Giggly Squad - Giggling about Vegas, wrong sexts, and dirty martinis

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

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I'm in the day just got away from me. Okay. What is up? My Vegas gigglers. So we thought Vegas was gonna be lit and it is but the only thing that's lit is our eyeballs because the sun is so close to the ground here I feel like the sun is on my shoulder Like how am I holding the sun up for everybody in the world right now? It's so dusty and I don't mean that in the Gen Z way, like, dusty, like, legitimate dust.

Just like a smell to it and it's like a cactus died and someone snorted cocaine off it. It's also not to get serious because I do want to make fun of Vegas in a funny way, but in a serious way, I guess in a funny way, but like in a serious way. Okay, you know, like as a girl, just like it's just like born into you that like you're very aware of your surroundings. Like I hate when we do the podcast when we look at each other. I know it's really similar.

We don't want the go. Okay, I won't look at you during this go. But you know how you're just like super aware of your surroundings at all times. Like you're getting into an Uber, you know like you're just like super aware of your surroundings at all times like you're getting into an Uber You know like who's behind like you just know what's going on I've never been more fucking aware of my surroundings than in Vegas because I've never had More weird things simultaneously happen Hannah made me walk

happened. Hannah made me walk. Hannah made me fucking walk like four blocks to go get our nails done. I got the worst manicure I've ever gotten in my entire lifetime. But I couldn't walk to the one she was at because I literally couldn't find it. So I just went into like a random one. And you were like it's the one in the strip mall and I'm like Vegas is only strip balls. The strip mall never block. And literally four people like stopped their cars. And I don't know if they thought I was a hooker, just to yell things at me. And I was like, it's literally 10 a.

A dog did bark at me, and I almost shot myself. It was so scary. The guys here are fucking weird. We decided that Vegas is basically L.A. If it let itself go, it gave up on its dreams. It got a heroin addiction and took all of its savings and just spent it on Blackjack in one night. Vegas is a bunch of bright eyed, but she tailed people that moved to LA and was like, I'm gonna be an actress. And then they realized that like just doing cocaine and staying up was more fun so they all moved to Vegas and gave up on acting. Yes, also we're at a music festival but like

Vegas is a festival within itself. So we're doing a festival within a festival, we're doing a comedy show within a festival, within a festival. We are at the eye of the hurricane. I'm scared. It's terrifying here. There's a lot of people with shopping carts. Did you know? Oh, where is it? I'm in the shop. I was like, empty.

You're empty, too. I'm like, where is everybody getting these? And what are they putting inside of them? It is fun, but I could tell. You have to be in a certain mood, have a certain level of drugs in your system, and it's like small dose type place. It's not my vibe.

Didn't you want to do Vegas for your 30th? I now want to go to a wellness retreat for my 30th. So we've spoken about wellness retreats before. I've researched it before because I had to. That shit was like either expensive or it's like going to mountain and there's nothing there and just sit. And I'm scared that I'm going to be stuck in a wellness retreat and be miserable that I'm like forced to like meditate.

That's what I want. I want someone to force me to meditate. I've been looking them up online and I said to Kragha was like, I'm going to go to a wellness retreat I think. And he was like, what? And I thought he was like concerned for like my mental health. And he was like, what? And I thought he was like concerned for like my mental health. And I was like, no, like, I think like, I really wanna go somewhere for like seven days and just chill out and he was like,

she don't wanna go with me. Like, I wanted to go to a wellness retreat. Like, you have a whole other set of problems that you can do without a different retreat. You never, one time in your life said that you wanted to go to a wellness retreat you're just trying to come with me on my own. And Yoga is like a very funny thing. They all are like, I can't stretch.

Yeah. It was like, you're not coming on my wellness room. It is basically mind rehab. That's what I want. I want to go to one in like Utah. Yeah. Montana. Mm-hmm. Kanye. I want to go wherever Kanye is. Yeah Montana Kanye Where ever Kanye What did you see is doing press any kind of cool with his like sunglasses and beard? Okay, I don't know if it's this is just like the conspiracy theorist in me, but I don't think that was him

I was watching one of the interviews where he had like a full beard sunglasses and had on and I was like This is a stunt double. Like I'm convinced that that wasn't him. It's like him and Avril Lavigne are like in Cancun right now. Before we get into it we have so much good stuff to talk about, but I did something. One of the more embarrassing things I've ever done in my life yesterday but I'm more mature so I've like gotten past it. I think you missed it.

I think I did too because I can't think of anything. Because you're involved. Okay. I have a group chat with Paige and our CEO Elena who's here with us in Vegas where we like text everything and when I got to the festival I started trying to do the shuffle dance and all the girls are doing which turned out to look like an Irish jig and Dez text me and he's like, stop with the physical comedy. Like, it's not helping anyone. And I was like, I was trying to do this

and I sent the like jig dance video. And then I also sent it to you guys, the shuffle dance videos. But yeah, I know it's a big talk. And I was like, this is what I want to do. And then I text him and I basically was like, kind of a sex. I was like, hey, like, if you were here,

like, I'd go to music with you I'd go wait, wait, wait, keep going, keep going. I said if you were here I would play black shack with you, we go the pool and then we'd have sex and I send it and then like a minute later I go oh my god I sent it to wrong group chat. Okay, the best thing about that text is I just read it and just regard it as like, no, okay. So, did you know that you can delete text? So is it still on your text? Yeah.

So I thought I deleted it, but I just deleted it on my own text thread. Wait, wait, wait, the update is when you can delete text. I thought that I was like, oh my god, there's a new update. And I press edit and I press delete and I go, fugh. Wait, I'm trying. I realize, no, no, no, no. You're just deleting it on your own thread. Like, you can't unsend it. Then I go on my computer and Elena is liking that sex.

And I'm sending there like, let's just pretend it didn't happen and move forward. No one sent anything. I pretended it didn't happen. But Loki, I was a little sending there like, let's just pretend it didn't happen and move forward, no one sent anything. I pretended it didn't happen. But Loki I was a little embarrassed because like, it was, it was pretty boring sex. Yeah, it was kind of sex. I like places more from you. Well, that's the thing, I'm normally pretty good at it. You're sexed, it's just being like, hey, we could have sex.

Like, there's no four-ply. Do you and Des now that you're literally in a long-distance relationship? Do you and Des sexed? He will joke and be like, babe, we're married. We'll joke about us being married. You know, tell rooms, you know, when you feel sexy and you're like, if a dude was here. And then you're like, if they're just good lighting, I will send him like, artsy like, in a towel when I'm traveling. You and love in artsy nude.

I sent him the Tommy. Do you remember when Tommy posted his dick and he was like, Loki hot. I was into that. But like, did he mean to do that? Yeah. He posted on Instagram, Twitter, be real. Link to what's his name? Lee. Tommy Lee. So I looked at it, I sent it to him and I was like, send this to me and he goes, a little no. So our sex life is good. Yeah, it's just a round of gray.

But anyway, so I accidentally sexed it. My work chap, that was fun. And they didn't even care to us. Imagine if we were like a real working environment, to HR you'd be at HR all the time Can't a child have sex with us again. We're on a work trip You were here like in my room It's like Texelina on the side. I'm like don't go to a room. It's not safe It's like to the side you go this happens all time. Just don't respond

Elena did a thumbs up all the time just don't respond. I landed in a thumbs up. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I was so embarrassed. I didn't, I do this. I used to date a guy too, who I would ask him about things. And he just sitting with you, would just not respond.

Eventually, you'd get bored and just move on. I'd be like, are you gonna get a job soon? And it would just not respond. And it would be great tactic. So guys, don't respond. Or just do what US Open on Piresiers do and say thank you. I'm a big um like a voydder in all aspects of my life. But like in if I don't want I'm not texting back like if I don't want to I don't. Have you gotten better at

sexting since being in a long-distance relationship? Yeah, probably because Well, here's the thing Craig Craig is I love him very very much I really do because there's like little things that hold do that I know he really loves me and like hold go back and reread old sex from like us. Like, hold, hold type it. You know how like on your phone, you can type in a word and it'll come up. Like a Google search. Yeah, like in your text, hold type in a word and go back to like last August.

Tell it, he was like, I love this one. This one, my favorite one. And hold just like reread it. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my god like that But yeah Craig likes like Craig likes me to like set a scene Like so much ad I do so much adment for this man like I hold tell me like plots like before we Like I hold tell me like plots like before we start Basically, I'm a sex novelist. I really fun. Yeah. I'll set a whole mood board

Send him a Pinterest Is there one that you're really proud of? His kinks are like different. It depends on like where the moon is and like what he's like We're in Germany So like sometimes he likes me to make up like a fake vacation scenario. And are you yourselves or someone else? No, we're ourselves, but sometimes like all adding another character into the mix or like yeah like and this is all just text. Yeah I'm really setting like a, I'm writing a screenplay. Do you reread it to make sure it's okay? Are you just kind of going? No, I just kind of go. Do you get turned off if he like uses the wrong you or your

or like grammatical error in a sex? No, because he corrects that immediately. Even if you're sexting punctuality. Or punctuation. Is important. I just had Dr. Emily Morse on Burning and How she's like the leading sex therapist and we're talking about a lot of stuff about sex. But I want to listen to that one.

It's pretty good. So my problem is the admin. If you want to use a toy in bed, your toys have to be charged. Yeah. And when I'm not horny, I'm not thinking about charging my toys. But in the moment, you're not like, let's wait seven minutes for this to charge. Yep. And then you just are like, fuck it, let's go.

Even like if people are like, let's get another person involved, that is so much at. Like hypothetically, I'm down for another person realistically, no fucking way. Are you kidding? I'd gouge someone's eyes out. Like even people are like, oh, we go around and like find another person. That is, that's another job. I have sex did Craig before and he would be like, okay I don't want the other person. It's making me sad actually. I don't want.

You're imaginary person he doesn't want. I don't want a girl. I don't want to do that anymore. And I'm like, oh my god, you really like me. Even if, even if Des was like, let's get another person, I'd be like, oh, you're going out tonight? Yeah. Baby Falsy put nine. Um, I saw this thing on TikTok and I was trying to explain it.

Even though Craig is only 34, I tell him that he's 35, whatever. Even though Craig is 34, like he doesn't get certain things. So I like, well, like, old soul. Yeah, so I'll explain things I see on TikTok and hold it like, what does that even mean? One of my favorite moments was when I had to explain to him the Olivia Wilde Harry Styles situation, Chris Pine, he didn't know who Florence Pew was.

Like, I did it for 30 minutes. I had like different layers. Yeah, he was like, it felt like if we worked in an office, me coming home and telling him the office drama. So like I love, I love when your boyfriend knows nothing about a topic and he like, you have to explain it to him. So I saw this thing on TikTok

and it was this sex doctor and she was saying how women and men's initial thought when they're about to have sex is so completely different. Really? And how girls think, do I look hot? Where guys there never think do I look hot? No. Like ever.

No. And he, and I was like trying to explain it to Craig and he did, like he got it, but he didn't really get it. He was like, but I always think you look hot. Like don't even worry about that. And I was like, I know that you do, but you don't understand that this is like years and years of conditioning for girls to be like, I know that you do, but you don't understand that this is like years and years of conditioning for girls to be like, fuck, do I even look good in this position? And I was like, and so that's why people will be say, like girls don't come every time.

Yeah. Well, think about when a guy is getting a blow job and you like look up at him and he is like 70 chins and like, but he doesn't give a fuck. No. And he's just like, he's in somewhere. Yeah. But then when a guy's eating me out, I will purposely like turn my head My chin like No, I will like look Ah

accidentally like a pillow right under my like double chin or like when you were younger you'd be like You would like lie and say like oh, I don't like't like it or something, because you just didn't want them. Well, especially if you're a control freak, you're like, I haven't checked everything out down there. Right. That is fascinating and so true. And I have some stand-up bits about it, where it's like, yeah, like, look at him.

And also, men, the fact that a man can't tell if you cut your hair four inches, like says a lot. Yeah, he was like dumbfounded. He was like, wow, that sucks. Everyone thinks, I was like, shut up. Speaking of, what are you doing? Speaking of people, doesn't crack both love the gossip and the tea, which is really

like the backbone of our relationships, but I do have to say, does made me laugh so hard and I sent this to you and I have to to play it for the gigglers. And I love this man so much because of this one moment. This is does does doing from page news today. No, it's saying they're not in capitals with Gigi Adeed. What? He called her Gigi Adeed. Is that like an Irish thing or does he just didn't know?

No, no, no, no, no, her name is Gigi. Her name was Gigi Adeed and I let him call her Gigi Adid all day. Is that just like an illiteracy thing or why did he think that? It feels like a GIG, you know what you're right, it must be like an Irish language thing. But he said Gigi and I didn't tell him it's wrong. So you're letting this man walk around town saying Gigi Adid. He's friends home now. He's probably getting all his friends to call her Gigi too. That's amazing. Also imagine if your name was Gigi. Who? Your mom and Gigi Hadid. His friends don't know. He's probably getting all his friends to call her Gigi too.

That's amazing. Also, imagine if your name was Gigi. Who, like, your mom is Gigi. She's a Zimphagus. She's a Zimphagus. She's a Zimphagus. She's a Zimphagus. Also, I do have to say, I got, my nails done.

Paige was supposed to meet me. She got lost in another strip mall, whatever. And I was like, I have nothing else to do. Until later, I'm gonna get a massage. And like, I've gotten massages in like hole in the walls of New York. I've taken it all. I went to a time massage and I was like

can I have a 30 minute back massage? Pretty straightforward. They were like okay we'll focus on the back and I'm like you know when they say something they're like oh no this is gonna go wrong. This is gonna be interesting. It's probably wrong. She immediately goes can I stand on your back?

And I'm a yes girl. I'm a people's shirt. If my hair dresses like, can I shave her head? I get nervous. I'll be like, sure. She immediately goes on my back. And like, it actually was amazing. Like, she hit something in my lower back. How'd she get up on there? Who knows? Who? I mean, it felt like she was everywhere. Like she, like she, she was like hold on to my arms and trust me. And then she would like pull me back like the trust I had for the stranger and every one saw her face. Things you're doing all the time. And she was flipping me around like craziest sex ever had, the concertion.

And then yeah, one point, she, my lower back cracked, and I literally felt the generational trauma leaving my body. Like, it was incredible. Wow, I love that. But like, it was too scary for you to do. Have you seen those things on TikTok where girls are like, if you stretch this part,

you might start crying. Have you tried any of them? Look, I've cried during yoga. Have you? I've broken up with a guy because of a yoga class. No way. Because you just get like your brain gets really quiet and you start like reflecting on life and your like your body is just like open and I just started crying and I was like I'm

not happy. Wow, I'm going over on this. You should go to yoga. No, but when they're like this is like, this hip exercise is going to fix. I always want to try to. Oh, I am. All your depression, that's not true. But stretching is never bad.

But I don't have the patience to stretch. I'll stretch for four seconds, and then be like, OK, right, what's happening? Right. But you should try to stretch every morning. Let's get the party started. Some other stuff, Sharkootary boards are out, butter boards are in. You read this in the New York Times, right?

Yeah, in the New York Times. And they look gorgeous. It's like all this butter and they make it look really cool with like different flavors, honey, flowers. It's just, it's butter with shenan. Yeah. It's just an ease. It's just a prettier way to be like,

I'm eating a loaf of bread. Yeah. It's just a nicer way of being like, I'm downing this loaf of bread. It's a chic way to have bread and butter. Yeah. And I guess it's good for people who throw dinner parties, but like, Gagler's message me if you actually throw a dinner party if that's like a made-up societal thing for women in the 30s

Where were we and I was like I want to throw dinner party, but I don't want anyone to come and express you Also, why don't they have pickle martinis Like they have all of martinis what about my good? Like they have all of martinis. What about my pickle? I have you ever done a pickle back shot? Yeah, I have. I actually like them. I like those too.

Have you ever had a martini with hot sauce in it? I've actually never really had a martini to myself. Oh yeah, you don't really like dirty martinis. I've never like tried it enough. Like I've never been out. I've been like giving me a $30 right now. I'm going to tell you something. After I had COVID,

no, this is real. After I had COVID, because I had lost my taste for like a solid seven days. When it came back, it was, it definitely took time to actually come back. Like it was dull and then eventually like fully came back. But now I used to not really love spicy and hot. Like I would eat it, but I didn't crave it.

And now like I love things, I have to have like extra, extra flavor. Oh wow. So I always liked dirty martinis, but now I love them. And if you put hot sauce in them, oh my God. Well, I've done the like, people who got a hot sauce on top of it. And they like drink it with the hot,

it's like an Australian thing though, it's feral. Do you have any front page news? Mm-hmm. So there's some shit going on. One of the things that I really liked, it wasn't even like that front page newsy, but it was Leonardo DiCaprio, the only advice that he gave to Timothy Chalme was don't you any superhero movies or hard

drugs. Interesting. And I kind of feel like that's brilliant, because once someone does a superhero movie, that's it, that they're a superhero. So like Ryan Reynolds, for example, he did Deadpool. Right. But it kind of made him. For sure. Are you watching the Ryan Reynolds show on Hulu about him buying his outfit? Yeah, actually him.

Is this not the best show ever? It's really cute, but like they don't, I thought they were like huge soccer fans or something, they don't know anything about soccer. If you like this show, Ted Lasso, it's the real life Ted Lasso. It's the real life Ted Lasso. Oh, yeah. It's called Rexam, and it's on Hulu.

I think there's like six episodes. Craig and I are discussing this. Everyone about a documentary right now. It's not really a documentary. It's a documentary series. It's a documentary series. It's very different. It's a documentary series.

I have a Blake Liveley. I week library having her fourth baby. Who? Blive. Yes. But this documentary is about this small town, one of the like the first, they call it football over there, stadiums ever built. They like invented soccer over there. And their team sucks now, but it's not their fault. A lot of fucks up should happen in their town, and now they're trying to revamp it.

Also, like if you don't know anything about soccer, you're fine. It's the perfect show to watch, because they pretty much explain the, like, which I had no idea. I learned so much. I learned so much. I'm making sacrifice.

Yeah, I think this is a soccer podcast. This is a soccer podcast. They explained how, like, you know, Renaldo and them, they're all getting millions of dollars, but like to get into that league, there's so many leagues before it, and you, if you're bad, you drop to a lower league. And they explain it using like our baseball. So like they'll explain it using like the Yankees,

or like, okay, this would be like if the Yankees lost, they'd go down. I thought, it's really good. And Ryan Reynolds is just so funny. They're very funny. And what's the other guy's name? McKenny. The joke is, he's the guy from, it's always sunny and felt okay. Yeah. He's cute too. He's a little fireball. Craig really enjoys his style. Oh, like the stuff he wears. Does Craig wear hats like that? Like flat rimmed hats? And I was like, you could

dress more like this. You listen to me more. I do. Oh, but that's a really good show. That is really good show. Also, wait, one more thing about the Ronald family. Yeah. I love Blake Lively so much and I realize that I like her. I realize this about like famous people that I really like. You really only like famous people

because you don't know anything about them. Yeah. And so I find myself liking the most mysterious ones because you really don't know what they're like. So you have created all the shows. Like Jennifer Lawrence, I fucking love her. I don't know a thing about her. Like she doesn't even have Instagram. I don't know a thing about her. Like she doesn't even have Instagram.

We don't really know anything about her. And Blake Lively has been like very adamant about like her children and paparazzi. And so I love when a celebrity puts out like Instagram pictures and then she captioned it like putting out this picture of me being pregnant. So the 11 men outside my home trying to get a shot can leave. And I just like love that energy.

Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna show my kids it all, but then I know there's a side of me that my kids gonna do something fucking hilarious and I'll be like, people are busy. Right? Right, I feel like that too. Like I think about reality TV in that terms where I'm like, I, nothing would make me get off reality TV quicker than me having a baby. Yeah.

Like I just don't. But I could see your baby in the cutest outfit and be like, I have to link this for people. I would totally do that stuff, but to have my child, I have a story. What? What? What?

Makes me literally all cry. She has a great, and we're working on it. How is her ear going? I don't know. Oh my god. Oh my god. My god. You're being professionals.

Blah. Blah. Okay, cry if you think mom has been a lot lately. Ah! No, like I just think about her, my unborn daughter. And I don't want her to like see a camera man and think just like do things for a camera. I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna fuck you up. You know how some people like obviously their pages have a thing like I do comedy, you do fashion,

I also do fashion as well. But here's the thing, you do though. But you say so true to yourself and like your style though, that that is my, that's why I want to see what you're wearing. Thank you. I want to see what you're wearing too. I think your pet peeve is when someone steals your outfit and pretends that they weren't inspired by you. I hate that.

I don't notice it. It's not like people on Instagram that I don't know, that's why I post it. It's really more people that I'll be at dinner with and I'll be like, I know. Yeah, it's within your, I know. Yeah, they use. Within your people you know. Yeah.

It would be so awkward if I bought something from your Amazon and then didn't tell you. I just walked around in it. Right, because I bought things from your Amazon. I bought those sunglasses. Oh yeah, the sunglasses, thanks. But what I was going to say is, yeah, people have themes. And some people, they've chosen to be like,

mommy blockers and all about raising your kids. But I'm gonna say something disturbing, trigger warning. And this is like really fucked up. Okay. The amount of pedophiles that follow these pages is like sick, like someone has been doing like a full report on it, where it's like, you post a photo of your kid and why are thousands of grown men like saving it?

There's a mom on TikTok that it was doing like a deep dive. She ended up making her daughter delete her TikTok because she kept seeing like the amount of likes versus the amounts of shares and saves. And she was like, and my gut was just like, this is not it. Like she's only 13, like there's no reason. It should be shared this many times. And obviously if you're private and you're sharing your kids

to like your people, obviously that is amazing and beautiful. I'm just saying if you're trying to start an account and like get likes based on your child, also there's the debate of like, is your child actually consenting to this? Right. I was on TikTok the other night and I kept getting on my four-view page.

This one, I don't even remember what her name was, but this one girl and she was doing her makeup to get ready to go to school and she was 13. And I was like, I was watching one of the videos and then I went over to her page and I was like, wait, this is weak. Like I feel like I know she's doing something innocent and she's cute and she's doing her makeup for school

and she's only in like eighth grade and she's talking about like eighth grade things and I'm sure there's a lot of other eighth grade girls that are like, I like this girl and like whatever But all I could think of was this girl's in a crop top on tiktok She's talking about her makeup like I Started to feel uncomfortable thinking that there were like grown men watching these videos Yeah, you were kind of like protected. Yeah, I was like I don't want her to do this

We'll think about back then when we had like my space on Facebook, nothing's going viral. Like everything is private. Where I actually saw this girl doing her makeup and I could tell it was like, she was like trying, she's young and she was trying to like learn about makeup and it's a very like she wants to be a famous makeup blogger. Yeah. And it went viral because it was kind of like, unprofessional. Yeah, like it was cute. It was cute, ironic and cute. She was like, maybe 13. And immediately I was like, oh my god, she's going viral and there's gonna be mean comments.

A magic or 13 year old daughter getting mean comments. I think about it too. I would, no. I would find those people. I would. The whole like mommy blogger thing is low key like this generation's version of dance moms. Like we used to make fun of them

or like the toddlers and tiaras. And now it's just like a different way that people do. It's funny, like as you get older, like I ask my mom questions about like having kids and when she got married and like things that you've just like never asked your mom before. When one of them was like inevitably at some point in your

life your child's gonna get off the school bus see you and start crying like they had a bad day they got like a bad test great or something and I was like how do you keep it together and she's like you don't like you will want to go to that school you'll immediately immediately wanna call that mom and bitch that mom out. Like you raised a horrible fucking child. Like, and I just don't know if I'll ever have that self-control. Well, that's what I'll tell a four year old to fuck off.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. But even like in the sports world, oh my God. Like you imagine your daughter plays tennis as she could be. That's for I was thinking. And then she gets cheated by the girl with her. And the parents are like yelling mean stuff to your dad.

Like no, I was like, that's why you get the key cards. It's fucking crazy. So anyway, hi, ju-hives, hi, ju-hives. We're gonna be insane, mothers. Insane. I'm actually scared that I'm gonna be too strict. Well, I feel like there's the Kylie Jenner's of the world who have grown up visualizing.

Like, you know the girls you see holding a daughter, like a little baby accessory. They have the... Like, Emrata is very much her child is a full-on accessory. But I mean, you know little girls who will have a little stroller with them, like they want to be a mom. Were you like that? Yes. OK, then you have girls like me who know that the idea of having a baby is a thing, but I've never actually like put myself in that place mentally.

I brought my baby everywhere. Were you a Barbie girl? Because I didn't, I did not fuck with the girls that were Barbie girls. I know that I got Barbies. I was more like, I would play dress up. I would like, I would do music videos. Okay. I would like play sports.

I had that like Barbie thing, no not Barbie thing, but that like fairy thing that you'd pull and that it would like, the fairies would go, I hated that. I was like, this is messy. This is chaos. That was insane. You could like take someone's eye out. I was like, this is messy. This is chaos. That was insane. You could like take someone's eye out. I know.

I also had like the horses. I wasn't like, I was not a horse girl. But they had those like pretty little horses. Yeah. My little ponies. No, I was like, we're playing house. This is my fate kitchen. I'm the mom or the teacher.

Like this might be me. Oh, I would do the teacher apparently. I would go in a room and tell everyone to shut the fuck up. kitchen, I'm the mom, or the teacher, like this, my baby. Oh, I would do the teacher apparently. I would go in a room and tell everyone to shut the fuck up. Yeah, I do shut. But anyway, so we're gonna be chaotic. But yeah, now we're at the point in our 30s and other girls are probably in similar situations where you're like, oh wait, it could actually happen to me now.

It's not just like an idea in my head of having a child. Well, yeah, yeah. I haven't dealt with that. Like I haven't faced the reality of that. That one day you're going to have a child. Yeah. And actually considering how it really does change your life. Right.

Everyone gives me mixed messages. They tell me two things. I go, what's it like to actually have a kid? They go, it's the most beautiful thing that'll ever happen to you, but your life will never be the same. And sometimes it sucks. Wow.

That's why I get so mad when people are like, oh, are you gonna get engaged? You're like, oh, by 30, you gotta do X, Y, and Z. It's not because you don't wanna grow up. It's more like, no, I don't want my kids' life to suck because I'm mourning my old life. Oh, like I want to be so completely done with this phase of my life that I am so excited

to have a kid, not because like you're immature and you don't want to like stop partying. Like, no, it's not partying. It's more like, do you want to wake up and have to take care of a child, as you talk priority? But I think it also changes people's lives because you're so in your own head all the time for you to like wake up and have to take care of a child as does your top priority. But I think it also changes people's lives because you're so in your own head all the time for you to like wake up and care about something else is nice.

But like your life has changed. I'm looking at my phone because I got a text message from one of my mom's badass friends. She calls herself the vaginista because she's like a badass kind of collegeist. And she has two kids, they're having kids now, and she randomly sends me this text yesterday, and she goes, I did not have a baby until I was 36,

and you see how fab they are. Do not feel pressured to have one. Once they come, you cannot get rid of them. So true. So true. So true. But I think about having kids a lot more than I think about getting married.

Really? Wow. Like I'm a lot more excited and pictured my life as a mom. A lot more than I do as a wife. What about like me and you both are mentally ill? Yeah. And we deal with depression and anxiety pretty bad all day every day. I called my mom and I was like, I have days where I need to nap all day. Like can you do that when you have a kid?

And she's like, well, the kid can nap all day with you. But I'm like, you won't have those real rest days. I think about it in terms of like, I'm so selfish, where like, everything I buy right now is for me. Yes. My day, itinerary is for me. One day, it's gonna be like all the clothes I have to buy my child.

All the shit they have to do that day. You have to make sure they eat. Like if you don't give them food, they starve. And I asked my mom, I was like, how do you, do you just like switch to not being selfish anymore? Like how do you, how do you do that? Like I'm so self-centered.

And she was like, once they're there in the world, you don't even think about yourself anymore. She was like, I was the exact same way. I didn't give a shit about other people's kids. I only cared about myself and looking good and doing what I had to do for myself. And she was like, and then I had kids. And I was like, I don't give a fuck, all I care about is that. But I also think we have to normalize

that like certain ages with kids do suck. Like certain times are really hard. So it's like, yeah, like after they're 10, I don't want them anymore. I'm like, my mom will say, sometimes I miss the little Hannah. Yeah, I want like, she's gone. Yeah, like I don't want- She's gone.

Yeah, I don't want to have a teenager. Fuck off, dude. Like figured out yourself. And then they start treating you like shit. Or what about now where we're in our 30s? But also, yes, our mom, it's both got a best friend. For sure.

That's what I think it is now. What did you do before me? No, what did you talk to dad? But like now I feel like I need my mom more because it's bigger life things. I'm like how is this tax fraud thing real? It's going to show her tax fraud. It is a real thing. We will deal with it. Is it a pyramid scheme? Oh my god, what a deep baby conversation we just had. I know, I didn't think I did not think our hearts out where that was going to go. Anyway, no easy way to pivot. Jack Carlow said he lost his virginity twice.

Yeah, what was that? I don't got it. Was it just like to be funny? I guess he was like, by the way, Jack Carlow is in the same vicinity as us right now in this moment. He's performing right after Giggly's quads so we're basically opening for him. We're opening for Jack Carla. So he said he lost his virginity at 16, but he lost it twice. When I was 18, I graduated high school somehow,

some way I landed this dime piece who was five or six years older than me. She was 23, 24, I blew my mind because Nashville, you have to understand that pun. I'd only f'd with girls I've seen in the halls. For me, this moment was like, welcome to the big leagues. It was huge. That gave me the echo at all.

Yeah, that kind of did too. So he was saying that was the first time he felt like he was having like adult sex. Yeah, I guess. But like, did you see Stony Morgan commented it? And it was like, I've lost my virginity 200 times. No, but that's hilarious. Or I thought she was going to say, it was me. But Jack Carlow, I don't know, maybe because he's on stage

performing, he called her a dime piece. But I'm like, really? Oh, that's the part that I could do out. Carthedict Mia was that he had sex with a 24-year-old. Like, what? How old was he? He was 18. I think that's weird. Parthenics Mia was that the he had sex with a 24 year old like How old was he 18? I think that's weird. Yeah, like I don't have a problem with age differences I have a problem with age differences at certain age ages Yes, you know what I mean? Yeah, like if a girl is 19 and she's dating a 30 year old I have a problem with that. I think that's weird. Yeah.

I think that's more weird, that's a lot more weird than you being 30 and dating someone who's 40. Like that's normal. I would argue that our brains are different. Our brains are different. I would even say past 25. Yeah. If you've had like a lot of trauma.

Yeah, because if you're 25 and you're like. I've seen some shit. And you, but if you're 25 and you're like- It's seen some shit. And you, but if you're 25 and you haven't seen some shit and you start dating a 50 year old, you're then going to see some shit. Like that's uncomfy. I think if you're a man and you're over the age of 30 and you're fucking with girls younger than 25,

you have something wrong with you. Agreed. I think that's gross. Well, I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio lives a crazy life and they do say that when you get famous, you get stunted at that age. That's so that okay kind of makes sense? Yeah, because he got really famous

while at like 1920. Yeah. I can feel a pimple coming on and oh, I'm sorry. It's one of those like cystic ones. Oh yeah, like deep. Maybe there's a yoga position for that. That's like flare your nose and hold and breathe. Breathe in, breathe out.

Okay, we have to discuss the Kim and Scott. Like they're an actual trouble as they should. But like I feel like Kim could do anything and she won't get canceled. Yeah, okay, so they probably seen them on, and then I wanna talk about Kylie Jenner's TikTok. Because I have a bone to pack. Okay, so they so you've probably seen the month and then I want to talk about Kylie Jenner's TikTok Because I've a bone to back. You've seen Kim and Chloe and Scott. I don't know if Courtney's done them

Kylie's done them whether in front of like all this Louis Vuitton Like bags and like deor shit like all this designer purses and like luggage and whatever and it like, oh, you could win if you dressed whatever. So they got caught taking all of those people's information and then selling them to like third parties. Are they doing it? Or are the people running the giveaways doing it? It's definitely the people running the giveaways are like getting all these people part of it.

But they're definitely, but they're getting paid to like run this fake giveaway. Like lottery, basically. So for people to understand it, you get DMs all the time about it, right? It's like, giveaways. Yeah. It's like, get 20,000 followers guaranteed.

This is how a lot of people early on got their Instagram followers, which are kind of known as fake followers, but you'll pay three to four grand and be like, Chloe Kardashian is doing, she'll follow all the people who pay for the giveaway. I mean, who, yeah, who paid to get the followers. Right.

So then in that thing where she says, follow all of these people and you can possibly win the Louis Vuitton, all those people have paid. Yeah. And that's how it works. And then they get followers, but then over time the followers fall off because they're not authentic followers. Which doesn't make sense because, okay, when I first started on Instagram,

I saw girls buying followers, and because I would go to their Instagram and then the next day they'd have like 15,000, and I'd be like no fucking way. And I, I can still remember, it was before I was on Summer House being like, should I just buy followers so that it looks like I have them and then people will actually start following me.

And I remember my mom being like, don't you dare do that. Like that is just, you're cheating it. Like just like, have no followers and see what happens. Like, and so I remember being like, okay, I'm not gonna do that. Then after I actually got followers, I went back to those same girls and they are still to this day at that like 15,000.

That's up your whole life. You can't, if you've ever bought followers, you will never go up in followers. And back then, there was a time where brands didn't really understand that you could buy everything so they were getting some brand deals and shit and then now brands have a whole thing to when they work with you they find out if it's authentic because they're not going to waste money. If you see someone stuck at a number for a long time that means that they have in the

past definitely bought followers. I had to, I feel so bad my comedy friend, her boyfriend for her birthday bought her followers. There's like a joke. He bought her like 5 bought her followers. There's like a joke. He bought her like 5,000 followers. She had like 2000. And he bought her 5,000. And we joked, she literally can't move. She can't move.

She can't move. And so anyway, but that is a larger like mental health lesson of like don't take the shortcut for shit. And like I do believe it is a little karmic too. Because also deep down that's how you get actual syndrome of being what is it called? I don't know. Syndrome, there's like millions in drugs. Talks like shock.

No, when you feel like you're fake. Imposter syndrome. Inoster syndrome. Because it's like you're a fake. Impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome, because it's like you are. Yes, I have that sometimes, like in my everyday life, where you're like, there's no way I actually do this. Like, do you ever just like, do you have an impostor syndrome that I don't have a night of five? Like, it'll be a Wednesday and I'm just like,

petting butter and I'm like, how do we get here? Yeah, like, are you ever getting ready for like a comedy show and you're like, there's no way I'm actually going to do stand-up right now? I don't have imposter syndrome, but I have the syndrome of like, that I tricked people that like, I can make money off of this.

Like, I'm like, this is not a real job. This is what I have to do. Like, I feel like I tricked the system a little. Okay, whatever the opposite of Imposter Syndrome is, that's what Craig has. So I'll be having straight up Imposter Syndrome, where I'm just like, nobody actually cares about me, Craig, not like in my life, that's under really dark.

But I'm like, nobody actually likes us that much, and whole freak the fuck out. And I was just like, why do you say shit like that? And when- He's like, we're changing the world when Charm had a time in the South. One reality TV episode at a time. We're helping people. I'm like, I don't think we are.

Well, I did realize if you think about Instagram, think about all the people who unfollow you every day. Remember those apps? I used to be obsessed with those apps where you could see who unfollow you. I never got into it because I don't even want to get into a drama. I only had it when I didn't have followers because I'd want to see people from high school. Yeah, like fuck you Ben. But now it's like, I would be people that I didn't even know. So it's like, I wouldn't even care. I'm doing this new thing now that like if I hear about drama

pertaining to me, if someone's like, oh, I heard someone like said something about you or something. Yeah, I'm doing this new thing where I don't have a follow-up question. And it's like a new level of peace for me. If it's like, oh, I heard someone. So I'd be like, tell me fucking everything. But when it comes to me, I'm now in a very like,

like, okay, let's say I did find out someone who talked to you about me. How does it help me? I mean, I can protect myself from them, but also it's like, clearly they're not gonna stop. This is who they are. So it's almost, they were a problem. They would tell me if they really cared.

So it's almost like, I just don't, especially when it's like career related. Yeah, I get what you're saying. I, okay, but do you do the, do you still do like the fake fighting your head? Like when you hear, because like my initial reaction, when I see someone saying something fucked up about me, or I hear someone said something fucked up about me,

they're done for life. My initial reaction is like what I would say if this person, what I would say to this person if they watch in the room and said it. Yeah. And I say that to myself in my head and I get so heated but I would never say it to that. And people they don't fucking know you well, right?

It's, I mean, it's crazy. So I've gotten to new point also and your career ladies, gaze. When you're doing fucking well, if people are not critiquing you, you're not doing it well enough. Right. You're doing it well enough.

That's so true. I don't like it. There are people who their only job is to critique. Their literal job is to sit back and critique people that are like trying to do stuff. Right. And you could sit back and become one of the critics. Right, because I always think about like when I see like mean comments anywhere, anywhere online, I'm always like, wait,

this is crazy because never one time in my whole entire life have you left me. Have I ever left just a comment in general? That and that in itself can help you. Being like, okay, what kind of person would leave a mean comment like that? left just a comment in general. That and that in itself can help you. Being like, okay, what kind of person would leave a mean comment like that? Right. Like, could you imagine going through like a famous person's Instagram and seeing one of your friends left a mean comment on that person's picture?

How mortified would it be? Or it's like, are people that disconnected that they think famous people are not human. I saw these girls recently, I don't look at comments a lot, but this girl tagged her friend to talk shit about me. And I'm like, so you guys are exposing that you too. Like, get off on making fun of me. And you're showing that to the internet. Yeah.

That's so crazy. If I saw, I've had this happen before in like an opposite thing where at this, I mean years ago, this was like my very early 20s and I don't even remember who the guy was. But I remember talking to a guy and seeing that he had commented, not a mean comment like a hot, like he said hot on, and I remember it was emrata's Instagram page a

Media-it-ec immediate it because I was like why the fuck are you commenting on like a person's Instagram that you'll never meet and like I mean yes, you're like giving her a compliment which is so nice It's not like who's saying something fucked up, but I was just like ew, but I'm so that. Just a wide-dew thing she wants to hear you say. Yeah, like that's so weird. No, absolutely not. But yeah, I'm doing this new thing where it's like, if I get to into drama that I know is bullshit, that I know is just other people trying to start shit,

if I get into it, it affects like me with my big long-term plan. Like if you get caught up in the little shit, it actually starts weighing on you. It slows you down. To pivot from this, because I don't know why this made me think of it. Did you see all the caradel of bean stuff? Yeah. Isn't that awful?

So I think something actually is going out with her. I was trying to get on deep into TikTok, people talking about it. This one girl did a TikTok and she was like, hey, I've been sober from math for like 15 years now. She, this is like clear signs of like doing math. Like you can just like tell if you've ever been addicted to math.

And then the Margot Robbie thing, well like her leaving her house and crying. And I didn't know that Cara's family in London is like a very big deal. Like I had no idea. I've been like, I've actually think like media shit too. Like they own a lot of shit. They're very much socialized.

And I feel really awful for her. Yeah, I've loved her. She definitely is going through it. Yeah. And yeah, we just have to send our fucking love. OK, to pivot from that. Have you seen any of Kylie Jenner's TikToks? She's not coming out of my algae.

Is it because it's boring? So boring, you would tell yourself. It's, I know I can't. What did she do? Like people will say that like sometimes I talk like a valley girl, which like I can drag. What is she doing? People will say that sometimes I talk like a valley girl, which I can drag out certain letters. I've noticed that, but I will watch Kylie Jenner's

and I will be like, she almost feels like she's nervous to be doing it. And I feel like it's like being forced upon her to be big on TikTok. Oh, you have to post. We're like TikTok to me. I don't have any, I feel like I don't have any pressure to make TikToks unless I legitimately

wanna try that filter or think this is funny and I wanna do it and that's why I like TikTok. Yes. Because it's a funny. Well, people were saying the Kardashians cannot figure out TikTok and it's the only funny. Well people were saying the Kardashians cannot figure out TikTok. And it's the only one they can figure out because Instagram, because it's about being real,

being yourself in the moment. Instagram is fully like, even when they pretend that they're like, I just posted this dump, and they didn't, you've decorated dump, it's a curated. Right, even if the pictures are blurry, you picked that picture. Exactly.

Exactly. Instagram is for people who want to be aspirational and the Kardashians are so fucking good at that and like they're fake. Then you go to TikTok and they don't know how to even like, they don't know what their curated personality is. They're so fucking lost. Right.

But I almost, I do feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. Yeah, like she's struggling like I'm getting like I feel awkward when I want I'm like, oh my god. You're gonna get such mean comments like I don't want this to happen to you, but yeah, it's It's you wonder like does she actually want to post this video? She's gonna be with her kids like being a mom. Hey guys Get ready with me. I'm gonna show you my people were mad because she didn't in the car People were mad because she didn't take the car. People were mad because-

Because she did take that in the car. Because the car to Ashy and Salma Hulu, one of the episodes was like Kylie and Chris doing like normal people shit. So like driving themselves and like going to a grocery store and they were like, wow, I'm Ben, who a grocery store and fucking years. And so then she like was doing a TikTok in the car

and people were like, we know that you don't drive yourself anymore. And you're trying to be relatable because that's what TikTok is, but you're not anymore. It's hard. Would you just embrace not being relatable? But you know who pulls it off? My bestie. Haley Bieber and Selena are both really good at it. Not being relatable. No, at TikTok. I believe they're really good. Haley literally seems like, yes, I'm married to the most famous guy.

I'm super rich. I also come from a very famous family and I best friends have had a burner. And this is just me. Right. And Selena does it on just, she's either doing makeup tutorials like, she's on her dials. And she's like, she's like, she's on her dials. And she's like, she's like, she's on her dials. And she's like, she's like, she's on her dials. And she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she where snark accounts of being mean about people to get likes. Yeah. And to be funny by being mean to people is out. Look, I'm gonna say I started on Instagram because of front page news. And when I stopped doing it, everyone was like, bring it back.

I like want to do it. But I couldn't, and I would get so down on myself because I'm like, this is why people even started following you in the beginning and now you won't, like you aren't even doing it anymore, but I couldn't find like a happy middle where I would do it and feel good about myself over doing it, just to like make other people happy.

Like yes, I still love pop culture and I wanna know what everyone's doing, what everyone's doing. And we talk for long form about it here, but doing short, snarky. Sometimes it's easy to make a mean comment. It's so easy. It's so easy to be a little bitch.

And I've actually apologized to Craig for that so many times. Like, there's a saying mean things. you don't support us, you're boyfriend. You don't have to. But I couldn't, I couldn't like do it, say a snarky comment, and then like feel good about myself. So it's almost like when I see things on TikTok of people like making fun of influencers or making fun of celebrities,

I'm like, I feel bad for that person because I'm like, you're gonna get to a moment where like, you don't wanna be mean to people, but you have to figure out how to get your own followers with something you like. So it was a very big turmoil thing in my life, and that's why I stopped doing it because I didn't feel good about myself

when I would do it just because I was making other people. And sometimes I feel like you would do it just because you knew the people wanted it, but you didn't actually you weren't excited about a certain topic like you right you were Kind of churning it out which was like you were giving people what they want and like tiktok was like my safe space from Instagram like I don't even have a Twitter and now like if a tiktok will come up about me I can't eat. I'm like no no, no, no, no, no, why are you infiltrating that noise? And I just scroll because I'm like,

whatever this bravo account is even saying isn't real anyway, why would I even watch it? Yeah, and obviously we're talking about learning and growing, but that's why when you see someone on a reality TV show and you wanna hate on them, I know reality TV people are, you're edited for people to like come at you and laugh at you and pick sides. But like just think of the reality TV people as human for like a fucking second, like a

literal second. Yeah. Even my least favorite reality TV person that I could think of, I'm like don't. Trying to think who in the history of my least favorite reality TV person ever. And I feel like even if I saw them right now in Vegas, I would be like, oh my God, that's so and so. Hey, well, it's funny. Like Spencer Pratt is having a whole like I come back because he's just like,

hey, guys, I wanted to make a TV. Yeah. I did everything they wanted. And now sometimes I do have to say that the person you hate is actually sometimes like the one who's at least the realest and not faking their relationships. For sure. When Spencer does a TikTok, I'm like, fuck, yeah.

Like I love it. Who's on point? He's not lying. No, he's not like, he's like, do you think I wanted to ask her if I thought she was pregnant? I knew she wasn't. Like I'm just thinking. But so anyway, what I'm trying to say is challenge yourselves before you say something mean to like fit into a group

or something snarky to like make someone laugh. Like that shit, like follow your mouth. That's why we're so self-deprecating because we won't get mad at ourselves. You mean me to yourself. If you're being hate or hate yourself, but then go to therapy. Yeah, because it's getting dark over there.

Oh my god, we're ready in an hour. We did not even hit fucking our dope docs. We'll hit that next time because I have so much shit for you guys to watch. Actually, I'm gonna give you guys a little bit of homework. I want you to watch the Elvis movie, the Rexam documentary, the Devil in Ohio on Netflix, Jeffrey Dahmer documentary is coming up on the 22nd. Now documentary, it's like a, it's like a Ryan Murphy. Like a, like a, like a script show. Yeah, fuck yeah. Julie Child's documentary and then the most recent one is Sins of my mother on Netflix, you have to run, don't walk. Um, we also just announced Salanna. Oh yeah, I'm so excited

to go to Atlanta. We're going to Atlanta. I'm so excited to go to Atlanta. We're going to Atlanta. I've always wanted to go. Have you never been? No. Well, Sarah's coming. I think we're going to make it into like a week, girls weekend. A week, girls weekend.

ATL, the fashion is like great. Obviously, I need to, the music, the sports. Yeah, we have to go hard. And we have to go to a strip club, I think. We have to. Yeah. Oh my god. The content. The stories. We love you guys so much. If Atlanta's still on presale, use the code Gagley. And we'll talk to you later. Bye!