Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 111. John Byner

Episode Date: July 11, 2016

Gilbert and Frank reach out to one of their favorite performers, comedian and impressionist John Byner, who recalls his early days in the business, his friendship with Ed Sullivan, his memorable encounters with Groucho and James Cagney and his role in Bob Hope's infamous "Joys." Also, John runs into the Duke, roughs up Woody Allen, collaborates with Friz Freleng and consoles Rodney Dangerfield. PLUS: Roger Miller! "Merv Griffin's Talent Scouts"! "Murder Can Hurt You!" Paul Williams in stereo! And the rise and fall of Vaughn Meader! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast, on Twitter at RealGilbertACP. And on Instagram, GilbertPodfried. You see, it's kind of a pun on the last name. Yeah, skip it. Also, visit our terrific new website, GilbertPodcast.com, for the latest news, episodes, synopsis, behind-the-scenes photos, and videos, and other cool stuff. And if you like the show, and you know you do, please rate and review us on iTunes. Can't you see we're starved for affection? For the love of God! Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried.

This is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here once again at Nutmeg Post, and we're being recorded by our engineer, Frank Verderosa. And right next to me is my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a comedian, actor, voiceover artist, and one of the greatest celebrity impressionists in the history of popular entertainment. You've seen his work in films like What's Up Doc, Stroke or Ace, The Black Cauldron, Wes Craven's Wishmaster, and Transylvania 6-5000. TV appearances include Get Smart, Love American Style, Rowan and Martin's Laughin', The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, The Pink Panther Show,

Maud, The Odd Couple, Soap, Dharma and Greg, The Late Show with David Letterman, as well as several of his own series. Comedy on the Road, The John Biner Comedy Hour, and John Biner's Bazaar. In a career spanning over 50 years, he's worked with legends like Steve Allen, Carol Burnett, Henry Fonda, Fred Astaire, Don Rickles, Bean Crosby, and Lee Marvin, and wowed audiences with his dead-on impressions of everyone from Georgie Jessel to Ed Sullivan to JFK to Dean Martin. And get this, he's also our only guest to have appeared in two of our personal obsessions on this podcast. Bob Hope's joys and murder can hurt you. You bet.

Please welcome to the show... a favorite of Frank's and mine. You bet. And the man who does the best damn Johnny Mathis in the business, John Biner. It's not for me to say. Hey, guys, how are you? Let's look at the tote board. He's going right into Jerry.

Oh, yeah. Okay, guys. How are you guys? Hi, John. Thanks for doing this. Now, we were talking briefly before. The last time we spoke was a couple of years ago. While I was still doing USA up all night.

I got asked to do an appearance on another USA show, Silk Stalkings. And we worked together on there. We did. We did. We had a good time. Remember that they were telling me to tell you a joke if it was a good one. On camera. He says, okay, we're going to do this scene here,

and you tell Gilbert a joke if it's a good one. What was the joke? I don't remember. I love his Jerry. All I can tell you is I'm in this Jerry Lewis thing for some reason. I heard you reading off my credits, and it sounded like the Jerry Lewis thing, you know? Let's give him, and now let's see it. But anyway.

At some point, we should have John do his wonderful Dino and have you do a little Jerry. Okay. Oh, hi there, Jerry. Oh, yeah. Hey, you know what my mother asked me today? What, Gene? She says, why the hell are you hanging around with that asshole? Wow, that's a classic bit.

I often wondered how guys hung around with people. You know, like Gene Autry and that guy used to, hey, Gene, wait for me. Is that Pat Buttram? Pat Buttram, yeah. Now, you knew both Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin. Yes. So what do you think their relationship really was? I think it was like two people that had to drive around the world that didn't get along.

You know, John, what I love about your Jerry is you do a Jerry from every era. There you go. It's the only way to go, you know? You do the only way. I like to keep people young, though, you know, because people started doing Katherine Hepburn with their head almost falling off.

Right. I don't know what you're trying to tell me. That's the Marty short. I'd rather keep her young and vital, you know? So anyway. Now, you did a bit that was the entire Ed Sullivan show. Oh, when he only had 10 minutes left. He only had 10 minutes.

The president wanted to speak, and he only had 10 minutes to get all his guests on. Yeah, that was great. We're going to bring out all our stars, as many as we can. And starting off, here's Frank Sinatra. And he goes, When I was 17, that was... Hold it there, Frank. That goes 17, 18, 19. We'll be here all night.

So you come back here on our Easter show, and you can finish that song. Now, because we have the Barzoni brothers, because we don't have time for both Barzoni brothers, we don't have time for both Barzoni brothers. We're going to bring out one Barzoni and the music starts.

He's got ten pins he throws. It's not the same without my brother. I don't know why. He throws them against the pin and they fall to the ground and the floor and then he's got the teeter-totter with the bench he gets up on. So he comes, he gets off,

he walks toward the camera and says, I come 3,000 miles, it's not the same without my brother, you know. So he comes back to see. And they're looking like he's being hurried off. Okay, I do it, I do it. He gets up on and he jumps, the teeter-totter goes. He goes, see, I come 3,000 miles, I catch nothing.

Well, that was some fine simulated catch. You see that over there now? You know, so it went on like that. I saw you do on Letterman recently, I saw you do a variation on that bit. Where you do Johnny Mathis, and then you do Jerry, and then you do Dino. Oh, yeah, Dean and Jerry were talking together. He says, well, hi, I'm looking. Hey, what are you looking for?

I'm looking for the microphone. What do you do? Hide it? You know, it's that kind of stuff. We got to ask John, and we mentioned it before we actually started recording, about the infamous Night of Sullivan. Yes. First, explain what the controversy was. And then you actually would.

Well, I mean, I think it was Jackie Mason was first of all, do a little Jackie Mason. Well, I just want to say that it's a wonderful thing to be here with you two guys. I work with a lot of people. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? I can't even hear myself with the earphones on. That's the problem with this whole thing. So anyway, I had a chance to go around the back of the cameras, you know, and watch him work.

Now, the night, the whole idea is anytime there was a rock star on the show, the audience, the kids, kids would come. They'd come for dress rehearsal and they'd scream and yell until the rock star came on, right? Or they wouldn't laugh or anything. And that's the way it was. Eric Burden and the Animals were on the show. And the kids were in, and President Johnson was going to speak for the first half of the show. And then it was going to go to Canada. It was just going to go to Canada the first half of the show, and then it was going to go to Canada. It was just going to go to Canada the first half of the show,

and then the second half of the show would go to the United States and Canada and wherever the hell else it went. So Jackie was on the first half, and he's working, he's working. Now the president, after only 20 minutes, the word comes back, the president's quit. He's working. Now the president, after only 20 minutes, the word comes back. The president's quit. He's off now. We're back to the show. And Ed Sullivan gets word and he wants the floor manager with the earphones to go around the back, walks around the back by me. And he holds up his finger and Jackie's, so first of all, Jackie's out there, he's telling his jokes, nothing's going on. And he's getting to be like, look, I told you 30 jokes, pick one you like, you know, that kind of thing. He's really bombing out there,

you know, because the kids aren't listening. They don't care about Jackie Mason, what's that? But suddenly he gets into a little bit, he gets them chuckling a little bit with a reference to Liz Taylor and Richard Boynton. Richard Boynton, Elizabeth Taylor, that's all you talk about. Richard Boynton, you ever come out to dinner with Richard Boynton, that's all he talks about. Elizabeth this, Elizabeth that, Elizabeth this.

You never hear me talk about it. So the kids laugh. And now the guy puts his finger up. One minute. He's giving this one minute out of out of sight of the cameras but jackie sees him and he goes look at this i'm getting hot and they give me the finger well here's a finger for you and a finger for you and a finger for you and he walked bombs off the stage boom boom boom boom walking like that like stiff-legged so i go up to my dressing room and

generally i'd come down and i'd have to pass by Ed's dressing room door. It'd be open. Somebody would be taking his makeup off. I'll find you. You know, so this night, this very night, the door is closed. And from the other side

of the door, I hear, you lousy son of a bitch. From the other side of the door, I hear, you lousy son of a bitch. You, you, you know, good Beth, you know, we've got nuns and priests and rabbis watch this son of a bitch. Kids watch this show every once in a while. You'd hear, but Ed, never mind it. Just let me get into it. And it went on like that.

I couldn't tear myself away. Wow. And and that was the end of that. And so 10 years later, after he couldn't show, Ed runs into him in Miami. When are you going to do our show again? Forgot all about it. So now he's on the show. He never technically gave him the finger, which is. Well, he is the rub.

Yeah. The finger was off camera. If you get a chance to watch that again, you just see his wrist, up to his wrist. Interesting. His arm up to the end of his wrist. Ah.

But when you told me this story, you were saying, you motherfucker, you cocksucker. Well, if that turns you on, I'll say it again. Yeah, say it again. Say it again with all the filth. You lousy bastard. You son of a bitch cock sucker motherfucker.

I can't picture that coming out of Ed Sullivan. No, no, no. And you were saying that Sullivan was going, we've got fucking nuns out there. No, no, no, no. You know, that's Richard Belzick's version of my story. He's even added you lousy Jew to it he was married to a Jewish girl you did 18 Sullivans John do I have that right? that's right

and what did you think of the man? I mean we've gotten we've had you saw the guest I love the guy you did yeah he took about I was about six months into the business when I got you might do my second show, Ed Sullivan show. And I mean, we're a card holding business. You know, I worked the village and all that kind of stuff.

But, you know, I didn't get my card till I did the show. And he had to go out and work in Lake Tahoe, Harris Lake Tahoe. He signed on for two weeks and he took myself and some other acts and I was with him for two weeks out there and doing two shows a night. And one of the classic things that happened, you know, Gilbert, yourself, that every once in a while something comes out of the sky that you weren't expecting

and it comes out of your mouth and it's great. And you say, where the hell did that come from, you know? So here's one night I'm doing my impersonation as I did every night. Doing my impersonation as i did every night doing my impersonation it's it's sullivan and here from the working over here at the copper tony bennett you know and i i want to be around to pick up the beat that i do that so so he comes over one night and he stops me in the middle. There's an audience out there. He stops me in the middle of this thing.

He says, holy there, Biner. I don't say Coper. I say Copa. He starts to walk back. And I said, now appearing at the Coper.

And he turns back and he goes, gives me the, okay, that's better kind of look. He walks away and I go, come on. back and he goes gives me the okay that's better kind of look he walks away and i go cabana and and the audience were nuts i'm telling you i'm not exaggerating they laughed for a minute and his tears coming down his eyes holding his stomach and i don't know where the hell that came

from so anyway there's a knock on my dressing room. Barnard, you hear that laugh tonight? Let's do it again tomorrow. The same thing. Let's do it. Okay, fine. Okay, so here it is. Coming up. Boom.

I'm standing out there, and I now hear him appearing at the copper. He's walking toward me. He's walking toward me. He's walking toward me. He's still walking toward me. He's walking as slow as he can walk. And he gets to me and he gives me a wink and he turns around and walks away. Because, you know, you hear some people say that the man didn't have a sense of humor.

I mean, we've got a lot of guests on this show. Pat Cooper was not a fan. They make up stories. They make up stories about what he did. Like, one of the most ridiculous ones I heard was, did you ever hear what he said to Jose Feliciano when he was waiting backstage? Does your dog do tricks? I'm sure he never said that. And I said, what the hell?

Come on. You know, so, yeah, they blame things on him. But like Jackie blamed the whole thing on him, you know. Right. It was Ed's fault. I don't know what the hell he uses. But it was, you know, he just twisted the whole thing to make him. Oh, I guess it's okay.

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you want to do a little dueling Jackie Mason with you and the maestro? Well, I don't know. Give me a little hint. Why, you want to do a little dueling Jackie Mason with you and the maestro? Well, I don't know. Give me a little hint. What are you talking to me? All of a sudden, you're an expert on this. Wait a minute. You're doing the deli.

I'm not doing the deli. What are you talking to me? I'm doing the aardvark. Yes, he is doing the aardvark. If I did the deli, they'd never let me do it. And all I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about, Mr. Ant? You remember that show, Gil? You remember John doing the Ant and the Aardvark?

Oh, yes. Doing the wonderful Dino and Jackie? And I remember you used to do a character named... Felix Fassadidi. Yes! Oh, yeah. Yes! I did it right every time.

And you know, it's a funny thing. Just a minute, just a minute. Yeah, that's better. A funny thing happened to me. We ran the show. I did a show with Annette Furnicello, see? And I was Felix Fassaditti, and Annette Furnicello was my nurse. And you know what she looked like.

She was a doll. She was a really good doll, really sweet. I don't know. She was a doll. She was a really good doll, really sweet. I'd be like, oh. Anyway, anyway, there's a thing where I chase her around the desk, right? I chase her around the desk.

And at one point around chasing her, I'd say, oh, Mr. Fassadini, Dr. Fassadini, Fassadini. I'd run around and I'd chase her around. At one point, at one point, I stop I'll come close to the camera and I'll say, Walt Disney wasn't a fool, you know. Was there a Toastmaster ant that sounded like Jessel on the show, John? Do I remember that correctly? No. Okay.

I may have had a fever dream. I think the only time I used Jessel, any particular time, was on the Carol Burnett show. I played the undertaker or the preacher that comes to say a few prayers over that wonderful actress that she played who comes down the stairs with a drape on her shoulders and a ding. that she played who comes down the stairs with a drape on her shoulders and a thing. Speaking of the Antony Aardvark, what was the great Frizz Freeling like? What a guy! He's a legend.

Early in my career, 1970-something, early, they called me up, he wants me to see me, and I'm telling you, it went like this. He talks to me about the characters and all that kind of stuff and he holds up their conception of the of the aardvark first. And he says, he's kind of a nervous guy

and you know, he's a fast talking nervous guy. So I said, I think I know what you're talking about. And he says, perfect, he says. And then he says, the aunt is kind of a lackadaisical guy, hangs around the house all the time. So I think Dean Martin was a, oh, hi, I'm there.

What do you mean? He says, what do you mean? He says, you're going to the picnic? No, I think so. I'm going to hang around here. What do you mean? You are the picnic. It's great to hear those voices again.

There's a little touch of Joey Bishop in the Jackie voice. Am I right? In the Jackie voice, yeah. Just a little bit of the... In there, yeah. Now, you used to do a bit where you did the entire cast of Rio Lobo. Yeah. Wow.

Dean Martin was in it, and John Wayne, and I think Walter Brennan was in it, too. Walter Brennan and Rick Nelson. That's right. Ricky Nelson. Dean had the whole thing, you know, I can't help you. Look at these hands, you know, and his hands are shaking. He said, oh, you've got to keep away from that stuff, you know. Oh, I try to, and it's not easy, you know.

You try it sometime. You know, you guys stop. You can get out there and try to shoot somebody. John, speaking of Duke, there's a wonderful clip, you know, when you do research on the guest like I do, you find great little gems. And there's a wonderful clip of you and Lee Marvin. Oh, yeah. Isn't that fun?

Oh, it's great. Oh, yeah. I sent Gilbert the clip doing a tribute to Duke. Now, what was Lee Marvin like? He was a regular guy. I did the Merv Griffin show with him once or twice. And he was a good guy. He was a really good guy.

And, you know, you could get back to Sullivan. What a kind of a neat guy he was. I'd be like backstage talking to some long-legged dancer or something, you know, a girl. And I'd feel his arms come around me and he'd say, don't listen to this redheaded son of a bitch. That's another one. I got to tell you a really true story.

This actually happened early in my career, early with Sullivan, with Sullivan at Lake Tahoe. I, you know, I'm starting out. I got, you know,

the suit, you know, when you're starting out and I'm in Lake Tahoe and I'm going down to shine my shoes in the afternoon before the show, like earlier. Too much, you know, before the show. And I walk through and I see his dressing room was right across the hall from mine. And the door is open. I figure the cleaning crew's in there. So I go ahead in there and I'm and I'm shining my shoes and I'm whistling. And I hear this from across the hall. Who the hell is that whistling over there? And I hear this from across the hall.

Who the hell is that whistling over there? And this guy, Jack Babb, who was the talent coordinator, said, it's Biner, Ed. And I hear this. Biner? Don't you know that whistling in the dress room is taboo? And I don't say anything. And I'm just sitting there. And he goes, one more peep out of you I'll come over there and string you up by your red balls I'm starting to love Ed Sullivan

I'm developing a new appreciation for the man he was there he was there I liked him a lot yeah I actually loved the guy he was like a father figure to me. My father died when, when I was 11 and, uh, I started, uh, pulling on fact. In fact, I, I, I always, I, I even told Jerry this, uh, I was really deeply depressed naturally, you know, you're 11 years old, your father guy goes and he's 46 years old. And, and, uh, and, uh, and I was really in bad shape and we didn't have a TV. And, and one of the, my classmates, I was really in bad shape. And we didn't have a TV. And one of my classmates, I was in Elmhurst at the time, PS89 Queens. And I went over to his house.

He invited me over Sunday night, Colgate Comedy Hour, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis. And I found myself laughing. And I said, holy shit, man. I'd like to be able to do this to somebody sometime, you know, for somebody sometime. And sure enough, I get letters from people that are just near suicide or about to think about it, and they see something or they heard something I did on television, and they write me a letter saying, thank you, I was going to commit suicide tonight, and I saw you. And, you know, I said, holy shit,

and it all started with Jerry Lewis. Wow. What a story. See, with me, I'll get letters from people who say, I was really happy I watched you. Now I want to throw myself in front of a fucking bus. You've got to show me those letters. That's the other side of the coin. Since you're going back, John, and we talked about Elmhurst Queens and you're a Queens

kid like me. Tell us about the first time you got on stage. I love that story. You just, you were driving by a place and you saw a sign. I mean, you were, you were, you were a truck driver at the time. No, you know, I, I made the guys in school laugh and I made the guys in the Navy laugh impersonating the officers. And, you know, whatever I was doing, I made people laugh. And so I went to, I was building swimming pools in Hempstead, Long Island.

I was building swimming pools in Hempstead, Long Island. And I had three kids and I wasn't making a lot of money. And so I'm driving the truck one day and I see entertainment, Saturday night, entertainment, boom, every Saturday night. So it's like Saturday and I just got back from work and I'm sitting at the table and the kids need shoes and this is happening and that's happening. So I got when I put the suit on and I got in my car and I drove over there and a guy named Dick Metz owned the place. He's a tall guy with bulgy eyes and and he's rattling change in his pocket, you know, and, you know, jingling change in his pocket. And he's standing there. And as I walked in the door to get a little ahead of myself there a minute, as I walk in the door, I hear this to somebody getting off the stage. So I go up the deck.

Not a good sign. No, there's a little trio on the stage. And, and, uh, and that's another story about the one of the, the bass player. Okay. So, so I, uh, I go up the deck and then he's jingling, jingling the change in his pocket. And I said, you mind if I, I get up there and I do a few minutes.

It couldn't hurt. He says, and he motions with his head to what you just heard kind of thing. So I get up there and I'm a hit. So now I'm there. So every Saturday night, God knows how long. And I'm making like 40 bucks under the table.

The Oaks Club in Syosset. A club in Syosset. Yeah, it's like the front porch of a big house. And a bar. It had a bar. So I was working at a place called, it was a clearinghouse in Rockville Center. And all the people from the clearinghouse. Oh, that was a great one.

I come from Guam, having been there in two. And I was there for 20 months in Guam, in the Navy, in the message center. And I come back to the States. I get a job in place that has, has three men and 250 women. Wow. I used to like to go fix their record deck machines. You know, they call me in and do that. And they'd always lean in if they were young and unmarried.

What are you doing there? You know. So anyway. Were you doing the JFK bit then? Oh, yeah. The JFK football coach? Yeah, that's where I did it. That's where I started it.

The Vaughn Meader was in the first family thing. And the Kennedy thing was everybody was crazy about them. So I thought I had this premise where this football coach, he can't get his players to listen to him. They're smoking cigars and they've got women on their laps in the locker room and he's going crazy. He doesn't know what to do. They've got a big game coming up and stuff like that.

So he just leaves. He goes home and he turns on the TV and he sees that guy talking and he's got everybody enthralled and all their attention. And he says, if I could talk like this, I might be able to get the guy's attention. So he goes in the next day and it's, you know,

they're in the locker room before the big game. And he goes, members of our squad, we are gathered here in this locker room for one purpose. And that is to keep warm. It is cold out there. And also to talk about last week's game. When I signed to play the Texas Longhorns, I had no idea we'd be playing real steers. Which brings us to today's game. When we lose today, and we will lose today,

I want to tell you I'm embarrassed when you carry off the opposing coach on your shoulders. It's great. So there you go. Boy, Vaughn Meader is a guy whose career came to a sudden end. Yeah, I saw him pushing a cart from the grocery store on the street with just a few little items in it. And his fingers were all brown from smoking cigarettes down to nothing, you know? And,

you know, he was trying things with a piano and singing and stuff. And, you know, when you, you hit the, you hit the business that hard. Yeah.

Yeah. See this for people who don't know, uh, during Kennedy's time in office, there was an impressionist Va Vaughn Meader. Yeah. And he became a monster hit. First family.

Yeah, his impressions. And then, of course, Kennedy's assassinated and all over. There it goes. You know, I was not to say that that's the same thing, but it basically is. I was working that door. What the hell's that little club in Chicago? Oh, God, what the hell's the name of that little club? I was working there with Spanky and our gang. And yeah, I've forgotten that Mr. Kelly's Mr. Kelly's right.

Mr. Kelly's in Chicago. And and I was getting a lot of I was getting a lot of go with my impersonation of Bobby Kennedy, you know. And it was a big thing. It was a big hit, you know. And I was working. I had a couple of real good nights there, you know, on Thursday and Friday. And now it's Saturday night and the place is packed. And I'm putting my suit on and all those suits. And now I got two or three suits. But anyway, I'm putting my thing. on and all the soaps and now I got two or three suits

but anyway I'm putting my thing I'm getting ready to go to work and I turn on the TV to see what the weather is going to be like and Kennedy's and then he's gone Bobby's gone now what do you do you know I I did this I did this the only one

time I did it I get up on the stage and and there were a couple of luminaries in the room, and I wouldn't want to mention their names. Now you go, oh, not that asshole. But anyway, I just got up there, and I said, I don't feel funny tonight. And I said, I'm sorry, and I walked off the stage. That's all I said. Really?

Wow. Yeah. Now, what eventually happened with Vaughn Meter? Well, he tried to reinvent himself a couple of different ways. Yeah, yeah. He did that. But he just fell apart. He just fell apart.

You know, just a terrible thing. John, tell us about the big TV break, as it were. It was Merv Griffin's Talent Scouts. Yes, I went from there back to the truck. You were still working for the swimming pool company? I was still working for the swimming pool company. I went back to the truck, and about three or four weeks in, I went there back to the truck, and about three or four weeks in, I get a call that Bob Cavallo of the Shadows in Washington, D.C.

Oh, you've got a great memory. Wanted me to work the club, and I worked it with Ahmad Jamal for a couple of weeks, and that was a lot of fun. I brought my high school friend with me, Dean Calcagno. He played a wonderful piano, and we did all our things, and it was great. And Cass Elliott used to come in and see us, and it was fun. How did you, you did the Talent Scouts, but how did the Gary Moore Show? I mean, that was like the first televised, that was the first big gig for you yeah yeah yeah oh sure that yeah that was my first big television lily tomlin and jack and one of gilbert's favorites oh no this is that that's

a that's another show that's a different show yeah oh yeah this first one was a talent scouts thing you know and people were supposed like the uh there was a show called the arthur godfrey show and they called the arthur godfrey's talent scouts. Sure. And the Talent Scouts consisted of numeraries who, numeraries rather, these are well-known people who would find somebody supposedly in a nightclub and bring them on, and that's the way it went, you know? But it was always the producer or somebody that found them, what the hell, you know?

So it was like Red Buttons and Nipsey Russell and... There's some names for you, Gil. And the other one, the other one was Fat Jackie Leonard. Fat Jack Leonard, you know, you need another. That's a great Jack Leonard impression. Take me to make a cab, you know, and it's like that. You know, he's like, all you need to do is have a tight tie and he'd sound like Rodney Dangerfield. They'd take me to play a day, you know, and it says it like that, you know, he's like, all you need to do is have a tight tie and he'd sound like Rodney Dangerfield. They'd take me to the day. Anyway, I can tell you some

funny story about Jackie. Do you want me to tell you about? Yeah. All right. I'm going to skip around a little bit, but, uh, but, uh, I'm doing, uh, my five wives with Jackie, uh, with you, Jack with, um, uh, Rodney. Rodney Dangerfield. And talking faster than I can think. So Rodney Dangerfield. And they had to hire five people or, you know, six or eight Canadians. You know this, Gilbert. They have to have so many Canadians if you're doing.

Oh, yes. You know, you always see people you worked with in Canada. And anyway, anyway, the five wives were Canadian actresses, not to say anything bad about the actresses in Canada, but I'm in Jackie's trailer with him one morning having a cup of coffee and Rodney, I'm sorry, thanks, Annie, with Rodney having a cup of coffee and such, and he's looking dejected.

And I say, hey, Rodney, you look a little sad. What's the matter? He goes, he's got his head down. He looks up and he goes, none of my wives can act. I love that. You were friends with Rodney a long time, huh, John? Sometime, yeah. Not really, you know, cuckoo friends, but he used to run into me all the time and say,

how come you never come in my club? I've never seen you in my club. You're not in my club. So finally, I fly in and I think, what the hell? I got a night off. I'll go see Rodney. I go into Rodney's club and it's, and he's just getting off the stage, and he comes up, hey, John, hey,

I wish I could stick around, but I got to run. That's great. Don't you love it? I do. I do. Another thing I found digging around online was a memorable Carson show. You probably know the one I'm alluding to with Rosemarie.

I did 30 of those. Yeah. Was this one particular with you and Carl Reiner? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And he says to Rose, he's going to introduce Rosemarie. And he says, now here's, now here's a girl. I don't do it. Here's a girl who's been in the business for a long time, you know? And, and, uh, and, and she comes out and she's, and she's, Hey, what do you mean by that? You know, you don't get it. He said, no, I didn't say anything terrible about you. And, and, and he says, he says, John, what did he say? I said,

I said, he said that when they built the first stage, you were holding a hammer. And everybody went nuts. Yeah, it was you and Carl Reiner and Debbie Reynolds. Debbie, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And you all got up and you walked off. Yes, and then the shirt thing came up. Yeah, so Johnny started. He was fumping for something to do to kill time because we all left.

And he starts taking his clothes off. And he's peeling his clothes. He takes his shirt off. We're backstage. He says, hey, let's everybody take our shirts off. So we did. It's a great clip. It's on YouTube.

People can see it. Now, you knew James Cagney? Mm-hmm. Here's the deal. This is a cute story. I was hanging out with Roger Miller and his wife, which I often did. Oh, we love Roger Miller. Yeah, and I was raising my-

Oh, can you sing like Roger Miller? Only early in the morning. Okay. Dang me. Oh, we had some fun together. Oh, what a great artist. Dang me from a high tree. Woman, won't you wait for me?

We're huge fans of Roger Miller. Now, didn't he sing England Swings? Yeah, like a pendulum do. Barbies on tilt down two by two. Glad Pister, I'll be the tall big man. Rosy red cheeks of the little children. And the leeple tongue and the humming kids do. I don't know the rest.

And of course, King of the Road. Yes, yeah. Trailers for sale or rent. Rooms to let 50 cents. No food, no fuel, no pets. Ain't got no cigarettes. Yeah, he was a great. A great guy.

And he'd say to me, hey, Banner, listen to this. I got a new one. And he'd start singing. And then he'd run out of something. And then he'd run out of something. And then he'd fly out of it. So it was Roger Miller who led you to Cagney. Okay, that story, yes.

So he says, A-Banner. If we have it right. Yes. She says, Mary comes out to the patio and she says, Roger, we only have an hour now. A banner. Know where we're going tonight? I said, where?

James Cagney's house. James Cagney's house. What I wouldn't do to go to James Cagney's house. I just said that and went out to my house at the beach with the kids who are upstairs arguing over a shirt or something. The dog is barking. I'm making dinner for the gang and I'm in the kitchen and there's a little balcony

from upstairs and the phone is ringing. The dog is barking and they're arguing. That's my shirt. And one of my kids, my daughter Rosine, leans over the balcony and says, Dad, James Cagney's on the phone. James Cagney's on the phone. James Cagney's on the phone.

Hello? John O. It's me, Jimmy. Jimmy Cagney. Listen, we're having a smoker tonight. Just you, me, and the boys. What do you say? Mm-hmm.

Uncanny. So I said, sure, sure, sure, sure. I'll give you my address. Hold on. So he gives me the address. I show up at the front door and knock on the door. And he opens it and he goes, hmm, I just saw you do something straight. It was marvelous.

Marvelous. Shaked my hand, right? So, you know, we're having a good time. I'm sitting to his right at the dinner table, and these wonderful actors are sitting around, you know, Frank Morgan and, oh, God, who else? Was Ralph Bellamy there? Chad O'Brien.

Donald O'Connor. Yeah, yeah, Donald O'Brien and Ralph Bellamy. Yeah, yeah, Donald O'Connor. Yeah, how do you know this? Frank Morgan, for those who don't know, was the Wizard of Oz. Correct. Yeah. So anyway.

Mm-hmm. So anyway, and how do you know about the table? Who was at the table? I do deep research, John. I guess you do. I do deep research, John. I guess you do. The most touching part of the story is Pat O'Brien and Cagney walking you out. Oh, my gosh.

Yes, you've heard this before. Yeah, but I love hearing it again. This is the first time I've heard it. It's a great Cagney. So anyway, listen. So he says, come here. He comes over and he says to me, come here. I want to show you something.

So he takes me upstairs. Just the two of us. Just the two of us. And this is this. This is this. Beautiful big painting of him as an admiral from a movie. And he shows me this thing. I'm very proud of this. Now, come on over.

Step over here. What do you see? What do you see? What do you see? And I said, oh, there's that. And that's a Chinese gentleman had carved his entire career into a chef robe. Large piece of beautiful furniture. What do you think?

That's freaking beautiful. You said it. Four years. Four years. That's great. So now we're down, and it's time for everybody to do a little entertaining. It's the smoker part. We're in the living room, and Roy Clark is playing his banjo.

We're singing. Oh, can you sing like Roy Clark before we forget? Will you stop with all this kind of shit? Did Roy Clark really have a distinct singing voice? Yeah, I don't know. He was more known for it. Oh, yeah, yeah, he would, but in my head, I can't hear him. I can only do something if I hear him in my head.

I can't. I hit the banjo, but I can't. Yeah, he was more known for his picking. I reckon. So he's sitting across from me, Jimmy. He's sitting across from me, and he's got this cane, and he's leaning on the cane with his hands on the cane down. He's sitting there right across from me.

And people are doing stuff, you know. So he finally, and I'm thinking, God, if he asks me to do anything, what the hell am I going to do? I'm going to do him. I'm going to do anything, what the hell am I going to do? You know, I'm going to do him. I'm going to do it in front of him. I'm going to do it. So he finally looks over at me and he says, Jono, you do Jimmy Stewart. I said, everybody does Jimmy Stewart.

And just then, Donald O'Connor saved my ass. He says, come on, let's do Yankee Doodle for the old man. So we did Yankee Doodle together. That is sweet. It was neat. Yeah. Hey, thanks for reminding me of stuff I should have remembered. Of course.

Well, there was a little more to it, too. You said that Jim Cagney and Pat O'Brien walked you to the door. Walked me to the door, and they did that Irish poem. I should remember. And when they took turns, and I'm pinching myself. It's a sweet memory. May the wind be always at your back. That was a wonderful night.

I was twice at his house. Now, I remember growing up and there was you and Frank Gorshin and rich little oh yeah and marilyn michaels fred travolina george kirby oh wow david fry oh yeah oh david fry was the greatest uh and i and now how come i mean you'll hear people do impressions in sketch shows like Saturday Night and stuff like that. But whatever happened to the out-and-out, it might go something like this, impressionists. The out-and-out idea of someone going on stage and going, you know, and now Kirk Douglas. And they do Kirk Douglas. And then they do Humphrey Bogart.

You don't see people like that. Well, they're dead. I thought you were going to say it's because the voices of today's actors aren't as distinct. Yeah, but that's, you know, every once in a while somebody will find something, you know, like Will Jordan. He founded Sullivan. Yeah. You know, and people did their version of him. And, you know, and on and on like that.

But, you know, nobody does. Somebody does Jack Nicholson and everybody starts doing it. They see the things that this guy saw in him, you know. There's Frank Caliendo. He's still doing impressions. I mean, it's a different form of showbiz, he's, he's doing impressions. They're not a lot. I mean, it's, it's,

it's a different form of showbiz that you just don't see much of. Yeah. Absolutely. Anymore. Yeah. Kind of like ventriloquism more. Oh, exactly.

Ventriloquism. Or those hand shadows. You stayed after school a lot. Oh, Larry. Yes. Oh, Larry. Yes. Oh, God. Now, we have another connection.

In that period of time when I was worse than Osama bin Laden and I got fired from Aflac, like worse than Osama bin Laden, and I got fired from Aflac, Aflac had a big campaign. We're looking for the new voice of the duck. Man, I could punch those guys in the agency. They call me in there. I'm in the booth, and I say, what do they want? Anything but what it was.

So I give them whatever I thought, you know, might might be a funny duck i didn't know you did this yeah that's great got me in a booth and they're doing finally i do this one how's that you know so i did all i could and i leave right now i'm watching the news and i see that they already had this guy picked out they couldn't kid me you know and it turns out they wanted the same thing as Gilbert. Interesting. And they never told me that at the play, but they never told me. So anyway, they get the news guy out there with the microphone, and it's on the news about they finally find the guy.

Big publicity stunt. You know, that's all it was. So they got the microphone, and they got the guy that recorded some that they'd send these recordings to that was in charge of this, ciphering through these things. And he plays mine. And he looks

at the guy like, what the hell is that? You know? He says, listen to this one. God, you know, they're going like that. So there you are. So, hey, I was talking to Dara. Yeah. And wondering why you didn't sue their asses for copying your whole idea.

Yeah. I mean, they. That's a good question. They fired me and then hired a low budget impersonator of me. Yeah, I'm hip. But I'm wondering but I'm wondering, I'm wondering, you know,

that was, how did they, how did they present that to you as to what to say for this duck? When they first said that we'd like a voice for this. Nothing. We want a voice. And you came out with this, right?

That's yours. Yeah. Yeah. You just did your own voice. Yeah. As a duck. Oh, you got a good case,

Jack. Got to look into this skill. Yeah. You just did your own voice. Yeah. As a duck. Well, you got a good case, Jack. Got to look into this, Gil. Yeah. John, can we ask you about one of my favorite John Beiner performances, which is on The Odd Couple? You were two times. You were the diet pill executive. Yes, two bills, three bills. Yes, three bills. But also that wonderful episode with you as the parking lot manager.

Yizl be back. That was so good. I watched it again last night. And that was Tony. Tony Yizl. It was Tony's idea. You know, we rehearsed it all week, and I'm in the makeup chair, and he says, hey, hey, hey, hey. He says, hey, hey, tonight, tonight.

Not you'll be back. Yizl. It's New York. It's, you know, Yizl, Y's New York Yizl, Yizl Yizl be back he was so right on your knees like my mother was it was just great

now how were Tony Randall and Jack Klugman to work with I love Jack, I love Rand but they were different people they were like totally just like the show, totally different. Sometimes if I'd be rehearsing, sometimes I'd be rehearsing too loud. They had little cabins on the stage. Little, each, each one, like a dressing room, it was a cabin and you know,

no, no, you know, little, it was a cabin on stilts. And you walked up three steps and you're in the cabin, but I was too close to his cabin and he'd always send somebody up. Tony says you're rehearsing too loud. That's great. That's great. Yeah. What do you remember about any of those other wonderful appearances?

Love American Style, Get Smart, The Mother's-in-Law. You did a show with Rickles. You did the Don Rickles show. You have any memories of that stuff? I know it's a million years ago. Yeah, Get Smart, I had to impersonate an actor, Paul Stewart. Oh, sure. You know Paul Stewart. Yes, yes. Citizen Kane.

Right. And I had to impersonate him. And, you know, I'd seen him in this, that, and the other thing. And he was so neat of him he came over to my place and recorded it for me so i could rehearse it in his voice all night and uh you know he just read the script that i had to do and in his voice and uh yes and i just did it for him and uh it was great of him, I thought. And it was fun. Wow.

I've never heard anybody do Paul Stewart. I also remember you in a memorable Maud episode as her crazy cousin, as Captain Hero. Oh, Captain Hero. And that was fun. That was fun. Absolutely great. Now, one TV special. We got a rise out of him in the intro.

Frank and I talk about constantly, and that's a Bob Hope special called Joys. It's an all-star cast, I'll say that much. Yeah. Yeah. No. Something happened where they had to. My thing to do, whatever the hell I had to say, I don't remember. But what I had to do was pick up Billy Barty.

You know, picking up Billy Barty. He worked a lot with me in bizarre and thank God. I didn't know. Cause he was like solid, solid, like solid. It was like, like a truck engine. Billy Barty was a midget for those who don't know. Who beat you out of a roll.

Yes. He was a little person. Well, that's what midgets are. Hi, John. He was a little person. Well, that's what midgets are. Hiya, John. How are you today? I used to watch him on Bizarre with you, John, all the time. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what are you doing?

You know. So he, you know, yeah. Well, I had to pick him up. I had to pick him up. I had to pick him up. If I picked him up once, I picked him up seven times. Okay, let's try that again because he wasn't delighting. So let's try it again. Okay.

Under the pool table. I had to pick him up and put his feet on the pool table. Should we give everybody a background of what Joys was if they don't know? Yeah, go ahead. It's like I think Jaws was the biggest movie in the country, other than the world at that point, and this was someone's idea of kind of. It's not really even a Jaws parody.

There's no shark in it. No. There's no ocean. There's a swimming pool. Yeah, but it's got a J sound. He said, let's make it funny like joys. All funny people, you get it? Let's burn the tote boy.

But that cast, John, is staggering. I mean, it's every comedian of the last 50 years. Long story short, I get a letter. I watch the show, and I'm not in it. Oh, geez. I'm not in it. I get jeez. Really? I'm not in it.

I get a letter from Bob. John, they had to cut it at boom, bang, boom. They sent the thing off, and we had to cut it just to get it the hell out in order to get it in time and, you know. So you weren't good enough for Joyce? I can say at this particular time thank the lord all right well well then we have to ask you about another obsession on this show and that's that's the tv movie murder can hurt you uh-huh that's my idea that it was called murder murder can kill you uh-huh and i said it

should be murder can hurt you it's kind of fun that way you know so so they changed it to murder can hurt you yeah and you and jamie farr did So they changed it to murder can hurt you. Yeah, and you and Jamie Farr did a Starsky and Hutch send up. Yeah, and it was like Burt Young was Columbo. Yeah. Victor Buono was Ironside. Yeah. It's on YouTube.

Yeah. It's funny. We've talked about it on this show. Any memories about it? Peculiar. It is peculiar. Well, the thing where they dropped me through the ceiling, I remember. Yeah. That was kind of fun. Yeah. Behind the blue screen and all that.

That was fun to do. And, yeah, I'd jump running around, jumping off cars and stuff. And not a hell of a lot more than I remember. Here's another thing I found online, John. And I found a video of you from the craft music hall you liza you were very young liza minnelli and a very young woody allen you want to hear a good one sure i'm gonna tell you this story i'm excited and it has to do with this show, right? I show up because he wants me to play different parts.

And I'm doing the Gary Moore show at the same time. I show up to do this thing. And, you know, I'm not a sociable kind of guy, especially, you know, when somebody is, you know, acting like he wrote the book of knowledge. And I'm just sitting around. I read my script like the first time you open the book of knowledge. And, uh, and I'm, I'm, uh, I'm just sitting around. I read my script like the first time you open the book, I don't get in the characters until like three, four days in, you know, find out who else is doing what. And I'll tell you another story that has to do with

that later. But I'm, uh, I'm, uh, I'm really, I'm not into it. So every day I show up, there'd be more things taken out of my thing. Okay, fine, fine, fine. So anyway, I'm like in three sketches with him. And all week we're rehearsing. I'm looking at Liza's legs and making a big fool of myself. And he comes along and he moves me aside, right? And now it's showtime. The camera's on. My audience.

I'm looking at the legs. He doesn't push me aside. He throws me into the wall. Yeah, I noticed that in the clip. Okay, that was not rehearsed. Okay, it was all of a sudden he was getting back at me for whatever the hell reason. I don't know. It's a little strange.

Maybe I was too guy for him. Anyway, he throws me against the wall. Okay, fine. Did I send you this clip? You got to see it. And he says, and he says, and he says, and I'm thinking, well, maybe he thinks throwing me against the wall is funnier than just moving inside. I'll go, you know, it's fine. What am I going to do?

Right. So we continue the thing. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Let's catch it too later. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. A sketch or two later. Boom, boom, boom. Okay. Now the last sketch is Bonnie and Clyde was a big movie in 87. And we're doing the Bonnie and Clyde sketch.

And now it's a time where he's at his hideout with his wife, with Bonnie. And I'm the brother coming up, coming with all the relatives to see him. And we get together and we're supposed to like, just kind of fun each other, you know, pop. You know how guys go, hey, you got, you got, you pop it, pop it. You know, you do that, you know, right?

Well, he gives me a shot in the stomach. Okay. This is all on camera. This is all in the movie. He gives me a shot in the stomach and I go, holy Christ. Okay. We still got a shot in the stomach and I go, holy Christ. Okay. We still got a little more in this scene to do. I give

him one that brings him to his knee. Wow. I did not see that video. The first one, the apartment sketch with him throwing you in the wall is there. I have to find the Bonnie and Clyde. Oh, okay. There it is.

Yeah. So there you go. And here's one other oddball question, and this could be bullshit from the Internet, but were you offered the role of Mork by Gary Marshall? I was dating a girl who happened, an actress, and she had known Ron Howard and his wife because she was on that show, the Happy Days thing. Played the girlfriend a couple of times. And she had Ron and the wife over for dinner and I. And we were in her apartment.

And after dinner, Ron says, you ought to go over and see about this pub. I said, what's the character like? you know he makes kind of noises I don't know I'm sick of doing noises no I don't want to do noises so that was that so you turned down Mork and Mindy

yeah but he did a wonderful job. But how many times have you kicked yourself? I never kick myself. I let other people kick me. You knew Groucho, too, John, which Gilbert would appreciate hearing about. That's the nastiest remark I've ever heard. So here's a neat one about Groucho. I'm at the Friars Club. I'm early in my career,

very early in my career. I go over to, somebody invites me to the Friars Club and there's a break and Groucho is at this round table near the stage and I'm back in the back further on. And his group gets up and leaves and now Groucho

is stretching. He's standing and he's leaning against the chair which is leaning against the table so he's got his back against the back of the chair leaning and smoking a cigar so I pump myself up I get up the nerve and I go over and I say you don't know me Mr. Marks but I think you're fantastic

he says oh I know you he says what I don't understand is why someone who looks like you does what you do. And then he said, no, think about that. That's a triple compliment. Then years later, I'm working with John Davidson, the big special for the Playboy Club TV show. And something happens with the cameras and they send me out to and there sits uh groucho in the front row with connie stevens and he's got the beret that's his that period

it was oh yes it was a golf ball and i tell this story about him what he said and everybody laughs and they land everything was great and as part of my goofing until they get the thing fixed. And after the show, knock on the door. I open it, it's Groucho standing there, and he goes, if you were a girl, I'd marry you. That's a great story. Yeah. Yeah. So there it was.

You've met everybody, John. Pretty much. A long way from Elmhurst, Queens. And I've heard you tell the story about how when you were a little kid and you went to the movie and you saw Bing and you fell in love with the whole thing. And I mean, that's right. It's got to be surreal to know that you saw these people on the screen. And then I worked with them. And they were my father's favorite people, which really, I was so sorry he wasn't around to catch that. Bing Crosby was his idol. You know, he used to listen to his show every night,

every night he was on. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, Bing, hello there. That's a bingo. Yeah. I had a lot of fun with him. We did a lot of things together. There's a great clip of you and Bing and the wife doing a Christmas special.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the Christmas thing. Oh, the bingo. I always ask our guests, you know, it's just from humble beginnings, you know, to go into a movie theater and see these people. Oh. Do you pinch yourself still? Yeah, I pinch myself from then, you know. I mean, John Wayne and stuff.

Yeah, Dean and Jerry and everybody. Dean and Jerry. I introduced my daughter. It was her 16th birthday, John Wayne. It was a big, big tribute to Liz Taylor at one of the studios in the Valley, just across from the Smokehouse. You know all about that.

Anyway. I know the Smokehouse on Riverside, right? Yeah, yeah. The big studios across the way from it. It was in the Universal or whatever. You wanted brothers. And anyway, the Duke is walking by and my daughter and I kind of wandered off,

and we're talking, and here comes the Duke all by himself walking toward us. And I say, hey. I say, it's my daughter's 16th birthday. And he stops, and he does his whole thing, and he says, ought to be 16 again. You got your whole life ahead of you. And he took off. That's great.

Yeah. Now, can we hear some Rod Steiger? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, Rod Steiger. Hey, check this out. I'm at a party. This is great. We can do 12 episodes with you, John.

Hollywood party. No, but a friend of mine introduces me, and Lou Alexander is his name. And he goes over, he takes it, come on, I'll introduce you. He says, John does you. And he goes, do you do me from the pawnbroker? I said, no. Then you don't do me. Fantastic. Why don't you do a little Steiger for John,

and we'll do a little back and forth. You know my first picture? You know what my first picture was? What was your first picture? It was called Jubal, Jubal Troop. Jubal, I played a nasty man in Jubal. And one day, one day I thought I killed Jubal.

One day I thought I killed Jubal. Why would you kill Jubal? If you knew Jubal. So wait a minute, wait a minute so wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute so anyway

anyway anyway the posse the posse rides into the property and they say and they say where's Jubal and I looked at them

and you know what I said Jubal Trope is dead great great Steiger now And I looked at them and you know what I said? Gerbiltrope is dead. Great. Great Steiger. Now, we had, one of the guests we've had on the show was the great songwriter and entertainer, Paul Williams. Yes, indeed. I started imitating Paul Williams. Yeah.

And he said the two people now that imitate him are me and you. It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to who'll always care. You're always there. And I'm getting over

that rainbow when your wildest dreams won't come true. That's fantastic, right? It's called a madness the world has to give, but I won't last a day without you. Phenomenal.

Can we do a duet of Rainbow Connection? Oh, I don't know the words. I harmonize. I can harmon know the words. Oh, oh. I can harmonize. I can harmonize like this. Okay. How about Rainy Days and Mondays?

Do you know that one? Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Talking to myself and feeling old. I'm feeling old. Sometimes I'd like to quit. I'd like to quit. Nothing ever seems to fit. I don't give a shit.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Up and around. Nothing to do but frown. When it is Monday, always get me down. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Always get me down. Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what's on the other side? Hilarious. He's sick, this guy.

Hilarious. Ohious Oh we gotta play that We gotta send that to Paul I like to hear him say that Hello What a simple way To start a love affair Should I jump right in and see how much I care? You know this stuff

I used to make, we were on Hollywood Squares together I'd make up a song and say John, when, when, when, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah When Paul wins, blah, blah, blah When he goes to the store, blah, blah, blah, when he goes to the store, blah, blah, blah. When I go to the store, I look for you. I see you on the counter and how do you do? He says, and he yelled down, hey, do what I wrote and I can get some money back. That's fantastic.

Oh, John. You're a sport, man. Oh, God. Well, we have not even scratched the surface. This was one of those interviews that

both incredibly easy to do because we've got a guest with so much to say. Well, it was informative but also wildly entertaining. Yeah. We just sit back and watch the master go. Yeah, this was just fun. Oh, yeah. It was fun indeed.

You guys are fun to talk to. Thank you, yeah. It was fun indeed. You guys are fun to talk to. Thank you, John. Well, like I said, we came up with this idea, and we sat down, and we started making a list, and we got a couple of names in, and we looked at each other and said, John Biner. Yeah. That was one that was no question. Well, thanks a lot. And then I have to tell you, because the show's become so popular on social media, people

start requesting guests. Ah. And over the last two years, they started piling up. When are you getting John Beiner? Oh, how neat. I can show them to you by the dozen. So here you are, finally. Yeah, yeah.

And you too. Thanks for doing this. Hey, it's a pleasure. Now I'll have to wrap up by saying, hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And on today's show, we had the vastly entertaining John Beiner. You should all be arrested.

Oh, a little Robert Stack for us, John, before we go. I used to do Robert Stack before he was Robert Stack. I love that one. John, you're a treasure. Thanks for doing this. Well, thanks so much, guys. Thank you. And you guys are nice, and God bless you, and say hi to Dara for me.

I will. We'll let you know when this is up. And be well, guys, and have fun all the time oh thank you john john beiner okay