Free With Ads - Godzilla 1998, with Hector Navarro

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

This week we are joined by comedian Hector Navarro (Heroes Reforged, New Rockstars) to talk about the 1998 mega-flop Godzilla, starring Matthew Broderick as a worm science guy whose life is forever changed when  he meets a Godzilla.Check out Hector on New Rockstars, or you can check him out on Heroes Reforged. And if that isn't enough, you can watch/listen to The Break Room!Want to have your very own message read by Emily, Jordan, and Matt? Well you can for a very reasonable price by going to https://maximumfun.org/jumbotron/To listen to our bonus content, join Maximum Fun now

It's Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay max 10 bucks a month for a bunch of modern Godzilla movies with cutting edge CGI when you can go on Pluto TV for free and watch one where members of the Simpsons voice cast run from a monster that looks like it's out of a cut scene from a PlayStation 1 game. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is the 1998 American remake of Godzilla starring Matthew Broderick. Matthew Broderick in a monster movie?

More like Scaris Bueller. Beautiful. Thank you. And today we have a wonderful, overly qualified guest here to talk about Godzilla. He's a stand-up comedian and a regular on the amazing pop culture YouTube channel, new rock stars, Hector Navarro. Hi, Hector!

Yay! Wow, I'm so happy to be here. I'm so excited to talk about this movie. Me too. There's a lot here. And we are going to hopefully dig deep to get all the juices from inside the... What am I going with this?

Anyway. I like the juices. Keep going about the juice. Digging deep. Inside of the Godzilla egg sack. There you go. Thank you. It was juicy.

Thank you. There was a lot of the kind of like Super Mario Brothers goop that sort of populated movies in the 90s. Just covering those eggs. Yeah, this is a gray goopy movie. It is. Well, hey, before we talk about this movie, which is as of this recording streaming free with ads,

we're gonna get to know our guest in a segment we call Talk to Guest. Talk to Guest. There we go. What? Hector, you're a stand-up comic. You're also a very smart talker and thinker about pop culture. Jordan, you're the best.

Well, shucks. Second best. Next, behind Emily. Oh! And then you're third. I'm fourth. Yeah. Hooray!

We've ranked ourselves. Anyway, Hector, when you talk about pop culture what are what are some of your spiciest takes? What are some things that like? That like cause it cause a ruckus in the comments ruckus. That's a great question. Um, man, well This is like I don't want to be I'm not trying to be overly negative. No, no, you. You know what, I guess then my spiciest take is. Hector, just to let you know that this is a safe space. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

By that we mean no one listens to the show. Yes. Yes. Yes. Some members of this podcast think Alien vs. Predator is the best Alien movie. So. Oh, you?

It's, yes. Emily. How many of the Alien movies have you seen? Two. No, three, three. I've seen three. Which ones? I saw the first one, and then I saw the one with Winona Ryder, and I like that one.

Which is that one, Resurrection? Resurrection. Yeah. I like that one a lot. Wow, you see- Because it has erection in the title. Did you see Alien Romulus, currently in theaters? Not yet, and I want to very bad.

I hear it's really scary. I like it. And kinda horny. Man, Alien vs. Predator, I might have some comic books I could recommend to you. If you like that movie. Okay. Cause I think there's some comic books that are like as cool or cooler

than the concept of that movie. Yeah. And that movie let me down a little. I also just recently rewatched it because of all the alien stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but it's a spicy take. I will say we rewatched it for the pod.

And I am definitely team Alien vs. Predator. It's fun. It's pretty fucking good. You know, but then didwatched it for the pod, and I am definitely team Alien versus Predator. It's fun. It's pretty fucking good. You know, but then did y'all see Requiem? Didn't like it. I didn't like it. I liked it even less. I didn't see that either.

I liked it even less than ADP. I've seen so many YouTube videos about Prometheus that I think I've seen it. Right, right, right, right, right. And I don't care. It's, you're right. Yeah. I don't care about the engineers

and their space goo that created humanity. It's so weird. You know, that movie has a, I know you asked me a question about Get to Know Me, but I'd rather talk about this. Those movies, that one in Alien Covenant feels like it's Ridley Scott coming back to the movie that he made 40 years ago and going,

oh, you guys like that movie? You like that movie? Well, you didn't know it was this mean-spirited. Boom, and then he made a really mean movie. It's about God trying to kill his creations. You're like, oh my God. Yeah, super nihilistic. I like, yeah.

But he's not, if that's sort of his, I made a comparison where I'm like, I think that Alien and Prometheus, like him coming back all these years later and making two more movies is the same as like the movie Dumb and Dumber. And then like 30, 40 years later, 30 years later, they did Dumb and Dumber 2. So sad. Which is a very bad movie. But I remember. Dumb and Dumber Covenant.

I remember when they were like when for years, Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey would be asked, you know, you guys ever going to come back into another? And they would always kind of act like that movie. You guys really love that movie. Because I have a theory that I think the audience saw in that film heart that kind of wasn't there actually, it's like not in the text. I don't see any heart in that movie.

Right, but I think they're like, I see a lot of fart in that movie. There you go, yeah, they're a relationship, they're very sweet with each other. And they're both, I think, Jeff Daniels especially, such a sweet guy. But they're also like, So it maybe seems like a more loving relationship.

But it really is like, the movie is like mean-spirited and it's like offensive and very crude. So then when they made the new one and like those two characters are saying offensive shit and audiences are like, we don't like this. It's like, that's the movie you liked from 1992 or whatever. It's just, it's the filmmakers knew what it was but they put it out into the world,

and then audiences may have, because my theory is that in the original Alien, Sigourney Weaver surviving until the very end, I think audiences are like, it's a triumphant, yeah! But I think even Ridley Scott then was like, no, this is not a happy, this is bad. The company is evil, this world is really pessimistic, and let me prove it to you

Prometheus like that's what I think happened My spicy take is yes, they always come from like it's dumb They always come from superhero worlds because that's kind of my expertise as sure comic book movies and superhero currently wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt We should I am I didn't even realize it. I didn't even know it and I think my spicy take is that the attempted, like, DC franchise of the past decade that was trying to sort of find the success of Marvel was like not only just meh, whatever movies,

I thought it was so... I think it did such bad that it was like, it was almost irreparable damage to the brand, to like... You think it hurt such bad that it was like, it was almost irreparable damage to the brand. Okay. To like, what like- You think it hurt Batman to his, at his core. Yeah, I think it, I think that there's a lot, that's not really a spicy take.

It's just like, I think that the, I think that it led to things like regular folks thinking like, okay, DC is dark, Marvel is lighter. Sure. And it's like, if you read comic books, it's not really the case. And so I think they whiffed it real bad.

That's my spicy Lukewarm take that everybody else has. One more question. I got a confused look over here on Emily's face. What's confused? I was trying to think about, okay, in Alien vs. Predator, there's a really important character who dies. Lance Henriksen? Yes.

Because he's like Charles Whelan? Yes. Yeah, I know. That's a pretty important death. It's cool, yeah. But then Ridley Scott kind of undid it. I mean, those movies aren't considered canon, whatever bullshit, because he's like,

no, the real head of the Whelan company is Guy Pearce in old age makeup. Yeah. That didn't pay off until he did Alien Covenant where he's like young, and you're like, oh, okay, so flashback to I see why they even cast Guy Pearce to do the weird Benjamin Button makeup for that movie for me

This is weird. You should watch it Don't listen to me. I might see Romulus just because people told me it's kind of Romulus Romulus is neat I saw it in 4d. Oh huge 4d head. It's so the two jumped out at you as you were The alien just starts sucking your teeth And that's during the trailers. But I heard this movie was horny. I mean, I think that the alien movies, there's a lot of imagery. There's a lot of vaginal penis imagery.

So I don't think there's any fun, sexy chemistry. No. There's just a lot of vaginal openings. Whoever said that to you probably also just realized that all the movies are horny. Yes. When really they're not. They're just scary and they're-

Have you seen these Georgia O'Keeffe paintings? They're crazy. Whoa. In Alien versus Predator, I did talk about what a tight pussy the alien had as she was snapping his hands. Oh, yeah. Yes, you did. Oh, the queen?

Oh. I guess so. There's a lot of- Pretty tight. the alien hat as she was making the heads. Oh, yeah, she did. Oh, the queen? Oh, I guess so. There's a lot of... Pretty tight. Well, it's cold in the Antarctic. Sure. That's why. Tightens you up.

Yeah, it really just shrivels you up. One more thing, kind of on this line of questioning before we get into the movie. This is something we've talked about on a couple other podcasts, and I want to get you two way in as someone who, it spends a lot of time looking at fandoms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are wondering, what is the horniest fandom? Is?

Oh, boy. The current theory we have. I'll tell you right now, it's whatever fandom is led kind of by women. Okay. I think that, because I think men are weird and they've got weird hangups about sex. Men, weird?

Yeah. Sex, me, no think men are weird and they've got weird hang-ups about sex and weird Men are weird they bring up my fan art of Furiously drawing it so the horny is fandom. I don't know I mean give me some examples Our theory I think the thing we think and let me know if we landed somewhere else and I forgot about it Is it X men people it is it X-Men people? It's maybe X-Men people, right? Because in the X-Men fandom there are a lot of women and LGBTQ people because they obviously they get wrapped up in the metaphor. They're like, well, this speaks to me.

So maybe it could be that. This is the fandom that now for a a couple of years since at least 2019 From comic books even just comic books has argued that like there's a throuple of Jean Grey Wolverine and Cyclops that they're all I've heard you go. Yeah. Yeah, isn't it a triangle? That's not a throuple No, no Cyclops and Logan hookup like that that is now in comic books Which are mostly rated PG-13 coming from Marvel Comics You know the big corporate thing owned by Disney. I don't like there's subtext in that. I don't like that This so why why not Cyclops is such a bummer. No. Oh, hang on. Let me pause you right there

Not in the comic books in the comic books. He's awesome. He's like a militant Progressive bro, and he's got your back So that's the other thing that's happened Does he have your back? Oh absolutely? So lootly it took him a couple years, but I think he finally kind of came around So that's someone I would be attracted to in real life Cyclops in a comic book somebody who is like progressive and all that kind of stuff, but in a car You want a little Canadian you want a scruffy little Canadian?

Here's the beauty of the X-Men. who is a little shorter than me and has claws. You can have both. I want Gambit and Wolverine like and Beast. Beast is also my huge crush on Beast. So maybe X-Men is the is the horniest fandom. It might be the horniest fandom. I think Sonic is. Also like that's a close number too. Oh Sonic.

Oh I have a tie in for that later on. What is it? No, no, we gotta talk about the movie first. Is it James Marsden, who was Cyclops in the movies, and he's in the Sonic movies? Well, he's not in the Godzilla movie, though. No, he's not. Okay, I'm dying to see how Sonic the Hedgehog enters into this. Wait, are you Big Sonic Head, is that why?

No! Oh, weird, okay. Well, yeah, let's... Nancy Cartwright voiced Amy or something, I don't know. Oh, yeah. I have no idea. There's a connection there. No, I made that something. I don't know No, I made that up that's true. It sounds real Something else we'll get to anyway, okay great Please take from me. I don't think Independence Day is that good Oh

People don't think it's I know but it's also like a lot of people like consider it like a modern 90s classic, okay, I love the watch it every 4th of July. I don't think it's a classic, but I think it's fun There you go. I don't think it's fun. I think men in black is the better option. Men in black is a masterpiece Men in black is a wonderful movie. We can agree on that. Perfect film. Tight 90 minutes. Yeah, let's let's let's talk about Let's talk about Godzilla 1998. We'll go around and just do a little check in. What's everybody's history with this movie? Emily, this was your suggestion. Yes. Tell us why you wanted us to watch this.

Okay, this is the only Godzilla movie I've ever seen. You've seen it before? Yes, I saw it in the theaters. Okay, great. When I was 12. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I bought the soundtrack from a vending machine that had movie soundtracks

in it. And I have a couple that came from those vending machines. I have the faculty soundtrack, another fucking killer soundtrack. Let me guess another one, A Night at the Roxbury. No. Damn. Romeo plus Juliet? No. I think these were the only two I got from the vending machine. But yeah, it was a huge MTV-promoted movie. Absolutely, I remember that too.

Taco Bell Dog, everything. Everything was Godzilla. It was just tons of it. And the soundtrack was bangers only. Like, it is so good. In 1998, it was bangers only. What do we got in this? We got a Rage Against the Machine song.

Yes, we got Jemarikwai, Deeper Underground, which is... You mentioned this to me, Jordan, that none of these songs are in the movie. One of them is. But it's Jemaraquai, Deeper Underground. That's in the movie? It's in the movie when there's like a house party scene where like... Oh, right, Hank Azaria's... Hank Azaria comes up and is like, why are all these people in here

and they're playing the song? Oh, interesting. Oh, hang on, also. Great, great, great find. The Puff Daddy song is also in the movie. Is that the end? Yeah, okay. No, it's in the movie. Oh, when?

It's in the end credits, but it's in the movie when- Godzilla's humming it. When they're on the subway. Oh. I can't even remember if they just had a guy with a boom box also on the subway, but it's playing under them talking about something. I love that in the Godzilla universe,

the movie Godzilla has come out. Because they're listening to the Godzilla song. But technically, I think you could argue that it was just the Jimmy Page music, which comes out in every universe. Right, then you don't hear Puff Daddy speaking. It's just like in the first Iron Man movie, there's a song on there that's playing when they're in the private jet as they're flying to Afghanistan and Terrence Howard's talking

to Robert Downey Jr. and then he presses a button and the stripper pole comes up and it goes, and it's just instrumental because this was not put on the album or anything or ever released as a single, but I think it was Ghostface Killa did like a Iron Man specific rap to that music and it rules. It's such a good Iron Man rap. And he's like a diehard Iron Man comic book fan. So he has all these details that are not in the movie, but he's just like, Tony Starks, da da da da.

And it's like not in the, so there's just the instrumental da da da da. That's so wild. So yeah, our generation had a lot of this right an album music inspired by like like fallout boy saw the movie and that guys we gotta write a song Oh, we have to see we just saw the faculty Actually the faculty had a lot of that music in it. Yes, very similar vibe.

Faculty was, I love that soundtrack so much. Got a great offspring song on there. Yes, but a lot of covers. So there was like another brick in the wall was a cover. In the Godzilla soundtrack, the wall flowers did a cover of We Could Be Heroes. Yeah, and that's pretty good. And that's the song I associate with this movie

because it was on MTV all the time. All the time. Nowhere in the movie, right? MTV all the time all the time nowhere in the movie All of the videos the music videos are also happening in a building somewhere, right? The city okay, so yeah the best thing about this soundtrack. Yeah is Brains to Godzilla edition. Okay, so I tried to listen to this Green Day remix of, you know, Green Day Rit. This was not on Apple Music. Matt, did anyone listen to this?

I found it on YouTube because I didn't know about this. It's the same song but with Godzilla going, meh! No way. In the background. Is that it? Yes, I'm going to play it right now. Oh, you found it, yay! Oh yeah, everyoneh! No way. In the background. Is that it? Awesome. I'm going to play it right now. Oh, you found it, yay. Oh yeah, everyone needs to hear it.

Oh, okay. Oh. Oh. Oh yeah. Oh! Oh! Oh yeah. Yo, hang on.

That goes so hard. That goes so hard. Wow! Okay, I'm gonna have to get this. It's kinda cool. It's kinda rad. I'm gonna have to get this By the way the song the verse just goes yeah until on my own here we go

Honestly every song would be improved with the Godzilla Godzilla yell I feel like yeah's so great. So I had to find this on YouTube. Bucket and a mop for this brrrr! This meh-ass pussy. And I... Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun I like big... And! So I went to the comment section and I really love the number one comment under this is Godzilla in the background completely took the song to a whole nother level Whenever I hear the version without Godzilla, yeah, I feel it cannot hold a candle to it

It's really it's so fucking true. I don't know why I mean this song is pretty good But the cat Stevens cats in the cradle Godzilla remix It'll make you miss your dad. It'll make you miss your dad I'll just check in a check in real quick. I saw this movie in 1998 I was a big Godzilla kid, big dinosaur kid, big Godzilla kid, so I've seen a lot of them. And I think I was initially very disappointed

by this movie. Like I kind of was about Alien vs. Predator when I saw it in the theaters, but when we watched it for this, I kind of loved Alien vs. Predator. So I was excited to recheck in with Godzilla 1998. I will save some thoughts for the end. Hector, what's your feeling about this movie?

Similar to you guys, this was also, like you, my first real exposure to Godzilla in 1998. Because I was 12, and before that, I don't think I saw the 1954 film, and I didn't see any of the 70s cheesy Godzilla kaiju movies. People tell me we're playing on TV all the time. I think I was the type of kid that like, if I saw something like that on TV, I might be like, wait, stop.

What's the first one? I haven't seen the, like, because I'm a weird completionist brain. So that's on me. That's my bad, everybody. But I also got swept up in some of the hype, but I remember also seeing the movie and kind of still feeling in 1998, like this is trying to be Jurassic Park, and I like Jurassic Park more.

This is not as good as some of the other. Like there's a lot in this movie, and we'll get into it in a sec, that I do think is smart and works from like here's the Americanized version of what this is. I think there's some really good ideas, but I didn't love the execution, but I will say this. After this movie came out, they premiered an animated series

that I actually got really into and I thought was rad. And it's based on the 1998 Godzilla. It's supposed to be where like, since they kill Godzilla, they kill all the babies that one egg Hatches and then Nick top of top alice and his team of like, you know, I'm a dinosaur expert. I'm a I'm a Pussy seismologist or whatever they sort of and like Audrey and I think even Hank Azaria's animal was in the characters in the show Okay are sort of based in New York and then this young Godzilla kind of grows to full size pretty quick.

And then there's all of a sudden every episode every week. And it went for like 40 episodes, just one season. There's a monster popping up somewhere else in the world. And it's kind of like an old school, like they go and they sort of help Godzilla fight it, this new Godzilla. Right, so they had like cool monster designs. You're looking up right now, the animated show.

Yeah, it's two seasons. Okay, two seasons and maybe 20 episodes a season. The animated show, I remember being done, because I was also a big animation kid growing up. So I knew, I'm like, this is the same studio that did the Men in Black animated series. They later did like Jackie Chan Adventures. So it had like a cool style.

And I remember being into the kaiju designs and I thought that the writing in that show, even as a 12 year old I was like this is better they know what they're like this feels like it's better Godzilla stuff then and it kind of makes more sense and everything than the movie so that was my takeaway as a 12 year old like I like the animated show and now we are here and now we're here talk about this Matt you want to check in you've seen this one did you have a feeling? Matt never saw it.

I never saw it. Okay. It was a movie that I just kind of missed. My brother and sister went to the theater with my dad and they came back and they said, you didn't miss anything. And even as kids, they were like, Matthew Broderick might be the worst actor in the world.

And I was like, wow, that's- Well, I mean, we'll get into it, but that character was awful also. I mean, the performance is bad, the character's bad, the movie's bad, let's talk. Sure! You know what? Let's have a little suspense, maybe it's not.

Here's my other hot take. I don't hate everything in this movie. No, I don't hate everything. I might end up being the most positive out of the four of us here. I'm kind of excited to see, I'm excited to see where people kind of come down on this one. It's a weird one. I think I still gave it one out of five stars though.

It's bad. It's real bad. We start with atomic bomb testing. Wait, but I have to start with a sting. Oh yeah, you want to do a sting? This is the official Godzilla sting. Beautiful. Alright, now we're ready to go.

So over the credits, stock footage of atomic bomb testing and iguanas. I think they're trying to allude to the fact that the iguana mutates into Godzilla, whatever. Can I say something about that real quick? You may, please, yes. That was dumb, but when the movie first started and they're showing the sort of footage, I was like, this is actually really great and really smart. And the Monsterverse movies ripped that off. The modern day, like the new 2014 Godzilla,

also from an American studio, Kong Skull Island, which is my favorite, they both start with this sort of like, here's footage from the 50s and 60s. And I loved, I dig that stuff. I just think it was bad, it was like badly done for this movie. Yeah, the Iguanas.

Yeah, dumb. Because I've never seen another Godzilla movie. I was like, is this the intro for all of them? Like, the American ones apparently. Yeah, so the original Godzilla, it's kind of a dark metaphor for the power of the atomic bomb and the destruction of man. First Godzilla movie, this is like a cold movie guy take,

but it is this kind of beautiful, sad movie that will make you sad about the horrors of war. And then they became these kind of campy, pro wrestling things. But yeah, I think they're trying to kind of remind you of those more serious, thoughtful Japanese movies. And it's also, this is a remake of the first Godzilla. This isn't happening in the...

For us, we consider this to be the beginning. It's a reboot, for sure. So it wasn't like a movie that was trying to fit into the world of it. And I think to kind of answer what you're also asking too, like, this was unique in that it was with this stupid Iguana footage, it was hinting like the iguanas get mutated, whereas the original Godzilla

and even these newer American ones are saying that, hey, the atomic testing in the 40s and 50s from mostly the US did happen, but it unearthed an ancient monster that was already there. Whereas this movie saying like, it mutated an iguana, cool. Yeah, yeah. But they suggested it in the movie at one point

where it was like this was a dinosaur that it was underground and I don't know. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I think Matthew Broderick ruined it because he's like, I think it was a new species. So you're like, shut up, nerd. So, and then he gets pantsed and his lunch money gets stolen.

Worm nerd. Yeah, he's a real worm nerd. So we get us some footage of a ship and something's underwater, stolen. A worm nerd. Yeah, he's a real worm nerd. So we get some footage of a ship, and something's underwater. Something's coming for them. I was like, I'm bad at Godzilla. And it was! It was Godzilla.

They destroyed the ship. We don't really see him yet. And then we go to Matthew Broderick. He's driving around listening to a Walkman to Singin' in the Rain. What? That's not on the soundtrack. Singin' in the Rain's not on the soundtrack. It'd be funny if you were just listening toin' in the rain. What? That's not on the soundtrack. Fuck!

Singin' in the rain's not on the soundtrack. It'd be funny if you were just listening to Rage Against the Machine. So they could stick the song in. Well, they should've done a remix of singing in the rain. They should. I'm singin' in the rain.

Baa! That's a classic movie shortcut there. That seems like a real low brow, dumb script writing thing to be like, he's gonna be driving in the rain. What should he be listening to? He's a happy-go-lucky guy. I know. Singin' in the rain. Real dummies be listening to? He's a happy-go-lucky guy. I'm singing in the rain dummies

Yeah, yeah, you should have done like the we could be heroes or something. I don't know anything Anything that was on the soundtrack you have some you anyway That is not the worst thing that happens in this movie. So he's a worm nerd We mentioned he's experimenting on worms and then the government comes to get him and it's that thing where they take him on the helicopter And don't tell him where he's going no time and then Jordan There's no time. There's no time and then he gets off and still doesn't know I that drove me fucking insane. What are they talking about on the plane? I always want to know like guys. It's classified information Look at your seat back TV. Watch the office like it's that way going

It's that one guy with the red hair who shows up under the umbrella who's like, you are now. Like when he's like, I'm not done with my research. That guy is in every one of these movies. He's in The Transformers from Michael Bay. They just get the actors that can deliver those sort of like, this movie is just chock full of like, set up. You know, like, here's your sample.

Where? You're standing in it. Like, the movie is just full of lines like that. So that's kind of how they reveal it. So Matthew Broderick flies from, I think, Chernobyl to, I think, Japan without knowing what he's doing. And then he, like, follows everybody, and then it's like, where's my radioactive sample?

You're standing in it, and he's standing in the big footprint. Kind of cool, very, very dumb moment. You said, you guys said a second ago, too, that, like, Matthew Brodyk's character and the performance and everything sucked. Derpy as fuck. I think the character on paper, I like the idea that he's a guy who's in Chernobyl.

I like that, again, that they tied another real world nuclear event that happened in the 80s, you know, when they made the first Godzilla, it was something that didn't happen. To try to tie that to this thing, I like that he's studying worms, and it turns into this bigger thing. Yeah, I like that too, but he's also needs

to get new glasses or something. Because he does that twice. Like, he's inside the giant footprint, which also looks like a giant cookie cutter made it. It's like perfect little edges and everything. I was like, oh my god. And then... He used to make jello jigglers with it.

Yes, exactly! I'm going God's ill on wiki feet now No, and he's inside of it. He's like where and then he ran back and you see it's a footprint But he does it again in the the nest with the eggs when they discover it goes. There's only three eggs I thought there'd be more air literally all around you you I thought there'd be more air literally all around you you dumb ass. This movie has three moves and does them constantly. I know. Because he's a worm guy, he's always looking in the dirt. You gotta look up.

You gotta look up man. Look around. Life's not in the dirt man, life's all around ya. So we get a little scene of Jean Reno. He's a French guy. Too cool. Jean Reno from The Professionale. A movie we will not be watching on this podcast

because it has not aged well. Anyway. This movie hasn't aged well. Yeah, well. Different reasons. For different reasons, different reasons. So he's interviewing the one survivor. The survivor's like, it was Godzilla.

He says, Gojira. You're right, he does say Gojira. And that moment is so kind of cool and haunting that they replay it like four or five times in this movie. That's true. They played it too, too five times in this movie. That's true. They played it two too many times in this movie. I kind of thought it was weird because it was like he just does a lighter in a space and I'm like, well hang on, I think you could just give him a sec.

Sure. I know. Give him some fucking water. Yeah, all his friends died. All his fishing boat friends died. Don't treat him like a dog that you found and you're like, come over here. Agreed. Like Frankenstein. It's unfortunate that like with the opening accident, it's all Japanese people. None of their stuff is subtitled. The movie, this being like the big blockbuster American version of Godzilla opens with like

a bunch of nameless Japanese people dying, which is like that kind of sucks. But it's like, oh, they're trying to pay homage, but it still kind of sucks. And then later when there's like American fishermen, they show them like they survived. They jumped in the water. They're trying to pay homage, but it still kind of sucks and then later when there's like American fishermen They show them like they survived they jumped in the water. They're cool It's just weird and yeah again like that older gentleman like he um survived just give him a second man Yeah, so intense and this is maybe a very obvious little piece of movie trivia so so excuse me But gojira is what Japanese Godzilla is called in Japan, right? That's what he called him and there's a little nod to it. Someone says, it's Gojira, you moron. Anyway, there's a little-

Because Harry Shearer, being the dumb, ignorant American newscaster, which again, on paper, I like that idea. He's the one that says Godzilla, and then goes with that name, because that's kind of a silly American name. So Broderick, he's studying radiation, and he's getting hit on by Vicki Lewis from NewsRadio.

My favorite sitcom. Yeah. We were talking about favorite sitcoms. I think that's a perfect sitcom. And she's smacking gum in this art as well. She's chewing gum. She's the best gum smacker of all time. And I did have like, Matt, would you play my Sting?

Because I think that she's a character I would want to play. Right. Who would want to play. Right. Mm-hmm. Do it play. Yeah. But I don't think I could have done as good a job as her. She was so great.

Yeah, you could have. Yeah, absolutely. She's my favorite. You can chew gum. I've seen you chew gum. Chew gum and be inappropriate at work and horny. Yeah, pretty much what I do here. Except for I chew on lollipops for the most part.

Not today, because we have a guest. But I, yeah, I'm obsessed with her. There was not nearly enough of her in this movie. There were so many characters in this movie, and I didn't know what Frenchie McGee was, I don't even know what he was doing until the end. Until the end where he explained it, I'm in the Secret Service, and I'm like, okay, I didn't know what you were doing.

I think there was subplots cut out of this movie, which is already very long. So we go to, so he hints that he's a little heartbroken. He makes some allusions to the fact that he doesn't have a special lady. And then we go to his special lady. She's in New York and she wants to be News Lady. And she works for, she's the personal assistant

to Harry Shearer who is the, he's the big shot news anchor. He's a real dick to her. Kent Brockman. Yeah, and he's doing the Kent Brockman voice. I don't care, that's fine. You know, I liked it. It was good to see him.

My favorite thing also is that she and Matthew Broderick were supposed to be college sweethearts, and I'm like, college was 20 years ago for you. How old are y'all supposed to be? She looks way younger than him. Maybe he was her professor that she had an affair with. Election. Oh yeah, maybe a little bit of an election.

Now that you bring that up, I'm like, yeah, they should have had it so that he was, oh, I'm like divorced. Like, now I happen to be single. I thought she was dead, and I think that's how I feel about that character. I did not like that character. I did not need it. I get that there's always to be like a naive character, you know, moving to the big city, but girl, how long have you been in New York?

This character was like unrealistically naive. Also, she's an asshole. Yeah. Yes, let's trade him Matthew Broderick's character without like broke up with him without saying that she was gonna Break up with him. Oh, yeah, that's who to go to the big city took the tape and then is like, oh wow He's on the TV. I'm horny for him again And then you get to see him and then you just steal shit from him. It was like, I don't need her. I just don't. She was the real Godzilla. Yeah.

Yeah, right. Yeah, I just didn't need. You know what I mean? The real monster is your ex-girlfriend. If it wasn't for her. Some say it's man, I say it's ex-girlfriend. If it wasn't for her, that nest would have never been found,

and that Godzilla species would have taken over the Earth. So it would have been better. But why couldn't it have just been the scientists who find all this stuff? Why do we need that? Because it's an American blockbuster movie and that was my other takeaway rewatching this movie. I was like, yeah, that whole thing sucks.

That whole storyline, real sucky. It sure does. And really boring, bad sucky. I would have wanted to play animal. Can I pick a character I would have played? Oh yeah, let's actually, who would you have played? We're right here. Let's talk about Hank Azaria

He plays animal the hotshot news camera guy kind of gross didn't hate him I like the moment where he barely survives the foot very iconic for me very cool Yeah, like and the way I'm gonna get stomped on yeah, yeah, and he and his he and his wife. They're both, New York Hey, I hate you, but I love you, babe. What are you doing? They're cute. They're pretty cute. I've seen a fucking Godzilla.

They're both giving big, like, mad TV sketch performances. Totally. And, like, bringing a little energy to this movie that kind of needs it. So, yeah, I liked them, and again, any, like, Simpsons voice actor, I'm like, yay. I'm like Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at the TV every time someone from The Simpsons is on so so yeah, they're they're really fun and So we have Matthew Broderick He's back at the the site where Godzilla kind of attacked that boat and he's scraping this Godzilla meat off of the boat

It look good to anybody else That Godzilla meat look kinda tasty meat off of the boat It look good to anybody else Zilla meat look kind of Looked like like a hibachi situation I would want yeah what they get the salmon she's a Benny Hanna to flip it into my mouth on my birthday I'll take that Godzilla for my dad Oh that Godzilla meat. Anyway, so yeah. Got any Godora back there?

That's another Godzilla monster. It's the big three-headed one. Not in this film. I only know Rodan. Rodan? That's a good one. That's like the Pterodactyl one. Mothra?

Yeah. Mothra? Yeah, but I would never eat Mothra. She's my queen. I love her. The smog monster? Are we just gonna name Godzilla? Yeah. Rita and the putties? Nope, stop, wrong.

That's Power Rangers. Oh my bad. Power Rangers. Anyway, we go to the, okay, in this, let me know what you guys think about this. How does he get through the Panama Canal? I was thinking the same thing. Oh yeah.

How? I was not thinking about that. We go from the Pacific to the Eastern Seaboard. I was so confused. See, in the modern American Godzilla movies that they've been making, legendary since 2014, they're like, oh, there's a hollow earth. There's like tunnels in the earth that can go from like one corner of the earth to the other corner of the earth, and it's almost like interdimensional.

It's almost like teleport. That's how Godzilla gets around in the waters, in the oceans, and becomes sort of undetected and disappears. It's stupid, but I like it. I like that. Because how did this Godzilla get through the Panama fucking canal? He got real low.

He just got real low in the ground. Waited for the water. Da da da da da da. Da da da da da da da. Did he go all the way under a limbo song? That's a remake. Like South America? Did he go up through the Arctic?

Like how, whatever, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't. There's dumber things in this movie. So we go to, God, this doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't. There's dumber things in this movie. So we go to, god this is so dumb, Mayor Ebert, they cast a guy who looks like Roger Ebert, whose campaign slogan is thumbs up. Yeah, boo. He has a assistant named Gene.

They're supposed to be Siskel and Ebert because Siskel and Ebert always give Roland Emmerich, the director of this movie, bad reviews, so he wanted to parody them in the movie. By the way, I think the Gene Siskel and Ebert always give Roland Emmerich, the director of this movie, bad reviews, so he wanted to parody them in the movie. By the way, I think the Gene Siskel stand-in is the tallest person in this movie. Tallest guy. There it is, okay.

I mean, sure. Didn't wanna go for Godzilla on that one. Right, that's the easy answer. Oh yeah, you know what? He might be the tallest guy. Whoops. All right, let's do that again. No, I think the mayor's just. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr We can get some confirmation on this. I would like to Google that because this was also two years later when the Mel Gibson movie,

Boo Mel Gibson, when the Mel Gibson movie The Patriot came out and in that movie Roland Emmerich also directed it. He puts in a French like freedom fighter guy. German guy. He's a German guy? What is his obsession with the French? He just loves the French because yeah this movie has a heroic German FBI agent or whatever. Like just inserting that to try to make the French look awesome and in The Patriot with

the Revolutionary War there was a character that was to try to make the French look awesome. And in The Patriot, with the Revolutionary War, there was a character that was, like, representative of how the French helped the United States fight against England for the Revolutionary War. And I remember as a kid, like, learning that and being like, yeah, I guess English textbooks, American textbooks don't really, like, teach us that. And then, you know, growing up in the...

Maybe he feels bad because Germany occupied them for a while. Maybe. And also all of their, like, wars. He's like, Maybe he feels bad because Germany occupied them for a while. Maybe. And also all of the wars. He's like, I'll make you look cool in my movies. They've had a lot of wars, the Germans and the French. So maybe he's just like, you know what? I feel bad.

Maybe French is the right country. Maybe I'm on their side. And then the second thing is that like beef he has with Ebert and Siskel and Ebert. And I'm like, that's kind of pathetic, dude. There's another thing like that in this movie that's a little harder to get. So there was a Godzilla fan magazine called G-Fan. And the editor of that didn't like this movie

from the get go. Japanese or American? American. Interesting. So as soon as it was announced, the people in G-Fan started complaining about this movie. And so they found a guy who looked like the editor of G fan and killed him in the movie. I hate it What what how could they how could they so they didn't like the movie?

So they put him in them How could they so the guy they didn't like so the the Godzilla fan people didn't like the fact that they were even making Then it was probably that it was Roland Emmerich Yeah, then it was right Columbia Columbia TriStar or whatever producing this film. And you know, because Godzilla fans, not a horny fandom, but they're very protective of their thing. Although I don't know if you've seen the new Godzilla. Daddy Thick.

Yeah. Yeah, he is. Daddy Thick. The Japanese or the Japanese or the American one. They're both Daddy Thick. Pretty thick. Well, I think that, is it too early for Hunk Watch? No, let's talk about Hunk Watch.

Ooh, I like that. It's Hunk Watch. Love it. Yeah. Who is it? Godzilla. Oh, okay. Interesting.

Strong jaw. Well, here's the thing. From the neck down, he looks like a Jimbrow. Okay. When he was coming up out of the ground. Yeah, all the Jimbrows I know are like this. No, he's got big long arms with muscles. Like he has big arms.

Lean. And a thick ass, and he's also got pecs. Yeah, that's true. When he comes out of the ground, out of the street, there are literal peck muscles. Yes. I put photos of it in the doc. I believe you.

And it reminds me a lot of that Sonic the Hedgehog poster that came out when Eni was hot and kind of beefy and everyone was like disturbed as fuck, but also a little horny. That's how I feel about this Godzilla. He's got a man's body from the neck down, and it is beefy. From the neck up.

Oligwana. Yeah, Oligwana. But honestly, also Hunk Watch, like like single dad like he's just trying to Hunky kind of the most responsible person in this film is Godzilla. Well, I mean all of his kids died So how responsible is he? That's not his fault. Good point. That's the US government's fault. It's Audrey's fault. Audrey, it's her fault. I don't know. But yeah, he's, I mean, yeah.

That's the hunk. Yeah, I think he's probably my hunk too. I don't know. I don't want to say Jean Reno, because Reno, because it's like, it's so obvious. Sure. He's too cool for school. A classic hunk.

I can't, couldn't get behind how cool he was. Too perfect. For me, there's this dude toward the end of the movie. They're like, which when they're driving away from Godzilla in the cab, they're like talking on the radio to some random army guy. And this random army guy is just so handsome. He gets a lot of close-ups. He's kind of like the appealing parts of Glenn Powell,

just a classic square-jawed blonde guy. And this guy gives them directions. He's like, go left on Main Street. And then at the end of the movie, we have the general guy talks to this guy over like the comms. And he's like, great job out there soldier. And this handsome guy gets to give a little smile. And I'm like, this fucking guy had a whole storyline

get cut out. This guy had a whole storyline. They cast this handsome dude to be the radio dispatch guy and gave him a little moment at the end. What was this guy's plot? He's in multiple scenes, but his role seems to be nervous army guy, where he's just like,

I don't know, it's a big dinosaur out there. Unless I'm mistaken, correct me if I'm wrong, Jordan, you're talking this is a different character than the sort of stuttering army guy, right? This is a different guy. This is a different guy. Oh, that's a different character than the sort of stuttering army guy, right? This is a different guy, yeah. It's a different guy. Oh, that's a different guy? Yeah, so the stuttering guy, he's the nervous guy.

Is it this guy, Doug Savant? No, I don't know that I recognize. It may be it's Doug Savant. It could be. I thought it was the same guy. I thought he was the stuttering guy. No, different guy. Oh, I don't know.

I thought that all those guys kind of looked the same. I got a little bit lost in that. So anyway, there's a lot of disposable army guys in this. So Godzilla's- Speaking of, I did like the bit where they're all chewing gum and Broderick's like, why are you chewing gum? He's like, makes us look more American.

Oh, the French guys to pass as American all chew gum. That's funny. That's a good gag. That's a good gag. So we're kind of like here. So the mayor's giving his big speech and it's the first Godzilla attack. Godzilla, he's running around.

The army is shooting at him. And they always miss. The amount of times they miss Godzilla in this is hilarious. I think it's unintentional, but Godzilla will like, they'll shoot a missile at him, and Godzilla will like flip out of the way. They cannot hit this thing. Because I think that the kind of the premise

or the pitch of this one is that like, in Japan you can shoot Godzilla as much as you want to, fucking nothing happens. So I think they want him to be able to die in this one. But like in Japan you can shoot Godzilla as much as you want to fucking nothing happens. Right. So I think they want him to be able to die in this one. But then they can never show him getting shot until he's like flipping out of the way of missiles. I also want to say too, this movie, this is another thing that really kind of breaks my

heart about this movie is that, you know, I'm an American guy. I'm rooting for an American movie studio to like do a good job with a blockbuster. This was so clearly inspired by Jurassic Park. Right. The design and the fact that in Jurassic Park, the Raptors are so agile that watching this movie, you're like, they just wanted to make Godzilla agile

and it's tough because he is so big that you can't, I don't think you can have it both ways. I think you have to have this be a lumbering, slow moving thing, but still trying to, if this was 1998, 10 years later, Cloverfield came out, and I think picked up a lot of good lessons from this and where you're like, because I don't know if you guys remember

the teaser trailer for this was just that sequence in the movie where the streets of New York keep jumping up and down, because the stomps are happening, and then the one guy with the raincoat, maybe it was a cop looks up and you just see like a building kind of debris crashing and then you barely see a tail.

And I looked at that and I was like, that's just Cloverfield. They know how to do the monstrosity, but it's, you know, and you're like, where do you go? How do we, but you can't do that with a Godzilla who's agile. Yeah. It just doesn't work.

Yeah, you can't do like this Godzilla is like a Centaur lizard man. It's just the body of a hunk. Yeah. The head of an iguana. The head of the sexiest lizard possible. Agreed. I mean. Agreed. Also the CG looked like shit. Most of it looked like reptar. I know. I know. Didn't it look like rept It was just, didn't it look like Reptar? No, Reptar looks cool. Reptar does look good. Reptar is cool, Matt. Reptar does look good.

I will hand it to them. I'm not as hot for Reptar. A few shots. Daddy thinks I'll say it. I think it does look good. A few shots. Yeah, sure. And then there was a close-up of his head.

I'm like, is that an animatronic? Like there was some close-ups where I'm like, that's so much better than CG. It has to be a big puppet. Why it was so gray and rainy. I know. Was so they could cover up a little bit of it. See, I'm okay with that. Just don't ever show him then.

I know. If he's gonna look like fucking Reptar. Yeah, they just fucking show him a lot. And I'll give you another one. Anytime his foot stomped, you have to have, like, action that follows through. It just would stomp and immediately pause. You know what I mean? Like, his foot would just, in the animation,, it just would stomp and immediately pause.

You know what I mean? Like his foot would just, in the animation, just like stomp on the street and then be so still and then move up as opposed to like, poof. Like you have to have those little humanistic touches of animation. It was so stiff. Yeah, it's kind of like the having,

I guess zombies versus the sprinting zombies or something. But this one I felt like maybe the justification that they couldn't hit him was that they couldn't, they're in New York City, they can't hit all these historic buildings. No, they hit all those buildings. They blew them all up. But yeah.

Grid iron building exploded. Chrysler exploded. Everyone was so upset about Madison Square Garden and I'm like, fuck that place. Who cares? Where are we gonna see Billy Joel? No. If that had happened, Dane Cook never would have done this.

Exactly. And you know Hank Azaria's Animal had tickets to Dane Cook 15 years from that point. Yeah, good old animal loves Dane Cook. Hey, he does a lot of good jokes about getting punched in the face. Oh yeah, okay. So one more fun little Easter egg in this thing. I like this. He's stomping by the building, and we see kind of a receptionist with a cast on,

which is Nancy Cartwright, who does Bart's voice. So there are three voice actors in this. The receptionist of Harry Shearer's character. Yeah. Interesting. And she's watching Barney on the TV. God, we loved to make fun of Barney back then. Well, is Barney like the Godzilla for kids?

Yeah, you're probably right. You're probably right. Yeah, kids love him. So that's the kind of first Godzilla tech. And he reproduces asexually also. He does, yeah, Barney also reproduces asexually. How do you think we got Baby Bop? No, I don't know.

That's not true. Right out of Barney's cloaca. So that's kind of the first Godzilla tech. He just disappears. I guess he goes underground in this, fucking whatever. Okay, and this is one of the plot holes that drove me the craziest. So, Godzilla's attack New York.

We see people evacuating. Matthew Broderick needs a pregnancy test for the next scene. He goes into a pharmacy that is open with just a woman there. First of all, even when there's not a disaster, when can you find a pharmacy that's open past six? It's just fucking midnight, there's a pharmacy that's open. It's the city that never sleeps, baby.

They said that. They said it in the movie. Maybe this is an L.A. perspective. Yes, as someone who's lived in New York, you could definitely get a pregnancy test at midnight, but you cannot get Plan B ever. It's just so, it's always sold out everywhere. Sunday they're closed, you're like fuck!

So yeah. But I agree with you and I think it dovetails to the point of like the fact that people at the end of this movie, I'm gonna skip to the end, were cheering when poor Godzilla parent was just like dying. And this movie has this weird sad thing where they never make Godzilla truly, truly evil.

It really is just an animal. And all the human characters are like, it's just an animal, right? Like Matthew Broder keeps saying that versus if you watch the Japanese Godzilla movies, even some of the 70s ones where he's very heroic, like there is destruction and loss of life. And those films will like remind you

like this many people died. Or, you know, like this part of the city nobody died a horrible death exactly for Japanese people right and the guy who wrote the Godzilla fan magazine right they hated so this so this movie should have done a better job I think of showing like how many because they did say oh and New York's evacuated no it's not I was watching that pharmacy lady is still working He would just like Godzilla would walk through a building and I was like there had to been people that stayed there had to be people inside because when he he touched down and then people like the

Ground shook and then he killed a bunch of people stepped on him Then everything just went back to normal and there were cars in the street and I'm like, how do you know? Godzilla's not coming back. He's like fuck I forgot my keys. I gotta go back Yeah Feels like there's no continuity in right like they don't grapple with the fact that this fucking world-changing Like yeah, there's a dinosaur now. They must out I'll give you one So I watched the movie this afternoon with my girlfriend and and in the scene where he first arrives in New York,

and there's that old guy, fisherman Joe, and all the other dock guys are making fun of him, like, maybe today's the day, Joe. And he's like, maybe today I'll get lucky. And he goes out and, like, and, you know, that little sequence happens, and he runs across the dock as it's being exploded. It cut, and we don't see Joe's fate.

And I was watching it with my girlfriend, and I was like, that's weird. And my girlfriend goes, I bet you there's a version where we see him die, and they screen-tested it, and I was like, that's weird. And my girlfriend goes, I bet you there's a version where we see him die, and they screen tested it, and audiences are like, I don't like that, because American audiences are wusses, and they probably cut all that shit out. Like, it sucks.

Well, it was also like, the thing about a lot of movies like this, if MTV is doing this whole, like, we're selling the music, and then we gotta make Taco Bell, make little toys and shit. The cartoon, they knew the cartoon was coming out. Yeah, so you can't have it,

you have to make it accessible to literally everyone, which then makes it interesting to no one. And so the newer American ones from Legendary, they figured it out where they're like, well, we'll just make Kong the good guy, and Godzilla, we can let him be a little bit more evil, and it's okay, but they'll still team up to fight the bigger, you know.

But the other thing that I was thinking about in this movie was like, is he just big? That's the only scary thing about him. Because like in Jurassic Park you get all these breakdowns of like the species and don't move or don't make too much noise. And they have spit. They have spit.

Because you're afraid of them before you see them. Yes. Because they've been explained how fucking, you know, you're like, you are alive when they begin to eat you. It's such a great, it's a great spring point. But the worst thing about Godzilla and Godzilla's babies is you better not smell like fish.

Because they just want fish. They just want fish. They just want fish, that's it. In 1998, I bought an action figure from this movie. And the action figure. It smelled like fish. It was awesome. No, it had a little hole in its neck

that you could put a blue see-through missile and then pop it out and Godzilla would fire it out of its mouth. And I'm like, because that's the- That doesn't happen in the movie. No, it doesn't, I just realized. Isn't that cool? That's so cool.

I think I always remembered that because Godzilla in all the other Godzilla movies has atomic breath you're talking about What else is scary about him? And I think they may have cut that out or it's not he did all he was was big and hot Big hot and a father who just want to take care of his kids Yeah, that's it I'm surprised that the doll that you got the action figure didn't have a pull string when it you pulled it just said like I'm a good dad I know a good dad.

My children, I know. I know, it's true, it should have, that would have been great. Call me when you're on your way home. Okay, Godzilla. I put 20 bucks on the fridge for pizza. Don't have anybody over when I'm at my work conference. Okay, Godzilla. I would watch that.

I would watch that movie or show. I would watch it. Divorce dad. Divorce Godzilla. I would watch that. I would watch that movie or show. I'd watch it. Divorce dad. Divorce Godzilla. Dun dun dun dun. It's my weekend, right? No, Mothra's got the kids this weekend. He was married to Mothra.

Yeah. So it's okay. We learned from this pregnancy test that apparently you can get in New York City at midnight. I was wrong about that. Maybe. You might be right. Put that juicy meat on it.

Yeah, right. It puts some juicy meat on the pregnancy test. My girlfriend was like, when did Nick Tapapapalos get the piss? And I was like, I don't think he did. That's a great scene. I guess it's from the blood. I mean, this movie's too long,

but I would love to see the piss getting seen. I don't know if you all have ever seen the Will Ferrell movie, Land of the Lost. No. But he, nobody did. But he collects piss in that from like a dinosaur. And it's the funniest explanation because he's like, he pulls up with a whole jug of piss the next morning

as he's going to douse him and Danny McBride and this other woman so that they could disguise themselves from dinosaurs. And he go, and then Danny McBride's like, how did you get that? And he goes, honestly, you want to know? He goes, yeah. He goes, I found a hadrosaur that was drinking some water next to a lake.

And I just kind of went under it at 3 in the morning and just opened up this bucket. And it was like fly fishing. It was really peaceful, really calm, really. And I just remember that explanation being so funny. And it was probably a little improv. And I like shit like that. And that would have been funny if it was something like that.

But there wasn't. Yeah, he just extracted DNA from the chunk of meat. Might have been the meat chunk. From the sushi. Yeah. So anyway, what we learn is that Godzilla is pregnant, and the eggs are in Madison Square Garden, so they gotta go in and get the eggs.

The army doesn't believe them for some reason, so they gotta do it themselves. So in Madison Square Garden, yeah, we have that moment, he's like, there's three eggs, and then we see around the room, and there's a bunch of them. 200. And they start to hatch with these little

baby Godzilla puppets, and the puppets look cool. Yeah. Sometimes. And this is the funnest part of the movie. Yeah, for sure. Like, this is kind of fun, they're running from these puppets, it's too long, and when they're CGI, they look like shit. It's like they're velociraptors. Yeah, I mean, again, it's just such a Jurassic Park ripoff.

Yeah, yeah. Something I like about this scene is that when you go around Madison Square Garden, there are billboard, there's product placement billboards for products that aren't around anymore. Do you guys remember Josta? No. Josta Cola. I do.

It was a proto Red Bull energy drink with a panther on the can, Josta. Anyway, there's a lot of Josta billboards, there's a lot of Blockbuster billboards. There's a lot of Blockbuster billboards. Yeah, that was awesome. So yeah, fun to see all these products that aren't around anymore. There's also a moment in which the ex-girlfriend character

talks about how Madison Square Garden has an internet. Oh, right, I missed that. They're on an internet. It was awesome. Yeah, it's amazing. I was like, damn, dude. 1998 was wild. Mm-hmm.

Because they're like, how are we going to communicate? It's like, luckily. They have an internet. Yeah, they have an internet. There's one in the basement. I also love that the only people that die in those scenes are the most skilled military people that are like, yeah, exactly. And then Hank, Kazariah, and Blondie can just run right by him.

Like it makes no fucking sense. It is kind of like they have predator rules where they only kill people who are armed and just like dumb Matthew Brodyk with his disposable camera, he's always clicking. He just gets to run by. 100% I think you're right about the focus group thing. The group was like, we don't like it when Americans die. You can kill all those French guys. You kill Japanese people and French people, but no Americans can die.

Exactly. So they get out of there. The army nukes Madison Square Garden. All the babies die. Is that the end? No, it's not. Something else happens and we'll talk about it right when we come back. We're back, it's Free With Ads, we're talking about the conclusion of Godzilla 1998 America

Remix. We're here with Heckner DeVaro from New Rockstars. Do you guys ever talk about the ads on Free With Ads? Um, sometimes. Do you have any ads that you got that you'd love to talk about? Oh my god, I hated the Chubb ad I kept seeing. Chubb? Chubb is the worst.

What's Chubb? Chubb is like an insurance company and they just show tennis players, they're like, when you need, we're there with you. With Chubb. And I'm like, you idiots, that's the worst name for an insurance company. But that's because insurance bros

and finance bros are stupid and they don't know that that is the name of a non erect penis You cannot call yourselves that So we've nuked Madison Square Garden The end? No Godzilla alive Oh yeah, I forgot to say they think they killed him with a submarine earlier

Fucking whatever Uh, but he's back I know, I was confused I know, he's chasing the cab And they talk to that handsome guy over the radio He says head for the bridge they do Godzilla gets tangled up in the bridge. They shoot him with missiles He dies immediately. We're supposed to feel bad for some reason But he's dead. I did feel bad. I kind of did too. I think because it was like he was so hot and he had to be in this bad movie

We saw the damage in Godzilla's neck like his neck was opened up and it's like we actually... He was so hot and he had to be in this bad movie. We saw the damage in Godzilla's neck, like his neck was opened up. And it's like, I realize this because my girlfriend and I since last year have been making our way through all the Godzilla films. And we're still only in the 70s. But like seeing the original, seeing this sort of sequel, seeing how they branch off into a bunch of different kaiju movies and they're all insane and crazy and there's something interesting at least in each one of Those you never see Godzilla like to take that damage, right?

And so and even with Godzilla minus one or like the new legendary ones like you did like he's just this invincible force So this Godzilla feels like it's the weakest Yeah, he's not even that big not even that big just like dies instantly I was like like a swimmer, you know, he's got that swimmer's even that big. He just like dies instantly. I was like, and then... But he's cut like a swimmer, you know? Yeah. He's got that swimmer's body, that live, muscular swimmer's body. That the ladies like. Other than the moment where, which I also thought was wild, where Godzilla actually

chased the one taxicab full of three people that he blamed for the death of his children, which I'm like, well, I can't blame Godzilla for chasing like Matthew Broderick. Sure. Not at all. Right? But it's like that was the only sort of evil quote unquote thing that this creature did this whole movie and then it gets killed and then it dies and the music's weird and sad and again,

this movie wanted to like have it both ways or it's like feel bad for him. But also like the people are cheering and the threat is ended and I'm like, what are you, you should have either shown me as this horrible force, shown Godzilla as this horrible force the whole movie, or we should have been rooting for the monster the whole way and had it survive somehow.

Well, Roderick did say something that I was like, okay, I guess this is the reasoning. He just goes, you know, the reproduction, like the rapid reproduction of these, it would have like, we would no longer be the dominant species. And would have like, we would no longer be the dominant species and I was like. Good. Yeah.

Cool. I was like. What have we done but really muck up the earth. We're the reason why Godzilla's here. If it's about the radioactive stuff that we did, then it's our fault. And yeah, I think this movie, what this movie is saying is that man is the real monster.

Except for Americans Brick Godzilla remix anyway, it's been about Godzilla taking his girlfriend to get an abortion. Oh my god. Well, taking himself to get an abortion. Oh yeah, sure. Ben Folds, brick, parentheses, remix. Godzilla remix. And that's kind of the end of the movie. There's one egg left.

Tease, they never made a sequel, because it's bad. But they did the animated series. They did the animated series. Which is the sequel, because that egg grows up into a new Godzilla. That's cool. Maybe they But they did the animated series. They did the animated series. Which is the sequel because that egg grows up into a new Godzilla. That's cool. Maybe they nailed it with the animated series. It was supposed to be a trilogy is like what I read. Oh, brother. Good lord, yeah. So before we get before we rank this movie. This movie sucks. Hold on we're not. Okay. Maybe we loved it Hector. No, I don't know if it's bad. We want to talk about the best lines in this movie.

Emily, what do you got? So of course, my favorite favorite, Vicki Lewis. When we first meet her, we're seeing the whole crew of, I guess they're scientists. Who knows? I had a hard time paying attention. She's like a paleontologist. She's the dinosaur expert.

Yeah. So Matthew Broderick comes in. He's a worm guy. It's like a paleontologist. She's the dinosaur expert. Paleontologist, yeah. So, you know, Matthew Broderick comes in. He's a worm guy. It's like, what's he even doing here? And so he's kind of, she kind of introduces him to folks. You know, this is a Japanese cannery ship that was attacked and sunk near French Polynesia. We believe it's connected. By the way, Dr. Craven, have you met the worm guy?

Sorry. Summer. Cold. What? Why? Kraven have you met the worm guy? Sorry summer cold what? Why I don't know I know and it is just like that guy didn't sneeze the rest of the movie Yeah, I know it was just kind of him hanging out It was supposed to be some character development, but I just really like her delivery when she's like yeah We think they're connected by the way have you met the worm guy? It was very news radio delivery. And she was smacking gum during all of it.

And I was just like, I can't wait for the rest of this movie. And then- I'm not gonna be in the rest of the movie. I know, she wasn't in the rest of the movie. Yeah, when you can hear a sitcom actor fucking nail a line, it reminds me of Maura Tierney in Twisters. Like, you're like, she's not in it that much,

and she pops up kind of like toward the middle, and you're like, oh, no one has nailed a line in this movie until now. This fucking just veteran sitcom actor, everything she says is great anyway. Right, she was the mom in Twisters. She was the mom in Twisters. She did crush it.

But she's also like just a veteran TV drama star, because she was an ER. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got my favorite line in the movie, I think it's Baby Mama, where she's running around chasing her toddler, and then there's some brown stuff on the kid, and she grabs it, and she goes, is this chocolate or poop? Is it chocolate or poop? And then she looks, and she goes, it's chocolate.

And I think it's Tina Fey that goes, what if it was poop? Like that's the moment. And I was like, she nailed it. That's very funny. Yeah, she's very, very good and really cool. I love her very much. She's, yeah. This movie should have cut out Audrey

and had more of the news radio. So agreed. So in lieu of a good line from this movie, which there aren't a lot of them, I wanted to play a little bit of Godzilla ephemera. Hector, you mentioned the 90s cartoon. There was a 70s Godzilla cartoon from Hannah Barbera. And Gatsuki.

Where he, yes, there's a bunch of kids who palled around with Godzilla and a little baby Godzilla named Gatsuki who fell down a lot. And Gatsuki's maybe like 10 feet tall. Like would hang out with the humans on like The ship in the ocean and you know And we try to fly with little baby wings. It was this big like little thing yeah and go

And a little ring of smoke would come out adorable BJ's got the name for the Scoop of ice cream on god Zuki right when you get that of the oven. Matt, do you want to play the theme song? The theme song fucking rules. Oh, yeah. Up from the depths, 30 stories high, breathing fire, his head in the sky. Godzilla, Godzilla, Godzilla, and Godzuki. And he floats down. Like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. Just the circus music that's in. But wait.

Godzilla! Yeah. Woo! Bravo! Remixed that, Green Day. There it is. Yeah, there it is. I definitely watched reruns of that on Cartoon Network growing up.

Oh yeah? And like, I, so maybe that was my first exposure to Godzilla. So maybe when the eggs were hatching in Madison Square Garden, I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo.

I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to go to the zoo. Yeah, there it is! I definitely watched reruns of that on Cartoon Network. So maybe that was my first exposure to Godzilla. So maybe when the eggs were hatching in Madison Square Garden, I was like, are these all godzookies? Oh, that'd have been fun.

Would've been great. All right, so we are about to rank this movie on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials, but we'll do it when we come back. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're here with Hector Navarro. We're talking, it's Free With Ads. We're here with Hector Navarro. We're talking about Godzilla 1998. We're gonna rank it on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials.

Hector, you are our guest. We will let you go first. One to 10 super loud commercials. I would give it... One to 10 chubs. How many chubs would you give it? I'm giving it on letterbox, it's one out of five. But I'm gonna equate that to two chubs out of 10 chubs would you give this? I'm giving it on letterbox, it's one out of five, but I'm going to equate that to two chubs out of ten chubs.

Because I could see it on paper enough in the early beginning that it worked for me, and maybe my favorite line is, again, but maybe there's one too many cheesy lines, but I did like that line of, like, here's your sample, you're standing in it, like that moment. That's a good one. That moment. But the movie was very, a good one. I like that too.

That moment, but the movie was very, very, very, very, very disappointing. Sure. So I'm going to give it two chubs out of 10 chubs. Matt, you want to rank the chub? You want to give us some chubs? This one gave me a half chub. He was not nearly fuckable enough.

No, yeah, no, this is, I think two is, that's pretty solid. I think I give it one point for having a scene in which the Japanese guy says Gojira and being like, oh, there's one scene where someone actually is good at acting. So I have to give it a point there. And then the other point, honestly, is for that soundtrack.

I mean, Brain Stew, Gojira, Remix is fire. For the marketing, the marketing was pretty great. Something about that guy's death scene where he says Gojira. So we see it, the audience, and then people watch it on a little TV later, and when they're watching it on TV, they get all the angles that we and when they're watching it on TV, they get all the angles that we get

when they're watching it. Did they have a three camera setup in that hospital? Why does it go to his close-up with this surveillance camera? Anyway, that's like not the dumbest thing in this movie. And also, in this world, they haven't seen the movie Godzilla. So when he says, Godzilla, that means nothing to anybody who's watching.

It's not like, oh, no, it's Godzilla. But it's just scary because to American ears, they're just hearing a Japanese word coming from a man who was traumatized, and then they're freaking out. That's all that means. That's all it means. And Harry Shearer had to sanitize it for us and say, it's Godzilla. And it's like, oh, OK, now I know what that means. And Harry Shearer had to sanitize it for us and say, it's Godzilla.

And it's like, oh, okay, now I know what that means. No. I feel like they just would have said, it's a dinosaur. It's wrong. It's a dinosaur. Emily, what do you got? One of 10 super low commercials.

I'm giving it 1.5. Nice. I'm giving it one point for the soundtrack, of course, and then the 0.5 for Vicki Lewis. Yeah, Vicki Lewis. I really wish that had been in it more. I love that she was in it, that she was killing it with the little she was given, but y'all didn't use her.

Y'all didn't utilize her. Her character, I don't know if it's voiced by Vicki Lewis, is in the anime. She's like a part of the crew of that cartoon. It's not voiced by her. I looked it up. Oh, you did. As soon as you mentioned it.

You're like, did she do, oh, somebody else. I would have sought it out and watched it. I know, sorry're like, did she do? Oh, somebody else. Because I would have sought it out and watched it. I know, sorry. But whatever. Yeah, I'm in the same zone as y'all. I'm going to say a one. I think this is not the worst movie we've watched for this podcast, but this is my least favorite movie

we've watched for this podcast. Same. Most disappointing. Yeah, it really is. Like, Cool World's a worse movie than this because it makes less sense. But I'll take Cool World over this any day. I'll at least like, some things look cool

and there's a couple jokes that work in Cool World. Yeah, they took a swing at least. They took a swing, yeah. It tried. This feels cynical, it feels just like a cash in. This is too safe. It is, yeah, you're right. And I think everybody kind of said something

along the lines of like, you can tell the parts that were focus grouped, there's like no satire, there's no teeth, excuse the pun. Whoa, very nice. It would be insane if like tonight you went home and you watched Shin Godzilla or you watched Godzilla minus one. Like I think your world might be rocked a little bit

because Godzilla, like those movies are so crazy and they're so good and they do not pull punches. When it's Godzilla minus one, is it just Godzilla? Mm, maybe. It is. It's minus the A. You say the A is the one? Yeah, A1?

Yeah, I guess. It's a great steak sauce. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and I think like, it is hard to make one of those Godzilla movies that is meaningful, right? Like the original or minus one, those don't come along that much.

But it is straight up fucking almost impossible to make a boring Godzilla movie. Yes, it's so boring. Even the cheesiest fucking late night cable, 1979, guy in a suit fights a guy in a monkey suit. Those are at least fun. And this is just, it's just boring, the CGI sucks. And yeah, this stinks.

I'm having a blast talking about it with y'all. Yes, this is fun. A good podcast movie in many, many ways. So yeah, Godzilla 1998, it's a one. And in the free with ads averse, there are so many Godzilla movies. And I love so many of them. So I think if you want a fun monster movie,

this ain't it, there's a lot of other great choices. Yes. All right. That was Godzilla 1998. Let's do a little plug in Hector. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. You're a stand up comic. You are frequently on the fantastic YouTube channel, New Rockstars.

Hey. I appear on it from time to time. We chop it up. We talk about pop culture. We talk about your comic book youth group. It's so good. Oh, shucks. Thank you. It's so good.

Oh my God. Thank you. I loved it so much. Thank you, man. I loved it so, so much. I appreciate it. It's so, so great. I'm telling everybody about it.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes. Youth group available now wherever you get your books. And I've also got a- Part by Bo and McGurdy. Thank you. Yeah. I've also got a... Yeah, Bo had crushed it. I've also got a YouTube channel called Heroes Reforged, where me and two buddies watch things

and we record ourselves watching them and we discuss them and we talk about stuff. That sounds like a fun format. It's really fun. And we just did some, we rewatched Alien and Aliens and then talked about Romulus and then we are making our way through the first two Terminators. Okay. Because there's a new Terminator anime on Netflix and we watched it and it was really cool. Oh, I'm kind of excited about that I'm okay. Watch it out. It's called Terminator zero not minus one zero

Ah also coming from Japan and it's also like really interesting and I'm just promoting that Netflix show Terminator zero pretty cool There you go. So check out your YouTube channel new rock stars the break room That is a streaming chat show it is on twitch and it airs the next day on YouTube So check out your rock trash check out the break room and check out has hectares channel heroes forged. Whoo. That's right heroes reforged boom Well, hey, I will tell folks to go to maximum fun org slash join That is where you can support this show and all the great shows on the Worker Owned co-op. Maximum Fun keeps the show going. You get a bunch of bonus episodes

and go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. There you can pay a very nominal fee and get us to announce anything you dang well please. I forgot, using those Jumbotrons, someone proposed once on Jordan and Jesse Goh. So if you want to propose marriage to whatever pervert you're dating that listens to this show... Or if you want to break up with somebody. Oh, yeah, we'll break up with someone for you.

Not a problem. Oh, yeah, we'll do it. Like the guy from Sugar Ray did on Cameo that one time. Oh, my God! Maybe we'll play that in the next episode. Nice. Yeah, we'll break up with somebody, we'll plug your podcast,

we'll plug your bands show, whatever you want, your online store, maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. Oh, I have audio of Sugar Ray breaking up with someone for that. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah, check it out. Ah!

Nice. Got it! Mark McGrath has a beautiful singing voice. Yes, true. Good tone. Every morning there's Godzilla hanging from the corner. Anyway, alright, that's Free With Ads. Tune in next week when our movie will be the original 1958 version of The Blob. It's Free With Ads, the podcast that asked the question, why pay max 10 bucks a month

for a bunch of... Oh, my mic fell off. Matt, add this to the end for the bloopers. We're all laughing. It fits in my pants. The bloopers. Oh, the bloopers. Oh, man.

I'm going to try it again from the top. in my pants. The bloopers. Oh, the bloopers. Oh, man. I'm going to try halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed I know it's not mine but I'll see if how to work it out Once again, it's predicted that my coconut will And you work it out Hey, hey, hey, stop it. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.