Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 65. Paul Scheer

Episode Date: August 24, 2015

In a "very special episode" of GGACP, Gilbert and Frank welcome actor, comedian and host of the hit podcast "How Did This Get Made?", Paul Scheer, who shares his love of movie misfires, including "Road House," "Deep Blue Sea," "A View to a Kill" and the infamous Brando-Val Kilmer fiasco, "The Island of Dr. Moreau." Also, Paul talks to an invisible spaceship, carries (physically) Ving Rhames, and looks back on his days as a VH1 "talking head." PLUS: "Battlefield Earth"! Tom Hanks raps! The Maytag Repairman gets blackballed! James Karen hangs with Weezie! And Gilbert trashes "The Notebook"! Also, check out Paul's latest project CRASH TEST with Rob Huebel on Vimeo! https://vimeo.com/ondemand/crashtest If you've got a car and a license, put 'em both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit http://www.DriveWithUber.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com.

Tennessee sounds perfect. The Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast Producer of the Month for August is Kate Jones. Thank you, Kate. Be just like Kate and get rewarded for supporting our podcast. Head over to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. For a small amount each month, you can get some colossal benefits, such as access to new podcast episodes before anyone else, exclusive video hangouts, shout-outs from me on Twitter.

I will even read something that you send me, and it'll sound just like this. Go to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. That's Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. We thank you for your generosity. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsession. No, we're not doing an obsession.

No, we're not? No, we're just... We're just... I finally got it right. I finally... I finally... After doing like about 60 of these, I finally got it right. And when, okay, this is Gilbert and Frank not doing an obsession.

No, I just wanted to say a couple of words about Yvonne Craig, Batgirl, who passed away today. Actually, we're taping this on August 19th. And we wanted her for the show. I wrote about her on Facebook today. She was actually a lovely person. A couple of years ago, I worked for FX for Jeff Probst. And we had Batman on the channel, and we asked Yvonne to come on the show. And she couldn't have been nicer, and she kept me on the phone.

Well, she didn't keep me on the phone. I was thrilled to talk to her, but telling me stories about Elvis and about Batman and Star Trek and The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and everything that she did, she was so lovely and so nice, and I wrote to her, I guess I was just telling you, Gil, about six months ago to plead with her to ask her to come on the show because I thought she'd be a perfect guest for us, and she never got back to come on the show because I thought she'd be a perfect guest for us. And she never got back to me. And I realize now that she was sick. Yeah.

And we were interviewing Julie Newmar and Lee Merriweather, who are both cat women. And we thought, boy, wouldn't it be perfect, Yvonne Craig as Batgirl? Yeah. And we'd had Adam on the show previously. Yes. And she really fit the podcast to a tee, and she would have been wonderful. And she had great stories to tell. We're still trying to find a guest, wrangle a guest that worked with Elvis.

Oh, yes. And I guess we'll have to call Shelly Faberace, who's around. But she was lovely, and she sent me an autographed picture, a funny one, which I put up on Facebook. And it was nice to meet somebody who was a significant part of my childhood who turned out to be such an authentic, nice person. And someone else who died recently, Theodore Bacall. Yeah, we wanted to say something about Theodore Bacall too. Because he had worked – he spoke like a hundred different languages. And worked with everybody.

Yeah, he worked with Humphrey Bogart and Catherine Hepburn in African Queen. Right. He worked with Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier. Oh, in The Defiant Ones? Yes. Wow, that's great. And Lon Chaney Jr. He is in that.

Yeah. And, yeah. He was a a renaissance man and he and he i believe he did play um uh tevye oh yes yes and i they just recently i was just recently in a documentary where i was one of the uh people commenting on theodore bachel i didn't you didn't tell me that yeah oh he would have been great we should have reached out to him you know nehemiah persoff's still alive. We ought to... He is?

Yeah, yeah. He's a thousand years old, but we really ought to get to him. Oh, my God, yes. Yeah, yeah. So rest in peace, Yvonne and Theodore Bacall. And also noteworthy

is Groucho died on this date. Wow. So how do you feel about that, Groucho? Oh, so he must be... Well, you know, it's that the idea that I died on this date would make me about 500. Not on the date.

On the date. No, you were saying to me that I died exactly on this date. So if I died on this date, I would be at least 500. And you should get that right. Because this means that I died twice. I died years ago in the 70s, and I also died now. And it's like a Twilight Zone episode where I keep dying over and over again. I think it was Nunley Johnson. All right, that's enough of that.

Now, you also wanted to add a correction. Yes, a major boner. I have that right? A major boner. I beg your pardon? That's a porn film that I was starring in. That was your character. I was an army general who took Viagra. And my character was major boner. That was not a riding crop in your pocket.

We were talking about what was the Paper Moon. Oh, I know what it was. We were talking about Paper Moon. And in there, the sheriff was played by John Hillerman. Well, it was a dual part. He was the sheriff and he was the bootlegger. The brother. Yeah, the twin brother.

And he was also, you know, he was also, of course, in Magnum P.I. And Blazing Saddles. Oh, yes. Right. And I think I made this blunder. You did, buddy. And because, you know, and our fans were rightfully outraged. I got a lot of tweets.

Yes, yes. They were rightfully outraged. Because afterwards, when I realized, I thought, oh, my God, of course. And and it was it was actually William Daniel who was a kid. I said that John Hillerman was Kit, the talking car and Knight Rider. And it was, of course, William Daniel. Who was Captain Nice. The superhero. Look, it's a man who rides around.

Look, it's a man who flies around like an eagle. Look, it's a man who hates all that's illegal. Who is this man with arms built just like hammers? It's just some nut who flies around in pajamas. That's no nut, son. That's Captain Nice. That's impressive., son. That's Captain Nice. That's impressive. Created by?

Oh, was that Buck Henry? Nah, nice job. Yep, Buck Henry. Of course, there were two on at the same time. Oh, there was Mr. Terrific with Stanley Beamish. Yeah. No, John MacGyver was on that one. Oh, my God. On Mr. Terrific. This is terrific. This is a bank.

You must fly over there. Fly over there right away. This is a tense situation. There is no other human being walking the earth that does John MacGyver and that remembers all the lyrics to the Captain Nice theme. You are one of a kind, my friend. And I should add that both John Hillerman and William Daniels are still with us. Wow. So we should have them on the show.

And William Daniels was also Dustin Hoffman's father in The Graduate. Oh, he's in a million things. He was in 1776. Oh, yes. And he says in there, well, this is old son of half-baked, Benjamin. That's very good. Why, no, sir. It's completely baked.

Wow. Who was it, Howard De Silva playing Ben Franklin? Oh, my, yes, Howard De Silva, who I once, one time I was out in L.A. and I passed by Howard De Silva and I didn't say anything. I was intimidated. I was the only person who knew Howard De Silva because that was my upbringing. I knew guys when I was three. That's hilarious.

I would go, hey, there's a movie with Howard De Silva. I believe he was blacklisted, Howard De Silva. Don't quote me on that. And he was also in that Outer Limits episode. Oh, yeah. With a robot. Yes. Who's being held on murder charges.

So what did we cover here? But wait. Yeah. But wait. Yeah. I remember Howard DaSilva as the – they get him and they say, Professor so-and-so has been murdered and we want you to defend the accused. And he said, Professor Johnson was a wonderful human being and I'm not going to defend the skunk who murdered him. Wow. How do you retain this stuff?

And Leonard Nimoy, the great Leonard Nimoy, was playing a reporter in that episode. Wow. I vaguely have a recollection of this. Now, you see, and I was going to say, like, the way I mixed up John Hillerman and William Daniels is it's kind of like the way you'd mix up, like, Frank Nelson and Gail Gorton. Yes. Yeah, they were both like. Well, now, when you were on the phone and you called me and you said, we have to make a correction because I mixed up John Hillerman with Henry Daniel. Oh, yes.

So you got William Daniels. Who was in? Who was with Boris Karloff? So you got William Daniels confused. He was with Boris Karloff and Bela Gossian, Body Smashers. This could go on endlessly. But the other ones I always mix up is like Gig Young and Richard Long. Well, interesting.

Yeah. Both died young. Yes. Gig Young by his own hand uh yeah yeah yeah richard long from nanny and the professor yes and he was also he was in a twilight zone episode of something like pick out that one is in your size where like the old couple is looking for a new bodies. And like you could get a new body, these young bodies. Did we just talk about this? Yes, we were talking about it. But this is yet another. This is a Richard Long one.

And Richard Long, and I guarantee, and I just saw him recently, and I should have asked him this. I guarantee that, what's his name, Austin Powers? Mike Myers. Mike Myers, when he was doing Dr. Evil, probably saw this Twilight Zone because Richard Long is like a weird scientist and he's holding his pinky against his mouth. Wow. I was always told that was a Lorne Michaels impression. Oh, yeah. Dr. Evil.

Yeah, I mean, it was, well, that part is Lorne Michaels. Yeah. But the pinky against the mouth, Richard Long was doing. Fascinating. Welcome to Down the Wormhole with Gilbert Gottfried. We've gone from an Yvonne Craig tribute to Theodore Bacall to William Daniels and John Hillerman to Henry Daniel to Gig Young to, where did we end up?

Howard De Silva. You being spooked by Howard De Silva. And I always would mix up movies with John Saxon and Don Gordon. Right. Well, they're easy to confuse. Yeah. They look alike. John Saxon and Don Gordon, I think, are the same person.

Yeah. Yeah. What about Charles Dutton and Lou Gossett? Oh. Different eras. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Do you get them confused?

Yeah. Yeah. I was once on Arsenio with. Do you get them confused? Yeah. Yeah. I was once on Arsenio with Charles Dutton. Uh-huh. Really? Yeah. I'll tell you who I get confused. The actor who was in Police Woman, Charles Deer Cop.

Yeah. The guy with the pushed in nose. Oh, okay. And I confuse him with Richard Bacalian or Balakian. Do you know who I'm talking about? I can't even. Oh, look it up. It hurts just to think of those names.

Well, Richard, I can't pronounce his name. My tongue is getting tired just thinking about it. Richard Bacalayan or Balakayan was in Robin and the Seven Hoods. And he looks like Charles Deercup, who I think is in The Sting and is a policewoman. And now I'm just rambling. But if you look at the two of them, you'll see that they're easy to confuse. You know who fits in with the gig young Richard Long? This is turning into a whole episode.

That, in Psycho, the guy who plays like the normal guy, the handsome guy. I can't think of his name. Oh, John Gavin? Oh, yes. John Gavin. He's in that same category. Wow. Yeah.

We have run the gamut. And sadly, today, Groucho Marx finally died. Really? He was born in like 1962. and he died today. And... Take us out, Groucho. Well,

this has been Gilbert Gottfried and his co-host Frank Santopadre. And they were doing apologies about people who died. They're sorry that they killed these people who died. They're confessing to Midas that happened and that they're responsible. You know, back in my day, colossal meant something big. And that you'd say it's colossal back then when you talk.

And now talking was something sound you would make with your mouth that would form words, and that was considered talking. Back in... Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we are working today at Nutmeg Post. Our guest this week is a writer, producer, actor, comedian, and director with credits on everything from 30 Rock to Parks and Recreation to the Sarah Silverman Program to Modern Family to Piranha 3D. You also know him from his long-running series, The League, and as one-third of the cult MTV sketch show, Human Giant.

His hilarious podcast is called How Did This Get Made? And his latest project is the Vim'd? Vimeo. Vimeo. Vimmed? Vimeo. Vimeo? His latest project is the Vimeo comedy special Crash Test. Please welcome a man who, in spite of creating and producing dozens of projects, has never once hired me.

Our pal, Paul Scheer. I am so honored to be here in Nutmeg with you guys. Thanks for doing it. It's a very fancy studio. But we usually do the McGilbert's Kitchen table, but you're special. I'm glad you guys stepped it up. I'll take it. Now, I feel like I know you because we've always were doing those

VH1, like I love the 80s. The unglamorous world of VH1. I feel like people assume like, oh, you guys all worked at VH1 like it was a movie studio. Oh, yes. It was just cubicles in a building in Midtown

and it was basically like, everyone shut up, we're recording. And everyone just type a little bit quieter. And they just pull down like a different colored backdrop. Like Gilbert was on blue, I'd be on red. They'd tape for 20 minutes and they'd send you on your way. And I remember on those shows,

what I loved about it is they bring up a commercial that was on a couple of years ago and make it sound like the entire world was obsessed with that commercial. Everyone was talking about the

Slinky commercial. No one was talking about that Slinky commercial. But they really built everything up and it was just like, it was nostalgia TV. It was like, remember that? Was this I Love the 80s? Yeah, that's what you were.

You did a lot of I Love the 80s. I Love the 70s. And I did a lot of Best Week Ever, which was in the moment, which would be like, this week Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore broke up. You know, like that kind of, yeah. And then you just make a bunch of jokes and then you would go home. It was kind of the best gig because you were basically doing like improvised stand up on the dumbest of things. Oh, it was great.

Yeah. Yeah. But again, so unglamorous and no studio. It was just it was literally in an office. Just close that door. And they would go in and the American public would run home to see Small Wonder. Everybody was talking about Small Wonder. Yeah, you just basically did one-liners.

They would give you, before you come in, they give you a packet of information. I remember one time, because Best Week Ever got to be very popular. It was a popular show. It was on every Friday night, and it was the week in review, kind of before the internet took off and people could easily access information.

And the guy's like, I want to like follow you in your writing process. It was like an entertainment weekly reporter. And I was like, well, my process is they just kind of send me

a 15 page document and I read it through. And he's like, let me watch you read it. And so like awkwardly sitting in my apartment reading through like, you know, like this music video came out this week, this week on The Bachelor, you know, like, and I'm like,

and what are you writing? I'm like, these like lame jokes. Cause it's like no jokes that you would really take ownership over. Oh yeah. You know. And that was the other part that the jokes didn't have to be all that great. No, you could just be like, you could just say someone's name, like, she said what?

And then they'd just play it again, you know, like. Even describing it would be the joke. I know at the end of Best Week Ever, it was just, they just got you into a script, like, they would just be like, just, you know,

just point at the screen and shake your head. And then they would put, like, a graphic in of, like a graphic in of Mr. T going, I'll pity the fool. And you're like, oh, yes, you do. It's the dumbest thing. And they kind of push you into something like, hey, remember that actress? And you go, no, I don't remember her. And they go, she had big buck teeth.

And then you put the camera on. Hey, boy, those buck teeth. Why? She was like Bugs Bunny. Yeah, right. And then you put the camera on. Hey, boy, those buck teeth. Yeah. Why? She was like Bugs Bunny. Hey. Great. We got it.

Now move on. Then you're on TV on record, like, ripping on this person. Yeah. As if it was solely your idea. It was, yeah, they would always do that to you. Like, that was great. I love all those jokes you brought in. But now can you just say, like, you hate bears? Yeah. Yeah. I hate bears. And that's the only clip they would always do that to you. Like, that was great. I love all those jokes you brought in. But now can you just say, like, you hate bears?

Yeah, I hate bears. And that's the only clip they would use. Remember how fat she got in the last season? Oh, hey, she got so fat in that last season. Paul, so much to ask you about. I was telling you before, so many cards, so many hours of research. Oh, my gosh. Because you're so prolific.

We should talk about the podcast, though. Sure, whatever you'd like. Because I was telling Gil that you talked about, the podcast is called How Did This Get Made. Yes. Tell us a little bit about it for people that don't know. Yes, basically me and my two friends, Jason Manzoukas and June Diane Rayfield, who is also my wife and a friend. But we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. So it's kind of the conversation

that you would have after just being like, wait, what just happened in that movie? Trying to explain it to each other to try to make sense of it. And so we pick a lot of movies that were real misfires or something that's kind of so crazy, like Roadhouse, like this movie where Patrick Swayze is like

this in-demand bouncer. That's where he says pain don't hurt. Yeah, exactly. A movie where the main character is known for his throat rips. Like, don't get a nag because it will rip out your throat. Like, you know, this crazy, crazy thing. We just did a movie last week, a movie called Top Dog. It's Chuck Norris and a dog.

Oh, God. And it's a children's movie about white supremacists. Oh, great. And it was rated PG-13. Again, it's a children's movie about white supremacists. And, oh, my God.

Anti-white supremacy. Anti-white supremacy. At least they took that position. No, they were raising money for white supremacy. They gave a number to call. And they really got the white supremacists on the map after that movie. I actually never heard of this movie. It's an amazing movie because it goes from one scene of the dogs sneaking around a warehouse

and the bad guy literally falling on a banana. And then the next scene is two cops getting assassinated in a car, like shot in the head. It's like, wait, wait, is this a kid's movie? They just didn't know how to do it. And the whole end was trying to kill the Pope, Desmond Tutu, and a very high-ranking rabbi. That was the end.

Literally, the movie ends with a Pope high ranking rabbi. That was the end. Literally, the movie ends with a pope, a rabbi, and Desmond Tutu in a limo with a bomb attached to it. Which sounds like the perfect setup for a joke. The pope, a rabbi, and Chuck Norris. Did it have a sense of humor about itself? No, of course not. No, no, no. It was

deadly serious. Oh, remember what? I also remember in Roadhouse my boy Ben Gazzara. Oh, yeah. Ben Gazzara. He's actually great. What I love about these movies is that you can find an actor, oftentimes a good character actor, who is just going to give it his all, no matter what the script is. And they deliver these performances that are kind of these jewels in the rough.

It's like Tommy Lee Jones in a Steven Seagal movie. Oh, yeah. Doing their best. And they're just like, I'm going to act the hell out of this movie. And Ben Gazzara, he's an intimidating bad guy. But against Patrick Swayze and his youth, Patrick Swayze just walking around shirtless, he's afraid of Ben Gazzara? Why?

Wasn't Ben Gazzara? Like, why? Like, wasn't Ben Gazzara going to fight this guy? but like, there's like, do you believe, like, Jack Palance is like a bad guy in Tangle and Cash?

Like, oh, Jack Palance, why? Why are they afraid? Kurt Russell and Stallone can break this man over his head.

He's brittle. He's a brittle man. You know? So, but every time they, oh, he's a pair, like,

the most like old, they're like, oh, we got to get this older, you know, famous character actor in there.

You know, it's so, these 80s movies are amazing. So yeah, we have a great kind of fun time looking back at those.

It's a fun show for people that haven't listened. There was a movie I saw recently and this, I think, got good reviews and it made money. And this is a movie I saw recently, and this, I think, got good reviews.

Sure. And it made money. And this is a movie, as I was watching it, in the middle of it, I thought, oh, I get it. It's a parody. Oh, okay. It was that, to me, is how bad it was. I thought it's a parody of a schmaltzy woman's picture. And that was the notebook. Oh my God.

Oh, well, that movie made a fortune. Well, no, but that we did it. We did that. We did another movie that he did,

um, with, uh, Juliana Huff and Josh Duhamel. But it was the same author, Nicholas Sparks. And they are like, oh wait,

this is like, is this, we, we called it the white Tyler Perry movie. They're hitting these kind of weird cliches. Is this a movie or am I watching? What am I watching here? It's so absurd.

It's like Ryan Gosling, he's poor and he doesn't have a cent, but somehow, by himself, builds an enormous mansion. And turns into James Garner. Yes, yes. And James Garner proves that doctors are wrong about Alzheimer's. If you read to someone who has Alzheimer's, they're totally alert. Oh, my gosh. I love, like, the bad science in movies. It's amazing like there's um in this movie

we did called deep blue sea one of the scientists is like oh we figured it out if you just take out some brain fluid from a shark it will cure alzheimer's oh my god that's samuel jackson yes and what's the girl they had a a hot looking yes. Yes, she was. I forget her name. She has a very unique name, too. The funny thing about that actress in the movie is she's essentially a villain. She's a bad guy the whole way through. And in the original end of the movie, she saved the day. And the test audiences were like, wait a second, you can't have the villain save the end. And so they digitally erased her from the end.

They reshot the end and digitally erased her. So when you watch the end of Deep Blue Sea, you'll see, like, one of the main characters laying on a raft. And clearly there's someone else there where they just kind of painted her out. Oh, God. Because America wanted to see her dead. They did not want to see her alive. Oh, and it also had LL Cool J. LL Cool J, who's the cook.

Yeah, and they brought him back for the reshoots to keep his character alive. Because people liked him and his bird, his dumb bird. Because he was there. The shark is dragging him away. And you go, how does he live? Yeah, he lives back. He lives back at the very end. And he did one of my favorite things ever.

And this doesn't happen that much anymore. But the song, the rap plot song at the end of the movie. So he had one called like Deepest Bluest. My hat is like a shark fin. He was like, we got these sharks. We're getting their brains. We're doing all this. You know, like I love that. Like Will Smith has like the Wild Wild West, the Men in Black, Bobby Brown and Ghostbusters.

Like all these plots. I love. Actually, there's a great one that I don't think people know about. Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks do a rap for Dragnet. Wow. The Dragnet rap. So they both are rapping. Tom Hanks is rapping the Dragnet rap.

Oh, it's something to be listened to. Tom Hanks is such a homie. But the two of them. And Dan Aykroyd. Do you want to hear Ay listened to. And Tom Hanks is such a homie. Yeah. But the two of them. And Dan Aykroyd. Do you want to hear Aykroyd and Tom Hanks? Believe that that movie was written by our former guest, Alan Zweibel. Oh, my God. I believe it was. Speaking of Cool J, I heard you talking about Cool J and Toys.

Oh, yes. Another truly terrible. Well, Toys is another, it's a Barry Levinson passion project. He wanted to make this movie. And that movie is visually beautiful, but like... It's like a weird Willy Wonka thing. Yes.

It's like Willy Wonka meets an anti-war statement. Yes, exactly. It's so bizarre. It's trying so hard. I mean, there's something so... I think the earnest the more earnest you are sometimes

the harsher the fall because it's trying to say so much but failing on every level it's not entertaining it didn't make a point and it's just at the end

it just feels like really like oh what did we just watch it's like well he was riding high I think it might have been after Rain Man

he could just sort of do anything he wanted to do and he decided to make the passion project the the personal project. And you know what it is? I feel like we've probably all been in this situation. When you stop asking for opinions and stop listening to opinions. Yes.

Because it's sort of like you can tell, like 10 people can say, like, you know what? Change that third act. No, no, no. I trust myself. It's good. And when you stop listening, you go off the rails. And that leads us to a favorite horrible movie. Yes.

And this is a movie right around that time. Actually, it was late in that time when people had years ago stopped telling Marlon Brando what to do. Oh, I know where you're going. Marlon Brando, to me, is the late Marlon Brando is a sight to behold. I mean, because he does not give an F, man. He is like Island of Dr. Moreau. We talked about it on the podcast. There's a great documentary, which if you haven't seen, you have to see.

It's a documentary about the making of the island of Dr. Moreau and it is it is so interesting Marlon Brando

I don't know if you talked about this he was an Australian director who was who was fired and then replaced by John Frankenheimer right he was fired but hid on set

in costume as one of the costume creatures to watch the movie. I have heard this. And he, there's so many stories. At a certain point, actors were trying to escape to the airport. They were like, they were like trying to get off the movie. Like they had to get Feruza Balk back from the airport.

She tried to make a getaway. Rob Morrow shot like a week. I was like, I got to go. I'm out. And so these people, and my favorite story from that is that Marlon Brando, you know, again, he's so checked out. Like lines are everywhere. He wanted his one foot tall. Like the character of Mini-Me in Austin Powers is based on this little man that Marlon Brando.

That's great trivia. It's the craziest thing. And this little man that Marlon Brando is fascinated by, who sits on a piano. Marlon Brando's playing a regular piano, and then he's playing a miniature piano. And it's so beautiful. And he's wearing an ice bucket on his head. Well, you know why? Marlon Brando thought because Moreau was experimenting on animals that he was part dolphin.

And so he put the ice bucket on his head because he wanted to take the ice bucket off and there would be a blowhole on the top of his head. So he needed to constantly put water in there to keep his blowhole wet. Which is so obvious when you watch the film. You go, oh, it must be half dolphin. When you watch Doc, it's amazing because Faruza Balk talks very openly and candidly about the movie. And she has great Marlon Brando stories. Marlon Brando just saying to her, who cares what we're saying?

This movie is terrible. Just say the lines. She wanted to talk about characters. Like, I don't care. And poor John Frankenheimer, who's got this great body of work. Oh, amazing. Manchurian candidate, the train, and he's thrown into this disaster.

In a movie where Val Kilmer requested to be in 60% less of the movie. And that was like, he already agreed to it and then got this sentence like, I'd like to be in 60% less. And my favorite part where you know they've gone to the point of no return is when Val Kilmer starts doing a Marlon Brando imitation. Oh, yes. They hated each other so much that it's full of vitriol. Like, he is not so unhappy with him. And he's, like, having sex and doing cocaine with pig women. Pregnant, like, pig women.

This movie is, it defies everything. It's so worth watching because it is, I love a movie where it's unchecked. I feel like one of my favorite shows on TV right now is Empire. And I think Empire really works. But I think also one of the best things about Empire is you have these actors that are pretty great actors, but no one's saying no to a choice. They're like, yeah, do that. You want to hit him with the broom? Hit him with the broom.

You want to put your gay son broom? Hit him with the broom. You want to put your gay son in a trash can? Do it. Go for it. They just push the boundaries of like crazy, and I can't get enough of it. It's kind of like I think Al Pacino has got to that point years ago. Well, you don't tell Al Pacino. Like, hey, pull back a little. There is a great article in Entertainment Weekly.

It was a roundtable article with the cast. It was like Kevin Kline, Morgan Freeman, and somebody, three or four established actors in their 60s and 70s. It's like Kevin Kline's getting married and they go for like a last bachelor party. I think it's called Last Vegas. Oh, Last Vegas. Michael Douglas, yeah. And so they did like this roundtable with them. And there's a discussion point with the interviewers.

Like, how do you like working with new directors? And they immediately can tell the interview is like this huge disdain for working with young directors. Like, oh, yeah, they can't tell me anything. And Morgan Freeman literally is quoted as saying, the only note you can tell me is faster or slower, louder or softer. And, you know, that was accredited at first to Gene Hackman. Oh, really? He started saying that. It's so crazy.

I didn't know that. That's cool. When you get that ballsy to be like, don't give me any direction but louder, softer, faster or slower. I love stuff like that. To a legendary actor, you can't say to them, that really sucks. You're going to have to...

I worked with Michael Bay. I did a thing with him for an award show. He's a fascinating guy because Michael Bay is very much like his movies. He's this brash, when I was doing my bit with him, he's wearing an American flag T-shirt, getting out of his car with gull-wing doors as his dog is being vacuumed.

His dog literally is being vacuumed and he's talking to me. And we had these two directors and they're really fantastic directors. But as a lot of these directors that I work with, they're a little bit more to themselves. They're not bombastic. And Michael is, I think, very publicly a bombastic kind of director. He wants what he wants. He's passionate about it. And these guys gave him a note.

Like, hey, Michael, could you? He's like, hey, man, you got to get some balls on you. You got to come and give me a note. You got to say, Michael, you suck right now. You got to bring the heat, Michael. You're fucking up. You got to get some balls on you. You got to come and give me a note. You got to say, Michael, you suck right now. You got to bring the heat, Michael. You're fucking up. You got to do it. And he's like, I went up because the first time I directed a movie, I went up to Sean Connery.

And I was like, Sean, you're messing up the scene. And Sean Connery grabbed me. He's like, thank you, boy. Thank you for giving me this direction. He's like, you got to just get some balls. You're the director out there. And it was so fun. I loved it. He wanted his own medicine. He's like, you know, you gotta just get some balls. You're the director out there. And it was so fun. I just, I loved it.

It's like he wanted his own medicine. He's like, yeah, yell at me. Tell me it suck. And he was so pumped for that. Now, here's a movie I'm scared to, oh, before I go on. Yes. I have to get back.

Yes. To Notebook. Yeah, yeah. One other great scene where one of the sad, tragic things that's happening to the girl, I think Rachel McAdams, is that she's about to marry a rich, handsome guy who truly loves her. And that's the bad thing. Yeah, not her soulmate. Her mother takes her to this construction site to point out the guy that the mother still loves to this day. And you see a construction worker there.

And you go, oh, yeah, you'd be so much happier with a fucking construction worker than living in this mansion. It's such a bizarre, like, it really is like trashy romance kind of narrative. It's always like, you know, you be the sweaty guy is the best. But you see that movie 10 years later, the relationship five years later, and they're just divorced or miserable. Like in real life, if you saw that like real life connection. It's like I always wanted to do a, I always wanted to do a sequel to movies like that.

Like, they should have had a sequel to Titanic where the two of them really do survive and get married and show what their fucking life is now. It was called

Revolutionary Road. Well, to me, I've always tried to write a sketch like this and it never really worked out. I couldn't figure out how to crack it. I want the after the end of every James Bond movie. Just like, let's now see the next, you know, like the next now that he's moved in with, like, you know,

after he saved the girl in, like, View to a Kill. Like, this girl, he's like, this is a normal girl from Southern California. Like, where does James Bond and her go? Like, they always, like, end, like, they're kissing. Like, oh, now we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend. And then, like, the does James Bond and her go? Like, they always, like, end, like, they're kissing, like, oh, now we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes. And then, like, the next movie, forgot her completely.

But what's, I want to see the in-between time of, like, James Bond with this person. Like, it doesn't work out. It never is going to work out. I'm trying to, like, wrap my mind around the idea of you alone in your apartment watching The Notebook. Oh, yes. With your wife out of town. Like, I wanted to do a sequel to that.

I think it's called The Married Man with... Alec Baldwin? Nicolas Cage. Oh, yeah, yeah. No Stranger in Tibet movies. Yeah, sure, of course. And that's the one. It's very much like It's a Wonderful Life.

Oh, right. Was it The Weatherman? Is it The Weatherman? No, The Weatherman's a different one. No, no. Who's that? Is it Taylor Leone? Black actor.

Yeah, Taylor Leone. Taylor Leone and Nicolas Cage. And the black actor who was in... Yeah. Moses Gunn. No, no, no. Charles Dunn. I think it was The Family Man.

The Family Man. The Family Man. The Family Man. He was in those George Clooney, Ocean's Eleven. Oh, Don Cheadle. Don Cheadle. Right. Don Cheadle's like this magic character who shows Nicolas Cage, who's rich, getting laid constantly, and living in a luxury apartment, how much truly happier he would have been had he married Taya Leone.

That's a cabra rip-off, basically. Yeah, and lived in Jersey and worked in a tire store. But that is, I mean, there was a long time with those movies where it was always the magical black person who came into someone's life to tell you that you're either living it the right way or the

wrong way. Back or fence. Yeah, it was like, alright, I guess. Everyone was like, no, let me tell you. You may think you're happy, but it was such a weird whirl of film. It's a subgenre, isn't it? A magical black person.

I think Dave Chappelle did a sketch called Magical Negro. That was his whole thing. Well, I mean, it's funny. Just bringing up Morgan Freeman, he got into that part of being – he is God in every movie. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, and he's God or the president. Yes. And by the way, I think if he ran, people would vote for him. They would. You don't know anything. Yeah. Like that's like you just – you're like, that's the guy.

I'm in. I'm into this guy. know anything yeah like that's like you just you're like that's the guy i'm in i'm into this guy like he there's something about those actors where when you've played authority figures enough you're like oh yeah they know they know what they're talking about yeah he knows everything yeah and um oh another movie that i this got on my nerves and this is a respected film and and that's uh the shawshank redemption oh the shawshank redemption yeah sure because they show the bad guy yeah uh gets his ass kicked by the warden yeah and he's in a wheelchair and he they say how he just lives on liquid for the rest of his life and then tim robbins he uh fights

against getting raped. And they say he's beaten within an inch of his life. And then the next scene, he looks great. He escapes from prison. He doesn't have a scratch on him. Yeah, you can't really keep no main actor in any of those movies. They get beaten up, but the next scene they always are pretty fine. main actor in any of those movies.

They get beaten up, but the next scene they always are pretty fine. Even Denzel Washington in Flight, when he's like this alcoholic who's like at his last... He's like, he's reached the point where he needs help. He needs to go into AA. He still looks pretty badass. I'm like, oh, being an alcoholic seems pretty cool. You don't ever...

You don't let their guard down enough to be like, oh... You don't feel like it's a cautionary tale. You're like, I'd like to be, I'd like to get that deep, you know? Well, it's another Denzel Washington one that I enjoyed up to a certain point, knowing it's all been done before. And that's Training Day. Oh, yeah. I love Training Day. That's a good film.

But there's one part where, what's the young guy? Ethan Hawke. Stephen Hawking. Yeah, in the wheelchair. I want to see that one. Ethan Hawke finds this Mexican girl getting raped by two guys. He beats them up, ties them up, and he finds her wallet on the ground. And then when he's about to be shot by these two tough Mexicans, the wallet accidentally falls out of his pocket.

And it's one of their cousins, the Mexican guy who's going to shoot him. Candy. And I thought, boy, isn't that convenient. You know, I mean, I feel like you walk into these corners and sometimes you're like, yeah, and the wallet falls out. That always makes me laugh. Have you seen

the other two versions of Dr. Moreau? Because we've talked about the first one that Lugosi did is actually good. We've talked about that. We do a little mini movie episode now. We don't trash bad films. We've talked about that. We do a little mini movie episode on Thursdays now. We don't trash bad films. We actually recommend Hidden Treasures. I love that. And the guy

I think one of the guys who plays an animal man is I think his name was Joe Bonomo whose family was Bonomo Candy. Bonomo Turkish Taffy? That's trivia. And there was another bad one with Burt Lancaster in the 70s with Michael York. Yes, I know about that one.

I have not seen either one of those. It was interesting, though, because we were talking about this in our podcast. The concept is a little bit passé now because I think when it was written it was a lot about like people were, I forget now, the actual science that they were kind of hypothesizing this is what it would come to. Well it's an H.G. Wells story, right? Yes, but it was written at the time

when H.G. Wells wrote it. It was very much a commentary on the science of the time. People just kept on bringing it up but I guess science had gone past where it was. It's hard to connect to like,

I don't even know what they're doing in that Marlon Brando movie. I don't know, they're just merging but like, they're part animal but they're,

I don't even know what's happening anymore. And in all those movies, even going way back to like, The Ape Man with Bela Lugosi. Yeah.

When, when you are, when you are at a loss to say why you are using animal genes in people, they go, imagine an invincible army. The strength of a gorilla, but the mind of a man.

Yes. Hey, everybody. We wanted to take a moment to talk to you about driving with Uber again. Yeah, why again? Well, don't interrupt. You know, I'm trying to do something here. Please don't interrupt me.

I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the audience. Genius shouldn't be interrupted. Yeah, yeah, just stop it. Just keep your mouth shut from now on. Because it really is a great opportunity to make some legitimate money. If you've taken an Uber,

you know how great the experience is, and it's the drivers who make the experience great. Seriously, every time I talk to someone who drives with Uber, they always have great things to say. What kind of things? I don't know. I don't really talk to people. I'm a star.

Oh, I forgot that. I don't talk to the average people. You know the thing that's interesting about driving with Uber? They love being their own boss. You have total independence. They earn great money. And it's actually easy to start. You just need a car, which you have, by the way, and a license, which you don't have, which I find interesting.

Yeah. Well, a license I could get. It's that I fall into hallucinations. Is that the problem? Yeah, I have flashbacks while I'm trying to drive. It's the only thing holding me back. The thing about driving with Uber, Gil, and I don't know if you know this, it's great for anybody who needs flexibility.

I mean, if you already have a job and you need to earn some extra money. Like if you want to put your leg behind your head. Yes. Yes. Some people, they need some flexibility. Very tall people. Yes. Yes. Some people, they need some flexibility. Very tall people. Yes. It's great for students because they can make some extra money between classes,

pick up some extra coin. It's great for parents because it's an easy way to work around your family's schedule. It's true. And now is the prime time to cash in driving with Uber. And you, not you personally, Goobers, but our listeners who care, will thank me for telling them how to get paid every week. So, what are you waiting for? You have

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That sounded very natural. Yes. Not red at all. Well, I was getting emotional. Another hallucination? Yes. I'm going to take this part. Visit drivewithuber.com.

That's drivewithuber.com. You want to do the last one? Drivewithber.com. That's DriveWithUber.com. You want to do the last one? DriveWithUber.com. Before we talked about Hercules in New York, which we have to talk about. On an episode of How Did This Get Made, and Gilbert and I have talked about this movie, the awful Schwarzenegger movie with Arnold Stang. Yes. Hercules in New York. With our pal James

Caron, by the way. Oh my god! Playing the professor. He did our show. James, to me, is the, and I'm probably going to mess this up, but the pathmark or the... Yes, yes, the pathmark guy. You should have him on one of your shows. He's out in LA. 94. He's such a,

I mean, he was this fatherly figure because all I did as a kid was watch TV and those commercials would be on every two seconds. Because you're a local boy. You're from Huntington. Yeah, exactly. So you know the path, Mark. I think James Caron was one of those people when he was 15, he was playing the fatherly figure. Oh, yeah.

He just had this like energy to him. Because that movie is, he doesn't look a day older like from the 1960s. He just kind of, he just, he's like, I'm this old and I will always be this old. It's like reverse Dick Clark disorder. It's like you start old and you never go older. He told a story, getting back to white supremacy. Good, finally. That he played a white supremacist in the Jeffersons.

Oh, yeah. For a special episode. That's right. Oh, don't you love those special episodes? Yeah, they end without the music. Yeah, exactly. Well, to me, the special episode,

one of the special episodes I loved was Different Strokes where Dudley gets molested by the Maytag repairman who was from WKRP in Cincinnati. Oh, Gordon Jump.

Gordon Jump. And I knew Gordon Jump's daughter and she said, my dad could never get work after that because different strokes was so huge. Holy Christ. That you associated him as a child molester. That's what happened.

James Caron said he was in a lot of trouble. They had to escort him out of the studio with security. People wanted him dead because he was a white supremacist. And then to make things better, they had him pose with George and Wheezy. Oh, my God. This is true. And then smiling. Oh, but, you know, because back then,

back then you would watch a TV show, and 30 million people were watching it. And there was a disconnect. Like, you are that. Like, why would you think that that person is an actor? Like, you saw this guy. You saw Gordon. Why would you think that that person is an actor? You saw this guy. You saw Gordon jump on KRP for years, but one appearance on Different Strokes where he's touching a little boy.

And you're like, molester. He was the second Maytag repairman. Yeah, the second Maytag. Jesse White was the Jesse White. Oh, my God, that's right. I think back on special episodes a lot because I think they were very much in vogue during my youth. Different Strokes had a bunch of them. They had Nancy Reagan come on for the drug use. Sam, the little kid, got

kidnapped in one episode and Mr. Drummond had to pay ransom to get him back. Amazing. Dark, dark, dark territory. You know, you had Blossom. You had Saved by the Bell where they're doing speed. Oh, the one where

she's dancing in the bedroom. I'm so excited! I'm so scared! And she was taking caffeine pills. No-dose, yeah. That stuff, I mean, those were so important to me as a kid because they're like, oh, this is some serious stuff.

Was it Lark Voorhees? Which one of them was it? No, that was Elizabeth Berkley, star of Showgirls. Elizabeth Berkley. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Oh, sure, yeah. Where, like, Carlton decides he's left with the thought, like, maybe blacks are being bullied by the police. Oh, my God. He starts to think about it, and then the credits start rolling without the upbeat. Without the upbeat. Oh, man.

There's so many of those. I mean, that was very much in vogue. You never have that anymore. They don't have special episodes. They're not like a special episode of Parks and Rec, you know? But I mean, Family Ties. Don't tell them anymore. Family Ties.

Michael J. Fox got addicted to Speed, too. Speed was a big thing. He was studying, and he's jumping around the house. And, oh, my favorite family ties. This is a great one, bringing it back to Tom Hanks. Oh, that's right, the Tom Hanks one. Tom Hanks was the uncle who was the alcoholic, and he was going into the kitchen cupboard and drinking vanilla extract

because there's a little bit of liquor in there, and they caught him in the cupboard just downing vanilla extract to get drunk. Oh, in different strokes. There's one where a bad white kid becomes friends with Todd Bridges. And they start drinking and driving. And then there's a car accident where Todd Bridges winds up with a tiny little band-aid on his forehead, but they

find out that his friend was killed. And he starts, you know, Todd Bridges Academy Award. He starts, like, sobbing and going to Mr. Drum and he goes, look at me. I'm crying like a little kid. to Mr. Drummond. He goes, look at me.

I'm crying like a little kid. And Mr. Drummond goes, no, you're crying like a man. And then the silence. One of the most avant-garde episodes, again, of Family Ties, was a great episode. Michael J. Fox is dating a girl. I think she'd been on the show for-garde episodes, again, of Family Ties, was a great episode. Michael J. Fox is dating a girl. I think she'd been on the show for a handful of episodes. She also died in a car accident.

Okay? Of course, great recipe for a half-hour sitcom, family sitcom. Chill off a girlfriend. And the whole episode took place in the therapist's office, which was a black space where you never saw the therapist. Oh, jeez. So the camera's just on Michael J. Fox. And it was like a one-man show of him going, I don't have a problem. I don't have a problem.

It's fine. It's fine. He's like, it's fine. And then the therapist drops some change on the ground. He's like, $1.75. She's like, what? He's like, that's how much money. He's like, because he could hear the money.

Oh, so he's the Dustin Hoffman character and then the whole episode culminates in exactly what happened with Todd Bridges he finally gets in touch with himself and he starts crying in the chair and he's like I am upset I am upset he starts crying weeping credits and And another thing, like we were talking about, like Hollywood science, is that you could be totally stark raving mad, but your analyst goes, oh,

your father slapped you. And you're totally normal after that. That's it. That was it. You just said the key word. It's the breakthrough. All you need is that one breakthrough, and you're completely normal. They don't really do special episodes anymore. No, it was very much in vogue. Yeah, 70s and 80s.

Yeah, to just kind of, we have to teach. And as much as entertainment, we've got to teach. Well, I think about All in the Family. I think about the rape episode with Edith. I mean, of course, that was always an issue show. Yeah, yeah. But those were handled less schmaltzy. It was like, that was

a crazy thing to have a rape episode on All in the Family. But it wasn't so far to go because it was a show that was already pushing those. Yeah, when Happy Days is suddenly doing a literacy episode. Yeah. It's like, what's happening? Oh, and they had one where I think Urkel. It's not shocking enough to me that you're watching The Notebook.

I love that you have Family Matters. You're watching Family Matters. At the end, it's either because, I think it's because drugs and gangs are taking over the school. And at the end, Urkel does a song and dance about, you know, Steve, we from drugs and stay in school. It's the way I think because you were so attached to these characters. They were more than actors doing a show. They were like these icons.

It was like, if Urkel tells you not to do drugs, or if Gary Coleman says don't do drugs, you won't do drugs. Like, I don't do drugs because I saw Alex P. Keaton do drugs, and I will never do. You know, that was the idea. Like, if they don't do it, it's not good enough for them, and it's not good enough for me. Some of the other movies you talked about,

I mean, I listened to a bunch of episodes. I loved when you guys talked about View to a Kill, which I think was a live episode. It was a live episode with another podcast called the James Bonding Podcast. There were two James Bond fanatics, this guy Matt Gourley and Matt Myra. And that View to a Kill is... It's so bad. It's so bad. It was my first James Bond movie. Oh, I'm sorry.

So for a long time, I thought Roger Moore was the best Bond. And then when I found out about Sean Connery, I was like, wait, there's another? Oh, yeah. But View to a Kill, just to refresh your memory, it's Christopher Walken as the bad guy, Grace Jones as the Bond girl. Yeah, Mayday. As Mayday. Yeah. And it's all taking place about Silicon Valley, and it's a little ahead of its time.

But there's so much that bond up. But he's so old. He's so old and not spry. He's 67 years old. He's older. And he's having sex with Tanya Roberts, who's more than 30 years. Well, I learned on your podcast that he was actually older than Tanya Roberts' mother. Yes, yeah.

So it was so bizarre. Don't mind that photographer that just came into the room. But yeah, View to a Kill is, oh, it's a disaster. And the stuntman, the other embarrassing thing about that one is they don't bother to make an effort to hide, to conceal the stunt. Nope, not at all. If you watch it, there's shots that are clearly not Roger Moore. No, he's not around for a majority of that movie. And I just love the sex scene between him and Grace Jones.

It's so, like, and it's aggressive. It's like a biting sex scene. Oh, jeez. And it's like, wow, wow. And Christopher Walk, like, and it's aggressive. It's like a biting sex scene. Oh, jeez. And it's like, wow, wow. And Christopher Walken is great in it.

Like, it's a very bizarre, it's such a bizarre movie. Max Zorin. Max Zorin. Yeah. And his plan to flood Silicon Valley.

I think he said flood Silicon Valley. So they could raise the price of microchips. Like, you know. Octopussy's not much better. No,

Octopussy's just a smidge better. Where he. Octopussy's not much better. No, Octopussy's just a smidge better. Octopussy infiltrates a compound by being inside an alligator, like a robotic alligator. The mouth opens. But Gilbert wants to take issue with you because he likes one of the films that you

pay. Oh, I like Devil's Advocate. Oh, you know what? I think Devil's Advocate is very fun. Yeah. I don't think, and that's what we talk about on the show too. There are movies that we can enjoy, like Fast and Furious, I love,

but we can also talk about how crazy it is. And to me, that's the perfect Pacino. He's not so unhinged, but he's enough unhinged. Yes, yes. He's yelling just enough. Keanu Reeves is coming in kind of hot, like off of that Matrix era. Like, it's the perfect storm of everyone doing what they do to the best of their ability. And it's a crazy movie, I mean.

Oh, and I remember, oh, and one of my favorite lines there is Charlize Theron is the first one to start going crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's witnessing all this. And she says she was left alone at the party and all these weird things that were happening. And he starts saying to her, well, you know, you were alone and you had some wine. And she goes, you want a wine, Kevin? Do you know his special talent, by the way, speaking of movies? No.

He can remember taglines from movie posters from the 70s. And we're talking about obscure movies. Like what was the one you pulled out? That horror movie? Okay. By Axe, By Pick. Oh, By Axe, By Pick, By Knife, Bye Bye. What was the movie?

I think it might have been called The Executioner. The Executioner. Oh, wow. And in the Jamie Lee Curtis Terror Train. Do you know this one? Terror Train with Jamie Lee Curtis? The boys and girls of Sigma Phi. Some will live, some will die. These are 40-year-old movies.

And he remembers that they were out a week. But they're stuck in my head, too. I get those as well. Did you ever see Sleepaway Camp? It's like a Friday the 13th knockoff. It's one of the most bizarre films and i i i highly recommend you watch it it's it's i i i don't think i have seen a movie this bizarre i will not spoil the end the ending is one of the most psycho level shocking psycho as Alfred Hitchcock's psycho. You're like, wait, wait, wait. What?

This movie, and it's so uncool. It's so politically incorrect. It's so, so crazy in every way. Sleepaway Camp, I would love you guys to watch it. Sleepaway Camp. Okay, Gilbert, write it down. Sleepaway Camp is something that I think

you definitely, it is a real Yeah, Sleepaway Camp is something that I think you definitely, it is a real, it's a real horror movie that is, wow, I can't, I want to talk about it, I want you to enjoy it because I didn't know

anything about it and it's one of my favorite things I've ever seen. Now, one of the movies you picked that's of no surprise to anybody, anyone who went

to this movie saying, gee, it's a bad movie, should be shot, and that's Battlefield Earth. I saw Battlefield Earth at the premiere. Oh, God! Oh, I envy you. Yes, me too.

My girlfriend at the time, she was an entertainment reporter, and she's like, we got this ticket to go see this movie. And we went in, sitting in the balcony, watching this movie that is... And at that point, too, I think Scientology now is much more discussed. Yeah.

At that point, you knew... I remember seeing commercials for Dianetics. Yes! And you would see the Dianetics. And I never knew what Dianetics was, but I saw these commercials. And you just didn't know. And you knew L. Ron Hubbard, but it was a little, everything was under the surface, you know.

And then this was like, and I was like, this is like, people are like, that's what Scientology is. That Battlefield Earth is. It's Barry Pepper and Dreadlocks. Yeah, and it's like calling people like, you rat brains, you rat brains. Calling people like, you rat brains. You rat brains. And it's like the worst, the end is like the worst knockoff of Star Wars. You know, John Travolta in dreads with Forrest Whitaker.

Right. You know, they're all in like, in these heels, these like chunky heels. So they're like eight feet tall. And they're both like a feminine. Yes. You know, super geniuses. We must capture these earthlings. But it was at the time, though, where again, like Travolta had his comeback.

And to me, I went in going, oh, this will be great. Like it's a sci-fi movie. I didn't know much about it. I mean, maybe I was super naive to it, but I went in like going like. And I remember my jaw just dropping lower, lower, lower. I think it did hit the floor at one point. I was like, wait, what is going on here? It's so bizarre. And didn't the people have removable arms?

Wasn't that part of it that you can unscrew their arms? There was some very bizarre, so many bizarre things. I think the arms were detachable. There was something like that. I know there was something. Speaking of movies, Paul, tell us about one you were in with one of our podcast guests, Gary Busey. Oh, yes. The immortal Piranha 3D.

Well, to correct you, it was Piranha 3DD. I was in both. Say, I was in Piranha 3D. Your IMDB page is deceptive. Well, yeah. So I was in Piranha 3D and Piranha 3DD, the sequel to Piranha 3D. Double D, the sequel to Piranha 3D. And Gary Busey was in the, he was the opening kill in the second one.

Okay. So the first movie I actually quite enjoy. It's totally fun. Like the director made Piranha 3D and it's, you know, and he played right into everything that you want. Like bloody, gory. And it has a great cast. It's Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames and Adam Scott and Jerry O'Connell and myself. And it was a really fun, fun thing. The movie made a lot of money.

They said, let's make a sequel, but let's not bring back any of the original writers, directors, or anything. We'll just kind of do it very quick. And they brought back me and Ving Rhames. Now, my character was killed off in the first movie, but they didn't have enough money to finish the CGI. So my character in the first movie disappears. Scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, gone. No, no death scene.

No hearing from me. I just ceased to exist. just ceased to exist. And so Ving Rhames goes into the water in the first movie with the end of a boat, like the boat motor. And he's like,

and then he is getting eaten alive. And as he's getting eaten alive, it's almost like he's in quicksand. He lowers down. So you think he's dead too. So I guess whoever was behind the second movie was like, well, guess what? We didn't see Paul die. And we really didn't see Ving die.

All we saw was his legs get eaten. So guess who shows up to the water park? Because that's where the piranha attack in the second movie. In a water park. Me and Ving Rhames, we are buddies. No, we were not connected in any way in the first movie. I guess we met in a piranha attack support group. I am unscathed 100%. Ving has no legs, and he's in a wheelchair.

And Ving and I, our whole plot line, which we shot in one day, shot like 12 pages in one day, was Ving was afraid to go in the water. And I'm like his counselor. I'm like, Ving, you need to get in the water. You got to get over this fear. And he finally gets in the water and that's when the piranha attack at the water park. But luckily, Ving Rains has outfitted

himself with a shotgun leg. So he's like, give me my shotgun. He puts it into his leg and he starts firing shotgun bullets out of his leg to kill piranha. And it was the most insane day ever because I got to hang out with Ving Rhames,

who is everything you want Ving Rhames to be. Didn't you also, I read you praised his commitment to the... Well, yes. Talking about an actor before, you were talking about an actor committing to nonsense. And Ving, Ving had to, Ving really wanted, had a lot of input on how his character wanted to be. And for me, who he liked.

He liked me. And you want to talk about an actor who doesn't take anything from a director. Ving is one of those guys. So I get into the scene with Ving. And he is, I'm like, I'm not going to use my legs. I'm not going to walk in this scene. And I'm like, okay. And so I had

to lift Ving Rhames, who's a big man, out of a wheelchair. Oh, jeez. Because he's like, I don't have the use of my legs. I was like, okay. And so I'm like holding this man, and he's dead weight in my arms. So there's a scene in this movie where I am struggling

to carry all the dead weight of Ving Rhames. I mean, if you tried to carry me as dead weight, I'd be heavy. You know, Ving Rhames is a muscular guy. So it was one of the most fun days ever because he's hilarious. But carrying him back, oh, my gosh. Yeah, he committed to that affliction quite well. Now, another movie here that got me angry watching it,

and that was the Matthew Broderick Godzilla. Oh, God. Godzilla, my gosh. Godzilla, another movie. I went in with high hopes. I can get lured in by any trailer.

You cut a good trailer, I am ready to go, and I will be fooled, fool me a million times, I think that sequel will be great, even though I hated the first one. I go back, I am ready to go. And fool me a million times, I think that sequel will be great, even though I hated the first one. I go back, I go back. Godzilla was just bad. And how can

you mess that up? It's a dinosaur attacking New York. They keep trying. They keep rebooting Godzilla. I know, and it's so easy. Just dinosaur. Godzilla there had a goofy underbite. Yeah, and he was not. Well, look, you're going to make Godzilla.

And the one thing that everyone knows about Godzilla is how Godzilla looks. And you take Godzilla and you don't make him look like Godzilla. I remember I was in New York at that time and it was like, now you see him. It was a big, what does he look like? Because all the ads were like, this is the size of his foot. Oh, yeah. This is the size of his tail. This is the thing.

That's his eye. That's his. And then, but they never showed it to you. Then when they finally revealed it, it was like, oh, that's Godzilla. And they were doing that thing when they're scared of their special effects are shitty, that every scene where he's attacking, it's at night and pouring rain. Yeah, because they couldn't, they had to hide the whole movie. It's like, whenever they hide, yeah.

I mean, there were so many of those movies back in the early or, I guess, the late 90s where it was all, everything was in the dark. Oh, yes. Even Jurassic Park, which is an amazing film and technologically advanced, Everything's in the dark in there, too. It's like rain, rain, rain. Yeah. And you were fired from an Eddie Murphy movie or you were recast? Well, I did this movie. Gilbert's old buddy?

I did this movie, Meet Dave. And Meet Dave was a film. Oh, he's like a robot? Yes. He was an alien from another planet, but on the other planet, he's about maybe six inches tall. And so his alien race sends him to planet Earth in a robot ship that looks like Eddie Murphy. So the ship is a six-foot-tall Eddie Murphy. But there's a little Eddie Murphy inside the brain controlling it.

So does that make sense? Eddie Murphy is a spaceship with a little Eddie Murphy inside the brain controlling it. So, does that make sense? Eddie Murphy is a spaceship with a little Eddie Murphy inside controlling it. So, I was the role of Lieutenant Buttocks. And I worked in the butt. And my lines were lines like this. Sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent but not deadly. Like that kind of stuff, right?

So, I get to set the first day, you know, I'm working on the movie, first and only day. And I talk to the director, and we're on a green screen. And I go to the director, I go, okay, so what am I looking at?

It's like day 50 of 60. I'm like, what am I looking at? Because it's just green. There's nothing there. And he goes, I don't know, man. It's a spaceship. And I go, oh, alright. And I think it was one of my first movies. And I go, so we get in there, and

action. Sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent, but not deadly. Ah, cut, cut. What are you doing, man? What are you doing? I'm like, I don't know. He's like, play with the controls. And I'm like, what controls? He's like, you have a control panel in front of you, and then there's a screen right over here, so you've got to talk to the screen. I'm like, that's what I just asked you.

And he was like, all right, so now I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent, not deadly. He's like, more military. I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent, but not deadly. He's like, more angry. I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent, not deadly. How can I mess up more angry. I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent, not deadly.

How can I mess up that line? I'm not even interacting with the person. And I'm watching this director from across the way. And you know when you're messing up. For me, when I mess up, I get sweats all throughout my body. My body just, every part of me is just, boof, like sweats. Like Albert Brooks. And Ron Brosnan, who had a flop sweat.

So I feel it, and I'm like, what am I doing wrong? I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong because it's Sir Outta Gas. It was sounding a lot deadly. How are you messing up? I'm saying it. And I'm giving it to him in a million different ways. And so cut, cut. And the assistant director comes over to me.

He's like, hey, we have some camera issues. We're going to send you back to your trailer for a second. Is that okay? And I'm like, and in my mind, I'm like, oh like, hey, we have some camera issues. We're going to send you back to your trailer for a second. Is that okay? And I'm like, and in my mind, I'm like, oh, I know you don't have camera issues. I've worked on enough that I know that there's no camera issues. So I go back to my trailer. I'm waiting there. And I'm like freaked out.

I call my wife. And I'm like, honey, I don't know. And she's like, don't worry. It's fine. All of a sudden, knock, knock, knock. And I open the door. And there's a producer. Now, I'm in, for those of you who don't know, there's a couple types of trailers in Hollywood.

There's the trailer, where it's a giant trailer. It's your own trailer. I never had one of those. Then there's another trailer, where it's two, it's split in two. A big trailer, one side for one person, one side for the other person. Then there's another type of trailer, where it's split into threes. So it's like three people in one big trailer. And then there's something called the honey wagon.

The honey wagon is like eight people in one big trailer. And then there's something called the Honey Wagon. The Honey Wagon is like eight rooms in one trailer. So you basically have the narrowest hallway with a toilet on one side and a door on the other. And there's probably four feet separating the door and the toilet. And there's not much room. It's like knock, knock, knock. The producer's like, can I come in? And I'm like, sure. And now from him entering and where I'm standing, if I'm not going to be in hugging range of him, I'm literally standing over a toilet.

So now we're having a meeting where I'm standing over a toilet and he's talking to me. He goes, oh, look, man, this is the hardest part of the job. We're going to have to recast you. And I go, oh. And he goes, yeah, it's not your fault. We're just going to recast you. And I go, oh. And he goes, yeah, it's not your fault. We're just going to recast you. And I go, oh, okay. And he goes, can I have your smock?

Because I'm wearing a smock that has a little picture of a buttocks on it. And I go, sure, sure. And I give him my smock. And he goes, we're going to have the video playback guy play your part. I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah, the video playback guy, we're going to have guy play your part. I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah, the video playback guy, we're going to have him play your part. So I go, okay, I'm crushed.

I'm absolutely crushed. You know, I start to leave, and the base camp AD comes over and goes, hey, look, we talked to the director, and he said if you want to stay and be an extra today, you know, that would be good, because then you'll get residuals for being an extra in the movie.

And I go, no, I don't think I'm going to do that. I think I'm just going to go home. I don't need to be an extra. I've just been humiliated. I don't need to kind of be here and eat shit. And so I'm walking out and walking back to my car. And then this other guy comes over. Oh, hey.

Hey, man, where are you going? Where are you going? And I go, I was just fired from this movie. And he goes, fired? You weren't fired, man. where are you going? Where are you going? And I go, I was just fired from this movie. And he goes, Fired? You weren't fired, man. You're hilarious. We're writing you a new part right now. And I go, what?

He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come with me. Come with me. We go back into my trailer. So now three people come into my trailer. Again, it's four feet long. We're all cramped in there. There's a guy with a laptop.

He goes, OK, all right. We're going to write you something. We're going to write you something. You are now Lieutenant Kneecap. OK, yeah, yeah. You're all like cramped in there. There's a guy with a laptop. He goes, okay, all right, we're going to write you something. We're going to write you something. You are now Lieutenant Kneecap. Okay, yeah, yeah, you're Lieutenant Kneecap.

And, okay, how about this? You like hot dogs. Okay, we're going to write this in. This is great. This is going to be great.

They put me in the movie. I am in the final scene that they were shooting a little bit later in the day. And they put this giant hot dog in my lap. This like four foot tall hot dog and they give me a bunch of beef jerky in there eat this and at a certain point in the scene

pull back the hot dog and go uh sure beats protein squares and uh so i'm holding this hot dog in front of me and uh pull it back sure beats protein squares great it. And then, and the director comes up to me. He's like, hey man, I'm so sorry about before when we had to recast your part. I thought you were fat guy. Yeah,

I looked at your headshot when we were casting. I just thought you were fat. I didn't realize you were fat. You weren't fat. So, my video playback guy is pretty fat

and I thought it'd be funny because he's got big fat ass like if he was Lieutenant Buttocks. So, you know, because it's funny if you're fat and you're in the fucking butt and I'm like, yeah,

this is going to be great. And then you see the movie and I'm not in it because the only thing you see is in the last scene where I'm sure it beats Protein Squirts, is this guy sitting there with a giant hot dog in his lap, but it's always covering my face. So that is my meat. But Eddie was good to you

because he was a hero. Eddie Murphy is a hero to me. I love Eddie Murphy. And when he was on set, he sat down with us. It was Kevin Hart was in that movie and Ed Helms

and Judah Friedlander. It was a great cast. And Eddie, for hanging out with Eddie Murphy for that hour and a half, you always hear like, oh, don't look Eddie

in the eye. Eddie doesn't come to set. Eddie, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He couldn't have been the better, nicer, funnier guy. And I also worked with Eddie on Beverly Hills Cop 2. Yeah. And he's a great guy and very talented. And, boy, if you want to talk about horrible choices of movies.

But he's, you know, Eddie Murphy to me is one of the most talented guys out there. And I think, you know, I think unfortunately he gets caught in this, who knows? I'm going to put my own, I'm going to be my own therapist for Eddie Murphy, but I think that he chases the paycheck too much. It's like, because when he does stuff like Showgirls or when he does something that is a little bit... Oh, Dreamgirls. Sorry, Dreamgirls. Like a little less mainstream.

He's so talented. Yes. He just, I think, sometimes gets caught in these, you know, these movies that are a little cookie cutter, you know? Which gets us to A Thousand Words. Oh, I've heard about this movie, yeah. That's where he's given a plant. And every time he's only allowed a thousand words left.

Yes. And every time he says a word, a leaf falls from the plant. And there are moments of, like, utter stupid comedy mixed with, like, oh, we're doing a great farm. They're telling us you've got other stuff to do, Paul, and places to go. But for you, it was so much we could have covered. And I hope you come back and do it. And we'll talk about Human Giant and the League. And we didn't get to any of that. You did all the research, so we'll come back one time.

Please do. So tell us about Crash Test. Oh, yeah. So Crash Test. Which is what you came here to plug. Well, yes, but it's fine. I had a great time talking about movies. You know, I came out of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, which is a comedy theater in New York and L.A.

And I do this show, Crash Test, with my buddy Rob Hubel. And we always joked about taking that show and putting it on a bus. It was always a joke. We're going to take the show and put it on a bus. And we found a bus that is completely made out of glass. And we made the stage Los Angeles. And we basically drove around L.A. and bumped into all of our friends, like Aziz Ansari and Aubrey Plaza, Rob Corddry, Earl Sweatshirt, Tom Lennon and Ben Garant. So we basically do like a live comedy variety show on this bus.

And we are releasing it ourselves on this Vimeo platform for $3.99. And it's this kind of improvised comedy special because I'm not a stand-up. So I do more of these like quote-unquote bit shows where there's characters and interactions. So we did what I thought is the closest thing to the shows that I've been doing at UCB for like the last 10 years. And when is this going to be available? It's available right now. Available right now.

You can go to Crashtestshow.com or you can go to Vimeo.com and it's $3.99 and I think we pack a lot of punch there for three bucks. punch there for three bucks and and i you you definitely have to come back because there's nothing i enjoy talking about more than movies i hate i'll come back we'll be back in october i'll come back so much to cover and we didn't like i said we didn't get into human giant or the league or or our city your arsenio reenactments it's a part it's a two-parter. We'll do it all. It's a very special episode. A love guru. Oh, but I should say, in Jurassic Park, they do have one great scene when they first see the dinosaurs. Yeah. That's broad daylight.

Oh, yeah. That's a beautiful scene. Yeah. That's the magic moment. Yeah. And wasn't the actress named Saffron Burrows? That's it in Jeep Blue Sea. Oh, my God. Yes.

Just popped into my head. And Saffron Burrows? That's it in Jeep Blue Sea. Oh, my God, yes. Just popped into my head. And then Saffron Burrows, I purposely got a copy of this film. It was one of those art films where she's, like, basically naked in her apartment the whole time. I like that you definitely found that. That's the Gilbert I know, not watching The Notebook and Different Strokes. Well, it was great talking to you guys. Thank you, Paul. Thank you so much.

And yeah, thank you for having us. Do you take requests for that show? Because Gilbert and I would like to submit some bad movies. If you guys ever come out to L.A., let's come on the show. And we'll do one of your picks. The Swarm. Ooh, okay, The Swarm. All right.

Michael Caine. All right. Ever seen it? No. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Give it a look. Okay, The Swarm. I love it.

Oh, and that Jaws movie, Michael Caine. We did that one. We did that one. Oh, great, great, great film Give it a look. Okay, The Swarm. I love it. Oh, and that Jaws movie, Michael Caine. We did that one. We did that one. We did it. Great, great, great film. The Swarm for sure. Well, guys, thank you so, so much. And thank you, Paul Scheer.

Thanks, Paul. Thank you. Bye-bye, guys. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you.

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