Giggly Squad - Giggling about grinding, square nails, and calling 911

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

Paige had another medical mishap and Hannah reveals her history with grinding. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you care about the state of the world and want to set it on a better course, we have a solution that may be somewhat surprising. Work in finance. At CFA Institute, our programs and courses are deeply rooted in ethical perspective, but we don't just teach. We create codes of conduct and impact key policy issues with global governments and regulators. To join a global network of investment professionals. Visit CFAInstitute.org slash set the standard today.

Sub-giglairs. Very fixed Wi-Fi. Manifestation. We can't be managed. I'm in the day just got away from me. Good New Year to my gigglers. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. I'm in the day just got away from me. Good New Year to my gigglers. Like the blimp. I was trying to use a G word. Oh, I was like, good to hear blimp. That just got me so confused. I was like, I think it's happy New Year. Good New Year to you, sir.

And to you as well. If you just say stuff to people, they'll just repeat it and think you're right. It's just group mentality. Yeah, that's true. Good year to you, good stuff. Shiree O, how was your New Year's, Hannah? How was your Christmas?

First of all, we missed you guys so much. It was so weird not talking to you. I felt like I've been lost for two weeks. No, I woke up with this weird feeling in my stomach. You know when there's just something wrong in the air? So I texted Page and I just go, how are you? Because I want to keep it open-ended. I didn't want her to feel attacked.

But I just knew something was off. And this bitch responds and says, just called 911 yesterday. You know, just an average holiday season. Because it's not funny what happened. Can you explain what happened? Mind you fall down another flight of stairs. My New Year's Eve could not be more page coded if I fucking tried. So first of all, let me just start from the very beginning.

Craig wants to throw a New Year's Eve party, which is so aggressive. Which is so, first of all, out of my wheelhouse, but I was like, you know what? Like, I never wanna do anything on New Year's Eve. Like, I don't ever want to go anywhere, but it's the one day that I do feel phoma. Like, okay, I should at least celebrate New Year's.

Like, everyone's celebrating it. New Year's house, he wants to show people his house. Right, like the house is good. Like, so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna decorate the fuck out of it. Hannah, my decorations, like I crushed that. What was the aesthetic? My theme was champagne caviar, pink bows and disco balls.

Oh my God, it sounds like my wedding if it was classier. My tree was stunning, it looked like Priscilla Presley. My, I did all different sized disco balls in the fireplace. I got these melted disco balls from Amazon and I just put them all around the house and then I had like pink Christmas balls and like ornaments and disco balls like as just the decor around the home all the like champagne glasses had the matching pink bows around the stems that match the tree like I had the matching pink bows around the stems that match the tree.

Like I crushed it. Went off. I love that you're like playing house when you feel like it and then when you don't want to clean up, you just go back to New York. Oh, really? I thought that because I was like, oh my god, wow, this is gonna be such a big cleanup.

The next day from the party, I'm so glad I don't legit live here. Like if this is my apartment, I'd be loving. I didn't decorate anything at all because my apartment's so messy that if I started putting like bows and disco balls everywhere, people would think I'm in an episode of Horders.

They'd be like, are you okay? Greg and I put up a Christmas tree. Where is your cat? On December 29th. I was like, we can't have a New Year's Eve party and not have a Christmas tree. People are gonna think we're like literal, like idiots. I was like, we can't have a New Year's Eve party and not have a Christmas tree. People are going to think we're like literal, like idiots.

So we got one from Amazon, put it up on December 29th and I decorated it for the party and it's coming down tomorrow. So everything was going beyond smoothly. When did it take a turn? Everything was going smoothly. And I was really trying to like be one of the girls and have fun and I'm sipping on drinks and I'm in that conversation with someone all of a sudden I can't see that person. I can't pay attention to what that person's saying

and I immediately excuse myself and I'm like oh my god I'm so sorry I have to go to the bathroom. This is like 1130 okay the party started at 7. So I've literally been alive for like 20 minutes. Like I haven't really done anything at the party. I go upstairs at 11.30, you're never gonna see me again. I never come back downstairs. I proceed to vomit so much that I could only text Craig like help get my affairs in order he runs upstairs he's like what the fuck me and Sierra is sitting in the bathroom that's something I would do if I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention at the party. I would just laugh. I would just laugh. Go to the bathroom and text help.

And just lie on the floor. Just lock the door and I just don't answer for like 20 minutes. No, Hannah, I, I'm not kidding. He came upstairs and I was like, we have to calm down, one-one. He was like, what is happening to you you my fingers. I couldn't move them. I couldn't move my fingers I'm gonna move my toes and then my stomach muscles and I'm not Started like contracting. I was like I'm having a stroke

Craig's looking at me because you're not having a stroke. You're looking right at me and you're talking. Like you're not having a stroke. I start hysterically crying. I go, call my mom. I know you're gonna call my mom. I know I want her, my mom. They're pretty much the same thing. Literally the same thing. And then I got so mad at him because I was like, I get to your fault, I'm in Charleston, and if I was in New York City, my mom would be in the car all the way on her way to me.

Yeah. I completely forgot, completely fucking forgot that I have been on skin medicine, and I didn't take my pill last like that night. You drugged yourself. I brewed myself. I'm head in the toilet. I can't keep anything down.

I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I literally, I'm not even drunk. Like, I had three, four drinks and they were like small. And then I remembered that I'm on a diuretic. I only had like four gel shots, like seven more teenagers. No, I'm saying that. I'm on a diuretic. I only had like four yellow shots, like seven more TV. No, I'm saying that. I'm not even drinking that much. I'm just like, you've been drinking for literally four hours straight.

You fell going up the stairs getting here, so. We did one. What's it called with the beer when you stand on the beer bar? Oh, I what is? What the fuck is that called when you stand upside down? Yeah, I keg stand. Oh my keg stand. And we did one and a half kegs stand. You know I could only stay up for six seconds. So this is my thing. I think so much of life is mental and like where I do think like your acrimedication, whatever, I think you did what I

did when I was skiing. I think you were like, I'm gonna commit to this party, but you had so much anxiety about the party. And three hours in your body was so exhausted. And you probably had a couple awkward conversations that just put you over the edge and you were overstimulated and your body was like, get me the fuck out of my own body. I think there's one conversation where I was just like, that was a lot of questions. And I know answers to any of them, goddamn it. I don't know. That's like when I didn't want to go skiing.

And yeah, someone would say I hit a curve or an edge. But I checked myself down that hill because I said, I don't want to be living this moment anymore. But the craziest part of this whole story is that you text me, I called 911. And I said, that's crazy because that's called 911 three days ago at an equinox. Because he, I think, had overdone it,

but his thing is he's an older man. Yeah, and I think he's scared deep down that he's gonna have a heart attack. So he calls me and he said, hey, and I'm like, how are you doing? We actually have a small talk, and then he goes, we actually got a few affairs in order. And then he said, by the way,

he goes, he goes, by the the way I'm having a hard time He was like a what and he goes I'm currently having So I'm calling I'm gonna call I'm going to call 911 Um, just to be check and I don't want to be rude in that moment and tell him how to feel or like not say his feelings are valid And if you say like you're having a panic tech I feel like that doesn't go over well sometimes Yeah, it's gonna be the more upset So then it cuz it's like being like calm down. I couldn't move my fingers I couldn't move my fingers and Greg was like it's in your head. He said he was getting like

Like his hands were tingly and there's actually, I don't know if this happened to him, but there's a phobia of thinking that you're having a stroke or having a heart attack that makes your body go into that. I have it. So then you're fully having a panic attack that you're having that attack. It's like a fake pregnancy. I don't know.

No. No. No. No. Valid. The rough thing was he was like, I'm gonna be fine, I'm just gonna handle it. And I said, okay. And I hung up. And I'm just watching TV.

And I'm like, is it fucked up that my husband called the ambulance? And I didn't even ask where... I just wanted to say, why didn't you go? No follow up. I said, no. I had to do that night. And I just... You were every boyfriend gossiping.

You were like, okay. You're like, where is he? What's going on? You're like, I don't know, to nask. I was like, okay, I said, text me updates. And I'm here if you need me. And I have a 1-800 number you can call after 7 pm. I said if the nurse wants to talk to me, I don't like talking to strangers so don't give her my number.

I'm not in the mood to have conversations. So anyway, I do think everyone's mental health is teetering right now. Okay, I have a question. Is Des like a hypochondriac in general? Is he, is he googling things? Is he like coming up with ailments he may have? Like sometimes, and I think cuz he's getting older and he has had some stuff happen to him

and he's a cancer survivor. Right. So like, it's like he's had diagnoses that change his life. So he's like, he's also a protector of like himself and me and everyone around him. So he's always like, he's a hunter. Let's not forget. He's a hunter. He's a hunter. And it's in his butt. But let's just say that he is the kind of personality that like, if I tap him on the shoulder to wake him up and a nap, he goes,

yeah. And I'm like, someone is a little, a little high-strung. It's a lot of coffee does. It's a lot of anxiety. A lot of coffee and dye coke, let's do a little breathing meditation, a forgiveness meditation for ourselves. Every time you have sex, do you think you got an STD? No, I'm more of the pregnant rat. I'm like, that was a baby. I can feel the baby. I can feel the head.

It's coming out. See on the opposite, I will be literally bleeding with a fever and missing an arm, and I'll be like, I'm fine. I think I'm fine. Like I said, you know what I know it's crazy. I said to Craig not too long ago. I said something like, oh, whatever.

I'll just take a pregnancy test. And his face completely went white and was like oh My god Like what are we doing? I was just like what are you talking about like chill? He was like have you like done this before and I was like I don't think you've ever met me I am a hypokondriac the amount of pregnancy tests I've taken and not even had sex I've taken and not even had sex. I'm like, I'm the virgin Mary. Tell you something.

I shouldn't tell you this because it's gonna make you even more paranoid. But Jeannie, my brother's wife, was pregnant before, said that she knew she was pregnant because she could smell things really strongly. So the other week I smelled something and I I was like oh no, I'm pregnant I'm like oh this is bad if you're nose work suddenly. You're like it's giving pregnancy. No, I I do feel like I'm very in tune with my body that like I will know the moment I get pregnant We have to give an apology. Oh, yeah Are you talking about electric grandpa?

Yeah, I think you've been apologizing. I say couple Grandpa's up there. Listen guys, we all know I'm a tad bit tad bit dyslexic and so when I pull dyslexic I see words I make them words that I know in my head You're your brain stylealled, Clectic. I was like, absolutely not. Electric. Because let's be honest, electric is so much easier to say. And it actually apologized.

I love the electric ramp is out there. It would have been better, but it's actually a Clectic grandpa and the good glitters were quick to let us know. Quick to let us know. I'm still going to say electric grandpa because I just think that I did them a really good branding, gave them a good branding idea and like if they can use it or not, but I think it sounds way better. Yeah, I do think it wasn't the worst thing you've ever done.

Also I have to apologize. I'm gone like full delusional with my nails. I think like you complimented me like one too many times on my nails. And I got you got poop nails. The chocolate tips. Yeah. And look in the moment. I love the rebrand for that because like poop nails PR is working over time. They're like, we're actually talking about the ripped gingerbread tips. Some would say and some would say, IBS, but it all depends on what perspective you're

looking at. I knew they were bad because the lady did them. And I always compliment, regardless what she did, I always go, these look so beautiful. Well, she's a woman in the dark. And she looked at me, she looked at me, Dan and I said nothing. She just said nothing. She knew.

Then I posted it and my DM started blowing up to the point that I had to stop looking at my phone because I started to get upset. You were like, I'm gonna get social media break. I posted, please respect my breasts the other time. Cause I thought it was, I thought it was kind of cool, but I realized like I've been a little bit delusional with it, where for a second I thought I couldn't miss. And I just want to thank you guys for being

honest with me and bringing me down to earth to remember that like not all, not all, I can't pull off everything. And thank you for keeping me humble and happy new year. Happy, you heard that Gen Z is kind of canceling almond shaped nails. Yeah, they're trying to do square nails, which I think you always had square nails. I think square nails is like unsafe. Like I'll cut a bitch with a square nail.

I've been a square nail girlie since birth, honestly. My nails just like don't stay almond. Mm. I feel like, like I feel like they break. I feel like with square nails, I'll get like guacamole stuck in it, but I could open like an Amazon box really easily, just like shh. Yeah, I agree with that.

I actually highly agree with that. Like I feel like I can do more things because I have nails than like other people. My also my big thing is like I can do more things because I have nails than other people. My also my big thing is I go for cool nails that if I did like gel X or really long on my nails they look cool but I'm just like putting it on my stubby little nails thinking that I can pull it off which again is delusional energy but think to you guys I actually do think you can pull off square nails. Maybe, but it's like do My are my nails bad or my hands just

Curvy you actually have very good nails and you have a long nail bed Like your nails look good when they're long. It's your color choices, and that's your own issue So you don't think it's that Mike fingers are fat. No, I don't I've seen fatter fingers. I'm not good. I've seen worse hands. I've seen stubby air fingers on the internet. Yeah. Yeah. You have to search for that. I think it's your own illusion. But I do have a quick little tip for if you are going to do square nails and you feel like they break really easily. I ask for square nails with rounded sides.

Edges. Yeah, Edges. Yes, that's what I want. Because I don't want like a hard like square point. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I would like scratch my eye out. Exactly. That is what makes it break easily.

I feel like. True. Oh my god, you That is what makes it break easily. I feel like. True. Oh my god, you're a woman in STEM. No, I'm a scientist. I'm a scientist. That was for that. I also realized that there's some things I'm not good at for a reason.

You ever think of things that if you were good at it, you'd just be intolerable. Yeah, you'd be too powerful. Too powerful. And just like everyone would be like, this bitch is so fucking annoying. Thank God I can't sing. I agree with that.

If I could sing, I would be like, Ariana Grande, but like, I'd be like, Liam Michelle, plus Ariana Grande, plus the person you hate most at the karaoke bar. Like, I would start gigley quad in a full opera solo. I think there is an alternate, like an alternate reality, different parallel timeline that you are in that timeline, a woman in theater.

A full woman of the arts. I think like singing jazz like boo-boo, but that's what you're involved in. You're involved in set designs. And you hit different octaves. No, if I could hit high oct, I would, if I could do the butterfly thing, like Mariah Carey, I would break into song all the time. I'd be that annoying friend that's like,

and then this one time, the people just didn't understand what I was going through. But some people are really good at that. Do you want to be one of those people? That's the thing. I don't want to because I would not do right with it. I would abuse it. You would be the power.

I would abuse the power to the point that people would be like, I don't care how beautiful her voice is, she is not, she's annoying as fuck. Yeah. And then the other thing that I'm so glad I cannot do because I would get kicked out of friend groups and never invited to parties. If I could do a split, I would do a split

every time I walked in a room. I'd be like, what's up bitches? Pfft. Every party, I'd just be in a split in the corner. I would be like bombing in a conversation and be like, do you want to see me do something? I would do something. Some may say the worm is the distant relative of the split.

The worm is the not flexible relative of the split. I think the worm is like before the split, honestly. If you like the early 2000s, everyone was doing the worm is like before the split, honestly. If you like the early 2000s, everyone was doing the worm. The thing with the worm is you need like space where like a split, you could do it real quick. So like I feel like the worm needs more of a setup and like it's more, it's even more obnoxious

where if I could do splits, I literally would do it like in a meeting. Do you ever think about like this is like so off topic, but like not really. Do you ever think about like your journey on TikTok, like the different eras you went through on TikTok? There was an era that I went through where I kept getting like gymnastics videos and like stretching and like flexible, like whatever.

And I had it in my head that I was gonna stretch every single day. I could do a split. Well, part of me is like, should I try to do a split by the end of the year? No, literally, that was what the TikTok was. It was like, if you stretched every single day for 10 minutes in one year, you could like do a split. 10 minutes.

I mean, you gotta commit it. That's stretching for 10 minutes, feels like seven hours. I stretch for 20 seconds and I go, yup. No, I actually feel like I stretch a lot. I think it's a stretcher. Wait, when are you stretching because you've never told me about this

and I feel like you're cheating on me? I think because I have a lot of back and neck issues that I am forced to stretch, or else I'll be in a lot of pain. If you care about the state of the world and want to set it on a better course, we have a solution that may be somewhat surprising. Work in finance.

At CFA Institute, our programs and courses are deeply rooted in ethical perspective, but we don't just teach. We create codes of conduct and impact key policy issues with global governments and regulators. To join a global network of investment professionals, visit CFAInstitute.org slash set the standard today. Are you sick of your internet provider? Then let me tell you about OXIO. When people who love the internet create an internet provider, then they serve their customers all over the internet and just better. That's why customers can sign up online in five minutes and

self-install equipment. Customer care is fully online and easy to read. They're also a full service clientele portal to make all the changes you need and a help center to answer any questions you may have. It's important to feel like your internet is reliable and that you have an internet to count on. Every time you refer someone,

you get a free month of internet and your friend or family member or even a friend of me who uses your code to get a free month of internet and your friend or family member or even a friend of me who uses your code to get a free month too. It's a win-win. OXIO team is 100% Canadian, so when they say they understand, they mean it. The customer always comes first and they're all about being 100% nice. Try out OXIO risk-free and if you're unhappy with the service within the first 60 days and decide to break up with them, you're entitled to a full refund and they'll even cover the

cost of shipping your equipment back. If only all breakups were this easy. Visit oxio.ca for an internet provider that actually gives a damn and use promo code giggly at checkout to get your first month free. Did I ever tell you that I went to my dermatologist and I asked about trap Botox and he was like, no, get out of here. No. And didn't tell that story on the pod. I don't think so.

So I went to my dermatologist and I was like, hey, I wanna get Botox and he said, hey, I really don't think you need it yet. And I was like, I'm obsessed with you. And then I said, what about the Barbie Botox that like everyone's getting? And he was like, here's the thing. When I do Botox on like people's faces,

I know exactly where I'm putting it. These other doctors like if you're doing it in your shoulders, you like could possibly hit a nerve and like not know it. And he was like, and then like you can't use your left arm for six months. And he was like, I then like you can't use your left arm for six months. And he was like, I don't think it's worth it. And I also don't think that it like really works. He was like, if you want me to do it to you right now,

I totally can, but I just like don't think you need it. And so then I was like, okay. And that like I appreciate that. No, I love that so much, but that's why you can't listen to everything you see on TikTok. I also arguably, this is fucked up and I don't wanna put this into the universe,

but I'm going to. My TikTok algorithm is kind of in a flop ever right now. Oh my gosh. Like the video, I'm just getting so much shop stuff, and I think TikTok is pushing shop so much that it's not promoting comedy the way it was. Now. And I go on TikTok to see the funny videos.

And like every three seconds is either the same, like trending noise, or people selling me the Alex Earl Light. Yeah, it's more. One more person says, this is your sign to my Alex Earl Light. I'll use that. You guys are gonna, I'm about to go from dark to light.

You've never seen this ship before. I like, we've all had ring lights before. Alex Ehrlich was alive. What's even more fucked up about it is, I don't think Alex Ehrlich's even getting a cut when they're like lying and it's like Alex Ehrlich because it's a random fucking ring light for the use of support girls.

Wear house. Using her name out in these streets. I feel like on my TikTok right now I'm actually getting videos too early that like haven't popped off yet Perfect example something weird's happening with algorithm. I get this TikTok of this girl these two British girls Girl sitting in the car. She's on the phone with her friend. Her friend is the bride, she's a bride's maid. She's telling her friend that she can't be and she doesn't think it's appropriate to be in her wedding anymore because she doesn't like the dress that the bride picked for her and she told the bride that she was uncomfortable with that dress

and wanted it to be a different neckline or something. And the bride is on the phone and she's like, well, it's my wedding and I can't have everyone in the same dress and then you in a different dress. I think you are being really rude. So I get this TikTok, there's no comments on it yet. And I'm like, I feel like this is kind of insane. And then I'll get it again days later and then it'll have popped off. But that's a crazy thing.

If I have seen a video, especially if I watch it through, why are you showing it to me again? I've been getting a lot of repeats. But I can't stop thinking about this bride and the bride's made because then the comments are all completely split. We saw they're fighting on the phone together. They're fighting on the phone and then and the girl posted a day of the weather.

It's before no before the water. Like a couple weeks before maybe like a couple months. But the comments are completely split. And there's nothing I love more than like watching TikTok and not even watching the video and just clicking comments and reading all the comments. And then I was thinking to myself, what's that? What's it to bait that I'd have to be so passionate about to comment? Oh no, to a person's video.

No, because once you comment, you're opening the floor to everyone to fight back with you And then you're fully judged duty right trying to yell at people you're fighting with seven people at the same time I oh god, but maybe there is something Like definitely I'm out here in the tiktok comments like I'm commenting on girl He said I'm like that was a great video or like fire. I'm saying fire, I'm saying stunning, I'm saying. But I'm never, I'm never in comments where it's like, I don't agree, like I'm on this person's side and like this is the reasons why. But I wanna be that passionate about something

that I wanna comment, but I'm just not. Like obviously it's not good for your mental health but then you're like, is there something wrong with me that I literally wouldn't fight for anything. No. I don't stand for anything. 2024. I literally wouldn't fight for anything. I don't stand for anything. 2024. Very laissez-faire.

I'm also the kind of person that if I did stand for something and someone was like, you're wrong, I'd be like, you're right. You're right. I'm like, no. I swear that probably tracks and I am dyslexic so you could be right. Speaking, speaking of weddings, I was thinking about dancing recently and you know one of those core memories that you haven't thought of for a while pops up. I thought that grinding during a dance was going to be way more important in my life. Grinding was like all I worried about. I was like, am I gonna grind with someone? Am I gonna grind?

I don't have a grind. Or people watching me grind, who's saying, like that was all I cared about in high school was grinding. Also, can we just talk about how offensive. Sounding is? Grinding is? That's just, that's just, that's just, that's just, I might remember the teachers being kind of upset and I'm like we're just grind to like who cares, but you think about it.

Wait, he's not even pretending to dance. There's nothing I'm not more than seeing a 13 year old Hannah Berner being like, what of it I'm just grind. I love that so. I just remember while I can dance, when I'm being like, I also thought I couldn that so. I just remember while I can dance, we're being like, I also thought I couldn't dance. Like I just assumed, like I was a tennis player. I'm like, I can't dance, but I'm a grind.

Yeah, for sure. No, I don't have a rhythmic bone in my body, but if I have to pop lock and drop it at an eighth grade dance, I'm there. I feel like I'm the same with grinding and hand jobs. Like, I feel like the guys are always happy with it, but I never know if it was actually good. Like, they're always fine, but they probably called their friend

after it was like, that was kind of a shot. Yeah, that was like weak. It was that great. Because, like, let's be honest, it's like a weird tease. Both of them are weird tease. Also, you could feel him get a boner, like that's upsetting. No, middle school and the beginning of high school is a weird fucking place. I remember thinking, wait, what do you do when you're out of school and you don't go

to dances anymore? I'm really gonna miss dances, like not realizing that clubs were an entire industry. When you discovered clubs, you were like, the hills are a lot of levels. Hannah, I'll never forget my first table, ever. In my entire life, I'll never forget going to my first table at a club and being like, wait, what?

I'll never forget when I went to college and found out that all people do is party and I called my mom being like, I don't have to go to the party, right? Two types of girls. That's definitely two types of girls. I was like, you're coming from the most popular girl in the school being like, what was I supposed to do

after like being the star of my dance at the school being like, what was I supposed to do after like being the star of my dance at the gym? Like, where was I supposed to go? Like, I can't read. Like, I can't read. I'm at the top. Where else? I've picked.

I've picked. I've literally peaked. My grandkids. Where I would do, I know where to go. I'd have like a couple good grinds, and I'm like, let's go home. I did it. Nothing that embarrassing happened. I did shit myself, but let's go home. I did it. Nothing that embarrassing happened.

I did shit myself, but let's go home. I don't like parties. In high school, do you ever remember, like at some point during the dance, there'd be a guy grinding with two girls, like one on each leg? Oh my god, I should... No, is that like a memory unlocked

that you're like, that was just disgusting and like I remember Tears just let it happen The one the thing with me is I went to three different high schools so I would be like the new girl just like Grinding on people, but wait that's crazy to think about and I feel like you don't talk about that enough being the new girl I think I made me stronger, but it was traumatic. In three different high schools. The most fucked up thing was this one school, I was the new girl on eighth grade, and I was the only new girl,

and I remember like, I did fine, like I was fine. And then in ninth grade, all the new freshmen came in to this school, because it was like an extended school. And everyone, I was still considered the new girl, and I was like, I'm not the new girl, they're girl they're new and they're like no you're the weird new girl and I'm like what the fuck I've been here longer than them but I like couldn't get out of that literally gaslit you into being the new girl and you're like I've lived here for 25 years I'm only 15 is explain that literally and but then I

left because I was new girl and then I did the tennis thing. But the one good thing is when I went to beacon on the Upper West Side, shout out beacon, I am, we're Addison Timlin, Tomlin, Jeremy Allen, Jeremy, Jeremy, are you having a stroke? Jeremy, Alan White, X-White. I'm a white, you used to be married too. Name job. It was right next to the court, yeah. Anyway, X-White. What used to be married to?

Name drop. It was right next to the accordion. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. I was on the boys tennis team. So that year as a junior, I went to prom with one of the senior tennis guys. So I immediately had an in.

I knew people I was accepted in the sports group. But it was very difficult. No, but like it was tough. It was very it was difficult. No, I couldn't imagine that. And I think that's why I got good at like first impressions, because I just like had to like very quickly be like cool with people. Interesting. That's very interesting because I like I was used to being new.

Like I was just like like what's up? I'm new. We're cool everything's cool. We're fine. Everything's fine. I'm new. You're old. It's all good You will know each other. I don't know the inside jokes I'll just you know what I genuinely didn't make any friends in college. I'm not kidding. I made zero friends Maybe like one yeah, I mean like one friend in college because I crippled myself so badly because I was like, this is the first time I've had to make friends since kindergarten. I don't know how to fucking do this.

Like this I'm awkward, this is weird. And I just like stayed with my high school friends. I like physically couldn't do it. No, I got that. And there's like pros to both. Like it's nice to have people that you have such a history with. But it also sometimes you'll meet someone and then you're like, holy fuck, this is my kind of person I want to be friends with.

Why have I been friends with these fuckers? That's how I feel about you, Hannah. I've been like in New York City. I was like, wait, there's got to be more to friends in New York City and then I met you. And I was like, I, there's gotta be more to friends in New York City and the name at you. And I was like, I remember when we first met, we were like, obviously, you were my person. But then you'd be on the phone for like an hour

and you'd get off and you'd tell me about like all this drama of this other friend group. And I'm like, what is this? Like second family she has. But like, you were never like bitchy about it. You were always like super like acted like I was in the drama. Like, you would tell me everything. And I was like, oh, this is fun.

I don't have to meet them and I don't know any of you. You made me, yeah, I didn't have to talk to anyone, but you made me feel like I was in the group. And then randomly you'd come around and know everything about everyone, but you would be the new girl, and they wouldn't suspect a thing. Literally, and also,

the one good thing is I've only hung out. I did go to that club once where we did that model dinner, which I was traumatized by, but I was fine. And then we had that dinner. I don't even remember that. What club night where we did a model dinner?

We did that model dinner where like no one ate our spoke. And we were sitting there and I was like, what's going on? What club did we go to? I don't know and then everyone like, we went through the kitchen and then it was like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, we went through the kitchen.

And I was scared. Oh my God, we had to have been young because I went through the kitchen early. This was like lava or something. Yes, lava. Yeah, because I feel like that's the only place that like I remember going through a kitchen to get to like the club.

Wow. And babies. And now I'm like, I now I can't have four drinks without thinking I'm having a stroke and calling 911. My mom literally said to me the other day, she was like, do you think it's because you partied so hard in your 20s that you like physically can't do anything anymore.

You can definitely burn out your brain cells from partying. When people get say like, oh, I'm nervous to have kids or like I'm nervous to get married because like, you know, did I not like live up my single days? That is not a fear of mine whatsoever. Like I genuinely think my breakup at 27 was the best thing ever for me because I had those extra years in my 20s to party.

And I feel like I party enough for three people in their 20s. Like I crashed that. And you're like not to compliment you, but like you're a tiny human. Like a little dainty flower. And you were consuming copious amounts of who knows who knows more people should have been worried about you no you want to know it's crazy too I think about like how everyone will be like

you're so lazy this is always in the bed and then I think like in my entire I win out every single fucking night every night I was out like going to a dinner or like going drinks with someone What did you think was gonna happen? I thought I was gonna meet my husband. I was like I got to go with my husband to you and then I realized my husband's not at a table at 3 a.m You know hitting up the bottle waitress for her number while I wait for him, you know, like it's just not happening. I felt like I had enough bad nights that I Trying to like find a guy that I quickly was like this isn't gonna happen or I know myself

So I would like I had like friend groups who were front well when I was living with the guys like I always live with guys Right We had like friend groups who were front, well, when I was living with the guys, like I always live with guys. So I would just be in bed and they would start pre-gaming and all these like meat heads would show up. And I would walk outside in my pajamas, pimple cream, look at all of them. And if none of them were cute, I would turn around and just go back in my bedroom.

And they'd be knocking the door like you're coming out with us and I'm like, not with the talent you brought. Absolutely not. I feel like not with the talent you brought. Absolutely not. I feel like we were similar in that because like I have always had like a core group of guy friends and I feel like you have two. And then like of course we have like our girlfriends that we like love. But there is something to be said about having like a good group of guy friends in your 20s that make you feel protected like when you go out with them and like, oh my god, I always felt so protected because they, we've really, it's funny, we never had any sexual like tension between me, Dave

and Corey. Right. Either I always had a boyfriend like, there was never a moment where I think there were moments where we'd walk home from the bar and The security guard was like they're having three sums every night. This couple's so freaky And like there were all like pretty good looking like it's not that it's just a never They yeah, I was like I was a star and I was so good at like Girls would talk to me or they'd be like that girls cute and I would have fun with the game

Like trying to like make everyone friends, and I love like trying to hook people up. But that's how I met Haley in that, I had just gone from breakup, and I had no girlfriends. Like you know after a breakup where you feel like, you're so sick of masculine energy, like if I have to make eye contact with a man,

I'm gonna be like, no, I could not be in the same room as a man after a breakup. And you just wanna envision envision getting ready with girls and drinking my teenies and gross guys coming up to the bar and your friend karate chopping them. Don't fucking talk to her. Yeah, you want to go over, you want to giggle in bed and laugh so hard.

Literally. And I saw Haley and Haley was like, I have so many girlfriends and we know guys in the city. And I'm like, I have so many girlfriends and we know like no guys in the city. And I'm like, I have so many men who I'm friends with who I actually think are good guys. Yeah. I wanna make friends with you, you make friends with me. And that's really a better way than like being 3 AM

and like seeing some guy in the dark. And then they got married Hannah. I know, like how many couples had you set up? Two, three. And one of them was was accidental because he cheated on me with right right right, but that's a really count It was college and he was a hockey player right, but they got married so I feel like it does count kind of I Say three which means I'm going to heaven like not to rub it in everyone's face, but like The pearly gates are opening for me. I feel like also there's something to be said that I might also be going to heaven because everyone I've ever dated,

whoever they've dated after me, they've stayed with. And so I don't look chock. Yeah, and I don't know if that's because I try. What does that say about you? So either you got them ready or they were like, if I have to date another girl, I don't think I'm gonna make it. I don't think I'm gonna make it. I don't think I'm gonna make it.

I like to think it's the former and I think I literally was like, and now you're ready to meet someone, go and prosper, but I know too much, and I've seen too much. I don't know. But I feel like I've helped in a way that. Now that I've gotten to know you, I know 1,000% that I hate everything about you.

I do, I do wanna start an app, and I don't know if people be interested, because I miss, I love dating, and as a married person, I'm living in vacuarsely through my friends, but I love meeting someone, and they're single, like a girl or a guy, and you know when they're like,

I wanna meet someone, and you're like, this person has potential, they look ready, they're single, like a girl or a guy, and you know when they're like, I wanna meet someone and you're like, this person has potential, like, they look ready, they're beautiful or they're smart or they're funny. And I wanna have an app where I could like, put them in my Rolladex, and then like, I have a Rolladex of guys who are single, who I know and a Rolladex of girls who are single, that I know, and then I just have to like, press,

and they get recommended by me to start talking. And then if they start talking, you win a FebFit fun box or something. And if that's just being a matchmaker, then you don't need an app for it. People have been doing it for thousands of years. Literally, that company's invented. There's millions of them. Okay, thanks for just not believing in my dreams. No, I think you should do that.

And I think you should start taking note of the single people you meet and setting more people up because I do think you are, there is this, I think people either have that talent or don't. Like I'm horrible at setting people up, horrible. Yeah. Because I'm like, wait, you're crazy. I know someone who's so fucking crazy.

You guys are gonna love each other. And like they do for the first couple of months. And then they're like, this is the most horrible situation. Burn each other's house down. But you guys had a lot of fun that first two weeks And that's because of me Also, we've gotten a lot of interest on Chris recently We're filming this virtually so Chris is not in the room with us currently and like we love Chris and I think he's such a catch He's single

He's young too. He's 26 I think. But like a lot of the giglers are young and I think maybe we should do a dating show with him. Or even like a live show in New York City where we bring him on stage or something. I think there's something definitely there in 2024 for Chris and. There's something there.

But I like that we're talking about when he's not in the room because I don't want him to be too excited. No, he doesn't listen to anything. I think they squad or think that we care wait Why did you write birth control at Christmas? Oh? I just like was around a bunch of babies and I was like yeah, no I literally sounded out loud at Christmas dinner. I don't think my family like loved it I was like all your kids are just like making me for the birth control side effects.

And my mom looked at me. And I was like, whatever. This kid's annoying the shit out of me. See, my problem is my brother's kid is so cute. And I'm delusional, so I think I'm her favorite. And I think I'm her favorite and I think she loves me and I think one day she's gonna be like I want to move to New York to hang out with my cool crazy aunt. I think that's true though but that's different because that's your siblings child so that's like basically your kid. True yeah it's but right?

No like in a literal it has half your blood. That is my child. I'm a child. I'm a mother. You're literally a working mom. You're working this part so that she doesn't always have to be the new girl, OK? That's why you work.

I did go off on Amazon. I bought this bitch like so many. Wait, I was going to say, I wanted to ask, what did you get lowest for Christmas? I, I want an Amazon and I butter all these like, my brother wants her to be like an engineer or something so I butter all these like smart things. And they sent me videos of her playing with it

and saying like, thank you Hannah. It was the cutest should ever. It's so cute and does was like calm down, calm the fuck down. Oh my God. There's another delusion that I have and I was like calm down, calm the fuck down. Oh my God. There's another delusion that I have, and I was like saying this to Craig the other day, I have this delusion that I genuinely was put on this earth to be a mom because I have this delusion that my child is going to literally do something really insane, either be the president or save mankind.

I feel like I am going to have a child that is so smart and that people are gonna be like, how did they come from you? I could see that happening. Where I'm just like, I don't know, he was reading at two years old and I'm just still stunning and gorgeous in the documentary.

I'm in my 70s, but I'm just like still stunning and gorgeous in the documentary. I'm like in my 70s but I'm just like gorge, you know, not a day of work done. My favorite take-talk this week was this guy who I posted him like crying in front of mirror and it's like when you're sobbing because something horrible happened but then you think about how good it's gonna be in your documentary and then you like smile. That's how I live my life. Everything I do, I go, oh my God, if there was a camera. I think there was a camera. I think that's so true.

Like, you're either born as a child, like that or not. Like, my whole childhood, I would say to my mom, it's great for my e-true Hollywood story. And she'd be like, what? And I'm like, no. You're a, you're a, a Smaini actor, you're three years old and you're like, write it down.

This is how I eat you. You're like, I can't wait to wait to show my MTV cribs do you remember the show on VH1 it was called driven Or like drive and it was like many documentaries about celebrities It was very niche and I honestly could have like made it up because it was like such a random memory But I would watch them. I would watch them. That's the only reason I know about the 80s. Yeah, and be like, oh my god, there's just like a famous pop singer and like I need to be a pop singer. If you care about the state of the world and want to set it on a better course, we have

a solution that may be somewhat surprising. Work in finance. At CFA Institute, our programs and courses are deeply rooted in ethical perspective, but we don't just teach. We create codes of conduct and impact key policy issues with global governments and regulators. To join a global network of investment professionals, visit CFAInstitute.org slash set the standard today. fanstitue.org slash set the standard today. Oh my God, I watched a really good documentary about jelly role. Do you know who jelly.

Yes, yes. Okay, so I didn't know, but on M no, Hulu, there's one about him because I go deep. I try to because I love just watching people's stories of people who overcome something and then like become successful. Because it's a part of my career. He has like a crazy story. Him and his wife.

So he was in jail. Yeah. He was doing heroin. He was just like getting in loads of trouble. And then he had a daughter with someone. And in that moment, he was like, I have three options. with someone. And in that moment he was like, I have three options. Do music, which was always my dream and fully commit to it, to try to make my daughter proud. Go back to selling drugs or like get a boring job and just like try to make it work. And if planet, it doesn't

work, we're doing plan B. He doesn't even realize he knows how to sing. Like he always was a rapper. And then he just was like, oh, I guess I sing from the right place in my stomach. And he just sounds like a fucking songbird. Yeah. And he's like face tats, like, and he's out of shape. Yeah. And he's very unhealthy and open about it. And he's puts out this song that's so vulnerable, basically of like a tough man singing, just saying like, I'm never, I don't know if I'll be good enough and like, and just kind of like feeling like he disappoints everyone.

And it gets the 200 million views on YouTube. And how long ago was that? Like this is like, he started. Beginning of COVID, 2020, when Kig start? But getting of COVID, 2020. Okay. When the kick like Swad started, as everyone knows. So it blows up. And then next thing you know,

it's just like, and he loves like talking to people. He goes to like rehabs. He talks to kids in Juve. Like he's just such a fucking inspirational guy. And he's like, I could be dead. And what's funny is he met his wife who loves to party too. Like, and she has a top podcast, funny, a top podcast. And people think she's a gold digger,

but she was the one who had money when she met him because she was in like the... She's the reason he succeeded in anything. Literally. So I post, I love Jelly Roll. And five minutes later, he fucking DMs me back. So. And he's like, oh, love your videos, big fan.

Like you should come to show some time. My wife and I want to come to one of your shows. And I'm like, what is this life I'm living? Wait, I'm obsessed with his wife. I'm obsessed with them both. Obsessed with them both. So they're killing it. Now he just won the newcomer of the year at the CMAs.

And it just, ugh, it just makes me so happy. You love happy things happen to good people. And I like to see good things happen to people that, like, there were moments that they, all they had was like themselves to believe in. Right. And everyone, like, didn't know and believed in them. And they were in a dark spot.

Speaking of people who don't believe in people, have you seen those Simone Biles drama? Yeah, so I love it. Were you throwing up? No, I mean, yes, I probably was throwing up, but the whole video of them being like, do you know who Simone Biles is and everyone being like, yes,

and then no one knowing who her husband is and him saying like he was the prize. Yeah, so they brought Simone Biles husband. Who's like this beautiful man? And they were just like, how did you get Simone Biles? And he's kind of joking and he's just like, you know, I actually didn't know who she was, like, and she pursued me.

And she's laughing and she's giggling. And people got really fucking mad at that. And then she even stepped up to be like, I'm gonna be his wife. I don't even know his name to say, but she's like, I'm gonna be known in his wife and people were like, that's so fucking nice of you. Yeah, she was like, in a couple years,

I'll be like Mrs. Owens. We're like, no, you won't, Simone. No, babe. But we're all like, no babe. Like, if that makes him feel better, but like, let's not, gaslight everyone. But then, she recently did an interview where they asked, they, if that makes him feel better, but like, let's not gaslight everyone. But then she recently did an interview where they asked they, who was, I think it was Kevin Hart.

Yes, yes. I saw this. Did you see that? Yeah. That was what pissed me off. So they go, and look, we don't know what happens with couples behind closed doors, but we're looking out here because she's a national treasure. And she's putting her relationship out there, which I mean is a choice,

because now she has to deal with people judging, but they said who's better at their sport? And she's so humble and nice just being like, oh, whatever, like, I mean, obviously you are bitch, you've won everything and literally you literally have gold medals, which the whole point of having a gold medal is to state that you are the best in the world at this thing.

But then she goes, but I would argue that my sport is a lot harder than his, which I 100 percent agree with. 100 percent. And it's not that football is a very difficult sport, but you have a whole team. Certain positions all you do is like, defense or all you do is push people. Certain roles are obviously hard to be like gymnastics. You have to do it's insane. And she goes, I actually did his workout and crushed it

and he couldn't do my workout. Like these are just, she's that's a fucking receipt right there. And that's just a fact. That's just a fact. That's that's called period. And she goes, but I'm not allowed to bring it up. We can't talk about it. And that made me upset.

Yeah. That we upset because talk about it. And that made me upset. Yeah. That made me upset because I've been in relationships that are competitive, where you can't talk about what you want, because you know they're not actually rooting for you. And obviously you can get around it for so long until you're just like, oh, I'm up, Spanish paid.

Yeah, just have fucking respect for me. And you have to suck up the fact that like, you're not as good as what you do but like I appreciate what you do it doesn't make you less of a person but let's not pretend we're blind. I think the the larger part of that is like okay yes they're not she's not allowed to talk about it because it obviously starts a fight in their household and it's like to keep the piece but I think like the bigger thing is like, okay, then Simone Biles, you're in a relationship

where you actually can't be yourself. Because if you're not allowed to talk about how great you are at your job and what you do every single day and then how are you being yourself? And like that after a time of not being yourself, you then forget who that person even is. And then you really... Oh yes, you don't even know what she had wanted and what she liked.

And as someone who's very shallow, like my whole life, I've been shallow. I like being with guys who are better looking than me. I've learned that that shit after two weeks, you're like, okay, he has a nice nose. And then you see the reality of who he is, and you're like, okay, he has a nice nose. And then you see the reality of who he is, and you're like, this fucking sucks. And it's cool to have other people be like, oh my god, your husband's hot, or your boyfriend's hot.

And that's fun for literally three seconds. And then you're stuck with being like, yeah, but he makes me feel like shit about myself, or like, yeah, but he's emotionally unstable, or yeah, but he's empty inside, and I feel unfulfilled. And I think we only like as women We only talk about men being jealous in terms of other men We never talk about men being jealous of like their actual partner

And it's such a different form of jealousy and I feel like we normalize like oh, yeah Like if you're talking to another guy and your boyfriend comes up and he gets a little jealous, like we normalize that. We actually almost like like it, but we never, I feel like as a woman, we never talk about like husbands being jealous of their partners for just like being themselves and succeeding. And I think it's like something that women push down because it's like, push down because it's like, it's just easier for them. I mean, think about it. A lot of, like, a lot of our moms were still, like, the first moms and their family to go to college and they're competing against men

who have been like, in the working field forever. So, like, a lot of our moms were not the bread winners. My mom ended up doing amazing. She became principal of a school, and that's like, she was really powerful. And my dad fucking loved it. But like, but I always think about things that happened to me on reality TV.

I think about it in terms of like, how am I gonna explain it to my daughter? Which is so like crazy. Because I know one day she's gonna see something and ask me about it. So like in terms of this, when people are like, she doesn't love her boyfriend if she won't move for him, never in my fucking lifetime would I ever teach my daughter

to give up everything they've ever wanted, everything they've ever worked for, to prove to a guy that she loves them. Like I, I just think that's crazy. You know, like I would never. I just think we need to normalize asking Craig to move to New York. He has a country house in Southern, in the South.

I also do think that because like, Desi and I are both in comedy, we do get a lot of like, is there competition in like, yeah, actually I think the number one reason why doesn't I work is because he's rooting for me and because he's had his own career and he's older and like tired, that like he's excited for my career. And I have been in situations where like you're afraid to tell someone that something good happened. Yes. Yes. I remember once I was with a guy.

Yeah. And he had, he was pretty popular. And I remember the first time I ever got recognized by like someone who enjoyed my videos. I had like just started posting videos. And he like made fun of it. Yeah. Like mocked it kind of and made me feel a little embarrassed by it. And I remember like laughing. And then I got home and I called my mom and we had that mom world like isn't it cool to like someone recognize me on the street for my videos. And we were like like giggling and like happy

and like holy shit is so cool. And I'm like giggling and happy. And like, holy shit, this is so cool. And I'm like, that was the experience I should have had with my significant other. Yes. But he literally couldn't let me have that moment for one second, because it was like, it was hurting his fragile masculinity. Yeah.

But I'm a bull in the China shop bitch. I have this clear blue. I'm completely the same exact thing thing happened and the guy I was with thought that he was getting recognized because he was a small investor in a pizzeria I said maybe maybe let's just go out on a limb here Maybe they recognize me because I'm on a national television show and their girlfriend watches it National television show and their girlfriend watches it But I also like when Sometimes like doesn't I'll be out and we'll see someone from Ireland who will lose their fucking mind Cuz you see does and they have no clue who I am like they're even though I'm dating him and they'll be like dating him I'm married anyway, they'll be like can you get a photo?

And I literally love that moment so much cuz I'm so like I forget that like he's inspired people and like people love his work And like he's a man of the arts too and it's just like That's the bare minimum is to have a guy you don't have to walk on egg shells for when good things happen to you because like But it's two types of people like some people I guess don't Want to be more of a caretaker and kind of lift the guy up and that's fine. That's fine.

Support men, but like that's fine. I could never do. I would never compliment them. I would never tell them they're doing a good job, but that's fine. Give us 10 minutes in the room with Simone Biles' husband. Bring him up on stage is he trash because the group him the giggler would say two sentences to him and he'd he'd be crying be crying let me add him let me speak to that man anyway guys

thank you so much for giggling with us. Make sure you sign up for a newsletter. We're listing all our favorite things of the year. And then we can stop pretending that we're going to be new people. I'm sorry, I can't do the whole recap anymore. People recapping their year. Because that would make it like they had the greatest year of their life. And it's giving like everyone's comparing. And then I feel so much pressure for this year.

I'm like, oh no, I gotta start strong this year. I would have if I had to have a good, I didn't even look back in the months for pictures because I was like six of those months. I was depressed. I like, I know I didn't do anything. And here's the thing, I don't, I don't want to change. I'm literally perfect.

And I think everyone else should change and recognize it. So, happy new year to you. I was perfect this year. I'll be perfect next year but I do just have screenshots of sad quotes in my phone about trying to forget about your past and not get worried about the future. I am probably gonna vision board tonight but that's for me and my vision towards are too much admin. People are actually out here like cutting and pacing. Yeah I think I'm actually gonna do it because I do like doing like arts and crafts like that.

You know I love coloring and like shut like that. I would do it with you. I feel like if I do it alone, it's like, wait, also what was the grape thing people were doing? I mean I may crack do it with me, hold on. If you eat 12 grapes under the table at midnight, it's supposed to manifest, like love relationships. Oh.

Okay, where did that start? Where did that start? I don't know where it started. It's not like a witch thing or anything. It's like, I want to think it. I've never heard that in my fucking life. So yesterday when all the girls had it in their purse and I was like, never came across my desk.

I heard about it, maybe like two years ago. Also finally, have you watched Saltburn? I haven't. You have to watch it and we'll talk about it next week. Okay. And you have to. This is like Homer. I did watch Priscilla with Jacob Allordy

and it was, I really liked it. It actually was really sad. I felt that, you feel really bad for her. She was kidnapped. Wait, I need to watch it. Where was it? I mean, where can you watch it? I think it's on Apple.

Okay, anyway, we're done here. We're done. We love you, things for you to do here. We have to go. Bye. Bye!