Giggly Squad - Giggling about breakdowns, beta blockers, and bravolebs

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

It's time for our semiannual mental health episode. Special shoutout to the anxious gigglers and Simone Biles.get tickets to live shows heresign up for our newsletter herepre-order our book here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I mean the day just got away from me. Hello. I'm like what? No you guys, we're not okay. No I'm not okay. If our audio isn't perfect, it's because we're not perfect. We're not perfect people. I'm in LA. We've been so Giggly Squad coded this week, it's not even fucking funny.

It's been insane. We went to, the bit has gone too serious. It's gotten way too serious. Paige, I forgot my phone in Anuber and then I almost forgot my MacBook in Anuber and then I walked in and realized I forgot my library. You know when you've literally forgot your torso in realized I forgot my library. Like you know what? You've literally forgot your torso. Like I forgot my library card. I just said library card and my hotel card. And then I literally was just naked and they were like, what's going on? And I'm like,

help. And it was like 1 a.m. after our shows. So I do have to say before we get into it, that our shows have been, I'm biased, unfucking believable, like the crowds, the content, like I'm so proud, I think it's one of the funniest, I think it's the funniest show we've done. Sorry, I'm still thinking about your library card. I literally haven't been to a library since I was nine years old. No, I'm trying to think like if I ever had a library card.

No, I could smell the like back of the book and then I always get afraid. How? Wait, I was so afraid that I wouldn't return the book or I'd lose the book and then my family would be in debt forever to the library. That's why I never took any out. Yeah, you're smart. So anyway, long story short, the actual show has been fucking unbelievable. So fun. Everything else has been chaos.

Chaos. Truly chaos. No, truly chaotic. This is why we belong on reality TV, because it's just been true chaos behind the scenes. I also will say we've been getting really good guys for Is He Trash? But is that good or bad for society? No, this is so true. The fact that the hit rate is getting higher for trashy dudes. for Is He Trash? But is that good or bad for society? The fact that the hit rate is getting higher for trashy dudes.

No, it's so funny because like when we first started doing the segment, Is He Trash? I was like, how is this going to go? Because this is like completely by chance, but it ends up always being funny because it's so like raw and real and like I feel like when you're on stage like You can like if you've never been on stage or do that type of thing You can only really be yourself because you are so stunned that you're like in front of like 3,000 no, it's literally like getting a zoo animal and Putting them like in a cage and they're like what the fuck is going on and then you say it's literally like getting a zoo animal and putting them like in a cage and they're like, what the fuck is going on? And then you start asking about their mom and therapy.

It's just crazy. Also, the best part is when they say something that's not trash. And I love looking at you being like, Paige, and you go trash. I love when other men in the crowd try and form an alliance with the guy on stage. I like getting the men to finally feel comfortable and then when they feel comfortable, putting them right back in their place. Honestly, it's emotional terrorism, what we do on stage to the boys. It makes me think of Theo Vaughan where he's like, I think women should be able to kill like one man a month.

I feel like that's our version of like bringing a man's confidence down at least once a week. My favorite is when the gigglers like turn on the man so much that I'm like, look, I had a method, but like you, you, we've lost control of the gigglers and now I can't help you because we can't control the gigglers So this is on you, babe Favorite segments that we've been doing. Um, do you want to give them an update page? Wait, this is so page-coded. She literally is like, I can't wait to tell the gigglers how I'm feeling when she goes Let's talk about library cards.

Are you crying? If I don't laugh, I'll cry. It's just that's where I'm at right now. Okay, obviously, like we did a tour last year and I find amazing, great walkouts out on stage, no problems. And for whatever reason, like this tour, I've never really had, I've always said like, Oh, I have like general anxiety. Like I get nervous about certain things and I'm just like a basic human. I never really felt panic attacks the way like people would describe them. Like I would listen to people and be like, that's

so crazy and that's insane. And I feel so bad for you, but never have I personally experienced it. That's crazy for you. That's crazy for you. You should get a handle on that. Maybe talk to someone. And so I had my first real legit panic attack. And the crazy thing about anxiety is you don't know what it's about. And yes, obviously, like I was about to go on stage in front of 3000 people. So you could be like, oh yeah, it's stage fright. Except that I've done that 50 times before. Like I, I've been on reality TV for six years. You can't say anything to me that's like gonna rattle me at this point. So I think I was like part frustrated of like, what

the fuck is going on with my body? I just want to say that the gigglers are some of like, the realest people in the world. I had a giggler DM me she's a judge, like a full fucking judge. And she goes, I have to take a beta blocker before every court case I do. And I was like, that's, that's just like such being such a girl, that's such girlhood. And so I've never been on medicine for anxiety before I not that I've obviously against medicine for people. Like if you need medicine, you should take it for myself I always was like I'm stronger than that. I don't need something like this is all in my head. I I'm

I'm strong enough to like tell myself to snap out of it and I just wasn't and I think like admitting that to yourself is like part of the battle. So I'd never taken a beta blocker before. I didn't know what it was. It's actually for high blood pressure. And luckily, my makeup artist had one of them. It takes away the physical symptoms of a panic attack because that's pretty much your brain telling your body, like, hey, I actually think we're dying, so prepare for it. And so it takes away that.

And so when I took a beta blocker and went out and did the show, I was completely fine. At one point at one of the shows, then I psyched myself out, like, oh my God, is it going to happen again the next night? And sure enough it did because I think I psyched myself out. At one point I took half a Xanax. I do not like Xanax. I am not a Xanax girlie. It was not for me. The beta blocker worked way better. I felt way better on it. Xanax, if you're on Xanax, obviously, and it works for you, that's amazing. For me, I didn't like the way it

made my brain feel compared to the beta blocker. The beta blocker did like nothing to my brain. No, not that I don't. Yeah, this is just raw. Can we acknowledge that I've turned into a full drug dealer in the last three days? No. Literally, I've never done more drug deals in my life. I've never gotten pills in an envelope to my fucking hotel room. No, it was wrapped in like a collegiate sweatshirt. Someone was like, who got a collegiate sweatshirt? I was like, not Paige.

It's like, oh, that's half a Xanax in there. No, it's so crazy. And I just want to say to the gigglers that were commenting and being like, thank you for normalizing this. I guess I never, like when people would be like being like, thank you for normalizing this. I guess I never, like when people would be like, oh, we need to normalize this or someone needs to talk about this more. I guess in my head, I always thought like, well, would someone

have like a problem with like that your body feels this way? And they do. Like I think people really do see it as like such a weakness it's like, then figure your shit out. It's like, okay, well, obviously I didn't plan for this to happen and this is my job. So I know I can do it. It's obviously something that's happening in me that I need to figure out. I couldn't figure it out in 20 minutes before I had to be on stage, but luckily I did. I'm just so thankful to the other gigglers for being like, I take beta blockers too, don't worry about it.

Because I did feel less alone. I did feel less crazy, honestly. I felt crazy. Well I love that the judge messaged you because the Googlers are so strong because it's like, you can go two ways. You can go, okay, my body's nervous I'm having struggles This is not what I meant to do or be like this is what I meant to do and I'm gonna fucking figure it out and

Battle some demons to get to the next level and I do think it was not giving up is not an option I do have to say page had like in debt our Denver second show I do have to say Paige had like in our Denver second show, you had like Paige had a panic attack to the point that like we were, I had to look at her and be like, I don't give a fuck, we can cancel the show, the gigglers don't care. And she got this look in her eye, like eye of the tiger. And I put, I kept, I kept, I was like, I can't do that to the girls. I could never do that to the girls. Giving her ice. I don't know why I thought...

I was like, hold the ice. And she was like, can you? At one point you go, touch the rug. Feel how... Be in the moment of how the rug feels. I go, what the fuck is that gonna do? I go, I'm literally screaming, crying, throwing up and you're telling me to touch the fucking rug.

She's actually screaming because she's like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fucking rug. I'm like, I'm gonna touch the fuck is that gonna do? I go, I'm literally screaming, crying, throwing up, and you're telling me to touch the fucking rug. She's actually screaming, throwing up, and I'm like, this rug is soft. No, because someone told me that- No, Hannah started playing spa music at one point.

I go, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. I started playing spa music. I was doing military box breaths with her. I was going full, but this is the problem. Once you get into a panic attack, you've kind of lost the plot already where it's more we needed the drugs to kick in. And this bitch, the second we get on stage and the adrenaline hits from the gigglers, and I'm just pretending everything's fine.

I think I performed the best I've ever performed. It was the best performance. Also, at one point Paige was like, I think I performed the best I've ever performed. It was the best performance. Also, at one point, Paige was like, I think she was throwing up. Yeah. I was taking selfies and Grace was like, your sister's going to jail. Kim, your sister's going to jail. And I swear to God, I looked at her and I go, this is what Paige would have wanted.

My outfit looks good. Except tell them what you did mid-panic attack when I was getting dressed. No, mid-panic attack. It looks good except tell them what you did mid panic attack when I was getting no mid panic attack There was so much commotion like my my nerves would start to set in when we were like leaving the hotel to go to the venue So like I was in my own head. So like a lot was going on. So Hannah had forgotten her top to her outfit She was freaking out and I forgot my fucking top. Forgot your whole outfit. In Denver, in the green room, the venue had made us these silk pajamas with Daphne's

face on it and Butter's face on it and they were so cute. So they were in the green room. So Hannah just puts on the pajama top. She's like, perfect, I'm just gonna wear this with my skirt. I'm literally trying to box breathe, hysterically crying. And the only words I can get out is, you can't wear that. Literally being just blacked out, comes out of her blackout to say, please don't wear that on stage, you're embarrassing me, and then goes back into having a full anaphylactic shock.

No, literally needed an EpiPen. I pull a white t-shirt out of my bag, I go, put this on. Our makeup artist, Madeleine, saved the fucking day. She got me a beta blocker and she gave you her belt. Glam by Gibbs, really was there for us. belt. Glam by Gibbs really was there for us. No, Glam by Gibbs saved our whole fucking life. Meanwhile, also shout out to Grace for running the show. Then Paige basically is looking at me and I'm just like, I actually was a little too

confident in you. I was like, she's being dramatic, but she's going to be good. No, it actually, now that I think back to it, thank God, because you were acting so like you're gonna be fine, that I wasn't freaking out more. Well, I also know you like at the end of the day, you are a performer and like I've seen what you've done at these reunions. I'm like going on stage for Giggly Squad, like I, and I also am someone who's dealt with really bad performance anxiety.

And I know how the beforehand is the worst. And then once you're in it, you're in it. I also think this is a beautiful full circle moment because when I was about to shoot my Netflix special, do you guys remember the episode that I sat down and I just started crying and you were like, you good bro? And I was just like yeah, no and I was I was in my like this happens like we have these waves No, like everyone is a human everyone is a human and it's so like Life is such a wave like sometimes you're really up and sometimes you're fucking down And when you're down, it does not mean that something's wrong with you. It does not mean your whole life is a sham.

Your whole career is a sham. Thinking about that Giggler who's the judge, imagine she had one panic attack before a court case and she was just like, and now I'm not doing this anymore. And it's like, no, this was your dream. You can do this. You're just psyching yourself out a little. And also what makes you so funny is that you're actually an over thinker and you're anxious and you overanalyze stuff and that's what makes you so funny.

So that's why like a lot of comedians, they just look comedian. I'm a psychopath. No, yeah. So like you wouldn't even, we wouldn't have this podcast if we both were like normal. No, if I was normal, I wouldn't be on reality TV the past five years. I'd be a normal person. I do have to say one thing about reality TV. I think the people who do best on it have actual personality disorders, and I think

you're actually healthy, and I think that you finished filming Summer House and immediately went on the road. And like, anxiety comes from a loss of control, whether it's a control of your identity or control of results. And like, I'm sorry, shooting reality TV, while you're waiting for it to be edited, you're just rethinking everything you said

and how everything could be spun and how anything could be put in a different context. So anything could become anything and you're just like, I don't know, we'll see. And you don't know. And so I do have to say for the gigglers who suffer from anxiety, you could sit at home, do nothing and not deal with anxiety. But arguably that gives me more anxiety when I'm alone with my thoughts. But like if you're chasing a dream and you're putting yourself out there

You're going to deal with crazy moments like this Yeah, and I did I remember when I said it to you that it wasn't helpful at the time But I said like this is not gonna last forever and I basically was like treat it like a bad high Well, that's exactly How I would explain it. It was like I was having a bad trip and I was like, and life is like this forever. And this is how I see the world now. Like I couldn't even like look, you're like, I can't function anymore. And this

is me. Yeah, I can't function in society. Like I have to like become a recluse. I'm like thinking about like, like, okay, I'm gonna have to move out of my apartment. I have to become a recluse. I'm thinking about, okay, I'm going to have to move out of my apartment. I have to go back to Albany. I felt insane, and I think that also psychs you out. Yeah. Well, then you're scared of yourself. Yes.

And then you're also mad at yourself. One of my biggest fears is going crazy. No, I know. One day you just go crazy and you can't control it. The human brain is the scariest thing in the world to me because they don't know anything about it. I think that's what scares me the most. No, I saw the schizophrenic documentary.

When people get into car accidents, they're like, well, we don't know. They might wake up, they might not. We don't know that much about the brain. I always find that to be so terrifying. I do have to say my really bad anxiety moments, they're the fucking worst, but I always become like stronger after in that I have more gratitude for when I'm just fucking okay.

Yes. Oh my God. Because normally, you know, like maybe two weeks ago, you were like, why is this not working and why is that not working? Then once you are anxious, you're like, can I just be survived here with my heart rate at a normal rate and I will be happy to be alive. And once you get in that zone, life can throw anything at you. And like, no, you're so fucking right. You're so right. And I also feel like I am very, I think I'm a Scorpio, I'm a fucking cat. I think I am psychic.

I think I'm very in tune with my body, maybe a little tiny bit more than the average person. I know when something's going on with my body. I knew when I had a cyst on my ovaries. I knew I wasn't getting my body. I knew when I had a cyst on my ovaries. I knew I wasn't getting my period. Okay, humble breath. No, I know when things are going on with my own body. I feel very connected to my body. I always have. That was, I think, one of the scariest parts because I couldn't talk myself

out of it or convince myself of anything else when I'm very good at manipulating myself. I can psych myself out. I can ignore certain things in the room to not infiltrate my brain. I am very good at protecting myself, I feel like. The fact you're so good at that, I think, is why your body basically was like, stop lying. We're nervous. We are fucking … Your brain can only lie to your body basically was like, stop lying. We're nervous. We're fucking oh and like we're not like your brain can only lie to your body for so long before your body's like, I'm fucking not not doing this. I'm not doing no and I like now looking back like I just literally have to laugh so hard because I just have the most Italian parents. Wait, can we? This

is my favorite story. Please world fucking world I've ever met. This is my favorite part of the night. Oh my God, this is my favorite part of the night. My mom is the best mom in the entire world. She is the most nurturing, the most loving. She would literally drop everything and fly to fucking Africa right now if I was like, I need you to pick me up.

And I don't like to tell her about my anxiety sometimes because you think of your mom and your mom's getting older and you don't want to burden her with certain things because it's like, you shouldn't have to be a mom anymore. I'm in my 30s. If I tell my mom I'm anxious, then she's going to be anxious with me. Yes. And I'm like, she doesn't deserve that. Like, let her enjoy dinner. Let her enjoy one night of peace. I just, I always think like I'm closer to being a mom than I am to being her child.

You're basically two years away from a geriatric pregnancy, continue. No, it's crazy. It's crazy. And so sometimes I'm like, I can't put this on my poor mother. She takes on everyone else's shit but in this moment It's crazy when like you get hurt or you get sick like you truly do revert to being a little kid You're like all I want is my fucking mom. Yeah, so I

she Goes I need to call my mom and I go great idea great idea, great idea, FaceTime her great idea. This woman, this bitch gets on fucking FaceTime. I go, mom, I'm having a really bad panic attack. She goes, no, you're not. No, you're not. All I hear are the words are going, stop, Paige, stop. Paige, stop it.

Stop it. Don't do this to yourself, stop. You're in your own head. Oh, come on. Paige, stop. Paige, stop it. Stop it. Don't do this to yourself. Stop. You're in your own head. You're fine. Oh, come on. Paige, stop. Paige, stop. I felt like I was immediately back to being a little kid and like I was being dramatic

about something and she's like, I don't have the time for it today. And it did really help me. And then my dad sent me the most dad text message I've ever gotten in my life. He goes, look. Whenever he's going to say something serious, he starts the sentence out with look. Look at me. Look.

Look. Look. Look. This is the best advice you're ever going to get in your life. He goes, look. Everyone has, even athletes have a bad game. Some even go into a slump. Look, everyone has even athletes have a bad game. Some even go into a slump. Look at Tom Brady. They fucking hated him. He just kept going and now he's the best. You're

the best. Just keep going. But honestly, that is so fucking sweet of him has zero context for what's going on. But I so sweet of him has zero context for what's going on. But I so sweet of him. No, he's the best dad in the world. Like he, he's literally he's just such a quintessential dad, like growing up if like, something happened to me and I got hurt, or like someone was mean to me, like I was going to my mom. So like, I don't think he was ever even put in a situation where he had to nurture me in like a time like that, because I was like, I'm not going to you, dude. I need

my mom. So now that I'm an adult, like, it's just funny. And I love I love like, I love watching him parent. I don't know. It's just like, I enjoy it. There is something about like the dad relationship that like over time, it does become very sweet. I guess like for me, like I'll be talking to my mom every day and then occasionally my dad will overhear something and he'll text me and be like, by the way, like I'm so proud of you. I love you.

And I'm like, okay. I mean, like not necessary, but like I appreciate you and I love you. I think it's, I think it's because women are so strong. I see my dad, not as weak by any means, but I see my mom as like my rock and I see my dad as someone like, I need to protect a little more. You know, he's just a man. He doesn't know. Like, he's still just a dude.

So like, I just, I do have such a different bond with my mom that I feel like I can say more things. Can I give you... You have a lot of homework the next couple of days, including rest, but one of them, I do want you to watch the Simone Biles documentary. I watched it. I thought about her, and then I felt guilty at comparing myself to an Olympic athlete. No, but when she was in Tokyo, she gets the yips, which I've had, which are basically like, you're in it, you can't just get out of it.

And for her, if she fucked up, she would break her neck. She goes back, calls her mom, who's at a viewing party, with the whole family, and she goes, mom, I can't do it. And the mom just goes, okay. Okay. And she just goes, and she goes, sorry, I can't do it. And the mom just goes, okay. And she just goes and she goes, sorry, Simone's not going to perform at the Olympics that she's been training for her whole life for. Everyone go back home.

And there was a power in that. And I also, okay, I thought about Simone, I thought about that moment and I also thought about how after she was like, people were so mad at me. People were like, you couldn't just get out there and do it. And I felt that I was like, Oh my god, I do not want any of the gigglers to be mad at me. Because I was like going through this. And so I had like a real mind fuck that like, that's why when I went out on stage, I was like, okay Just fucking do it cuz you're gonna let down so many girls It is crazy how like it's all Perspective and like when I played tennis my perspective was like you can't make a mistake if you make mistake everyone hates you and

You can't play free when you're afraid like that and then we stand up I very purposely have a perspective of like you're loose. You're having fun. You're being yourself. There's no losing I'm proud of you for going out there. But like perspective is crazy. And I think the number one thing that was making me so mad at my own self was like, Giggly Squad is my favorite thing in life. Giggly Squad is my favorite hour of the week. I fucking love doing live shows. I was almost mad at myself that I was like, I filmed a whole season of summer house didn't have one panic attack. And then I get to like my favorite thing in the world and I'm getting like fucked

up in the head. Like, I was mad. But do you know that that makes sense? Because your anxiety is going to go to your biggest fear, which is attacking what you love squad, attacking what you love. So that was when, everything goes back to sports, your dad would get this. I remember my sophomore year of college, we were working on my second serve and my coach looks at me and goes, you know, I was changing my grip on my second serve and I literally lost my second serve and couldn't get it in all year. The second she said that I was like, oh, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. And then immediately like the next time I got in the court, I was

shanking it. And I was just like, I lost. Like I made my biggest fear happen. And like I overcame it. It took forever. It was fucking embarrassing and horrible. I remember my brother coming to one of the matches. I didn't tell him with his friends and I was like double faulting and I remember hearing him in the crowd like, come on, Hannah. And I remember feeling like I- It's embarrassing. It was so embarrassing. I think that's a really big emotion that people don't talk about with anxiety.

You inherently get embarrassed because after I had a panic attack, I was like, I'm so sorry. And you were like, for what? Like I felt so bad. Like I literally ran off stage in North Carolina and I was like, I feel like I'm bringing you down and like I'm so sorry. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? You did fine. Like you just psych yourself out so much. And I'm just, it's just, oh my god, any of the gigglers that have anxiety or take beta blockers or take any type of anxiety medicine, I so fucking feel for you and I like see you because it's even like I flew home last night on the red eye and I was on the plane and I had a moment where I was like,

oh my God, am I going to have a panic attack on this fucking plane? And I was like, no, I'm doing like a normal thing that I've, like I'm sitting on a plane. I'm not even doing anything. I'm going home. But your cortisol levels are so high right now, anything could, like anything could break you. No, anything. Anything could literally give me a psychotic break. Like, please do not tempt me.

I can't even go on Instagram. I don't even want to look at my messages because I'm like, any little thing, even if you said you don't like that skirt, I'm done for. Like, I'm literally done for. Obviously Hannah and I love nails. And what we love most about our nails is that we can change them whenever we want, switch up a new vibe, we're into one color one day, we're into another color the next day, and Quickies

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Cozy just opened its first physical store on Queen Street in Toronto and is currently running a pop-up store in downtown Vancouver until September 30th. So transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit Cozy C-O-Z-E-Y to start customizing your furniture. The best thing I've ever done in my entire 31 years on this earth is get a fucking cat. I am unlocking my door at 5.30 this morning. I think my cat, no, I think that Daphne knew my fucking footsteps off of the elevator because Because never in the morning is that bitch

awake like at 530. She came running to the door. I had just opened it. So there's no way she even heard it. And my brother was staying at my apartment. So I was being extra quiet. I opened the door, she comes running to me and I was nervous she was gonna be like mad at me because this is the longest I've ever been away from her. She comes running to the door, immediately purring, sticking her head in my face. She has not left my side. It is pure, like laying with a cat and having your head face their face is a Xanax.

I don't need a Xanax for Christmas because I have Daphne. It's very different from a dog. I don't know how to explain it because I've grown up with dogs my whole life. It is a different… They just feel more human for some reason. They're less animal. It's changed my whole life. feel more human for some reason, less animal. And she's, they do get like love starved, I call it. Like butter has fun with Des, but like when I come home,

she's like, mommy is here. I also, on the anxiety note, there's this like shame that comes with it because it's like a dirty secret. Cause like when we're sitting in the car, you're like, Hannah's not stressed about the show. I feel guilty that I'm stressed. I can't say it out loud. And then it becomes bigger.

Cause you're like, it's like a dirty secret that you're hiding. Yes. Wait, Hannah, that's so true. I would like do that with my forehand where like I'd be going to the match and be quiet. Everyone's like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah.

But in my head, I'm like, they don't know that I'm not going to hit a forehand this match. No. And like, so many of my friends will be like, Oh, I'm like, I'm in LA. Like, do you want to meet up before the show? Or like, like my best friend? And I'm like, I can't do anything. And I just like, and I'm like, and I can't tell you that I'm about to rip my hair out and jump off the fucking balcony.

But what I've learned is like tennis, it wasn't actually tennis. It's not actually like the shows. Your anxiety will manifest into something. So like, I think we're both like, you're working on a lot of things going on in your life. I was working on a lot of things. And your 30s are about being like, we have a lot more life to live. How do we do it in a way

that we can function? Well, there's a statistic that like from like third, I think it's like 30 to 34 that like, if you're going to developing anxiety and depression, like for women, that's the age you're going to feel it the most like heightened, which is very interesting. A lot of women get pregnant during that time, which is like, so they're already dealing with postpartum. I think there's a lot of pressure on women.

I would say there's the most pressure on women from age 30 to 35. Because like you are expected to get married, have a baby if like you're not married and have a baby before 35. And then like after you're kind of like disregarded in a sense. So I think there's at that age, there's probably the most pressure on us because it's like you're supposed to have it all together by now, where men get a little bit more of a leeway. They get, I think, more pressure when they turn 40. No one gave a shit. Des wasn't married at 40. Right. No one would give a shit.

It's also like back then when your only purpose was to get married and have a family, that's all you focused on. But now women are like, I want an education. I want to be financially independent. I'd like to have a bank account, sue me. I literally was thinking, I was thinking about how icks were created because back then you like couldn't have an ick. Like you had to like the guy.

Like divorce was illegal back then. No. Like you, icks are like a privilege. No, like you, it's a privilege. No, it's literally women finally being like, wait, he sits crisscross applesauce. I'm not fucking marrying this dude, because I'm financially independent, I have my own passions, and I don't need this man. But it's it's the kid thing that get people like, oh, I need to settle down so I can have that

family unit by whatever. Because it's just like your biological clock is like, oh, I need to settle down so I can have that family unit by whatever in your 30s. Yeah, because of just like your biological clock is like, we don't have much time. Okay, Marissa Tome. But what I do realize about time is like, again, it takes one moment in your life for like everything to change, meeting the right person, like just the right career, like everything to change meeting the right person like just the right career like everything can happen

Quitting a job and we can always move and change and everyone's gonna be fine More of the story everyone's everyone's gonna be fine as long as they get some big pharma But I do have to tell you speaking of big pharma Cuz you smoke weed, right? Well, I haven't. You haven't? In like a week. So you're probably having a little...

I just think it's having like a reverse effect on me. So like I have just been like raw dogging life. And I don't really drink. Like I don't really drink like I don't. But I think a lot of people are like you where you're basically like, I don't need medication, but you smoke weed. And like I had an ex who like, I knew I need to get out of the relationship. And I was having panic attacks like next to him when I was sleeping in bed, because my body was like, get out. And I told him like, I'm going to go on Prozac.

And he literally like I was going to an asylum. Yeah. And he would wake up and take a hit of weed. Like this man was so self medicating with weed. Yeah, that's me going on 10 milligrams of crazy Paxil was crazy to you. I'm like, you haven't had a sober thought in years. And he's like- No, I completely get that. I think also like no one in my family has ever been on medicine. So like also to be the first, also no one in my family has ever gone to therapy, you know? So like to be be the first person to like, go to therapy or like, Oh, I might, I might need to take medicine. It is a kind of a scary position to me because like, I'm sorry, but like the the oldest daughter has a fucking lot on her shoulders. Like, I feel like it's a it's just you're the first to do a lot of

things I feel like you're breaking generational.'s just you're the first to do a lot of things. I feel like you're breaking generational. Yeah, you're breaking generational habits. Like, yeah, I'm so proud of you. Thank you. But I also was telling like my shit because like when I saw it happening to you, I was like, I fucking been there and it's the most horrible, uncomfortable feeling. But like you could have honestly day one in Denver been like, Han, I'm going home. I've fucking been there and it's the most horrible, uncomfortable feeling.

But like, you could have honestly, day one in Denver, been like, Hannah, I'm going home, like I'm done. But you like, you're a fighter and you're so strong. I think what, what kept me from not doing that is I knew in my head, if I didn't go out on stage for the Denver show, I would have never gone back on stage. I would show, I would have never gone back on stage. I would have, it would have gotten too big. I would have felt too bad.

And I would have said cancel the whole tour. And I know that about myself. So I was kind of like, it's kind of like when you're a little kid and it's like you fall off the jungle gym. And if you never go back on the jungle gym, you will forever be afraid of the jungle gym And so I was like I have to go back I have to go on stage right now

even though I'm going through this or I never will again and I think that scared me the most and you know, your mind's playing tricks on you So you will make that memory like it was the most horrible thing ever and you'll make it so much worse than it was And I remember telling you, do you remember how I was like, I'm so happy you went on again, because if you were to go to therapy about it, the biggest thing they do is exposure therapy, which means keep whatever your fear is, like, do it a little keep doing it. And then you realize, Oh, my God, this is a made up fear. So you basically exposure therapy yourselfapied yourself throughout this weekend and by the end you were like so much better because you were like, oh my God, wait. By Sunday I was like, I'm fine. Like I just need to like get home and rest now because also I feel like people don't talk about this enough. A panic attack to your like physical body is so fucking draining.

You're so emotionally and mentally drained already, but then physically, you're hung over. You're like, I feel like I ran a marathon because my adrenaline got so fucking high that my body's now coming down. I literally felt like I was on a bender of drugs and I was coming down. I literally felt like I was on a bender of drugs and I was coming down. Well you had a trip. You had like an anxiety trip.

I don't think the altitude helped either. I'm going to be honest, I need to find someone who does astrology where it's like, oh, you should live in this part of the country because of the stars. I think that Denver has something out for me. I've rarely, I've never really had a good time anytime I've ever been to Denver. I can't really, I don't like, I've been to Aspen a handful of times. I know people are like, oh my God, it's like so chic and whatever.

I can't handle it. You know, I take back everything I said about Oklahoma City. Fuck Denver. Fuck Denver. Wait, tell them about the IVs. Tell them about the IVs. Oh my God.

So when we first get to Denver, I'm like, oh, this is actually, I'm going to get an IV. This will help. This is before I'm even feeling anxious whatsoever. This will solve all my problems. I'm like, I'll get some vitamins in me. It'll help with the altitude. Like, I'll be better than ever.

My anxiety started to hit in the middle of us getting IVs because I thought, wait a second, wait a second, this lady could be putting anything in this bag. How do we really know she's even a nurse? And like, what if she's putting fentanyl in there right now? I'm about to pass out and die. My brain just took over. But then she looks at Paige and she's like, oh my god, I have to get a smaller needle because your veins are so tiny.

And I'm immediately like, oh my god, this is going to be her whole personality for the next year. It was my whole personality for that whole weekend. I was like, I'm sorry, did you just say that I have the skinniest veins in the city of Colorado? I'm a baby. My veins are are baby. You have to get a baby needle. She's like, I've never seen something so tiny. Your vagina canal must be so narrow.

And then I'm sitting there like, yeah, I'm like, oh no, because she comes to me next and obviously I have to ask her. I'm like, how are my veins? How do they look? And she's like, healthy, normal, normal. And I'm like, okay. They're body positive. They're normal for a girl your age. They're great. They're fucking great. I'm just fucking fat shaming my veins. And then we went to a cat cafe, which did actually calm me down a lot during that day. Well, you were low key getting scared at the cat cafe because she was like, who are these random street cats that are probably smelly and are going to attack me?

I thought it was going to be a restaurant. I don't know why in my head I was picturing it to be a full restaurant and there were just cats walking around. I was like, I feel like there's a health code violation. It's a HIPAA somewhere.. So HIPAA is somewhere. Yeah, HIPAA has to be involved in there somewhere. But when you walk in, it's really just like a lab. It's someone's living room basically and there's just cats.

I think the best feeling ever was there was a cat there that they were like, we've had him for two weeks and he has not come out of his little house and has not let anyone pet him. And I went over to him and he's like- I go, same as a bitch. Yeah. And I went over to him and I think we telepathically were like, we're not okay. He's like, I'm so scared right now.

He immediately poked his head out and was like, I would like you to pet me. And I was like, this is just as much for me as it is for you. It was a crazy experience. So yeah, we did Denver. Then we went to like, well, I told Paige, I was like, I think it's just happening because of the altitude. Because I'm just trying to shift your narrative. I'm like, it's altitude Denver. We're going to be fine.

We're going to be fine. We're going to San Diego. The number one thing you can do to help people that are having a panic attack is lie to them. Just lie right through your fucking teeth to them. I just Googled it. It's the air. Actually, the air was fucking with me too.

I was like, am I? It was like the air is on Ozempic. It's so fucking thin. Just, I got my period that day too. Yes, it was a perfect storm. Yeah, it truly was. So I was like, dude, you are so sane. It's everyone else that's crazy.

Yeah. But then, so Paige is on her iPad. We're heading to San Diego. She's like watching This Is Us. She's so happy in the back. I'm like, great. Then I'm realizing we're like going an hour from San Diego, but it's through these like mountains and we're just going like higher and higher in the mountains and I

was like, Oh no, I feel like I looked out the window at one point and we were on the edge of a cliff and I go, it's not for me right now. I'm going to go back to my iPad. I told Grace, I was like, do not let Paige get her eye off the iPad because she will be freaking out. It was a gorgeous scenic wrap from the two seconds I looked, but I was like, one more second in this car, I'm jumping out the window off this one. We were on the edge of a cliff and I was like, this is not good. This is not good.

And we get in straight. No, I had to stand straight. But then we got to LA, Jax DMs me, who by the way, I just have to say, huge fan of Vanderpump rules. Day one, when I was actually going through the worst breakup of my life when I was like 26, I would just go home, watch Vanderpump and watch them fight. And it just cured my depression. So like, fuck Prozac, go on Vanderpump. So I have a soft spot for all the Vanderpump people.

And Jax, I've never met. And he DMs me and he's like, I love Giggly Squad, like, can I come to the show tomorrow? Schwartz is coming. And I was like, yes, like, come through. And I like for kind of low key forgot they were there because we were dealing with drama backstage. Yeah, no, I was dying. And then in the Q and a, he grabs, he gets the mic from grace gave him the mic. Yeah.

And he's like, everyone's like, Jax is here and everyone starts freaking out. It was so funny, but immediately I was nervous for him. Cause I was like, what's, what are we going to say here? I was like, I was so nervous. I was like, the gigglers are not they're not to be managed. Like this is a free for all. Like, and they're so it's the gigglers are wound so tight by the end of the show. Like, they would like throw stones at a man. Like they're just like,

I saw an Instagram story and Jack says like, hi, like, hi, page Hannah, like, thanks for having us because we like gave them tickets. Like I knew what he meant and some girl yelled, we didn't have you. Like he was, I just was so scared. Like he was, it was ballsy of him. And at one point I was like, should we get Jack's

or shorts up for Izzy Trash? And you were like, honestly, like, I don't think that's a good idea. Like I didn't think it was, I didn't think it was the smartest idea to give. We already give like a man too much attention by bringing them up on stage. I don't think I didn't want to do anything more to piss the gigglers off. And I was not in the mental state to even deal with that. So when he took the mic, I was like, Oh no, no.

And then he like introduces Schwartz. So he was like Schwartz is opener. And I was like, oh no, oh no. And then he like introduces Schwartz. So he was like, Schwartz is opener. And I was like, okay, what's happening? Schwartz gets the mic and then I immediately am trying to like make sure everyone's happy. So I'm like, Schwartz, do you remember like seven years ago when we filmed Summer House together?

He says no. He goes no. And then he tagged, he tagged the wrong Hannah. He tagged Hannah Ann from The Bachelorette. I didn't even notice it until he DM'd me. Because he didn't tag me, but then he DM'd me after and goes, sorry, I tagged the wrong Hannah. But anyway, he says no and I was like, oh God.

And then he goes, are we trash? And honestly, that was the- The crowd went wild. The crowd went wild, that was the crowd went wild the crowd Sweetest most iconic like I nailed it and shout out it was boys Yeah, it was so nice to come. Yeah, it truly at the end of the day. It was nice Do you remember our first season of was it our first season? I remember it was our first season. We're like Back then at that time in summer house when you were a new cast member, you didn't really count. People didn't really talk to you.

No one gave a fuck about you. We weren't even allowed to be on Watch What Happens Live our first season. We were bartenders. When Vanderpump came in, we literally were like, we're not going to talk to them. I couldn't have been more starstruck by Stassi. I didn't make eye contact with Stassi. I was like, I do not want to at any time make Stassi feel uncomfortable. Yeah. And shout out to Stassi. She just became a three time New York Times bestseller. Times bestseller. Incredible. But Schwartz came in and I remember now he came in with like, he was having a butthole problem. Because him and Katie had just come back from Mexico.

They'd all just come from Mexico, I think from a cast trip. And we were so excited. And he went to the hospital. They were like, Tom went to the hospital. And we're like, what happened? They were like, his butthole ripped. And I'm saying that cause it was on TV. It wasn't like a secret.

And me and Hannah are looking at each other like, what did they do in Mexico? There's a lot of jokes to be made here and we feel like we're not taking advantage of it and it's not appropriate. We were not allowed to speak like that. And that's, I think, really how Giggly Squad started. We would say all the funny stuff in the bathroom alone and then come out and be like, yes,

we were supportive. No, Giggly Squad started truly from being in awkward situations together and no one making the jokes that needed to be made to defuse the situation. And we were like, we're going to take it to the podcast. My first season, we had a joke how one of the producers, they would tell you who they wanted in the scene. So sometimes I'll just be hanging around. They'd be like, Hannah, could you actually, could you go downstairs and go under the couch?

They'd always be like, Hannah, could you go downstairs and go under the couch? They'd always be like, Hannah, could you not? I remember once someone was crying and I was consoling them and they were like, Hannah, could you just stop? Could you go? Could you actually get out? We're actually going to get just the two of them? Can you open the door and just keep walking into the highway? So then we kept joking with them. They'd be like, Hannah, and I'm like, should I jump off a bridge? Is that what I should do? So we've really grown and learned from those situations. No, we've had so many inside jokes

and like behind the scenes, just ridiculousness that I don't even know. I did make a mistake in that I've, I don't know if I wanna say it out loud, but I will. I've become a worm comedian know if I want to say it out loud, but I will, I've become a worm comedian and I did it to myself. And it was like slapstick comedian. Is that what it is?

Literally the people who are in charge were like, we don't understand why you have to do the worm at the beginning of your Netflix special. And I was like, you clearly don't understand me. You don't support women in the arts. You've never seen something like this before and I'm like changing the game. This is a sports podcast. Yeah. But then the gigglers keep chanting to do the worm and I will succumb to peer pressure

for way less than 3,000 girls yelling my name. So the first night I'm wearing a full bubble skirt and I go, okay, let's do it. The second I do the worm the skirt goes over my head. I mean what else was it gonna do? I was like hoping that it wouldn't and then I immediately was like I'm Addison Rae and diet Pepsi and I start like flashing the crowd with also guys I'm wearing full white Amazon granny panties like people I think a guy puked in the front. Like he was like, what is this? You were like already having a panic attack. So you didn't even notice that my ass came out.

I didn't notice that your ass came out until I saw a video from like the other angle of like what the crowd saw. You didn't even know you were on stage. And then the, when the other shows a girl raises her hand she's like can I do the worm with you on stage so I was like obviously so good so good somehow we do it perfectly synchronized like dolphins. No you were literally Olympic like synchronized swimmers it was nuts. So I pulled my lower back and tore my ACL but like the show must go on. No, the show must go on.

And oh my God, I just like, I'm so thankful for the Gigglers. And so like, if you guys have anxiety, like just listen to my dad, like literally just keep going because the worst thing you can do is let it win and like succumb to it and not do what you're meant to do. And I think that's really powerful. Also, now that it's happened, once you can start realizing, oh, this is my anxiety, which isn't me. When I was younger, I literally would get a scary thought and I'd be like, this is true. The thought came to me for a

reason, and now I have to address it and give it energy and listen, where now you hear a thought and you go, you stupid bitch, can you please can we not right now? And also, I just want to say one thing, like, obviously, I was taking medicine that like was not prescribed for me, like, because I had to do it. I was like raw dogging it. I am obviously going to go to like a legitimate doctor, get like a prescription for myself of like what I could possibly need. And I think it's

like so important because a perfect example is I took half a Xanax at one point because I didn't have a beta blocker and it was not for me. And so like I think even knowing certain things like that is really important too because yeah, you can get fucked up and your thoughts can get really scary. Like even when I had like surgery on my ovaries, I think I was on like Oxy's for like pain management. I did not like them at all. They made me super emotional. I had the craziest, weirdest intrusive thoughts. Like I did not like it. And the same with Xanax. It just was not for me.

So if you are dealing with anxiety, it's really important for you to find something that works for your body because it's definitely not one fits all at all. Yeah. And we're not literally telling everyone to get off their birth control and go on SSRIs. That's not what we're saying. For me, I would go on them when I was in like an intense crazy time, and then I would get off them. But I do have to say for anyone who's scared of it, like changing your personality for me, I'm on like a little bit of Prozac. And it

just like quiets the voices that aren't yours. Like I'm actually more myself. But it's also like, you to get off slowly, but you find what's right for you. It's definitely a journey and a process, and I'm definitely going to be starting it. You have to be also eating better. You have to be getting sunlight. You have to be talking to a therapist. The other thing, being on tour, it's not-

Healthy. It's so rewarding, but it's not the healthiest thing for your body. We're on a plane every single day, which is already dehydrating you. We get into a hotel, they have the grossest food ever. We try and get as many Caesar salads as we can, but it's hard. And then with the type of anxiety that I have, I lose all my appetite. I have to force myself to have a piece of toast because I literally can't stomach it because I feel like I'm going to throw up. But also when you go on stage and you're calm, you're going to be so proud of yourself and

feel so strong. Yeah. It just enhances who you are as a person. Like you're gonna be so proud of yourself and feel so strong and like yeah, it's just it's Myself after LA like to doing two shows and then like going back to my hotel room. I was like so dizzy, but I I saw this guy on Instagram and he was saying how like empathic people and hats are like good at performing because we can read a room really well, but that's why sometimes when we're around too many people, we take in too much. But then I was thinking, I was like, is it that or do you just always think people are

judging you and you think you know how everyone's feeling around you? No, I think it's an inherent like inner like you always well, here's the other thing everyone is staring at us because we are up on stage. So yeah, you do feel like oh my god, there's 3000 people looking at me. I hope that each every person in there is having a good time and is happy and likes it. And that's just that that just can never happen. Like there's gonna be a couple a couple people like- No, everyone loves it.

But that's, I'm always full delusional. No, and that's good and I need to more because, yeah, like you do feel judged. You can't control every, and the only thing you can control is that you're having fun. And I always say, people won't remember what you said. They remember how you made them feel. Like people aren't leaving.

Some of them will leave Giggly Squad and be like that line was so good. But overall they're just like, I love the fucking energy of Giggly Squad. And you know, sometimes we do bring bad energy to the function. No, I showed up to the function and I said, this is the energy I'm bringing.

My mom literally used voice rest today on the phone. I told her I had to do something this week and she goes, you know what? Say you're on voice rest that you literally can't go. And I was like, okay, that is now a real trend. Just know that whatever energy you bring to the function is not forever. No. And...

No, we'd be like, be in the Uber and Paige is like dry heaving, and I'd be like, so how? What's the most popular restaurant around here? To the Uber driver. No, you were being so normal in so many situations. And I was like... I was like, that's just, she just has an itch in her throat. I was like, do I have a will?

I need a will because I'm not going to make it much longer. You thought you had like a cancerous like... Oh, I thought I had a cancerous tumor on the back of my neck. You did. That's when I was like, I feel like something... That was a warning. Something might be amiss. That was the first thing. I was like, I feel like something, that was a warning. Something might be amiss. That was the first thing. I was like, I think I have a tumor on the back of my neck, but I'm just gonna ride it out and see what happens.

I go, I feel like if you had a cancerous tumor in the back of your neck, you would, I feel like you would know by now. You're like, I'm pretty sure it's your spine, but like we'll definitely get that checked out at some point. Anyway guys, thank you so much for giggling with us this week. I think it's important for us to have a full mental health episode every couple months when one of us has a mental breakdown. And one thing is we will always be honest with you guys.

We will never come on here talking that fake shit, being like, oh my God, like life is so easy and fun. Life is so crazy. No, it's like I want to die every second. And just get a cat, like truly. The only advice I can give is get a cat. And I do have to say this was therapeutic because as gigglers we will find the funny in everything because you can't take life too seriously or you'll not make it.

So thank you for giggling. We love you guys and get tickets for our show and it will be coming up. Free beta bloggers at the door. Go to a Giggysquad show because Because honestly, we all can have panic attacks together. That's what Club Gigglies is about. It's not like other clubs. There is no cocaine. There is no Molly.

There is only Prozac, Xanax, Beta Bloggers. You can leave at any time. You can take a nap. If you're overstimulated, you get yourself right out of there. It is a safe space for the gigglers. We love you guys. Have an amazing week. Bye!

Bye!