Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 216. Doug Benson

Episode Date: July 16, 2018

Gilbert and Frank are joined by comedian, podcaster and movie obsessive Doug Benson ("Doug Loves Movies") for an enjoyable conversation about bad sequels, booking dream guests, breaking into the business and the perils of meeting Hollywood heroes. Also, Harry Dean Stanton shuts it down, Doug messes with Harrison Ford, Peter Falk reunites with Alan Arkin and Gilbert (once again) rags on Ferris Bueller. PLUS: Foster Brooks! "Captain EO"! The Three Stooges in 3-D! "The Curse of the Pink Panther!" Praising Alexander Payne! And Doug reveals the truth behind the Mr. Belvedere mishap! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time.

This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. All right, Gilbert, you're on. No pressure. Are we rolling? We are rolling. We're here with the great comedian Gilbert Gottfried on his show, which is called? Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast.

And it is. And my co-hosts, Frank Santopadre, Paul Schaefer, Richard Belzer, and Tom Leopold. And Houdini. And Houdini. Houdini, the podcast dog. We had a lot of fun. Tune in. Tune in.

Tell your friends. Is it streamed? How did we see it? And put paper down. Yes, it was extreme. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. This is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here once again with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is an actor, producer,

TV host, podcast host, and one of the busiest and most prolific stand-up comedians in the business. You've seen him on dozens of TV shows such as Curb Your Enthusiasm, How I Met Your Mother, Last Comic Standing, Mr. Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Sarah Silverman Project, Bob's Burgers, The Jim Gaffigan Show, and You're the Worst, as well as the host of his own series, including The Benson Interruption, The High Court, and Pitch Off with Doug Benson. You may also have seen his work in features like the Lego Batman movie, Run, Ronnie, Run, Return of the Living Dead 2, starring former podcast guest James Caron.

And you may not have seen his work in films like Blade Runner, Teen Wolf, About Last Night, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. How busy is this guy? He's also starred in his own well-received documentary, Super High Me, his own original off-Broadway play, The Marijuana Loogies. The Marijuana Logs. The Marijuana Logs.

He should have called it Loogies. Yeah, Marijuana Loogies is a much better title. I like it. Well, yeah, I think you probably also would have called it The Vagina Loogies. Yeah, he would. He would. And he's also the fellow member of the podcast community

and the host of the successful shows Getting High with Doug. That's Getting Doug with High. That's a typo. Oh, okay. See, now you fucked up. I did. I fucked up. See, we don't really care about you, Doug.

And we're getting... That's what I get. That's what I get for having a title where it's supposed to be wrong on purpose. And, of course, the wildly popular and inventive Doug Loves Movies. Or maybe it's Movies Love Doug. I don't care at this point. movies, or maybe it's movies, I don't care at this point, which has featured guests including John Lithgow, Amy Poehler, John Hamm, and even yours truly. Please welcome to the show, the truest, hardest working man in show business. A man who once wrote game show questions for Wink Martindale

and co-starred with the legendary Michael Jackson in a film directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Our pal, Doug Benson. Hey. Doug. How's it going? I don't know what to say after all that. Thank you, Gilbert.

That was a lot of things. You've done a lot of things. That's the best review I've ever gotten. That was a lot of things. Yeah, he came out and did a lot of things um thanks for having me this is my first thanks for doing never done a skype uh podcast or a podcast via skype now now i have to ask you is this the way you look normally, or are you stoned every second? Well, you know, people assume I'm stoned all the time, so I might as well be is my approach to it.

I could have worn my sunglasses just to ease you into it. Where are they? We just had Belzer here on the show, so we had a guest with the sunglasses. And he has the sunglasses on the whole time? No, he took them off. Oh, okay. Because I always assume those guys that leave them on, like Nicholson and Robin Thicke, I just assume that they're just high out of their minds and just don't want anybody to know.

But that's a dead giveaway, having the sunglasses on the whole time. Look at that. Now it's like we're interviewing George Shearing. How's that? Oh my god, let me blow some dust off of that reference. Welcome to this show. That one's for the millennials. They're going to eat that one up.

We had Belzer here. We were doing Vivian Vance references. That's this show, Doug. We're lost in time. I love it. Yeah, they do. It's this show, Doug. We're lost in time. Of course, the kids like it. I love it. Yeah, they do. I mean, it's a chance to learn.

Just listen to Uncle Gilbert and learn a thing or two. Your little shits. Oh, I like that reference. Yeah, Uncle Don. Uncle Don. Yeah, sure. Bless your heart.

That'll hold those little shits for a while. You're a throwback, Doug. You want to ask him about Captain EO? Yes. You were in the Michael Jackson Captain EO film. Yeah, it was an attraction that was at Disneyland for varying periods of time, depending on where Michael was at in the legal process.

for varying periods of time, depending on where Michael was at in the legal process. And then they were able to bring it back triumphantly when he was dead, because there probably wouldn't be any more, any allegations once he was gone. And then now it's gone again. I don't know if it'll ever return, but Francis Ford Coppola went way over budget.

And on the last day of shooting, they just decided to hire 50 a day extras instead of keeping the dancers on so the very last scene of the of the uh the movie uh i'm dancing around like a fool in a costume that was previously worn by a professional dancer right can we see you in this if we get our hands on it it's uh you It's on YouTube, but it's very hard to make out which one is me because they very smartly edited it in a way where you can't really tell how bad we all are at dancing. We're all just jumping around like fools. They tried to give us choreography, and the choreographer gave up.

Right now, you don't appear to have a dancer's physique. No, no, I don't. I didn't then either, but I was certainly skinnier, but I still found the costume very embarrassing to stand around in all day. Didn't even take a picture of myself in it. So if people want to say, oh, you know, we don't believe that's you in that movie, I'm fine with that. Well, I'm fascinated by how much extra work you did back in those days.

That was my entry into Hollywood is I was like, I'm going to move to Los Angeles. I grew up in San Diego. And I was like, I'm going to just go to L.A. And I'm just going to, you know, even if it's on the outskirts of show business, I'm only going to do jobs that are show business related. So I was a tour guide at Universal, and I handed out those things where you get people to come to research screenings for movies. And I was an extra, and then eventually a stand-in on tons of movies and TV shows. You were a stand-in forrick dempsey in a movie called a good movie in the mood yeah it's a movie turned out really good yeah it was a but it was alden

robinson uh-huh yeah yeah it was a real arduous shoot though like it had like uh 75 locations in 60 days or something and uh no there's no scene in the movie that's longer than in like two minutes long so it's really it's got a lot of stuff to cover, and it's a period piece, so everybody had to be in period attire. So it was real interesting, and Patrick Dempsey worked every day, so it was my first chance to just be there every day for the making of a movie. Do you know that movie, The Woo-Woo Kid? No.

Oh, it's a good movie. It was about this guy, Sonny Wisecarver. He was like 15 years old and just getting married to adult women. Yeah. Like, repeatedly. He's a bigamist. And you were talking, because, you know, Capneo and all these other Disney little films that they have at the theme park, as well as Universal, also has the 3D films.

Yeah. And, like, there at those theme parks, the 3D is pretty amazing. And you were talking about how, like, it's so disappointing to see feature films in 3D. Yeah, it's just not the same. your films in 3D. Yeah, it's just not the same. The, you know, Captain EO and even like the, you know, they got a Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon ride

at Universal now. Oh. The 3D is like, you know, people sitting in the audience, especially children, like reach up to try to touch the things that are coming out of the screen. And I've never had that experience with these 3D movies in a theater. it's more like

there's depth rather than stuff coming physically out of the screen at you and and even in in that way i like i saw house of wax in 3d they re-released it saw that in a theater yeah with the paddle mill the paddle ball man the power ball was the only thing that worked the paddle ball yeah only thing that worked that movie and the rest of it you see depth but it's the characters themselves it looks like a pop-up card yeah because the actors look flat yeah it looked like you could reach into the screen, but the actors are cardboard cutouts. Yeah, film already has depth, so it's not really that necessary to add to the depth of the movie. You can still see foreground and background on film, you know.

I heard that the, I never saw the Three Stooges 3D films. They did about two or three of them where you had to wear glasses. And I've never seen the three. But I've heard those are actually good. Yeah, especially if you like getting hit in the face with a hacksaw. Yes. Who doesn't? You remember in the 80s there was like a brief 3D revival

and they released that movie Coming At Ya? Oh, yeah. Like I was throwing a tomahawk at the camera. And yeah, they were never, yeah, in the movie theaters, it never works that well. When you go to a multiplex, Doug, do you bypass the 3D version and say, fuck it, I'm just going to see the, I'm just going to see. Yeah, because they want to charge you more money to put glasses on. Why would I bother to get LASIK if they're going to make me wear glasses to go to the movies?

And then they're often uncomfortable glasses on top of it. Yes, that helmet thing. I saw Avatar that way, and I got so sick. I actually got a headache and nauseous from the... Well, like, virtual reality does that to me. I get sick after two seconds. I get nauseous. I'd like to see some of your movies in 3D, Gilbert.

I might like to see Funky Monkey. Yes. In 3D. Doug, I'm fascinated, though, by you coming from San Diego to L.A. I mean, a couple of things. You didn't know. You didn't have any designs on being a comic, per se. You just knew that you had to be

in show business in some way shape or form yeah i thought it was more in the uh you know acting and writing uh areas i was already super into writing uh movie reviews so that was a route i i could have taken but i discovered stand-up like just a mere six months into living in la because uh a couple of friends of mine, it became one of those things where we all dared each other to go on at a potluck night at the comedy store. And, um, the other two guys didn't go on, you know, one showed up too late to sign up and the other one didn't show up at all. And, you know, they were just trying to get me to do it. And, uh, uh, I did it and, you know, got some laughs.

And I even, uh, as I was walking off stage, sitting in the back of the room was, uh, Louie Anderson who said, uh, you know, said something nice. So it was nice. Yeah. So right out of the gate, I was, uh, you know, encouraged and then, you know, three or four years more of just doing it, you know, whenever I had the time, because when I was doing extra work, you know, the hours were long and I, you know, couldn't necessarily get out and do open mics. Right. But eventually I got, you know, I started to get better at it and I've, you know, done it ever since.

You were 22? Mm-hmm. That's pretty young. I mean, Gilbert was 15, which is incredibly young. Well, that's what I say, you know, whenever somebody says, you know, what's the best advice you can give somebody that's just starting out in comedy? It's like, well, start out younger. You know, start out as soon as possible.

Like, you know, every comic that, all the major comics, you know, most of them are ones that kind of were already, if not in clubs, but at least with their friends were, you know, pretty much doing stand-up from a super young age. Gil, did you ever think at that age i i just want to be in show business i would maybe do a little acting yeah was it just pure let me get on a stand-up stage i want i wanted to be in showbiz yeah and also i think i've said this a billion times what i was lucky when i was that young because you're real stupid when you're that young

so you don't i wasn't thinking about competition or rejection or the odds of making it are ridiculously slim yeah i mean like my parents were supportive, but at one point my dad was like, you know, you really think that this can work, you know, just, just moving to LA and deciding to be in show business. But, you know, uh, for better or worse, it's, it works for a lot of people because just, just staying in there, just the attrition rate is so high. It's, it's easy for people to give up and move on and uh leave the leave the rest of us to it you know were you a prop comic at the very beginning yeah yeah my first uh first few years i like had a duffel bag with uh some random stupid props i love it and and like pre-recorded

sound effects and uh yeah it was uh and that's what louis anderson said to me when i walked off he didn't say you know great job or that was all fine. He was like, there was some good stuff there, you know, which could have been any one of the random things I pulled out. Yeah, it was super nice. Now, do you find extras to be strange people? Yeah, I certainly, I felt like the actors always felt i was strange because you know i was such so eager and excited to be a part of it because i was a big movie buff and then also wanted to have lines in movies so i just uh you know did some serious extra overacting just to get attention

sometimes you know like and in blade runner me and my friend figured out that harrison ford we're in the scene where he's running through the street chasing the robot lady and trying to gun her down he's trying to find her and there's just all these people you know it's a crowded future and he's like just trying to get through the crowd and we me and my buddy figured out that if we got in his way he he would physically push us like really hard. Like he was really, he was super fucking into it. And at one point, my friend, he actually grabbed it and like by the lapels and like pushed him against a bus. And, you know, we loved it.

We weren't like trying to get a lawsuit going. We were just excited that Harrison Ford was manhandling us. Gilbert, you have to tell Doug your Harrison Ford story. Yeah, I... So you're in a plane. Yeah, exactly. I was at the Tonight Show, and Harrison Ford was a guest, and he said, you know, I'm a big big fan i thought you were great in the aristocrats

that was terrific and and i thought you know it was that idiotic thing where you figure well i'm a comedian i better say something funny now rather than just hey harrison ford i'm Harrison Ford, what a treat. And so I go, oh, thanks, and your name is? And I was always not sure if he got the joke and didn't think it was funny, and I live with that for the rest of my life. So you take it to your grave. Yeah, I think we've all got some of those where we just didn't say the right thing to a famous person and vice versa. People say weird shit to you all the time, I'm sure.

Absolutely. But then you realize, I realize I'm not immune to it. They'll come over to me and, you know, they're desperate to say something because a celebrity and, you know, then they'll become like, oh, so you have a nose on your face or whatever. What kind of shit do people say to you? Yeah. They say stuff like that? Yeah.

They think you're Bobcat, Goldthwait. They just gotta say something. And then I become the guy when I meet a celebrity saying you have a nose on your face. Or I get that one and I thought this was Hollywood bullshit. But I do get it. Didn't you used to be Gilbert Gottfried? And I used to hear that on like the Merv Griffin show and stuff.

Yeah. And think it was bullshit. And now I found it's true speaking of awkward interactions with celebrities and I was going to save this one Doug for later but we can talk about you know where I'm going I think maybe I won't ask I know I've had more than one I won't I want to I was telling Gilbert I listen I love Doug loves movies but the one I guess was you and Jen Kirkman trying to get Harry Dean Stanton to play ball? The great Harry Dean Stanton came on Doug Loves Movies. It's a great listen.

Gilbert, you've done it here in Los Angeles at one time at that convention, podcast convention. Yeah, I was vlogging the documentary, Gilbert, with Neil Berkley. Gilbert Neil was with him Neil Berkeley yeah yeah and there's you know as you could know from having done it there's a lot of like moving parts and stuff going on that's not you know

necessarily going to be clear to someone who hasn't you know heard the show before and this great character actor Harry Dean Stanton comes on

and you know it was arranged through publicists and I said yes just because I wanted to meet him and I figured if he was kind of cantankerous,

everyone would enjoy it. And they did because he wasn't kind of cantankerous. He was, he was full fucking cantankerous. Did not, did not want to be there and just didn't want to, wasn't interested in what I was throwing down. And just some classic moments, like at one point,

Jen Kirkman, like thinking, you know, she's a funny comic. She was on the panel, so she thought she'd help out. You know, it's kind of like everybody like trying, you know, taking their best shot to make Grandpa happy. And she goes, at the end of pretty in pink you know you were molly ringwald's father do you think he that she should have gone with ducky or with uh the the other guy i forgot his name and uh blair or some shit and uh and uh harry dean stan just takes a beat and goes, I don't give a fuck.

I'm so glad we never had Harry Dean Stanton. She was trying to, you know, like, what can we, what common ground do we have? He was in that movie. I like that movie. Let's talk about that. I don't give a fuck. And then at one point I said something about Twitter and he goes

what's Twitter? and Jen and Paul F. Tompkins and I the three of us each took a crack of explaining what Twitter was to him and every time at the end of our explanation he'd go nope don't get it you're left wondering why he even agreed to come on and do the show

if he didn't want to speak because publicists were dragging him around to promote his documentary and I mean I don't know I'm sure I had a great time with you Gilbert on Doug Lowe's movies but you could see where a publicist would just

say yeah you just go talk to him about movies they don't really warn the guests sometimes what they're going to be into, in for. Oh, I thought you guys were good together. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had a great time. I'm just saying that Gilbert was in the same spot where like people said, hey, you should do this.

And he agreed to do it. But then once you're there, you could be like, what the fuck is this? That's usually Zara, his wife, forcing him to do those things. Yeah. Exactly. That's what I mean. I went on and you just let yourself have fun. Yeah.

Even though you knew very little about your own movie career. Yes. You tested me. Yeah. And it was only until like 10 questions in that I thought, oh, these are all having to do with my career. These are my movies. Yes. Okay. And I knew nothing.

Yeah. And you're like, next time I'll be great. And then the next time I'm out of questions, I ask them all. You had no idea of the format. There's no Problem Child 3, right? There was. Was there? Yeah.

You weren't in it, though? I was in it and Jack Warden, but not John Ritter or the kid. And it was a TV movie. And it was a TV movie. And then the John Ritter part was William Catt from Greatest American Hero. Yeah, that sounds about right. Gilbert, you had no idea of the format. Yes.

Which was fun. And you couldn't guess Beverly Hills Cop 2. That's right. Which you were in, of course. And then I think the topic was Ron Howard on Last Man Stanton. And you couldn't think of Grand Theft Auto and Eat My Dust. Oh, that's right. You kept saying those Roger Corman movies.

Yes. But you were in the ballpark. And, you know, I would have accepted Grand Theft Dust or Eat My Auto. Right. Grand Theft Dust or Eat My Auto. If we ever have Ron Howard on this show, I'm sure that's what I'm going to wind up saying when I introduce him. We had Clint. We had Clint Howard.

You know what I was going to say to you, Doug? Have you tried Ed Begley for your show? He'd be fun. Yeah, I bet he would be. I think he'd do it. He's that kind of guy. Yeah, he just might be. But, you know, you need some sort of in.

You need to be able to get in touch with people. Like that's something I do is I just kind of roll through my Twitter account and just find like verified people that are following me. And then, you know, if it's somebody interesting, I hit them up via Twitter and ask them to come on the show. It works. Well, he's a sport. And Frank and I were talking. And this may come as a shock to everyone listening.

You said you had a strange time on your show with Anne Heche. I don't see how that could be possible. Well, you know, it's... Heche is a strong word. Very good. She's more like Anne

Dislike. We just didn't hit it off, but in retrospect, I think we both realize dislike. We just didn't hit it off, but in retrospect, I think we both realize where things went wrong. I don't have any kind of animosity with

her, because we have a mutual friend who agrees with both of us that I'm hilarious, and she ruined my show. You know, Lithgow was great with you too. Yeah, yeah. And I learned how to, he likes Lithgow. Oh, Lithgow.

It's Judd Apatow and John Lithgow. So it gets very confusing when they're running around with the same spellings at the end, but different pronunciations. Didn't know that. But for some reason, Lithgow goes with go, and he was on with Paul Tompkins and Jimmy Pardo. Jimmy Pardo will say anything to anybody,

and so then he just kept calling him for the rest of the show, Go, Go, Lithgow. Go, Go, Lithgow. Yeah, and so that helped me to remember when I hear it. But it also doesn't matter. He's a very nice man. He'll answer to either. By the way, Vulture Magazine called that podcast with Anne Heche

the Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf of podcast, which I enjoyed. But I'm not trying to get the guests. I'm just trying to have fun. Of course. You know, like. Of course. But she, Anne Heche, just came out like a, because they had a poster for a movie that they were there to promote her and the director of the movie and the actress from the movie.

And the show is going. I've introduced them. I'm going to start talking to them. And she starts screaming, I need some duct tape. Somebody bring me some duct tape. And I was like, you know what? I don't like your attitude but i i appreciate that you're going to shut yourself up right away but uh no she wanted it to uh

to put the poster on the tape it to the wall behind where we were sitting but i kept saying to her this is a podcast people are listening it doesn't really decorating the set isn't really necessary at this point in the show and And it just, it went from there. Like she just did not respond to being asked to do anything. But out of thousands of shows, you got to have one of those once in a while, right? Yeah.

And then finally, at one point she goes, are you going to interview me? And I was like, no, you clearly don't know what this is. You're not here to be interviewed. You're here to,

uh, you know, interact and, you know, I mean, I'll ask you questions, but I'm not gonna, we're not gonna just be interviewed. You're here to interact. I mean, I'll ask you questions, but we're not going to just sit and talk about you. So it was rough. But the director she was with, he was worse than she was. That's what became a problem, is that we ended up having to toss two guests out of a three guest panel show.

How did you get rid of her? I have a very tall friend who happened to be there and he just, he was happy to walk up on stage and, and kind of pull them off the stage. And then, and then they were waiting in the, they were watching in the wings as the show continued. Cause Sandra Oh was the other actress.

She was terrific. She stayed on the panel. She stayed on the panel and we still did the show. I pulled people out of the audience to replace the director and Anne Heche. And then Anne and the director were watching the show and they kept saying to people that work at the theater, hey, we want to go back out there and apologize. And fortunately, the people at the theater said, no, you don't need to go back out there. I found it interesting, too.

I saw an interview with you, and you said that you were, it was Paul, actually, was asking you to pick a dream guest, and you said Alan Arkin, who's one of ours as well. But you said, I was funny you said you you're pretty confident he wouldn't be happy to be there yeah so you'd get full alan arkin you'd get like you know him being a real like just unhappy because that's where that's a curmudgeon that's his wheelhouse is just being you know uh not into things there's's this new series called Get Shorty that's based on Elmore Leonard materials, but it's not the same story as the John Travolta movie. It's different characters, but it's got—

Ray Romano. Yeah, and it's got—he plays an executive who gets involved with a guy in the mob played by Chris O'Dowd, and it's really good. And then some of the episodes are directed by Adam Arkin, Alan's son. Sure, I know his too. Yeah, and so Alan shows up. I don't know how many episodes.

I'm midway through binging the season, but Alan Arkin shows up as an old filmmaker who's like, you know, he's like got a Walker and stuff. And I think he's a little bit more spry than that. I don't think he needs a Walker, but he does some really, really funny business with it. Where like,

he can barely get around even with a Walker. Yeah. Arkin's one of those guys. I think Gilbert and I have discussed this. Like we'd love to get him here, but we're, we're, we're sort of,

we're afraid of the outcome. Yes, yes. Yeah. He's just going to call. Yeah, he's going to tell you to, Argo, fuck yourself. Yeah. Very good. And now, while Gilbert heads into the nutmeg kitchen to steal more Perrier,

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Now back to Gilbert and Frank. It's them that you soon will thank. Here's a wild card question that I know this is... I just wrote odds and ends down on this card. Can I ask Gilbert something first real quick?

Sure, okay. Because before I forget, did you ever see the Alan Arkin movie? It was him and Peter Falk. It was like trying to get them back together after the in-laws. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. And it was called Big Trouble. Big Trouble.

It was a takeoff on that double indemnity. Yeah, yeah. But there's a scene in that movie, and you can watch just that scene on YouTube, where Peter Falk gives Alan Arkin's uptight character a drink, says, you gotta try this, Sheldon, or whatever his name is in that movie.

And then, as he's taking a sip of this drink, Peter Falk says, it's oh, what is it? It's like a sip of this drink, Peter Falk says, it's, oh, what is it? It's like a fish liqueur, he says. It's a sardine liqueur. That's it. Sardine liqueur.

And Alan Arkin does one of the funniest spit takes ever where he doesn't want to just spit it all out. So it just starts spurting out of different sides of his mouth. And he keeps kind of trying to drink it, but still spitting it out. Yeah, tiny drops are coming out. Yeah, they're just shooting out of the corners, and it's so fucking funny. Beverly D'Angelo in that? Yep. Oh, yeah.

And Charles Durning. Yeah, it's not a great movie, but that one scene, if people look it up, Sardine L'Cour is really, really funny. He's great. He can't be bad in anything. He's even good in the Jerky Boys movie, dare I say. Well, listen, you know, I sat through Choo Choo and the Philly Flash. There you go. I'm not sure I know what you're talking about.

He was in a very peculiar film. I mean, he's the perfect actor for it, but it was just, he was like Inspector Clouseau. Yeah, right. In a movie year. They did one without Sellers, and it was fairly early on in the Pink Panthers movies. And then, of course, Sellers came back and did a bunch of them. Then eventually, like, Roberto Benigni did one. Oh, yes. Steve Martin a bunch of them. Then eventually, like, Roberto Benigni did one. Oh, yes.

Steve Martin did two of them. Yeah. And the guy from Soap. Steve Martin, is there anybody funnier that doesn't need to take somebody else's shtick entirely? Like, I'm just going to go pretend to be Inspector Clouseau? Yes. It doesn't make any sense. And there was one Inspector Clouseau movie where Peter Sellers was already dead and David Niven had some disease.

That's the trail of the Pink Panther. Yeah, and he couldn't speak. Rich Little dubbed in his voice. Yeah. But Blake Edwards wouldn't just let the dead lie. He felt like, oh, maybe I can squeeze a penny out of whatever footage I have here. And you could see the vultures flying around the screen. I think that was the one where he had clips and outtakes of sellers.

And he played it. It was a compilation movie. Yeah. And then they had Ted Wass, it was a compilation movie. Yeah. And then they had Ted Wass, the actor from Soap. Yeah. Try to play his son. Son of. Son of Clouseau.

Oh, that's right. That's right. And I remember, yeah, he was doing like a David Niven imitation, which was coming across like Ronald Coleman and going, I remember when Inspector Clouseau got locked in the closet. And then they would show a clip of Peter Sellers. That's a hard one to watch. Yeah. It's horrible.

I think I liked them all the way up to like part five, I think. I hung in there pretty far because how ridiculous they started getting with when Kato would jump out at him, out at Clouseau, and they would just destroy entire homes and restaurants and just with these massive fight scenes. It got so out of hand that I really enjoyed it. Oh, he knew how to stage a physical comedy scene, Blake Edwards. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Those last two are pretty good. The Revenge of the Pink Panther and I think the one before that is the Pink Panther Strikes Again. They're pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Herbert Lom, especially.

And Herbert Lom. Herbert Lom. Very funny in that first one, they first come back when he finally gets completely driven mad by Clouseau. Now, Gilbert was going to pick a bone with you. Okay. Oh, yeah. Because you, and I saw this on your pitch show.

I can't remember who it was. It was pitching you a Ferris Bueller sequel. Okay. And I found out in doing a little deep diving that you like the film. Gilbert is on record here. Yes. that you like the film. Gilbert is on record here.

Yes. First thing I said to Matthew Broderick when he was a guest on was that I fucking hated Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I thought it was a piece of shit. And then he was like, oh, okay, well, I'll be headed towards the door. He was actually sweet about it.

Very nice. That's what I mean. He's such a sweet guy. He is. He is one of those people. What's he going to do with that information? I kept telling him how much I liked Election to mitigate. Yeah.

But Election is like one of those perfect movies. It's a masterpiece. It's really well, nicely executed. But back to Ferris Bueller. Why do you hate it so much? I think Ferris Bueller is a little punk ass. Sure. Who thinks he's great and deserves a swift kick in the ass.

And it's like he's playing hooky from school. The principal is supposed to go after him him he's lying to his parents uh oh and that he destroys that kid's father's car and you go well fuck it that's an expensive car and you destroyed it you piece of shit don't don't make that, oh, he's not getting love and the father loves the car. Of course he takes care of the car. It's a great fucking car. Yeah, I hear you on all of that,

but it's still a funny movie. Not to me. Did you ever meet John Hughes? No. No, but I will tell him. No, he's gone. You can't tell him now. Well, maybe I can go to that little teenage

psychic or guy who's on... The teenage psychic is going to hook you up with John Hughes so you can take a piss on Ferris Bueller. He could talk to him in the other world. Here's my issue with it, with the Ferris Bueller, and with every movie where somebody's getting away with something like Catch Me If You Can or Ocean's Eleven heist movies.

Yeah. Whenever I watch that stuff, I'm like, oh, it's so much more exhausting getting the day off from school than just fucking going to school. Yes. You know what I mean? Like he has to do so much. He has to do so much work to not go to school. And then you never see the character later in life going,

oh, I needed to get good grades? You mean I have no career possibilities whatsoever because I was so good at ditching? Yeah, no one thinks I'm that fucking cool now that I'm in my 60s. They keep talking about doing a sequel, and I think they should really go for it and make Ferris Bueller like a complete loser. Like everybody he knows probably hates him.

Yeah. Have him, have him living in like a rat infested walk up. He can't get a decent job. He has no education and he's still trying to be cool. And people are going, what the fuck old man? You're trying to be hip.

Go back and sing in your shower, you piece of garbage. And it was like, he takes a day off from school. So for what? They go to a museum. Yeah, that's like going to fucking school. Yeah. And, oh, you would say that. They go to a parade he takes over a parade

that that was obnoxious yeah it's a fun scene though and and then I what I hate

with the caper movies and those films is it's like the guy they're playing the trick on has to be the biggest

fucking idiot on the planet not to know what's going on yeah they have to be like very easily uh upsetable uh characters because then that sort of mass they're not getting it is their own uh you know their own anger yeah so they had to cast pacino as the only guy they could get that was angrier than Andy Garcia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll bring down my casino! Yeah, I hated the Oceans. Casino bank.

You don't like the Oceans pictures? I hated the Oceans pictures. So now what are you excited for this one with all ladies? Oceans 8? Your girlfriend's in it, Sandra Bullock. Yes, but... Oh, your girlfriend? Yeah, but I'm not looking forward to this picture

because I hated the one with the guys in it. Why do I want women in it now? How's that going to help? It's their turn to be hated, Gilbert. Hashtag me too. Doug, can I throw out a couple of quick questions from listeners? Sure.

This is a thing we call Grill the Guest. We do it through Patreon. A guy named Frank Salerno says, Gilbert co-hosted The Essentials on TCM with Robert Osborne, and he picked five of his favorite movies. What five, or you can give us three. I think it was four was it four yeah what four might movie fanatic doug benson pick oh man that is that is

tough or even three all right i'm gonna go with uh uh aladdin beverly hills cop 2 Aladdin, Beverly Hills Cop 2. Problem child. I want to have a Gilbert Gottfried film festival. I want to have that. Funky monkey, how to be a player. How to be a player. Okay. Yeah, it's tough to just come up with them like that because I have so many favorites, so many movies I like,

but since we already mentioned it, Election would be a great one to just, there's just certain movies that you're just confident, you know, that if you show them to people, they'll respond positively. They just haven't had the experience. Election is one of the, I mean, I like it, but it's such a disturbing, depressing thing to watch. Well, it's a bad comedy like Hollywood doesn't make anymore. Yeah. They don't make them.

It's suicidal to watch. Yeah. Yeah. That was my wife's reaction. I mean, that dude's movies have gotten a little, like his most recent one was Downsizing. Oh, Alexander Payne. Yeah. That one was kind of rough.

But out of the gate, he had like two or three really good ones in the beginning of his career. Yeah. So I'll watch anything he does. Sideways. Yeah, I love Sideways. Oh, yes. Sideways and Citizen Rouge. Sideways is amazing.

It's so like even though they're not comedians, it's just like being with another comedian on the road and how you're always on different pages in terms of how much tail you're going to try to chase down and how that ruins the weekend for the other guy. I think election watching election. I thought this is the kind of movie that they don't. If you look at something like Carl Reiner's where's Papa. Yeah. A real black comedy,

a black comedy where people get hurt. Yes. Where there's actual darkness. Yeah. Where there's actual, where a character is actually pathetic. Yeah. The studios don't allow them to be made anymore. Or they don't maybe they don't make money. I mean, Election

is one of the last ones I can actually think of. Yeah, I can't imagine Election was a big money maker. I can't imagine it either. It was a novel. You would put Young Frankenstein in that company too? Oh, that's one of my perfect movies. I love every joke in that movie, and I get choked up at the end. I think it has a really satisfying resolution.

Gene Wilder, like, is, you know, he's one of my top actors in terms of I'll just watch him in anything. He's amazing. actors in terms of I'll just watch him in anything he's amazing and I think somebody told me that in the producers it was Gene Wilder's idea to do that speech in the courtroom like he called me Leo no kidding it's a and that's such a touching it's like out of like pure insanity of the producers. There's actually that scene that's very touching and very warm. Yeah. Mel Brooks pulled that off in a few of his movies. And Gene Wilder's only in Blazing Saddles because Gig Young was going to play the part.

Yes. And he showed up drunk the first the very first day. The scene where he's supposed to be drunk and upside down in the jail cell. He showed up too drunk to play the part. Yes. And he showed up drunk the very first day of the scene where he's supposed to be drunk and upside down in a jail cell. He showed up too drunk to even do it. And Mel Brooks just called up Gene Wilder

and says, hey, will you step in? I mean, the part just feels like it was written for him. He's so good in it. Everything gels. And I think Mel Brooks said Gig Young was hanging upside down and like white foam was coming out of his mouth.

Yeah. And Mel Brooks said, wow, he's great. He really is convincing as his total drunk. And he thought he made such a perfect choice. And Gilbert was in the last of the wild. and he thought he made such a perfect choice. And Gilbert was in the last of the wild, originally he was in the last of the wilder prior team-ups. Yes. I was in for-

Now you see him, now you don't? No, the one after that. No, even worse. Even worse. Worse than now you see it, now you don't. Worse than that. I think it was called see no evil, it was called see no evil, hear no evil. Because think it was called See No Evil. It was called See No Evil, Hear No Evil.

Because one of them was deaf and one of them was blind. How could it miss? At least See No Evil had Joan Severance do a nude scene. Correct. So it was salvageable for that one scene. Right. She still gets Severance checks to this day. Very good. So I worked on

for about two weeks with another podcast guest, Peter Bogdanovich, and it was their last one. It was called Another You. And it was god-awful. And then eventually, they fired Peter Bogdanovich and got someone else.

And then they fired most of the other cast and scraped in L.A. was showing it once a day. That's the amount of business they were doing. Yeah, they were committed to it. So they showed it the one time and then just threw something else on the rest of the day. Who did you play? Who did you play? I was like one of their mental patients because Gene Wilder is pretending or whatever. Or they put him in there. You got that nice picture with Wilder and Pryor.

That was the only thing good to come out of it. We'll send that picture to Doug. Yeah. I want to see that movie now. I don't even remember that. Oh, it's not good. Oh, it is so bad. Wasn't that the one where Bogdanovich had to go home for something,

so he decided to let his girlfriend do it for a couple of hours? I heard from Wilder's nephew. He told me that Peter Bogdanovich was going home, and there was this girl there who was the sister of Dorothy Stratton who Bogdanovich was going out with. And he said, well, she'll direct this. And Gene Weiler goes in the classic Gene Weiler way. He goes, well, does she actually know how to direct?

And he goes, well, I'm pushing her in that area. So it fills you with confidence. Wow. I did like that Bogdanovich movie, They All Laughed, with John Ritter and Dorothy Stratton. That was a good movie. Oh, and you know what else they did in that prior Wilder film?

That is another thing that drives me nuts in movies. They brought in Kevin Pollak as a new mental patient. And they did that thing. I would like to get every fucking psychiatrist who ever lived in a room and say to them, have you ever once had a mental patient who does celebrity impressions. I've seen that in movies and TV shows where the guy's crazy. So I go, how are you doing today, Mr. Brown?

Oh, you dirty rat. And it's like. It's like the couch trip. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. But movies, comedies about mental patients are particularly bad oh because they're always so cute yeah yeah except for charlie callous's character in high anxiety yeah and go ahead and oh i think the other thing that movies do is if you're in a in an asylum or you're in the Like crazy people are perfectly normal outside the asylum and people who are dying

are like getting laid and playing sports outside the hospital. Wearing a gown that's got a split in the back revealing your ass makes you insane. As soon as you get out of that, put on regular clothes, normal time. Here's one other one from a listener, Doug.

This is from Sean Lou, L-O-U. Please ask Doug, I am a big fan, but is he actually high all the time or is it more of an act, kind of like Foster Brooks? Do you remember Foster Brooks? Yeah, Foster Brooks was a beloved television... Alcoholic.

You know, he'd be on panels a lot. Right. And his whole shtick was that he was just drunk as fuck. Yep. On roasts. A lot of Dean Martin. Everyone was down with it. Nobody, you know,

Mothers Against Drunk Driving wasn't a thing yet. And before him, there was a crazy Guggenheim. Frank Fontaine. Guggenheim is so great. Oh, and in all the old movies, it was like, that was it. You had a funny drunk.

Yeah, well, Fields. W.C. Fields made a career of it. Yeah, Ray Milland in the last week. Hilarious. Days of Wine and Roses. Jack Lem it. Yeah, Ray Milland in The Lost Weekend. Hilarious. Days of Wine and Roses, Jack Lemmon.

Yeah. That's true. I mean, becoming an alcoholic, like there's lots of comedians, famous comedians and comedic actors that like that was

their big dramatic turn was the movie or TV show where they were, you know, had problems with alcohol. Well, like Dick Van van dyke in the comic yeah yeah but also great movie he was also in a movie uh that was a tv movie uh where he's he's just an alcoholic he's not i think he played a priest uh for stanley kramer too who was an

alcoholic the runner stumbles. The runner stumbles, yeah. I asked him about that on this podcast, and he wasn't very responsive. I think he thought he was bad in it. He was more into talking about Night at the Museum. Yes. Well, you know, we try to go back with these people. By the way, apropos of nothing, Doug, but Dan Van Kirk's Mark Wahlberg, give him props because it's both wonderful and disturbing.

Yeah, it's a pretty amazing thing that he's managed to create. But now Dan Van Kirk is jealous of his Mark Wahlberg character's success. He's Dan Mark Wahlberg. Because he does such a good Mark Wahlberg, people really believe it's him that are just listeners and haven't seen it live. So we're in talks to phase the

character out so he can get some publicity as himself. Really? That's funny. He's so good. It's amazing. He takes off the wig and he'll join me outside with the fans after your show and nobody even realizes it was the same guy that was just up there uh killing it as walbert we will return to gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast

after this do you guys want to try in doug's honor I said we would play A trivia game This is not as This is not as classic As the Leonard Maltin game I warn you But it is But it is about Gilbert's career So he has a fighting

He has a fighting chance He has a really good chance To compete I got everything wrong On Doug's show This is This is an homage To Doug Benson

I even gave it a name It's called Suspicious Characters. Okay. Did Gilbert play a character with this name, or is it total bullshit? Okay. You want to try it? Oh, yeah.

Okay. So who? Do we take turns guessing? Yeah, you go first. Okay. Lucky Larry Lupin. Did he play a character named Lucky Larry Lupin? I'm going to say that he did, yes.

You are correct. Gilbert, do you remember where? Now, it was one of two places. It could have been Saved by the Bell, Wedding in Vegas. No, these are only features. Oh, features. Lucky Larry Lupin. I never heard of this movie, so I'm assuming it wasn't released.

1989? Well, I mean, because I remember having a name like that in the TV movie, Saved by the Bell Wedding in Vegas. And then I did an episode of Living Single. No, no. These are features. It's called Never on Tuesday. Oh, my God. No, no. These are features. It's called Never on Tuesday.

Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. Claudia Christian. Oh, it had. He remembers. It had every one. I didn't work with them, but every one of those hip actors back then

of like both Sheen brothers. Oh, it was a Brat Pack. Yeah, they both did appearances. They were in the stars. But they both, because they knew the director. And the guy, what's his name? Judd Hirsch. Uh-huh.

Was it Judd Nelson or Judd Hirsch? Judd Nelson. Okay. Judd Nelson. I was wondering what Judd Hirsch was doing in there. This is when Judd Hirsch was one of the Brat Pack. Judd for or Judd Hirsch? Judd Nelson. Okay, Judd Nelson. I was wondering what Judd Hirsch was doing in there. This is when Judd Hirsch was one of the Brad Packs. Judd for the defense. And I think, what's his name?

Gary, that English guy who was in Princess Bride. Carrie Elwes. Carrie Elwes. Yeah, another good movie. Okay, you go. So you're one for one, Doug. Yeah, seek out. Now I'm going to let Gilbert sit this one out

because this one's easy for him but maybe harder for Doug. Did he play a character named Johnny Crunch on screen? Uh, yeah. Yes, he did. Very good. Was it in, uh,

can I guess the movie? You sure can. Yes. Was that his name in The Adventures of Ford Fiddler? God damn. Absolutely. That deserves applause. And can you name my actual name before he changed it to Johnny Crunch? Oh, because you talk about that in the dialogue? Yeah.

Because you're like a DJ or something, Johnny Crunch, right? Yeah. I don't remember the initial name. I think I'm Johnny Teitelbaum. Yeah, yeah. That sounds right. You've seen The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. Of course, yeah.

God bless you. I mean, you know, I'm a Rennie Harlan completist. For one. Oh, my God. Because he's made some great movies. That means you had to see Cutscroll Island.

The Last Kiss Goodnight with Geena Davis and Sam Jackson is a classic. Our friend Craig Bierko. And where is Geena Davis now? Out there

with a bow and arrow somewhere. She's doing work for women behind the scenes trying to get women more credit and more respect in films. Oh, okay. She's doing good work. She's back in for women behind the scenes, trying to get women more credit and more respect in films.

Oh, okay. She's doing good work. She's back in the whole Me Too thing, but she seriously was a competitive archer for a while. Yes. Wow. Very good. I'd like to point out our friend Craig was wonderful in A Long Kiss.

Craig Bjerko is an amazing villain in that movie. Brian Cox is great in it. It's a really good movie. I recommend it. Have Craig on your show when he's out there. I always say the name wrong, though. It's the long kiss goodnight, right? Yes.

Yeah, I always say last kiss or last action hero kissing. Yeah. Here's another one. Did he play a character named, I know you'll know this, Gil. Did he play a character named Googie Withers? character name, I know you'll know this, Gil. Did he play a character named Googie Withers? Well, it feels like at some point you have to make up a name that he's

never played. So it might as well be Googie. Googie Withers is, in fact, your three for three, a British actress from the 30s. Oh, wow. She worked for Hitchcock. See? I should play her in a movie. I was always good at these kind of tests, you know, because you just cheat.

Two more quick ones. Assume that a fake one's coming. Did he play a character named Mario Zucchini? I'm going to say yes to that one. He did. Yeah. I didn't know he was in the Veggie Tales movie, but...

Gil, you want to tell them when you played Mario Zucchini? Well, it... I heard. In fact, just recently, I heard it was an animated feature and it's got good people, you know, like

Stallone and Ian McKellen. Ian McKellen's in it? Yeah. Jesus. Danny DeVito. I mean, lots of people. And I heard it was released, but it never got an American release. Animal Crackers is the movie.

Yeah, Animal Crackers. Not to be confused. They released it, but nobody caught it. Yeah. It's still running through the jungle. Here's the last one. You've been four for four here.

I'm going to blow it on this one. No, you're not. Did he play a character named Dr. Spleen? Hmm. I don't know. That seems a little on the nose. Like, I mean, you know. You know what I mean?

Like Dr. Liver or Dr. Thorax. Dr. Howard. Dr. Fine. Dr. Howard. I'm Fine. Dr. Howard. I'm going to say that's a fake one. Gil? Now, was that in Genderbenders? No, you played Dr. Spleen in Funky Monkey.

Funky Monkey! That's what they have in Funky Monkey. I was Dr. Spleen. I'm sorry, Doug. A movie I haven't seen. But I'm sure it's as good as the critics say it is. That's the forceps nurse gallbladder. I believe our former guest, Ed Begley, is in Funky Monkey with you.

Or was that Back by Midnight with Rodney? Back by Midnight. So who's in Funky Monkey? I misspoke. Okay. Oh, well, Taylor Negron. Oh, the late great Taylor Negron. Yeah.

Matthew Broderick. Matthew Broderick's in Funky Monkey? Not Matthew Broderick. Not Matthew. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew Modine. Oh, Matthew Modine. That's a different one.

We'll get to the bottom of the list of Matthews. Matthew Brady. And the actress from Touched by an Angel. Not Teller Race. Oh, the other actress. The religious actress. Yes. I can't remember her name

off the top of my head. The one that talks like this. Yeah, it's an R. I can't think of her name. Why can't I think of her name? It'll come to me. Rona. Rona.

Rona. Rona. Yeah. Not Barrett. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Oh,rett. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Oh, God.

Yeah. Taylor Negron was a great comic. The best. And a super guy. But this is, Gilbert might enjoy this. This is my impression of Gilbert asking, I mean, of Taylor Negron asking me about the gym that I just walked out of because I ran into him on the street outside my gym. And he said to me is it loud we love that guy and we were kicking ourselves there there are there are a couple of guests

over the years we've done this for four years that we we weren't able to get on the show for one reason or another and he was one of them and a sweetheart of a person yeah super nice guy I had the pleasure of running into him a few times and hanging out and he was always great Roma Downey Roma

just popped into my head I love that when that happens you know when it doesn't pop into your head that's when you have Alzheimer's. So just be alert. Now, Doug, do you have a weakness for particularly bad horror films? Because with the movie Interruption, I know you do all kinds of films. You did Babe, Pig in the City, but Mac and Me, which I believe is that really bad E.T. knockoff.

Oh, yeah. That thing's amazing. Yeah. And that's like a two-hour McDonald's commercial. Yeah. It's very much, they're like, well, if, you know, E.T. could push Reese's Pieces, why don't we fucking just put McDonald's front and center in one of these dumb alien movies? And even calling him Mac. Mac, yeah.

Like, the kid loves McDonald's so much, he meets an alien. And he names it after McDonald's and then starts shoving fries down his throat. You know what was another classic film that was a McDonald's commercial? Was Houseguest. Oh, yes. With Phil Hartman. And Sinbad. And Sinbad.

Yeah. And there is a scene. How did you not turn up in that? Oh, my God. It was certainly bad enough. Where the fuck was Larry Lupin? Yeah. Yes.

And there is a scene where all of us, he's in the street. And you see all the lights are off, a mcdonald's is well lit up and they play like a very religious sounding you deserve a break today as he runs in slow motion in ecstasy toward mcdonald's well we just sit and watch uh you know, Leprechaun movies started because one year at South by Southwest, we did the first Leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day just because it was a fun theme thing. And then I just decided that so for the next five St. Patrick's Day, we did each Leprechaun 2, Leprechaun in Space, Leprechaun in the Hood, Leprechaun Back in the Hood. We're just going through all of them

and they're all super terrible and just fun to make fun of. You know, we just sit in the audience with microphones, me and some other comedians and just, you know, say stuff the whole time. And so we've done a lot of the Fast and Furious movies and the Twilight movies are very good for that. And, you know, it's just a fun experience. But horror movies tend to be easy to make fun of and you have a lot of opportunity for talking because there's not a lot of dialogue usually. Well, you did Anaconda and you did Cabin Fever. Yeah.

Have you ever seen Anaconda? Oh, yes, with J-Lo and... Was that the one that had the misspelling on the poster? I think there's one. It might be Anaconda. Were they spelling Anaconda? Oh, yes, with J-Lo. Was that the one that had the misspelling on the poster? I think there's one. It might be Anaconda. Were they spelling Anaconda wrong? Yeah, they spelled something wrong on the poster. Although I enjoyed Jon Voight in it.

Jon Voight doing Tent to Vanish. You know what? The budget on that movie was all for the scenery because Jon Voight ate all of it every single day. He was just chewing away at the scenery constantly. He gets swallowed by the anaconda, spoiler. He gets swallowed by it, but then manages to get kind of burped back up for a second. And when he comes back up, his final thing he does before the anaconda just swallows him whole is he winks at the camera.

It's amazing. I i remember it's amazing have you done brando's island of dr moreau uh we haven't i don't think we've done it but it certainly would be a candidate that movie is really it's fascinating it is how strange that movie is and and i love how in that movie at one point the brando character dies and uh val kilmer is sitting there dressed as brando doing a brando imitation yeah he does a really good impression yeah but it's disturbing it's a great impression but you going, what the fuck is he doing that impression for? I think Frankenhammer gave up by that point. I think so. Just mailed it in.

And that movie had the original mini-me. Like, mini-me from Austin Powers was based off of Marlon Brando had that little guy that was always by his side and dressed in identical outfits. And I think I might be the only one. I don't know. I think the very weakest creature of the Black Lagoon movies is better than Shape of Water. Wow. There's a lot of detractors with the Shape of Water.

I loved it, but a lot of people did not get that movie, did not get on board. Yeah, it should have been called Fuck a Fish. And then I would have liked it. That's all it. You just need more honesty in the title. Yes. Fuck a Fish. That's it, huh?

You thought you were going to walk out of there with some knowledge about what is the shape of water? I would like to learn that. You know, you're never going to get the tour of Guillermo del Toro's house now. The haunted house. He's got a pretty great sense of humor, that guy, though. Yeah, he does. I don't think he'd be upset by the fuck a fish reference. Yeah.

I think he knows what his movie was about. I'm going to set you up, Gilbert. Uh-oh. Yeah. I think he knows what his movie was about. I'm going to set you up, Gilbert. Uh-oh. Here. Doug had a roommate. Do I have this right, Doug? Who was an actor

on the Mr. Belvedere sitcom? Mm-hmm. And the only reason I'm asking you this question is so Gilbert can tell a ridiculous story. Okay. Let's see if i can remember it

because because doug went to tapings every week when he went to used to go to sitcom taping one time i was filming something on some sound stage i don't know like an appearance on a sitcom whatever and and the big word around the soundstage, they were also shooting Mr. Belvedere. And Christopher Hewitt had to be, the show had to be shut down and Christopher Hewitt had to be rushed in an ambulance to the hospital

because he accidentally sat down on his balls yeah his own balls as we say because you know could have been balls he owns could have been a few soft balls or basketballs but no his his his own genitals got underneath him you've heard this story no because that's uh i think i i gotta take some of the credit for most of uh everybody everywhere heard this story. No, because that's, I think, I got to take some of the credit for most of everybody, everywhere knowing this story. Really? Because the actor who played Kevin, one of the kids on the show, he came home from work early, and I was one of his roommates, and we were like, why are you home early?

And he very matter-of-factly just said, Mr. Belvedere sat on his own ball. That's true. It's been confirmed. See, I was there on the soundstage. So on the soundstage, it was the word, you could go up to somebody cleaning the urinals, and they would say, oh, Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I told, at the time I told Adam Sandler, and he told so many people that I read in a book by Jay Moore about how Adam Sandler was working on the set of, like the story got all confused. Oh, yeah. I see. So suddenly Adam Sandler was on the set of Mr. Belvedere when it happened.

But that's the sort of thing that those show business stories, they kind of get lost. But the actual sitting on of the balls, suspending a day of work, I can confirm that really happened. How about that? And then a couple weeks later, they were doing a Peter Pan episode because Christopher Hewitt plays Captain Hook in the Broadway musical of it. And they had him on wires, and the wires broke, and he slid on his balls.

Oh! Oh, my God. I hadn't heard that second half. Oh, my God. Yeah, it happened again. Or at least he was, you know, the injury was, you know. You'd think they'd keep him off. The injury was aggravated.

You'd think they'd keep him off wires. You'd think just being in the harness would be like, no, thank you. Like he would be very much against that. But apparently that happened. Oh, so we've got confirmation. See, we thought that was one of those Hollywood bullshit urban myths, but it's been confirmed. Because I remember on the set there, it was like practically the soundstage shut down.

Because everybody was talking about it. That Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls. Even for a while in my stand-up comedy act, I'd say, here's my impression of Mr. Belvedere sitting on his own balls. And the whole impression is just, oh. Very good. That's all I got, Gil. You got anything else? What else could we possibly talk about?

We've said it all. You could tell Gilbert about Suzanne Somers. I think he'd appreciate that. Oh, my goodness. That's where I learned the expression when I saw Suzanne Summers in person for the first time is where I learned what the expression camel toe meant.

Oh! Because me and a bunch of other kids went to a taping of Three's Company and it was oversold so they just had to sit in another soundstage at cbs and and watch the whole taping on monitors which was still kind of cool i guess and then but then the whole cast you know as you know john ritter was a sweetheart the entire cast uh came out and just did like a q a with those of us that were in the overflow crowd

but suzanne summers not only was wearing the tightest pants I'd ever seen at that point in my life, but she was also just lounging, like laying down on the stage while she was talking to us. And so it was really, really at eye level in front of a bunch of high school kids. And the girl sitting next to me goes, check out that camel toe. And then it was in the bus on the way home that I found out what a camel toe is. See, Gil, for you, we wrapped with

a U.S. sitting on his balls and camel toe. Yes! We like to keep it classy. Yeah. That's a really great way to wrap it up.

Thanks so much, you guys. You got any plugs, Doug? Tell us what's coming up. A million things, I'm sure. Well, you know, these things, you never know when people are going to get around to checking this podcast episode out. A couple of weeks. So I like to keep it evergreen, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, some guys, you know, you record a podcast with them, like two years later, somebody will go, hey, I just heard this new episode you're on. Sometimes they sit on them. I don't get it. I think you should put it out immediately. But Douglovesmovies.com is where all my tour dates. And I do Doug Loves Movies live all over the country and Canada. And I'm doing some stand-up and some movie interruptions, just doing lots of different, uh, kind of shows. But Doug loves movies.com is all we need to say.

Will you bring back the marijuana loogies? Well, it was so exciting. Uh, you know, uh, however many years ago it was that we did that, uh,

10, 13 years ago. But, uh, you know, with all this legalization, it's just, uh,

you can't really coast on the taboo aspect of the material. You know, like I still, of course, do weed jokes, but I don't know if we could if we could bring it. Sure. Do you think anyone actually laughs at the Cheech and Chong movies nowadays? They're kind of slowly paced. There's good stuff in them, though. Absolutely, but it's, you know, they're movies for watching while you're getting high and, you know, have it on in the room

and, you know, you can do other things. And the plot is still going to be Cheech is trying to get weed and sex, and Chong is getting weed and sex, and he's not helping Cheech out at all. Cheech was fun on your show, by the way. Oh, yeah. They both have been on my shows. Oh, I didn't hear Tommy.

Yeah, and Tommy sat in on the marijuana logs in New York. He'd just come and do performances of it. In fact, we went on a little tour with him where the idea was that the three original guys would be on tour with Tommy Chong. So we'd rotate, we'd all go on the tour, but only two of us would go on each night with Tommy in the third seat. And, uh, the second day of the tour, uh, Tommy calls for a meeting in the lobby and he's like, we've got to quit the tour, man. And we're like, what's up? And he was at that time on probation from, because he had gotten out of prison. He was in prison for nine months for selling weed.

Right, I remember. Weed devices over the, through the mail. It was total, you know, it was total shitty thing that they arrested him for uh you know they got him on he even went to jail or high you know what do you call it a minimum security prison uh he went because his son would have had to go because it was his son's business so so tommy basically threw himself on the uh on the sword uh but tommy had been married for a long time up until that point so he says it was a nice break going to prison. I'm sure.

I'm sure it was. I think Tommy Chong said he doesn't smoke nowadays because he said smoking makes you slow and stupid. And he goes, now he's older, so he already is slow and stupid. He might have made that joke, but he's still smoking. Oh, and that's what happened on the tour is that we thought it was going to be great because, you know, we had done two cities. We had done Vancouver and Seattle, and at both shows, the audience just throws weed at Tommy. Like, there's just weed at his feet, and we just pick it all up and keep it but then the tour got cancelled after two days because he was on

probation and apparently it's a violation of your probation if people throw weed at you he's like I can't you know I can't get away from it man so that was kind of a

bad moment but then we made up a lot of the dates later Once his probation was over And now he's out there He and Cheech both have their own brands of weed That they're out there selling And life is good This was an historic episode Yes

Because we confirmed something that has been long rumored Yep, Tommy Chong smokes weed No, that wasn't it Yes It is confirmed something that has been long rumored. Yep, Tommy Chong smokes weed. No, that wasn't it. Yes. It is confirmed. That the Cheech and Chong movies are slow. Well, I'm Gilbert.

Go ahead. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. You are. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking about camel toe and how Mr. Belvedere sat on his own balls with Doug Benson. Thank you, Doug. Quite a headline to describe the episode. Thanks for schlepping and doing this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Doug. Quite a headline to describe the episode. Thanks for schlepping and doing this. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. But sometimes things get turned around and no one's spared All hands look out below There's a change in the status quo Gonna need all the help that we can get According to our new arrival Life is more than mere survival We just might live a good life yet

Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast is produced by Dara Gottfried and Frank Santapadre with audio production by Frank Verderosa. Web and social media is handled by Mike McPadden, Greg Pair, and John Bradley-Seals. Special audio

contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to Paul Rayburn, John Murray, John Fodiatis, and Nutmeg Creative. Especially Sam Giovonco and Daniel Farrell for their assistance.