Giggly Squad - Giggling about Roman Empires, fantasy football, and instagram comments

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

Paige is being weirdly nice to Hannah and it is slightly concerning. Toronto show is next week tickets here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Subtitler. Carry fixed your Wi-Fi. Manifestation. Be campaignant. Sub-gigleers. Very picture-lifes. Manifestation. We can't be managed. Ha ha ha ha. I'm going to be sure. I'm in the day just got away from me. What's up, my galactic gigglers?

I said that one already. I think I did. We said that one already. But whatever, we're out of this world, we should say it again, you know. We're out of this world. She's your in LA, which is who knows. Who know?

I am in Arizona, which is where everyone in LA goes to the spot to get their skin care apparently. Interesting, I've never heard that. Someone was like, oh, you're in Arizona, that's where all the housewives go to get facials. I'm like, this is where I go to look at sexy, big, horny cacti. I walked through the LA mall yesterday,

because I needed shoes. And it was interesting. I just feel like because living in New York, I couldn't tell you the last time I've been in a mall. Like, I forgot how to like navigate one. I was like, wait, I think I need a map. But was there like a topic? I was by myself and you know I don't ever go on like adventures by myself.

And so I was getting like so nervous. I had to FaceTime my mom like three times to see if she liked a pair of shoes. And I was like, okay, I'll go back in five minutes. And then I just like I had a day by myself. And now like, but did you buy anything? I did. I bought a pair of shoes that I needed for I'm doing an E-new segment, which will air on the 26. So I needed shoes for my outfit. Oh, okay. So exciting. She's a journalist. That's why I'm wearing a card again today. No, she's fully looks like she's on CNN about to like drop some serious goss.

Also, I just have to let you know if I'm a little off right now, it's because I still, even I'm 32 years old, I have not managed the coffee water morning ratio. You know, the girl math just doesn't work. I'm like, okay, I drink a little bit of water, is that enough coffee? And then the coffee tastes good, I chug it, and then I'm behind on water. But I feel like if you miss out on water in the beginning, you never catch up. Like any water I drink, I'm still going to be jacked up. I have a crazy irrational fear.

Did you see like in the news like, okay, it was really only one girl, but I feel like it happened to two people like in the past month. This girl drank so much water, like so quickly because you so dehydrated that she thought she ended up drowning, she ended up dying. And so I have, because I will go all day and drink no water and then it'll hit like 430 and I'll be like, wait, what is this feeling? And it's just thirst.

And so I'll chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. And I now have this fear where I'm like, oh my God, in my drown. So that's why you have to pour the water into a bowl and just like look at like a cat with your tongue to avoid drowning. Do it in public, people love it. I also when I drink too much water, I have to pee like recently, I'm like before a flight, I'm going to be hydrated. But then the entire flight, I have to pee,

pick your poison, beeing a flight. So I never, I never have that fun flight romance. I've never experienced it. But you know how it's like, oh, when you're in an airport or on a flight, anyone potentially your age or that's my husband. So I got on my flights, when you're in an airport or on a flight, anyone potentially your age or that's my husband. So I got on my flights at LA the other day, and I'm getting myself situated.

I'm doing my things. I'm getting all my iPad out, getting my charger out, figuring out what I need for the next six hours. You have a whole set of things. And it's down next to me. Good looking cute. Definitely my age, maybe even a little bit younger. And so I get like nervous and I'm like,

oh my gosh, okay, so like there's someone like my age so you're next to me. I'm like getting all my stuff ready, whatever. I don't like look in his direction. He's like relatively cute. Like if I saw him at a bar, would I ever look twice at him? Absolutely not.

But because we were on a plane, I was like, oh, he's like kind of cute, whatever. He pulled out a book. I have no idea what the book was and I was like, oh, he's like kind of cute, whatever. He pulled out a book. I have no idea what the book was. And I was like, ugh. Wait, the immediate reaction was. He definitely can't read and is pretending he can read. Like, he's overcompensated.

I was like, gross. And then I was like, you know what, Paige? Just some people like to read. And like, on a plane, we're on here for six hours. Like, don't judge this man. I put my shows on. I'm watching my show. I eat my lunch. This

man is still eating or is still reading. Then I like fall asleep for the remainder of the flight. I wake up. This man is still reading. And I was like, I almost turned to him and I was like, there's no way you could feel like I've had 20 Delta Biscoffs. And you're still reading. I was like, did I miss the hot cookie? Did I sleep through the warmed cookie? And you're still reading? It was just so crazy to me that he could read for so long. So anyway.

So when did he stop reading? Honestly, when we were getting off, I almost was like, what you weren't my husband anyway, but I guess this is top three. I've never met a man who could read. I think he was like faking it. The book was upside down, so that could've, that was it. Yeah, for sure.

I've, I wanted to call you out on something. Okay. Because yesterday, I was in Texas, you were in New York, so I guess the time was different, but at like 6.50 AM, you texted me, which was alarming. Yeah, that's alarming. And all you write is I love you. Now I got this one I immediately woke up so I couldn't process it fully, so I was like I love you more LOL 6 hours later it hits me. I go is she kidnapped? She a gun to her head? Is she okay? Should I call the police? And then you write, I literally go, are you okay? And you go, yes. And I go,

hello well. I'm then I'm like, okay, I'm not, we should, I'm not prying. But like, you can't, I know this is fucked up, but you can't just say I love you to me. And that's how a reason. No, I know after I sensed, I was like, oh my god, she's gonna think I died or something or like I'm on my death. These are your last well wishes, you like get my face on her, I love you. And I never hear from you again, I'm like, is she escaping to Mexico? Like what is she doing? Okay. I'm just like trying this new thing where I'm like very I like journal and I'm like very living in the moment and I'm trying to like So you're not okay. No, I'm not okay Once your friends house you she starts journaling. You know she's in a dark fucking place

No, I'm not okay. I'm like do your willy-nilly LA bullshit on your own? You don't detect me stuff and freak me out. Put in your journal that you love me. Don't wake me up with some weird ass texts. I had one of my girlfriends who's also Scorpio texted me the other day and she was like, hey, just wondering, are you having the worst month of your life? And I was like, that's so crazy. I actually am.

And she was like, that's so crazy, I actually am. And she was like, okay, I just wanted to check on you, because she's a Scorpio too. And she was like, and I've almost burnt my house down like three times. And I'm like, no, I, like I'll kill everyone. So, no, I'm trying this new thing, like where I'm like really grateful for everything that I have because they say like that's the best way to manifest things so I was like okay, I'm gonna tell them that I love her I literally was like what's the tea what's going on? What's going on I do have to say, Mark Rees and Retro. Yeah.

Great. Mark Rees and Recge Tong. Yeah. No, literally. It's in the microwave somewhere. It's like it's almost done. I do feel like with our friendship, we're never like affectionate at the same time.

No. I feel like when I'm like, oh my god, like I love you, you're amazing. You're like, okay. And then when you're like, I love you, I'm like, I'm literally mama's work. Yeah. No, we're never, we're never in sync. But we're also, you're like, okay. And then when you're like, I love you, I'm like, I'm literally mom is working. Yeah, no, we're never in sync. But we're also, are you affectionate?

Like, this is gonna sound so anti-feminist and I don't mean it to be. Are you like affectionate to women, like any other, any women in your life other than your mom? So I think I've really connected to my femininity. Recently when I say that, I mean like, to loving women, where like before I was super weird

about it, and now I'm like, I just want grilies. You're your feminine era. And my feminine era, and I feel like it actually like breeds collaboration and success and stuff. I've never been like physically that I don't like hold my best friend's hand and stuff. But I feel like I'm zero or 100. Like I'm either being so fucking mean to you.

But if you want, I will literally be like, you are so amazing and you're worthy. And I love you. I don't really have an in between. I just feel like I have like three girlfriends that I genuinely am like I love you and I trust you with my whole, like I'll tell you anything

and I don't think twice about it. And you're one of them obviously. But I was on TikTok the other day and there was this like, I don't know if she was a psychologist or like what she was, but she was on like a podcast doing like an interview. And she was saying how like one of the biggest like misconceptions is that like women should have like all of these friends and like every like girl growing up or like even as an adult,

like you want like a big group of girlfriends And she was like if you have one friend like one true friend like you're doing better than most people Like it really isn't wow like that in real life like so take stock of like who that one friend is and I saw that And then I texted you that I love you Wait, you're so cute, but I'm still so worried about you. No, definitely. Don't call off any of what are those things called when the hospital comes and gets you?

Like a 550 hold. Like, definitely don't lose their number. But I also, it does feel good as a friend to be appreciated. And in that moment, it did make me feel really good because she's not texting every bitch this. No, no, no. She's not texting every bitch this. But also, when you're in your 30s,

I feel like you really only have so many people left who are the real ones. Yeah. And I have, I'm the same way, I have three to four girls that at any time I could just be like, I love you so much and they'll be like, I love you, you're my favorite. And then I like go about my day. Like there's one, this is also a really big compliment to you. In like my most, in like them recent years, the one weekend that I felt like, oh my god, I left that weekend.

Like I love being a woman. Like I love love having girlfriends like I just love being a fucking girl Was your bachelor at party. I mean honestly same that we can change We can for whatever reason change in my fucking life like I think of that It's also be fully honest you're me and you are not only like very like we're competitive We're driven and we also are boy crazy like let's be honest We're two boy crazy bitches and I didn't have time to like deal with like why I should love women I'm like yeah, they're great. Okay. Well, I need to do all this shit But now that you're older you're like there's the only people fucking

Your bachelor at party is my Roman Empire You're a badger at party is my Roman Empire Wait, I literally text it does how often you think about the Roman Empire and he didn't answer But he studied history in college, so I feel like does Craig think about the Roman I asked him and then he was like so annoyed after I told him it was like a tick-tock and I didn't record it. I'm gonna ask my dad But Craig was like yeah, I think about it probably like once a week What is our Roman Empire? Laguna Beach Kind of

I mean like a little bit but like not really um no, honestly your your bachelor party is my Roman Empire Something I thought about, oh, I know. My Roman Empire is years and years and years ago. I don't even know where I heard it or where I saw it. But like, there was a thing that it taught all women that you should rinse your hair with cold water. So from the day that I heard that, I've done that for the rest of my life. Like, I don't know if that is real or if that works, but that's my Roman Empire and I think about it a lot. Like, I have to seal the ends of my hair with cold water.

For people who don't know, the girls are asking their significant others how often they think about the Roman Empire guys and apparently guys think about it all the time. So I'm trying to think like what girls think about all the time? Getting kidnapped. Yeah, getting murdered. I literally yesterday, I was out, I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to a vintage store in Houston, I go outside and I was with my feature, Andrew Callum.

And I literally was like, if you weren't here, I wouldn't be able to walk to the store. Okay. Cause some cities are just like empty. Not to bring up like TikTok again, but I saw this other girl post. And I tried to like see who the girl in the video was, like talking, but the person that it posted it, like wasn't her, whatever.

But she was talking about how like, it's cool now, an hour society for like, women to say like, I hate men, like we hate men, and then there's other women being like, oh, she's like a pick me. She just says that, like she doesn't actually hate men, but she's other women being like, oh, she's like a pick me, she just says that, like she doesn't actually hate men, but she was kind of breaking it down. And she was like, the women that legitimately hate men should be protected and like, it should be okay for them to hate men because we are the only group

that like any suppressed group is allowed to like dislike their suppressor and like men for like ever have always like told us what to do and like they're the ones that like kill us and like this. Well that's the concept of men are like don't make fun of short men and I'm like you guys like make fun of everything about women's physical. Yeah and like so we're like punching up they're punching down. Yeah. And so they were like, and then we're supposed to like love them.

And like some women do love them. And like some women are in between. I would say we're in between, like we love them and we hate them. And then there are women that legit just hate them. And they should be allowed to hate them. Because if you really think about it, like men kill us. Like that's the craziest thing to think.

All I'm saying is like I feel like everyone should love men with sleeping with one eye open. Like you cannot fully trust them, but like you will find, I'm not saying not all men, but like not all men, there are some, and I do think there is this bad reputation of like feminist or these like a man hating angry women, but it's like no They're just like aware of situations also a lot of us have been really fucking hurt by men in our life

Like whether it's like physical mental like it's happened to us. Yeah, not that women can't you know Emotionally torture a man which like good for you To do please teach us a masterbook. No, right in ebook. I love how we just became a gender woman's studies certificate class in college right now. That's another bit that I've recently realized that I've become committed to. Like if anyone ever like is talking about something like Craig will explain a lot of things to me about like war and like just like whatever is going on in the news and I'm like half listen.

I know you didn't ask. No, I definitely didn't ask. But if there's ever something where like I'm done listening to it, but like I don't want a person to be like offended, I would say, oh, I wish there was an ebook on that so I could read more. Like, like I wish there was an ebook on whatever you're talking about, but also shut up. Yes, like what was it called when you didn't read the book in college? It was like some perk notes, spark notes, spark notes.

That shit saved my life. Also women supporting women we have to discuss. Obviously we've been commenting on each other's Instagrams for a while, but I think recently I've been posting more photos. I used to just do tweets, then I was doing stand-up videos, and now I'm posting some more photos, because I'm a fashion girl.

Right. Your comments blow up on every single one of my photos to the point that I posted something yesterday, and someone goes, everyone out here just waiting for pages comment. Hi! Have taken on this persona where like all I want to do is roast people like that I love in comments and really when I have notifications

for I really don't but like I should for when you and Craig post because you're my favorite people to troll on the internet. I don't troll you. And merely as much as I troll him. No, but your comments are always like really fucking good, whether it's like really fun. It's just always fucking good. There's levels. It's like, you're a novelist.

I feel like I post on Instagram more than you. Like when you post it's like an event. Like when you post everyone's like, oh my god, she's finally posted. And it's like, this is the last three years in my life. Yeah. And you posted recently And it's like, this is the last three years in my life. Yeah. And you posted recently and I was like, wait, I need to post an epic comment

because she's been posting epic comments on mine. And I over thought this comment, like I was like deleting, I was changing letters, I was like, do I do emoji, not emoji? I forget what I wrote, but I remember looking at other people's comments, like, okay, that was like fun. Yeah.

It wasn't like a great comment. So now I'm like very invested in like our comment on Instagram relationship. It's a fun game. I'm also insane. If I get a little dopamine, I go through my Instagram and I post the nicest compliments on any girly that I like. I'll literally be like, incredible. Wait, I've been doing that on TikTok too. No, come too. Like where I'm'm just like this is so funny great like I love following and then I'm like what am I

I love complimenting women right now I'm like I am mom on Facebook. So I'm like you're doing great like this. Oh my god Post more packs I feel like Chris Jenner because I feel like so much stuff is for the girlies right now like I you see an outfit and you're like she fucking Yeah, like went off and this was for me. This wasn't for the girlies right now. You see an outfit and you're like, she fucking went off. And this was for me, this wasn't for the men. I mean, quick question though. What's four plus four mean? Is that a Gen Z thing that I missed?

Four plus four equals eight. Like I ate it up. Eight. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I didn't know that. How'd you figure that out? You can't even do math. I've honestly, I think I stole it from Ice Spice.

She commented something and was like four plus four and I was like, that's so good, I'm stealing that. I was Googling it like a dumbass and it was, nothing was coming up and I'm like, what the fuck does this mean? I'm like I'm the Gen Z correspondent. How does she know something I know? That was so Gen Z of me. Also, I realized my toxic trait. Which is? I will watch like a whole TV series and just like never watch the last episode and like not care.

Like bye. Hannah. Like okay. I did that with Game of Thrones. Never watch the last episode and like not care. Like bye. Hannah. Like okay. I did that with Game of Thrones. Never watch the last episode. That's actually probably one of the most diabolical things I've literally ever heard. How are you gonna watch a whole season and then not know what happens? Like do you like making up your own ending?

Are you nervous? You're not gonna like the ending? Like what? Wait, I haven't like dove deep because it's probably something super like fucked up that I should look into. It's probably anxiety. Yeah, like I don't, or maybe I want to feel like I'll always have it if I want. Yeah, like, no, but like Game of Thrones, I almost was like I don't give a fuck. It was almost rebellious. Like, oh everyone cares about the finale. I don't. And then no one liked it. And I'm like, well, I didn't even watch it.

Do you get sad when you're watching a full series? And then it's over? Maybe you don't want to watch the last episode because you don't want that. OK, I finished that show. Like, it's over. You know, I think when it's a good show, I will watch the end.

But I've watched so many shows, like 90%. And I'm like, this show doesn't deserve the wrap up. That's a good show. I will watch the end, but I've watched so many shows like 90% and I'm like, this show doesn't deserve the wrap up. That's... I'm like, I'm not even getting the chance. That's probably one of the craziest things I've ever heard. This was a funny thing that happened. I was walking down the streets of New York City with Craig and I was like, oh, I was showing

him like our spotter and lantern flies that we have. And I was like, oh, I was showing him like our spotter and lantern flies that we have. And I was like, oh, these are our bugs. In New York, that are like really, they're really having a moment right now. Like everybody's talking about them. And he was like, oh, that's so like crazy. Like what, what's like wrong with them? And I was like, I don't know, but you're supposed to kill them if you see them. And he was like, oh, okay, interesting.

We go home that night. I'm sitting on the couch. There's, I'm watching like regular TV. There's a commercial for the lantern flies. Like for New York City, it's like a PSA commercial. And it's like, if you see them, like kill them. And I was like, that's so crazy. I've never seen a commercial, like telling you, been like, murmur murmurable like that we should be telling them like what like that so nuts and Craig starts like laughing And I was like is not like kind of crazy like I'm surprised like there's no like activists being like don't kill these bugs

And like how dare they have a commercial and Craig like starts laughing and he's like that's so like New York of you guys you have like a bug problem and you're like getting rid of it and I was like why what's like what's the difference and he was like in the South there's commercials for like wild hogs that you and they like suggest that you shoot them like on site and I was like oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. That is the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard. Like when he's like, yeah, like if you go to like North Carolina and like watch a TV commercial, they have like a real big like hog problem. Another hog out in my doorstep.

God damn it. And I was like, okay, our eyes are just like annoying, but New Yorkers are like look we're really busy. We got a lot of shit to do these flies are pissing me off If you see one give it a smack, okay? Smack it in the head Craig is like yeah, you just have to punch it like a shark and it goes away But I feel like New York has the fly problem because we don't have other animals to kill them But like I'm not gonna be out here,

what are we supposed to kill it with? Like, might fake Fendi, what am I gonna kill? No, I know. Like, there's like one in my walking path, all actively step on it, but I'm not like. Oh, it's on the ground. Yeah, they're mostly on the ground. When I see them, they're mostly on it.

Do you know that I had no idea about this story? Like, where have I been? Have you seen the lanternflies? They're like the spotted bugs? No. Okay. Is it on the news? Is it on TikTok?

Because it's not on TikTok. I didn't see it. It's in real life. Okay, then I didn't see it. Never came across my desk, honestly. Like, if you walk around anywhere in New York City and just like look on the ground, they're there. They're like on the trees.

Like they're just annoying or do they like kill something? They, um, I don't know if they kill anything, but I know that they eat trees. Oh, that's bad. And I think they're just like overpopulated. Because trees help with oxygen. Yeah. And we need oxygen to live. Yeah. So murder on. So if you want to live your life, you have to murder them. Okay, I'm not going to ask, honestly, I don't want to ask you more questions about that because I need to do my own research. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts

In Uber Account for your teen with enhanced safety features Your teen can request a ride with top-rated drivers and you can follow their ride in the Uber app. Uber Teen Accounts invite your teen to join your Uber account today Available and select locations, see app for details. I also lost in fantasy football this week so I'm kind of of in a mood like it's just like I'm a little off What I know who do you do a fantasy football league with? Okay, so Taylor striker's wife messes just me and she's like do you have time to do fantasy football?

And I immediately respond yes even though you have no time actually don't so then I do the draft and I thought I retired because I won once and I was gonna retire on top. I also literally got eight gray hairs because I was so emotional. Cause you will lose a game cause you didn't put the right guy in and a guy in your bench will score

or a guy will get injured. It's all out of your control and I need to be in control. I hate this. So I don't really get it. Like while the game is going on, you're going online and being like, hey, put this guy in right now for mine.

So you have to pick your lineup beforehand. So you draft like a bunch of random players. So what happens is that Sunday, this is sports buckets. You go to the bar, you know, there's like tons of different football games. You look at your phone and you see which players you have. So you'd be like, okay,

I want the running back on that team to score and I want the defense on that team to get an interception. So it just makes watching football more fun for people. I'm not even watching football. I'm just on my phone trying to win. I was just going to say, is Dez like a big football watcher? No, he's like European. He likes soccer or what they call it, big soccer football, whatever. And he likes watching the Metzalus. What's the name of your team?

Hannah Slam Dunk team. It was something I made like five years ago. It's like Hannah Slam Dunk team. But I, so I cheated. The first week of the first year. I cheated. I posted on my Insta story and I said, girlies, this is my lineup. What do we think?

And the girlies, I had like 400 messages. People were like, move this guy here, move that guy here. Hey, I ran this by my friend. You should, so I won last week, two weeks ago. And then this week I lost, and I don't feel good about myself. I feel like I could have done better. And that's something I have to work on

that like success does not equate to happiness. Here's the good news. I can be a loser and still worthy, right? Yeah absolutely. I've dated so many of them. Here's the good news on your fantasy football. It's not real. So don't worry about it. It's literally made up. I mean I did put a hundred dollars into it. Oh, that's nice. That's fun. Yeah Okay, something that the people aren't talking about that I feel like I can't be the only one that's noticed this Obviously like Tom and Jizelle got divorced and he's like in a love triangle with Bradley Cooper and I rena shake and like I don't know I feel like Jizelle has been like out and about I feel like she was out like a few fashion week things And she's just like living her life and whatever how come nobody's talking about that they have the same face

If you Jizelle and Tom Brady if you put long hair on Tom Brady, that's Jizelle I do feel like a lot of couples look like brother and sister and they are one of them. They're for sure one of them. Like they siblings or dating, like for sure. Or they've just been to the same plastic surgeon and they started to mold. It's just starting to really freak me out.

Like I can't really look at pictures of them anymore. And when he was at the US open, everyone was commenting on all of his movements. He was fixing his hair. I don't know, I was just like, that's Trisa. I just have to say, having your ex in the public eye seems like a fucking nightmare. Because to move on, you have to go cold turkey fucking nightmare. Because like, you have to move on, you have to go cold turkey, you have to block, you have to like not think about them. Imagine every time you go on your phone,

you see your ex and who they're fucking, like that's crazy pants. No. That's why she's sober, because she was like, I'll drink myself into oblivion. I need to sober up and meditate. No, I'll do a tequila text message.

Like I wouldn't be able to. I'd have to block everything. I'd have to block anything that would ever post him. Like I don't follow like certain things like page six or people magazine, like I just don't like look, like I have them muted, like I don't like look at it. Yeah. Because I don't like what if I saw someone where I'm like I fucking hate that person and

Imagine it and being your ex like fuck off Do you know how many people I have mutin? Yeah, no the mute button is People don't talk about it enough People don't talk about them like I'm friends with everyone But muted Like I'm friends with everyone, but muted If anything I feel like I have more of my friends mute like I have arch namaste muted But then I have like and you're like really good friends muted The people I want to see are the people I don't know that I'm like making up so true because I think I think No, that I'm like making up scenarios in my head. Because I think your friends, Instagram knows they're your friends,

so they show you them like too much and you're like, we get in like, we know, I was with her, I saw her wear that. Like I don't need this photo. Come is something I don't know. Your closest friends are not muted, but like your close friends are muted and then the like peripheral friends, that's all you see on your beach. And like my arch nemesis where like it would be, you can't like block. You can't like unfollow or block, so you have to meet them.

Because you're like, I'm not looking at you. And then my for you page, now and then, is like, tries me. My for you page, fucking tries me. And I'm like, how dare you? My for you page is still mostly tennis and cat videos. And weird outfits. I'm very into weird outfits right now, Paige. What's called like bloke core or something? What?

Bloke core is a combination of soccer uniforms and something really girly and kind of into it. And it's called bloke core. I think it's called bloke or a block-hate core. I don't know. I think it's called bloke or a bloke block head core. I don't know. I think I made it up. I just like it made a very weird fashion space. I will say that like running shorts like Nike running shorts are very in like instead. Like Adam Sandler. No like like shorter ones. Not like basketball. Oh like spandex., not like basketball. Oh, like Spandex. No, not like a biker short. Oh, like cargo. No.

Like a win breaker, like a type, like a running. Yeah, like I said in the beginning, like a running short. Hailey Bieber actually, your girl, like kind of put it on where it's, like she'll wear like a Nike running short, a sneaker, a hat, and like a cute little tee, but like her makeup and we'll be done in show of earrings on. Kind of similar to how you would wear,

like we used to wear like a biker short and like an oversized sweatshirt or a tee, if you like switch it out for running shorts, like more on trend. Do you remember Sophie Shorts, the ones that are like cotton that you, they literally were an African, that you would just roll up.

I wore them to cheerleading practice. Like, and if you did two, if you did two, like, rolls yours? But, or if it wasn't just the white, it was like the double. Your labia is fully out. You're a slut.

You like, you had just lost your virginity and that's how you were letting everyone know. I don't know why but I saw Haley Bieber's nails recently and they were like a yellow French manicure and I think I'm gonna go yellow this week. Okay. Or like a yellow chrome. I'm just keeping you guys posted on. Yeah, keep us a, keep us a breast. The artistic journey. Why did you write girls who beat up two girls for her mom? Oh, this is old, but we never talked about it. Did you see that video? They were at like a country concert and these two girls

like started like beating up this mom. And the daughter comes from nowhere and like this young, pretty, blonde hair blue-eyed, like cute little girl comes from out of nowhere. She's that her mom is like in like a scuffle with these two girls and just beats the shit out of them. And she was like, like takes both their heads and puts them like that. No, like literally they were like standing in front of Porta Potty. She kicks the girl into the Porta Potty.

She falls into it and then she shuts the door. Wait, that is like killbill shit. That's incredible. So they were like interviewing her and they were like, are you like a fighter? Like, what? And she was like, she was like, never in my life have I ever been in a physical altercation?

Like, I don't know how to fight. But she was like, my fighter flight just like turned on and like, that's my mom and I'm not gonna let like these two girls like beat my mom up. So I just like, it just was like adrenaline. And it was so good and I was like, oh my god, I would totally push a bitch

into a porta-poddy for my mom. I think that that girl should join WWE. Right? I'm very into taking a viral moment. I think that that girl should join WWE. Right. I'm very into taking a viral moment. I'll be her manager. Take a viral, like that kid who got vio for singing in a wall green or wall mort.

And now he like tours. No. He was like yodeling. She should like go into like NXT and then be like the new WWE like Diva. Carmela. And her whole thing could be like beating people up and like throwing them in a portapati.

We should contact. We should contact her. You can be her manager slash agent, all style her and give her media training. Do you think that would step people with her long fingers? I feel like we could at like some point in our lives be like, okay, now let's like run someone else's career. I always pretend I'm everyone's agent. Yeah, like I will Unprovoked be telling people shit. No, I'll be like look at least I will say at least once a month

I get a text from Hannah that's like hey I've been thinking and I think you should and she'll give me like a whole list of like things that I should be working on and like doing on TikTok or like and I don't ever do them but they're great ideas like I'm like wait I've I wasn't so lazy I do that for sure I feel like I'm an idea person so it's always coming in sometimes I'm not trying to think of ideas for you but if it naturally hits me you're like I have to tell you. I get it, I got it, how it hurts.

And then if it blows up, then I, you literally owe me your life. You know what I mean? People are like, how are you so helpful to people? Like I like to introduce couples. It's because I want people to like, on their deathbed be like, thank God for Hannah Burnett. Actually, people don't talk about that enough.

On you that you've introduced, how many couples that have gotten married, two, three? Two, one purpose, three, by accident. Actually, I think I forgot one. It's so many. But that's a talent. It's a talent, and I think it's because I can't tolerate most men, so when I can,

it's like they're pretty good. Yeah, and you're like, wait, I have someone for you. I also keep a roadex in my head, because I'm married, so I love living by caracy through my friends, so when I meet a girl who's like, she's funny, she's smart, she's cute. I'm like, are you single? She says yes, and then I go, what kind of guy are you looking for?

I think in my Rolladex, and I literally have an Excel doc in my head if I knew how to use Excel. It's so funny, because I just genuinely, like every time you say you're married, I get like shocked. Same. I don't, but here's the thing, I don't think of you as my married friend,

but I also don't think of you as my single friend. Like I just think of you as like, I feel like I'm just out of the game. I'm just like retired from the game. Like I just think of you as like a human because it's not like when you got married, I was, Oh my God, like I can't go out anymore with Hannah. Like she's not like like I didn't I wasn't I didn't think that at all. So it's just like this is fucked up. Getting married has literally just helped me like focus on

me more, which I still selfish, but like I used to wake up and it was like, Okay, you got to get the hinge. You got this. mind games my playing with this person who do I like? Yeah, what am I trying to what did I say? What do I wait like it was so Consuming and now I'm like that with my career Because I'm like oh I have yeah check that box and now you can focus But I'm also an anxious person and I feel like I'll whatever I am like a little nervous about I put like all my energy and too much and I definitely had those moments where like I feel like whatever I am a little nervous about, I put all my energy in too much. And I definitely had those moments where I'd let a guy ruin my day or month or even my year.

No. And then you look back and you're like, what the fuck was that about? I've had a boyfriend take a solid four years of my life. Where I'm just like, where was I? But it's so crazy because in this moment you think, like, I'll never get over this or how will I move on? I'll never financially come. You really fucking move on.

Like you literally can get like, like, the egg is so real when you meet someone new. Yeah. And you realize it's so made up. Yes. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts In Uber Account for your teen with enhanced safety features Your teen can request a ride with top-rated drivers And you can track every trip on the live map in the Uber app Uber Teen Accounts Invite your teen to join your Uber account today

Available in select locations, see out for details We've made a lot of girly spra break up with their boyfriends on this pod. How do we feel about that? Empowered. Because I feel great. I don't... Here's how I think, too. We've made a lot of girls break up with their boyfriends because they're shitty.

But if they're meant to be with that person, they'll come back. Yeah, which is a way of saying break up with him. I also, I also think if you are, you know, when you start googling, like, should I feel this way? Yeah. Or like, am I in the right relationship or should I break up with him? You fucking know the answer. Whenever the googling starts, you know, it's done. I remember googling is he a narcissist and that was like I'm okay see here's the thing I'm because I'm so fucking crazy yes that's so true but I feel like every boyfriend I've ever had I've always looked up symptoms for like different things where I'm just like, but what is bipolar disorder?

You know, like do, like maybe they haven't checked into it. But I do think people have to remember that everyone has issues. It's about finding the issues that you wanna deal with because once you're being in a relationship and like, versus talking to a guy is so different. Once you're in a relationship, you have to like hear about their day.

You have to deal with their own anxieties. When you're just looking at him from afar, you're like, he's just like hot and carefree. And everyone has insecurities and those insecurities trigger different responses or reactions. And when you're with someone, you have to realize like

What are their insecurities? But you can't like come out and say like You're insecure about this because they might not have realized it So then you can tell like by how they react to something like in that moment If they're being just like insecure and like it's triggering them and they're like projecting it on to you or like if you did something wrong like It's so intense and like for me I'm so emotionless so it's like so much harder she's like and then I have to fake empathy and it's just exhausting because like sometimes something will happen and I'll be like okay I don't like the way I feel so I just going to sit in silence and like stare until like, like, get out of it or like figure something out. And like, Craig is so not like that. So he can't like

understand how I'm just like, so blank about certain things where I'm just like, I'll never talk about it ever ago. But that's your reaction from like your past traumas of like what was easiest for you to cope? Yeah I Remember sometimes it's not your fault like it's their past relationships And I don't like know exactly why but I remember the first time does went to play volleyball and it was like a like Five-hour tournament and he called me every 45 minutes and he was really cute But he was like hey, just checking in and I first I'm like this is cute and then he did it like four times and I was like this is someone fucking yelled at him. Someone fucking freaked out and tore him up.

Was it you that at least call and say you're fucking busy. So he was it was like early on and he was like trying to be so good and I had to be like hey I'm literally taking the best shit of my life because I've been holding it in for three weeks. You, nothing has happened in the last 30 minutes. I don't have, I honestly am enjoying like me scrolling to my channel. My channel.

Kind of, you're ruining it. Yeah. But a lot of it is like, you, they'll either evolve from their past traumas or you just have to like learn that it's not personal. It's like their own shit. Knowing that stuff is impersonal is honestly my thirties. I used to take things so personal in my twenties.

That's so cute. I was like, how can they not see me? How can I get me? Even friendship shit, I'd be like, how could you ever do this to me where now I realize nothing is about me. It's never about me. It has nothing to do with me.

I'm a literal made up character in some people's heads That is just a reflection of their life and you just once you can disconnect from that You're like we're all just trying to survive here projecting on each other. No, that's what it is I recently got into like a little not like fight or like physical altercation Now I didn't like you fought a you fought a girl porta-pottie. I didn't stop a girl's head in a porta-pottie or anything, but like got into like a little bit of like a whatever with a girlfriend and I kept like complaining about it to Craig and I was like, I just don't get like what,

like maybe everything's true that everyone says about me, like I'm the worst, like I'm just like all this stuff. And he was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like you literally haven't done anything. And now you're taking all of this and putting it on yourself. And it's the same for like friendships and boyfriends. Like a lot of this shit that like you fight about with a friend or a boyfriend literally has nothing to do with you. And that's like the best, not even come back, but the best thing to be like, okay, this has literally nothing to do with me, and I just happen to be in the wrong place

at the wrong time. You should deal with this on your own. Oh my God, that is such a good thing. Like wrong place, wrong time is such a good thing to tell yourself, because a lot of the time that is it, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people in the wrong situation, and then you just go, excuse me.

Yeah. Just excuse yourself. No, excuse me. Like, and I have to go. But like, I'm a Scorpio. I'm in the wrong place. I'm a Scorpio. So, like, yes, I can identify that and recognize that.

Like, OK, this has nothing to do with me. But then, like, internally, I'm like, but now you've crossed me. And now, I'll never look at you again. Yes, but see, I'm a Leo, so I'm like, okay, well everything is about me. Yeah. Everyone was thinking about me, and I'm still here, and how dare you! Also, a bit that I want to bring back is us saying that's Hollywood baby. That's Hollywood baby.

No, we used to say that showbiz. That showbiz baby. And that's a showbiz. That's showbiz. Let's get into some front page news. I feel like there's so much. First, Halle Berry and Drake. Okay, I feel like that story hasn't been picked up enough. So the cover of Drake's album is a picture of Hallibary at the Nickelodeon, like whatever their awards used to be. I don't even think they do those anymore, but whatever.

Yeah, the slime. Yeah, and she's getting slime. in like comments by celebs where someone asked her like, how do you feel about being like Drake's cover art? And she was like, I'm pissed about it. Like, I don't, I didn't approve that. Like, I, I'm mad about it. And then someone commented at her and was like, well, you don't own, even though you're in the picture, you don't own that photo.

Like someone took that photo. So I'm sure Drake went to like, getty images or whatever and bought the photo and is using it like legally. So like why are you but hurt about it? And she commented back and said, yes, I know I don't own the photo, but Drake asked me if he could use that photo of me, like he obtained it legally and whatever, but asked my permission if he could use it and I told him no and he did it anyway. So that's why she's pissed because she's like, why even ask if you know at the end of the day you're going to do whatever you want anyway.

Okay, I don't like that at all. It's giving Kanye Taylor Swift. It's giving Kanye Taylor Swift. It's giving Kanye Taylor Swift. I asked you and as an artist, as a woman of the arts, like what was so important about that photo that he had to like cross someone together? And there's also an embarrassing photo.

It's not like she looked so hot, like it's her getting slime. There's also a new thing happening with the men because we tried to teach them like if you're just truthful and you're honest, like it's easier for us to deal. But then the men started being really truthful and honest. And we were like, okay, just because you're being honest doesn't mean you're not being an asshole.

And that's like you still shouldn't be doing that. Like just because you're telling me, hey, I cheated on you, doesn't mean it makes it right. Like, for any more right, because you're honest. And this is such a bit like a Drake album. The whole fucking world sees it. Also Haley Barry, Halle Berry is very private. And she's also one of the most beautiful talented women of our time. So I'm actually going to punch a wall about this. I'm very upset because imagine I text you and it's a photo of me and you and I go

can I post this photo? And you're literally like, had I don't look good in it. You look amazing. I look terrible. And I go ahead and post it. That's enough to lose trust. You'd be like, hello.

Did we not just talk about this? Like what was I in a different universe? Like, yeah, no, it was fucked up of him. And it's like taking away her autonomy by not only heard literally saying I do not want you to do this also it's not like the the photo like is that like I don't necessarily like it's not cool but like it's not like that no I don't get it like it's his whole song about how you bit very getting slimed and why does it have to be like it goes with like the album or anything like it's his whole song about how you bet very getting slimed and why does it have you know it goes with like the album or anything like if it was like a picture of Kim Kardashian like

okay I get it it's like drama it's like whatever like but what did how you very have to do with that do you remember one Kanye made like all the celebrities nude oh my god wait that was a fever dream that was a fever dream but I was a fever dream. They were all lying in like an orgy together. Yeah like Donald Trump was in it Taylor Swift was in it that was no we should have checked on him then. Yeah also the whole concept of sliming celebrities was wild. Imagine getting your hair makeup done for eight hours and then and being hallowy berry and getting slimed. I hope she got paid like stupid money for that because I would be like absolutely not. I would love a like true true real documentary on Nickelodeon. The skeletons in that channel's closet. No I would

love like a true true documentary on Nickelodeon. Like, I've seen all the things where people say like he was obsessed with the feet, like the guy that created it. Yeah, and there's just been too many child stars that look, I'm still, I love Amanda Bines and that bitch needs justice. No, Same. Justice for Hallibary, justice for my fantasy football team and justice for a man's apartment.

And justice for the guy on the plane that was reading the whole time, who knows? He could have a girlfriend who's a giggler and is like, oh my god. Or maybe he was studying to become a doctor to solve cancer and you were making fun of him. Yeah, but he didn't seem like work stuff. It seemed like just fun reading that he did for six hours. Do you know that like a lot of girls are really into, I don't even know what it's called,

but like books that are like the romance novels that are like dirty. You know guys will watch porn and then try to do like crazy shit. I think it's happening to girls where they'll be like hit me with a brick and the guys like excuse me And she's like no like like they like we don't even know the things that people could do cuz like like when 50 shades of gray came out Like all like all the girlies were freaking out and then like I feel like we all tried something and we were like better not This is the thing like it's so hard for a woman to come in general. How are you gonna come while also fighting for your life?

I'll never understand. No, I don't wanna be in physical pain. I also understand fear, people are gonna get off on fear, but I'm scared just existing. I'm scared that everything in my life's gonna fall apart. I don't need a guy choking me. Yeah, at least not until like loss of air. Yeah, at least not the one pipe. Sophia Richie, did you see her brief bun drama?

No. The internet will yell about anything. Like this girl just tries to do a lazy girl hair style. She was like, it's wet, it looks slick back already. I'm throwing it in a bun and everyone came for her. Like that's breaking your hair. Like don't do that. Oh my god, Sophia,

but you don't tell girls to do that. Like if I had a nickel, my hair's like that right now. And with a little hair strike boom, done. She's ready. I also thought it was so nice of her to like tell us actually What she does like not gay keep right and the truth is no one fucking knows what they're doing That's what we learned from this and just do what you feel comfortable in and what you what works best for you

Also, like your hair's not gonna fall off like because you put it in a wet bun a few times like that was my whole childhood Yeah, if you go outside with your hair wet, you're gonna die and get chlamydia. Also Jen Shaw and Elizabeth Holmes are in jail together and apparently they're friends. And that's the real housewives that I want to watch, real housewives of jail. No, like, throwing to research you guys. You know, like, are you ever in a a situation where like you're just like, what decisions did I make in my life that like God thought that like I should be in this exact situation right now?

Like what is the lesson here? Like what am I? Yeah, whenever you're sitting on a guy's face spacing out at the one front of you, like why the fuck am I in Staten Island? Um, like why? Yeah, I've actually, I've had that. Every time I suck a dick, I'm like, how did I get here? One time I had that, this is like going back like a lot of years, but I'll never forget

it. I was in hope. I woke up in Hoboken. And my friend, my friend had left me like went back to the city You would have thought that I was in like the south of Florida and she flew back to New York I was like you left me in Hoboken. She's like literally get on the path train And I'm like no like where am I? I don't know how to get home You're like that's like picking the Oregon trail

I was like what do I even I was like, I gotta get an Uber home. Like I can't get on this train with my shoes on. But anyway, do you ever, like, do you think they'd just drop or like Elizabeth Holmes or just like sitting there and they're like, how the fuck? Like I mean, I feel like I would start laughing if I was in jail because I was just like,

there's no way I'm in jail right now. She's like, hi, big fan, you're way I'm in jail right now. She's like hi big friend. I'm a big friend of your work. But also this is worrisome to me. Like as a lawmaker I would not want two conniving bitches in the same like they're coming up with their next scale. Yeah. They're coming up with something. Coming up with something. Like they're gonna come out with something fucked up. And I don't, I don't think you should put all the like, white collar crime people together,

because they'll come up with all these like, white collar scams and what is it? Blue collar, whatever the other one is. They're all figuring out like, weapon shit. I have a really important question. What? If you were in jail, you know how like when you're in jail, you have to like get certain job.

That's your, that's your Roman Empire is were in jail, you know how like when you're in jail you have to like get certain job That's your that's your Roman Empire is being in jail. Yeah, that's my Roman Empire for sure I think about going to jail and like getting arrested a lot of times Okay, so If you were in jail, you know how like you sometimes you have to get like a job like within the jail Like and it shows like good behavior and you like you like go work What what would you like elect to do? Like what would you want to do?

I would be in like the creative class where I'm like we're writing poems. Okay. We're writing poems and I'll be like, hey, city slicker, what did you come up with? Hey, little scrappy. Did you come up with everyone as a nickname? Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Hey, hot scrappy. You know that everyone is a nickname. Hey, hot mama bear. What did you come up with? You're writing on a jog board. You're like, here's our prompt for today. All right, we do water color. I would be the art teacher slash creative writing. Yes. I feel like I would get involved in sports,

but I'd get too competitive when I get involved with a game. And then like I'd be facing off in gangs, and that's again, wrong place, wrong time for me. Wrong place, wrong time for me. Yeah. No. Sorry. I guess we're your gonna be.

I have to start using that in conversation. Like look, this is just wrong place, wrong time for me. And I have to go. Instead of Irish eggs, I think that's the only thing I'm gonna do. Yeah, look, this is just wrong plays wrong time for me. And I have to go. Instead of Irish eggs today, that's an idea. Yeah, you can guess mine. We're, okay yours, well obviously, is there a place for outfits? Here's where I thought about this.

I think I would get so jacked. Like all I would do is work out. I think that's when I'd become a yoga instructor. Like I would be teaching the meditation yoga. I could see you becoming the meditation yoga girl because you're like, look, it has to get really dark to get here and now I'm bettering myself. And the second they release you for good behavior.

You're gonna do something fucked up where everyone's going to be like, she faked it. Like, she wasn't this like crazy, yogi, holy girl. Like, she was writing all of her enemies in her journal and crossing off how she's going to take them down. I come in a billy. It's intended to be a yoga. I come in a billy myself out of jail for sure.

Yeah. That's what I think. Um, and then I'd get out and like, open a yoga for sure. Yeah, that's what I think. And then I'd get out and like open a yoga studio, but secretly it's like, you go there to hire a hitman. Yeah, like your drug trafficking, like, like jewels. Yeah, oh my God, I'd love to have like a heist. Yeah. Okay, well, we're getting arrested after this episode.

I want to let people know because we we're so obsessed with our newsletter. We obviously, it was a lot of admin, and obviously we fucked up. We didn't expect to get as many email addresses as we got. The system we had literally couldn't handle it, and we were like, figure it the fuck out. This is like basic admin. So we now have a new, we're with MailChimp.

And we're very excited. We're paying for it, but it's gonna say I love MailChimp and they can hand all the emails to make sure you subscribe to our email list and we're updating our website so it's really clear when our live shows are, where our newsletter is, and we're gonna put all the past news letter in it. We have a live site. That was great admin. We have a lot of admin.

And Toronto's on sale. Chicago's going to be on sale. And New York, there's like one seat left. So like fight a bitch for it. Very exciting. Pages right now in LA, I'm in Arizona, but we will be home eventually. Yeah.

Thanks for giggling with us. We love you so much. See ya. Bye. with us. We love you so much. Yeah. Bye.