Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 164. Bobcat Goldthwait
Episode Date: July 17, 2017Gilbert and Frank welcome comedian, actor, writer and director Bobcat Goldthwait, who discusses his transition from performing to directing, his love of Universal horror films, his delight in making... audiences feel "awkward" and his decades-long friendship with the late, great Robin Williams. Also: Bob wrestles with Arsenio, runs afoul of Nickelback, writes a "Billy Jack" movie and raves about Gilbert's new documentary. PLUS: John Lennon doodles! Robert De Niro watches "Problem Child"! In praise of Barry Crimmins! In defense of Ed Wood! And Bobcat and Gilbert remember "Hot to Trot"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Tennessee sounds perfect. hi this is gilbert godfrey and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast
with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer
Frank Furtarosa.
Our guest this week is a director, writer, actor, and one of the most original and audacious
comedians of his generation.
He began his stand-up career at the tender age of 15 and was soon headlining clubs,
selling out theaters, and performing in concert specials like Share the Warm and An Evening with Bobcat Goldthwait. As an actor, you know him from popular films like One Crazy Summer,
Scrooge, Burglar, Tape Heads, Flow, and three Police Academy films,
which he refers to as his porn past.
You've seen him on television and hit shows like Married with Children,
ER, The Ben Stiller Show, That 70s Show, The Larry Sanders Show,
Mad TV, Bob's Burgers, and as the advice-dispensing bunny,
Mr. Floppy on Unhappily Ever After.
I'm also told there was a memorable Jay Leno appearance somewhere in there.
He's also been praised for his work behind the camera,
directing everything from episodes of Chappelle's Show to Jimmy Kimmel Live
to comedy specials for performers like Marc Maron and Patton Oswalt
to the feature films Sleeping Dogs Lie, God Bless America,
the acclaimed award-winning documentary Lucky Me, the Robin Williams star of World's
Greatest Dad, and of course, Shakes the Clown, which the Boston Globe called the Citizen
Kane of Alcoholic Clown Movies.
movies. Please welcome to the podcast
an artist of many
talents and a man
who once rappelled
naked from the
ceiling during a Nirvana
concert. My
old hot to
trot co-star
Bobcat
Goldthwait. Oh, well
thank you, Gilbert.
That was a eulogy.
I felt like we should have had the sad Entertainment Tonight music playing. Yeah.
Well, he usually adds found dead in his L.A. apartment.
Yeah.
Some of these.
That's all we had to do.
And I remember one critic called Hot to Trot.
A justifiable, notoriously awful movie.
Wow.
Yeah.
But you know, you should revisit it because it's really not what you think.
If you go back, it's bad.
Isn't it the movie you called the movie with no name?
You and your daughter discussing it?
My daughter would never.
Yeah, it wasn't.
She didn't know it had a name.
It was just that fucking horse movie her whole life growing up.
I remember I ran into Buck Henry somewhere because he also did a cameo in that.
And I said to Buck Henry, I said, we've never met, but we both appeared in the same movie.
And he looked at me and in a most horrified, disg way he goes h-t-t yeah yeah yeah that's what it
was called at my house it really was it really was i was lying when i said the effing horse movie but
i um you know uh that horse uh there's a lot of things wrong with that movie, but that horse hated me.
Really?
Oh.
Yeah, because horses don't really talk.
This is terrible.
They would hit the horse, and I really love animals, and they would hit the horse in the mouth with a stick.
Oh, jeez.
To make it talk.
Yeah.
And so,
so,
you know,
Robin Williams was my pal and he's like,
so how's it going?
And I was like,
um,
it would be like doing Mork and Mindy.
And then just before they say action,
someone punched Pam Dauber in the mouth.
That's,
that's what it's like.
I remember,
I remember, uh, there was this old guy.
I think his name was Bucky.
And he was a cowboy.
And the horse would lift up its tail and he would be like a ninja.
And he would get a shovel and catch the crap before it ever hit the floor.
And one day I see the tail go up.
And Corky was his name.
Corky didn't, and he didn't even get off the apple box.
And the horse had diarrhea.
And it just, it just.
Oh, geez.
Shat all over the wall, like a Jackson Pollock painting,
all over myself.
And it was horrible.
And the AD's like, well, that's a wrap.
I remember that horse almost killed me.
Yes.
There was one scene where I'm like talking to the horse, of course.
Of course.
And the horse got upset and, you know, went and stood up on two legs.
Oh, my God.
And the trainer, you know, whatever the horse's owner was, he goes, he was blaming me.
He said, because I jumped out of the way.
And I said, I jumped out of the way because the horse was about to crush me. Yeah
there was a 1400 pound animal
so I jumped out
of the way. Yeah it once like
stood on my foot
and I just was screaming and people
were like oh he's doing his act
he's always in character that one
Want to make a little bet?
You know I ain't got nothing to bet Bet this turd one. Well, let's see. Can you break a 20?
I bet my horse against your horse.
Hey, now that's ridiculous.
Chicken shit?
Who are you calling chicken shit?
Calling you chicken shit.
Yeah, chicken shit, chicken shit.
Okay, Freddy, I'll make the bet.
My horse against your horse.
All my horses against your horse.
Sweetheart, you can't do that.
Sweetheart, what do you think I am, chicken shit?
That's a bet, Fred.
Including satin doll.
Including satin doll.
No, not my satin doll, too. Darling, don't be a chicken shit.
You're on, Freddy.
And I remember, too, let's... oh, there's a few things about that.
Who did you play?
I was the – at the very end.
I come in as the dentist.
Oh, you were the dentist.
Right.
That's right.
And they – now, horses don't sit down.
And if you know anything about horses.
So they built a dentist chair and they were
forcing the horse to sit
in it. It was just
you know
I'm not Bob Barker or
Betty White
I was
riding on this fake horse
that was
covered in actual horse
They stretched a hide over a plastic that was covered in actual horse.
They stretched a hide over a plastic horse.
And they took me out on the racetrack.
And people are like, Bill?
Bill?
Like the other horses I recognize.
They're terrified.
Did you at least have fun working with Dabney Coleman?
Yeah.
I mean, that whole movie actually kind of got me directing.
I was just like, this is such a bad experience.
Yeah, it really was. After that, I went and shot a short called The Making of Bikini School 3,
and that's kind of what started me directing.
And it was a short.
It was kind of making fun of police academy and um you know like
uh the you know the producers i lose money in canada the crews are just technically more advanced
and then um you know the director be pontificating and it'd just be a scene where a bird's shitting
on a guy's head and the director's going and poop and poop but um it had kathy griffin in it and
david spade and a bunch of folks before they popped.
So as bad as the film was, you kind of owe it a debt of gratitude for getting it kick-started.
It did launch me on to becoming a director, yeah.
And do you feel like more mature and also in charge as a director than as a performer?
I think it's really close to being a stand-up, you know, because when you're on stage doing
stand-up comedy, you're always thinking about 900 other things. You know, one, what am I going to
say next? What am I doing next? What if that drunk guy keeps talking? You know, did the checks go out?
So you're kind of multitasking as a comedian um so some of
that skills is the same skill set i think that helped a lot when i directed kimmel you know i
did like 300 and some episodes of that when it was live well it's still there was a delay but
it was pretty live and um that's a lot like doing stand-up uh and um i i it was funny, I just did Patton's new special in Chicago,
and it was really, you know, he was amazing.
He was brilliant, as always, and then, you know,
he addressed his wife passing away, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house,
but I went back into the mode that I was when I was directing Kimmel,
and I'm looking in the audience to get cutaways of people crying, you know, and when I was on Kimmel, and I'm looking in the audience to get cutaways of people crying.
And when I was on Kimmel, I'd be looking in the audience to finding,
like Jimmy would tell a joke that didn't land,
and I'd cut to a guy who was actually asleep in the audience.
But I felt a little bit like a ghoul,
but I also feel that I really did successfully capture that night,
the show that Patton did.
And I don't think he's ever going to do that set again.
It was pretty strong and powerful.
Oh, wow.
One time only.
Well, kind of, you know.
Yeah.
No, no.
I was going to say, I love in comedy specials or anything with an audience, if they make a joke about a black guy,
audience if they make a joke about a black guy then the camera desperately has to find a black guy in the audience laughing i wanted to just keep doing that you know and just say hey i was in
alaska what is it with these inuit people and then cut to uh someone with a baby seal in the front
row yeah that's always that yeah, yeah, that's the worst.
And certain shows were even worse at it than others.
I think the old Evening at the Improv was the king of that.
Oh, yeah.
Where they would give the cutaways to the,
suddenly that person is forced to be the representation of their heritage.
And the thing is, for the most part,
unless it's like a Chris Rock or Kevin Hart special,
if it's the average comic, you don't find that many blacks in the audience.
So it's really a desperate search.
So they have to go hunting.
Yes.
Or they sometimes will go to a casting service.
And they'll say, well, I do a lot of material on Asian drivers.
So if we could have an Asian guy in a NASCAR burn suit, that would be great.
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Live from Nutmeg Post, we now return to Gilbert and frank's amazing colossal podcast
bobcat a couple of things about kimmel first of all i heard you say that that
jimmy took a chance on you when you weren't doing a lot of directing or no yeah i mean
basically grateful to people are people are using my name as a punchline and Jimmy. But, you know, the funny thing is ABC would never kind of mention
or promote the fact that I was the director,
even though I was there for three years.
It would be like, you know the guy who's banned from the other talk shows?
Yeah, he's driving the bus over here.
Wow.
So, yeah.
And you did 300 of them.
It's like even more.
I think it's like 350.
Wow.
Yeah, I love that job it
was really fun but then i i started making small indie movies while i was there and then i kind of
just left uh but we're still friends and stuff i didn't leave well at least at least tell gilbert
the nickelback story since we're talking about kimball because it's fun well um nickelback they might be nice guys but their manager was a dick and
he came into the booth and he's like who's the director and i'm like i am and he goes uh
don't shoot chad profile and i go who's chad he's like our lead singer i was like
why can't i shoot him from the side he's like because he has a big nose and i's like, our lead singer? I was like, well, why can't I shoot him from the side? And he's like, because he has a big nose.
And I was like, okay, I won't shoot Chad profile.
And I was kind of laughing.
I go, okay, I won't.
And then the cameraman could hear me in the headset,
and one of them goes, pussy.
So if you've ever seen the Kimmel show, the band will do two songs,
and as it's doing the second song, the show goes off the air.
So I said to the assistant director, I go, Kathy, tell me when I have 10 seconds left.
She goes, okay.
And I'm like, camera six, camera four.
And then she goes, 10 seconds.
And I go, shoot the nose.
And seven cameras zoomed in on this guy's nose.
And I made a nose montage.
I love it.
And then we went off the air air and then it was dead quiet in
the headset and the crew's like what are we gonna do I go I'm getting in my car but um that made it
that made the east coast broadcast but then they re-edited it for the rest of the country
now and they re-edited it and they just there was one camera that couldn't zoom in so it's just this
weird wide shot hanging at the end of the show. It's a good story. Now, you said something before, if I could jump back to that, about
how you think about loads of things when you're doing a stand-up set. Yeah. And I find, and I
used to hear this about dramatic actors and singers who look like they're performing their guts out and that they're
thinking of other things. And I find that all the time I'll be doing a set, I'll be up there
screaming, running around, and I'll be thinking like, oh God, I used to have this pair of green
socks. I don't know. I haven't seen did i we talked to steven right he said the
same thing he said that his mind wanders sometimes yeah uh did i i turned the oven off uh yes yes
oh i i think though um yeah it's a weird combo of trying to stay in the moment and then at the same time not –
yeah, we're doing – we're really multitasking when we're up there.
I think it's funny.
You and I have similar careers, I feel.
I also feel that –
We both started at 15.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
Yeah.
We both started as teenagers.
And also just – I mean, seriously, when they get to the Rolodex,
if they can't get one, they get the other.
Yes.
It's the same.
I mean, I did get a call from Aflac when you got fired.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, I really did.
I don't know if you knew that ever, but yes, I did.
And for a minute, I was like, I wouldn't do that.
My friend Gilbert, and I'm walking around the house,
maybe I could make it my own.
Maybe if I didn't, as long as I wasn't derivative of what he had done.
And then I just said, you can tell those people to go fuck off.
Oh, thank you.
If you were mad at him, it's not going to take long for you to be furious at me probably not yeah you were doing a bit about it for a while well it
wasn't even a bit actually during a live taping someone and it was the day of uh i was performing
and someone yelled affleck up and i think they actually just thought I was you I can't remember but they yelled Aflac sucks yeah Aflac sucks so in solidarity but they just got the comic wrong yeah
this taping is part of the alimony tour I um we are all paying for a pool that none of us swim in.
That sounded dirtier than I wanted it to sound.
I'm not implying my ex-wife's vagina is the size of a swimming pool.
Affleck sucks!
Affleck sucks? Do you really think I'm Gilbert Gottfried? I'm not
Gilbert Gottfried.
When he got fired,
this happened today, when he got fired,
I gotta tell you, I go, maybe
they'll call.
I spent the afternoon walking around the house quacking.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, black, ah, black.
Ah, black.
No, I gotta make it my own.
Ah, black.
There you go.
I'll put a spin on it.
Snappity-doo.
Are you ever confused for me or for anyone else that people ever say, you know?
You know who I used to get confused with?
People used to say when I was walking down the street, hey, Gary Shandling.
Gary Shandling.
Are you serious?
A foot taller than you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gary Shandling.
Are you serious?
A foot taller than you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But as far as you and me, what I've always noticed, the times that we'll be talking to each other, people will walk past us and go, oh, boy, it's those two together.
We better make a run for it.
Yeah.
And it's like, meanwhile, where they're going i they're going to be serving lunch
soon it's or we're talking about children our children yes living on the edge hey can i i don't
know how much you because i don't you have uh you're very odd when it comes to self-promotion
you're not uh very good at it He's pretty shameless about it, though.
Well, but it's funny.
Live dates and things like that, he's fine.
But I don't know.
I saw your documentary, and it is amazing, actually.
I think it's great.
I mean, everybody knows you're brilliant and hilarious and all that. But you walk away with a better understanding of Gilbert,
but in no way does it diminish you as a comedian or a talent.
It's very heartfelt.
It's really well done.
And I don't know.
I just love the movie.
Oh, thank you.
We'll tell Neil, the filmmaker.
Neil Berkley.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's really great. People don't understand comics who people accuse of going over the line.
It makes it pretty clear that it's a defense mechanism,
and it's not a defense mechanism aimed at, oh, I'm going to – protecting ourselves.
It's actually a bigger defense mechanism when something so horrible happens.
It's how we deal with it, you know?
I don't know.
I just felt I really loved the movie, and I thought it was great.
Oh, thank you.
Because that was the most recent we saw each other.
Yeah.
Now, were you terrified when they turned the cameras on you?
Yeah.
I hated every second.
Well, you resisted it for a long time, too, when Neil first approached you.
Yeah. I resisted it for a long time, too, when Neil first approached you. Yeah, I resisted it.
I hated him following me.
I hated waking up in the morning and he'd be there.
And I hated.
Poor Neil.
I fucking hated watching the movie because to me, it's like what hell must be.
Right.
You die and it goes, okay, now you're going to sit here
and you're going to watch your life here.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, I made a documentary about my friend Barry Crimmins,
and I never showed it to him until he –
the first time he saw it was sitting in a theater with me at Sundance.
And naively I thought, well, you know, he'll like it.
But, yeah, it was terrifying for him.
Or it was just, you know, he's just the first 20 minutes,
he's just like, oh, why'd you talk to this asshole?
You know, just.
And I was like, don't worry, by the end I make you Jesus.
You know, I tell his story.
He's an incredible man and stuff.
He did a heroic thing, Barry Crimmins.
Sure, and he continues to.
He's a great comedian, and he doesn't like the word hero,
but, yeah, he is a hero, and that was why I wanted to make the movie.
It wasn't just because he was my pal and I love him.
I just thought his story, you know, his story, I'll tell it quickly.
He, as an adult in the mid-90s, he disclosed on stage that he'd been raped as a kid when
he was four.
And while he's looking for other survivors, he found all these guys exchanging child pornography
on the internet.
This is back when AOL was basically the
only game in town he complained to AOL he went to the police he went to the feds nobody did anything
so he poses some kids and collected all this evidence against all these uh predators and he
took AOL all the way to the floor of the senate during a judiciary hearing and uh in the meantime
he definitely his personality shifted but i knew i was going to
make the movie because when he went to the floor of the senate it read like a frank capper film
you know this outsider yeah very much so yeah but there was one moment with him when he was talking
about the man who had done these things to him, and he had just found out that that guy had died in prison.
And I said, well, how do you feel?
And he says, well, I feel bad.
And I was like, because you didn't get to confront him,
that there was no closure?
And he said, no, the guy died alone.
And at that moment, I thought, I i'm gonna win so many awards
what so he had that moment i was like yeah i go he had compassion for the person who victimized
him i don't know this compassion i don't know yeah it was it was uh yeah i I guess. I mean, it was the fact to take all that rage and to be able to, yeah, have empathy for this person.
So, yeah, I mean, that was, honestly, I was so moved by that.
That was what fueled me to go make the movie.
I didn't think I was going to win awards, but we ended up anyways.
Yeah, Boston Film Festival and a bunch of others.
Sure, yeah.
You know, I told you this at the premiere.
Back a while ago, well, first of all,
we should say that I met your family, you know, years ago.
Yeah, when my daughter was tiny and my stepson was young, yeah.
And tell us.
Yeah.
What about, yeah.
Does he know what you're referencing? Your favorite comic.
Yeah, my daughter, since she was little,
who's your favorite comic?
Gilbert.
You know, your dad does some animation too.
It was always Gilbert.
She was always in love with him and still is as an adult, you know,
a big fan of Gilbert's.
But at least she has good taste, you know.
I mean, it would have bummed me out if it was somebody who was a hack,
you know.
And you said she used to brag to her friends.
Oh, brag?
She used to brag.
Yeah, yeah, she used to brag about being your friend, that you were her friends. Oh, brag? She used to brag. Yeah, yeah. She used to brag about being your friend.
That you were her friend.
That's how she would say it.
But I remember.
Oh, no, go ahead.
No, no, go ahead.
Go ahead.
I remember you said to me years ago, before I was married or anything,
you said, you know know you would make a great
father yeah and I believe yeah because uh um yeah I just saw that when you were around my kids you
know there was something uh you've always just been so open um uh with kids you know you didn't
talk down to them you were always kind of on their own playing field.
I was going to say, being immature helps.
Yeah.
Most adults, most adults, kids are invisible too.
And, uh, and that wasn't the case with you.
Yeah.
I always thought that, that you'd be a great dad.
So when, you know, and if folks see that movie, they'll, they'll get a really, uh, good idea.
Oh yeah.
Lily has some of the greatest moments in the film
actually oh yes so when dara says i have three kids when she says that to me yeah that's that's
that's where some of the camaraderie comes from he is great with his kids bobcat yeah but i don't
think like but when when dara says that i don't think it's it's a slam as much as uh just a pretty
accurate portrayal how did you how did you like the
scene where she's pulling the uh the containers the giant tupperwares from under the bed and
she's going through yeah like 20 years of of deodorant and hotel soaps
look i'm not saying gilbert's not a flawed man.
I just... If you don't get those soaps from a hotel,
do you feel like you messed up,
that the show is not complete?
Or is it worse,
do you think something tragic is going to happen?
I'm trying to figure out this compulsion.
I am like,
I put those people on those hoarder shows to shame.
Yeah.
Do you use the soap?
Yeah, yeah.
You're never going to be able to use all of that soap and shampoo.
No, I'll have to leave them in my will.
Yeah, that's true.
Bequeath it to your family.
It's pretty insane.
The first thing I do when I go into a hotel is I go to the bathroom and see, okay, I've got a shampoo here, conditioner, skin lotion.
And they're free.
Yes.
So why not take them?
And so when you go back to a club and the people behind the desk recognize you, are they waiting with
the shampoos for you?
A few times. Do you let
the hotel
staff back in so
you can get more? Yes.
Yes.
It's bananas.
Neil made an excellent choice and a logical choice to have you in a stolen bathrobe on the poster.
Or a borrowed bathrobe.
So one thing that's not addressed, I don't think, in the movie is your connection to the universal monsters.
I'm kind of interested in that.
Oh, that's interesting.
Just when you were a kid, you saw them and you liked them?
Or did you think they were normal or what was it in in the well when i was growing up it's
like i always say this when i was growing up the greatest film school in the country was in your
living room because yeah a million dollar movie yeah yeah yeah and it was packed all day with old movies, which were probably not that old when I was a kid watching them.
But I.
Those Universal pictures would have only been 30 years old.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's like I remember one channel, I think was Channel 5.
They had all the Bogart, Cagney robinson gangster films and another would have musicals
and i i watched all of them but i fell in love with the universal monster movies and the even
the monogram those lesser films right right right but did you uh i mean i guess i'm trying to think of what is the similarity
in all those characters they are all loners okay yeah they're tragic here's the thing with monsters
it's like dracula is what every boy wishes he was he's like, women fall unconscious in front of him.
He has control. They follow him.
He's the Cosby
of the...
That's funny.
I am
Dracula.
Welcome to my castle.
Bob was ahead of the
curve on the Cosby thing, by the way.
I know.
Yeah, I know what you're talking about there.
I was reading an interview with Patton.
He said, you know, Bobcat Goldthwait's been talking about Bill Cosby being a rapist on stage for 20 years.
And I had, but I didn't know it was true.
I just always got creeped out by it.
I thought it was kind of funny to say that.
But, oh, in completion, the wolf man is adolescence.
Your body is changing.
You have no control over your body.
Everything is changing about you. You're growing hair.
And Frankenstein is a baby, and he just wants to be loved and understood and make friends.
If Frankenstein had been a baby that they had brought back to life, it wouldn't have been scary.
Nobody would have died.
It would have been adorable.
Are you a fan of those movies too?
Frankenstein's babies.
Yeah, yeah.
I couldn't find that in my research.
I know you're a Billy Wilder guy.
I like, well, I like all, you know, I like genre pictures, but I think Gilbert and I were probably watching a lot of the same movies, you know, like Abbott and Costello and things
like that.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
You know, I used to think like, you know, Lou Costello, when I was a kid, I was like,
man, that guy's a good actor.
I was just like, I couldn't think he was funny.
I was just like, I really like his chops man that guy
he was like like paul newman to me or something but and where where's mummy land on yeah i was
just gonna ask that what about the mummy oh the mummy wow you gotta you gotta go deeper into your
uh yeah that one that one i'm at a loss for. Yeah, maybe it's just death.
I mean, maybe it's just obvious.
But, I mean, I know that the comics have been talking about that for years,
you know, about how not scary that monster was.
Yes, because he walks so slow.
Because he's slow.
He's really slow.
And Lon Chaney Jr. himself said, I don't know why anybody watches those mummy pictures.
You know who we had on this show, Bobcat?
We had Janet Ann Gallo, who was a child actress, who was in Ghost of Frankenstein.
She worked with Chaney Jr. And she said that she played hide-and-go-seek with Chaney and Lugosi
when they were in their film Monster Man.
So we dug her up.
Wow.
We had her on the show.
Wow.
Well, you know, my buddy Charlie Brill, when he was a kid,
was in Broadway, and Boris Karloff was playing.
He was Captain Hook in Peter Pan.
And so Boris Karloff went to Charlie's Bar Mitzvah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, my God.
That's fantastic.
Wow.
We got to get Charlie and Mitzi on this show.
Oh, my God.
And it was great to see Mitzi in World's Greatest Dad.
Yeah, Charlie and Mitzi,
they're the folks, I mean,
they've had an amazing career, but they
are the ones that
went on Ed Sullivan with the Beatles.
Yeah, we were just talking about them here last night.
Yeah, yeah, they were that famous
bombing, you know, where it's, you know,
the Beatles did a couple sets,
so after their first set, they come
out,
and it's like, we take you to a delicatessen in Brooklyn. And it's just screams.
At one point, he actually says to Mitzi, can you hear me at all?
It was just deafening.
I wonder if there's any photos of Boris Karloff wearing a yarmulke.
Yeah.
Well, we'll dig into that.
Mothl-tough, Charlie.
Mothl-tough.
Well.
Today you are a man.
Charlie said that they were really bummed out after bombing so hard and then john lennon came into
their dressing room and he drew a doodle of the two of them you know how you would do those kids
and i was like do you still have that he goes no i threw it out i thought the guy was arrogant
i think sullivan kind of fucked them up too because he cut.
We'll confirm this with Charlie if we get him on,
but I think Sullivan told them to change the act.
Oh, probably, yeah. Like right before they went out because he was infamous for doing that.
It didn't help.
You probably had that over the years where you would get a set together
for a talk show, and then they would come out,
and they would give you notes on your set oh yes
wasn't that the worst yeah yeah because it's old people who are not themselves funny yeah
and they're paranoid about what the host is gonna make of what you say I think I mean because I did oh yes Joan Rivers was leaving
the tonight show and and the and Johnny Carson never wanted me on and so as she was leaving
she booked me on as one of her last guests as an FU to the tonight show because they didn't know
she was quitting the next day and um so when I went on I just I I had her introduce me as a dog act.
And I came out in top hat and tails.
And then I was crying.
And then I explained that my dog got hit by a car.
And then I told my dad, and he said, is there anything I can do?
I go, yeah, you could replace him.
Please welcome Tom Goldthwait.
And I had a 70-year-old guy catch frisbees in his mouth
and ride around on a tricycle
but then i remember robert morton who was over at letterman and he was like why why didn't you do
that on our show and i was like but i pitched it to him and he's like you can't do that dave loves dogs there's always these weird odd gatekeepers
that were and i was always it was driving me nuts because i'd be like how does andy kaufman get
anything on the air does he tell them what he's gonna do do they you know because you do you do
you like i would used to write two different uh panels like i would write out what i would
talk about and then i would give them the panel that
was safe that they could steer me in. Did you do that, Gil? You're not that hardworking. No.
And the funny thing is, I always, to come in and just say hello to them is too much effort.
hello to them. It's too much effort. And I was always the type who, when I do a talk show,
and they'd always ask me like, well, can we lead you into a bit? Or could you tell us some jokes about where you grew up? And you're like, well, I wrote this for me to do. i didn't write this with you in mind it was never a double and and the funny thing
is now that i do the podcast i understand at least their side of finding out because with me i i sit
here and as frank will tell you sometimes i just go i i can't think of anything else to ask this guy.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's like, fuck it.
You're in the middle of looking at someone going,
how did this hump get on the show?
There's been a fair amount of that.
Well, you know how it is.
I mean, you've interviewed people yourself.
It's hard to find that smooth line between just the regular conversation
and the stilted interview question that sets up the story.
The way Leno would do it clumsily.
Oh, yeah.
Leno was always like,
someone heard you were caught in an elevator with a gorilla.
I don't know where I heard it.
I think the best was Mike Douglas was the best at that.
Like, whatever.
You know what I mean?
You could talk about the demise of a family member,
and then he would go right to the next question.
Just he would never, could not do anything but what was on the cards.
It was always great.
I think it's one of the reasons Carson got so much praise,
because he was actually art i think it's one of the reasons carson got some so much praise because he was actually uh artful about it yeah he just said somebody was telling me backstage
about this thing and he'd kind of segue into into the conversation you didn't quite know that he was
reading the questions off the cards yeah i think it was it's i get it i get it i understand how
they want everything prepared i understand people's heads are on the block if you screw up.
But it is without, I mean, at least the advent of podcasts, you get to know people a lot more.
But, I mean, like I was looking at an old Dick Cavett and Woody Allen came on and he did comedy.
He played his clarinet.
Oh, yeah.
He told stories.
He talked to politics.
You know, I mean, now it's just these tiny little clips.
It's weird.
Talk shows now are just the goal of a talk show is to make content for the Internet, which is really weird.
There's a lot of that, especially in late night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All of them are doing like a stunt each night.
For the clip, which, you know, it's funny.
When I said the Tonight Show on fire, people often will say that I was banned,
but the reality was they had me back on a week later doing like a bit with them.
I mean, you can't get banned when people are talking about it the next day, you know?
I mean, I did way more damage on Arsenio Hall's show,
but no one ever talks about that.
I was watching those clips just today.
When I smashed the...
Oh, with him wrestling you,
with him trying to pull the stuff out of your hand.
Please welcome Bobcat, Gulf Week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I gotta tell you that.
Hi, I see you.
Hi, Bobcat.
How you doing?
I'm doing fine.
This is so sad. This honestly is really sad,
because, to be honest, I don't...
I don't quite often get modeling,
but I'd like to thank you for having me on the show so much
and for all your help over the past, what is it, about six years.
Yeah, yeah, thanks, man.
Thanks for having me on.
Listen, we go way back to the cab days.
And then I got thinking um what are you gonna do
i mean i don't want to be rude or anything but will you still be able to help my career
essentially what i want to know is do i still have to keep kissing your ass
i mean to be honest i it is. I mean, why are you?
I feel.
Why make it easier for the next guy?
Are you really quitting?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, then, come on.
Let's cut right now.
I saw that.
I saw that.
I hadn't seen it in, you know, 20 years or whatever. And I watched it, and I was like, oh, this is really violent.
Yeah. But violent. Yeah.
But entertaining. Yeah, I spray
painted Paramount Sucks on the backdrop
because he just got fired and I go
well, let's not make it easy for the next
guy who gets the job and I spray paint Paramount
Sucks and then I start
throwing the mattresses from the
couch into the audience and the crowd's going crazy
and then I just knocked over
these two monitors,
which cost about three grand,
and put my Doc Martens through the back of it.
And then he tackles me, and he's holding me down.
Oh, I started to throw the couch or something
through the back wall, but he tackles me.
And as he's holding me down on the ground,
he goes, thank you.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
Holding me down on the ground, he goes, thank you.
Unbelievable.
The terrible injustice is that I have to pretend like I'm mad at him.
And then immediately I'm like booked on, you know, Regis and Kathy Lee, you know.
And my goal there was I was going to throw up on them.
Oh, I know that's right.
So I was going to take a bunch of – eat a big breakfast and have some EpiCac in a coffee mug and then go, hey, how's Cody?
You know, going about her family and then throw up.
And I thought that would be funny.
And I told Shandling that story and he's like, oh, can we put that on Larry Sanders?
And I was like, yeah, but I kind of want to do that.
And he goes, well, you know.
So that was on Larry Sanders.
And then I show up to do Regis and Kathy Lee.
And they go, hey, saw your Shandling.
I go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go, well, you know, it was just a joke. And then they pat me down.
And in my coat pocket,
there's a bottle of EpiCac.
You wind up spraying them with a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, I just came out because I said that tonight you're on fire.
And they're like, hey, maybe we'll give you a fire extinguisher.
Wouldn't that be funny?
I go, yeah, that'd be funny.
And then I don't even let them get the introduction out.
I just grabbed the fire extinguisher,
and I started hitting the two of them with it. But, you know, I don't do let him get the introduction out. I just grabbed the fire extinguisher and I started hitting the two of them with it.
But, you know, I don't do that kind of stuff anymore.
I love the PSA that you had to do after the Leno incident.
That's just great.
Gilbert, when you do things, I'm sure it's the same way.
It's like I don't think often when I'm doing something, it's like, well, you liked it when I did this and this and this.
I just assume, well, you're going to like this too.
And it's only hindsight.
That line they talk about us going over, I just see it in the rearview mirror.
I don't think people are going to get upset at they get up at the things they do get upset at.
I'm always surprised which ones they choose to flip out about.
Yeah.
Well, it's like when I was going through that whole tsunami thing,
I was thinking, so wait, so everyone's shocked.
You never heard me on the Howard Stern show.
You never saw me at a roast.
You never saw me on stage.
Yeah. show you never saw me at a roast you never saw me on stage yeah it's just like there's a a bit
of our culture that uh you know in the 24-hour news cycle that needs these uh stories like that
for people to be upset about but they're not really about anything you know anybody i think
i had a line about, you know,
I said this after your thing.
I was like, you know, nobody who had lost their home in the tsunami,
and it's like, well, how's it going?
It's like, well, I lost my son and my daughter,
and the house is destroyed,
but I really can't get past what this New York comedian said about it.
You know, I don't think people are offended for people that they're not.
It's just not reality.
It's just like I had some Japanese woman come over to me recently
at some movie theaters, and she said,
movie theaters and she said nobody in japan was was talking about about your tweets or any of it yeah or or the duck that you were the voice oh yeah the duck distanced himself from gilbert
yes the duck was like the duck had no comment look Look, I don't. He does the voice.
I'm the duck.
We're two different people all together.
It's funny you say that because one of the things that came up at that time that you heard a lot was, well, why did this company hire Gilbert Gottfried then in the first place? Oh, yes.
They didn't know who they were getting into business with.
Yeah.
Well, every time I take a gig like that, I'm like, I'm going to blow this.
I'm going to screw it up.
You know, I, I, uh, I needed, I needed some bread one year and, and Robin did a Snickers
commercial and, and he held out and said, well, I want it.
I want Bobcat to be in it with me.
And he calls up and he's like, so they're going to ask you the commercial.
So just tell them no. I was like, okay. So okay so I was like no I'm an artist you know and then he came
back with more money I go what do I do now he goes no no don't tell him yes now you know don't
don't tell him no so so uh so I take the commercial but then he calls me up and he goes so uh they
want you to do the voice are you okay doing voice? Because he knows I have a weird relationship with the character people.
Know me for it.
I go, Robin, for the amount of money Snickers is paying,
I will fuck a Snickers bar on camera.
By the way, I should say it's a great candy bar.
It's a really good, delicious candy bar.
And I'm not saying that because I signed a lot of paperwork,
saying that I would never say anything negative.
Even if I didn't sign that paperwork, I would tell you it's a great candy bar.
My favorite tweet that I got around that time when I was in trouble was,
Affleck fires Gilbert Gottfried after discovering he's a comedian.
Oh, that's funny.
Since you brought up Robin, Bob, I just want to talk quickly.
I just want to tell our listeners,
we've got a lot of people listening to this show now,
about World's Greatest Dad, which is arguably his best performance.
I mean, I love him in The Fisher King.
I mean, you know, Dead Poets Society did great work.
But, you know, what a plum roll for him,
and he's just so good in it.
Well, he wasn't going to, you know, he read the script,
asked me to read it because he thought he'd play, like,
a small part, and then it would help me get funding.
But then he called me up and said, hey, can I play the guy?
And I was like, sure.
I mean, I wouldn't, if I was going to write a movie for Robin,
I wouldn't write him as an English teacher.
I think he'd cover that pretty well.
But, yeah, you know, so we were already friends when we started the movie.
I mean, I was – you know, it's funny.
I do say that I do know I was his best friend because I spent time bored out of my mind with him,
and I don't think people can even imagine you know just he would play this first shooter video game all the time uh Call of Duty
and then one day I was just I don't know he'd be like hey come hang out and I'd be watching him
play his game board and but he'd be swearing because he's playing with other people you know
on the internet and I go how old are these people you're playing?
He's like, I don't know, 12, 13.
And I'm like, I just love the idea that years go by.
I don't know, some kid's hearing this story going,
the genie from Aladdin did call me a cocksucker.
But, yeah, so I was like, I didn't know how we were going to work together.
He'd been in other things I'd done, but I hadn't been number one on the call sheet.
So I was nervous, you know, that I would say, okay, let's do a take
and let's do it really quiet and calm.
And I thought he was going to say, I have an Oscar and you were in Hot to Trot.
I think we'll do it the way I want to do it.
But that wasn't the case at all.
It was a true collaboration.
It was a lot like God Bless America with Joel Murray.
That was another collaboration where they're bringing a lot more than even just an actor.
Joel had a lot of great ideas that were reflected in God Bless America. joel had a lot of great ideas that were reflected in the
in in godless america and robin had a lot of great ideas robin made me laugh you know is
one of the first things he said was uh he goes so this is a beard movie but i don't have a beard
you know and he was the one that decided to strip off all his clothes at the end of the movie and i
go well let me think about that and then i turned turned around and I said, yeah, that's a good idea.
Let's do that.
It's so well done.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
So it's, you know, it's, it's, you know, if I had to pick like the movies that I'm, you
know, I've made seven now, but the two that I'm probably the most connected to, it would
be World's Greatest Dad because Robin and I,
and then Call Me Lucky, the one I did on Barry, you know, which we're turning that into a narrative movie.
I'm working with Judd Apatow on a script, and we're going to make that a feature film.
The whole cast in World's Greatest Dad, by the way, too, and Daryl Sabara playing the son.
Wonderful.
Yeah, he's great.
He was in the Spy Kids movie.
And I recognized him.
Did you?
I'd never seen him.
So he came in, and he just stayed in character, and he was really great.
But I was like, I'm conflicted because he seems like such a horrible person.
But I feel he'd be really good in the movie.
And I called up people, and they go, Daryl?
Daryl's a really nice kid. What are you talking about? So he was be really good in the movie. And I called up people and they go, Daryl? Daryl's a really nice kid.
What are you talking about?
So he was just so locked in.
So we had another meeting and he thought he was auditioning again.
I was like, no, I just wanted to know if you were an asshole.
And then I saw the character break away.
And Daryl now still remains to be kind of part of the family and very close to him.
Gilbert, I'm going to make you watch this movie because you're going to like it.
No, it sounds good.
We had Carl Reiner.
Spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert.
A baby may or may not get shot in the movie
in the first couple minutes.
But in my defense, that kid was an asshole.
No.
Oh, I know what you're referring to.
Yes, in the other movie.
Yeah.
In God Bless America.
Yeah, I'm going to make him watch both of them oh yeah i'm sorry that oh world's greatest dad yeah
we also worked together on csi yeah you did yes yeah where uh uh at the beginning of the show show, Jeff Ross dies. He's doing a set and he falls to the ground dead. And it's either me or
Bob. Who's the killer. And before the show aired, I couldn't talk publicly enough about that I was
the killer. It just made me laugh to be on the radio. Yeah, I'm the killer. People would be so
mad. But, you you know i often say that
i retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me but um the reality is is that that was
the end of my acting career uh because if you remember it i'm very i'm very serious and oh yeah
yes i have to say really hit the, and I, you know, and.
Oh, you have a line in it.
And you could tell all the writers probably thought this was Shakespearean.
Where you're a comic on stage and you go, I killed today.
Oh.
I just got shit chills.
I just got shit chills. I just got shit chills.
But like people are going, oh, you were so good at it.
And I was like, I'm never going to be a good actor.
I'm going to concentrate behind the scenes.
Also, I was wondering, because I mean, I know you do Bella a lot, but do you have an infinity for the movie, Ed Wood?
Oh, yeah.
He likes that.
We had Larry and Scott here.
Oh, yeah.
They're the same writers who wrote Problem Child.
Problem Child, yeah.
There you go.
There was some other crazy connection between Problem Child and Ed Wood besides them.
I can't remember which one. Oh, well, I said there is a link to Problem Child and every other film they did.
There is that weird thing like this disrespected but sometimes popular Ed Wood,
disrespected but sometimes popular ed wood you know a guy who's frowned on in um in the movie business like they were and then there's like a movie like big eyes about something that's
popular culture that no one respects but is is public. Right, right, right.
Oh, you know what?
I think it was some sort of Max Cady reference was what?
Because remember, that's what he's watching. Oh, in Cape Fear, yeah.
Oh, yes, yes.
He's watching Problem Shop.
Yeah, we talked about it with Ileana.
And he's cackling like a maniac.
So that's how you know he's crazy if he thinks Problem Shop's funny.
They should have just had the cops come in, take him away during the movie.
You're watching a movie with Gilbert Gottfried?
I have an affinity for both Ed Wood and the movie.
I really love that movie.
And I don't think ed wood's the worst
filmmaker ever i i i think his films are always passionate i think he you know he he they're
imaginative there's way more pedestrian filmmakers than ed wood i mean you know so i don't i don't
think he's the worst filmmaker by far the films that are remembered as being the worst films that are picked in the worst film are the ones that people enjoy watching.
There's a certain charm to them.
Yeah.
And it's like there's plenty of worse shit out there that's coming out every day.
I mean, you can't make a bad cult movie.
There's got to be this weird passion, I think, that the filmmaker,
and maybe it's also some naive thing where, you know, it's just that they're blinded by.
But I, yeah, I do love Ed Wood. I guess I kind of modeled my career after Edward in a way. I make really tiny movies, and I work with my friends,
and I elude box office success.
So that's my formula.
It's very inspiring, I have to say, Bob.
I was doing the research on you, and I watched a lot of interviews,
and I listened to your interview with Marc Maron.
And this idea that you just decided,
I don't want to be in anything that I wouldn't watch.
Yeah, I just kind of, you know, I say, you know,
you keep quitting until you end up someplace you don't want to leave,
and that happened to me.
And the weirdest thing right now, I've never been busier. Um, you know, I just,
uh, I have an anthology series on true TV, um, that I'm filming and, uh, that'll come out next
year. And I just shot a pilot with Michael Patrick King and Bridget Everett for Amazon. So I'm
working on, and then during all of that, I went and shot Patton Special.
So I'm very, very busy.
So when I'm ego surfing on the internet and someone makes a joke like – well, I get it.
But, you know, they assume that I'm – I don't know.
I mean I guess they just assume I'm hanging out with Screech or something.
I mean I don't know what they're thinking.
I don't know. Screech. I don't know.
You know, it's like just because I'm not in front of the camera
doesn't mean that I'm not busy.
I'm actually really busy.
Oh, and I mean.
You know, that guy, the killer just now in Portland,
I shouldn't bring this up in your show,
but I looked at a photo of the guy and I go, man,
he looks like me from the 80s. And I'm like, oh, man, I wish that didn't happen. You know, so
all the tweets are, hey, it's good to see Bobcat Goldthwait still alive.
But, you know, like I haven't done the same. So I got to have tough skin.
Now, oh, and I got to remember to tell tell you you had a traffic altercation oh yeah i'm glad
we didn't forget that jack carter yeah yeah i was going to the improv's christmas party
and i'd already heard that he didn't like me he went on some jag with a bunch of comics and just
telling me i'm not funny and all that stuff, whatever. But so my wife was backing into the parking spot and he just zooms in and
takes it, the parking spot.
And I actually got out and go, hey, we were backing into that.
He goes, well, it's my parking spot now.
And he goes into the, goes into this,
there's a Christmas party at the improv.
So I go and go into the club and I get a screwdriver and I,
and I steal his vanity license plate that says, Jack Carr.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, this is great.
So I'm walking back into the club, and I have the license plate under my jacket, and the cops come up.
And they go, can we talk to you?
And then I go, yeah, over here.
And when the cop went, when I said over here, I realized I wasn't in trouble because he had recognized me and stuff.
And I said, well, Jack Carter's a big asshole.
And I tell him the whole story.
And I took his license plate.
And I show him the license plate.
I go, do you want me to put it back?
He goes, ah, keep the plate.
So, yeah, the cop kind of let me go.
And then I had Jack Carter's license plate hanging in my rumpus room for years.
license plate hanging in my rumpus room for years i wanted to send a photo of me with a ski mask with his vanity license plate so i was doing a roast and i told the story and i said i'd like
to apologize to jack carter and i pulled his paper bag out and i had the license plate people
realized it was a real story and i gave it to, and he fucking threw the whole thing at me.
He threw it back at me.
He's like, you – it was like toxic or something like that.
But, yeah, so sadly he and I did not become pals before his demise.
That's too bad.
We had him booked here, and he went and died on us.
That's a spite death.
He took it personally.
He did that to spite you.
And I don't know exactly what he meant by this, and now I'll never find out.
Jack Carter was on one show, and they mentioned me to him, and he said, oh, he's a rebate.
A rebate?
A rebate.
Not a reprobate?
Yeah, no.
A rebate.
A rebate.
Wow.
Well, you know.
And he took that to his grave.
You're a coupon.
I think there's, when you get to a certain age and if you're still working in comedy, you either, you know, I don't know.
There's just sore winners, you know.
People who've had a good run and they're still mad.
Well, he was famously bitter about everybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll send you, there's a funny thing called shit Jack Carter says, which was listed, which
was our friend Cliff Nesterov put together.
It was just rants at the end of Jack Carter's life.
We'll send it to you.
It's quite good.
Yeah.
There's just, uh, you know, I, I think, uh, I, I know, I think Gilbert and I are probably doing it right, you know.
We're tenacious.
We're still around.
And I'm judging you, but I feel you're very happy.
Is that right?
Well, let's not go that far.
You're crazy.
Well, you're miserable enough to be entertaining.
Yes. But you're not enough to be entertaining. Yes.
But you're not lonely.
How's that?
Yeah, and it's a funny thing, like, because both of us got famous around the same time.
Yeah.
Well, you're also both similar comics.
I mean, you're what Michael O'Donoghue used to call a slash and burn comedy.
Yeah.
You mean Gilbert and I?
Both of you. Yeah, both of you yeah both of you you're
kind of like anarchists yeah the guys that are deconstructing it at the same time that they're
doing it not to get too uh artsy fartsy about stand-up but no i i think i think that was it
i mean don't you think your early stand-up was making fun of it oh yes, yes. Yes. And here's a question I get all the time. So I'll give it to
you because you probably get asked this all the time. Everyone always says to me, where did you
develop your personality, your whole delivery to me? So what would you say as far as with you? Was there any conscious thought?
I was like very derivative of you.
No.
I said I want to get a piece of this Alan Thicke show.
No, I was, you know, the people that influenced me were people like Andy Kaufman and George Carlin and Steve Martin and all those.
But it wasn't ever like this is somebody I saw and I was going to make fun of them by doing a character.
It was something that just came out of me, you know.
And my earlier sets were just me crying and, you know, reading a Dear John letter.
And then I would stop and i would clean
fish on stage um i would say does anyone have a fish my roommate would have some fish and then
once at the ding how i opened up this fish and this woman threw up immediately because
the fish was rancid and i just held the mic down so you could hear her retching over the PA.
And then the club owner was just like, Bobby, you're weird.
You're weird.
Oh, and then the next comic, Bill Campbell, very funny, bossy comedian,
but his comedy is just, you know, I'm a dad recently, you know,
and fish on trails and vomit all over the stage.
Who influenced me?
I don't know.
I mean, did your persona just evolve from every time you got up on stage?
That's really it.
I never put any conscious effort into it.
It's not like people think, oh, did you have some eccentric uncle or something.
Right, yeah.
Or that, like, it's not like our stand-up was a script
and we looked at it and said,
now I got to come up with a character for this script.
It was just going up on stage in this thing
that is an extension of both of us.
It's not like some, you know, it's not,
it's a very slippery slope when we start talking about characters
because as much as I love Jerry Lewis, you know,
he starts talking about the kid and all that kind of stuff but yeah it's uh
i wouldn't say that they're not us even though they are us i i have the same feeling like either
persona i feel like to me it's a jekyll and Hyde thing. So both of them are real.
Yeah.
Well, this is a good way to wrap this up.
We started on the Universal Monsters.
Yeah, there you go.
And now we're back.
You're also both, if I may say, comfortable.
You both like the idea of making an audience uncomfortable.
You, Bob, you set out with the idea of creating a sense of awkwardness And unease
Gilbert does it too
And you know Tom Kenny said that's why I started making movies
He said that I could no longer surprise or make an audience uncomfortable
That came to see me do stand up
Because they were happy to watch me do that
That's probably why I started making movies
Because now I can make them awkward and upset by stories I'm trying to tell.
So what else is coming up?
You said you're working.
Are you doing that Ray Davies project?
I just saw him a few weeks ago.
That's my dream project, but unlike my other movies,
that one is a musical and it's going to take a lot more money because,
uh,
my movies make hundreds of dollars.
I don't think you understand hundreds of dollars.
So,
um,
that's if I ever get a budget,
but we,
we are still,
we're,
I'm trying to get that going.
That's my,
you know,
I haven't given up on it and Ray's still involved.
So,
uh,
I just want to do it right.
You know,
I told Ray that if I ever made that movie and he didn't like it, I'd want to kill
myself.
So I want to do a good job or at least make it when I'm really sad.
Well, Gilbert's very amused by that.
Did you really write 11 screenplays after World's Greatest Dad?
Yeah.
Because Gilbert loves the idea of the gay Billy Jack movie. Oh, I do that oh i wrote that you must do that i i wrote that one i'm gonna have to ask
you to stop using that word because it's come up on this show billy jack yeah i i just uh i
you know my wife at the time uh she was the 09. She was like, I go, I'm tired of being broke.
I'm going to write a genre picture.
You know, and I loved Billy Jack movies as a kid.
So I'm going to write a Billy Jack movie.
So I started writing it and she came down and she goes, how's it going?
I go, it has about 40 pages in.
I go, he's gay now.
And she goes, we're just going to keep renting, aren't we?
I go, yeah.
Yeah.
We're going to rent.
Do you stay in touch with Savage Steve?
Yeah.
I work for him too.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I wrote an episode of Eek the Cat.
Oh, wow.
Savage Steve, we flirt with the idea of doing one crazy summer movie.
That would be one of the few things that I would actually be willing to hit the boards again for.
Oh, he's the best.
Now, why you are retired from stand-up a number of times?
Well, no, I just said I'm probably not going to do it when I was directing and stuff.
But, you know, it got misconstrued
it wasn't like Sinatra retiring
no one really cared
but whenever I got back into it
it was always because there's a connection
that I would make with an
no when I needed money
I miss that
there's a hug that no woman can give me.
That's from Mr. Saturday Night.
Oh, jeez.
Yes.
There's a hug that no woman can give me.
And every guy wants to be me and every woman wants to fuck me.
Yeah.
I haven't had that feeling yet on stage.
That's the perfect segue to this thing I want to go out on, Bob.
We've talked about Gilbert loves to mock the idea of women who say that they really want to be with a funny guy.
You know, we've talked about this on the show.
I think that's true.
Yeah.
I think they do appreciate a sense of humor.
They just don't appreciate the other part of the stand-up comic.
They don't, you know, I want want to be with someone makes me laugh they don't want to be with someone that's
full of shame and self-doubt and loathing and it sits in the field position crying you know
so yeah that that negates doesn't matter how funny you are. It's that other side of it.
That's the part that's the boner killer for the ladies. I loved the line I saw you say was they don't want to be with a guy who cries while he masturbates.
Yeah, yeah.
Which I loved.
That's the funny part.
The rest, no.
We could go on.
You got to go.
Oh, wait, wait.
We almost forgot.
What did we forget?
Before we end each show, we have to say, we haven't even scraped the surface.
Oh, our engineer says we always do.
There's so much we could talk to you about.
We wanted to ask you about George Gaines, too, from Police Academy.
Well, I should just come back.
Come back. Come back. But we didn't talk back come back this is but we didn't talk about richard donner and we didn't
talk about oh i love don i got great stories about we got to talk about shakes the clown
and we don't want you to come back can you tell us off the air
he's pissed that we waited 170 episodes to call him i I'll be back here at 340.
There's a lot we didn't touch on, so we hope you'll come back.
Yeah, please.
I would love to.
Thanks a lot.
And please go see Gilbert's movie.
It's insightful not only to Gilbert but into the mind of any comedian that has anything to say.
That's nice of you.
Wow, thank you.
And to our listeners, please see Bob's movie,
both God Bless America, which is cathartic,
and Joel Murray's hilarious, by the way.
Yeah, Joel's great.
And also World's Greatest Dad,
which my wife and I were howling at the other night.
And if you just watch, or call me lucky,
but that's a really heavy movie.
It's about as heavy as a movie gets.
So, well, thanks for having me on.
I thought I'd end on a lull, and I did it.
All right, Gil.
Well, this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast
with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and a man who most importantly liked my documentary.
That's what he'll forever be remembered for.
Remembered for.
Yes.
That'll be my grave.
Our friend Bob...
It's not Bobcat anymore.
Oh, I like Bobcat.
I haven't gone insane.
Yeah, our friend Bobcat Goldquake.
Bobcat, thanks, man.
Thank you.
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