Giggly Squad - Giggling about perineum tanning, pregnancy planning, and bad skincare products

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

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I'm in the day just got away from me. Ciao my gaba ghoul, giggler! Bonjour, no. Bonjour, no. Do you speak Italian now? I was just gonna say, if I knew a little bit more Italian, other than good morning, good evening, and good night,

and like, bye, I would move here, and I wouldn't come back. I've seen you in a lot of different places over the last couple of months, and you really look at home right now. I just feel like I'm in a robe. I'm in my hotel. I'm looking out at the right now. I just feel like I'm in a robe. I'm in my hotel. I'm looking out at the Mediterranean Sea.

Like, is this the meta? Did you start a mafia that you're leading? I feel like I have. I feel like I would move to Milan and I would just be a fashion blogger there, you know? But like part time because the other time would be eating cheese. Eating, yeah.

Can I tell you something? Not one time on this trip, have I had explosive diarrhea for meeting too much cheese? Not one time have I felt bloated. I actually think I've lost weight. So you're saying we're not the problem. We're not the problem. We're not the problem.

Also my mom told me that she like read this thing, but she could also totally could have made this up. That like, we're born Italian, so we have different genes. So you really should eat what your ancestors ate. And I was like, this all sounds great, but why is my friend shitting in a bodega down on Broadway after eating cheese if like we were born to eat cheese?

My Nana. Nana still got it. Has eaten pasta every single day your whole life. But I think you process pasta better because it's in our DNA. I have eaten pasta every single day. I was sitting next to a girl the other day at lunch and she asked the waiter for gluten-free pizza. And like I feel like the whole, I felt like I was in a movie because I feel like the whole restaurant stopped and was just like,

you filthy American, get the fuck out of here. Like gluten is a protein, a very important protein. Don't take it out. I really think the waiter is like, we're putting a hit on her because it was offensive to our culture. Like get out of here. Yeah, next year she's gonna be guys gonna be like, catch up on her. Ravioli. Like gluten's not a thing here.

Like, like not a thing. I did learn something recently about how when you're eating, if you're stressed about like gaining weight during it or you're like not gaining weight during it or you're not having a compositive experience, it increases your cortisol levels and you do gain weight. And I'm not trying to be a weird, culty diet podcast. It just sounds culty. They just said your food can tell your energy.

So you have to eat with love and not fear. Cut to every giggler putting anything in their mouth and just being like your smart, your important, your beautiful, like more Parmesan, please. Oh my God. No, it's so crazy though. Like I'm up at 9 a.m. Like I'm ready for the day. I look forward to my one o'clock ravioli. Like it's just heaven. Wait, when do you leave? Tuesday.

And I'm having, this is the first time I've been on vacation. You know you're on vacation and by the last couple of days you're like, all right, I'm ready to go home and get back to my routine and get my shirt. Every time. By day four, I'm like, I have emails. Yeah, and you're just starting to stress out and you're like, all right, let's get the fuck back.

This is the first time I've been on vacation ever where I'm just like, I don't know if I can go back. Things will never be the same. And like, I'm in post-Satano right now. Only 4,000 people live here. And it's about to be 4,001. Yeah, we would know everyone. We would do live Giggly Squad shows every single night.

Like it would just, I'm just trying to think of ways that we can move here. I literally looked up the real estate. Like I was like, what is the deal here? At least the time share moment. At least a time share moment. Wait, so of all the places you've been to? What's my favorite? Yeah.

I'm gonna write a whole thing and post it on my Instagram and the Giggly Squad. And I'm gonna post everywhere I've gone. My favorite, I just got to post a tonneau and everyone says this is the best place. But so far out of Capri Revello and here, Capri is my favorite. Mm-hmm.

You ended up going under like the cliffy things that I was talking about, right? That's what you were talking about. As I was going under it, I literally said, this is what Hannah was talking about. I've just seen it online. It's not on TikTok. It was really good.

And everyone here is just like, they're just like real. Like, we were getting, we had a boat day, and like I could tell that two of the captains of the boat were yelling at each other. But then like right when we got on land, they both looked at each other and they were like, banjono, like they were happy I was like I feel like you guys were just in a fight and you got over it really quickly like it's just

Who's gonna be mad when like you can smell pizza being me? But I feel like Italians are like just one long fight with little banjono's in between, you know Yeah, no literally and that's all I know how to say Oh my god. It's Buenos Aires. It's a question. Are there cats around? Are there any cats? Hannah, there's 1,000 million cats around.

They're just frolicking. And they, okay, I felt very connected to one of them. Like extremely connected to one of them. Cancer psychic. Cancer psychic. And my brother, like first we were walking down the road and I saw this black cat. And my brother was like, don't let it pass me

when you're like, that's bad luck. And I was like, no, I think like this cat, like fucks with me. And he wanted to go through a gate, but he was scared to run through the gate. So I stood at the gate and I just went like this with my fingers, like rub them together and I was like, kitty, come on,die, like you can come. And he ran

right in. And then I saw him again later that night just sitting in the middle of the road. And everyone that was like passing by, he was like running away to like the side of the street, except when I passed by, he sat right in the middle of the road. Like he wasn't scared of me and he just stared at me. And I was like, you're coming home with me. That's like I think that's like my ancestors in a cat right now. I'm telling you, they say cats can like see things we can't see also. Like they see lights and they see realms that we can't see. I mean, I believe it. You guys have been on like a year-long journey of converting me into a catfish.

That's crazy. We've really been on the journey for a while. We've been like a lot of work. Sarah and I have a weekly meeting about it. Yeah. Hannah, all you do is send me like cat adoption things. And like, I'm like, I can't. I live on scene because it's a lot.

I do have to say I am a little worried with your current long distance boyfriend Because cats are fine like a couple days, but like who who what's his name again? What's his name? It rhymes with like egg Craig Okay, so we need to get rid of him when you get rid of him before you get a cat I don't want you to know something. I'm chosen Do you want to know what this man sent me? I'm not kidding. 20 minutes ago.

What? He's at the airport, a picture of a guy with a backpack and a cat inside the backpack and said, I would be fine doing that. Okay. I act okay. We'll keep him. We can keep Craig. Okay.

There are these like cats on TikTok that will straight up like go skiing Like they wear goggles and they go skiing. They love the water I mean, this is a skiing podcast. Yeah, so like this is a cat skiing podcast So maybe you guys get that like adventurous cat that's like down to do stuff with you But also just wants to cuddle in bed. Yeah, I need a nappy cat Also, I've heard of the have you heard of this thing of like perennium tanning. No, but it sounds like something I would be interested in. I'm literally going to say perennium or premium.

Perennium? Because it's called perennium. I felt perennium. Are you trying to say premium? No, I'm talking about buttholes. What the heck? Okay, the area we cover in our underwear between our pubic bone and anal cavity is the perineum.

Oh, I feel like I've been taught in a sex act class if he like touches perineum, he like comes. Between the anus and the scrotum for the male. It's a little sick. So apparently it hosts blood vessels he comes between the anus and the scrotum for the male. Sick. So apparently it hosts blood vessels and nerves that provide sensation and nutrition to the genitals. And pranium sunning is derived

from an ancient Taoist practice. So we're sold, the Taoists know what they're doing. It's a little controversial, I mean, I guess, because like people are just airing their anuses. In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you'll receive more energy than you would an entire day being outside with your clothes on. So it's a force of energy. Wait a second.

Wait a second. Like a solar energy into your body and it improves your sleep, concentration and creativity. And a healthier libido. Okay, so this summer I'm coming over. We're gonna send does to like do whatever does does play golf. And we're just gonna sit outside in the backyard with our assholes open. That's to try and get energy. My mom's gonna listen to this and be like the shit that you guys come up with is insane.

But Kim, this isn't just me being crude. This is research that I've done. This is science. Wait, I just imagine me and you just like normal tanning, radio magazine, then we look at each other and we go, time to turn around. We just, Knowledge is power, okay?

Also 30 seconds, that's easy. Also, part of this trip is really funny because Europe doesn't, I don't know if it's just Italy because family is such a thing here, but Europe doesn't understand the concept of two twin beds. So Gary and I have been straight up bunk bedding it. Like, we are currently in two twin beds,

but they're pushed together. Like we're four year olds at summer camp and we like just made friends with each other. And it's actually one of the funniest experiences I've ever experienced in my life. I have in like late night chats where you're like just looking at each other on the pillow being like do you remember that one time? Oh god no, he tells me to shut the fuck up

Cuz like he falls right to sleep and then like I have to watch JLo on my iPad and he like will turn over and be like That's so like what are you doing? Boys are so like um JLo put out a documentary like which I'm just being a good person. We are gonna dissect Deeply I also that's like does he goes to sleep at 9 p.m. So obviously I'm like Doing cartwheels who knows what I'm doing? Oh literally you're like rearranging the home You've like cured cancer. Are you have things today? I'm so busy and then I come and bed And obviously I don't just fall asleep like a dumb ass man who has no thoughts. I'm not talking about our guy our gaglers normal men No, never and then he'll turn over and be like what are you doing? I'm like yeah?

scrolling my Instagram and he's like what time is it and I'm like 4 a.m. White like none of your business Like literally none of your business and he's like, why are you still awake? And I'm like, you know what? You know what? If you spent the last 10 hours stressing about your future, okay? What is it with men?

Like, okay, if I woke up in the middle of the night and I have lit, like I have shared multiple beds with you and Sierra. If I wake up in the middle of the night and you're up, my immediate reaction is like, are you okay? Like what's going on? And you're just like bitch, I'm just like scrolling. And it's like, okay, cool, back to bed.

But like if a guy wakes up and you're up, it's immediately like they're mad at you. Like you've interrupted, like you're minding your business. If they're actually annoying you, like you've interrupted, like you're minding your business. If they're actually annoying you, if I wake up and does not his phone, good for him. Like, don't like this. I probably won't even acknowledge that I woke up. Like I'll just close my eyes again

and be like, I'm back to my journey. Like you say on your own. This is the annoying thing about this. He will wake up at a movement, like not even a sound, a movement who'd be like And I'm like what the fuck I didn't wake you up like you're too sensitive and he's like I'm a hunter No, he's not no No, he's not there. I will like tap him to wake him up and he has to the

He goes oh and I'm like babe what the fuck and he's like sorry. I'm a hunter What the fuck? And he's like, so I'm a hunter. I don't know why I can't. And you're like, well, I'm a gatherer. So gather your shit and get the fuck out of here. Anywho, we love our significant others. Did you see the Instagram I sent with the like three-year-old who had like a eight-step skincare routine

that went to bed in her mask? That was your daughter. Or my future daughter that you want. Oh my God, I really hope that your future daughter is like, mom, let's change your look. Let's do some makeup or something and so that you can call me on the phone and be like, she's up for adoption, she's all yours.

I do have to say the way I know that we're besties is that I actually thought recently. I hope we somehow plan to have children You have to say the way I know that we're besties is that I actually thought recently. I hope we somehow plan to have children like around the same time. I think that it will happen. Your psychic abilities are saying. Yeah, it's so weird to say this

because I was thinking about this like a couple of weeks ago too. I actually was thinking about it like during your wedding because I was like, fuck, like we're not on the same timeline. Like I like either have to speed it up or she needs to slow the fuck down. I think a year or two in between isn't that bad. I do wanna be pregnant at the same time as you. But just as long as our children can be friends,

I'm fine with that also. I just imagined me and you being pregnant together, literally telling the boys to like go away for weeks. So we could just lie and fed and eat. I will say, if I choose to have Craig Conover's child at some point in my life, I know that he will be great when I'm pregnant. Like I know for a fact, he will,

because whenever I'm sick, and I feel like this is like the first time I know for a fact he will, because whenever I'm sick, and I feel like this is the first time I've had a boyfriend like this, whenever I'm sick or upset, or just generally in the day, one of the number one things that he does that I appreciate is randomly, he'll just be like, can I get you anything?

And so I know that when I'm pregnant, I'm gonna take full advantage of him. Yeah, I feel like does makes fun of me. Like, you're like, oh, so you pregnant now so you can both me around. I'd be like, oh, my over is hurt. So big. Oh, you can't play volleyball or golf anymore. And you're like, no, I'm growing a fucking human in here.

No, I can't spike the ball. Babe, babe, just play volleyball. It's fun. Oh my God. That's so gonna be him. It's gonna be a problem. But I always, the thing with being pregnant is I want to be pregnant so I can eat ridiculous stuff and people will be like, ew, and I'll be like, I'm pregnant. They're like, oh my God.

We're now when I eat, like, yeah, like, we had muscles the other day and you know, they give like a huge thing of bread and no one was eating it And I ate a whole loaf of bread by myself and I was like arguably the best part of muscles is taking the bread and dunking it in I don't even eat the muscles and no one was eating this like amazing piece of bread. I'm dipping. I'm dipping I'm soaking I'm dipping I was heathens where you with honestly never hang out with them again I was having like a full sexual were you with? Honestly, never hang out with them again. I was having a full sexual experience with the white wine butter garlic sauce. And I think at one point I just started putting it on my face.

You just wanted it to drip down your lip a little so you could feel something. I was having a full shower and then at some point someone was like, did you eat the whole loaf of bread? And I was like, and you eat the whole loaf of bread? And I was like, And you're like, I'm pregnant. That is what I want to be pregnant to be like, oh my God, the baby just loves the baby needs that. I do have this vision of like one day,

you and I being on a reality TV show together, sitting in a car, and like we're both pregnant, and like, and like we both have cheeseburgers on our stomachs, like we're both pregnant and like and like we both have cheeseburgers on our stomachs and we're eating like our stomachs are the plate and like we're just talking about something like that's the show like we're just always in the car eating and that's our talk show and every time then I go oh and she's like are you you gonna pop? And I'm like, no, that was just gas, continue. And I'm like, ooh, baby loves barbecue sauce.

Actually, this is called, like, those YouTube videos where you just watch women eat. It's called, like, muck racking or some shit. We would, wow. I feel like I would love that, because I love A. or some more. I also want us to be pregnant together so we could see the dichotomy of how adorable

you're gonna be the one of those skinny bitches that has a low basketball. That's like, you're gonna accessorize her. I feel like you're cursing me like you do with my nails. Okay, so I actually want you to stop because if I am the opposite of that, like if my tongue gets swollen, like I'm coming for you.

Because I will, I will literally make you apologize through the Academy, see you in small claims court and just like overall be posted. I totally just zinc-seed, I'm so sorry. You totally dig. I'm not trying to be cute when I'm pregnant. If you are trying to be cute when you're pregnant, scenes won't claim it's quite. Like, I'm trying to create a child.

I know my boobs will be big. Remember when it was like a trend when women were getting like hair and makeup done in the delivery room because like after they wanted to take pictures with the baby? You don't remember that. I remember it and I'm saying absolutely not. Yeah, no, even I don't think that. I remember it and I'm saying, absolutely not. Yeah, no, even I don't think so.

Because I sweat. Profuseless. My eyebrow will be dripping. I want to be like all natural. I do, I will say. I do want my skin to glow. Yeah. I want to be a little mascara.

Maybe a little like touch up, but like we want a natural glow. We want like, Haley Bieber glow. Yeah, but like we want a natural glow. We want like hailey beaver glow Yeah, I want like road glow Are you gonna buy are you gonna buy Kim Kardashian skincare or hailey beavers? I'm so happy brought this up because I'm kind of on a tic-tac algorithm of some like skincare makeup and people yeah are Pretty positive about hailey beavers but again it's like a serum and a moisturizer and a lip thing and it's like it's not changing in one's life you know right and like I

think it's I don't know and then Kim has her like thing where it's like Kim stop saying that this is why you look the way you look. Just tag your plastic surgeon and let's move on. Right. Okay, that on the Kim side and this is a Kim Kardashian. We love Kim. We love Kim. We keep a real with that.

We call him out. We keep a real with her. We do. But with Haley, here's why I feel like I do want to buy it. I have always looked at her in pictures and even from years ago, I'm been like, she has great skin. So I know that she cares about it.

She's probably tried a lot of things, but here's the other thing that celebrities aren't saying. They're going to the dermatologist. One of my girlfriend's works at a dermatologist office and the amount of things that she's done to my face that I've just tried. I'm just like, wait, this has been saying, works at a dermatologist office and the amount of things that she's done to my face that I've just tried. I'm just like, wait, this is kind of insane.

She's like, yeah, every celebrity gets this done weekly. And that's why they glow. And I'm just like, what? I think the whole skincare industry is kind of bullshit because I'm be honest. It's kind of a call. I'm saying it out loud. I'm confident bitch. My skin's amazing.

You do. You have great skin. I couldn't tell you what moisturiser I use I I just like pick whatever's there and I try to wash my face I'm gonna tell you something also. I don't know if it's because I belong in Italy But I have not washed off my makeup At one night this entire trip not one night I've just fallen in my bed and gone to sleep. I have not washed it off I brought one face wash which is a set of fill from fucking CVS at one night, I've just fallen in my bed and gone to sleep. I have not washed it off.

I brought one face wash, which is a set of fill from fucking CVS, and one face moisturizer, because I literally couldn't fit anything else, and that's all I've used. My skin has never been clearer. That's what I've been. I've heard my lifetime. I use set of fill and a moisturizer.

I do. It's de-centrize men and skincare. And skin, also like whenever I try something new, I always get like a pimple. Me too, like recently I've been doing face masks like at home and the next day I wake up and I'm just like, okay, so that backfired, like what? Yeah, I feel like everyone's individual but also like five years to like, make a good moisturizer,

like unless this moisturizer fucking, I don't know what it could possibly do. Like it feels good. They said it was cooling. How crazy that like, her and Justin Bieber are having like some serious health issues. Oh my god, I know. She had a very scary, like almost a stroke.

Like stroke, which is so scary. And he has one side of his face paralyzed. I genuinely think it's because they're so famous and they must have so much anxiety. Oh, that makes me so sad, but I kind of feel that too. Like I feel like they're the kind of people that like, no one is supposed to be as famous as Justin Bieber was at such a young age Then Haley Bieber to this day is just bullied by Selena fans and it's not Selena's fault

But like she's gonna be bullied for the rest of the life and there's nothing she could do. She I love Selena Gomez. I love Haley Bieber. I love both of them. I love both of them This Selena Gomez fans They're I love both of them. I love both of them. The Selena Gomez fans, they're terrifying. Talk about a mother fucking cult. You could just, and then she recently was like, let it go. Remember when she just went on a ticket, and she was like,

leave me alone, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't talk about you, I don't say anything, I don't do anything. Leave me alone. that's me to my anxiety every morning no you're a leave that's me to my alarm clock in the morning I'm like I've done nothing to you why would you do this to me but with that said I think you're right I mean we watched the Justin Bieber documentary he even said he had too much dopamine and then like he's had his drugie time

yeah he's having trouble I mean I. Yeah. He's having trouble. I mean, I am Justin Bieber on tour. Yeah, when you're on tour, you are Justin Bieber. I'm just like, I got it. I'm the, I'm the Haley. I'm just like, okay, anything. I don't do anything. I'm just like, I need more dopamine.

We're ordering McDonald's. But Haley went on a talk show and they were like, are you guys okay? And she's like, we're great, Justin is gonna be okay. And she just kept it like really short and simple, which either means he's not okay. Or... She's just a mom of people then, no.

Yeah, she just doesn't wanna make it a thing. I was, for some reason, I wanna see a reality TV show of their life. Like I feel like they're like, Jessica Simpson, Nicholas Shay. I wanna like they're like a Jessica Simpson, Nick Lashay. I want to see them just like in their big house and see the ridiculous stuff they do. Because I actually think it's kind of normal.

Like it's probably just like her watching Bravo and like him. It's actually so normal. Like I feel like they're so normal. They're like one of the only couples. I feel like that's like a list celebrity that got married and like are waiting to have kids. Like every other people are like we're popping out kids. Yeah, someone say they're too gay. They got married first.

Yeah, like that's like almost looked at now as like ill, you're gonna get married first. I'm glad they've waited before having kids though because I feel like it all happened really quite well. Why, I feel like celebrities have been getting married earlier because like, what else is there to do? You know, like they've done everything, they've experienced everything, like they're bored, and they're like, well, we haven't tried marriage, just try that.

I feel like that's how they, I also think the dating is so scary when you're famous that it's kind of like, okay, this works, like can we just stop? Can we just like have some trust and security? I recently saw the most insane thing about the Kardashians and like their actual love life. And I think it's because, like, they basically said

it's a most inses-sexual. Inses-sexual. Inses-sexual. Inses-sexual. Inses-sexual. And part of me is like, because there's just like only so many NDAs you can pass around. Do you know that Devon Booker? Kendall Jenner's current boyfriend used to date Jordan Woods.

Part on me? Yeah. Are you kidding? Why before she gets up with Tristan or he touched her leg or whatever. Okay, also like the Kardashians, PR people, they deserve an awesome. They're amazing. The Marilyn Monroe dress. Because they're like, she actually fixed the Marilyn Monroe dress. It was, she made it better. Okay.

Wait, can we talk about this? Because I kept seeing all these things online of people being specifically on like, do you follow Diet Prada? Yeah, I love diet Prada. Okay, specifically on diet Prada because it was like everyone saying like they don't care about the Maryland Monroe dress but like that's like me saying I don't care about like some other situation. It's a very niche. Yes. Like if you work in that industry you should care about it. And like that I understand, but as just like a normal person,

I don't care. Like I don't give a flying fuck that like a button popped off. I feel like people try to cancel Kim Kardashian for stupid things every week and it almost just makes her more famous. Cause if you think about it, remember she had the whole quote like you need to work and everyone was like,

this is a problematic statement. And then she moves past it. Then she gets in trouble with the Beyond Burger for literally like a fake commercial being like, it tastes so good and she didn't bite it. Then she's got the right, like it's something, but it literally just feeds into like her fame. It's such like a grand scale of just people

being so jealous of her, I think. It's kind of similar to JLo. Like I feel like they're in such a grand scale of just people being so jealous of her, I think. It's kind of similar to J-Lo. I feel like they're in such a different stratosphere of having to be so mentally strong. Literally one person will be like, ew! I hate that outfit and I'll be like, hmmm, how do I convince you that it's amazing? You know, it's hard! And I'm on the lowest scale. How do I convince you that like, it's amazing. You know, like it's hard. And I'm on like the lowest scale.

I feel like the sisters have even said, Kim is the strongest mentally, because think about it. Everyone's coming for the male and male road dress. She literally, instead of crying and disappearing for two months, she called her PR team was probably like, fix this, let's do this, it's fine, fix it. Like, are we gonna fix it? They're like, okay, go on vacation with Pete.

Yeah, exactly. Also, in the like way that they're all dating each other, we know the black China stuff is crazy. Then Sophia Richie was good friends with Kyle Lee, started dating Scott, Jaden Smith stated everyone Justin Bieber is in an out. It is just wild. It's basically, I feel like if you hit that level of fame, it's like going to a really

elite private high school. Yep, you're so right. Because you have so much in common, you get certain things that like normal people don't get, and like you feel more comfortable with them. Like honestly, one of the main attractions to Craig was that I didn't have to explain certain anxieties I had because he was just like, yeah, I get it. And every other guy would be like,

oh my God, I got over it. But Craig would be like, no, I get it. Twitter is the fucking worst and you'll want to kill yourself over it. And so I feel like that, it's just that on like a such a crazy scale. And he can truly empathize with you and not just be someone like patting your back, being like that seems really hard because he's gone through it and probably has really good advice considering he's been in the industry for.

Yeah. Even though he looks so young and is glowing, he's been in the industry for a minute. Also. Even though he looks so young and is glowing, he's been in the industry for a minute. Also, he texted me today and was like, and was like, get me an appointment at FaceGym. And I was like, first of all, I don't work for you. Second of all, what time? Oh my God, I was talking to my friend who recently shot a stand-up set on TV.

And his girlfriend made him do FaceGym before and he said he looked like he lost 50 pounds. But like doesn't just go back. Guys, it's the best thing ever. No, I mean it goes back but it's like working out like it's like doing squats for your butt. Like yeah if you don't keep doing it like it's gonna go back to normal but like if you keep it up like it only gets better and better. It's like working out the muscles in your face to like be stronger and like Better it's so expensive. It's so expensive and like I don't know how many motherfucking times I have to post them for them to give it to me free But I

I'm about done with them because you're competing with ever girl in LA also Chloe Kardashian recently posted a photo where she has a normal size butt. No way. Wait, I haven't seen that. Fully. Wait, was she wearing the white outfit? Was it the one where at the point? The white outfit? She has a, because I mean, Chloe's but was probably the most obvious BBL. Like, yeah. Just just how did they get that reversed though? That is an amazing question, but it's like they're literally changed their bodies based on the trend.

It's like how do you sit on the toilet, you know? Remember like that? No, like uncomfy. Yeah, I mean, or very comfy. True. Your cushion bitch. I always want to sit down. So maybe they're on to something.

No, it's, but it is like we have to remember. Couldn't like fucking go into the knife and try to change for every trend every 10 years. Yeah. Or you can just be like, this is me. And let's just our new trend is not washing your face and like putting one moisturiser on. Well, let's be honest, people are just putting celebrities' names on things. And they,

Well, because it's like even, okay, you know when you like go and get your makeup done and you bring like an inspo look or something and you bring like a picture of fucking, like Kendall Jenner, like in your head, even if you don't like consciously know it, you want to look like Kendall Jenner,

but you look like yourself. You're not gonna look like Kendall Jenner just because you get her makeup done. And that's basically what they're selling. Like if you buy this. I know what pissed me off about Haley Bieber's stuff because I was rooting for her. We were all rooting for her.

We were all rooting for her. I thought she was gonna come up with some shit that was like, this is my secret. This is what I do. Like this is my like lemon theorem that turns into a mask that you post with it. No, she gave us a moisturizer. And I'm like, I'm, this moisturizer is not gonna make anyone like look that much better than they would be. You wanted something more innovative. Maybe innovative or just like unique, like, this

is what I do for my face that really works for me if you have a similar skin type to me. One of my number one tricks, and it's not even like a fucking trick. Like, my dermatologist gave it to me. Have you ever used Trent Noan cream? I heard of it. If you just put that on your skin, literally every single night,

but it is very drying, like every other night, like that, I've used that for years. Are on problem areas? No it's like an all over. I don't know if you can use it as a stop. Even that I like that. If you came out with a line and you were like this is my favorite thing that I like to do and my work for you.

But like I don't know why you have to get it you have to get it from a dermatologist like you can't just like buy a treadmill and cream. Oh naughty. Dermatologists are cults. Dermatologists are gatekeeping cults. No, they literally are, oh, you can't get into one for six months. Fuck off.

Also, they like love squeezing pimples, you're sick. You're sick. Who are you? I do, I love that. I love that. You were a dermatologist in the past life. Like a celebrity dermatologist. I think I was. I literally annoyed the shit out of Craig.

If like I see a pimple, I'm like, let me of Craig if I see a pimple and like let me add it. I saw a guy sitting at the beach the other day. He had a massive pimple on his back. It took everything in me to like not go up in squeeze. I started at the entire time. It's the entire view of the ocean because I was staring at this man's pimple. I don't want to gross anyone out.

You won't be grossed out. But I decided to like walk from Midtown to downtown. I was like feeling free on a summer night with sandals yeah yeah and I get like the worst blister isn't all this stuff it was stupid like a water blister so I got like a boil have you ever gotten a full boil yeah I have like how happy you got I got a boil I love this it looks like a pimple but if you try to squeeze it it doesn't come out because the boil so deep and then it's just hard and I have, like how happy you got. I got a boil on this. I love this. It looks like a pimple, but if you try to squeeze it, it doesn't come out because the boil is so deep, and then it's just hard and red around it.

And I like fully was like in so much pain, but I put tea tree oil on it. Mm-hmm. And it was good. The next day was better. So you should never pop the ones that are filled with like oil or like the water ones because it's actually protecting your skin.

But if I have a safety pin nearby, bitch, I'm popping that shit because I wanna see the water come out, but don't, it's really bad for you. I have a fun story when I was younger. I was dating this guy who I thought was love in my life and he invited me to meet his parents in the Midwest, or not the Midwest, it's like whatever.

Geographic location, unknown. Yes, so Haley and Dave invite me to go to the beach one day. And I, I guess I like didn't reapply and it was like early in the summer and I got so fucking burnt. Like I'm burnt everywhere, I'm a lobster, I try to put an elevator on whatever. But I'm Italian, it'll tan eventually. Right. I got something called a sun blister on my lip.

No. No. Where at first it looked like it was just like- I know exactly, yeah, I've had one of those before. It looks like a pimple kind of thing. All I know is- Yeah. Don I know is, don't pop it. Do not pop it. I popped it, which made it just like an open sore.

Yep. And guys, this wasn't a subtle open sore. This was a whole like quarter of my top upper lip in the middle of it. Like there was no chapstick that was gonna make it look better. So like I was embarrassed to see people. I was about to go meet his mother with a fucking herpesore on my lip. You're like, hi I'm dating your son. I also have an ST day. What are you gonna do about

it? It was the most embarrassing thing in my life. I start I was crying telling my mom she's like, do we cancel? I'm like, we can't cancel. We start I was crying telling my mom. She's like do we cancel? I'm like we can't cancel even playing this trip for months. It's my chance to marry him And he broke up with me immediately But it was really downhill from there. I got there. I had to meet them. I make a Herpes joke which probably did not go over well meet all his friends and they're like no I'm dead Your girl's ugly as shit and she clearly licks subway platforms which probably did not go over well. Meet all his friends and they're like, no I'm dead. Your girl's ugly as shit

and she clearly licks subway platforms. I looked like I just did heroin for seven months and was trying to recover. So anyway, don't pop your pimples. I'd love to put every man that I ever thought that I was going to marry in one room together to just see like the range of the like health disorder I have. You know, like I, every single guy I've ever dated, I'm like

I'm marrying him. And when I first started dating Craig, I never said that to my mom and she got nervous. She was like, you didn't say that you're going to marry him. And I was like, yeah. Was it because you're actually of the age where you're not, sorry, you're not child, Brad, Brad anymore? How did you, how dare you? Second of all, I think it was because I was like every relationship I've gotten into in my 20s, I really, really wanted it to work. And Craig was the first time that I was like, whatever, if it doesn't work, like I'll be fine. Yeah, exactly.

And I feel like that is self-esteem. Yeah, I actually never really thought I wanted a married guy, except that one guy just like like I like Well, I could see a future with us except I do have to say does like I was sending him rings like second week, but that's cuz he's older. He doesn't have time That's a totally different podcast totally different podcast another time With Zaddy's it's a whole different, like, rulebook. Okay, I also heard that what's about to be trending

is fermented skincare. I just say camp, people are just pouring beer on their pores. Like, what does that mean? I don't even know what that means. People are doing it. They're saying it's of the future. Food, like, what, they do to wine and kimchi, don't even know what that means. People are doing it. They're saying it's of the future. Food, like, what, they do to wine and kimchi.

They're doing it to beauty products. Yeah, I don't know what makes it better. I was kind of leaning more towards the, like, butthole tanning than this, cause it probably stinks. Okay, here's the thing about the butthole tanning. Is it, does it have to be a direct sunlight or can it,, simulates sunlight?

Oh, like are people gonna start popping up butthole tanning someone? Yeah, like if I just put like a light bulb right in that area, would I get the same effect? Or like does it have to be directly vitamin D from the sun? I think it has to be vitamin D. Like the tal talus did not put a fucking ring light on their asshole, you know. Okay, good thing we cleared this up because I'd be putting spray tan and places spray tan does not. Literally, as I was saying that, I was like, I got a UTI.

Oh, one thing I do want to try of lines, though, everyone talk about it on TikTok. Selena Gomez is rare. Her. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. What's it called? Blush.

Her liquid blush. You have to put one dot and then you just work it on. I used her lipsticks and I love them. Have you used the blush? I haven't. So the blush. But I love everyone's talking about it. The things I've used. Have you used the blush? I haven't. So the blush, but I love- Everyone's talking about it. The things I've used from her.

This the thing. How? Yeah. Celebrities can put out a ton of shit. The question is, like, if the product is actually good and it sounds like Selenius product is actually good. Selenius is very good. I don't think Ariana Grande's people don't like hers.

They're, yeah, I mean, I commend Haley. There is a difference between being a celebrity and being like, I'm just gonna sell this, slap my name on it. And then like, you being passionate about it. And I feel like Haley is insulating our both genuinely passionate about their products. That's what they said about Ariana

that they felt she was disconnected from it. But then you look at Ariana's stuff and it's like super trendy. It looks cool. But I guess people can kind of sense how involved people are involved in it. I don't know. Totally. And also Halsey about face makeup is cool. It's like if you want to have like a moment, like a bright eye color or like gotta. It's for, it's more performative, it's more flashy. It's for Gen Z. What's your makeup vibe for the summer?

Like what's your go-to out to dinner look for your face? So in the summer and specifically on vacation, I don't really wear a lot of makeup. Like I've recently just been wearing my tinted moisturizer and some bronzer and my fucking mascara and that's it. And usually I use my bronzer as my eyeshadow. I love that so much because my look is being naturally hot. Yeah, I'm just going to be myself. I'm actually similar right now. I'm doing a tinted moisturizer by Laura Mercier.

Yeah. You know, thrive cosmetics, they have a good, they have a really good eye stuff. They have a good, like I, I, I, I do love their mascara. Yeah. I don't know. As I get older, I'm very sensitive to,

I'm very sensitive to feelings on like things the way they feel on my skin. And I've been having a real fucking aversion to putting makeup on my face. Like I'm uncomfortable. I feel like you're going through a very intuitive phase where you're very intuitive and you're feeling everything. But I do know what you're selling. Every now and then like I'll be sweating. I've makeup on and I'm like if I don't Put my face under I'm missing a water. I'm gonna have a free. You're done. Yeah, it's like when your nails start to just like you need to get them off

Immediately. Yeah. Oh, that happened a me the other day. I was like get it off. I do think for summer I'll take a little like eyebrow thing, make my eyebrows good, maybe a little shimmer on the eyelid. That's it. I'm not doing a cat eye this summer, I'm just not. How dare you even bring it up? I know, well, it's like, I started love myself. That's what happens.

This is the eye I just see past all day. I love cat eye, but like when you really, you realize you don't need it. I don't need it, it's also so fucking hard. It's so hard. It's so much effort. You're exhausted after doing it I'm gonna let the beauty bloggers do it. I'm gonna let the TikTow girls do it I like watching it. I like seeing them on it, but I'm not gonna do it. No, and then also like I will just randomly touch my face in the middle of the night and ruin my cat eye and

then I'm like, um, guess I need to go home now. Yeah, what should like we do do that on purpose. I got to go buy it my cat eye and they're like, oh my god go home, fix it, fix it, fix it. What is this Yuka app? Oh, that's the app that I put in all the products to see if they're like clean or not. It's why you K a Yeah, and that's when you're gonna throw that's literally I think was the start of my journey where I'm like I'm throwing a lot of shit out Wow You know Bethany Frank goes been doing those take-docks where she's like this. It's crap. It's overrated I actually I really enjoy them. I could see you doing that. I mean like this

Talking powder might as well just throw yourself and eat rat poison. No, literally, it might as well snort as best as that. Do you want to talk about JLo? I've wanted to talk about it for so many hours, and my family doesn't get it. It's so much to dissect. And like, I just JLo put a documentary out, and everyone was like, oh, is it good? And I was like, no, I want to like deep dive it. Yes, and nobody wanted to just talk about that. What is your thesis statement? I'll give you mine. You give me yours.

Oh my god, my thesis statement. I was never good at it. I literally never to this day like figured out what it was. You just got immediate anxiety. Like fuck. Is this an MLA format? Did you ever have to do turnitin.com? What is that? We had to like upload your paper to see like how much of it was plagiarized. And there was like a percentage at the bottom of like, and there was like page like this is like clearly not your paper. Literally just as stop. I don't think I've ever had that panic feeling like again in my life as like if I was going

to get caught plagiarizing. And let's just be clear. I was plagiarizing every damn time. It's just they couldn't put it together. It really just says that. It's like, rap from different parts. Supreme court, normal court, small claims court, no court. Yeah.

And it was just never did I get no court. Okay. Anyway, my thesis statement on JLo is that she is, JLo is the toughest bitch and the hardest working female I've ever, like that's why I love her so much. Like yes, she's glitz, she's glamour, she can shake her ass, she's talented.

But what this woman has gone through genuinely has only made her stronger. And like, I think JLo for president. That's all my thesis is JLo for president. Is a JLo podcast? Gavin DeGrogg. Who the heck is Gavin DeGrogg? Gavin DeGrogg who sang the theme song for One Tree Hill. Oh, I don't want to be anything.

He had it, but. Wait, who's the damn, what other guy than I love? Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks, move over. Garth Brooks, move over. Jennifer Lopez and I've talked, I don't want to say talk shit, but I was like a little annoyed at her and Ben with all the

paparazzi stuff. I started to be like, what is she missing in her life that she needs is so much, but then I realized no, no, no, JLo is fighting a larger cause. JLo is out here in these streets. Yeah, being the baddest bitch in the world. JLo is fucking incredible and to anyone, to anyone who wants to argue with us. Normally I'd say I'm open to discussion. You're done. On-subscribe, leave a mean review, and get out. Look, I've talked about the separation of me and JLo because Cret Conover is responsible in my eyes for it coming to light that A-Rod is a piece of actual trash.

I will say one thing, the way they edited A-Rod out, Chef's Kiss. I mean, give them an Emmy. It was like he didn't exist. Good move on Oscar. I will say this though. I know that Ben had one sound bite. I don't feel like he deserved it. I don't feel like he needed to have that sound bite.

Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna be honest. She is the epitome of desantering men from your life. She gave it to him just to make him feel like she likes him. I think so too. I think so him. I think so, Tim. I think so, Tim. Like, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. We basically didn't need Ben to tell us Jelos great, you know? Correct a Mundo. Seriously. Like, okay, worldly. Sorry, I'm a world traveler and I think they say that here. Correct a Mundo.

I only say perfecto now though. I will say that. I think they say that here. Correct them and do. I only say perfecto now though. I will say that. I don't say perfect anymore. It's so American. OK, and I'm not going to relate myself to Beyoncé and JLo at all. Like at all. Do it.

Do it. But I will say, I feel like we have a similar, we are like similar to them in this regard. Like I have an assistant and I think she's amazing and she's wonderful and I love her and she helps me out so much. But there are some times where like my dad or my mom will be like, well, why are you so stressed out?

Just ask your assistant to do this. And I won't even ask her to do something because I'm like, but I need to have it done exactly the way that I would do it. And I know that if I told her exactly the way I wanted it that I would do it. And I know that if I told her exactly the way I wanted it, she would do it. But like, it makes me feel better if I just do it. But not even. They're inspiring to us because they are brands. And we are brands where like, if someone messes something up, they don't get in trouble. You get in trouble on Twitter, people say,

I hated what Paige wore. When you weren't even the one who chose it, you had hired someone to style you for something and you trusted it, but you're the one that gets the heat. So you see J-Lite talking about performances and stuff and it's, cause it represents her. No one gets a fuck who did the choreography. It's J-Lite at the end of the day.

It takes all the heat. And it's so crazy when she was talking about how there was a time in her life where really, she had to try so much harder with her talents because her love life was the center of every gossip thing. So even though she is so talented, it's almost like she had to try 10 times harder because people only saw her as like the serial data.

Yeah, you're like, do mom, why don't you ever notice my sets, my shoes, not one outfit plug? Right, like why don't we ever talk about the charity work that I do, you know why? Why can we have like a positive PR moment? But like I felt so bad, but then I'm thinking back, I have always been a Jennifer Lopez stand. Like in the second grade, they said, what do you want to be? And I said Jennifer Lopez.

And they were like, you need to go back to the first grade because you don't get it. Did you really? Yeah, I wrote it down on a piece of paper. They were like, right, what you want to be? And I was like, Jennifer Lopez. And I didn't. And you spelled it wrong.

Totally. And I didn't understand that that wasn't a choice. They were like, no, what you want to be? And I was like, Jennifer Lopez and I didn't... And you spelled it wrong. Totally. And like, I didn't understand that like, that wasn't a choice. They were like, no, like, you have to be a career. And I was like, Jennifer Lopez. Okay, she's a triple threat. How dare you? Like, this bitch can sing, act, and dance. Like, get the fuck out of my second grade classroom.

Ha! Where was I even going with this? Oh, that she's always been such a, like, she in her eyes when she was like, and I started to believe what everyone was saying to me, but like true fans as myself, like, I never thought one negative thing about her because she had like failed engagements. You know, like, the true people that love you and see you, like, those are your fans. And like, that's what you have to think about yourself. And like it made me sad that she felt bad

for a period of time. But the relationship stuff was like purely clickbait and what people wanted to consume. Her thing for people that don't know is she started as a dancer and then she got cast as Selena. She was a singer, a dancer, an actress. She got nominated for an Oscar

and that's how she just like blew up into stardom She started getting more and more roles and then people started being like Jennifer Lopez can't act. She can't sing She can't dance. She can't do all three suddenly and that's the stuff too She started listening to it became a joke that like J. Lo can't sing and then you see you're at the Super Bowl And you're just like... Right, and like her first major movie, she was singing, dancing, and acting, in one of like the most important movie roles.

The Super Bowl? Ooh. No, I can't. She's so good. And then further fucking more, the press is still trying to get, you know, click-bady, because they were like, Jennifer Lopez was upset that she had to share the stage with Shakira. That is not what she said.

Not at all. That is not what she said. Out of context. You're putting two headliners together and you're only giving us 12 minutes. Like that, we can't get it down to that. But she was basically saying they want a diversity. They chose these two Latina women

as in like one Latina woman couldn't do it. And she was like, that's insane. And you're picking two stars who have like so many amazing songs and telling them to fit it. Where like, she basically was like, if we were guys, would you do that? Right. And it was true.

Right. She would have, like, the Super Bowl should have had Jailo or Shakira headline and then, like, someone come in at the end. Like, it shouldn't have been two main acts. Exactly. And that's all she was saying. And her and Shakira were so cute

and supportive and amazing together. I actually, I would love a documentary on Shakira. Oh, yes. Wasn't it kind of endearing when, like, Jaila had to do all this press or whatever for something and she was like, I get really nervous. Like, it's very nerve-wracking getting up and like talking in front of people.

And I think people like desensitize a-list celebrities because you're like, well, that's your job. Like, that's what you're like born to do. But, and not realizing like, no, but they still get nervous and have like normal human reactions. Yeah.

It just made her seem very real to me. Someone on TikTok was like making a joke or like every celeb documentary. And it's like them yelling on the phone about like a deal that needs to close, then them like practicing again and again. Then you know the shot of their ass shaking on stage with fans going nuts, then them tired at night in an Uber.

So, like, people saying that she can't act, Maiden Manhattan. Are you kidding me? On repeat. On repeat. She's made some of the best rom-coms of our generation. Do you know what I loved about it too? It showed her like like in theory failing.

It showed her not getting an Oscar nom or not getting, like, and not winning a certain award, where most of these documentaries are about like, oh, the greatest tour of their lives and how hard it was. Whether you literally saw JLo after losing in her whole team being like, ugh, her being like, guys, it's okay, stop it,

it's okay. She's such a leader. I really liked the part when her mom was like, look, I wasn't mean to them. Like I didn't like tell them they had to be famous. She was like, but I expected a lot of my children and they kind of just did what they were supposed to and I liked that part a lot.

Okay guys, we literally love you so much. We're working on some new merch. Yes, we are. And the reaction to our last merch drop has been incredible. I don't even know if they're available anymore, but our men are trash. Tor has been, I mean. That was great. It was worth the shadow band.

Let me tell you. It was worth the Shadow Band on my wedding. It was worth it. I will do it again. And I'll do it again. I'll do it again for your wedding. And we still have some tickets available for a New York City show and like a handful of our Boston show. Go to our link on our Instagram.

And thanks for giggling with us. Bye. Bye. And thanks for giggling with us. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.