Giggly Squad - Giggling about fake orgasms, fettuccini, and first date rules

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

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I'm in the day just got away from me. Hello my gigluci butchis. That was made up for it if you didn't know. I think we all know. How are you doing? Oh, you know, so funny actually. My mom called me the other day and she's like telling me, the normal gossip with everything that's going on and home and all this stuff.

And then I just like wasn't really responding that month. I was just like, yeah, yeah. She goes, um, are you depressed? And I was like, I don't know. And classic, classic Italian mom. She goes, oh, well don't be. Because you want to know what, it could be what you've worse. People wish that they had your life.

There's literally zero reason for you to be depressed. I wish I had your, and I was just like, um, I'd be like, well, I haven't drink water in two weeks, so that's probably the reason. It was just like a classic, like someone who's never had anxiety be like, what are you anxious about? Oh, don't be. And you're like, okay, amazing. That just fixed it. These fucking Gen Z's and millennials and their fucking feelings. I'm over it. But also when I get depressed, I'm not, there's not like one specific thing I'm depressed about, it's just like a feeling that my body has.

Yeah, I was thinking about, do you know when something makes you anxious? And then you kind of forget what it is, but the anxious feeling stays. And then you're like, I wanna get rid of this, but I don't even know what I'm anxious about, but the feeling still here. My energy healer told me that when I feel like that, because I'm anxious about, but the feeling still here. My energy healer.

Told me that when I feel like that, because I'm a Scorpio in a water sign, I should like immediately take a shower. Oh. Because whenever I'm like in, in water, it resets my body. She basically just said you smell. Yeah, she's basically like, try showering more.

She's like someone needs to tell you this. Honestly, sometimes like you're just tired from the exhaustion of Whatever your mind is like spinning on yes Yes, and like do you ever like encounter people in your life like the only person in my life that I really know That's like this who's like never over thought a day in their life has never had anxiety and you just look at them And you're just like what's your life like? Your dog? My dog.

Who's like, uh? My brother. Like, never had a day of anxiety, never been anxious about anything, never like, just like very much goes with the flow, lives his life. A girl had the funniest take talk about saying how guys think women are more emotional but then showed all of the guys who play soccer and they literally get barely touched and they start rolling on the floor crying No, is that not insane? It was really funny They do like these acting things to like get the clock to like be going. It's so nuts

Gary's definitely gone mad over a Yankee game before like abnormally mad where you're like, okay Okay, take it go take a lap around the block and come back. No, he really does he has zero He doesn't have a temper Well, that's a lie Does he have a frontal lobe? It takes a lot for him to get mad once he's mad then yeah, he's mad but like It would take him days weeks to get mad at you like I've tried I've really tried to poke the bear You know how men like fall asleep so easily like when you're in bed with them

Like you're in the middle of a conversation and you're like, but I really think it's because they're so tired from like Just like gaslight lighting all day. For sure. You know, that was the number one word like of the year. I have to sneeze. Bless you. Fuck you Hannah. Seriously, oh my god, that's so mean.

Now my nose is gonna be stubby for the rest of the pod. You know what's the worst when you're like, about the sneeze you're on and someone puts their finger in your mouth. I mean, no. Call the cops. Call the cops. I love sneezing. There's nothing I love more than sneezing.

It's better than orgasm. And it totally is. I would take off like a hearty sneeze when I have sex any day. I mean, I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I think Craig knows that too because the other day I had like a sneezing fit and I was like and I got done with it and I was like ah you love that I know you love that I'm happy boy. Craig starts a drinking off while you're sleeping. I just love when you get turned on. Whatever turns you on, babe. Oh my god. He comes in with a little feather and he starts tickling your nose. He gets, he just comes up with dust and he's like ready for a crazy night, babe. Does is like, I told you how

he like hates getting woken up. And I always, he goes to bed at like eight and I go to bed at like three AM. He hates, he hates getting woken up like, oh, goes to bed at like eight and I go to bed at like three I'm hate wait hate's getting woken up like oh like in the middle of the night not like in the morning Yeah, like he's like babe. I'm gonna see don't wake me up But of course like I'm tripping on everything possible in the room Suddenly the door has like the loudest creek it's ever had and he wakes up from movement I told you cuz he said he's a hunter I just feel like he just gaslighted me on that. Like that. Actually, it was a low-key hot. Like I literally moved my arm and he was like,

oh! I was like, I didn't do anything. He's like, so I'm a hunter. And I'm like, well, you've never hunted literally anything in your life. You've literally grown up in Queens year and entire life. You've never even seen a deer, okay? up in Queens year into higher life. You've never even seen a deer. Okay. Hahaha. Couldn't win in Killefai. Yeah.

Would not Killefai, but he's a hunter. But I'd been in bed with him. And once he was like, I've been like, don't wake me up. Don't wake me up. And I felt a sneeze coming. And it was the kind of sneeze that like, I knew it was going to be a good one. It was going to be an absolute yeah. Should I be selfish and enjoy the sneeze, but wake him up.

I let out the loudest fucking sneeze and he's like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Look, when you're dead asleep and someone sneezes, it is scary. No, that's gotta be terrifying. Cause I'm like two inches from his face. I'm thinking if I've literally ever heard Craig sneeze,

like I can't even think of what kind of sneeze he has. I'm so self-involved. Oh my God, what if he has a sneeze that gives you an ick and you can't move past? I don't know. He must not, if it isn't even registering in my brain. I get her so little that I'm like, I don't even know. You're like, what color eyes does Craig have?

Does anyone know? You're like, has anyone checked? Does anyone want to work crack, yes? Where is crack, I got, actually. Did you guys go to a next game or something? No, we went to a Rangers game. Honestly. It was real.

It was, no, it was fun. But all day, we had gone out all day because I had to get a few things at different stores. And so I was like, you want to just run errands with me? Then I went to Times Square to see our Express campaign. Oh my God, it's so cool. Then we went to lunch. We did a bunch of things.

Then I had to get a certain amount of outfits ready for something I was doing the next couple of days. And I realized that I didn't have the right shoes. And he was like, well, you told me that you would go to the Rangers couple of days. And I realized that like I didn't have the right shoes. And he was like, well, you told me that like you would go to the Rangers game with me. And I like, you ever like start a fight to get out of something and you know you're being ridiculous. But like, you're a Scorpio.

I'm like, you were just start a fight because you're bored. But like, I was doing like a classic just trying to like push to see like where the limit actually is Yeah, like where boundaries yeah, it was like classic and I was like Craig like I really have so much to do like I have to go pick up these shoes and like you're just like not making my life easier And I just like went on a rant for 20 minutes, but my mom also happened to be on speaker phone As I was going on this rant, and he was like, okay, I'll just go to the game by myself. And then, and I was like, okay, good. And then I was literally gonna let him go by himself, and my mom was like, page, you fucking bitch.

Do not let him go by himself. That is so mean. So then we ended up going to the game together and we had a great time. Well, you wanted him to be like, please come to the game. No, I didn't. I didn't want to go to the game. I wanted him to be like, say home, do whatever you want,

but he wanted me with him. And so then I finally went, and it was fine because I ate a hot dog. Honestly, the fact that he wants to spend time with you is so weird. So weird. So weird. So weird. So weird. Like I went in the other room, the other like in my bedroom the other night, I was doing my skincare and then I just happened to sit on my bed and I was like oh I'm just

gonna like watch some TikToks and he came in and he was so mad. He was like what you're just gonna go in the other room like a knock come out to the couch I can hang out with. I was like, what? You're just gonna go in the other room, like, and not come out to the couch, and hang out with, I was like, it's been 10 minutes. Hop off my deck for as I get. I've taken longer shifts before. Leave me alone. I do think though, because you guys are long distance, it puts more pressure that like, when you are together, it's like, are we using this time the best we can? Because we're always on the phone being like I miss you but Craig is long distance I'm not.

Anyway, oh I do want to say for the gigglers I want to put together an episode of like best of like everyone's favorite moments of the pod. Yeah and then like so everyone could listen to it one app. So definitely like in the review section of the podcast, say what your favorite moment was, and we're gonna go through it and put it together for like maybe new years or something. How many episodes of Giggly Squad do we have?

I mean we have over 100, yeah. It'll be like a now that's 2000s, like our VH1 like best of the 90s. I always wanted to have a VH1 special. I met Chuck Nice. I don't know if you'd know him by his name, but I was in a row with Chuck Nice who was on VH1's best of, like talking heads.

And I was like, hey, I'm a huge fan. You know who I saw out at a bar. Yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio? No. Um, the guy on gossip girl, Chase Crawford. Why is he at a bar? It was actually a members club.

I just didn't want to sound like- Oh, excuse me! Sorry, I didn't want to sound so bougie. It was actually a members club. They put stickers on your phone camera, so they can't take a picture with anyone. But anyway, I'm't want this on so bougie. It was actually a members club. They put stickers on your phone camera, so they can't take a picture with anyone. But anyway, I'm standing at the bar part, standing with a bunch of my guy friends,

and he walks in and I froze, and they were like, what's going on? Why are you moving? And I was like, that's the guy from Gossip Girl. Are you fucking kidding me? And one of my friends knew him, and he was like, do you want me to introduce you? And I was like absolutely not. I want him to see me and be like oh my god that's my wife. And then come up to me.

That's literally the TikTok when it's like when he the guy from Gaza girl walks in and crags next to you and you're like I don't know that man. I don't not know that man. And they all looked at me and they're like, oh, okay, so that's probably not gonna happen. Can I tell you a secret? I've never watched Gossip Girl. What? Hannah, you grew up in that era. We're friends.

We're the office. That is your era. That is when you were in high school and you did. No, but you needed to see. It's like when you, but I grew up, I know that scene. Like those when you were in high school. You needed to see. But I grew up, I know that scene. Those girls bullied me in high school. I don't need to retraumatize myself and watch it. Right, I got it, I got it.

And they're not even the real ones. I knew the real ones. You were like, you guys have nothing. No, maybe I'll watch it one day. I really want to re-watch the simple life. I'll see clips on TikTok and it's so funny. But now I realize Paris Hilton was so in on the joke. They were both so in on the joke that the comedy was top tier.

But that's reality TV. Everyone thinks. Oh my God, this is so crazy. Everyone's in on the joke except everyone watching. Except reality TV. We weren't on the drama, but they didn't let us be in on the joke except everyone watching. Yeah, except reality TV, like ours, we weren't, we weren't on the drama, but they didn't let us be in on the joke, like they like laughing at us. Being on the joke.

Yeah. Like we had so many funny lines that never made it. But also some people were like, this is real life. I'm really like, you're kind of crazy. Now they showed Paris Hilton doing the weather, and the guy, she was fucking with the guy. I was like, okay, can you point to the screen and she was like, no, I'm holding my purse And then like halfway there she's like, this is boring And then she was like, wait, can I do the other side for my hair?

And then she was like, no, I wanted to do the other side She was fucking hilarious. Yeah, she was amazing because're so, it's amazing because she, she changed her voice when she wants to be real. Like, she talks like me. And then she changes to be like, that's her. Yeah, she's total, she's created a character that everyone thought was actually her,

but she was really like, no, I'm just using this character to make billions of dollars because you guys are stupid. Also, Loki, I think it helps protect her. Yes. Like, because whenever anyone would hate on her, like, I think it helps protect her. Yes. Because whenever anyone would hate on her, she got to disassociate from who she really was with her friends and family. Yes.

We should do that more often, but we don't have self-control. Yeah, but I would say who we are on Giggly Squad is who we are. And any other place that people know us from, they can tell like okay That's not like really them. Yeah, they're like Hannah is done giggly squad for over a hundred episodes. She's never cried so Okay, let's let's

Can we just get right into it wait? I'm obsessed with this energy from you. I just have so many thoughts I've read so many New York Times articles about it. Let's fucking go. Let's talk about Harry and Meghan Markle. Because I am. I'm beyond torn. So I'm going to tell you how I feel about both of them. I feel like this is like a new representation.

On the first slide, this is my thesis. At the bottom of the pyramid, Harry. Okay, here's how I feel. Some people are really, really hating on Meghan Markle and they're like, she's so manipulative and she like, she did this to get him and be famous and want to be private and blah, blah, blah. Okay, who hasn't manipulated a guy to get him and be famous and want to be private and blah blah blah. Okay, who hasn't manipulated a guy to get him? Right. That honestly bothers me the least.

Like, oh, what, your mad because she's smarter than half the people that dated him. Like, yeah, she wanted something, she fucking got it. That doesn't piss me off. I think what made me awkward when I was watching it was the amount of times that she kind of, and you could tell that Harry was upset about it. She made fun of how she had to curtsy for the queen. I saw that going viral and Harry was like, yeah. And as an American, I feel like we don't understand how important that really is in British

society. So I think it made him uncomfortable. Well, she's making fun of something that is really respected in British society. So I think it made him uncomfortable. Well, she's making fun of something that is really respected in their culture. Right. But also like there, they could have cut that out. Like why did they keep her doing that? Right. Why did they keep that in? It's also okay. They also just did an entire documentary about wanting to be private. You don't do a six-part series. You don't do a six-part series for a hundred million dollars being like, I want to be private. Now, do I think that the British tabloids are fucking nutty? Yes, I agree. Um, is Harry infatuated with her? Yes.

Does she seem like a decent enough person? Yeah, I don't like hate her the way people are hating her. Now, I think the reason I don't just like her as much as everyone else is because the deep rooted Scorpio Italian in me. If I'm Harry, and I know that my entire family ruined my mom, ruined her. And let's call it what it is. Probably most likely had her murdered. I'm doing every single thing I can to piss them the fuck off. Like, I'm marrying a girl, they don't want me to marry. I'm moving to LA. I'm doing a Netflix documentary. I'm exposing all your bullshit. Harry could

literally do anything and I would stand behind him. So you can make him feel like a symbolism of their relationship. I'm rooting for Harry. Okay, we got it. You want to fuck Harry. We're kidding. I want to be the princess. Also, there are, I think there's always two sides to every story. Everyone's saying, oh, Megan wanted to date him. He saw her in an Instagram. But my biggest problem with it is that they call each other by their initials.

Yeah. Get, yep. So Megan calls him H. And I had a real reaction to it. She would say, yeah, and then like H texted me. Not, not a, no. You know what that is? That's when you can't think of a good nickname. And you're like, fuck it. Just use the first letter. It's just like, fuck it, this is the first letter.

It's just like, we get it. You have sex with him. Hair bear, Horatio. She's also a woman in the documentary and her name was Silver Trey. Silver Trey? First name, Silver, last name, Trey. It's giving Christmas. It's giving Christmas a treat to Judy's house.

I can taste the sprinkle cookies. It's giving Christmas at Teresa Jew Dice's house. I can taste the sprinkle cookies. So there's like so many things that were like our very contradictory. They're also saying that a lot of the pictures they used of paparazzi are not pictures of paparazzi taking pictures of them. Yeah. So that was another thing that's like kind of weird, but also doesn't piss me off that much.

So as someone who did not see the documentary and does not have a strong opinion on Harry or Meghan, the whole concept of it, of them just being like, this is our relationship, it's giving long Instagram caption to me. Oh, my God. You could have summed it up better. Like the whole concept of it is just

a bigger, long Instagram caption to me. Like we get it! You love each other! You've been through a lot! Ups and downs! It's giving a paragraph on Instagram. It's giving six-month anniversary. It's giving six month anniversary. Oh, no.

No. No. It's giving multiple posts. It's giving a kissing post. People think Craig and I broke up and I couldn't love it more. Craig, should we say something? I'm like, no. It's giving, saying my person in the caption.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's giving, saying my person in the caption. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's giving, like, the first time they knew they fell in love with each other and they wrote it out. It's giving your whole profiles you and your boyfriend. No. Like, that's what the, what was the point of documentary besides being like, the media was really hard on us and we love each other regardless. It's like, what are you overcompensating for? Because we know that. The media was fucking brutal to Megan. Brutal to Megan.

I also think, yes, there are probably some things that she's really pissed off about. But her whole defense is that they want to be private, they want to live their lives. Totally, I get it. I think that you should. But talking to Oprah probably isn't the best way to stay private. You know like doing a full interview with Oprah.

Oh you're just open. Honestly you're just opening yourself up to more criticism. It doesn't matter how like perfect you put together this interview about your life. People are gonna like for example me out out of reality TV. I wanted a break from my personal life. Yeah. So, you choose what you put out there. They're choosing to put this out there. Right. So I think the whole thing is like a little bit weird. And I think that Megan like did obviously.

Also, let's call it what it is. If you're dating the Prince of Anywhere, yeah, you're fucking excited about it. Like, you can't act like you're not excited that you're dating the Prince of wherever in the world. Like, if I dated a Prince, everyone would know about it. I would tell everyone. You know, it's like Derek Jeter, my axe.

Yeah. The girl he married, her name's Hannah, not a coincidence. He was trying to get under my skin She said she didn't know who Derek Jeter was and I was like such a lie little violin like that's not true Such a fucking lie. That's like when 50 cents that he's never seen a grapefruit before I even get this with Craig Sometimes people are like oh my god page was a fan of Craig Before she met him. Yeah, I didn't live under a rock. I knew what the fucking show was. Are you kidding? Imagine if I was like I have no idea who this

bonehead was. Yeah obviously I freaking knew. I mean I guess like yeah like we knew who he was but you didn't have like a locker with photos of him all over it. I wasn't like Helga Pataki and had like a shrine in my floor closet. I'm going to throw back. But also, even if you did, that's called manifestation. Did we think that Helga Pataki was going to make it on the King of the Skwad?

No, we didn't. But she was a queen. She was misunderstood. Justice for Helga Pataki. OK? Anywho. So I don't know. Am I going to watch the next three episodes? Absolutely. The things also they don't need money or do they like rather like, could I?

I think maybe they do. They made a hundred million dollars from this Netflix special. Okay. Yeah, put my public out there. But here's the other thing. If Netflix came to me, it was like we're gonna give you a hundred million dollars to do. They don't even have to finish But here's the hit. That's the other thing. If Netflix came to me, it was like, we're going to give you $100 million to do. They don't even have to finish the rest of the sentence. I'm like, would you show your vagina on Netflix for $100 million? Like Cara Deleving who just sold her orgasm to science. I think that's different.

Donated it. What I show the inner like my vagina on Netflix, What's the context? Is there a doctor present? Are we doing UTI? No, not a sex scene. For a hundred million dollars! Oh my god, I Don't know I'd have to actually I'd have to think about it a sex scene a sex scene in a sex scene in... Kim showed her vagina. Okay, wait, a sex scene in like a movie where I'm playing a character and you happen to see my vagina

or I'm being myself and you're seeing my vagina. It's still the same vagina. No, it's not. Okay, yes. You vagina's like acting like you're vagina. But my vagina's like, sorry, we're method acting right now. Please call back later. She goes by a different name in the movie.

Craig just texted me. Oh my God. Craig just texted me. He's trying to do, he's trying to literally do the tiktok I just did to you for the double wears Prada. I'm literally texting back and saying, I already did this tiktok. OK, here's my other thing. Do you see all those people posting their pictures as AI characters?

Yeah. Okay. Like, I needed to stop. I just, I don't understand what AI is. Like, I'm sorry, I'm confused. It's just like teenager painting some things and making some art and sending it to people. Like, what does AI even mean?

It's like, crypto. Someone's gonna explain it to us. We're gonna, I'm gonna never. Is that my face as a crypto coin? I don't know, but it's getting eerie. Like, what this means if like, everything was virtual, that that's what you'd look like. Also, some people I'm like, you're not that cute.

But also the bad thing about it is everyone's paying $10 for it. Put that money towards the ice milker. That's crazy. That's crazy. I'm not gonna pay money to know that I don't look as good in real life. Like I don't need that.

I could use face-to-me for that. Right, I don't need like another filtered picture of myself. I know. Speaking of body image, did you see Selena again, Selena and Justin never ending drama. No, I didn't see it. So someone posted something in the past where Selena talked about how like Justin likes models and like she didn't, he wanted her to be skinny kind of thing.

And Selena commented like kind of like an emoji of like a sad face. And everyone is getting mad at Selena being like, you're egging this on. Meanwhile, all she did was pose an emoji. Obviously it does stir shit up. But like, she's basically saying, I don't know. Why is Justin so untouchable during the whole

Selena and Haley thing? Like Justin probably is awful. Like I just feel like whenever Selena says anything, they always put it on Selena and Haley, when really it's Justin is probably awful, and I guarantee you he's awful to Haley. That's literally the theme of Giggly Squad. Everyone puts it on the women

or tries to put two women against each other where it's like maybe Justin wasn't perfect the whole time either. Also, men saying things about women's bodies, like to their faces is so much more common than like anyone will talk about like I will talk about a lot of things with my guy friends and they'll be like yeah but like none of us would ever do that and like no one I know would ever do that and I'm like I've dated multiple of your friends and I'm

telling you that they've said that to me before or like they've done that to to girls I know like it is so one of my biggest fights with a boyfriend was that I ate ice cream two nights in a row. Not correct, because he's nutty, but like, but like that's a real thing that happened. So yes, I bet Justin absolutely made her feel so fucking shitty about her body. It makes me like very upset.

And I know like I have friends whose boyfriends have called them fat before. Yeah. You want to be around someone who is not gonna make you feel less worthy when your weight fluctuates because that's called existing, especially as I'm sorry when I like trigger warning to talk about weight but like when I'm PM messing around my period I'm like legit 10 pounds heavier. Like our hormones especially this age is is like crazy. Like I'll just put on five pounds just from water weight

because I like smelled something. Keep this in mind. Any guy that I've ever dated that's commented on my weight at the same time, they didn't have a six pack. So that was mind blowing in itself. I'm like, wait, but you're legitimately over wait for your height. And I think that's something you should work on. Also, any guy that doesn't like your ass when it's fat has a problem.

Oh my God. Craig loves when I'm PMS-ing. Like literally loves it. I eat everything. My boobs are bigger. It's so fun for him. Oh, I watched something that wasn't a documentary. I watched the horror movie smile. Fun fact about Desi loves horror movies. Red flag does so scary. Classic Scorpio, but when he watches it, you know when it's like quiet, he'll go. There's a jump coming and I'm like, okay What was it on who's in it? Oh my god. Well, I think we actually bought it on YouTube. It is so fucking good It's actually the daughter of Kevin Bacon and Kira Seddwick. Oh

Wow Random who even knew the head of the door? It's actually one of the better horror movies I've seen. Everyone's watching it's called Smile and it's basically like... Ah! I don't think I've watched a horror movie legitimately since high school when like you would put it on because you're gonna like make out with someone. Yeah and you would like actually miss all the scary parts. Yeah Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Pat Hussie, 2007. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I watched all of it. I was a little pink. I was a little bummed by the season finale, but Really, I just wanted more murders different murders. I Wanted it to be more intense. I the person that died. I didn't want them to die Like it was annoying for me. I had something else that I feel like I just watched Sometimes I like I really got to stop taking edibles and writing in the Giggly squad. Shared no because I'm like read stuff

and I'm just like, I don't know what I meant by that. I wrote down the difference between being dependent on your mom and being obsessed with your mom. That's literally what I talk to my therapist about every week. Like, sometimes I will be like, I have to call my mom and like ask her opinion on this. Not because I like have to do everything my mom says or like because I can't like make a decision without her,

but genuinely because I think she's the smartest person in my life and I want to know what she thinks about a certain thing and if I had the same initial thought, which usually I do, you're just like double checking. It's like, I'm double checking my work. Yes, I'm double checking my work. And I also was thinking about it the other day too,

because I feel like I've had a lot of boyfriends in the past, like make me feel bad about my relationship with my parents, just because they hated their parents. So I've always been a little insecure about it, but then I was thinking about it the other day, and I was like, if my mom wasn't my mom, and I met her, I would wanna be friends with her. Like, so now I feel like I'm at the age where I'm like,

yes, she's my mom, but how much is she really parenting me rather than just giving me advice as a friend would? Well, yeah, mom's kind of evolved into your best friend. Yeah. Every now and then, you have to remember, it's my mom and she's coming from that angle and she thinks I'm the greatest. Right.

She's my mom. Right. But that's the problem. Are you not making your own decisions and is your mom to involved in your shit? And then you're putting a lot of anxiety and pressure on her because she has to make a decision in your life? Or is she actually just steering the chaotic ship

and making all the right decisions and making everything better? Like, I will call my mom, I'll give her a situation in a scenario and then I will say my initial thought is and then I'll give what I think I'm going to do and then her response, like if she, if she said, oh my God, I think you're making a horrible decision, do this. What I do it? Yes. Like what I do with what she's told me to do probably, but like not all the time, but also she is always right and so am I.

So it's like, we're always think the same thing. But like, I know there's gigglers who don't have as close to relationship with their mom or don't have a mom. And honestly like mad respect for them, because I'm like, wow, you just like check in on yourself, make a decision and do it without consulting your mom. Right.

Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, I used to not make a decision, call my mom, get her opinion, do that. Now I'm at the point where I'm like, okay, well, this is what I think I'm going to do. Let me get another person's opinion. I also have to tell my mom everything because eventually when I have to ask her opinion, she has to know. So I can't just go about my life.

I need to tell her every single thing. And also, hot girls forget things. So I have to tell her things so that like, she can be won't forget. Yeah, so show remember. But one thing I have to work on is called self-suiting. Are you familiar with mental health moment with self-suiting? I mean, I've heard of it as a baby, like let your baby cry in self-south.

Is that the cause we need to go to? It's basically like, I'll think of a crazy thought and start spiraling and I'll call my mom and I'll be like, I'm thinking this thought is as crazy. And then when she's like, that's crazy, you're good. I immediately am good. Yes. But I need to get to the point where I get a crazy thought

and I can self-soothe and tell myself, Hannah, that's a crazy thought. Yeah. And you don't need other people to affirm that you're gonna be okay. You can tell yourself you're okay, and that's called sanity. I do this to Sierra a lot.

Like, I will take it out of all. I'll sit on my couch and I'll come up Sierra a lot. Like, I will take an out of all. I'll sit on my couch and I'll come up with conspiracy theories. And then I'll call Sierra. I guess you're so. Yeah, I guess myself. I'm, oh, they're all fully about me. And then I'll call Sierra.

I'll tell her my conspiracy theories, and she'll say, you're high. And then I'm like, okay, good. No one thinks that about me. Do you know how I've been doing my man on the street, okay, a hand on the street videos? So as a woman who supports other women, I'm like, I need to start interviewing

my female comedian friends. So I've been coming up with some questions to ask the women. And I was wondering if I can try them out on you. I have a love tale. Okay, and you could pass if you don't want to answer that because I'm a little dirty. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Do you spit or swallow? Swallow. I think this is trivia.

But I didn't always use chow. Would you want a Dumb and tall, Short and funny, yeah, or weird looking middle-high and smart. A weird looking middle-high and smart, or short and funny, or dumb and dumb. Well, I'm dating tall and dumb and let me tell you. Wait, no, no, no, tall and poor. Oh, no. You literally just puke into your mouth. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I like that one. Have you faked an orgasm? Yes. I just had this conversation with a person.

I just had this conversation with one of my guy friends and I was like every single woman you have ever been with has faked it. And they were like, no, not me, no fucking word. And I'm just like, I'm telling you, every single one has faked it at one time or another. Yes. Anyone who's saying that they've never faked it is lying. They're lying. Also, every woman should win an Emmy

because we're all spectacular. Do you ever have a guy start fingering you? Yeah. And you just know, there's no way we're gonna get to the finish line with this. And you'll give them to the left or a little faster. He's not gonna do it.

You just know it. Or during sex, most girls like can't come just from the P and the V. So you're making all kinds of noises just for the fun. Yeah, like those noises mean nothing. They mean nothing. Give me a fucking Oscar.

This is the theater. I'm exhausted at that. And not from coming, but from my fucking performance. So I feel like are definitely more believable than others, too. And OK, let me tell you this. Every single time I've faked it, now one time has any guy ever been like, did you fake it? So I know I'm going to be.

Oh, for sure. And some people will be like, stop faking so they know what they're doing. Honestly, sometimes you just don't need the drama. Why do I need the drama? I see you of that person's life. No, I'm not here to teach them. If you're with a guy for a long time, and he's like so bad at fingering,

then address it, but like if it's like a one time thing. Okay. Also, people are always like, you know, how do you start doing your boyfriend? I'm like, whoa, whoa. Every boyfriend I've ever had is because I didn't have to fake it with them. And everyone that I've ever said, no,

I'm not dating them is because I've laid there and been like, this isn't gonna be it. I said, you're so hot, but this is not gonna be it for me. Thank you so much. I've got a job. I don't have time to fake it. I said you're so hot, but this is not gonna be it for me. Thank you so much. I've got a job. I don't have time to fake it all day with you. Okay. I mean, job is a strong way.

Everyone's like, how could Paige have picked Craig? And I'm like, because I have a job and I have things to get to and I need to fake it with that man. I have a podcast that I record once a week. I don't have time for this. So. Do you reach for your purse on the first date? No. I can't. No. I'm not gonna fake. No, that's something I will not fake. I'm not gonna do the polite reach for the person on the

first date. No, fuck you guys. You get one thing. Unless the date is really bad, I'll pay. I'll like pay to be like, don't even call this a date, please. No. I do a reach. I do a reach to give them a chance to say, no, let me get this. But like, that's not your energy.

You're just a treat- No, I want to assert my dominance immediately. Like, you're paying us. Exactly. No, I'm a, you ask me. I will tell you, I have been in situations before though that like, it wasn't the first date, it was like a couple dates after.

I have said like, oh, I'll pay for this one. Like, I'll pay for this dinner and they've let me. Ick. Never spoken him again. Not into, never spoke to him again. Not until you're officially dating. Do I think you should start paying for shit.

It is a turn-off when you're like, oh, I'll get this. And he is so quick to be like, thank God. Craig always jokes. When we go on vacation or something, I do my standard one breakfast that I buy. Thank you so much for doing this trip here. It's like the breakfast I'll buy you. And that's my contribution. Because I've just entertained you for an entire weekend. You would have never laughed. You would have never gossiped about the people sitting next to us. Like, I offered you so much to this vacation. And you didn't pay me to be here. So here's your breakfast. Yeah, you did it for free. Yeah, he should owe you money. You basically got seven giga-gly squad shows in a row

and didn't pay for one of them, okay? I actually pulled a move on does that he said made him into me or whatever, like more into me, which I like to pull. After you have like a couple good dinners, kind of like what you said, you get something really cheap, like a coffee, a bagel, a dollar slice of pizza, you go, hey, I'll get this.

And then when he says yes, you look at the cashier and you give them the card and you go, he always makes me pay. And then you see how they react. That's so good. That's so good. I'm gonna do that to Craig. Does was like dying laughing. And I do think it's a good test to see if a guy is a good sense of humor. Now, because they got weird about it, I'd be like, what are you hiding? For my long distance girlies, the thing I did do when I started dating Craig, and

this wasn't even, this wasn't to like prove to him anything. I would buy my flights to go to Charleston only because it was like the very beginning of our relationship. We were flying back and forth to see each other. He was paying obviously for his flights to New York. I was paying for mine to Charleston, solely based on the thought of if I wanted to leave at any moment, I was paying for mine to Charleston solely based on the thought of, if I wanted to leave at any moment, I could go on, change my plane ticket, leave when, like I wasn't obligated because someone just bought my way to a destination. Like I'm leaving if I want to leave at any moment. You don't want to feel kidnapped.

No, we don't. If it can be feeling not enough feeling unless you're into that. Unless it's like a kink for you for sure. But I was like, what if something happens and I'm just like, gotta go see ya. Like I can easily go on my Delta app and change my fight. You're like, what if I just want to start a fight? I want to be able to jump on a plane.

Yeah. Okay, this is a tough one. Do you think guys want a girl who makes them laugh or just a girl who laughs at their jokes? The latter. Is that fucked up? It's so fucked up. There's also I saw this tic-tac thing where it was like hot girls who are funny Well, our single and then something else happened that like I forget the second part, but Yes, when guys think like when

guys say like, oh, she's so funny, it's because you're laughing at their jokes and they think like you're getting when you're actually funny, they think you're mean. Yeah. No, like they don't. Like it honestly took Craig a while to be like, you're really funny. I didn't speak to him for a long time because he couldn't understand that. Well, it's like when you ask a girl what she's looking for in a guy and she goes,

I want a guy that can make me laugh. It's like, I actually realize there's so many guys that I'll laugh at, but I really need to be with a guy who laughs at my shit because I've been with those hilarious, I've dated comics and they're so funny, but they're literally just performing and I could be anyone.

You could replace me with anyone. They wanna make anyone laugh. And then I say something funny and they're nowhere to be found. No, where to be found. Yeah, like you need someone who genuinely is like, that was so funny. Oh my god, well that's why like you because someone who genuinely is like that was so funny. Oh my god. Well, that's why I like you because you laugh at my jokes.

But you're funny. But I also laugh at your jokes. My dad always says he's like, Hannah could say anything and you could laugh. And I was like, because it's probably funny. That's talking with my dad. I laugh at everything my dad says. He's like, you laugh at everything. I'm like, I didn't keep any. Anyway, how does an IUD work? Do you know?

I think it's like a paper clip. It gets inserted and it then wraps around a tube of some sort. It gillotines the heads of the sperms as it comes. I actually don't really know how an IUD works because I've never... I don't think, I've never thought that works. It's just rocks. Yeah.

But I do know girls are straight up will be like, they'll either be like, it was so easy, it was amazing, or they're like, it was the most painful thing that ever happened. And I started to grow an egg off the side and I had to get surgery or some crazy shit. And I've heard girls say like, because I've always asked like, can you ever feel it when you're having sex and some people say yes.

Oh my God. And I don't like that. Yeah. And then it like can come untied. What do you do in your past when you're having sex with a guy and he comes really fast? How do you play it? I'm thankful. I have never, I have never been one of those girls

that's like ew, I'm like, oh my God, let's keep them up. Like thank you. And that was called Gorilla Gripana. You're welcome. And that show is baby. Thanks for coming. I'm here to one's day. Because my sick brain immediately is like, yeah, obviously I'm so fucking hot.

Like, you're welcome. I'm, my brain never goes to like, oh, he has a medical disorder where he comes super quick. It's like, he's never felt on the giant of like yours. He's obsessed with your face. Like, no, I'm so thankful for that, mate. I love the embarrassment when a guy has to say sorry, and he thinks he ruined your night, and you have to be like, it's okay.

He immediately gives you the upper hand. You're like, no, it's totally fine. No, it's totally fine. I'm gonna go jerk off in the back. I'm gonna go in the back. Yeah. Saying jerk off is weird. I love it for them.

I love when the men get vulnerable and insecure. It's like my favorite version of them. When they're scared. Yeah. Do you think blue balls are real? I think it's real. Do I think it hurts as much as they say it does? No.

I think it's uncomfy. I'm sure it's a little pressure. But I don't like the man with the colds. I don't think it's a big deal. Honestly, if you're at the point where you don't have sex with a guy, be like, cool, jerk off next to me. Like, jerk off.

I'm not like, no one's holding you hostage. I have no problem. I have no problem. If one night I don't wanna have sex and Craig just looks at me and jerks off But even for like the college girl is you know you're hooking up and you're like I don't really want to have sex with you and he's like Be like cool

Jerg yourself off. You know how to do it. You've done it before. Okay. I feel like we're the same in this like I find porn to be so helpful Because it's like another woman is taking your duties, you're sharing duties. And you're just like, why don't you go jerk off in the bathroom and like watch some hot blonde, like another hot blonde. And like, I'll be here. You're comfortable with Craig jerking off to blondes.

Honestly, yes, I'm comfortable with Craig looking at porn, because I probably have a show that I need to watch You're watching the hot Italian on the white lotus Like I probably have a pimple. I've been dying to get at, you know No porn has never made me uncomfortable. They're not meeting those girls And if they met those girls in real life, those girls want nothing to do with your man. Like don't be insecure about it. They want nothing to do with him. I just like, I don't want to know in this moment my man is looking at another girl being like so

turned on by her. I'm going to give you something that's going to make you feel better. They're never looking at their faces. They don't, your boyfriend could watch a porn, and then you could say, what did she look like? What was she wearing? They're not gonna remember. They have no idea. You think they're reading her name in the caption? No. They don't.

I'm giving them too much credit. Yeah. I'm doing it how girl will do it. We're like, you know, for me to think a guy is hot and a porn, I have to envision that he has a good personality. Yeah, you gave him a back story I'm gonna ignore me at first. They're not giving her a back story They're not associating anything from their childhood with this woman I'm like researching him on the side of my cooz this man. I'm finding his Instagram. I find his parents. No

Okay, I have a final question for you. Okay. Would you prefer flowers or feta chini from a man? Feta chini, flowers like die in two days. Feta chini, you understand me, you got me. I like the idea of flowers, but the actual act of getting the flowers is so much admin, you have to cut the stems, you have to find a vase, you have to put it in a vase, it never fits in that vase, you have to find another vase.

I don't like that you say vase. Oh, vase. Was that like chic of me saying it vase? I don't know. I have a thousand vases, and then if it comes in a base then you're like do I throw this base out because I can't fit it in where I keep on my other bases. I've been there the little like food for the flowers which I didn't know that was a thing. Is it a thing? Yeah. Seems made up. It does seem fake.

Then I have a literal pet that I didn't ask for that has to feed and water. Yeah I just think like the reaction of if someone got me fed a chini would be bigger than the reaction of flowers. Every girl when they get flowers, it's the same like, oh my God, oh, thank you. And then you fix the flowers and then you never say, oh my God, look at my flowers. Also flowers are generic like, did you get this for your ex girlfriend

also? Yeah. Right. exactly. Unless if you like have a specific flower you love and he knows it, that's cute. To me, like a guy getting flowers, it's like, oh, you read a book on how to treat a lady. Yeah. In the fucking 1950s. Yeah, I once I would rather like, like whenever, not when I'm fighting with Craig, but whenever he's like,

but mostly when I'm fighting. But like if he's ever sending me something, who'll just Uber eats me, like a Reese's Cup or like a soda, like shit like that, like that means more than like a flower showed up to my apartment. Yes. I'm like, yeah, you should be sending me fucking popcorn with chocolate on it. Like, one day he just sent me four different cakes. It was really in trouble that day. Hahaha.

Hahaha. Does Scott mad at me the other day? Because I, who birded myself food and I didn't tell him about it? Hannah! You know, but like, I was in the mood for something very specific. I wanted an assa eabull. I knew he didn't. And he was like, it was just about you should have asked me.

But what if there was something else? There were more things on the menu than just assa e. What if he saw that menu and was like, oh, I'll get this from there. But part of me is like, you have a phone. I'm undecided with this. That is so rude. But like when you're with someone and like, uh, and every meal you have, you have to like, ask them about it.

I don't know, it's a lot. You and Craig are very selfish. Is that what Craig does? Yes, I hope, like things will show up, but I know you didn't want anything from there. And I'm like, well, how do you know that? Cause I never saw the menu. Never got to see the menu.

I don't know. Maybe because deep down I was embarrassed. I was like getting an assaible at like 4 p.m. It wasn't lunch, it wasn't dinner. I was just having a random craving. I just wanted to do it on the low. I got it. But I'm on desert side with this one.

What if he could have gotten like a smoothie. Maybe like he had a hankering for a green juice, you never know. One thing also that annoys me is that whenever I offer, does my food, which you know is a huge fucking deal? Yeah, like you offer him a bite. Like when I decide I am willing to give him a piece of my food, he always says no. Why? I don't know. of my food, he always says no.

Why? I don't know. Like, is there something going on between us? The question. But he'll offer me, and I always say, yeah, so then I go, do you want mine? And he goes, no, and it makes me feel less than. Is it, maybe is it, okay, when you eat off of his, are you using your own fork?

No, he will take his he will cut me a piece and put it on my plate. Yeah gently beautifully and then I say do you want mine? It's really good. Yeah, no, no, maybe it's a power thing Wow That's very interesting like he doesn't need me Or he's the provider. He's the hunter. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it because it's become a pattern and I don't like it. I call them out there. I was like, you never, you never try it. And he's like, I just don't want it. I ordered what I want. Okay, here's the thing about does. He's such a like,

simple, like, yes, I get that. Like he's like, no, why would I want some of yours when I ordered what I wanted? Like, he's so like matter of fact as a human. But for me, I'm like, yeah, I wanted this and that should look good too. I'm not gonna think about it. Yours looks better than mine. Yeah, you're all over the map.

Like, you had like a small hankering for something then it came and you were like, okay, I smelled it. I don't want it anymore. Like, if you had like a small hankering for something, then it came and you were like, okay, I smelled it, I don't want it anymore. Like, I want something different. Well, so you know what, things just taste better when they're not yours. Yes, yes. I do get that.

Like, sometimes, Craig will order something and I'll be like, damn, that looks so good. Like, I want that and I'll eat some of it. And then like, he will be gone. And I'll order the same thing from the same place and I'll get it and I'll be like the sucks. I don't want this anymore. There's definitely some deeper meaning behind all this.

I don't want to get to the bottom of it and I'll let you guys know. Good stuff. We have the holidays coming up and then we're going on tour. We did announce a new show in Durham and we've not promoted it at all. So we're getting yelled at. We added a second show in Durham, Durham, North Carolina. We have a big Southern weekend that weekend. Also, I have a stand-up show in Alabama and I don't know if there's any Googlers in Alabama.

I'm sure we are. No, I think there has to be. Well, so we'll see. I've never been to Alabama. I'm excited to are. No, I think they're a haste to pay. Well, so we'll see. I've never been to Alabama. I'm excited to go to Alabama. When are you going to Alabama? Early January, check out our website, though, for all of the dates.

We also have, we brought back some amazing merch from before that you guys were obsessed with and wouldn't stop asking for it. And Gagley Swat is not going back to Boston yet, but I am going to Boston for standups. You guys can like take a fucking chill pill for a month, just a month. We love Boston.

Baston. But thank you so much for Gagley with us. You guys, we love you so much. Bye. you