Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 174. Richard Lewis

Episode Date: September 25, 2017

Comedian and actor Richard Lewis joins Gilbert and Frank to promote the new season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and to reminisce about his 45 years in comedy, his history of "nightmare gigs" and his relationships with Don Rickles, Jerry Lewis, Rodney Dangerfield and Jonathan Winters. Also, Larry David goes to camp, David Brenner buys a stapler, the Juggalos heckle Lionel Atwill, and Richard joins the mile-high club (sort of). PLUS: John Cassavetes! Fred de Cordova! "The Island of Dr. Moreau"! Richard plays Carnegie Hall! And Gilbert plays Queen Elizabeth!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Now playing under the big top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting partners Sun Life. The world is yours to create. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star.

With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. So, in case you haven't heard, I've had a documentary done about me. And it's called Gilbert. You have to see the film to understand what the title means. Of course. It's one of those obscure... It makes sense in the end. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like obscure. It makes sense in the end. Yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of like Hat Full of Rain. Just like it. You don't know what it means. The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. Yes. And it was directed and filmed and financed and everything by the man where we have on the phone right now, Neil Berkley.

Hello, Neil. Hi, how are you? How you doing, man? I'm good, I'm good. Very excited. November 3rd. Tell us, tell us, because Gilbert, of course, has no essential information. I don't know who the star of the movie is.

Ruth Buzzy plays you. Yeah, the movie, it's Gilbert, a Gilbert Godfrey story about Gilbert Godfrey, and it comes out in New York on November 3rd at IFC Center, and Gilbert and I will both be there to do a Q&A all night long.

All night long, Gil? Yes. IFC on November 3rd, you will be showing the film, and then you will be discussing the film. Yes. And then on November 10th at Selected Theaters. That thought I remembered. That's right. L.A. for sure, the Lemley Theater, the Fine Arts,

and the Lemley Monica in Los Angeles, and then some other theaters all over the country. You can go to gilbertmovie.com and see the trailer. We're going to put clips of the movie up there. You can find out what city it's in, and I hope everyone goes to see it. And this movie was totally your idea. It was all, yes, it was all my idea.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I think you were posed it. Yeah. Yeah, Gilbert was not happy when I would go to his house every day at 9 in the morning to sit with a camera and make him talk about his personal life. Oh, I hated that. And then you'd follow me on jobs. And then what? Watching the films, all the times I've seen the film, I couldn't fucking stand it.

It's gotten good reviews, but boy, I can't watch it. I was sitting next to you while you were watching it at the screening downtown. Oh, yeah. And everybody else in the audience was eating it up and you were squirming. Yeah, yeah. I always say it's what I envision hell to be like. You die, and then there's a big screen that shows you your life. Way to give it the hard sell.

You have to clarify, that doesn't mean this movie for everyone is going to be like going to hell. That means for you. Ah, yes. Yes, we'll clarify that. That quote's not going on the poster. No, but how many people get to see their lives play out before their eyes while they're still alive? Yeah.

Well, that was another reason I felt so uncomfortable doing it. I thought, well, you either have had to have died at least 30 years ago. Or you're alive now and you're 100 years old and you discovered some miracle cure for a disease. Or you've been in comedy 45 years and made thousands of movies and TV shows and made lots of people laugh. That's a really good reason. That's why I did it. Isn't that sweet? It's a Valentine to you. Yeah. Kind of like this show It's a Valentine to you. Yeah.

Kind of like this show is to the people we love. It's kind of like Neil came to me and he said, I always dreamt about doing a Gilbert Gottfried documentary. And I said, well, you should set your dreams a lot higher. Neil, I'm glad you talked him into it. I'm glad you prevailed because the movie is absolutely wonderful. Thank you very much. And the people who've seen it say it's funny, it's touching, it's sad.

It's all of those things. The scenes with you and Arlene are wonderful. The scenes in your old neighborhood are wonderful. We get to see, we get to have insight into your craziness. You were walking, you know, we get to have insight into your craziness. You were walking, taking buses to save money and washing your socks in the sink. And

taking as much free hotel shit. Wonderful. Wonderful. Dara pulling out the Tupperwares, the giant tubs filled with hotel soap from under the beds, maybe one of my favorite moments in the movie. Big laughs in the theater. He's not in the movie, but our former podcast guest, Paul Williams, came to one of the premieres. He sure did.

And afterwards, Paul Williams comes up to me and he puts his hands on my shoulder and he goes, After seeing this, I love you even more now. Isn't that sweet? And you've both had documentaries made about your life. Yes! And who's in the movie, Neil? Lewis Black, Whoopi Goldberg, Artie Lang, Artie Lang, Gilbert, Anthony

Jeselnik, Jeff Ross, David Tell, Jay Leno, everybody, Penn Jillette, Penn Jillette. Penn Jillette. Yep. Richard Kind. Alan Weibel.

Richard Kind's in it. Jim Gaffigan's in it. It's an all-star cast. All of these people with careers took time out to talk about you and your madness. Richard Kiley. Richard Kiley. Yes. Monty Markham shows up.

Lou Ayers. Edward Binge. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Jack Dodson. Howard McNair. Don't mind us, Neil. Give us the plugs again. All right. November 3rd, IFC Center in New York City. Go see it. And then pretend L.A., the Lily Monica, and fine art, and select other cities. And go to GilbertMovie.com for

other information, clips, and... GilbertMovie.com and November 3wlin is not in the movie. Richard Dysart is not in the movie. We could go on all night. Be proud, Neil. It's a wonderful piece of work. Thank you, Frank. You're in the movie, too. I am in the movie.

I am in the movie briefly as well. And that was a thrill and a kick. And it's just, there was not a person, there was no one in the theater that night who wasn't raving about it, who wasn't felling, as your people like to say. It was really a big success. Terrific picture. And everybody should see it immediately.

So thank you, Neil. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. Bye. Bye-bye. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is an actor, writer, and one of the most admired and influential stand-up comedians of his generation. As an actor, you've seen him in feature films like Leaving Las Vegas, Drunks, Femmes, The Wrong Guys, Robin Hood, Men in Tights.

Mike, stop it there. That's, I don't want to hear anymore. Men in tights. Mike, stop it there. You don't want to hear any more. What about Curb Your Enthusiasm for 17 years? He's getting to that. Yeah, that one's coming up. Don't yell at me. Okay. And hit TV shows like The Simpsons, The Larry Sanders Show, Seventh Heaven, Two and a Half Men. I was the only Jew on Seventh Heaven two and a half men

I was the only Jew on 7th Heaven by the way and you played a rabbi I ad-libbed the entire show and I think Lorraine Newman was your wife and you're right she's

brilliant I love her his own co-starring vehicle, Anything But Love, and the iconic HBO series, Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is about to begin its ninth season. And that's not all. He's the author of two books, Reflections from Hell and The Other Great Depression. And he's written and starred in several HBO and Showtime comedy specials, including I'm in Pain, I'm Exhausted, I'm Doomed, and Magical Misery Tour. doomed, and magical misery tour. In a career spanning five decades, he's worked with legends like Alan Arkin, Jack Lemon, Don Rickles, as well as amazing Colossal Podcast guests Richard Belza,

Ileana Douglas, and Peter Bogdanovich. Hell, he's even worked with Georgie Jessel. Please welcome to the show a man Mel Brooks once called the Franz Kafka of modern-day comedy. One of the funniest humans on the planet and one of the greatest stickball players to ever play the game, our pal Richard Lewis. Gilbert, I'm glad I wrote that. I'm glad you read it. I'm embarrassed by all that shit and I just want to be here with you. I'm 70. I just turned 70. And, you know, the clock is ticking.

So I want you to ask some meaningful questions, philosophy questions, you know, things about Hegel and Nietzsche. I don't want to talk about what do you think, who is funny, who is this, who is better than him, and who is a bullshit artist, who stole material. I don't care. Do you care? Okay. Maybe we could talk about what who's oh kibler ross uh elizabeth kibler ross oh yeah yeah who wrote kibler ross was the uh the cracker it was the cracker yeah yeah yes she came in he was a little cracker, rich cracker. Her husband said she came in many flavors. You mean the death and dying author?

Yes. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Now, Richard, do you know... Thank God you have him next to you because you're a moron and you know that and he's brilliant. Now, Richard, you must know the five stages of death. Of grief? Yes. Yeah.

I do, but I don't like to mention it because it hexes me. Yes. I know the first stage is podcasts. Yeah. The second to the fourth are podcasts. And the fifth one is dying during the podcast. This is my 186,000th radio show and podcast. And this might be it for me because I consider you a genius, honest to God, and I wanted to be on with you.

And that's it. I don't know. They're calling me for, you know, they call you for everything. Listen, can Richard bake a cake? Can he come on? I can't take it anymore. You know why? Because I'm older than most of the comedians,

and most of them have passed away, you know, in our generation. You know, I'm a little ahead of you. And they expect me to do everything. I can't take it. The pressure is driving me fucking nuts. And how do you feel about getting on a plane or a train to go? Nice segue, by the way, Jack Ruby's segue.

Why don't you just shoot me in the belly? What kind of segue is it? Let me ask you something. He doesn't do segues, Rich. No, because you were talking about all the things you hate. Oh, I see. Yeah, so I was thinking about, like, the older you get, and it's like getting on a plane or a train or traveling to do a job in the middle of nowhere.

I think we were supposed to do a show together about a year ago or so. Yeah, I know, but I fell off my roof. What? I fell off my roof, and I fractured my wrist, and I was out for seven months. Yes. We were, and that's why I canceled. Did you do the show? Who did you do it with?

I don't remember. I think I did do the show. How is your memory, by the way? What? Is your short-term memory? How's your memory? He wants to know. Do you know who you're talking to now?

You know it's me, right? Yes. You know what you did to me once? And no, it's visual. We were in front of the Improv about 20 years ago, and I hadn't seen you in a while, and you put your arms up like you wanted a hug, and then I turned around.

I was scared a little bit, and then I walked a block, and I turned around, and you put your arms out again to hug. You did it for an hour to hug me. And only you can do that. You know, you know how to do that. By the way, you know, people want to know how much do you improv and how much I improv. You improv a tremendous amount, don't you?

It depends on the night. Some nights I'm up there, I could be doing my laundry as I'm doing my act. Right, so if you're doing your act, but if it's a great audience and you're cooking, then you could just go wild.

Like if it's a corporate gig for the Klan, you might just do your act and get off. Hey, when they said you agreed to do the podcast, I saved this letter. Oh, no. That I got from you. What? Really? Yeah.

I saved it. It's when my first child was born. I wrote you for that? Yes. And there's a headshot attached. There's a headshot too. For a present for the baby? What a narcissist

I am. Holy Christ. To my genius pal Gilbert, the news of you having a baby even has me speechless. Oh, okay. Gilbert, I love you. I can't imagine how the mother of your baby to be.

I'm shocked that you decided to have offspring considering how twisted your sperm DNA is. Gilbert, I'm so fucking happy for you a father wow that poor kid don't call me for advice you're on your own that's nice that said perhaps your genius and love but none of your cheapness will bless this kid and make him if not the Messiah, then the greatest baby ever. I'm so happy for you. I pray the mother has milk because I know you'll be too cheap to buy formula. Please don't make me the godfather because whatever fuck you money I have is for me and my wife. I will.

Oh, as Gilbert's cell phone goes off in the middle of this tender moment. All right. You always have Hong Kong music. Yes. Whatever fuck you money I have is for me and my wife will undoubtedly be wiped out. All of this aside, I pray you have a personality bypass and become the best head of all. Love, Richard. What do you make of that?

Yeah, I kept it. Where do you make of that? Yeah, I kept it. Where do you keep it? Like a sock drawer? Is it like a rosebud? It's like a rosebud for us. You're not a particularly sentimental person, so the fact that you kept that all these years. Oh, yeah.

Because you don't keep anything. Yeah, I thought that was very nice. Or he intends to put it on eBay. I thought it was more than nice. I thought that was very nice. Or he intends to put it on eBay. I thought it was more than nice. I thought it was particularly funny. Yeah, it was funny. It was nice. But, you know, look, you know, how many shows do you think you've done in 40-plus years?

Do you have any clue? It's scary. Isn't it scary? Thousands and thousands. Is it a blur to you now? Do you enjoy the journey that you were on? I mean, I tell young comedians, you know, they get so crazy about one night. They go, it's not one night.

It's an entire life. You know, you've got to dedicate your whole life to your craft. You know, don't get so excited about one show. It's crazy, you know. You know, don't get so excited about one show. It's crazy, you know. Yeah, that's early on where you start going, oh, my God, I just did a great show. Right. At so-and-so.

And it's like you find they all blend together. It's a blur. When I leave radio, like if I'm doing eight radio shows for a club or a venue, as soon as I leave the station, I have no idea who I was talking to. I just can't. I'm too burned out. I'm just too. But I can turn it on when they talk to me. But afterwards, I just want to get back to the hotel.

And when you're in a hotel, do you have to hide? By the way, do you like to be noticed all the time when you go down? No, when I'm in a hotel, I'm usually my day. Washing your socks in the sink. Yes, I'll wash my socks and underwear, and that's in the evening. Oh, okay. Where do you do that? Do you have a bar sink?

Yeah, I have a sink. You know, all hotels have a sink. In the bathroom, right. I'm not bragging that I have a sink. You know, all hotels have a sink. In the bathroom, right. I'm not bragging that I have a sink. Yeah, well, I've become that big a star. I never knew you had sinks in your hotel room. That's news to me. I'll, like, watch horrible television.

Yeah. And then I'll, like, you know, go pee, look at myself in the mirror, watch more TV, ride down the elevator, see that there's no place to walk around the hotel, and then go back and watch TV and look at myself and pee again. What about the phone? I don't know how you feel, but I mean, I love performing when I'm cooking and I'm on stage. But when that phone rings in the hotel, particularly if there's, I don't like to do two shows anymore. I just don't like to do it. I'm just, you know, after 48 years, I just don't want to. Oh, yeah.

I just can't do it. You know, like 11 o'clock, you know, you get home. So, but when that phone rings, I'm downstairs. I'm I'm filled with horror, filled with horror. And, you know, maybe you have a better attitude. Maybe you can't wait to get on stage. But I don't have an act, so I don't know what I'm going to say. So it's pretty frightening.

No, I've said this a few times on this show like when right before i'm about to go on stage or that time waiting backstage i always have this fantasy that the club owner will come back and say we had a fire or a flood in the club uh here's your check you You can take the next plane. As long as it involves getting the check. Yes. Yeah. Right. So that's a great fantasy. Oh, yes.

Yes. Oh, God. That's fantastic. And I remember, too, being at a club, and this one sticks with me as one of these great moments where I had just done the first show and then I was sitting back in the guy's office well you stay in the club you don't go back to the hotel no most of the time it's too far away okay I got you and and then uh I'm sitting in the guy's office dreading, thinking, how am I going to go on again? And the guy says, well, you're ready? And I said, yeah.

And he said, well, put your jacket on. And I said, wait, isn't there a second show? And he goes, no, tonight's only one show. And you stayed in the office like a schmuck? Yeah, yeah. I was sitting there until he told me. And I thought, wow, that was the greatest news I had heard. That's fair.

Let's just do a couple. I don't want to waste it. A couple of the worst nightmare gigs. I think these are interesting. Do you? Oh, yeah. You ever do an outdoor is really bad when you do like state, state, state. I did a state fair with Sonny and Cher. I opened up for them all summer in front

of 15,000 people every other night. I don't know where I had the balls to do this. So I'm at the state fair in Pennsylvania and I'm there with a buddy of mine who was sort of like a muse for me. He was really, he was a pothead and he was funny. And every time he laughed at a joke of mine, I'd write it down because I thought if he knew it, if he laughed, I would do it. So he's behind. I'm standing on the stage. I'm getting $500 a week and Sonny and Cher are getting,

I happen to know this, $750,000 a show, okay? I'm on the stage and there's a track between me and the bleachers a quarter of a mile away of the people, a quarter of a mile away, and it's at 4 o'clock and at 8 o'clock the show. I go on, and I'm racing through. You know, you race through. Back then, I just did the same shit because I was supposed to do a half hour, and I got off in four minutes because I was supposed to do a half hour and I

got off in four minutes. And I said to my friend, I'm dead. I'm never, I'm dead. I'm, you know, I'm out of the business. So I run back to the, I run back to my hotel and a guy like an angel says, Mr. Lewis, good show. I go, what do you mean a good show? I did four minutes. He says, last week, Bill Cosby was here headlining, and he did nine minutes. So he made me feel better. And then I came back at 8 o'clock, and you would know this. When it's dark out and there's just a spotlight on you, they look at you. But when you're there at 4 in the afternoon and there's a fucking roller coaster

and there's animals, freakish animals from Africa with 12 humps and 12 penises. They're not looking at you. So there's a lot of bad gigs and corporate gigs. Do you do any corporate gigs anymore? Oh, my God. Corporate. Oh, God. They hate.

They don't want entertainment. They want singers. Yeah. They didn't want entertainment at Georgia. They want singers. Yeah. They didn't hire us. Someone who loves us said, oh, let's get Gilbert or Richard Lewis. We love them. But these people that go there, they don't care about us.

They didn't buy tickets to see us. Those are the worst gigs of all. Dara just hung up a sign on the door, on the window. I think she's trying to remind you of a bad gig. It says Leno outside. Oh, there was one outside. A radio one. It says the fuck Leno fuck fuck outside show. That one actually turned out well.

Oh, it did? Yeah. It sounds good. It does. I did the clown. What was that? What's that clown? Bozo?

No, no, no. Jerry Lewis? No, well, they were. Oh, the Juggalos? The Juggalos. Who were the Juggalos? It was the weirdest gig I've ever done because they drove me and we go off the main highway who are the jugglers just tell me who the jugglers are it's a group of people

like it it looks like like beyond the Manson family but They like dress up as clowns. Yeah, they dress up as clowns. Yeah. Did they murder anybody? And I actually, I actually did well there because I heard they throw knives at you. They throw bottles. And I went up there and I started to say something and I started to do obscure names. And I mentioned Zsa Zsa Gabor and they all started chanting it was an outdoor place it was in the middle of the forest because you know

first they were driving me on the road and then we were riding on gravel to where this is. And they started chanting fuck Shasha Gabor. And then I said, and I'm a big fan of character actor Lionel Atwill Jr. And they started chanting fuck Lionel Atwill Jr.

Did you have to follow the juggalos or did they follow you or did you go on together? I was afraid they'd follow me. It looked like that actually was not so much a nightmare. It was a nightmare and how scary it was to be there. But I did well beyond anything. But I did. What was the other?

Now I can't remember her name. What's her? The Go-Go's. Belinda Carlisle. Oh, she's cool. I opened for Belinda Carlisle. Yeah. James Mason's daughter-in-law.

Oh, yes. Yeah. And I remember her manager said to me, there's a lot of little girls and their mothers in the audience. That's your crowd. And I tried to work clean and I was bombing severely. And then I just basically started doing every cunt joke I could think about. How many do you have approximately? Oh, I've lost count.

You keep a book of gun jokes? If we were on a desert island together, I wouldn't run out of gun jokes. Really? Well, then that gives me a reason to want to marry you. Now, does your wife

loves you, so she gets all of this, right? She grooves on it. Yeah. Do you perform differently when your wife's in the audience than when she's not? No. I know there are certain bits. Really?

I do. There are certain bits she hates. I know one she hates. And sometimes I'll go out of my way to do that one. And now we should talk because you told me to avoid death and what you think

of other comics. I want to just say one thing. I did it the other night. I was on Jimmy and you might not have heard it, but it just, it just is like the worst example of a horror show.

My 45 years ago, I was on Carson, my first shot. I was like in my early 20s. And they had 90 minutes. I was on like six minutes to one. So I'm backstage. I'm petrified. I dressed up like a Jew Muppet in a blue suit, blue shoes. I don't know what I was. I was ready, but I was petrified. I was ready, but I was petrified. And George Pappard from the A-Team was on before me,

and he was talking about how he was dying from lung cancer. And I'm backstage, and the whole audience is crying. I can hear them crying. I'm crying. And Johnny says, well, how long do you have to live? He says, well, a couple of weeks. He goes, well, God bless you, and we wish you the best. And now, for his first national appearance on TV,

I went into the toilet because, you know, you forget when there's 300 people. Steve Landisberg, who I love, who passed away, he said to me, if you're ever on a television and you're looking at that red light and there's only 300 people in the audience, this is good tip for comics. And the joke doesn't go well. Don't look like you're a piece of shit and you're going down. Smile. Because there's like 4 million people watching you and there's only 300 people in Burbank watching you. So forget the audience. Just make believe you're cooking, you know, and that was but I didn't because I was crying and doing jokes at the same time. It was really a horror.

So I had to wait six months to come back on the show because, you know, Carson thought I was too physical. And thanks to Dave Letterman, he said to me, you're good on Carson sometimes, but you move around too much and it looks amateurish, the camera's steady. So he said, when you do my show, and this was in 82, he says, you never have to do stand-up again. And I never did stand-up ever on TV since 82. I said, Dave, which was a cool,

a real solid because I was too, you know, when you're running around the stage and the camera's looking at you, you look like a fucking moron, you know? So Letterman knew that. So that was cool. What do you hear about his new show?

Anything? Letterman? It's just a one-on-one interview show. Kind of like what Costas used to do. Oh really? Yeah. I think it's just a one-on-one interview show, kind of like what Costas used to do. Oh, really? Yeah, I think that's the format. How much fun did you have on Letterman's show, Gilbert? I liked doing Letterman.

Yeah, me too. Yeah, I did Letterman. I used to do stand-up there. And then a few years later, when Leno had the Tonight Show, he used to always call me to do those skits. Oh, those game show bits. Yeah, all different types of skits. And it was like those I loved doing.

Right. Because it was like with those skits, it was like if you fucked up, the audience loved it even more. You used to do those cult sketches with Jack Riley, right? Oh, yeah. You did a couple of those. Jack Riley was so wonderful. Great Jack Riley. Great guy. with Jack Riley, right? Oh, yeah. You did a couple of those. Jack Riley was so wonderful. Great Jack Riley. Great guy.

Great Jack Riley. Funny man. And they had me and Queen Elizabeth and a few things. You know, the first time I did my Tonight Show, and it didn't work out because of the lung cancer story, the producer of the Carson Show, who did Jack Benny's show, I can't think of his name now he was the big producer of Carson

Freddy DeCordova here's what I got he opens my door in the dressing room and he says be funny and slammed the door I farted so loudly it was the whole

people were running out it was like a monster movie in the in the offices i couldn't help it i was such a wreck between be funny and and lung cancer how good can you be you know one time when i was on the tonight show and it was funny because the first time with johnny with johnny with leno oh with leno and and it was because the first time I was. With Johnny? No, with Leno. Oh, with Leno. And it was like the first time I was on, I had done panel. And I thought, well, I did it. And I didn't think it was funny at all.

But then for some reason, they liked me and kept having me back for the skits. Oh, the skits and panel. No, not panel. They just had me do the skits which was great which was like a vacation did you ad lib a lot or was it pretty well yeah yeah you that's the great part about that it was like you rehearse just like once quickly and then if you fuck up and start uh ad libbing the audience liked it much better than the actual bit right of course it's like when carson bombed that's when he was his best oh yeah he used to do the soft shoe and they do uh play t for two and the funny thing is with

the cordova he was there and he was older, and Leno kept him there. And DeCordova asked one of the writers about me. And he goes, who is that? And the guy goes, that's Gilbert Gottfried. He's known. He's been on a bunch of shows and movies. And he goes, oh, I thought he was just some kid who worked around here. Didn't Freddy DeCordova direct Bedtime for Bonzo with Reagan and the Chimp?

He might have. I think he did. Wow. I believe he did. I was flying to New York, the stop in New York to go to Paris with an ex-girlfriend. And Johnny was with one of his ex-wives. And I was in the middle lane, in the middle row, and he was right next to me. And I have a lot of nervous tics and tremors. I used to have it much more than I do now. So for six hours, and my girlfriend was next to me. I would turn my head slowly and stare at Carson. And he got a little bent out of shape.

And my girlfriend said, if you continue to stare at Carson, your career is over. I go, I can't help it. I'm obsessive compulsive. So for six hours, I kept turning my head, staring at him. So we land in the first class lounge. He was going to Wimbledon. And I went over to him and I said, Johnny, I'm nuts. I'm a mental case.

I got a lot of emotional problems and I'm sorry for staring at you. And he giggled. And then he put me back on the show and I told the story on the show. So as long as you admit that you're crazy, they give you a shot. You know? But it was embarrassing, though. As long as you admit that you're crazy, they give you a shot, you know. But it was embarrassing, though. One of those things that attracted me about show business was I thought if you're working in a grocery store and you're fucked up and neurotic, then, you know, they'll fire you and they'll go, what the hell's wrong with that guy?

In show business, it's like. You get a series. Yes, yes. Anything goes. You go, oh, he's so eccentric and brilliant, you know. I know, but they talk behind our backs all the time. They might be making a lot of money off of us, but, you know, but they talk behind our backs all the time. They might be making a lot of money off of us, but, you know, as soon as, you know, they leave us, they go, he's so fucking nuts. He's driving me crazy, you know, but they'll take the money.

Yes. Have you had a good record with managers and agents your whole career? Not really. in agents your whole career not really no i i i i once had somebody tell me years ago that agents are coca-cola distributors it's like the phone rings uh that's interesting no we need uh 10 cartons of coca-cola all right that'll cost you this much, and they fill out a paper. You wouldn't have them if you didn't have to have them. You wouldn't have agents and managers at all if they weren't a necessary evil. And I always wonder, have you ever had agents and managers give you advice?

Once. Once that I actually used. I used to bring notes on stage because it was four or five hours of new material. And to me, that was cool. Yeah. I thought it was cool. I thought people that came to see me say, Richard's never done this before. And I would look down, I'd have a piano on it. I did it at Carnegie Hall and everywhere, specials, because I figured why not do new material? I just couldn't take doing stuff that I knew. So one manager who I had literally for a day, he said,

why don't you do it the regular way? Just go out there and hold the mic. I go, no, but I'll never remember more than five minutes of new stuff. He says, yeah, but it's a work in progress. I went, isn't that cool that it's a work in progress? And he said, no. For the audience, he thought they expected,

I used to be jealous of comics. They fly, they land, they get a hooker, they have lobster tail, they do A, B, C, D, Z, and I'm out there with my notes not knowing what the fuck I'm doing. And I totally lost the thread where I'm going,

and you're looking at me now like you should, you know, that I should leave the studio. And I'm sorry. I lose the thread so fast, it's sad. You know, when I lose the thread on stage, and then I come back to it 40 minutes later, they scream out, he's a genius. They have no idea.

It's just my mental disability. I can't remember things. And that's good for my act. But the thing about the notes, oh, I know what it was. I decided never to use notes again, and I would stay in my hotel for hours, days, and look at new material, even though if I would only remember 10 or 15 minutes of it, my performance level was so anxious that I was better on stage. So I haven't done

notes for 10 years and I'm glad about it. But at 70 years old, who gives a shit? I mean, you know, who cares? I saw you at Westbury Music Fair working with notes with the piano. It never bothered me. It never distracted me. Many times I saw you work with notes. That's what Gilbert and I were doing back in the days when I was doing a show with Jamie Lee. That was the most fun for me. Me, Gilbert, Kinison, we'd sit there with Howard and read the newspaper and jam for three hours. How great was that? Those old Howard Stern days were like— Those were the greatest ever, ever. How great was that? Those old Howard Stern days

were like... Those were the greatest ever, ever. Because he was phenomenal. He is phenomenal, but that's what I liked him the most. And I don't do this show as often anymore because he doesn't do that kind of show anymore. I mean, I loved it.

Sitting with you and getting drunk at seven in the morning and sitting there with Kenison with with four triplets. I don't know who we had with him. You know, we had a great time, you know, and it was fun. Yeah, especially when he'd go in. And now let's what's happening in the news. Oh, yeah. That was the greatest thing.

I know. But I, you know, I told Howard, I said, Howard, I love you. You're one of the greats in history. But, you know, it was great sitting with Gilbert and Belzer and doing the news, but for me to go over there and pick the shortest lesbian midget who has a yeast infection, I can't. It's not my sweet spot. And I think I offended him. I said, I'm not saying it's not funny. You're making a billion dollars a year. People love that. I just can't do it.

So, you know, so be it. I was on his show for 30 years and I loved it and he helped my career. You still do his show a lot, don't you? No, not lately. It's changed. You still do his show a lot, don't you? No, not lately. It's changed. Really? Yeah. Yeah. How can he not love you?

You can do skids. Yeah. Those were great years, though, I will say. The late 80s and the early 90s, nothing topped that, man. People still come up to me. It's like they'll mention my name with him like we were Abbott and Costello. Those are good times. You know, I'll always treasure those times.

You know, they fly by, but, you know, I'm glad we experienced it. You know, I mean, we had a lot of, we had a great time, you know. And, you know, I talk about, I was talking about some bad gigs, but that's all part of the fucking journey, man. You know, if you don't have, if you don't have a bad gig, then you're not, you're not in the business. You know, it's just that simple. Did you play Vegas and casinos?

I, I've done, I have done Vegas. I don't remember my ever doing great. I always thought Vegas audiences... How can you? They're wearing Bermudas and holding a cup.

Yeah. You did say you had a bad gig in the Catskills. Oh, yeah. Catskills, I bombed severely. I did the Neverly. The owners loved me. The band loved me. But the audience, forget it. And then we've got these coupons for the buffet. Then we'll watch a comedian.

And they give about 800 out of 1,000 tickets just to have people see a show. They don't care about making money on the show. They just care about them going back and gamble. I read this somewhere, if you do a minute over your set, they lose like $4 million in the gambling. Wow. So that's why you really, that's why when you look to the left, there's a guy with a gun with a silencer ready to shoot you in the temple,

you know, and the Native American casinos, you know, I don't do a lot of them but when I do them you meet the tribe before the show and you take pictures and they wear their hair back like these Italian waiters in Hollywood because they can't wear it long and they're wearing Armani suits and I'm not sure what tribe this is

I just don't know but I'm not sure what tribe this is. Yeah. You know, I just don't know. But, you know, I'm glad the Native Americans are getting their money back. I mean, they got so fucked over in Manhattan. I mean, can you imagine selling Manhattan for $12 and some crystal meth? I mean, what the fuck? You never had, you know, you never, did you ever know that I was a drug addict and an alcoholic? Uh, yes.

You talk about it constantly. No, but did you know it when we were sort of friends and we were working together? No, I just, I just thought you were fucked up mentally. You guys remember meeting? Do you remember when it was? Oh yeah. We, we were, well, I left for LA in the mid seventies and you were already, already you were in new york yeah we were always running into each other at the clubs yeah but you always wanted to hug me and i got nervous now you it's funny you're not the only alcoholic we've had on this show

it's 23 years without a drink, so give me a favor. Former alcoholic. Former alcoholic. I am an alcoholic, but I'm not drinking anymore. We had, well, like Dick Van Dyke. Yeah, we had Dick Van Dyke. Big drinker, yeah. Yeah, Paul Williams.

Right. And they said, they both, like Dick Van Dyke, said he was shy, and to open up he would drink Paul Williams said just to fit in with the crowd he felt like comfortable drinking so what was it with you that made you have to drink I wanted to forget my fear and I know it medicated all the fear I had but I had no it but it didn't dawn on me that I would fuck up my craft you know a lot of the times you know like in Carnegie Hall I did a lot of hours I did two hours but I only had like one glass of wine like at noon because I wasn't gonna ever fuck that up and blame it on alcohol. So, you know, it's no excuse.

My personal life was when I did Carnegie Hall, it was one of the best nights of my life. And everyone sent me. I went to the dressing room, 15 bottles of champagne. Wow. And by the time I came down, there was like 300 friends in a little party room in Carnegie Hall. I made a complete fucking

asshole of myself. So my personal life was in disarray, but I basically did okay on stage and with the sitcoms and all that shit, but there's no excuse. I'm glad I'm done with that part of it. I hope. I think.

And the drinking got you into like doing, were you into drugs yeah at the end at the end I used to date a lot of women which they weren't like druggies but they did a little ecstasy and crystal meth and they would say to me you're so you're not nice when you drink you should just do drugs well what kind of way thanks thanks a lot but i did i i did bottom out on crystal meth you know like you know breaking bad time and uh i called two friends i thought i was gonna die and uh i they took me to cedars and uh that was it august 4th 1994 and that was the end of it but uh you know there's this david brennan was one of my best friends he gave me the breaks

tonight shows, Sonny Inch everything and he was a great buddy of mine and I went to see, I was broke and I went to see his like his brownstone in Manhattan when I was about 22 everything was unbelievable like the stapler was like from

from you know it could have been President Wood Like the stapler was like from, from, uh, you know, uh, it could have been president Woodrow Wilson stapler. I said, how much is this stapler cost? $50,000. I went, and I had like no money. I went, how do you do this? And he says, jokes bought this house for me. And I always remembered that. So when I was bottoming out on crystal meth, I was in a very nice home in Hollywood Hills. And I went Hills, and I looked in the mirror, and I went, jokes, bought this fucking house, and I'm going to put this shit up my nose? What am I, a nut? So that's what did it for me. I remember what Brennan told me 45 years before, and that's

what saved my life, I think. Pretty funny that. I usually open and close with that story. That's your big ending. Okay, just when the show is starting to get good, we're going to throw a monkey wrench into the works with this commercial word. or a consultant. You can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD insurance advisor to learn more. At Bet365, we don't do ordinary. We believe that every sport should be epic. Every goal, every game, every point, every play. From the moments that are remembered forever

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we now return to Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Podcast. The last time I saw Brenner was in Vegas, and this was one of the nice memories of Vegas, that they would have, twice I was at it they would have these lunches that all the comics working Vegas that week would stop by this lunch and we'd hang out would they do material or what well they they kid around not so much material they just hid back and and i remember brenner uh sees me and he walks over and his face lights up and unlike you i may have he brenner put his arms out and he said come here you what did he say he said come here you and, you. And he gave me a big hug.

Brenner was a great guy. Yeah, but I liked the hug, but you wanted to hug me for an hour and a half. I thought you were in love with me, and I'm not bisexual, and I didn't want to start. When I saw you didn't hug me the first time, I chased you, yeah, a few blocks. You chased me for an hour. Yeah. For blocks. I'd show up at the corner of each block with my arms out.

I'd turn around. I tried to hide from you, and I would turn. I would look back, and there you are with your arms outstretched. I was freaked out. Did you really want to hug him him or were you doing a bit? Yeah, at that point. I don't know what it was. I just think it was your brain.

Yeah, at that point when I saw how scared you were a bit. That's what it was. When you said he doesn't want to hug me, you said I'm going to hug him if it takes to the end of time. Yeah, I was up there at like every corner. I'm sorry about the depressing stories, but, you know, I think people should know that it's not all a piece of cake, you know.

Am I wrong? Am I right? Oh, absolutely. No, absolutely. It's good stuff. I mean, I could tell you when I fucked a female circus clown, and that would be funny, but, you know. Did you fuck a female circus clown? Well would be funny, but you know, did you fuck a female circus clown? Well, she was female.

Oh, okay. And she had a red nose and black high heels, but she was 75 miles away from my house. And I, you know, I was dating somebody at the time and I said, do I really want to travel 150 miles an hour for, you know, for six, you know, for an eight-second orgasm?

And I did. But then I realized that why should I do it? After the third time, I went 150 miles. What's the, you know, what's the point? So, you know, masturbation is underrated. It really is. You can sign up for that, Gil. point so i you know masturbation is underrated now now how if it's the same feeling even though you're not there with the red-nosed clown with the black heels you still you still come wait a minute richard was she really a clown yeah she was a clown and uh and i was she was best friends with the tall man Yeah, she was a clown, and she was best friends with the tall man.

And he died, and he wanted me to lift his coffin into the cemetery. But I didn't because I had a hernia, and he was too tall. Another thing I've always heard about you is, unlike me, you used to take advantage of your uh celebritydom and wait a minute loads of times well take advantage of my celebritydom and do what and get laid what was that word celebritydom yes what kind of? Yes. What kind of language is that? You mean it's celebrity. And I heard this reminds me of going out to dinner with the guy on Jeopardy.

I went out with Phyllis Diller and him for two hours. I said, pass the salt. He went, salt? That was in 1813 by Prince Scottlieb. I went, shut the fuck up. I can't take it. Can I borrow your ketchup?

Ketchup. Ketchup was invented by Einstein by mistake when he cut his wrist. I couldn't take it. He knew every fucking... No, I didn't take advantage of my celebrity. People just wanted to go out with me. What the fuck, man? See, but I heard.

And please tell me this is true. Please tell me this is true. Please tell me this is true. Just because I fucked a circus clown, you don't have to be jealous. Yeah, I am. I heard that you used to, like, you'd be sitting around watching TV, and a commercial would come on. Oh, and I would find the names of the people? Yeah, there'd be some hot-looking girl in the commercial.

Yes. And you'd say, oh. How did you know this? I didn't do it a lot, but I did date a lot of models from commercials. And I'd call the ad agency. This is Richard Lewis. I'll be honest. This is a character defect. I'm doing I'll be I'll be honest this is this is a character defect

I'm doing a series and uh she's perfect and you think I can have her agent's number and she said well I'm her agent well can you give me here's my number have her call me and then that was the end of that then we dated so you're right I'm a scumbag and did you ever use these girls on the show yes I once dated a Miss a Miss Universe

and she wasn't going to get the role and I asked one of the stars you got to book her and he did and we dated but I blew it because she came over

to my house at two in the morning and I was drunk in my bed and she rang the bell and I didn i blew it because she came over my house at two in the morning and i was drunk in my bed and she rang the bell and i didn't answer it and she said i never want to see you again so you know there's a downside to these stories you know but you did get laid you did fuck miss universe i'm getting laid right now while we're talking i got laid a lot but i mean i got married at 57 at 57. I wasn't, you know, a monk, you know. I love women. I love intercourse.

The hell? What, you're upset with me? Yes. He's just envious, Rick. You don't know the amount of jerking off I've done in my career. Well, did you actually turn these girls away? I wish. That would approach you at gigs?

Yeah, I never remember. Like, everyone tells me, like, oh, there are these towns. Comedians go there, and the girls there think comedians are, like, rock stars. And they're begging to fuck you. And I thought thought well when where is this town exactly i'm still looking for it well you don't have to look for it you just you just have to i don't you know you're too down on yourself you just go to a club they all they recognize you they sit with you you buy a drink and if they like you you you take them out for

you know for for dinner and then if you want like you, you take them out for dinner. And then if you want to make love, you make love. What's the difference? Simple, Gil. Yeah. See, it's much easier for you. You did it wrong. I heard things about you with all due respect.

You wanted to do it. You didn't want to spend money on dinner. So you said, do you mind if we fuck in the car? on dinner so you said do you mind if we fuck in the car you know i always wanted to get in i always wanted to get in the mile high the mile high club you know the mile high club i'm sure you weren't in it you weren't in it right no no so i was on a flight no one was on the flight but me in the and i was in coaches it's like 1980 and I was making out with one of the flight attendants, and she looked at the bathroom. I went, this is my chance.

This is my chance to be in the Mile High Club. And she had all of the flight attendants block off the last third of the, they did it for her and me. Wow. No one was allowed to use the bathrooms in the back but I have two bad knees so I go I get into the bathroom

it's totally impossible unless you're a rubber man so she she pleased me to be honest, to be frank and then she says what about me? I went first of all i need at least an hour hour and a half to get ready for this and she says what do you mean an hour i said well i

just you know had an orgasm and i just you know i'm not a you know i'm not you know batman so then she got on the sink with a you know in, in the position. And I started crying from pain because I had two trick knees. I went, I can't do it. And she said, you son of a bitch, you fuck. She hated me. So she told all the stewardesses, flight attendants, that she did something to me. She did me. She blew me.

Okay? Yeah. And I didn't do anything to her because my knees were hurting. Yeah. And I didn't do anything to her because my knees were hurting. So when we landed in LAX, there was no one on the flight but me and the flight attendants and the pilots. She told everybody that I was a scumbag and I was getting my bag and all of the flight attendants went, you piece of shit. You self-centered scumbag. I was never so humiliated in my life.

So I was in the half mile club. I think I'm in the half mile club because I did have an orgasm, but I didn't have intercourse. I think you have to have intercourse. But I don't know how people do it. It's just impossible. It's impossible. Was that your stumbling block, Gilbert? Were you unwilling to pay for the dinner?

That and my just general personality. I don't think that was it. You know what scared me about trying to get laid after a show? After a show, yeah. Yeah, is that when you're on stage, you're like the king. You're a god to them. Right, right. You're like the king.

You're a god to them. Right, right. And then I would always feel like, and then when I talk to some girl out in the bar, I feel like just like the lowliest piece of shit. What, because you're not on stage anymore? Yes, yes. Interesting. How many times did you have great sex after a show, you think? Oh, God, that I could count on a hand.

Really? And I used my hand for several reasons. Did you ever have a conversation with your penis after you masturbated and say, why are we doing this alone? I mean, you could. I can't tell you. Your penis could be very angry. The penis is not happy with your hand.

The penis wants to meet women. Or men. I can't tell you the amount of times that I got into a talk with a girl after the show, and the girl would say to me, like, hey, you want to come out? You doing anything now? You want to come out, like, have some drinks? Well, you know what that means. That means let's fuck.

Well, wait. And then, so I would think, well, this is great. You know, Christ has returned to the earth and I'm going to get pussy now. And and then she go, oh, great. My boyfriend's pulling up the car now and or her husband. Yeah. And they would want me to go out like, you know, just be that. Like, let's let's go out and get some go to Chuck E. Cheese. Yes, exactly.

I see. I hope Jermaine Greer is not listening to this podcast. This is the most sexist I've ever been in my entire life. And I'm not a sexist. But with you, you bring it out of me. You were forcing me to tell you how much I love women. See, I've already got you to talk about pussy and alcoholism. This is like, you know, I'm being, you know,

I'm on some third world country. They've kidnapped me and you're giving me tape. You're telling me what to show to America. That's pretty much the show, Rick. This is what the show is. Yeah, pretty much.

You try to ruin people's reputations, but you can't, you can't ruin mine. I have a decent reputation and you have the best reputation. Everyone thinks you're the funniest comedian that ever lived. Honest to God. Really? He's among them.

I swear. You know, there's different comics, you know, with Pryor and Carlin and Lenny and Klein and all these guys and Sarah, and there's the list. But just for pure funny

and with pure surprise, I'm not just saying this, I mean this, you are the funniest human being I have ever known. Oh, thank you, Rich. What a compliment. Unfortunately, your penis is the most unhappy person.

What do you think of your testicles? Do you think your testicles have any bearing when you get older that your penis is embarrassed how it looks between them? Now, here's something I wonder about. And I don't know if you're experiencing this. I'm sure I will. When I'll see old

guys at the gym or even with their pants on. I see. Do you go into a sauna naked with guys? I once tried that, couldn't do it after that. But I see these old guys fully dressed,

and you could see that it looks like they have a tremendous dick. It's their balls. But it's just that their dick and balls are hanging so low. Right, you can't really tell. It's like a cantaloupe. You know, balls are useless. Balls are useless. But, you know, you're getting older now, and you're married,

and you don't have to worry so much, you know? You really don't have to. You don't have to have, you know, intimacy comes in different flavors. You don't have to have you don't have to stick your penis in somewhere to be intimate. You know, you can you can watch, you know, a Fellini movie and hug your wife and not and feel that you're doing something good. Or maybe the two of us can hug and watch Fellini. Well, call me. You have my cell.

Or Cassavetes. Richard's into Cassavetes. Oh, yes. Cassavetes and Jenna Rollins are my two favorite couples. Oh, the best. And I heard both of us, Frank told me that both of us have something that we were both guest programmers. Oh, on Turner Classic.

Yeah. Richard picked two Keaton films. I did Buster Keaton. Buster's my man. I love Buster. Who did you do? I picked four movies. Well, I picked a bunch.

Oh, but you didn't do like an essay. You did four favorite movies. Yes. Oh, yeah. The original of Mice and Men with Lon Chaney Jr. and Burgess Meredith. Freaks that Todd

Browning directed. Those were the people you met at the bar after you left. Legless men. The Conversation with Gene Hackman. Underrated. That's great. The Swimmer. The Swimmer with Burt Lancaster.

Wow. I got a movie for you that you got to see. There's two movies. I just saw one. Did you see, have you been watching Fargo at all, the series? No. Yeah, it's pretty great, isn't it? It's one of the great TV series. There's three years, 10 episodes.

The first one has Billy Bob and Odenkirk. It's great. But the third season, the second one is fine. The third season is unbelievable. It has this English actor who is a genius, and I can't pronounce his name, and he did a movie in 1990. You like dark films? Oh, yeah.

Then you have to get naked. It's called Naked. Oh, David Thewlis. Yes, Thewlis. Oh, he, you know, you know what he was in? What a fucking movie. Yeah, he's in The Big Lebowski, quickly. He was also in the film that's famous for being terrible,

The Island of Dr. Moreau. Oh, yes, he's in the brand, though. Get all that. You got to see. Promise me you'll see Naked and Call Me. Okay, now here's something I don't know if I should discuss. Does it matter that we've been here three hours? It doesn't matter to you, does it?

Here's something I could either discuss with you or... Don't worry, I'm fearless. When we have Mr. Skin back, I saw this actress, Elizabeth Winstead, in an episode of Fargo on his

website, where she stands up and you see her ass. Must be the third season that I haven't seen yet. Yes. Third season is insane. Is that you and McGregor, right? In the third season? Yes, he plays two roles. I haven't gotten to it yet, but the first two are great. We have to name names and you just

quickly tell us. Spike Jones. Okay. Don Rickles, you did a series. Yeah, it was short-lived, but to be with him for six months was unbelievable. You know what happened once he was walking? There was a poor homeless guy and Don walking. Actually, it was Joe Bologna, too, who passed away.

He was a good friend of mine. He was a wonderful man, a great writer and actor. And he was walking and the homeless guy put his hand out and Don gave him a $20 bill and he took no prisoners like you and he says here buy yourself a ranch with the 20 and the homeless guy pocketed the 20 put his hand back out and went i'm gonna need some fucking cattle that's great and then don just gave him like a couple hundred dollars he just he he floored him, you know. But Don was like, it's like being with the Rat Pack.

It was unbelievable. Well, you mentioned Phyllis Diller. Tell us about your friendship with Phyllis Diller, too. Well, she was a big fan of mine, unbeknownst to me. She saw me at Caroline's when I was in the 80s, and she wrote me a letter, and she said she wanted to meet me and my wife, and we became best friends,

and she took us out to dinner with all these strange directors. I mean, not strange, but famous older directors and comedians. And she was just, you know, after two martinis, she was funny. But she was a painter. She was a pianist. She was just, you know, she's iconic. And she wrote an autobiography that I totally recommend. It's, you know, she had four or five children.

One was mentally, you know, ill. And she left her family basically because she was so passionate about comedy. And her husband let her do this. She went to San Francisco, you know, the purple onion and the hungry eye, and she became a comedian. And she had to do it, which I love that she had to do that.

You know, she was something. But that's when I was mentioning the guy from Jeopardy because I was sitting next to him at a dinner and he drove me crazy. I almost stabbed him. Was a contestant on the show? No, the host.

Oh, Alex Trebek. Alex, everyone loves him. He's a great guy. Right. But every time I said anything, he had an answer and I couldn't take it. I said, how's the fish?

You know, fish really wasn't made with crust. I said, Alex, you have to shut the, you got to shut up. I'm going to snap. I'm going to fucking snap. Now. But Don, Don, Don, how about this? We had this series.

It didn't work out. It was a lot of problems with it. And I had a girlfriend at a time that had long hair down to her back in ringlets. Not ringlets. It was whatever, whatever you call them. And it was a party for Don and I, given by the producer. And I walk in to, I see Don and I, given by the producer. And I walk in. I see Don and his wife, Barbara.

And I'm there with my ex-girlfriend. And I say, Don, this is my girlfriend. And he looks at her and he goes, lose the hair and get back to me. And he never talked to us for the entire party. Lose the hair and get back to me. Fantastic. And here's the best one of all i wrote about this when rodney we all loved yeah and he was a baby drank a lot did a lot of drugs and like we all of us did and he loved me and i loved him and i used to and so he whenever i had a tonight show all i cared about was taping this six minutes, going back to my house and listening to it.

Because that's all that mattered. You know, drinking and women and nothing mattered except that. Because David Brennan once said, you do one Tonight Show, it's like doing the improv. Three shows a night, seven days a week for 100 years. That's how many people watch you. Six million people. So you better not walk through any of this shit. So I always took it very seriously. And that's good advice for anybody. A lot of, you see a lot of guys just jerking around on TV or on radio, a lot of people listening to you and watching you. So I was in the improv doing my,

my tonight show set. And I see Rodney goes, hey, Richard, you'll join me, huh? I don't do a good impression. And that meant we'd close the club, look for women, get drunk, smoke a joint, and see what happens, you know? And I didn't want to stay there until 2. I wanted to get home at 10 and listen to my tape. So I lied to him, and I said, and he's so dark and so funny. I said, Rodney, and I lied. I went,

I feel like shit. And he went, hey, great, you're halfway there, you know? You're halfway there. What the? And I froze. I went, halfway there? How can you not stay with this guy? You know what he called, he called everything around him,

all the air, the heaviness, which I love. I'll tell you, there's all heaviness around me, you know, the heaviness. But you hung out with him. Did you ever do his club? Were you too young to do it? Yeah, what I remember about Rodney was one time I was doing, you know, one of his later movies. Wally Sparks?

Wally Sparks. And then I did Back by Midnight, which I've never even seen. And I remember he was in the makeup chair and the makeup girl goes, Rodney, when are you going to be happy? And he goes, when am you going to be happy? And he goes, when am I going to be happy? I'll be happy the same day Gilbert's happy. I knew you. Oh, God.

You should take that as a badge of honor. Oh, absolutely. I was so proud of that. How about Jonathan Winters, Richard, another guy you had a long friendship with? He was my best friend for 10 years. He was sober 52 years. He had the same family situation. He was like a father to me, and Phyllis was like a mother to me

because my father died before I performed. My mother had a lot of emotional stuff going on. My brother and sister were gone before I even did anything. Not gone, but they were out of the house. So Jonathan and I were buddies. I used to drive up to Santa Barbara and take them out for brunch. You know, guys who have money like that from the old days, money is, they just think they're going to lose, you know,

you guys, they're going to lose all their money. Money is all important to them. So when I would come when I would do a club and they would say I will give you $2,000 for the airfare and all this bullshit, you know. I would say I want it in cash. I want it in tens and fives.

So let's say I had two clubs. So I come back with let's say $4,500 in cash. I would go to pick up Jonathan take him to the Biltmore, and money was all for it. He just thought money was the most important thing. He was a great artist, too, and everything else, and the king of improv, I might add.

But I would go over to his chair, and I had a bag of $5,000, and I would empty the money on his head and on his plate. And he went crazy, like screaming money, money. And he was trying to take the money and put it in his suit pocket and his pants pocket.

He just, you know, some of these old guys, you know, when they're poor back in the thirties and forties, they think they think they're going to lose it again. I heard Groucho was the same person I was thinking of. Yes, Groucho was terrifying.

Didn't he walk around with a tomato in case he ran out of food? Oh, that's hilarious. This crazy thing that he could always get juice or water or some kind of nourishment out of the tomato. Tomato is one thing, but Rodney always had his schlong hanging out with his robe open, and he hated children. He was like W.C. Fields. He did not want to do proms like in the summer.

So he would call the clubs in New York. Hey, Richard, you want to make 75, huh? Come on over. So I came over to the club. You know, $75 was a lot of money when you were broke, you know. So here's where the worst introduction in history. He comes down.

His schlong's hanging out. They're all sitting there with their corsages and their tuxedos. He doesn't want to even go on the stage. He goes to the corner of the stage. I walk up to the mic. And he doesn't mention my name, no credits. He goes, hey, you're going to like this guy. He's got hair, you know.

That was the introduction. So then I go upstairs and I order a steak. And then he gets up and there was a sink in his dressing room. And he pisses in his sink. And it was like a fog of piss all over my dinner. And it was a bathroom down the hall, but he rather piss in his dressing room. Wow.

And I went, Rodney, why did you piss in your sink? I can't eat. He says, because I'm too big a star to walk down the hall, you know? That's the kind of guy he was. I remember working on that movie with him. You know, he said to me at one point, he said, oh, you're working right now. And I said, no, I think we're breaking for lunch. And he goes, well, you know, come back to my trailer.

We'll sit and bullshit. And we're eating together. And he's got most of the food on his face the way he would eat. And then at one point he picks up a piece of bread, wipes his face with the bread and eats the bread. Incredible.

Yeah. You don't think he was trying to put makeup on? He was the first. Now, two other people we lost recently. Gary and robin of course two years ago oh boy yeah who else we talked about shelly berman yeah oh shelly oh god one of the great improvisational guys of all you know he he took the lead from nickels and may and did emotional you know personal stuff with character, you know,

with family and with, with dating and women. But he, you know, he did, he had a B his routines were really tight and Lenny Bruce, Lenny Bruce always remarked. He used to tease, he used to tease, uh, sure. Berman who he couldn't handle any noise like Larry David. He used to, you know, you know, he used to storm off the stage. If anyone would talk, he would leave. And I go, Larry, they're ordering a drink. It's a fucking nightclub.

It's a nightclub. They have to make money. Yeah, but they weren't listening. I go, yeah, but they were. They just ordered a scotch. Give them a break. Larry would, like, get into, like, fights with people in the audience. Well, Susie told us he would look at the crowd and then just assess it and say, nah, I don't think so.

Yeah. And walk off. He liked the looks of the crowd. I was really famous. I don't think so. Without even saying a line. Yeah. Incredible.

But he was a great comedian, a great stand-up. He really was. He was very authentic and wonderful. So tell us about the next season of Curb, Richard. Well, it starts October 1st. I've seen most of the shows. I think it's the best season yet. Larry wouldn't do it unless he thought he could top himself.

He did. It's dark. It's edgy. And I'm really proud to be in it. And it starts October 1st. And it starts on October 1st. And it's cool. I'm very fortunate that we were born in the same ward. So sorry.

Do we still have time to do it? I'm sorry. I'm late now. It's too late for lunch? It's too late for lunch and it's too late for my career and you fucked me with Tesla. He's not working out? He sucks! He doesn't know comedy.

I know that, I know. He should be selling fabrics. Why'd you hire him? You! My friend of 47 years. You recommended him. I recommended him. When I called you, I told you that he asked me to recommend him, so I'm recommending him.

You know, I put quotes around him. Why'd you recommend him? Would you miss Mr. Corbett? I thought that you would pick up that. It was a non-recommend-recommend. You know, life is very brief, okay? And you know I need a good series. Is life too short?

You think it's too short? Yeah. It's too short, isn't it? Yeah, but now my life is fucking way short. I'm sorry. You ruined my fucking pilot because of your recommendation. I could see if it came from a skinhead. Yeah. Or one of

Bin Laden's people. You call him Bin Laden or Bin Laden? I don't know. You called him Ben. That's almost like a Jewish name. That's true. Bin Laden does sound like a shirt maker in Manhattan. Yes, I know. I thought it was Bin Laden. They got great colors. Exactly, yeah. You knew each other from summer camp?

Oh, yeah. We were born in the same hospital three days apart, and then we went to this camp, and I hated his guts. He was a langy ass, a langy piece of shit, scumbag, cheater. I used to beat him with a baseball. We had fistfights. I hated him. We were 12.

Never saw him again. Usually, if you go to a camp, you say, hey, I want to go to, let's go to Radio City. Our fathers will drive us. We'll meet, you know. So we never saw each other again. And then I was a comic two years before him. He was a fan. And we became best friends.

I mean, inseparable. And one day I was drinking after he became a comic, after our sets, it was like one in the morning, and I said, there's something about you that spooks me. And he gets nervous. I go, he says, what? And we retraced our childhood. And I went, well, I lived in New York,

and then I lived in Brooklyn, then I lived in Jersey. He says, I lived in Sheepshead Bay. Then I went to this sports camp. And I went, I went to a sports camp? He says, yeah, I went to this camp up in New York state. So did I. And then I went, you're that fucking Larry David. You're that fucking Richard Lewis. I mean, it was a billion to one shot that we were best friends and we never knew each other since we were 12. And then we were best friends at 24. And we were, I mean, it's unbelievable.

So we're really bonded in a cool way. Oh, and getting back to Jonathan Winters and a few people like that, Winters was, he was certifiable. Yeah, he had two nervous breakdowns. He was sober, but he had a lot of problems with his family and his mother and everybody. But he was, you know, I wish he would have performed more, but he was too freaked out to perform. But I heard like, and this is something I've thought about a bunch of times, and I think a lot of people think it. Jonathan Winters, I think, was scared of being like psychiatrist and analyst oh that he'd lose it yeah he'd lose the comedy he'd lose that magic interesting what what what that if he went to a

psychiatrist yeah if you went to a psychiatrist and they i've always compared it to like you know uh an oyster gets an irritation, and by dealing with the irritation, it makes a pearl. Always a Clitoris joke with you. Yeah, yes. And so— No, I understand. He never told me that, but it could be true. But I think that he was more worried about, you know, fear of failure,

even though he was worried, more worried about, you know, fear of failure, even though he was so brilliant. But were you scared times you've been to analysis that they're going to straighten you out and you're going to be happy and content you won't ever be funny again? No, because they never did. Oh, perfect answer. Oh, and I got to I got gotta ask one more person who died. Are you a friends with Jerry Lewis? Very much so. He was very kind to me. He said really great things to me. And, uh, he, one, he wanted me to go down to his, he had a boat in San Diego. So I, he told me to call him. So I made a mistake. It's not that funny, but it scared me.

I called him, and I called his business manager. And he says, I told you to call me at my house. I want you to come down with your wife and spend some time on the boat with his wife and his young daughter. But he said, get a pencil. And then I said, why? And he was talking like straight like he did in

in the De Niro movie oh yeah that serious voice oh sure and he says and he says so write this down because this is my home

and I collapsed I thought I had a stroke he went he went from De Niro movie to the to the Jerry movie you know yeah but you know we to the Jerry movie, you know.

Yeah. But, you know, we can talk forever about him. You know, what he did with film and as a writer and, you know, the guy was something. I know we all have personality defects and everything, but so what? The guy was a genius. That's all i know i mean i my favorite jerry lewis thing is that they they dedicated uh the friars club building to him or one wing of it

and it was outside and everyone was going up making these speeches and i wound up standing next to Jerry Lewis. Oh, I heard that picture was phenomenal. Yeah. And Jerry Lewis would like start heckling people honoring him. And then he would turn to me and grab my arm and squeeze it and laugh like he wanted to tug me into his world. A thrill for a kid, right, who grew up on Jerry Lewis. Yes, yes. That's beautiful. By the way, I just want you to know, Gilbert, in three weeks,

I was at the Friars before I fell off my roof, and I said, I know Billy Crystal has a room, and Frank Sinatra and George Burns. I want a fucking room. I want, and here's the room I want. There's no rooms left, but this is what I want anyway.

And they're naming the bathroom after me. It's the Richard Lewis John for all of it. Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, great. If you're in, it's October 11th.

If you want to come down and pull the curtain when, you know, you're invited, we can have lunch. Oh, great. The chance that you're going to We can have lunch. Oh, great. The chance that you're going to... I'll pay by the way. That helps.

That'll get them there, Rich. No, you don't have to come, but their name... But the bathroom... It's the Richard Lewis John at the Friars now. If you pay, I'll come there and I'll fuck you. Well, you don't have to pay me. All right, look.

It's been great to be with you, and thank you for having your genius friend with you because he's fantastic. Without him, it would be a tragedy. I'll take the compliment, Richard. By the way, I know Carl Tottolo is an old friend of mine. Carl Tottolo and I wrote that book. He was my teacher at School of Visual Arts. He's a great talent.

He was. He's a brilliant talent. We wrote that Reflections from Hell together. He did the photographs. Absolutely. Well, this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my sidekick. Now I'm back.

I've been bumped down a sidekick again. With my boy wonder. I am not putting the tights on. With my valet. Aid to camp. Look at this. With my co-host Frank Santopadre.

I'm Key Luke all of a sudden. Richard, next time we do this, we'll just talk movies. We'll just talk about Lumet and Cassavetes and Bogdanovich and all your film passions. Well, I'll probably be dead by then,

but fine. Okay. And just from that line alone, from the I'll be dead soon, we know we've been talking to the very funny Richard Lewis. I love you, Gilbert. I love

you guys. Thanks for having me. Richard, this was great. Thank you. And by the way, I'm not fucking you at the Friars. I'll make sure he's there on the 11th, Richard. I have no intention of seeing his penis. Thanks for making time for us. This was fun. Thank you,

Richard. It was fun. And by the way, if you want me to lend you my penis black book, I will. Any other plugs, by the way, before we run away? No plugs. I'm just doing a lot of gigs. The tracks of my Fears tour. And I'll be performing through January.

And I don't need the plugs. And season nine of Curb, of course. October 1st, Curb starts again. Fantastic. Thanks for having me. I love you guys. Thanks, Richard. Take care. Take care.

Take care. media is handled by Mike McPadden, Greg Pair, Nancy Chinchar, and John Bradley Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to John Murray, John Fodiatis, and Nutmeg Creative. Especially Sam Giovanko and Daniel Farrell for their assistance. Earwolf This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.

We want to tell you guys about another Earwolf show that you should be listening to. And, in fact, it's the one that started it all. It is Comedy Bang Bang. That's right, the show where host Scott Aukerman talks to interesting people. Sometimes even somebody like Gilbert Gottfried. Oh, yes. I believe you've done that show, Comedy Bang Bang. I forget them.

I forget them while I'm doing it. Do you? Sometimes they'll ask me to do an ID, and I'll go, could you write down the name of the show? Well, now you know why people forget the name of our show when we ask them to do an ID. No idea. Each week, Scott starts the show by interviewing a celebrity guest,

like Gilbert, but there's an open-door policy, so you never know what kind of odd characters are going to drop by. Recent people that drop by, Nathan Fielder, the very funny Andy Richter, and Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm, who I understand has one of the bigger endowments in show business. Really? Yeah, have you heard this? No. Supposedly

Jon Hamm's package was distracting crew members and cast members on the set of Mad Men. See, now this makes me even more angry. What's that? Because he's already this incredibly good lookinglooking guy. Yeah, handsome fella. On a hit show.

Yeah. Already has women throwing themselves at him. Right. So he has to have a big dick on top of that. It's unfair. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a cruel god. Yeah. I think at the end of the day. Earwolf favorites like Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus, and Jason Mantzoukas, I love saying his name, are always stopping by.

So listen and subscribe to The Great Show, Comedy Bang Bang on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you listen. Marty Allen has a big penis. Really? Yeah. Yes.

Do tell. Hello there. What is up? This is Andrew T, host of the Yo! Is This Racist podcast. If you need help dealing with your racist family, your racist coworkers, this is the podcast for you. Yes, even white people.

This week, check out my episode with Brett Gellman and Janixa Bravo. They made a great movie called Lemon. I hate being in white spaces where the hip hop is playing super loud. I'm like, I'm the only person of color here, and I know there's some browns in the kitchen. So it's like if your front of the house is all white, you don't get hip hop is playing super loud. And I'm like, I'm the only person of color here. And I know there's some, I know there's some Browns in the kitchen. Yeah. So it's like, if your front of the house is all white, you don't get hip hop. Listen to Yosus Racist on Apple Podcasts,

Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. Peace.