Free With Ads - Black Christmas (1974)

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

This week we decided to celebrate the holidays by watching a classic Christmas horror film Black Christmas from 1974, about a sorority serial killer!We are excited to announce that Free With Ads will be doing our first ever LIVE SHOW at San Francisco Sketchfest 2025! We will be talking about the movie TWILIGHT! Join Jordan, Emily, producer Matt Lieb, and guest comedian Shanna Christmas at the Punch Line in San Francisco on January 23rd at 7:30pm for a live show you will never forget. Get your tickets NOW!Free With Ads merch is finally here! Go to the MaxFun store now and buy something for yourself!Also, we are having a contest! If you buy some merch and take a picture of yourself with that merch and send it to [e-mail], we will pick one of you and the winner will get to have any song they want Godzilla-fied. That's right, Matt will make a Godzilla remix of your favorite song.

This This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay shudder seven bucks a month for a bunch of classic horror movies that have zero beautiful sweaters when you can go online for free and watch a classic horror movie with more beautiful sweaters than the J. Crew outlet store. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is the original Black Christmas from 1974, a movie with more 70s energy than a coked out key party with all the members of the Doobie Brothers. With us as always is Super Producer Matt, the man with the drops. Oh my God.

Yeah. Do you know? Oh, God. That was so scary. The sounds in this Jordan, you warned me how scary this movie was. So I decided to do a tick tock life. And a bunch of people watched me watch this movie and they watched me cover my ears and cover my eyes. Yeah, I go, no, no, no, no, no.

Over and over. And where's the cat? Is the cat dead? What happened to the cat? I think the cat is fine at the end of the movie. They never showed us. But they leave the door open all the time, so it probably got out.

Oh, let me tell you. I can't believe that the cat is just outside. This movie ends with one big stupid fucking door open, so let's go. Okay, yeah, Black Christmas. with one big stupid fucking door open. So let's go. Okay. Yeah, Black Christmas. It is a heck of a film. But before we talk about this movie,

which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we're gonna talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week. Other free stuff. Emily, you had a matter of utmost importance you wanted to discuss with us. Whoa, okay. So this isn't technically free, but this is on Netflix, which in my opinion

is the king of Christmas movies. A paid streaming platform, Emily. Okay, we'll allow it just this once. I know, I know, you've gotta pay for it. It's your Christmas wish. Your Christmas wish you get to mention Netflix once. I guess you could get a free trial and I guess they, okay, we'll let this slide.

All right, I'm sure you can find clips of this thing I'm gonna talk about so you don't necessarily have to subscribe for money, but Free With Ads is a very big fan of the man we know as Rex Manning. Absolutely. Absolutely. I refuse to know the actor's name.

His name is Rex Manning and that's all we've ever known. He's defined as a single role. Do we know the name of the guy who played Luke Skywalker? We don't, no one does. No one can name that man. He's Luke Skywalker. I don't know. I think he changed his don't know I think his

name is Luke Skywalker actually it is yes exactly don't ask okay sorry I have a photo with him from a Planned Parenthood fundraiser and it's Mark Hamill but I've never heard that name before I've never heard he is a very nice man I'm sure Mark Hamill is great. He's a legend and some say the best joker. Rex Manning, if you go to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser, we will know your name too. Oh my gosh. Anyway.

That's a good incentive. Boy, if he wants to sop some panties, just put on the pussy hat. My panties were sopping up some egg yolks. Let me tell you. So there's Rex Manning news. Tell us more, what's the hot show? So he's not just Rex Manning,

he's our cool, cool writer from Grease 2. Right, right. Which if you're gonna listen to two episodes of Free With Ads, I highly recommend Grease 2 and Empire Records, they're two of my favorites. But this heartthrob, would we say he's our ultimate hunk watch? I mean, I think if you were to, yeah,

if you were to create a dictionary definition of a down the middle hunk watch, obviously we've had some non-traditional hunks, we've had some non-human hunks, we've had some monster hunks, so obviously hunk is a broad spectrum. But I think if we wanted just a boilerplate, good old fashioned steak and potatoes hunk,

this actor. Yeah, Rex Manning. Rex Manning. Well somebody Google it. Oh, I found it, it's Mark Hamill. Mark Hamill. No! Some say the best joker.

So wait, what's happening with Rex Manning? Yes, okay. Okay, so he's a goddamn smoke show to this day. His name is Maxwell Caulfield is his name. That's a heck of a name. Which, oh my God, that's basically Rex Manning of a name. But, so there's a new Christmas movie with Chad Michael Murray, who has aged very well. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, which I didn't find that hot when I was young. I guess I know the name Chad Michael Murray, but I can't picture him. One Tree Hill. One Tree Hill. I miss that. I guess I know the name Chad Michael Murray, but I can't picture him. One Tree Hill. One Tree Hill. I miss that. I miss that entirely. Which he never quite did it to me as a teen girl.

I kinda liked the scrappy, like scruffy, artsy dudes. He has, whoof, he is hot, hot, hot, but not as hot as our boy, let me tell you. He has, whoof, he is hot, hot, hot, but not as hot as our boy, let me tell you. So this movie, The Merry Gentlemen, it's on Netflix. It's about a girl who was like kind of in the Rockettes type of a thing, and she was told she's too old to be in the Rockettes kind of thing, so she's gotta move back home. So is this played by a, is this like a Tori Spelling?

Who are we talking about here? No, she's great. Carmen Electra? She's been in a lot of stuff. This is an actress that she feels like she could be, she could have been an Emma Stone, could have been an Emma Roberts kind of girl. She's been in a lot of stuff, but I'm not remembering her name, but she is fantastic.

The wig, however, not so much. But, so she has to go back home, because she loses her job, and she tries to do a Christmas magic mic type thing. Oh, like she tries to, like she, like it's like we're organizing it to like save the town, or save the community center kind of thing. Yeah, like she tries to, like she, or like it's like, we're organizing it to like save the town or save the community center kind of thing. Yeah, something like that.

I think it's like a bar, I don't know. What matters is dudes and she's got a few hunky dudes, Chad Michael Murray is one of them, but then in walks Rex Manning and as soon as he walked in, I was with my girlfriends, Michaela, friend of the podcast, Jenna Purdy and Laura Morton and I screamed at the top of my lungs and none of them knew why. I was like, Rex Manning!

Like I just lost and he looks amazing. He looks amazing. The moves are amazing. The body is. Oh, my God. He's so hot. So it's interesting. So, yeah, I guess he funny to like kind of track him a little bit. So obviously he was huge in the 80s, Grease 2.

And then he kind of like resurfaced in the 90s in a very important 90s movie. But, you know, Michaela, who is a tick younger than us, maybe there wasn't a great Maxwell, Maxfield Maxwell, Max Caulfield role, posts for her to latch onto, I guess maybe until now. Which Jenna and Laura have no fucking excuse. It's so pathetic. I'm kidding.

How dare they not have seen Empire Records. No, listen, I will school them. A movie that's better in our minds. But here's the thing, like, some of my friends just don't have the attention span to watch certain things. And it's like, this ain't like Empire Records and Grease 2 just ain't for everybody. It's an acquired taste, and I think it's the listeners of this podcast taste. You guys are my sleepover friends that get it. There you go, there you go. Like you guys are. Hopefully, hopefully everybody listening to this podcast hoots and hollers when Rex Manning appears on screen.

Oh my God, just watch it. It's hunky, it's fun. I don't know if everybody's hubbies are gonna be into it, but I was very into it. Okay, there you go. Would you rank it above Hitched for the Holidays, the Hallmark movie we watched a couple weeks ago? A hundred percent. Wow, okay. Now if Joey Lawrence were to dance and strip down, oof. Okay.

This would have been, he should have been in this movie. Maybe he would have said, whoa. He should have. That's his thing. Yeah. Yeah, no, honestly. We would be saying, whoa. He wouldn't be, if he's taking off, if he's ripping off the tearaways, we're the ones

saying whoa for a change. Honestly, Joey Lawrence, like, please go do some Netflix, like, hunky movies. Please, please, please. Sure he's trying. You know what I mean? I don't think he's- He's calling his agent,

hey, what if I did one of those Netflix Christmas movies? Yeah, it's so funny to have like, someone who has the career that my mom thinks people can have where you just, she goes like, you're right, you're right. Why don't you do Saturday Night Live? And you're like, oh, I never thought of that. That's very true.

My mom told me once I should write a Pixar movie. She was right. When you're right, you're right. You know what, I should, I should write a, she's right. All right, let me correct what I just said. No, you don't have to. Netflix. Yes.

Get Joey Lawrence in a fucking Christmas movie, you assholes. Done. Okay. Did I do it? Harsh words for Netflix. That was great. Do it, Netflix.

Yeah, you crank out 40 of these things a year. Joey Lawrence can be in one of them. Yes, please. All right, well, let's switch from talking about sexy Christmas movies to Christmas movies with a horrifying sexuality. It's Black Christmas. I had never seen this movie.

Me neither. I got very into the idea of watching it because I got super into the Scream franchise this year. I had only seen this movie. I got very into the idea of watching it because I got super into the Scream franchise this year. I had only seen the first one. I rewatched it. I'm like, oh my God, this rock's so hard. I need to see all the Screams. So I did, and I kind of got into the references

and all the meta stuff in Scream. And I know that this movie was a big inspiration on Scream. There's a lot of little references. So I was like, oh, Black Christmas. Why have I never that this movie was like a big inspiration on screen. There's a lot of little references. So I was like, oh, Black Christmas. Why have I never seen this? Real quick. So I thought I just kind of rope y'all into it. Yes.

Is this the first reference to the call is coming from? I was going to ask the same question. Like, is this the first ever? This was already an urban legend at this point. So they're like, so this movie's, you know, the big reveal is the obscene phone calls, the killer who's been slashing people, the call is coming from inside the house.

So this was already an urban legend and it's also kind of loosely based on some like other murders, kind of like Scream is, you know, it has some true crime basis, but yeah, but the like call in the house was like- That's an old urban legend. Yeah, it's in pop culture already. It's at least as old as the invention of the telephone.

Yeah, right. Well, I thought there was, the first time it was in a movie was with Carole Kane. There was something with When a Stranger Calls. Oh. I've heard of that movie. I've never seen it But yeah, I think that's another inside the house It sure the fuck was coming from and it was but the thing is when a stranger calls is from

1979 oh So I think it's the line the call is coming from inside the house Not necessarily the the urban legend which you're talking about. I think, I think it's this movie. I think this movie is the first call. We're calling it this. We're making a determination. This is the first time a call has ever come from inside the film historians. We're calling it now. What's so crazy is I watch, um,

like watch mojo a lot. They did like a whole thing about the first reference, which was when a stranger calls. So when I watched this, I assumed that that wasn't going to be part of it. My suspense was full of disbelief. So this was pretty fun. I didn't know what to expect. You know what else this director directed? What? What? A Christmas story. Wow, this guy loves Christmas.

Yes. No! So he directed fucking, you're gonna shoot your eye out, leg lamp, tongue stuck to the pole, Christmas story. What? Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. What the fuck? And his first movie is something called children shouldn't play with dead things fucking rad Right this man should be checked on yeah Like it. I don't like him Alright black Christmas

We see a sorority house and someone is watching. We got that killer POV. What a cool thing. And the breathing we hear, Emily I think you alluded to this. Like the sound effects in this movie are fucking chilling and disgusting. This breathing that they have is so chilling and gross. I wanted them to turn the camera around and the guy's just wearing a CPAP mask. That would have been well What's so frustrating?

Is the whole movie like there are snippets of you are the killer essentially, right? You are viewing the world of POV as the killer. Well, yeah, I think it's better the way I described it But sure I like doing the porn also POV as the killer well yeah I think it's better the way I described it but sure I like doing the porn also POV feels like porn exactly Matt that's what I like I don't think of our favorite pornos but it wasn't just the viewpoint like you're climb like you're climbing a trellis. You're, like there's all these activities as the thing. So then when you're waiting for the other characters to potentially discover this person, it's even more suspenseful,

because you're like, I know where this fucker is. And you also don't know. I just watched where he was. Why isn't he there? And you also don't know whether or not the shot you're watching is just, you know, a normal shot or if you are watching the viewpoint of the killer, which is very, very suspicious. It's shot in a way that is so disorienting. And also, the house is stunning.

I know that I love- It's a beautiful house. Oh my god. It took me a while to realize that this was a sorority house. It took me a second. I thought because Margot Kidder has looked like a 50 year old woman her whole life. I know we have our oldest teen segment. There's a lot of people who could, I don't know if we can have an oldest college student segment but. Well college students are teens. A lot of folks in their mid 30s here that were supposed to believe her in college. people who could, I don't know if we can have an oldest college student segment, but yeah.

A lot of folks in their mid-30s here that were supposed to believe were in college. You all look awesome, everybody's really good looking in this movie, but they all look old. Oh, incredible, but I thought it was just a bunch of adults having a party. Yeah, I know, it kinda reads like that, nobody seems like a kid.

Yeah, I'd never seen this movie, so I didn't realize it was a sorority house for a college. If you look closely up at the first shot of the, right above the door, you do see the three Greek letters, and I was like, okay, sorority house. Okay, I missed that, I just saw the number six, and I just went, okay.

So yeah, so they're having a little sorority party, it looks so fucking fun, It's the 70s. Everybody's drinking and smoking, having a great time. Ugh, take me there. Our POV fella sneaks in through the attic. We got a bunch of cool folks who are gonna follow throughout the movie. There's Barb, she's wearing a velvet choker

and a men's dress shirt. Oh my god, she looks great. So cool. And I forget this character's name, but she's kind of like the final girl at the end. She's wearing a- Jess. A Jess, she's got a sweater that looks like two giant hands.

I love the sweaters in this movie. There's so many great sweaters. I am going to take a screenshot of that, and then you can just put a screen, like a photo search in Google or whatever, I'm gonna find this fucking photo. You're gonna buy the hand sweater. Oh, I'm gonna find it.

But also, that actress is from, I think it was the 1960s, Romeo and Juliet. Oh, okay. That was a huge deal. This actress, I mean, I don't know what she's doing now, but her voice, her voice, she's like Mary Poppins on Quaaludes. Oh, she's voice. Yeah. It was weird because it was like, is she British sometimes or whatever? It was like a transatlantic accent. I was kind of confused by it, but I was also like,

I don't know. People have accents. Yeah, sure. It's called, people talk like stuff. It's true, but in the beginning of the movie, it was hard to figure out who we were supposed to be focusing on, because I thought that Margot Kidder was our final girl. This is our drunk party girl who is like, tough as nax, like, tough as nax? Tax, sorry. Tough as tax. I don't think tough as taxack, like tough as knacks? Tax, sorry.

Tough as tax. I don't think tough as tax is a phrase either. Tough as nails, right? Listen, some people are not tough as nails. People are tough as tax. Tough as tax is good. She's a great character. I think this like-

It'd get through a cork board. Yeah. You know? I think, yeah, I think this movie like, this movie is like about the sexual politics of the time, and she is this kind of sexually liberated, tough talk, and she makes all these dirty jokes, she makes that cop save the ratio later.

She's great, she's a great character. But then we also have Andrea Martin, who is this nerdy, cool girl in the sorority house. Oh yeah, she's great. I almost didn't recognize and I suspected to be the killer the whole time. Oh yeah. Well maybe she was because we don't really know. Spoiler alert for the end of this movie.

Okay, so they're having this party. It looks great Everybody's sweaters are awesome and they get a phone call They get this fucking chilling ass of what they would call an obscene phone call It sounds like there's multiple people on the line and kind of everybody's listening And yeah, and and Barb is kind of like egging it on. She's like kind of telling him, he's gonna like, I'm gonna stick your dick in your throat and stuff like that, being like tough

and standing up to it. Well he was saying horrible shit. Yeah, the stuff is really, really, I kind of assumed, I'm like, oh this will be a campy Christmas horror movie where people get stabbed with candy canes and say like, you're on the naughty list, but no, this is a like fucking down and dirty like grindhouse ass movie.

Well, the crazy thing is so I did a live stream for TikTok and then I asked everybody, would you like me to leave the sound on for the movie? And they were like, yes. And then that came on and it was like, cunt this and all that. And I went, I'm gonna turn this down sorry guys absolutely not I'm gonna turn this down it was so disturbing yeah really it's yeah it's it's a lot phone calls were probably the most

disturbing moments of the movie for me there's a couple of like jumpscares, kinda, not really, but this really got under my skin. I was disturbed for sure. So yeah, so we're going around, so this happens, everybody's kind of bugged by it. I just wrote in my notes, cat, kitty, there's a kitty in the house. Yay, a cat. I think we mentioned maybe we know the cat, or we don't know if the cat gets it at the end I have watched a couple different cat dies horror movies recently. I saw smile That gets it in smile. I was very mad. Sorry first smile. Yeah, I'm too scared to see that It's pretty scary. I don't think it's like a I didn't think it was a great movie, but I was very scared by it

It's a really like disturbing movie, Smile. Well done in some ways, but maybe more like fucked up than it is good. Well you warned me about this movie and you were right. Yeah. The one that we watched. The only smile I like is Brian Wilson's unfinished masterpiece.

Thank you. What the? That never killed a cat. Yeah. Nobody ever killed a cat listening to Sloop John B. No cat ever died because they played with the wrecking crew too much. Sure. Anyway.

Studio musicians, the wrecking crew. Yes. Okay, so there's a lot of fun characters. There's this old lady who kind of like runs the sorority house. She's great. She keeps hidden flasks all over the house. There's one in the library. There's one in the library, there's one in the toilet.

She has a hat that also includes a bowl cut hat. Now, this movie I think is interesting because it's kind of worst hat red herring. You see a hat and you're like, well that's the worst hat. Then a fucking worst hat will come along. I think I know what I think the worst hat is. This one is like a fake killer. This is like a, ooh, you think this is gonna be

the worst hat? No, it ain't, anyway. So, so, hunker down and keep listening for our reveal of the actual worst hat. I got my finger over the trigger to play this. So just let me know. I'm so excited. Well, before we talk about the worst hat,

we do have a sting about who we play in the movie. Oh, of course we do. Can you play it? Who we'd play. I'm gonna play that house mother, baby. Great character. Yeah, very Emily coded. mother, baby. Great character.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, very Emily-coded. Mm-hmm. Ha, ha, ha. I kind of think that, you know, I always dreamed of being an actress, but I'm getting old. You are. Well, kind of, but as I get older.

As a boy, I wanted to host a podcast. Father, I'd say, soon there will be radio shows that you listen to on your telephone. But no. And I would be the star of such shows. Shut up. But no, I mean, like in horror movies or any Hallmark lifetime, anything, I would love to play the eccentric older woman

in everything, which means I've got time to become that person. And this, the sorority house mother is a delight. She hides liquor in all kinds of fun places. She has a bunch of fun hats, a fabulous red manicure, stupid blue eyeshadow and red lipstick. She shit faced the whole movie until the bitter end. She hides the tiniest bottles of Sherry in a cutout spot

in a library book in the back of a toilet. Like she ties dental floss around a bottle in the back of the toilet yeah she's got liquor in the bed and I just want to go you can get bigger bottles bitch like you can just get a big purse and go to town but most of the movie not really caring about all the sorority sisters who are oh no she don't give a fuck. Yeah, the amount of dying people do while someone else is in the other room

in this movie is pretty wild. Yeah, but she did care about the cat. She did care about the cat. She did care about the cat. So yeah, shout out to the house mother. Love you, bitch. And okay, so what's Jess, our final girl with the amazing sweater.

She gets a call from a dude and he's kind of frantic. She's very like kind of cold and clinical. He says, I love you. She gives them the old fucking Han Solo, I know. Oh my God, devastating. And so, okay, so after the obscene phone call, there's one of the sorority sisters Solo I know oh my god devastating and So okay, so after the obscene phone call there's one of the sorority sisters who has the good sense to get out of the fucking House she goes upstairs to pack unfortunately her knowing to get out of the house is what kills her because

Whoever's in the attic puts a fucking dry cleaning bag on her head And kills her in the way that our parents told us all we were gonna die if we played with dry cleaning bags. But he lured her with the cat. Like he lured the cat towards him and then, and I'm pretty sure there's like a hole behind that closet where he's able to get up to the attic. Like I don't know why I'm trying to analyze

how he gets throughout the house, because there's no way in fuck he's just up in the attic the whole time. Like. I mean he could, you know. Like he's gotta be. The way that closet looked. Or he could be multiple people.

Well I thought he was multiple people and then we killed all the people and then okay anyway we'll get to the end. But he used the cat to lure there, and then he suffocated her, and that was the most exciting kill in the whole fucking movie, I was saying. It's like, it is like, and then we kind of go,

and he puts her in the attic, he puts her in the attic in a rocking chair, and we'll get these periodic shots of her just like, suffocated in the garment bag. It's pretty wild. So anyway, so she's dead but just presumed missing. So no one, I think even by the end of the movie, they don't really find her. So she's like in the attic, her dad comes looking for her.

We learn that Jess, the conversation she was having with the dude, she was pregnant, she wants to get an abortion. It's a very heavy scene, she is wearing a pink floppy beret. I'm like, well there's the worst hat. There's the worst fucking hat. Wait a fucking minute.

I love that hat. I don't think that's the worst hat. Matt, it's not. Don't play it. Oh you better peel that trigger back, motherfucker. It's another red herring. I think there's a worse hat than this. It's a pink herring.

There you go. Good point. A pink French herring. Yes. This guy, so this dude, he's like a toxic dude. He's like a piano prodigy. This is the oldest looking college student in the world, comfortably 45, and he has the most angular face

of anyone I've ever seen. The sharp angles on this guy's face. This is a very specific comparison, but he looks like a race car in a PS1 game. That's how angular this guy is. Holy shit, Jordan. All triangles, baby. All just a bunch of triangles.

Holy shit. Roaming down the road. Well, are you saying that this guy is the oldest team? You know, let's go ahead and call this guy the oldest team. Okay, thank God. All right. Oldest team. You can be 18 or 19 in call.

Thank God. We haven't done that one in a while. It's a fun one. Yeah, and you know, me, I'm getting like blue balls from not playing my stings. Honestly, there's all the boyfriend characters in this movie were just like, what are they even, why? Because his character, he's in a piano conservatory,

which, okay, I guess all college majors are valid. Do I have to say that? You do, unfortunately. God. Like honestly, I have two degrees in studio art and theater and it feels like the two of them cancel each other out into nothing, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. But like

that's a okay concert piano. How many jobs are there as concert pianist? Anyway, you could play at Nordstrom. Yeah. You got to people like people enjoy having music while they shop at Nordstrom. You need a degree for that. This guy is so intense. The amount of money he spends on turtlenecks, it must put his family into the poorhouse. The sweaters in this movie. But yeah, he gets her pregnant or whatever.

And then I guess he's not a fan of her discontinuing that pregnancy. So yeah, he's- And I'm like, bitch, what are you gonna do? Support this kid on some piano money? Like what the fuck are you talking about? I like your like, you're like someone's- Piano daddy?

You're like someone's mean mom in a biopic. You're just saying piano is a- No! Don't follow your dreams. Get a real degree. Listen, I would rather, listen- Write a Pixar movie. Yeah. Piano is not really a skill.

What are you talking, your dad's a musician. Yeah, but he's like, well- Yeah, wait, professional music paid for your college degrees. No, no, well Here's the thing my dumbass Paid for half of it because no one wanted to go to the school I went to and I was the only person to audition for the theater department or

Submit to the art department. So I got all the money. Oh, well that's okay, but still. My school had 500 students. My point stands. Like I showed up and it worked out. I don't know why I'm defending this guy's dream of being a concert pianist when he's not a real person, but I defend his dream. Okay, well I don't know,

this guy seems like a piece of shit, so. Yeah, I know, he's got a lot of problems. Whatever, if you're out there, sorry, Ben Folds, or like who am I apologizing to? I don't know. Ben Folds, Billy Joel, I apologize to Billy Joel. Also, I am in a Ben Folds music video if you guys wanna check it out.

I have seen it. Yes, it's on Vimeo, it's for Cologne. It's a song called Cologne, anyway. So yeah, so we have, so this is the kind of like, this is the kind of relationship fight that's going on throughout the movie. We get back to our old lady, who is unfortunately not long for this world.

She's looking for that cat, that fucking cat, I guess gets everybody killed. She goes up in the attic, she sees the suffocated girl, she's like the only one who ever sees this dead body. And for some reason, their attic has a giant swinging metal hook in it. I have no idea why. What's the functionality of this hook other than to kill you?

I don't know. It feels like something that belongs in like a car, like mechanic. Or like a freezer, a meat freezer. It's a meat hook. Is it not a meat hook? It might be a meat hook. You're right.

Yeah, maybe people are putting meat in attics. You might be right. That's the best explanation I can think of. It might be a pulley system to get things up there. It wasn't very sharp. It was one of those hooks that has a curved teapot thing on the end of it. Which is... I could hook some meat on that.

Well, they... I don't wanna brag or whatnot, but I could hook some meat on that. I could sharpen the hook. Boiler alert, he did hook some meat on it. That's true, I guess we do see in practice some meat actually gets hooked. It's the people meat, the people meat gets hooked

on the hook. So yeah, the killer whose POV we're still in, we're always in basically for the whole movie almost. It's wild. Hooks our gal. And we get a little POV freak out where he's kinda like yelling and screaming and kinda doing this gibberish that he does.

We're just real quick, that's actually me when the DoorDash guy forgets my little Caesar's Pizza cups. Sorry, Emily, you were going to say something. Honestly, Jordan, I identified with his freak out. Me too. I feel like that sometimes. So yeah, when like for some, there's a few moments in this movie that are just without reason to the point where you think maybe this killer is supernatural.

Like there's a few things. This is one of them. In the attic, you got rock and chair suffocated girl and then you got our house mom. He just freaks the fuck out and starts screaming, knocking over everything. Also, they've got one of those horsies that are on springs up there and I'm like, what in the munch?

That's gotta be magic. Hang on. The source of his powers, the boingy horse. But it's like they just decided to go, what would, are you the free of the dark? Put it in the attic. Yeah, just put a bunch of weird horror props around. Yeah, there's like a baby doll and a Ouija board.

A baby doll, it's so weird. And he's just breaking everything and everything he breaks, I go, well, that wasn't very valuable anyway, that's fine. Yeah, sure, they probably should have cleaned out that attic. You're just thinking about like, that's replaceable. Well, I just kind of went, well well that looks like a nice horsey. I wouldn't break that. But then I went, nah, that doesn't matter.

But yeah, so he's clearly out of his fucking gourd, but what the fuck is he doing up there? So the town kind of gets wind that people are going missing. There's like a little girl in town that's also missing. So there's like search parties going throughout town. Is that what it was? Yeah, so I think the little girl dying, I think we are meant to, I mean this movie like is so full of questions. I think we're meant to believe that whoever killed

the little girl is the one killing the sorority sisters. Can I talk about that just for a second? But I don't know, but we also don't know. Because after our fun drunk lady who is the house mom of the sorority house dies, like we see the original girl rocking in the rocking chair suffocated by the plastic bag and then it cuts to the search party of everyone trying to find our original, you know, suffocated girl in the rocking chair. And her parents, like everyone's screaming and the parents of that original girl go look in a ditch and they start screaming and then I'm like, they're not looking up. What are they looking at? The little girl,

right? They're looking at some little girl who died. Yeah. What little girl? Why do they care? I don't get it. I don't get it. I mean I think if you see a little girl that's dead you're probably gonna scream but... But that's not their little girl. Right I also don't remember in the movie. It's a dead child. Well why are they looking at her? She was probably a piano major. Why are they looking at it? Get her out of here. It's a search party. Why are they looking at the little girl? I don't get it. Because they found it. Somebody else found it.

Why are you looking at it? The town is kind of like, I think they know that some shit's gone wrong, so everybody's kind of looking around. Wait, so are we assuming that the person in the attic killed this random girl? He's in the attic. Yeah, so I think we don't know.

The town doesn't know. The town doesn't know. I hate this movie. Wow, all right. We haven't even finished it yet. I'm sorry. I love this movie, but I hate it so much. It really is like the like.

Too many unanswered questions. Sure. Much like life, some would say. Oh. Anyway, so we kind of like. Moonstruck would never do this to me. There you go, yeah, right. They would have more delectable dinner scenes as well.

There's no delectable food in this movie. I know. No Nicolas Cage either. What do we do? So the stalker is kind of creeping around the house, he's watching people sleep, very scary, very scary. He goes up to Barb, he kills her with a glass unicorn. Fucking brutal.

We have a team of people at the phone company who are trying to trace the obscene calls. The cops in this movie are all really ineffective. I think it's supposed to be kind of funny how like fucking incompetent. The guy at the phone company, the amount of time they spend on him running to and fro the factory with all the like plugging in the phone stuff.

I loved this. At the phone company, yeah, everything is, I'm like how did phones work in the 70s? How do they work now? I don't know So yeah This guy is kind of running around trying to trace the calls and they're trying to like keep the guy on the line for Just long enough and they can't do it The search party comes to the the search party comes to the sorority house

It's just these kind of like yokels and they're swinging like a shotgun around And making everybody feel really unsafe. It's like a it's like a comedy scene and I think it's pretty funny. One of the search party guys swinging the gun is wearing a checkerboard hat that looks like Spicoli shoes. And I think that is there. It is in the movie. Matt, play the sting. Finally, dog. The worst hat.

Worst hat edging. Oh, God. You can hat edging. Oh God. You can all come now. It doesn't even feel good anymore. Yeah. No, it feels very good. Yep, that's the worst hat, I think, if you ask me. So yeah, that's when they, so okay, so this is happening,

this kind of goofy little scene is happening. And then the thrilling conclusion of Black Christmas happens and we'll tell you about it right after this. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're going to talk about the thrilling conclusion to Black Christmas. Finally, they're able to keep the killer on the line and they find out, yes, here it comes, the line you've all been waiting for, the call is coming from inside the house.

Yeah. Yeah, Jess, they call Jess, they tell her to get out of the house. She's gonna wake up people who are sleeping. I think these people are actually dead who she thinks are sleeping because everyone just assumes that the missing people in this movie are in their rooms. We haven't mentioned Andrea Martin much, and I really think we should.

She's one of the second city TV OGs. You may have seen her from Big Fat Creek Wedding. Like, she's so funny. I thought for sure that she was the killer. Like for sure. She's the nerdy girl in the sorority house. Everything pointed to her and I just, for me when she was piled up with Barb, AKA Margot Kidder, I thought she was faking it. Like, because a lot of the phone calls, the creepy phone calls, there's the mention of Billy. There's this idea of Billy wears Billy and then there's a female voice or a feminine voice and a masculine

voice. They're suggesting that Jess, there's some suggestions of the abortion, like the, what did you do with the baby? Clearly the person who's in the attic has been listening to everything, but it sounds like there's more than one killer. There has to be more than one. And I think that is kind of also, that's also kind of a Scream reference. So one of the killers in Scream is Billy, Billy Loomis.

I think that's one of the many references to this movie in Scream. Wait a minute, in Scream, the dude's name is Billy? Yeah, that's Jughead's dad. What's that actor's name? No! Matthew Perry? No.

No, no, no, no, no. What's his name? It's Archie's dad, talking about Jughead's dad. Jughead, yeah, like, okay, no, the actor who plays... Scydoric? Scydoric. Scydoric. No, shit, so that is a reference to this movie? Yeah, and the like phone calls at the beginning.

So yeah, this is. Look at that. This was a seminal. This is so cool. I didn't even think about that. But yeah, so Billy is this name they keep referencing. And so you think that it's Jess's boyfriend who doesn't want her to get an abortion, right?

But yeah, oh, so disturbing. So he's the guy who, so he is like creeping around outside while the killer is also creeping around. We just see one shot of a weird red eye through a door. That's like the most killer we ever see. Why is it Fred? Yeah, don't know. And so, but Angle Face, 45 year old, oldest teen, Angle Face, he like breaks into the

house and she kills him with a fire poker. Great weapon for like two different points and a hook where you can rip. I'm going to get one for my bed. Yeah, grab it. And you could use it to poke a fire if you ever get a fireplace for the apartment. I will never afford that. A house with a fireplace, but I will afford a murder weapon. Oh, I have one in every room of my apartment.

You got it. You must. You must. Yeah. You gotta, you must, you must. Yeah. So, this guy breaks in, he dies, so they assume they got the killer. So she's just like up in her room recovering in the clothes she was wearing. Like sleeping beauty. When she murdered the guy. We get these very creepy shots of all the like bedrooms, all the like empty bedrooms

from the like dead characters, and then a long shot of the house, and the fucking phone starts ringing. So yeah, the implication being that that guy maybe was one of the killers or not the killer, and whoever this Billy character is, or characters, is just still fucking out there, making gross calls and putting people in attics. this Billy character is or characters is just still fucking out there making

gross calls and putting people in attics. Okay so the last shot was so full of suspense for me because you do go up into the attic you see the bodies that are still up there like no one has found them still. Like, these, okay, they're- Yeah, that is strange. Like, the police are now there. And they're still like, well, case closed. This is another movie where it's like, the police don't believe women, you know? Yeah, right, of course.

And an old man who is the father of the daughter. The fun thing about this movie is they dropped a lot of characters where you had the fun opportunity of who done it. Like you kind of went, ooh, this girl's dad who thinks, oh, this sorority house is slutty. Or like, we've got the house mother, we've got the nerdy girl.

Like there was a lot of it. And then they gave us fucking nothing and it made me want to die. But the final scene where they all left our final girl sleeping peacefully in a bedroom and then scanned into the darkness over so fucking slowly by the way, which killed me. I was, cause Jordan, you warned me how scary this movie was. So I was sitting there biting my fucking nails and it pans so slowly and then up into the attic

and then you see lights and things flickering in that fucking attic. You can hear things moving around and then you see the bodies and the rocking chair and then you can kinda hear his voice. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? We still ain't got this guy? I'm so mad.

Like, and then the phone is ringing and I'm like, okay, 1974 call waiting is a thing. And I was told in the 90s that we couldn't get call waiting. And I'm mad at Lois and Mike Fleming. Yeah, that's why you hate musicians so much. That is the conclusion. If my dad was a CPA, we could have gotten call waiting. No, no. He was a fucking touring musician.

Okay, we are going to rank Black Christmas on its sale of one to ten Super Loud commercials, but first we have to do our fan favorite segment, Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. Okay, I've got a non-traditional hunk for this movie. Not really a Rex Manning, but kind of a more, you know, Joe Schmo working class hunk for this movie. Not really a Rex Manning, but a kind of a more, you know, Joe Schmoe working class hunk. The guy tracing the phone calls running back and forth between the supercomputers. Honestly? Got a nice plaid shirt. You know, he's working hard. He's one of the competent characters

in this movie. You know, maybe he's not, maybe you're not looking at him at the singles bar, but I think he's a hunk. Jordan, you have completely swayed me. Oh wow, did you have another hunk? The detective. I mean of course you did. I don't think anybody else had the guy. No, I didn't. I honestly didn't think about him at all.

I thought that was so funny watching him run around. Me too. Stressing out and I also thought like, why are we looking at this? There's killers to look at. But the detective, I kind of like, he was the one who actually listened to them a little. He was still kind of a dick, but like,

yeah, I like him too. You're right, Jordan. He is the hunk. Do you have a hunk? Yeah, and it's controversial, but the killer. Here's the thing. You're a big Billy guy. Likes choking.

Just the way he talked on the phone, like at first I was like, oh, what a disgusting pervert. And then after a while I was like, oh, yeah, damn, okay. You know? He said he would lick my pig clit. So, you know, he's a giving. So I'm not very well versed in doing livestream on TikTok. This is truly like the first time I ever tried to do it.

And you kind of have to be sensitive about language when you do this stuff. So I was just playing the audio from the movie and as soon as I was playing, I had no idea what to expect. And that first phone call does not let up. It just doesn't. It's like, pig, quit, fuck, cunt. Like it just goes and goes. And I was like, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna mute that. Sorry, guys.

Like, and I was like, for the first time ever, it's not my mouth that's the problem. It's literally what- Sorry, TikTok. Maybe flip over to some people pointing at ADHD symptoms. Yeah. You like that for some reason. Honestly, the scariest part of this movie for me was those phone calls. They were so disturbing.

I don't understand who Billy is. I'm so frustrated that I don't know who Billy is. Well, yeah, we got to take another break. Why don't we who Billy is. Well yeah, we gotta take another break. Why don't we do that and then we'll come back for final thoughts and ratings. We're back, it's Free With Ads. We're gonna rank Black Christmas, the original, from 1974 on a scale of 1 to 10, super loud commercials. Emily, I think you're gonna smash this one like so many Christmas ornaments underneath

feet. Like the wet bandits like so many Christmas ornaments underneath feet. Like the wet bandits crunching on Christmas ornaments. How dare you? I'll make a little case for this movie first and then let you nail the coffin. So I, again, this is maybe not the fun, campy Christmas movie you think it's gonna be. There are a lot of fun Christmas horror comedies. Krampus from a couple years ago, I like that a lot.

David Kekner's in that, love that guy. This is like a gritty 70s ass horror movie. And I think if you're like into horror history, like it's a very cool watch. I really like thinking about horror movies in terms of like what was going on at the time? What were we afraid of as a people? So I think this one's kind of cool.

I want to explain why it will require me to make a few points about feminism. I'm sorry, no one wants to hear it. What are you talking about? This movie is the- I want to hear. So Roe v. Wade was the year before this movie. It's a movie about, or you know,

it's a movie that has a lot of like, men wanting to control women's sexuality. Whether it's the guy, whether it's the phone calls, whether it's the guy who wants to, you know, say whether or not his girlfriend can have an abortion. So like, that's the horror. The horror of like, men being in a world where women can do what they want with their bodies,

and the solution of this killer is to kill them. So as far as horror movie with social commentary, I think this is really cool. I do think it is for serious horror people only, because it's not fun, it's gross and weird. But I'm a big horror person, and I like all the references and stuff. So for me, it's not fun, it's like gross and weird. But I'm a big horror person and I like all the references and stuff. So for me it's a seven, but I understand

that in many ways this movie is a no fun. Matt, what'd you think? Listen, I agree with all of the things that you just said including a woman's right to choose, obviously. Thank you, thank you. I like, you're good and I'm good. I like- Yes, I'm good, good opinions. You're good and I'm good. I'm good.

Because I agree with you being with your good. Good takes. And also, you know, I do think you're right in that it is interesting to look at the, you know, political context of the time, and so that obviously paints what the villain is of the movie. But I was having trouble following it. I had everyone... the men in the movie look the

same so I didn't know who was the boyfriend. A lot of similar men, a lot of similar men. And to this very moment I still do not know who the killer ended up being. Or who they thought the killer ended up being. No one does. No one does, Matt. But doesn't it end where you think it's the boyfriend, but then it turns out it's the... No. No?

Okay, we never find out. We don't know. Yeah. Well, who does she stab with a... It could be some person we've never met. She stabs her boyfriend, but her boyfriend's not the killer, but we know it's not him Okay, yeah, so it's I'm sorry. It just was I give it a five Is me being generous I thought it was really cool. I thought I was like, oh that's that's cool that they're swearing so much and

There was some proper swearing in this movie. There was some proper swearing, and I love Margot Kidder playing this role because she was not the lead. She was instead the mean sorority girl, which I thought was an amazing role for her. So I give it. Oh, totally. I think she was wonderful. She lifted it up to a five.

Emily? Okay, so as frustrated as I sounded about this movie, which Jordan, the context that you brought forth, it definitely changes the way I think about it. Now that I think about it, it is a very feminist horror movie. It is like It is a very feminist horror movie. It is like drunk women getting drunk and saying fuck you. And I love that. The house mother is a drunk motherfucker. Margot Kidder is a drunk motherfucker who mouths off to people.

How fun is that? It's women acting like society says they shouldn't act. Exactly. And then a girl. They get killed for it. So we got a mouthy cool girl like Margot Kidder. We got a mouthy house mom who doesn't care that the girls have hippie posters in their rooms and their sexual and everything.

And then we have our final girl who wants to get an abortion because she's married to a musician. I'm sorry. Or she's not married yet, but you know. Little musical kid, little musical failure. You know, who wants to be married to a musician? Mom!

Anyway, no, I'm kidding. But also, like, I didn't really think about it that way, Jordan. That's really cool. I was angry that we didn't know who the killer was. I was originally angry and now I fucking love it. I love it. Wow, you sold her on the hunk and you sold her on the whole movie. Wow, I'm convincing. Well, okay, so. Send me 20 bucks. Wow, I'm convincing. Well, OK, so the whole. Send me 20 bucks.

It's a good idea. So here's the thing. When I watched the movie, I was frustrated because I kept wanting a climax to happen. I wanted there to be this slasher fucking bloodbath. I wanted there. But the biggest kills happened in the first half of the movie. And then one of them happens not even on camera.

It's just people find a body. So the way I'm used to slashers happening is there's a crescendo of a lot of kills, but this was so full of terrifying tension that, and it's a house full of girls that are supposed to feel very safe and intimate and everything for there to just be this person that you don't know where he is why he's there and He's been in the same place the whole fucking time, which is so frustrating but Also, the house is so beautiful. It's a great house. It's a great house.

I want to be in that house. It's great bedrooms, great posters. So what would you give it? I'm giving it a nine. Wow. OK, OK. Surprise sneaky nine. It made me so angry,

but now I'm going to think about it all the fucking time. I'm going to be thinking about this movie because my favorite horror movies are ones that make me obsess about it over and over again and after talking about it and Hearing both of you talk about it. I'm going to think about it forever Skin it gets under your skin. Yeah, this movie is like playing in theaters tonight Like this movie like stuck around. When I was like Googling.

Why do they do so many remakes? Because it haunts people. Like. I know, Black Christmas. Sneaky classic. Hey, that's Black Christmas. Something you can watch with the whole family. Round the hearth.

Yeah, grandma. Got a nine year old. Throw him in front of Black Christmas. They're going to have a phone call sometime. Hey, listen, if you turn off the podcast before the plugs, don't do it this week. We got some exciting stuff. My titties are out.

Don't turn it off. I can hear them. You can hear the titties. Hear them. They're on the floor. Thump, thump, thump. Slap, slap. Puddles. So, our merch will be up on the Max Fun Store in perpetuity,

but if you want to enter our Godzilla Remake Contest you have till the end of the year, here's what you do. You go to maxfunstore.com or order some of our gorgeous merchandise. We got a great t-shirt, we got a pint glass, we got a couple of hats that say the worst hat. We even got a little sticker you can put on your laptop or wherever else you want to stick a sticker. Maxfunstore.com, that's where you find the merch. It supports the show, it helps us keep going, and we love that you get it. If you want to enter our Godzilla Remix Contest, here's what you do. Take a picture yourself with the merch. Email it to us, freewithadsatmaximumfun.org, and let us know

what song you want Matt to Godzilla remix, and we will do it during a show in January. So get those contest entries in now, with ads at maximum fun org and hey We got our first ever live fucking show coming up at Sf sketch fest January 23rd 7 30 p.m. At the punchline Comedy Club We got a guest and we got a fucking movie. Okay our guest for the show will be the hilarious Shawna Christmas a Las Vegas based comic One of Emily's pals. She's hilarious. She's gonna be joining us on the show to talk about Twilight

Fucking Twilight I have never seen it I will be watching it Matt Twilight, uh, never seen it. I will be watching it for the first time. I've never seen it either. Oh really, Matt, Twilight? I watched it on my honeymoon. Oh. What? I had COVID. Your wife was pregnant and you had COVID and that's the movie.

My wife was pregnant, I had COVID, and we sat outside and we watched Twilight. We did have sex too, I just wanna say. We had sex. Oh, that's, well, I didn't, okay. It was, yeah, I had sex with my wife. Well, did the Lord, was he okay with that when you already did what the sex was supposed to do?

I think the Lord was mad and struck me down with COVID. Yep, that's what I thought. Also, I'll say, COVID mask sex, not fun. No, I had a great time. But no, I've seen it. I've seen it once. It was just kind of something we decided to put on because we thought it'd be funny.

And it was, it's a great watch even if you hate it. And I can't wait to talk about it. Oh my God, okay. Oh, I'm so stoked. So as of this recording, Twilight is free with ads. Get out there and watch it. We do not know if it'll be free with ads when we do our live show.

Heck, we don't even know if it'll be free with ads when this episode comes out. Don't fucking yell at us, stop. Don't yell at us. You've gotten very good at not yelling about us. We don't know where the movies go. We don't know where the movies go. We don't. We don't know where the movies go. We don't know where the movies go. We don't.

We don't know where the movies go. We're doing our best. Also, the other show airing at the same time as SketchFest is doing Titanic. So you guys gotta fucking give us a break. We gotta compete, all right? So yeah, get those tickets, sfsketchfest.com, with our hilarious guest, Shawna Christmas,

talking about Twilight. We hope to see you there. All right, tune in next week when our movie will be Bats. ["Bats"] ["Bats"] ["Bats"] Maximum fun. A worker-owned network. You can do this!