Giggly Squad - Giggling about mob bosses, mentors, and los angeles
Episode Date: January 30, 2024Paige is the face of the skiing community and Hannah did a marathon in LA. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....
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I mean the day just got away from me.
Hello my gondola giglers.
Oh yes.
My mom is currently sending me like everything going on with skiing that's like scary because
that's what moms do.
There was like bears found in Lake Tahoe and then a woman got stuck in a gondola for like
27 hours and I'm like mom I retired.
She survived.
She survived.
She's a queen.
She cannot be managed.
Here's the thing that I think about too sometimes. not that like one of my fears is like dying alone,
but one of my fears is like that I've set too many boundaries
that like if I were to die,
it would take a couple of days for someone
to come check on me.
Like of course my mom would be calling me incessantly,
but like there might be a moment where I'm like,
wow, I've cut everyone off.
To the point that like no one's gonna,
no one's looking for me, and I'm taken.
That is the, people are just starting their week,
and that was the darkest shit.
Like people are like, let's turn on Giggly Squad
just for some light laughter.
And you're like, you know what, you die,
and no one gives a fuck,
because you've protected your peace too much,
and it's so peaceful that it's just black.
Everything goes black.
Side note, the girl in the gondola, I'm that girl in the gondola who like they find me
after 29 hours and I was like, that was the first time I had like quiet.
Like I actually naps, I got my affairs in order, like no one was annoying me.
She probably had a great fucking time on that gondola. No, I like
The moment that you're rescued I feel like I'd immediately make a joke and be like sorry to the wrong turn, you know
This one's on me guys. This is for sure
That is girlhood for the gondola to break and you're stuck there for 35 hours and then you say sorry when they come
Yeah, you're like my fault, sorry to get you guys
all out of bed.
I'm so sorry you guys had to come all the way
to the top of this gondola when I was starving
and dying and shat myself.
I'm sorry that I shat myself when I was stranded.
I'm in Lake Tahoe.
Nice.
I'm such like a New York rat idiot that I'd know.
I thought like Dahoe was like made up.
I thought it was like, they write about it in books.
I didn't know it was a real like place.
Is it, is there a lake?
There's a lake, I'm looking at it right now.
Because it's frozen over.
But it's also like on, it's in Nevada and California,
which is already above my pay grade.
Like I don't understand that.
So you can be in two places at once.
So you can. So you can be in two places at once. So you can.
So you back can.
But I just came from Los Angeles
and I was there for three days
and whenever I go to LA,
I have a manic episode.
I'm like a little pod slut.
You lose all concept of time.
I lose, no I've no idea what's going on.
Also, so many things in LA just hit different.
First of all, I ordered breakfast
and I ordered sourdough toast,
because it's my favorite.
It comes with the eggs and there's no butter.
And I'm like, what?
They're so off carbs.
And someone was like, because no one eats bread in LA.
I'm like, I thought that was a bit.
Like, I didn't think that was real.
And I'm not gonna call the restaurant
and be like, can you send butter? That's insane. Right. But I'm not gonna call the restaurant and be like can you send butter?
That's insane right, but I'm not eating raw sourdough bread like a fucking monster
So then I'm like it's okay
And then I look and there's no forks or knives and I'm like that's fine like sometimes that happens
They deliver without forks and knives
So I go down in my pajamas to the front and I was like, hey, do you guys have any silverware?
And they were like, they act like I asked the craziest question.
You were like, hey, do you guys have any drugs on you?
They act like I was like, does anyone have a chainsaw?
They act like, they looked up, no, I was like embarrassed.
I got like red and people were looking at me.
People were whispering. And the lady, I asked, she was like. I got red and people were looking at me. People were whispering.
And the lady, she was like, we definitely don't.
And I was like, could you just, are you sure?
I was like, when people order food
and it doesn't come with Forks and I was like,
what do they do?
And she was like, no one's eaten here in years.
People are on Osempic.
But then she goes to the-
No, literally.
I gasped at her to be like, there's no way.
So she's like, I'll check the back her to be like, there's no way.
So she's like, I'll check the back.
And you know, she like went in the back and like, scrolled TikTok for three minutes and
then came back and is like, yeah.
And she goes, you can try the restaurant.
Sorry, you can try Sears.
You can try Sears.
You're like, sorry, ma'am, this is LA.
We don't eat here.
No, it was so fucked up.
You should go back to the East Coast.
She goes, you could try the restaurant. And obviously I would would have but it happens to be like a very fancy restaurant
Like around the corner that's attached to the hotel and I'm like in my pajamas and my fur crocs
Which are beautiful by the way, but I was just like okay
So I go to the restaurant and they're looking at me and I'm looking at them and they all these like headsets like it's really like an
Official restaurant, and I'm like hey. I'm so sorry. I was in the gondola for like 50 hours
15 hours, and I was like do you guys just have um any plastic silverware or even a fork and I'll bring it back like I felt I
Was so hungry, and they looked at me like this sad dying little dainty flower. Yeah
And they looked at me like this sad, dying little dainty flower. Yeah.
And they go, we need to feed her.
We'll see if we could figure something out.
And I was like, oh my god, thank you.
They're gone for 10 minutes.
And I'm just standing in the lobby of this fancy restaurant with my fur crocs and just
mascara like all over my face because I just woke up.
And they finally bring it.
And I'm just like, I want to go home.
I want to go home. I wanna go home. No, and that story is exactly why
I don't interact with humans.
Like that is the exact reason I don't leave my house
because everyone's stupid.
Like here's the thing, me and you are having a realization
like when we were voice-noting this weekend,
but like sometimes I sit and think and I'm like,
there's just no possible way I'm the smartest one
in this situation right now.
Like there's no way that I am the most adult, adult here.
But you know what it is?
I think it's cause everyone has different priorities
in some situations, you're the only one who cares.
Yes, oh that, oh.
Yeah, like people are just caring about different shit and
It's like you don't take it personally
You're just like okay. I'll be the one who cares today and I'll pummel this through but yeah everyone
No one knows what's going on everyone's scared. No one knows what's going on everyone's confused speaking of no one knows
What's going on? We didn't even get to chat about this because it literally got announced like right after
to chat about this because it literally got announced like right after we recorded Giglu Squad last week, the Barbie movie and not being nominated and
Margot not being nominated and Ryan Gosling being nominated. And Greta. I
think Greta was like the biggest thing. Shout out to Margot Ferrera who is
incredible. I just think overarchingly it was like it's so funny how the movies
about the patriarchy and how the patriarchy
You just kind of won again, but the Oscars always fucks up. Who's voting?
No, who is the Academy? Who are they? I don't know and how many people are on there and who is voting because here's my thing
I saw a lot of like people on tiktok talking about it and there were half the people were like, okay, get over it, it wasn't an Oscar worthy movie.
So then I'm sitting there and I was like, okay,
maybe if that's the argument,
it wasn't an Oscar worthy movie.
Why were people nominated?
Right, what makes an Oscar worthy movie?
And I genuinely think that Barbie,
not only have we been talking about it for two fucking years,
but Barbie genuinely has impacted an entire generation of men and women, but like specifically I
think women and like younger generations of women.
So how is that not an Oscar worthy movie?
Like girls now go by America Ferrera's like monologue.
Like that is our girl scout
She's my president
You're you're giving me chills
But it's funny because it is actually harder to make a movie about as
Jokoi would say a plastic doll and make it so impactful than a movie
That's already about like trauma or explosion someone was like, did Barbie have to be assaulted
or lose her parents or lose a limb for the movie
to be meaningful?
And it goes back to why people sometimes
think that jobs that women do are less important.
It's even like, look at women's comedy.
Matt Reif being like, oh, I don't want women's fans
because it's devalued. if women like it it's less
important and it's like that's just the patriarchal. All I want is female fans
because you want to know what we shop okay if we buy things so that's why I
want female fans. We're running society speaking of the girlies I first I was
upset because Nicki Minaj and Meg the Sallion
are having a full on beef.
And at first I was like, why are the women
like have to fight with each other?
And then I took a step back and I said,
are other women winning?
Because they're both top of the billboard.
They're all anyone's talking about in the rap game right now.
We're the men, crickets, crickets.
Yes, the women are fighting.
They do say that a lot of times rap battles are PR
because they are like each putting out albums
or they are each putting out like singles
and that they're in on it.
This particular one, I do think they hate each other.
But it's funny because they had a great song in 2019.
I actually heard a rumor, because I was in LA
and I was trying to get all the teeth for the giglers, that most people in the music agency,
music industry, hate each other.
Females or in general?
Kind of the females.
Like when they do collabs, it's like
their business people were like you should,
but it's just, it's very competitive like that.
I could totally see that because you were even talking
about this the other day, in the female comedy space,
they're either picking you or someone else.
They're not picking both of you,
and I feel like that with female rappers.
You're either picking Cardi B.
You're not picking Cardi B, and Nicki Minaj
should be headlining something.
You're so fucking right.
So there's so much competition.
Let's say Drake is putting a couple people on a song
for some verses.
Look at me acting like I'm a studio exec.
He's putting multiple men on.
Multiple men and you gotta pick a token girl
and that's how it is with comedy lineups.
Like okay, we're gonna have,
we can't have both Eliza Slesinger and Nicki Glaser.
You have to pick one.
I always joke if there's two girls on a lineup,
you put them back to back and it counts as one girl.
But that's what we're fucking dealing with
from the fucking, anyway, wait, we got heated.
We just got so heated.
So them being like, oh, Barbie shouldn't get nominated.
Like, it's okay.
So say Greta wasn't gonna win.
The nom is still like huge for her career
Like she's obviously laughing all the way to the bank like I doubt I'm sure she doesn't care that much
I'm sure she cares a little bit like it is a fucking Oscar award
Because then I saw people being like well Ryan Gosling was nominated because it's an easier category. It's a supporting male
whatever He hits a supporting male, whatever. But like, okay, who cares?
He did not, like the fact that Ryan Gosling got nominated
for an Oscar for playing Ken and his song got nominated?
Like what world do we live in?
In like, what world?
If you're saying, oh, it's not an Oscar worthy movie,
then why the fuck was it fucking nominated for an Oscar?
The whole, the actual Barbie screenplay or whatever was nominated.
The thing with Greta was that she had to fight for this to get past. Like none of this would
have happened if she wasn't fighting continuously. But you know, it's a good conversation that's
having, I'm happy it's out there. And look, I'm the first to admit when I first watched the Barbie
movie because I didn't, I didn't go into it thinking like oh this is a Greta movie it's gonna have like an underline I literally thought it was
gonna be like the girliest superficial like Barbie movie like I thought it was
gonna be like a clueless type movie so when I walked out I was like okay wow
that's so not what I was expecting but then like as the days and months went on
I was like that movie was actually so powerful and it is so true
Like it is so fucking hard to be a girl no matter what you do
Like at some point a group of people are going to blame you like it will always you know Barbie kind of reminds me of
You know when you finally get really close to like your boyfriend and when you guys are alone like he's pookie
Or like he's so he's a girl's girl and he you guys are alone, he's pooky, as they call it, or he's a girl's girl,
and he's cuddling, and he's laughing,
and he loves anything, and then you go into the real world,
and suddenly he acts kind of different,
and everyone's listening to what he's saying,
and no one's listening to what you're saying,
but behind closed doors, he's listening to everything
you're saying, and you're hilarious,
but then in the bigger scope of things, he's a man,
and you're like, the dynamic completely chains when you go into the real world
and that's literally what I felt with Barbie.
And it's crazy, like I even recently in LA,
like I was hanging out with a bunch of dudes who I loved,
but like again, I would say something
and no one would say anything and then the guy would repeat it
and all the guys would be laughing and dabbing up.
I'm like, that's crazy behavior.
And that's just what we deal with.
Craig can't make a goddamn decision without me anymore.
And I got all these people being like,
you should move, you should move to where he lives.
Prove you love him.
I'm like, proof I love him.
I run his whole life.
Paige, I just have to address this.
Every couple episodes, you know I have to address this.
The, it is so weird that people who don't know
what your relationship is actually like
behind closed doors, making massive relationship decisions
for you guys.
Everyone listening who has a private relationship,
imagine if every day you go online
and people are saying what the next step
should be in your relationship
when you're just fighting for your life.
You're just trying to survive day to day.
No, I literally am just out here
trying to pick a fucking nail color.
And I have people being like,
are you gonna have a baby or getting old?
I'm like, oh my God, I literally can't decide
between cranberry red and hot red red.
Okay.
These questions are-
I guess you can't help you make that decision, Craig.
And it's not his fault.
No, literally.
It's not his fault.
Literally.
Can we just take a moment to acknowledge
the premium Aspen content?
I think you laying down in the mink
with the funny you in bed,
like I think you've kind of hit a next level of like,
that might have been my favorite.
I'm gonna also give you a little behind the scenes
for that last photo.
Going on that trip, that was the only photo I wanted to get.
I saw it on Pinterest and I was like,
I need to recreate this photo.
It's the very last night, it's like 10 30.
I had no makeup on that whole day
because I just like chilled and I go,
I said to Craig, I was like,
I need you to take a picture of me.
I got fully ready at like 10 30 at night, went outside, made him take a picture,
got back in, washed my makeup off and like edited the photos.
I mean, that's kind of like that's love.
And that's being an influencer.
I also love that you're explaining the behind the scenes because it is true.
In my head, I see like she's having fun with her friends.
It's crazy. She knows other people besides me, but I'm fine. I'm processing it
She fell she tripped and then suddenly a photo just caught her perfectly like kind of laughing at her
literally
Everyone's in bed fast asleep like getting ready to ski the next day
I was like packing my bag and I was like Craig if I don't get this photo this trip was a fucking way
the next day I was like packing my bag and I was like Craig if I don't get this photo this trip was a fucking way. I'm burning this hotel to the ground. No
getting the photo so stressful I'm currently in that place where I'm still
like trying I'm gonna basically like whatever you saw pages content I'm gonna
put it out like Walmart version in the next couple days. Also well yeah people
don't talk about this enough. I have a very big work schedule the month of February.
I'm like in the thick of fashion week.
Then I have to go to LA for like five days.
So I know that I need to look really pretty
for the end of February.
So right now, I feel like in girls' brains,
we're like, okay, I can't be pretty today
because I have to be pretty in a couple days.
So like if I have to be pretty for like a two full weeks
at the end of the month,
I need to marinate right now in ugly.
No, you're so right.
You can't burn out your pretty days.
There's only so, even like within a day,
you can't be pretty the whole day and you have within a day, you can't be pretty the whole day.
And you have to, no.
You can't be pretty the whole day.
And also, you can't be pretty multiple days in a row,
because inevitably science, you're gonna have one day
where your makeup is just like not going on your face
the way it usually does.
So you have to like almost rig the system.
Wait, that is so fucked up, it's so true.
To rack up a bunch of ugly days
so that when you're pretty days come.
You know what it is?
Cause it's mentally exhausting to be pretty.
Cause pretty is a vibe, it's a character, it's a confidence.
So you need to walk around like a rat girl
so that when it's time for you to be pretty,
it's like a pretty battery.
Like we only have so much.
Cause being pretty, that means people are looking at you.
You have to carry yourself.
You have to walk.
You have to have good posture.
You have to drink a ton of water.
Oh my God.
You're so right.
More water than there is in Lake Tahoe.
You arguably have to like kind of suck in a little.
Like you have to make sure you're-
You basically have to change your whole personality
to go outside.
Yes.
That in itself.
Like I change everything about myself
the moment I step outside of my door.
I'm like, I don't know who that person was in there
but you can never see her.
No, but then there are some moments where I feel like
I'm my most confident when I'm comfortably
being a rat girl in public.
Like, cause it's like, I have a very,
I don't give a fuck attitude. And there's a power in that too. But you're so right. Also, can
I just say I'm over the my, the mob wife thing, because I was looking at your
photo and everyone's like mob wife. And I was like, no pages beyond mob wife.
She's a mob boss. I'm like, why are we aspiring to be mob wives? Why can't we
be mob bosses? You know, it's so funny. I just saw a thing on TikTok I'm like, why are we aspiring to be mob wives? Why can't we be mob bosses?
You know what's so funny?
I just saw a thing on TikTok the other day,
which I haven't seen in so long,
that was like, I hate the term girl boss,
because for guys, it's just like a boss,
which I have a new, which then gets...
Here's the thing about me.
At any given moment, I will be on my couch having a fight with someone in my head.
Any given moment, like I'm coming up with comebacks for hypothetical situations, hypothetical
fights.
One of the new comebacks that I've thought up that I've yet to use on someone.
Are you ready for this?
Wait, I'm like scared.
Are you going to hurt my feelings?
I was having a good morning.
The next time someone comments like and it has to do with like mob wife and like like girl boss
the next time someone says something I'm going to say back to them I'm so sorry. No I have two
different ones one is you're the reason the Barbie movie was created. Just that. Just you're the reason the Barbie movie was created.
And two, I'm so sorry that your mom taught you
that you could only ever achieve to be a wife.
That's so sad for you.
I didn't grow up with the mom,
I grew up with a Kimberly disorba.
And so that's my new comeback.
And I've thought about that for a while.
The fact that your mom's name is Kimberly is so iconic.
Yeah, like she was Kimberly before like Kim, you know.
Also I just found out that.
And like people in her family legit call her Kimberly,
which I think is so regal.
It's so fucking regal.
And I just found out that Kimberly Kardashian
is in Aspen right now and I'm going to Aspen in two days.
So. Wait, my ski instructor is coming to your Aspen in two days, so.
Wait, my ski instructor is coming to your Aspen show
with his girlfriend.
Oh my God.
I'm like on the mountain and he's like,
and guess what, we're going to see Hannah.
Did you see advertisements when you were there or no?
No, they actually, they actively came up to me.
They were like, we're going to see your friend Hannah.
Oh my God.
That's wild.
So yeah, that's happening.
Oh, I saw another thing on TikTok
that I wanted to bring up with the girlies.
What?
You know me, and I'm always trying new trends,
and I'm like, does this work?
And my mom's like, you're stop drinking chlorophyll.
You're not a plant.
I have been seeing girlies on TikTok
eating, putting in a smoothie, or putting it in their teeth, bee pollen. Yeah, I've been seeing girlies on TikTok in like eating, putting in a smoothie
or like putting it in their teeth, bee pollen.
Yeah, I've seen that.
And it's supposed to make your boobs grow.
Jesus fucking Christ.
But like, you have to stay on it.
Like you're supposed to eat it.
Do you know what also makes your boobs grow?
Taco Bell.
Taco Bell.
Wait, Taco Bell is a great example of when you get something, if you get Taco Bell delivered
and they don't give you the sauces, you can't eat Taco Bell.
You can't take a rogue hot sauce from your refrigerator and eat Taco Bell.
No, no, you're so right.
And I need the sour cream that goes with it.
I can't do like my sour cream.
Also, I don't have the half sour cream.
It always goes bad. Taylor collects Taco Bell in case of the off chance
that her delivery person forgets to grab sauces,
she has that on hand.
See, that's self love.
Yeah, it's not.
Actually, and that's something I wanna remember to do.
Des and I did get into a random fight
because this is like a marriage fight.
The way like you kind of grow up with your household.
I did do something fucked up
and I accidentally threw out his Invisalign.
That was on me.
I think it was like, you know, people like,
he put it in something and I cleaned for,
I was like also cleaning for the first time ever.
And he's like, you never fucking clean
and then you finally clean,
and it's my fucking invisible line.
And I was like, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
But then he goes to clean and when he cleaned,
first he threw out all my leftovers,
which like, am I gonna eat it all?
No, but if I was probably gonna eat one of them,
I don't know what I'm being the mooch at.
Yeah, like if you're thinking about it and craving it.
He doesn't come from a takeout family,
where I come from like a full takeout family.
Like everything is going in the fridge and we will.
Oh, interesting.
Like he doesn't come from like a leftover family.
If we get Chinese the night before,
the next day for lunch, we're eating Chinese.
Well, it makes the best breakfast.
Or breakfast if you're feeling fucking naughty,
like same with pizza, same with everything.
Like we were very into that.
So he'll be like, you're not gonna eat this
and throw it away and I'm like,
but then I go into the fork drawer.
Now I've been collecting, I'm collecting straws.
Forks have been coming for you recently.
No, I know.
I've been collecting straws. Forks have been coming for you recently. No, I know. I've been collecting random rogue forks, because I'm not doing the dishwasher all the time.
I'm not perfect.
I'm forks.
Hot sauce.
I have ketchup, mustard.
I have straws, and it looks like it's garbage
in the fork jar.
It's not.
It's like a piggy bank your collectibles
High value
collection
He threw it all out
He threw it all out and I said I've been working on your own home mom like this thing. I'm a jig I need this
And he was like you don't need 500 we have ketchup
in the fridge and I'm like no no no and that day we also had gotten something they forgot
to put a straw and I went and I go you know it's crazy you fucking threw away all the
straws so now I have to drink coffee just like without a straw.
Which-
Why don't you get some metal straws?
Like I have like glass.
I did, but the thing with metal straws
is you have to wash them, which is again,
Admin.
You have to remember not to throw them.
Do you know how cool it is to just be like,
oh, I just happen to have plastic straws.
And like it was, it's literally in a drawer.
It wasn't effect, also our house is a fucking mess.
No, do you want wanna know something Hannah?
This is one thing where I feel like you and I,
we don't see each other.
In this situation, I'm does.
I'm chucking it.
I'm throwing it in the trash.
But it's in the drawer and it's organized.
Cluttering, cluttering my drawer.
Like Craig will come home and just like put everything
on the counter.
Like he just empties everything in his pockets you know like if he could get undressed
in the kitchen he wouldn't just like put it on the counter I'm sifting through
I'm throwing things away little receipts papers paper towels and then he'll come
back and be like where was that I got in the trash that's a long gone if it was
important to you put it in an important spot. My counter is not
for rogue items.
If Des ever gets arrested, it's because I threw away his mail. He will open it.
Des goes through tax evasion, it's because I threw away all the warnings.
No, he's like, Hannah, no, I threw away his jury duty thing, and he was like, Hannah,
like, I'm going to jail.
And I was like, why do you have opened mail
where I make my oatmeal?
Like, if it's opened, put it somewhere.
So these are honestly the hardest parts of marriage
is when you kind of have,
we're messy also in different ways.
So it's like, it's a real mind fuck.
See, I feel like I'm like super super clean and Craig is
a little scatter-brained a little
But you know what happened my mom
Was like that my dad was messing. She's super clean and she like trained him like right after dinner
He like sits up and he goes straight and starts cleaning the dishes like she's
She somehow like tricked him
that like it's a game he could win or something.
I don't know.
But I don't know how to do it.
So I can't like train Des to do it.
So it's the blind leading the blind in this household.
We are lost and scared.
Yeah, I feel like my dad was so like OCD growing up.
Like if we went and got the car washed
and then you dare put the window down, scolded.
Like growing up, our windows were constantly locked
just in case the rogue chance that he washed his car
and we were gonna streak it.
So like I'm prone to being very organized and like
things seem to be clean.
That's the most Italian thing I've ever heard.
That is the most Italian.
Yeah, my dad is like,
we have a full car wash grade vacuum
in our garage in case you happen to have a crumb in your car,
not acceptable.
Things that were not acceptable in my home growing up,
a clean dirty car.
Right.
Inside of your car dirty, inside of your mind dirty.
This reminds me of an Uber incident I had in LA.
First of all, in Ubers, they,
It sounds like you were gonna say like an Uber incident
I had in 95.
So in LA Uber, it's a wholly different vibe.
Like I get comfort now cause like I'm trying to like love myself.
Oh, oh, oh.
I'm not getting the black XL, but I'm getting comfort,
which means, I think it means like,
it's just like a little bit of a nicer car.
One day, one day you're gonna be like,
and I just, and I need more leg room.
Yes, even though I have little nubby legs
and a long torso and everyone knows it,
someone literally commented yesterday,
like your torso looks normal.
I was like, I literally just forgot
about how long my torso was.
Sometimes the gigglers will comment things, and I think if a rogue person saw it,
they'd be like, wow, that girl's being so rude right now.
But it's a giggler.
It's a language.
It's just a language.
Like I have people commenting my Instagram, like, did you pee the bed again?
You know, like if someone rogue saw that, they'd be like, oh, wow.
But like I see it and I'm like, that's hilarious.
That's called a callback.
Yeah.
So apparently everyone has Teslas in LA.
And like opening a Tesla off A for my life
and it's super embarrassing.
And then so I got into this Tesla
and I was wearing these like boots.
And of course I like crossed my leg and I'm on the phone
and he turns, he keeps turning and looking at me,
which I think is weird.
And I'm, and I was like, it's not like I was yelling.
I was being pretty, I was talking to my mom as one does.
And then I guess my foot was kind of touching that like console.
Like it was touching it.
I wasn't like, it was touching it. I wasn't like
Mm-hmm touching it your foot. Yeah, wasn't like on it wasn't resting. Yeah, I was resting on it
But it was touching it and he taps my foot and takes his finger like no no no
And I'm a girl so immediately I'm like, oh my god
I'm so sorry so sorry and then I take my foot and then I look I'm like, there's actually not that much leg room in this car.
That was kind of, I was like, who's crazy here?
But I was like, that was great.
But you know what, it's fine.
Like maybe I am I the problem?
You know, like I'm the problem is me.
Let me just go with the flow.
I'm like, I was in the wrong.
This man is just, he has boundaries.
I respect his boundaries.
I'm in his car.
Like who am I to insult his boundaries?
And I like don't like him, like we're in a fight, you know?
But I'm also like want him to like me.
So I'm like, he keeps looking back
and I'm like acting perfect.
And I brought a croissant.
Okay.
Which is by far the messiest.
Messiest treat of all treats.
Messiest treat of all treats.
So I'm like, if he's gonna lose his fucking mind
if I start eating this croissant.
So I'm like, I'm not gonna do it
because I think he'll get mad
and like I'm still trying to beat Page Zuber rating.
So I'm in like a hundred fights right now.
Like there's a lot going on.
So then the car stops at a light.
This man, I don't know where it came from,
takes out like a little towel
and just starts like cleaning his his front of the car.
And I'm like, oh, this man has an issue. And then in my head, I'm like, if I take out this
croissant right now, his brain might just explode. And then I just sat there, because I'm trying to
get a good Uber score, just not moving. And he keeps looking back to there because I'm trying to get a good Uber score, just like not moving.
And he keeps looking back like to see if I'm up to anything.
It was the scariest Uber ride I've ever had in my life.
No, that's, here's the other thing.
As clean and neat and organized as I am,
when someone comes into my home, this is a home.
It should be lived in, make a mess. I don't give a shit.
Like I'm going to clean it up at some point,
but like I hate when people are like cleaning as you're living, like don't give a shit. Like I'm gonna clean it up at some point. But like I hate when people are like cleaning
as you're living, like it's not a museum.
No, that was crazy.
And I do think like, yes, I didn't eat the croissant
cause I don't, and like I would never leave trash.
And like honestly, I do eat too much in Ubers.
It's just I'm going from podcast to podcast
and I'm hungry in between.
So I'm like, it's my own issue.
But like at the end of the day,
you're getting tons of strangers in your car and you have to let go of the fact that it's gonna own issue, but like at the end of the day, you're getting tons of strangers in your car
and you have to let go of the fact
that it's gonna be pristine,
but some people will like get a,
look at me talking like I know,
I mean I am kind of an Uber expert at this point
because I can't drive.
No, my biggest expense is Uber.
I think I'm a fucking expert.
No, my accountant was like,
are you living in Ubers?
I've done more rides than their top, like their top employee, okay? I've done more rides than their top employee.
Okay, I've done more rides than that.
But I've seen people take a thing
and put it over the seats and protect it.
So there are ways to do it,
but him cleaning the Uber while I was in the Uber
was next level scary.
And then I was just like,
what if I got my period right now?
And you just like, what if I got my period right now?
And you're like, and sir, your Why the Barbie movie was created.
Have a great time.
Oh.
Also speaking of periods,
how am I a grown 32 year old woman?
And we finally are at this like,
kind of nice hotel in Lake Tahoe.
And I like can't get the balls
to ask anyone for a tampon.
Like if I'm at a two, three star hotel,
you go to the front, you're like,
where the tampon's at?
And they're throwing tampons at you,
they're giving you, I fuck with that.
Here at this nice pristine hotel,
I felt like disgusting, go to the front,
and it's of course this man with a British accent
to be like, can I have a tampon?
I felt like he was gonna puke on me.
Yeah, he's like like you're the only woman that's ever had a period.
You're like I know this is a viper.
No, I'm like this is why Barbie was created.
And then Dez is like I was like I want to go to the pool and he was like go to the
pool and I'm like but I'm on my period and he's like what?
And I'm like I need a tampon and I can't get a tampon.
You know what I was doing? I subconsciously was doing the orange peel thing where I wanted, I wanted him to
read my mind and go, I'm going to get you a tampon. But men are so logical. They're
like, there's no, there's nothing in between you and getting a tampon. Like, right. And
there's a feminist where he just believes I'm capable of everything, which I am. I'm a star.
But I can't. I all day.
But you might be taking care of.
I soiled my black Amazon granny panties all day.
Because I just didn't want to ask for a tampon.
And then I finally culled.
Like I walk past Concierge and I was like, I don't feel the vibes, right?
Why didn't you just like Uber Eats one from like CVS?
I don't know, but then I finally called and I was like,
can I have a tampon?
And I was so nervous and the guy was like,
that's the thing, they get weird too.
But it's like their own issues where they think
they're being the weird one,
but I think I'm being the weird one.
And he's like, I have anxiety.
And he goes, okay, how many do you need?
And immediately I'm like, sir, how many do you need? And immediately I'm like.
Sir, how many do you think I would need?
No, I go, what are you trying to fucking say
about the width of my pussy?
But then in my head, I'm like, honestly,
as many as you guys have, like bring a truckload.
But I said five, but then I was like,
but I'm gonna keep calling.
And then it's the cardboard.
No, I think five's good.
How long were you there for?
I'm there for two days,
but also like I can get it today at like a CVS, but then they's the cardboard. No, I think five's good. How long were you there for? I'm there for two days, but also like I can get it today at like a CVS,
but then they have the cardboard ones, which honestly.
Why do they even sell those anymore?
Why is it so violent?
Who makes cardboard tampons,
but moreover, who's purchasing them
that they're still like in stock and at every establishment?
Like why has every establishment not switched over
to the plastic one?
Like it's 2024.
I understand if like the tampons
are killing the turtles or something,
but like how have we come up with a billion types of straws
but we still have the hardest possible cardboard
in these cheap tampons?
I think I couldn't tell because there was so much blood,
but I think I hurt a side of my wall, my pubic bone wall.
It was crazy and I'm a professional.
Like I've put a lot up there and I was like, ow.
If having your period could be vegan,
I'm strictly organic tampons.
So I won't even, like a play tax, not for me.
Not for me, honey, because even like the plastic ones,
like anything, any tampon that's scented,
get it the fuck out of my vagina.
Oh yeah.
You know, I do have a lot of doctors,
because the gigglers are all doctors, and lawyers,
and engineers, they're geniuses and they messaged me telling you,
first of all, they want you to do a sleep study
for your pee in the bed thing.
I've been wanting to do a sleep study since I was born.
That's the one test you're gonna pass.
No.
They're like, you're surprisingly really talented at this.
I'm like, no, I could go all day.
We need to send these results to Sweden
because we've never seen something this great.
And they also said something about you maybe
wearing too many thongs and working out is why you're
getting UTIs and I'm like, I don't think she's working out.
So I don't think.
No, I've actually been really good on UTIs recently.
And the peeing in my bed, I genuinely think it was just
because of my pill.
Like I'm so like, I have to pee so much more and I was in such a deep sleep.
I'm off like thinking I have a brain tumor. That was last week.
That was last week.
Just did I tell you over Christmas break, I like every morning I went downstairs to like
convince my mom that I had like another terminal disease.
Like every morning I'd be like, I'm convinced I have this. And she got to a point where she was like,
you need to stop.
Like, and I was pulling out big diseases.
I was hitting her with like a massive ones.
Like debilitating life altering like fatal diseases.
And she was like, you don't have this.
Why do you think?
I'm like, I might, I might. like mom good morning, and she's like not again
Like good morning. What do you think about ALS and the community?
Because you're gonna have to start donating soon because I have it
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One thing I want to say, wait, back to Uber's
because I had a funny Uber ride this morning and I forgot.
One thing I've realized in Uber's,
if you're a really nice Uber driver, I have zero interest.
I don't want to chat, I don't want to talk.
The Uber drivers that I genuinely connect with
are the ones that are so fucking mad
that I've even gotten into their car, okay?
I feel comfortable, I feel at home.
I get into an Uber.
You would've loved my Russian driver,
he was like you disgusting whore bag.
So pissed, yeah.
I get in the Uber today, I'm going uptown
and he immediately starts, wow, I haven't been uptown.
Do you wanna know why?
Because of Christmas.
I can't even go uptown when it's the holiday season.
I mean, he's livid at Sixth Avenue, the whole,
the whole of Sixth Avenue.
He's livid at all the police officers.
He's livid at the tourist specifically.
And the tourists specifically, and the
tourists that think they can drive in New York City.
I mean this man went for 10 minutes on how much he fucking hates New York City.
Then we drove past 4040 club which is owned by Jay-Z.
He then went on a full rant on how Jay-Z does not give back enough.
And then I sat back and I was like, sir you're actually 100% correct because I feel like
I've never seen Jay-Z have a charity
and that's ridiculous and I'm on your side.
And I literally thought when I got out of the car,
he was gonna be like, and fuck you too.
Like, because that was the sentiment in the car,
we were pissed about everything.
I wanted to be like,
and have a horrible rest of your day.
Like you're currently at this.
I'm just an almost New York shit.
And I felt good. And you're like, sir, why don't you have a podcast? You're so New York. Why don't you have a horrible rest of your day. Like you're currently at it. I'm just an almost New York shit. And I felt good.
And you're like, sir, why don't you have a podcast?
I was so New York.
Why don't you have a podcast?
No.
Like I was like, let's get the police officers on this pod,
get their side.
Because this is, and that's so New York, and it made me feel,
I've been having the best day.
Because he made me feel like.
Less alone.
And like, you don't feel crazy.
You're like, the world sucks, and we're all a part of it
together.
And that Pepsi commercial.
He was just seeing people on the street,
and he was like, look at this idiot.
I was like, yeah, fucking stupid.
It is funny, because I will do my best
to never speak in an Uber.
I never want to talk.
But there are sometimes, well, I will start a conversation and it's two things.
One, if someone does something crazy on the road,
like cuts us off or something and he has to honk
and he gets upset, I always jump in,
because it's, we're a team, we're a team,
and I support him and I want to let him know.
And or her.
I'll be like, that was a great swerve.
The way you pulled that, amazing.
I will go, what the fuck?
And he's like, yeah, what the fuck? And I'm like, you pulled that I will go what the fuck and he's like yeah
What the fuck and I'm like yeah, yeah, cuz I'm in it with him. He's saved my life. Yeah
That moment he's a hero exactly and I always have to go like in this moment
You work for him for sure
And also he could literally be so in the wrong and I will be like that was an insane move by that person
Thank you for protecting me. They should get their license revoked. You're correct.
Also, the second one is when they do something like fully illegal to make the drive faster.
I'm supporting him.
I appreciate it.
I will see them do some wild shit, like just turn around for no reason or like, you know,
when there's traffic and they just go into like a random lane and just skip everyone.
I'm sitting in the back and I go, you made the right choice.
I go, that was a baller move.
No one saw that.
I go, baller move.
A legal U-turn, where?
I didn't see it.
I got your back.
Like when they're like, I'm not sitting
in this fucking traffic and they whip it around.
I go, I'm on your side.
No, I, thank you so much.
I go, if a tree falls in the forest
and no one sees it.
It didn't happen and I was asleep.
I was asleep and you just saved six minutes on my ride
and almost killed eight pedestrians.
I support you.
Fuck them, we don't need a pedestrian.
If I was a pedestrian, I would lose my fucking mind.
And that's called New York City.
Yeah, if you're a pedestrian, they're right.
If you're a driver, they're right. What is the quote? Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're a pedestrian, they're right. If you're a driver, they're right.
What is the quote?
Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the thing
they're peeing on.
And that's just called this life that we live in.
Yeah, and that's just life.
And that's why I love New York City,
because it's realistic.
Sometimes you go to different places in the country,
it's idealistic, amazing.
I'm so happy you have a backyard.
You're not living in the real world.
You have a garden, that's lunacy.
That's cute and adorable.
Okay, we're out here fighting the good fight in the streets.
We haven't had a mental health moment in a second
and I'm gonna say it, life is literally
not about what happens to you.
You win a Grammy, you step on poop, Life is literally not about what happens to you. You win a Grammy, you step on poop.
Like life is not about what happens to you.
We're all out here.
It's about how you react to it.
It's about how you react.
It's about how you react.
It's about what, it's the perspective
and the story you tell yourself.
You win a Grammy and you could say,
I don't have anyone to celebrate it with.
Oh, like why didn't I win an Egot?
And you could step in poop and go, that's hilarious.
I'm going to talk about it on my podcast.
Also, how silly am I?
Also, that dog was cute.
Silly little goose.
This is actually a great segue into when I was flying back
from Aspen.
OK.
We've never had as many good segues
as we have in this episode.
No, we're literally the segue Queens
We should get
Okay, that's our next vlog us
There's something there there's something there with us on a side. Well, man, I'm gonna mill it over
When I was coming back from
Aspen I've started putting air tags in all of my suitcases, which I can't ever believe that I didn't do before.
Why don't people, why, what, why would I not do that?
Yeah, why would you not do that?
I started doing it a couple months ago,
I'll never go back.
I'm obsessed with things having air tags
because I like tracking it on my phone.
Did you air tag Craig?
Like I'll,
Did you air tag Craig?
If I could stick an air tag up his ass, I would.
I just think they're the best invention.
They're so amazing.
So I have my air tags on.
I checked two bags.
One big suitcase and one that could have been a carry on,
but I was just like, I rather not deal with the suitcase
if I'm already checking one.
So I checked two.
I'm tracking them.
They're cute.
They're going along.
They make it to Aspen.
Then we're leaving Aspen. They make it to Atlanta. Amazing.
I'm on the plane in Atlanta going to New York City. I see one of my bags with me on the plane. Amazing.
The other bag, going to the arrivals. I see her just chugging along, going to a different building. We're about to take off. She's not making it. In my head, I can't remember what I labeled my air tag so I don't know if it's my big suitcase
that made it or if it's my little suitcase. This is, you are so genius right now.
In my head, this is so page-coded, I told my mom and she was like, oh my god. In my
head I go, well I hope it's my big suitcase because that has my new jacket I
just bought, my Prada goggles, all my fur coats, all my clothes.
Like, I need those shoes.
Like, I'll freak out.
Inside the smaller bag, all my electronics,
my computer, my podcast stuff, a lot more money
in the small bag.
Also, I didn't know you're not supposed
to check your computers.
Everyone just out here knowing that?
I don't.
I think you could blow up the plane.
I don't, but then I like leave it in other places.
They're like, do you have any lithium batteries?
And I usually say no.
This is like the doctor's office now.
First of all, I don't know what a lithium battery is,
but continue.
Yeah, I get caught on the word lithium,
then I don't hear the rest.
I'm like, what is it?
Do I look like Walter White?
No.
Is that different from regular batteries?
And no, I don't have regular batteries.
Is that triple A or double A?
I don't even, what?
Yeah, like stop confusing me, like no.
So I'm like freaking out on the plane.
I get to LaGuardia.
I see my big suitcase coming down the little belt.
I'm so excited.
I text my mom, I'm like, good news. All my clothes made it.
But I was so impressed with Delta. I got my bag. It was put on the next flight, like the early
morning flight. I got my bag delivered to my apartment by like noon. Did you have to tell them
or they realized they're fucked up? Right when I landed, I got a text message. one of we're so sorry one of your bags didn't make it please like file a claim and then I could see the air tech so I could
see it on like the landing like I could see it waiting for the next flight you
know part of me gets mad like how could Delta fuck up but then part of me is like
the fact that Delta and these airlines don't fuck up every single bag is
truly a miracle because have you ever seen,
it's just a bunch of people gossiping and
living their lives, I would do the same thing.
The fact that every bag is not in the wrong place,
it's humans, it's humans doing it.
GSA, I feel like has to have the craziest gossip
because every time I'm in the line,
they're talking about gossiping.
They are in the most heated discussion to the point
that they're like, we don't care if you leave your shoes on or off like we have to talk about Teresa.
I can't believe there hasn't been we should write a sitcom based on just
TSA drama.
Well there was that one movie with TJ Miller in it, The Perfect Girl or whatever.
Oh I love that movie.
Which was really funny.
She's out of my league.
She's out of my league.
That was really funny. People's out of my league. She's out of my league, that was really funny.
People in uniforms just make me laugh.
We fly so much, there are so many stories,
but I have to actually tell you.
So I come coming from my three day full marathon in LA.
When I see a marathon, I got in,
I did, Brittany Furlan is Tommy Lee's girlfriend.
Her and Brittany Schmidt started a podcast
and I went on it and that was very, very fun.
And then I did Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald,
which was always just like a crazy gossip fest.
And then the next day I did a Trevor Wallace video
and some interview.
Oh, I saw that.
Oh my God, it's gonna, my first ever
like LA YouTube experience.
It was quick.
I know I was so excited.
They had a full set.
LA is different.
They had a full movie set to film a YouTube video
and I was like, is this a porno?
Like in New York City, we crawl into a closet
and we record our podcast.
Like New York City, they're like,
we just bought the studio for our YouTube.
They had PAs. They had production assistants. And I York City, we just bought the studio for our YouTube. They had PAs.
They had production assistants.
And I was like, I'm about.
We have Grace.
And she's like, I'm not getting you a Starbucks.
And I was like, I don't need.
No, I don't want you to.
I'll get you a Starbucks.
It is so different.
Like they had, you know those seats where like directors sit?
I sat in one.
I looked at Trevor.
I was like, I've never sat in a chair like this.
And he's like, are you OK?
And I was like, this is the coolest chair I've ever sat in. Am I a director Trevor, I was like, I've never sat in a chair like this. And he's like, are you okay? And I was like, this is the coolest chair
I've ever sat in, am I a director?
Anyway, so I did that, then I did a whole show
at the Hollywood Improv.
Next day, this is where I went too far.
Wake up in the morning, do Brooke and Connor make a podcast.
You know, Fibula?
I'm obsessed with them.
I feel like I started following them during COVID
is when I got really obsessed with them.
They have that like crazy chemistry kind of like us were like, they're fighting.
They're not fighting. There's inside jokes. And I went in.
He'll say something and she immediately, like, she's like, yes.
And they just put me right in the middle and I like, it was insane and they love you.
So anyway, that was really fun. Then I did Whitney Cummings podcast.
Now I'm trying to explain this, when you're an up-and-coming
comedian, especially a woman, and then one of the most successful female
comedians ever invites you on her pod, there's truly no better feeling. Yep. It's
literally like when Vogue asks you to do a cover. Like that's what I felt in that
moment. She just had a baby. I do have to say she's my number one right now.
Like she's my number one favorite.
Can I say something?
This is like not a business idea,
but like also just something I think
like we're missing as a whole.
And this sounds so, I just want to warn you guys,
I did not go to Harvard.
I feel like as a woman who is 31 years old
in kind of a niche, interesting career,
but wants to keep progressing,
there's no situation where,
and not even entertainment industry,
it could literally be anything.
There's no situation set up for women
to have women mentors.
Like, hey, you do this and you're 10 years down the line.
Like I would love to learn like also how to do that.
Like I just feel like when I first started working,
one of the reasons I enjoyed like my workplace
was because my boss was so fucking nice to me
and was so like helpful in like what my career was going to be.
And I always thought, okay, when I have someone
that works for me or I have an assistant
or any woman who's younger, wants to do the same thing,
reaches out, I wanna be able to help her
because I know that no one helped me.
So I just feel like there should be something.
You're so right, but the hard thing is like when you are successful,
I feel like a lot of people will be reaching out,
like be my mentor.
And like you, you can't, you have to like,
You can't do at all.
But you also have to like earn
that someone wants to be your mentor.
Like it's like a weird, it's very fucking weird.
But like to,
But it's like, okay, look at alcoholics, okay?
And they get a sponsor.
And one sponsor has, at least maybe they have one person,
maybe they have four, but they help those people
because they truly believe that this is the better half.
It is also just the mindset of once,
it's a give back thing where whenever someone is coming up
where you have, that's why I'm with an older man,
like sometimes he'll just look at me and be like,
I live this already and I'll be like, holy shit,
that was intense.
But like, it's the mindset of like,
if you fuck with someone, it helps.
If any new girl comes on to reality TV,
I feel this weird sense of like,
I have to now be your older sister
because you don't even know what's about to be thrown at you.
And like when we went on, no one told us anything,
no one helped us.
If anything, people like actively were like, you suck.
No, I remember.
You're not good enough.
I met Luanne like right after my last season
and she looked at me and she goes,
I wish you would've asked me what to do
because I would've helped you.
And I was like, I didn't even know
that was fucking possible or that like,
you would even care or that like,
another woman in reality TV would like help someone else.
And don't, isn't it crazy how you always
remember that about her?
Like, I feel like I've met and seen Margaret Drosev
so many times, but I'll never forget.
Like when I first was on reality TV,
her being like,
if you ever have a question, you can always call me.
DeLores, I never even met her in person and she DM'd me about something and we were like
laughing and she goes, side note, here's my number if you need anything.
The New Jersey girls and the New York girls are fucking real ones, but also I'm insecure,
so I'm like, I'm not texting this new real house was a New Jersey star because I'm in like a weird fight right now that like I'm confused, so I'm not texting this Real Housewives of New Jersey star because I'm
in a weird fight right now that I'm confused about.
But I have a girlfriend who, one of my girlfriends who is a friend of a friend, she started being
on a reality show and she would be filming in the trenches filming and be like, I need
five minutes and go to the bathroom and call me and be like, here's the situation, what should I do?
And I'm like, I'm at a dentist appointment.
Like here, do that, you know?
It would be cool, like an app that's like mentorship
where like, first of all, like you're down to be a mentor
and then there's like, but that's where like,
there are some communities where you can go
and see people speak and stuff, but it's different
when everyone has their own specific like needs and wants, but that would be fucking cool.
Yeah, there should be a subset of,
it should be, you wanna know what I think,
it shouldn't even be in college, because if you're in college,
you don't even know the questions you're asking.
It genuinely should be 25 to 30,
because that's when I feel like I needed the most help.
I feel like the best mentors are ones that you don't force.
Like you're not like, can you be my mentor?
Like it just naturally happens.
But that's also why I always say like,
fuck with people older than you.
I've always loved having friends older than me.
Cause it's not like an official mentorship,
it's just more like when you ask them questions,
you like respect their answers.
That's why I don't have friends
that are all the same age as you. And then also have younger friends because
they're Junzi correspondence and they keep you cool and then you can help them.
So it's kind of this beautiful like full circle. I love that so much.
Yeah. Also, yeah, so I do Whitney Cummings and she's just like so down to earth.
Like I told her, I was like, you could be such a cunt to me right now.
And she was just laughing. Right. And she was just laughing.
And she was just so cool.
And talking about the most random thing,
she's like, okay, when you shoot your special,
make sure the air conditioning is turned on at this time.
Things that I would never even think of.
Yeah, like little things you would've never known.
Would've known.
And then I even asked her things like,
how nervous were you when you shot your first special?
And I can't just ask anyone that.
She's, but also no one just, it was just really fucking cool.
And I just want to shout out Whitney Cummings
for being just like, people don't talk well enough.
She's a really awesome person.
And I, before I was in comedy, went to this screening
of this movie that you should watch that she directed,
a la Greta Gerwig.
It's like a big thing for a woman to direct something.
And she wrote, it's called The Female Brain.
It's a movie about the female brain.
And it was so good.
And afterwards I went up to her and I was like,
wait, I need to watch it.
She, it's so fucking cool.
And I went up to her and I was like,
thanks for like inspiring women.
I said something corny as fuck.
And then fast forward, I'm like sitting,
talking shit with her about my pussy on her podcast.
And she just had a babe.
It was just so fucking cool.
Because I mean men and women,
but I feel like specifically women sometimes,
like if someone didn't teach us how to do something,
we had to figure it out on our own.
There's almost like something in us that's like,
okay, well you have to do it on your own too,
because no one helped me. Where I feel like I'm it on your own too, because no one helped me.
Where I feel like I'm the opposite,
I'm like, no one helped me, and it was brutal.
Listen to me, take my advice,
you're gonna have a way easier time.
No, I feel the same way.
So I give her a lot of credit
for being very sweet and helpful.
That takes, I think, a strong woman too, in general.
No, honestly, she was so confident.
Like you could tell she wasn't like trying to overcompensate.
Like she literally was just like, girl,
what do you need?
I got you.
And I felt so comfortable with her and I can't explain it.
But it's also like, yeah, it's like,
the patriarchy won against me in certain ways.
And I want to almost use that cheat code
to help a girl like,
it's like it's us against them.
It's not us versus each other.
So it's like, give them the keys.
And also at the end of the day, you could tell anyone what to do.
And they might not listen to you.
Also, you could give them the recipe.
It's not going to taste the same, but like sometimes you see someone,
you see something in them that reminds them of you and you're just like,
you want to protect them a little.
Yeah. And sometimes it's just like motivation.
Like yeah, you could give everyone the tools
to like have a podcast or like be on reality TV.
And yes, it's not gonna be the same
cause they're just like a different person,
but it's also just being able to like talk things out
with someone who's already been through it and like.
Yeah, like you just feel a little understood.
I just think it genuinely is like us versus them
because they want to bring us down.
Yeah.
And they might not say it,
but they are out here trying to kill us.
Our enemies are so fucking out here in these streets.
No, they're like in the room.
So mine's literally in the next room.
And it's called our own brains.
So anyway, to wrap it up, I went to,
then I did two hot takes with Morgan Apshire, who's amazing.
So that's three podcasts already and I'm dead.
And then Tana Mojo and Brooke Schofield,
who are like the ickels of the moment who we love,
they text me and they're like come through.
And I'm like, look, I have to do this.
So I go to their place.
So it's like midnight when I finish podcasting.
I have to wake up in the morning at six a.m.
To go to Reno, because I have a casino show.
So I get there in time, I get on the plane,
and I'm the, it's a small plane and I'm the very first seat.
Which honestly not a great spot because you can't like put stuff
Yeah, it's it's arguably yeah, it's the worst
So and everyone walking in is just like you're like greeting everyone as they walk onto the plane
And I want to be like weird and like I'm like hi welcome. Do you need anything? Do you want water?
Yeah, do you need a water? So the planes getting ready and I've we're on so many planes. We know how it goes
they start kind of like So the plane's getting ready and I've, we're on so many planes, we know how it goes.
They start kind of like chatting a little too much.
That brings up a red flag.
And it's like 9 a.m. at this point.
And I'm so tired, I'm like, please just let me go to sleep.
And then they're like fucking around with the door.
And immediately I'm like, I don't like this,
I don't like this.
But then they're like laughing about how the door,
something's like jammed with the door.
And I start getting annoyed like,
look, this is my first rodeo.
If the door, it's important.
I think the door-
It is arguably one of the most important parts of the plane.
Apparently the door is important.
And then guess who's closest to the door?
Me.
And I don't know if you guys saw that viral video
of like a door just like flew off a plane very recently. So I go, I'm just like not in the mood. And they were't know if you guys saw that viral video of a door just flew off a plane very recently.
So I go, I'm just not in the mood.
And they were like, we have to check if someone
was sitting in that seat.
What?
So I can overhear them.
And they're basically like, yeah, it's jammed.
It's jammed.
And then they're accusing each other,
kind of like, oh, you're not doing it right.
And then the other person tries to do it, and they can't do it.
Then maintenance gets involved.
Now, once maintenance is involved.
You never want the guy and the neon to come on the plane.
Once maintenance is involved, I know for a fact,
there's an 89% chance we're deplaning.
And I'm fighting for my life,
like because I talked for 24 hours straight the day before.
And then the announcer comes on
and it kind of annoys me when at first they're like
joking about it and then 20 minutes later they're like okay we have to deplane. We have to deplane
three hours later but you know what I'd rather wait three fucking hours than get on a plane with
a clockety-clock door that's making a weird noise and then I get sucked out into the air. Even though low key, kind of iconic.
If that's how you go, rather than cheez-its, choking on cheez-its or
hannah flew through the air like an angel.
It's so morbid, like every time me and Craig get on a plane I'm like if this plane goes down do you think your name would go first in the article?
Paige, you are so fucked up.
But it would be your name.
He was like, oh my god, that's fucked up to think obviously you'd be named my girlfriend.
And this is why the Barbie movie was created!
Thank you guys so much for getting with us today.
What a full circle, actually really well done pod we did today.
No, we segwayed the fuck out of the pod.
We segwayed the shit out of this pod.
I'm like, honestly segway is my kink.
Watch Des's special, it's on YouTube,
is actually like his clips are like blowing up
on social media to the point that like,
Let's fucking go.
He's kind of like the viral one in this relationship now.
He has like a different swagger about him,
but like one of his videos has like 10 million views.
I'm so, I'm very, very proud of him
and the special is so fucking good.
And the executive producer was so good on it.
I highly recommend you guys watch.
It's you, isn't it?
Yes, yes.
Also our newsletter is lit.
Paige is gonna put her favorite air tag in the newsletter.
Make sure you subscribe. And we love you guys so, so, so fucking much favorite air tag in the newsletter. Make sure you subscribe.
And we love you guys so, so, so fucking much.
The Geogolers are the best.
And have a good week.