Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 140. Ronnie Schell

Episode Date: January 30, 2017

Comedian and actor Ronnie Schell has shared the stage and screen with virtually everyone in show business, including Andy Griffith, Carl Reiner, Redd Foxx, Rodney Dangerfield, Goldie Hawn, George Carlin and even Groucho Marx. Gilbert and Frank track down Ronnie at his LA home to talk about his early days on the nightclub circuit, his decades-long friendships with legendary funnymen Bill Dana, Pat McCormick and Harvey Korman and his memorable role as Gomer Pyle's bunkmate, Duke Slater. PLUS: Billy De Wolfe! The Kingston Trio! The reclusive Jack Burns! Sinatra drops by the Blue Angel! And the prodigious talents of Theodore Bikel! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Tennessee sounds perfect. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. Our guest this week is a comedian and actor who's been working pretty much nonstop since the 1950s. He was a fixture on television for decades, appearing on hit shows like The Patty Duke Show, The Andy Griffith Show, That Girl, Love American Style, The Dick Van Dyke Show, MASH, Sanford and Son, The Love Boat, Mark and Mindy, Coach, and Yes Dear, just to name a few.

You forgot the McLean-Stevenson Show on NBC. It lasted three episodes. Okay, the McLean-Stevenson episode, McLean-ane Stevenson episode. McClane Stevenson show. If you caught any of the three episodes, you would have seen Ronnie Shell. But if anyone watched the McClane Stevenson show, it wouldn't be off the air. That's right. Yeah, it would have lasted at least four shows. He also starred in his own

CBS series, Good Morning World. Yes, sir. But it's perhaps... I've got to interrupt. It'll be starting January. All the reruns with Antenna TV. Do you guys have Antenna TV? Oh, yeah, great.

Antenna, yeah, sure. Good morning, world. Well, let him get through this. There's a lot about you here. That would be CBS. Go ahead, Gilbert. He thinks it's his show. He thinks it's his show. But it's perhaps best known as Jim Neighbors' friend and bunkmate.

Hey, hey, hey, careful. That's Jim Neighbors' friend and bunkmate, Duke Slater. Hey, hey, hey, careful. Bunkmate, Duke Slater, on the long-running and wildly popular situation comedy, Gomer Pyle, USMC. Bought me a house. You did? pile USMC. Bought me a house. Feature films include The World's Strongest Man, The Shaggy D.A., Love at First Bite,

The Devil and Max Devlin, Fatal Insanity. That was a piece of crap. I can say that now because it starred Bill Cosby and I don't give a shit about him anymore. So you co-starred with a sexual offender. That's good.

That's good. Keep that in there. You forgot a great comedian that I did an animated film with playing his best friend called, I'll let you guess who it was, Rover Dangerfield. Oh, yeah, sure. We got it on our list here. We'll get to it, Rover. Well, watch it.

God damn it. Watch it. How to Beat the High Cost of Living. Yes, with Jessica Lange. He's also headlined in nightclubs, Vegas showrooms. And if all that doesn't prove his versatility, he's provided voices for dozens of animated cartoons, including Captain Caveman, The Smurfs, Fred Flintstone and Friends, DuckTales, and Rugrats. In a long and very busy career, he's worked alongside some of the biggest names in the entertainment business,

including Johnny Carson, Carol Burnett, the Smothers Brothers, Goldie Hawn, George Siegel, Andy Griffith, Redd Foxx, Tim Conway, Phyllis Diller, Rodney Dangerfield, Groucho Marx, and drum rollroll please, Cesar Romero! We did a movie together. You know what his nickname was? You know what his nickname was around 20th Century Fox? Butch. Butch.

I'm serious. Did you know that? Yes, we did? Butch. Butch. I'm serious. Did you know that? Yes, we did. Butch. We'll tell you why soon. Well, I'm beginning to think I know why. Yes. Please welcome to the podcast one of our favorite funny men and America's slowest rising young

comic, Ronnie Shell. Well, by God, it's a pleasure to finally get on after that brilliant introduction. I can't wait to hear what I'm going to say. It's really great to see you guys, and I'm glad you called me. No, I'm serious. Bullshit. Now, tell me. I'm really grateful, because I am a fan of yours, Gilbert,

and have been for years since I was a kid. And I got to tell you, whenever you want to ask, shall I get my upcoming credits out of the way? Yeah, get them out of the way, and then we'll get to a bunch of questions. Rodney Shell's credits. He's reaching into his pocket. Yeah, because I just got one about 10 minutes ago. February, I'm doing a pilot with Ed Asner.

You guys know Ed? We had him on the show. Yeah, he was great. Yeah, I love Ed. Well, we did the movie. Well, you guys know this. We did the movie Gus together. Yes.

You knew that. So we're going to do a pilot with the girl from Don Wells from Gilligan's Island. And we were supposed to do it in January with Florence Henderson, but she canceled out on us. We spoke to her too. We had her here too. Yeah. Isn't that funny?

She canceled out on us. And so they've cut the thing until February or March. Let's see. And then in May, of course, I'll be where you guys have probably played. Danville, Indiana. Hey, they pay. And it's for the big Mayberry celebration.

Oh, cool. That's enough for now. Yeah, I know you've done those before. Yeah, I do one every September in North Carolina where Andy Griffith was born. Yeah. Because I did two episodes of andy griffith you guys didn't mention of course and you started the spinoff i surely did before we go on any further i think i may have told this story once before on this show do you know the

big story about caesar romero going right in for it, huh? No, I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear it. Okay. Okay. I'll see if I remember it. Cesar Romero. Force yourself. Cesar Romero was, you know, he was known around town and in movies as a macho Latin lover.

Right. And in real life, he was gay. Yeah. And as to quote Jerry Seinfeld, not that there's anything wrong with that. But in real life, if I remember this, it's been a while since I told it, he would surround himself with these boy toys

and he would pull his pants and underwear down. No. Depending on who tells you the story, he was either standing on the floor or ankle deep in warm water. That's the only argument I've gotten. How about the swans? Big or small? That I don't know. Oh, you should have checked on that.

No one mentioned it, so it's probably tiny. Okay. Anyway, so either on the floor or in ankle deep in warm water, these boy toys were instructed to fling with all their might orange wedges at his naked ass. That's funny. Do you know about this? No, but I have a similar story about Alan Ladd. You ready?

Hey, Dirt. This is true. This is Alan Ladd. Oh, great. Now, if Elena, his wife, is listening, it's too bad. But what happened was he drank quite a lot, as you know. In fact, he put him out of the business for a while. And he used to get, I'm told, get inebriated and go down to where they deposit all the garbage.

And he would help the garbage guys in the morning for some reason. I don't know. But that's not the story. The story is every once in a while he'd gather all these girls together and he'd make a big circle he'd get in the circle and they'd put a chicken there in the circle and he would get nude and the girls would dance around singing you simply got to fuck that chicken you simply got that chicken that chicken. That's the story. Well, can you sing that one more time?

You simply got to fuck that chicken. I hope I don't get sued. So Alan Ladd, handsome macho star, would stand naked in a circle of women who circled him. And they would, I'm sorry to ask you to do that. But they'd have a chicken there. Yeah. Oh, they'd have a chicken. Yeah. He was naked with a chicken in a circle of girls.

And I'm sorry, I don't think I heard this correctly. What did they start singing? Well, they would dance around, Alan, singing, You simply got to fuck that chicken! That could be an apocryphal story. It could be. Whatever that means. I don't care.

When I hear a story like that, it's true. Wow. Pass it on. Pass it on. Oh, I've got a million of those. I've worked with everybody except, who's the only guy I never worked with? Oh, I know. Hey, hey, who, who, what's his name?

Oh, Red Buttons. I never met or worked with him, but I worked with all the rest of them. Have you heard, either if you've worked with them or not, have you heard some other weird sexual stories about any celebrity? I'll get arrested for crying out loud. Bill, let me think.

Why don't you, this is a good time to sit down. Ronnie was a friend of Pat McCormick's. Very, very close. Very close. Okay, there was a story that Pat McCormick used to get. Over Irene Dunn's house?

Oh, yes. You tell the story. No, no. You tell it because I've sort of forgotten it, but it's a true story. Pat McCormick had a bunch of friends in the business. Mm-hmm. And like once a year, I think think they would get together and try one would uh take the others to dinner exactly to a celebration or to Vegas yeah yeah fly them somewhere uh take them out to

a strip club or whatever the hell that's true and when it was Pat McCormick's turn, and these guys were spending a fortune on lavish dinners. Pat McCormick's turn, he had them take all his friends to a heliport. And there they were handed a paper bag with a tuna fish sandwich and an apple. And they were all like, what the hell is this? I didn't know about that. Yeah, it's like, what the fuck? We spend money on this?

And then they were led one by one into a helicopter. When the guy would go in the helicopter, there would be a hooker in the helicopter. When the guy would go in the helicopter, there would be a hooker in the helicopter. That's right.

The helicopter would circle that guy's wife's house. They were given the... While he was circling his house, the hooker would blow the guy. Oh my God. I heard it was over Irene Dunn's house.

Irene Dunn's house? I'm serious. That makes it better. It was over Irene Dunn's house. And they brought... Well, let me finish this first and then tell me your side. Okay, because I was starting to nod off. And then they circled

the house and when one of them got home his wife said so how was your evening and he goes oh it was okay how was yours and she said well it was strange a helicopter circling the house that's what you're saying it was actress Irene Irene Dunn and he had an anti-catholic thing he said but i can't remember what it was for the life of me because you know she was a she was a staunch catholic and uh he liked he liked to shake them up i stole two have i worked with him a lot uh here in town but i stole two of his lines which i will do forever and uh i'm gonna do them for you now because i think they're they're classics one is in a new york venue you would say do you all know who

yoko ono is right and then i mean i am you know they had a yoko ono look-alike contest held in central park last saturday but they had to call it off because the crowd turned ugly Central Park last Saturday, but they had to call it off because the crowd turned ugly. Great. That's it. And the other one is, how did he tell it? Biblical scholars have come up with a well-known change from biblical times, they found out how Jesus, the Lord Jesus, could walk on water. It was winter. That was Pat. So I take it no one ever told that joke to Irene Dunn.

I would say no. I don't know any Irene Dunn? I would say no. I don't know any Irene Dunn stories. So, they were circling, they were getting blown while circling the house of Irene Dunn.

Fantastic. That makes it better. You're going to tell that version now from now on? Yeah. But you'll have to come up with a line that uh no there is no line you just got the blow job and i don't know if she ever knew about it probably not probably not probably not ronnie tell us tell us tell us you bet your life story tell us about meeting groucho you were so young yeah well I'll tell you was I was working at the Purple Onion in San Francisco I was still a college student you never went to

college did you any of you guys two of you no no no okay well I graduated okay four years anyway so I was in my senior year and I auditioned at the Purple Onion in francisco which was a big nightclub in those days and the other two acts who vol who auditioned the same time as i did was um phyllis diller and the kingston trio you remember the kingston trio sure sure sure okay so duly and yeah that's right so uh who do i have stories about them anyway so we we toured for a year and a half together, college concerts. Anyway, so in comes George Fenneman, who was Scrooge's. Oh, sure. Yeah, and he said he was there to see Phyllis, and he booked her for the show.

And then he knew that I went to San Francisco State where he went 10 years earlier. And he said, listen, why don't we, let me talk to John Goodell, who's the producer and see if we can get you on. I said, I'd love it. So that's how I got on the show. Now, when I got on the show, he said, we got to have a gimmick. And I said, oh, I can't think. He said, well, why don't you be a beatnik expert? In those days, it was big beatniks in San Francisco. I said, okay, I don't know anything about them, but I will. So he gave me a few lines. So just before the show started, before I met Groucho,

John Cadell, or his assistant, said to me, now, you're going to meet Groucho in a minute, and you just feed him these lines right here. In the meantime, we'll ad lib around. And I said, now, listen, I am a comedian, so at times I can be very funny. minute and you just feed him these lines right here in the meantime we'll add lib around and i said now listen i am a comedian so at times i can be very funny and he said okay that's very good but remember this is groucho show and it's on film and we can cut you out at any moment that's the truth so i got on the show and i was just as nice as possible and he was good to me

the only joke i remember and it's not funny because they told me to say it was I got on the show, and I was just as nice as possible, and he was good to me. The only joke I remember, and it's not funny because they told me to say it, was what is the definition of a beatnik? It's a guy on the ground looking down. How about that? Oh. No, I know. No, it's not funny. But anyway, that was my top gag.

But Groucho, no, it was. But Groucho was very, very good to me. I won $600. I guessed the duck. A table. Oh, great. Oh, you guessed the secret word. Yep, table.

And I went out of there about $900 richer, which for a college kid was pretty darn good. Are you a TV comedian, Ronnie? No, Groucho, I've never done TV. A radio comedian? No, I've never done radio. A stage comedian? Very little, no.

Do you ever work the gambling hells in Vegas? I haven't had the pleasure as yet. I'm just... Well, where do you work? At PTA meetings? Well, no, actually, I work these little out-of-the-way offbeat places like the Purple Onion in San Francisco

and some of the clubs. Isn't that your eyes working in there? No. You're working out of the way nightclubs huh well what kind of customers patronize this type of flip joint well actually we have all types of people i think primarily in san francisco at the purple onion we have these beatniks from the beat generation but what is a beatnik well my definition of a beatnik is would be a fellow on the bottom looking down.

The next time I saw him, I was doing the Carson show, and he was in the audience. And he came backstage and said, you're very good. I remember you. You're sort of like Don Adams, which I wasn't, of course. But he went, no. I said, I know. I know. I've like Don Adams, which I wasn't, of course. But he went, no. I said, I know. I know. I've been told that, which was a lie.

But I accepted it. And that was the last time I saw Groucho. Oh, no, no. Oh, God. I shouldn't tell you this. I was watching. We went to see a premiere at a Disney film. And behind me, sitting right behind me, was Groucho.ouch this is much later groucho with uh

was it aaron fleming was that oh yes yes and she was with him the movie started my wife was with me and we were watching and we're enjoying it all of a sudden groucho says to nothing i think it was july 8th now what are we supposed to do? July 8th, what? We didn't say anything, but that was the last time I communicated. Oh, he was starting to lose it. I guess so.

I think it was July 8th. But I don't think Aaron even asked him what the date was or anything like that. But he was awfully good to me. I got to be honest with you. He was very good to me when I saw him both times and did the show. And you said like a lot of people found him really like mean and rude, but you didn't. No, not at all. Not at all.

In fact, George Fenneman used to have lunch with him every day at Nate and Al's. You know where Nate and Al's is? Oh, sure. Nate and Al's still out there? Yeah, it's doing great. And before we switch to another story, may I say, I think it was July 8th. He's getting a little old groucho, Ronnie. Oh, is that groucho?

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's his groucho. July 8th. Yeah, that's right. That's good. That's good. I think it was July 8th. Aaron Fleming's going to kill me.

She's gone. Is she gone? Oh, Aaron's gone. Aaron took her own life. Did she really? Yes, indeed. Well, fuck her then. That's over.

Oh. Move on. Aaron, could you please shoot yourself? It'd really make my life a lot nicer. If you would go into an alleyway, I'd like you to become a homeless woman and then find the guns and blow your fucking brains out. It would make my life a lot easier.

Very good, very good. I've lost it. No, I like good. I like that. I lost it. No, I like that. I like that. Oh, my God. I heard a story that Nat Pendleton. I know who Nat Pendleton was. He was a wrestler.

Yes. Yes, that's right. He used to stand naked with a chicken. Oh, stop. And Groucho. Groucho would holler. Groucho, who had gone senile even back then, would sing. You simply gotta fuck a chicken.

Only you, Gilbert, could come up with a funny line like that. Oh, I'm serious. That's Pendleton's in Horse Feathers. He's one of the kidnappers. Yeah. Ronnie, tell us about your act back then. You did pantomime, you did lip syncing. I started doing lip syncing, but I would be a little different. I would take serious records and make them funny. I wouldn't take a Spike Jonze record and then you'd be laughing at the record. And I'd take La Donne Immobile by Mary Alonza

and all the serious stuff. And what happened was I finally went in the service because the Korean War started and I was scared to death of being in the Marines. So I joined the Air Force and they asked me to emcee a show when I was in basic and I stole a complete pantomime act that I'd seen in San Francisco by a guy named Paul Desmond. And not the musician, but a comedian.

And that's how I got started. And then slowly I started doing more live stuff. And, you know, Erwin Corey started that way. Stealing other people's material, you mean? Oh, no. Probably, no, but material, you mean? Oh, no. Probably, no, but doing Panamime. Oh, Panamime. And Jerry Lewis.

Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis. He still does it. He does that typewriter thing. Oh, yeah. I think Dick Van Dyke, too, did Panamime. Oh, yeah.

With another guy. Yeah, what were they called? The Merry Moots. The Merry Moots. The Merry Moots, right. Out of Atlanta. That's right. Oh The Mary Moots. The Mary Moots. The Mary Moots, right. Out of Atlanta. That's right. Oh, I know the Van Dyke family back.

Jerry was my best man at my wedding. His brother. Funny man, Jerry Van Dyke. How's he doing? Not too well. I'm sorry. He had an accident. Very funny man.

He was funnier. He's funnier than Dick. He's not more talented, but he, by by god when you see him on stage when you used to see him on stage he was absolutely hysterical he uh he just had an accident recently in arkansas i think and and he's they had to encase him in a body thing and sing he's not doing too well he's good guy bad very funny man he was best man at my wedding. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. so your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more.

And now back to the show. Tell us about some of those clubs back then. You did the Hungry Eye. You did the Blue Angel. You did these legendary clubs. Yeah, I did the Blue Angel. I did the Blue eye you did the blue angel you did these legendary clubs yeah i did the blue angel i did the blue angel and sinatra came in opening night and i was you know how it happened i think you're going to find this interesting uh i hope uh we were we were we were we were i'd done the first show and so i went back and sat in the lobby and not in the lobby

but in the showroom and uh all of a sudden i looked over my shoulder and incoming to sit was uh natalie wood and robert wagner first time around first time around and earl wilson you know earl wilson the columnist sure The columnist, sure. Earl's Pearls. Jimmy Van Heusen, the writer. Sure. And then all of a sudden, so I turned back and all of a sudden, and you hear stories about this, but it was true. I felt a glow in the room and I turned around and it was Sinatra.

Came in, sat down with a girl. I remember the girl because I got to know her later. Judy Meredith was his date at that time. She was an ice skater. And there's no end to this story other than he really gave me three paragraphs in the New York, I don't know, whatever the one Earl Wilson used to be part of. And it was thanks to Sinatra that sort of got me started off. And who was playing the clubs

in those days that you were in? You were in the Hungry Eye. I said you were in the Blue Angel. You were lots of other places. Cosmo Alley. Cosmo Alley. Cosmo Alley, when I worked there, was owned by Theo Backell.

There you go. Theodore Backell reference, Gil. He won a Gilbert Gilbert's favorites. I've mentioned him a few times on the podcast. Well, he was a great singer. Nichivo, Nichivo, Nichivo. You know, a big guy. Sure.

He did Russian songs. Russian songs. Yeah. Yeah, he acted and sang. I understand he had a big... Schwantz. Oh, my God! Yep. I understand he had a big schwanze. Oh, my God. Yep.

Girls used to tell me that. Anyway. Who told you? Several girls. So Theodore Bacall had a giant dick. Yes. I'm going to get sued. He just died last year. Well know now i miss him even more

he was he was a genius he was a genius so anyway i worked with him and you know who was the another owner uh lenny bruce oh that's wow so what happened in those days you could uh call cosmo alley and it was it was sort of like a jazz club. And you could go in there, and Lenny would come in and sing. Sing, not sing. Theo would come in and sing part of it, and then Lenny would sing till midnight, and then I'd work from 12 to 4. And I'd have a lot of wonderful guests, like Faye Bainter.

Faye Bainter. Remember Faye Bainter. Faye Bainter. Remember Faye Bainter? Sure. People like that. Anyway, that was at Cosmo Alley. You asked about Cosmo Alley. Yeah. And I loved Lenny because he was very nice to me,

but we never actually hung out together. I think he was on something, but I don don't know i don't know for sure what was rickles around then and fat jack leonard and some of these guys yes burns and carlin burns and carlin i used to hang out with jack burns when he was with george carlin yeah they had an act and i was working the purple one and he was working the hungry eye and san francisco yeah he's become a recluse uh yeah yeah we wanted to get him on the show but we i i tried to get him on to do some shows and he will not he in fact nobody knows where he lives he won't tell anybody where he lives that's how much of a recluse he is

but he'll talk to you on the phone i think george carlin's daughter kelly who we had on the show is in touch with him but she told us that uh was no dice, because we'd love to talk to Jack Burns. That was Jack Burns, who used to be with Burns and Schreiber. Yes. That was later. Sure. That guy. And he also did a year on

the Andy Griffith show. Yes. But they won't have him. I mean, they would love to have him, but he won't do it. That's a shame. He'd make a lot of money. He'd make a lot of money. Very funny man. Very funny man. Hello, Ron.

That's where he talked. Black Irish, he's a black Irishman. Yeah. Black Irishmen are the guys that used to drink. I worked with him at the Blue Angel. The reason I was there is because, no, the reason that it was memorable is because the star of the show that four weeks

was Diana Trask, who was an Australian singer that Sinatra worshipped. Yeah, I remember the name. Yeah, Diana Trask, Australian. And so that's why he came initially to see her but of course when i went out there i stole the show away from her it's another story anyway uh i she was a headliner there in uh ruth o'lay do you remember ruth o'lay she was a jazz singer where's her in chicago oh how about how about uh at the palmer house i worked there three times. Once with Pete Fountain.

Oh, sure. Pete Fountain. You know, the jazz man. Yeah. Yeah. Out of New Orleans. But in those days, the lead guy was a big fat guy. I can't think of his name.

Anyway, I worked there. And then the second time, I worked there with Judy Garland's other daughter. Oh, Lorna Luft. Lorna Luft. Very good singer, by the way. Very good singer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway. How did you get from doing stand-up and the nightclub act to TV, Ronnie? What was the break? I know a Dandy Griffith show was a very early credit. Very, very true. And Patty Duke's show? Yeah, Patty Duke. I did three of those. I loved her. She was a very early credit. Very, very true. Uh, Patty Duke show. Yeah. Patty Duke.

I did three of those. I loved her. She was a good girl. I wish I had some salacious stories about her, but I don't. Anyway, you can make one up. Let me think about it.

Patty Duke. Oh, did you love, oh yeah, she was great actress. Yeah. She was the best. Well,

you, you were, you were managed by the famous Richard Link. That's how it happened. I would start touring with the Kingston Trio. In fact, their second album, if you get hold of it, it's got capital and it's called College Concert. And we did it from Royce Hall at UCLA.

And all I did was introduce the trio on the record. It's on the record. And I did the liner notes on the back. And so I told everybody that I had the best-selling comedy record in the business, which I did, even though all I said was, here are three young men in song that I love working with. I love the way they sing, and they like the way I do their shirts. The Kingston Trio. That's my comedy album sold millions sold millions yeah did did you work

with like were there a lot of mobsters yes you were doing absolutely yeah in fact uh in chicago is where i really met a lot of them uh i'm not going to name his because i can't remember but there was one guy who took a liking to me and after the show one night he said you want to come over to the the uh i'm doing a thing at the sahara out by the airport you want to come over and have breakfast or what they always gave you or what. Scary. Yeah. When you used to dance with the guys from New York, you want to dance or what? That's your what. I don't know. How about our what?

Anyway, so naturally I said yes. So there was a group of us that were working in Chicago, and we went. This is a true story. That's not funny either. We went out to this place called Sahara, and this guy was notorious, but he took a liking to me. He was a little guy. And so we sat there with 15 people about 3 o'clock in the morning,

and we all ordered eggs. And all of a sudden, the waiter comes in. He brings the eggs. He lays them down, and the eggs were too cold for this little guy and he got up and just beat the living shit out of this in front of us and not one of us got up and said hey no cut it cut it out wow because we were scared to death we let this waiter have the shit kicked out of him rather than uh that's the end of the story but it's it's just it was sort of sad but but not sad enough to, for me to interrupt this little mafia guy.

Anyway, that guy's probably still in the, in the hospital. And this was 50 years ago. Oh my God. Oh, that is scary. I'll tell you his name when we go off camera,

cause I'm not going to take any chances. I'm sure he's long gone, Ron. You know what happened? You know what happened? Seriously? Yeah. He was bringing groceries home, and he got machine gunned to death. So he probably defied some of the bigger people.

Wow. Ooh. But in conclusion, and I want this spread around, the mafia was very good to me. Most of the clubs back then were owned by the boys, Conclusion, and I want this spread around, the mafia was very good to me. Most of the clubs back then were owned by the boys. And if they liked you, man, you could do no wrong. And they would just be so good to the – they loved comedians.

And I was never intimidated by them. I think they even owned the Blue Angel, but I'm not sure. Yeah, we've had a couple of people tell us that the mob was good to them. Yeah. On this show. Various comics. The performers said that you couldn't have a nicer boss than a mobster. And you know what they'd say?

Seriously. They'd say, listen, if anybody gives you any trouble, call Geraldo, and we'll take care of it. And that's exactly it. I never had to call Geraldo, but he would have taken care of it with the boys. That's true. Go ahead. I heard a story that Buddy Hackett. I love Buddy.

Yeah, I think his house was robbed. I don't know if I heard Buddy. Yeah, I think his house was robbed. And he said, then they found the two guys that robbed my house. You'll do anything to do impressions. Yes, yes. You make up these names, and I'll do Clark Gable when I ran into him. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. And he said, they found them both dead in the desert.

And they said, do you know what happened to them? And he goes, I don't know. That could be true. That could be true. How about this? Scarlett, you've never loved me. You've always loved anyone else but me. I don't give a damn.

That was my impression of Clark Gable. Not too good. Pretty good. That's the only thing. But I do do Clark Gable sneezing. Okay. Let's hear it. This is Clark Gable sneezing.

Drop, drop, drop, drop two. Remember, he always used to say, God damn it. You've always loved Ashley Wilkes. You've never loved me. Anyway. Well, tell us how the Kingston Trio album went big. And I'm trying to figure out how your TV career got started. Oh, so Dick Link worked for Capital.

He just passed away, by the way, Richard Link, last year. 99 years old, drinking vodka every night. Yeah. Legendary manager. It was a good guy. And he was my manager until he sort of semi-retired over in Hawaii. And Andy got rid of him. That was a sad story, which I'm not telling unless I'm asked.

Andy Griffith, you mean. Andy, oh, yeah. That was his right-hand man. So he was handy. He was handy. I'm asking, let me get, let me do my own story first. Yeah. I was asked. So anyway, a clock cable clock cable wasn't around at that time, but, um, I had to get his name in there. Uh, Dick link managed Andy Griffith and he worked for capital and he saw my act in San Diego and said, I'd like to manage you.

And I said, oh, yeah, okay. I don't have a manager. And that's how I got there. And then about, I say, within a year, Andy did a spinoff from the Danny Thomas show. Right. And then after Andy did it, then Jim Nab neighbors came as gomer pile and they did a spinoff of that and by that time dick link was the associate producer of both those shows and he said i want to work you into the gomer pile show and i said do i have to audition he said

yeah for carl reiner and um sheldon leonard sheldon leonard sheldon leonard yeah and uh so i when i was nervous. And I went, and they were very good, and that's how I got Gomer Pyle from that audition. And the rest, of course, is history. Hey, here's another one. Guess who this is. For it was Mary, Mary, sweet,

as any name could be, the only guy that gave it to my brother in a back. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's great, dude. Betty Grable, right? as any name could be, but you're the guy that gave it to my brother in a back. That's great, dude. Betty Grable, right? Are you making a joke, ain't you, Frankie? That was Humphrey Bogart, wasn't it, dude? Jimmy Cagney, Gomer.

That was the second, Charlie. Here's another one. Guess who this one is, Dolma. Hey, Sergeant Carter. Sergeant Carter, you're the best sergeant a Marine ever had. Why, you're just like a mama to us. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Shazam.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Shazam. Yeah, we talked on the phone. You and I were talking about also the great Aaron Rubin. I don't remember that. He deserves some credit for that show. Aaron Rubin was the greatest series writer of all time. You know who is? He's Nat Hyken's nephew.

Nat Hyken, who was very famous. There you go, Gil. Oh, yeah. I love Nat Hyken. Now, we've talked about Nat Hyken with Hank Garrett, obviously. Car 54, where are you? Yeah, but Hank Garrett makes up a bunch of bullshit. I don't care.

He wrestles, but he can't drive. Anyway, who were we talking about? We were talking about how you got the Andy Griffith show and then G gomer pile and then gomer pile and then uh and then good morning world came knocking bill persky and yeah well what happened was i was doing gomer pile and then all of a sudden i started doing that girl with marlo oh you were her agent yeah harvey harvey peck i'm sure you guys have watched that all the time. And after that, they decided to do a series, a comedy series about two radio disc jockeys

based on William B. Williams. Is that right? Yeah, because Billy and Sam worked for him. That's right. They were writing about their own lives. Exactly. This was all about them about william b williams and when he did that and so they hired myself and they hired uh

billy de wolf great great love billy de wolf oh i loved him he was a great always busy busy busy he's come up and he'd say to me yes yeah and he'd say he'd say uh mr shell put it away put it i mean save your money put it away mr shell you never know when it's going to end and anyway uh he was he became my best friend on that particular show joey was a nice guy uh joey baker yeah he's still around yes he lives in connecticut he was married he was married to dory frevin oh wow yeah and then she passed away i think he killed her and uh no i know i'm kidding i'm kidding i love joby i love joey and i love dory even though I never met her. And so we did that show. With Goldie. Oh, yeah.

They had a – Andy Griffiths was doing a special during that time, and we all worked on the same lot where we did That Girl and all these other shows and Hogan's Heroes and everything like that. And in walked – no, and in – Bill and Sam saw this little girl out of, a go-go dancer out of Baltimore, which was Goldie Hawn. And she was in the chorus. And so they said, oh, God, she's got a great personality. Let's put her in. So they hired her to be my girlfriend. And we did 29 episodes.

And, you know, it was free and easy in those days. You know, we weren't married. I wasn't married. And she wasn 29 episodes. And, you know, it was free and easy in those days. You know, we weren't married. I wasn't married and she wasn't married. And we always rehearsed in my apartment at night. You do the math, okay? And, you know, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, Goldie.

I'm turning Kurt. And so, anyway, after about three weeks on the first show, she was tired. She didn't like to rehearse. And I said, Goldie, I took her aside. I said, Goldie, you're never going to make it because you don't like to rehearse. And I don't like that. Pros know the script inside and out. And that's because you're not going to make it.

And the next year she won the Academy Award for the cactus flower. And I found out while working some toilet in Omaha. True story. She never let me forget it, by the way. She never let me forget it. You know what's strange? You were talking about who created the Gomer Pyle show. And I remember when I was growing up, I'd watch these shows like Gomer Pyle and Andy Griffith and think I was getting a glimpse of like, you know, southerners and Gentiles. And it was all Jews from New York. Yeah, it was all total Jews. Sheldon Leonard. Yeah, I'll tell you the truth.

I'll tell you the truth on Aaron Rubin. Aaron Rubin. Aaron Rubin, before he did Andy Griffith, he went and spent a week, it might have been a month, in North Carolina to pick up the tone and the people. And that's, he did his homework. And by the time he came back, he could write about them. That is one of the reasons that it works so well with the southern it's amazing and so a jewish guy spends a month in north carolina and manages to capture the flavor and that show went on forever and that one of the things it was it was lauded for was its authenticity yes but how come there were no black people on there it's an excellent question. Think about it. There were, but they were in the background.

Now, are you saying you fucked Goldie Hawn? No, no, no, not at all. No, please don't. There was a chicken involved. I'm kidding. Hey, I just love to do the line, you do the math, okay? Tell us about Sheldon leonard and you also did his short-lived series big eddie yes i did i played a clown in it sheldon leonard was

he was one of those guys that you when he walked in the room you uh you immediately were very subservient and good but he was very he would come in when we did andy griffith and gomer pile and he would take a script and just fix it up in like a half hour and uh and he was a genius he was a genius yeah i remember i remember sort of a sad story um but of course this happens they were doing a dinner for don knots at uh chasasen's when it was still open. And we all went down there one night. And I don't know if you recall, but they, well, they still have them. One of these local 730 to 8 shows where they did interviews.

And this girl, I was standing there. This young girl was doing the interview. And she said, now, you're Sheldon Leonard? He said, yes. Well, what have you done, Mr. Leonard? Oh. He said, I've been around. That's all he said.

Wow. I remember that. That was quite a revelation. Well, not only was he a fun actor, and of course he was always playing those thugs he was always playing heavies and but he was a he was a mogul he was a mogul very rich yeah and super smart guy super smart guy what if what was frank sutton like ron i love frank frank was uh believe it or not was a southerner he was. He was born in Tennessee and that's where he's buried.

And I never saw him off stage without a cigar in his mouth, Brazilian cigar, I might add, or a cup of coffee. And that's what made him, not made him, but he was a type A and he was destined to have an early heart attack. Great actor. Always knew his lines and was very nice to all of us because a lot of us were newcomers. You know, he'd already done Broadway in the Andersonville trial and a couple others. He was a good friend of George C. Scott's. But anyway, no, I can't say anything bad about him.

I wish I could. Yeah. He used to have this chicken. And what did they sing when Frank Sutton stood there naked? You simply got to fuck that chicken!

This is going to be the new catchphrase that takes off. You said he started out a liberal. Oh, that's right. It's interesting. Yeah, Frank Sutton, yeah. Yeah, he had a lovely wife and two lovely kids.

Toby was his wife. And she was Jewish, by the way. You might want to know that. He does. Toby was Jewish. And he was a Southern. He was a, you know. So that's where he may have gotten the liberal slant but when he first started doing

the show he was just big on uh lyndon johnson and liberals and everything like that interesting by the end of five seasons and then we did two seasons as a as a uh variety show the jim neighbors hour and uh by that time he was a right-winger. Not a right-winger, but very conservative. The money. It's called money. Sure. You make a lot of money and you change. I think.

Isn't that true? Well, they say a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged. I wish I'd have thought of that. By God, I will. You know, I want to tell you a story about Studs Terkel. You know who Studs Terkel was? Yes. And this applies to guys my age. You guys aren't there yet.

But I hang out with guys in their late 70s and their 80s for a reason. Studs Terkel knew this guy. You may have known this story. Studs Terkel knew this guy 80 some years old he was a widower and he married this woman 60 years old and she was really beautiful and well done for her 60 year old and she had lasted eight months and studs turkle went to him and said my god what happened i mean she was beautiful 60 years old what happened and he said she didn't know the songs wow that's it if you don't want if you if you can't relate to young people and and you can't

remember the songs and everything like that it becomes uh sad yeah that's profound i think it's profound it is gilbert wants to ask you about some of these names, Ron. You worked with Jack Webb, best known for Dragnet. The only guy who, when he was sober, was mean, and when he was drunk, was a great guy. That I remember. Interesting. He was once married to Julie London. Do you remember that?

Julie London? Sure. That was before my— And was once married to Julie London. Do you remember that? Julie London? Sure. That was before my... And then she married Bobby Troop. Who was a very close friend of mine because Bobby Troop's daughter introduced me to my wife. Oh. Route 66. Route 66.

Now you work with both Ted Cassidy and Jack Cassidy. Jack was brilliant. Jack was hysterically funny. He thought he was John Barrymore. I mean, at 5 a.m. in the morning, you could come back to the – we were on the road together for 16 weeks when he was married to her, Shirley Jones. Shirley. And you could come back at 5 a.m and

he'd been in a been in his suit and just sitting there having a drink he was just just he thought he was john barrymore reincarnated and a very good actor i might add oh yeah good in comedy he and she remember he and she of course of. Of course. Was that Richard Benjamin and Paul Apprentice? Paul Apprentice. And I did a movie with Richard called How to Beat the High Cost of Living. Sure, with Susan St. James. Susan, who I liked very much. Jane Curtin.

Yeah, Jane Curtin and Jessica Lange. You bet. And my friend, Freddie Willard. Fred Willard, right. Good guy. Now, Cassidy had a hate. I don't know if there was a love there. There was definitely bad feelings between him and his son.

Oh, David Cassidy, you mean, yeah. I think, I'll be honest, because I'm going to be in David's court in this, he was jealous of David. He was jealous. And I remember we were on the road and we were in Rhode Island and he was coming to visit. And he said, by God, that little guy is going to take us. Whatever he called his son. David's going to take us to dinner. He's going to pay for it because he's made a lot of money. And he did.

He made him pay. We had showgirls and all that kind of stuff. And so that was the animosity. It was jealousy. It was Jack's fault, really. Yeah, because back then, David was like the biggest popeye he was he was the biggest he was the biggest he sure was and tell us tell us about maury amsterdam who was a friend of yours well the only reason i knew maury is because he was from san francisco he was born and raised in san francisco

and it's interesting at the height of his career, you know, we worked at the same, on the lot. And he said, I'm from San Francisco. I said, I know. He said, God damn, Herb King never mentions me. Now, like, Maury Amsterdam was nationally known, and he's worried about a San Francisco columnist. Damn, wish Herb would mention me. I love that.

It's a true story. He liked to tell jokes, too. We just got some names here. Did you work, you did voiceovers on a show called Yogi Space Race with Joe Besser? Yeah, that's right. Oh, what did he used to say? What was his stock line? Not so loud.

That's right. I wanted you to do that, Gilbert. I swear, was that the one that said, I swear I'll kill you? Did he do that too? Oh, yeah. I swear I'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah, I did that with him.

And I thought you were going to mention one of my all-time favorite of all the people we've talked about. Yeah. Sketch, comedian. Oh, Harvey Korman. Harvey Korman. Nobody touches him. Well, you guys were tight. We were very close friends.

And Harvey Korman was the biggest hypochondriac that ever lived next to me. But he was hilarious. And I don't think anybody has ever topped his Hedley Lamar in Blazing Saddles. Oh, it's brilliant. If you watch it every single scene, he's just perfect. He's electric. Yeah, he was, and a good guy, and I miss him. I do miss him.

Was he a happy guy in real life? Was he? Let me ask you something. Have you ever met a big talent who was happy? I haven't. And especially, no, you haven't. And especially comedians. The only happy comedian I ever met was Art Linkletter.

I don't count him. I worked with him. I worked with, I did the only Mark and Mindy that was on an hour. And I worked with Robin Williams. Brilliant. Brilliant. And, well, you name it, Jonathan Winters. I hung out with Jonathan a lot.

And I hung out with the comedians because I learned from them, you know. And I enjoy laughing. Yeah. You work with Redd Foxx, too. How about Redd Foxx? Any memories? I did Sanford and Son. Yes, you did.

I played the mayor. The only memory I remember, I can't tell you, but it was... Okay. It was obscene. It sounds like... Redd. That sounds like a Redd Foxx story. It is a Redd Foxx story. What about Frank Gorshin? sounds like a Red Fox story. It is a Red Fox story. What about Frank Gorshin?

He was a friend, too. Frank Gorshin, we'd go back way back because we were both in the Air Force and we did shows, Tops in Blue. And I was, for a while, was the traveling comedian with the United States Air Force dance band, the Airmen of Note in Washington, D.C., and that was a tough job. I mean, we could have gone over to Korea at any moment, but we never did. But I did get some time in Bermuda. That's the end of that story.

Who else do you want to know about that Ronnie worked with here, Gil? Oh, God, it's such a list. It's a crazy list, Ronnie. You've done everything. You've worked with everybody. Here's a story that I sparked to you. I'll tell you what I got coming up, Gil. Oh, God, it's such a list. This is a crazy list, Ronnie. You've done everything. You've worked with everybody. Here's a story that I sparked. I'll tell you what I got coming up, January. Yeah, well, we're going to do a couple of names, and then we'll do the plugs. Okay. What am I? Am I a gossip? I sound like a gossip. I know a story about everybody, but, you know, there's a lot of stories I'm keeping to myself.

You don't have to tell them if they're too salty well they're mostly about me but go ahead what about paul winchell you worked with him the great ventriloquist yeah very good ventriloquist yeah he was he's like every other comedian they're not happy yeah gilbert gilbert's walking around laughing making a lot of lads he has a family i have a family but we're not happy. No, Gilbert's pretty miserable. Yeah, I know. You are. You are, Gilbert. And so are you, Frank, because you're tagging on. Thank you, Ron. What about working with Tony Curtis? Bill and Sam wrote something for you. I'm going to hang myself after this interview. I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I'll tell you, Tony Curtis, when I first met him, we did a football special together.

And he was really nice to me. And the first thing I said, hi. And he said, me too. Tony Curtis seems like he was a fun guy. He was a fun guy. And this was before he wore that turble toop. Oh, yeah, yeah, and the cowboy hat. Oh, yes. Yeah, but he was very funny.

And I'll tell you, he was a good actor. Did you ever see The Sweet Smell of Success? Of course. Oh, yes. With Burt Lancaster? Masterpiece. Yeah, masterpiece. Well, I'm also a movie fan, so the old movies.

So I just remember him being very good. And the Defiant Ones with the- Of course. Stanley Kramer. Yeah, that's right. And Theodore Bacall. Theodore Bacall was the sheriff. You're absolutely right.

That's right. And Lon Chaney Jr. was like Big Joe. Hot damn. I never met Lon Chaney Jr., but I was a fan of his. I mean, nobody ever topped him of Mice and Men with Burgess and Heather. That's Gilbert's favorite. Oh, he was brilliant in that. Who played the little guy where they took the dog away?

Oh, I don't know. I don't remember his name. But he was a great actor. Yeah, he was great. Remember the guy from F Troop turns up in there, Bob Steele, the guy that played Duffy. Yeah. Bob Steele started as a B cowboy actor. Yeah, yeah, he was.

Before that, he was a boxer. Sure thing. And he lived across the street from my wife when she was still in high school. And he was really a nice guy. I think he was four foot three. I heard that about him. Yeah, something like that. He was a little guy. Oh, well, in Of Mice and Men,

that's Burgess Meredith says it about him. He goes, I hate mean little guys. Ooh, that's right. I'd forgotten about that. How about Betty Fields? Betty Fields, yeah. Oh, yes. Betty Fields.

Loved her. As we wrap it up, you're such a WC Fields fan, you were telling me on the phone. You want to tell me tell tell me what you told me about wc because i thought that was fascinating sort of well it's there's no connection here except he used to do a lot of scripts and he had a way of sneaking in dirty lines by changing them just slightly like god damn he'd say godfrey daniel he'd say that did you know that kill about wc field yeah you watch any so or if godfrey daniel he's really and it sort of reminded me of you uh uh gilbert and i say gilbert godfrey it is it's almost like an exclamation.

Yeah, almost like an exclamation. Godfried! Anyway, he did say that I'm going to walk away here thinking I'm a big gossip person. You haven't told any tales at a school? No, I'm telling

about my career and all the wonderful, wonderful people I've worked with. And I hope it's not over. I worked with, someday, I worked with Tony Bennett and Carol Burnett. I did the only, I did two Carol Burnett shows. Yeah, you've had to work with everyone. When Harvey Korman kept saying, I'm funnier than her. I'm funnier than her. It should be thevey corman show tell me all about the time you fixed don adams up with a uh with a date i like

that story how did you know bill dana will tell you that oh wasn't it wasn't it you who was me no i fixed bill dana up but what happened was here's what happened. I was living in San Francisco at the time and Bill Dana came up and he was Jose Jimenez. Sure. He'll tell you this. Is he coming? We're going to have him on. Yeah.

Okay. You asked him to tell him, tell the story. And so Bill was looking for a date and I said, well, look, this is my hometown. I'll fix you up with a chick.

He said, okay. looking for a date and I said well look this is my hometown I'll fix you up with a chick he said okay so I called this chick who I'd never seen in person but I talked to on the phone and I said would you like to go out with Bill Dana oh my god I'd love it and I had told I told he said he said Bill Dana said to me and he'll quote you, quote him. He said, now, what does she look like? I said, she looks like Shirley MacLaine. I said, okay, great. So in she walks into this apartment in San Francisco, and she's about 60 years old and not attractive at all. And Bill, God bless him, went out with her.

And the next day he came to me and he said did you say she looked like shirley mclean or barton mclean ask him that ronnie tell us what's coming up again oh i'm doing this pilot with ed asner and we love ed wells yeah don wells and whoever's going to replace uh our lovely departed lawrence anderson who i loved yeah did i ever tell you that story no you were doing a commercial with her should i tell that it's not that funny but it's it's go ahead we were doing... She was the Wesson Oil representative. Yeah, Wessonality. Yes, exactly.

And so they hired me to do a thing with her. So we did rehearse. And so the director said, okay, let's everybody quiet and action. And just before anybody said anything, a crewman, i don't know who he was we don't know this day let a big fart and we just went into hysterics and the director cut cut what's the matter and i said oh we were just discussing something try it again so believe this or not director said action and it was quiet and the guy let another big fart we fell over and the director said lunch i think that's how i'll choose to

remember florence enderson well she was a good singer. I worked with her at John Oswego's. I worked with everyone. There's no one I never worked with. It's a long list. Ronnie, you had a fantastic career. Fascinating. And it's still going. What, is it over?

Is it over? Okay. Tell the limo. I'll be there. Okay. Before I close out this show, there's something very important that I want to take with me. So the very handsome leading man, Alan Ladd. Oh, come on.

His wife's still alive. He's standing naked with a chicken surrounded by girls. That's apocryphal. That's apocryphal. And what? Elena, that's apocryphal. That's apocryphal. And what? Elena, that's apocryphal. That's just comedy. Fuck it.

I'm saying it's real. Now, what did those girls have to sing? They were dancing around while he was, and they sang, You've simply got to fuck that chicken. He sounds like Aunt Bea. That's fantastic. We'll go into Aunt Bea the next time you guys interview me. Ronnie, thanks for doing this, man.

So, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with the very funny Ronnie Schell. And come out to L.A. and we'll have coffee together. We'll go to Nate and Al's. Yeah, that's right. We'll run into Larry and you'll come up close and almost kiss us. Thank you, Ronnie. Thank you, guys.

Frank, Gilbert, thank you. Thank you. It was a pleasure. Thank you, guys. Frank, Gilbert, thank you. Thank you. It was a pleasure. It was a pleasure. Friends, why not take a trip to Spontaneanation, where hours of listening pleasure await you. Hours made up of moments. Moments like these. Thank you so much for having me.

I'm so glad I won that lottery where you got to come to a celebrity's funeral. Well, certainly. We're glad to have you here. This is your program, and you'll sit in the front row with the family. How you doing? I'm John Wayne's son. Oh my God. And I'm John Wayne's daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Well, congratulations on winning the contest. Yeah, well done. I've never been to a celebrity funeral before. Are there any tips? Just keep quiet and hold on. It's going to be a wild ride. Be respectful.

We're talking about the Duke here. Listen to Spontaneanation with me, Paul F. Tompkins, on Earwolf, iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.