Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 250. 250th Episode Call-in Show Spectacular!
Episode Date: March 11, 2019Gilbert, Frank and the GGACP team celebrate episode #250 by fielding questions, comments and requests from fans and listeners in California, Ohio, Indiana, Washington, South Carolina and even Austra...lia. Also in this episode: Lon Chaney grows a 'stache, Jackie Mason makes his move, Marty Allen inspires the masses and  Danny Thomas perfects the "spit take." PLUS: Rod Hull and His Emu! Iago sings again! In praise of Wacky Packages! The Richard Kind Fan Club! The genius of Bob Einstein! And Gilbert picks his favorite member of the Justice League! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hi. lohan.
This is Shep Gordon in Maui. I'm listening to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast.
And it is amazing, and it is colossal.
And I'm really happy to be part of it. hi this is gilbert gottfried and this is g this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast.
I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and our other visitor, the late Ray Bone,
who passed away this morning surrounded by his loved ones.
I'm coming to you from beyond the grave.
Raybone is sitting in on the rare full
episode because we're doing a special show.
Also, we're at Earwolf with our friend
and our engineer, Frank Verderoso.
Verderosa.
And we're doing something different, aren't we, Gil?
Yes. Yes. This is gonna
be a whole different
thing where we're gonna
be taking calls.
Yes.
We actually did it.
The five callers are already on the line.
Look at that.
We did this once before at Sirius.
Do you remember that?
Yes.
We had Joe McGinty doing musical accompaniment, and it went fairly well, and Dara thought,
okay, it's episode 250.
I can't believe we've done 250 of these fucking things.
That's a rave for this show.
It went fairly well.
It's a rave.
Yeah.
That's a five-star review.
And Dara said it's show 250.
Let's do something different.
Let's shake it up.
So we're trying it.
We're at Earwolf through the good graces of our friend Jared O'Connell.
Dara is live streaming.
Frank is going to forward the calls.
Raybone is here.
It's a party.
Gilbert's got his wine.
Yes.
I'm taking the listener calls.
I feel like I'm on NPR here.
What do you think?
Let's try it.
Let's try it.
Without further ado, Frank.
Okay.
What do we got?
Caller number one.
Go.
You are on the air.
Hello.
Hello.
Hey.
Hello.
Yes.
How are you?
You are the first caller on episode 250.
Who do we have the pleasure of talking to?
My name is Marvin.
Hello, Marvin.
Hi.
Happy birthday, Gilbert.
Oh, thank you.
How nice.
Marvin, what's cooking?
Where are you?
I'm in California.
Wonderful.
Fire away.
Yeah, I just...
The question is,
did you know
that Richard Pryor fucked Marlon Brando in his ass?
No, I I knew it.
I knew it.
But I strongly believe Marlon Brando fucked Richard Pryor in his ass because I just love the image of an 800 pound Brando holding down a terrified Richard Pryor.
I have photos of it.
He's got daguerreotypes.
That eventually is what killed Richard Pryor.
But that eventually is what killed Richard Pryor.
He said worse than being set on fire was having Marlon Brando fuck him in the ass.
Marlon, what better way to kick off the 250th episode?
Thank you for that.
Thank you, guys.
I love you guys so much.
Hey, listen, we appreciate it. Thanks, buddy. We'll talk again all right bye-bye thank you it's it's it's all downhill from here some
people really understand the show do you think it's a little too intellectual
yeah we could do this on npr. Okay. Who's next, Francis?
We got another call.
We have a caller from Long Island.
Hello, Long Island.
Hello there.
Hello, Gilbert and Frank.
How are you?
Hey, how are you?
Who are you?
This is Ryan Franzese from Long Island.
Ryan, a man I think I'm distantly related to.
How are you?
Yes, we are.
Ryan and I met on social media and
he has the same last name as my grandmother.
Oh. So I'm thinking that there
may be some kind of distant connection
which we have yet to figure out.
How are you, man? It sounded like a
Guinea name. Yeah, good. Very
perceptive of you, Gilbert. It also sounds like a distant
connection. What's up,
Ryan? Hey, uh,
happy birthday, Gilbert. Ah, thank you.
Sweet.
What can we do for you, my friend? I wanted
to ask about Gilbert. He recorded
two songs for the Aladdin franchise.
One of them very syncopated,
but every time on the podcast
there is, whether it's
the theme to F Troop or whatever,
Gilbert cannot spend time
at all, whether there's an accompaniment or not, Gilbert cannot spend time at all,
whether there's an accompaniment or not.
Gilbert, how did they get those songs out of you?
He wants to know how the songs you did for the Aladdin album,
you managed to actually stay on meter or in meter in time.
I'm an extraordinary singer.
I'm like Mel Torme when I leave here.
Yeah, you're the Velvet Fog.
Here's a guy who listens to enough of the show to know how many songs you've butchered.
Yes.
Someone has said, our friend, who was it?
Was that Adam Dorn, Frank, who was here, who said Gilbert actually has a lovely voice,
but he has trouble staying in tempo.
Yeah, he defined it as a very smooth, romantic voice.
Gilbert's going to do ASMR soon.
It's going to be his new passion.
Ryan, does that answer the question in any way, shape, or form?
Well, close.
Okay.
Do you own this Aladdin record that you speak of?
This soundtrack?
Yeah.
Of course.
You sang two songs in that thing?
Two.
Jesus Christ.
Yes.
Forget about love.
Yeah.
And I'm looking out for me.
You want to favor us with about 15 seconds of one of them?
Oh, that's it.
I've had it. I hate to be dramatic, but it's time for me to You want to favor us with about 15 seconds of one of them? Oh. That's it. I've had it.
I hate to be dramatic, but it's time
for me to fly the coop.
Terrific. Fine. I'm
drawing the line before I wind
up in a parrot soup.
I was a fool to let
you run the show.
I'm cutting you loose, pal.
Look out below.
Arrivederci.
C'est la vie.
Hope all goes well.
I'm looking out for me.
Nice.
That wasn't bad.
The studio audience loved it.
Ryan, just for you, man.
Thank you for calling, and eventually we'll figure out this whole relation thing.
We'll get it.
Thank you, guys.
Okay, man.
Thank you. I'll see you on Facebook. Two calls in, we Thank you, guys. Okay, man. Thank you.
I'll see you on Facebook.
Two calls in,
we've already got a song
out of Gilbert.
Yeah.
This is a success.
I have a good feeling
about this next caller.
Oh, you do, do you?
And forget about that guy.
Forget about the way
you fell into his eyes.
All right, we got another caller.
Now you're just torturing someone.
Okay, who's on the line?
Strangers in the night.
Who is this?
Gilbert.
Yes, hi.
William, William Lanham.
William Lanham, how are you?
Hey, how you doing, Gilbert?
Hi, okay.
Oh, thank you.
Everybody knows it's your birthday.
I got a question for you, Gilbert.
It's been pondering me question for you, Gilbert.
It's been pondering me for like centuries.
Are you Jewish?
No, that's a vicious rumor that got started.
This whole thing, it's like Rock Hudson being gay.
It's just someone starts that rumor and just people accept it.
William, where'd you get that idea?
Yeah, I don't know.
It's just something about being, you know.
I think it was the Enquirer that started this.
That outed you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah. He's a Gentile all the way. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
He's a Gentile all the way.
Yes.
William, thank you.
Thanks for calling up, man.
We appreciate it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Happy birthday.
Thank you, man.
There you go.
We got a song out of you.
Oh, yeah.
And we learned your ethnicity.
Yes.
Three calls in.
All this time I thought you were Italian.
I could have sworn. All this time I thought you were Italian. I could have sworn.
All right.
Now I'm Dutch.
Hey, you know what they say about people with 916 area codes?
What do they say?
They say this.
What is 916?
Well, hey there, Gil.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you.
How are you?
Who are you?
This is Stefan from Sacramento. And I got to say, gentlemen, it is a tough act to follow Richard Pryor getting fucked in the ass by Marlon Brando.
Yeah.
Between that and the impromptu Disney number, I think we're off to a rolling start.
We are.
We'll try to live up to that, the previous calls.
Well, so far, I think we're doing good oh i think they used to try to follow it
with andy divine fucking clark table that's a drew friedman fever dream yeah that's a rumor
started by drew friedman what's what's your question my friend well you know i didn't
really have so much of a question as a uh just a comment i i really wanted to say that you know being a kid
of the 90s uh born in the 80s after seeing mr godfrey as iago the principal of problem child
and then you know seeing him do the aristocrats and follow it up with hollywood squares uh and
dan dan carver from the kkk i really feel like i've come full circle so thank you for that
closure in my life wow i haven't thought of dan carver from the howard stern I really feel like I've come full circle. So thank you for that closure in my life.
Wow.
I haven't thought of Dan Carver from the Howard Stern Show in a long time.
So my career built all the way up to the KKK.
Weren't you on the Dan Carver roast?
Yes. That they did on the Howard Stern Show?
Daniel Carver.
They did a Daniel Carver roast.
I haven't thought of that name in a long time.
Good reference.
Thank you, man.
Wake up, white people.
Okay.
Much to our surprise, the calls are pouring in.
So who's this 304 area code person?
Let's find out.
Okay.
This is exciting.
Caller, you're on the air.
Holy shit.
Am I on?
You are.
Oh, my gosh.
You're on.
Oh, hey.
Hey, Frank Gilbert. What's going on? How are you, man? Hi. Am I on? You are. Oh, my gosh. Holy shit. You're on. Oh, hey. Hey, Frank.
Gilbert, what's going on?
How are you, man?
Hi.
How are you?
Against your better judgment, identify yourself.
Oh, sorry.
It's Matthew from West Virginia.
Hello, Matthew.
How are you?
I'm pretty good, man.
This is awesome.
Is Fly Paperless Raybone there, too?
He is here.
Oh, yes.
I appreciate that, Matthew.
I sit here hour after hour.
Nobody acknowledges.
He's here.
He's flypaperless.
What was the other one?
He's origamiless?
Yes.
He has no origami.
Right.
He's heavily medicated.
I'm a huge, as a TV movie, like, you know, I'm 37 years old, lifetime love of TV and
movies, and they listen to you guys every week.
It's awesome.
So I just want to say thank you so much.
Oh, we appreciate it.
I actually had a question and a request.
Sure.
The question is, Gilbert, happy birthday, Gilbert.
Oh, thank you.
Fuck, marry, or kill.
If you could fuck, marry, or kill, pick one of these people.
Gail Mathias, Ann Risley, and Denny Dillon.
Oh, my God.
That won't get us into trouble.
I always wanted to both fuck and marry Joe Piscopo.
Good PC answer.
Yes.
Does that settle it for you, Matthew?
It does.
Before I go, one request, if you can,
can I hear a dummy in the window at some point
during this broadcast?
He'll do it right now. He's shameless.
Today
I thought I saw
a dummy
in the window,
but it was
you.
Oh, bring the tear to my eye.
Beautiful.
It should.
This is a flashback.
Dummy in the window, Daniel Carver.
Matthew, thank you.
We appreciate the call.
No problem.
Thanks, guys.
Okay, pal.
Thank you.
They're coming in, Paul.
Yeah.
Like a tsunami.
Oh, I'm sorry, Gilbert.
Don't remind me.
I didn't mean to say tsunami.
Yes.
Apologies.
Yeah.
Gilbert.
Gilbert.
Yeah.
That's a poor choice of words.
Gilbert's just been fired from his podcast.
Yes.
Who do we have the pleasure of talking to?
This person is a big surprise.
Oh.
I don't know who it is.
Okay.
Hello, person.
Hi, this is Catherine Esperanza from Oakland, California.
Hi, Catherine.
See, women do listen to the show.
That's encouraging.
That warms my heart.
And it sounds like another guinea.
Catherine, what is your last name?
Esperanza.
Esperanza.
It's Spanish.
She's Spanish.
Oh, okay.
Give Catherine an apology.
Oh, okay. Give old Catherine an apology.
Oh.
Catherine, we're heartened to hear from women on this show.
We can't tell you enough.
Oh, well, we are fans, and also young women are fans, too.
I'm glad to say I'm still in my 30s, barely, but yes.
Oh, wonderful.
Listen, that gives us hope. Don't only have an older audience.
That gives us hope, believe me.
Do you have a question or a request or something?
Well, I wanted to say happy birthday, Gilbert.
Thank you.
And also thank you so much for the most recent podcast
y'all posted with Austin Pendleton.
Wasn't that fun?
Oh, he was a great guest.
The question that you went to straight away, it was a great guest. That question
that you went to
straight away, it was what I would have asked him about
too. Everything about Skidoo.
Yeah.
It's sort of
if he'd been on any other podcast, they would
have asked him about A Beautiful Mind
or
What's Up Doc, but we went right into Skidoo.
He shows you where we live.
Right into the gold.
Listen, he's happy to talk about Skidoo. He shows you where we live. Right into the gold. The gold.
Listen, he's happy to talk about Skidoo.
You seem to be the only ones asking him about it.
Yeah, I mean, he worked with Groucho Marx on screen.
Yeah.
We had Frankie Avalon and we had Austin,
so there's one surviving cast member,
which I think is Michael Constantine.
Wow.
So I guess we've got to complete the triumvirate.
So we'll try to do that.
He's around.
Oh, we'll have to get him on then.
I didn't know he was in Skidoo.
Yeah.
You're a woman after our own heart, Catherine.
We appreciate that.
And Austin was great.
Did you hear John Astin episode?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I'm caught up to everything.
Look at you.
We appreciate that.
A super fan.
How about that?
Thank you so much.
I'm going to go home and tell my wife there are women listening.
Thank you, Catherine.
We appreciate you, and we appreciate you taking the time to call.
Oh, one more thing, David.
Sure.
Yes.
So you've already been asked about Dummy in the Window and U.S. Classic.
I was thinking about whether to ask about why did Groucho keep staying in the business
or just bring up Cesar Romero.
So it's your choice, Gilbert, whichever one of those two you want to.
There you go.
Because Chico needs the money.
See, Catherine, we take requests.
Thank you so much for calling. We appreciate it. Well, thank you for your podcast. Oh, take requests. Thank you so much for calling.
We appreciate it.
Thank you for your podcast.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
All right, Francis, what do you got for us?
414 area code.
Yeah, there's a couple of four.
We're big in the 414.
You know what it is?
Somebody's dialing from their landline and their cell.
Is that Northern California?
We're about to find out.
Okay.
Caller, you're on the air.
Hello? Hello? in their cell. Is that Northern California? We're about to find out. Okay. Caller, you're on the air. Hello.
It's Milwaukee, and it ain't Gino Salamone,
it ain't David Fantel,
a couple of your favorite guests.
My name's Andy Franklin, and I love the show.
And Gilbert, I just want to say,
you don't look a day over 70.
Perfect.
I saw you perform some years ago.
It was terrific.
I haven't heard you make Ben Gazzara jokes since,
and I wish they'd come back.
Oh, he's not doing the Ben Gazzara bit anymore?
Yeah, can you believe I dropped a bit?
You know, I fell in love with him years ago, Andrew, when I saw him at the old Caroline's at the seaport that that Ben Gazzara joke was the thing that made me say I need this man in my life
and now look at me yeah what a mistake if you could buy that time back yeah
do you have a question for us or a request?
Did we lose him?
He shot himself. I think we did.
I think we lost him.
He shot himself.
Did Andrew take his life?
I sure hope not.
The show is going to be more dangerous.
This is horrible.
Andrew, we appreciate the call regardless.
Okay.
Here's another one.
Caller, you're on the air.
Yes, I'm an attorney
representing the interests
of Gino Salamone.
Mr. Gottfried.
No, well.
You're stealing stories.
There is nothing interesting
about Gino Salomon.
You know how sickening it is to sit here hearing people just heap praise on someone?
Chino, we apologize for that.
By the way, you've taken eight calls and eight times I've heard them already go,
Oh, thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
That's a catchphrase.
It's like McHale's Navy.
Oh, thank you, McHale.
Did I ever play my favorite line Gino ever said?
Let's hear it.
I think we know what it is.
Frank's the best.
One more time.
Frank's the best. You are. All the Frank Frank's the best. One more time. Frank's the best.
You are. All the Franks are the best.
Let's pay tribute to Frank
Santopadre, who is driving
down the road of interviewing.
He is making progress. He's
going down the road, and then Gilbert
just turns the wheel and
makes a U-turn. Whatever they're
talking about, he completely
changes the subject.
It's like
driving with a five-year-old on your lap.
Constantly
worried that he's going to take the wheel
and pull you into a
hydrant.
I want to throw one thing out there.
Gina, you're going to be very
happy about this. Later on,
I'm going to be presented with gifts.
Oh, no.
That disgusts me.
Gino, who paid when you were in New York last week buying dinner?
Did he pick it up?
Hey, I can't let him pay.
Did you say your money's no good here?
Your money's worthless around me.
I want to add something new to the show that's never been told.
Gilbert's cheapness, he would call me from a bookstore and read the Tony Curtis.
He'd read a chapter of the Tony Curtis autobiography to me.
As Tony Curtis, I would like you to tell me
Tony Curtis, Danny Kaye story, please.
Okay.
Well, everybody, as we've discussed on this show,
everyone hated Danny Kaye.
We've made that clear.
Tony Curtis was at a party, and Danny Kaye was there and Danny Kaye was being very,
uh, you know, he was like looking down on Tony Curtis and, and finally, you know, being very
insulting, uh, very patronizing. And, and so finally Tony Curtis got angry and he goes, and I stood there and looked right into Danny Kaye's eyes and I said, fuck you, Danny.
He is horrible.
Gino, you're getting all your tributes, all the things you brought to this show. He is horrible. He is horrible.
Gino, you're getting all your tributes.
All the things you brought to this show.
I love you all.
Great job.
Keep it going.
I love this show.
We love you.
It's essential to all of us.
You are indispensable.
You're a big part of this show, and we thank you.
This is the last time we're letting you on the air.
Love to Pamela.
Oh, thank you for calling.
We love you, pal.
Bye-bye, guys. Bye.
Who gave him the number?
Yeah.
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It's Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Podcast.
Okay.
You guys want to talk to a New Yorker?
Yeah, of course we do.
718.
You're on, 718.
718 in the house.
Hello.
How you doing?
Hello there.
Hello there.
Hey, happy birthday, Gilbert.
You're one year away from having some stuff in Judot's collection.
Oh, yes.
Oh, a Drew Friedman reference.
Yes.
Judot's.
Who do we have the pleasure of talking to?
My name's Pete from Brooklyn.
Pete, hi, Pete.
How you doing?
Say hi to Ray Bone.
He's sitting here with an IV in his arm.
Sorry.
Yeah, you know, it is.
In a year from now, Drew Friedman's going to draw a picture of me,
and he'll be, like, putting liver spots all over. You think it'll take a year from now, Drew Friedman's going to draw a picture of me, and he'll be like putting liver spots all over.
You think it'll take a year?
Yeah.
He'll just get a bigger marker.
Many size markers.
What can we do for you, Pete?
Well, you know, I actually design and build props for Broadway shows, and I have a question for Gilbert about props that maybe he has had trouble with on his movie or TV sets. Wow. Go ahead.
Prop question. Is there anything besides
a very awkward horse dentist chair that has given you
trouble over the years? Oh my God, that was when I
did Hot to Trot.
And this was so scary because horses don't sit down.
And so they built a giant dentist chair,
and they were putting this horse in a most uncomfortable position,
trying to sit down.
And I was scared that this horse is going to fall,
and they're going to have to shoot him in front of me.
Or shoot you in front of the horse.
And the horse would have plod.
I have to build that every day.
Pete, you probably heard him tell that story on the Bobcat episode.
I think I did. It was a Bobcat.
Maybe it was rehashed somewhere else.
Called back on a...
One of the cinema classics of Gilbert's career.
One of your high points.
One thing with props, any time, whenever you see these movies,
particularly westerns, where they take a wine bottle
and smash it over the other guy's head,
that's like, I don't know what it's made out of, but the most.
It used to be made out of sugar, but now it's like a whole different chemical process to
make those.
And one company makes them in LA and it's a pain in the ass to get them because when
you ship them, you got to order three times as much because most of it breaks on transport. The hardest thing about those
is you have to be
so gentle with it
and you have to look like
you're really putting strength into it
but you have to be
because it's like tissue paper.
Did you ever get hit with a breakaway bottle?
Oh, I've had
yeah, like it's
dust.
Wait, but can't you get a nickel refund on those?
Why would they waste such a thing?
Oh, in Fort Fairline, I'd take a record and smash it,
and that's made out of that.
Right, right, right.
And, um...
Well, Pete, we're glad people in the industry actually listen to the show.
Oh, I love this show.
I listen to it religiously.
Thank you, man.
Over and over again. You have a favorite episode? Yeah. Oh, you know what show. I listen to it religiously. Thank you, man. Over and over again.
You have a favorite episode?
Yeah.
Oh, you know what I...
Wait, wait.
You know what I love, too?
The breakaway bottles
where one guy, like,
hits the bottom of the bottle
on the edge of a desk
and it makes jagged edges.
Oh, yeah.
Another bad movie cliche.
Yes.
Yeah. Do you have a favorite one
before we jump?
Oh, there's too many, but I'm going to go with
Rupert Holmes.
I can never, Rupert Holmes. Wasn't he great?
Yes.
We got to get Rupert back. He brings it every time.
But there are too many to name a favorite.
Fucking goddamn, like everyone
I just listen to over and over again.
You are too sweet.
Well, we appreciate it, Pete, and thanks so much for the call.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
We'll keep it going, buddy.
Thank you so much.
See you.
Bye.
Bye.
All right.
And the calls keep on coming.
We're going to go down one from 718 all the way down to 717.
717.
Where is 717, sir?
Hello?
Yes.
Hello?
How are you?
Yeah, hello.
You're on with us.
I'm good.
My name's Aaron Fisher.
This is Pennsylvania.
He's in Pennsylvania.
What's your name?
I didn't get the first name.
Aaron Fisher.
Aaron.
Hi, Aaron.
How you doing? I'm
good. Say hello to Raybone. He's barely conscious. Hello. Are you speaking to me? He's on his
last legs. What can we do for you, Aaron? I just wanted to say happy birthday to Gilbert.
Thank you. Sweet. Thank you. My birthday was this month too, you birthday to Gilbert. Thank you. Sweet.
Thank you.
My birthday was this month too, you know, Aaron.
Fuck you.
And Dara's was last week.
We get no love at all.
We're all February babies.
Actually, there's a big surprise at the end of this episode.
And that surprise is we still do nothing for you guys.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Aaron, do you have a request
or something else you want to share? A favorite
episode or guest idea?
Well, I have a question
for Gilbert. Okay. If you could
be any superhero, who would you be
and why? Any superhero?
Who would you be?
Well, I always thought
it's just like, you know, whenever you see
Justice League and all that I always feel like, well, you got Superman.
Yeah.
He's got everything.
Right.
So I think, you know, Superman.
It's not too original.
Right.
To say Superman.
But I feel like why do you need the other superheroes helping out Superman?
Well, for one thing, because he's vulnerable
to kryptonite. Yes. So you need backup.
Yeah, because there's so much kryptonite
on the Earth.
So now, you of course famously played
a Superman villain. Yes.
You played Mr. Mc... Miss Jess Picklin.
Miss... I won't even attempt it.
And I did
two episodes of the
live-action Superboy series.
Oh, you were Nick-Nack.
Nick-Nack.
Yes.
Yeah.
How about that?
Did you know that, Aaron?
I did not.
I am probably one of his younger viewers.
I am 21 years old.
Well, he filled in for Linda Carter when she was out once.
Yeah.
On Wonder Woman.
When she had the mumps.
Thank you for calling, my man.
We appreciate it.
I'm with you.
Superman is my guy, too. You do. Yeah. Thank you, Aaron. Thanks We appreciate it. I'm with you. Superman is my guy, too.
Yeah.
Thank you, Aaron.
Thanks for the call.
Take care of yourself.
Superman was there before most of those other guys.
Yeah.
You're not into any of the other superheroes from the Justice League?
I mean, there.
Hawkman or Green Lantern?
I guess, but I kind of feel like, okay, you got Superman.
He can fly.
Yeah.
He's invincible.
Faster than a speeding locomotive. Oh, yes, yes. So can fly. He's invincible. Faster than a speeding locomotive.
Oh, yes, yes.
So everybody else is superfluous.
Yes, yeah.
What about Adam, the guy that could shrink himself?
You know the Adam?
Oh, that's right.
And what is his point exactly?
He can make himself tiny.
Oh, that's really intimidating.
Just need a pool and some cold water.
How do you pronounce that, Mr. McShick-Shick-Click?
Then everyone
pronounces it differently.
With me,
it was
Ms. Jess Picklick.
Okay.
All right.
When I was a kid,
I really wanted to know
and I never did find out.
Well, now you know.
Now you're sitting
across from...
Now this poor caller
is being tortured
by this conversation.
Hello!
Welcome to Loveline.
Caller, you're on.
You're with Dr. Drew and Adam.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi.
Who are you?
I'm James.
Hi, James.
How are you?
Say hi to Paul and Gilbert.
Hey, James.
Hi, Paul.
Hi, Gilbert.
Hi.
How are you guys?
Where are you calling from?
I'm from Indiana.
Ooh, we're all over the map here today.
He's normal.
Indiana.
I was just played Indiana recently.
What's the bicycle movie for Breaking Away?
Breaking Away.
Sure.
Yeah, sure.
And the Jacksons are from Gary, Indiana.
That's right.
But I digress.
Do you have a question or a request?
Would you like to know Gilbert's heritage?
What?
First, I'd like to wish Gilbert a happy birthday.
Thank you.
Nice.
And then I have a request.
Sure.
If Gilbert could rate my Christopher Walken impression.
Okay, great.
Fire away.
Okay.
Now, I'm sick, and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Pretty good.
Yeah.
Sorry, did he say rated or rated?
I got confused.
He also wanted it rated.
Oh, okay.
He wanted it raped.
He wanted to be raped as Christopher Walken.
That's not uncommon.
And he wanted the person raping him to be doing a Marlon Brando imitation.
It's a callback to the first call.
It's a pretty good impression.
It is.
Do you do others?
I do a Bill Clinton. Let's a pretty good impression. Do you do others? I do a Bill Clinton.
Let's hear it.
Now,
when I would watch Aladdin,
I would get very attracted to
Jasmine.
Wow, it's a Gilbert
Gottfried specific, Bill Clinton.
Yes, that really is. You can't ask for more
than that. I'm just glad he didn't say Iago.
I would rate them a solid A.
Yes.
On both fronts.
Thank you, my man.
Thanks for calling up all the way from Indiana.
Your career all lies ahead of you now.
This could be it right here.
Yes, Gilbert cannot help you, unfortunately.
Thank you, my man.
Thanks for calling.
Okay.
Who's next on the old line?
856 area code, Frankie.
Oh, this is,
you know who this is?
You're going to be so surprised.
You say that with every call.
Say who you are.
Okay.
Hello.
Hey, guys.
It's Rob Smentech
from the Listener Society.
Hey, Rob.
Hello, Rob Smentech.
Happy birthday.
Rob Smendrick is one of the founders of the Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Colossal Listener Society.
Hello, Mr. Smendrick.
Mr. Smendrick.
Smendrick, not Smendrick.
Yes.
Rob, how are you?
He just died.
Hello?
Yeah.
The late head of the...
Hey.
Hello.
Hi, buddy. Thanks for calling in. Sorry, cut out there for a second. That's okay. We late head of the... Hey. Hello. Hi, buddy.
Thanks for calling in.
Sorry.
Cut out there for a second.
That's okay.
We'll edit it.
We'll clean it up.
We thought the worst had happened.
Thank you.
Very good.
Let me take a moment to thank you for all you do.
You and Eric and Peter Santamaria and all the caretakers of the Listener Society.
We appreciate it.
We're proud to do it.
There's 5,000 of us sick motherfuckers now.
Well, I appreciate it.
I don't think Gilbert has any appreciation.
I don't give a fuck.
Gilbert has no idea.
No.
Gilbert learns the name of the show every week.
Arnie Kogan.
Thank you, Arnie.
Rob, what can we do for you?
You got a request? A guest idea?
I do. I'd like to ask
Groucho a couple quick questions.
Alright, you've come to the right place.
Groucho,
why did you tell Frank
Verderosa to lose the live
podcast tape?
Because Chico
needs the money.
Frank's the best.
And Groucho, what were birthdays like in your day?
Well, on my day, a birthday was something that if it was the date that you were born on, that was called a birthday.
And meaning that you were born, and when you're born, that's a birth.
That's also known as a birth.
And it was a day that it takes place in.
So it was known in my day as a birthday.
And if you wanted someone to be happy at that time,
you would say, happy birthday,
meaning that on the day you were born,
you should be happy.
you should be happy.
You know, we're going to get,
we're working on getting Bill Marks on the show, Harpo's son.
Yes.
And you must do that for him.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure he's going to love it.
Rob, anything else?
Nope.
Happy birthday, Gilbert.
Thank you.
Enjoy yourself.
Hey, man, thanks for all you guys do.
We really do appreciate it.
And come in.
I told you, you and Eric and Peter.
The other two are lazy guineas.
Thank you. You come in and we'll do a mini episode sometime.
Can we clarify that I was nowhere near the episodes that were lost?
Yes, I want to clear up any kind of controversy.
Frank was nowhere near the episodes they were lost.
They were lost by someone who shall go unnamed.
He had nothing to do with it. I blame
Frank. It's just a
Gilbert runner.
I have clients that are starting to listen to the
show and they're going to hear that joke and go, oh, do we trust
him?
It's podcast lore
at this point. That's one of many reasons you don't
want to be associated with this show. Rob,
thank you, buddy.
949 area code. you don't want to be associated with this show. Rob, thank you, buddy. Alright, 949 area code.
We don't have names on the screen, we should point out.
Do you know who this is? That's why we're asking everybody.
Wait till you see who this is. Okay, you say that
with every caller.
Hello?
Hello. Hi there.
Hello?
Hello?
Oh!
Hello?
Daisy.
Daisy.
Oh.
Daisy.
Oh, is this Hal again?
This is Hal again.
Yes.
Hi, Hal.
Because that was the name of the computer in 2001.
Yes.
Hal. We should point out that when we were testing the line, he was a full hour early and he got to be our test caller.
Yeah, there's a man that doesn't wait around.
I don't know if this is true, but it's certainly a great thing.
They say that Hal is the letters for IBM.
Like H-I-A-B.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
I never thought of that.
Yeah.
Oh, some Stanley Kubrick trivia.
Well, yeah, as Frank was explaining, Hal was our first caller.
He called at 615.
And we were kind enough.
He was kind enough to help us out with a test.
So, Hal, I'm glad you came back.
But now we have nothing to say to him.
All right, bye, Hal.
What do you want to talk about?
I was going to ask about House of Dracula.
Okay.
What Gilbert thought, who gave the best performance in House of Dracula?
Anzo Stevens or Skelton Nags?
Well, Skelton Nags is always good.
Can't beat Skelton.
Skelton Nags can't give a bad performance.
I didn't buy him a Gigi.
No.
In House of Dracula, I mean, you know, I'm a major Lon Chaney Jr. fan,
but someone should have said to him, lose the mustache.
Yeah.
Count Alucard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But he was in as the wolf man in House of Dracula.
He had a mustache.
I'm thinking your biggest problem is that you grow hair.
Why are you right?
What do you think?
I turn into a werewolf and I kill people.
I think a mustache would be pretty snazzy.
people i think a mustache would be pretty snazzy and i i fucking hated that at the end they allegedly cure him of lycanthropy yeah i tell you as much as i love cheney jr he wasn't dracula
no he wasn't a good no he was not a good drag caridin was even a better count than Alucard. And Francis Letera.
And Francis Letera.
Francis Letera was the only, to my knowledge, the only Jewish Dracula.
There you go.
Yeah.
There you go.
And, of course, there's David Niven in Blackface.
Oh, God, yes. In Old Dracula.
Yes.
Look that one up, Hal.
Yeah, just when you think the film can't get any more
or any worse,
you see David Niven
in blackface.
Well, he was scarred. He was emotionally scarred
ever since Joan Crawford peed on him.
Oh, that's right.
Hal, we appreciate hearing from you.
I was reading
that Tyrone Power liked to get shit on.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
Where did you read this?
TV Guide?
Yeah.
No, it was in Us Magazine.
I see.
They said, he liked to get shit on.
He's just like us.
I know how your mind works.
Yeah, shit.
This is really disturbing.
All right.
Hopefully we have a palate cleanser here.
205 area code.
Who's on the line?
Do you know who this is?
I don't.
I won't know until they talk to me.
Hello.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Yes.
Oh, another woman.
My heart is soaring.
It's me, yes.
My name is Beverly.
Beverly!
Is that you, Beverly?
Beverly Carr?
Yes, it's me.
Beverly, we love you!
Beverly Carr!
We love you, Beverly!
I finally get to hear Beverly's voice.
Beverly, you are the best.
I love you guys.
We love you.
Oh, no.
You are the best.
How long have you been sitting on hold,
Beverly?
Oh, gosh. You know, I've actually lost track
of time. It was 29 minutes.
Could you hear the show? Could you hear Gilbert doing
various impressions?
Yes.
Alright, so at least you were not entertained.
I was very
entertained.
I was extremely entertained.
I just love you guys.
And if I were there right now, birthday spankings for everyone.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Even Dara?
Can we arrange to fly her in?
Yes.
Do you want to know?
Oh, Beverly, Beverly.
Do you have a question or a request?
Yes and yes.
All right.
This is a strange question, but if you were to make a podcast into a movie or a miniseries,
who would play you guys?
Did you get the question?
Oh, who would play me in the mini?
Gilbert has often said
he'd play himself.
I play with myself.
I get confused.
He plays with himself?
Yes.
I see Sandy Duncan
as Gilbert.
Yeah.
But that's me.
I think
Lovelady Powell.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Let me think. Who Powell. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Let me think.
Who would play me?
Hmm.
Who would?
Cedric the Entertainer.
Yeah.
I was going to say, Stu Gillum's dead.
Yeah.
Cedric the Entertainer's good.
He's very versatile.
And I'd be played by Scoey Mitchell in that.
I think Helen Hayes and Mildred Natwick.
I think we can bring back the Snoop sisters.
Oh, Beverly.
You are such an active part of this show on social media and on Facebook.
We appreciate that.
Thank you, guys.
I do.
I absolutely love your podcast.
I'm not sure why Frank is playing Genesis.
Maybe every week.
He can explain this to me.
Why the Genesis?
Why the Genesis? I love Genesis every week. He can explain this to me. Why the Genesis? Why the Genesis?
I love Genesis.
Oh, perfect.
Why turn it on again?
That's a great song.
Oh, great.
Okay.
No other reason than that.
Bev, do you have a favorite episode that we've done?
I can't narrow it down.
I really can't.
As a matter of fact, the other day, I went back and listened to
the Artie Lang
Hooker Pontus episode.
It's a classic.
It's an enduring classic.
Yes.
Yeah.
And whenever I'm feeling
sort of down,
I will go and listen
to Mario Cantone
or Richard Kind.
I just,
you guys just make me happy.
Thank you.
We love Richard.
We love Mario.
And it's like we've got a stock company going on this show.
It's like the Preston Sturgis Stock Company of our regular performance.
Oh, look!
It's Senator Clagghorn!
Bev, we appreciate it.
And I love John Astin.
Wasn't he great?
Oh, he was terrific. Wasn't he great? Oh, he was terrific.
Wasn't he great?
The white whale for us.
We chased him for two and a half years, and he paid off.
He delivered.
Yes.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Bev.
I've been called the white whale.
I have a request.
Go ahead.
I would love to hear Gilbert sing.
Are you ready to take a chance again?
Okay, he'll do a couple of bars.
Okay.
Take a chance again.
Okay.
Go ahead, Gil. Quick. again okay he'll do a couple of bars okay okay go ahead gil quick you remind me i live in a shell
safe from the past i'm doing okay but not very well no jolts no surprises no crisis arises my life goes along as it should it's all very nice but not very good
and i'm ready to take a chance again. Ready?
That's plenty.
If your goal was to keep Charlie Fox as far away from this show as possible,
you've succeeded.
This is horrible.
Beverly, thank you.
We love you.
We'll see you.
Thank you.
Love you, Gary.
Okay, hon.
We'll see you on Facebook.
Thank you.
Great.
Bye.
Gilbert, you are working tonight.
Impressions, groucho, songs, dummy in the window.
I'm like Wayne Newton.
It is.
You're like the consummate entertainer.
Who is next on the line?
Pretty soon I'll be singing Candyman.
Don't give anyone any ideas.
847, who's calling?
I feel like this is upstate New York, right?
You do?
Chicago?
Chicago?
Okay.
Hello there.
Who do we have?
Hello.
Hi.
My name is Mike Campobasso.
How are you guys?
Mike.
Campobasso.
Campobasso.
How you doing over there?
Are you Paisano, Mike?
I am Paisano.
I knew there was something I liked about you.
Yeah, that sounded like a Guinea name.
You just abused the guy who just got on the line.
Mike, how are things in Chicago?
Things are cold in Chicago, Frank.
Really cold.
You should look up our friend Mike McPadden.
He's in Chicago.
Oh, is he really?
Yeah, make him take you to lunch.
Let's give his phone number out on the air.
Now that it's freezing in Chicago,
I know my agent will call up and go,
oh, we got a club in Chicago.
Exactly.
If not Buffalo.
What do you do there in Chicago, Mike?
I do some voiceover work here in Chicago.
Oh, good for you.
What are you, trying to put Gilbert out of the business?
Yes.
A lot of people are.
What, are you trying to put Gilbert out of the business?
Yes.
A lot of people are.
Do you have a request or a suggestion or something, my friend?
I do.
First, I just wanted to thank you guys because I've learned so much about so many different actors and entertainers
who I wasn't familiar with until I listened to your podcast.
Oh, you're sweet.
So I wanted to say thank you.
That's what we want to hear.
Yeah. For sure.
I mean, actors such as Danny Thomas.
Oh, the obscure names.
And
Dan McCormick.
You learn more about Danny Thomas
than you wanted to know. Tell the truth.
I love it. You guys make me laugh and you teach me. Tell the truth. I love it.
You guys make me laugh, and you teach me.
So we're nothing if not educational.
We're nothing if not educational.
It's fun, and it's good for you, too.
Yeah, it's good for you.
Do you know that Danny Thomas was the master of the spit take?
Did you know that?
Oh, no, I didn't know that.
No?
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
There's just too many things to say about that one.
This is slightly unrelated, but I found a great video of Tony Randall and Al Molinaro,
who played Murray the Cop, doing a spit-take contest on YouTube.
See if you can find it.
A little connection to Danny Thomas.
But what Danny Thomas was spitting out wasn't water.
All right.
Mike, we appreciate
hearing from you. Before you jump,
do you have a favorite episode? Thank you, guys.
I do.
I have two. Tell us. One of my
favorites is the one you guys did with
Rupert Holmes, Richard Kind,
Drew Friedman. Ah, the anniversary show.
It was an anniversary show.
That thing makes me laugh.
I've listened to that thing so many times.
You are too kind.
I also enjoyed the Rich Coe's episode.
Oh, Sven Gulli.
Yes, yes.
We'll have Rich back sometime.
He's a great guest and a great guy.
Yeah.
We thank you for calling from Frigid, Chicago, my friend.
Yeah, I always stop.
Whenever I work Chicago, I stop by at Svengoolie.
Did you hear what he just said?
What?
He said, oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you, Mike.
We'll talk to you again, buddy.
Bye-bye.
I just realized this whole call thing is Gilbert's worst nightmare.
Because if you look at the screen, there's a dollar amount replenished by Earwolf.
So we started at like $30 and we're down to like $12.
And I'm just trying to imagine if Gilbert was watching the money slowly drain.
Oh, see, now I am.
It's like a telethon in reverse.
Let's see the board.
270 area code, I do not recognize.
Oh, you know who's from that area code?
It's this person
Is it Don Ho?
Let's see what we're down to
Do the giant cigarette lighter
Who's on the line now?
Caller you're on the air
Hello
Please insert 50 cents
Did you hit talk?
I did
Okay hello
270 you there?
Nope We lost Go on once 270 we lost him Wait I want to make sure Did you hit talk? I did. Okay, hello. 270, you there? Nope.
Go on once.
270, we lost him.
Wait, I want to make sure.
No, I got him up.
Hello, 270, can you hear us?
Like so many episodes, we're just going to have to lose the call.
This is like a real call-in show.
It is.
This is professional.
No one would ever know.
It's my first time ever.
And ours, our second.
Longtime engineer, first-time call guy. First time, long time, 704. Long time engineer, first time call guy.
First time, long time, 704, area code.
You're on the air.
Hello, hello.
This is Adam Long.
I've interacted with you some, Frank, on Facebook.
I know you very well, Adam.
How are you?
Darren doesn't believe that I interact with like 75 people a week on social media.
But I have my little mafia, and Adam is a member of that.
How are you, man?
I'm doing well.
I'm doing well.
Where the hell is 704, by the way?
Where's your area code?
I'm Charlotte, North Carolina.
Charlotte, North Carolina.
Okay.
Yeah, and I just love you guys.
You know, I grew up in a small town in north carolina and uh i felt
like i was the only one you know who got this stuff and you know as i've gotten older i think
that i'm not the only one but it's so refreshing to hear uh what you guys do and of course um
uh you know just i i just love so many aspects of the show. I did have a request, somebody that I thought would be quite interesting.
I have a podcast of my own where I interview people from time to time,
and the guy who runs the L.A. Dearly Departed tours in L.A.,
his name is Scott Michaels.
He's been on the E! Channel before.
I'm aware of him.
Very much interesting information.
Okay, well, he is a great great guest to
have uh i've had him on my show and i know you guys could do so much better than i did with him
does he know you're does he know you're putting you're putting him up to this
well i'm sure he's he's usually pretty game for for doing that sort of thing and he's just
so knowledgeable and has so many interesting stories
that would just be right in your wheelhouse.
Because you know how morbid we both are.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Adam, he's not the same.
Go ahead.
No, I was going to say I love it when Gilbert signs off by saying
he was found dead in his L.A. apartment.
That's one of Gilbert's signatures.
Well, you know, the guests are so thrown by these long intros.
They don't expect to hear their entire career read before them.
It's sort of like their life flashing before their eyes.
Including parts of their life they've completely forgotten.
Yeah, some of them are flattered and some of them are terrified.
He's not the guy you're speaking of.
He's not the guy that runs findadeath.com, the findadeath website. That's the same guy. Yeah, he's the the guy you're speaking of. He's not the guy that runs findadeath.com,
the findadeath website.
That's the same guy.
Yeah, that's a fat, okay.
That's findadeath.com. Find a grave, is that it?
Yeah, that's the one, findadeath.com.
And he also, he has a, well, there's find a grave,
but his is findadeath.
Right.
Which is actually, he has all the pictures the pictures of the of the um yeah celebrities home
it's right up gilbert's alley you can see the apartment complex where richard deacon died
ah it's really okay exactly it's this guy's even more obsessive and weirder than we are
that that's like but that's like some of these tours that they give like that, I could point to any house and go, that's where Marilyn Monroe died.
Well, yeah, but this guy's legit.
Oh, wow.
This guy does the research.
You can see the grave site if you're into this sort of thing.
And you can also see the hotel or the 7-Eleven where they passed away or whatever it is.
Yeah.
It's one of those rabbit hole sites where you go down there and you can't come out.
Is it the perfect counter part of this show?
It is, in a way.
Sorry to say.
It really is.
And he has a museum also.
That's what I was going to mention.
He has a museum out in Los Angeles.
I've been to it several times.
And he offers these tours.
But his museum is equally fascinating because he has
such um interesting things in there such as the uh the door to the uh the hotel room where divine
was found dead wow and he has the uh the sink from karen carpenter's bathroom the final uh rest
the final bathroom in her in her home where uh she was living when she passed i'm ashamed to it
i'm ashamed to admit that this this man has more in common with this show.
Yes.
But you know what?
Talk to me on social, Adam, and we'll look into it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe one day his site will include the 99-cent store that Gilbert will be found dead in.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
And I also wanted to say happy birthday to Gilbert. I hope it's been a great one. found dead in. Oh, yes. Yeah.
And, you know,
I also wanted to say happy birthday to Gilbert.
I hope it's been
a great one.
And like I said,
I just love you guys.
Thank you.
Thank you, pal.
That means a lot to us.
Any good wishes
for Raybone,
who's suffering
from a number of maladies?
I'm looking at all
the find-a-death stuff here.
This is amazing.
Pretty fascinating,
isn't it?
That's a rabbit hole you want to murder from.
Cemeteryguide.com
It's a wormhole.
Thank you, Adam. We love you, and we'll talk to you.
Love you guys, too.
Take care. Bye-bye.
We will return to Gilbert
Gottfried's Amazing Colossal
podcast after this.
This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+.
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All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+.
That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history.
Thornton Prince was a ladies' man.
To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken.
He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken.
Hot chicken in the window.
This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell.
To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com.
Tennessee sounds perfect.
Hey, we're going to take this next caller.
We're going to go all the way to...
Look at this.
I was providing production in the moment.
Yes.
New York.
We're not going anywhere.
All right, New York.
This is less work you'll have to do in post, Frank.
Hello, New York City.
Who's on the line?
That's a convincing wig on Frank's head, by the way.
Yes, who are we talking to?
Hello there.
Hello.
Hello there.
Hello there.
Hello there.
Hello.
Hello.
It's John Fodiatis calling you guys.
Hey!
It's Tom Fokiakis.
Hang on, I'm going to conference in Rachel Maddow.
Give me one second. Rachel Maddow. Give me one sec.
Rachel Maddow's here.
She'd like a word with you, John.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
What's up?
He's not laughing.
I got Michael Caine here.
He wants to wish Gilbert a happy birthday.
Michael Caine.
Ah, okay.
Fire away.
I give it.
Happy birthday.
I saw him playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine.
That's not bad.
Yeah.
I thought that was Phil Collins.
John, I've known you for years.
I didn't know you did impressions.
Oh, yeah.
So how are you guys doing tonight?
How's Gilbert enjoying his birthday?
He's enjoying it immensely.
He's drunk.
Yes. We sn drunk. Yes.
We snuck a little... Well, no, actually I'm on crystal meth.
He's halfway through a bottle
of Manischewitz.
Gilbert, this is our
musician. This is John. Yes, I know.
Who you call Tom Fokiakis.
Tom Fokiakis. Have you guys heard his
album, by the way? He sent me a copy of the album.
I have heard the album.
It's very good.
John, where can people get the album?
Go ahead and plug it.
Oh, gee, you're giving me a plug.
Yeah.
Go to Bandcamp or go to SoundCloud and look for Empty City Squares.
Empty City Squares on SoundCloud.
Empty City Squares.
Do not look for Tom Fokiakis.
Do not look for Tom Fokiakis.
He broke up with Dean Martin years ago.
You know, John has become a very good friend of mine.
Genevieve and I just had dinner with John and his lovely wife, Stacy.
And I'm happy to say that this podcast brought you into my life and our lives.
Well, gee, can you cue the schmaltzy music?
Yes.
We'll do that in post.
I don't know if I got to get you into my life.
Yes, but we've become friends, and I don't mind boasting.
I don't mind talking about how this podcast has changed your life.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Now, it's been great.
I love you guys.
I love the show.
And what can I say?
Thank you for letting me be a part of it.
And as you can see, you've got a fan base that covers the whole country.
It's pretty amazing.
Give us a little Al Lewis on the way out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Gilbert.
Gilbert, are you doing a telethon?
I love Jackie and that corn
pone Yuma.
Corn pone Yuma.
We have a milestone while
John's on the phone, by the way. Tell us.
We used up the money on
this call-in thing, but it replenished
for like a hundred and some odd bucks.
I have no idea how this works.
This is great. Do we owe Earwolf this money?
Yes, we have to pay cash on the way out.
Oh, Christ.
Gilbert said he's got his check.
John, we love you.
Can I just...
One more thing.
Go.
Gilbert, please do Herve Villachez and Scent of a Woman,
and I'll hang up and wait for your comment.
I'll die happy if you do Scent of a Woman with Herve Villachez.
John, we love you.
We'll talk to you, pal.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
Hoorah!
Oh, your name is Stephanie
because you're wearing
Chanel No. 5.
Hoorah!
That's one of my favorites.
So what I've learned tonight
is that Dara is a master
of area codes.
So, Dara, where's 216?
What do you got, Dara?
That's Ohio.
Ohio.
How does she know this?
Ohio is now about to be on the air.
She's like Joyce Brothers knowing everything about boxing.
Definitely Ohio.
Definitely Ohio.
Hello, Ohio.
What do you got for us?
Who are you?
Oh, hi.
My name's Fred.
I'm actually a physician.
I'm 41 years old, but I've always aspired to be a comedy writer.
And I'm a huge fan of Gilbert.
God help you, Fred.
And I love his style of humor and stuff.
But I was just wondering if I could get his opinion on one of my bits that I came up with,
just to see if he thinks that it sucks.
Fire away!
So anyway, I love making fun of things that annoyed me on television.
And one of them, at least back in the 90s, I don't know if you guys remember it, but
you remember those old Peace Picante commercials, the ones with the cowboys, and they'd always
get yelled at for the New York City salsa?
I do.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
So anyway, for the bit, what I wanted to do was, so you have the cowboys, and they're
sitting around the campfire, and they're getting the salsa out, and you hear the one guy say,
this stuff's made in New York City, and then all the cowboys get pissed at the New York City.
And immediately what I would do is I would pan to footage of the 9-11 attacks.
So there'd be the planes hitting the buildings and, you know, people jumping
and then people running through the streets screaming,
and you see the buildings collapsing.
Okay.
And there would be this really sort of somber music playing as the buildings collapse,
and you see the people crying and screaming.
And then all of a sudden, I would immediately pan back to the Cowboys.
And I would just see these shocked faces.
And then one of them would just say, oh.
And then it would flash the Pace logo.
And it would say, pick up the Pace.
What kind of a doctor are you?
What kind of physician are you, Fred?
I think I'll open with it tonight.
Fred, you don't mind if Gilbert steals your bit, do you?
Well, I love this kind of stuff.
Do you remember, there's another bit that I came up with.
Oh, let's hear it.
One of my buddies is a neurosurgeon,
and so I don't know if you've ever stayed at the MGM and stayed in the Villa Suites, but there's one Villa Suite that has a veranda that overlooks the Strip.
So I'm out there with my cousin and this neurosurgeon buddy of mine, and we're looking at the Strip, and I'm looking at the New York Hotel, and I'm drunk.
And I'm looking at that hotel, and I tell my cousin, you know, look, I don't think they built that building like they were supposed to.
I think something's missing.
And he says, well, what do you mean?
And I just said, well, I think there should be a plane sticking out of the side.
I mean, wouldn't that be cool for a VIP suite?
And the Bellagio has the lights go off every hour.
So all your bits involve 9-11.
Yeah.
Can I?
Do you have a third bit?
Do you have a third bit?
Do you have a bit about the triangle shirtwaist fire?
Well, so, like, even just, like, okay, here's another one.
Oh, good.
But, like, did you watch the news when the Syracuse basketball coach,
there was some jaywalker on the highway, and he hit the jaywalker.
Okay.
And killed him.
I'm live from already.
Yeah.
Well, so, and I'm a Syracuse alumnus because that's where I went to med school.
And so I saw this and a bunch of my buddies were like, oh my God, this is a tragedy.
And, you know, he's going to have to deal with this for the rest of his life.
And all these people were saying thoughts and prayers and all this other stuff.
And the first thing I thought of, and I posted this, was did he get called for traveling?
Do you have another one?
So all these people were immediately like, you know, fuck you, man,
and who are you, and like, you know, god damn,
you're an idiot, and who would even think of something like that?
Fred, Fred, what?
And so then I started saying other stuff, like I responded like,
well, that's a technical foul.
Fred, what kind of doctor are you?
I'm a neurologist. Okay, can I
hear another bit?
No, we got other calls. I know, I know, can I hear another bit? I know, I know.
I gotta hear another bit.
There's just so many
of them. One more quick one.
One more quick one, Fred.
Okay, the only question
I mean, it's not a bit, but it was just a question for Gilbert.
Go ahead. I want a bit!
No, go ahead. I want a bit.
What's the question?
Give us a bit!
Whoever that chick, Rhonda, was with the huge tits.
A child dying or something.
Oh, you mean Rhonda Shear?
Yes.
Now do a bit.
You said you had another bit.
I want to hear another bit.
When you're put on the spot, you get so nervous.
You really are a hero of mine. I wish I could tell you a bunch of them spot, you get so nervous. You really are a hero of mine.
I wish I could tell you a bunch of them.
He's nervous.
He emailed one earlier.
Here's another one.
Real quick, last one.
Six people on hold just killed themselves.
You know how you can...
On Facebook, how you can change...
They have these things where you can superimpose, like, a color on your profile.
Yes, yes, yes.
I support Planned Parenthood.
So a bunch of my, this happened a couple years ago, but a bunch of my friends, you know, put this all up because they supported Planned Parenthood and stuff.
And so I did the same thing, but I changed my profile picture to a picture of a can of Roto-Rooter, like, solvent cleaner or something that you would dump into your sink
to clean out the clog.
That was another one.
Uh-huh.
See?
That's hilarious.
Let me remind you.
I can't emphasize enough that he's a physician.
He graduated from medical school.
If this guy was playing somewhere,
I would definitely go see him.
There's a two-drano minimum at the club.
This man is studying the mysteries of the human brain. Definitely go see him. There's a two-drano minimum at the club. Dr. Fred, we thank you for the call.
You've entertained us greatly.
Well, and just one other thing.
If you ever do a neurological exam on an elderly patient,
one of the best things you can do to assess for coordination
is to tell them to put one finger down at a time.
So in front of this entire family, this elderly lady is examining her, and so she put one finger down at a time. So in front of this entire family, this elderly lady was examining her,
and so she put one finger down at a time.
Finally, she's just holding her middle finger up
and the family goes,
and then the lady just goes,
and so the family just starts going on and on.
This lady has to go.
Fred, we...
This is terrific.
Gilbert has to get to the laundry.
We gotta go.
Fred, thank you.
This has been informative and educational.
Take care, man.
If Gilbert ever needs anything and wants me to write bits,
please call my number.
He's written it all down.
He's gonna start watching CNN at night for ideas.
I want this guy on every week.
Thank you, man.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
Oh, boy.
I need a break.
Okay, we're going to take a 40-minute break.
Who's next on the line?
616.
You're going to love this.
You know who this is?
They're going to tell us now.
That guy's therapist?
Hello, you're with us.
You're on.
Caller, you're on the air.
Hey, Frank. It's Scott from Michigan. Scott Stite from Michigan. Hey, we're with us. You're on. Caller, you're on the air. Hey, Frank, it's Scott from Michigan.
Scott Stite from Michigan.
Hey, we know that name.
Hey, Scott Stite, we know you.
And now we know how to say it.
Yep.
Scott Stite.
Scott S-T-U-I-T-T.
Thank you for letting me follow that Ohio caller.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Somebody needs to follow him.
Got any stories about the Hindenburg you want to share?
Physically follow him.
Maybe some concentration camp jokes or something. Lighten the mood. You got a bit about the Hindenburg you want to share? Physically follow him. Maybe some concentration camp jokes or something.
Lighten the mood.
You got a bit about the Donner party.
How are you, Scott?
I had the oven on.
I had the gas on in the oven.
I was ready to stick my head in.
Well, I'm glad you hung in there.
What do you got for us, buddy?
Number one, I love it.
Thank you for everything
especially the three times you've asked
questions to guests
Mary Ross
and my favorite Bill
Saluga oh we asked your questions
to those guests
that's great did I pronounce your name right
when I did it
the first time no
the next two twice that's where I corrected you.
Scott Stite.
Do you have a favorite episode, Scott?
Yeah.
I got to go with the two times that she had Bob Einstein on.
Absolutely.
Well, he was only with us once, but it felt like two.
Yeah.
It was only once.
It felt like twice.
He listened to it twice.
Yeah.
He was terrific.
He was arguably our funniest. It felt like twice. He listened to it twice. Yeah. He was terrific.
He was arguably our funniest show and our funniest guest.
I found a voicemail message from Bob Einstein the other day on my phone, which I'm going to play on a future episode.
Yeah.
It was sweet to find it, and I saved it.
What a treasure.
He was a sweet man.
I mean, he roasted us.
He tore us a new one for an hour and a half,
and then he called me at home later in the week to say what a wonderful time he had and he was a totally uh he was in a totally different
place what we knew was a put on but he was actually so grateful yeah he was do the show
the real deal one of the funniest people in the world yeah he was one of those he hit the ground
running i mean he was just from the very right after the introduction. Comedy genes. Yeah.
I mean, his brother's Albert Brooks,
his father was Barcukarcus.
It was all in the DNA.
And, you know, with Funkhauser,
I mean, right up to the end of his career,
he was still funny.
Absolutely.
Did you hear the Larry Charles episode, Scott?
We asked about Bob.
Absolutely.
And then I listened to him today
on Spike Ferenstain's podcast,
and I recommended that Spike Ferenstain, the writer on Seinfeld, come on your show.
At the same time, I also told Spike that having Gilbert on his podcast might not work because Gilbert's never had a driver's license.
No, that's not going to work.
Scott wrote the Soup Nazi episode.
It's not Scott.
Spike wrote the Soup Nazi episode. Oh, not Scott. Spike wrote the Soup Nazi episode.
Oh, I wish I did.
Then I'd have a portion as well.
Funny guy.
We thank you, man.
We thank you for the question, the call, and all the support on Facebook.
You've been a loyalist from the beginning.
Absolutely.
And one last request, Gilbert, please butcher my name and tell me something completely derogatory.
I would love it.
His name is Scott Stite.
Three minutes have gone by.
Yeah, Scott Stite.
Scott Stite.
Go fuck yourself.
I just literally told my daughter I'm on hold waiting for Gilbert Gottfried to tell me to go fuck myself.
There you go.
A greater honor you will never receive.
Thank you.
Happy birthday.
Thank you, buddy.
Was your daughter impressed?
Happy birthday, Gilbert.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my goodness.
All right.
I hope he wasn't a Jew.
All right, Dara's up again. Who's area code 609? Okay, D this. All right. I hope he wasn't in the shoe. All right, Dara's up again.
Who's area code 609?
Okay, Dara.
609.
I think that's California.
She wants to say, is that New Hampshire?
Let's find, you know, the only way to find out.
Let's find out.
Dara's got like an idiot savant skill.
She can identify any state by the area code.
Area code 609.
You're on the air.
Hello?
Hi.
609 is New Jersey. It's Jersey. I'm from Jersey. You're from Jersey? It's 6.09. You're on the air. Hello. Hi. It's 6.09.
It's New Jersey.
It's Jersey.
I'm from Jersey.
You're from Jersey? I'm from Jersey.
Who do we have the pleasure of talking to?
This is Eva Klein.
I'm one of your friends on Facebook.
Eva, we know you.
How are you?
Eva, you're one of the listeners that gives us hope because you're a woman.
I think I am, yes.
My wife likes to say, you don't have any women listening to this show.
Oh, are you kidding me?
Listen, guys, I listen to every single episode.
I drive an hour each way to work.
God help you.
And I started in the summer.
My son, he's 16.
We listen to you. We went to see you, Gilbert, in New
Brunswick when you were up there with my husband.
Thanks. You just make us laugh.
You were the best. Thanks.
And I bought your merch.
I got your merch. Oh, I appreciate it.
This woman paid for a ticket to see
you. She paid the two-drink minimum
or whatever the hell it is. And she
bought merch. She's a total sucker.
Eva, he should come and wallpaper your living
room.
Do you have a guest
house or like a garage?
He's a guest bedroom. He can come and stay here
if you want. He should come and paint
for all you've done for
him do you have do you have a question or a request or or maybe a trivia question or something
well i wanted to tell you i don't know if you appreciate this as much as i do but i kept hearing
the song with the hello there hello there hello there and i yeah my uncle lurve who was like a
grandpa to me he was he was crazy he was like a grandpop to me, he was crazy.
He was like a really nutty guy, but he always would say,
who's there, who's there to me on the telephone.
And I'm thinking, did he get this from the song?
So he called my brother, who's 11 years older, and I said, Harvey,
did Uncle Lerf know this from, and he said, yes, he was a huge Morty Allen fan.
There you go.
Oh, my God.
That warms Gilbert's heart.
Wow.
I'm telling you, he's been gone for like maybe 20 years.
I adored that man.
And it made me so stinking happy to like remember something about him through your show.
It was just great.
Does this ring a bell?
It was just great.
And now I keep playing it.
Learn to say it, it's so easy to do.
Hello there, hello
there, hello there, everybody.
They'll all say hello there
to you.
Does that bring back
memories, Eva? I'm telling you.
I'm telling you, I play that. I keep
playing that. I'm annoying my husband and son.
I keep playing that video on YouTube.
Do you have a favorite episode that we did, Eva?
Oh, my God.
Well, there's so many, but I love Richard Kind.
Whoa, another vote for Richard Kind.
He's the best.
I should be tabulating this.
I want him to come to my house for dinner.
You want Richard Kind to come to your house for dinner?
This could be arranged.
I'm sure he would.
Absolutely. We're pretty sure he
would.
Whenever Richard emails us about a show, I get
giddy. Yeah. Richard
emails us all the time. He's become the
best friend this show's ever had, so we
adore him. I saw him the other night at Larry Storch's
96th birthday, and he was
wonderfully killed. Oh my God. He didn't kill
Larry Storch. I make Rougala.
I make good brisket.
And I can make them
cashew and brisket.
Dara, get on the phone.
Gilbert's on an Uber
right now on his way.
Dara, would you settle
for Gilbert
instead of Richard?
Gilbert, you can come
bring the whole family.
Whatever you want.
Gilbert, you like Kugel
and Rougala?
Rougala? Make a good Kugel and Rugaloff?
See, this would make a great reality show.
Me and Richard going to this woman's house for dinner. I think you and Richard, that would be the best show.
Yeah, you just go for free meals across the eastern seaboard.
That would be great.
Eva, we love you.
Thank you for supporting the show.
Oh, I love you too.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for calling
and thanks for being there for us
from the beginning.
Oh, always.
And do you know who ate my rugelach
and asked me out on a date?
Jackie Mason.
Jackie Mason asked you on a date?
She ate some rugelach
and I thought it would be nice.
You know Gilbert loused him.
Yeah, I loused him.
That's all right.
Thank you, Eva.
I took my mother to see him.
Please tell other women to listen to the show.
If you could go out on a date, and at the end of the night, maybe a blowjob or something.
Too late. She's off the line. Thank you, something. Too late.
She's off the line.
Thank you, Eva.
908, this is New Jersey.
I know this one.
Yeah, we go from Jersey
all the way to Jersey.
I know this was like
near South Plains.
What do they call it?
What do they have
their exact address?
Scotch Plains and Fanwood
is 908.
Hello, who's on the line?
Hello.
Hello, Frank and Gilbert.
This is Joey from Woodbridge, Joe Chiarolanza.
Joe Chiarolanza.
Hey, Giuseppe Chiarolanza.
Forget about it over there.
Como esta?
Yes, sir.
I'm the Monkees Obsessed listener who messaged you a couple of times.
You're obsessed with the Monkees the band or Gilbert's constant...
Or the Monkees that perform
cunnilingus.
Yeah, the cunnilingus chimps.
Because, you know,
that's caught on on Twitter, you know.
Can you play the cunnilingus chimp music?
What can we do for you, my friend?
You got a question, a request, some trivia?
I just, well, I wanted to see if I could do a quick bit about the Nuremberg trial real quick.
That guy a couple of calls ago, I didn't think you were going to let him stay on that long.
Gilbert was fascinated.
As far as I'm concerned, he could be an artist on the show from now on.
Favorite episode.
Okay, I'll be quick because I know you guys are kind of running down on time,
but my favorite episode had to be, and there's so many of them that I love,
but the Mark Hudson one.
Wasn't that wild?
It seemed like he touched on so many different subjects,
but for me as a listener,
it seemed like he led Gilbert right into a joke and it completely caught
Gilbert off guard when he was talking about Herbie Valencia and about how
it was more.
Yeah.
And,
and,
and the pain,
the pain,
right.
That's right.
Gilbert just kind of was stunned for a second and then just busted out laughing.
Do you remember we did Mark Hudson at Nutmeg and we were sitting in the kitchen?
Yeah.
And he just walked in and was fired out of a cannon.
He walked in.
We're sitting in the kitchen.
He walks in and it's like he had already done like half the show.
Right.
He just walked in with like six dirty stories at the ready.
He was an automatic guest.
We should get Mark back.
Yes.
He's probably got a couple more bullets to fire.
You can't use this on the show, but a lot of his stories.
He also told us a few we couldn't tell on the air, unfortunately.
And I think he does the funniest Cher imitation.
He's a very funny man.
We'll get Mark Hudson back.
He lives in the city.
He lives on the Upper West Side.
Thank you, man.
We appreciate hearing from you.
Oh, definitely.
And thank you guys for what you do.
Of course.
We appreciate you.
Take care.
Okay, bye.
All right, we got a few more before we run out of energy.
I have a thought.
I'm going to leave a pause here in case we want to edit this out later.
Yeah.
Because we have all these people in the queue,
do you want to take a few more for this episode
and then run into another mini with the people that are still in the queue?
Or do you want to...
We probably should.
Yeah, because some of these people have been holding for 40 minutes.
My worry is the people on the mini who aren't on Stitcher won't hear themselves.
Hey, small price to pay.
Okay.
I'm just saying.
All right, let it rip.
We'll do another
we'll do another, I don't know,
3-4 on the main and then we'll switch over?
Yeah. You want to do that? We now go to beautiful
downtown area code 206.
Dara, what's 206? Uh, Seattle,
I think. Seattle, is she right?
Is she right? Is Dara right? Yeah, this is Seattle.
There you go. Hey! Look at that.
Dara, I am so impressed.
Who do we have the pleasure of talking to? Oh, Morty Weinberg, a new friend of St. John's Apogre on Facebook. Look at that. I am so impressed. Who do we have the pleasure of talking to?
Morty Weinberg, a new friend of St. John's of Padre on Facebook.
I know you.
How are you doing, Morty?
Yes.
I'm doing good.
Doing good.
Thank you.
I just wanted to wish Gilbert a happy birthday.
And also thank you guys for turning me on.
I got a Dick Miller autograph right before he passed away.
Oh, you got a Dick Miller autograph before you passed away. Yeah.
Dick was a lovely guy. We love him.
Good man. Yeah, so I sent her
I sent his wife
some charity.
I just want to thank you all for the education
and everything.
Helping out my mom with relisting to
Marilyn Michaels again.
Oh, your mom dug the Marilyn Michaels episode.
Oh, she was actually crying. Oh, your mom dug the Marilyn Michaels episode. Oh, she was actually crying.
Oh, how about that?
Gilbert, you made another woman cry.
We do bring them back, don't we, Morty?
Yeah, you do.
You know, it's the philosophy of the show.
As Gilbert always says, these people are as good as they ever were.
You know?
These performers, they need to be heard.
And you don't realize what their background is
and who their whole family is and how they got developed.
Absolutely.
Do you have a favorite episode, an absolute favorite one,
before we jump?
Yeah, the Bruce Valanche.
Oh, wasn't he great?
Oh, yeah.
Bruce Valanche is what Gilbert likes to call
where we don't even have to show up.
We leave the mics on and leave.
Yeah, he was great. I believe
in David Niven's story, so I thought it was amazing.
Absolutely. That's gospel.
Yeah, we'll have Bruce back too sometime.
Thank you, man. We appreciate hearing from you,
Morty. You're welcome. Keep up the
listening. Thanks, man. Thanks
for the support. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Thank you. All right, Dara, area code
412. Dara, what's 412?
Pittsburgh!
Pittsburgh!
Dara is yelling out
area codes.
She has this
uncanny skill.
All right, Pittsburgh,
we're on to you.
Hi, this is Fred Whedon.
Fred, I know you.
Hey, Frank.
How you doing, man?
Fred is a fellow wackacky Packer.
Oh.
And I don't mean the Howard Stern Wack Pack.
I mean the Wacky Pack trading cards.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
Yes.
Fred, you're an illustrator, a cartoonist.
Somebody at some club gave me a couple of stickers.
Wacky Pack stickers?
Yeah.
Fred, was that you?
Not at a club.
No, I think I sent some in the mail.
He sent you, and didn't you send Gilbert some of those,
what are those cards called that you've been trying to get,
the things from the street?
Oh, the Chick Tracks.
Didn't you send Gilbert some Chick Tracks in the mail for Christmas?
Right.
Yeah, that's true.
The Chick Tracks and the Yago pin. He sent you the Y? Right. Yeah, that's true. The Chick tracts and the
Yago pin.
He sent you the Yago pin.
Oh, yeah.
I've learned so much about Jesus
and going to hell.
Fred, did you and I ever meet
in the Topps days?
Or were you?
No, we never did.
The thing we worked on separately but together was the
hollywood zombies yes yes i wrote i wrote a series of cards called hollywood zombies and fred and
drew and the great herman mejia and some other artists uh uh illustrated those cards that was
a fun project it was i did a lot of the uh concept drawings for that yeah except they made me write 88 cards in a
weekend which almost killed me but that was that was fun that was a trial by fire if uh if uh
anybody's listening they can find them online hollywood zombies was a uh it was a fun card
series do you have a favorite episode fred you want to talk about or you series. Do you have a favorite episode, Fred, you want to talk about? Or do you have a Gilbert request?
Well, I wanted to say that I was one of the people,
I was like 14 years old when Gilbert's season of SNL was on.
Uh-oh.
I was actually watching at the time,
and Gilbert's work stood out for me.
I noticed Gilbert.
Really? It amazes me. I noticed Gilbert. Really?
It amazes me.
How about that?
Yeah.
When he had the Jufro.
Yes.
So you used to watch that.
Was this court mandated, Fred?
Did you do it voluntarily?
I was a glutton for punishment.
He was funny on that show.
He was modest about it.
No, yeah, I think so, too.
And one of the things, because I was 14, one of the bits that stuck out to me, and I remembered after all those years, was the thing about boring jobs, which Gilbert described as home jobs.
Oh, yes.
Wow, what a memory.
Yes.
Wow.
Wow, wow.
Are those available anywhere?
I probably.
I wouldn't watch them.
No.
Some are online.
Oh, my God.
Yes, the home job bit.
Yeah, I don't even know if I knew at age 14 what a home job was.
I was like, oh, I must be naughty.
Fred, you are taking him back.
Jeez.
To a period of his career
he'd like to forget.
Yes.
Thanks, man.
It blows me away.
Thank you.
You know, I have Gilbert's voice
in my ears at least twice a week
listening to each episode.
I'm going to plug your work.
People can find Hollywood zombies
and you've done other stuff for Tops, too, right?
So, Wacky Packs, Garbage Pail Kids.
Wacky Packs, Garbage Pail Kids.
I'll throw it.
Yeah, I'll throw in a plug, too.
I'm going to be at a cart show
in the first weekend of May.
There you go.
It's the 4th and 5th
in Allentown, Pennsylvania.
Perfect.
It's called the Philly Non-Sport Pennsylvania. Perfect. It's called the
Philly Non-Sport Trading Card Show. It's not in
Philly, but it's near Philly.
So go see Fred.
Our mutual pal
Jeff Zapata is going to be there. I love that
man. Jeff, if you're listening,
we're overdue for a drink.
Alright, man. We love
hearing from you, Fred.
It's my pleasure.
Thanks a lot.
It's great to talk to you.
And thanks for finding that Iago pin that I could never find.
One last thing I wanted to mention just about the show,
because I love the show.
Yeah, go quick.
The mini episodes, I enjoy just as much, if not more sometimes.
You're the one.
Yeah. Because when the four of you guys are just
sitting around and shooting the shit it's just uh it gets you know i die how nice how nice also
just about the the main the main show um it's all you know as much as i enjoy uh sort of the
marquee guests like uh yeah john astin um i appreciate guests that guests that I don't know,
like Austin Pendleton.
I didn't really know his stuff.
Right.
And those surprises are great when those come along.
Well, we feel like everybody,
no matter how famous they are or aren't,
everybody has stories.
You know, like somebody like Ron Friedman,
who a lot of our listeners didn't know.
But there was a great storyteller.
Oh, that was true.
And an automatic guest.
So that's one of the things we strive for.
Thanks, man.
You and I will meet one of these days.
That would be cool.
Take care, Fred.
Bye.
Thank you.
Hey, I think we're going to go to another country now.
Let's do one more.
Okay, but I think it's a foreign call.
Okay, we'll do one more, and then you want to switch over to a mini episode?
Yeah, we'll wrap this one up,
and then we'll switch to the mini.
Okay, so you are the last caller,
as they say, on the free show.
From somewhere, I think, far away,
but I could be wrong.
Hello?
Hello, I'm calling from Australia.
Happy birthday.
Australia!
Australia!
Thank you!
Yay!
Good day, mate.
Hi!
I know you, you.
It's Olivia Newton-John.
Yes.
Can you sing that song from Grease?
Please identify yourself.
I'm sorry to appreciate you.
Oh, my name is Jennifer,
and thank you so much for producing this show
and introducing me to people that I've never heard of.
Like Gilbert Gottfried?
Yes.
Jennifer, that's so nice.
Thank you.
I can never look at oranges the same way again.
Thank you so much.
I've had coffee and I'm a bit jittery.
That's okay.
What time is it out there, Jennifer?
Or down there?
Isn't it tomorrow?
It's midday Friday.
It's Friday already.
What's the future like?
Did the U.S. get bombarded from another country yet?
If you can go into tomorrow and tell us who won the game the night before.
Gilbert, it's a voice from the future.
Jennifer, how did you discover the show?
May I ask?
Just through searching.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, it's not more interesting than that.
Just through looking through iTunes, it got recommended.
And I love Gilbert for everything that he's done.
So I thought, oh, this will be good.
And yeah, it was.
You're a big Funky Monkey fan, are you?
Oh, yes.
Back by midnight.
Richard Kind.
He brings back Richardard kind i love
him so much too another vote for richard kind he really is the best richard kind is yes we
yeah we're he's this is the richard kind fan club tonight we love him he's changed our lives he's
changed this show for the better and and he's he's even a bigger snorer than I am. That's what I love about Richard.
Gives Gilbert strange comfort.
Tell, how
popular do you
think the show
is in Australia?
Jennifer, do you
interact with other
people who listen
to us or are
you the lone
wolf?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, no, no,
we have a few
people here.
Are you in
Melbourne?
Are you in
Sydney?
Oh, I'm in a little town
just south of Sydney.
A little town.
And so we actually have more call...
We have more listeners
than just you.
Of course.
Our only listeners
are in Australia.
It's Jennifer and a wallaby.
Yes!
Is there a club there that can book Gilbert?
Of course, of course.
Paul raises a good question.
Is there a club Gilbert can play out in Sydney?
Can he play the Opera House?
I believe there's more than one.
Gilbert, have you played Australia?
No, but that scares me to take a flight that
long. You've got to go to Melbourne. You've got
to play at the Winky Koala.
It's a long flight.
I just know there's
a joke.
Did you hear about the two
gay Australians
who tried to enter Sydney?
There you go, Jennifer.
More than you wanted.
Now, I heard Australia,
because it's so separate from any place else,
is why they have these weird animals
that you don't find anywhere,
like kangaroos and koalas, platypuses.
That's all because it's separate.
Yeah, is that true?
Yeah.
The emu?
Absolutely.
Gilbert Hiss.
I've been thinking about this all day.
And Australia used to be just a place for prisoners.
Penal colony.
Yeah.
Who knew Gilbert was a penis colony?
It was a penis colony.
No, no.
Different word.
They were penises.
Can you do your impression of Charles Darwin for us?
Yeah.
Jennifer, have you ever heard of an act called Rod Hull and his emu?
Yes, of course.
Yes.
He was big down under.
That's a real thing?
That's another joke. Yes. He was big down under. That's a real thing. That's a real thing.
He used to be on the Hudson Brothers show with our guest Mark Hudson.
Jennifer, you have made our evening.
We're so thrilled to hear from you.
We're so glad people are listening.
I'd like to visit you and go down under.
Now cut that out.
His wife is right here encouraging him.
I appreciate that.
Jennifer, thank you so much for calling.
Thank you for calling, Jennifer.
The perfect way to wrap this show.
Thank you so much.
God bless you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Thank you all.
Thank the 35 people who called for saying hello.
Hello there.
Hello there.
Hello there.
people who called for saying hello.
This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre,
the late Ray Bone,
and someone who's lost everything we've ever recorded,
Frank Ferrarosa.
You know.
250 episodes, my friend.
Yes.
Incredible.
Scary.
All right, callers,
still hang on the line.
Hang on, callers.
We're going to circle back to you
in just a minute.
Thank you, Frank.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you, Dara.
Bye-bye.
Hello there, Bocinoma.
Hello there.
Thank you. by Mike McPadden, Greg Pair, and John Bradley-Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach.
Special thanks to John Fodiatis, John Murray, and Paul Rayburn.