Free With Ads - He's Just Not That Into You

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

This week your hosts Emily Fleming and Jordan Morris are bringing you the classic mid-aughts romantic comedy He's Just Not That Into You, starring some of Hollywood's most beautiful people like Drew Barrymore, Bradley Cooper, Ben Affleck, and E from Entourage.Please pre-order "Youth Group" on Booksoup and get a signed and personalized message from Jordan Morris! Please keep it PG-13 but feel free to make it weird! DIRECTIONS: When you are purchasing it on Booksoup, at the end of the shopping cart page you can write what you want Jordan to say in the section that says “Use this area for special instructions or questions regarding your order."

🎵 Welcome to Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Amazon Prime 15 bucks a month to watch Ben Affleck sell Nikes when you can go on YouTube for free and watch him hang paintings and explain why marriage is an outdated tool of the patriarchy. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is He's Just Not That Into You, released in 2009 and directed by Ken Kwapis.

Kwapis. I said that wrong, didn't I? It's okay. I don't... Fun fact, also the director of the Sesame Street movie Follow That Bird. No way! Yeah! So this rom-com tells a bunch of interconnected stories of sexy white

people looking for love in the sexy city of baltimore wow i didn't realize it was baltimore it's based on the popular self-help book of the same name which we all know and love yes um before we break down this movie which is at the time of this recording, streaming free with ads. Let's talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week. Other free stuff. Emily, I'll go first. This goes along with the dating and love

and etc. So does mine. Theme of today's show. I'm glad we're both thematically minded. If there's one thing you can say about the both of us, we love a good theme. Love a theme. So this is actually a dating website aimed at nerds. This actually was put in one of our group chats by Chelsea Davidson, the great comedy writer Chelsea Davidson.

Oh, yay, Chelsea. So, yes, thank you to her for sharing this with us. JediHill.com is a dating coach website run by jedi hill that's the name of the of the guy who runs it oh my god jedi hill is a self-professed nerd who landed himself uh and as he says an s-tier wife or an s-tier fiance i guess i should say i don't think they've tried the not yet so this is a like he he like, he's a pretty nerdy looking guy, and there's a lot of cheesecake-y photos of his wife or fiance on this site with kind of the idea that, like, this could be yours.

Oh, boy. This could all be yours, nerds. And it's kind of like dating advice for nerds, but it kind of uses terms that they would understand. For instance, I'm going to read a little bit from the website. Okay. And the system they have is called the NAS system. So we'll explain what that means later. Okay, cool, cool.

But just so you know, the system they're selling for nerds to get laid is the NAS system. Okay. I tell you, with our NAS system, we can help you attract your wood nymph. That very wood nymph who is like an S-rank boss monster of whom you are terrified yet desire to have. And this time you have the courage to take action, woo her and make her yours. Okay. So great. I mean, we're all just out here looking for our wood nymph, right?

I am speechless right and i think i like i mean he's using boss monster right like this is a level you gotta level up and conquer the boss but he's implying that he wants to fuck video game bosses i don't know what that even is yeah this is apparently you're not trying to get me I'm not a wood nymph nor a boss monster. Hey, Emily, you're a boss bitch. Thank you. You're a girl boss monster. I'm a wooden bitch.

So, okay. So that's, you know, it's a little cringy. You can kind of tell what he's doing. Yeah. And then we learn more. This is another paragraph in this uh i like this is his kind of personal story how he came to be the you know fiance of an s-tier babe i lacked self-confidence and self-esteem as a kid i suffered from a speech impediment lisp severe allergies and asthma born with gills on my neck and was called a freak. So he very casually drops that he was born with gills.

There's photos of him on the website. With the gills? I don't see gills. I've, you know, and who knows? I, you know, maybe the gills aren't visible at certain angles. This is fan fiction. This isn't real, right? And then it goes.

He's just the dude from Shape of Water. I'm starting to believe that he does not have an S-tier fiancé. Listen, I don't listen. I'm not here to judge which women are and aren't S-tier. She's lovely. There's

many photos of her on the website. You can go there and judge for yourself. Sure. All women are strong and beautiful in my eye. You're all S tier. Thank you. Thank you. I'm brave and an ally. By the way, that voice you just heard was our super producer, Matt Lieb. You know him. You love him. He's the producer of Jordan, Jesse Go. He's a regular on Good Mythical Morning. And he is at the boards making sure we sound great.

Thank you, Matt. Thanks, Matt. I'm also an ally. Okay, so here's the last paragraph of this. Okay. You might be wondering what I have to share with you and what this NAS system is all about. I created the NAS system to help men like you elevate their consciousness and become new Atlanteans.

It's the new Atlantean system. This guy is using the money he makes this to build an underwater city. Oh, I thought it was just Georgia. No, I think in this dating website, he peppers in stuff about how he is a gill man like the hot fish guy from shape of water or kevin costner in water world oh my god uh so yeah this is a rich text um you know if you're out there and you're a little bit awkward and you want to learn how to how to how to how to score those babes um head out over to JediHill.com and maybe get yourself a throne at the bottom of the sea at some point. Yeah, maybe call the cops and look for a woman stranded at the bottom of the ocean

because that's what this sounds like. Sure. So that's one way to go about finding love. Emily, what have you seen on the internet? Wait, so you've got to go to JediHill.com to find that whole thing? Just in case any of y'all want to go down that rabbit hole. I genuinely don't know if it's a joke or not. The website is very shitty.

That, for some reason, makes me think that this person is being serious. But I don't know. I cannot tell. It's a very strange document. It could be like a kind of role-playing community of sex. It could be. It's sex LARPing. Yeah.

This could be this guy's kink is like, I'm the fish king and this is my land wife. Yeah. It's furries on a budget. Like, they can't afford the suit. He's just like, I can use drawn gills with a magic marker. Yeah. I mean, that's that's gotta be cheaper than buying the whole mascot out yeah i bet that like vampire sex like swingers

group is just full up and he couldn't get in and then he was like what's the next i'll show you yeah he's like shit the frankensteins are full too um no more mummy's gonna have to go swamp thing sure i'm starting my own thing and none of you are invited and we'll all fuck under the sea. That's right. Okay. So I have been, I've had some, my dating life is a nightmare. And I think that I'm doing sober January and I think I'm just going to do a celibate year. I think that's going to be good for me.

I've done it before, and I should do it again. But I was kind of doing it. We'll just see your energy get more and more manic on this podcast as we go. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I was kind of seeing this poly couple situation. Okay. Were you seeing one member of the couple? One member. Because, unfortunately, I am not bisexual. couple situation okay and were you seeing one member of the couple or one member okay because unfortunately i am not bisexual i've really explored this let's get some purple lighting

in the house i've really explored this and like maybe they're you know but i think um unfortunately i'm fucking straight it sucks um i think that women are hot and stuff, but I just have never had that kind of connection or attraction. But, yeah, I was just with the guy. So you were dating someone who had a primary partner. Which that is not. I've done this in the past. I've done this in the past, too. But what I found out, because I've now been educating myself about non-monogamous or ethical non-monogamy, that's not how poly works.

Okay. It's unethical well according to this um i've been learning from multiple kind of instagram accounts which is probably not the best but i really like uh the way these people explain things um it's called decolonizing.love okay on instagram and they kind of just break down all of the different types of non-monogamy, which is really interesting. But poly, which is what they practice, they're like everyone is an equal partner. There's no such thing as like a hierarchical thing. And which is so fascinating to me because I don't I think that I couldn't wrap my head around that. I like thinking about it, though. I'm like, OK, that's interesting to me because I don't I have I think that I couldn't wrap my head around that I like thinking about it though I'm like okay that's interesting to me and that does sound like a great equalizer when it comes to gender right as well where it's like there is no like power you know

struggle um but this dude that I would been seeing I've been calling him little fella because he's a little fella. Short king? He's a short king or whatever. And he has since separated from his primary partner. And now I'm like, because I've been open to the poly thing. I'm having fun. And I'm like, OK, well, does that change the dynamic? Sure. And he was like, no no i don't think so i'm like so we're still like uh we're still partners in some way and he goes well i don't want to put a label on anything

and i'm like i can't even get a poly guy to commit i can't get it you people love labels you have a whole website full of labels yes and it's, so I can't even get a non-monogamous guy to even, he's like, this is casual. I'm like, that's not the fuck I've been, for six months now, I've been changing my entire way of thinking to wrap around your deal. And now you don't even want to do your deal anymore. So what the fuck am I doing? Let's get a category for,'s be casual is what it is. We're just friends who fuck is basically what he said. And I'm like, no.

So you're just a Scarlett Johansson and a Kevin Connolly. No. Well, no, I'm not. That's from the movie. I'm the Kevin Connolly. You're the Kevin Connolly. Well, I think you're a much better director than Kevin Connolly. But I'm just like, no, now I'm just a girl on a roster. And I'm fucking not doing that.

Well, have you thought about finding the Gil man of your dreams? Have you thought about looking for looking for Gil? I think I'm gonna have to. I'm just gonna have to drown in the bottom of the sea instead of just, you know, I think that it's just time for me to just not do anything for a while and find myself at the bottom of a sea by myself. No Gilman. I'll be my own Gilman. Sure. You can eat, pray, swim.

Eat, pray, drown. Exactly. But so this fucking movie has been an existential nightmare. This is a lovely segue into this movie. This movie. He's just not that into you. Yeah, let's start talking about it. So it is based on the self-help memoir co-written by Greg Barrett, who is a funny stand-up comic and a very good dude.

Spoiler alert, we did not like this movie. I don't think he had a ton to do with it. Yeah, I don't. We can not hate the guy, just don't think he had a ton to do with it. Yeah, I don't like we can, you know, not hate the guy. Just hate how this turned out. I think they bought the title of the book and crammed in a few of the themes and just shoved it into the most generic half-baked rom-com of all time. I will say that this just feels very dated. This is like probably the best advice they could give anyone in 2009.

This feels more dated than watching like Bringing Up Baby. It feels like it feels like it's from Or Sex and the City. Like there's so many

things from that that this feels like the Sex and the City kind of generation of they're making it for younger people or something. But there was

barely any sex. Okay, so since this is one of those rom-coms with like 15 characters all played by the most famous people who get 20 minutes of screen time each, instead of going down the plot, I'm just going to

kind of describe what happens in all of these couples. And they're all kind of related to each other in uninteresting ways that don't mean anything to the plot. They all just like hang out with each other occasionally and talk about their respective plots. I think that Jennifer Goodwin and Jennifer Connelly

and Jennifer Aniston, a lot of Jens. Oh my God, you're right. I didn't even think about that. If you like a Jen and if you like the last name Connelly, this movie has a lot for you. I think they all work together as copywriters at a spice company what is anyone's job in this or something i don't know just the only little clue you get that as to what they're

doing at this lush office um this lush rom-com office is that at one point jennifer anson sits up and she's like how am i supposed to to write 1,200 words on cardamom? I remember that. Are they just writing what goes on the label on cardamom? Anyway, who the fuck knows? Anyway. Okay. So the first relationship I'll talk about.

Okay. This is Gigi played by Jennifer Goodwin. This, I would say, is the kind of main plot of the movie that we spend the most time with. But she's Jennifer Goodwin plays Gigi, but her wig is played by Bad. I didn't clock the wig. Oh, my God. If it's not a wig, good God, girl. Let's get a brush. So Jennifer Goodwin, her character is,

she wants a man. Give me that man, says Gigi. That's her whole deal. She just wants a man. I hate to say it, but I think I identify a lot with this annoying character. Oh, Emily,

your wig isn't that bad. Your wig's beautiful. It's real hair and it's gorgeous. Thank you. So he starts out, she goes on this very tepid date with Kevin Connolly from Entourage and

Thank you. Please play that every time we say Entourage. Oh yeah, that's the plan, guys. Oh no. So he like ghosts her, you know? And this is in the era of cell phones, but not, like, texting is weird. There's T9, I'm sure of it.

Yeah. But also, like... They can play Snake on their phones. Is it ghosting after one date? Yeah, so she gets really, really into him and starts, like, hanging out places where he hangs out. Fucking psycho shit. Yeah. It is definitely the rom-com character who, if they were doing that in real life, would be crazy and not cute.

Yeah. This is, oh gosh, Say Anything. John Cusack from Say Anything. Right, right, right. If someone did hang outside your window with a boombox playing in your eyes, that would be insane. Yeah. Well. Okay. Well, maybe not. I don't know. In high school your eyes, that would be insane. Yeah. Well. Okay.

Well, maybe not. I don't know. In high school and stuff, it's really sweet. Okay. Like, you know, that's even crazy in high school, what she's doing. Sure. Yeah. It's really, really weird.

And she meets at one of the restaurants she goes to to stalk Kevin Connolly. She meets Justin Long. Ooh. A height of fame Justin Long. Short king. Is he short? I'm pretty sure. Let me take a look. Anyway. I met him. Justin Long is a

bartender or I guess he owns the restaurant. He tells it like it is. He's a jaded I don't want a commitment. He blows off Busy Phillips. I mean and boy is she a smoke show in this movie. Looks great.

Always looks great. Looks triple great in this movie. Boobs are out and they look great. And so they strike up this weird friendship where she goes on dates and then calls him during the date to ask him what she should do. And he's just kind of an asshole to her. And he's like, I could find a girl with bigger implants. This guy loves big implants. Fucking weird, the dialogue in this movie.

Yeah, but I don't know. So anyway, okay. Maybe this is how people talk. Perhaps. So he invites her to his house. She thinks it's to hook up, but it's really he's having a party and asks her to serve drinks.

So she like serves drinks. Later on in the party, I only go here because this really bothered me. He's on the couch with another woman playing video games. On his TV stand, we can see an Xbox. The controllers they're holding

are PlayStation controllers. What? I hope someone was fired. I noticed that, too. Thank you, Matt. I hated it. I hated it. And they do that video game playing like you do in a movie where they're like, clinking and eating.

They're just button mashing. Yeah, it's like, come on. But can I tell you, I have a story for you real quick. Oh, please. Okay, so I have had that happen to me in New York. Okay. I was dating this guy that I called. Which part of it?

The Xbox thing? No. That's happened to all of us. Just watching a dude play Xbox. But some of us are really good. Yeah, whatever.

Some of us want to Tune into my Twitch channel. I know all the fatalities. I'm so good. Some of us are like, let's take that energy and put it in my pussy. Like, there's fingers here.

Those fingers look like they're... Yeah, exactly. Just do the fatality to my pussy. Well, yeah, there's actually here those fingers look like sure yeah exactly but um do the fatality to my pussy well yeah there's actually this is all tying into another pot no no this is so crazy that you're saying this because i have a podcast with jenna purdy from mythical that's coming out on um mythical society so you gotta pay to listen but it's worth it. She made that fucking joke. And it's so good. The finisher joke. I can't believe that. Okay. Anyway, so I also tell this story on there, but I will tell all of you. There's this guy, David Hot David is what I called him. And he was like a finance guy in New York. Nightmare. Never did it again. Those type of guys and I thought he really liked me because I was like 26 and I don't know

and I went to like warehouse parties with all this fun stuff New York shit and he was having a big party at his like he had like a townhouse he was like rich and he which again never again I will never do that again

no townhouses. No rich guys. Hell yeah, poor guys forever. Poor, poor, poor, poor. Just normal. Rent a mattress. Renting till we die. Renting till we die.

No, I just think that the stereotypical finance guy in New York, it's just a different breed of rich. I'm sure. I've not spent a lot of time in that world. But for everything I from what I understand, that's a pretty. Yeah. Psycho. I have a like a big suitcase that's holding up my bed frame underneath it. I don't want to.

That's not my kind of person. But no. So he invited me to this party he was having at his place. I thought I was going to meet all his friends. I was really excited. I show up and there's a ton of people there and he goes, oh, hey, thanks for coming. Come over here. And if you wouldn't mind taking people's coats. And there was this big walk-in closet and like a table in front of it and another girl behind it. And we were like the coat check girls for his party. Oh, my God. really? Yeah. And the girl who was standing there,

I was like, how do you know David? This is exactly what happens in this bad rom-com. I know, I know. This is like, they took my life. This happens all the time. I hate to say it, but I think he just wasn't that into you. Yeah, he wasn't. He was using me.

But the girl who was behind there with me, I was like, how do you know David? She's like, I've been dating him for like two months. I'm like, me too. And then I was like, you want to just leave? And so we left and there was a bar like right under where his place was. And we just drank and hung out. But the bar was really good.

I should have stolen shit. All the coats got stolen. I should have stolen shit out of people's coats. Yeah, no kidding. Oh, my gosh. If your host didn't use women, your shit would still be here. Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I'm sorry. Justin Long owes you an apology. He sure does. You live, you learn, you know. Oh my gosh. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry. Justin Long owes you an apology. He sure does. You live, you learn, you know? Oh boy. Okay, so that's the Jennifer Goodwin, Justin Long thing. They end up together in the end for some reason. Who cares?

Our next couple is Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck, who I think is our tallest person in the movie. Tallest guy. Now, Emily actually researched this. Bradley Cooper, 6'1". Ben Affleck, 6'2". So, yes, it is confirmed. Ben Affleck is the tallest person in this movie.

Bravo, Ben. Way to be tall. Your parents fucked and they had those tall jeans. Jen and Ben. So they are a couple who has lived together and seem pretty happy, but they're not married. He gives this little speech about, oh, I don't believe in marriage. It doesn't really explain it. No, it doesn't explain why. Yeah. But, you know, apparently he laid it all out for her and she is now in marriage mode and wants to get married. We've talked about this. And it's like,

but us, the audience haven't. Sure. Explain it to us. Yeah. We want to know. Yeah, he's like, we've talked about this. And it's like, but us, the audience, haven't. Sure. Explain it to us. Yeah, we want to know. Yeah, so it is very vague. And, you know, I think people who are against marriage have a lot of times. Men. Men have a lot of good explanations for it.

But we don't get to hear any of them. We just kind of see him not be into it and then her kind of freak out and blow him off. And so she he goes to live on his boat. He owns a boat. What does he do. Who cares. He owns a boat. I know we don't even know what she has to like be in her sister's wedding.

And I guess she is. She has to like try on these bridesmaid dresses that everyone is talking about how ugly they are. They all look great. Yeah. Those dresses. Everyone looks, they do not have the courage in this movie to actually make the bridesmaid dresses look funny.

Yeah. It's like, you know, and I get it. You have Jennifer Aniston in your movie. You want her to look great. But like, for this one scene where the joke is that she has to wear an embarrassing bridesmaid dress, can you at least just have her in it for one scene? The funniest thing about the bridesmaid, yeah, they all look have her in it for one scene the funniest thing about the

bridesmaid yeah they always so fucking devoid of jokes it's so but also it's just gaslighting us from believing or like the belief that jennifer aniston is a old yeah or b uh not as exciting to look at than a dog when she was like going down the aisle she goes down the aisle and she's not walking with one of the grooms and she's walking with like the aisle she goes down the aisle and she's not walking with one of the grooms and she's walking with like the family dog what a beautiful dog yeah sure like i don't know at this point it's because i i do remember like her tabloid personality was like oh she'll never get married yes or jen that's why i'm so angry playing into this in this movie i don't know it makes me so angry this movie because it's like playing into this in this movie? I don't know. It makes me so angry, this movie, because it's like, why did we do this to Jennifer Aniston?

I don't know. Why did we just beat the shit out of this woman and call her old? She's so talented. And she's not married and she's all this. And it's like, there's nothing about her that says that she's the, like, just can't get a man girl. It's just really weird. I don't know. So she's in this wedding and her dad, played by Chris Christopherson, has a heart attack.

Hey, that means it's time for our signature segment, Hunk Watch. Do we have a noise for that? That'll insert one. It'll be funny. It'll be in the post. Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. Yes. Chris Christopherson in this movie. Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. Yes.

Chris Christopherson in this movie. You know, a great looking guy. I like to imagine he was Whistler from the Blade movies. It just was, as soon as he walked, his daughter down the aisle would go in the basement and start building vampire weapons. He, you know, a real hunk. Along with Bradley Cooper, they've both been the lead of A Star is Born. Isn't that fun? Oh, my God.

That's right. Yeah. That's pretty cool. And yeah, he is, you know, he's a striking salt and pepper gentleman. Beautiful beard. And I think I was just like so, because he doesn't have a lot to do in this movie. He has to have a heart attack and he's just in bed for a scene. But I'm like, oh, someone in this movie is presenting and acting like an adult.

Yeah. Like everyone in this movie is, you know, it's clearly in their 30s and 40s, but just they act like weird little kids. And it's just so nice to have someone looking and acting like a grown up. But also, where is her mom? Oh, yeah. We don't know where mom is. Yeah.

Unexplained. He's just like a single dude letting all of his kids are taking care of him. I'd be pretty chill too. Yeah, so he he's got that beautiful dog. That dog is cute. Also at this wedding I should say a real funny performance from

my buddy, everybody's favorite that guy from that thing, John Ross Bowie. He's like a weird guy. She gets sat next to him. With black hair. With black hair, yes, John Ross Bowie. Yes. He's like a weird guy she gets sat next to. With black hair. With black hair, yes. John Ross Bowie these days wearing the salt and pepper very well.

Oh, yeah. But he's usually blonde, right? Oh, I don't know. That's a good question. I feel like he's been blonde in the past, but yeah, he looks great in the black hair. Yeah, and really funny. He has a one scene thing in this movie

where he's like a Wiccan. Yeah. And definitely like my, I mean, you know, and obviously I'm biased because I like the guy so much. But I did legitimately laugh at his scene. No, he was very funny. He was good. And this movie does have a couple of little, you know, cameos from like funny people doing funny things. You know, Busy Phillips we mentioned.

Yep. And a couple others. So, you know, it's not totally devoid of pleasure. Yes. But just mostly. I think, yeah, the little, there's a lot of A-list celebs, but then there's like, there's these nice little cameo smaller roles for people who are not these big, huge. And they're usually the kind of the most fun.

Yeah. Natasha Leggero's in this. That's right. Oh, yeah. She does one of the little monologues to camera. And it's like, oh, they're doing the Sex and the City season one thing, because in the first season of Sex and the City, Did they do that?

They had people being interviewed. They tried it out, yeah. And then they stopped doing it. What I clocked this as, and this is a framing device throughout the movie, you have these people doing these two camera monologues about times they were broken up. That's like, oh, and then when Harry met Sally.

Yeah, I'm like, oh, you're trying to make this movie in modern when Harry met Sally. I'm sure that's how they pitched it in the room. But you just do no favors comparing your bad rom-com to the greatest rom-com of all time. That's true. The fucking balls on these people to say, we're going to do the When Harry Met Sally thing.

It was so out of place. I'm sorry to interrupt. But also, they can't have five Harrys and ten Sallys. It's just, it was overloaded it was like you see the movie ants yes but starring woody allen yes starring a million people and i was just like you know you can't just do a bug's life and just be like we'll just pack it with stars that's why ants will never be a bug's life thank you this has been producer matt leaves critic corner critic corner why did all your critic corners do you compare movies to a bug's life because it's just it's applicable to all of cinema what about b movie thank you what about b

movie what about b never be bug's life never be so before we move off of hunk watch um emily was chris christopherson your hunk of the movie? No, it was Justin Long. Okay. Justin Long really does it for me. He came on the show for Mythical and I wrote the episode he came on for. Is that why he was constantly dropping his pants? No, but I was just like, I was speechless.

I was like, I was a total nerd. Cool. But he's just, I don't know. Do you remember the first time you saw him, like what you saw him in that created the crush? Jeepers Creeper. Oh, yeah. I saw that movie.

That's free with ads on YouTube. Yeah. I don't know. It is? It is. Well, we shouldn't do it. Maybe we'll have Justin Long November. Well, yeah.

He is- A Long November. He's kind of a scream king now. He's been doing a lot of horror movies. A little bit of a scream king. Barbarian. He did Barbarian. He did Tusk.

Oh, I didn't see Tusk. Oof. Yeah? I don't want to watch it again. Okay. But it is scary. It's very scary. But yeah, he's been in a few things.

Oh, he was in, oh God, what's the one where the girl- Mac versus PC. No. Bugs Life. It's the one where the girl gets hexed by an old lady and... Oh, Drag Me to Hell. Drag Me to Hell. He's in that one.

That's a scary movie. So, yeah, he's got a thing. Oh, my God. We've got Littlefella texting me. Let's see what he's saying. Wait, right now? Right now. Hey, hey.

I landed. He's been out. I's see what he's saying. Wait, right now? Right now. Hey, hey, I landed. He's been out. I landed. Well, I don't know. Miss you. Might pass out like a log, but hope to see you soon. Just fucking, again, make a plan. Sure.

If you want to see the person. Yeah. You say you're going to see the person. This is like unacceptable. Thank you. I know. I'm over it. Have a suggestion.

How about Wednesday? I'm free Wednesday.. This is like unacceptable. Thank you. I know. I'm over it. Have a suggestion. How about Wednesday? I'm free Wednesday. Yeah. Be like, where are you free? I'd like to see you. Instead, it's just like, I landed. I'm going to sleep. Yeah, I was on a plane.

I'm always on planes. I love to fly. I'm a frequent flyer. I'm so tired. I collect blue miles. I'm so tired. Is that what he sounds like? Yeah.

Okay. So Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston, they reconnect. He comes over to her house and makes dinner for everybody. And he's like, she's great. And then she's like, I don't care if we don't get married. And then he just proposes anyways. At the end. And they get married on the boat.

So we end with a wedding, just like the comedies of The Great Bard. It ends in a wedding. Well, it's the whole thing of the movie is just like, ladies, if you just shut the fuck up, eventually he'll come around. Eventually he'll make dinner for your sick dad. And eventually he'll agree to marry you

even though he doesn't want to. What a great start for a marriage. Well, speaking of people who don't want to be married uh let's talk about the bradley cooper scarlett johansson jennifer connelly story so bradley cooper tips a frosted uh oh my god oh the he's mcgrath and all over this movie with those frosted tips yep um he meets uh scar Scarlett Johansson at a grocery store, and they hit it off. They have a flirty banter. She wins a cooler for some reason.

Hey, this is fun. Two Avengers in the same movie. Rocket Raccoon and Black Widow. That's so true. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Anyway, those Avengers movies are pretty good. This movie sucks.

Anyways, let's just remind people of good movies. Yeah, all of these actors. Like A Bug's Life. Like A Bug's Life. Flick and Heimlich, the whole gang. We love them. Yeah, all of these actors have been in great movies. This just isn't one of them.

At the grocery store, Scarlett Johansson's buying bottled water and bananas. Girl dinner? Question mark? Oh, yeah. I don't know. So they like hit it off. She's a musician. We never hear her sing.

We like see her singing in the thing where they don't play the audio. Anyways. She did have an album once. She did, yeah. She has a couple albums. She has a Christmas album, I think. What? I don't know.

Interesting. I mean, listen, I like Scarlett Johansson a lot. Me too. I think she's always good in things. You know, she tries her best in this movie. But that didn't take off, let's be honest. The singing? Yeah, well, we're not hearing ScarJo on the radio.

You're right. You're absolutely right. ScarJo, if you're listening, make as many albums as you want. I don't care. Yeah, make as many albums as you want, but just like, you know, you ain't going to be in the top 40. Sure. Not many people are in the top you know you're absolutely right there only 40 people are yeah that's right there's some doubles in there i bet all of them are from this cast sure um okay so they hit it off he like says you know very early on i'm married and we can't do

this but they keep like running into each other. They keep flirting. They aren't running into each other. She's like stalking him. Yeah, they are kind of co-stalking each other. He finds her yoga class that she teaches and shows up to it. So, you know, they meet each other at this yoga class. They go skinny dipping.

They have a skinny dipping scene. You know, kind of. That's a little hot. They're bad people, but it's a little. That's the closest thing to hot. They're bad people, but that's a little, you know, that's the closest thing to being. They are bad people. I think Scarlett Johansson is arguably kind of the biggest villain of the movie. Yeah.

This movie is so tough. Like, because, yeah, we have this whole thing where, like, this guy is cheating. Everybody's struggling. Yeah. And this woman is just okay with it. And it's like, I thought about this a lot during this movie I don't like anyone in this movie I don't like anyone everyone sucks

I don't think Jennifer Connelly sucks Jennifer Connelly does not suck and Jennifer Aniston doesn't suck but everyone else sucks I don't have to like everyone in my entertainment I don't need every show to be Ted Lasso I'm a sophisticated viewer. I enjoy, you know, your Sopranos and your Successions with unlikable characters.

Right, right. But, like, I just think it's a little rom-com. You want to root for somebody, you know? But, like, everyone just fucking sucks so bad. Everyone is out of control. Yeah. And mean. Like, they cannot control themselves like it's but also my least favorite part about all of

it is how they preface it by how women lie to each other sure yeah that's this little thing that this movie starts with and it's like montage of like so women around the world lie to each other so it's it's women's fault that we can't read signals because you won't just tell us it's the other women you don't want to go out tell us. It's the other women. That you don't want to go out with us. Yeah, it's all the women. It's not a man being up front. And yeah.

Oh, also, we should definitely say that this is a very straight, white, cis dating. Yes, there are some gay characters who come in and like have funny lines. Yeah. But they don't have any kind of story. They are the stereotypical gay best friend kind of roles, which, you know, fuck. Yeah. Fuck. But anyway, so yeah, they just started going.

Women just go, well, my friend actually dated a married guy and then they ended up being together forever and all this stuff. And it's like women do not say this shit to each other. I don't think they said this to each other in 2009. They do because they have to interweave five different stories. I know. It's just like it just sounds like, I mean, a guy wrote this book. You've clearly never written a copy for a spice company. But just that women kind of go, oh, he'll call if he's not calling.

Like, oh, he'll call. Don't worry about it. No, that is never what anyone has ever told me everybody has always been like fuck him dump him yeah but it's quite the opposite i feel like most women are always just like break up with them so this this plot this plot keeps going like they keep you know they they they continue their affair there's this scene where she comes to his office to like, because he's a music producer or something, to like sing for his boss. And they start to have sex in his office.

And then Jennifer Connelly comes over to try and rekindle the relationship. Oh my God, this was so fucked up. She, and so Scarlett Johansson hides in the closet while Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Connelly have sex in the office where she can hear. That's some A24 shit. I don't know if this is supposed to be. I didn't know how it was supposed to feel. Is this supposed to be funny? Is this supposed to be farcical?

Is this supposed to be like. I think it was for the growth of like Scarlett Johansson's character. Sure. To like realize that he sucks. Well, I think it's to punish her. Like this whole idea. Oh, yeah. Sure.

It's to, you know, because she's the one who should really be punished. But also, he does get punished in the end. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think the movie is saying that what they're doing

is good. No. I don't think the movie thinks this is funny or cute. It's just such a fucking weird thing to focus on. It's a weird thing to be a primary plot.

Yeah. I mean, my favorite thing, speaking of punishing, is the Jennifer Connelly, the note on the box of cigarettes at the end. That's like, what did it say? Yeah. So it goes, knock yourself out. The cigarettes.

So so Jennifer Connelly wants Bradley Cooper to stop smoking. It becomes like a symbol for his infidelity. Right. Right. She's like, are you his infidelity. Right. Right. She's like, are you smoking? But what she's really saying is, are you having an affair? Yeah. And then she finds the cigarettes.

And for some reason, that's what leads her to dump him because she knew about the affair, but the cigarettes. It was. Well, I think it was just that he didn't care about her. Yeah. The whole thing with the cigarettes was also they were American spirits. American spirits. The yellow ones. A classic hipster sleeve it really was i feel when did american spirits just get a chokehold on millennials and stuff i feel like because

i was after i graduated college i feel like everyone everybody had america those things 2005 2006 yeah it's like smoking a whole fucking tree i can't i i'm a camel light girl i don't smoke anymore i just got my accent got a lot thicker when i said i'm a camel light kind of girl i saved up my camel bucks and i bought a real cooler i got in trouble for having camel bucks and they sent all of them to my parents house house. Oh, yeah? And they sat me down. Oh, boy. Like a big conversation. And did they use your camel bucks? No.

We're going to get beach towels and you can't use them. Actually, I would love a camel beach towel. That'd be fucking lit. That'd be kind of cool, actually. But no, I'd love that there's like Marlboro Man and a Camel Light Gal. That's kind of the one. But yeah, I think it was the cigarettes. She said her dad died of lung cancer

right yeah so she was very adamant about him not smoking and i guess he used to smoke but she find like he was smelling like cigarettes and she asked him and he said no and then he blamed it on their um the people who are like building their apartment yeah so this is a weird this is a weird icky part of this movie that's filled with weird, icky parts is that she like blames it on the construction workers who are all like, you know, the only nonwhite characters in the movie.

And there's this little scene with her and Luis Guzman. I know he only was there for like 30 seconds. And it's, they don't give him anything to do. He just is there to like deny that he's been smoking cigarettes in her house. And yeah, just another like, and I got excited. I'm like, hey, this guy's great and everything.

Like this is one of those great and everything actors. It would have been great for him to have like some words of wisdom or something. Yeah, or something funny to do. It is so weird to cast him in this role that is like weird and racist. I don't know. Yes, it was. Yeah. And it's like I do feel like maybe there was a lot of stuff cut out of this movie.

Yes. Like that scene. And there's a little shot of Greg Barrett playing the minister at the wedding, but it cuts from his face before he says anything. So, I don't know. Maybe there's a great director's cut of this movie with a lot of nuance and funny performances. I feel like also Drew Barrymore's stuff, it was like, did we even need it in here? Like it felt so small. Wonderful segue.

Thank you. That's where I'm going next. Yay! Okay, we're going to take a break and then we're going to talk about a love story for the ages. Drew Barrymore and her many internet boyfriends. Coming up on Free With Ads.

We're back. It's Free With Ads. And as promised, here is perhaps one of the most timeless love stories in all of cinema. Before we... I want to just... I think a clip will illustrate what's going on with Drew Barrymore in this movie. Matt, would you play that clip, please? He asked me out. Oh my God, he called. Well... He emailed. I know.

What? He left his calling card with your lady in waiting? He MySpaced me. Ouch. Oh. Oh girl, I don't know about that. My trampy little sister says MySpace is a new boutique hall. In 2009, people were probably screaming in the aisles, dancing around like Showtime at the Apollo when Drew Barrymore said, he MySpaced me.

Meanwhile, I guess sliding into the DMs was not like, well, it is kind of the booty call. Yeah. So I think they got that part right, but I'm sure this was such a fucking current reference at the time. Oh my God. And I think you were getting at this.

This whole thing with Drew Barrymore seems so tacked on. It does. I'm sure they had the movie and they were like, we need a young person who uses the internet.

Well, that, and they were like, we need somebody to end up with Kevin Connolly. Yeah, that too. And nobody else looks right next to him.

Oh, boy. So I want to talk about their thing, but just a little glimpse into my life. I watched this movie yesterday. I recorded another podcast today where I had to watch a movie. I was our guest on the great podcast Travolta Cage, which is a podcast where you have to watch a Nicolas Cage movie and a John Travolta movie. Oh, wow.

And the John Travolta movie I had to watch was Gotti. Have you seen or heard of Gotti? I've heard of it, but I have not seen it. Gotti is so good. Gotti is goated. Matt?

Love Gotti. You're wrong. It's so good. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen, directed by Kevin Connolly. Uh-huh. No! Yes. His directorial debut. A little slow on the button there, Matt. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Directed by Kevin Connolly. Uh-huh.

No. Yes. His directorial debut. A little slow on the button there, Matt. Oh, my bad. His directorial debut was Gotti. It is awful. So I watched Gotti in the morning, had my little day, and then in the evening watched this. And I thought to myself as I was in bed bed that was the worst movie day of my life

oh my god that was the worst fucking day of movies i should have just watched casablanca in between the two just to maybe kind of balance it out but people like me there are two options in life you either end up in the clink or you end up dead me i did both oh god that's how it starts there's a part in that movie where someone's like you got to unite the boroughs staten island brooklyn the bronx queens like yeah this guy lives in new york he knows what the borough no but you but what are those five together when you squeeze them that's it that's a fist. They're a fist. You're right. It's art, baby. It sucks. It's just a fucking incompetent movie that likes the mafia, that says the mafia is good.

Anyway. Yeah. It's made by someone who took the- Kevin Connolly has fucked your brain, basically. I'm sorry. Also, they have John Travolta playing John Gotti, who's supposed to be the most masculine man. And I just love the idea that they were like, who's like the most masculine dude? It's like disco king John Travolta.

Disco king. I haven't learned anything else about him since 1977. Get him to play Gotti. Yeah. So anyways, I hate Kevin Connolly. Maybe he's a nice guy interpersonally, but I don't care for his work. Anyway, so Drew Barrymore, she works at like a gay alternative weekly, the Baltimore Blade. By the way, Baltimore looks lovely in this movie.

It does. I've been once for a wedding and I really liked it. I'd like to go visit Baltimore. I guess I just assumed it was New York. Yeah, it's kind of New York-y. But it's cute. It is cute. What you see of it.

I mean, all those lofts look pretty cool. I wonder what the rent's like. So Drew Barrymore is doing internet dating, but we never see any of the guys. We just see her periodically and she's like well i texted him and then he emailed me and then i called and then he sent a myspace and then i clicked on to his live journal and then he sent me a tumblr yeah it's just like it's so complicated and i do i do think when you know when you are modern dating some maybe you are talking to someone on a social media app maybe you are talking to someone on a dating app.

Right. Maybe you're texting. So there is a – that part of it kind of rings true. I guess. It's all on one device. Yeah, that too. That's the thing for me when everybody was just like – they were talking about landlines and waiting by the phone and the voicemail and all this. There is no excuse not to text someone back pretty quickly.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Like, it's just a phone. It's with you all the time. It's not fucking courier service. It's, like, so easy. So, he really is not into you if he has not texted you back within, I mean, I think within an hour. Did you ever use MySpace to hook up? No. Really? I don't know.

We're a little different in age. So maybe I was prime for MySpace romance. I can't even remember. I mean, I know I had a MySpace, but I don't think that I did much on it. I think that Facebook came out my freshman year of college and then it was like I didn't I just didn't use

MySpace anymore really. MySpace like I got mine like the first year I moved to L.A. Uh huh. And I went out on a

on a date with the woman that I met on MySpace Erica spelled E-R-O-Q-U-A No. And

it was going fine for a while and then we were supposed to go to the zoo together, and she just didn't show up. No. And I never heard from her again. I fucking hate that. Yeah. Have you heard about this thing? I don't know if it's true, but that hinge and stuff has, like, fake users on there.

I knew it. No, but there's fake users. I've been telling everybody. on there. I knew it! No, but there's fake users. I've been telling everybody! But they tell you to go to this one restaurant and then no one shows up and then most of the time women will stay there and have

dinner or drink by themselves and it's the restaurants creating fake people to lure you to that restaurant. That's why there were so many crying women in that Arby's. Well, yeah. There was some article about it. I don't know if I fully believe.

That is quite the scheme. But, I mean, I wouldn't put it past anybody. This is America. Yeah. Hey, I did go to the zoo by myself when she didn't show up, so. That's true.

If I get stood up, which I have been stood up, Tinder, the only time I used Tinder, I was stood up twice. Okay. So I just stopped using Tinder because I was like, I don been stood up. Tinder, the only time I used Tinder, I was stood up twice. Okay. So I just stopped using Tinder because I was like, I don't like this.

And I'm no longer using any. I'm never going to go back to, it just never works. It's always bad. Yeah, you should do speed dating, that thing you only see in TV and in movies. No. Does that exist?

Oh, you know, I guess I do have a good friend who met her wife on a speed date. So I guess I do know one person who has speed dating. Now you sound like someone from the movie. That's the exception, not the rule. That's the exception. I know someone who did it, so maybe you should. Yeah, that's against women lying to each other.

Yeah, yeah, I know somebody who met somebody on a train who was married to a goat. And then, you know, it's just, I hate that stuff. Nobody lies to each other like that. There's so many goat marriages that turn out to a goat. And then, you know, it's just, I hate that stuff. Nobody lies to each other like that. There's so many goat marriages that turn out to be lies. Oh, but yeah, the other lies that they said was like, he's just so intimidated by how much he loves you. And that's why he wants to leave you. Yo.

Yeah, this stuff, I mean, again, I'm coming at it from a male perspective. This doesn't sound like stuff that people say to each other. No, I mean, there is that like, oh, he't sound like stuff that people say to each other. No. I mean, there is that like, oh, he's, I mean, just say he's afraid of commitment. That's what it is. Sure. Yeah.

It has nothing to do with you. Well, it maybe he's just not that into you, but like, it's, it's also like, maybe they're just not into much. So I, I might. Maybe they're not into anything and they're just a fucking like boring person. Stuff sucks. I'm not into it. Why would I be into things? I'm not into anything, and they're just a fucking boring person. Stuff sucks. I'm not into it. Why would I be into things? I'm not into anything.

I just kind of follow my own fucking breath around and just, I don't know. So Drew Barrymore is so awkwardly inserted into this movie. She barely has anything to do with anyone. I guess she's friends with scarlett johansson and there is this scene of them talking about their dating stuff in a cvs and they're like going around this cvs and like picking out shampoos and stuff yeah and it's full of other women who look to be doing the same thing do you and your gal pals go to cvs and like smell shampoos together maybe you do no um well i don't know i know it's so awkward i think in high school i did that yeah

maybe just go to like the um you know cover girl section and look at all the colors and stuff um yeah i don't know that's not what we do. We do that in Sephora now. We're, you know, sophisticated. You wouldn't do that in a CVS. Yeah, gross. We gotta call a guy to unlock the razors. But yeah, Drew Barrymore's character is the one telling her to keep seeing the married guy and stuff too. Yeah, I know.

Which is crazy. If my friends said they were seeing a married person on the side, I'd be like, you're a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. Really wild how most of the people are just kind of okay with it or think it's kind of funny and cute. It's very weird. It is weird. So, you know, we hear about all this Drew Barrymore stuff. She's got like three scenes.

We don't like see any of the guys. And then, you know, the final little deal of the movie is that, oh, so I guess she's related to Kevin Connolly because he's running ads for his real estate business thank you uh that literally scared the shit out of me so he's running running ads for uh his real estate business in the back of this like uh gay alternative weekly and so he has periodic phone calls with drew barrymore to check up on the ads what does anyone do in this movie everybody we were talking about this it's like this is a very uh white upper middle class like yeah more than upper they're rich they're all rich these are their only problems sure. They have insane non-jobs

and boats. Yeah. Also, your dad has a heart attack, doesn't even die. There's no problem. No one dies. Everybody's fine.

Everyone's got adorable dogs. Even your bad bridesmaid dress you look great in. Yeah, nothing is bad. Yeah, everyone has an amazing life

in this movie. Yeah, and so it's like, God. And just has to like make up dumb shit to have conflict about. Yeah, Jennifer Goodwin just go on a vacation to and so it's like, God. And just has to make up dumb shit to have conflict about. Yeah, Jennifer Goodwin,

just go on a vacation to the Bahamas and get the fuck over. If I had the money and everything that these people had. Just concentrate on writing your spice bottles.

Exactly. Concentrate on being the best spice bottle reader you can be. Exactly. But yeah, it's, I don't know. So the whole thing,

fucking thing ends when uh drew barrymore is calling kevin connelly to check up on his latest ad or whatever uh because that's something that would happen uh and he's sitting across from her at the same coffee shop and they sit down and it's implied that this is their meet cute yeah And they're falling in love. I hate you, Matt. Matt, it's like a house of horrors. And oh, and then we get a shot of her deleting her MySpace profile. Oh, wow. But also that shows such a misunderstanding of MySpace on the part of the filmmakers because like it's not for dating. Like people do date on it.

No, it's for showcasing your band. There you go. Yes, your Screamo band. Yeah. I did love that MySpace you could pick like songs to play when they click on your profile. MySpace was good. It's true. I feel like Instagram when you click, it's like a white background.

Why can't we fuck with the backgrounds of our Instagram? It would be great. Yeah. There's just little things that are missing that MySpace had. Why can't I put a sparkly animated Tweety bird on there? Yes. Yeah. Why can't I rank my top eight friends?

I'd love to rank my friends. But remember, MySpace, there was like a little bit of coding going on. That's true. You did have to do a little bit of coding. And I remember figuring it out and being like, wow, this is the future. And now I have no idea how to do any of that. Yeah. I can see I'm 12 feet tall.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's the plot of the movie. I want to talk about, before we get to our ranking, I want to talk about what we think are the best lines in the movie. Mine comes from the skinny dipping scene between Bradley Cooper and Scarlett Johansson. Matt, would you play that for us? Oh, God. I mean, am I not allowed to have friends anymore?

I mean, am I not allowed to be friends with people that are hot? I mean, what kind of reverse prejudice is that? I hear you. I mean, am I not supposed to be friends with a guy just because he's married? Right. Or has an insane smile or an ass that makes me want to dry hump? Did you just say dry hump? Yeah.

So, I mean, my best line in the movie, of course. I mean, worst line in the movie. She did the best she could with that line. She did. She tried. No one's blaming Scar Jo. I'm sure your albums are great if you're listening um yeah and you know everyone is trying in this but yeah like that's just what passes for a joke in this and also if if she wants to dry hump his ass that makes her a top

sure yeah i mean again maybe i don't want to kink shame them. If you are a woman into dry humping a man's ass, more power to you. I love it. I think that, I mean, I don't really know what a top is. But I mean, like, I've never wanted to dry hump a man's ass before. Yeah. It's such a weird thing to say. And he loves it. Ooh, he loves it.

Yeah. I mean, that seems like the wrong spoon. I think that it's the other way. I want a spoon on the inside and you dry hump my ass. Maybe I'm just envisioning cereal at this point. Cereal? Yeah. You said spoon.

Oh. We thought you meant the true crime podcast. Sorry about that. Matt, can we just play an episode of cereal for the rest of our duration of the show? Yeah. But what were you saying? Sorry. Yeah, it's such a weird

non-joke. And yeah, just clearly like, you know, like how MySpace is so awkwardly inserted in this movie. It seems like some fucking executive

just heard a kid say dry hump and it's like, put that in the movie. Well, here's what I think it was. I think they wanted it to be like, I think there's something

about Scarlett Johansson. She's just this bouncy, like she's so beautiful in this movie too. Yeah, she is. Well, she's beautiful everywhere. But she's like this sweet, cute, like the, I can't believe I won a cooler, you know, like.

She's very excited about the cooler. So they kind of wanted it to seem like this cute, sexy, innocent whoopsie. Yeah. Like, you know, I just want a dry hump. That's all I've ever done. I've only done over the clothes stuff. Yeah, I don't even know what penetration is.

Sure, ooh, I've never been. I've only done hand stuff. I think it's supposed to be cute but sexy, and that's why they picked that. Okay. And it's... All right, so that's my best slash worst line of the movie. Emily, what's yours?

Okay, this is one of those monologues that we have. Natasha Leggera did one. This is a fabulous older woman in a nice like suit, kind of dress suit and with a brandy snifter like sitting in a fabulous restaurant. And she gives this monologue about her marriages. And I don't know, I kind of found it fabulous. So go ahead. Well, my first husband was unimpressive. I found him in bed with his big-breasted secretary when I came home early from the Maldives. It was just so unoriginal. Made me feel sorry for him. My second husband was a pinch more creative. Cheated on me with my sister, but made me believe that I was insane for being suspicious.

So at least some mind games, some intrigue. But my last husband, he was a gem. He was a veritable master at covering his tracks. I mean, I poured over his phone records. I intercepted his credit card bills. I had him followed on numerous occasions and never found a single shred of evidence. It wasn't until he died that I finally

found out about the property he owned with his Austrian mistress. But the real master, I have to say, is me, three husbands, countless boyfriends. I haven't been caught yet. She's great. Fucking cool. I know.

I feel like make the movie about her and John Ross Bowie hooking up. Yes. Her and the male witch. Yeah. Chris Christopherson finding love after his heart attack. Because it was like the first female character not complaining, really. Oh, interesting. Yeah. About infidelity. It was like she got hers. Yeah. Y'all got yours. And then she but the whole time she was cheating on them. She just didn't get caught.

And I completely agree that that was my favorite character in the whole movie yeah you only see her once i i fucking thought she was and what a great monologue too as an actor to get the only person in the movie who has uh a funny part where the joke isn't uh that women be stupid yeah she's like the the mastermind so i really loved her because it was just like because i kind of wonder about that like with marriage because i'm not married and the longer i'm not married the more i'm like what do i actually think marriage is like i don't even know and then i'm like i just wonder about people our parents age and fidelity sometimes i'm always like well they the 70s is when they got married

and that's key parties and swingers and all that stuff so i'm like we did always have a giant bowl of car keys around the house growing up now that i think about it so i feel like the i mean i was talking earlier about like non-monogamy and stuff i feel like this debate has been around forever and that um maybe a lot of people are kind of like this lady where it's like you do you and I do me. Right, it's a game of cat and mouse. It's like, yes, let's all let's both, we'll be married but we'll just

try and cheat on each other quietly. It's like Batman and the Joker. I don't know. Honestly, maybe that is my relationship style. It does seem like she's happier than anyone in this movie. I mean, she's got brandy and a fabulous outfit. I love her.

She has a robust sex life. Yeah, she seems cool. But yeah, I found that to be interesting. Also, I'm very interested in the swingers community. I'm diving into that online, too. Oh, wow. There's like cruises. Yeah, oh, sure.

Yeah. And codes. Codes? I think it wow. There's like cruises. Yeah, oh sure. Yeah. And codes. Codes? I think it's... There's rules and stuff. God, who was I talking about with this? Anyway,

I've heard that the new code is pineapples. Oh yeah, upside down pineapples. Oh, interesting. I didn't know they had to be upside down. What's right side up?

I think a pineapple. Just a pineapple. Sure, tropical fruit fans. Yeah. So that was my up? I think a pineapple. Just a pineapple. Sure. Tropical fruit fans. Yeah. So that was my favorite, I think. Okay. We're back.

It's Free With Ads. Before we get to our ranking of he's just not that into you, Emily, he found something in the comments, right? We watched this on YouTube, so there are comments. Yes. What do you got? Stuffy Kong. My favorite YouTube user. Stuffy Kong says,

this is from nine days ago, re-watching this in 2024, the fact that she's waiting for him to call her back on her landline sort of makes my heart twinkle. And then the comments. Stuffy Kong, you old softy.

Yeah. And then there's comments, three comments below. One of them says, I remember those days and going out and hoping, hoping, hoping that my answering machine would be blinking to show I had a message. And then another one is these kids today will never know that feeling. The excitement when you get a message from him they have no idea what they've missed now if they don't get a text back within three minutes they need therapy fucking snowflakes with their safe spaces needing their texts back yeah and then the final comment is j Jesus loves y'all and died for us.

Jesus calls for all of us to repent. I love that this person is just going in the comments of random movies and saying, I'm going to save some souls today. Well, the funny thing is that person put that comment on literally every single comment. That's wild. They're doing the Lord's work. They really are. That is how they minister. Yeah, they're like,

there's tons of lonely women in here. I bet we could get in those pocketbooks real quick. Yeah. You know, and Jesus in his day, you know, he wandered, he spoke to the masses, but I think we're... He's just not into you. But, you know, who isn't to us?

God. That's right. He wants us all to be at his right hand. But I you know, who isn't to us? God. That's right. He wants us all to be at his right hand. But I think were Jesus alive today, he would just be in the comments of YouTube saying, you know, repent. I love you. I would like to say this movie is two hours long. God, yeah. It's so long. It feels long.

And it feels like there's things cut out. Yeah. It feels long. And it feels like there's things cut out. Yeah. It feels weirdly edited in an unsatisfactory way, but also too fucking long. So long, they just wanted to pack in as much star power as they could to sell tickets, I think. Yeah.

But, yeah. So, okay. I think we've already kind of implied what we think of this movie. Yes. But let's give it an official ranking. Of course, we don't pay for these movies with money we pay for them by watching super loud commercials oh boy my commercials were loud in this did they jump were you watching on your tv or your laptop i was watching it on tv and yes they were like entourage level jump scares yeah i was watching mine on my laptop i hate you matt i hate you so okay. I hate you.

So, okay, on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials, how many are you giving this, Emily? Okay, if we have a lot of commercials, it means we like it. We're willing to sit through it. Yes. I'm giving this shit zero. I hate this movie with a passion. All of my commercials were from BetterHelp.

Okay. And I think that that's on brand. We know you're going, yes, we know you're here. If you're watching this movie, your mental health might be. I think that this movie gave me mental health problems.

I'm going to talk to my therapist about this movie. Oh boy, just describe, just therapists everywhere having people describing. am I everyone in this movie? Which one am I? Am I true?

Literally all of them. It's fucked. Okay, Emily, I'm going to be a little more generous than you were. I'm going to give this a two. I'm going to give this two commercials. Because, as we mentioned, there's a couple of funny performances from funny character actors. You have the drunk woman who cheated on her husband. You got John Ross Bowie.

These are genuinely funny moments with genuinely funny people. Okay. And I'm going to give it a little slack because the T-shirts in this movie looked so soft. Did you notice the T-shirts? Everyone's T-shirt just looked like that beautiful, like early 2000s soft vintage T-shirt. American apparel. Yeah. Now listen, do I agree with the things that their founder did?

No. No. Do I like a soft ass T-shirt? Yeah. Oh boy, I do. T-shirts are too rough these days. It's true. People love a beefy T these days.

And everyone's T's in this just look so soft. Yeah, I want to see your nips. I want to see the nips, and then I want to put one on and go to bed. Oh, the shirts look so soft in this movie. All alone, because he's just not that into you. Because we're not that into shirts. Because we're not that in t-shirts. All right.

So this movie is no good as John Gotti would have said. But, hey, we've got some stuff coming up that might be more worth your time. Emily, what do you got going on? Okay. So Jordan knows about this as well. The Good Mythical Tour is happening. We're both on a fabulous YouTube, speaking of YouTube, YouTube show, Good Mythical Morning. And they are going on tour in May and June of this year.

And there's not very many tickets left, I think. But if you go to mythical.com and click on tour, you can see all of the dates and grab yourself a ticket. Jordan will be there. Well, I don't think I'm supposed to say i don't know if we are either but i may or may not be popping up in a certain right city in america that's right well i will be there for all of them all the dates but jordan like we don't know we don't know maybe i'll pop up maybe you'll pop up you'll just have to probably won't be there no matt's Matt's not going to be there. Matt will not be popping up. With good reason. Stay home.

I'm kidding. Matt's got kids. One kid. Maybe another one soon. I don't know. But I could still do it. Yeah, I know. Well, we'll see.

You can be a stow away. I would like to stow. Yeah, we'll shove you in the overhead compartment. Come with us on tour and also I have a just a little mini podcast

okay series with Jenna Purdy from Mythical yeah and we're doing a little just two episode like podcast thing

for mythicalsociety.com it's their paid platform and you can just sign up to be I think a first degree member I think it's a first degree don't quote me on that And you can just sign up to be, I think, a first degree member. I think it's a first degree. Don't quote me on that. But you can sign up and

our first episode will be launching on January 26th and the second one will be on February 23rd. And it's all about dating and maybe a little bit of sex. Okay. Check it out. Mythical Society. A lot of fun stuff up there i've done some little

skits and bits for them tons of fun uh hey uh i uh wrote a graphic novel that's coming out later this year it's called youth group it is a ya horror comedy art by the great bowen mcgurdy and uh so we're asking folks to pre-order it if the book sounds cool to you if you want to see a a fun and funny adventure about teenage exorcists loving and living fighting demons and figuring out what this big old life of ours is all about um we'd love for you to pre-order the book and uh and you can do that anywhere you can do that amazon you can do that at barnes and noble you can do it at your local indie bookstore but if you do it via book soupoup now BookSoup is the indie bookstore here in LA that I love the most easily my fave love those guys they're an indie store that's been there forever so they ship

anywhere so if you order it there they'll ship it right to you just like any old e-commerce site does and I am signing all of the pre-orders that happen at BookSoup. So I am not only signing them, but I will personalize them. And when you buy your book from their website, there will be a box for notes. Just put what you want me to write in that box, and I will write it with a few caveats. One, it's a YA book. It's for teens, so nothing R-rated in there. But it can be as weird as you want it to.

So I would love for folks to go over, pre-order those books from BookSoup, and just make me have to write the weirdest stuff in these books because the bookstore employees have to read them off to me. Oh, God. And when I've done this in the past, people are just like, All right, so this next one is to Tara, and she wants you to say, eat my cotton candy taint, daddy. Just these nice bookstore employees who don't know any of these dumb inside jokes have to explain to me what to write. So please make their lives a living hell.

Go to booksoup.com, preorder youth group there and, get your signed and personalized. Yay. I can't wait to read it. Uh, thank you. I think it, I think you will like it as well. Others.

I know. Uh, well, Hey, that's free with ads. Uh, we're coming to you every week on the maximum fun network. Tune in next week when our movie will be the 1963 classic,

the birds, the bird. The movie will be... The 1963 classic, The Birds. The Birds.