Giggly Squad - Giggling about Halie’s wedding, Kimye, and hall monitor vibes

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

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I'm in the day just got away from me. Hello my gravitational gigglers. I'm Bill Nye the science guy. I love when I lose my voice. I do too. I've lost my voice because I was at Haley's wedding this weekend in where was it?

Grand Rapids, Michigan. How was it? And it was fucking lit. It was lit. People remember Haley from my batch to ret. But basically, I didn't want to have main character energy the whole wedding,

but this is one of those weddings that like, I introduced them. You did. Wait, did you give a speech? No, but I was mentioned in all three speeches and I did stand up at one point when I said my name. It's and no one told me this. Basically her dad was like in a shout out to Hannah Berner who introduced them and I stood up and did a twirl and mid twirl.

I was like, oh, they didn't ask me to stand up. Wait I forgot that this is not a word shell but also I do have an acceptance speech about it. But I want to let people know the fucking insane story of how my best friend Haley and Dave met because I think it's like- It is a crazy story. It's inspirational. It's inspirational.

So long long time ago in 2017ish I was trying to become a fitness model. I didn't know if I was allowed to laugh. No, you were. So I was trying to be like a sports model and I had two auditions that day. One was a basketball addition and I walked in and there was a girl who was six four and they were like play some like basketball And I kept shooting and she just kept blocking my shot and I was like Wait If you are a fitness model

Do you write like do they ask at the audition or like before you go in for the audition if you know how to play that Sport and what is your level of playing that sport? Great question. So for your agents you literally put all the sports you play and what level. Okay. And this girl was the greatest basketball player I've ever played against, seen ever. And she was just, it was embarrassing. Like it was to the point that I was like, mom, can you come pick me up? So then I'm leaving and it was actually like around this time during the US Open, I'm watching, I'm walking through Midtown and all these girls are like checking

the hotel to play the US Open and I was like, that could have been me, but I'm a quitter, you know, I'm a quitter and I'm like, you suck. And I had to go to the saddita, a dentist's dentist edition downtown and I'm like, so I walk in the hotel and an elevator opens and a girl walks in with me and it's haily. Now I have to say how many people have you become best friends with

after meeting them in an elevator in New York City? Never, I've never spoken to one person in an elevator. That's how you get human traffic. It's weird. Unless it's like what floor are you going to? Don't speak to me. Like. Exactly. So she immediately is her bubbly Midwestern self and we start talking. We have to wait in a line of like 250 people. So we have like time.

And I tell her like I just got a relationship. I want to make more girlfriends. And she's like, oh my god, I have so many girlfriends. We don't know any guys. I've been living with, I was living with two, they call themselves baboons, these two guitos, Koy and Dave. And I was like, I know plenty of fucking guys.

And we get to the front of the audition. And she basically is like, do you play tennis? And I'm like, yeah, I'm a tennis player. And she's like, I checked off that I play tennis, but I've never really played before. I just like tennis outfits. So mainly. So mainly.

She gets to the front, she goes, you know what, I'm not gonna audition. Oh, I didn't know that part of the story. It doesn't even audition. I audition, we leave together and she goes, she looks at me all crazy like and she goes, you're gonna get it. And I'm like, okay, crazy, which lady?

Did you get it? The next day, I got a call and said, you booked this adidas adidas. It was like the biggest thing I've ever booked at that time of my life. I don't tell my mom. I don't tell my friends. I don't tell it.

I text this random girl on met an elevator and I said, you were right, I got it. And from that moment on, we just were like connected. I was like crying in midtown when I got it. It was one of those like public New York City cryings. I was like, I'm gonna be a sports model star. The campaign, you only saw my shoe. I'll post it.

Just literally just my shoe. And my dad and my mom were showing people, like that's my daughter on the whole page of the website. It was my foot. Wow. Looking back at her is actually a low in my career. But anyway, so the next week, I remember vividly I'm sitting on the couch

and Haley is a very social person. She texts me, she goes, come to the bar and watch the Michigan State game with me. Haley is very social. Social and she always has like fun people around to me and said, you know what social. Social and she always has fun people around. So he said, you know what? And you know I didn't want to grow. No, no.

But I did. I get there. And Corian Dave text me and go, yo, we're at PhD. We meet up a day on the Sunday. Yeah, I was just going to say. Explain to the kids what PhD is. The PhD is a club inside of a hotel. And in the summer. I don't even know if they still do it But like in the spring before the summer starts before like everyone leaves for the Hamptons

They have a sunset Saturday, which is just I think they also have it in the fall and you just get hammered during the day It what used to be really fun. It's like a fancy place for Climidia. And it's a club. So we went from a bar and I was like, who wants to come? And Hailey's like, I'll go. We walk in. Dave sees Hailey. Hailey sees Dave.

He does a b-line for her. But I'm like watching the wedding and I'm thinking like, what if I like... Didn't go to the audition. What if I just got coffee? What if I tripped? What if she forgot something at home and I didn't meet her in the elevator that day? The question is page. Do you think regardless those two would have met? Oh my god, Hannah. Probably not. No. Everything happens for a reason. And like I

hate to make the wedding about me but like every moment I was like, you're not thinking. None of this would have happened unless I was a tennis star. This is important, go badgers. This is important to remember that I was the reason for this wedding, because I also happened to be the worst brides made of all time. And I think you would be too. I am. So I get this dress, $100 prize made dress, size six. And you know, I'm a solid size six. I'm a

sturdy. Yeah. The day before I'm supposed to go to Michigan. Yeah, the day before I'm supposed to go to Michigan Does is like did you try it on I'm like no because I have a perfect body It didn't go past my butt. So at this point you're still in New York though at this point. I'm in New York Okay, it's around noon. Yeah, I have to leave at 6 a.m. for Detroit and I can't get a bride the bridesmaid dress over my butt So I call a couple places, they're like, we can't reconstruct a dress in four hours. And I'm like, okay, well, someone has to do in New York.

So I'm running around like a crazy person, and I find myself in Chinatown. And I find myself in a Chinatown mall. Where's your mall? Where's your mall? Who knows? I didn't even know, I was in a basement, okay, I was in someone's basement. And there's just a lady with a sewing machine.

And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door...

And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... And that's how the next door... Yeah, so Miss Chen I have an emergency She looks to me and she goes I don't speak English. I said hold on one second. I Called is who happens to speak Mandarin Speaking husband will talk to you now He will speak to you in a second and I said you tell her I don't care what she does

She needs to make this dress fit me by tomorrow. Miss Chen saved my life. So what time did you pick it up? What time did you drop it off and what time did you? I dropped it off at three. I picked it up at six. This is a lot of admin for you. I was having full panic attack. And then we get to miss again.

Early. Take a little nap. Get a call around five going where are you? I'm like hello for what? And they go we're at the rehearsal. Hannah Lucy. And they go did you just fly in and I'm like no. Why didn't you just say yes? This is the thing the brides you know the brides made made text chain that are like out of control. So apparently, apparently in one of the paragraphs, someone was like, by the way,

we have to go to the church an hour early to do a rehearsal. But the official thing they sent of the schedule just said like welcome party at six. So I quickly get ready, show up. How long? Wait a minute, it's late to the rehearsal. Walking everyone's lined up already. It took all of me to not yell. I am jacked! So I walk in and everyone's like, what happened? I was like, right? F asleep. The rest of the put, it was great.

I feel like Haley danced her ass off. So she's Lebanese, so they're at all these like incredible Arabic dances. Haley also, you know those people who were like meant to be a bride. Yes, yes. Haley was meant to be a bride. Like whenever I saw her not being a bride,

I was like, why are you not a bride right now? Yeah. Like I, let's be honest, I'm an awkward bride. Like whenever I saw her not being a bride, I was like, why are you not a bride right now? Yeah. Like I, let's be honest, I'm an awkward bride. You were a funny bride. My dad and I danced for 10 seconds and then kind of stopped. We were like, this is kind of weird. Haley, what is, should like model as a bride? Yes.

Like bride a little bit. Haley should run classes on how to be a bride. Exactly. She's seriously good. She's so good. Oh, but I was obviously there to make, I was the social media coordinator. That's how I redeem myself.

Oh, you did that. Everyone was like getting ready. And I was like, guys, we have to do a jump transition of our outfits. I did see that take talk. That was a good one. Thank you. I tried my best. But then I did the first drink last drink, TikTok. Oh, you did.

I didn't see that. You have to see it, I posted it. On my Insta, and it's basically you get a bunch of people you record their first drink and their last drink. But the problem with that is that I got fucked up. Yeah. So I would like press record and forgot I press record and then go to film them and press it again.

And it would stop recording. So I had a lot of and forgot I press record and then go to film them and press it again And it would stop recording so I had a lot of footage of me just walking Like the next morning I was like let's put the video together and I was like you drunk piece of shit You are the worst camera man But it worked out fine. So we had an amazing weekend What a wedding weekend to share with Ben and Jen. Oh my God. Right. What's with all the ambulances with Ben and Jen? I feel like there's been ambulance. Something happened to like his mom or something. I think it was like very minor. But people are freaking out because his brother didn't go and her friend Leah remanede didn't go. And did you know that Jalos' dad is part of Scientology?

What? Yeah. But then I was thinking like, OK, you know how we were talking about Treesa's wedding. We were saying how her brother didn't go and Dina didn't go. And we felt like that was a specific choice. I feel like this one, I feel like if you were getting married for the fourth time, I feel like if you were getting married

for like the fourth time, I'd be like, bitch. I did it, we did it. Okay, I can't make this one. And you'd be like, understandable. Like I got it. You go, ooh, I have a spray tan appointment. I would be like, I'll catch you up the next one, right? Like, come on.

Oh my god, I'm so excited but I will totally be there next time. People were like, oh my god, Jennifer, who's Ben's ex? What's her name? Jennifer. Jennifer Garner. Sometimes I'm smarter than I think I am. Jennifer Garner did not attend. Yeah.

Do you think that's a story or is it like weird for your ex to be there? I mean, it is a supportive. I think it's all situational. Yeah, like it's all situational. I think if you have a relationship with your ex and like... I mean, they're co-parent. Yeah, and it's to the point where you would go to their wedding, but I think he burned her pretty badly,

like publicly when they were breaking up. So I could see her being very cordial with him, but like not being involved in his, like, love, life, and relationships. And also, like the person that I am, I could confidently say I'm probably not going to an X's, my X husband's wedding to his new wife who he was also like engaged to when we started data. I'll be there. I want to see the drama. I want to create some tension. I want to whisper some shit. I want to get my popcorn. I want to be like, is that just, that just was a choice? That dress was a choice.

Okay, also page. Apparently we both heard something today about... Kim and Kanye are going back together? Is that, do people know that? I don't know. Okay. How did you know that? I heard from a friend of a friend that lives in L.A.

That she... Like they saw them together? That know that they were pub, that they were going to, like, publicly do something soon and then people were going to know. Do you think this is just like, like, okay, we don't like one Kim single,

so let's have her at least, like, pretend to be back with him for publicity purposes? No, I think that this is a fully personal situation that they're now trying to figure out how to say because I called it the other week. Kim is to type A to be with someone who has all their shit together. Like she needs create a little bit of crazy in her life and Kanye very much

gives her that. So you think she loves him? I think she loves him. I think she really loves him. After how Kanye acted, it's like, I know. Like, do you think people are gonna? That's why I don't think it's a PR stunt because it's not great. It's a hard one. And it's, but here's the other thing I think, not that I know what it feels like to have, like a father of my children, but like he is the father of her children. And I could see her one wanting to make it work. And two, I do think that she really did love him

and like does love him. I am practicing forgiveness. It's my new thing like does love him. I am practicing forgiveness. It's my new thing. I'm forgiving. Wow, Bethany. Wow. I also like to so quickly go back to Kanye. I know.

I know. But I feel like everything that happens in like the media is actually really like a couple months behind. Oh my god, that's fascinating. You're right. It's like fashion. Yeah, so I feel like Pete and Kim probably ended it waste before we found out about it.

And I'm sure if I'm Kanye had been like hanging. But look, you know what I know what it's great for? It's great for giggly squad, because what we really need Pete out and about and on the prow. Like, that's what I need. Our t-shirts are so much, our t-shirts are relevant again. Pete's future ex-girlfriend, it's just...

Pete is part of our brand and we root him. And he really always has that. Speaking of traveling around, have you heard about the Arboreo Day vacation photos? I do have to say, when she was on the P Diddy, like what was that show P Diddy had in the band? Dany D. Kain. She was iconic.

She was like, Dany D. Kain? She was like, Dany D. Kain. She was like, Dany D. Kain. I mean, show, show, stuff. Dany D. Kain was my childhood. Like, that was the all-time best band. It was the great show like She was the best she was so fucking pretty. I always thought she was so pretty Have did you zoom in on her face on in any of these pictures?

Absolutely It's insane. She made herself look like a scary cat lady. I do feel- Remember when she dated Polly D? Yes. I do feel really bad for her, just like in terms of like how much hate she gets in the media, but like those pictures are photoshopped. Okay, so for people who don't know, someone discovered maybe on TikTok that Aubrey O'Day has been posting these gorgeous

vacation photos, but really it's just her photoshopping herself on vacation photos. Yeah, like in the background it was like real vacation photos. She literally took like a promo photo from a hotel and just plopped her ass right on the hot tub. I also just, but like I don't think anyone's

respecting like the photo shop. I also just, but I don't think anyone's respecting the Photoshop, that's an art. Like no one's giving credit where credit's to, like it looks good. Like she did a really good job in Photoshop. I do have to say it's financially savvy, so I'm gonna say. Yeah, it's just whatever, she basically did.

When people are like, how are these influencers affording to go to Paris every other week? It's like they're not. They're literally not doing it. They're not. I have some news. I, babies out of cat. Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night,

and Thursday night, four nights. Tell me everything. I will babysit a cat whenever I'm asked. I personally will not be adopting nor purchasing a cat right now in my lifetime. Okay. And I'm going to tell you why. Jasper runs a hedge fund. He's on Asian market times. He has things to do at 5 a.m. He gets up and he has people to see things to check on.

Sounds to make he's got to get his breakfast like he's busy and I respect the hustle that he has busy and I respect the hustle that he has, but I don't. And I couldn't deal with him waking up every single day and doing parkour. Like it just was not for me. So they call it the zoomies when cats at like sometimes 4 a.m. will just be like, we're ready to fucking go and they will go off for two hours and then they will sleep the entire rest of the day. And you'll look at the cat and be like, oh, are you tired from fucking losing everyone up? But this is the thing, butter, I've trained her.

You have. And she knows it just not waking up until noon. Yeah. She doesn't make a peep. She doesn't even wake me up. She eats when I get up at noon. Yeah. She doesn't make a peep. She doesn't even wake me up. She eats when I get up at noon. I, there were some things that I did love. Like, when they want to snuggle with you,

the most rewarding thing in the world, because they don't talk to you. They don't come over to you. They don't acknowledge you. And so, like, when it was finally time where he was like I would like to lay on you now. Like I felt very like oh my god here's the moment. Did he want you? He did. After the first day he like snuggled with me every night.

But also not a fan of litter. Not a fan of them. Not a fan of them kicking it everywhere, wherever they want. They own the apartment out. You get a cat that he is your landlord. Oh, for sure. That is their space. And also the audacity in which they have the passive aggressiveness in which they have toward you. Any any, Jasper didn't knock over big things, but like if my remote's were on the counter

or like on my coffee table, he would look me dead in the eye and give it one swipe and just feel like not in this house. Like, and I, like I would start laughing but I was like, what's going on here? Like I feel like I have a boss, and I live with it now. Like, it's like, I don't wanna live with my boss. And I miss the stupidity of dogs.

I have a whole stand up joke where I say like, cats and dogs both know their names, but cats choose not to respond, which is like so bitchy, but so strong. They've never met you. They're like, oh. And they go imagine if you could ignore your friend that you see at the bar, when she's drunk and annoying, and you just ignore her, but slowly push your beer off the bar.

And like, look at her while you're doing it. While you're looking at it and be like, oops. Oopsie, poopsie. Yeah, it's just... I'm not, here's the other thing. I'm really not ready to have an animal at all, any type available. I ate an Arinto's Crunch for dinner last night.

Do you think that I should be in charge of another life keeping that thing alive? I did wake up this morning and missed Jasper a little bit and I made Sierra send me a picture of like whatever he was doing but other but after I got the picture I was over it. I was like okay so I'm gotta go. Well we know that you like hate animals and animals. So, Peter's had multiple complaints about you. Now I knew this was gonna happen too. I was like oh my god. I don't come back and tell everyone I'm getting a cat

They're gonna be like you're an animal hater like But I just I Didn't love it more than I just like I was very neutral on it I liked it as much as I didn't like it, but also like he's not your cat. He that's the other thing He's not my cat. That's the other thing. It's literally like babysitting a child who doesn't know you, slash, trust you yet. I can't be a stepmom. When you have your own cat, you create this bond that is like, yeah, no, I got it. For you and your life. But it's fine. This is going to be a longer journey than I anticipated. But also, I said the Sierra, I said, I don't think she's ready to, like, I don't want you going to

Charleston over two weeks with a cat. No, no, no. So Pete, don't worry, she's not going to get a cat yet. I am interested to know though, like, what kind of litter box do you have? Oh, my litter box is great. You have one that's covered. Yeah, that's it, yeah. So she jumps in. She does whatever the fuck she wants. She's literally doing handstands and nothing comes out.

She jumps out. Oh, I also have to tell you I'm gonna create a Spotify playlist. Okay. And it's just called Angry Women. Whoa. So I'm like really... Are you okay? Are you going through something? Do you want to talk about it? Well, I think I was inspired by our girlies Shania Twain and show Crow and I downloaded all their stuff and then I started downloading like do you remember bitch by Meredith Brooks? I'm a bitch I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I'm a saint Yeah, so I download that and then I was like oh my god

I need more angry music and then I downloaded drama queen by Lindsay Lohan and Intuition by jewel and then I was like you don't have any paint on there. Well I'm trying to keep it in the like Y2K like like these early 2000s and then I got in the car with dozen is brother Aiden shout out to Aiden and I go I'm DJing and I'm playing angry women music and it was so funny. Oh I played a lannis more set. It was it was fun for me. Did you see that the love island host of the UK is stepping down? Did you manifest it? She said she just couldn't do it with her schedule and then I was like, should I just... What schedule? What? And then I was like, should I just... What schedule? What?

What? What? Isn't what? That is... That is like... What? I knew it. I knew it. We were gonna have that reaction because I had the same reaction. So I was like, wait,

the love island like hosts is literally there the first day, one day in the middle, and then the last day, and you never see her. True. It's like you have to voice over for Craig did a voice over for her whole book and you can't do a voice over for a literal. She doesn't even do the voice over. Oh yeah she does that. Yeah that does it. Wait this is this is fascinating to me. Also imagine you like tell your job like

oh I can't make it because of my schedule. Well, I she is like a famous person in the UK. So she does have like other projects and she was like, she lives in South Africa and she was like, I can't fly the days that they would need me to fly because I have other shit that I'm doing. So like after I read the article, it did make sense, but that was my first one. Imagine you tell your accountant and you tell your boss, hey, I can't make it to work this week because of my schedule. It's just, it's too tight. It's too much. I mean, but I didn't think that she like had

other jobs because like I literally only know her from Love Island, but whatever. She's stepping down. I don't know who they're gonna get, but I feel like they notoriously get someone that's like famous in the UK. So this is the thing, Paige. Yeah. You have the fake accent. I do.

You need to go to your hair girl and say, what is the look? Who am I? Leach your eyebrows. I push five. And- Leach your brudal. Bleach them both. Who was I just told someone? Someone was just talking about bleaching your asshole and I said, do you want to know what my friend thought? You don't need to get

into it. I was like, Hannah don't tell page, but I thought it was the hair too. This is the thing, you should apply. I know. Or do a Craig sad and just join the show. I might just go on it. I think it's so funny how they have like the Irish people and the British people and then like someone from Wales and we don't know where Wales is. But.

Yeah, I just don't think that they would be down with an American hosting it. I would have to come up with a whole persona, like a backstory. I'd have to lie. What's your name? What's your name? Fiona. Sophie? What? Sophie? Sophie, is it Sophie pH? I guess that's the only kind of Sophie.

No, it could be Sophie with an F, but like, it's like I'm a little trashy, so I didn't get Sophia, but I'm Sophie. Like those Sophie shorts we used to wear as so FFEE. Yeah. I'm Sophie, like the shorts. I feel like that's from a movie. That's where I'm getting it from,

or like, go straight, Eloise at the Plaza. Your name is in Eloise go straight. Eloise at the plaza. Your name is in Eloise. It's Eloise at the plaza. For sure. You wrote everyone's liking love islands. I was just on TikTok the other day and like all like I get them. My algorithm has I'm now on British TikTok and like it's something that I can't get off of and not that I'm like trying hard to get off of it, but I just don't know how I got there.

It's either like jail TikTok or British. Like there's no in-between for me. And I just keep seeing all these TikToks about how much people love Island and UK. And it just started to really annoy me because like I've been in, we have been in this for years, five years I've been in. we have been in this for years, five years I've been in.

We've been out here in these streets. And it's just nobody listened to me before. And now all of the sudden, everyone's like, oh, I feel mugged off. And I'm like, do you even know what it means? Like, do you think that love island USA will ever become a thing? I don't know, because what makes love island so good is British humor. And Americans are so sensitive, I think, like in terms of humor, that they're not as self-deprecating, I would

say, as like British people and like Europeans in general. So I think that's why, like on Love Island UK, the girls don't fight as much as obviously the American girls do. And our reality TV is just so different from theirs. Hours is like produced and fake and caddy and mean and it makes small things look explosive. Where the British Love Island is all about actually feeling whole- It's the band to watch. Yeah, the girls are friends. the guys are friends. If they have a fight, it's over in two seconds.

It never gets like that aggressive. Like, yeah, so I don't think that it ever will because Americans are just different. I don't know if I've ever heard you speak about something so passionately before. Why did I just give you besides matching sets. this is like really gotten by. And if I was in college, my dissertation would be on.

And that is why. And then the real love island UK is just better. Thank you. Thank you. I'm quite passionate. I actually realized last time we didn't get to hit our dope documentaries. Okay. And now that we're talking about shit, we're watching.

I think. Let's do it because I have a lot of scripted things that I've watched. Oh my god, I'm so excited because we have not told the giggler's stuff to watch in a bit. And did you watch the fuck? Did you watch the army hammer one? Or you wrote that? Oh, yeah. Oh, maybe it's not out.

But you know. But I wanted to start off with House of Hammer. We have to page. What the fuck was that trailer? I mean, not to make it about me, but for a quick second. I loved him. And it's you were rooting for him. I was rooting for him. And like, how did no one see the signs?

But in the trailer, it sounds like the whole family for generations has been fucked. And like scientifically, there was no way that army wasn't fucked up in the head. Yeah, like genetically, it was predetermined to for him to be. And like there have been other men and his his family who have done Just as bad if not worse things and like sexually and like just like weird. They're just weird They're weird family the documentary made me feel a little weird because I feel like they found enough people That were down to talk shit about his family and they were basically like we are going to roast you guys Talked roast his whole existence of his family. Well, wait, did his aunt, right?

That's like, you're reading it? Yeah, and I kind of felt, it kind of felt weird because I'm like, how many families out there are fucked up? And we're not exposing them. And I know he was famous, but it just seems a little like. Imagine seeing your drunk uncle from Thanksgiving, like doing an e inside story. I'd be like, can you not? Like how awkward's Christian's gonna be?

Like stop doing that. It seems it's not that, I don't, I get it if it was like a president being like, like, like a president. Are you saying it's like very 15 minutes of fame? A little, but it's also like he's an actor and like his family didn't ask to be like like his immediate family right now like his wife and children Yeah, but even like his mom is sad like I don't know like he's not I got your saying celebrities It's like look all the stuff we found out about Jennifer Lopez's family. Yeah, like we did not

Deep into their every lunch. Yeah, yeah, but I guess when it's the guys accountable you the rules go out the door Do they ever find flesh in his mouth? No, it wasn't that he was actually straight up eating people It was more that he was like texting these women just like These but isn't that just an average day on Bumble. Dreams. Yeah, like I was trying to think of like the number one craziest text message I've ever gotten. And, like, have you ever gotten a text from a guy

and you're like, it's in the very beginning of like you talking or whatever and you may or may not have even slept with him yet. And there's one text that will give you that just immediate like, pit in your stomach and you're like, that, this guy's a weirdo. And I remember mine, I remember where I was. I was at one of my girlfriend's apartments.

I'm sitting on her bed. I remember it clear as the day she was cleaning out her closet and I had just started talking. The birds were chirping. It was a lovely fall afternoon. I had just started talking. The birds were chirping. Yeah. It was a lovely fall afternoon. I had just started talking to this guy. We had not slept together. We had gone on maybe two dates.

And one of the first text messages that got like flirty or got like sexual was that he wanted to fuck me in the ass. And I was maybe doesn't listen to kickerswad for sure. I think I was maybe like 23 or 24 and I just remember being so uncomfortable in that moment that I never saw him ever again. Like from that day on, like I just kept making up excuses. So like, like sorry I just had Mexican.

Yeah, like I just, I just knew something was a rye. Like I knew that like if I wasn't into that text message, I'm certainly not gonna be into whatever happens in person. Like I just, people don't talk about enough, the type of guy who like looks great like handsome Sweet nice good style. Yep, but those guys who the second the

Blood goes to their penis. Yeah, they turn into like a monster It's the silent ones that you have to watch out for just some guys when they get turned on like their whole Personality changes and you're like where did sweet Brad go? Yeah, and he was this Crazy like feral human have you ever have you ever turned on or just strange to me? Have you ever dated a guy where you really liked them? And then the first time you had sex you were like you need therapy something's like not right here. All the time. Yeah. Literally all the time. People be like, oh you know from the kiss. No you know the second you're maneuvering. Yeah you're just like, I if there was not you know like run away I

probably would. I think something's happened. Something weird could potentially happen here. I'm gonna probably never talk to you again. Thank you. It's crazy that girls all have had or will have that thought at some point. And then we kind of leave, we never talk to that person again, and we never bring it up again. But we all have this like instinct feeling of like

just the way they touch you that you're like, you know, you're like, mm. And you might not tell anything wrong, but it's just the way. Yes. The way his hands on my back, I'm like, mm. Yeah, I don't know that. Yeah, you're like, mmm. And he might not tell you anything wrong. Nothing. It's just the way. Yes. The way his hands on my back, I'm like, yeah, I don't know about that.

Yeah, something. Or like the way his eyes get. Once, I feel like does another room. I was, there was, I was like seeing this track I was contemplating. And he did this thing where he wouldn't masturbate ever. Okay. Because he's afraid it would like make him tired for his sport.

And we like finally start hooking up. And he got like ravenous. Like he was like, oh, like eyes popping out of his head. Like, and like he was a loaded gun. Now, and he was like, and I literally afterwards was like, can you jerk off next time before him? Cause that was crazy. To her buying.

We, I mean, we hate men. Like, they're just the way it does. Just the old great story. So I'm like I'm always thinking of wasting salt men without like, without deliberately insulting them just to like see what the reaction is. And I try these, I try all of these out on Craig And it's really research for the podcast. Yes, so remember when there was a TikTok when all the girls were like filming their Boyfriends and they're like it looks like you don't know how to swim and their boyfriends were getting so pissed

They like what does that even mean like whatever so Today I was on the phone with Craig and he said something to me and I was like, so funny, because you give like home monitor vibes. And he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes,

he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes,

he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, in like the mall cop. Paul, what? Mall cop. It's a movie. Kevin James. Giving mall cop vibes. And he goes, what the fuck does that even mean? And before I can even answer, he goes, do you even have home monitors at your school?

Do you even know what a home monitor vibe is? No, but you've already planted a seed that is going to slow it. Like he's going to wake up in the middle of the night tonight Be like what the fuck kind of hoes talking about So I need everyone just like it has to be so casual to like I'm sure gonna do that to them so funny like you know what I was thinking like you kind of gonna be like home monitor vibes next time He has any kind of criticism ever. I'm just gonna be like And like I say it out loud because I'm surprised.

Yeah, don't say it out loud because I want to hear. Hannah and I are always talking about how we're trying to be better adults, take care of our bodies, just like do things better for ourselves. So, care of believes that you deserve to feel your best this summer from getting outside to enjoying your favorite seasonal dishes, to taking a mental health break. Care of is here to help you take care of yourself all summer long. Care of is a subscription service that ships high quality personalized vitamins, supplements

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off your first care of order go to takecareof.com and enter code Giggly50. That's 50% off your first care of order go to takecareof.com and enter code giggly 50. Are you drinking Coca-Cola right now? Yeah, I'm my soul needs that. I'm obsessed with that for you. Does it have caffeine? I mean, I'd assume, you know, I'm daintier. I had like a diet coke at 10 p.m. the other night, wired till three.

Really? But you know me. I'm a little curious. the other night, wired till 3. Really? But you know me. I know you're a little angel. You are. You're really. Your body is so sensitive. It's crazy. It's only.

But I can down a burrito like deep throat it like. Man, yeah. Okay, let's do some dope documentaries and then I'll do some. Oh, yeah. So yeah, House of Hammer, we're disturbed, but also, and I feel like it's invasive. I'm going to watch it absolutely. I, oh my god. But there's a really, really good murder doc called, I just killed my dad.

I watched the preview. How was it? At first you're like, okay, you killed his dad. Yeah. So, like, par for the chorus. That's what I said. Yeah. And it's on Netflix.

And the kid is very like, yeah, I killed my dad. And everyone's like, this kid is like kind of weird. And like, he snapped one day. But then they're like asking about the dad and no one knows like anything about him. I'm like, that's kind of weird. And then the kid starts his first job, and the person he was working with was like,

he didn't know anything. He didn't know who in sync was. He didn't know who's an alien. Yeah. And then we find out that he's homeschooled. And you're like, that's kind of weird. But again, the kid hasn't opened up about any abuse or anything. He just was like, no, the kid hasn't opened up any abuse or anything.

He just was like, my dad and I didn't get along. I don't want, like, um, you don't want to spoil it? Spoiler alert, sorry, thank you. He's dad kidnapped him from the mom as a child. And is he the real dad? Yes. But the kid never realized like the extent of the abuse he was in. And people, at first, were just like, the kid was acting weird.

He had no empathy. And it's like, no, this kid was fucked up. Yeah. Is it worth me watching it? I think the first two episodes, you should watch. OK. And the dad had cameras everywhere and was in control of everyone. It was wild.

Oh, no. Where'd they live? Where in the country was this? Who, the South? I love everyone's like, round even need to watch documentary, Tana just tells me all that. Didn't I, yeah, I, someone was talking about a documentary the other day and I was like, what's the name of it?

And they, because I was like, they're like, oh, do you want to write it down? No, watch it. And I was like, no, I'm texting my friend Hannah so that she can watch it and tell me about it. And they're like, okay. Then I watched Woodstock 99 on Netflix. Yeah.

Woodstock walked so far, Festival could fall in its face. So Woodstocks in the 60s was like a piece and love festival. And everyone was like amazing. And everyone was like, we eat high, it was incredible. They're like, we wanna do it again, but they wanna make sure they'd make money and they like cut a lot of costs.

So like the like sanitation people were bad. The like, bathrooms were bad. And it's all these just like angry men. The 90s were wild. The 90s were like, just angry news like. Oh, this was in the 90s? 99, this is like limp biscuit,

and apparently Joule went on or Shale Crow went on and everyone was like, show us your tits. And the guys are just backwards hat, douchebag type, like angry guys, it just won the list. Because in the 60s was psychedelics, and then the 90s was pure cocaine. And so people were just yelling and screaming. They were just so angry and they talk about the crowd.

Like you know when we do our shows, like the crowd kind of has a vibe. They're like the crowd was going to snap. And the people who were running the festival were in the period in aisle. They were like the festival is going great. Like the first day was fine. The second day, the water, the venues were charging like five dollars for water and people are just passing out people are just like passing out They're they're mad the showers like weren't working so they were just like to throw in the mud That was also mixed with like poop people just like playing in poop and it's like 90 degrees and

It's long story short, the festival turned on itself and it ended with people like setting everything on fire. Oh my god. Yeah like they set stuff on fire. They basically had a riot and this is why I don't go to festivals. I'm not a festival person. I've never enjoyed them. If you're going to a festival for more than one day, get a job. Like, there's no reason to be at a three day festival. Yeah, three, I don't want to do anything for three days. No. I don't want to go vacation for three days.

Like, literally at day three. I'm like, if we went home right now, I wouldn't be mad about it. I'm gonna say it right now, I've never been to a music festival, barely been to a concert. It's so crazy that you say that because I'm never, I'm never actively buying tickets to that. If someone says, hey, I have concert tickets, do you want to come? And if I like the person, I'll be like, OK, yeah, I'll come. But I'm never facilitating that. True, true. Also, I feel like music festival is not like a hobby.

It's like a religion. Yeah. And I just didn't get that bug ever. Pige. Music festivals are fully cults. DJs are cult leaders. Oh my god, Diplo invented Scientology for sure. But think about it, everyone's wearing these like crazy as things. What's the thing that everyone does?

Who's the one guy that wears like the like he wears a face mask? Yeah, what are you hiding, bro? What are you hiding? Also, what's the NaCoChalla? What's the other one that is in the desert that everyone wants to do? Like your friends have done it. First of all, how rude. Second of all, not, oh, they have done it. Burning man. Burning man. Like, okay, what kind of people go to burn?

Remember when my friend Justin got a stylist for it? It was kind of sick, his outfits were really good. His outfits were sick, but it's like get a job. Like literally get a job. No, those festivals are straight up cold. Basically, they've tricked people that like starving and being alone with no food to pay for that. Yeah.

It's like to pay for bad camping with music in the background. I've never been camping. No. I've never been camping. No, I've never been camping. Let's keep it that way. I've never even glamped. No, I've never glamped. One of my youngest memories is being a Girl Scout and third grade, and we had the opportunity to stay

in a motor home and camp at this campground. And I didn't even know it was an option until I got to like the daytime thing. And I saw like my whole troop with like their sleeping bags. And I looked at my mom and I was like, wait, everybody's sleeping over. And she looked me dead in the eye, the small, tiny seven year old with pig tails. And she goes, we aren't camping people. It's a nothing afterward. And I was just like, okay, and so you went that day forward. I was just like, my family's not a camping family,

Jessica, that's why I'm not staying over. I went to Portland for my shows and I have like some joke about making fun of hiking Like I felt the crowd turned on me and then I made a joke about it and they laugh But I was like oh no people walk around with hiking shoes just like walking around But that's like there's like legit Couples that love to do that shit. I've watched too many documentaries about husbands that push their wives off the cliff. So I'm not risking it.

You're not gonna see me and does out on the hills. Absolutely not. Crib wants to go on a cruise. I said, you'll throw me overboard. I know you. Oh, why? Yeah, I said, don't think you're again, it passed me, buddy.

Like, we're not. We can go to Alaska on a different mode of transportation. This is why it's good for your man to have friends be like Alaska. I feel like Austin would love that. For Billy you should get all the home monitors together and plan that trip. Sounds like a home monitor convention. You guys will have a talk about all what kind of halls be like shiny matte silver green. Okay, is that all your dope documentaries? I have one more than I haven't watched yet, but I want the giga glurs to get on. It's called the girlfriend that didn't exist.

Okay. It's about that football player who got catfished. I heard it's really good. On national TV. Like he was with this girl apparently, and then I think she said she died, and then it finds out later that it was fake. I'm just not. Catfishing was really in 10 years ago,

everyone was doing it. People were explaining to me this documentary a couple of days ago, and I was like, right, you guys all keep saying, like, then she said she died. How did she say that she died if she was dead? Like, what is the story there? Wow, that's amazing. Like, what do you mean she said that?

Oh, she probably, the person, I didn't, I haven't watched it, but if I was her, not that I am her, but if I was her, I would pretend to be a friend also and be like, hey, by the way, I heard she's, she's not. She just to let you know, she's dead. But catfish got really popular. I think that's why they, I think like this was before the show. Oh.

And the moot and like the catfish, like the MTV catfish. I wanna say that. Isn't that crazy that MTV catfish is still happening. Insane. Look, Nive is making money moves. I just like, I still genuinely don't get catfishing. Like if I meet someone online and after a week, I don't know what they look like.

That's how it's actually trafficking. No, you know what they look like. Yeah, but unless I'm physically. They have fake photos. Yeah, but I, like unless I'mtiming and seeing them, like, what? This is another thing just like, cults, I would get catfish. I could totally see that. Like, I could see myself being in a dark time.

Some cute guy messages me online, tells me I'm beautiful. And I, you know, I'm fucking in love with him, and I don't care. That he refuses to meet up with me and it's been seven years. I would. I love Steven. I am waiting for a text from you at some point like in our friendship of you being like I think I just got into a Ponzi scheme. Like I think I just joined a pyramid scheme. No the thing with money though I don't fuck with money. That's true. You'll never see me. You'll never see me drop a dime. Absolutely not. Yeah that's why we ride in Uber Xs in a Prius with seven bags of luggage. Yep, Pro sure. It's got it But it is crazy how if you want something so bad and you believe it

You can wait and you also don't want them to be a liar so you're rooting for them You're like no, it makes sense that like her cat died and then her dog died and then her grandma died and like she's a lot of death. You make excuses for what you wanna say for sure. It's actually way more way similar to dating a lot of guys in New York's day. People that are alive and like who they are. Yeah.

So we can't pretend we're above it, you know? We're definitely not. Okay, I've been watching, I do not really, I can't really watch reality TV anymore for obvious reasons. It's scarred me ruin my life, given me anxiety. Anywho, so what now?

I try and watch. It's good, it's literally good. It's been diagnosed. My therapist is getting real worried. So. He's this close to calling my mom. So I've been watching scripted, but I am a very niche scripted person. And I also watch shows before I decide to watch them with Craig or not, because Craig can't watch intense shows. Like, he's literally like a 13 year old girl.

So I end up watching all these really intense shows by myself that you have to be paying attention to every conversation because it is important for whatever. So the one, and I've been finishing full on fucking series in like one night. Like the other night I stayed up to like 4 a.m. Because I started watching this show called Blackbird on Apple. It's about this cocaine dealer in Chicago who goes to jail

and then has to get a confession from another inmate. And if he gets the confession, his sentence is done. Like he won't have to spend 10 years in jail. It's funny, but that low-key kind of sounds like reality TV. Literally. It's like, you need them to gossip, too. You need them to gossip, too. You gotta get them.

You need the information. I can't get them to admit it. Or you're gonna look stupid. So I watched one episode of that, realized that Craig would have like a real uncomfortable time with it, continued to watch it. That now I'm about to finish industry on HBO, which is like, oh, I saw the first episode it's British. It's British, they live in London, they're all bankers, but they're all interns.

So they're like in their 20s and it's literally just like who they're lying to, who they're fucking, like who they're cheating on. I got two episodes in and I was just like Craig would start crying and so now I'm watching that on my own too. So what stuff does Craig like to watch? Like the floor is lava on Netflix? I wish. The other day I faced timetam Tim. It's August It's the middle of August and he was like I just lit a fire and now I'm watching my Christmas movie and I'm like I hung up I Just hung up. It's not my vibe I was like really because I just watched this girl Murder her boss and then I'm sex with his brother.

Greg wouldn't survive one night with me and my docs. No, one night. No, you guys are not compatible in terms of television. No, and that's a thank you. He does a walk in and be like, why are you watching this stuff? It's like, it's gross, but then like five minutes and he's still standing like watching it kind of. I feel like, I feel like doesn't I would be compatible television-wise.

This is does this thing. He doesn't like when the documentaries are fluff. He doesn't like when- He likes to get right to it. He's like, they clearly just needed four more episodes. I don't need this randomance. Wait. His three of her fucking dogs. Wait, speaking of this, they clearly just needed four more episodes. I don't need this randomance. His three of her fucking dogs.

Wait, speaking of this, have you seen that guy on TikTok that everyone's talking about Andrew Tate? We have, why have we not talked about this? Because I didn't want to give him a platform. Okay. But I do have to say, I don't think he's actually mentally well. Like people are talking about him. Like he's just this like, same dude that is like such a massage and his, but like.

You think he's been hit in the head too many times? He's not all there. He has some like issues and I feel like we should be talking about that rather than talking about that. So if you have been part of him, he's like, he used to be a professional kickboxer. He's from England, right? Oh, so he's definitely a CTE. Yeah, he used to be a professional kickboxer. He's from England, right? Oh, so he definitely has CTE. Yeah, he used to be a professional kickboxer

and then his career ended and then he started like giving advice to guys on how to get girls. And it was all about being like, I hate the term alpha female or alpha male. It just like in the word alpha makes me, oh my god, the word alpha makes my skin crawl crawl and he says that you should like be calling your girlfriend bitch and like all these like crazy things that like if your boyfriend ever came home and did half of it you'd be like

I'll throw you off the balcony like what the fuck But also, I recently learned that in the animal kingdom there's no alpha males. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Upon my travels, I have discovered- Actually, I googled it. Actually, someone on TikTok said there's no actual alpha. Apparently, male males don't exist. So that is like a literal made up.

The myth of the alpha males, they're not a thing in nature. It's a literal cult. It's a literal cult. Use the shampoo and you can be an alpha male too. If you call yourself an alpha male, if you're using jungle jargon in every day life, reevaluate. But if you have to call yourself an alpha male. Yeah. If you have to say what you are, unlike when we say we're depressed and anxious, that's us. Being vulnerable.

If you have to say what you are, you're not it. You're not it. Speaking of alpha males, butter, my cat, she, I just was laughing so hard because I've been traveling. Someone's like, where's butter, where's butter? Does she stay with you in the city? I laugh so hard, I realize I was like, no, she's in the Hamptons. And then I was like, wait, butter legit,

summer's in the Hamptons. Butter's been in the Hamptons all summer, just summering in the Hamptons. And and then in the winter she comes back to the city Because she has stuff to do butter Summers and they have cats have things to do if there's one thing I've learned about cats It's that their CEOs dogs unemployed Unemployed dogs are those annoying interns that like want to be helpful But they are gonna fucking up in the way they're just like in the way Can I do anything for you?

Yeah You're like just just be excited. They're like love a stub Cats are like so fucking overwhelmed with all the stuff going on They're Miranda Prizlies Cats say the phrase is like ping, ping me You know, and dogs are like Don't know how to send a text message Like it's just they're on very different levels dogs don't even know how to open their Gmail

Yeah, and cats are like I'm gonna circle back after you know, noodling on that Okay, so we we've come to the end, but we have live shows coming up and I'm I got so excited Today actually about our live shows. I'm so excited today, actually, about our live shows. I'm so excited for the outfits we're gonna put together. Me too. I was been thinking of my vibe. When is your family coming? My family's coming the first night.

I think my family's coming the first night. Our Kraken does invite it. Kraken is gonna be somewhere. Okay. She told me. Okay, because I didn't even ask does. He told me. Okay, because I didn't even ask does. He wrote it down on like a slip,

and handed it to me, and then also said I had to tension. No, I don't know. He's gonna be somewhere, but I don't remember. So yeah, you never know who's gonna show up. It's about to be fucking Giggly Squad live show season as the end. We love you guys so much, and we'll talk to you soon. Bye!