Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 147. Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Clip Show!

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

In an effort to introduce and explain the podcast to the unfamiliar or uninitiated, Gilbert and Frank assemble a collection of highlights from the first 140+ episodes, including memorable moments with Matthew Broderick, Howie Mandel, "Weird" Al Yankovic, Chevy Chase and Bob "Super Dave" Einstein (among others). Also, Uncle Junior sings, Al Jaffee turns tragedy into comedy, John Amos sends up Leonard Bernstein and Joey Pants spends a quiet day with the family. PLUS: Skelton Knaggs! Misbehaving Munchkins! Marlon Brando snubs the Academy! Slappy White makes a run for it! And Gilbert (finally) reveals his true self! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Tennessee sounds perfect. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Verderosa. Our guest this week is Dick Van Dyke. I'm very impressed. Ladies and gentlemen, the only true Caped Crusader, Adam West.

Thank you, Gilbert Grape. Let's welcome one of our favorite actors, Bruce Dern. Thank you, sir. I much appreciate the intro. One of our favorite filmmakers and raconteurs, Peter Bogdanovich. Thank you for that lovely introduction, Gottfried. I should do Walter Brennan now, but I don't know if I can. I just ate. Save it for later in the show, Peter. Please welcome the multi-talented Michael Nesbitt. What do you think of my cologne?

That was good. That's Boucheron. Please welcome to the show Jessica Walter, Ron Liebman, our pal Dana Gould, Ira Glass. Wow. Well, that was quite an introduction. Very happy to be here. And a man far too famous and successful to be appearing on this podcast, Matthew Broderick. Thank you.

Thank you for that lengthy introduction. Yeah. Officer Judy himself, Bob Einstein. What an introduction. I know, that was phenomenal! Please welcome one of the funniest men in comedy, and the recently appointed

president of the Tracy Morgan Fan Club! Our pal Artie Lang Ladies and gentlemen Weird Al Yankovic Please just call me ladies and gentlemen Yes ladies We have ladies and gentlemen

On the show right now Please welcome our pal Chevy Chase Oh Hey thank you Gil You know I've often thought pal, Chevy Chase. Oh. All right. Hey, thank you, Gil. You know, I've often thought, what is a podcast?

Now I know. So our new partners at Earwolf asked us to record a special episode this week to give people who may be unfamiliar with what podcasting is or how to download or listen to a podcast an example, a clear example of what our podcast is, an episode that would just sum it up and give them an impression of what our show is. It's part of an industry-wide podcast awareness, for the month of March, which they're calling tripod, a hashtag T R Y P O D. So we thought we would, uh, gather up some greatest hits, some of our best interviews. And we also get a lot of questions from time to time, and we're going to try to

answer some of them. The question that I'm asked the most is does Gilbert use his actual voice when he records the podcast? Oh, Oh, heavens no. No, I never used my own voice. I was in my childhood, quite early in my childhood, my parents emphasized reading and education. And I did well. And later I attended Eton University. Oh, you did? Yes, quite. And that's where I got both my master's and doctorate degrees. But then one day I found I had a talent to do one voice. Let me see if I can do it very quickly. So he stayed under the glass coffee table

and the hooker squatted on it and then they were throwing orange wedges at his ass. Sorry, I'm sorry, that tickles a bit. And I realized that that was possibly going to be my foray into show business, like theater, really. I see. So there was a departure from your actual, the polish of your upbringing. Oh, yes, yes.

Oh, my parents were mortified. Was it a reach given that you had, you know, this character was so far removed from who you actually were? Oh, heavens, yes, yes. I grew up in England, a small town called Kent. And we were very, well, it's different in Europe, really, I can say it. We were an anti-Semitic family. Oh, yes, yes. Now, we didn't associate with any yids.

My father actually used to be an informant to the Nazis during World War II. He got a medal. I didn't realize. Boy, I thought I knew you. No, not at all. Not at all. Not at all. Yes, I was quite ashamed that later on when I realized that despite what my parents had told me, Jews did not have horns on their heads. So really, in answer to the question, the people who asked me, does he use his real voice,

the whole thing is really a character. Precisely. Precisely. Excelsior. And, you know, it really does get tiring going from my regular speaking voice on to, you know... So what? They were kissing at the airport and he put his finger on his ass. Which I, of course, never speak that way and at home I'd catch hell. Yeah, I was going to say, you seem to have a gift for dialects because it's very convincing. Thank you.

I don't, actually. I usually avoid obscenity personally. I think it's a cheap way to go for laughs, really. I don't work blue. So, Gil, for the uninitiated, how would you describe our podcast, people who've never heard the show? How would you sum it up uh what the podcast is is like both of us you and i would get into these uh conversations yeah and we both knew like people we should have forgotten years ago yeah i seem to remember it was phone conversations while you were on the road yeah mostly and and we would talk and we'd remember like a guy who was an extra in some film no one saw. Or just character actors that excited us like Simon Oakland and Burt Mustin.

Yes. And people like that just or Martin Balsam or people even more obscure than that. And. John Saxon. And of course, Skelton Kanag.ad skelton canad scatman crothers brock peters just about anybody who came uh jack elam and oh yes we would just sit on the phone for hours and talk about these people and and try to top one another and then it became one of these things like let's try to find some of these people who are still around.

That was it. And, you know, when it first started, I think people were looking at it going, oh, you know, it's like a very, it'll be a snarky put down. Well, people, I don't know why anyone had any reason to expect that of you. Clearly, they haven't been following your career. Yes. They're just so wrong. Well, that came out early in the reviews of the show. And people's first reactions was they couldn't believe that you were so reverent.

That you were so admiring of these people and such a fan. Yeah. And that we weren't there to mock. In fact, if anything, we're mocked by them. Yes. Because there, there were people who in the beginning,

we had it really convinced to come on because they thought, Oh, it's going to be one of those where they're at the punchline of the joke. It still happens on occasion, but 170 shows later, less, less so. Yeah. But it really it really is it's it's also not only did we want to just pick up the phone and call these people to to see if they were around i remember the one of the early conceits of the show was we were actually going to do that we

were actually going to make the call oh yeah that we were actually trying to and pretend that the person would just pick up the phone i I'm very happy that didn't. Because it would have run out of gas very quickly. But really it was as simple as that. It was, gee, do you think we could pick up the phone and call these people and see if Ed Asner wants to talk to us or Roger Corman or Dick Van Dyke or will they, you know, Paul Dooley, will they take our calls? Will they sit and talk to us? Will they reminisce about the past?

And to our surprise, they were willing to. And it became one of those things like, I need to have a reason to talk to these people like Bruce Dern. Yeah. And people like that. And it's like, now I felt like, oh, I have a great reason now to call them. Right. And speak to them and ask them these questions. Because what people don't know about you is that you would carry people's phone numbers around in your wallet for years. Yes.

And never actually call them because you felt you had no legitimate reason to pick up the phone and call them. That's absolutely true. Right. And now you do i've had a couple of celebrities like major names oh sure who have given me their phone numbers and i had it for years a bunch of them like that and i thought i can't just call them up right right right well one we can mention because we talked about it on the show with kelly his daughter was george car. Yeah. George Carlin gave me his phone number, and he said, whenever I'm appearing on TV or in a special,

he goes, call me. I want to see what's going on in that brain of yours. And it was a great compliment, and I really wanted to talk to George Carlin, but I just couldn't get myself to do it. And another one, Jonathan winters crazy that kills me that you didn't call these people yeah and and and norman fell right norman fell said you know give me a call anytime and unfortunately you named three people that were gone by the time that we

started the oh yeah we started the podcast but we have and we never thought when we started and you know we talked to larry storch and ken berry and and adam west and we were, and we never thought when we started, and we talked to Larry Storch and Ken Berry and Adam West, and we were thrilled, but we never thought that it was going to expand to the point that we were going to get Carl Reiner and Dick Van Dyke. I won't say the first guest we had, but after that one, we sort of went to a pizza place afterwards and and i remember saying to you well you know hey we tried we gave it uh we made an effort that's it but dara would not take no for an answer yeah that's the problem yes that's the problem so really it is that it it's become a valentine but it really it really was born out of gee we'd really love an excuse to talk to these people and tell them how much they meant to us and reminisce and see if they wanted to play our game. See if they wanted to reminisce about the nonsense that we were already reminiscing about and talking about these characters and remembering the minutia from those episodes.

And much to our delight, by and large, they do. By and large, they do. And a lot of them do like to know about glass coffee tables and throwing orange wedges at celebrity asses. Well, that's just essential knowledge. So for people who want, who are trying to understand what this show is, the essence of what this show is or what it is we're trying to accomplish. What we did is we picked five clips, five snippets from shows that I guess these clips represent or best represent the variety of things that happen on this show. And I'm happy to say that it was hard to pick out bits that really stood out because there was so many. So many.

So many. Yeah, we managed to winnow it down to five from about 55 so um where do we start uh let's start with this clip this is uh this is one of the funniest men in the world uh uh super dave uh osborne our friend bob einstein uh who basically came on the show and ripped us apart. Oh, yes. It was hysterical. It was hilarious.

And that's what happens with the show. As I said, we're always reverent. Sometimes they're not. And this is a wonderful story about a comic legend that Bob loves to tell, and it's a great one. I'll give you one more story. Sure. We can't leave on that. My first meeting with Red after we agreed to do the show

was at his house. And Al and I talked to him, and we see with the monitor, he's got 700 televisions to see who's coming down. Sloppy White is coming down. Now, outside, Red has five dogs that are half dogs, half human. They're the biggest fucking dogs I've ever seen. And you can't see what kind of a breed they are because they're wearing tennis shoes, and they're fucking hungry.

And they're all over the yard so red says sloppy how you doing he said listen i'm meeting with blind steiny i want you to go down the pool house i'll meet you in a minute he said what about your dog he said how long have i known you 50 fucking years my dogs ever touch you? He said, no. He said, well, get the fuck to the pool house. And we watched like on Cinerama Dome. These dogs chased Slappy's wife

all over the place. Into the pool with his clothes on. And all Red said was, God damn, they did go after him. And then we went back to a meeting.

And Slappy's in the blue with his clothes on. Oh, that's great. Well, now we're going to destroy whatever entertainment value was in this show by breaking for a commercial. Introducing TD Insurance for Business, with customized coverage options for your commercial. Introducing TD Insurance for Business with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is

unique, so your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. Now back to the show. So it's so hard to sum up this show in clips. And like you said earlier,

we went through so many of them. Oh, yeah. Even to get down to five. So here's another one. This is our friend Joe Pantoliano. Yes. I think you know where I'm going with this clip. What do you want to say? Something about it? No, no. Keep going. Frankie Verderosa, our wonderful, ever-efficient, ever-trusty engineer, knows Joe because Joe comes to Nutmeg and does voiceovers from time to time and said, Hey, do you

want to do the gilbert podcast and he said he would love to and we got joe in here and god he was great oh there were so many things that's what when they surprised me i really love it it's like and with him we asked him about playing tough guys and he said he plays them because it gives him a feeling of power because he was a victim of that's right that's right yeah and so joe doesn't uh doesn't maybe doesn't fit the the classic profile of a of a gilbert gottfried amazing colossal podcast guest and that he's not uh you know he's not an older showbiz legend but he's's also got a very long resume. He's been doing this a long time. Oh, my God, yes. And he just turned out to be the ideal guest, and here's a reason why.

Check this out. Can you tell that story about this beautiful girl? The first time I ever brought a girlfriend home. Yeah. You were very shy among girls yeah and and also i thought that you know i thought that women would eventually turn into my mother you know like you know i don't want to be under their thumb like my mother's you know my mother would just beat the hell out of my father even my even my wise guy father you know she she had she was the toughest man I ever knew was my mother.

That's a good one. So I take this girl, Ellen, and she's like a runway model and she's beautiful. And I want to show off a little bit. And I take it down the Jersey Shore where Flory and my mother can, you know, scratch up enough money to rent a bungalow for a week. And it's Sunday afternoon and we're sitting down and my mom's at the head of the table and Flory's at the other head. I'm sitting next to my mother. Ellen's across the way from me next to my mother. My sister is between me and Flory.

And then there's Joe, the insurance man, who was a friend of Flory's, sitting next to Ellen in between Flory Flory. And then there's Joe, the insurance man was a friend of Flory's sitting next to Alan in between Flory and Alan. So my sister has got this glass of iced tea. And in the inside of the glass, there's ridges and she's kind of mixing the ice inside the glass. And it's hitting the ridges and it's making noise and it's bugging me. And I go, Marianne, do you have to do that? And my sister was like 12 at the time. She goes, Jesus Christ. And she slams the glass. You can't do a fucking thing in this house.

So Flory says, watch your mouth. My mother, steam starts coming out of her ears. And she looks down at him and she goes, she ain't your daughter. Mind your own business. And Flory picks up a salad bowl and smashes it on the table and he goes i put the food on this fucking table no you ever talk to me like that and my mother goes oh big shot what are you gonna do shoot me you're gonna shoot me and i'm like so i get so mad at her i go you see that's why i don't bring anybody into this house

because of your fucking mouth. And my mother turns on me now, and she goes, you little summoner bitch. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? And my mother grabs her breast, she twists her breast, and she goes, I cursed the milk that fed you. You should have died

in my womb. In my womb you should have died. And Ellen is eating. All she can do is eat. We're screaming and crying and food's flying everywhere and she's just her head's down and she's eating sausage and peppers.

And I pack my bag, I'm outside. Joe's saying go in and tell your mother you're sorry. Fuck you. She started it and Ellen we're leaving and Ellen sees the deconst didn't, you know, she started it. And Ellen, we're leaving. And Ellen sees the deconstruction of her family. It's the end. And my mother opens up the screen door.

She goes, Joey, you want coffee? It's perfect. So here's another clip that uh this is a happy surprise and this is something that happens on the show sometimes is that we remind the guest of something that they've done that they've forgotten about oh yes yes and at that at times like that i don't mind embarrassing a guest i remember leno used to do that he would pull out an old embarrassing clip from time to time we do it really more as an homage

here's an example this is somebody we all grew up on the great John Amos character actor and the star of Good Times and the interview was winding down and I had this written on a card and I said boy do we bring this out or is he going to be embarrassed by this?

You don't know how these things are going to go. But to our surprise. Yeah, he just played right along with it, and he remembered all the words. Yeah. And in the words of Florida from good times, damn, damn, damn. You don't disappoint the fans, do you? Here's what we're talking about. Take a listen.

I got cut from my last Canadian football team. I needed a job. My daughter was an infant at the time, so I applied for and got a job as a McDonald's franchise trainee. And I'm working at McDonald's during the day, and we weren't doing any business because they were just introducing the chain to all of Canada. So I had like 20 crewmen with nothing to do. So I started getting them songs and dances

that's right you wrote song parodies about McDonald's and people would come up they said what is this place I'd say this is McDonald's we saw hamburgers you'll never sell anything what do you got all these people dancing and singing around you say do I have this right? You took, like, music from West Side Story. Right. And you... A bun like that could cause a trouble. A bun like that could ruin a double.

Stick to your own bun specification. I was damaged goods in those days. And you also, and we have something here that you've also talked about. This is scary. What's this? Frankie, speaking of McDonald's. Oh, yes. Bucket and mop.

Scrub the bottom and top. There is nothing so clean as my burger machine. With a broom and a brush. Clean it up for the rush. Before you open the door. For the shine on the floor. For the floor. When we finish one dance.

Do it all over again. Tell me what does it mean. John is singing. McDonald's is great. You deserve a break today. So get up and get away to McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's. Okay?

Fantastic. You still remember it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Here's the killer. I walk into Tom Hanks' dressing room. I go to see him in Broadway. I walk into his dressing room, and he breaks into that song of all the things in the world.

Now, we had Matthew Broderick on the show. Yes. And, you know, in all fairness, he was doing a play at the time. It was great. It was generous. He was doing, yeah. He came over here in between performances. Yeah, he did a matinee, rushed over here to do an interview, and then had a rush back to be on stage for that evening show.

Yeah, generous guy. And how did you repay him? Well, I personally always fucking hated the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I never got what was supposed to be good about it. And that's the way I started the interview. You did. That I fucking hate Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And he handled it pretty deftly.

Yes. And pretty diplomatically. I had to be honest. Here's the clip. I have to preface this interview by saying what everyone has told me not to say. Uh-oh. I fucking hated Ferris Bueller's day. Oh, way to welcome the guy.

Who told you not to say that? I may have said don't lead with it. Oh, don't lead with it. Warm him up. Yeah. Why do you hate it? I don't, I mean, like we had Peter Bogdanovich on this show. Yeah.

His mother saw. Do you like Paper Moon? We do. Yeah. Yeah. His mother had seen Rebel Without a Cause. Yeah. And she hated it.

And she said that it idolizes, like, you know, just everything young people do is great. Yeah. And old people are idiots. Right. I hate that kind of movie, too. I know what she means. Yeah. Now, what is interesting is you now, as an adult.

Yeah. And a married man with children, what do you think of both the movie and the character of Ferris Bueller? Well, unlike you, I like the movie. Fuck you. He's fucking too. You could say fuck on this show. Yes.

It's the internet. Blowjob anything. Really? Wow. It's loose. For the home viewer, it's the internet. It's great. Blowjob anything. Really? Wow. It's loose. For the home viewer, I'm blushing. Yeah,

yes he is. I can attest to it. You know, I love that movie. I mean, I hate young people too. I know what you mean. But I like,

you know, I think John Hughes did a beautiful job. I think it's like a wonderful little lark. And I'm amazed at how it's held up. What I wasn't expecting with this show is I thought we'd have a few laughs. But I also, I became surprised when people would come in with really touching stories. Absolutely.

Like Sonny Fox. The Sonny Fox stories were amazing. And also for poignancy, Mad Magazine legend Al Jaffe had a very, very touching story. And also, what can I say? Dominic Chianese picked up a guitar and sang from the heart. And, well, here, check him out. A different side of the show. Okay, now this brings me to something that fascinates me. It's like this was as sad and tragic a childhood as you can imagine.

And you built a career on comedy and making people laugh. I have always believed, and I'm firmly convinced of it now, especially after having to talk about my early childhood for the book. I'll mention the name, Al Jaffe's Mad Life. Yes, go ahead. I'll mention it a few times. Mary Lou Weissman. Mary Lou Weissman was the author.

Very well-written book, by the way, and gross. Thank you very much. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful writer. Thank you very much. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful writer. And so what I discovered early on was the first thing that a young child wants to do is become part of the little group of other children that you meet. You want to ingratiate yourself to them somehow so that they accept you and allow you to play ball with them or go fishing with them. And I found that my ability to draw fascinated them. So I started drawing, them. So I started drawing. First, I started drawing American cartoon characters, which I used to love on Sundays, bringing up Father with Jigs and Maggie and Little Orphan Annie and Dick Tracy. And I would draw them from memory the best way I could. And that kind of went over like a lead balloon because these kids were not reading American Sunday funnies. But then I started to do caricature of each one of

these kids. And that made them hysterical laughing because one kid would walk around with his pants practically hanging below his bottom, and I would feature that in the cartoon, and they'd all have big yucks about that. And I found out that, and by the way, these drawings were in the sand in the street. All the streets were sand. There were no paved roads. And so with a stick, I would draw these things. Later, I did it on paper and showed it to them, and they laughed hysterically. So I found humor was very important, not only this way to ingratiate yourself in a new tribe, but also as a way for oneself to get your mind off the daily misery that you might be going through. Yeah. So I saw in humor a magical device for becoming accepted. So they decided to move everybody to that camp. There were Russians, there were British, there were French,

there were Africans, they had all kinds of compounds. Everybody was going to be moved the next day. Now, we didn't want to be moved for two reasons. One is we were not in very good physical shape by that time. When I was liberated, I weighed – I'm 6'3", 3 1⁄2 at that point. I weighed – when in weighing 165 pounds, I came out weighing 105 pounds. So we were not in great shape. 165 pounds.

I came out weighing 105 pounds. So we were not in great shape. And also, the Allies' planes were shooting up everything that was moving on the roads in Germany. So who knew that they could tell us from the Germans what would happen? So I guess it came out of Roddy also. But the word came down the next day, a third of us were to stay in our bunks, in our, you know, the bed things, and say we're too sick to leave. The second third, if they pulled us outside, when they said move, they would drop into the cold, wet pavement and say they can't move. And if they still moved the last group out, we would organize in groups

of 10, and the first night out, we would organize in groups of 10, and the first night out, we would have jumped the armed guards. Go figure out how that would have worked out. Anyway, the day came, and we cast the roles, everybody knew the part they had to play, and they came in and said, you know, let's go, and then these guys would say, no, we can't move.

And they sort of, okay, left them alone and got the rest of us out. And then they started, we watched the British move out, we watched the Russians moving out. We were still there. And then they said, okay, start to move. We started to move and bodies started to drop in a cold, rainy day on the pavement. I started to giggle to myself because I couldn't believe this was actually working. And then the guy, the commentator, came with his gun and shooting in the air and told Roddy,

well, give me 240 guys so I can save face. Roddy said, the Americans are right over that hill. You shoot anybody here, you do anything, you're going to be a war criminal, and we know who you are. Anyway, they finally took off and left us alone. We went back to our barracks, and we just stayed out of sight because now the defeated German army was coming by, and the defeated army has no discipline.

You don't know what they're going to do next. And then about four, then it was deserted. Then we knew it was really deserted. I climbed up on the roof of our barrack, along with a couple others, and we saw that two rows, I'm going to cry again when I see this, two rows of Sherman tanks coming down the hill

from Patton's Third Army. Now, this is a wonderful song. You know who wrote the words to this was Yip Harburg. Oh, Yip Harburg. Yeah. Over the Rainbow.

Over the Rainbow. Yeah. Yeah. Once I built a railroad I made it run I made it race against time Once I built a railroad Now it's done

Brother, can you spare a dime? Once I built a tower to the sun Brick and rivet and lime Once I built a tower, now it's done Brother, can you spare a dime? The Tilted Tower, now it's done. Brother, can you spare a dime? Once in khaki suits, gee, we look swell. Full of that Yankee doodle dum.

Half a million boots, once slogging through hell. I was a kid with a drum. Say, don't you remember? They called me Al. It was Al all the time. Say, don't you remember? I'm your pal. Brother, can you spare a dime?

Fantastic. That was a treat. One of our favorite guests was Tony Orlando. Yeah, yeah, top five for me. And we found out loads of his father, his father's buried in a Jewish cemetery. That was fascinating. Yeah, which I, of course, thought, well, that's the best part of the interview. Well, I also have to say

that we didn't plan this show. We didn't plan long-term what this show was going to be. We didn't have a grand vision for this show. We thought we'll call these people. In the old days, we used to call them on the phone before Frank Verbarossa came into our lives. And we might not use him again after he

destroyed three episodes that we had done three great episodes actually never happened it wasn't it wasn't frank it's just become a runner okay you can say that as long as we're on the air but but but one of the surprises uh of the show something that emerged over time that i never saw coming, was Gilbert singing. Was Gilbert spontaneously and joyously breaking into song for no apparent reason, whether there was a guest here to join him, whether it was just an old theme song, out of the blue, Chevy Chase is sitting here and Gilbert starts singing the theme from Foul Play. Oh, yeah.

Ready to take a chance again. There you go. We had Henry Winkler on the line. I sang the theme to Lords of Flatbush. Hey, hey, what do you say? Looks like it's going to be a very fine day. That's it. And sometimes, well, those were songs that were at least in context.

Sometimes, for no reason, something will just emerge like the man who shot Liberty Valance without any prompting. So that's been a very, very pleasant surprise. And again, you never know how the guests are going to react. Are they going to think we're mocking them? Are they going to think that Gilbert's taking the piss out of their song? You know, we're trying to be reverent and we're trying to have fun with it. Here's somebody that really got it. Oh, Tony Orlando.

I wanted to sing Tie a Yellow Ribbon with him and he was in it 100%. Here for yourself are you familiar with i think so okay are we ready you want to sing it with me yes okay i'll give you the music you're really gonna sing this with me yes you I, karaoke time? Yes. We're going to do a karaoke with my idol? Yes. Why? Let's do it. Come on.

You start it. Go ahead. Okay. I'm coming home. Start again. Start again. It's the wrong fucking key. He's singing in the key of Z.

He doesn't have a key. I was going to tell you. Go ahead. Do it again, Frank. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm coming home. I've Go ahead. Do it again, Frank. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm coming home. I've done my time. Start again.

Rick, you'll put the headphones on. You've got music. Let's do this right. Oh, I've got music? This is our big moment. Wait a minute. It is. Let's start.

And I'll give you the cue when to start. Go ahead. Like, yeah. Go. Take your time. Okay, baby. You're coming home. I've done my time. Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine.

If you receive my letter telling you I should be free Then you'll know just what to do If you still want me If you still want me Tie a yellow ribbon round the old tree It's been three long years. Do you still want me? Let me sing for a minute. If I don't see a ribbon

round the old oak tree, I'll stay on the bus. Forget about us. Put the blame on me. Go ahead. If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.

Why am I sounding like you? Okay, Gilbert, come on. But driver, please look for me. Cause I couldn't bear to see what I might see. I'm really still in prison. And they tell who to? A simple yellow ribbon's what I need to set me free. I wrote and told her, please.

I wrote and told her. Okay, but it's on you now. Courage. Go ahead. I'm the old old tree. Tie a ribbon around the old old tree. Tie. I'm the old oak tree. Tire rippin' round the old oak tree. Tire rippin' round the old oak tree. Tire rippin' round the old oak tree.

Tire rippin' round the old oak tree. Just get on the bus. Forget about us. Put the blame on me. I know why she nailed you. She sings like you, too. Go yellow. Rippin' round the blame on me. I know why she nailed you. She sings like you, too. Go yellow and round the old, old tree. A hand for Gilbert.

Yes, sir. This was a first. Show business. Oh, oh, that. Wow. That's you, Gil. That was Dara singing at the end. It's not quite Tellman, Joyce.

You know, I haven't had more fun. Thank you for inviting me to this show. I mean, I haven't had this much fun. I don't even know when. Seriously. We have fun. Don't you have fun doing this radio show? Yeah.

I'm going to tell you something, and I mean it. This is the same thing I told Dick Van Dyke. He sang with Dick Van Dyke. I sang two duets with him, Put on a Happy Face and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Oh, that must have been something. Yes, and I'm telling you the same thing I told Dick Van Dyke. I think I just came. Boy, it's easy for him, huh?

She's jumping up and down. She's literally jumping up and down. I have a new nickname for him if that's the case. We're calling him Sir Speedy from now on. But if you really want to get an idea of what this podcast is about, here are some highlights courtesy of Artie Lang, Howie Mandel, Chevy Chase, and Weird Al Yankovic. I mean, listen, he lost to Joel Grey in Cabaret. Could you imagine?

Best supporting actor. The transformation he makes in Godfather 1 is one of the best acting things ever, from that innocent kid to this devil, and he was up for supporting. And he loses to Joe Gray? Joe fucking Gray.

And that was the year Brando won and sent Sashim Littlefeather. What a great Hollywood move. That's a Tracy Morgan move. I'm sending Sashim Littlefeather. I'm sending Can't Talk Right. I'm sending

Hookah Pontus. I'm sending Jew lawyer. Hoka Pontus. I'm sending, here's my lawyer, Hoka Pontus. Here's my lawyer, Hoka Pontus. My buddy Alex Baldwin's going to say, well, I can't. I'm too emotionally stressed to tie a tie. I can't tie a tie. Now write a check, bitch.

That's all I want, Hoka Pontus. Good Lord. I got to smoke the piss pipe. Let's roll some, let's roll a piss pipe. Let's smoke a piss bong. Gilbert, you are my absolute favorite comedian. I love you as a person. I've known you for years.

But the thing is, and I would say yes to whatever you ever wanted me to do, but I have never been to a more complicated, different broadcast than this. He said,

can we come backstage and do it? There is a crew of nine. I'm not sure what anybody's doing. Somebody's just holding an iPhone up and then we have

a photographer for a podcast. Yeah. So you can see shots of this podcast. Audio only podcast. Okay. They set up. They were looking for plugs.

We didn't have enough pillows for Gilbert to start. Can we start? He goes, I need a pillow. His wife, Dara, gave him three pillows. We couldn't start. We were about to start. Then his wife said to him, Gilbert, do you have to make a pee-pee? She did.

She took you down the hall to pee-pee, which I thought was kind of nice and motherly and that. When you finished making a pee-pee, we were about to start, and she actually said to your co-host, Frank, do you have to go to the bathroom? He didn't have to go to the bathroom? He didn't have to go to the bathroom. And then Frank laid out, Frank has got an array of cards. He's really prepared. I think he's done, he's been on Wikipedia for

years and wrote you obviously my bio for an intro. You know how at the end of the day, guys wear pants longer than women wear pants. But sometimes I wore pants for three days and then my wife says,

let's throw those in the laundry and you empty shit out of the pockets. There's little crumpled pieces of paper and you don't know what those crumpled pieces of paper are. Somebody else, are you with the, somebody just walked in the room. You're with Frank? Do you have something to do with this podcast?

Do you... Who are you? I have no clue. I just turn up every time I hear a podcast. That's our social media director. The social media director, on time. That's great. Before you do any social media,

do you have to pee? And I'm not asking for me. I'm asking for Gilbert's wife. All right. And Frank and i were discussing how you worked with the munchkins well that's where i met my wife who was sacked up with the munchkins all of them no it was called under the rainbow and therefore it was not a good movie but uh it required 150 uh little people as they like to be called, and insist on it. And they are.

And we had, I mean, about 100-something of them. And they were living in a hotel right next to the stage where we shot. Out there, they call them stages. And apparently, they were just dead drunk every night, you know, snorting coke. And, you know, they don't have long to live. Their livers are getting as big as they are. So, you know, this is the way they are. They were funny.

When I had to be in a whole in this hotel lobby with them, with Eve Arden, which is enough already, you know, they would fart around me. They'd spit. They'd goose me. A lot of them goose me. Wow. Hey, Jeremy. Yeah. You know.

Yeah. Hey, Jeremy! Yeah! You know? Yeah. They were just a motley group of people. There's only one of them still living. I don't know who it is. Jerry Maron.

He's the last surviving. I don't think he's alive anymore. Oh, I think he is. In the original Wizard of Oz, according to legend. Well, we had a few of the original munchkins, yeah. Yeah. In the original Wizard of Oz, according to a Hollywood legend, at least, you could see in the background that one of the munchkins hung himself in the tree. That's a legend.

Yeah, yeah. That's a Hollywood myth. Yeah, but – and they – That's outrageous. And they say in one scene, you could see his little body hanging from a noose. This isn't right. See, I and I was saying, like, look, I'm not fucking Oprah Winfrey. I heard you were.

Yes. No, I went down on Oprah Winfrey. That's the mistake a lot of people make. It's an easy mistake to make. But you're saying no actual penetration. No actual penetration. She one time blew me. Yeah. Can we get back on track?

Oprah Winfrey. No, Oprah Winfrey one time blew me. Yes. As legend has it. While Stedman held a cheap movie camera. You'd think they could afford a better movie camera after all this time? That's what's really offensive to me. She makes all that money.

She gives Stedman a cheap movie camera. What are they thinking? What are they doing with all that money? With the little handle on the box. The bell and howl model. That's disgusting. And to show it on a projector. That's offensive to me.

Yeah. It kills the whole reason for going down on Oprah Winfrey that they couldn't get a good camera. I mean, you don't film Citizen Kane on your little phone. You don't do that. You don't click the video. You would not do that. That's not something you would do normally. Another thing that's great is that, and we have to mention this,

we didn't realize that this show would resonate with so many people. Yeah, because people were saying, and I thought myself, like, oh, well, you know, it's like this is something we like old Hollywood. No one knows these people. No one cares. But I get these tweets where people say to me, I didn't know who you were talking to. Yeah, it's gratifying.

And I didn't know the people you were talking about with them, but I looked it up and I loved it. Or that they've become a fan of that person. They start renting their movies. Yes. They start researching them. We thought, yes, we know people, friars and people in comedy. We knew a couple of hundred people that we thought would be into what we were doing,

our core group of weirdos yes you know but we really didn't know that there was this this gigantic world out there with an appreciation and it becomes like to them a lot of times like a fun homework assignment yeah to hear a name and look it up and watch their movies. Yeah. So we, so part of the success of this show and part of the thrill of doing it and what it's become is, is, is the fans and the listeners. It's, it's, it's become a community and, and that, that we get to, to thank these people, thank these stars who were part of our childhood by introducing them to another generation is, is really one of the most gratifying parts of it. It's one of the ways we can pay them back. And I always think of like when they used to have shows like Love Boat and Fantasy Island,

these stars, former stars who you thought were dead, popped up on those shows. And if you remembered them, you go, oh, wow wow they're as good as they ever were as good as they ever were and when they come on this show like John Beiner when they come on this show you haven't heard from them in a number of years hey I wonder what he's up to he comes on the show he's plug and play everything

out of his mouth is great great timing great impressions and you think these guys are they've still got their fastball. They're still great. I mean, how alert, well, Dick Van Dyke is great. Yeah. He was just, I should remember one time we were doing a year-end show,

and we were talking about the legends in show business that we talked about, and of course we left out Dick Van Dyke. Yes. Yeah. How foolish. Yeah. And I thought, oh, oh shit. Because he was terrific.

Yeah. And then we got Carl Reiner to come and talk to us. It's so gratifying. I can't believe that it's built to this from just sitting around your kitchen table making phone calls. And Carl Reiner sang on the show. I can't believe that it's built to this from just sitting around your kitchen table making phone calls. And Carl Reiner sang on the show, and he has a great voice. Sang an aria to us.

So there are many pinch me moments on the show every week. Even you, a jaded show business veteran, a cynical bastard like yourself. A dirty scumbag. Yeah, and still sitting there pinching himself because he's talking to Carl Reiner. Oh, yeah. It's a thrill. It's a thrill to see. We never thought it would grow into something this big. Dick Van Dyke told me I would have made a good buddy on the Dick Van Dyke show that

Murray Amsterdam played in. Adam West told me I would have made a great penguin. See? And you were ready to give up in the pizza store. Oh, yes. What have you learned, young Gilbert? Well, I learned my favorite thing that I learned was when we had Lee Merriweather on. Uh-huh.

She played Catwoman in the original Batman series. In the movie. In the movie, yes. And she was Catwoman in the original Batman series. In the movie. In the movie, yes. And she was Catwoman and I was, you know, going into my usuals. I heard her do like her meow and I said, ooh, can you do

that again? And she said, oh, I'm gonna have to spank you. And I thought, if only she knew how many times I've masturbated to that over the years.

That's the real reason you do this show. Yes. That's... Now the truth comes out. It's like, she must have been like reading my mind

all those years. So it's not about reverence or paying back the stars from your childhood. It's about your sick fantasies. Yes. Anyway, thanks for listening. We hope you love the show.

We intend to keep going as long as the two of us can hold up. Well, it doesn't have to be the two of us. That's Scarlett Johansson's looking better by the day. Oh, yes. The man that you heard before doing the nice British voice is actually a celebrity impersonator by the name of Lloyd Floyd, and so is this. Very special thanks to Lloyd Floyd for being our British voice

at the head of the show. You can look him up on imdb.com and see what he's done. That's Lloyd Floyd. You can also look up his podcast on iTunes and SoundCloud.