Free With Ads - All Dogs Go To Heaven

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

This week Emily and Jordan finally got around to watching a Burt Reynold's movie, sort of: the animated Don Bluth kids classic All Dogs Go To Heaven about a dog who ironically goes to dog hell. If this scared you as a kid, you were right!Visit Emily's ETSY store right now and buy some stuff!Give us 5 stars and a review on the Apple Podcast Store! DO IT NOW!If you would like to pick the next Free With Ads movie, you can! Here's how: pre-order Jordan's new graphic novel Youth Group. Then shoot us an email at [e-mail] with the receipt and you will be automatically entered into a contest to choose the next Free With Ads movie. The winner will also receive a homemade rosary made by Emily Fleming (you can request an upside down cross!) Don't have money? Don't worry! Here's another way to enter. We are also accepting people who request Youth Group at their local library. Email us a screenshot of you asking, or if you just talked to a librarian you can just tell us that you did that. Honor system, so don't lie please.

This This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Disney Plus $10 a month to keep your kids placated with animated movies when you can go on YouTube for free and watch one that will ensure they have a lifetime of nightmares about dog hell? I'm Jordan Morris. I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is All Dogs Go to Heaven, the animated classic that's perfect for kids who wish their dogs could talk and get drunk and be in the mafia. Before we talk about this movie, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with

ads, we're going to talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week. Other free stuff. What you got, Jordan? So, I think a theme in this podcast that's developing is reappraising things that you thought you had an opinion about. Yeah. And looking back and saying, was I right? How do I feel now? Okay.

I think I have said on this show and other places that I don't like nu metal. What? Yeah, the genre of music't like new metal. What? Yeah. The genre of music known as new metal. First I'm hearing of this. This is the first I'm hearing of it too. What do you mean?

Have you just been holding back because me and Matt are here? I don't want to get wedgied by you and Matt. You don't like rap. You don't like rock. And you don't like rap rock. I like ska though. Listen, I have embarrassing music tastes. We all have a thing that we can be roasted about.

Sure. New Metal never did it for me. But because of this podcast, I'm taking a look at that. Oh. So, Emily, we saw Power Man 5000 the other day. Yeah, for my birthday. It whipped ass. It did.

It absolutely whipped ass. And then I was thinking about other stuff in that genre that I like. I'm like, wait, I loved Rammstein as a kid. Yeah. I totally loved Rammstein. I think what I still don't like is rap rock. I don't like kid rock or Limp Bizkit. But some of the other stuff I think can be pretty fucking cool.

Yeah. And so I think I've been listening to some Rammstein, and I think Rammstein is now in my algorithm. Okay. I think I've been listening to some Rammstein, and I think Rammstein is now in my algorithm. Okay. And I came upon a delightful reimagining of a Rammstein classic. Rammstein, of course, are the German industrial band that had a hit with Duhast. Matt, can we play the original version of Duhast?

Absolutely. Duh. Duhast. Duhast Misch. I'm getting rad. I love this song. I bet. Duh. Duhast. Du hast, du hast mich. I love this song. Du hast, du hast mich. Listen, if you're driving to Blockbuster Video in 1998, you're blasting that song before you rent a copy of one of the Crow sequels

that went to the Direct-to-Video. The director's cut of Darnie Darko. I want my whole life to be like the nightclub scene in Blade. Yes. Fucking cool. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah. So I think the internet knows that I'm re-evaluating Rammstein

because I got this video from a YouTube channel called WTF Vinyl. And this is What If Rammstein, but the 80s. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's kind of beautiful, isn't it? Wow. It's kind of like... This rules.

I just want to like... I just want to like pump my fist in the air because I bonded with kids who I thought were different from me at detention. It just sounds like we are the death. We are the goth guys. We are the ones

who are gonna eat your soul. So that's WTF Vinyl. They do a lot of these. They have a Korn one. There's like a lot of and I love this about TikTok and Instagram is people who are doing synth wave versions. Oh, yeah? All types of pop songs.

Dang. I feel like this is kind of a cool thing that's happening. Yeah. And we should, anytime, if I find something else that's weird, I will bring a synth. Yeah, no, let's do it. We should bring synthy versions. Let's definitely rock out to those. Okay, but, okay, I want to hear the Korn one.

Can we hear the Korn one? Yes, please. Yeah, Matt, bring, Matt, bring, here's what we'll do. We're want to hear the corn one can we hear the corn one please bring up matt bring here's what we'll do we're gonna start talking about the movie uh-huh you bring up the corn one and we'll listen to it at the end of the episode how about that all right yeah that's fair that's fair sounds good uh hey uh today's movie all dogs go to heaven emily this was your pick uh what tell tell me why you love this movie. I don't anymore. Yes! Wait, wait. I love New Metal. You don't like All Dogs Go to Heaven.

Are we in Bizarro World? Well, I love Don Bluth. I like all of Don Bluth's stuff. I'm a huge Thumbelina girl. Love Troll in Central Park and Thumbelina. Rock-a-doodle? Yes. Rock-a-doodle. All of them are good. You Central Park and Thumbelina. Rock-a-doodle? Fuck yes. Rock-a-doodle rules. Like all of them are good.

I remember as a kid. You fuck-a-doodle with Rock-a-doodle. Oh, Rock-a-doodle is sexy as fuck. I mean, he was hot. That was the hottest rooster I've ever seen. The hottest Elvis chicken. I think he might be, take a seat, Austin Butler. There's a chicken who deserves an Oscar.

He's not even a real chicken. He's a cartoon who deserves an Oscar. He's not even a real chicken. He's a cartoon chicken. But no. Yeah, and he was able to drop the voice after the movie. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. He didn't go method like that human. Yeah, no, I love all of his movies,

and I know that he's just got a different tone than Disney. The music comes out of fucking nowhere. There's like three different songs in one song, and it just sounds like the psychotic ramblings of like a... The music in this movie is insane. Insane! I couldn't tell you what any of them are. Like, I know Can't Keep a Good Dog Down, that's the only one.

And then that alligator came out of nowhere. Okay, we'll get to it, but it's just so weird. So yeah, so let's start talking about it. So our first scene is our two boys, our two doggy boys, Charlie and Itchy, they're really cute. Great opening scene. Yeah, and the animation in this is gorgeous. It is.

It's like hand-drawn animation is fucking beautiful, you wish they still did stuff like this. It's funny, because there's like, part of the charm is that there's inconsistencies. Like the character's proportions will change because someone else is drawing them. Oh my God. But it's really neat.

Like that little girl's eyes move all around her head. But yeah, so it is like imperfect and it is very beautiful. Yeah. But yeah, so we got our two guys, our two dogs, Charlie and Itchy, and they're digging out of prison. So cute. It is very beautiful. But yeah, so we got our two guys. They're two dogs, Charlie and Itchy, and they're digging out of prison. So cute. It's very cute. The first joke we get is

turn left. No, your other left. Is that the most told joke of all time? I love it. It's up there. I do like some of the yuck yuck stuff in this. There's not enough of it in my opinion. There's some good yuck yuck stuff. There's a couple lines I love, yeah. So they're digging out of prison. They're a couple of prison dogs. Oh, their full names, Charlie B. of prison. They're a couple of prison dogs.

Oh, their full names, Charlie B. Barkin and Itchy Itchford. No. Charlie B. Barkin. Charlie B. Barkin. I didn't know that. I know, cute, huh? And it's Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise. It is Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise.

I was listening to it and I was like, this feels very George Clooney. Yeah. Oh, sure, yeah. Maybe because Fantastic Mr. Fox is a little bit inspired by this character. Yeah. I'm thinking maybe Burt Reynolds, like maybe George Clooney is the Burt Reynolds of, you know what? Of our parents.

That's not a bad thesis. It makes sense. Here's my problem. Yeah. Why they have to make Charlie so fucky. He's a dog. He didn't seem, he seemed fucky as hell.

Oh, he was pretty hot. Yeah. Like, you know, he's just like trying to fuck. Well, there's also like two female dogs that maybe he did fuck. Right, right.

I'm so confused about it. It's a kid's movie, but sometimes I'm like, I don't know. It's got a horny energy. I'm a little too horny for me. I don't know. Is this a fucking kid's movie? I have no idea. You know, I thought it was when I was a kid, but I was also like, why am I scared?

We watched it a lot as kids. I did too, but I don't remember how fucking long it was. Like, I had no idea the twists and turns. I just remember little girl, real cute, dogs. Funny. And I think I remembered a totally different plot than when I saw it. Well, this movie doesn't really care about its plot. It's just a bunch of stuff that happens. than when I saw it. Well, this movie doesn't really care about its plot. It sure doesn't.

It's just a bunch of stuff that happens. Yeah. So something about Burt Reynolds is that I've watched a lot of Burt Reynolds movies recently because on our other podcast, Jordan Jesse Go, we, for our bonus content, review these Burt Reynolds movies. So I spend a lot of time with him. And Burt Reynolds, he's all charm.

Sometimes he doesn't try hard and sometimes he doesn't look like he wants to be there. Yep. I will say in this movie, and I was like, oh God, he's doing voiceover? Of course this guy's just gonna like fucking mumble this out and then go do blow with Sammy Davis Jr.

in a clawfoot hot tub, you know? Like, I will say, I think Burt shows up for this. Yeah. I think he's good. He's good. Except for the singing. Yeah, well, I think the songs are also not his fault.

He didn't write them. No, the songs are not his fault. Well, yeah, the songs are not his fault, but also, he sings them badly. So, yeah, so they're out of jail. They go to their old gang hideout. Which that wasn't clear to me. Boy, so much of this is not clear.

I thought they were just dogs fucking around at a farm and they like to be little dickheads. And they were just like, let's pop these water mains for fun. Yeah. I think there is. We don't see them in jail. No. We hear that he got out of jail. So I'm retroactively assuming that's where they were.

I know. It took me a minute. I was like, these are just some mischievous dogs that like to do fun shit. Yeah. And this one has tools. And one has tools. Yeah. Itchy has a lot of tools. So they're in the mafia. The dog mafia. They're in

gambling. I feel like after watching Godfather, so much more prepared for All Dogs Go to Heaven. Yes, I know. A riff on the Godfather. It truly is. Because they've got a casino, a doggy casino. So we're in the doggy casino. They're betting on the rat race, which is rats racing around. Oh, my God.

The rat race was great. It looks so cool. Yeah. And there's a great little gag. Somebody's going up to the bookie and it's like, what are the odds on terrible Tom? The bookie says, terrible. Love it.

Yuck, yuck, yuck. But I liked all the little visual gadgets and design. Me too. This dog world gambling. I could have seen way more dog world gambling stuff. Dog world gambling is great. All the various animal races they bet on are so fucking cool. Cute, yeah.

Cute as shit. But then it's like, they're not in the dog gambling shit. They're out in human world gambling, and it's just not as cool. Yeah, it is not as cool. But this had like, there was a little zipline car thing on the side of the track with a piece of cheese. I know. And all the rats are chasing the piece of cheese. It rolls.

It's so funny. It's so cartoony. I know. And that's when we get the song, You Can't Keep a Good Dog Down. It's Charlie and Itchy singing about how they're a bunch of rogues and so this is when so the songs in this movie right here's what it seems like it seems like they just sang it acapella and then someone found a music track that sounds kind of like it the music and the singing don't match they don't match at all they're so fuck it's it's and i felt like my

i'm like is the sound broken on my TV? I like fucked around with my TV settings. I'm like, it can't sound like this, can it? Yeah, because also because it's hand-drawn animation, the mouths don't really match. The mouths look weird. Yeah. No, but I had the exact same experience. Yeah.

The music was so strangely separate from the singing. Right. That I'd almost felt like they didn't do it at the same time. Like the singers never heard the tune and just kind of winged it. It felt like, you know, like you said, Burt Reynolds ripped a line and just they go, sing a thing.

And you start singing and they're like, okay. And there's a guy like fucking sweating behind a piano just like. I'm just trying to keep up with these guys. They're on a lot of cocaine and you know they keep barking like a dog there's three people

sucking his dick while he's in the recording studio he's getting his dick sucked by three people one of them is Dom DeLuise one of them is a dog so but yeah

so the music is weird but also Burt Reynolds is a bad singer I have a clip here from Burt Reynolds album of original country music. What? He made an album of country music, and this is what it sounds like. This is from a song I think is called Childhood.

Flying kites, pillow fights. No. Lay me down to sleep nights. No. Lions and apes, towel capes. Jesus. Captain Marvel flying. No. Jesus. Fuck! It sucks so bad.

I want to know where this is going. Okay, here's the thing. It's going nowhere. Is he just naming shit? He's just rhyming shit from childhood. And he laughs there. Lots of fish for biting. What the fuck is he talking about? He's just like, and then he does that thing that Matthew McConaughey does where he laughs at himself.

Like he's just thinking of it. He's like, chicken pox. Chicken pox. Saturday morning cartoons snort Nickelodeon gack sleep on my back hacky sacks

I could go for a year doing this oh sugar smacks oh and god like yeah so you know Burt Reynolds can't sing. Anybody who has seen Best Little Whorehouse in Texas knows this. Love that movie. I know, what a great movie.

Yeah. It is, but it's wild that they let him sing all his songs in this. They could have just hired someone to do it. Yeah, somebody definitely sang for the little girl. Yeah. And like in all those Disney movies, the person who does the speaking voice rarely sings. Correct. Yeah. Anyway, so it's wild that they're like, alright, Bert, fucking do it.

Fucking talk, sing all this shit. We don't even have a tune. So anyway, okay. So the boss of the dog mafia is Carface. Do we know why he's called that? He's in cars a lot. I think it's because he's built like a car. I thought it's because he's built like a car.

I thought it was because maybe he was a, like, he's a bulldog, right? Or what is he? He's got a smush face. I think he's a bulldog, yeah. So it was like car face,

like he looks like his face got hit by a car. Ah, maybe. Maybe. They just really wanted this Scarface pun, but they didn't commit to why he would be called

Carface. Right. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's very weird. And this thing's set in 1939, so like, but they didn't commit to why he would be called Carface. Right. Okay. Yeah, it's very weird. And this thing's set in 1939, so like the movie's- In New Orleans. Yeah, in New Orleans. So yeah, this gets my New Orleans point.

I give everything that's set in New Orleans a point because New Orleans is an automatic point. Oh wow, how many things have we done? Just Skeleton Key. Two. Skeleton Key and this one. Thank you, New Orleans. We are sorry.

Yeah. This has been rough for New Orleans. Hopefully there's some good movies set in you. Bad Lieutenant, maybe we'll watch Bad Lieutenant. Okay. So it's Carface. He's the boss of the dog mafia, and his right-hand man is a killer

voiced by Charles Nelson Reilly. Who is that? His voice was so familiar. He's the guy who was on all those Hollywood squares. And he talks like this. And he's one of these guys from the 70s and 80s. Oh, I thought there were a few people like that. Yeah.

But I see what you mean. He's really good, though. He's really funny in this. And the character is a funny design. Yeah, he looks like a kind of a half deflated chocolate colored balloon. Yeah, he's like head doesn't match his body. Yeah. He's funny.

Kind of looks like Goofy's friend or like Goofy's son's friend in a Goofy movie. Yeah. It looks like Goofy's bookie. Yes. So we. Oh, they're going to break my legs, Max. I can't stop. It's a sickness.

And that's the sound of him getting his knees broken with a tire iron. Anyway, so they don't like Charlie. They don't like that he's out of jail. Apparently, Charlie wants like half the money, and he wants to like put dancing girls in the casino. Yeah, it sounds lit. It sounds great. I know Charlie's got good ideas. Listen to Charlie.

Charlie rules. Totally. So they want to like set him up to kill him. So they're like, we're going to kill him. So what they do is they get him drunk on human beer, I think. Well, I know plenty of people who give their dogs a little beer. So yeah, it's like they have analogs. They have dog analogs for stuff in this world. Like they don't use money at the casino.

They use meat. But there's not like a dog analog for beer. They just drink beer. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was very confused by that too. And I'm like, why isn't bones also kind of a currency? It's a literal name for money. It's a literal name for money. Right, right. It's right there. Instead, it's just that classic cartoon bone

with a round red piece of meat attached to the top of it, like flat. Yeah, like what part of the animal is that? Yeah, it's a drumstick, but it's flat and red. Anyway, do your anatomy lessons, people drawing things for dogs to eat in cartoons. So yeah, so they want to kill Charlie, and they get him drunk. He's acting drunk, People drawing things for dogs to eat in cartoons. So, yeah. So they want to kill Charlie and they get him drunk.

He's acting drunk. And then they push an old-time car into him, which I guess is a period-appropriate car. That's a classic Carface signature move. Maybe that's why he's called Carface. Car to the face. Oh, yeah. There it is. So they push a car into him and he immediately flies down the portal to dog heaven where he meets a dog angel who is very horny for him.

Yes. I couldn't tell if she was just horny for everything. Yeah, maybe. So then she says that all dogs go to heaven. Yes. Some theological questions. We learn later that there is dog hell but why do they need it if no dogs go there i know why does it just to scare dogs from trying to leave heaven to

well go back to get revenge on their murderer she should have maybe mentioned that like there is one right then he'd go okay you'd be the only one in there yeah it'd be just for you he'd be like cool although that i liked the idea that heaven is boring and he didn't want to be there. Me too. That's interesting. I think about that a lot. Yeah, well, yes. Is heaven a bummer? Well, I've been to church.

I kind of see what his deal is. Right. You should make church more fun if you would. Heaven's gonna be like this. Church is not lit. Here's your silly string. And I do not think a guy in a tight polo shirt with an acoustic guitar is what fun church is. Okay, church? Do better. Thank you.

Give us silly string as soon as we walk in. Where's beer? Where's beer? There should be beer, church. If dogs get beer, humans should have it, but in church. Yeah, can you be a shit-faced, knocked-down drunk in heaven? Yeah, what if that is the thing you want most? Yeah, because I was like, if he's in heaven, shouldn't there be a version of his heaven up there?

Right. Why is somebody deciding what his heaven is? You have this generic ass heaven. Yeah. Huge theological questions in this movie. I know. But yeah, that is such an interesting idea that this guy who has fun in life is bored of heaven. It's a neat idea.

I love it. They don't fuck with it that much, but it's cool. So he finds his life watch. Everybody's got a life watch or a life clock. Yeah. And he unwinds it to return to Earth after singing a fucking weird atonal bad song with the angel. Yeah, and flirting hardcore with the angel dog.

Flirting hardcore. Who's a whippet. Yeah. He's like, you've got great rhythm for a whippet. And I was like, whippet. Yeah. He's like, you've got great rhythm for a whippet. And I was like, I was like, whippet dogs? What?

And I'm just like, I love whippets. I've never seen one dance. Right. So he's right. Sure. And is that dog racism that he's doing?

No, I don't think so. Is that a problematic dog comment? No, whippets are just really fast. Okay. There is dog racism, though, in this. What do you mean? Well, at one point there's

One of the The Dom DeLuise dog does a racial caricature of Oh no Someone Yes sure sure I don't remember it It's weirdly dated this movie Yes I agree

It's like got a lot of weird racism in it Oh wow But anyways great childhood movie So yeah so he un He like winds his watch so he can go back to Earth. And as he's going, the watch says to him with the voice of the angel, You can never come back. Fucking terrifying.

I know. And he just went, meh. Just kind of. That's like how Burt Reynolds just reacts to things happening to him. He's like, I'll figure it out. Fuck you. I'll be fine. I'm fucking Burt Reynolds.

And then the watch just taunts him for the rest of the movie going, you can never come back. He's like, I know. I, well. I got it the first time. Yeah. I know you were like, but was he a little drunk? Should I remind him?

Yeah. Oh, by the way, you can never come back. Okay, thank you. Just so you know. All right, watch. That's how my fucking alarm clock should be oh yeah you're gonna ruin your life get the fuck up right you can't lose this job that's what i that's why you know i have 50 alarms like set right next to each other so it's just

that i think of that every time sure i had an Apple Watch for like a half second. Yeah? Did you lose it? No. What happened was I was desperately searching for a Mongolian barbecue at the Glendale Galleria. Did you ever find it? Well, I knew it was somewhere, but I didn't know where. And I was just like, oh, I was going up and down. I was huffing and puffing. And my watch said, your heart rate is up. Are you working out and i immediately

was like i'm taking this thing off i cannot have a watch just clowning me like this telling me like as i'm looking for the mongolian barbecue that oh yeah it sounds like you're really getting your heart rate up shut up i'm looking for noodles yeah and then while i was eating i got another alert and the alert i swear to god just said breathe while i was eating breathe shut up watch it's like having my mom on my wrist no more god uh i had a friend with an apple watch and she was like oh yeah it told me just randomly it's like like we see that you were playing soccer and she's like what the fuck and then she's like trying to figure out why it's saying that. And then she looks at the time and she's like, oh, I was fucking then. It thought that the fucking was soccer.

She does a lot of kicks, huh? A lot of kicks, yeah. Wow. I kick my partner in the balls a lot. I'm trying to think of what position could even look like kicking. Right. I guess maybe doggy style. Yeah.

Perhaps. You know, appropriate. Speaking of doggygy style let's talk about all dogs go to heaven okay so so we hear earlier that car face has a monster in the basement oh what's the monster so charlie and itchy are going down there and it's just a little orphan girl who was wearing a bunch of rags and kind of looked like a monster but she is insanely cute, and she can talk to animals. Oh, God, and the voice, it's the same little girl who was the voice of Littlefoot. Yeah. But she kind of, I like

the way her look. I love the haircut. I know. She looks like if Snow White and Natalie Portman from The Professional came together. Oh, funny. And were that little girl. Yeah. And with just a girl. Uh huh. Yeah. And it was just a little speech impediment. Just a little

little speech impediment. I mean so cute. Very cute. And like if you ever forget what the name if you ever forget what the main character's

name in this everyone says it all the time. Charlie. Charlie. And then it's just going Charlie. Charlie.

Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. It's so much and it reminded me of what was that little fucking unicorn video on YouTube that was like, Charlie. I haven't seen that. Candy Mountain, Charlie. You ever seen that?

No. Don't do it. Sounds annoying. And then there's Charlie bit my finger. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, what is the name Charlie done to all of us? A lot of Charlies out there. Although, for some reason, so I have this thing.

It's like a synesthesia thing where words and names have flavors to me. Whoa. Charlie is, it's a marshmallow. Ooh. It is like a marshmallow, but like one that's just a little bit burnt. What's Matt? There's nothing. I can't taste it.

Some things I can't taste. No. The name Penelope tastes like banana Laffy Taffy. That's like chocolate and you can have a little name s'more. I don't know anything that tastes like chocolate. But yeah, Penelope, the name smells. It tastes like banana Laffy Taffy. What about Jordan?

Jordan doesn't taste like anything. Nothing. There's just certain words that'll do it. Okay. And it'll make me so hungry. My mouth will get watery. The word ghost tastes like a burp the

and I think this is the thing that I think this is the thing that people like remember about this movie the food does look delicious it does also

the pizza there's some pizza in this movie oh my god that pizza was like infinite pizza that just drips all over everyone yeah I know

the pizza gets self-replicating I know the cake could've used some work I think yeah cake wasn't great but the pizza's a 10 out of 10. Yeah.

Anyway, so this little girl can talk to animals, and because this is a world where there are constant animal contests going on all the time, she's used for gambling because she can talk to the animals, find out who's going to win. I love it. And so, yeah. When she's talking to the little rat for the rat race. I know, it's so cute.

And I love how she's getting distracted from being threatened by just having a lovely conversation with a rat. Yeah, it's really cute. And she's just like, oh, somebody's got the cold. That is so sad. I'm so sorry. She's just so fucking adorable and then finds out who's going to win the race. Yeah. So Itchy and Charlie, they take her. out who's gonna win the race yeah so so itchy and charlie like taker they like taker they go to live

in the back of um of of charlie's cab he lives in a cab it's covered in blankets look kind of comfy i was gonna ask is this is this a bedroom you liked yes okay it is i think although i did like scratchy's bedroom better what a weird bed it was It was like bent and bent inward. Oh, I don't think I remember the bed. Well, so after Charlie comes back to life from heaven, runs to, you know, Scratchy's apartment. Oh, thinking of Itchy. Talking about Itchy. Itchy? Yeah. Oh, fuck.

His name isn't Scratchy? No, that's the cat and mouse from The Simpsons. All right. That's okay. I mean, that's a mistake we all would have made. That's a reasonable mistake, Emily. Itchy, Itchy, Itchy. Okay, I'll remember that.

But yeah, his apartment. But I loved the cab. I thought it was so cute mistake, Emily. Itchy, itchy, itchy. Okay, I'll remember that. But yeah, his apartment, but I loved the cab. I thought it was so cute. I love how Itchy slept in a tire. Yeah. Just outside, he's like, sit in this tire,

I'll see you at 8 o'clock in the morning. There's so much cute shit in this movie. So they decide that they're going to use her for gambling. They go to the horse track

the next day and they do a wallet stealing trick on a couple. Hey, time for Hunk Watch. Oh! It's Hunk Watch. You're right. I didn't even think about Hunk Watch for this movie.

Well, because it's a cartoon that has mostly animals and kids. Yes. But the human couple in this. They're pretty hot. They're so hot. They really are hot. It's a mom and a dad for the little girl, but they both look great. They're rich and have no kids.

Mom has a very saucy robe she comes down in. She does. I want that robe. Yeah. And he's very handsome. He's like one of those guys that's like he would be a perfect specimen, but he has glasses on. Right. Exactly.

And it makes him even hotter. Yes, exactly. Yeah. He definitely reminded me of the human dad from 101 Dalmatians who likes those jingles. Yes. Anyway. He's hot, too. Yeah?

Yeah. A lot of cartoon dads out there. Also, Jeff Daniels played him in the live action movie. Oh, I didn't know that. I've never seen those live action ones. Hunk Watch. Okay. Indirect Hunk Watch.

Ooh, okay. Yep. Right. We should have other movie hunk watches lateral hunk watches uh so yeah i think those are those are the hunkiest characters in this movie sure um so so yeah so so you're kind of like set up to think that like the little girl is gonna like get adopted by these people yeah like it's pretty obvious at the top, like, what's going to happen. Right. And I feel like I want the wife to say, like, oh, little girl, where's your family? Oh, that's interesting.

I'm barren. I just wanted to hear it from her because it seems like that's where they were going. Yeah. My husband has lazy sperm. His sperm are useless. Anyway. I just wear a sexy robe. We don't fuck, though. No. We don't like fucking. He's bored of a sexy robe. We don't fuck, though.

No. We don't like fucking. He's bored of my sexy robe. I buy a new robe every week, and none of them make him fuck me. He goes down to the docks a lot. Oh. Okay. That's the 30s.

Oh, man. I want to get married so bad. Yeah. That sounds great. Doesn't that sound fun? Yeah, it sounds fun. Just hanging around in robes, adopting kids. Husband goes to the docks.

Yeah. So they go to the horses in the horse race, and they try and figure out who's going to win. The horses in this are fucking designed so well. So clunky. They all have one or two little clothing pieces on. Yeah, a monocle on one of them. One of them has a monocle and a cigarette. He's smoking a cigarette.

It's like kids' movies are so different in the 80s. You're right. There were a lot of cigarettes in animals' mouths. Yeah, you could just be a cartoon animal smoking. Yeah.

And the one that was supposed to, what was it? Lord Chahi was the name of the one that had to win because it was his birthday. Right, Lord Chahi. So they are going to rig it to win because it was his birthday. Right. Lord Chahi. So they are going to rig it so he wins. And he's like such a fucking wreck of a horse.

He's got flies buzzing around him. Around his ass. But he has a birthday hat on. He does have a birthday hat. But my favorite thing is so you're in Charlie, Charlie, Chahi, Chahi. And it's like, oh, my God, we got to pick new things. I know. Yeah.

All that stuff is really annoying. People say each other's names over and over again in this. Also, what was the little girl's name? Was it Anna Lee? He calls her Squeaker. But yeah, I think her name is like Annabelle or Anna Lee or something. Ann Marie. There you go.

And I kept thinking they were saying Emily. Oh, what? What? Oh. The dog movie's talking to me. It is so weird when your own name is in a movie isn't it weird?

totally I don't get it a lot I feel like there's not a lot of Jordans in movies I don't get it a lot either Matt probably has it all the time you know

I don't actually it's such a boring name Matt that people don't usually go with it for movies I don't know it's a cool guy name

it's a cool guy name it's a regular guy name I think it's like a Zach. Like Zach, Matt. Maybe in the 90s. Okay. But no longer. If your name is Jack, you're probably freaking out.

Oh, yeah. There's so many Jacks in media. Lots of Jacks. There aren't very many Emilys, and anyone who plays an Emily is usually like the boring girlfriend that you need to get rid of. Okay. You know? It's like, you know, Ross from Friends,

he ends up saying someone else's name instead of her name. Oh, fine. Okay, okay. So, yeah. Anyway, hey, if you're out there writing a movie, put our names in it. Yeah, make me cool. Put our names in the movie.

Yeah, but make sure we're cool characters. So we get this cool montage of them betting on all these, like, animal contests. It's very cool. This is, like, the best chunk of the movie to me. Oh, for sure. Likeests. It's very cool. This is the best chunk of the movie to me. The horse race is great. This is great. Can we talk about, I love the whole dog stacking

on top of each other with the little girl on top under a trench coat. Oh, we did. We totally missed that. Emily. Yeah, so they do a... I thought so many more movies were going to have things like this in it. It's so funny. And this is another callback to Jordan and Jessie Go. We were wondering where does that come from? Because

everybody knows that convention. And I'm like where did we see this? Little Rascals maybe? It comes from Little Rascals. You're right. I think that is the first one. Yeah. But yeah, I think this was a key one of these in my childhood. Everybody's stacking up to pretend like they're a grown up. And it's, I love the, where'd they get the mustache from? I love it. I know.

They just have a fake mustache. I love it. They put it on the girl. It's so cute and funny. And her little grown man voice is so cute. It's like, it's his birthday. It's his birthday. And the old man behind the, you know.

He was like taking the bets. Taking the bets. I love, he was like, like he couldn't. It just made me think about, you've been to Santa Anita with me, right? Yeah, it's fun. So I know that's- I believe on Dollar Hot Dog Day. Yeah, Dollar Hot Dog, $2 beer.

And yes, Santa Anita Racetrack is a controversial place. I know horse racing is controversial. I think that maybe that's the dated thing about this movie. Oh yeah, sure. Is there's a lot of animal racing and animal betting. But it made me think of all the cool old people who work at the racetrack. Oh, yeah. And how they're all such big characters.

That's the best part about the racetrack. Oh, yeah. Is the people who work there. All the older people with haunted eyes. Yeah. And beehive hairs. What have they seen? I love them.

Anyway. Yeah. So there's this fun stretch. We get this montage. They try on a lot of dresses for the little girl so she can find a family. Oh, I loved that. Insanely cute. Every dress was adorable.

And yeah, it was one of those things where she comes out and they're like, yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. It's a fashion montage. It's really cute. It's a makeover montage. It's really cute. I fucking love it. So that's when they go to see the puppies.

The girl is mad because they said they would help the poor with the money they're not doing it so charlie's like yeah he opened his own casino he did oh he opened his own dog casino um and so they go and bring a bunch of pizzas to a bunch of puppies that may be his yeah what did you think about that i think he's a deadbeat dad i think and he brings a pizza once a month once a month and made it seem like charity when it was literally just doing... That's what you see bare fucking minimum, Charlie. Because that other dog, that was some fuck me eyes from that

dog. Like, it's so great of you to come by. You haven't come by in a while. Right. And I'm like, this is their dad. Voiced by Lonnie Anderson, who was married to Burt Reynolds at the time. Oh! But yeah, and then all of them go, Uncle Charlie, and I'm like, oh! Well, there's another stepdog who stepped up. Yeah.

Not Charlie. Charlie just, you know, fucking comes by with pizza once a month. That's right. But the pizza does look really good. It looks so good. And they sing a song about sharing. That song sucks. All the songs suck.

What was that? It didn't need to be there. Yeah, it is like a weird, like none of these sound like songs, but this sounds like they just had some songs from something else. Yeah. I think they wanted to somehow make Charlie seem like a better dude. Right. But it's like, then don't make him be a creep.

So he's teaching them about sharing, but he doesn't share anyway. I know. It was so fucking, and then the little girl's little song after this. Oh, yeah. So she sings about wanting parents. Yeah, and I hate that song even more. It's just ramblings. Yeah.

But that cozy little area, like looking out at the window. It's cute. Into the sky. And then she got the puppies coming up there who suddenly like her, even though they didn't like her at the beginning of the scene.

It's adorable. It's a mess after this. Like the environments in this movie are great. They are gorgeous. Yeah. They're totally gorgeous. Yeah. This little house is so fun. From here on out, this movie is just. They are gorgeous. Yeah, they're totally gorgeous. Yeah. This little house is so fun.

From here on out, this movie is just a fucking fever dream. Well, that's when we get to the dog hell nightmare. The dog hell nightmare. It's so scary. Which was just a dream,

wasn't it? Yeah, it is a dream. And I think it's implied later that dog hell is real, but we see like all these dog dragons and dog skeletons. It's so fucking metal.

Yeah. It's so metal. Yeah. It's so metal. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm sure, yeah, terrified. Terrified an entire generation. Well, what's funny to me about the dog hell, yes, the dream was awful, but you know in Stranger Things,

the flare or whatever, the mind flare? Oh, yeah, sure. That's what the dog demon looked like. Oh, funny. Like there was fire crashing all around. Right. And you see this giant weird demon dog thing off in the distance. And I'm like, oh, Stranger Things stole this.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. So, yeah. So he has this dog hell dream. The little girl takes the wallet back to the hot family. They give her waffles. The waffles look delicious. Oh, yeah, they do.

But then Charlie manipulates her into leaving the family. Charlie's such a bad dog. It's fucked up. Send give her waffles. The waffles look delicious. Oh yeah, they do. But then Charlie manipulates her into leaving the family. What the fuck? Charlie's such a bad dog. Send him to dog hell. He belongs in dog hell. He barely even saved her life, by the way. Yeah, I know. You'll be fine. Yeah. Oh, we'll get to that. So they're going back to the casino and

Carface and Killer attack them with a laser? I don't get it. At some point, Killer mentions, I have a laser. I have access to a flash cord and laser.

And he's about to feed his friend to a bunch of piranhas. Yeah, I know. What is happening in this movie? Just stuff happens in it. I don't know why

they have a laser. Maybe it was like they wrote it to be a gun and then like whoever does. Couldn't do a normal gun. You're like the animals can smoke, but they can't use guns. Yeah. Have the animals smoking. Yeah.

Oh, I guess that you're probably right. It probably is a workaround gun. It's so strange. I mean, I loved it as a kid that there was a laser in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, maybe it's like doesn't matter. Kids like lasers.

Put it in there. Yeah. And I think this was a time when like, doesn't matter. It's like, whatever. Kids like lasers. Put it in there. Yeah. And I think this was a time when like, like now when I think they make a Pixar movie, right? Like they want adults to like it and they want it to win Oscars. But I think maybe at this time it was just like, what do kids like? Lasers, pizza, you know, smoking. Yeah.

It's a little less considered. Yeah. So anyway, so they get captured and put in a bone cage they get rescued by a bunch of mouse natives who may be problematic yeah i don't know uh i i feel like i mentally block that out it's just all this all this shit happens in this movie yeah uh so and then they lower them in these bone cages to the alligator. Yep. Who sings a weird atonal song.

The alligator seems to be drag coded. Yep. It's funny. The person who does the voice of the alligator also does Mr. Oogie Boogie in Nightmare Before Christmas. Holy shit. Yeah, I know. Oh, that's great. Yeah, great singer.

Yeah, I know. Totally. That song was good. I don't remember how it goes. Well, yeah. Like the guy singing that song obviously can sing. Yeah, great singer. Yeah, I know, totally. That song was good. I don't remember how it goes. Well, yeah, like, the guy singing that song obviously can sing. Yeah. And, you know, as we hear him sing a good song in The Nightmare Before Christmas. But, yeah, doing the best he can, but it's just, like, giving this weird mishmash of a thing.

It's unclear why the alligator doesn't eat Charlie, but he sings a song about being friends with him. Well, so Charlie, he tries to eat Charlie, and Charlie goes, ooh, and does this vibrato with his howl. Oh, okay. And he's like, oh, I couldn't eat such a delicious voice. And then he just starts like- Have you heard his album of country music where he's just listing toys? Yeah, he was about to eat him, and he sang whatever that song was. Oh, boy. Tick tocks.

Marble sex. Jumping jacks. God, this sucks. I hate him. It sucks. I don't like it. Marble sex. Jumping jacks.

He probably got $50 million to do that. A hundred percent. He is literally a millionaire because of this. It went all up his nose. God damn. I hope at the pearly gates when he got there, they go, we have one thing. Yeah. One bone to pick with you, sir. Some dogs go to hell

and they send them down. Sorry, Bert. Sorry, Bert. So during all this thing, like Carface and the goons attack, the building catches on fire. It looks really cool. Charlie's life watch gets water in it and it stops. It looks really cool. Charlie's life watch gets water in it and it stops.

Oh, yeah. Well, it sinks. Well, here's the thing. So I have issues with this. Please. Also, I mean, there's a lot more

in between that that happens. There's the gator and then they get out and then she's all like, I don't feel good and then we gotta go through what? Oh, that's right. And then there's the,

the little girl just starts coughing the like sick character cough. Oh, yeah. And you know it's not good when they's right. And then the little girl just starts coughing the sick character cough. Oh, yeah, and you know it's not good when they do that. And then he just rides on the gator away into New Orleans with her. Like, yeah, they ride into a pipe, and the sign above the pipe says, To New Orleans.

Yes, yes. I love it. And yeah, I guess the alligator scene was very reminiscent of those old Hollywood like reverse motion pool scenes where people come out of the pool. Oh, sure. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My favorite thing is like when he would move around, it would shake things like they were like, oh, he's so big because he's giant. Right. And then he flips in the air with the dog and he's on like a hanging bar like Cirque du Soleil and it's just hanging by like two little strings.

Yeah. And, you know, it's just gravity only matters sometimes. Yes, of course. But I loved it. But yeah, so then they go somewhere and the kid's sick and arguments. But yeah, fuck it. Let's skip over all that and just get right to

when he, quote, saves the little girl. So, yeah. Which is bullshit. All right, before we get to the thrilling, nonsensical climax of All Dogs Go to Heaven, we're going to take a little girl. So, yeah. Which is bullshit. Alright, before we get to the thrilling, nonsensical climax of All Dogs Go to Heaven, we're gonna take's free with ads we're talking about all dogs go to heaven oh yeah maybe i missed how charlie saves the little girl can you explain it to me well he barely does it like i guess there's there's something that happens where there's oil in the water and

then a bunch of circuits blow up so there's fire and oil in this water situation where he's battling with car face eventually they all go in the water and he has a choice where he has to like you know save the little girl or his clock yeah his life clock and he decides between the two of them until the very end where he goes fuck it and he takes the kid up right puts her on a wooden thing just pushes her a little bit and goes you'll make it and then killer saves her uh you know yeah yeah so she just floats out this thing and then he goes down to get his clock uh-huh and it's like that wasn't he kind of sort of you did the you did the best version of what you thought you'd get away with.

Right. You should have just saved her and then taken her to safety and gone, you know what? It's the way it is. Fucking Charlie. But he still made the dick move at the end. And then they still let him go to heaven? I don't get it. That dog should be in hell.

So it seems like he did spend some time in hell but was that just like a vision i'm so confused so here's what i think so like later the little girl wakes up she's in the bed of the of the hot couple yeah it's kind of implied that she's just cured now yeah and we see the hell dragon looming above the city. Which was it a hell dog? Hell dog, hell dog, beast dragon thing. Yeah. And then the like angel light ball breaks the dragon.

To me, what that is implying is that Charlie was in hell for a little bit. And then the angel is like, all right, get up here. You old rascal. Okay. I wonder what that,

I wonder if that's true. Now I'm going to watch so many- Lore videos. Lore videos to see. I want to see, real quick, All Dogs Go to Heaven, Hell Beast. Let's see. Oh, yeah. Is there fan art of it?

Is there erotic fan art? Okay. There's definitely erotic fan art. Okay. I got that. Okay. Somebody's written about it. This is great.

The Hellhound, which, yeah, hellhounds are a thing, is a villain in the all dogs go to heaven franchise. It appears to be the canine version of Satan. Hell yeah. He was in all dogs go to heaven too. I think he's actually a character in the next one. Yeah. Cause interesting.

There are two more movies and a whole TV series. I think Burt Reynolds doesn't come back for any of it, but there's a lot of All Dogs Go to Heaven shit out there. And I guess this guy is in multiple ones so they teased him in the first movie. This is Stranger Things. Oh boy, okay. Yeah, so I guess they were building an

All Dogs Go to Heaven-iverse from that first movie. Damn, if All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 is out, we're gonna have to watch it. Do we? God damn it. When you say have to, but I just want damn it when you say you have to when you say half but i just want to see how the the stranger things things work out like what the what the hell is the hell out i mean i'm kind of interested but you could also always watch on your own report back okay okay fine cool so that happens it's implied that that charlie is going to heaven he

he says a little goodbye to Squeaker. And it takes fucking forever. It takes forever. I will say, though, this part where he says she's gonna be fine and she says I love you and he says I love you, it's the best acting Burt Reynolds has ever done.

I'm including Deliverance. I'm including Boogie Nights. That scene where he says goodbye to the little girl is Burt Reynolds. Shaky actor at best. I think it's his best acting. It's great. It's so sweet. I loved it.

Yeah, that was cute. Also, I just think Itchy's a better dog. He is a better dog. She was so obsessed with Charlie, and I'm like, Itchy is way more fun. He has tools. Yeah, and a little hat. And a funny voice. He's so cute. He's so cute.

He's really cute. I think he's so cute. And he's not so fucky. He's not so fucky. Team Itchy. Team Itchy all the way. Team Itchy. He's the bestie.

He's a good guy. I like him a lot. So that's All Dogs Go to Heaven. I have got a pitch. Yeah? We've talked about this movie. I think the best line is Burt Reynolds saying, I love you to the little girl.

Okay. What if instead of talking about other lines from All Dogs Go to Heaven 2, we just listen to that 80s Korn song that I think Matt booted up. Oh, you know I did. Let's listen to it from WTF Vinyl. Yeah, WTF Vinyl. Okay. 1980s Freak on a Leash by Korn.

Okay. That was All Dogs Go to Heaven. We're going to take a little break and then we're going to say what we thought of the movie by giving it a number ranking. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're going to rank all dogs go to heaven on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials. I'll go first. Actually, maybe I'll probably go a little higher than you, I think.

Okay. Yeah, I had fun watching this. I watched it as a kid. The hand-drawn animation I thought was gorgeous. The funny, cartoony stuff in it is really funny and cartoony. It gets an extra New Orleans point from me. Yeah, it was a hoot. It's a fucking mess.

It's an awful mess. And yeah, definitely, yeah, it's a total mess, but kind of a fun watch. Yeah, I think it would be fun to put on for a kid if you're sick of putting on Frozen or something for them. So yeah, I think with its New Orleans point, I'm going to give it a six. Wow. Okay.

I think I'm going to give it a four. Fair. Because here's the thing. I do love Don Bluth, and I think he really loves long, jaunty stories where you meet tons of characters that feel like, why is this one here? And this one is very that. Yeah.

And I love that. Thumbelina, definitely very that too. Okay. But he just, he wanted to add as many characters along the way as possible. Oh, here's why I'm going to give it a four and not a three.

Also the turtle racing when they were betting on turtles. Take a look at look, take a look. It's in a book. Sorry. No, I sometimes that's a thing in my brain. That's look. Take a look. It's in a book. Sorry, no. Sometimes that's a thing in my brain. That's fine. Take a look.

It's in all our brains. It's in all our brains. Yeah. Lamar Burton got into our brains as kids. It happens. He lives there. If you look at the turtle, it looks exactly like Littlefoot from Land Before Time. From Land Before Time.

That was my Don Bluth movie. We watched the fuck out of Land Before Time. And that movie, honestly, perfect movie, I think. Yeah. Although I haven't seen it forever. Maybe I'll see it and I'll hate it. Yeah. Who knows? It might be one not to revisit.

Yeah. So I really like all of the characters we got to meet despite maybe not needing to be there. So yeah, I think four, it's fine. I don't want to watch it again. Fair. Done. It can burn in hell. Oh, dog hell or regular fine. I don't want to watch it again. Fair, done. It can burn in hell. Oh, dog hell or regular hell?

I don't know. Okay. We'll all find out in the end. Yes. I won't because I'm going to dog heaven. Oh, cool. Matt, oh, can I go? No.

Oh, no, Matt. My dad's the bouncer at dog heaven. All right, that was All Dogs at Dog Heaven. All right. That was All Dogs Go to Heaven. Yep. Let's plug. Emily, you got anything going on? I mean, we're on tour.

Yes. Mythical Tour is happening right now. I think, I don't know how long I'm out there. I feel like it's just been preparing for it and stuff, and then I just show up and they put me on a bus. Well, look for Emily out there in America. Yes,

in America. If you're in America. It's on the website. Just look up goodmythicaltour.com and you'll see. But I think everything's sold out. Okay.

Which is wild to me. Yeah, well, hey, get yourself a last minute ticket. Maybe go on StubHub. Maybe bribe the bouncer. But yeah,

I'll be out there having fun and I'm excited to do it but that's all I could think of at the moment we are going to announce the winner of our youth group pre-order pick a movie contest very soon so keep an ear out for that and of course

you can still pre-order youth group our new graphic novel me and Bowen McGurdy that's who I'm talking about yeah not me I didn't do anything with it I am going to make a rosary for the winner. Yeah, there you go. And you've been very emotionally supportive throughout the whole deal, and I appreciate it. Well, it's very cool.

Thank you. Yeah, you can still preorder that. You can still request it at your local library. I wish you would. But I'm going to use the plug segment to say, hey, we're a newish podcast. Yeah. Rate and review us. Yeah.

We haven't said that. We haven't said that this whole fucking time that makes me so anxious here's the thing, do a good review five stars, don't do one of those things where you give it a joke one star review that's not funny, and everyone hates it yes, it's bad and genuinely hurts the show

yes, it does and my feelings yes, don't do that, give us a five star review and say something you like about the show. It really does genuinely help. Tell a friend if you're liking it. We're a new show and we love a recommendation. So yeah, do a social media post.

We'll probably repost it. And I really love getting all the emails from people out there letting us know that they're supporting the show. It's really nice. It's very nice. I never get tired of it. It's nice. Free with ads. I never get tired of it. It's nice. Free with ads at MaximumFun.org.

We love hearing from you. Yes. And yeah, if you have a fun correction for us, maybe we'll read it on a future episode. Oh, yeah, yeah, please. Don't be a dick about it. Thank you for loving us and not hosting us. What is that other thing you said?

Do host, you know? Oh! Host means hate? Host means hate. Do love us, don't host us. Yes, leave means hate? Host means hate. Do love us, don't host us. Yes, leave us, don't host us. Leave means love. That's what my name means.

Leave, don't host. Yes, leave, don't host. Well, we leave all of you. We don't host any of you. All right, tune in next week when our movie will be... Tank Girls. Now do Bird. Raccoon James.

Cowboy James. Make Like Keys. This sucks. How long is this song? It's like five minutes. So dumb. Windmill turns. It's this song. It's like five minutes. So dumb. When will it turn?