff. And then it's Andy doing his bit and I'm reading his cards and seeing that choice. Oh, he paused there. Oh, things and stuff. And then it's Andy doing his bit and I'm reading his cards

and seeing that choice, oh, he paused there, oh, he hit that. And then same thing, and then I talked to Andy afterwards, he goes, I'm reading your cards and your choices make no sense. But I'm doing Biden, you know, but they like that you add a little bit, they can't believe it.

They're like, what are you doing? Oh, I wanna do more, but the director, Liz, very nice. And you gotta get at that last line. And sometimes the writers are kind of, well, this is kind of what we have. But I definitely make up stuff on each one, definitely. Sure, but for people at home, sometimes the director will cut on your last line to the other camera to show us one.

If you keep going, they cut. And they're like, oh wait, we didn't. You have to do little ones in between. And, you know, Keenan, who's a master of the art form now of sketch comedy, he does little things, little tiny things that are different with every rehearsal, dress show versus air show.

Oh, he's doing that, he's doing that. I think when you add and tag a little bit or do things different, it just keeps you alive in the frame. But everyone has their method. You hit the jokes, you try to hit the jokes, and if the jokes are written by the writers, you try to serve them as best you can. You know?

Yeah, well, we're looking forward to that. I'll be in Atlantic City soon, I'll be in Reno, and I'll be in whatever, it's on my website. Take advantage until that's released. Get out there now. It's not until next year. So we got a second to, but I don't like jokes sitting and rotting on,

you know, they get stale after a few months. You gotta get them out. Pop, pop, pop. That's it. I don't hang up, right? Thanks guys. Thanks. Thanks for listening and watching.

God bless America. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.