Free With Ads - Death Becomes Her, with Reading Glasses

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

This week Emily and Jordan invited Mallory and Brea from Reading Glasses to the MaxFun studio to talk about the classic dark goofball comedy Death Becomes Her, starring Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, and Bruce Willis.If you would like to pick the next Free With Ads movie, you can! Here's how: pre-order Jordan's new graphic novel Youth Group. bit.ly/youthgroupbook.  Then shoot us an email at [e-mail] with the receipt and you will be automatically entered into a contest to choose the next Free With Ads movie.Come see Jordan Morris at the YALLWEST Book Festival in Santa Monica on May 3rd and 4th. Get your tickets to see Jordan here. And if you can't make it to LA, pre-order Youth Group here for a discount.Visit Emily's ETSY store right now and buy some stuff!

🎵 This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay max $10 a month to watch 40 years of Looney Tunes that they're probably just going to take down anyway when you can go on YouTube for free and watch Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep bonk and squish each other in fabulous outfits that Wile E. Coyote could never pull off. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is Death Becomes Her, the 1992 dark comedy about a vain author and actress who stay young with the help of a magic potion and spray-painted asses. We're going to talk about this movie, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads with the help of two amazing guests. Yay! Bria Grant and Mallory O'Mara from the Reading Glasses podcast. Hi. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

You put a the in front of Reading Glasses, and that's interesting. The Reading Glasses. I feel so honored. Oh, the Bria? The Mallory? The Bria, the Mallory from the Reading Glasses? Wait, so you guys have like a lot of them? The Reading... We just go from reading glasses.

I think that's what it is. Oh, okay. I'll put a the wherever I want to. No, no, we're keeping the the. It's like when my, growing up, my dad would be like, you gotta go down to the Walmart, you know? Right. Like that's like, you know.

Well, time to listen to the reading glasses, I guess. Before we get into this movie, we wanted to get to know our fabulous guests in a segment we're calling Talk to Guests. Talk to Guests. Ah, yeah. That'll make it true. I'll make it.

It'll sound so good. You have no idea. So y'all are multifaceted. Yeah. Authors, filmmakers, podcasters, of course. But I want to talk about fairy erotica, please. Okay. Oh, wow.

This is, for y'all's podcast, I think one of your bonus content episodes that you do every year for MaxFunDonors is you go into the particulars of horny fairy books. Well, we actually did a live show. Okay. Which is somehow worse. Yeah, we did a live show for the Maximum Fun finale during the fun drive. And we explored why horny fairies.

Have we done a full episode on horny fairies, Mallory? I can't remember. Not yet, but I'm sure it's coming. Pun very intended. Listen, you know that you can expect hard-hitting journalism on reading classes. That's what we're notorious for.

And this epidemic has been sweeping the nation, and we needed to investigate it before it is in your home. So, I mean, like, I know that, like, horny genre fiction is out there, right? Horny vampires. I think we all grew up with horny vampires. I didn't know that it had made its way to fairies. Well, that's part of a larger... Okay, we can actually talk about this quite in a very serious way, which is so

confusing. Yes, this is our job. It is deranged. Is four wings four wings? You heard of that? Fourth wing is what you're trying to say. Okay, my friend gave it to me. It sits on my nightstand, it looks pretty there.

That is gonna be a horny dragon book. I put cups on it sometimes. People love it. We have personally not read it, but we both have to read it because of the Maximum Fun Drive, that was one of our calls. I think these all fall under the Romantic-y genre,

which is a big thing right now the romanticist world which you know can go all the way into erotica but can also be pretty like pretty chaste right millery yes it's either oh things are either open door or closed door and closed door is when you see the fairies going into a bedroom and it fades to black open door is when you see those fairies fucking sounds This sounds like a sweet club. Some of them are so smutty. So smutty. Do they use the wings

during the lovemaking? The wings are... Listen, we did a deep dive on why people like these books and one of the main things, one of the draws is wingspan. Wingspan. Wingspan. I'm doing this something with my

hands and I wish this was a visual medium, but wingspan is important. Wingspan. So wingspan equals dick size? Not necessarily, but here's the thing. They're all big fairies. These are not like little handheld fairies. There probably are some of those books, but for the most part, these are

large male fairies. These are human beings with wings that are really hot and maybe their teeth and ears might be pointy. Yeah, and they've been around for hundreds of years and they meet this young woman and she's like 22 for some reason and they're like... And probably really clumsy for some reason. Yeah, she's clumsy but God, she doesn't know how beautiful she is. I just moved to the big city

and I have to turn all these baguettes around. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then he is like, I've been waiting hundreds of years for the love of my life. And look at my wingspan. And he opens the wingspan. And it's this woman who hasn't showered in a whole week. Oh, my God. Look at her.

So is wingspan, like, does it say something about power? Like how? I think so. They fly with the women, right? Sometimes they pick up the girls and fly them around. So they carry them while they fly. But then also sometimes

they'll like wrap them in the wings like during sex or just for cuddling, you know? And I'm going to be honest, if someone was like, come get inside my wings, I'd be like, I'm in there. I'm in it.

I'm on it. I'm happy to be there. No, it's too much thin skin. What we found With a lot We've read a few Of these like Horny fairy books

But we've also Ventured into You know Other horny genres Horny No no no No no We did a horny

Gargoyle book And we did a horny Minotaur book Alright Alright These are live streams You can find on our Instagram I like this better

Because it's cicada season In the south Okay You know about this Yeah When you're talking on our Instagram. I like this better because it's cicada season in the South. Okay. You know about this, right? When you're talking about those wings, all I could think about is the crinkle crinkles. Sure. Oh, yeah. And so you prefer the soft moo of a minotaur?

I don't want those fucking wings. Use your hands, dumbass. I have a question. Matt, as a guest, I can't get finger blasted by a wing. I have a question. Before you have a question, I have to say, before you get excited about the Minotaur thing, the book is about a facility that milks Minotaurs and jerks them off to make human Viagra.

And the main character works at this facility and falls in love with the first Minotaur she jerks off. He still has a cow face and a cow mouth and a cow tongue. That's what is happening here. I have a traumatic relationship with the word cream now. The word snuffling is in there. What does that mean? What is snuffling? I have more questions.

Who doesn't? No, stop, Matt. Who doesn't, Matt? Matt, I need this. Anyway, what I was going to say is that even when a dog or animal gets in there and they're like, I'm not making the noise. No, I don't know what you're talking about. I can't do it.

What do you mean by in there? In wherever. Panties. Panties. Snuffling around in someone's panties. Snorting around in the book. They're snorting around. What was that?

You were slurping around. I was slurping, but I was trying to do a snort. I don't know why I would do that again. Like a... Yeah, but I'm making a pig noise. And that's not what we did either. I think it's good. Okay.

Whatever it is. Listen, I'm not... Is it good? I'm not with it either. I think it's good. Okay. Whatever it is. Listen, I'm not... Is it good? I'm no voiceover actor here, all right? But what I was going to say was important to know... Let's get Billy West in here to do the Minotaur panty-sniffing noise. Snuffling.

Also, what you need to know is that these extra things are appealing to people. For example, the gargoyle had, like, a tail, and the tail was important. Anyway, we have more questions? Matt, I see your hand up there. Matt, what do you got? All my questions were answered.

Wow. Yeah, that's what I thought. And now I just have comments. Okay, what are they? Age gap between the human ladies and the fairies. Big age gap. Hundreds of years. Big yikes. Hundreds of years. Big yikes. Hundreds of years. Hundreds.

Big yikes on that. That's my comment. Not always, but it's generally. Listen, we've been doing the vampire thing for a long time.

I think we're like, this isn't real. This is fantasy. But that's what it is. That's right. A lot of people like the fairies because vampires

don't kill people. So the fairies give you that kind of like, ooh, he's not a human, but you don't have to worry about him killing your mom. What do they do? What is human, but you don't have to worry about him, like, eating your mom. What do they do? What is their job?

I don't know. I watch Labyrinth. They bite people, right? They have various jobs. I mean, some of them, you know. Barista, advertiser. Some of these worlds are like, you know, they are like worlds in which there are baristas and stuff. And some of them are more like, you know, they are like worlds in which there are baristas and stuff. And some of them are more like, you know, you're like Lord of the Rings kind of situation where they're like riding, you know, horses or some shit.

Why would they ride a horse if they could fly? I mean, I don't know. They're also normally like the leaders of a kingdom, like a royal court kind of situation. There's a lot of court stuff happening in fairy stuff. Courts are important in a lot of them. So there's like princes and kings. So they're just like as important in a lot of them. So there's like princes and kings so they're just like as useless as a normal monarchy.

They just kind of walk around and be rich. I don't give a fuck about a job when it comes to my fantasy. You know what I mean? Like if I'm going to read a book and I'm like

this is my fantasy I don't want to be like and first I have to go to where I'm like serving coffee and I want to do that. Like that's not fun. Listen, you brought up the jobs.

To be fair, some of them are job centered like the one Mallory's talking about. It bummed me out too when you said it. And apparently there are Minotaurs whose job is making cum. Well,

he owns farm equipment but you get paid in this world. The Minotaur. No, they make human Viagra from Minotaur come. So you get paid if you go to this facility and get jerked off. And this guy actually has the love interest in the Minotaur and the Morning Glory Milking Farm is so good at coming that he's part of the Mega Milkers program.

This is so hot. I gotta be honest. I'm so into this. You can get this on Kindle for very cheap. Really? Yes, you can. Or you can get the audio book on the library. Yeah, this is amazing.

Get it. It's a real quick read. Who does the audio book? Is it Will Wheaton? God, I wish. Stop it. I wish it would be Will Wheaton. Brian Cox.

It's so big a find. I don't think I could look Will in the eye ever again. I wish someone would pay me to do the audiobooks for these. I would do them.

Hell yeah. I'm available. Call me. Well, so. Death becomes her. Now that everyone's extremely soaked. Yes.

Thank you for this. I'm getting soaked. Thank you for this glimpse into the world of literature. Yeah, no problem. Now we're this. I'm getting soaked. Thank you for this glimpse into the world of literature. Yeah, no problem. Now we're going to move on to film.

To plug reading glasses, we don't just cover this. No, no, no. I should say reading glasses. We do bookmark reviews, book light reviews. We just did a whole episode where we recommend

books with short chapters. Nothing to do with this kind of shit. So we're very, this is just a niche we have found ourselves involved in. Listen, I'm hooked. I'm immediately gonna send you guys. Well now we will transition from the world of literature

to the world of film. We're gonna have to talk about Death Becomes Her, the Robert Zemeckis dark comedy starring Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, and Bruce Willis. Before we talk about the plot, I want to go around the horn. This is a movie that everybody was pretty excited to review. Everyone had seen this going into this record. Yeah, yeah.

When did you first see it? When did you ladies first see it? I saw this, I walked by my father watching this when I was five years old, and I had nightmares about Goldie Hahn having a hole in her stomach for many years until I saw this actual movie and I freaked out because I was like, wait, this is a real thing. This is not just a thing that was born in my nightmare brain. I just thought I was like, I completely forgot about it. Just started having

nightmares about it. Forgot that I had seen, like, walked by and seen this movie. And so it was very cathartic for me to watch it later on as an adult. And now I no longer have Goldie Hawn nightmares. Bria, you've seen this one, too? Yeah, I had. And I don't remember the first time I saw it. I feel like I've seen it a few times. I watched it again recently before this. And then I watched it for this.

But listen, you got some of the best comedic actors around in this. And you kind of forget, well, we can get into it, but I always forget Bruce Willis, funny. Yeah, started as a sitcom actor. He's so funny in this. He's great, I know. But you have the two, you know, the funniest actresses who've ever graced the screen.

Wait, who's Goldie Hawn married to? My brain is not working tonight. Kurt Russell. Yes. There's something recently I saw. They're not actually married. Oh, no, they're just together. Yes.

I saw this thing on Instagram, which I thought was really sweet. Because they were like, how do you keep a relationship going for so long? And he was like, oh, you marry Goldie Hawn. Or you, you know, whatever. I don't know. I think that they're like, there was something about how they're not, but maybe they are marriedie Hawn or you know whatever I don't know I think that they're like there was something about how they're not but maybe they are married

maybe they're not married I don't know but I thought that that was anyway I always think about that because I'm like she must be so wonderful there was a cute I actually on Instagram

saw this photo it's Goldie Hawn taking a picture of Kurt Russell next to this big photo of Kate Hudson in like a shop window oh that's cute

and that's cute. And that's like not even his daughter, but it's his stepdaughter. So it is his daughter. That was so cute. That's so cute. Also, their dog, their family dog was in a Budweiser commercial at the Super Bowl. And there's this great video on Instagram of all of them going, hey, yeah, all freaking out because the dog is in. Like doing the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at the TV meme.

Oh, God! Our dog! I think his name is Roy. That's great. It's Roy! And Roy is there in the middle of the room like, what? I like that these are people who are regularly in the biggest movies in the world,

and they're just stoked to see their dog on TV. Honestly, who wouldn't be that? I mean, that would be the most exciting thing. just stoked to see their dog on TV. Who wouldn't be that? I mean, that would be the most exciting thing. It's one of my, it's such a cute video. Yeah. Emily, you've seen.

Also, we have to shout out to the makeup department for making Goldie Hawn look frumpy in any way. Oh, yeah. Oh, we're gonna get to that shit. How is this even possible? Yeah.

Like one of the most beautiful women. I feel like. The greatest special effect of them all. Although, although, I don't mind thick Goldie Hawn in this. No, I mean, honestly.

Honestly, I kind of looked at that and looked in the mirror and I was like, I am thick Goldie Hawn. You know what? I would have so much better. My favorite thing about the makeup and the prosthetics is when she's in the mental institution and her ass is like on either side of a school chair. Her butt crack is so big. It's the biggest butt crack. I don't know. It's wild.

People pay good money for that shit nowadays. Inside that crack. Yeah, well, it just shows the changes in butt trends over the years. That's very true. I can't remember when I saw it. I have a hard time with body horror and things like that. So I had a similar, I think, nightmarish thing when I first saw it because it is from 92. So it's like around that time where I don't know, the ideas of horror and stuff like that,

even if it isn't a comedy, were kind of affecting me in a certain way. But so yeah, when they're pushing each other downstairs and people are breaking their necks, it was like bothering me. So, but now I'm watching it and I'm like, oh, this is just fun camp. I watched this movie constantly as a kid. Oh, wow, really? So like, I remember the trailers very vividly.

It's like from the director of Roger Rabbit, which get me on the right day, that's my favorite movie of all time. Okay. And it had people doing Looney Tunes things to each other. Totally. And I'm like, this is the movie for me! An 11-year-old! Okay, now I'm understanding the intro that you wrote.

Yeah. Because I was like, what the fuck with the Looney Tunes? Okay. Sure, yeah. Yeah, they're bonking and squishing each other. No, they 100% are. And I think that's kind of how the movie was sold right but with that i mean that little scene where they're bonking each other is like such a little part of the movie like this and they can't die yeah it's like it's a reset

button sort of yeah it's it's that part is so much fun and yeah i watched this movie constantly as a kid which i watch now and i'm like oh this is a movie about a broken marriage that's 25% erectile dysfunction. I think I just I was just into the vibes. I liked the like the those, you know, those squishy Looney Tunes segments are so awesome. But yeah, but I haven't really watched it as an adult and I got to put it on for this. And yeah, I'll tip my hand a little bit. I really love this movie. There's a great...

So when I'm not talking about horny fairies, I am a horror filmmaker. And I was doing some research on how to do certain body horror things, because that is what I do, actually. And there's some great behind-the-scenes stuff about how they did all that. Really?

On YouTube. I watched this on Tubi, but on YouTube. Yeah, you can find some stuff about how they did all that. Really? On YouTube. I watched this on Tubi, but on YouTube. Yeah, you can find some stuff on how they did it. I do have to humble brag that my first feature film, I got to do with Tom and Alec at ADI, Amalgamated Dynamics, who did the special effects for this movie. And I was so nerding out. They also did Starship Troopers and some other big stuff

but I was like, you did Death Becomes Her. Oh my gosh. Nobody else cared. I get the impression this movie is kind of having a little moment because of RuPaul's Drag Race. I guess there's a lot of gay movies. There's a reference right now where

you get immunity for if you win that episode, you take the elixir. You take the potion. The potion. And then you could choose to or not. And then you get immunity for the next episode. And it's a reference to Deathly Hallows.

Well, anyway. I do watch it. I watch it. But yeah, you can take it right before they do the elimination. Elimination. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

You can be like, do you want to take the potion? And you could say no or yes. But yes, I didn't think about that. And Isabella Rossellini does not give out the potion every time, right? I wish she did. She just gives out Lancome samples. Can we just say that has anybody in a film ever been hotter than Isabella Rossellini in this film? This might be the hottest anybody has ever been on film.

I agree. I'm with you. I'm with you. Big awooga. Huge awooga. The biggest awooga. My head turned into a wolf head. That's how.

Wow. I will say this. Jordan, why is your tongue turning into stairs? This is actually a medical problem. Isabella Rossellini had nothing to do with it. Please call a doctor. I'm having an allergic reaction. I have Tex Avery syndrome.

Is Isabella Rossellini French? She's Italian. She's Italian. Yeah. Her accent is like. It's just Europe. She comes from the land of sex. There's something about her accent that makes me want to eat delicious food.

I don't know what it is, but it just sounds like... You want to eat some brie. I think you're right. You want to open up a gorgeous bottle of wine and feed it to her. It's just funny because you're right. It is not specific Europe. It's very funny. I mean, I know it's Italian. It's just funny because you're right, it is not specific Europe. It's very funny. I mean, I know it's Italian.

It's a continent. But in my head, I'm like, I don't know. I know, it's so... It does not sound Italian to me. I don't hear any spicy meatball in there. I think she's just her own. She's from her own island. She's her own sovereign land.

Isabella Rossellini. I mean, her last name does... Take the potion, let's-a-go. Let's-a-go. Yeah, exactly. Her last name does sound Take the potion. Let's-a go. Let's-a go. Yeah, exactly. Her last name does sound like a pasta. Sure. Instead of all the jewels, it's just a bunch of meatballs on spaghetti strips. Oh, it's all the jewels.

Mallory, this is my horny Minotaur novel that you're describing. Well, yeah, let's talk about what actually happens in this movie. We start in 1978. It's Broadway. Meryl Streep is Madeline Ashton. She's a star

and she has a play called Songbird that I think we're led to believe is supposed to suck. This is my only problem with the movie. Oh, I think we,

did we have the same problem is that Songbird looked fucking amazing? It was amazing. Yes! The crazy part was, first of all, no one ever gets up and walks out of a play because it's bad.

Because the people were like, they were just getting up and they were angry. They were like, we're getting out of the way. And Bruce Willis is just hard as a rock sitting in the middle of it. Yeah, yeah. But I thought it was amazing. I was like, yes, this is great.

She's so good. It's Meryl Streep dancing around with bellboys. They do a disco segment. It was amazing. What's wrong with fucking Songbird? Songbird rules. Songbird, I would go see right now. It was very Mariah Carey.

They were just picking her up and carrying her around. I loved it. And I loved it. I loved it. I can't believe that people hated it. So yeah. Also, an essential plot point is that these women are in their early 40s. Just what?

Just before we talk about anything else that happens in this film, it's very important to know that when this was shot, Meryl Streep was, I think, 41 or 42.

Oh, wow. Yeah. I love this. My favorite thing about this, I just turned 38, and my favorite thing was when Isabella Rossellini

is like, how old do you think, how old do you think I am? Oh, yeah. She goes, 38. She goes, and I'm like, how old do you think? How old do you think I am? Oh, yeah. She goes, 38. She goes, and I'm like, damn, I'm 38. Isabel Rosalina, 38.

I feel good. This movie made me feel great about being in my late 30s. It was good. So as Mallory mentioned, the only person in this theater who likes this amazing play. The only person with taste. The only person with taste is Bruce Willis he loves it he is earnest

he's married to I forget the oh no they're not married oh they're not married they're engaged I'm sorry he's engaged to Goldie Hawn do we know I forget Goldie Hawn's character's name we can just say the actor's name we can just call her Goldie it's Helen and...

Helen. Helen Mad. Helen and Madeline. Helen and Madeline. So they're old friends. They go backstage. Madeline is flirting with Bruce Willis like crazy. And he has to reassure her,

I would never leave you for her. I would never leave you for her. Hard cut to their wedding. It's so funny. Yeah. Such a good joke. I love those gags. Yeah. I would never leave you for her. Hard cut to their wedding. It's so funny. Love that. Such a good joke. I love those gags. Ugh.

Yeah, I love these gags. That's what I was saying before we started, that Zemeckis just, he is like the king of physical comedy. I mean, you're totally right. It's like, it's Roger Rabbit. It's like, all of the stuff where it's just like, oh, he's like, when she's on the phone in the foreground and like stuff's happening behind her.

All that kind of stuff. But yeah, that wedding moment. But you know what it reminded me of? Hell yeah. There's this kind of picture quality to movies in the 90s, like Adam's Family. It felt very Adam's Family to me. I guess also that staircase, the big building that Isabella Rossellini's character is in,

it all felt very like that. Oh, it's a very specific type of movie that was popular during that time period. Edward Scissorhands, Adam's family. It's like very dark, but also very funny, very grandiose, very practical. Like it was such a sweet spot during that decade. Yeah. So this ruins Goldie Hawn's life. We get a shot of her in a fat suit

eating frosting from a can while surrounded by cats. Was it frosting? I can't tell if it was frosting or if it was some sort of clam chowder soup. Oh, interesting. Oh my god! Oh, that would be so horrible. I know, but either way, she wouldn't get much of it in her mouth.

She was just like smearing it around. Listen, if I was in that situation, none of that shit's going to waste, baby. I'm getting it all in the hole. I'm not going, I'm not smearing it all over my face. None for the cats. None for the kitties. Yeah, she had a lot of cats. Yeah, I want that juicy ass getting juicier.

I'm not like putting it all over my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we were not supposed to like the way she looked. Y'all, this is the other thing, the dated moment of this movie. Yeah, of course. Very dated. There's some humor that hasn't aged well. This is like maybe the worst example.

The fat phobic part of the movie. Well, I mean, all of it has to do with, you know, women being incredibly hard on themselves and society being hard on them as well and hard on each other. That's the other thing. It's interesting how much we flipped on plastic surgery since this came out. This is obviously just like a big, ooh, if you get plastic surgery, you're a monster. You're an inhuman beast. And now it's like, no, do it for your body.

Do what you want. But also, if you don't get plastic surgery and you get fat, you go to a mental institution. So which one you want? You'll be sent to a hospital because you're crazy. Because you're crazy and fat. To bring it back to books, I was going to say that's actually a really hot trend in the book world right now is beauty horror. So I was going to say, besides the fact that this is obviously horrifically fat phobic, a lot of the humor and the and the horror has i think aged pretty well because i mean yeah the things that we're we want women to do are different but the the gist is still there

yeah the pressure hasn't changed yes so as we mentioned goldie hawn goes to a mental institution and she she gets the idea that she's going to turn her life around and get her revenge uh we go to uh bruce willis uh and meryl, who are now married, but they're in a loveless relationship. It's over. He's drinking. She's obsessed with her career that's fading. She's kind of like, not bedridden, but she seems to spend all day in bed.

I wanted to ask Emily, did you have any opinions on this bedroom? I loved every... My favorite thing thing i did love the bedroom but my favorite thing lavish thing this whole movie is the plastic surgery office oh yeah oh that place is gorgeous because a lot of this movie like before i moved to la i thought everything was gonna look like these movies that we grew up on where it was like the LA kind of. Well this was shot in LA, you weren't wrong. Yeah, it was like, I feel like late 80s, early 90s LA was just, it felt like that was glamour. Very cocaine aesthetic, everything was like everybody did.

Yeah, this is, yeah. And it felt like it was also the like, there was a, you know, everything kind of repeats itself. There was like an Art Deo kind of pastel fusion thing going on around that time. How everything comes back around. I don't know. Also the building that Isabella Rosal, I was like, Hudsucker proxy. Like, I don't know.

As soon as I was looking at it, it looked like that too. But yeah, her bedroom was amazing. I loved it. Thank you for asking, Jordan. That's why she spent so much time there is because it looks so good I cut out an image

of the bedroom and put it in our shared document I'm like I know Emily has a take on this bedroom I love big lavish frou-frou bedrooms

yeah it's amazing let me get oh fuck yeah let me get a good look at this look at that mirror imagine fucking in front of that mirror

a lot of pillows you have to clear those mirror. Imagine fucking in front of that mirror. A lot of pillows. You have to clear those out. Imagine being bedridden in that bed. Imagine eating frosting or clam chowder out of a can. That's the life. I love it. That's the life for me. That mirror is amazing.

Amazing. You feel bad for her assistant person who comes in and out. He's been there the whole time. But that person who has to wake her up in the morning. Stuck around. Stuck around the whole night. Yeah. So as you mentioned, she goes to a plastic surgeon's office.

She's kind of obsessed with plastic surgery. And hey, this plastic surgeon, I think, is the tallest person in the movie. Tallest guy. All right. And he says he can't help her anymore, but he gives her a business card. And he's like, go here. This person will take care of you. How do you know it's the tallest guy?

I just think that. Okay. I don't know that. So you're not IMDb-ing these people's heights? I'm not. I'm not sure why we do this. We do it, though. Okay, fine.

Because the sting is already made. The sting has been made. Okay, I won't question the podcast. Please don't question the sting. Also, I kind of hope people correct us. I really hope that people go, uh. The tallest guy is Goldie Hawn. The tallest guy in our hearts is Goldie Hawn.

But also, one of my favorite lines, I think she was one of the dermatology, like, I don't know, assistant or something. He was, like, inside of a really weird batman looking tanning bed oh yeah when he just popped out of nowhere it was like i couldn't help but hearing your argument with my assistant and the assistant's like young gorgeous and she's like i can't give you any more rejuvenation serums or whatever and she goes like you, it's easy for you to say with your 22 year old face and your rock hard tits. It was like, rock hard tits?

You gotta go see a doctor. I was like, when I was 22, I was supposed to have rock hard tits? Oh, no! I don't know if I've ever heard anyone who was like, oh, I love a good pair of really hard boobs. Matt, back me up when we're having beers with the guys.

We're talking about how hard the tits we like. It sounds like something that a 10-year-old boy says when he thinks he needs to talk about boobs. It's literally the joke from 40-year-old Virgin. So yeah, so she

goes, so yeah, so she takes this business card and goes to a mysterious, spooky mansion. And who answers the door, but a collection of shirtless hunks. The hottest woman in the world. And I think these guys, so these guys that wait on Isabella Rossellini, I think they're dressed as acrobats?

This is a wrestling outfit for sure. I was they're dressed as acrobats? This is a wrestling outfit for sure. I was thinking wrestling or carnival. They even have the big belts. Or carnival. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Can you do a sting for

worst fucking joke? Thank you. Mallory, we should mention is not here with us in the studio, but went to get a slide whistle. Emily, do you want to do Cirque de Soleil again and then Mallory can hit it with the slide whistle? Are you ready, Mallory? Okay.

Oh, I was born ready. Cirque de Soleil. There it is. I like it. All right. There it is. I like it. It's our third co-host on Reading Glasses.

And while we're here with these wrestler acrobat fellas and Isabella Rossellini, why don't we move on to Hunk Watch? It's Hunk Watch. Oh, I see. All the stings are the same. They're the same stings. Can we not? All these stings are different. They are different. Because in the other one, it said tallest guy. You're right. Oh, not? All these stings are different. They are different.

Because in the other one, it said tallest guy. You're right. Oh, I see. And in this one, it said so different. Also, if you'd like to add one at some point.

Okay. Do I have to do it like that? Add a sting. Yes. Oh, that was good. That was really good. Good sting. Good sting.

So yeah, I do love these hunks. I think they're super early 90s foxy. I think they're wearing mic packs and headsets too. Yeah, why were they wearing headsets? I think they're security. Well, they need to communicate to make sure that Isabella Rossellini gets everything that she needs at all times. Oh, okay.

I think they're really there because you've got the Doverman Pinschers that are there guarding. That use elevators on their own. Well, they're like, I think she's shut inside because if anything should happen to her, she's going to end up like our two ladies at the inn. So I think she's hired her hunks and her dogs to make sure not a scratch gets on her. What a dream.

She knows how to be rich. Security hunks, yeah. Although, I don't know. I don't think that's really a dream, being shut inside. Only two hunks could see how hot you are. But then like once a year, Jim Morrison and Elvis come over, apparently. You don't have to wear any clothes, hardly. Your shirts are necklaces.

You're just like, you're living your best life with your rock-hard tits. Honestly, she has rock-hard tits with rocks on them. So Isabella Rossellini kind of emerges, and for tops, she has rock hard tits with rocks on them. Isabella Rossellini kind of emerges and she, for tops, she only wears jewels. Yeah. So hot. And yeah, I mean, I guess I would be concerned about nipple chafing, but maybe I just have sensitive nipples. No, I mean, listen, she does have to also keep that body in check, which you're, what

you're alluding to. So she should be careful what she's wearing. You're right. So I think if you're not doing much physical activity in those, you'll be fine. I know this because when I first started puberty, I still didn't have a good bra. It was like sixth grade. And I decided to wear overalls. Girl.

I wore overalls and a t-shirt. I have very small boobs, so I don't know what that means. But your nipples are sensitive when you first start puberty, and the buckles on the overalls were just going down. Oh, God, you're like a runner that's been going for a few hundred miles. It was horrible. And it's like the beginning, so they were super sensitive. It's not a matter of being big. It's a matter of just not understanding.

And that's when I told my mom I need a bra. So you look like a hillbilly is what you're saying. Well. Did you wear anything on underneath it? Oh, of course I did. But you were in Dexys Midnight Runners, right? You were going straight overalls. I had a waffle shirt underneath it.

Like, but it didn't matter. You were just wearing nothing but overalls. Yeah, I had a shirt underneath. But it's like the buckles still had stuff going on. Yeah, that's. And then I'd try to adjust the overalls. Yeah, I had a shirt underneath, but it's like the buckle still had stuff going on. And then I'd try to adjust the overalls, but you know, it would just still find a way. Chafing

finds a way. I'm the same as Isabella Rossellini. Interesting you mentioned Life Finds A Way from Jurassic Park. Interesting you mentioned Life Finds A Way from Jurassic Park. Interesting you mentioned Life Finds a Way from Jurassic Park. This movie co-written by David Koepp, who wrote Jurassic Park. So there you go.

Not really funny, but just a fact about the movie. Very cool. It's a fun fact. There you go. David Koepp. One of the great screenwriters. Journeyman screenwriter. Anyway, so

Isabella Rossellini produces this Egyptian box, which is like, the movie looks great. This box is the shittiest looking prop. She looks like she bought it at the Ren Faire. Yep. This is a Spencer's gift package for sure. Right, yeah. There's just a bunch of penis pasta and a Ferrari poster inside.

Yeah. sure right yeah there's just a bunch of penis pasta and a Ferrari poster inside yeah um so but there's the vial of things she says if you drink the medicine you'll be you'll be young forever Meryl Streep takes it and then uh there's so many good lines in this movie this is so funny she goes after Meryl Streep drinks it she goes now a warning and Meryl goes now a warning it's so funny it rules and so she says like you have 10 years of youth and then you have to like fade away you have to like take your own death draw attention to yourself it's kind of implied that like famous people have been

doing this you know since the beginning of time also I do have to say that I really love a movie that doesn't give a shit about explaining its own magic system. The fact that it's just creating an all-white youth cult for financial gain

with magic. Hell yeah. The fact that they were like, no, we don't need to go into it. We don't need to go into the mechanics of how any of this works. I didn't even think about it until you said something. I know. We're all like... Those are facts we don't need. We're all creative people who have had to work with others.

And I think, I mean, I just think like, now if you're turning in this script, you get 10 people going like, how does the vial work? Is it portals? Is it magnets? Is it, how many magnets are in the vial? And you it portals? Is it magnets? Is it how many magnets are in the vial? And he's like, who cares? It's a movie and

it's magic. I want to see them fucking bonk each other. Are you working with trolls under a bridge? What was that voice? I'm an executive. I am a goat to eat. But first, let's talk about the logic of time travel.

Yeah, that is right. So, how does money work in this world? Answer my riddles three. I'm an executive. Could this be more grounded? Someone said grounded to me recently, and now I say it to you. I'm going to be honest. None of us are bitter at all. No way. No bitterness in this room. No, I know I say it to you. I'm going to be honest. None of us are bitter at all.

No way. No bitterness in this room. No, I know, right? If you're listening to this and working with me on something, I love working with you. Thanks. Are you talking about us? No, I love all of you. No one in this room has ever given me a.

Jordan likes us. I love you love all of you. No one in this room has ever given me a... Jordan likes us. I love you guys. This is... Hollywood notes. I'll take notes from y'all any day. Any day. I love your notes. Now he's lying.

Go get it. You're great with these stings. Eat my ass. So anyway, while all this is going on, Goldie Hawn has come over to Bruce Willis. She's trying to get revenge on Meryl Streep. She's lost the weight. She's famous.

We see her have this very lavish party for her new book that we never hear anything about. Which pisses me off. As an author, there's no way. Oh, here we go. These are the notes. As someone who's had multiple book launches, I was like, this is, first off,

she doesn't have to do anything but walk around in a hot dress. There's no signing. There's no speaking. There's no books. There's just hot people walking around. That was the only part of the movie where I was like, hey, wait a minute. Wasn't the book about being beautiful?

I don't even know. It was something, they mentioned it was something about beauty or she wrote a beauty book or something. Yeah, it's called Forever Young. hey, wait a minute. Wasn't the book about being beautiful? I don't even know. They mentioned it was something about beauty or she wrote a beauty book or something. Yeah, it's called Forever Young. Yeah, but I love that- Presumably a memoir. I like that she was in the mental hospital

and they're like, you need to- The doctor says something to her. Eliminate her from your mind. And then she's like, oh, I gotta get revenge. That was what she understood. And somehow this woman, bless her, picked herself up and was like, I'm going to get out of the mental hospital. Buy your bootstraps. I'm going to lose all this weight.

I'm going to write a bestselling book. Like as if this is like something you can just go do. But then she didn't. But first I got to get a potion that makes me live forever. Somehow she found the potion. We don't know. They have the same connections somehow. Okay, so I'm not going to go into like where the potion come from, how it work,

but the way that Isabella Rossellini describes it is it stops aging in its tracks. Right. But we see a couple of examples that do make me a little horny. The butt inflates. Also, did you notice when her titties inflate, there's a No! There's a pretty goofy

sound effect. There's a click when Meryl Streep's titties like inflate into place and every time they... They become rock hard. That's what they do. They click into place as if they're like an action like figure. That's fun. No, I like the clicking.

Also, I do have to say one of my favorite moments in this movie is while this is all happening and Goldie Hawn is trying to seduce Bruce Willis that her idea

of seduction is just repeating the word sex over and over I know sexual sensual sex

but she wasn't wrong it used to be way easier to get a guy back in the day. She could just say sexism. But Bruce Willis was like, yeah, yeah, that's right. That's what I want. That's what I just want to hear.

That's the thing that I want. It's funny you're saying that. Yeah, he and Meryl Streep have not done it in so long, just hearing the word sex. But yeah, so it stops aging in its long, just hearing the word sex. But yet, so there's, like, it stops aging in its tracks, but it also seems to reverse aging to some extent. Yeah. So part of me thinks that Goldie Hawn's makeover

is she took the elixir and then she just turned into this person. I think so. I think she took the elixir, turned into this person, then wrote a book about it. Yeah, I think this movie was cut up pretty majorly. I think, oh gosh, Tracy Ullman was in this movie and they cut her out. What?

Yeah, so there's a cut of this movie with a different ending. So yeah, maybe you get a little more explanation like where Goldie Hawn got it, what her book's about. But yeah, I think we all kind of agree you didn't really need it. It's just magic, whatever.

Yeah, yeah. But it was fun to see Tracy Ullman in this movie. She's a great pick for this show. But anyway. Also, I have to say, both these women are fighting over a Republican. Yuck. Yeah, he didn't give me Republican vibes. Yeah.

I've never heard of a Undertaker. I guess I don't know what Undertakers identify as. What their political views are. We also need to see what happened to him where he went from being plastic surgeon to Undertaker. I guess it's kind of implied. So yeah, he's a plastic surgeon when the movie starts and he's an Undertaker when we meet him later.

And I think he has like shaky hands. I think he's been drinking so much. So that's why he's like throwing those scalpels at the dartboard. He's trying to get like his aim back. Because he's so miserable with Meryl Streep's character. So yeah, they're concocting this murder plot. Meryl Streep shows up.

She just yells flaccid at him. Yeah, so many times. She just starts calling him flaccid. Which is the inverse of yelling the word sex at somebody. Right, exactly, sure. And he pushes her down the stairs after she like

wobbles comically on the top stair. That shit was so funny. It rules. It rules. Also, those shoes look fabulous. Great for teetering

on the top of the stairs before you fall. She even had a moment to comment, I mean, hurry up. Right, I know. It's so goofy. I love that they make

Meryl Streep, like arguably the greatest film actress ever, do this goofy stuff. So there's a part where she's tiptoeing around and peeking around a corner like she is in a children's theater play. She seems like she's having a blast. I love how much fun she's having in this. Yeah. That's what makes this movie so fun to watch is that everybody in it is clearly having a great time.

Totally. Absolutely. Also, because Goldie Hawn, also, if you go on YouTube, there is a plethora of Goldie Hawn movies free with ads right now. There's both Overboards, by the way. Wait, is there a two?

Overboard two? She falls over again? No, no, no. There's a remake of Overboard. There's a remake, Overboard two? She falls over again? No, no, no. There's a remake of Overboard. There's a remake of Overboard. Yes, yes, yes. With Anna Faris. And then there's hers.

But then there's this other movie called Protocol where she's this like every man's kind of gal who becomes a political pawn. And then there's this other one that it's, there's a ton of Goldie Hawn movies. I'll have that. We're in the middle of a Haunissance. There is, but it's like all of her,

like a lot of old movies. Listen, Goldie Hawn stocks are always high. They never get. Yeah, but the thing is, you think of over-boarded stuff and you think, oh, Goldie Hawn would be the more glamorous character. You would probably pick her to maybe play the Meryl Streep character,

but I like that they decided to make her kind of the less glamorous, dressed down character. And Bruce Willis is like off die hard in this. So him going and being this nerd who they talk about his limp dick constantly, that was kind of a big deal. So yes, I think this is flaccid, flaccid. To me, that was the hottest part of the movie.

Right, when they were calling him? I would have pegged him as a libertarian, maybe. Yeah. Hollywood libertarian. Yeah. I also want to say that the most relatable moment in this movie to me is when she falls down the stairs. Because if I got eternal life, the first fucking thing I would do is accidentally die. Like, within 15 minutes. Like, okay, cool.

The only rule is to take care of this body. Got it. Cool. Awesome. Time to roller skate. Really walk into traffic accidentally. This is what would happen to me. Isabella Rossellini did not give a lot of detail.

She's like, take care of this body. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll drink milk. Like, you don't know what she meant. Like, we needed more detail because vague and European. That's her thing. But it's, yeah. She's like, when the moon hits your eye, you've gone too far.

You've got to take care of yourself. But, yeah, it felt like, and then when Meryl Streep's character does fall down the stairs and she's incredibly injured, she's, like, somehow confused that she's still alive, and it's like,

bitch, this chick told you with titty necklaces, done told you what's going to happen. So, yeah, she falls down the stairs. Bruce Willis, you know, he calls Goldie Hawn. He's like, it's done. It's done.

And meanwhile, she's getting up with her head turned around and walking around. It's the coolest. It still fucking looks great. And it's creepy as fuck. It's really creepy. And so Ernest turns around and he sees it. And Ernest is scared stupid, okay? Because he saw his.

You don't have a zing for that? Mallory, you want to whistle me? Can I get a whoop whoop? Ernest joke. Save Christmas. So anyway, so he takes her to the morgue. We get this

stuff at the doctor's office. It's all really funny. A lot of great gags. There's these nuns walking down the hall that just kind of float. What the fuck was that? Just a weird office. It's all really funny. A lot of great gags. There's these nuns walking down the hall that just kind of float. What the fuck was that? Just a weird visual. It was creepy. I didn't understand what that was.

And so yeah, so he takes her home where Goldie Hawn is there. They blow her away with a shotgun. She gets a giant hole in her. That's when we learn she's also taking the potion. That's when this big Looney Tunes fight takes place.

And her eyes get yellow, which I just went, that is weird. Okay. I just said, okay. So's when this big Looney Tunes fight takes place. And her eyes get yellow, which I just went, okay. I just said, okay. So they have this big fight, and they bonk each other and squish each other. A lot of great visual stuff in this. We have to pause here because, Jordan, what I

would give to watch these two bonk each other. You've got to pick a name. Please. Wouldn't that be great? Mallory, your cat is so cute. I'm looking at it on the screen and it keeps popping up and I'm like, yay. So they've bonked the hell out of each other and then they make up and then their friendship starts. It's very sweet.

And they decide that Bruce Willis is going to use his morgue skills, his undertaker skills, to paint them and make sure that they stay up to code. Well, it's not like he really decided. They kind of went, we need him. Yeah, they're forcing him to do it. Because they do take Meryl Streep's character to the hospital because her neck was turned upside down. Yeah.

And doctors are freaked out because she has no pulse. That's when they send her to the morgue. They send her to the morgue, and then he's got to get her out of the morgue and stuff. And now it's like he's their makeup artist. Yeah, so they decide to get him the potion so he can live forever with them. That's when we go back to Isabella Rossellini's house.

Because they drug him. They drug him and take him back. And then, yeah, we kind of have this glamorous party. He decides he's not going to take the potion. He goes out where she's having a big ball with all of her clients. I love this part where Isabella Rossellini is... Naked in the pool.

But all of her guests are upstairs. Like, her guests are here, and she's like, I'm sorry, I had to take a shower. I had to nude swim. Nude swim for a bit. She's just so hot. With, again, something barely covering my rock-hard tits. here and she's like, I'm sorry, I had to take a nude swim for a bit. She's just so hot. Barely covering my rock hard tits.

But I will say, Isabella Rossellini, just, God, one of the most gorgeous. So hot. And she's so fucking funny in this, too. Her monologuing is great. Okay, we are almost to the insane climax of this insane movie. But before we get there,

we're going to take a little break. We're back. This is Free With Ads, ex-reading glasses. And yeah, let's sprint to the end of Death Becomes Her here. So we're at this kind of crazy party. It's kind of implied that there's all these Hollywood people who have faked their deaths. I'm sure their families loved seeing this. I'm sure. Like, ha, ha, ha.

There was somebody, the guy who was hosting it, he's like, some of you have made appearances and stirred up the media. Oh, and everybody looks at Elvis. And Elvis is like, whoa. Like, sorry. Oh, man, I'm sorry, baby. That was just such a big joke when we were growing up,

is like people seeing Elvis everywhere. Yeah, that's right. It was like the first conspiracy theory any of us knew about. Yeah, totally. So Bruce Willis refuses to take the potion. He kind of runs through this party. He gets on a roof and he falls to, not his death, but into a pool. And he chooses to fall.

He does, yeah. He has the option to drink the potion or fall to what he thinks is gonna be his death, but he doesn't do it. I choose death. This is a would you guys drink the potion or nah? How rock hard would my tits get? It is a problem because you're gonna fall to your death

and you're gonna be maimed, you know, like the way these women are. I mean, if you were just given the choice right now. I'd drink the potion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd drink the potion. You'd drink it? Can I get a little more jacked first? Like, can I get a runway?

Like, it's like becoming a vampire. Like, you kinda want a little bit of time to like get where you really wanna be and then become immortal, you know? The hottest version of myself when I was younger is still like pretty ugly. So I feel like it pretty ugly. Okay. So I feel like it's not worth it.

Matt? Yeah? That's bullshit. No, it's true. It's true. Aw. Aw, right. There it is.

I'm just saying, like, if it would make me into one of those guys with the no shirts, but they have the microphones or the walkie-talkies like in the movie, then sure. I think that's what it does. That's what it does to the dudes. It definitely made her tits go like... If you did it to my tits, then maybe I would do it. Yeah. I think you're going to have some snatching happening.

Yeah, so there's some snatching. There's some snatching. Okay, I would take the post if some snatching happens. Is that what snatching means? I don't want it. I don't think I'd take it. You don't want it? I don't want to live forever.

Oh, I'm curious about what happens. Oh, but there's so many books to read. Oh, God. Oh, boy. Think about how good video games are going to be in like 100 years. I don't think either of you know me very well. You could watch all of Tubi. We don't.

We just met you. I don't want to read. I don't want to play video games. She doesn't want to live. I don't. Yeah, I want to die. Some call it the ultimate video game. She doesn't want to live. I don't. Yeah. I want to die. Some call it the ultimate video game. But what if you got to hang out with Isabella Rossellini with no shirt on?

I'm good. I follow her Instagram. It's a lot. Oh, yeah. I'm not real surprised. She's just like, I live on a farm. Yeah, that's right. Oh, she has all the chickens.

I have chickens. And it's like, I think that's great. Did you follow her before or after this movie? Huh? Did you follow her before? Oh, I've been following her for a while. Okay, wow. I'm a Lancome girlie.

Oh, I see. Lancome or whatever. My family, all the ladies. Yeah, Lancome I think is not the way to say it. That's the one that centaurs, the centaurs make Lancome. First of all, they're minotaurs. Yeah, the minotaurs. Sorry.

Wait, what the fuck is the difference between a minotaur and a centaur? This is very important. It's so funny you say that because we actually went through this on our show. Please tell me. Yeah.

So I know which one I'm supposed to milk. was a man top and a bull bottom. Yeah, that's what I want. No. It's the other one?

Bull top. Oh, fuck no. I don't want those. Yeah, that really changes the fantasy. That definitely changes it. Which is other one? Bull top. Oh, fuck no. I don't want those. Yeah, it really changes the fantasy. That definitely changes it. Which is the one

with the horse legs but the human body? That's a centaur. Yeah, I want a centaur. Which is the one with the top is human but the bottom is like a goat?

Is that the, wait, no, that's Mr. Tumnus. That's a satyr. That is a satyr. Speaking of which, happy Pesach to everyone who's celebrating Passover. Yes, happy Passover. Is this how it's traditionally celebrated?

Oh, okay. So the cum that's being harvested is from the cow head thing. Yes. It's from a man dick. A human man. No, Bria, that's not a man dick. Well, but it's cow size. He's also very big. It's not a cow dick. A human man dick. No, Bria, that's not a man dick. Well, but it's cow size. He's also very big.

It's not a cow dick. It's not a cow dick. There is a line in this book that describes his penis as looking like a corpulent eel. What's corpulent mean? Exactly what you think it means. I don't know what that means. I don't know. So moving once again from the world of film. No one's going to tell me. To the world of film. That means. I don't know. I don't know what that means. I don't know. So moving once again

from the world of film to the world of film. That means like fat. Like thick. A fat. Oh, okay. That just sounds like Daddy Corpulent.

It just sounds like the next level of corporate. Yeah. Like it's just he's wearing a little tie. Corporate. Sure. He's got a fax.

So yeah. so Bruce Willis escapes with his life and we cut to his funeral where we learned that he lived this like amazing second act of his life and

but no one was at the funeral yeah kind of lightly attended for a guy who apparently achieved so much yeah no kidding yeah it had a bunch of

adopted children yeah it had a bunch of adopted children great eulogy though yeah very nice eulogy though. Yeah. Very nice eulogy.

Yeah. And Meryl and Goldie are there like watching and kind of like being catty and you see them kind of like walking out and they're like in bad shape. They trip and fall down the stairs and Goldie Hawn's disembodied head just says, do you remember where you parked the car? Fucking 10 out of 10. Amazing line. It's so funny. It's like, yeah, worth the whole ride for just that end line.

And yeah, and that's Death Becomes Her. Let's talk about our favorite lines from the movie. All right. I'll go first. Mine is from Isabella Rossellini's kind of first tirade. I want to appreciate the tirade here, but then I want to appreciate Meryl's reaction to the tirade. I haven't seen an autumn or winter in years. We are creatures of the spring, you and I.

Uh-huh. I just love Meryl's uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. She's a genius. There's this part, this is a visual thing, but where she's getting ready for Goldie Hawn to come backstage after Songbird, and she's prepping for that, and she's going like,

I'm doing a visual right now. She's doing a fake gas surprise. And it's so funny. It's great. I'm just like, what a genius. She's great. She really is genius. I wanted to make a suggestion here.

We're a new podcast. And I think every podcast has like a name for their listeners. You guys have the Glassers, right? The Glassers. They called themselves that, though, so we really can't take credit for it. What a cool name. I want to suggest a name for our listeners. I don't know if this will take. Listeners, if you're out there,

let us know if you like this name. The Children of Spring. I was going to say the Freebies, but I was going to say Freebies. but I was going to say freebies freebies is better freebies is better freebies is better children of spring

I was going to say cheapskates no the cheapskates yeah these are all better cheapskates is good children of spring sounds like the people that are made from fucking centaur cum

sounds like somebody who dies during midsommar yeah exactly again it's minotaurs, but go ahead. Minotaur. I'm sorry. Minotaur. Emily, what do you got for best lines?

All right. So I really love it. There were so many great lines. One of my favorites is, you know, Meryl Streep's character is bullying Bruce Willis into covering up the fact that she just murdered Goldie Hawn's character and threatens him thusly. You're going to be very popular in prison. Prison?

Prison. Do you know what they do to soft, bald, overweight Republicans in prison, Ernest? I'll get the shovel steer. It's great. It's great. I never thought about like, but that's a very specific person that people are looking for in prison.

Yeah. I guess, yeah, I guess if he was, yeah, if he was a like plastic surgeon slash, you know, morgue guy,

what do you call those guys? Undertaker. Mortician. Beverly Hills. Probably a Republican, right? Yeah. I guess it's just like,

you know, you're easy to overpower. Right. Kind of thing. Never worked a hard day Republican, right? Yeah. I guess it's just like, you know, you're easy to overpower kind of thing. Never worked a hard day in your life. Yeah. Used a lot of lotion. Yeah. Yeah, lots of lotion. Mallory, what do you got?

Best line? My favorite line, which is funny because before we started recording it, me and Bria realized that we had the same favorite line and luckily i had a backup uh uh mine is right um right is after uh meryl streep kills goldie hawn's character she says this she is these are the moments that make life worth living just like this move there's so much to come to this movie for, the effects, the humor, but, like, seeing these two women together is just electric. Like, it is so fun watching them talk to each other, talk about each other.

It, like, it really is just incredible. It's true that this movie, I think that they were never really competing for Bruce Willis. They were just competing with each other. That's right. It was two women. It's big whatever happened to Baby Jane energy. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of connective tissue between these two movies.

And yeah, they're just like it's a big like, oh, we could have been friends this whole time energy. And they end up doing that. They should have kissed is really what should have happened. Their disembodied heads should have rolled into each other at the end

and had a kiss. Bria, what do you got for this line? I think Bruce Willis is very funny in this and I love this line where they're at the,

he's taking her to the doctor and then the doctor takes Meryl Streep to the morgue because Meryl Streep is obviously dead. the doctor and then the doctor takes Meryl Streep to the morgue because Meryl Streep is obviously dead. Where did you put my wife? She's dead, sir. They took her

to the morgue. The morgue? She'll be furious! It's great. It's great. Everybody is just fucking. It's great writing. It's great acting. I think. Everybody is just fucking. It's good writing, too. It's great writing. It's great acting. Well, yeah, I think we all liked this movie a lot. We are going to rank it officially after we come back.

This is Free With Ads X Reading Glasses. We watched Death Becomes Her, and now we are going to rank the movie on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials. Yeah, let's go. Let's go around the horn. Bria, we'll start with you. One to ten. What do you think? I mean, well, listen, it's of its time. So I always like to take that into account. Like, you know, if we can minus the fat phobia, which we all thought, again, looked pretty great.

Yeah. Did you look fun? I would love to. Minus eating the, you know, canned, I don't know what it was, the coconut, canned coconut. It wasn't shallow hal, at least.

Yeah, it wasn't shallow. Sure, sure, sure. But I give it a 10 out of 10. I loved it. Oh my God, great. I had a great time. That's what we call a tippy on this show. A tippy, tippy, tippy.

After tippy hedgeron. I see. I'm very, listen, I like to rank things really high, too. Okay. That's just we call a tippy on this show. A tippy tippy tin. After tippy hedron. I see. I'm very, listen, I like to rank things really high too. That's just something about me. You get five stars most of the time. Hell yeah. But I loved it. Yeah.

Melody, what about you? I, just like Bria, I'm also going to dock this a little bit because there's just a few things that haven't aged well, but like, so I'm going to give it a nine out of 10. I mean, it would have gotten a nine out of ten just for isabella rossellini but honestly this movie this movie fucks like it is so good so much of it holds up it still looks amazing it's still super fun to watch it's still culturally relevant like this movie launched so many drag careers nine out of ten uh emily what about you i'm gonna give it an eight okay i had so many ads during this movie and it frustrated the fuck out of me to the point where i was just like get on with it

i don't know it was like it felt like a movie that um should have either been a lot longer or a lot shorter i can't describe it but i loved it, there's some problematic elements to it, which I didn't. That didn't bother me too much. But there were some things that I thought were lacking, some character development things. I would have liked to have known what the fuck the book was about. I would have liked to have known their childhood. I thought you said you didn't want to read. But this is the thing.

I don't want to read it. Just tell me about it. I want to explain the book. You want the Wikipedia summary? That's just like how I'm not going to read. I'll just listen to read it just tell me about it I want to explain the book you want to explain the book that's just like how I'm not going to read I'll just listen to y'all's podcast

but yeah describe the come slower we know you guys do other things on the show you talk you write you're not

to a whole new audience it's kind of like we've become almost like a self help show at this point so it's very funny we're talking about this but yeah. It's kind of like a, we've become like almost like a self-help show at this point. So it's very funny we're talking about this. But yeah, and I also kind of was curious

about their relationship before that and stuff like that. But also I could have done a little. You want the prequel? Well, I just wanted to know like their, I don't know, just how they knew each other a little bit. But also I wanted some more mental institution stuff.

You wanted to look at that butt more? I wanted to know how the fuck she got out of there. I don't know. There were just some things that I... She just had to quit talking about her because at some point she was like, if you just quit talking about her, she just decided to do that.

That was funny how all the ladies were like, gah! It drove them more out of their minds. But yeah, there was just some things that... The amount of ads, I was like, I don't know if I could sit through this again with the ads. What are you getting the ads for? A lot of insurance stuff. I don't know.

That's why I got life insurance. Life insurance was a lot of it. I can't, it was nothing fun. And maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just didn't get any. You got some Arby's. A lot of Arby's over here yeah i was saying i don't watch stuff on tubi and so it and i don't log in so it doesn't it's like random ads they're not targeted and so it's like you must want it's

like arby's what does everyone love and i watched it on youtube, I got ads for that new, what's the new movie about tennis that's got challengers? Oh, yeah, there's a dare movie. Challengers. And boy, I don't give a shit. I've been watching this and I'm just like, so two guys, one girl. But challengers is just a gender swapped version of Death Becomes Her. Oh, kind of. Maybe that's why.

Great point, Mallory. But with sports. But with sports. And more th Mallory. But with sports. But with sports. My favorite thing. Yeah. Jordan, what do you got? Yes, thank you. Yeah, I think I'll go nine for this one, too.

I really, really like this movie. Yeah, some points for the dated humor. It's funny going in the comments section of this because it's so many people going like, I watched this as a kid. I watched this as a kid. Also, something funny in the comment section, someone says, Meryl Streep is my aunt through marriage.

She is so sweet. What a Facebook ass comment. I know. It's just like, I know her. Can you go comment beneath theirs and go pussy or something like that? Also, you went and watched the free version? If she's your aunt through marriage, she didn't want to give you this?

Yeah, you ain't the will, bitch. Get a 4K Blu-ray. Meryl's got it. Yeah. But yeah, that's nice to know that Meryl's niece through marriage thinks she's really sweet. Also, no one asked her to follow up the comments. People just thumbs-upped it. Yeah.

Love it. So, yeah. So I think this is a movie that maybe I watched too early and maybe don't watch it with a kid because of the dated humor, even though the visuals are really fun and funny. But I think if you can do that thing, then I think we can all do of like, eh, this was a different time and some of this doesn't work anymore.

Yeah, it's everything y'all said. It looks so cool. It has three of the, like, best movie stars being really, like, funny and campy and arch in, like, ways. Four of the best movie stars. Who's our fourth? Isabella. Oh, you're right. Isabella Rossellini, of course.

Yeah, and it has, and yeah, they're doing just great funny comedy in ways that you don't really see movie stars do these days. So, yeah, Death Becomes Her, it's a hoot and a great movie to kind of like randomly find on a streaming service like this. I want to rate it. Yeah, what do you think Matt?

I have never rated a movie on the podcast. This is a big deal. This is a big deal. And the reason is because for me this is an 11 out of 10. Wow! A tippy toppy! And the reason is because for me, this is an 11 out of 10. Wow. A floating 11.

Tell me. A tippy toppy. A tippy toppy. I would add a commercial. That's how much I love this movie. Wow. It is the most perfect movie about Los Angeles that I have ever seen. Yeah, that's right.

It is just about LA. And even the stuff at the beginning with the Broadway stuff that is just still more LA stuff it's about being jealous of people in your industry wanting to murder them and then doing anything you can to make yourself better than them but only in their eyes

and I think we can all relate to that Matt you're so right I didn't even think about it that way and the fact that it ends with, do you remember where you parked the car? To me, I'm like, this is the most L.A. They clearly parked in that Grove parking garage. Impossible to find your car.

Impossible to find your car. You know, that does make me think about that one line where Bruce Willis is worried that the neighbors will hear them screaming. And she goes, have you ever met any neighbor in Los Angeles? Well, yeah, that's Death Becomes Her. We really liked it. Let's go around the horn and talk about some plugs.

Mallory, Bria, Reading Glasses. It's on Maximum Fun. You talk about horny stuff in the bonus content, but mostly it is fun tips and conversations for book fans. That's right. We solve all your reader problems. Any cool recent episodes you would point people to? We did an episode recently where we solve people's bookish friend problems, which is a really fun one.

You think this is a very niche thing, but we get a lot of emails from people who are like, oh no, my coworker gave me a book and I don't want to read it. What do I do about it? Oh, my friend has crappy taste in books. How do I help him? And we do a whole episode on solving those problems, which was really fun. So that's a fun one to start with. And Mallory, you're an author.

You've written many great books, including The Lady from the Black Lagoon and Girly Drinks. Wow, I'm so impressed. Is there a new, there's a new O'Mara coming down the pipe? Maybe we can't quite talk about it, but is there anything you can say about it? Oh, it's coming hot down the pipe. Any moment, any second, you won't know it's coming. This book is going to get announced. It could be be tomorrow morning it could be a week from now keep an eye on my instagram if you go on my website you can sign up for my newsletter but i will be announcing this new book finally i'm

very excited about it um if you like weird dick jokes in in la history i got you covered that's all right all right get those pre-orders in now um emily how about you anything anything cool i'm gonna encourage everyone to go to the mythical kitchen channel and watch meals of history we just did a couple of episodes recently we did banned food from uh nasa from space programs and then we also did the menu that would have been at the Fyre Fest had it not been such a shit show. So go watch those. I would really like it

if everyone went to go watch that. Meals of History. On YouTube. And for me, last week we watched a great movie recommended by a listener, Over the Top. You all have seen Over the Top, right?

Wonderful. Wait, the Sylvester Stallone one? That's the one. Oh, my God. Wait, hold on. Oh, my God. What is she going to get? Mallory.

I hope it's a cat. I hope it's another slide whistle. What if it's a gun? What if it's two cats arm wrestling? She's coming here to the studio. Oh, my God. There's a knock at the door. Bring a cat and whatever you're bringing.

No way. No way. Mallory has produced the hat from over the top. Wait, Mallory, you got to turn it around backwards to, you know. Yeah, to power up for your arm wrestling. Wow. Mallory has the hat from over the top. Amazing.

So cool. Yeah, we had a blast talking about that. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Great pull. That's so cool. So we had a great time

talking about that movie that a listener suggested. If you want to suggest a movie for us, here's what you gotta do. You gotta pre-order Youth Group, the graphic novel from me and Bowen McGurdy, coming soon

to a bookstore, a comic bookstore near you. You can do that anywhere you buy a book. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, better yet, your local indie bookstore. Email us your receipt at freewithads at maximumfun.org. And we will randomly pick someone who pre-ordered the book to pick a movie for us. Oh my gosh. Youth Group, grab your pre-order. A steal at twice the price.

Yes. And of course that can be from YouTube or Tubi or Pluto or wherever you get free content. There's a lot of wacko free streaming services we can dive into on this. I think Rotten Tomatoes has one now. Oh my God. I know. So coming soon. They all have increasingly deranged names.

Yeah. Gleeborb. It's so weird. Clumost. Clumost. That's good. Yeah, thanks. I'm just coming up with names.

Listen. Clumost. Clumost. I mean, he is a writer. Well, hey, thank you so much, Reading Glasses, for joining us on the show. Reading Glasses, of course,

MaximumFun.org, wherever you get your podcasts. And tune in next week when our movie will be the Godfather? I don't know, some religious movie. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported. Directly. By you.