Giggly Squad - Giggling about Aruba, colonics, and how to go through his phone

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

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What's up, Mike Giggle-Roney's? Cute! It sounds like a pasta. I'm hungry right now, if you can't tell. We are both jet-futters. I'm currently in Europe, also known as Ireland. I'm going to be a little bit more of a little bit more of a

little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a It sounds like a pasta. I'm hungry right now if you can't tell. We are both jet setters. I'm currently in Europe, also known as Ireland, but you're in Caribbean waters. I'm in Aruba and it has been so much fun. But all I could think about was

the live show when you're like, you get to vacation. And it takes you like three days to settle in, and you're like picky about everything. Craig has called downstairs, I don't know, seven times about things that he's complained about. And then by the time it's time to go, you're like, I just started enjoying myself, and like, unwinding. Giggler's, we have have anxiety and it doesn't go away

just because you're on a beach. So my anxiety turns into like you need to have fun or you're wasting your money. And yeah, the hotel should is so funny. Like we love a hotel. But like in what world is my sheets not cleaned in one day that I'm gonna have a freak out or like the towel wasn't switched.

I don't change my towel for four months at home. And something I'm like, I can't live like this! But um, it's like the TV keeps cutting out. I'm like, it doesn't, you know, it goes off, but you just have to turn it back on. He's like, I'm not living like that. They came and brought a new TV. I feel like my mom has a friend I'm not living like that. They came and brought a new TV.

I feel like my mom has a friend who every hotel she goes to, she finds a problem so she gets upgraded. But I just don't, I'm too much of a people pleaser. I'd be like, you know what, I'll sleep outside. I'll sleep outside. It's okay. Oh my God, we had a bug issue too. And I woke up in the middle of the night to correct taking videos and pictures

being like there's bugs in this room and I need He's that guy posting on TripAdvisor the pool and the more Greedos 10 on the cockroaches on my girlfriend in the middle of the night Seven I was like well, maybe we left the door open like we are Like a biobie each like in a tropical place like whatever. A few things about my trip though. There's a casino in our hotel. Oh Kreganiah are now avid gamblers. Oh okay okay so you Vegas you just didn't like because the sun was too close and Vegas I was having like a weekend I was just like yeah not in but now because it's in a room But you love to gamble are you playing blackjack or playing blackjack and I'm big at the craps table

You're turning into like an Italian Mofioso wife just like blowing on people's dice being like yeah good luck buddy. Throw in a thousand. I don't I don't know what's going on 95% of the time. And Greg is our life. He is pretty standard. I'm not like uncomfortable. And Greg has to whisper in my ear like what's happening and like what to say to the dealer. He's like, hurry up. This is the thing. Math? Math, not your strong suit. Not my strong suit. Bibes and reading energy.

Yes. And psychic, mediumness, all you. There was a guy at the end of the crap stable and Craig was like, oh, said something and I was like, no, I caught him talking about me earlier saying rude things. And he was like, what? How did you catch that? I was like, you have no idea the intuition. That was...

He didn't say it, but he thought it, okay? I was like, I don't fuck with that guy. What's the one where it's like red or white? And that's the only bet. Rulat. Yeah, those people are fucking crazy. Yeah, I mean, because you know, people are crazy because there are a few people that are like very

superstitious and like very there. Like there was tension one night at the craft stable and I was like, I literally feel like I'm playing for my mortgage. Like we're just here for fun. And I cap it like we only stay for two hours. What, whether we're winning or we're losing like after two hours, I realize like that's I'm like, okay, I'm going about like, I don't really care what happens.

Yeah. But we've won, like, I won $700 the other night. Oh my God, what are you going to spend it on? I already spent it. Well, that's fun because it's like literally this money that you get. It was like monopoly money. I was like, I'm not supposed to have this so why not buy shit. I bought address and a beach bag Oh fuck yeah, go for you. I dated a guy who was into gambling

But it was like cool. I don't know if I said this on the bottom But he'd do it at like night like you'd like go to these like poker things ornaments Yeah, cuz he was like good at math or whatever. But then he would like go all in and lose sometimes and like he'd be miserable for a week. We're not advocating for gambling addiction. I do have to say gambling is full on multi-level marketing scheme. First, actually, I watched his documentary on it

where like the house always wins. Yeah, always. And there'll be a couple people Very very small that will get everyone to want to keep doing it But everyone loses except for like 0.02 percent and you think you're gonna be that percent and even if you are that percent You eventually lose, you know what I mean? I'm so oblivious sometimes to like gambling culture or just like certain things. We're sitting at the blackjack table. This guy comes over to me.

He hands me his card. I'm just like, okay. We get back to the room and Greg was like, who was that guy? And I was like, he was an Uber driver, I think. Like I don't know. I have no fucking idea what he was saying to me. Come to find out he was the head of the casino and was wondering if we wanted to come back,

like as hotel guests, so that we could gamble. Craig could not have been more mad at me. He was like, an Uber driver? Page, he's the head of the casino. I was like, he had one blue eye and one green. It's really all like a focus on. And it's like, and I'm pretty sure he's a new bird driver. That is so funny.

Well, as long as you guys are like, capping it, because think about it. Casinos would not be so rich if people won. In any situation, selling alcohol is the number one money maker. Like, I think of comedy clubs, comedy clubs, concerts concerts professional games like Reality TV

But like alcohol always wins like the sales and alcohol always wins Casinos is the only thing that makes more money where they're like, fuck it, it's free. Like, you don't pay for a drink. Because when you're vibing, don't, didn't you say they like put extra air in the casinos so everyone's like, my brother said, yeah, they pump,

they pump oxygen into casinos in a specific like smell that keeps you alert and keeps you wanting to play. It's like rats in an experiment. I don't like that shit at all. I'm like, you know, people know I don't drink a lot, I've never smoked a cigarette, and it's not because I have self control. It's because I don't trust myself.

Like I don't want to start gambling because I would become a fiend. It's because I don't trust myself. Like I don't wanna start gambling cause I would become a fiend. It's so interesting. I totally understand that. I feel like I have an addictive personality. But if it's something I really don't like, then I'm not addicted. Like gambling, I would never get addicted to. This is my thing, Paige.

If I gamble and it goes bad, I have a horrible night. If I gamble and I have fun, then I like gambling. Yeah, I got it. I think I was an addict in a past life, like a serious addict in a past life. We should get that checked. We should go and see what they're like. You should get that checked out. You should get your past life checked out. There are specific psychakes that will say what you were in a past life and I think we should do it. Yes, someone told me that I was, you know, Wonder Woman, where was she, remember she was like training with all the women in the forest?

No, sorry, I'm not caught up on Wonder Woman's origin story. Okay, rude, feminist icon. I was like one of the warrior princesses. Wait, you're a warrior princess. You're TikTok on the street asking men what feminism is. Pure fucking gold. Oh my god, thank you because it didn't do well compared to the other ones because I think people are too upset about it. Oh, you guys, my man on the street videos have actually ruined my opinion of men because of multiple reasons one, I mean, I mean, I mean, like comics are smart men. Like they are smart. Would they, are they high?

Yes, but they're smart. Right. And yeah, they're trying to be a little funny. They're cunning. They're savvy. But I've learned they have no idea what a hairdo is. They have all men like if you really sat if we really sat the men down and Ask them questions. They don't we know it's if we brought all the men together

They don't they'd have no fucking clue. I asked them like about fall fashion Yeah, they can't even they struggle to even get an idea Then they don't I know some girls might not know this but like do you know the shape of a clitoris? It's like oblong right? So a clitoris is the shape of like a V But it goes all the way around the top part is just like the Yes, the top part is like the bean, but then it goes on the sides. No man knew that!

No man knew that! And at first I was like, this funny, some of the guys don't know, and then I was like, Oh, the whole male speaks, she doesn't fucking know. And we let these men run the country. Running the country. Running pretty much everything. I thought it was a bit. Running the country. Running pretty much everything. When you thought it was a bit, it's not. When you asked the question about gaslighting and they were just like, you. I asked them what's the finish of gaslighting and they

were like, when you can't start the car, when the car is not starting. When I say something and then she says something but I'm'm wrong. I'm like, God. And then you're crazy, because they're crazy and you're like, oh my, and that's the fucked up thing. We think these men are like smooth in their, like, we've put them on such a pedestal.

The particular way is to ruin our lives. No, they're, it's just like they're, they're a natural impulse. But yeah, so I'm disappointed in men, but like, I don't know why I even had any hopes Well, I have an update Add it to the segment of reasons why I'm breaking up with Craig On this trip I was like I was like we should like look into

Excursions like see if there's any like excursions we can do I was partially kidding I can never imagine you even saying the word excursion with a serious face. Really all I wanted to do was like go to this one beach that had flamingos which we did go to. Excursion sounds like they're chucking you out of like a plane. A plane into the half of that. I'm not excursioning. So Craig inadvertently took me hiking. Like I turned around at one point during this excursion and I said, you tricked me.

And then I just turned background. So he was dishonest. No, he booked this thing where we get, it was like a private tour of Aruba where the guy who's giving the tours in like an ATV and then him and me and Craig were in an ATV. And we went all around Aruba were like the guy who's giving the tours in like an A-TV and then him and mean Kregoran and A-TV and we went all around Aruba. It was actually so fucking sick, like seeing things that you would never see if you just like came to a resort.

Like I thought Aruba, you think Aruba is like this tropical destination with this beach. It's not at all. It's literally a desert. They don't grow anything here. Like they can't, like their land can't handle it. Like, I heard it's windy. Is it windy there? It's windy on one side of the island and then the other side. It's like, not. It was so interesting. Like learning all about it, we went to these like caves. We jumped in this like natural natural pool where there was a cave. It was so fucking sick, but at one point we did hike.

And when I say hike, I had to walk up 12 steps to a cave and I was just like, you took me hiking. Well, that's a very good vacation. You have to find the balance of adventure versus lying in your bed. And I think it just depends on where you are mentally. But I'm so proud of you guys that you actively were like, we need to take a vacation, even though it was only like what, four days? Yeah, but I mentally was not well and I needed a vacation.

I know you weren't mentally well because you made some funny TikToks. I was like, that's really fucking funny. I don't want to make Craig feel bad. I don't want to make it about me. However, you did the word game. It was really, Craig didn't realize that it was a social experiment to compare. You know, people are always like, why won't you just tell Craig he's your best friend? And I needed to put science behind it.

And I did. But you were so cute, you were so empathetic with him. You were like, it's okay. And he was just saying, although only words he knew, he was saying things he was seeing. He said,

He wasn't doing word association, you know, it wasn't not how it works. For people, I don't know the word association game, two people, you just keep coming up with words and you see if you can get the same word to see for you on the same page. For people, I don't know the word association game, two people, like you just keep coming up with words and you see if you can get the same word

to see for on the same page. And page and I freaked ourselves out. And we got you at party. We were drunk, we were tired. Second try, we got the same word. Someone has the video, I'm gonna find out. We have to find it. We looked at each other, we said, okay, come on.

Let's do this. And we said, okay, got it. One, two, three, I said, bed. Hannah two three. I said bed Hannah said cheese I said we got this One two three cheese it Again But it's different it's different Much different. Yes agar gourmet chip a gourmet cheesy chip

We're such trash Bed and cheese we're like, oh come on People thought we were gonna be like ocean philosophy. No cheese it's bitch I'm in Ireland. Yeah, how is that? She's at Spitch. I'm in Ireland. Yeah, how is that? It's good. I just rose out having seen my husband in years.

So I had to go over the water. You are so good with time zone change. It's because you're so cultured. So you know what I realize? I'm always tired. So I use it to my advantage where I'm like, you're always sleepy. So we can handle this What are you your six hours ahead?

Five hours ahead. Okay. I had shows all weekend in Long Island So then after my shows Friday Saturday Sunday. I slept all day with butter and I was really upset because I had to leave her and then I've just sleeping all day you get on the plane at 9 p.m. Mm-hmm New York and then you arrive at 9 p.m. in New York, and then you arrive at 9 a.m. after getting like four or five hours in Ireland. And I'm like, did you not sleep on the plane?

Kind of, but you know when you're excited. Yeah, oh, that's cute. I'm still excited, I'm still a little excited. But I got there, and I was hyped the fuck up. I was like, you know, I was like, this is my vacation within, and I was like, you know, I was like, this is my vacation with him. And I was like, we gotta go to Grafton Street. We gotta see this vintage shop.

I gotta get my nails done. And he was like, calm down. And I go, you always say I'm sleepy. I'm ready to fucking go. And he was like, you're at a 10. I need you at two. He's like, take a nap. And I'm like, I need to come all the way here to take a nap.

And he's like, I'm telling you, take a nap. And then I was like, and I'm out for like three hours. My thing is though, is if I start a nap, I'm out. Question, does Desnap? He can only nap for 15 minutes like a normal person. And when I nap, I nap for four hours. Craig doesn't nap and we're on vacation. He was like, what do you want to do?

And I was like, well, it's five o'clock. It's snapping time. I love a 6 p.m. app. Because you get back from the beach or whatever you did, you shower, it's not time to go to dinner. You put your jammies on, you nap. Like we're on vacation. And he was like, okay, I'm gonna, I was like,

why don't you go and walk around and see what happens take a laugh And so every day on vacation at five o'clock We would separate And I would nap like a normal fucking person before dinner and he would go like talk to people and like See the ground to Like a great friends with people yeah Talk to people, am I... Oh my God. See, the ground, too. I feel like a great friend with people in the head. Yeah, and I come and take this as Steve,

and these are all his friends. And I'm just like, okay. You know what? I'm like, he came back to me the other day and he goes, okay, you're gonna friggin love Matt and Maddie. And he, like, he gave me their whole, I'm like, I don't, I don't care. Matt and Matt, leave Matt and Maddie and he like give me their whole like I don't I don't care Matt and Matt leave Matt and Maddie alone Probably know they're trying to have a romantic

Today even today we really jumped in a cab and does is like asking the guy Brazilian questions about the neighborhood Because does loves a neighborhood chat I'm like I'm like you're being chatty like he loves small talk and I'm like, you're being chatty. Like he loves small talk and I'm like, he'll be like, so this road, how long has the construction been? And I'm like, oh my God. I go, you're chatty. Craig loves small talk.

We should just, oh my God, I can't wait to vacation with them because they will entertain themselves. They'll tire each other out. It's like, we're gonna, look at each other and be like, they're gonna sleep good tonight. Is this so chatty? Oh my God. you're so shy.

I could not have asked the tour guide more fucking question. No. And Rubik's like the guy in the classroom when the teacher's like, okay, any more question. And the guy was saying how like a Rubik used to be owned by the Dutch, but the Dutch basically like fucked them from the beginning of time, like stole all their gold. So Craig's like asking for so much trauma and so Craig's like asking all these questions and I look at the tour guy

and you go and I go you want to know something and he's like one I go this guy's fucking Dutch. You threw a crack under the bus. But yeah I love being in Europe. I'm just a new bitch. Yeah, you really are. It's like, it's where you're supposed to be. I have a new bag. I'm rocking. It's a Fritendi. It's a Fendi. That's fake. It's a Fritendi. Someone DM'd it to me and it's the funniest thing. I can't find who sent it.

I want to give them credit, but I can't find the DM. It's my Fritendi. I'm like, on DHGate, I have Balenciaga for Tendi. Wait, Balenci. We have to think of a word for Balenciaga. Folenciaga. I mean, I would just put faux in front of all of them. Yeah, but Fritie is so good.

Do you think I'll get backlash if I made a tick talk about them? I fake that. No, I've seen so many girls make tick talks about what they buy on DH gate. They even link it. But I don't get it. That has to be illegal. It has to be, I told you, it's literally the lime wire for women, for millennial women I'm just like you cannot convince me to drop

Four thousand dollars on a bag that I'm going to lose. I don't deserve nice things. It's about me. It's not about them I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna my friends gonna eat french fries and ketchup on it I'm gonna leave it in a uber. I'm gonna spill wine on it. It's so funny how different we are. Fallen the toilet. Because literally all I've been thinking for the past three months is like for my 30th birthday, what am I gonna buy myself? And I think I'm gonna buy myself a Chanel bag.

A real one. Do you know, I actually have a real Chanel bag that can't store that you never use? No, why? I didn't know it was expensive. I literally don't know. It's like Navy. Yeah, which is like a classic.

A Navy quilt. Stunning with a gold chain or a silver chain or like what a color of the seas Maybe I'll give it to you for your 30F. That's okay Your use If you're hearing this ad we've got some good news for you that means you're hearing this ad, we've got some good news for you. That means you're alive. So you've still got time to get life insurance with ethos. With ethos, you could get life insurance in 10 minutes for as little as $10 a month. Unlike other companies long-confusing and outdated application processes, ethos 100% online

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Craig woke up the other day and goes, oh my god, I just had the worst dream ever. You were in a insane asylum. And he was like, but I believe he was the dream. He goes, seems very unbranded. He goes, but you were thriving. He was like, you have a lot of friends. He wanted to be there. And I was like, yeah. You got the best outfits of everyone there. Your straight jacket was so much cheaper than everybody else's. You guys, we're trying to normalize mental institutions.

We're not making fun of them. We really feel like it has to be talked about more. No, I really think that it does. Like, it's not a crazy house, it's like a reset. That's what I want to go to. A thousand percent, a thousand percent. I learned this new thing called music manifestation. Okay. You heard it about on TikTok.

No. Basically how the songs you listen to really affect your subconscious. Like if you're listening to sad music or you're listening to like, I'm not over you. We should dive in more to the subconscious. Like if you're listening to sad music or you're listening to like, I'm not over you. We should dive in more to the subconscious. How do we do that? Let me just look at each other. Okay, I'm getting. Okay. No, the brain is crazy. I just learned on this trip that Craig is left-handed.

I've dated this man for over a year. And that's because we were talking about how like that's such a different part of the brain. He literally was signing a shock and I was like, why are you doing it with your left hand? And he goes, I don't know, Paige, maybe because I'm left-handed. What hand does he finger you with?

I've never looked. I feel like when guys finger with the wrong hand, they fumble the bag. I've literally been like, okay, flip sides, because they're not. I genuinely think he was like, well, I'm ambidextrous. Oh, he's ambidextrous. Okay, sir. Okay, sir. I do, like, I play sports and do things right-, but I'm if I'm writing something I do it left handed

So I think he's okay. Is that an ambitious or Just something's off. I think he just wanted to like be different and like better than everyone and so he like taught himself Wait so wait so why are you telling us he's left handed? Just that you don't know because we were talking about how like it's us he's left handed? Just that you don't know. Because we were talking about how like, if you're left handed, they say like you use a different part of your brain. And I really believe that or like, like different part of your brain means

you're like more creative or like, if you're left handed. My grandpa growing up, I don't know where he went to school, but they basically believe that if you wrote left-handed, you were possessed by the devil. So they forced him to learn to write, right-handed. So his whole life, he does everything left-handed, except he writes right-handed,

but writes very badly, right-handed. That's very interesting. When I was in gymnastics, when I was younger, I did everything left-handed and my mom was like, we don't know. I was just saying to the gymnast, you love those cute little outfits, didn't you? I could literally only do a cartwheel and like, possibly a backhand spring, but I was like, I wish you could see us in like one of those classes when we were little. Like you'd be literally posing or like looking at one of your nails And I'd be like chucking myself off of like the trampoline and like face planning. We were definitely so different in like

Those classes like that in like so hard. I'd want the coach to think I was good like so bad like I would I didn't I didn't talk to anyone and I had to be able to see my mom through the window or I'd lose my fucking mind. Oh my God. But the subconscious thing is really funny because I called Des the other day and I was like baby I had a dream about you and he, we're at the point where we don't waste time on our phone calls of long distance. He goes baby I don't care about your dream.

And I was like, no, no, no, like I just want to tell you about it. And he's like, okay, fine. And I'm telling him. And he's like, cuts me off. He's like, this is what ready going way longer than I had entered before. And I was like, babe, he's like, I don't care. I'm like, this is my subconscious. Yeah.

Because you're so conscious. And he's like, yeah, you have anxiety. Like I don't need your dream to tell me that what was the dream? Give us like a five second break basically. I was in Ireland and he was like we went to some store And I couldn't find him and I was getting annoyed with him and then we had a meeting and some woman Okay, it's already too long I'm interested. I am the rare breed I'm a rare breed that when people are like I had a crazy dream

I'm into it because I'm like this is something We were this woman was supposed to help us with something I forget what and I like tried to make her laugh or something and she was like I don't want to work with you guys and he was like mad at me for something I said and I was like Oh my god I came all the way to Ireland and it's going so bad and then I get to his house and I realize he's been He's been throwing a surprise party for me realize he's been he's been throwing a surprise party for me. And that's why he's been like a like and like yeah like hiding because he

was like trying to set up all the stuff. And I was like oh. So he does have a second family or he doesn't. Does we want to answer us? So does that people come up to him after his show in Ireland and they go, how's his second fan? Craig is like, what the fuck is the whole monitor? Shit that you guys are talking about. Okay, that's so whole monitor of him to say. I'm like, don't monitor my podcast.

How about that? Page, what do we do about the eyebrows? Because I'm getting, I got 1,000 DMs because I'm a generous eyebrows. A thousand. It's to the point that I think I should. Your trends. No, I don't know.

You're a trend set. You would actually look way better with bleached eyebrows than I would because you have lighter hair hair and I feel like later like eyebrow hair. Okay, I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing and you're smart. You're sneaky and you're smart.

You know Julia Fox pulls that shit off and I look, he look like Julia Fox if she was poor. I, you do have the same skin tone. Skin tone. Yeah. As in, a little bit red. Yeah, like you have like a little bit of freckles. Like you don't have like, you have all of these skin, but you also have like a fair skin.

You're like, it's like, you look like you've boils on your skin. Yeah. Like you look Italian. You always look like you just crush. Okay, you wrote some crazy shit in this notes. What is going on? I wrote a lot of things. Oh my god.

Okay, I wanted to tell people this because this is just like for the girls to know. I'm going to post the link on the Giggly Squad page because we were traveling to so many hotels the past month and I use this in my like actual apartment too. I my aunt bought my mom this thing to give to me and it's basically like a door stopper that you put like underneath the door and you turn it on and so if anyone tried to open your door a crazy psychotic alarm goes off to the point where you're like anyone is like running away because it sounds like it's immediately calling the police but all it is is just like an insane noise that would like wake anyone up. And I just feel like I've seen so many, I've been in so many hotels recently, where I'm in the room,

the door is locked, the latch is locked, and someone from the hotel has opened my door. Like hasn't opened the lock, but like latch but like the door has opened and I've opened it and been like, you're what the fuck? You mean like how a housekeeper is trying to clean? No, like the other day this was I forget what hotel we were in but I would but all of these incidents have happened when I buy myself. Somebody opened the door and was like, oh, I'm checking the mini bar and I was just like, okay And then another person to open the door and was like, oh, I Yeah, they want it someone wanted to come in and clean, but it's always been guys like if it's a girl I care like Significantly less, but like it has been men women don't murder people. They literally don't.

They will be mental terrorists, but they will not murder you. They'll ruin your life. But they won't murder you. I do feel like the amount of drama that that little thing will add when it doesn't need to is a lot. That's some chaotic shit. It's chaotic, but I feel like whoever is coming in is like a fuck. They have an alarm on and most alarm systems immediately call the police.

So they don't know that it's not calling the police. You're gonna bring this to the hotels. I bring it to every hotel. Okay. Okay, you know what? I can't tell you that you're too paranoid because I don't think you can ever be too paranoid with safety, but I don't, I want you living. You know, I don't want you like,

I use it every single night at my apartment too. I don't want you like going to sleep in Fort Knox every night, you know, with like, booby traps everywhere. I also got a ring light when it's to install that shit immediately. Yeah. Actually, I did have one weird thing happen.

I didn't tell anyone about it, but I was, after comedy sometimes it's late and I, well, I left like a random show and I, I guess I wanted to walk to the avenue to get a Uber and the Uber was like six minutes and I'm like, fuck and it's like, it was like 9.30 in the lower east. And I was just scrolling my phone waiting and I'm I'm just on the corner, kind of alone. It's kind of quiet there.

Yeah. It was like a Wednesday. And like I look behind me and there's just like a man standing there. No. And then as I look forward, the Uber like immediately comes and I go in and as we're leaving, he's just standing there looking at the car and I'm like Whatever universe God whatever like was looking down on me. Yeah, I don't fuck with that I don't wait outside anymore for Uber Also, my mom has me paranoid that like I am going to get abducted and die. It's just a matter of

Yeah, my mom's gonna be so mad at that story. I'll call her at night and she's like, are you outside? Yeah. Are you are you walking with her? And my mom is the only person that has my location. Oh yeah, my mom has my location. She used to use it to see like who I was hooking up with back in the day. She's like, I thought you broke up with him. She's like British David Brooklyn, really? Really? British David Brooklyn. She's had it for so long and when I used to like go out all the time Every night I'd get a text page. I just want to let you know it is 4 a.m And I don't see you anywhere near your Mom, I know how did she even sleep? She didn't she literally didn't She would wake up in the middle of the night, check my location, text me something rude,

and go back to sleep. But now it's gotten to the point now where she's like, Paige, you haven't left your apartment in four days, and I think you should just get air. That is so funny. Oh my god, that is so funny. My, our mom's both freaked out in our last live show because we took the video of you

Smashing the sparkling water my mom called me at porn stage She called her on stage just to be like you're gonna die don't drink that my mom's messaging don't let her drink that But I was like shards of glass or like the new like cool tied pod It's kids put a tied It's kids, put a tide pod. It's giving Gen Z. It's giving Tide pod. They muddle it.

It was shard. Okay, the next thing I had on my list is half of these I write when I'm really high. I don't write them. No, that's what I do with jokes. I'll write something and I'll be like, what do I mean, chicken liver? What does that even mean? I'll write a jokes. I'll write something and I'll be like, what do I mean chicken liver? What is that even mean?

I'll even call it a joke is that. Colonic. No, I know what. Okay, page 9. We have so many things we have to do. I think we're gonna start a YouTube channel, try it all. Okay, I looked up all of the things about a colonic. First of all, our mom's would fucking kill us if we got colonics. Why? Because if you look up like what a colonic is, yes,

it looks like it's amazing. Then if you click like an actual doctor's website, there's like no evidence that colonics do any of the things that they claim to do. And you could actually really fuck up your large intestines to the point where you could get an infection and have to have like the risk, it's definitely risk versus reward.

Like you see, and my mom was like a science teacher. So she's the first to be like, yeah, that shit's bullshit, that shit's bullshit. What do you think about lymphatic drainage? Okay, now that I get all the time and I want to. But it's what it lasts for two days. It depends. Like it's almost like a reset of like your water weight in your body. Like I recommend getting it.

If you have an event, like if you have a wedding coming up or something, I think lymphatic drainage massages are great. Does it hurt? It doesn't hurt sometimes. Sorry I have the hiccups. Sometimes it'll hurt on your stomach because you have so much like going on in your stomach. I'm literally having getting one next week but here's the thing that I've realized because I've gotten so many of them in my life. You have to do it three days before your actual event. I did it a night before I had an event

and the entire next day I couldn't stop sweating because your body detoxes hours after. So okay, after you get it, I recommend getting it at night time. It's just a day in the life of being in the year being Hannah Bernhardt. You're literally a health guru. You're like just have a sweating problem. You'll have no water weight. I recommend getting it at night because you're very tired after it drink a ton of water during the day before you get it but don't drink like an hour before because then that's what makes

your stomach hurt. This is already too much admin. It's so much admin. And what? This is so you look like a tiny bit slimmer. I'm not about it. No, you not only look slimmer, you feel a lot better, because everything is digesting properly and draining out of you.

So you pee a ton, but the three days after it are so fucking crucial that it's like, it's work. Like you can't eat certain things like to get the maximum out of that. Do you warn you about this? Yeah, they tell you all of it. Like you can eat broccoli.

I don't know why I haven't looked into it, but I guess it makes you explode. Be like, oh no! I don't know what I'm making it down. But but I guess it makes you close. Oh no! I only know what I'm making it down. But like you shouldn't eat dairy, you shouldn't eat carbs, you shouldn't eat processed foods, you shouldn't eat sugar, you should literally live on sun and light and air. Air.

But it does, you do feel better after. I think you should try one time. No shit, you're not eating dairy. But also for these people, we're like, I need a colonic. Go to Taco Bell. That's so natural. That's so natural.

Colonic. Go to Taco Bell, order the nachos. The oven and the heat for a little bit. A couple of days ago, this is, that's a lie. A couple of weeks ago, I like, could you not go to the bathroom? And I was like, what the fuck am I going to do?

And I don't know why it didn't pop in my head until I go to the pharmacy. And like, get something. I was like, I'm fuck am I gonna do? And I don't know why it's in pop in my head to like go to the pharmacy and like get something. I was like, I'm just gonna get Chipotle. Worked like a fucking charm. Like a literal charm. I was like, am I a doctor? I see my side effect of anxiety meant to health moment is like anytime I get anxious

about something, my body's like, we gotta relieve everything in it. I'm like, it's the adrenaline. Yeah, like a lion's about to chase me. When it's like literally Hannah, you're just worried about answering the phone of an unknown number and you're gonna shoot yourself over that. When I was in my early 20s

and I would like go through my boyfriend's phone, I would get searching, this is I'm not fucking joking, this is not a joke. I would get such. This is, I'm not fucking joking. This is not a joke. I would get such a fucking adrenaline rush from going through it that I would immediately have to run to the bathroom and ship myself while I was going through his phone because like my body was so fucking amped up. When you find something, what's the playbook how what do you do because you're instantly in this weird place where it's like he could gaslight you and be like

what are you going through my phone when really it's like because I know that you're cheating on me and I always hated look I'm very much a believer in like trusting your partner and like never feeling like you have to go through their phone. But like when I was in my early 20s, really up until I was like 25, I was like, yeah, I'm back in going through it. I knew there was something on it, but I needed like the evidence and the proof to win the argument. So when you, oh, okay, so when you're fighting to be fully confident. I needed to be fully confident to be like,

I know exactly like you're lying right to my face and this is how I know. And then I hated when guys would be like, well, but I wanna break up because you went through my phone. Like that's such a fucking gaslighting bullshit. Like if I'm your partner, I'm gonna go out. I went through your phone. I think like if I wanna I'm your partner, I'm gonna- It's like, God, I went through your phone. I think, if I wanna fucking look at something,

I'm gonna fucking look at it. Like, give it to me. But I feel like some people would be like, don't look at your boyfriend's phone, whatever. But it's almost empowering, cause it's like, I feel like once you look at the phone, you know you're breaking up with them. You just don't know how.

Right. Because here's the thing, if Craig came into this room right now and said, let me see your phone, I would be like, okay. Like, I would hand it to him. And everyone's always like, if you're gonna go through your boyfriends phone, you're gonna get your feeling start.

Well, you shouldn't. Well, you shouldn't. If you go through your boyfriend's phone right now, your feelings should not be hurt. And if they are, he's a fuckhead, not you. I would say I've actually never looked through a boyfriend's phone. Oh my God. I've never looked through it, but I did hear if you are and you have a specific thing

you're looking for to be fast, to like write the word you're looking for in the message search bar. Duh! This is what I would do. As I was looking through it, this was before you could screen record. If I was in my early 20s now with the phone technology, I would have caught so many boyfriends. It was before screen record. So as I was looking through things and I didn't have enough time to read all of it, I would scroll screenshots, scroll screenshots.

So I had it all and then I would just send myself all of it. So then I could have time. I'm have time. I'm a leisure. Look at where this mother is. Like, right in the New York Times in the morning. So I'm just touching up on some light. I just envisioned you like Audrey Hepburn,

like you walks in, you have a face mask. You're just flipping through your phone with sunglasses on your hair up in the towel. Smoking a cigarette. I'm like, ah, I've been waiting for you. Come sit. I have some, ah, I've been waiting for you. Come sit. I have some things to discuss with you. Oh my god, you seem so crazy.

You know what I watched? What? The Maryland movie. I watched it, too. I was like very into the drama around it. Like I was on Twitter, like looking for what people were saying. What are your thoughts?

Brad Pitt was one of the producers. Oh, I didn't know that. So interesting. Very artsy. Extremely artsy. Here's the other thing. On a day, Armas is not good at an American accent. She said a lot of things.

Look, we inspected it. Okay, I like. It was distracting to me. It was a Cuban accent. But the thing is, is that it's a biopic, which no one, and I don't even know what a biopic is, but apparently, apparently, it means that it's not real. They did not make that clear. Wait, like, what wasn't real?

It's based off of a book that was a biopic of what Maryland's life might have been like. And I don't think she actually... Either way, it seemed like her life fucking sucked. Well, what I loved that they did was they showed how she really detached from who Norma Jean is and who Maryland is, where she was like, that's not me. Did the show with her mom actually happen? Yes. Okay. I don't know to the extent, I just know her mom

was, had mental illness, was schizophrenic. I don't think she was in a threple. I don't think she was in a threple either. Which is like, what? I would have left that movie being like, yeah, she's in a threple. Yeah, sure. They didn't't show I wanted them to show when she was sleeping with the president. They did show it. They did. He was the one that she gave the

blowjob to. Oh, I might have fallen asleep at that point. Joe Demagio. Be sure. That was real. The Joe Demagio, like beating the shit out of her thing. That was real the Joe Demagio like beating the shit out of her thing that was real Oh, this dumb athletes and Armours was amazing. I do think they could have picked a more voluptuous girl as Marilyn But I'm being nitpicky. It was also so fucking artsy It reminded me of like the Elvis movie where I was just like I don't know what's happening Because it was filmed like it was a movie back then. And then I heard that like everyone on the production

set had to wear that era of clothing, like the PAs and all of that because they were constantly filming. So like even when it wasn't a scene, they were still filming so that like if she did any, yeah yeah, the essence of the time. I do think people should watch blonde, though. Like I enjoyed it. I did enjoy it too. I watched it at the perfect time because it was pouring rain outside.

It was the middle of the day. I was on vacation. I was just like, I'm gonna watch this three hour movie. People are mad though that, like it was supposed to be about the fetishization of her and they like fetishized Anidarmus because she was just like, topless crying the whole time.

Yeah, that was an interesting part as well. Also, the conspiracy theorist in me, like I think she was murdered. I think she was murdered too. They also, this might be wrong, but they made like I think she was murdered. I think she was murdered too They also this might be wrong, but they made it look like she she was forced to have an abortion or the president's child I think that might have been true though See I'm like further confused Even more creepy

Did you see that coming up with a Barney documentary? Yeah, and it's like sex, like, drugs, prostitution rings. And you're like, what? How much was it? OK, Barney, go off. Go off, Barney. I was obsessed with Barney. I was a Barney girlie.

I was not. Couldn't stand them. Hey, I hate. I was like, this is stupid. Why Arthur is an on right now? Ridiculous. OK, I did fuck with Arthur. I fuck with Arthur hard Barney and Cessna street was on Barney. Yeah Barney and Cessna street on Realist, wishbone. Did you watch? Yes. That's how I am so knowledgeable

I know I was I part of me was like maybe she didn't because you know Part of me was like, maybe she did it, cause you know, she opened too far, but it's for you. How dare you. My uncle had that kind of dog when I was little, and I would walk into their house every day, or not every day, but all the time and be like, that's like the wishbone dog.

And that dog bit me, I don't know, four times. I hated it. I was like, I'm like, you wishbone. Also is Massimo fucking Chloe? Like, what's going on with that? Oh my God. It is, I think, if it's not true, it's the best PR stunt

I've ever seen in my life. And it's one of my favorite. She didn't post a photo. Is it just like behind the scenes at a fashion week thing? It was like behind the scenes at a fashion show and then they went to an after party and they were like hugging like they were You could tell he was like whispering in her ear. I Love it. That's just that's just how Massimo talks to people How he communicates he's like I'm eating and he's like he's like I have to touch your tits

Like that's just what we do in our culture He's like I want to rip your clothes off. It's like sir.'m eating and he's like, he's like, I have to touch your tits. Like, that's just what we do in our culture. He's like, I want to rip your clothes off. And it's like, sir, this is a Zoom meeting. I think it's great. I would love it, except people were commenting that she had gone to a psychic couple of years ago that psychic that was like on E. I forgot what his name, Tyler Henry.

And he said to her, there's a guy that's coming into your life with the M name. He was like, I don't know, and he was like sounding it out, and he was like, he's really bad for you. Do not go for it. And so everyone was freaking out, being like, this has to be the God.

But it's Massimo, his real name. Michele is his real name. Oh. Massimo is his name in the movie, but yes, I know. Oh, no. It's a never-drained coffee with poor Macau class. He's fun. Poor me a cup.

This is the one guy. Look at this. I do it his coffee a day. I think my coffee guy now. Can I just go bring coffee? Get him out. Get him out. Literally, get him out. Get him out. Thank you out. Get him out. Get him out.

Get him out. Get him out. Thank you. Let's see if you like the way I make coffee. Where you didn't make it, you poured it in the cup and added the milk. I know. It's stuck to a freestyle. Very good.

Thank you. Tom, it's basically energizing soup. Is Hannah what he has written? Is Hannah what he has written? Hannah said that coffee is basically energetic soup so you would like it. Yeah coffee bean soup. Okay since it's simple man. Since pillows and beer is obviously trying to sabotage Gagelies squad and we understand

it though we get it. When you're really on the up and up, you have haters. Harry Styles makeup. Harry Styles coming out with a makeup line. I also saw the first Brad Pitt commercial for his skin care line and I- Was he in it? Yeah.

He was like, this is my routine. I washed my face and I used a serum and I used a moisturizer. So I'm gonna do that in the morning and then at night. I was just shot up, Brad, you use the tears of women. Let's be honest, Brad Pitt. I was like, you have no idea what's happening. I was makeup.

I feel like let women have something, you know, like let women like all makeup and skincare is unisax. Shut up. And he comes in and he's trying to like take over and it's like, All makeup and skincare is unisax. Shut up. And he comes in and he's trying to like take over and it's like, there's a wage gap for a reason. Stay in your fucking lane. Stay in your fucking lane.

Leave us, Brittany, alone. Finally, we added an Atlanta show. Yes, we did. About to announce a world tour and by world, I mean, we're starting in America unfortunately, but I'm pushing for Europe you guys know we love our European girlies Yeah, don't and we are really pushing for Canada. Oh Yeah, I mean yeah for sure we see you Canada for sure. We see you We can see Russia from your house

We also have a very special shirt, hopefully dropping soon. Yes, it is dedicated to Hannah, it really is. Also do you realize that I never introduce us on the pod? You know most podcasts are like, I'm your host, Hannah Burner. I feel like if you're tuning in to Giggly Squad, you understand the debauchery already. You're not just blindly listening. Someone has said, hey, these bitches are not, you should listen. So you already know what you're getting into.

Yeah, I feel like we were introduced ourselves as Jugi. So Jugi. Oh my God. So fucking Jugi. Well, anyway, guys, thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. Talk to you next week. Bad bitches.

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