Giggly Squad - Giggling about our first live show, Paris Hilton, and hot pockets

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Paige blacked out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is up my BG is big giggler energy. We're in the same room you guys and this is weird. Talk about weird energy weird energy We are done our day is been weird Let's just say that I didn't hear from page until noon today because we had quite a fun night last night. No Oh my god, okay, so we had our first live show last night and it was I Get why Justin Bieber I I get why Justin Bieber. I get why Justin Bieber was like the high of performing.

Like nothing will ever, it's the best draw. Nothing in life will suffice. Like I get why everything else in his life is depressing. And you were kind of nervous like a week ago. I was so nervous leading up to it until we got to like the venue. Really? Then I was like, I'm not nervous.

You were like, it's funny, you weren't nervous, but we could not get the PowerPoint together. And I was freaking the fun out. We were freaking out. Because they didn't have the right converter for a MacBook, they had a Dell. And I was like, they also, the fuck has a Dell.

What did you say they also roofied me look at that so I'm freaking out because we need the video we have this awesome video in the beginning intro video and it's not playing on the fucking Dell and I'm freaking out and Paige got the makeup and hair for us and she's sitting there checking out the photo she took with her ring light and she's doing amazing and so calm. Cool as a cucumber and she's like, how it's going to be fine. And I'm like, bitch, we have a show to put on in 20 minutes. Like we could hear people in the other room, like waiting to

come in. I was like, it's fine. We'll just do it without it. And I was like, who knows how to use keynote? So I was sweating. Then they figured it out. We converted the keynote to a PowerPoint that then worked with a fucking Dell computer. You know what this is? This is fucking Steve Jobs and Bill Gates big-dicking each other. God forbid we all the same converter. Dude, the trickle-down effect to gigly squad. It's so annoying. It's so- It's so- Anything technical? Anything that has to do with Wi-Fi or electricity confuses me.

You're like, we're creative angels. We? Yeah, like I can't. They started talking about the convertor's n-shut. They brought me out converters. Nothing was plugging in. But it's literally just Apple fucking with us, being with like, if they want to run the world,

so they have a square hole. And... Oh! Same. He's up my whole ass teeth anyway. So again, the green room, we're vibing. We're straight vibing. I blew up the bathroom.

Yeah. Hannah's nervous poops are not a made up thing. It's like you're about to get chased by lion and you shit yourself. Your body's like, we can't have this extra shit. Do you think that you're gonna have one the day of your wedding? I thought you were gonna ask me when I have a baby. I'm definitely gonna shit when I have a baby. Yeah, that's no doubt.

No doubt. What are the statistics on how many women give birth and shit at the same time? Now that we're coming of age to like, if we got pregnant people wouldn't be like, oh no, it's like you're kind of supposed to. Isn't that scary? Like if we got pregnant, no one would be nervous. Well, people would be nervous.

They'll be very nervous. But if nobody had called my mom, I was like, fuck, I fucked up my birth control. And she was like, what this point of you have a kid, you're kind of supposed to. Yeah. Like people are actively trying to have them. No, it is scary.

I had that realization like two years ago where it was like, wow, if I got pregnant, people wouldn't be like, oh my God, what are you gonna do? Like, how are you gonna take care of it? They'd be like, congratulations. And you'd better terrifying. When calling yourself a child bride for the last 29 years. Literally.

I am a child bride. So the day I walked down the aisle, I'm gonna turn to you and be like, is this legal? I'm, I just think, people's bodies react differently. When I get anxiety, I shit myself. And it's like adrenaline. I get adrenaline and my body's like, okay, we can't have any extra food inside us.

That happens to me too, but the other way, I throw up. It's crazy. I started realizing that I had anxiety puking when I was in college. I started having it. And it was because in college, you're going out and you're using a fake ID. And I used to get so nervous to use one. But that was going to get taken. That I was going to get in trouble, like something was gonna happen, so I- They make it feel like you're gonna get arrested

and go to jail for 50 years. Yeah, it's worse in tax evasion, in my opinion, when you're in college. So like I would start, I would be getting ready to go out and I would throw up, and like before I would even drink, and now if I have like a really bad panic attack or something, like I'll throw up. Yeah, so we're doing great

So we're healthy But the show you're in the bathroom for like 40 minutes and everyone's like is she okay? I'm like yeah, she's throwing up. She's fine And you came out and I was like did you throw up and you're like no? Do you want to know what I did in that bathroom? I tell and I couldn't get up Dude, I was so drunk at the end. Okay, here's the other thing. I blacked out on the stage. I got, I think I got roofied.

Literally, they drugged me. But I want people to know, we did a two and a half hour show. And we were nervous, we weren't gonna be able to have enough to talk about for an hour and a half. Yeah, cause we did segments, but we didn't know how long they were gonna last. My agent texted me while, whilst onstage and said,

wrap it the fuck up. She texted both of us wrap the fuck up. One by in a second. It went by in a second. They didn't want to end when we finally were, basically we ordered to spread some artinis. That's how the night started. Yeah.

Which I'm not doing that tonight. Well, you were like, can we have it in our martini glass? And they were like, no, and they brought it in wine glasses. What was I gonna do other than chug it? Anyway, so that was the first thing. Then I drank four of them. Well, you got in stage and you were making fun of me. You were like, Hannah, doesn't it, drank?

I've been drinking your drink. You drank my drink, that drink. I drank the girl in the front row's drink. Halfway through the show, you got tips. Oh, yeah, I was drunk. I will say, our first live show was exactly what our Zoom party was over the summer. A thousand percent, except I didn't fall, but you fell. In the back.

Okay, here's how I fell. I was squatting when I was peeing. You don't touch the butt to the... I don't like to do that. So I'm squatting and I just tipped over. There was a table next to me and I fell into the table. So I'm in the bathroom by myself like laughing but also being like, you're basically working.

Get it together. And then once you fell you were like, I should take a nap. You ran there for 40 minutes. Was I really? No. No, I was 10. No, I was 10. 10.

Then I got home. I didn't even know this. I must have called Craig because I woke up at like 5 a.m. And I never texted him and I was like, oh my God, does he think I died? And so I was like, hey, I just woke up and like 5 a.m. and I never like texted him and I was like, oh my god. Does he think I died? And so I was like, hey, I just woke up and throwing up everywhere. And he was like, yeah, you were so fucked up on the phone last night. And I like didn't remember that we spoke. And he was like, you said you were going to the bathroom that you'd call me back and you just never called me back.

This was like 11.30. This wasn't even like 9.30. Yeah, this is like, yeah, 11.30 p.m. I fell asleep. I woke up at 5 a.m. And when I tell you, I was projectile vomiting for hours, like every hour on the hour, I would have to get up and throw up until what time is that two o'clock? I just stopped throwing up like two hours ago.

So what we're trying to say is get tickets to our tour. It's fucking crazy. I actually got a text like that. I texted you, I was like, come to breakfast with me and my mom. If you're up, you texted me like two hours later, like I can't move. And your agent texted me and said, hey, I'm going to take care of Paige. And I go, that's take care of Paige.

Just weird what's going on. And then you were like, it's S-O fucking ass. Yeah, it's not good over here. Paige's agent got an IV drip. Yeah, not only did she get, okay, I texted her. Like she was literally my mom. I was like, hey, I'm throwing up everywhere. Can someone please bring me a gatorade to my hotel?

And she came with like all of this medicine, she cleaned my whole, like we're staying in these like apartment things, she cleaned the whole apartment. She was like, okay, your IV lady is coming at 12.30 and now I'm back and better than ever. So, I've never felt better. The live show though, the energy of the giglers was so insane.

It's having everyone meet in person, like of the giglers was so insane. It's having everyone meet in person, like made me so happy. And I love that people were bringing their boyfriends. Oh my God, so many boyfriends were brought and shot on. Yeah. I'm trying, I tried to quit gigley squad to a religion because you know, we're trying to do this cult thing.

Like it takes a while to start a cult though. But I was like, What's it called when you like- Subliminal like- Yeah, that's a dangling thing. I just- I'm just- I'm just-

I'm just- Like you're a patron. Bye, dick. So basically, I was like, guys, Giggly Squad is like a church where we all believe in the same thing, giggling. And you're saying- You're saying it on stage? I said this on stage, you're black out. I go, you know how church,

you say, peace be with you and also with you, to someone you don't know. You guys need a turn to someone you don't know and say, giggles be with you. Where was I? Literally right next to me. Right next to me. Halfway through, I was like,

I'm getting drunk with my friends. That's literally, okay, but that's how it was doing the same thing. Yeah, that's how it felt. It felt like we were all friends and this was like our college reunion. Yeah. That's what it felt like. That's what it fucking felt.

I was like, if I was in a sorority, this is what it feel like. Yeah. So everyone was like saying hi to people and I, somebody was like, how do I make friends? And I'm like, literally, we are all your friends. So this tour we're about to go on is about connecting every giggler and

to unite through the art of giggling. Oh, we can announce our next show. Do you know where they are? No. Okay, our show is coming up late January, early February, going to be Seattle, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. Wow. One less coast, baby. We're starting west coast. Tickets will be on sale eventually, so just keep an eye out, so that's exciting.

So our first one is in Seattle, then we go to LA, then San Francisco, that's so exciting. And then of course, we'll come back to the East Coast and obviously we're gonna do something in New York, obviously. But also Sierra came. Dude, I didn't even, okay, here's the other thing. When you're on stage, you can't really see the crowd because it feels like burnt by the bright lights. So you can't really see anyone's faces.

I could only see that one table in the front. Which she was sitting at. Yeah, I was drunk. Yeah. No, I was. So Sarah showed up. We didn't know she was showing up. She surprised us.

Then we started to lose you. Yeah. We did a Q&A, and that's when it got wild. Do you remember Charles? No. Charles was running around giving a room. Oh, yeah, yes, yes, yes. So Charles worked for the club when he was running.

I was like, Charles, pick the next gig live. Oh, yeah. And then we had, I don't want to get too much of it, because I want people to come. Remember when we had Daniel bring us our mallets? Yes, we had mallets. Daniel. And we basically brought on boyfriends,

slash fancy, slash husbands to find out if all men are trash. And I would say something, the gigglers have good pickers. Like, say, they fucked up our segment. Yeah, they fucked up our segment. We thought these men were going to be straight trash. And they were probably the nicest guys out there. Like, adorable. Adorable.

Trey was adorable. Trey the third. So he had money. He was wearing his hat backwards so I'm like, I'm gonna destroy this man. And then when he said, as he was Trey, we were like, you're done. You're done.

Trey with the backwards hat ends up being a fucking angel catch. And I started off and I was like, have you ever been to Mekonos? Now, Paige, do you think of a guy's been to Mekonos? He's a trash bag douchebag. Yes. He gets... Tray goes, I don't even know where Mekonos is.

And I was like, bless your soul. Bless your adorable little heart. And then tell them what he said about the therapy question. I said, do you go to therapy and he goes, no, but I definitely, and I'm working on it. And we were just like, get off the stage and go marry that girl. Like, they were engaged, right? Yeah, and then I go, do you love your mom? And he's like, yes.

And I go, how much? And he goes, didn't he say not more than? Oh, yeah, he goes not more than my fiance. Yeah, which was, okay. You're just passing perfect. You're perfect. You're perfect. We did not ask how old they were. They looked young.

He was a baby. He was like 25. Yeah, they looked young. They did invite us to their wedding at the end and you did say yes. That was, do you want to know something crazy? I've been getting invited to a lot of weddings

that I don't know, people, I don't know them. I got an invitation the other day that was addressed to me, and I genuinely had to look at both of the names and was like, yeah, I don't know these people. I was like, am I forgetting my friend, Jenna? Do I have a friend, Jenna? I had a friend from college,

and I might be who I haven't spoken to in a long time. I don't think I know anyone who's getting married in Ohio. We were talking about my bachelor party yesterday. And I'm kind of in between doing like a weekend, but like part of me is like, I don't want to make my friends. Okay, let me do a really set the scene for the gigglers so they know what your bachelor ideas. Hannah called me and she was like,

I think I just wanna do like one night away for like my bachelor at. And I was like, Hannah, that's crazy. We're doing a whole weekend, like we're gonna have so much fun. What do you wanna do? Where do you wanna go? And she was like, I wanna go basically glamping

at like an animal farm. And I was like, yep, one night seems like that'll do it. That'll be good. We'll do that for one night. What in the actual thought of? I'm envisioning simple life. But I'm trying to convince her to go to Austin, Texas because Nashville's done.

It's over. Really Nashville's over. Everyone's going to Austin because it's weird. But I want to do something different. I want to do an animal petting zoo with my friends. I mean you said not a five-year-old's birthday I'm a child bride Like you're like okay, and now we're all gonna ride ponies But you said you're like can I take a photo with a goat and I was like a hundred percent you're like final figure it out

I'll talk to my people because also Craig thinks that I deep down don't like animals. Yeah. So anything to prove to him that like, I like animals. I actually thought about that for some reason recently being like, Craig page doesn't like animals. And that is why deep, deep, deep down, I can never trust you. Okay, I don't not like animals.

You literally won't post your own dog on your InstaStory. And that is sick. You need to get it done. No, I don't not like animals. I love animals. I love dogs. And whatever else, like people have his pets. I love them just not near me. I just don't care about other people's.

And I also don't like dogs that shed. And I don't like petting a dog and then smelling like it. So if I don't know you and your dog, and I don't know what's going to happen when I pet it, I'm not going over to it. You're going to love cats when I eventually come into you get a cat. I know. You know, they're the cleanest animals. They lick themselves every day to clean themselves. Like they are, they smell like a flower. I just have a real hard time believing that. The people's like how to smell like maple syrup.

Okay, here's the other thing though. I don't know if I'm down with the litter box because okay, let's just talk this out. They step in the litter box, they do their business, but they're standing in the litter box. Then when they jump out of the litter box, they do their business, but they're standing in the litter box. Then when they jump out of the litter box, is there a litter that's just tracked throughout the home? No. So in the litter box, they then cover their stuff.

They hide it. They're very clean animals. They want to act like they didn't just take a shit. Like I would never. Yeah. Even though it's like, we heard you. And they're like, what? That wasn't me. They'll jump out depending on the litter box if it's wide open like it could fling But there's a lot of litter boxes where it's just a hole they go in and out and they're fine and then You you can clean it out and it it becomes one big cluster

Okay, okay people with dogs literally put a bag and like when I first I was like no Hell to the fucking out you feel the texture of the shit in your hands. I mean I would never I would never That's honestly why I have not gotten a dog in New York City because when I'm not getting up to walk it at 6 a.m To go pee. No get your shit together. You figure out dogs in New York City is like having a full-on child Yeah, you just can't and I'm not like picking up their shit on the side of the wall. Does Craig want a pet? Craig does want a pet. I've been like trying to convince him to get a dog, but he's like, we travel way too much. We could never have a dog. He does kind of want a cat.

Wait, that makes me so angry. I know. But he was like, I've like lived, he's like lived with girlfriends before who've like, have had cats and he's like, but they like their litter sometimes would like end up in the bed and I was like, and that's a no for me dog. No, no, no. The meeting at a better litter box,

I've never had litter in my bed. So I think I'm gonna trick him this weekend to going and like looking at them because I know for a fact he can't walk in and then not leave with one. Yeah. So it'll be like easy. It's kind of just like what day I decide that we should go look at them. You should go find like a good like shelter.

Do you know that in Charleston they have a cat cafe? Wait. I know. You have to come down. You know whenever I travel for my stand-up shows I find the cat cafe. I know. You have to come down to come. You know whenever I travel for my standup shows, I find the cat cafe in the local area. Stop.

I've been thinking about cats a lot recently. And I either want like a white fluffy one, like a snowball, you know. Or I want like the ones where I want an all black one that people are like scared of. The thing with all black ones is they have amazing personalities. Like they're known to be the friendliest nicest, but because society said they're spooky,

they get adopted the least, because they think they're like bad luck. I'm getting an all black cat done. I want them to have like green eyes. I mean, you are speaking my fucking language right now. People in Charleston are gonna be so weirded out when I'm just like at Craig's house with my all black cat and my all black outfit.

So I'm gonna be like, who is this girl that he's dating in the neighborhood? The neighborhood is gonna be scared of me. Put a spell on the south. I'm like, don't look at my cat. Don't look at me. I'm like, how did we get here? Well, I think Craig and I are getting a cat this weekend.

I've just decided. That's my actual dream to get another cat. Well, I think Craig and I are getting a cat this weekend. I've just decided. That's my actual dream to get another cat. Does won't let me. Here's the thing too. Okay, if Craig got a cat and it lived in Charleston, I would also want the cat to know that I was his mom. And I would want to take it to New York sometimes.

The cat will know. But when it's a baby, you want to spend a lot of time with it. Yeah, I need to carve out two weeks. You need to gain their trust early. And then they will fuck with you for life. I know if I didn't see Butter for six years, and I went into Room Butter would be there. Is my fucking bitch where the fuck have you been?

How dare you? I want a kitty. Yeah, I want it to be a kitty first. Yeah. But if you travel with it early, the cat will get used to it. Like literally from the beginning, you just want to hold the cat a lot to the cat gets used to being held.

And they like being held. Pet it a lot. Like, you just socialize the shit out of it in the beginning. And then it literally is just your little baby for a ball that loves you and no one else. I wanna name it elephant or pickles. Okay, I like pickles don't love elephant. Don't love when people name pets other animal names,

like bear. Everyone names their dog bear. Yeah, I don't like that. What happened to like, I feel like Ravioli or something? I know, I don't like that. What happened to like, I feel like Ravioli or something. I know, I don't know. I just feel like the cat would be like, fuck you. Oh, but pickles, the cat would be like, perfect.

I'm definitely a pickles. I actually also really like when people name their dogs, like human names. Like, if you're just like Frank, get over here. Like, I think that's hilarious. I like it because then when you're talking, you're like, oh Frank, shout on the bed again. People think it's your boyfriend. Frank ate a bird, then shout it out.

But also when you have an animal, it helps you forget all of your problems. And in that moment, you know the animal doesn't care the animal is just so happy you're there with it. And it's really peaceful. I was like, I feel like it's like an anxiety reliever. You know cats lower your blood pressure from petting them. Yeah, I need that.

Anyway, blood pressure is so weird. And like when you puke, the cat could puke also. That is... That is so wonderful. That is wonderful. I'm like, wow, I'm a cat because they're just like, oh, it was just a hair ball, don't worry about it. I actually was talking to Sierra about this,

because we love cats, and that's what we talk about 90% of the time. And we both had a hot moment where we were like, page is a cat. Yeah, you literally am. You don't like to hang out with other people, and you definitely don't like to be like pet unless or hugged or touched unless you're in the mood

friends. But if you're in the mood for it, you're like, give me all of it, but then you're like, okay, stop, I'm done. Yeah, I want attention, attention, attention, then get away from it. Yeah, and then when you eat and drink too much, you puke like it's literally... Yeah, literally. And you'll scratch people when you... Yeah.

With your thumbnails. Greg will be like, where have you been for four hours? I'm like, don't worry about it. Buy myself. And cats, all they want to do is nap with you. when you with your thumbnails. Greg will be like, where have you been for four hours? I'm like, don't worry about it. Buy myself. And the cats, all they want to do is nap with you. Like when you go to nap, cats are like, this is my or cats like, turn all.

They act like crachets from like 2 a.m. to like 5 a.m. but you're asleep and they're like living their best life. I love that because I stay up late. Oh yeah, like, like your cat when you're watching Netflix will be like, what are we watching? Line X, you are petting it, watching Netflix. Yeah, I'm getting a cat. You have to.

The thing with dogs is I love dogs, but sometimes they're just like too fucking much. Like you know the person at the party that you're like that person's so fun, but I don't wanna be with them 24-7. Yeah. That's how I feel about dogs. Like you know when you come home and you're like,

okay I don't need to fucking play with you all fucking day. Yeah, sometimes I'm like, okay, throw your own toy. Okay. I'm tired. I'm tired. Dogs are like, hey, what's up? What's up? You want to fun?

Yeah, and I'm like, okay, we got it. We got it. Come the fuck down. I know your experience. My dog actually acts like a cat. Yeah. Well, we've spent more time talking about a cat I know your ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex I think my favorite moment was when we first walked out. That was insane. Like, you know, there's probably like 300 people. It felt like we were in Madison Square Garden. Yeah, no, I literally, I was Kevin Hart at last night. You aren't just Tina Bieber.

Yeah, I literally am. I was like, this is crazy. Like the energy and just, I don't know. I also, we forget that you guys know us so well. Like when people were asking questions, it felt like I was talking to someone who's my friend. Like they just know you and they're talking to you. Like yeah, I fucking talk to you every week.

Right, right, that is crazy. Especially because it was born in such a weird time that we were laying in bed when we did our lives. So it wasn't out of, let's do something fun. It was out of deep depression and survival. Like, what we have is stupid laughter. Literally, it was the only thing I looked forward to during the day. We acted like we were, I mean, I do stand-up shows

in the city during the week for like 20, 30, 40 people. We had 5,000 to 10,000 people every night. Like we were doing full performance. Yeah, and like didn't even know it. Sometimes I feel like me being delimuncer in things saves me a lot of anxiety. Because like if you really sat and thought about like, okay, there's 10,000 people watching me, right now you would be nervous, but like it never even crossed my mind.

Do you remember before the show last night, I was like, page, there's 300 people out there. Think of how many people watch your end of story. A lot more than that. And you were like, oh easy peasy, let's fucking go. Yeah, honestly, that calmed me down so much. But I feel like I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, yeah, dead. And then we got a little too comfortable on page blacked out. Yeah, but it was fun. It was super fun.

Literally, it was like being at the club with like 300 of my closest friends. It was like being at the club and someone gave me the mic and you were like, let's fucking go. What the fuck is that? I was like, people actually paid to watch me get blacked out. Yeah. I met Jim Gaffigan.

When? Do you know Jim Gaffigan is? Of course, I love him. I love Jim Gaffigan.? Of course. I love him. I love Jim Gaffkin. I think he's one of the funniest comedians. You want to know why he, I think he's so great too. You know when you're like with your family or something and like you want to watch a stand up but you're like, they're going to talk about like sex or drugs or like anger like

this is going to be weird. So you just can't. Jim, everyone loves that. We'd be in the car and we'd put him in Jim Gaffkin, a whole family lesson. So Jim Gaffkin rolls into a bar and I'm like, oh my God, it's Jim Gaffkin. And he comes, it was, we were waiting to go on a show.

He's really tall, right? He's tall. And he basically what happens at the stand where I play, like I was about to go on, celebrities will drop in to just do a practice set. So like Kevin Hart will drop in Jerry Seinfeld, whatever, so he drops him and he kinda looks at me. And there was like a bottle of water and a glass and he was like, can I drink this?

And I was like, yeah, and I pour him the water. Like I just like, I don't know what I was thinking. Like all of a sudden became a waitress. I became a waitress. I pour him the water and then I was like, yeah, and I pour him the water. Like, I just like, I don't know what I was thinking. All of this then became a waitress. I became a waitress. I, yeah, I work here. Pour him the water and then I'm like, that's weird. Why'd you pour him that? You want me to work here?

She doesn't even go here. Yeah. So he's drinking the water and he's kind of like, asking me about the show. We're like actually having a discussion. Wait, where were you? At the stand. Okay.

So then at that point, I'm like, okay, I'm besties, which I'm Gaffkin, time to open up. And I go, I just want to let you know your hot pocket bit raised me. I don't know that one, but I'm gonna look it up after this. And he responds and he goes, so you're calling me an old fat fuck. And I was like, oh my God. I start laughing. Because I didn't expect that to come out of Jim Gaffkin's mouth. Yeah. But I guess he sees me basically been like, oh it raised me and I guess I'm fucking old. So he thought He's like, why are you just insulted? Then I start laughing and then I was like, oh my god

I have to tell the gig where is that Jim Gaffigan? Red my ass There's one specific bit that I remember when I was younger listening to it with my dad And it was about like fresh cracked pepper. Really? Yeah, and that is what raised me. I'm gonna fuck this bit up, but he basically is like the person who we supposed to come up with a theme song

for hot pockets, definitely fucked up. Like they were definitely without drinking all night, showed up to work, and they were like, Jim, what'd you get for the hot pocket slogan? And he was like, uh, hot pockets, and they were like perfect Jim, what did you get for the hot pockets slogan? He was like, uh, hot pockets. You're like, perfect. And then he talked, he goes and deep about hot pockets.

He's like, the inside has to be either be lava hot, so your whole tongue burns off or just cold. And just put it, ask for it with a side of toilet paper, because you could just put it straight in the toilet. At the time, I thought that was a funny shit that like ever happened. Honestly, I always forget about hot pockets. Did you eat hot pockets as a kid? No.

I didn't. I ate them more in college. Really? Good for you. Like a drunk snack. Yeah, literally burns. At the top of your mouth, your whole inside. But the ice cold in the middle.

Yeah. You have to open it first before you eat it Wow, now I'm really in the mood for hot pocket. You haven't eaten anything today, but I have an eaten in 48 hours because I literally Throw everything up. I was in Mexico for a week. How was that? I am farting chalikeles every second. You love Mexican food. I actually googled what a detox cleanse. Oh my god.

Have you ever done a detox cleanse? I have like fake dumb dumb. Because my mom's like a nutritionist and she just was like, that should is all fake. Like you just lose the waterway and they're gonna get it right back. I did like a set, no, I definitely don't do seven days. I did like a four day no sugar. Oh my God. Cause you were a bitch during that.

No, I did a full, my ex made me do a full fucking two weeks of no sugar, no carbs, no dairy. And I will say, I felt amazing. Like I woke up every morning at 6am, like ready to take on the dye. I craved the one thing I did craved throughout the entire two weeks, and they're like your cravings go down.

But I craved a chocolate chip cookie for days. And I remember he like went in and let me eat. And like, eat one. Yeah. I was like, what were you eating? Nothing. Did they send you meals? Yeah, it was like a meal thing.

So you had like a lunch and a dinner and a snack. And then for breakfast, I think that you, there were like smoothies and like hard boiled eggs. I guess if you have an event coming up but like that stuff is never like long term sustainable. No, you definitely can't live no sugar, no carbs, no dairy. That's terrible. But it does, it's supposed to like reset your gut

and like your digestive system, which it definitely helps. I'm trying to figure out what gut health actually is and if or if it's bullshit. Yeah, like a probiotic prebiotic because I've been listening to my gut and it does always work. Just took me a second. Is it my gut or is it anxiety? I smell so bad. I didn't want to say anything. Can you smell me?

No, wow. Oh my god, it's a rancid. I've been like sweating since like 5am and vomiting. Yeah, you've been having like vomit sweats. It's like a meat sweats. Well, you did order three cheese steak sandwiches. Did you eat that last night? It was so late.

I was too tired. Is that mine still on the refrigerator? I think we should go and not. Yeah, we should have it. Is it good cold? Like the bread and the... Oh no, it's fucking late. So yeah, you...

When in Philly. You know, you got home and you were like, come, I have something for you and you gave me my sandwiches. Wow, I'm so nice when I'm drunk. What do we have for FPN? Let's talk about Paris Holtens three day wedding. And did you get any ideas?

And are you also gonna have a neon party? I like couldn't really follow it. It was chaotic energy for me. Like they were just doing random posts, but I guess she was doing like people mag and like it was very, I think she did a whole vlog. She did a whole vlog. I lost track because I thought the first one was the wedding and then I realized it wasn't.

I'm going to say something and this might be an unpopular opinion. I didn't love her dresses. I thought it was like, okay. You thought it was cool. I love her. I've always loved her. It's very L.I. Is that what it is? I think it's very, I was in like, like Ariana Grande, her wedding.

I was like, that's cool. Yeah, like that's inspirational. Where Paris, like it's Glitz and glam and it was Paris. It was very Paris. But I personally wasn't like, oh, I could, I'm like, that, I'll do the opposite. I liked her first dress. I liked the, like, I'll do the opposite. I liked her first dress. I liked the like Lacey, whatever. And they had pictures where it was like her mom

wore something similar, her sister wore something similar. So it seemed like a tradition. And I thought that was nice. But like her short dress for the reception and then she had another long dress for the reception. I was just like, eh, like your pairs, Hilton, you could literally get anything made and where any designer you could get whatever your vision was. But she did say,

she wrote a really nice Instagram post. And it was like, she was like, ever since I was little, like I've dreamt of my dream wedding. And this is exactly what I dreamt of. Wow. And you're running as your day. It's whatever you want it to be. And she was like, I could not imagine like the person that I was going to marry. And like it's so much, he's so much better

than like anything I had envisioned. It was really nice. And I feel like no one knows anything about it. No, which I kind of thought was, I don't even know his name. Yeah, no one cares. I'm like, I don't care. She didn't even tag him in the photo. She goes, whatever your name is, I fucking love you.

Mr. Perricilton. I feel like if you have so many different parties, it all gets fucking confusing. I almost feel like I'd rather her have done like, one fucking magical night go off and like pick that one fucking so incredible gown and that's like iconic that people, like Haley Bieber. Like everyone remembers her gown in that moment.

But also this is like for a PR type wedding. Here's the only debate I will put forth. Mm-hmm. Here's the only debate I will put forth. The reason I like the idea of a rehearsal dinner, Thursday, a little drink situation Friday, and then a wedding Saturday. I like the multiple events, because when it comes time for the actual wedding,

people that don't know each other, I want them to vibe. Wow. Like I went to a wedding a couple of years ago and it was in my Orca and it was easily the most fun wedding ever because like the three days before the wedding, you were with all of the other guests, like doing these cool, like we took a boat out one day, like we had this like crazy big dinner one night, and you get to know people, and they sat us with the same people we would be at the table

with at the wedding. So it was like we all read, even if we didn't know each other, like we all met and had so much fun. Last night at the show, when I said we were paracinacone and someone said which ones which and I was offended. We yelled at her. We were like, do you even fucking watch, Giggly Squad? Listen to the pod. It was fun though at one point. I was like, who's the page in the French? And people were like, and I was like, who's the Hannah? There was a way more Hannah's. You know what? that fucking surprised me.

But then I realized I feel like you're aspirational. Well, the pages, the page of the friendship isn't like one to like scream out of that. The Hannah's were like, yeah, the pages were like stop. The pages were like, this is a room I make up if I yell too much. Like, I rather not smile, but I'm happy to be here. But the Paris wedding was beautiful over the top, so her. So her. I kind of wish, you know, she used to be dazzle side-kicks.

I wish she did that to address. I think that Paris is honestly, I've always thought this, one of the prettiest people in Hollywood. Like I just think her face is so pretty. Because she's kept her face. Cause like her face is unique. You see her face and you're not like, which Instagram model is that? You're like, that's Paris.

She's my conic face. She really is. And I think she has great hair. What do you think about Paul Rudd being the sexist man alive? Did we have that? I'm not confessing. Do you remember we talked about a skin being so good. He should send us a thank you. I

just realized in like a couple of years ago that the sexiest man alive makes no fucking sense. There's no vote. Like it's not a big size. Who decides this shit? Is it the hot pocket guy? You just woke up in the morning like, oh, Paul, what? No, it's literally, whoever has the best publicist. That's great. I feel like Lil Nas actually be sexist man alive. You love him.

I love him. He's gay though. He will never date you. Yeah, but he still can be sexist man alive. Also, I feel like sexiest man alive. It's so millennial. Like, I feel like the Gen Zs would be like, what? Yeah, no. Also, no feel like the Gen Zs would be like, what?

Also, no one cares about it. Yeah. I've pulled Rudd alone. I feel like he doesn't even want it. He looked great though. He did look great. He looked great. He looks great.

Okay, so Kendall Jenner went to a friend's wedding in Miami. She was in the wedding. Bella was in the wedding. Haley attended the wedding, Bella was in the wedding, Haley attended the wedding, and the bridesmaid's dresses, it was on the beach, so the bridesmaid's didn't wear shoes, which I don't like that. Like I hate everything about that.

Like a beach wedding on the beach, I don't like that. I don't vibe with that at all. I don't know why, is that rude? I mean, I'm planning a beach wedding, but it's okay. You're not getting married on the beach. Are you wearing shoes? Yeah. Okay. We'll do like rugs or some shit. Yeah. Please. Yeah. I'm sure the sand is hard for you. Okay. Hard in the sand. I just don't like. I'm not. It's just about my personality. It's a little windy. I'm like if I have my fucking hair in my face for every photo and be so pissed

Yeah, there's a lot of like factors. Yeah, and what if it rains no, I know I'm I also told them There's something intimate about being in a space and being in like a wide open like beach to me like isn't as intimate So I can't hear What you can't hear. What? You can't hear. No. No. No. No.

We're stupid. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Unlike Kenny. Like I feel like Kenny's always the one who like she loves modeling, but she's,

I feel like I could see Kylie doing this, I could see Kim doing this. I feel like Kendall was always like, I have social anxiety on the back. Yeah, like I don't need to, whatever, like be the center of attention. So the reception she changes her dress into, literally this bl-

I mean she wasn't wearing a dress. It was literally just like blackened it. Yeah, like a bandage dress. It was like a bondage dress that was missing the bondage part. Yeah, that started like from her chest all the way to her stomach. And I like my only thought was like as the bride, you're already having Kendall Jenner, Haley Bieber,

and Bella Hadid at your wedding. Like everyone's going to be looking at them. And then Kendall walks in with this dress, I'd be like, bitch, go change. Like, that's so rude. I think that's so rude. But then obviously, the girl is getting married as used to having them as her friends.

And maybe she does not care. Like, clearly, she doesn't want the attention that they want. But I wonder who told her, like, this is a good idea. But for all we know, the bride was like, go off this, like you look amazing. Yeah. I think, I mean, I think she looked great and the dress was cool.

And Hayley, but like, okay, Hayley, I feel like did it right. She was just in like a simple, like long dress of sequins. But their girls change out of their bridesmaid dresses? I don't think Bella did. Because like the bridesmaid dress was cute. And it was cute. I think it was cute.

It was like a pale, blue baby. I want the people in my wedding to look fucking gorgeous. Are you doing doing black tie? No. It's like a beach wedding, so it's like five, like whatever you want. But I want everyone to be loving their outfit, like proud to shit, like taking great photos. And me to be like, oh my god, look at all these people who like tried hard to look good in my wedding.

You know? Mine is definitely black tie, not optional. Yeah. So it's just a thin line between like I want you guys to look great, but like still don't look too great. Right. Which is like fucked up. I think about it all the time.

Like I honestly, every time I look at like if someone's gone to a wedding and like post it on Instagram, I always look at like, what people wore to the wedding to be like, is that appropriate or not? And one of my girlfriends DM to me, one of our friends that like got married a couple of months ago. Honestly, I could have been a year ago at this point, but I still think about it.

And one of the girls that was like attending the wedding, she had this like, dress on and my girlfriend like de-embed it to me and she was like, if you ever wore this to my wedding, I would be so pissed at you. And I was like, how did we just get into a fight about a wedding that I wasn't at? You're not engaged and like, I didn't wear that dress. Like we got into a legitimate fight. I was like, I don't think it's that bad.

And she was like, but I do think like, I want, if you're coming to my wedding in your single, like I want you to find love, like I want you to fuck one of Desi's cousins, like I want you to look hot as shit. Does that really happen at weddings? Like I've never been to a wedding as a single person and saw someone and been like, yeah.

I think it does, because everyone just gets drunk and starts flirting with everyone because love is in there. And the single people, especially in the bridal parties, you're like, okay, which groomsmen are single, which bridesmaids are single? I don't think I've ever, I've never been to a wedding

single, like without my family being at the wedding. I went to one wedding where I was single as a bridesmaid and there's vibes going on. Yeah, it's like when you see a guy your age in the airport, you're like all being you, but like not outside the airport. Yeah. Airport crushes.

No, it's such a thing. Whatever you see someone. What have you seen someone remotely your age or like are we gonna fuck? And like if they're also sitting in first class, airport crushes. No, it's such a thing. Whatever you see someone remotely your age, you're like, are we going to fuck? And like if they're also sitting in first class, you're like, um, okay, you know the model Emily did an auto. Yes. Her husband on a flight. Yep, which is my literal nightmare to talk to someone on a flight. I've never talked to anyone on a plane.

I know even people you know, but they sat down, hit it off, realized they lived in the same neighborhood. Third, literally the cutest couple ever, and she's about to have a baby. She's about to have a baby. She's also the prettiest pregnant person I've ever seen in my life. She's one of the prettiest people I've ever met.

I'm actually like, we met her. She's also one of the nicest. Yeah, so nice. And she has very informative videos. Like she talks really openly about like body image mental health and I kind of love it from someone who's literally the hottest person ever I love the normal human to her Instagram stories. She could do a ASMR. You know what we love her because she's telling me that's me honest Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, the way Something about her. What is it something feels nice about her?

Next we have Lindsay Lohan. How am I running front page news right now? It's because we've had it fucking night, you guys. I've been vomiting. What do you think about Lindsay Lohan acting in a Christmas movie? I love it. America loves to come back. I thought that she was for sure gonna be on like

Real Housewives of Dubai, but the fact that she's doing a Netflix also, here's the other thing. Those Netflix Christmas movies, half of them are absolute trash. Yeah. So it's almost like low expectations and they do great. They do great. Like they kill it every single year. Like I watched one, also Craig like watches Christmas movies like not like all year round. Wait, why? Yeah, he's one of those people. Does he like play Christmas music all of that? Um, yeah.

Like he loves Christmas. So like when we first started dating, I remember, I like fell asleep on the couch and I woke up at like 2 a.m. And he was like up and he was like so excited that I woke back up and he was like, do you wanna watch a Christmas movie? And I was like what? Like okay. And we ended up watching this Vanessa Hutchins one that was so bad. Was it the one where she has like a twin or something? Vanessa Hutchins, I feel like the guy

like went back in time. She's like killing it for like the young kids who want to watch a shitty movie. Yeah. And I don't know. Netflix, Christmas movies just don't really do it for me, but they do great. Because I was worried, this is a lot of pressure if you fuck up a Christmas movie, people get really angry at you. But what you're saying is true, it just feel good.

It's so hard to fucking out. It's like an ares in the movie. I'm happy she didn't do real house housewives of Dubai because remember she had a reality TV show and I like don't think it went well. Well, she is the victim of crazy parents. I love her too. I've always loved her. I even linked her MTV show. You know what, I had a good experience with Dean Allohan. Did you? I was not an event in the Hamptons.

Back when I was dating, Jazzy, boy. Yep, in Bridget Hampton. And I was at some like event. And I spilled on my dress as I do. And she came up to me. I think I was wearing a scarf, and I was trying to cover it up. And she goes, this is how you should wear it And she made the scarf like cover the stain

She goes I always used to do this with my daughter and then walked away and I was like what the fuck? Just oh my god. She was nice. She's pretty tail. Yeah, she's gorgeous Side note speaking of actors. I went in a dark hole yesterday on the Amtrak Googling what's going on with Taylor Blotner. Oh, okay, just got engaged. He's got engaged, but I was like, well, I'm Taylor. He's dating like a normie. She's a nurse and...

She saves lives. She saves lives, and I love that she's like a normal person and not famous. Well, he used to date every single person that he would start a movie in, which I get. I get, but it also gets to point where it's like, okay, what's, is it just a PR move every time? I feel like it's because you spend so much time with them that like, and you'll be romantic on that becomes your normal like day to day is always

being with them. So I get that like you could fall in love on a movie set. When I was 16 years old, I filmed a commercial for a James Patterson book. And I had to make out with the guy in it. And I fell in love with him. I feel like I told the giggler's this story, but I literally looked at my mom. And I was like, I get white Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt fell in love on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Sam. She was like, it's literally a two day shoot,

and you're 16. And I was like, I love him. I don't take that. I don't take that. No, you're right. Because there's also a romanticism in it. And it's like hot and the lights and the camera. And you're like, this is a dream.

This is a romance novel. How do you feel that they have the same name and they're both gonna be Taylor Lautner? Well my good friend Taylor Strecker is with another Taylor and she's not happy about it, that they are kind of stealing their Tay Squared Shine. Did they, either of them change their last name though? No, no. I would do have to say it's so fucking annoying

when you're trying to talk about them because I'll be like Taylor and they go which one and I'm like Tay and they're like yeah which one and I'm like Tay Tay and they're like yeah which one and I'm like yeah that would get. Tay number one like I know which one and I'm like what is your name was Des. Oh I actually kind of really like that for a girl. You love a boy's name for a girl. I know a girl I know a girl named Deseret and everyone calls her Des. That's cute. That's really cute.

So anyway. I did it, my name was Craig. You're big Craig. So. Also, like the fact that Shep named his dog Little Craig annoyed me because I'm like, how do you guys talk about stuff? But I guess that's a joke that they'll be like, oh, Craig puked on the couch again. No, real Craig, not Little Crack.

But Taylor Lautner used to be an ad. Maybe when I get my cat, I'll name it Hannah. Little Hannah? So anyway, I'm very into this Taylor Lautner thing and you don't care about it, but I'm telling you he was a child act really successful, got Twilight and then like hasn't been in a movie since have you noticed? He was in that Valentine's Day movie with Taylor Swift and dated her during it, but apparently it was bad. Were you a werewolf or a vampire? Oh, I was Robert Pattison all fucking saying.

Where were you? I never took a side. I never took a side because I was just like, Robert Pattison's one of my top crushes. No way. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't think that he's like generic to me.

Do you know his personality though? No. If you YouTube is interviews like he's British and just like swaway. I always forget he's British. Where's he? Who's he dating? Oh, remember when he was dating Kristen Stewart who also just got engaged to a girl. Wow.

Yeah. So I think I missed that whole time when she I stopped really like checking up on her after I feel like her and what's his name again? Robert Pant. Robert. But I feel like people were mad at her after like they were like blaming her for cheating or something. Oh yeah. People got mad at her and it's like let's she cheated on him with like the director of whatever movie she was filming at the time And I think he was also married let her live

Well her liver damn life. She was figuring shit out She broke up a family I'll say that when does has a mistress. I was like let her figure it out. No people are it's really sticking that I'm his second wife And that he's my second husband. Like, it's stuck. People don't know, but they just know it's. I love it. We aren't each other's first loves.

I have to shower. I literally reek. You guys, Paige has to shower. I have to decide what I'm going to wear tonight because I have no fucking clue. We have to get our hair and makeup done and then we have to do another show. We love you guys so much.

And thanks for giggling with us. Yes, thank you for giggling with us. Yes, thank you for giggling with us, and we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.