Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - The Now Show - 19th April

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

The Now Show first aired on BBC Radio 4 in September 1998 and this week sees its last ever episode. Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis take a look back over the last 25 years, with help from the voices of Gemma Arrowsmith and Rory Bremner.They are joined by Glenn Moore investigating the Beijing Half Marathon scandal and Harriet Kemsley on the law firm who accidentally divorced the wrong couple. Plus, Jazz Emu looks to the future with an original song accompanied by his band Matt Hutson, Luke Bainbridge and Tom Marlow.The show was written by the cast with additional material from Mike Shephard, Cameron Loxdale, Carl Carzana and Christina Riggs.Producer: Sasha Bobak Executive Producer: Rich Morris Production Coordinator: Caroline BarlowA BBC Studios Production for Radio 4.

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Hello, I'm Steve Puntz. And I'm Hugh Dennis. With us are Glenn Moore, Harriet Kemsley, Jim Arrowsmith and Jazzy Mew and Band. And special guest Rory Bremner. And this is... The Now Show!

Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello and welcome to the last ever episode of The Now Show. Kind of frustrating because we were just getting the hang of it. And we've only just discovered that all this time, we've had a band. There you are, we won't make you laugh. APPLAUSE Rather fittingly this week, the main news only affects the younger generation. Yes, the Prime Minister pushed through the first reading of the Smoking and Vapes Bill this week, making it illegal to sell cigarettes to anyone born after 1 January 2009. The tobacco industry aren't pleased with it. The fake ID industry are delighted.

One person who objects to the smoking ban is everyone's favourite cameo prime minister, Liz Truss. The human embodiment of a pointless answer. She said... If people want to have control over their lives, if they want to have freedom, that is why they vote Conservative. Yeah, nicotine addiction actually removes control and freedom,

but we'll let that pass. But if there's one thing she's good at, it's self-justification. I believe so much in freedom that I tried to rid the population of the tyranny of affordable mortgages. And I would have gone further if it wasn't for the deep state. Yes, she loves the phrase deep state, which isn't surprising, as it's what she left the country in. LAUGHTER

So, Liz was against the smoking ban, and it's possible that Sunak's whole angle on this is wrong. I mean, after all, he was able to put people off Adidas Sambas just by wearing them. LAUGHTER After the smoking and vaping bill had cheered him up, Sunak suffered another setback, though, as the Lords once again made various amendments

to the Rwanda bill, again trying to add safeguards for those Afghans who worked as interpreters. Yeah, I find it incredible that it needs an amendment on that in the first place. I mean, how is that going to help recruit people who might want to offer military assistance to our forces in future? I was born in Afghanistan, took the time to learn English, ended up helping the British army who were trying to get rid of the Taliban, which as it turns out, they didn't quite manage.

The Taliban came back, I got out, learned new skills and received interesting death threats. I was born in Afghanistan, but I was made to go to a detention centre in Rwanda. Another person who is trust-like in their unwillingness to admit any mistakes in the past is ex-President Trump, who finally began his criminal trial in New York this week over the hush money he allegedly paid to Stormy Daniels to stop her talking about the affair he denies they ever had, but he paid her off for anyway. So far the trial has only reached the stage of jury selection. Potential jurors were given a 40-page questionnaire to fill out or fill in, I'm never quite sure which.

And I think that's incredible because you'd think that that questionnaire would be one page and one question. Question one. Have you heard of Donald Trump? If you say yes, you're out. But no, it's a long and tricky process and on the first day two thirds of the pool of 96 possible jurors were dismissed because they said they could not be fair or impartial. Three of them have since been offered jobs on GB News. But that wasn't the only problem. The trial is taking place in New York, Trump's main residence,

for many years, and possibly Angela Reiner's. And finding people... And finding people who are suitable is proving very hard. One report put this down to opinionated New Yorkers, which sounds very feasible. Are you familiar with the defendant? What, the big orange guy is as guilty as sin? Look at his face, better boom.

Slam dunk case, what am I, a put? Objection. Hey, I'm deliberated here! Now get your hands off me! Oh my God, it's Donald Trump! Ugh, my mom loves you, she loves your hair! Oh my God, wait till I tell her. The Apprentice, that was her favorite.

Objection, Clear bias. Bias, Schmias. I'm calling a recess. Please clear the court of stereotypes. The real problem... Oh, sorry. The real problem, of course... The real problem, of course, is that if they do find people who are legally suitable, they may, by definition definition not suit Trump himself. Number one, will you be biased against the defendant? I am a Democrat.

You are dismissed. Number two, will you be biased against President Trump? I am in favor of a woman's right to choice. You are dismissed. Number three, will you be biased against President Trump? Who is President Trump? I don't recognize him. Excellent, you may be seated.

Hang on, hang on. Just wait a second. What do you mean you don't recognize me? I am President Trump, the very best president of all the President Trumps. I've never seen you before, man. What if I say, Ka-fef-ee? You're weird, man. I don't know you.

Okay, get out of my courtroom. You're dismissed, totally I don't know you. Okay, get out of my courtroom. You're dismissed, totally dismissed, most dismissed ever. Thank you. Now here's a little known fact. There were originally four pilots up for this slot, one about food, one about the US stock market, and one about Chinese philosophy. But the Nao Show saw her off, the Chao Show, Dao Show, and Tao Show. And here we are today.

And now, would you please welcome Glenn Moore! Well, thank you so much. Look, it's a huge weekend coming up in London. This Sunday it is the London Marathon. The one day of the year I like to leave my home at 5pm, get on the tube wearing a foil blanket and get congratulated by strangers. I want to talk about the marathon because it's a pretty bleak time in the news and I don't want to mention anything too heavy like Israel or Iran, so let's just talk about the marathon. It's an event that usually passes without any major incidents and it's been going on for a

long time you know it started in ancient Greece where the Athenians won the Battle of Marathon defeating Persia now known as Iran or I lost a 10 seconds I what happened was the messenger sprinted to Athens to inform them of the good news it was the original racing for awareness and he died but he did raise four thousand pounds for the RNLI so it's a... but you know the marathon has got uplifting beginnings you know it happened because Greece had achieved victory. Of course the half marathon was invented several years later when Greece drew and it's a half marathon I want to talk about. It was Beijing's half marathon

last weekend. Now look China has brought us wonderful things, Amazing food, technological breakthroughs, Billy Joel's classic, sing us a song you're Tiananmen. But now they've brought us controversy. So what happened was last weekend in the final stretch of the half marathon, you had three Kenyan runners out in front with a runner from China a few meters behind them. And the three Kenyan runners appeared to slow down to let the Chinese runner past who then won the race. So this is now being investigated. So why did they do it? I understand making concessions for instance in races for those who can't help it. Sure you know for instance like I've got dyslexia so on most stand-up slots in the show of five minutes I've

been given 15 minutes extra time. What that does mean is when the show's over if you the audience could leave as quietly as possible, because I will still be performing. But look, some people are claiming that the cheating runners were being bribed, and you know, why not? Bribery's effective. I've used bribery before. I'm not proud of it, but I was low on money quite recently.

I went to the bank and the bank teller said, I'm sorry, Mr. Moore, there isn't much money in your account. I'm afraid the maximum that you can withdraw is just five pounds. And I said, really? Well, how about now? I slipped him a 10-pound note. He said, well, I've just gone up to 15. Other people are arguing that the Kenyans were trying to be charitable. And I think it's sweet when charity like that happens in sport.

There was a race in the US a few years ago, and basically, despite many young and fit people competing, they let this really old, decrepit man win the race, and he's remained president for the last few years ago and basically despite many young and fit people competing they let this really old decrepit man win the race and he's remained president for the last few years. I didn't even know that cheating at events this big was even possible and it's not the first time it's happened in China. Basically a half marathon in China was in 2018. 250 people cheated and took shortcuts and then a year later a woman was caught during a marathon riding a bike, officials stopped her and then a few minutes later,

she just got back on the bike. I know you're a typical cyclist, but I, I didn't even know people at the gall to do that. I could never do that. I'm too timid, I'm too apologetic. Like case in point, I was at a restaurant a few weeks ago, a waiter asked me if I had any allergies, and I said, oh no, sorry.

Look, I couldn't, why would I have the guts to be able to cheat on a marathon? But then I sort of think, is it cheating? Let's look at the explanations that the runners have actually given. The winner himself said it was his first time doing a half marathon, so this time he wanted to set a personal best. I've got big news for you if it is your first half marathon. Anytime is going to be your personal best.

This is the reason that one of the Kenyan runners gave. He said what happened was he wanted his friend to win. And I think that's nice, but I wouldn't do that for any of my friends. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any sporting achievements. One of my friends, I'm mates with someone who's such a hypochondriac. He wears corrective shoes on each foot because he said both his legs are shorter than the other. How the hell does that work? I don't want these people to win.

I've got a friend too. This is relevant for topping in hand. I've got a friend who still calls Snickers bars opal fruits. I've never been called that. One of the runners has even gone as far as to say that they weren't even competing in the first place. This is what he said. I'm going to read this out. He said, it was not a competitive race for me.

I don't know why they put my name on the bib instead of labeling it as a pacemaker. So he was saying they weren't there to win, they're just setting the pace. And that's a valid excuse. In the same way that I keep reiterating to all of you, I haven't been booked to do standup comedy here tonight, I'm just setting the pace for the archers. Look, if you need one ride chuckle every 10 minutes, you book Glenmore, that's what you need.

And even though pacemaking and racing is all under the same banner of running, it is frustrating, I know, when you've got one specific job and then you get misbooked for a totally different job. I've had it before, it's the same with public speaking. I used to work as an auctioneer, I got asked to do a eulogy at a relative's funeral, I ended up accidentally selling granddad. Well, this is what the winner actually had to say,

the winner from China. He spoke to BBC Radio 4 earlier and he told us this. I don't know why I was asked to translate. I don't speak Chinese. But this story is uplifting because it's about friendship. Maybe bribery, but mostly about friendship. And look, maybe I'm being overly optimistic. I'm being a bit of a sort of toilet-half-full sort of guy,

but I just sort of feel... We live in a world now where, you know, we see so much increased conflict on our screens, we hear so much increased conflict on our radios. I mean, the Now Show's had to end because Punn and Dennis frequently come to blows. And so, isn't it nice that some people have done something nice for someone?

They didn't cheat for personal gain. They deliberately did badly so that their mate could win. And what I've learned from that is, God, the Tories must be really good friends of Keirstama. APPLAUSE They're more there. It was the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who said, no man can step in the same river twice. Also the current guidance from Thames water. LAUGHTER

Meaning, of course, the tide of history flows continually past, and Radio 4 have suggested that since this is the final edition of The Now Show that we perhaps look back at the quarter of a century that it's been on air, but they've only given us nine minutes. Now, we felt we might need a bit of help on that, what was it involving seven prime ministers, five US presidents and a whole bunch of other people, so, Rory, are you up for it? Are you, are you, are you sure? Let's get this done. Right, let's do that very thing. So, the Now Show was first broadcast in September 1998 at the time of peak new labour.

And sure enough, having heard the first show, the BBC's verdict was... Things can only get better. And things may or may not have got better, but they've changed a great deal over 25 years. I mean, the first joke on the first show was about an American president facing trial for covering up an adulterous affair. It's true, listen back now. Okay then, well let's get it out of the way. Bill Clinton. If he's guilty, then it's a whole new meaning to the term fun-loving criminal. to the term fun-loving criminal. September 1999, the BBC introduced digital interactive services to replace CFAX, and a catchphrase is born. Not long afterwards, Hugh Dennis actually hears a newsreader say

the immortal words... If you'd like to know more about the threat posed by North Korea's nuclear weapons programme, press the red button. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE At the end of the century, the world parties like it's 1999. Except in the Balkans, where they party like it's 1939. And here in Britain, where party food is just 9.99 at Iceland. The very word millennium seems cursed.

The Millennium Dome is controversial. The Millennium Bridge is wobbly. And the Millennium Bug is the fear that old, outdated computer software will not recognise the year 2000 and will revert to the year 1900 instead, causing transport and power systems to fail and NHS systems to remain pretty much the same. The most worrying threat is that planes will fall out of the sky, a ridiculous prediction which never came true. As lawyers for Boeing have insisted we tell you.

2000. England failed to win a major football tournament and David Beckham tries to work out how many years of hurt that is. Oh that's 1966, 1966 plus 30 subtract from 2000. Oh it's a lot of years of hurt. In 2002, euro notes and coins enter circulation for most of the EU, although not for Britain, who had left the European exchange rate mechanism

10 years earlier, as then-PM John Major was not an ERM fan. Although, to be fair, I did quite like shiny, happy people. 2004, and Facebook is founded at Harvard by Mark Zuckerberg. Yes, and its first company logo is the pixelated face of the legendary godfather and scarface actor known to inaccurate typists as A.I. Pacino. LAUGHTER

2005, and the Now Show becomes the first Radio 4 comedy to be available as a podcast. Although it's not the first Radio 4 comedy to be available as a podcast. Although it's not the first Radio 4 show available, having been beaten to it by... In our time, with me, Melvin Bragg. Hello, today we'll be talking about the ancient Etruscans and asking, were they the first to do the ERM joke? Yes, they probably were. 2005 also saw the founding of YouTube and suddenly anyone who had ever filmed a cat

falling off the back of the sofa had a new revenue stream. 2007 and keeping to a deal made years earlier in a restaurant in Islington, Tony Blair hands over power to Gordon Brown. The handover becomes the subject of a Peter Morgan TV play in which actors play the real people in a reconstruction of major national events. Watching at home, the Queen thinks, That'll never catch on. The handover is probably not before time as power does take its toll on people.

The 10 years of the Blair Premiership started with, Look, we don't do God. And ended with, I am your God. with I am your God. 2008 and George Bush leaves office just as America is overwhelmed by the financial crisis. Amidst the debris of the ruined economy the green shoots of optimism are soon poking through once again and a rush of positivity flooded the Western world especially among the young as a new hero walked among us and we rallied to his cry of yes we can without bothering to

hear the rest of the sentence, Continue bombing the Middle East. LAUGHTER The wake of the financial crisis brought new friction between baby boomers and millennials. Because they appear to hold all the wealth, the nation's youth dubbed their parents the golden generation, forgetting that there's nothing golden about your children having to live with you forever.

LAUGHTER In 2009, the most used phrase on The Now Show is Duck House on MPs' expenses. And the country's second high-speed rail line, HS2, is announced. The following year, new Prime Minister David Cameron reveals the proposed route. Essentially, it'll be built in three phases. London to Birmingham, Birmingham to Crewe and finally, a replacement bus service

to everywhere else. Also in 2009, President Obama makes a state visit to Britain and is driven around in his armoured limo, The Beast, which weighs eight tonnes to the delight of at least nine local councils who blame him for their number of potholes to this day. The 2010 election produces one of the most unexpected catchphrases ever to sweep the country. I agree with Nick, said Gordon Brown. But sadly, Nick agreed with David Cameron when he proposed a coalition government by asking,

Nick, how do you fancy being stitched up like a kipper for a few years till we get a proper majority? It's a strange thing with Nick, Clegg, but of all the inaccurate statements of the last 25 years, I Will Not Backarise in Student Tuition Fees is the only one that never, ever got forgiven. I mean, Bill Clinton told us... I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

..and then survived impeachment and served two more years. Tony Blair told us... Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. When they weren't and went on to win a third election, Gordon Brown told us... There are no problems with the banking system. And there were. While David Cameron claimed... Look, if we don't cut the deficit,

Britain will end up like Greece. Which we were never going to do. While Michael Gove told us that after Brexit... The NHS will get an extra £350 million a week. And he then continued... Techno, techno, techno, techno, techno, techno! LAUGHTER And none of these things turned out to be true,

apart from the fact it was indeed techno. LAUGHTER In 2012, Nadine Dorris was suspended as an MP for appearing on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. This is a historic moment, as it's the last time any British politician faced consequences for poor judgement. But 2012 is best remembered as the year London stages the Olympics. On the day of the opening ceremony, the entire country started the day going...

Oh, it's going to be so bad. It's just going to be terrible. ..and ended it going... It's just so amazing! I'm so proud to be British! Two weeks later, the closing ceremony ended with Paul McCartney's extended performance of Hey Jude, which finished just in time for the Rio Olympics in... in 2016. And 2016 proved to be a watershed year. Yes, all the deaths of David Bowie, Prince Alan Rickman, Terry Wogan, Muhammad Ali, Leonard Cohen,

Britain's EU membership, David Cameron's government and intelligible US presidents. It also saw the launch of Pokemon Go and for a while downloads surpassed those updating out Tinder. This was probably confusion since both of them used the slogan, gotta catch em all. But the first half of 2016 of course was dominated by the EU referendum. For the next four years, every minute of every episode of The Now Show is about Brexit. As arguments rage, the Leaves side, in the form of Jacob Rees-Mogg, seem to know exactly what they want. It's perfectly simple. For years, Britain's been run by a distant and remote elite with

nothing in common with the ordinary working people of this country. We're going to change all that. 2019, and in Ukraine, Vladimir Zelensky becomes the first comedian elected leader of a major European country. Boris Johnson offers his congratulations on beating him to it by a couple of months.

on beating him to it by a couple of months. After the constant wrangling of the Theresa May years, Boris pledges to finally end Britain's long-standing relationship with the EU, and he knows how to carry out this delicate task. Hi folks, yes, I have got an up-and-ready scheme to do this, using my vast experience of ending relationships. I plan to leave the EU through the bathroom window down a ladder in my pants. When Britain finally leaves, the event is largely overshadowed by the arrival of the Covid pandemic, where for a few weeks every Thursday night the nation reverberated to

this. Yes, of course, the sound of nurses and doctors trying to turn old pots and pans into body armour after their crappy PPE has fallen to bits again. Lockdown begins and TV becomes dominated by a new programme, nightly briefings from Downing Street, which quickly become the country's most watched show. Ho, ho, welcome to Britain's Got Valance. LAUGHTER 2022 and several members of the 1922 committee celebrate their 100th birthdays.

LAUGHTER England reach the final of the Women's Euros. Finally, we win! Hey, listeners in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have their own running joke. LAUGHTER And so, here we are, 25 years on, with Labour ahead in the polls, wars in the Middle East, Tom Cruise constantly photograph filming in Britain and American presidents mired in scandal.

And to make it even more confusing, Bill Clinton and Donald Trump are both the same age. But only one of them could feasibly be president again in November. A thought that really does prompt the feeling that... ..things can only get better. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE This is great. MUSIC PLAYS Oh, I'm liking this band thing.

So now please welcome Harriet Kempsey. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! In honour of the Now Show breaking our hearts and saying goodbye, I would like to discuss my favourite news story of the week, the lawyers who accidentally divorced the wrong couple. When processing a final divorce order, a solicitor from London-based firm Vardags

accidentally pressed the wrong button and divorced Mr and Mrs Williams, When processing a final divorce order, a solicitor from London-based firm Vardags accidentally pressed the wrong button and divorced Mr. and Mrs. Williams, who'd been married for 21 years. Imagine you were just going about your very married lives and suddenly you've been divorced. I think there are quite a few married people who wouldn't get divorced.

It wouldn't cross their minds to actually go through with it, but if they were suddenly granted a divorce out of nowhere, they'd be like, oh no, sorry Terry, well I guess we have to respect the law. Look, I should know about this, hands on the table, I've just got divorced, on purpose. It's not easy getting a divorce usually, you've really publicly failed at something. I was so smug when I got married, I did it before I was 30 and I was like, yeah, I've found the one, I'm better than all you lonely losers.

Okay, I didn't have to say that in my vows. I remember talking to a friend who found the love of her life finally last year and at the start of the year she was single and she was upset and saying, everyone's settling down and I feel like I'm the last one left and I said, yeah, but you never know, I could be divorced in a year and you could have met the one, but I didn't mean it, I was just trying to be nice. For the last two years, no fault divorces have been possible, which has made the process

so much simpler for both sides, but I think they should add a caveat where you can say, yeah, yeah, it's no fault, but it is his. There's no way you can put that on the form, so I'm just talking about it on the last ever Now Show, broadcast on Radio 4, just to let people know it was his. There have been quite a few opponents of no-fault divorce, including MP for Penistone and Stockbridge, Miriam Cates, who said,

Marriage is essentially meaningless if it is easy to get out of. Which must be why, as I get older, I find baths more and more meaningful. LAUGHTER I've had people say to my face, divorce is too easy now. And that was before this week's news. I disagree. I think marriage is too easy. It's the wrong way around. I think you should be able to get divorced immediately,

but a marriage license should take at least six months, involve a team of solicitors and your family begging you to please just give single life a second chance. You can get married drunk in Vegas. I think you should be able to get divorced in Vegas. I think that would be great. You go to Vegas with your partner, get drunk, look at each other and think, we could do better.

Then Elvis divorces you. It makes sense, he'd get it. He had a hard marriage, a lot going on, and he had to deal with his wife's puberty. Mr. and Mrs. Williams, please don't be too worried, there are real plus sides to divorce. I get to say catchphrases I've always wanted to say, like, I'm going to take him for everything he has. The problem is he has nothing.

Sometimes I think, God, I'm so lucky to live in this time when I can get a divorce, I don't even have to apply, a computer will just randomly do it for me. And then I think back to a hundred years ago when I wouldn't have been granted a divorce, and I realised I never would have needed a divorce back then because marriages were arranged for you. I never would have needed a divorce because my dad never would have picked him. It's going to be an adjustment for the Williams suddenly being single after 21 years. I haven't been single since my early 20s and now in my mid 30s. I'm dating for

the first time in my life with self-esteem. When I was 23, a guy turned up to a date on a moped, and I was like, oh my god, he's a businessman. The dating landscape has completely changed. They're going to have to join dating apps. I missed them too the first time around. So I joined Hinge this year, and I was so nervous about telling people on dating apps that I was a stand-up because they'd be able to Google me and find my videos online

talking about my chlamydia. LAUGHTER On the app, you only have the first name, not your surname and your job, so I decided to search Harriet Stand-up to see if I came up without my surname. So I searched Harriet Stand-up, and let me say, not for the first time in my life, a huge thank you to Harriet Tubman, who so bravely stood up for civil rights. Comes the whole front page on Google for Harriet Stand-up and has stopped me from having to tell boys on dating apps about my clap.

The Williams are also going to need to get a post-divorce glow up. I got something called Invisalign. I don't know if you know what that is. It's an adult brace. It has invisible in the title, but it really captures the light. I've had to stop using it when I go on stage

because it's given me a lisp that's so bad that I haven't had since I was a teenager. And it feels so unfair to be single for the first time in a decade just going around being like, does anyone want to have a second with me, please? LAUGHTER Steve and Hugh, you're going to find it hard leaving the Now Show. Splitting up is never easy.

There's going to be a huge gap in your hearts and ours. But someone at Radio 4, press the wrong button. LAUGHTER but someone at Radio 4 pressed the wrong button. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Harriet Kensley there. So, let's be honest, the news has been a bit depressing recently. So we have asked our audience here to tell us something

that always cheers them up. Tell us something that always cheers you up. The first sip of beer after the grandchildren have left We live in tidal Twickenham always cheered up by watching badly parked cars float down the Thames If only that was all that was floating down the Thames Putting my clothes on the right way round Tell us something that always cheers you up. My prescription.

LAUGHTER So, thank you very much indeed for sharing those with us. And that is almost it for the show. Yeah, and we've got our final ever musical act. Jazzy Mew has looked into his crystal ball and the future looks bright. Take it away. ["Jazzy Mew"]

Not a single pot hole in the road. Politicians say sorry when they get it wrong. Ralph Fiennes has finally given up trying to say his name like that. Just say Ralph Reif. NHS staff are all fairly paid. British summer lasts longer than half a day. And people who walk too slowly on pavements have been euthanised.

It might sound crazy, but a man can dream. Global conflict has all been resolved, the big debate has finally been solved And we've all universally agreed It should be pronounced scone There's no more suffering, nobody dies Cause we found out the secret to eternal life Was buying a new bag for life Literally every time you shop It might sound crazy.

But a man can dream of all the things that could be. The ice caps freeze back up so the sea is the perfect level. For lots more billionaires to go down there in submarines and dream of all the things that could be AI gets good at writing comedy And I can chill out forever And just copy paste these songs off Chet TVC, oh We're gonna see some change We're gonna see some change We're gonna see some change

They're going to invent a biscuit That doesn't fall apart when dipped in liquid We're gonna see some change We're gonna see some change Online forms will be uniform On how they list the bloody name of our country. Is it Great Britain or just Britain or UK or the constituent countries listed out? Is it Greater Britain or just Britain or UK or the constituent countries listed out?

Is it Great Britain or just Britain or UK or the constituent countries listed out? My finger is so tired from scrolling. Oh, we're gonna save some change. We're gonna save some change. Alien tourists wrinkle somehow seven times more morrish. Oh, we're gonna save some change. We're gonna save some change. Therapy for robots. And by God, it looks like they're gonna save some change Therapy for robots And by God it looks like they're gonna need it

Oh, we're gonna save some change We're gonna save some change Come on, clap along Clap along if you're a robot who desperately needs therapy Oh, we're gonna see some change. We're gonna see some change. Thank you so much. APPLAUSE So, finally, to end off with, Tehran retaliated directly against Tel Aviv for the first time this week sending 300 drones on a long slow flight across the Middle East.

In other words Ayatollah Khamenei, the supreme leader of Iran who's been in charge for 25 years, Alexander Lukashenko, who's led Belarus since 1994, and Xi Jinping, who's changed the law so he can be China's president for life. All this while Trump and Biden, who have a combined age of 158, are running for president for the third and fourth time, respectively. So, it does seem that many of the world's problems are caused by men staying in the same job for too long. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE many of the world's problems are caused by men staying in the same job for too long. But it's been a joy, so as ever... It really has. And as ever, thank you for listening

and goodbye! You've been listening to The Now Show, starring Steve Punk, Hugh Dennis, Glen Moore, Harriet Kemsley, Rory Bremner and Gemma Aerosmith. The song was written and performed by Jazzy Mew, accompanied by Luke Bainbridge, Matty Hudson and Tom Marlowe. The show was written by the cast with additional material from Mike Sheppard, Cameron Locksail, Carl Carzana

and Christina Riggs. It was recorded by Mark Wilcox and Gary Newman and the producer was Sacha Bobak. Throughout its long life, the Now Show has been a team effort, so thank you to the BBC and everyone who's ever written, performed, produced, recorded, edited or worked on the show. It's been a BBC Studios production, a BBC Audio production, a BBC Studios Audio production or a BBC production,

depending on who was in charge, for BBC Radio 4. a BBC studio's audio production or a BBC production, depending on who was in charge, for BBC Radio 4.