Free With Ads - Alligator

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

This week we watched Alligator, a movie from 1980 about a giant Alligator who eats people in Chicago starring Robert Forster.Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group (which you can order here!) See him in Sacramento at the Wild Sisters Book Company July 19. You can pre-register for this event here and as an added bonus, after the event Jordan will be at Cheaters Sports Bar hanging out so please go to the book event and then head on down to Cheaters!You can also see Jordan do a panel at SD Comic Con on July 26 from 1pm-2pm. Emily, Jordan, and producer Matt Lieb will be on Good Mythical Weekend throughout the summer, so if you haven't subscribed to GMM on YouTube, you should do so immediately.Make sure to join Maximum Fun so you can listen to our newest bonus episode about Street Fighter The Animated Series.Give us 5 stars and a review on the Apple Podcast Store! DO IT NOW!Visit Emily's ETSY store right now and buy some stuff!

🎵 This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Peacock six bucks a month to watch Cocaine Bear when you can go on Tubi for free and watch the story of a killer alligator who might not explicitly be on cocaine, but he's from Florida, so it's probably safe to assume. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming, and I think that the alligator is from Missouri. But trust me, there's cocaine there as well, among other things, because most of my family is from there.

I can't wait to talk about Missouri. Good to know. So today's movie is Alligator, a movie with a little bit of boob, a lot of thinning hair, and an alligator who loves the taste of legs. Before we get into this movie, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we have a bunch of emails people have sent to us at freewithadsatmaximumfun.org. Yay! And we want to respond to them in a segment we call We Got Mail.

You got mail. So many stings. So, this is from Jackson. They write, hey, Free With Ads crew, I have a minor bit of additional info about the Bongo Java Miracle Nun Bun. Emily, can you give us a quick synopsis as to what the Bongo Java Miracle Nun Bun is for folks who might not have heard the episode? Right. I can't remember what episode we talked about this in, but it was just about how religious, there were miracles that could happen in food.

Right. And in Nashville, we had the Mother Teresa cinnamon bun, but I guess it's called the Miracle Nun bun. But when I was a kid, it was the Mother Teresa cinnamon bun. And I remember it happening. It was in the news, all this stuff. It's kind of like when people, I don't know, see. Yeah.

Jesus in a pizza. Exactly. They see. So I Jesus and a pizza. Exactly. They see. So I remember that it was under glass. I don't know what they did to preserve it, but you would go get your coffee and stuff. It was like a tourist attraction. It kind of was, but it was so small and cute that I didn't think it would ever result in this caper that this person told me. I didn't know about this.

This is wild. So Jackson goes on to write I worked there after college and I will never forget one Christmas morning when the owner called me after I'd closed Christmas Eve asking did you see anything weird going on when you closed last night because the nun bun got stolen. Okay, it gets weirder.

It got stolen on Christmas Eve. That's so fucked up. It's totally fucked up. That is naughty list. Have people no respect for religious buns. They go on to write, we got three photos of the bun in what looked like thrift slash junk shops

and one of it on the beach sent in the mail and we never heard from the thieves again the bun that's currently in the shop is a replica love you guys love the show loved hearing my old workplace get shouted out thanks Jackson this is so cool I can't believe I don't know this wild that they stole the bun and then

taunted the owners through the mail Mr. Barista I gave you all the clues do you want to know like I am now getting into true crime stuff because my TikTok is giving me no choice. It's like, ah, white woman, I know what she wants. They sure do, baby. Hentai and true crime.

Wouldn't it be fun if there were a true crime series that was just for like silly little true crime things? I mean, this would be great. It would be so great. if there were a true crime series that was just for like silly little true crime things. I mean, this would be great. It would be so great. Here's the thing. I don't know how successful that Jerry Seinfeld Pop-Tart movie was,

but get fucking David Fincher to direct the dark version of the Nun Bun Heist. It can be some fucking psycho. What's in the box? Oh, it's a baker's dozen. Nun buns. I'm really sad that they stole it.

I'm so sad about that because what a silly, like we didn't have any religious little relics in Nashville at all. I know. This was our only thing. If you're listening, return the nun bun. Oh, that thing's gone. They threw that in the ocean. It's gone. Wait, wouldn't they have eaten it?

No, it would have been so old. Yeah, but it's a nun bun. It's a magic bun. It could give you powers. Yeah, it gives you powers. You'll have the power of a whole nun. I don't think so. I think you...

You can shame children. I have nun strength. I can wield this ruler. You tie them together, they're called nun chucks. Ah! Come on! I don't know.

I have a feeling that the strength that the nun bun would give you would be like, I don't know, never fucking again or something. It would never be good, but it is a bummer. I would wish that wasn't true. I'm so sad because when I was a kid, it was really. Yeah. Remember how waiting for food was forever when you were a kid? Oh, yeah. And so going and looking at this stupid cinnamon bun that looked like Mother Teresa was pretty charming and lovely. Better than a Pac-Man machine at a claim jumper.

More fun. Yep. Hey, we got another letter. This is from Riley. They write, hey, folks, I'm a big fan. Love the work you do etc etc my question is for emily a few episodes back you mentioned in detail the allure of the dick root oh god but because of the audio format of podcast i can't tell if you were saying dick root like the

root of the dick where the dick receives nutrients or dick route like the path to the dick that we all must travel would Would love some clarification. What's the difference? I don't know. When I read this letter, I was like, I guess I don't know what she meant. Dick root 66. Sure. Yeah, no, I always heard dick root is the way I heard it referred to it.

Like R-O-O-T. Like rusted root. Okay. The jam bands? Send meT. T. Like, rusted root. Okay. The jam bands? Send me on my way. Yes, exactly. No, I always heard of it as that. It was like, it's the muscles above, like, the hip bones that kind of lead the way.

It's the root that holds the dick in place. Gotcha. Well, I mean, if it's leading the way, that would suggest that it's route. This is what I'm saying. I think it can be both. I didn't think of it as such. It's a root route. It's a root route.

It's a route via the root. Language is so beautiful. So beautiful. Language. Thank you, Riley, for saying this, because I think that you're absolutely right. I think it is both. It is both. Wow.

But yeah, and was there, yeah, and yes, the allure is cool, but it's not just men who have dick roots. That's true. That's right. There's a lot of great roots out there. There's a clit root. A lot of great folks. There's clit roots. No matter what you have, there's a root to it.

I mean, ask Pink. The singer? Yeah. Pink has those abs that has that. Oh, sure. So yeah. There's the pink root. There's the pink root. Yeah. Yeah, pink has those abs that has that. Oh, sure. So, yeah. There's the pink root. There's the pink root.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, I think that those, it's just typically those muscles are called that. Gotcha. At least the vernacular that I've heard is that. Okay. But I always, it's like, I've just said they were like, fuck me abs. You know, it's like, it's so hot.

I call them D'Angelo's because of that music video where he showed his dick roots. Oh my God. And it was so hot. Yeah. Riley, so I guess the answer is it's whatever you want it to be.

Yes. It's whatever you want it to be. One more here. This was actually, was not sent to our email. This was sent to me via DM. This is from, this is from Jackie

who I went to high school with. Hi, Jackie. And is listening to the show. She wanted to write in about Matt's questions about Moonstruck. Okay. She is an Italian-American from a very classic Italian-American family. Cool. And this is what she had to say about Matt's questions about portrayals. Sure. I listened this morning, love this movie. Tell Matt it's not a racist character. We are actually that over the top. My mom has said it for years. If you want to know what Italian Americans are like,

don't watch Godfather, watch Moonstruck and My Cousin Vinny, a fave of mine. And everyone in my family agrees that Cousin Tina is Cher's character in Moonstruck. JPS, I think that's the writer, John Patrick Shanley, must have gone to Catholic school with a bunch of my ancestors. LOL. Great episode.

Y'all crack me up. So yeah, Matt, apparently Moonstruck is a sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a proud community. I mean, sure. Of hand talkers. Listen, I watched the movie. And I agree with you, okay? To a degree, Matt. I do agree.

I think that it's like there is a level of caricature and it is theater. It's like very theatrical. But I still love it so much. Well, hey, we love getting mail from y'all. Free with ads at MaximumFun.org. Drop us a line if you have any thoughts on the movies or if you went to high school with any of us but also if you want to like correct us on things eat shit wow sorry there's one email i got and i won't say who it's from but there were like all these corrections that weren't even right that were not even correct i don't even care if they

are correct and us being wrong about the movie is why I enjoy talking about movies. Well, it's also like, here's my thing, is I like reading emails from everybody. I like that y'all do it. You take time out to do it, and it's just, every once in a while, there's a real dick nut who shows up and just

wastes my time, and I don't like it. Don't be a dick nut, be a dick root. I think is the lesson here. Well, hey, here's a movie where we're gonna get every single fact about it, right? It's Alligator. It's from 1980. Emily, this

movie, you put this movie on my radar when you sent me like a TikTok clip of some of the crazier scenes. Tell me how this popped up for you and had you seen the movie? Well, first of all, for however many months we've been doing this, and also we've been trying to make this podcast for months and months before we ever made this podcast.

This project has been going on for a very long time, and I've been making the playlist, which I for some reason have memorized in my head as we've talked about. But Alligator 2 is the number two slot on our playlist. Right. Lawnmower Man is the first thing I ever saved. And it's still there. One of these days.

We'll watch Lawnmower Man. One of these days. But Alligator 2 is on the YouTube playlist that we have. But Alligator 1 is not on there. But you discovered that All alligator is on Tubi. Right. So it was like, oh, cool. OK.

But I saw it was like it reminded me that we had that on the playlist when I was on TikTok and this wedding scene from alligator when this giant, crazy, ridiculous, like not even animatronic. It doesn't move. It's just this huge. Yeah, there is an alligator. It's like a boat that has the head stuck to it. Yeah.

And it's just moving through a crowd of people. Whipping its tail around. Yes. Hitting stunt people who are going flying over cakes. The poor, poor cater waiters in this fucking movie. It's insane. It's insane. So it reminded us to this fucking movie. It's insane. It's insane.

So it reminded us to do this movie. Awesome. So yeah, so I think there are a lot of clips of this movie going around. And we're like, let's actually watch this fucking thing. Yeah, hell yeah. And it's, I spoil alert, it's a fucking blast. It is. And let's, yeah, let's talk about the actual movie. It starts with alligator wrestling.

It starts with a bunch of people watching alligator wrestling. I assumed this was Florida. You think maybe it was. It's Missouri. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. Is there any indication that it's Missouri? There are signs that say Missouri a lot.

We're in Missouri. Well, it doesn't say, but I know at some points there is a mention of St. Louis. Okay. But I do not think that this is in St. Louis. of St. Louis. Okay. But I do not think that this is in St. Louis. I kept thinking about

Nate Bergazzi, who's a Tennessee comedian who I love. Everyone should check out all of his comedy. But he talks about, and I think this is in Tennessee, that there is an alligator farm

situation where you can go pet alligator. It's very much like this movie. There's a whole stand-up thing about it. So when I saw Missouri, I was like, all right, yeah, I know where we're at because Missouri is weird. It's technically the Midwest, but it's also very southern in a weird way. Culturally, I'd say. But yeah, I saw Missouri because my family is Missouri. Like a lot of us are

from there. But Hannibal, Missouri, which is home of Mark Twain. Okay. That's where I spent a lot of my Fourth of Julys growing up. Oh, okay. Trust me, I could see some gators. And were there gators? Was this kind of event

that they're watching in this? Listen, my church-going grandparents were not letting me near the river. I'm not going because there's gambling. There's gambling over there. Bad shit happened at the river. Yeah, I mean, Huckleberry Finn.

Those river prostitutes would pop out and grab you, pull you down, fuck you. Alligators on fan boats. Exactly. Well, no, there's those. That sounds fun. You know, Huck, the gambling riverboat. We all want to shoot some pool.

Who wants to drink in a beater with me? But no, so I was surprised that it said Missouri everywhere. I was like, that's an interesting, because you would think Florida. Yeah, I guess I assumed. But there was like a specificity to this movie that I found like really endearing and made me excited about this movie immediately.

So yeah, so we're watching this like alligator wrestling show. The guys who are wrestling the gators have no pads on. They are just wearing white T-shirts and jeans. They look like they're in a high school production of Grease. And like 30 seconds into this movie, the gators just start chomping these guys. Oh, my God. And it's pretty horrific. And no one reacts at first.

There's an old lady who's like, oh, the blood effects are a little much. And then the crowd realizes that these guys are actually getting chomped. And they still don't react. Like they realize it's real and then just kind of like lean forward slightly. And that's a theme in this movie is like crazy shit happens and no one cares. No one reacts to things. Welcome to Missouri, baby. This is a fucking Tuesday.

Well, and the thing is, there's a little girl in the opening scene, which does come back, but it doesn't really matter. Yeah. Who is watching it, who seems horrified. But then, after watching a man almost die, wants to buy a tiny pet alligator. They take her to the gift shop where they are selling baby alligators and no one,

everyone is fine buying these things despite the fact that they just watched a man get mauled. It's insane. Yeah. And they're picking these things

out of fish tanks so they go home with them. They are cute as fuck though. They're really cute. Oh, those little baby alligators. They are so cute. Oh my God. Little fucking gross eyes.

I love how gross their little eyes are. So this girl, she names the alligator Ramone, and she's got like a meat. And they take it back to Chicago with them. So I guess the bulk of this movie is set in Chicago. This is one of the, it is so clearly set in L.A. Everybody is eating Zancou chicken all the time. Angeline drives by multiple times. There's a big scene in MacArthur Park.

Yes, right across the street from where we're shooting, there is a big scene. No way. You can see some of the signage, it's still on the building. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of Zancou chicken, I think when the guy got his body gnawed on

in that first scene, I think they were using just a big old chicken breast. Yeah. The practical effects are really cheesy and really great. But I think they're good, though. Yeah, me too. I think some of the stuff in this movie really works well. Just one other little detail where how you know it's L.A.

There's an overhead shot from a helicopter where they're looking for the alligator. Every house has a pool. You know, like in Chicago? Yeah, famously. How Chicago is so full of backyard pools? Ah, the windy city where everybody has a pool. I mean, it does get hot during the summer.

It's just, you know. That's true. And then you skate on it during winter. Yeah, maybe that's how it works. That's why they're so good at hockey over there. But yeah, I do. I think we've talked about that many times. I just love when every movie was shot in L.A. and you could tell and they didn't really try and hide it.

It's really, really fun. So yeah, so the girl's dad doesn't like Ramone the alligator. She names it Ramone. He flushes it down the toilet and you get a POV shot like you're the alligator getting flushed down the toilet. Oh my God. And the whole time I was like, this is going to be a revenge story. Right. Which isn't really true. Yeah there is a

connection that comes back. I guess the alligator you know chomping everybody in the main part of the movie is apparently Ramon the alligator and maybe the little girl is the herpetologist character we see studying it later in the movie. Anyway, it does not matter.

It's just a superficial, like, maybe that was the alligator. Anyway, whatever. So that's when we meet our main character, played by the great Robert Forrester. He's a real that guy from that thing. He's great. Jackie Brown had some stuff in Breaking Bad. But, I mean, he's Sheriff Frank Truman

from Twin Peaks. That's right. Yeah, he's in a lot of David Lynch stuff. He is. Well, I mean, that's where I immediately went, Sheriff!

Like, immediately. And then I went, it's time for Hunk Watch! And he's a, oh boy, I feel very strongly about this episode's Hunk Watch. Oh, really?

And I'd like to talk about it a little bit later in the movie. Oh. Okay, fine. But yes, I look? And I'd like to talk about it a little bit later in the movie. Okay, fine. But yes, I look forward to hearing all about your feelings about Robert Forrester.

It's gonna be the alligator, isn't it? Honestly, the alligator. Matt, you spoiled it. I love the gross eyes. I wanna lick those gross eyeballs. Five lids or whatever. Good luck getting to him

without being swallowed whole. Oh, I'd hypnotize him with my dick root. He's watching the root and I'm licking the eyes. Alligators are easy to hypnotize. You just swing your dick root. What are we talking about? I don't remember.

Wait a minute. Y'all got dick roots, and you're just hiding them under a bushel in a basket? Well, I mean, yeah. That's right, underneath these black t-shirts and hoodies. That's right, nothing but dick roots. There's a couple of D'Angelo's over here. Yeah, they're under there somewhere.

Yeah. Yeah, they're under all the Wingstop. Underneath the Wingstop. The crazy thing about Robert Forster, to me, first of all, he was perfect for this movie because it was set in Chicago. And he just has a naturally Chicago sounding voice. He does.

But he's not from Chicago. He wasn't raised there. He's from Rochester, New York. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's wild to me because I've been like, oh, that's a Chicago guy. But no, Rochester. He probably just stinks of Malort all the time. Yeah, all. Yeah. It's wild to me because I've been like, oh, that's a Chicago guy. But no, Rochester.

He probably just stinks of Malort all the time. Yeah, all the time. He's just kind of a crotchety working detective. And he's looking into this case about dog napping. So he's at this pet store buying a dog from this slimy guy, this kind of dude in a Hawaiian shirt and slacks. Wayne Knight just missed playing this guy. Oh my God, you're so right. Do you think they put this guy in there just to kind of reference our Bane dude's male pattern balding?

Oh, I don't know. What do you mean? Okay, so- There are a lot of jokes about how Robert Forster is balding in this. And I wouldn't have ever noticed it had they not kept talking about it. Yeah. But I feel like maybe he was insecure about it as an actor. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe he wanted to make jokes about it. It is a little bit weird because he has bald spots, but he's mentioned so much. It's thinning spots. It's thinning, yeah. It's not bald spots. It's just thin spots, which it's mentioned so much. It's thinning spots. It's thinning, yeah. It's not bald spots. It's just thin spots, which, where's the makeup, girl? Just put a little bit of dark makeup. But, of course, you're in the sewer and shit.

It's just going to drip down your face. It's not going to be good. But I think it's sexy. I think that it's like the aging man who isn't perfect. This guy is nothing like perfect. He's got flaws. He's a working man. He's a little rough around the edges.

He also struggles with the idea of fear and not living up to his potential. Yeah, that's true. He's haunted by some ghosts of the past. Yes. So I think the fact that he's balding makes total fucking sense. Sure.

We didn't even need to acknowledge it personally. He's still a fucking smoke show. So he's investigating this dog caper. The sleazy dog store owner is kidnapping dogs off the street and selling them to a science lab where they're doing experiments on them. The fucking science lab guy is so evil. He's like, bring me puppies. I don't want to just kill adult dogs. Give me the cuter the better.

What's also a loss of ops? I want them with their heads permanently cocked to the sides when I kill them. Exactly. Puppies. But it's, yeah, Cruella de bleh. My favorite thing is there's some bureaucracy with that dog kennel place. Yeah. That he's not even the most evil guy.

There's another guy up top. So there's like an evil business guy who is like funding these dog experiments. Yeah, these are just some evil guys to get chomped a little bit later in the movie. Robert Forster is kind of out on the beat. He's looking for a guy who disappeared. The guy who disappeared's name is Edward Norton they just talk about like we're looking for Edward Norton I think I mean

I don't know how old Edward Norton is at this point in 1980 but it's just a weird thing of like this fake name they created just turned into a famous guy probably a young man and we're all looking for Edward Norton where has he been good question make him the Hulk again come on do another Hulk do a sequel to Edward Norton. Where has he been? Good question. Make him the Hulk again.

Do another Hulk. Do a sequel to American History X. Sure. Or you're the Hulk. A racist Hulk. Oh no. A racist Hulk. So he's out there looking for this guy and he's in the sewer

where most of this movie takes place. Boy, a lot of 80s entertainment happened in the sewer, didn't it? I've never been in the sewer. I just assumed as a kid my adult life would be spent in sewers because of how often they're in movies. What movies are you talking about? Well, there's It, there's Ninja Turtles, there's this one.

Those are the main ones. I want to point something out right now because as soon as I was looking up we'll talk more about sewers in just a second. I was talking about how Missouri is where this was all happening. Yes. I would like to confirm just a little something here. Oh, you're right. It starts with a sign that says Missouri.

But this is when they're leaving the- The gator. The gator place. So I think the Gator Place is supposed to be in Missouri but. To be fair all of this is Studio City but. But on Wikipedia and everything it's all saying they were in Florida.

Oh my gosh. But I'm telling you that billboard was there for a reason. No you're right. Why wouldn't you just put the billboard make it be Florida because it's a long way from Florida to Missouri to Chicago which I know you probably got to go through Missouri to get to Chicago. I don't know. I mean, if you're driving. I've never seen a map before.

Well, they are driving. Well, there we go. Cue car. Well, hey, I apologize. I apologize for my easy-ass Florida joke at the top, too. It's low-hanging fruit. I took it, and I was wrong. But listen, it's not your fault.

Everything is saying it was Florida. Thank you. Everything we're looking up. We might be the only people to have ever done a deep dive and a back check on people who have written. Can you let me fucking have this? Yeah. You moonstruck hater. Listen, it's yours.

Can you please let me have this? I'm saying you're correct. What are we doing wrong? We agree. You're right. We all think you're right. Okay, cool. But I'm just like, I still think that me and Matt have beef after Moonstruck.

No, I don't. Listen, we're going to have beef for the rest of our lives over you liking Moonstruck. When I am on my deathbed, I will sit there and whisper, Moonstruck. I lost my hands. Speaking of losing your hands, a lot of people lose limbs. Matt has his hand. Matt has his pride. Exactly.

My bride is an alligator. But also, you're talking about the sewers. When did Chud come out? Do you remember Chud? Chud? Another great 80s sewer movie. Yeah. Yeah. That was a movie that I, when did Chud come out? Do you remember Chud? Chud? Another great 80s sewer movie. Yeah. That was a movie that I've never seen Chud.

If Chud is ever free with ads, we've got to do Chud. Here's the thing with Chud. What? I have seen Chud. A buddy of mine, a buddy I went to college with, his dad is in Chud. No! He was pretty legendary for being the guy whose dad was in Chud. He's also in The Stuff.

Was his dad a Chud? No, his dad was just like a random scientist in Chud. That's cool. That's still cool. Here's the thing. So Chud is a movie. Chud is an acronym. It stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.

It has a great cover. You're like, I'm in. I fucking love this premise. I love the jacket of this movie. Great word. It's a great word. It is a movie about bureaucracy and municipal corruption

that has five minutes of chuds at the end. It's a really boring procedural movie. I've never actually seen it. When I moved to New York City in 2011, year of our lord and everybody told me not to hang out towards the edge

of the platform at the subway because the chuds were going to get me and I'm one of those dumbasses who to this day at 38 years old

I still think I'm afraid of the octopus under the drain in every pool I'm still that person well this movie is kind of playing off one of those urban legends of the octopus under the drain in every pool. I'm still that person. Well, this movie is kind of playing off one of those urban legends because the alligator in the sewer. That's the movie we're talking about.

Yeah, that's right. I love it. So, yeah, I think maybe skip Chud. There's apparently a sequel to Chud called Bud the Chud. So maybe that is a little bit more fun. Like Son of Mask? Maybe it was like, yeah. Jamie Kennedy as Bud. Anyway, so, okay, Robert Forster, he's looking for this dead guy.

He's looking for dead Edward Norton. He does a press conference where we meet a sleazy news guy who brings up the Hotel Baldwin incident. Robert Forster doesn't want to talk about it. This is a secret pain that we'll learn more about later. In the police station the next day or whatever, a crazy guy comes. He's taking credit

for all the murders and all the disappeared people. He has this like fake bomb strapped to his chest. He's like faking it for some crazy guy reason. So they like detain him and take the bomb.

It comes back later in a way that's totally nonsensical. This movie has like a lot of callbacks that it didn't need. But anyway, I mentioned the crazy guy just because a weird part of it comes back. So we go back into the sewer. Robert Forrester brings a rookie with him named Kelly. This is the deadest man I have ever seen in my life.

As soon as you see this guy, you're like, oh, this guy is so fucking dead. He's here to die. He's like chomping gum. He's like, yeah, we're going to see this guy, you're like, oh, this guy's so fucking, he's here to die. He's like chomping gum. He's like, nah, we're going to find this guy. Also, a sexual harasser. Maybe I missed that. What did he?

So they go down in the sewer to look for, you know, something's going on. Sure. Sewer shenanigans. Had somebody already disappeared and that's why they went down. Yeah, that's why they're down there. Looking for Edward Norton. Yeah, they're looking for Edward Norton. Yes. They're afraid.

And he grabs our boy. Oh, yeah, he gooses him. Well, it didn't look like a goose to me. A goose is when you make your hand real sharp like a shark's fin and you do it in the crack. Oh, interesting. I guess I thought of a goose as just a pinch. I've never heard of a goose until just now. It might be a regional thing.

Might be a regional thing. I mean, I just know when I was a little girl going up the stairs, if any of my friends were behind me, I'm getting a pointy. It's like a karate chop? No, it's just all the pointer fingers just up in your crack. Do you move from side to side? No, they just poom like that. fingers just up in your crack just like do you move from side to side no it's just like no they just like that it's like all four pointy fingers just chop like yeah they don't chop it down it's like it's very like the fingering story segment this is the oh would you is there a sting oh there

is now what is it fingering story yay i saw some people suggesting other names, and I really like them, and they do rhythmically work. But I like the fact that fingering story does not work. Sometimes when it doesn't scan, it gets better. But thank you for all the suggestions. But that's what I thought goosing was. But I guess goosing is when you grab someone's butt. But I think that's groping. Either way, it's sexual harassment.

Sure. None of it's right, and don't do it to a co-worker without their consent. That's why I knew that guy was going to die. Alligator, you're canceled. Anyway, so this guy who was in the movie Just to Die, spoiler alert, fucking dies. Wow. The alligator, it's the first time we're seeing the full-grown alligator. It's this big puppet car thing. So we see the alligator in three different ways in this movie.

So we see this puppet car thing that can kind of drive in and out of the scene. There's a couple shots where it's a guy in a suit doing a Cirque du Soleil motion. Oh, I never noticed that. And there's a couple shots where it's a like live baby alligator on a little tiny set that they've made for it. Really? There's like three shots and it's clearly a live alligator on a miniature set. It's so cute. I love it. He's rocking around in a tiny town.

I didn't notice it. I love it. I love the fucking innovation here of like, just like, it's a different. It was a scary movie to me. Yeah,

there are some legitimately scary scenes and this is, like, this is a pretty scary scene when the rookie gets chomped. Robert Forrester, like,

reacts with a really loud no and it was kind of jarring. I'm like, wait, you don't even really know this guy. Oh, I'm just surprised because someone is reacting

realistically in this movie. Oh, that's true in a world where no one cares about anything anyway the head of this alligator though regardless of because there's a lot of shadow work too

where you see the shadow of it and it's so big and that's really fast like it's really cool to look at but the head of it is so big and intimidating that it does everything for me. It makes me very scared. I also have sub-mechanophobia. I was going to ask about that. So this movie has several scenes where you see this giant robot car, whatever, underwater.

This is like a phobia that you have. Huge, huge phobia. Can you explain specifically what it is? So I have an a phobia that you have. Huge, huge phobia. Can you explain specifically what it is? So I have an intense phobia of animatronics in general, but especially in water or partially submerged in water. So fucking scary. I don't know what it is. I think it's about like when you're in water, it's hard to get away from something. It's like you're in a dream where you can't run right

or you can't use your legs. So the idea of being submerged with this robot thing that looks like a monster, I just think they have souls. I think that's all I needed to say. I think I need more clarification. Okay, go ahead. So the phobia is called submechanophobia? Yes.

And so the fear is what if an animatronic thing comes at me underwater? No, it is man-made objects, oftentimes animatronics, that are partially submerged or completely submerged in water. And just there's something unnatural about it. So it's even shipwrecks. Like shipwrecks where it's just like, why is this man-made thing under the water? What's in there? It's supposed to be on top and it's underneath. Exactly.

Against God. It's against God. Ship goes on top. Not under. Alligator car is for land, not for sea. Let us know. Do you think alligator car is for land or sea? Free with ads.

Maximum fun dollar. Oh, goddammit. Another fucking poll. Another poll. Wait. Do we want to talk about the... Okay. By the way, 81% of y'all said moon is better than sun. Oh, yes.

Moon beats sun. A lot of moon freaks. Anyway. So, what was the thing? Should ship be on land or below? What should ship be? What should ship be? land or below. What should ship be? What should ship be? But yeah, no, I have a very hard time

with going on rides with animatronics. My good friends Jenna Purdy and Laura Morton have tried to break me of this fear at Universal Studios. I've gotten much better, but they- What ride did they take you on? They took me on Jurassic Park, which I will never fucking do again oh I love that

absolutely not Universal Studios? yes well there's funny because I I almost broke a tooth because that drop

where the T-Rex comes out I can't do it you guys I can't do it it's really scary I hate it you almost broke a tooth like you punched yourself

in the face no because I was ducking down and then that little you know the the luge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It dips and hits real quick. Yeah, real hard.

So there's a photo of me holding, I'm in between them and I'm holding both their hands. And my head is like completely down. Oh, man. Did you buy the photo? Oh, yeah. It's on my fridge. Oh, funny. But they were like both, yay.

And I'm like, no. I hated it so much. But the thing that I think got me out of it the most where I think I'm okay is the Harry Potter ride breaks down so much. There isn't any like water submersion stuff in there, but there is a lot of animatronics. And it would break down right when the Death Eater or the spiders were looking at me. Oh, yeah. But then the lights would turn on, and you could look down at the ground,

and there's just, like, candy wrappers and stuff. Guys sweeping up churros. Yeah. And so I kind of went, oh. All right. The illusion was broken. The illusion was broken. What do you think of the E.T. ride? Is that scary to you?

Fuck no. No. Really? No. Even E.T.? What about the part where E.T.'s, like, just saying names? Uh-uh Fuck no. No. Really? No. Even E.T.? What about the part where E.T.'s like just saying names? Greg. No.

Dennis. Emily. One of these days, if we ever watch E.T., I will talk to you about how my parents misunderstood my relationship to E.T., and they bought me a ton of E.T. stuff, and it terrified me. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. I want to fuck him. Bring me one with a hole. He does look like my future husband's dick as he ages.

I mean, glowing fingers. Oh, yeah? Okay. Well, there it is. There we figured it out. Fingering story. Fingering story. Okay.

Hey. So, okay. So, back to Alligator. Alligator. Alligator alligator it's a movie so they're so we know it's an alligator at this point so they go to visit a herpetologist hey it's time for hunk watch it's hunk watch okay this woman who plays the herpetologist show iokeshow. I, you know how Doug looks at patty mayonnaise? This woman, I have never seen

this actor before. Mike, this herpetologist. Oh, she's hot. Her name is Robin Riker. I am now declaring

next month Robin Riker month. On the show, we will be watching Body Chemistry 2, The Voice of a Stranger, In the Heat of Passion 2, Unfaithful,

and one episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I have spent some time on Robin Riker's IMDb. Oh boy. And she's great in this. She really like, like,

She's hot. I mean, I think you, like, you, like, understand what's sexy about Robert Forrester.

Oh yeah. I guess I kind of didn't really as I was watching it. I like him and I like the character, but he's such a- She is a handsome woman. The way she looks at him. And he's such a douchebag. I know. And he has a shitty apartment and she teases him for it, but she loves it.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is an underwritten character and she doesn't have a ton to do, but she just like sells everything. And like, I think she really like manufactures awesome chemistry between them. She sure does. She, and I recognize her face so much and she aged like a fucking fine wine. Yeah.

Cause she's got more beautiful. She's just a working ass actor and has been in one episode of all TV shows. Yeah. You name a fucking TV show, she has been in one episode of it. Yes. And yeah, we love that. We love that on the show. Listen, she's a sexy herpetologist.

I want to be her hempatologist. She's a herpetologist. I would let give me herpes. That's how much I like her. So, yeah, she kind of teams up with them to, like, help them figure out what an alligator does. She's awesome. Anyway, but do you want to say more about Robert Forster? Do you?

I just, like, I, oh, wow. I just want to look at the. For a moment, I want to look at your hunk watch. Yes. Our our lady Robin Riker, which what a fucking movie star name. Great name. I love this person's career. It just she doesn't stop working.

Yeah, it's great. Look at this. She's in You're the Worst, which is one of my favorite TV shows. Oh, yeah. I like that show a lot. All the this. She's in You're the Worst, which is one of my favorite TV shows of all time. Oh, yeah. I like that show a lot, too. She's a pro. It just looks like, golly. She was in Bones.

She was in Justified. One episode of everything. Yes. One episode of everything. Yes. This is so fucking cool. Last Man Standing, which our boy Forrester was also in. Oh, nice.

A little reunion. Well, yeah. I think that a lot of the. Oh, nice. A little reunion. Well, yeah. I think that a lot of the same people, like, I do feel – They're probably not in the same episode. I do feel – I don't know if it's funny. That's funny. But I do feel like I'll never be in, you know, one of those procedural things.

I mean, never say never. But, like, that feels like it's a standard thing to do as an actor. Listen, if you're out there, if you're a producer on Chicago Fire, call Emily. I'll do that, but I want to do Criminal Minds. Oh, yeah. Criminal Minds. Call Emily.

Make me a criminal mastermind. Do it. That voice. We have to have it. It's the perfect voice for our mastermind character. She sounds evil. Anyway. Call her agent.

Gonna get ya. So we go to our sleazy photographer guy. He goes down in the sewer to try and figure out the scheme. And there's this scene of the alligator killing him while he's constantly taking the picture. Pretty cool scene. Like you see the alligator kind of chomping him through the flash. It's really neat. That was so scary.

Yeah. It is. It's totally scary. It was really scary. But what was scary was the photos because the camera was retrieved from the sewer when they went to go look for him, and then they put those

photos. They developed all the photos. And they are really scary. The photos are really scary. They are scary, totally. Yeah, okay, but That is cool and not scared. None of this is scary. For anyone listening to this podcast, watch the movie.

I was scared. Okay. But you have a phobia of strange things. And I don't think it's an uncommon phobia. I mean, I'm not saying it's not uncommon. I think other people have it for sure. The picture of an alligator getting closer wasn't. Listen, listen. Let me ask you a question.

If you were to, okay, if you were to come across this gigantic alligator on dry land in the nighttime, would you be as scared? I would be super scared if I ever saw an alligator in real life. Okay, but if you were in darkness and wetness, isn't that way scarier? Yeah, more scary because I could slip. Thank you. That's all I'm trying to say. I agree that it is absolutely scary. I'm just saying a movie where there's a picture of an alligator wasn't

it was it's if you're thinking about watching this with your children, the scarier part will be when blood happens. I'm just, that's all I'm pointing out. Okay.

All right. All right. Some will be scared. Some will not be scared. But this is kind of when, this is when, so this is the first time we actually kind of see the full alligator.

He like breaks up through the concrete. That was awesome. That was dope. He starts chasing a bunch of kids who also don't care that much. They're as blasé as anybody in the movie. They are!

The alligator chews off a guy's legs. Boy, he does not like face first. He's a legs first kind of guy. You know, there's ass alligators and there's leg alligators. He's a leg alligator. When I get a bucket of chicken, I go drumsticks. Okay.

All the way, baby. That's this alligator. Or I like the dark meat. I like the thighs. There's a bucket of chicken, I go drumsticks. Okay. All the way, baby. That's this alligator. Or I like the dark meat. I like the thighs. There's a, you know, everybody likes different meats. He's not a breast man. Not a breast man. He's a thigh. He's a thigh guy.

Thigh guy. And leg man. So, okay, so the alligator goes on a little rampage, chews off a bunch of legs, and it's like loose in the city, and that's when they call a hunter guy. I think this guy is played by a great actor named Henry Silva, who I think is the tallest person in the movie. Tallest guy.

All right. So this is the scene that happens in MacArthur Park. He's doing like a press conference. They're looking for the alligator. We say a lot on this podcast that people look like goons from Dick Tracy. This guy was one of the goons from Dick Tracy. I put a photo of him in here.

I don't know exactly which goon this was. I don't think he was one of the main ones, but he had on all the crazy Dick Tracy makeup and a green suit. He was one of the goons. This is another dude with a fucking great career. We're about to create, there's a bunch of running kind of through lines

within this podcast, but Dick Tracy is going to be one of them. of through lines within this podcast but Dick Tracy is going to be one of them I have had a hard time finding Dick Tracy to watch without having to pay for it sure and it's not usually on streaming it's not on HBO it's not on Netflix it's not on nothing I think and I don't know this specifically I think Warren Beatty weirdly has the rights to it I think he owns the character Dick Tracy and once every couple years to maintain the rights, he has to play Dick Tracy somewhere. So he'll go on TCM

at midnight and just do an interview as Dick Tracy so he can maintain the rights to the character. Are you kidding? That's the wildest thing I've ever heard. It is. It doesn't get archived anywhere. So just like on Turner Classic Movies, you know, at 10 o'clock on a random Tuesday, they'll

have one of their guys, Ben Mankiewicz or whatever, interview Warren Beatty in character and that makes sure he keeps the rights. I mean, he's, this is actually genius of him. Yeah. Because. And he's not doing anything with it. He's just doing these weirdo little specials. Yeah, he's like, I'm Dick Tracy.

And then that's it. No one else can be it. Only I. And people want it. People want to do Dick Tracy movies. 2023. Yeah. He's done them recently. I thought you were kidding. No. Well, when the fuck is this guy gonna die? I love this. He's just

like, he's dying with it. He's dying this. He's like, he's keeping the- He's dying with it. He's dying with the rights. Yeah, he's keeping the IP forever until it reaches 100 years or something. Oh, God. I love him. This is so annoying. Okay, in the episodes from now on, we're going to have to find some little clips of him in

these interviews. Yes, 100%. I will give some credit here, actually. The great podcast, Podcast the Ride, covers this a lot. And this is where I learned about it. Podcast the Ride, great podcast. Turn to them. Is it about theme parks?

It is about theme parks, but also just a lot of different weird bric-a-brac. And they're obsessed with this. So that's where I learned about it. That's amazing. Was there a Dick Tracy ride at some point? No, I think they're just like about our age and obsessed with all the same stuff we are. They just talk about stuff, too. Yeah, I went on there to talk about the Bullwinkle restaurant.

There's a Bullwinkle restaurant? Wow. Emily, I have so much to tell you. Okay, so go on their podcast if you want to listen to that episode and also get into anything Dick Tracy. This is definitely promoting that. We're also going to talk about it here. Okay, but also I as a kid when

I saw Dick Tracy, loved it. Was obsessed with it. Oh, me too, me too. It's like a famous bomb, and I'm like, it's like Hook. It's one of those things where you're like, isn't this everyone's favorite movie? I know, and I got action figures of all the fucking freaky looking dudes. You probably had a little Henry Silva. I did. Well, I had a little Madonna.

I forget the name of that character. She has a great name in that. It's something like Juggs McGillicuddy or something. I forget exactly what it is. And people always made fun of her and said she did a bad job. I thought she was amazing. And then there's something heart. Breathless Mahoney.

Breathless Mahoney. Breathless Mahoney. God. But yeah, I thought that movie was amazing. God damn it. Fuck you, Warren Beatty. I'm sorry. Also, Annette Bening deserved to win an Oscar many, many times and has not.

So maybe Annette Bening, if you're listening, you're fabulous. Tell your husband or longtime partner or whatever the fuck, tell him to suck a dick. Okay. Wow. I'm pissed at him right now. This went to a lot of places. Anyway. We could rent it.

That's not this show. That's true. But. We could rent it. That's not this show. That's true. But we wanted to watch it. But it's also not, it's like Fandango you can order for $3.99. I love that he's just erasing this movie from the historical record. What a piece of shit. But now I think he's keeping it for himself. No, I love that.

But that's shitty. No, I like it. I like it. I don't like it. All art should be like Snapchat. Just it's shitty. No, I like it. I like it. I don't like it. All art should be like Snapchat. Just, it's gone. It's only for you. As soon as he dies, let's find out what happens to the rights for this and let's take it.

Yeah, or we could kill him. I'm Dick Tracy now, motherfucker. And I'm Juggs McGillicuddy. Anyway, well, let's sprint to the end of Alligator here. Actually, we're about to get to the scene where the alligator fucks up the wedding. We'll talk about it right after this. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're talking about Alligator.

Okay, a couple of quick scenes before we get to the wedding fiasco. The two hunks of the movie, they hook up. Oh, yeah. You can see a little bit of boob, but I had the subtitles on, so it covered most of the boob like fucking subtitles fucking subtitles yeah they have a

they have a fun little exchange the alligator gets loose in a neighborhood and goes in a pool and there's some kids having a birthday party this was fucked up they're dressed as pirates

they take one kid out and make him walk the plank and he walks into the pool where the alligator is and the alligator fucking eats him and also it's so grim the plank and he walks into the pool where the alligator is and the alligator fucking eats him. It's so grim. The alligator beneath the water of the pool

with a little bit of light in the pool that is the scariest shit to me. So scary. That was scary. And also them actually pushing the kid in and getting eaten. I was like, oh shit. It kind of doesn't... It's too fucked up for this movie.

Yeah, right. It's like a weird tone thing. The most fucked up thing about it is the kid is blindfolded, but his blindfold starts to kind of come off. So he can see. So then he sees it. Right, and the other kids are not,

they're not blindfolded, and they still push him in, which is like, come on, kids. Yeah, this is like a scene from a more fucked up movie. This thing is like pretty funny and campy but this like his bullies are not like

palm dust bullies they're like you know so um so yeah but then so the the evil guy from evil corp

who's doing the puppy experiments he's throwing a wedding for I don't know his kids or whatever um his like his puppy scientist

is there he um the alligator sneaks into the wedding and just starts fucking shit up. He's whipping his tail around. Holy shit. So he's hitting people with his tail and they're doing flips. But there's just people who are doing flips who aren't anywhere near the alligator. I'm like, they're just falling into tables.

Also the bride at the wedding just falls into the pool for no reason and then cannot get out. No. And you're just like. It's so, there's so much wacky slapstick happening. And then they would just go to someone getting chomped to death. And he just, the alligator keeps appearing in random situations. Like he'll be chomp, chomp, chomping on a whole ass body. And then he'll just pop up and fuck up a car.

The funniest thing about it is because of the animatronics, they couldn't show, what's scary about a real alligator is its speed. Yes. You don't know how fast they are, but they're incredibly fast. But they couldn't do that, so instead they had to find creative ways

for people to get trapped in their jaws. Yep. Because it's a slow movie. Which was scary as fuck. My favorite was the police officer he gets out of his car uh trying to escape the alligator of course as soon as he's out of his car he is now right next to the alligator's mouth and then he's like getting chomped and he tries to go back in the car and i'm like stay in the car bro but then

you find out at the wedding it don't matter if you stay in the car that's true yeah so the evil guy the evil president of evil corp is in his limousine

the alligator just can't fucking wait to get in there claws him out of it well he doesn't he just crushes him yeah crushes him to death

in the car yes which is like pretty grim. Pretty grim. Pretty grim. Also, I should say,

our herpetologist, at some point, she is like, when I was a girl, I had a little alligator named Ramone. This does not matter to the movie,

but they're just like calling it back. She doesn't have a moment with Ramone. I was hoping that she was going to be the key. Where he was going to come try and eat her

and then he wrecked it. He remembers and then they kiss. That's my mommy. Yeah. That's what I was hoping. Then she breastfeeds him. Whoa. Yeah, because he wouldn't eat that, because he's a legs guy.

No, exactly. Not a breast guy. Yeah, exactly. We had a reptile, and they don't nurse. Right, right, right. You get it. A lot of reasons a guy won't eat a boob. Wait, how do mommy alligators feed?

Do they just leave the eggs? I bet they bring stuff back to the nest. Like a bird? I think they're good moms. I feel like I've heard that alligators are kind of loving parents. Oh, and they carry the babies in their mouth, too. What do you think the worst mom in the animal kingdom is? Panda.

Not my mom. She's lovely. Gail is wonderful. Gail is fantastic. Probably Panda, yeah. Probably Panda. Probably, yeah. Golden Retrievers. Yeah, probably. I don Yeah. Gail is wonderful. Gail is fantastic. Probably Panda, yeah. Probably Panda. Probably, yeah. Golden Retrievers.

Yeah, probably. I don't know. Terrible moms. We're just having a good time. So anyway, yeah, so the alligator does this rampage. It's great. It's awesome. Robert Forster goes back in the sewer looking for it.

He takes the part of the fake bomb from the crazy guy and then... Which is a radio. Which is a radio. And a real bomb. And a real bomb. Just use the real bomb. What do you need this fake bomb for? It's just a weird callback for the sake of a callback. They're like, screenwriting. Ah, yes.

The beginning is the end. It's just like, whatever. Chekhov's fake bomb. Right. And Chekhov's real bomb that we didn't show until now. He just has a bomb on a shelf. Just use that. Anyway, he goes in the sewer and just like throws the bomb at the alligator and blows it up.

It looks pretty cool. Yay, they did it. Oh, there's kind of a cool little set piece where he's trying to get out of the sewer and people keep standing on it. It's a pretty funny. Oh, my God. And the old lady whose car is over the manhole cover.

And she's like, you have to move. And she goes, what are you talking about? This old lady. And I was like, I want to kill that old lady. Like, I've never wanted to punch an old woman. But then she said, there's a truck right there. And I was like, she has a point. She's got a point. There's a truck. When there's a truck, what is never wanted to punch an old woman. But then she said, there's a truck right there. And I was like, she has a point. She's got a point.

There's a truck. When there's a truck, what is she supposed to do? She doesn't know there's an alligator battle going on underneath. You know how to parallel park, right? Or maybe you shouldn't have a life. If someone yelled at me to move my car. But what if she was the most handsome lady you'd ever seen in your life? I mean, then I might do it.

Yes. Anyway, so the alligator blows up. Yay, they hug. And then we get a little twist at the end. A shot inside the sewer and a baby alligator plops out of a pipe. Here we go again. And it was also, and the plop was literally

bloop, bloop, bloop. Like plopped right out. Yeah, so maybe that's the alligator in Alligator 2. We'll just have to watch. Oh, I can't wait. We gotta watch Alligator 2. Yeah, so maybe that's the alligator in Alligator 2. We'll just have to watch. Oh, I can't wait. We got to watch Alligator 2. Yeah, we got to know what happens. To the alligator.

So we're going to talk about our ratings of this movie. But first, we want to talk about the best lines. Emily, what do you got? So I got a couple of things. I would like to add a new sting. I know we already have 250 stings at this point. And Matt is exhausted. I see him, his fingers bleed.

I'm crying right now. He sweats. He's crying. His child is neglected. But I want to add another. Daddy, sorry he missed your birthday. He was making stings about fingering that don't really scan with the music. So I like thinking about what characters, like, you think,

if you were to get cast as a character in a movie, which one would it be? Yes. Who would play? There it is. Yeah, do you have a dream role? Were they to remake Alligator? Well, it's not necessarily a dream role.

It's the one that I would play. Okay. Yeah, remember, the dream role is to be in Chicago Fire. Yes. So there was, when the All alligator came out of just the ground, like he didn't even come out of the manhole. It was the middle of the movie. He just busted out of the sidewalk while a bunch of kids were playing stickball. There's this little boy named Joey, brave little boy.

I thought he was going to become like a main character or something. Yeah. He runs home and goes upstairs to tell his mom about the alligator. His mom is holding, she's kind of a haggard lady, holding a beer on a phone with a cord that wraps around rooms. And she's talking on the phone. He's like, mom, mom, like there was an alligator. And she just goes like, can we play it? Mom, mom, it's the alligator. It's the alligator. It's the alligator. I'm on the phone. It's the alligator. because like you can we play it and then you could play that yeah and then he oh yeah totally

a drunk lady who doesn't like her kids big stretch um but yeah no then she disappeared into the role but my favorite thing is like so she's wasted on like, and she's like, she looks like she's having a good time actually. She's never going to get fucked up by an alligator because she's not going outside. She's got plenty of beer inside. She's staying inside.

She's got a friend. Fortune wheel of fortune. Hell yeah. She's got a beer in her hand and a friend on the phone. There you go. But her son goes and gets the biggest knife out of the drawer. And then she's like, like hey he's got my bread

knife and then she's like he's joey's driving me crazy this whole family is so like dysfunctional this kid uh we don't have a sting for this it's not a segment but i call him the worst kid of the movie whatever he seemed cool well so there's the scene in which right before this he's talking to the police and uh they're asking him to describe the size of the uh alligator and he says this this is as big as he is you know an el dorado car Car. No, a refrigerator. Of course a car. Like, fuck off, kid. I like this smart mouth kid.

I'm just like this whole family. You can tell. I like this kid. He just goes, he's not afraid. He's going to go get a giant kitchen knife and then go outside and what? Ride it? No, an Eldorado. And then stab it in the head?

Fuck Eddie. But he's also the litt stab it in the head? Fuck Eddie! But he's also the littlest kid in the whole stickball game, but he's like, I'll go get a knife. I'll get this alligator. Of course, he doesn't fear death. He has a drunk mom. I long for death. I love it.

Okay, so here's mine. This is Robert Forrester reacting to the death of the newspaper reporter. And I think this is a Forrester reacting to the death of the newspaper reporter. And I think this is a good line to illustrate just how cavalier everyone is about death in this movie. I had Matt add a little something to the end. So this is the line and a little zhuzhing from Matt. Imagine clicking away with your camera while that's coming at you. Well, he'll make the front page anyway.

That's all he really wanted. CSI. Emily, you'd be on CSI, right? Oh, my God. I would die. I would love to be on CSI. CSI. Hey, you love Dick Root, but you'll take a call from Dick Wolf.

It's law and order. I know it's law and order. Dick Wolf root. Dick Wolf root. Whatever. Sure. You just can say anything on a podcast. We're going to probably need a rusted root sting at some point for the dick root.

Sure, we'll do a million of them. So many stings. Let's do all the stings. Soon the show will be all stings. Matt. Welcome to Free Whip. Get the gun will be all things. Matt. Welcome to Freeway. Get the gun out of your mouth. Stop. Stop.

I'm going to do it. Well, hey, we want to rank this movie on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials, but we want to do it when we come back. It's Free With Ads. We're talking about Alligator. We're going to rank it on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials. Matt, you want to go first? All right.

Yay. I am going to be rating movies from now on because I have opinions. That's right. I know you do. Beautiful opinions. Not all of them are right. Yeah, but they're all mine. This one, honestly, it came in expecting a terrible camp 70s movie.

Left being like, actually, that's a good genre of movie. I'm giving it a nine. Wow. Okay. I very much enjoyed it. I loved every part about it. Emily, what do you think? Same, baby.

Same. Whoa. A couple of nines. I was scared half to death. Okay. It scared me a lot. I was watching it in the middle of the day and it still scared

the shit out of me and I was like, I can't wait to talk about this. Oh my God, all right. Yeah, I'll go a little bit lower than y'all.

I'm going to say it's a seven for me but I really liked it and I think it like, it is part of what I like so much about these weirdo little streaming services

we look at. It's that like, it really mimics some stuff that I miss. It mimics flipping around on cable and it mimics browsing in the video store. And you just come across shit like this and it's like, what's that? That's a movie?

Robert Forster's in this? And it's so fun just to come across these weirdo little things that they've dumped onto weirdo streaming services. And it's so much fun. I think it's really like part of what's so fun just to come across these weirdo little things that they've dumped onto weirdo streaming services. And it's so much fun. I think it's really like part of what is so fun about this little world. So, yeah. Alligator is a blast.

It's a ton of fun. And if you want a campy good time, if you want like a stony movie to watch with a group, you cannot do much better than Alligator. You know why it didn't get a 10 from me? Why? Because the whole movie i was waiting i was like when they kill this alligator they're gonna say see you later alligator oh you're right and they didn't do it and i felt like that was their way of being matt you're so right can i tell you what it didn't get a 10 from me why it's because i'm jealous subtitles are

covering up the food yep Yep, there it is. That's a half a point. But because apparently you're allowed to flush an alligator, but I can't flush tampons. Thank you. Yeah, that is strange. Thank you. What the fuck?

This movie is anti-woman. That's right. It sure is. My alligator, my choice. You flush a tampon, then you go down in the sewers, and it attacks you. There's blood everywhere. Oh, don't worry, it's Emily.

No, it's fine. I'm okay. It's a steroid-riddled tampon. It's strangling me with a string. Toxic shock. Okay, so we need to make the killer tampon movie so we need to make the killer tampon movie and we need to make the cinnamon bun heist movie

Dick Wolf call us call us hey let's talk about some plugs Emily you got anything going on? well I'm gonna continue plugging Good Mythical Weekend cause we were all in it and we had so much fun doing it

and I would like for us to continue doing it forever yeah till we die till we had so much fun doing it. And I would like for us to continue doing it forever. Yeah, until we die. Until we die. So please go watch it because the more you watch it, the more bullshit we're going to do. Yeah. Yeah, over there on the Good Mythical Morning channel.

Of course, you got Rhett and Link Monday through Friday. But then on the weekends, you got us being just disgusting. Being weird. Also, I was thinking for Phlegm Gems, my jewelry store on Etsy, I kind of toyed with the idea of using color schemes from movies that I love. Ooh. Eon Flux or Aeon Flux or whatever. I love that black, purple, green color combo.

But I was thinking of there's other movies that have a kind of aesthetic and color aesthetic. Please email us and I will consider that for my next launch. Hey, there you go. Free with ads at MaximumFun.org. Have some say in your next phlegm jam. Yay! Hey, guys, my book's out today. Youth Group.

It's out! The graphic novel that I won't finally! Shut the fuck up about. It's so cool, though. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, it's a YA horror comedy graphic novel that I won't shut the fuck up about it's so cool thank you thank you thank you yes

it's a YA horror comedy graphic novel with art by the great Bowen McGurdy if you listen to this podcast you know that just in case this is your first episode

I'm really really proud of this thing hopefully if you pre-ordered it you're getting your book in the mail very soon or you're picking it up from your store but if you didn't pre-order

go out and get it now Amazon, Barnes & Noble anywhere you get a book. And hey, I'm going to go do some book tour stuff. I mentioned it in the last episode, but I'm going to give you some of the ones that are coming up. On July 19th, I will be at the Wild Sisters Bookstore in Sacramento, California.

I'm going to be having a conversation with Aaron Carnes of the In Defense of Ska podcast. That's right. Sacramento's most famous author and me will be having a conversation there at Wild Sisters Bookstore at 630. Listen, I'm a little worried about this one. Here's why. On like author Twitter, you see these photos come up of like this was my launch, and they'll just show a bunch of empty chairs. Right.

I just need 10 of you to show up. Just 10. I just need 10 of you to show up. Oh, come on. You think 10? Yes. You think you can get 10? 100%.

Okay, Wild Sisters Bookstore, and I want to sweeten the deal. Yeah. Let's all go out for drinks afterwards. Yes. Here's the thing. I was searching around Sacramento Yelp. There are two really great bars within walking distance of Wild Sisters.

One of them is the, I put the Yelp links in here. One of them is the Sack Yard Community Tap House. This is a really fun brewery with like cornhole and food trucks. So this is like, this would probably be really fun. Ooh, yeah.

But the other one, it's a sports bar called Cheaters. Yep. And it looks like a fucking dump. That's it. That's the one. Okay. Everyone who goes there, they're cheating because they fear death.

Yeah. Oh, that's right. That's what I learned there. From Moonstruck. From Moonstruck. All right. Wild Sisters Bookstore. It's settled.

7-19. I'll be there with Aaron Carnes. I'll be there. And afterwards, we're going to Cheaters. Fuck yeah. Let's do. 719. I'll be there with Aaron Carnes. I'll be there. And afterwards, we're going to Cheaters. Fuck yeah. Let's do it. Okay. So this is free for everybody, but we're going to throw a link in the show notes if you want

to pre-register and pre-order the book from Wild Sisters. They're a great looking indie bookstore. They look really cool. So Matt will throw the link there in the show notes, and I hope to see you all there on the 19th, those of you who live in the area and on July 26th I will be there at Comic Con doing a panel at 1 o'clock I will be posting more about that on social media so I hope I see

y'all at Comic Con okay before we go I want to say after a while crocodile okay next week on the show we'll be watching... The Trial of the Incredible Hulk.