Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY - Jason Kelce Joins

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

Sydney Sweeney on the plane, virgin pregnant stingray, audience impressions, and Jason Kelce makes an appearance. Submit impressions to superfly@audacy.com To learn more about listener data and our... privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:43 your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to any operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Is it true there's a bowl of Vicodin's in the weight room by the door? No. There used to be. They cracked down on that. Oh, that's a good one.
Starting point is 00:02:11 I might have to come over. We have a mirror in a little bowl. We can't get up to you. Okay guys, we're already laughing. It's Spain and Carvey and we're starting Superfly. Yeah, we're always in a good mood on Superfly. Always chuckling away. Look at me, I got a green background. My hair is really like too, it's like a helmet.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Well it actually looks kind of movie star ready, I would say. You know, you could play kind of a badass with that hair, like, you know, with a gun and stuff, like, throw. Oh, actually working on a new impression I'm gonna do it for you at the end. Okay. So what's, now usually we haven't seen each other in a few days, so what's been going on with you?
Starting point is 00:03:00 What's your, you always have some weird thing happened. I'm still doing my tour. I was so I was in Spokane this weekend. Beautiful crowd. I stayed at the hotel right next to it. And so every single person in that hotel was at the show. I'm walking around. Oh my God, your show is unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Blah, blah, blah, blah. Genius, blah, blah. That show needs to come alive. Better than anyone else. Blah, blah, blah. Bill Byrne, no, no, you're the best. Blah, blah, everyone else is else blah blah no no no you're the blah blah everyone else is horrible blah blah so whatever I don't even remember but I remember that part so anyway someone goes you know he's from Spokane big star Sydney Sweeney I go oh yeah she's big star oh she's from here she's really
Starting point is 00:03:43 shocking everyone's from somewhere And you know that girl she's in euphoria. Okay. She's a big deal. She's in In two movies out right now. So I said, oh great And then and then Bobby's downstairs with some guys and like your opener. We were yeah my opener Bobby Mimota and they said oh We love soccer you talk about in your act by the way, his sister's a big star here. And he goes, oh, and then he kept saying it. So he finally goes, who? Sydney Sweeney.
Starting point is 00:04:12 How do you like them apples? And he's like, she is a big star. So I go to the airport and I go to the driver. They really said, how do you like them apples? Yeah. And that's a good way to, you know, let him know like I wasn't bullshitting. Okay. And I say to the driver, I heard his bullshit about Sydney Sweeney. And that's a good way to, you know, let him know like I wasn't bullshitting.
Starting point is 00:04:25 And I say to the driver, I heard his bullshit about Sydney Sweeney. He goes, oh yeah, I did a play with her. I'm like, probably I'm sure the play business is big up in, you know, Spokane, Washington. Spokane outskirts, yeah. So I said, oh great. So I get on my flight and the lady from United is like, you know, blah, blah, I heard the show was great, blah, oh, great. So I get on my flight and the lady from United is like, you know, blah, blah, I heard the show was great, blah, blah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:04:50 And then she goes, oh, you knew who's on your flight? Sydney Sweeney, I go, I can't hear more about this girl. So I get on and lo and behold, how about them apples? She's sitting right behind me. Wait a minute, Sydney, Sweeney is in Spokane after all this and She's sitting right behind me wait a minute Sydney Sweeney is in Spokane after all this and she's sitting behind you. Yeah, there she is see that gorgeous
Starting point is 00:05:11 so she's sitting behind me with like her boyfriend or something and Actually, she she was in her in coach, but her boobs were in first anyway. Can you say that? Oh? Canceled I mean I mean I have to throw in one boob joke. She's very lovely. I mean, she's displaying them. If we don't notice them, that would be kind of odd. Yeah, I think they were buried in the hoodie in this trip. But she had her hat down.
Starting point is 00:05:36 So the stupid story is, I don't say anything to her. I don't know what to say. You know what's her to say. Hey, are we both in showbiz? Big fan. Big fan. I could have said that. Yeah, that's a good one. Everyone likes that. That's fine Mm-hmm, but I was just awkward. I don't know what say so I lose my five hour energy You know the one of the little yeah, and it's a big panic for me So I'm on the ground looking and so I crawl around
Starting point is 00:06:01 Hey, you guys see five energy around these parts? And then she's like, no. You're on all fours crawling down the aisle before takeoff. Yeah, no during the flight. During the flight, you're on all four. Okay. Yeah, and everyone's like quit looking for attention. And I was, but I was looking really for this.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Right. And then she goes, no. And then she goes, do you do a show here? And I go, yeah. And everyone's like, you do a show here, send her sweetie. And she goes, do you just show here? And I go, yeah. And everyone's like, you're so sweet. And she goes, oh, I know. And I go, I actually met your brother.
Starting point is 00:06:30 I guess, does he live here? And she goes, well, he's in the army. And I go, is he not here? And she goes, no. And I'm like, well, some guy, that's his claim to fame. Is he's lying about that. The funniest thing to lie about. Did the whole plane break out into Sydney?
Starting point is 00:06:52 Sweeney. But she's from Spokane, Washington. I was from Spokane, British. I thought we land. No, she's a. She's a British. All American. How are we land? And I've got the whole plane involved now, No, she's a British, all American. All right. We land and I've got the whole plane involved now because some lady in the back goes, found it, found my fucking stupid five hour, hands it down. Passed Sydney.
Starting point is 00:07:16 I get it. This is everyone's touching it. Everyone's touching it. Smothered in COVID and Omnicron and I shake and I go, it's a little light. I guess you took a few gulps. That's your reward. Fucking crickets. Then what a flight.
Starting point is 00:07:33 No one laughs and then I I we're about to leave and uh anyway, the point of this whole story, which is absolutely none is that we're both on dog shit delta, whatever, fine, we're on some color jumper. But the point of the story is she is hosting SNL this week. I didn't know that and she didn't say it. And I have a feeling she didn't either want to brag or does not know I was on SNL, which is very likely. She, she's maybe 24. She's probably 24. We'll look it up.
Starting point is 00:08:06 But it doesn't matter. And in those situations, I don't really introduce myself. Sometimes I say, hey, I'm David, but when you meet other people, do you say your name, Dana, go? No, no. Because I've always been at the field. Like, if I walked around dressed as Garth, I get a lot more attention.
Starting point is 00:08:27 You don't? I can change my, like, look at my face right now, and then, and then, soon I have sunglasses on, like who's this? Right, you can't tell. I can hide myself in plain sight, but I'll get people sometimes on a flight, they'll be, are you, are you who I think you are?
Starting point is 00:08:45 Are you that guy or are you, I go, what, Jesus? They go, no, are you a, you know. Are you the main guy, Jesus? But I don't judge, if they take me and it's like, hey, you know, it's a seven hour flight, elbow to elbow. Hey, how do you guys come up with those sketches you do on that Saturday Night Live there show? So I give in to it. We have drinks, we talk, and we go over the history of SNL. And then I said I left 49 years ago.
Starting point is 00:09:17 They ask if you're still on. The guy says, well, that's not so fun. The funniest one I had was first class on Virgin America years ago, big club seats, giant seats, but Paul Bunyan sat next to me. I'm not saying anybody fat. I'm saying a triple-sized man with shorts, calves this big. He took the whole thing. They came around for ordering and he said, I want each. So he got every entree.
Starting point is 00:09:46 I'll have them all. I'll have them all. So you had the sandwich, so those on the other thing. So if you get stuck next to Paul Bunyan, just go with it. You go, and he goes, you're going to eat that cookie. You eat that cookie. You're going to eat that cookie. Some folks call it a sling blade. Sling blade. Some folks call it sling blade.
Starting point is 00:10:07 How much you want for them? I was I'll take the taters. I'll always do billy. I'll always do Billy Bob Thornton if I'm asked. I was pushing you to do sling blade. By the way, Dana, talk about tough guy. I know I'm not that tough and on TV, I come off like a hard ass tough guy athlete.
Starting point is 00:10:24 But in real life We're not showing you my sweater. It looks like it's from the fucking gap But oh happy days called and wants their wardrobe back. That's this show from 1978 I'm driving my 95 Land Cruiser, which I don't want to say old AM, but I bought it new. I bought it new. I wasn't old, but I bought it new. So 95 had his whole time.
Starting point is 00:10:54 I'm driving down the street the other night when it's starting to rain. It conks out at me at a light. On sunset, now there's two lanes. So I'm in the left lane, which is the faster lane, you know? Conks out, hen-en-en-en-en. I can't get it going. I'm like, now it's raining. I get out of the car, I look around, and I go back to my crummy days, and I was like a busboy, and I have old cars, you know, from 16 years old, like 25. Oh, yeah. Jumpers.
Starting point is 00:11:22 And I always had to push startardom or jump bummer. So this would happen a lot. So I opened the door and I, and I, and I, and cars like skidding. And now it's raining and I don't want to get hit. I can't leave it with the hazards in the middle of the lane. So I start rocking it. I put it neutral and I start yanking. You know, you don't have power steering in this situation.
Starting point is 00:11:44 So I yank it. So land cruiser and I start yanking it. You don't have power steering in this situation. So I yank it. So Land Cruiser, you're trying to push? Yes, with my pin arms, stick legs, I do have carry-on wood calves, we know that. But I'm pushing. You could work and come from the calves. And I start to go, I got a green light,
Starting point is 00:11:57 I'm gonna go and try taking a legal left, because it was slightly more downhill to go to the left than the right, but slightly like this, barely. And I go, there's no way I can push it up, even if it's one inch. So I rock it and it moves and I start to push it like a fucking monster.
Starting point is 00:12:13 I'm pushing it. No one gives a fat fuck. They're all just like beeping and get out of the way and I'm like, I'm in grownups, help me. No one cares. Just shoot me guy. I'm dead. Ben Schwarm. So I get the middle, then I turn on red. Wrong miss. Kuzko, llama. And they don't help me. And now I'm in the middle light
Starting point is 00:12:39 and I'm resting and now no one can go. And so I hold up my hand, international sign of don't run me over, whatever. I start rocking it again. I turn on my Kareyna Woodcows and I start to go left with no one's helping, none. And I help people. I've actually jumped out and helped people. And I start to turn and then I get in and crank the wheel,
Starting point is 00:13:00 get out again. Again, everyone's like, what's going on? That guy looks like he's in. They go, who is that girl? So anyway, why are you letting even if you think I'm a girl? I'm a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little and I just get out of the fucking. Now they go, city sweetie's in trouble. She got a bob. Well, you know, I'm glad you made it safe. I've had, you know, we've had a lot of rain in California. And it's just a mess.
Starting point is 00:13:33 I mean, I'm going out in the rain and walking to my car and the grass is like soaked. So it's like, you know, and then I opened the door. I don't know if it's the rust from the rain. It's like, I don't know if it's the rust from the rain. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like car and the grass is like soaked. So it's like, you know, and then I open the door. I don't know if it's the rust from the rain. It's like, you know, so I get in the seat. It's leather.
Starting point is 00:13:55 So, you know, I, I'm a safe driver, so I checked the rear room here. You know, yeah. And I put the windshield wipers on because it's pouring rain. You know what I mean, I mean, then I went to a shop and they had a guy with a drill what would he sound like He'll that Tire gun it's not it's hired. Then I went This is a character I used to do called sound effect. And sometimes you use the same effect for different things. So I turn on the radio.
Starting point is 00:14:28 I turn on the radio. You only got four. I switch gears. You know what's good when it's sequential wipers, when they go, it's like so loud. But when it's dry, they go home. They come back. They're like, fuck, dude, it's not raining. You're stressing me out.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Just try it. Put the seat back. When I get in my car, I have like I have like 18 seat adjustments on like this. You don't have it all preset. You're just. You don't have it all preset Give me a new story and oh, yeah one new story to do that any story One story came up is a pregnant stingray I don't know if we have a picture. There's a stingray. They got pregnant named Charlotte and North Carolina, let me see and they don't know if we have a picture of there's a stingray that got pregnant named Charlotte and North Carolina. Oh, okay, let me see.
Starting point is 00:15:28 And they don't know how? Oh, it's the Urgent Stingray. Yeah. Okay. Well, okay, here's how it's solved. No, I think- Are you gonna play it or no? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:15:41 It's just a stingray that's very cute. It was in an aquarium full of sharks, so they didn't know how there was no other stingrays in it. That's the story. So it's like a immaculate conception. So as a beetle would say it, well, you know, there was a little, you know, a little aqua creature, you know, there's a stinger, they call the stingrays, you know, she's a lady, but she's with sharks. And they don't ever get together. You know, the shark doesn't go, ah, would you be my girlfriend? Never happens. But all of a sudden she's preggers, gonna give her babies, right? And they don't
Starting point is 00:16:14 know how. They don't know how. They don't know how. See, the key, if anyone's listening, the key to doing a beetle accent is always sound like you're asking a question. Hey, hey, Paul, did you go to the store? I told you I went to the store. Did you go or not?
Starting point is 00:16:36 I just told you I went to the store. Oh, you did or didn't? No, I like it. I just told you. You did or didn't cut it out. No, I like it. And these are three comments that I thought were funny on the story one said, oh, has anyone checked if it's one of Nick Cannon's kids? It's kind of funny, right? That's good.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Yeah, and maybe it comes back as Steve Irwin or maybe he's the dad remember Steve Irwin. Oh My god, yes, that's a little dark. I was on the tonight show with him great guy Australian guy. It's always good to bring a tragedy and or a joke comment and then The last one was oh, it's the Sturgeon Mary Sturgeon Mary. Sturgeon Mary, that's not bad. Yeah, there's better. Here's my news story.
Starting point is 00:17:29 And I don't know if it's true, but when Biden is giving a speech and stuff, he's got a staff backstage. And sometimes President Biden will go off the teleprompter and mander about and his staff gets very emotional about it. You know, like, oh, he's off the teleprompter, he's off the teleprompter. So I don't know if this is true, but some one of them knew Nicholas Cage, so they bring in Nicholas
Starting point is 00:17:49 Cage backstage and he expresses how emotionally they are. He's like sort of a therapy guest. So Bind's out there and then I have you know the dog and we went out in the river and then the staff is going, oh no, and Nicholas Cage goes, all right, And he drops to his knees and goes, why God, why? That was a long way to go. I like it. How do you know where we went? Well, we went there. I don't know, it's just something funny.
Starting point is 00:18:18 If you're ever upset about a thing, you get audited by the IRS. You just called Nicholas Cage, why the mother of God? He probably says that in every movie. Let's look at this, J.Lo came out with something. This isn't even a big story. It just, J.Lo came out with a something else. God damn. This is me. It's an album and a movie. Yeah. Right. Hybrid movie. Yeah, right. Hybrid runs on electricity. It's a hybrid something and it's a movie, doc, album, and she was in the donuts commercial. I wish, I think she's in so much, she just needs to take off, like just disappear for like a whole day. If I didn't see her for a whole day, I would be like, oh, okay, now I miss her. But she is really in your grill.
Starting point is 00:19:07 She's good. She's good. She's very good. She's gorgeous. So somebody decided to use her husband's Dunkin' Donut commercial against her in a review. It's his watery. Is that what they did?
Starting point is 00:19:22 Yeah. Her album is as watery as the Dunkin Donuts thing, where Matt Damon, really funny, says, how do you like them donuts? Because he said, I like them apples in Goodwill Hunt. Oh, I didn't even get that. Which, BCK did a stand up bit about it. Yeah. So, they're going out of the way to kick her in the balls about the donuts commercial. Oh my God. Yeah. So I love that. So they're going out of the way to kick her in the balls about the donuts commercial.
Starting point is 00:19:45 Oh my God. It's a mashup that take a dig at Ben and Jennifer by mashing the Dunkin Donuts versus the thing. I like, you know, for people not in show business, it's really hard. Jennifer Lopez is just incredibly, to stay that fit, just that. And you gotta be camera ready every time you leave your house.
Starting point is 00:20:08 And then she does albums, she's jumping, singing, she does movies, you know, what are you gonna do? Her skin is like pretend, I don't know, there's no wrinkles, there's nothing. She's gorgeous, yeah. All right, right now we have a surprise guest on Superfly. Ooh, Jason, Jason Kelsey. And then after that, we're gonna,
Starting point is 00:20:29 after Jason, we're gonna go look at some fan impressions and do a little critique and give some notes and things. Oh, great. That's our show. That's our show. The New Year So, because it's a new year and everyone has their resolutions, I was gonna try working out and I didn't even try that one. But I am gonna eat better and I think that's the key, eating what you want and also I'm
Starting point is 00:21:01 into the new world of having stuff delivered. And if it's really good, there's a place called Good Shop where they have really good meats. They also have seafood. And it comes right to your door, and that's kind of what I'm looking for this year. Because I thought of this phrase a while back, that energy is the new high.
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Starting point is 00:21:51 On your schedule, they're vacuum sealed, frozen at peak freshness, you stock them up, cook them when you want. They have over 70 high quality cuts you were just talking about. I am a shrimp's guy. You're a shrimps guy. Like shrimps.
Starting point is 00:22:08 And I like the prime filet mignon. Pretty standard stuff, but they do it right. Yes. And I think it would benefit our audience because I talked to some of our audience and a lot of them eat food. And so I said, you know what? Yeah. This is for you.
Starting point is 00:22:25 It sources its meat from NC Food Exclusive from American farms and fisheries. So you're supporting local and how about this? Price for meal starts at $374, not $374 like you would think because you live in Beverly Hills, but it's $3.74. That's unbelievable. Oh, man. Have you gone to the grocery store lately? Nothing's like three, seventy-four. Six items. That'll be $138. Would you like a bag? No, it's only three items. Yeah. No antibiotics, no added hormones. Nope, not gonna do it. Not an artificial. No. So they're confident.
Starting point is 00:23:08 They offer 100% money back guarantee. You gotta love Good Chop or you get your money back. Go to GoodChop.com slash Superfly120 and use code Superfly120, the number is 120 and get $120 off across your first four boxes. That's code, superfly120 at goodshop.com slash superfly120 for $120 off. And for those of you that forgot, goodshop.com slash superfly 120 code superfly 120. Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest is our first
Starting point is 00:23:48 and only guest on superfly, considered one of the national football league's greatest centers of all time. Six time first team all pro, seven time pro bowl, Super Bowl champion, Mr. Jigsson Kelzow. Mr. Jigs... ...Kell's Hell! Thanks for having me, guys. That's a hell of an intro. Are you kidding? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:13 All comedians love athletes. We love people who are actually brave and bump into things, and we're just... This is a feminine job. Let's face it. Look at our hair. Dana. We're like little girls. I think all athletes wish they were performers of some kind,
Starting point is 00:24:30 whether it was musical artists or comedians. And we grew up watching you guys. And I think comedians are, for me, going out there and bashing my brain into somebody seems relatively normal. Getting up on stage and talking in front of a bunch of people and letting your soul out there is a whole another level of, I don't know, putting yourself out there. So anyways, me.
Starting point is 00:24:56 It terrifies me stand up at years of stage fright. David was a natural, just came out and blasted it. But I was I was panicked all day. I was gonna ask you, did you ever line up against a nose tackle where you went, holy shit, this is the biggest guy I've ever faced? Cause they go 350,
Starting point is 00:25:13 is anyone ever more than 350 pounds trying to kill you? Sure, yeah, I mean, yeah. So usually they'll be listed still about 350, but I know like Vita Vaya, I've played him a bunch. And I know from talking to guys in I've played him a bunch and I know from talking to guys in Tampa Bay he'll regularly be pushing 400 pounds on the scales and you know there's there's there's games where I'm giving up a hundred pounds to the guy across from me. And what's your strategy? Yeah well hopefully they call plays where I get to utilize my speed
Starting point is 00:25:40 and agility against guys like that but some of those guys are really good you know I think utilize my speed and agility against guys like that. But some of those guys are really good. I think for me, my, I guess strength was definitely second level blocking. So blocking linebackers, safeties down the field. So, Jeff Stoutland, my our offense line coach, really would try and get me up there. He knew that it was not a good proposition for a game plan
Starting point is 00:26:04 to have me manned up on a 400 pound guy all game long So he would design plays with the emphasis of trying to get me up to the second level So yeah, I gotta appreciate my coach for not putting me in too many bad situations after 400 pound comedians and it's hard I know I mean cuz then you go to the green room you go Where's my dinner and they go it's gone. I just want to mean, because then you go to the green room and go, where's my dinner? And they go, it's gone. I just want to bring this up based on what you just said, Jason.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Yeah. I looked at the combine because I know I'm brothers. I've got three older brothers. And there's a competition there. But in one key metric, which I thought was interesting, it goes to your ability on the football field. The 20-yard shuttle. You were 414,
Starting point is 00:26:46 your brother Travis was 4.42. So that's the ability to go five yards this way, five yards that way, which is kind of was your super talent as a starter. Speed. Yeah, no. You hit it in the nail in the head right there. I mean, my brother was probably better than his his time that drill is as much about speed and agility as it is
Starting point is 00:27:09 Kind of your preparation for it if you hit the steps and the turns properly You're gonna have a better time right Travis knowing him He just went out there and ran as fast as he could still a good time, but he could have been better I'm guaranteeing that but my my, yeah, that was deaf, and that's been one of the metrics to gauge, especially your centers or your more agility driven linemen that you wanna have on your team. The 20 yard shuttle is a great metric
Starting point is 00:27:36 to determine which guys are gonna be good at that. Well, I looked at it a lot here. That's the only metric Dana, I would talk about at the dinner table if I was chasing. That's all I got. I would bring it up. He's bringing up Super Bowls and all pro, yeah, no, it's something nice to have. At least I got one thing.
Starting point is 00:27:53 You know, and I watched a lot of your highlights last night and you're like the wide sweep, you're out there sprinting like really fast. You got, wait a minute, that guy's the center. He's like 20 yards over that way. So it was very interesting for me to figure that out, but it always seemed like a tough position, especially the pressure of hiking the ball to the punter,
Starting point is 00:28:13 you know, or field goal. I mean, and those are like 20 yards, how far? And you're just, so I mean, you have to have nerves of steel or how do you calm yourself down at that moment? Is it just reps? Yeah, I mean, like everything, the more practice you get, the nerves are always the highest whenever it's the first time you're doing something, right?
Starting point is 00:28:32 Like the first NFL start, you're gonna be like, man, what is this gonna feel like? I've never done this before. Your first time playing a Premier player, you're like, I don't know how this is gonna go. Your first time running a play that you've never run, right? Those are kind of always where the nerves are the most heightened.
Starting point is 00:28:46 So whether it's practice or game reps, the more repetitions you get, the more those nerves subside. Yeah, I mean, center is a position that I think a lot of guys wanna play until they have a bad snap. Like we had a buddy of mine play guard and he's like, man, center, you guys are double team and a lot, you know, you're not manned up as much.
Starting point is 00:29:07 And I wish I played a little bit of that. And then he got pushed in at center and had a couple of bad snaps. He's like, man, I never want to play center again. Like it is. Well, dude, you have two jobs you like. And then you got to look up and go, oh wait, now the guy bashes my brains in.
Starting point is 00:29:20 I forgot about that. I know you have just one hand down. So everyone else is like a gorilla that like, and you've got one down and one's concentrated about that. I know you have just one hand down. So everyone else is like a gorilla that like, and you got one down and one's concentrated on that. And then here the field goal for the win. And here it is. That's over his head. What a shit show.
Starting point is 00:29:33 The game is over. And the center fucked it up. The center. The center. The center of universal pain. This. Yeah. And it's a, it's a, it's a,
Starting point is 00:29:43 the snap is like a foregone conclusion. Everybody's expectation is that the snap is gonna be perfect every time. The reality is it's not and the unfortunate thing is when it does happen in a crucial situation or a game online, I mean, it's, there's no getting away from that one. Now you're also such a...
Starting point is 00:30:02 You're in the chain of command, like nothing happens till you do that. And the quarterback is up there. A lot of times all the teams in NFL, it seems very sophisticated as a casual fan. And they're calling Audibles. And I remember they're going thinking, really he's gonna do that?
Starting point is 00:30:17 Does he know what he's doing? Did you ever question in your head what the audible is? Do you have an audible women say, I'm calling an audible over your audible and I'm not hiking it yet. Yeah. Well, it has happened before.
Starting point is 00:30:29 There's some, so there's some audibles that are more geared for the back end of the defense for the quarterback. And there's some audibles that are more geared for the front, which is more what I'm seeing. So there have been times with every quarterback I've played where I've been like, no, no, no, no, this isn't the look that we want to kill this play to,
Starting point is 00:30:47 or the look we want to run this run to. But in passing game, he's taken full control. And there's times where, you know, the quarterback at all times has final say. You can't have two guys up there like, no, we should do this, no, we should do that. No, we should. So you give that to the quarterback. Everybody, if the quarterback wants to do something, that's what we're doing. And there like, no, we should do this. No, we should do that. No, we should. So you give that to the quarterback.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Everybody, if the quarterback wants to do something, that's what we're doing. And there's times where, especially in like a blitz pickup, where he'll send the protection in a specific direction. And you're like, I'm pretty positive it's coming from over here. And you might relay that if he, at the end of the day, though, if he wants to go over here, the most important thing is that the quarterback knows where he's hopped from,
Starting point is 00:31:25 where he wants to deliver the ball to. So yeah, that does happen from time to time. Would you, okay, go ahead, David. I just want to know, we're just so excited, Jason. We're very excited. The huddles must be stressed. Well, it's the same here. Because when I see a huddle,
Starting point is 00:31:39 and I could imagine being in one, it's like 22 zipper drive-up, and then they just go, if I was the receiver, I'm like, wait, what happened? Am I the zipper in this? Because everyone just gets it right every single time. And I think, how? Oh, they don't.
Starting point is 00:31:51 They do not, unfortunately. That's what it seems like. Okay. Yeah. Killer one. And you go, what's happening? They go, booty licker on five. And you go, what's up, play?
Starting point is 00:32:01 Or is he talking to me? So I don't know because what do you listen for in the play? Do you have to get any instructions or is it? Absolutely, yeah. You get used to listening to the portion of the play that pertains to you. And for the center, really the whole thing other than the route concept is important to you.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Like you need to know the formation, you need to know the snap count, you need to know what the play is that we're running if it's a run player or a fast play and the protection or run concept. Everybody gets in tune to listening to the things that are important for their job. The quarterback obviously having the ultimate
Starting point is 00:32:36 and tight ends to a certain extent of needing to listen to everything. And that's why those guys tend to be the most knowledgeable throughout the entire offense. They jam their head in farther and that huddle. Some just kind of kick back on the side. Yeah, the tackles are like, just give me what the 62 got it. And you know, they don't care about the half of the stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:57 That's the pre, has it gotten more sophisticated? Because I'm from the 60s, you know, John Brody and the 49ers. I swear they would go hut one, hut two. But nowadays it seems like Brock Purdy says, what's up, what's up, what's up? But what is he saying? Was he saying what's up?
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah, I don't know Brock Purdy specific one. I know Dak Prescott does, oh my gosh, it's a weird joke and about this whole season. Campbell soup, Campbell soup, Campbell soup. Yeah, there's, I would say in some ways it's gotten less convoluted because to David, your point, the more words you have in the play call, the more chance somebody's gonna miss something.
Starting point is 00:33:36 So now, so now there's kind of been a move back to like how can we simplify these things with code words or words that we use all the time so that players, the moment they hear that they know, okay, God, I know what this concept is. And you can shrink it down into one, two word phrases. So at the line of scrimmage though, the snap count, it's so specific to each team.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Most of the time you want a lead in, right? So whatever it is, if it's, yeah, a hot, hot hike, right? For us, it's color number says white 80, white 80, said hot. The reason you don't just go up there and say, said hot is because everybody be jumping off sides. You got that little lead in like, hey, we're getting ready, we're getting ready. Here it comes, bow, right?
Starting point is 00:34:17 Is it always the same thing or is every play, he says what it's going on and then you don't want them to hear? Correct, yeah, it's either in the huddle or at the line of scrimmage, there'll be code words to let you know, like if we're no huddle, he'll say, whatever the code word is, when I was with Howard Mudd, it was like pink and then a two digit number
Starting point is 00:34:36 and the first digit was always what it was on. So it was like, pink 15, it was on one. Pink 32 was on three. So you kind of would try and think at any time you could say, you didn't know, hey, pink, pink, it's on a 32. And then you knew it was on three, right? So there's all sorts of codes and different ways
Starting point is 00:34:56 to figure out at the line of scrimmage or in the huddle, there's just on three, on one, on three. So that's generally how it goes. That's why I got out of the game. I played flag football and I loved it. We had plays and ready break. I was the half back and then tackle football came in at five one ninety one pounds freshman high school. I looked like a fetus with shoes. They said there's a cross country team. No one will hit you. So I went out that way. But it was a question I have for you, like, and professional athletes in general.
Starting point is 00:35:32 So you finish the game and you've gotten your ass kicked. I think the sound has gotten better. I don't know what it is, but I feel the violence or maybe the TVs are better. I really feel the violence or hear it. Bone cracking. McCaffrey's going up and you just, so what is your protocol to get healed? Do you have a team? Do you get a massage? You go in the sauna? I mean, what is there a whole metric that you go through to see if you're hurt first of all and whatever? Like what do you, what's your, what do you do? Yeah, if you have an acute injury, you're seeing the trainer to see if you need treatment on it
Starting point is 00:36:06 or how bad it is. You might need an MRI or an X-ray to determine whether you're okay. Anything outside of that, a bruise or just general soreness, you have kind of anything at your disposal that every guy likes different things. I was big into sauna, I was big in a massage.
Starting point is 00:36:29 Lifting weights always made me feel better because it naturally kind of pumps the blood in there. Some guys love acupuncture. Some guys love chiropractic stuff. Some guys love... Is it true there's a bowl of Vicodin's in the weight room by the door? No. There used to be. They cracked down on that. Oh, that's a good... We have a mirror and a little bowl. I love it. We can't get up to you. They always say that this time of year, everyone's beaten up. This is when the playoff start. Everyone's beaten up. So everyone's nurturing something and it just feels, I just want to dovetail it what I mean, we all know you have a decision to make,
Starting point is 00:37:05 whether you're going to retire or, and so, and also what I've read about is that the adrenal rush of being a professional football player and the camaraderie is such an intense life that then people go outside of that and where are they going to get that rush? So we would vote for show business of any way you want to be in it because we think it's an emotionally violent sport. Like if I get off this podcast,
Starting point is 00:37:33 I'll be thinking, I talk too much or I should ask that question. So are you, what do you think? Are you going to be in the booth? You're going to go on movies maybe or, or are you going to go back and play for the Eagles? You have 10 cents. Yeah. Here we go. We need to try. I don't know. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:49 I don't know. I think that's a good answer. That's what I'm, I'm trying to figure it out right now. There's right now exploring different opportunities. If I end up retiring, still working out and staying in shape. If I end up playing again. But that's what I've heard from all the former players is, you know, when you're playing, it's like this every week, right? It's, oh, we just won.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Oh, we just got our aspect. Oh, we just were in the playoffs over out. Like it's, it's very much that's the life you're in and it's play by play like that as well. And all these guys, when they get done, it's like, man, you're just kind of here, man. You very rarely get these peaks and you got to find a way to kind of get that as much. Man, yeah. Hey, I mean, some guys get into it for real. Collar. Well, maybe this is a good time. I don't want to keep you too long, but you have shown capability as a performer.
Starting point is 00:38:41 I think the underdog speech As you know, you must have been told about I mean it was like not like a football player given a speech It had rhythm it had timing I don't know if you wrote it But the list of it and then the what underdogs are I mean, it's it's very show-busy So I could see you very organically when you want to retire. I mean, we want to can we take a look at it? I can't fit the ski. I can't fit the ski. Nigel Braddock can't catch. Are you doing Aladdin on Broadway after this?
Starting point is 00:39:29 Aladdin in Philadelphia. Here we go. That's like to me Chris Farley. As close as I've seen to Chris Farley. And it's such a great rhythm. Well, I'm going to do one as a comedian. I'm going to do one as a comedian. I'm going to do one as a comedian. I'm going to do one as a comedian as I've seen to Chris Farley and it's such a great rhythm.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Well, I'm going to do one as a comedian. David Spade ain't funny. Adam Sandler couldn't be a movie star. How did you think of that and also what the hell are you wearing because it looks like a Wizard of Oz outfit or something. Sure. I guess I'll start with what I'm wearing. That's a, in Philadelphia, there's a parade, Mummer's Parade, and it's been done for a very long time. And everybody dresses up in these ornate ridiculous costumes. And it's, I think it has roots all the way back to Europe at some point, but that's something
Starting point is 00:40:21 that happens every New Year's Day in Philadelphia. And I figured if we're doing a Philadelphia parade, I'll do a Philadelphia style. And fortunately, there was a just perfect green, eagle-colored version of that outfit available on my size. But and then the speech, I couldn't, after you win a Super Bowl, you're you're, it's such a high, right? Yeah. It's the pinnacle of your career and you start thinking about all the things you had to do
Starting point is 00:40:51 to get there selfishly. Then you start thinking about everything your teammates had to do and your coaches and the city. So it all really just came together very organically. I remember I would be up till two or three in the morning after the game. And I didn't even know if I was gonna get a chance to two or three in the morning after the game. And I didn't even know if I was gonna get a chance to make a speech, to be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:41:08 But I just can't, these narratives are floating around in my head. And I'm like waking my wife up and like, hey, what do you think about this? Like, what if I said something like that? And she's like, will you go to sleep? Like, why are you bothering me with this? And I think I probably,
Starting point is 00:41:25 I didn't really have a full thing written down, but I remember I was keeping track of different things and different guys and what they had to do to overcome to get to that moment. That was the theme of the team. So there were just a lot of things that came together organically for that to happen. But yeah, it was something that flowed out.
Starting point is 00:41:44 I mean, I somehow managed to still get it together after an entire, I don't know, 40 blocks of drinking beers and celebrating with fans. Like it wasn't like I just walked up there. That was like, I was like three hours in. Yeah, voice is a little thrush. Exactly. We had done enough spelling chance for the Eagles. I don't know, the Eagles chant is E-A-G-L-E-S-E-G-L-S.
Starting point is 00:42:09 I mean, you don't get much more like rudimentary than just spelling the word, but very guttural. Over all day. Over all day. Yes. Spelling it. So, how many beers? I have a question for Dana. No. Before we get to how many beers you've had, which the overrunner is 40. When you, this is a quick question about this year's Super Bowl, do you, would you have known what to do in that coin toss or did you know something was up
Starting point is 00:42:36 with that coin toss or not? You're talking about the overtime decision? Yeah, I mean, we as a team have always talked about for playoff overtime, meaning the second team or the other team is guaranteed a possession of kicking. You want to have knowledge of what you're trying to get that second possession. I have never even heard of it described
Starting point is 00:43:01 until Kyle Shanahan went over it in his post game press conference at the time. I was like, what are they doing? Why would they, this doesn't make sense to receive. Yeah. But I think after Kyle saying that, I mean, there's logic behind it. Nobody was getting in the end zone.
Starting point is 00:43:17 If it goes field goal, field goal, you wanna have the ball third. Oh, he's thinking one more than that. He's thinking one far. Exactly. The reality is, I think, just personally, you would rather have, you want to be the first team with the ability to end the game first because you're in the driver's seat as to be aggressive, passive. You have more, I don't know, there's more just on the line with that second possession. I don't know that it would have taken a lot probably
Starting point is 00:43:49 for Kansas City to kick a field goal. It would have had to have been like a fourth and like five plus, I bet, for them to relinquish the ball back to San Francisco after that, I would bet. But either way, I think, you know, I don't know what the analytics say. I think that you can kind of get those numbers to say whatever you want. I feel like, like, if you want to, you know, be the team with the ball third, you find a way to skew them to say that.
Starting point is 00:44:15 If you want to be the time, the team with the ball second, you can find a way to get them to say that. But I think that that was the first time I had really seen somebody with the mindset that they were gonna receive first with these new overtime rules being what they are. And also the Niners would have to do prevent defense in a sense, don't give them a touchdown. And so then you give that opening to Patrick
Starting point is 00:44:39 and your brother. And I was watching it just as a Niner fan, although I'm a huge Kansas City fan, and the Eagles as well. And there we go. But I was like, oh no, and I told my wife, I go, it's over. You know, Patrick in that timeframe, four downs, go, go, go. They were going so fast down the field too,
Starting point is 00:45:01 you're like, God damn, and San Francisco is so slow, inching, and then they're just doing chunks. And you go, oh boy, this is it. The moment they kicked the field goal, I felt really confident that the Chiefs are gonna go down and win it. Just Patrick is so good in those situations. You know, he gets more, you know,
Starting point is 00:45:19 everybody's talked about it. You know, he gets four downs instead of three, trying to get a first down, right? Huge difference. So I think it was, you know, and gets four, he gets four downs instead of three, trying to get a first down, right? And so I think it was, you know, and Sam Fram was gassed at that point. I mean, they'd already put up a lot and, you know, done a great job all game long, but the later in the game it gets,
Starting point is 00:45:37 the harder it gets for the defenses to defend what's happening. You know, Jason, I heard a rumor about Travis was yelling at Andy Reid during the game. And I heard what he said. The audio is off. But someone came out. He said, why did you tell me to get out of Bitcoin? Is that true? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Is Bitcoin up now? I feel like Andy probably would. Andy Reid told him that too. Oh, it's going on. Oh, he's so funny. Gosh dang it. Yeah, he's an old school coach. He wouldn't be into the Bitcoin.
Starting point is 00:46:11 I don't think. Well, let's, we do an impression thing on here before we let you go. First of all, I have data. We have one different, yeah. Go ahead. This came about because I ran into Jason just so people know that I'm listening. Oh, yeah. It's a little random, but I saw him at the YouTube concert and Sandler wanted to say hi to him and I did too,
Starting point is 00:46:28 but we didn't want to be weirdos. But we went over and we talked to him. By the way, Jason, do you remember? Oh, I say these. I couldn't say anything. This is us. This was awesome. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:38 And then I said, I'll take a picture of you and Adam with my phone. And here's the two pictures I took, Dana. Do you have those, Greg? That's the one that works. And that's the one that worked. We got another one. So we talked to him for a minute with Howie Long's in there with it. He's got the athletes. We have all the goofy comedians on our side. And so Jason was very nice and we had a great time and then the show was great. Bono, you know, there's so many 60th birthdays,
Starting point is 00:47:06 he's giving shoutouts for about 29 minutes because there was 300 people, because everyone's old, it goes to YouTube. And my boogie is going, ah, Cress Rock, ca, pe, bar, ta, ta, da, ca, ta, pe, ta, beer. You've got son of an, and the bleachers, 47 years of age.
Starting point is 00:47:24 And my boogie, yeah, I didn't mean to boog you. Oh, there we go. There we go. That's that's spades first shot at these two. Jason's like nail it. Knock one out. That's sandler with a bad face lift. And then I go, no, I got it now. I fixed my camera. Here's the second one. A completely blurry one. I took one. It was a total disaster. Anyway, Jason, you were cool. Thank you. And we're going to end this by wasting your time more because we have people submit impressions. Yes. And I don't think this is you, but I think it reminded us. You said we should look at this one. You went to the level of this character in your speech. So I've, we haven't
Starting point is 00:48:01 seen this, but here's an impression of it. we haven't seen this but here's an impression of a guy I think I know this speaker a couple things about myself I'm 35 years old dude he's recently divorced and I live in a van down by the river okay that was spot on that was good that's impressive he really got a few I have a few notes Jason okay he was thrice divorced. Recently divorced. But I did like the movement. I liked the hoarseness of the voice, which you had sort of down.
Starting point is 00:48:34 The tone was great. The tone was great. I think he rushed it a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. It just, you want to say, in a van down by the road. I like that little pause. Really milk it. And maybe when you you want to say, in a van down by the road. I like that little pause.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Really milk it. And maybe when you get close to me, bump your head into me. That was a nice trick. I mean, I guess, Jay, someone like you really can squat. Like Farley could really, he was a football player in college, right? Or high school. But also the guy could, if he could do a deeper squat
Starting point is 00:49:03 and do that move that Chris does, but it's really good. What was the name of that guy? I want to mention him. Okay. We'll give him a shout out later in post. His name is Dr. Phil Feinmore. Doctor. Dr. Phil Feinmore? Did someone just write stupid on beforehand? Sorry, I'm late for your heart surgery. I was working on my Christopher Walken impression. Wow! Man, do it! Why? Ready now?
Starting point is 00:49:32 So Jason, well, it's been a pleasure. I think the world of professional athletes and the way you handle yourself, you and your brother have a great podcast. And I wish you all the best. I think you can, when you want to be either in the movies, television or being in the booth, calling games or whatever you wanna do, I think you'll do great. But I know what it's like. We could leave like Daniel Day Lewis could come back this year and make a movie and we go,
Starting point is 00:49:58 oh, where was he, right? Five years. Once you're out, you can't go back in basically. It's a little trickier. Exactly. Unless you're Tom Brady. He's still, there's a room. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:07 He will be welcome back at any time if you want. So did we help you inform your decision at all? Or will you talk to your wife about A&M? I have not thought too much of show business. I've thought a little bit about the booth and football stuff, but I appreciate you guys having me on. This is such an honor to just talk to both of you. As I was telling David at the show,
Starting point is 00:50:27 I mean, it was such a special moment to meet you guys in like the pedestal of comedians and just the peak of that craft. It's such an honor to even be on here and talk to you guys. So thank you very much, Dana. Thank you, David. Thanks for having me. Thank you. All right, we'll talk to you soon, So thank you very much, Dana. Thank you, David. Thanks for having me. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:50:45 All right, we'll talk to you soon, but out in the real world. Sounds good. Good. Well, that was fun, Dana. I love talking to him. Awesome. And he's very informative and he's a funny dude.
Starting point is 00:51:04 He's got his shit together, it seems. Yeah, I mean, it's just fun to talk to athletes. It's such a high wire lifestyle and to be a center. He's pretty funny just about lining up against giant people who want to kill him. It's so violent. You know, I actually was watching the puppy ball a little bit this year and I bet on one of them and it's always a bummer when they get hurt they go into the blue tent you know pull a hammy and then they're out and that's it there's all my money down the
Starting point is 00:51:32 drain so it's the puppy bowl real I have to ask just in case it's real it is real okay that's a good thing that's it's literally the hard to bet on because literally they just put all these cute puppies on like something looks like a football field. And he's run around and poop and bark and it's adorable. Well, I know there is. I don't think I think I don't know if it's in every state, but the toddler ball and they just have a diaper changing tent. In the top. They go, they just dropped number 31 is coming out. He asked if he just dropped the load and it's the type He's got to get changed. He's going to the blue tent
Starting point is 00:52:08 We put a thousand babies on the football field see which one walks to the goal Which one looks the most like Sydney Sweeney? She's our team guest today. Yeah, I know she's our theme because she's on SNL this week So okay, so let's let's look at some more impressions. We just saw a motivational speaker. It's pretty good. And we will go to the next one. Let's see what we think. All right, this is Jonathan and Emerling. Hey, Dan and David, three quick impressions for you. Impression number one, Jordan Peterson at the birth of his daughter. I'm on three. This is the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Number two, Nick Offerman relaying some disappointing news. He said no. And impression number three is Severus Snape sexually harassing Harry Potter. Mr. Potter, if you wish to pass this class, I suggest you remove your blouse and underclothes immediately. Thanks, guys. Okay. Actually, okay. Well, first of all, yeah. Offbeat impressions. You don't hear a lot of Nick Offerman and what was the first one?
Starting point is 00:53:30 I like the third one and the second one and the first one. So the first one was... First one was Jordan Peterson. Oh yeah. Okay, that's offbeat too. That's definitely offbeat. Jordan Peterson sort of has a high kind of Canadian voice. Women don't like men that are too weak or too baby. This was actually accurate. It's good to do it. It's sort of a good way to do it. You don't go too long and you just get a hook in there that sounds kind of like a Nick Offerman was like quick. No that was... Sounded like him before you can tear it apart and you get worse. You sounded like them, you know Yeah, they're nice quick what I would call micro impressions just right to the point. So good job Jonathan
Starting point is 00:54:13 The hat was interesting gave you kind of a festive vibe necessary but it It makes me I thought it's gonna do a more fun or something maybe yeah Yeah, so did I something with the hat, but it did. I did like it. Okay, let's see another one. Oh, it's got a young lady here. This is Allison Mary.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Allison. We haven't seen these. Hi, Dana and David. My name is Allie and this is my impression of Jennifer Coolidge from Legally Blonde. I'm taking the dog, dumbass! Yes. You look like the 4th of July. That makes me want to have a hot dog real bad. Dumbass.
Starting point is 00:55:00 And this is my impression of Jennifer Coolidge from a Cinderella story. Okay. Oh, Sam, you're not very pretty and you're not very bright. I'm so glad we had that talk. Thank you. Well, those are the real lines. Very nice. It's funny. Yeah, I thought that was good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:20 She nailed it. I mean, I thought that was a great Jennifer Coolidge. Tone was pretty good. It kind of, if you close your eyes. I thought she'd do a white lotus one because that's kind of her latest greatest hit I think you know, but I'm stuck with she has a character that she play Yeah, remember she's on the boat Yeah, no, she was incredible in that show. Yeah, I'm quite lotus Jennifer Coolidge I'd love to have her on the podcast either our flagship or this one. Yeah, Jennifer.
Starting point is 00:55:47 But she's listening. Everyone's listening. But that was a very, I had not heard a... I had not heard a Jennifer Coolidge impression. All right, let's go to another one and then I got one for Dana. Okay, let's go. This guy, we don't know who he is, say his name. This is Doncey Carter. What's up guys? My name is Dante Carter. I'm a comedian from South Carolina. I'm gonna pause here so David can make fun of me. Oh, David. Okay, here in your car. This is my impression of Barack Obama ordering Taco Bell. Can I get a chalupa with extra pico? Sour cream? No beans!
Starting point is 00:56:35 Barry can't do beans. No beans! Barry gets the booboo belly. Thank you. It's a boob boo belly. Okay. First of all, Dante, I liked that he made it funny. Like he took that one hook and took it so far. So it's actually just funny even if you know didn't know who Obama was. I thought the impression was pretty good. It was nice. Nice job. I don't you can make a choice to go down on this this more often, you know, just that type of thing, but he does kind of
Starting point is 00:57:11 He will do that. He took it. He's in Obama with that vocal fry thing Mm-hmm, that was that's that's what people do That's what people do but Yeah, it's not a lot of people do. That's what people do. Um, but yeah, it's not, not a lot of people do a broccoli. I like that he took time to go into the car and set and knock it out. Instead of just doing it in his house, he's like, I'll just do it now. Because I thought he was going to do Theo Vaughn with that accent.
Starting point is 00:57:39 Okay, here we are. All right, this is Nathan. We got another one. Then I got one after Nathan. Okay. Here we are. All right, this is Nathan. We got another one then I got one after Nathan. Okay Well, hi Dana. Hi David. This is Morgan Freeman Little birdie told me that you're now taking an impressions for your podcast. I think that's a mighty fine idea I also understand that you're accepting red red necki jokes as well Well, I thought why not kill two birds with one stone? Oh, he's doing one as red might say two squirrels with one can So here we go
Starting point is 00:58:14 I'm red red necki the redneck comedian Last week my girlfriend broke up with me, but told me we could still be cousins Come and get some. This is Nathan from Dallas Texas. I just want to say thank you guys so much for the decades of laughter you guys have given us and me personally. It's been a thrill. Love the podcast.
Starting point is 00:58:39 Keep up the great work. I like that part the best. I like the ending part about the great work. Yeah like that part the best. I like the ending part about the great work. Nathan Beasley. It was a really, really good Morgan Freeman. It was very subtle and very real. And the red-red necky was actually pretty clever. Maybe too clever. I don't know, but it was actually a good diversion joke. Like it, they were cousins the whole time, right? Yeah. I like that red red necky one too, and I like it as Morgan Freeman. I was trying
Starting point is 00:59:13 to look, I was looking away because I just want to hear if it just sounds like his tone, but he has rhythms down as Morgan Freeman. White guy is hard. It must be harder to do, but it's pretty good. I thought it was good. Mm-hmm In case there one more I Just have some river necky jokes. Oh Let me do my impression. That's doing the impression. Yeah, here it is Dana So this is a this is in the shower this morning I thought of this because I watched the beekeeper this weekend with Jason Statham. And any movie he's in, he's always first of all, he doesn't talk a lot.
Starting point is 00:59:48 He always has a lot on his mind. All these guys have a lot on their mind. They don't want to be bothered. And he's always thinking like this when other people are talking and, and, and they like to be left alone. And he's like, Oh, I'm the beekeeper. I keep the bees. I like to be left alone.
Starting point is 01:00:12 And if you come at me, I might sting you if you cross me. And they're like, well, are you a bee or your beekeeper? He's like, don't let that concern you. You don't wanna find out. I take the honey to the queen. They're like, well, I don't get what your job is. You're actually a beekeeper. Are you just here to kill me? I just want to be left alone. All of them want to be left alone. All those types of guys. He was also in Meg. I saw two movies with the Meg the shark movie where it's a diabolical shark where it gets so bananas. You know it's not a well-written movie when
Starting point is 01:00:54 at the end he goes, Careful, the shark has a gun. The shark does? It's getting very human toward the end. It's got a gun in his right fin. It's actually a good impression. It's good. You know, if you don't try too hard, it's a decent impression because he doesn't really do a lot. He's just thinking a lot. And he was a beekeeper, a full beekeeper outfit. That was the movie. I'm a beekeeper, a full beekeeper outfit. That was the movie. I'm a beekeeper. It's also just a funny take on a kind of a badass guy in a movie where he's talking in metaphors or something. I'm a beekeeper. You know, it's just a funny character anyway,
Starting point is 01:01:36 which is then the most infamous is it's Jason Brayson. After I sting you, I die. And they're like, wait, we die or you die? And also, so you're actually a bee in this scenario? And he's like, no, wait, go back one. I'm, yes, I'm the beekeeper. We, we, we, we, everyone, we understood that part, that part we got. But that's really most of his lines in the movie. Because it turns out a beekeeper, other than he tends to actual bees in the movie,
Starting point is 01:02:08 all this, then if you're a super bad ass FBI guy, you're a beekeeper. They don't really say what that means. That means that's just the best, the best. Oh, it actually a thing. A thing. I'm a beekeeper. I'm a beekeeper.
Starting point is 01:02:23 But then he goes, leaves, and he hides and retires, but he kind of likes the attention because he's actually a beekeeper. But then he goes and leaves and he hides and retires, but he kind of likes the attention because he's actually a beekeeper. So they're like, wait, you're not a beekeeper from the FBI. He's like, why would you think that? Well, you're dressed like a bee. You could do anything else. Work at a bowling alley. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:02:38 I'm a beekeeper. I keep bees. I keep bees in a keeping place. A keeping place. What do you mean? Webby. I'm a beekeeper. I keep bees. I keep bees in a keeping place. Yeah. A keeping place. What do you mean? Where bees live.
Starting point is 01:02:51 You don't know that much about being a beekeeper because you already don't know really where you keep them. He just likes the title. I just beat that guy. I'm just gonna call for a restaurant. We'd like a reservation. We'd like four seats and I know how to get them. Okay, what's the name? The beekeeper. And I'd like a plate of fresh bees, fried bees.
Starting point is 01:03:18 I don't know where you're, this is Tower Bar. We don't have, okay, well we can find something. We have honey packet. We'll find something for you yes i like handy packets yeah that'll be fun be keep up all right let's get it today is yeah red red necky red red necky we're gonna watch a few of these oh i guess we'll read. You're gonna read them and if you can read those data I already see it's almost too long to go ahead. I can read them. Yeah, well, this is this is from Spence camp Thanks for submitting here and I was star. I'm red red neck either red neck meter I'm reading this cold preacher told me folks is talking because I'm mad to a minor
Starting point is 01:03:59 I said hell she come down with the black lung when she was eight She ain't set foot in a mine in three years come on get some minor that one who will want to trunk down a little bit but I get the joke I didn't even get it I had to read it twice yeah okay here's Philip Hirsch let's see. I'm red red necky, the red neck comedian. When I kiss mama, she said I kissed like Papa. I told her that's what sister said. Come and get some. Well as an incestual thing, that's not bad. It's pretty exciting. Sounds like a porn I just watched. Okay. Come and hit some can go either way. J. Dubbs is the name for our next submittal. I'm red red necky,
Starting point is 01:04:49 the redneck comedian. Last night there was a knock on my door. I said, who that? They said, yo mama, I said, which one? Come on, get some. He's got two moms. Why was it? Which one? He has two moms? I don't get it. OK. Actually, they're funny. I like this. Yeah, keep them coming. Here's to to show how hard it is. Here's two quick ones that I wrote.
Starting point is 01:05:12 Mom, this is red. This is red, red neck. You the redneck comedian. My mama wrote a cookbook how to eat like a swamp rat. Come on, get some. I mean, eat like a small. Huh. So you eat like a small fry.
Starting point is 01:05:28 Well the long one. Well this, I should have started this one that's too long. I'm red red neck, the red neck comedian. I asked my mama what's for dinner. She said hot sizzling mud bugs topped with a dozen live crawled eggs and it's bothered in swamp sauce. Come and get some.
Starting point is 01:05:44 Too long. You should say, what is it, my birthday? Come on, get some. Well, the whole thing is come on, get some. And you can elongate that. Okay. My dentist, I'm red red neck and red neck comedian. My dentist told me my teeth were green and brown. I said, great, just like my daddy, come on, get some.
Starting point is 01:06:06 They're hard. The car today. This the submittals were better than the. They all get laughs because it just everything about sounds funny. I know, but how do I top the language of this one? I made my sister only because mama tuned it down. Come on, get some. Yeah, that's like done done done done done It's hard hard to do the short one quick in test funny
Starting point is 01:06:29 You guys are getting close. We haven't crowned a red red necky champ yet. Well, you guys are trying close and some more impressions and I guess we'll see you next week. Is that all we got or not here to sign us off today is Jason Stratham You thought we were going but I've always been here I Don't know if you read the papers, but I'm the beekeeper Don't cross me you get honey in your grill You'll I'll spray you with honey in your grill. It sounds sexual
Starting point is 01:07:04 No Maybe I think of a new way. Anyway, bye for now. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly, as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Charlie Finein of Brillston Entertainment, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.

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