Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 60. Josh Groban

Episode Date: July 20, 2015

Singer and actor Josh Groban has sold over 25 million records and performed with legends like Sting, Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand, which is why it was so surprising that he allowed Gilbert and Frank into his home to interview him. In an animated and laugh-filled discussion, Josh shares his passion for comedy, his affection for the "Problem Child" movies and his memories of guest-starring on "The Office" and "Ally McBeal." Also, Josh coins a catch phrase, tackles the role of Tevye (at age 17!), mimics Jay Leno and duets with "Adele Dazeem." PLUS: "The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T."! Gladys Knight & The Pips! "The Beastmaster"! Old Groucho returns! And Josh sings "the hits" of Gilbert Gottfried! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Don't forget to follow us on our Facebook page. Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. On Twitter, at Real Gilbert ACP. on Instagram, Gilbert Gottfried and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. With my co-host and cohort, Frank Santopadre. And when the mic's not on. Yeah.

Our guest this week is a multi-platinum selling recording artist who has sold more than 25 million records, give or take 25 million. He's performed to sold-out crowds all over the world and sung with everyone from Andrea Bocelli to Celine Dion to Barbara Strathand. Some certain names I just have to hear. Going In and Out. Yeah, Going In and Out. I like it.

It's like the end of Nutty Professor. It really is. It really is. He's also an actor appearing in movies like Crazy Stupid Love, Muffet's Most Wanted, and hit TV shows like Ally McBeal in the Office, Parks and Recreation, American Dad. He is also the youngest guest. Is that true? Oh, by far.

The youngest guest we've ever had on the show. Younger than Marty Short. We haven't had Marty Short. Oh, no. Oh, God. Well, then there you go. He'll be the youngest. He'll be the youngest.

And I'm sure he won't understand any of my references. Please welcome the multi-talented Josh Brolin. Oh, God. Well, then there you go. He'll be the youngest. He'll be the youngest. And I'm sure he won't understand any of my references. Please welcome the multi-talented Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. All right. Got it. Pleasure to be here, guys. See, so you can only keep my voice up a certain amount of time. It hurts my throat.

Every time I do you, I need a lozenge. Oh, God. You do have one of the greatest voices in all of show business. Nobody can do you. You're one of a kind. He is. Oh, thank you. You're just the best.

You are. You truly are. I've never heard Rich Little do a Gilbert Gondry. Why don't we get Rich Little on the show and ask him to do you? We have to. He's 1,000, I think. Is he? Yeah.

God bless him. But you are our youngest guest. Before this, Larry Storch from F Troop was our youngest guest. And he was 93. Really? Yeah. So I'm just under the bar. So you just beat him.

I just made it. How many of our guests have you actually heard of? That's what I want to know, Josh. The show skews a little older. Barbara Felden. Oh, you know Barbara Felden? Classic legend. Okay.

No. Ken Berry? I know Ken Berry, of course. Okay. Okay. But this is a young... I feel like you're a young, hip... The kids dig you.

I'm a groovy guy. You're a groovy guy. I'm a groovy cat. We both have a – look, I'm 34. I'm no spring chicken, but I'm not 94. We both have a passion for khaki shorts, I see. So listen. We both have sexy legs.

I've been meaning to tell you that. We've both got gams for days. They're both like Betty Grable. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Listen, our style is coming back around again, truly. We are what Tyler, the creator, wishes he was able to do. How about Marty Allen?

Does that name mean anything to you? Marty Allen rings a bell. Because, you know, the hip-hop kids, they love Marty. This will bring it back to you. They love Marty Allen? Does that name mean anything to you? Marty Allen rings a bell. Because, you know, the hip-hop kids, they love Marty. This will bring it back to you. They love Marty Allen. You'll jump off the bridge and you'll say, oh, him. Hello, dear. Oh, Marty Allen.

Oh, my God, of course. Yes. I love this. That's always great when your signature line is just a greeting. Yes. Yeah, I feel like that's how you know you've made it in show business. So you know everything there is to know about Marty Allen. Yeah, yeah.

Hello there. Hey, lady. Well, yeah. I mean, there's two. Exactly. There you go. Marty Allen worked with the Beatles on the Sullivan show. That's how I know his name, yes.

Marty Allen was in a team with Allen and Rossi. Allen, Rossi, and Young, yes. Allen, Rossi, and Young, yes. Allen, Rossi, and Young, yes. He was the crazy Jew, and he had this handsome Italian singer. Oh, he did. So it was basically trying to recapture Martin and Lewis. See, when I got signed, they said, we want the look of a crazy Jew with the voice of a handsome Italian singer.

So as show business has progressed, they've decided to kind of blend the two. And Josh Groban was born. So basically you look like a Hebrew student. Yes. Yeah, exactly right. Like you're coming out of the yeshiva and you're singing Pagliacci. Whose great-grandfather might have been Caruso

or might not have been Caruso. Now, your father eventually wound up hating the Jews? Even though he was born a Jew, he wound up hating? My father doesn't have a hateful bone in his body. We were raised with kind of all religions. We kind of grew up with kind of the universal. I mean, my mom was raised Episcopalian. My dad was raised Jewish but didn't really care one way or the other, I don't think. He just was

like, oh my god, you guys get pine trees in your living room for holidays? This is wonderful. We get to burn a log and open gifts. This is great. So he kind of converted when he married my mom, but truthfully we were raised kind of to study all of them. Oh, so you didn't have any strong religious upbringing. No, I didn't really. I went to an Episcopalian elementary school, and you know, and then that was it.

But your father did donate to the Third Reich. No, that is, your blue cards here are very smudged. I think that, yeah, I feel like... And your new album is Dirtland Dirt Showman. Well, that is true, actually.

That might even be where the confusion came from. My titles are odd. You know, they come to me in dreams. And sometimes there's no rhyme or reason for them. But, yeah. That would be an interesting collaboration album album with steve reich the contemporary composer so the third yeah and just the three of us it'll be a boy band yeah your parents were not musical but your your grandmother yes my grandmother uh was very

musical yes she um uh played played for she was an accompanist for singers, and she played the piano and played the organ. And I remember I was having a voice lesson once at my parents' house, and my grandma happened to be over, and I'm just doing scales. And you know how grandmas just kind of wander into the – they just kind of walk in. It's all of a sudden, boom, like grandma's there. Oh, hello, grandma. She goes, I once played that song for 25 cents for a whole hour. Well, goodbye. Walked back into the kitchen.

Wow. And that was just, you know. Now, she played in vaudeville. Well, my grandmother on my mother's side played in vaudeville. Yeah, she was kind of a flapper girl in the 20s. And my grandmother on my father's side played one song for an hour for 25 cents apparently. Now, did they ever tell you about the old stars back in vaudeville? I only knew about my grandmother on my mother's side's vaudeville days because of looking through old pictures.

I mean there's such a – kind of a tragic and fascinating thing sometimes when you have a loved one that's in their 90s who passes away is you suddenly go through a treasure trove of history. And you go, God, grandma did that? Sometimes they're very close to the vest about things they did and people they knew and all that. So, yeah, no, we weren't really talked to about it very much. I don't know why. So the music skipped a generation for you. It did. No, I'm waiting for your son to be a great singer because we think it skipped a generation. First of all, how do you know I have a son?

Well, that's the next thing we're bringing up. Yeah. Yeah, no, it'll skip. It'll skip my kids. My kids won't want anything to do with it. Anybody who's around me, I don't know. But your kids are into comedy, right? Oh yeah, big time.

My five-year-old son wrote Friends. Fantastic. The theme song or the show? And Joey. Did he create Joey? Yes, that was one of his failures. And then he tried to create a million shows for Matthew Perry.

He was a spinoff kid. He was more, you know, that's your forte. His forte is spinoffs. Yeah, he did the Ropers. Oh, wow. Really? Interesting. So here's the thing.

What did you listen to as a kid? Because your parents were not in the business, but you were exposed to classic music. I was. I was exposed to all sorts of things. Why were you exposed? Where are you going with this? I don't know. Whatever you just said here, you were exposed.

What did they show you? Here's an old record called Ever Seen a Grown Man Naked? Yes. Whatever you just said. You were exposed. What did they show you? Here's an old record called Ever Seen a Grown Man Naked? Yes. Here's a doll. Show us where the man... Show us where he touched you. Yes.

You know, in the 70s, you talked about loving records in the 70s, but there are some creepy album covers and titles in the 70s. There were some very odd kind of bearded men. Really? Every vinyl, it seems like, is a bearded man

staring into the distance. The name of the album was always Show Us on the Puppet Where He Touched You. Or something like that. And back then, it wasn't creepy. There were a lot of double entendre songs in the 70s. Did you know, Gil? Oh, yeah. Like Melanie singing Brand New Key.

Oh, yes. Afternoon Delight. Yes. There was a period where there were, you know, and of course, bubblegum music. Yeah, yeah. You know, yummy, yummy, yummy. And now. And, oh, and what was that?

Oh, My Ding-a-ling. My Ding-a-ling. I want you to play with My Ding-a-ling. Right, Chuck Berry. Yeah. I wasn't a song. You're just saying. Oh, yeah.

Oh, the song. Yes. Oh, there was. I was on a song. You're just saying. Oh, the song. Yeah. Oh, there was a song? I was rapping it. Yeah. You got to contemporize it for the kids these days. Yeah, all of those songs wouldn't make it on the radio these days. No, I'm sure not.

No. But what did you listen to? Because we ask all our guests what they grew up watching, what they grew up listening to. I grew up listening to, I loved Gladys Knight and the Pips. I loved kind of soul music. I loved Paul Simon growing up. Yeah, me too. First album I ever got was Graceland.

And I just loved that, Rhythm of the Saints. It kind of was a first introduction to world music and those rhythms and things like that. Right, right. And then I grew up listening to people like Mel Torme. I grew up listening to the Great Crooners. I grew up listening to Caruso. I grew up listening to Frank Sinatra. Show tunes too?

They play that stuff in the house? Yes. I was the one that bought the soundtracks for the show tunes because my parents would take me to see shows in Los Angeles. A lot of touring companies would come by and they'd play the Amundsen in LA. And then I would just terrorize my family by just playing

soundtracks to Phantom of the Opera and Tommy and Sunday in the Park with George. And even like the music from Cirque du Soleil I thought was like really cool. I mean acrobatic music. I just thought, well, that's interesting. Sure. So I just – I had a weird stack of – I had one of those very thick CD booklets where you could still flip through. And it was just filled with stuff. I grew up listening to –

Did you ever play Tevye? I did. He did play Tevye. You did? I did, yes. You did? Yes. Wow.

I will send you, because you'll put this up on a website, Ann. Yes. I will send you a YouTube clip of me doing If I Were a Rich Man when I was 17 years old that you can put up on your website. How about that? Oh, my God. I was Tevye. I had to paste on a beard at that point. I did. I was a baby face. I couldn't paste on a beard at that point. I did.

I was a baby face. I couldn't grow a beard for the life of me. But I had five daughters. Yes. Can you do that speech about the five daughters still? I don't know if I can do that. How does the speech go? It just goes, I had five daughters.

That's the whole speech, right? Yes. Yeah. And I know there's also where he would go, and in this hand... On the other hand, yeah. I sell cheese. And on the other hand, ask the

rabbi. I don't know. I forgot what it was. Have you ever played Tevye? I would pay double... I were rich. I'd have the time that I like. And the chickens and the geese. How old were you?

I was 16. Wow. So, yeah, no, we all were just kind of pretending what it would feel like to be a 55-year-old, you know, Russian Jewish cheat salesman. We were all just, you know, carpooling in the station wagon every day. We didn't really know what it felt like. Would you say Zero Mostel was the greatest? Zero was probably

the greatest. We had a son on the show, Josh Mostel, a couple of weeks ago. How old is he? Josh? He's in his probably 60s. Still under the wire. Yeah, and he was a kid on our show. Yes. He was a young whippersnapper.

He was a youngster. Yeah, I thought Zero was probably the greatest. He was great. Why didn't he do the movie? I liked Topal. Topal. Topal. Topal.

Topal. Topal. Topal. Topal. Topal. That's his greeting to people. Topal. Topal. That's his greeting to people. Topal! Topal!

But yeah, he was good. I think he didn't do the movie because, and I hope this is the actual truth, that the producers thought he had a reputation for being a little bit difficult to work with old zero. I would have imagined that people with one name would be more difficult than people with two names. I would imagine if you're just Topal.

That's why Cher never played. Never played Tevye. She began filming. Sunrise, sunset. So just take us through this journey a little bit. I mean, how do you, and I know I'm skipping over years and I'm skipping over big important parts of your life,

but listening to the music and falling in love with this stuff, and eventually your vocal coach gives a tape to the great David Foster. That's right. I was singing All I Ask of You as Gilbert. Really? Yes. I'd pay to see that, too. Can we hear two lines at least?

Yes. That's all I ask of you. The end. There's a great version of Josh singing that with Sarah Brightman online that I saw. There is. Beautiful. The boring version. Yeah, that didn't work.

That didn't work at all. No, but I was – it was actually – God, it was just around the time that I was playing Tevye. I mean I was a kid. I was a senior in high school. And David Foster called a voice teacher that I was with and said Michael Crawford was supposed to sing at an event for the governor of California and he just pulled out. Oh, it was Gray Davis' inauguration? Yeah, it was Gray Davis' thing, yeah. And so he says, who have you got who's young who can sing the song?

And I sent in – I was one of five tapes, and he picked my tape. And that was my first time singing in front of a professional audience. So David Foster, also a famous producer, also famous for being the man that ran Ben Vereen over with a car. Yes, but that story actually is – what happened was – at least I think this is the right story – is that once Ben Vereen went to the hospital for that injury, they found a brain tumor that he would not have otherwise noticed had he not been hit that night. I did not know this. I think that's what David Foster told him. I think that's maybe – yes, haven't you read David's autobiography?

That was his story. Yeah, so he saved Ben's life. That's what – Apparently. David Foster's lawyer. That's right. I said that. Listen, I've got a story.

Yeah, that might very well be true. Yeah, like Lee Harvey Oswald said, well, Kennedy would have had a heart attack right then anyway. You know, hindsight is 20-20, they say. Oh, boy.

Now, who ran over Stephen King? Oh, that was just a civilian. It wasn't a celebrity. I was fascinated by the fact that here's Ben Vereen wandering on the Pacific Coast Highway at night. Well, people do jog at night. It's nice. The ocean breezes.

I ride my city bikes at night. What are the odds of one musical legend being hit by a car driven by another musical legend? That's show business. We've all been hit by David in various ways. George Gershwin crashed into Frank Sinatra once. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's famous. So you're storytelling. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's famous. Well.

So you're storytelling. Ben Vereen, I heard was a little. He was in his wacky stage, too. Did he have a wacky stage? Yeah, he might have been wandering aimlessly. Oh, really? And seen dragons chasing him or something. Really? Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, he was. And David was in a normal car with the headlights on, I imagine. I don't know the whole story of it. There was no Ben Vereen crossing sign, which was... With the fedora down. The fedora tip down and a silhouette. Kind of just silhouettes. With his soft paws.

Smoothly dancing. His white gloves. Jazz hands across the street. No. So Gilbert has no interest whatsoever, Josh, in your personal history. That's absolutely fine. That's absolutely fine. Can I leave now?

Yeah. But damn it, we have so much watermelon and cashews left. You brought the snacks, Gilbert. You want to just leave them here? Fine with me. Listen, I'll zip up my onesie and enjoy the rest of this afternoon. I will be covered in watermelon juice dripping down my flesh. And then cashew crumbs permeating the felt of my onesie.

You are like, you are seriously, when I watch your roasts, you are like a depraved Maya Angelou. Your perverted prose are a work of art. The way you insult is second to none, truly. A depraved Maya Angelou. Yes. Maybe my favorite compliment that you've received. Because, you know, and this brings me to another topic. It's like when Frank was saying Josh Groban wants

to do the podcast and I was thinking, what the hell do I want to talk to him about? Clearly not his history. I could show you the email begging me, by the way. If you'd like me to pull that out, I could send you at least four emails from the

past year and a half of your sweet wife saying, listen, there's a cancellation. Yes. It was last minute. I shit you not. Don't you call me out, you motherfucker. Listen, I will show you those emails. The girl who was the original.

We'll bring snacks. We'll come to you. Bring snacks. Yeah. We'll come to you. The girl who was the original Marilyn in the pilot of the Munsters just died. And so we're going to try to get Josh. We had the last living Munchkin.

Yeah. There is only one. Jerry Marin. But she hadn't heard of him. Yes. We actually considered interviewing the last living Munchkin. We have one of the guys who replaced the Dukes of Hazzard when they were on strike that time. The car. Yeah, we have the guy who washed the car on the show.

And he turned us down. Oh, boy. Well, anyway, listen, happy to be here. Sorry for your cancellation. Oh, that's nice. And whoever it is, it's their loss. But Frank said, oh, he's a fan of yours. And I went, oh, Josh Groban.

Yes. Yes. Oh, him. Oh, yeah, that guy. I have all his albums. Yeah, you know, the guy, you know, you ready for my catchphrase? Yes. Hello.

Right? Yeah, him, that Josh Groban. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. Yeah, sure. From the Murph Griffin show when he used to go in there all the time. Yeah, I'm the guy who always says no to being on the dais.

Yeah. Yeah, that's that Josh Groban. Yeah. on the dais. That's, that's, yeah, that's, that's,

that's Josh Groban. Yeah. And I remember your straight man would go, and we're here with the astronaut who landed on the moon

and then you do your, your line. And then I'd sing my famous song, Moon Rock. Well, first you'd go,

yes, but first you'd go, hello. Yeah. And everyone would start, everybody would start doing it. Yeah,

that's right. Round of applause. That's absolutely right. Yeah. So when did you become a fan of mine? Fuck your career. I want to talk about mine. I'm tossing this card away.

I became a fan of Gilbert's, I think, midway through a Showtime 3 airing of Problem Child 2. That was when I first became aware. No, you had a number of great roles. I remember – well, two reasons I was a fan of yours. One is because I really did see many of your films when I was younger. But two also is that when I was just getting started in this industry, I was 17 years old. I was at the American Airlines lounge at LAX.

And I walked by and I recognized you. And I said, hey, hey, Gilbert, how you doing? And you went, hey, what's up, man? And I thought to myself, those are the kind of moments that just... I don't know, it stuck with me

You wouldn't remember that, but it was special to me It was special to me Every morning I wake up And I think, gee, whatever happened to that That's beautiful Did I kid? Well, that happened Not exactly on that note

But I was doing a recording session For my last album And there was a pianist that I recognized his name on the sheet. And I recognized his name. I said, well, that was the name of my piano teacher when I was six years old. That can't possibly be. And so I stopped him in the lobby, and I said, Robert Thies? Rob Thies? Is that you?

He goes, yeah, yeah. He goes, yeah, thanks for having me on because he'd never been in any of my sessions before. I go, you taught me how to play piano in Los Angeles when I was 10 years old at that house in Hancock Park. And he goes, that was you? I said, yes, that was me. He goes, I've been following your grade. No idea. I taught you piano at a young age.

No, it's crazy. Sometimes that happens. Yeah, he was also holding a cup of warm cashews as well. Really? At the time, yeah. This is halfway through the interview, and I forgot your well. Oh, yeah. Really interesting. At the time, yeah. It's not... This is halfway through the interview, and I forgot your name. Yeah, well...

Yeah, so... Brolin, that story's not as moving as meeting Gilbert. Yeah, that's true. I'm trying to add just the slightest bit of emotional sustenance to this interview. I mean, listen, I... I told you, with stand-up comics,

you have to meet them 30 and 40 times. I mean, I love the bit we're doing here. We can do an hour long of, get it? I don't give a shit! If you'd like, we can just continue that the entire time. Well, you heard the Buscemi episode. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So you know how it goes.

You knew how to pronounce his name at the top of the interview. Yeah. And yet somehow it still transitioned into a 15-minute long discussion of how to pronounce his name. I still haven't heard you say my last name. Yes. Goldberg? That's it.

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Go ahead. You got a question for Josh Goldberg? Yeah, I was just doing my catchphrase. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. I used to do that on the Colgate Comedy Hour.

Did you? Yeah. You would just – I'd come out and go, yeah. You would just – And it all started. You would just saunter across the stage in a toothpaste tube costume, right? And just – Colgate toothpaste brought to you by Lucky Strikes.

And then you would just go, yeah. Right? Yeah. That works. God, I miss those days. Don't you? How old are you during those commercials? 35, 36?

Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was the original Alka-Seltzer kid. Were you? Oh, good. Now, in your house, you have a great photo of Groucho Marx on the wall. I do, yes.

Yeah. So you're a Marx Brothers fan? I am a Marx Brothers fan. I just finished reading his book, The Groucho Letters. Have you read those yet? Oh, yes. They're fantastic. Sure, sure.

To all these great authors. They're great. And what he would say is that not only did he have great wit, but his letters would inspire great wit from others. People would feel like when you were writing Groucho, you had to be on your A-game. Oh, yeah. Much like doing a Gilbert podcast. You can't phone it in. Yeah.

You have to be. Like us. Yeah. You can't come on and go, yeah. You can't just come on and go yeah. Yeah. I look forward to the

soundboard some internet geek is going to make of this. We're going to prank call people just going, who is this? Have you heard Gilbert's old Groucho? No. It's a special treat, Josh. Oh my goodness. This is Groucho at the end.

When we was working for on a stage, the stage used to be what the performers would stand on. And the performers back then were people who

performed. And they would do a joke. a joke back in my day was you'd say something and it would get a laugh and that was a joke and you'd wear it yeah is that really how he sounded oh yeah he used to go on the Dick Cavett show. Oh, my goodness. And I remember I would see all the old Marx Brothers movies, and I loved them, and they'd show him on You Bet Your Life. And then he was away from the public eye, and he would come back on the Cavett show. With the cap, with the little bird on the bird. I've seen the pictures, but I never heard the recordings. But now I feel like I was living in the...

Yeah, and you'd go, uh-oh, you know, where's that, like, really fast talking? Where's that thing? And he'd be there going... But was he very old? What was it? Oh, very old. Okay, so, oh, yeah. And he would be like, you know, back then you'd wear a hat,

and that was an article of clothing that you'd put on your head. And you'd go, oh, my God. Wow. Yeah. But I became fascinated. Listen, trust us. Have him on the show. He's going to do the hat bit.

It kills. We talk about the Marx Brothers a lot on the show and how we like the Paramount versions, the Paramount films more than the films where MGM kind of imposed storylines and plots on them and love interests. Yeah, where they became like supporting

players in their own movies. There were actual kind of storylines they had to follow as opposed to just being able to kind of roll and do their shtick and, you know, there wasn't so much of a structure to it. But, yeah. Now, speaking of the Marx Brothers and puns and word plays and that sort of stuff, you like to write jokes. No, I

don't. No, I absolutely don't. I could think of nothing I'd rather do. Really? I found your Father's Day joke, your hyphenated joke. That might be the only joke I've ever written, and it's not even a joke. It's a dad joke. If I had children, they would go, that is the most I would ever get out of this joke

because I'd get a moment, a glance before they went back to Nintendo. You're looking at me like I should tell the joke. My next album is going to be called That's Not Even a Joke. Yeah. He tweets puns all the time. Okay, alright, so what was it? What did I write? I said

how did the grammar, how did the English professor die? He got over-hyphenated and fell into a comma. It's awful. I like it. Do you like it? Yeah.

I knew he would. He loves wordplay. I feel like I've got to be wearing khaki shorts to get away with that joke. I feel like that is a... But you should end it with, yes!

Yeah! To break the deafening silence. You got to have a silence killer in an act, don't you? If a joke just doesn't go over, do you have a noise or a word that you can yell that just saves it? There used to be this comedian who would go on TV,

like on the Sullivan and Merv Griffin. He was this black comic. I think his name was Freddy Rogers. And his catchphrase was, oh, yeah. It's funny. He would do jokes, and right after the punchline, like the punchline was, I'm a cowboy. He'd go, and I'm a cowboy. Oh, yeah.

It still gets a laugh in the room. It's not that much different than Dino Mike. Yeah. Her cooking is terrible. Oh, yeah! She got a mustache. Oh, yeah! I think the key is the inflection, too.

I think if you yell something in a high-pitched voice, you could go, Cashews! And everybody would laugh. It's just, you know, that'll be just yell cashews in a high voice. It kills. And he slipped into a comma. Cashews! Cashews!

Hilarious. All right. So listen, I'm learning a lot about comedy today. You won't cop to writing jokes. I might write a second joke because of this. But you tweet jokes. Fingers crossed. Well, I tweet silly, stupid things. And maybe they're, I don't know to writing jokes. I might write a second joke because of this. But you tweet jokes. Fingers crossed. Well, I tweet silly, stupid things.

Maybe they're, I don't know. Possibly. Be careful tweeting. I do. I don't know if I've ever told you. That's a cautionary tale. It's a dangerous business. It is.

It absolutely is. But that's okay. I mean, what else? What am I going to do? Text friends? I mean, come on. Talk to people? You know, socialize?

What else is there? I've heard you say that your fans, joking around with your fans and your fans being jokey with you, gave you – you think it gave you the freedom just to sort of come out of that serious singer mode and have fun. When I got started, I mean, there were a lot of very serious photographs taken and there was is very serious, and my voice is very serious, and there's all that. And so I kind of – I loved comedy growing up. I loved – my dad is one of the funniest people I know. I grew up watching comedy. I grew up in an improv – He used to do jokes.

Go on. That's what we call a setup. That's a setup. He's a dog with a bone. I could see your wheels turning from my ear. I could hear your wheels turning while I was looking at Frank. You know, I just – I liked comedy. So, you know, but it was a weird thing.

When you're a kid and you've got a baby face and, you know, it's – and you've got a serious thing and a serious image. People don't necessarily want to see silly. They don't want to see goofy. So it's a fine line. So eventually, thanks to people like Jimmy Kimmel and people who kind of gave me bits to do where people said, oh, that's funny too. And Twitter helped too because I could write something that I thought was ridiculous or silly and my fans would be right there with me. So I realized, okay, we're not all one thing. Don't be afraid to kind of go there. Did you ever think in the middle of your songs

you should talk like Gomer Pyle? Oh. And just go, Shazam! Shazam! Every now and then. I think Cashew's a little stronger, personally. Cashew! Yeah, but, you know, but, yeah.

You made a good point. I saw an interview with Dan Rather, and you were saying that in the old days, a singer would come out on a talk show. In the Carson days or the old talk show days, the singer would get the last bit on the show, would get the last five minutes on the show. Yes. And that was all the singer was known for. Yes. And you really couldn't break out of that. No.

As a singer, you rarely get couch time. You get to go out there and sing for three and a half minutes. Sometimes it's two and a half minutes, depending on the show. And then they come over and say, yeah, thanks so much for coming. And then you're done. Oh, he does a Leto impression. Do your Leto. Oh, he does Leto.

Yeah, the new album is called Stages. Very good. Good. Now, do him bringing up a subject like it just came up in conversation about the guest. About the guest? Yeah, yeah. He would always, like talk show

hosts, have to make it sound like they don't have it prepared to get a guest into a band. Oh, I guess not on the pre-interview, right. Oh, gotcha. So, Cashews. You're a bit. Oh, I guess not on the pre-interview, right. Oh, gotcha. So, cashews. You're a cashew farmer, right? I noticed you have cashews on your breath.

What's the one you do? Yeah, yeah, because I know he would always be like, especially when he'd try to prime a guest into doing a bit. And he'd go,, I don't know. I read somewhere that you were stuck in an elevator with a gorilla. Yes. All right. Yes.

I read on Wikipedia. Yeah. Oh, God. I think people would find this interesting. But that's tough, though. If you're a host, that's got to be tough. I've realized this. I mean, truly.

I mean, you do 500 guests a year or more, and each one of them, you've got to hit the marks of whatever the pre-interview was. I don't envy it. Yeah, I used to get annoyed when they'd say, do you have anything we can lead you into? And I thought, I don't want to do that. It's boring. But now when you're a host, you go, oh, my God, that's right. You need something to ask. They're the ones to lead you in.

Yeah. So I have nothing else to say to you. All right. I was going to say. And, you know, when you were talking about your image and the covers being serious, I remembered about a year or so ago, I saw David Copperfield on stage. Uh-huh. And now he's doing, you know, he's on stage with his shirt hanging out.

Is he? Yeah. Hanging out? Yeah, just no jacket. When I saw him, he wasn't wearing a jacket, just a shirt and slacks, and talking in a regular voice. And I thought, no, I want to see that. What was he doing before?

I used to watch those specials. But I always thought he was understated. I always thought he'd be like, now I'm going to walk through the wall of China. Watch this. I always thought he was kind of like the cool. But he used to do like the Bob Fosse hands and everything. Oh, yeah. He was a big showman.

Oh, yeah. And his eyes would roll around. Yeah. It's mysterious. Yes. There was fog. Yeah. So now –

Now he's doing minimalist magic. Yeah. Very interesting. And this is the show in Vegas that he's doing, right? Yes. Where he's doing the intimate illusions. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I believe there should be razzle-dazzle in magic, just as in comedy. Yes. You know, when you start phoning it in, it's, you know. Cashews! Cashews!

Presto! I would love to see you do a magic act, Gilbert. Was your management a little bit, were they concerned that they wanted, you had a certain kind of an image that they were marketing and were they conservative with you? I think that the concern has been – and I think still is today. They're going to hate this, by the way. Oh, God.

No, I'm kidding. Is that I'm so super serious about singing and I'm so super dedicated and serious about music, but then when I'm off the stage, if I don't decompress that side, I would go crazy. And I think that the concern has always been to make sure that you don't lessen at all the seriousness that I have for the music

by confusing that. But I think that, you know, I think ultimately, like I said, people want to see the big picture i think people want to see all sides and um and when i'm doing my shows now it's loosened me up a lot more to be able to talk freely with the audience whereas i think before my first tour i kind of felt like i stuck to a script of oh thank you thank you very much and now for my next song you know i was very i don't know I was very kind of stiff I think early on.

And now I feel like I can go out into the crowd. I can talk to people. So you do a little banter. I do banter. There are comedy writers. You know this, who write for musicians. Yeah. Who write stuff for Vegas Acts.

I know. Yeah. Well, I haven't done that. Friends of mine have written for Clint Black and people like that. Yeah, you'd be surprised. I like it better when it's off the cuff. I think whenever I try to do stuff that's scripted, I always wind up needing to yell cashew because it doesn't – it goes false flat. Sometimes it – when people aren't used to delivering jokes, it comes across like being a presenter on the Academy Awards.

Right, yeah, totally. That's exactly right. Horrible. Yeah, it just – it's true. It's true. Yep. All right. We got cards Right, yeah. Totally. That's exactly right. Horrible. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Yep. All right. We got cards here, Josh.

Thanks, guys. What do you want to talk about? Let's talk about acting. Acting? Yeah. All right. And I heard you say, this is interesting, that you get pushback on auditions. I get pushback.

Because the people auditioning you have said things to you like, yes, I know you're a singer and there was a quote where you said, you know, we played your song at my mom's funeral. Oh, yeah. That's always awkward when you're, like, auditioning to be, you know, the Punisher. Yeah. You auditioned for the Punisher? No, but I'm just saying as an example, you know. Or

Pippi the Funny Repairman. Pippi the Funny Punisher. Truly, let's be real. Yes. You know, it's hard to get method in there when, you know, they just played your song at a funeral and or a wedding. But, yeah, they let you. I mean, that's another way I always thought. Well, oh, who was it? Oh, God. Who was it who was running for president who had who always had?

Pat Paulson? No, no. He always held on. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Yeah. And the funny thing with Bob Dole, Bob Dole, after he ran for president and lost, he would

pop up on sitcoms and Saturday Night Live. Viagra commercials. Oh, yeah. That too. And when you saw him in that, I always thought had he done the sitcoms first, the voters would have liked him a lot more. Yeah. Well, there's the pressure, I think. Well, you're right.

I mean people – some of these guys – I mean I think people like Mitt Romney a lot more now that he's not running for president. Oh, yeah. There's people, like, once people start loosening up and you see. We got in the boxing ring with Evander Hollenfield to raise money. Should have done that before. That would have been great. Yeah. And because now the public goes, oh, I like this guy.

Well, there's such a concern, I think. There's such a control. There's a very type A control freakdom to people who run for office and to people in the entertainment industry as well. And I think that when you try and, you know, it's like the sand in the hand. When you squeeze it so tightly, it all falls out. When you just hold it, it all stays there. I think

with these politicians, the same goes. They're so concerned with everything being meticulous. They've got people that are reading, you know, moment-to-moment ratings of how a single statement played across a certain territory they want votes from. How do you be human? It's impossible. It's impossible.

You become a robot. And I think President Obama actually got that part really right from moment one is he just knew how to be a person. Bill Clinton too. Clinton too, yeah. So you – did you feel like in the beginning, oh, I have to be like the serious, sensitive artist. That will be my image? Well – Or did you have people telling you that?

I was 17 when I got signed, and I was 17 going on 12. I was a late bloomer. I was a sensitive kind of immature kid, and I got signed at a time when I was still terrified about performing. I still had stage fright. I was terrified about my voice, of taking ownership of what it could do, and the discipline of really working at it. So I had to kind of pretend to be, you know, hot shit, while I was secretly terrified and learning.

I was a student and a pro at the same time. So it wasn't until about five or six years ago where I felt like I put in my hours, I had enough experiences and successes and failures and learning experiences to take ownership of it, that I felt like, you know what, I can shed some of that stuff that I felt was maybe, not so much about faking it,

but more about having a shield, more about having a way to kind of protect myself from the stuff that I was secretly really sensitive about. And I think that now I feel more comfortable in my own proverbial skin. Are you serious about acting? Is it a lark? It's not a lark. I am serious about it.

I mean, I was taken from theater school when I was signed. So my whole background was, I didn't think I'd be doing TV and film acting. I thought I'd be doing Broadway or plays or things like that. But the singing lessons were truly a tool that I was using to be a better actor. I thought that if I could sing as well as act, then I would have a better chance

of getting roles in things. The singing wound up being something I was way better at, so it just took over. But I love acting. The stuff that I've done has been cameo mostly stuff, and friends that have called and said, hey, we think we've got a fun role for you. Well, you played a convincing douchebag in Crazy

Stupid Love. Yeah, thank you. That was method. I sat behind that guy for many years in high school. You were good. So in the beginning, singing was secondary. It was. Yeah, it was. I was at a wonderful, incredible arts high school called the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts. It continues to be a great, great, great school to this day.

But you can choose your major. Once you can audition, it's a public school. It's free. But you audition for a major. So you're there for dance or music or visual art or vocals. And I auditioned for straight drama. I auditioned as a theater major. So the Tevye and all that stuff, that was extracurricular. That was stuff I was doing in my free time there. But I was taking voice lessons on the side. I wanted to focus primarily on my acting. Now, I remember you a couple of years ago as –

American Airlines Airport Lounge. Yes, yes. It was special for you too, was it? I think about it every time I'm walking down the street. Throw him a football jersey. I go, who's that Tevye-looking kid? Every time you're late for a flight to Duluth, you think of me. I wish he'd show up again.

I remember you on TV as a nerdy kid who gets Ally McBeal to be his date. Yeah, that was my first gig. To the prom. I was singing at a charity event in Los Angeles, and David E. Kelly, the creator of Ally McBeal, and the whole cast was being honored that night. And I was slated on the bill between Ray Charles and B.B. King. Wow. So, yeah, I was the you know, the nap time. It was the trip to the bathroom music.

But I sang my ass off that night, and I remember meeting David Kelly afterwards, and he contacted David Foster. I was only two songs into my debut record. Nobody knew who I was at all. And he said, hey, this kid, like, is there something, I like him. There's going to be a big wedding episode.

Robert Downey Jr. and Calista are going to get married in the season finale. Would your new guy, would he want to be a wedding singer? Would he want to be a wedding singer? It would be a 30-second part, Ave Maria, whatever it is, you can go sing the song. And I couldn't believe that I was going to be on this show. It was going to be uncredited, but I was going to be on the finale of this show. Cut to about four days before we were supposed to film.

Robert Downey Jr. was arrested and couldn't make it to set. That was during a really dark period for him. And David E. Kelly had to rewrite the entire show. So he was like, can you act? I'm like, I was just Tevye. I've got five daughters. Does that answer your question? Cashew.

And he loved it. He just loved it. So he wrote an entire episode about this agoraphobic kid who wants to take his girlfriend to the prom, and she breaks his heart. And I wound up hiring Allie to sue her, and it was a whole thing. And then I wound up singing a song that David and I had just finished working on at the end of the episode. I couldn't have asked for a greater kind of Hollywood moment. Yeah, you wind up having her as a date to the part. Yeah, exactly.

And people were writing in saying who – the kid was great. Who was the singer? And I was like, oh, wow, okay. Maybe we've got something here. Because people didn't know that I was the one actually singing in the part. They just assumed that there was like a 55-year-old guy doing the part for my singing. So, you know, it was a good moment. And so you're saying you fucked Callista Flockhart?

No, no, no. I'm not saying that at all. He's so confused. He's so confused. He, no, no. No, no, no. I'm not saying that at all. Oh, he's so confused. He's so confused. He's adorable, though. My goodness. Isn't he adorable? I love doing this with you, Gilbert.

Yes. What other actresses have you fucked who you worked with? As easily as you fucked Alyyllis McFlock. I hope Harrison Ford's listening. You work with an actress Gilbert will be excited to know about. Dee Wallace Stone played your mom

on The Office. On The Office, that's right. Yeah, fantastic. She was great. She turned us down so we got you. Was she your cancellation? We want to have her on the show.

Oh, man. That was a lot of fun. You were Andy Bernard's younger brother. I was, yes. I was Walter Junior Junior. Right. He was originally named Walter until I was born, and then they changed it to me. So, yeah, that was a fun episode.

Anytime you can be a fan of a show and you wind up shooting on a day where the entire cast is involved in the scene and you can kind of, it was the shirt farm. It was the shirt farm. Yeah. We were all there. And the, and just the whole cast was there except for Steve,

of course. and it was, you know, it was just, it was just a lot of fun, you know, as a fan, you're just sitting there going,

you know, wow, like I'm in it. Ally McBeal, I felt the same way. We all watched that show and I'm sitting there going, you know, people to watch them. As a fan, you're just sitting there going, wow. Ally McBeal, I felt the same way. We all watched that show, and I'm sitting there going, to be able to watch them in action is just pinch me. And Mindy Kaling just sent you a...

Yeah, she sent me a direct message on Twitter saying, are you going to be in L.A. on this day? We wrote a part we think would be funny for you, and I had just played L.A. the night before. It was just serendipity. Yeah, I love when that happens. Do you like auditioning? I mean, it's a different

skill than anything else. I mean, it truly is a different thing than when you're on set. And so... He doesn't care for it, your host. I think it's a forced, weird environment. I never feel like I'd... Well, it's actually interesting. Whenever I feel like I didn't do well at all, I get it.

And whenever I feel I nailed it, I'll get a call from the agent going, ah, there just wasn't – something wasn't there. Whatever it was just wasn't there. There are times where you think, oh, well, that's it. That's it. I'm writing my Academy Award speech now. That's right, yeah. And it's like, no, they didn't – they go, no, no, they thought you were good.

Yeah. Did you audition for Problem Child? Yes. You did? Yes. With the kid? No. He's coming on the show, by the way.

Is he? Yeah, Michael Oliver. I won't be the youngest anymore. Or maybe I still will be. How old is he? He's 87. Is he? Yeah.

He has this growing disorder. Oh, really? I think he has a gray bowl cut now, right? Yeah. You guys are neck and neck. You might be younger. Okay, all right. Yeah.

Michael Oliver, he's coming. I heard he was a sweet kid in real life, though. Yes. Ish. Yes, ish. Yeah. Ish. Yeah.

And John Ritter, of course, right? Oh, yeah. Who was just the best. Just the best. John was fun to work with. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star.

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Yes! Suck it, Aunt Susan. Yep, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with Skip. Did somebody say Skip? You want to talk about this movie you're doing with Anna Kendrick and John Krasinski? Yeah, I was in Mississippi about a year ago and we shot this movie you're doing with Anna Kendrick and John Krasinski? Yeah, I was in Mississippi about a year ago and we shot this movie. Speaking of The Office, John Krasinski directed the second episode that I did.

That was my first time getting to know him as a director. And this is his first feature-length film. It's called The Hollers, which is a last name. And it's got an amazing cast. I play Reverend Dan. I play the guy who's kind of the aw shucks, little Gomer Pyle-ish kind of guy. And he's kind of the reverend of the town. He winds up dating the ex-wife of John's brother, played by Charlton Copley of District 9.

You ever seen that movie, District 9? Yeah. He's kind of the guy who turns into the alien. That's a freaky movie. He's the voice in Chappie. He plays Chappie. I am Chappie. That's him.

Oh, I didn't see Chappie. But yeah, it's Charlton and John and Anna Kendrick and a great cast. So yeah, I don't know when it comes out, but we had a good time making it. You fucked Anna Kendrick? No. Yeah. Geez. No, Gilbert.

No, I did a movie. The movie. I did a movie. Oh, I get those two mixed up. It was John. I needed to did a movie. The movie. I did a movie. Oh, I get those two mixed up. It was John. I needed to fuck John to get the movie. He directed the movie, Gil. Have a watermelon slice.

Your blood sugar is dropping at a drastic rate. So you did fuck the director. Thank God. Well, that makes sense. Does it? That's how I got Problem Child. This may be the first guest we've had on the show that's a fan of the Problem Child movie. There's a breakthrough happening here.

I have a sealed VHS box set. Are you serious? I wouldn't tell anybody that. In Los Angeles. You know, I don't even know where to find it. There was a Problem Child 3 that no one knows about. Wow. It was a TV movie.

It was. Yeah. Were you in that one, too? I was in that one. I was the only one. You were the Eugene Levy to the American Pie continuation. Yes, he was. Okay, gotcha.

Yes. Gotcha. Yes. And starring. Yes. Gilbert Scott. But that was your moment. Truly, the third one was your moment for the head marquee name, right?

Yeah. And starring by default. You were the only face on the cover for the first time in that series. That's fun, though. When you finally get to the third made-for-VHS, you get to be the star. That's fun, though. When you finally get to the third made for VHS, you get to be the star. That's right. I remember doing one of these low-budget director videos.

No. Yes. Believe it or not. I'm shocked. And it had, I think, all these people like Mark Singer. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Beastmaster. Yes. The Beastmaster. There's another one. Another 70s, great 70s film like Mark Singer. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Beastmaster. Yes.

The Beastmaster. That's another one. Another 70s, great 70s film. Yes, Mark Singer. And I saw a trailer for it. And because no one in it is like, you know, if you've got a, you know, Tom Cruise, you go, Tom Cruise in. There's some people.

But here they've got to name everybody. Yes, of course. To help it add up to one big star. And it was an action. You see helicopters exploding and girls ripping their dresses open. And in the midst of it, the announcer goes, you know, Mark Hamill, Mark Singer, Gilbert Gottfried. Was it the great Don LaFontaine? It may have been.

In a world, Gilbert Gottfried. And in the midst of motorcycles crashing and machine guns going off. That's pretty cool. Yeah. guns going off. That's pretty cool. I would just drink whiskey into the wee hours of the morning and just replay that

over and over again. You weren't kidding when you told us that you spent a lot of time on the road, bored, and watching movies. That you've actually gone through the Problem Child canon. I have. I have gone through the entire Problem Child and Beastmaster canon. Yes. Now, do you get that thing?

Because you especially, you play like arenas. Yeah, sometimes, yeah. And I mean like thousands of people packing it. Yeah, sure. And then, you know, people are cheering you're a god on stage. Oh, yeah. And then they're cheering, and then you find yourself sitting in your hotel room. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a real letdown. It is. And I don't do drugs. So for me, that is a high that's unbelievable when you're out there and you feel that energy. And then you're – yeah, you're on a tour bus and you're eating a Subway sandwich and you're just kind of, well, all right, off to Peoria. I can see why a lot of those guys, and look, I get it to a certain degree, but within the style of music I do, it's still somewhat of a mellow evening comparatively to the big rock shows and things like that. And I still feel that high. But I can certainly understand some of those real heavy

rock bands that just felt an explosion of adrenaline out there. And then they go to a hotel room. And I'm also lucky that I can walk down the street and for the most part people are either really respectful or have no clue. So I can still live a pretty private, anonymous life

and I can be the one people arewatching still, which I think is essential. I noticed you came into my place with enormous sunglasses, Gil. You paparazzi won't leave them alone. I don't know what that's like to have to deal with that. And a dog was pulling me along.

That is... But, you know, I totally, even me, I mean, you know, I totally – even me. I mean, you know, I'll get the cheers and the laughs and adulation during the show. Sure. And I go back to the hotel and I totally understand why people do – why performers do drugs. They want to keep the high going. Because there is – it's not just even just right after the show. It's the 22 hours of your day sometimes that you're just twiddling your thumbs in some hotel room somewhere.

You don't necessarily want to go out and exert yourself or go out and be recognized, whatever. You just – you kind of get – after show 50 or 60 or 100, you get into a routine of just hanging until it's time to to be on and then you got to be on and then you're off and then you got to let down so yeah it's and the real depression comes when the actual full tour is done done done you have that honeymoon period of that that week where you're just kicking back and you got all those shows behind you and you can go back to you know just doing normal stuff seeing your friends and going out to restaurants and all that. And then you suddenly realize that the structure is gone.

That's the thing that kills me is when the structure is gone because I like knowing that I have to get myself ready for those two hours every night. And then when you get off the road and you know you've got like a year ahead of you where the time is yours. You write when you want to write. It's almost too much time. It's almost too much. You get so used to the institutionalized aspect of being on the road that it's a come down.

When you're about to go on stage, do you go, wait a minute. What? They're all here to see me? How am I going to sing? Do you get that feeling? I get that feeling, I think, way earlier in the process. If I had that aw shucks, why me moment seconds before I went on, I think it would mess with me. I think I've got to find more ways to kind of pump myself up and I get excited to go out there.

But there's plenty of moments. I think those moments happen when you're just by yourself and you know you've got a big thing going on sale or a big album coming out or whatever. You kind of sit back and reflect and we're all our own harshest critics deep down. And so I'll sit back and do Why Me and then I'll just yell Cashew with jazz hands to the mirror. Jazz hands. Yeah, like Fosse and say it's showtime. You know, this sort of played into the origin of this podcast, him being bored on the road. Oh, oh.

Because he would just call. He would come off that show. As bored or more bored than you are today? Well, nothing will beat this. Nothing will beat this, truly. He would call me to talk about the Beastmaster. Well, it would be much older. Right.

Yes, of course. Sure. We'd talk about, like, Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Oh, God. Have you seen that movie? What is it? The 10,000 Fingers of Dr. Tigari. Have you seen that movie? What is it? The 10,000 Fingers of Dr. T? Oh, the 5,000 Fingers.

Yes, I was being generous. Is that Hans Conrad? The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. That's one of the weirdest, most awesome movies. I always thought that that should be made into a Broadway musical. I always thought that that would be a really odd, off, off, off Broadway musical. We could be in it together. You guys could.

I would love to see that. I could play your father. Yes. I was thinking about you two in the Sunshine Boys revival. Oh, yeah, nice. Yes, for me. But with music. Of course.

Yeah, sure. It wasn't the Marasco Theater. It was the Belasco Theater. It was the Belasco Theater. I say it was the Belasco Theater. Is that my part? Well, you tell me you're in the Belasco Theater. Now, what am I doing? Now, you want to bring chess back, speaking of Broadway.

I would, as a chess fan, as kind of one of the culty chess fans, I would like to see a show with music as brilliant as chess has. I love Benny and Bjorn. Be as successful as I think that music deserves to be on stage. The story has always kind of been a little iffy. The book has always been lacking. And it's dense. It's chess during the Cold War.

It's not exactly bring the family. And it had a Broadway run, but it was an unsuccessful Broadway run. It was kind of unsuccessful in every run that it had. It just didn't quite click. Did it have more than one? I remember the first one. There was a West End, there was a Broadway, and there was a Swedish. And we did it at Royal Albert Hall as a concert, and it worked much better.

We had all the musicians on stage. I saw you. You and Idina. Idina and Adam Pascal. Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem, yes, played Florence. And it worked better because there wasn't all the costumes and all the staging. It was just kind of presenting the music as it should be presented.

And I think a kind of semi-concert version of Chess would actually work quite well on Broadway. Do you know that show, Gil? No. Chess? No. Tim Rice wrote the lyrics. Anything that you're interested in, what you're doing.

He doesn't know any Broadway. That's why he asked about Fiddler on the Roof. It's the last Broadway musical that he actually wrote. He's a Fantastics kind of guy. He wanted to sing Try to Remember. Yeah, that's right. He's been trying to remember this whole interview. Tell us quickly about working with the Muppets

because we had Paul Williams on the show. Oh, yeah. You fucked Miss Piggy? No, Gil. That's where the hand is supposed to go. It's not sexual. So confused. He's so confused.

Bless his heart. Sweet, sweet Gilbert. So sweet. So cute. Isn't he? Yeah. It was great. I grew up with the Muppets. They're bringing the Muppet Show back, which is a lot of fun.

Yeah, but they're doing a different kind of version of the Muppet Show. Are they? I use the word adult. Full frontal nude. Is that what it is? Yeah. Well, that was always a given. Fozzie, I don't think, ever wore pants.

They're trying to do a slightly, I don't even know what this means or how it'll be executed, but a more mature Muppet show. A mature. Mature. Okay. Yeah. Who knows what's in store? But you were in the Muppets most often.

They had on the Muppets or on Sesame Street, I heard a couple of years ago they want to have a Muppet whose father was in prison. Oh, it was on Sesame Street. Really? Yes. And I think he rapes Kermit at one point. Really? Oh, man. In the shower.

I'll have to IMDB that later. Before we wrap up, tell us about singing... Oh, please let us. He doesn't care. this is basically how it goes he just looks for openings to accuse your father of being a brown shirt pretty much pretty much yeah uh tell us about singing with strice and i think our listeners would be very interested in that okay the show's about showbiz and that's a showbiz icon okay yes she is indeed uh that was

one of my actually one of my first duets ever right after i did ally mcbeal um uh i was asked uh barbara was a friend of of david's and she came in the studio and she was doing a duets record and uh that was you know talk about being terrified and being kind of in a master class and being professional at the same time she was very very kind to me she didn't have to have me on her record at all it was complete unknown and uh and she had me on and we sang uh we sang a song on that first record. And then, you know, now 13, 14 years later, we now sing again on her new duets record. And anytime you sing with her,

it's, you know, you're well aware that you're in the same, you know, breathing room as a real legend and somebody that you can really learn from. No matter how experienced you are, it's always a masterclass. But yeah, she's great. Her interpretation, her process,

is, I think, the most fascinating part about her because her voice is obviously incredible. But it's the way that when you get to watch her in an actual session, crafting the song, that's when you see how the mythology and the legend has developed. Because she comes from that school where if you put the energy into the process and into the work, then the response from people will be there. And as soon as you start to slack on those things, it's no coincidence that the goosebumps aren't quite there. And she puts it into the process entirely. I saw the clip online. I mean, she still sounds great. Yeah, she does. To have that gift this long in her life. It's, uh, it's great. And I'm glad that she's

touring now more. So yeah, she's been a good friend. Because you know, Gil did You Don't Bring Me Flowers with her before. Oh, did you? They put Neil Diamond. It's amazing what a little mixing can do.

Sometimes erase an entire duet partner. Sometimes just turn it into a solo. And my duet with Nat King Cole. Where they were unforgettable, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Now you fuck Bob Restriction. No, Nat King Cole. Oh!

Yeah, yeah. You want to humor us and take a swig? I'm a virgin, Gilbert. That's what makes this whole bit really, really funny, is that I've never... I don't even know what that's like. I don't know. It's funny to say. It's funny to say.

So is he. Yeah. You want to take a swing at some of these and indulge us? Oh, sure. Can we exploit you? Okay. Try the ones. Now, are we sharing the same needle?

Gilbert jokes for Josh. Oh, thank you. This is... Kara Jokey. Oh! We're doing Kara Jokey. Yeah, jokes. This is Josh favoring us by singing some Gilbert Gottfried jokes.

Oh, okay. Interpreting them in song. Oh, warm up by saying. Cashew, cashew, cashew, cashew, cashew, cashew. Yeah, good. This has never been done on this show. You know, nuts are actually bad for a singer. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why they had them cut off. That was a setup. That was a setup. You're welcome. But I want to tell you. Yeah, but's why they had them cut off. That was a setup. That was a setup. You're welcome. But I want to tell you. Yeah, but anyway. Oh, yeah! But enough about castratis.

How would you like me to do this? You want me to just sing one of these? Kind of like you did the Kanye tweets on Kimmel. This would be more of a musical theater because these don't have really the structure, song structure to them. They're a little bit freeform. The name of this is a one-man show. Yes, Spotlight Hits. Gilbert, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Yes. A review. Josh Groban is Gilbert Gottfried. Problem Child the musical. All right. Let's see what it sounds like. It may not work at all. So a guy walks up to his son and tells him,

Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you're going to go blind. And the kid says, Hey, dad, I'm over here. And many more. Oh, boy. I think that's great. Want to try the middle one? The middle one? No, I want to do the... You want to do the other one? I want to do the middle one? The middle one? No, I want to do the...

You want to do the other one? I want to do a longer one, because it's better when it's conversational. Go for it, bro. It has a real kind of Sondheim-ish quality to it. How about the third one? That's a good one. How about the aristocrat?

I could sing the aristocrat. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, let him get through this. All right. A man gets home, runs into his house. He slams the door and shouts, honey, I just won the lottery.

Pack your bags. The wife says, great. What should I pack for the ocean or the mountains? He says, I don't care. Just get the fuck out. Cashew. All on my DVD, Gilbert Gottfried, Dirty Jokes. Dirty Jokes. Commercial by Josh Brolin.

By Josh Brolin. That's terrific. By Josh Brolin. Yeah. That one had a, that was more of a Fawcett kind of a. That was great. I liked that. Thank you so much.

The jazz hands made sense. Do the aristocrats. That one I... That's a career ender. I feel like that is quite frankly a career ender. Your career's already ended. It's ended now, yeah. You know, a half hour ago.

I did. You have nothing to worry about. Oh, man, that's true. One day I will do the aristocrats. Maybe if we do a second follow-up kind of documentary, maybe I'll tell it in song. With old singers.

Maybe I could get a We Are The World kind of group together and everybody takes a line. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, that'd be fun. Aristocrats for charity. And the father is fucking the dog. And shit and piss and... Yeah.

He, the son, is fingering his sister. Yeah. Is that... Wow. Is that the closest you can get to singing? Yes. Okay. All right.

You have to hear him sing on the show. It's great. Yeah. I can sing as Georgie Jessel. Can you? Give me some Georgie Jessel. Would you? Okay.

One bright and shining light That caught me wrong from right I found in my mother's eyes Those wayward tell, she told. Our streets all paved with coal. I found in my mother's eyes. Just like a wandering sparrow. A lonely soul.

No, give us all six verses. Come on. There's something wrong with your show when you have Josh Groban on the show and Gilbert Gottfried is doing the singing. Yeah. Oh, Lord. What a treat. That was beautiful.

It was stunning. So anything you want to promote? Anything you want to plug? No, absolutely not. All of his jobs have been canceled. Exactly. I have nothing. You've got a new CD.

I wouldn't be here if I had something to promote. Tell us about Stages. Okay, sure, yes. It's an album of all those great show tunes. Some of the songs I grew up with. One from Willy Wonka. Yes, Pure Imagination. Someone Over the Rainbow.

Finishing the Half, Anthem from Chess, and Get the Fuck Out by Gilbert Guttman. Which is a bonus track. It's one of those where you have to let it, even though it's all iTunes now, you've got to let it play for an hour of silence before you finally get to the song.

And your foundation, tell us about that. My foundation is called the Find Your Light Foundation. I was talking about the great arts program that I went to in school, and I grew up with incredible arts education programs. I was one of the lucky ones growing up. And so it really stemmed from visiting schools, visiting programs, getting letters from people where they were finding those programs being cut drastically. Ever since I was a kid, they've been cut even more.

And so the Find Your Life Foundation is a program that's bringing arts education hopefully back to those programs that are being cut, getting instruments into the hands of kids, getting arts and cultural awareness into the hands of young people. And so we're teaming up with groups like Turnaround Arts, which is Michelle Obama's organization, and we're seeing firsthand how arts education is turning great programs around. But, yeah, that started from my fan base. They gave me a donation when I was playing the Greek theater for $70,000. They collected all my autographs and put them on eBay and gave them back to me and said, we want you to start a foundation. And so that's how it started.

It's important. You know, believe it or not, singing was canceled in my school. Was it? Yeah. Did you have anything to do with it? If you had the Find Your Life Foundation, then truly we would have all been blessed with at least a couple more notes in your range, I think. There would have been.

Do you have anything else to ask this man? Yeah. Who else did you fuck? Well, listen. been. Do you have anything else to ask this man? Yeah. Who else did you fuck? Well, listen. How long do you have? Maria Callas. Maria Callas. Sure.

Joey Heatherton. Yes. The last living munchkin, Gilbert. The last? Yes. Oh, boy. You want to take us? You don't know the depraved things I had to do to Gilbert to get on this podcast.

That's all I want to say. Could you sing them? I bought snacks. I bought snacks. We got snacks. You want snacks. Could you tell just one more time, Josh? Could you sing and I blew Gilbert Gottfried?

No requests. Not doing requests. Sorry. Sorry. What do you do? Did anybody ever shout a joke request from you? Do you take requests on stage? Do people yell the aristocrats like they do Freebird at you?

Is that your e-bird? Yes. They light a lighter. God, that must get, you know. Let's try the last one. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, I slept with a Brazilian. The blonde replies, oh my God, you slut.

How many is in a Brazilian? How many is a Brazilian? How many is a Brazilian? What a treat. Oh, God. Viva Brasil. Viva Brasil. Okay, I'm Gilbert Gottfried.

This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And today we spoke to the man who is known for fucking Calista Flockhart, Anna Kendrick, and Miss Piggy. As well as, I think, Toadie Fields. Toadie Fields. Yes. Oh, and I think he sings. Do you get these references at all?

Do you know Toadie Fields? I just, God bless you. I'm already on a jog somewhere. In my mind, I'm running down the Hudson. I'm feeling on a jog somewhere. In my mind, I'm running down the Hudson. I'm feeling, yeah. And before I say his name, say your famous catchphrase. Cashew! Yeah, well, I know not to tell you who that is.

We all know the Cashew. It's Mr. Cashew himself, Josh Groban. Thank you, Josh. Thank you for having me, Gilbert. Thanks. Now get out of my house. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It.

It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments.

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