Giggly Squad - Giggling about Hilaria, career advice, and getting punched in the face

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

This ep is hilaria-ous. Sorry. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's time to giggle! The first giggle of the year 2021. Here we are. Is this new year new page? I don't think so. I think it's new year same bitch. Hell yeah. You know, just like a little batter. How do you feel? I feel good. I don't, I never knew what day it was anyway. So people were like, it's a new year and I was like, okay. But do we, is it Tuesday or Saturday?

Whatever you say, sure it is. I tweeted earlier though. I was like, I thought we were all just going to like forget this year, like it never happened. Like I'm staying 29 another year, but everyone's like putting out like it's 2021. You're turning 30 and I'm like chill out. Oh my God, you're turning 30 in the year 2021. Did you have to repeat that?

You're an adult. I don't know if I can hang out anymore. I'm like old. I'm going turn to the mom of the group. You are the mom of the group. I actually said this morning to myself. I said, I am a really good. I feel like when you're not with me, things go awry. But I'm like a good influence on you. Yeah, because I haven't seen you in person in quite some time. And I'd like to say that I

should be checked into Betty Ford at any moment. Someone could come and take things have gone unhinged. You could say that. I am like the well-behaved friend and people don't know that after watching Summer House, but I actually am quite well-behaved. It's actually crazy that people think that you pop off and that I'm really reserved when in reality, you are so low-key and I'm dancing on table somewhere at any moment in time. I could be on any table. I had three glasses of wine on New Year's and for a second. Don't hurt them. Don't hurt them Hannah.

For a second I was like feeling myself. Like I was like being flirty and shit and I was like you know like dance like a little what up I mean. And then in my own home. Right. And then I were I'm fostering dogs. And we have this shy dog from the hum, Bahamas that were socializing. And I go, I'm socializing the dog. And I pick the dog up, put it on my stomach and pass out. No. At 11. We'd very different New Year's

Yves. And then wake up to Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper blackout on CNN. Wow. Did you see that? No. Andy Cohen basically, I think they were having trouble with technology because I was doing a Zoom. Snoop Dogg comes on and Andy Cohen goes, okay, we're playing a game. It was like, what's your happens live? And he goes, have you been high in any of these places? And he goes, the White House and Snoop Dogg goes, you know You love my soup dog impression. Yeah, look and it count. You know I've been high White House and it's like the last possible place I would ever be high

He said with Obama. He was high and then he said he goes have you ever been high at a late-night talk show? He goes and Everlight night talk show? He goes, Andy, every late night talk show. What are you doing? I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. god. Unhinged. Everyone's just unhinged for 2021. No one gives a fuck. Like, yeah, I think people went into 2020, like, we're gonna have a great year.

And then the world punched us in the face, so I think now we have nothing to lose. Everyone's just like, what fuck it? Well, I wanted to hear from the gigglers about their, not just their New Year's, because that's boring as shit. I'm not, we're not doing a lame New Year's episode where we're all like how's your resolutions? What were the top moments of 2020? Bitch there wasn't any. We want to hear about what your worst New Year's stories were and let's just say the gigglers fucking brought it.

Wow. I can't wait to hear. Did you see any of these? Yeah I looked at them the other day. So we were hilarious. So one said, I drank too much threw up and then made out with my crush. I feel like this is a standard story. I feel like that's a Tuesday night. I actually my mom called the police in high school on her own party. On her own daughter. She was like hand in thought. But I went to some party like it was just like 10 friends and I remember we were playing beer pong and I didn't drink that much and I started drinking.

Wait, how old are you in this? Like 17. Okay. And because I was like a tennis player. Right. You know, but I would go to the parties but I was like, how does it drink? She's an athlete. Yeah.

But I decided to, we were drinking like Cheap vodka. And I remember playing beer pong, and the beer pong was just moving. And you know when you throw it, and you just miscalculately like, it's not where the cup is. Cool. No.

And then I passed out at like 10 in a random bed. And then when my friends woke me up, I just puked on the bed. Like she was like Hannah and you sat up and just puked. And then they, and they like it just came out. And then all my friends were like laughing at me. And then I didn't respond to my mom's texts after 10 pm. So of course she's like,

Hannah's been kidnapped in New York City and we need to call the police. When I am sleeping in a fetal position like a little baby, best sleep of over a year. You woke up here like I'm so thin right now. Why? You up-chucked on the bed all over asking. I mean, Pukin Rally is kind of, I just puke, but Pukin Rally is an important part of partying. But it on my tombstone. But it on my tombstone. Pukin Rally. Actually, you never puke on summer house.

Or like... It's so crazy. I only... Yeah, why don't you? I only have ever thrown up on Summer House one time. And hopefully you guys see it this year because it was the summer. Typically I do throw up. I am a thrower-upper.

Do you have to get it out? It was actually so cute because I feel like in previous relationships when you would drink and puke, my friends would get annoyed at you. And I remember once you went up to me and you go, and I'm like, what? And you're like, I think I have to puke and I go,

go puke. Do you need me to like, pull your hair back, pat your back? And you're like, oh, thank you. I was like, who's been abusing you? Who hurt that puke? You're like, who hurt my friend? Who hurt her?

What are you gonna do? Hold it in. Let that out and be free. Okay, do you wanna know who did this trauma to me? Who? My own mother. Oh, because it's like if you puked, it means you were really naughty.

Here's the thing, my bedroom in my home is right above my parents and like my bathroom is literally right above my mom's bed. So anytime I would come home drunk and like stumble into my bathroom and just pee. Like a night of it. I would hear my mom coming up the stairs and she'd get to my bathroom and she'd say and she says like because this happened literally three weeks ago. I know.

So for Christmas. No, thanks, Kevin. Why do you do this? Why do you do this? I don't know, I'm so for Christmas. No, thanks, Kevin. Why do you do this? Why do you do this not only to you, but to us? You're an adult. I was like, oh my God, hold my hair, bitch. Make your eyes look useful.

Oh my God. OK, these New Year's stories are great. What's your worst New Year story? House party making out with a guy in the bathroom when hair catches on fire from a candle. Look at that. It goes from like sexy candle in the bathroom which is actually super adult and sexy.

Oh, this is a worst smell in the world. The smell of burnt hair. Yeah, it's, someone just wrote crying in my bed alone. I just wanted to put that. Ended on crutches after jumping on a stripper pole and smashing my knee into it. That's some shit I would do. Like, cause when I'm drunk, I feel like I can run

a hundred miles per hour, I could jump 10 feet. Do you remember the pinky incident of 2018? Which did not get enough air time, I have to say. Certainly did not. Bravo was like like we don't need her like breaking her pinky I was watching the episode I was like we needed we needed more like that the most dramatic part of my whole summer I was with British Dave and well let's begin with I never call the ubers but then British Dave was there and I was like oh I, I'll call the Uber. Yeah, I was trying to show like the bottom. Stand on him. Like I run shit. You want to exile, baby?

I got you. But I didn't realize that like the car would go through the gate and come all the way to the house. I thought we had to go all the way to the gate by the road, which turns out is a 12 minute walk. So I'm like, come on guys, we're drunk. And then I see the Uber and I blame him on British Dave. But he was like, oh, the Uber's hit.

Run for it. I'm in heels and there was a, oh God, what was it called? Paddle great. Cattle great, which is a place for dumb cows to trip. Yeah. So they don't escape. It literally keeps the deer out of the hamptons, like your neighbor.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm in heels and I run to the cattle grate, immediately full flat. It's like we got one, we got her. We got a dumb bitch. And my pinky just went backwards and I remember getting up and being like re-root the Uber, we're going to hospital.

And British Dave was like a good drunk. I was a good drunk. We got to Southampton. He's like trying to cuddle me in the little hotel bed. British Dave was six sex, by the way, which also did not get enough air time on summer house. That he was six sex. Yeah, no, didn't.

I don't think people appreciated the body this man had. Like, Superman. Like I was like, are you gonna pick the house up at any point? Like what? What's happening? Whenever he was so nervous when he was at summer house, he turned to a little kitten, he said,

he'd be like, oh, whenever he had to talk, but the man was six six, so we didn't care. But anyway, yeah, the doctor would come in. And then he'd sit in doorways, this, like, I don't even know how big this guy is. And then he was trying to cuddle me on the bed and I was not in a cuddling mood.

I one point he goes, could you scratch my back? And I'm like, my fucking pinky is back with my scratcher fucking back. And he's like, oh my god. Honestly, this was like the one of the moments that I knew that like our friendship was so real because Hannah texted in like a group chat with everyone and was like guys in the hospital

I broke my pinky everyone was so concerned. I could not stop laughing I don't think I asked once if she was okay if you were okay once if she was okay, if you were okay, I was just like, what? It was like calling me, just like, people are facing me, don't know where from page, but get back at like 3am. It's apparently like a pinkie, like what's it called when it goes back?

What's the name of the spray? It was a distal, I dislocated my pinky. Remember how I was showing everyone the X, right? Didn't make it to tape. Anyway, I got back. And you and Carl are sitting on the ground. Sprawled out. So much McDonald's.

Like it's almost like you knew that I was gonna come back and I needed it. That's when I was like, she is here for me. And when I was like, can are you okay? Are you okay? I'm like, here's a cheeseburger. I'm gonna show you my how. That was the stuff.

And then I was trying to fight with people later in the season with this fucking like cast on my pinky. So I couldn't point because my pinky would come out too. It was like a weird like spider man movement that I was doing. Oh my god. Well, thanks for letting me tell that story. That was a good one. That was a good one.

Okay, trying to get to the bar and accidentally walk between two men midfiss fight, I got hit. Cry face. Okay. and accidentally walked between two men midfiss fight, I got hit. Cry face. Oh. Okay. I mean, that's hilarious. Everyone has a friend. My friend is Hailey who's like a complete, like, sweet airhead who just finds herself

in the stupidest positions. Like she's probably like, ha, ha, ha. Would you imagine? Could you imagine? Wait, that's like what happened with Snucky? Do I want Snucky to punch in the face? I think I was trying to punch in the face.

No, that guy wound up. Snucky, you're out. I'm sure Square in the mouth. Oh my god, this poor imagine just like seeing your friend of the barn being like, hey, what's up, pretty? Yeah, imagine watching us up. Yeah. Pre-gamed, forgot my ticket to the bar,

Jacket ID phone set outside the bar with a party emoji. That's some shit I would do. Yeah. Multiple times I've gone to bars and been like, I forgot my ID and then everyone has to like coordinate on how to get me into the bar, which I love that kind of attention. I love that too but I feel like we're getting

to the age where bouncers are like all need to see your ID and I'm like offensive I don't even know you like how dare you. There was something so fun like at the KK it was constant we would do this move and I would go all my friends were older on the tennis team so there were two bouncers so one will go to one bouncer one will go the other and I would walk in between. That was like the move. And then once you're in the sea of people, you're like, it's the biggest high. Because even if a guy saw you, like, he's not gonna find your ass. And all the like, I miss, I miss the time when like you would get really nervous

to use your fake ID. So nervous. Because it was really 50-50 until I started. People, I told the store on Color Daddy that I was hooking up with a mascot. Little did people know he was also the general manager at the KK. So I'm, you're not. I'm sorry, don't shoot. She didn't mean to pop off just now.

If you guys weren't jealous before, she was fucking the mascot. My mom, I'm fucking the manager at the KK. So, don't make eye contact with me anymore. I have a story of a naked drunk girl smashing my door frame off because she got the wrong house. I'd be this chill. I thought it was your house and started breaking in to your house. Nick, I don't know why she was naked, but she was. That's a good one. Someone said I lost my Virginia 25 years ago at midnight,

friend walked in at the foot of the bed and saw it all. Did she stay at the foot of the head? Yeah, that's the part we really needed to know. Was she like intrigued? Did she join in? Did she join? Did she run out? Did she skadaddle? She was like, I love that, but open the throat a little. Let's throw a loosen up.

She's like arch it just a little. Yep, right there. As you get older, your lower back can't arch the same way. You really can't. Or you can, but you feel it the next day. Yeah. Okay, boyfriend kissed his best friend instead of me at midnight.

Your boyfriend's best friend? I hope his best friend was a boy because that makes it more fun for me. Oh, that's what I immediately thought. I also just think everyone is gay if they don't like me so. Your boy friends gay. I think our man is gay but that's like a real conspiracy.

How'd you be? Okay. Someone wrote four loco, end of story. Valid. Valid, we understand. You don't just play in, no. Say the last. my ex accused me of fucking a random guy I've never met right before midnight that means he's

cheating on you yeah I know I jumped a couple but that's what it means yeah your boyfriend was cheating on you and he tried to project that shit on you yeah he wanted to get into a fight with you because he actually wanted to be with another girl. Yeah, and he felt guilty of his own cheating. So try to turn on you and project it on you. Yeah, we hope you're not with him anymore. Yeah, I hope you. She writes an interesting,

we're married. Thank God, I'm not using names. The game list is so good though. I let my boyfriend and his best friend snort Coke off my ass. If I had a dollar, you know? The question is, is it the ass or is it like the butthole? Wait, my boyfriend and his friend?

And his best friend. She is kinky. That's crazy. It just like, you know how you always low-key of a crush on your boyfriend's best friend? Yep, couldn't think of one boyfriend where I didn't have a girlfriend. That's right.

Okay, this is like a hot take. Okay, it's true because like the boyfriend's best friend is not just probably similar to him, good personality, but he's also so fucking off limits that you're just like, that's what I do. And you find yourself in situations alone with him and the best friend all the time, where you're just like,

what if you both touch my tip right now? Okay. One for you, too. You're like, what if it was fate that we were supposed to meet because I dated him, but we're supposed to be together. I never said this out loud,

but once I was with Bruce Dave in his bed and he had an Australian roommate and I was like, oh, hi, he was gorgeous. And he sat on the bed too. And I was like legit, how do I maneuver this? Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're like, let me think. Let me think. Do I have any Xanax to do?

How do I initiate? I initiate. Do I? But how do you then the next night like how do you stop after that? Like honestly, Hannah and I were talking about this like a little bit before we started recording the worst is picking your man and then meeting the friend group and you're like, I don't fuck it up there is

someone way hotter in this group. Or you see his dynamic in the front group and you're like, oh no, is the beta. Yeah, even if a guy is not as hot as him, you're like, oh no, that guy runs shit. Yeah, I wanna hear the truth. I wanna hear the truth. It's always the guy who runs shit in the group

that I'm like, we're getting married. It's also so hard because you want to get their attention, but also not disrespect your man, but the whole time you're trying to like subtly get that guy. Right, and you don't want the friend to think that you're that type of girl that you would do that to your man, but you also want him to know like, if you wanted to have sex with me, I would be down. These are all subtle things with your eyes. Also before we start energy feeling. Yes, before we start from page news

We have a quick. It's not a mental health moment. It's a vaginal health moment from a girl named Hannah and it says It says stop being in the hot tub slash shower slash pool. You might know about kegels. Everyone needs to do them, not just after you have a baby. Everyone's pelvic floor weakens as you get older, which leads to like ping at random times. When you pee in the water, it loosens the association of the muscles need to hold in your pee and builds the association of the muscles with the water. Eventually, when you hear running water, it'll make you pee your pants when you're old. Love you. So what? eventually when you hear running water, it'll make you pee or pants when you're old. Love you. So what? So that just fucking ruined my ear.

She basically said, don't pee in the shower or in the hot tub or the pool anymore, because when you're older, like running water, we'll just make you feel like you can just pee, because your kegels won't be as strong. Basically do your kegels. The shower is my bathroom of choice. I know, you know, like my toilet of choices like in the shower. I'm pinging the hot tub with my religion. So yeah, that was just a fun fact. I wanted to discuss. So basically

just keep it tight. I'll do one right now just for this story. Let's all do three kegels. Kegels are actually hard and they feel weird. Okay. I actually hate that. I don't like it. It makes me feel really weird I'm like yeah, it does too. Let's do front fucking page news. You the typing I mean, we're not like breaking this story, but like I could not wait to talk to you about this the Hilaria Baldwin thing Just like what Polaria Baldwin thing. Just like what? Eladia. Eladia.

So what was your journey in discovering this story? Okay, so at first I was like, what did the story first came out? I was like, okay, she kind of just like didn't tell people, I'm not Spanish. You know, like you know when someone assumes something and you're like, I just didn't correct you. Like, I told you that I like vacation there. I love the culture. I speak Spanish. So many more stories are coming out that I'm like, this bitch is wild. Wild

old. That's a thing. I didn't go into it being like, oh, let's hate on this girl. I was like, me neither. Like, yeah, people who are by ratio or have multiple cultures They grew up in when she goes oh how you say in English cucumber. I Said English is not your second Comber and if you go on Instagram. I mean on Twitter or Reddit. There's people who are legit like I knew her her name was Hillary She went high school. She does this thing where she goes, when I came to New York City at 19. You came to New York City from Boston. You know, like, what are you talking?

She didn't come to New York City from Spain. And then, it says that she's born in Spain. And it doesn't say it in just like, you know how, like, if, honestly, you guys, if you Google a random celeb and just look at their bio, it's always wrong. wrong like people thought my birthday wasn't May. Yeah, you went on her Agencies bio that means like they were like send us your bio Right, but I like you want to work with you and it goes Hylattia Baldwin was born in Spain

She said that her family couldn't pronounce her new last name Oh Your last name. Your last name is Stewart. No, like, they're bald. What? Oh, Steve, I know, but her other name was Stewart. Yeah, like what? And then they started pulling like her mom giving speeches,

like their academics, they clearly are interested in Spanish. Not only not only is she not Spanish, from like the widest family. Came over on the floor. Like, instead of just saying, I'm not Spanish, she goes, oh, I'm a lot of things. That are Spanish, bitch. You're Blanco as fuck fuck bitch. I did like a little hilarious balls when people were so funny. They were like, hello, my name is Hilaria. I'm from Boston, Boston University, University Todd.

Further fucking war. This shit drops online. Most celebs have a full PR team. I was like, okay, this is how we're gonna handle this. This bitch casually just wild out here. Just like, there's no way she does this. No sense. No sense.

She did a six minute IGTV video, although I could listen to her speak for hours. There's something about the way her mouth moves and like her voice that is mesmerizing. Hi guys, my name is Alaria. And I get why Alex, while Alex Baldwin was just taken with her. Yeah, but the bald W need to thing is well, they're all named like full Spain. I have a parent. Roughly.

Yeah, kids are going to get beat up in school. He gave you on that bad. He was dating Samahayak before her, so people were like, oh, did she like create? Maybe she like beefed it up a little, but like she definitely like, she vacationed in Espania. She went to, she studied abroad in Espania, and that is all of it, and then she just, someone on Twitter really made a point. They were like, white girls do anything to act more interesting. It's crazy. It's crazy. I might adopt a pipple to have some culture.

You know, like that's, I get it. Here's when I got pissed. She said that she knew about Zara way before everyone else because it's a Spanish brand. And I was like, and that's it. Now I'm out on you. Do not bring Zara into your mess of whatever is going on. They did nothing. Well, but she is.

Your web of lies. Seriously. No, that is truly next level disgusting. The thing is she goes on and she rants and makes, she was like, I just want to make it really, really clear if I've done it in the past. And I go, oh, she's going to lay it out for me. Is she going to spell it?

She's going to read a bitch. This bitch was on page 72, page three, paid, burned the book, brought a new book. I had no idea what was happening, but you can't stop listening. And then it was at the point where my friends literally like I was on Instagram and people were like, getting a noir because I couldn't stop talking about it.

I was like, did you see a layer? Did you see a layer? You caught up on a layer? Then she had two Instagram lives. Yeah, And she was like, I'm not coming, but I'm taking a break from Instagram. Six. I feel like it was like the sponge bob thing. Six hours later. I'm actually. She had a shower. She took a shower respectfully. She took an hour and she was like, and another thing. What was that? But then she still didn't make any points.

And then Alec Baldwin did an IGTV and basically it was just all about how he hates Facebook. And I was like, how do we get here? How do we get here? I was like, leave my family alone. I was like, actually, okay. I don't like it, man. But people were like, what kind of person would date

like Baldwin's seeing like his anger problems and stuff, but like, like she has not given the media anything to be, because then the media started searching, and they said finding countless weird things. What would you do if you were Alaria right now? Go back to Spain. Just... Leg, I'm in... No, what I would love. right now. Go back to Spain. Leg, I'm it. I know what I would love. What? I would love for her to go because she'd be like, I was insecure, you know, because like,

sometimes I would be like saying different things and I would forget which like culture. I was in because you know, I'm from Spazbania and my mom is calling it. I'm calling it. They're getting a reality TV show. I was about to say give these two a reality show. Five kids running around, also all her kids that like blonde hair. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Apparently she dies her hair black. Wow. Because past videos, her hair is like lighter and stuff, but she would like fake tan before like really trying to look like she's from Spain.

But not South America, she's like, no, I want to be like the head colonizers. I think that she should just come on and be like, look, don't be like, you're insecure because you're in too cut. Be like, look, I'm insecure because I felt like I was a boring bitch from some else ago. She's not from Boston, she's from the suburbs of Boston. What is? She is wonder bread. Like, I fell in love with another culture. Yeah. And I just fell in love with it and I wanted to have a new identity. And I was like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, She is wonder bread. Like the hell in love with another culture.

Yeah. And I just fell in love with it and I wanted to have a new identity. And I realized it was kind of fucking weird. I feel like 2020, it was, okay, one, it was like the craziest year, but we were canceling people left and right. It literally was terrified at any moment. But I feel like there was also a lot of forgiveness that if people like owned up to their shit, like it was just like, okay, cool, I'll keep

it moving. Yeah. So if she came out and was just like, lock, I fucked up guys. Like I fucked up. Like Hillary, she's okay. Eladia is that bad bitch. And I had an alter ego when I loved her and I fell in love with her. And then I got lost in it. And my husband's ex was Salma Hayek. Don't you get it? I was trying to compete. I wonder what... That's very true.

I mean, if my boyfriend previously dated Salma Hayek, I'd be like, how can I compete with us? But you don't try to be like Salma Hayek. Be your own bitch. I really want to know what her family is thinking. like, how can I compete with this? But you don't try to be like, somehow, like, be your own bitch. I really want to know what her family is thinking, because like her parents are like a well-educated, like professors who now live in Spain,

like, retire there. Her Spanish is great. I can totally see her and her brother just like loving the Spanish culture. And like, you know, she was supposed to get it. I know, I get it. I totally get that, but you don't go around saying like, I'm from Spain when you're not.

Right. When you have 0%. Like, and then lie and be like, I'm from a lot of places. It's crazy. Like, you're from Germany. I want to live in Paris. I want to like work at a croissant shop. I want to speak French.

But there's never a situation where I'm going to tell someone like, I'm French now. Like they should do reboot of Emily and Paris and do Emily in Spain and just have her like, be like, I'm a millionaire now. Also, who's having five kids in this day and age? Oh my God. I'm so happy. You brought that shit up. Five fucking kids into this world. I'd like to first be taken out of it. In a New York City apartment.

Yeah, like what are you doing? You don't need a small baseball team. When you're not amish, like get it together. But like, it's almost like narcissism at that point that you're like, well, you have the money to have five kids go for you. But then to be like, you want five of you in this world. The world doesn't need it.

The world can't need it. The world can't handle it. Also the identity issues those kids are gonna have. Their name is Raphael and they're not Spanish. Like a Spanish kid is gonna be like, bro, what the fuck? The oldest one's gonna turn 14 and be like, so mom is a full psycho, got it, got it, no cool. Let's start the therapy now.

But they really are, Let's do it. They really are. Yeah. But I just love that even Alex Baldwin, like she must have, when you, okay, when you're famous, like real famous, I feel like there's a lot of enablers around you. Like there's a lot of yes, people. Yes, yes. So I feel like her whole thing, like people are just like, that's awesome. That's amazing. I'm then like within her family, they're like, yes, you be you. And then once people who don't fucking give a

shit about you and their trolls on Twitter tell you the truth you like she really did not process that like she was caught. How did you think that she wouldn't eventually get caught? I think the problem is it's not that you love speaking Spanish. It's that you're not Your zero percent Spanish and you won't admit it. Yeah, it's you could just come out and be like look Spanish people are way cooler than white people and I want to be Spanish and I'd be like I got it like I'm not speaking Spanish for the radio. Is that even like a Spanish name? No She just got IA to the end

Is that even like a Spanish name? No, it's not. So she just got IA to the end. Hanaria, imagine going to high school with her and then like years down the line you see she's marrying Alec Baldwin and then you see all this like Spanish stuff. How pissed would you be? Like, you're Hillary.

It's her ex people who were like at school with her that really like blew it up everyone's like I know her and this what happened I know her and she's a white girl I know her she had like she looks like me. She really looks like me in real life. Yeah, I'm actually a little more exotic Cuz I have some Italian in me right But it's also even like page you're her you're Italian mm-hmm It's like if you went to Rome during quarantine for like three months and came back

and you were like, how you say in English and you're like, what? And then you name your kids like, Massimo, all of a sudden, I'm like, okay, well she got like a weird obsession with at least not like that. Well, my first child is Massimo, so take that back. That back.

I was gonna make that. Every girl in spring break goes to Barcelona. I was gonna leave that. I told you. I told you. Every girl on spring break goes to Bartholona. You're gonna change it to them. But like she took it to the next level and like I just hope, just talk to PR team. No, I mean it's cool. It's literally, this is like when your friends go abroad and they come back and they're like,

they're way more interesting. Like I lived there for two months. Did you not go abroad? I, Perse, I didn't. I didn't. So I was playing tennis. You were just, I was like, no. You were like, wait, you have to study?

By when I just go and spring break. I was like, wait, I could go do this and not have to go to school. Why would I live in Spanish when I could just go to Panama City, Florida? And be cultured in Panama City. It's literally like going to school in New Mexico and being like, oh, la, I'm Mexican.

I literally did that in college. I was like, I'm gonna go to Miami for a spring break. And then that week I was Spanish. So what a Polaria. I love that your drunk alter ego is actually less exotic. You turn into Pam. Yeah, she's wild. Pam is the most wild. Someone actually I met someone named Pam and I was like, oh my god wait no you're not Pam. Paige is all he goes Pam. Well, I think we gave hilarious.

I think we gave her. What do you think is going to happen, but what do you think is going to happen with her future? Like how is this going to unfold based on your like journalistic career of celebrity um in my humble opinion my expertise. I mean, I think she's done I had to like look her up to because I didn't really even know what she did She owns a yoga studio studio. Can I talk a yoga? She just works out getting a hot body. Right, she's pregnant 95% of her life. She loves being pregnant and then immediately

the weight comes right on. I mean, here's the thing, if I'm Alec Baldwin, I'm actually pretty pissed because he's like a legitimate celebrity. A lot of people were like, he deserves it. A lot of people don't like Alec Baldwin. Yeah, he's had some like, controversial, yeah.

But also, it even, remember Amy Schumer posted the photo of her. Yeah. And he's basically some like controversial stuff. Yeah, but also it even remember Amy Schumer posted the photo of her. Yeah, he's basically making fun of her. No, but it was hilarious. It was hilarious and then Hilaria bald went, yeah, she did this to herself. She brought the attention, but her excuse for bringing up was just like, I love jokes. I really like jokes. I love a joke and she goes back and forth with the accent and then she goes,

I don't really understand what she was saying, but I like jokes. You're from Boston. You don't like not comprehend a joke in English. Like that's the annoying thing. Like she's making fun of you because you're fucking obnoxious. Here's the thing, I'm actually terrified of her.

Yeah. Oh my god. No, like full psychopath. No full sociopath. Like she might have fooled. But she fooled people because no one really dug, no one looked into Elaria. She's also been like living alive for like the majority of her life that's exhausting.

Well, it's because she hates herself. Sorry, that was like really, but like, this is a mental health moment. Sorry, that was like really, but like, This is a mental health moment. Oh, if you hate yourself, you don't have to become Spanish. She's like, I'm so insecure, you know what? I'm learning another language. Just get a nose job like most girls. Yeah, get your lips done like a normal person.

Don't get me started. I'm so fucking over it. How many? Okay, last time you went to Miami or LA. How many girls have their lips done? Bro, every single girl. It makes me, doesn't make you upset. Hmm.

See, here's the thing. Some people, like, some people I think need it, and like they look so much better. No, seriously, some girls don't have an upper lip, and when they smile, like you can see their gums, and like they hate that, and like I get it. And some of them are evening out, they're like, they're like,

yeah, it's evening out their lips. But some are like, taking it next level. Oh, I'm like, if I put a pin right there, what would happen? Like, when you're kissing a dude, can you feel it or your lips, like, you're feeling the silicone or whatever the fucking filler against his lips? Wow, that's such an interesting question. It has to affect the like, like kissing is all about your nerves. Like, that's what's hot about it like a slow kiss Also, people say that the the subconscious of getting these lip jobs are like because it looks more like a vagina to guys way

Yeah, yeah, it's your lips. It's a vagina turned and like when two lips are the same size and big It like turns a guy on like it's a vagina I personally have like a bigger upper lip to my lower lip and I like it. See, I have the opposite. I feel like my lower lip is bigger than my upper lip. But they're both like beautiful. They're both beautiful.

Yeah, no. It's one thing I'd never do. I have to say one more thing about plastic surgery because I don't know, fuck my face. No, you love going off on this topic and I love hearing it. Tell me if I'm right or wrong. Okay.

Girls, let's see, girl, lips down, your nose, a little narrow, your little eye, whatever. Lift. I left. Looks good on Instagram? Not good in person. I said it. No, it doesn't.

It doesn't. Because in person you see how your face moves and you fucking look like an older woman who hates herself. I saw a girl recently who had a fake butt. Oh wow, I don't know if I've ever seen that. I was like, we're taking it too far. We're going like, how do you say this? I just see it as self hate.

Like when I see that I go, oh fuck, why did you think that you were not good enough? Yeah, like let's talk about it. And also what's the recovery process with a fake butt? Like do you just sleep on your stomach? Well, Leah from Real Housewives got her tits done and her nose done, which makes me a little upset because I feel like she has such an amazing season. Do you remember when she was like throwing the teakies and just looking at her body and being like, wow.

Yeah, I was like, oh my god, if I don't look like this with a 12 year old and I'm four. She's got a 12 year old. Also, when I'm that drunk, bitch is bloated. That's right. We can't even be in bathing suits all summer how she was like, I'm getting naked and throwing a teaky torch and she was like,

and she looks back stunning. And she was like, full six packs. Done thing. And she's doing her boxing. And then I guess she got her nose job done but like, very tiny. But like, I don't even see the difference. But I just get worried like, did Leah watch herself last season on TV

and just was like overly critical physically. I bet people were so mean to her. Yeah. You know, Dana from Vanderpump Rules told me that she just gets attacked for her nose. Really? You're like, your nose is gorgeous. I think she's gorgeous. She's gorgeous, but people who want to hate, they'll find the one thing they can.

And she doesn't have a tiny baby nose. She's like, she's the same nose as me. I get attacked most for like not having normal size boobs, which is like a body type. Right. Which is like how every model's body is before they get a boob job. But I feel like I'm like secure enough that I'm like I'm not going to go get a boob job. But who's saying that to you guys or girls? Both. Which is interesting. Oh, why?

Yeah. Why is saying that to you? Because I know that you would never fuck them. Right. You go, that's funny. Yeah. But the little like this girl would never touch me with a 10 foot pole.

I'm gonna make her feel bad. Yeah. That hurt. How many years? How many years? How many years? I'm just trying to check out at Starbucks. I don't know how we got here.

Yeah. You're like, can I just have the grandein? You can shut the fuck up. But I do think that you would look so fucking weird with boobs. No, it actually looks so weird. It looks so weird. You would drop a little bit. Who is Chris from Garden to the Galaxy?

Anna Pratt? Anna Pratt? Oh, Anna Pratt. Anna Pratt. Oh, Anna Ferris. Anna Ferris. You remember that movie where she had fake boobs? Oh yeah. That's how you would love. That's how you would love.

How funny. You look insane. You look like a stick with balloons. You're gonna tip over. It's also like guys, you could see something that looks hot online that's heavily edited and be like like I want that But like literally look at your own body your own proportions are meant to be a type away Right, there's nothing fucking hotter than confidence a thousand percent true a thousand percent

I say it always more like healthy jealous when I say healthy jealous It means like oh, I want to be her friend or like ooh, I want to be more like her jealous. When I say healthy jealous, it means like, oh, I want to be her friend or like, ooh, I want to be more like her of a girl who fucking carries herself. Yeah, without a worry in the world and so comfortable, then a girl who got her lips done and it looks good. The only time I ever feel like the jealousy feeling, which I hate that feeling, I actually get like mad at myself

whenever I feel jealous, which like everyone feels jealous at some point. Yeah. When a girl has a better outfit on, and like we're at somewhere and I'm like, fuck her. She's crashing it right now. You know what it is? What is it?

Look at that. What is it? It's like if you go to class and someone like studied way harder than you and you're like, wait, I didn't know we were studying that hard. Yeah. It's like you go in the place and you're like, oh, are we bringing it to that? I was like, oh, okay wait, I didn't know we were studying that hard. It's like you go in the place and you're like, oh, we bringing it to that last.

I was like, oh, okay. So I didn't know we were doing leather pants tonight. Interesting. I thought this was like a jog or a night. Cool. Cool. Oh my God. Okay.

What's next? Okay. Oh my God. This is so crazy. Everyone was sending me this. Alexander Wang getting accused of sexual assault. First, because a guy put a video out on TikTok and said that he basically like long story short,

he was at a club and said that like, this guy was like feeling him up and was like so awkward and he turned around and was Alexander Wang. And then all these other people are coming out and saying the same thing. And then Alexander Wang put out a statement like, this is a thousand percent false. Like, this is not true.

But I feel like there's so many people in the industry that are like, um, but actually, like it could be. And he is not just like sexual assault. He's being accused of like, drugging people. Well, it's about to say him like, inappropriately like rubbing at a club. Like, I don't think that's the jet. Yeah. Wait, so you're saying people in the industry are not like backing him and they're kind of like, I don't think anyone's really come out and been like, not the great, because you know what I'm like? Okay, I feel like celebrities and I think Alexander Wang is obviously a celebrity They have like their own world

Yeah, do you know what I mean? So like you know when you hear something about your friend from like a guy or something And you're like, yeah, you're not wrong like you're not wrong. She's a little bit crazy Yeah, but you don't see that side to her right Right. It's funny, Alexander Wang has gotten really famous because he shows his face, he's one of the designers that like, and he's like gorgeous, and he'll be like an accessory to these like celebrities that wear his stuff, like they'll be sitting with him

and he'll be next to them. He also was like, I intend to get to the bottom of this and hold whoever's accountable for like spreading these rumors online. Here's the other thing. If it is false, like so fucked. That's so fucked that someone would do that. I'm gonna say right now, when there's smoke, there's fire.

And if there's tons of people coming out, that's just him. Two, it's what you said, it's a power dynamic thing. Yeah. He is, he's around yes people. And he realized that like he wants a type of way and it's a power thing. But the interesting thing about this story is that with the Me Too movement, it's always been gross old white man. So now that it's like a gay, likeable talented, good looking man. Yeah, it's like, why did you do that to us? But it's like,

is he going to get canceled the same same way like a creepy comedian or like Wow so interesting also because he has such relationships with I mean Alexander Wang is connected with everyone has Everything loads to everyone his closer fucking amazing like think about it imagine going out and You see Massimo from 365. And he is fucking weird and bad. Like, and he does some stuff that makes you very uncomfortable. Yeah. Are you gonna tell someone?

That is weird. Are you gonna go to the press and say Massimo, like he didn't know, he didn't want to, and he's literally said no. Like if he forced you. Oh, am I going to the press and saying it? No, I think I'm going right to the police. Okay.

What would you do? Well, what if it was like kind of a great area? Like you were kind of into it. And then- Okay, so you're saying, okay, wait, let's really get into this, because I'm going to treat. Yeah, I can think about it. Like, it's a real great area of like, you're hooking okay, wait, let's really get into this, because then we can't treat. Yeah, I can't think about it.

Like, it's a real gray area of like, you're hooking up, you want to hook up with Massimo. You can't believe this star is that you're obsessed with, he's giving you attention, he brings you home, you're making out, it's all fun. Okay. And then he just like wants to do an interview, like, I don't want to. And he's just like kissing, kissing, you're into it. Like, it's not like a violent thing. Yeah. Next you know, we just kind of slides it in

and doesn't slide, not easy, bleeding. Like it's not, it hurts. And then afterwards you cuddle and kiss and you're just like, that was weird. You're not going to please. I'm not going to please. You're not claddling with him. No, and you're not going to press.

I'm not going to please and I'm not going to press, but like I'm deleting your number and I'm also telling to the police. No, and you're not going to press. I'm not going to the police and I'm not going to press, but like I'm deleting your number and I'm also telling all my friends. Yes, so think about that. That's something that could have happened with Alexander Wang with everyone. You, you're like, he's so crazy. He's so crazy.

He's giving me attention. He does some creepy shit. Next to you, you're like, kind of passed out. You hook up with him in the morning. You're like, still on his attention because he's Alexander Wang, but you're like, that was fucking weird. You delete his number.

You're like, he's a fucking creep. You tell your friends. You're not going to press You're not going to the police, but then somehow something leaks next thing You know all these people it's coming out story come that's how it happens. It's rape is not black and white Are you the president of the United States? No, I have Think rape is like some random person that like, but no, it's normally a guy you meet at a club or a guy in a friend group who's a fucking creep and ends up taking it too far. Or there's some word power dynamic that like you were giving him a chance and you realized

you shouldn't have. But there's a difference between rape and a guy being a creep. Like a guy just like doing weird shit and bad and you're like, oh, but like if you're, you know deep down when a guy's taken it too far. Wow, it's good, dark. No, it is. This was, this got dark, you guys. Okay, sorry.

I'm not cute in the light in the mood. This is all the legend. I'm all legend. I'm gonna lighten the mood with a really great story. A guy in the UK got Drunken Legally, changed his name to Celine Dion. Wait, I'm upset. At that.

Absolutely not straight. And you want to know why he did it? He said, because I fucking love her. And he was drunk. He didn't know he did it. Until like a couple weeks later he got these papers in the mail that was like you need to sign. And he needs a new passport. And he needs to drive her to sign. To like say yes I want to change it and he got the paper and he goes you know what? Fuck it I'm doing.

Oh he got his parents're gonna be like me. He goes, I'm only, I want to be friends with this person. He goes, I don't care about anyone things, I'm only scared of my mom. It's like, I'm being... You know, I told my mom when she was putting him to Lucy my middle name and she was like, but Hannah, was the name we chose for you. Wait, that is so fucking funny that he had a chance to be like, that was stupid. And was like, nope, that was James. Yeah, change like his Twitter, his Instagram handle, he's really like, I really just want to like talk to her. I love her.

He's just Twitter. He's like, when I feel sad or when I'm happy, I listen to her. So like, why would I not do this? Why does this remind me of Eladia, Spain? She's like, I got drunk and changed my name too. Eladia, Espania. Everyone's just having an absolute identity crisis. The fact that she calls her kids bald winetos,

it's like she literally changed her last name to make it Spanish, bald wineto. No bitch. No, it's not okay. It's not okay. It's not okay. Do we have anything else? No, that was that. Okay, amazing. So now we have time because people were like, Hannah page when you more advice We get it and we are here for you. Let's wrap it up with Pap talk time

Okay, I'm a wild free spirit. Boyfriend is not can this work. Right up I'm a wild, free spirit. Boyfriend is not. Can this work? Right up. Um. Hannah, what do you think? Okay, so I used to think opposite to Tract. Yeah.

I'm like loud, so I like, like, younger guys. Yeah. I mean, younger guys. I like quiet guys. Yeah. Oh. And then I realized, like, at the end of the day, you actually want someone who's more similar to you.

Like, you have to have enough differences that they're interesting, because, like, you obviously get bored with some moves exactly like you Like, you have to have enough differences that they're interesting, because like, you obviously get bored with some news exactly like you. But you want to have someone who actually just like likes doing the same shit as you, day to day. I 1000% agree with that. Like, you have to have certain differences.

But like, if you want to go out every single weekend and he does it, like, it's not going to last. It's not going to work cause a relationship, like, yeah, you could be attracted to someone, you know, you think they're hot, you know, this sex is great, but an actual relationship is day-to-day deciding what activities you wanna do.

Exactly. And like if you're a free spirit and you're like, here's a perfect example, like I'm the messiest bitch, like up in here, like my shit is all over all the time. It's really hard to date someone who's like super organized because you're like small little things and I'm like, oh, no Well, it's like it's like me and you were both messy right the amount of times We could have had a fight if one of us was anal right

But we did a blow up fight instead. We just laughed so that shows like can you just sweep the crumbs off the bed? I spilled honey on the floor. And I just put a nap syrup from your pink napkin on it. We were in the movie three weeks. We were in the movie Big Daddy and you were Adam Sandler. And you were just put newspaper over it. It's fine, we'll get it later. We was like, we have fruit flies now in our bed, which is something and then things could happen.

But here we are. I have a really good one. I just broke up with my long-term boyfriend, and his mom won't stop texting me help. Oh, that's so sad. But I've dated guys where the mom was like, I fucking love you and I know my son's a fucking idiot. And I always have respect for you and I love you.

I once had a guy I broke up with, didn't fucking tell his mom. And was she was texting me like, hey, are you coming over this weekend? And I literally texted him. I was like, grow the fuck up. You're like, tell your mom. You're like, sorry, ma'am, your son ruined my life.

That's when you respond to go, I'm sorry, this number has been disconnected. Okay, here's the thing. This girl, you need to just take it as a compliment. I have, I would say, I don't know how many ex-boyfriends I can't keep count with them anymore, but I have like a few moms that are still like, we miss you and I'm like, no, I got it.

I got it. Just, you have to take it as a full compliment. And I always tell guys, I'm like, look, if you're not serious about this, I just want to warn you, your mom will ask about me for the rest of your life. So unless you're committed to that, don't start with me. So just take it as a compliment. That is a great selling point to use in the future. But also, you can tell the guy and be like,

hey, I love your mom, but you need to know that she's texting me a lot. And maybe if it comes from him, like, hey, I heard you're texting him a lot, like, you shouldn't. Like, don't make it coming from you. Make it come from him, because it's his responsibility.

But also, if she's fucking awesome, it's cool to just have a fun like older woman in your life, that is cool. That is cool. As long as it doesn't like constantly bring you back to that relationship or hold you back. Final question, career advice for someone who's so scared to fail, they don't take chances.

Oh, I used to be like that. What change? How did you recover? I think I was just so dumb that I didn't realize when I was taking chances. Like it just, I think I'll walk to work today and just put myself on on on GTV. Like, you know what I think it is? No, I think that'll walk to work today and just put myself on IGTV.

You know what I think it is? No, I think that you take risks that some people wouldn't, but then you'll be really safe with things that other people would. Like, like, something's not scary to you that are scared to other people. Okay, agreed, agreed. So I mean,

But you are scared of messing up, but you're confident in certain things. Like you find what you're confident in certain things. Like you have find what you're confident in. Yeah. My thing is, you're going to fail. I hate to bring up a sports quote, but Michael Jordan missed like 50% or more of the shots. I hate to do it to him. I hate to bring up MJ, but he would always take the last shot, which means if you miss

the whole fucking team loses. And he missed like 50% of them, I don't know if that's the right number, but he missed a lot of them. I don't know if that's the exact quote, we're paraphrasing for sure. We're paraphrasing allegedly. However, the ones he made, he's a fucking hero.

My thing with me is I just, if you're gonna fail, fail fast. So I like try something. That's right. And if it doesn't work, let's just know when you fucked up and it's not right and move on. Because like all we're doing is failing.

And bring that into relationships. You're gonna fail. Oh, yeah. Fast and hard. When you know the guys not right, no one's, no one's mad at you. Just get the fuck out. Oh, that's the energy we're bringing into 2021. Yes, Kale. Fail, fucking fast. Um, Paige, I love you so much. I love you so much. It's going so hard in 2021. We have new merch coming out during our Patreon.com such gig squad to watch us and like, subscribe, swipe up.

Oh my god, our merch is going to be so good. Wait, I can't wait to show everyone. OK, we'll talk about that next time too. We'll go into a full detail. OK, I love you. Bye, guys. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪